#did i get my own tag right who knows
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fun fact, by the time i started drawing the og xiao laopo, i'd already thought of a name for her. i was just too scared to put it on her card, but since i've already given madam lan a name and committed to it, little wife gets one, too
#concubine nie#xiao laopo#mdzs#nie huaisang's mom if u can believe it#fanart#my art#qourmet: aga#did i get my own tag right who knows
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Cite your sources.
[First]Ā PrevĀ <ā-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#jiang cheng#lan wangji#mianmian#Jiang Cheng stays quiet after JGS says his foul little lie about WWX not respecting or liking him.#And because it's an audio format there isn't any other information we get on what he does.#Probably sit there in silence. Fermenting on his festering abandonment issues.#I think JC has a bit of a delicate heart when it comes to the last few things he has to hold on to.#And damn if JGS can see right into that weakness. He's got a mercury tongue. Silvery and poisonous.#I know LWJ makes his rebuttal more for preserving WWX's face than reassuring JC.#But I also know they *did* team up in the past and they do have a lot in common. And canonically can't stand each other.#They are my funny little duo and I'm the one drawing the comic. I can bake my own crumbs.#Would LWJ actually comfort JC? I don't think he knows how to comfort anyone actually. Not even himself.#JC is struggling so badly in this meeting. I'm glad there are other people in this awful meeting to tag in while he has a quiet cry.#Who's ready for Mianmian to go off next comic? Let's give a 'GET HIS ASS GIRL' to our queen!
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itās like baby gorl thereās no way I, the author who wrote the fic youāre commenting on and who is the intended audience for this comment, am gonna agree with you šæš some things can just stay on your chest š
#thereās a threshold I think of what I accept in comments about characters#and their actions or about who is in the wrong or what should happen#because I do like reading peopleās opinions#and sometimes when someone is like I didnāt like obi-wan in this fic#Iām like makes sense! maybe you werenāt supposed to or maybe the argument they had was supposed to not be clear cut on who is right#because arguments in real life donāt always have a clear cut winner or morally superior person lmao#Iām ok with that Iām ok with comments saying boo this character is annoying#because sometimes they just are (eg the amount of people who just donāt like obiwan in pbatmb like?? yeah of course heās not gonna be nice#but I digress lol#anyway but thereās a threshold of when comments about not liking a character go too far and youāre just like.#saying mean things about the writing itself and thatās not something lm gonna allow to be normalized#no matter the intention behind it#you do not type a comment like this knowing it wil be send to an author#who will get an email notification about a comment#click on it and go oooo long comment :D and then go oh.#you donāt do that itās rude itās being a jerk#Iāve been here for like 3 almost 4 years I feel ancient in this fandom sometimes#and Iāve gotten so much feedback on my work through that time and so many nice comments and community#but mean comments can really hurt especially new writers#and they can make people who maybe would write fic for a fandom decide to not#like this isnāt even that mean I can almost see the writer just wanting to say how they feel#but sometimes you do not have to š#also I just think this understanding of the characterizations in the fic and probably their understanding of the characters in the films#is a wee bit trash but thatās for me to say in the long tags of my own blog post and not for me to comment on their fics for the fandom#(they donāt have any but I did check because 3am kit felt nosy)
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My name is [BRUTUS] and my name means [HEAVY] so with a [HEAVY] heart I'll guide this dagger Into the heart of my enemy
Something about having absolutely no choice in who you marry. About being literally forced by the law to spill blood - to accept this stranger as your husband over a man you truly care for or accept the fact that the man you love might die because you put him in danger. Something about risking becoming the wife of a man you've never even seen before a few minutes prior because you know anything would be better than putting your beloved in harm's way. Something about the trust inherent in that decision and in the way she speaks of it after. Truthfully, T'Pring doesn't know the captain and she doesn't know Spock. Either one of them could have taken her as their wife but she does know Stonn. She knows that Stonn will remain by her side no matter what. They made a plan together. They have an agreement which T'Pring believes will be upheld even though the plan changed with the arrival of Kirk. Stonn will always be there, always, and Stonn will be hers. Something about the language used around T'Pring: Ownership, subservience, non-personhood. T'Pring is an object that Spock can win. She cannot reject him, she has no say in the matter other than having Stonn 'claim' her instead. Even when Spock leaves after being very clearly rejected by T'Pring he says "Stonn, she is yours." as if despite her clear rejection he still owns her and is must formally 'give' her to Stonn. But the language T'Pring uses around Stonn is a break from that: "There was Stonn who wanted very much to be my consort, and I wanted him." Stonn who wanted very much to be HER consort and she WANTED him. The language here is very particular - It's not, for example: "Stonn wanted me to be his wife" - he is HERS. And she WANTS him. There's a mutual affection there and a strong trust - a trust which seems to be well founded since Stonn (though silent) stands by her side at the end of the episode. <- That might seem small but if Spock would reject her for 'daring to challenge' (again, the language is not 'because I don't want you' but more of an implied disgust at her having the AUDACITY to reject him) then it's not a stretch to assume that it'd be considered an insult in the TOS Vulcan society to NOT choose Stonn as her champion after a prior agreement. Anyway T'Pring was a woman in an impossible situation within a society which saw her as more of an object than a person and she wanted Stonn and Stonn wanted to be hers and she trusted that he would understand if she had to publicly pick someone else to ensure his life would be spared and he did understand.
#amok time#T'Pring i s....T'Pring she....-puts my head through a wall-#PLEASE read under the cut for my rambling about T'Pring in amok time pleasepleaseplease#tired of 'T'Pring is evil/a bitch' and VERY uninterested in 'T'Pring is a girlboss'#T'Pring is a person in a society which doesn't think she has the right to make her own choices who's in [love] with a man who [loves] her#back in what I'd like to think is implied to be a slightly subversive way in its mutual and fervent nature (whether the writers thought#this was a good or bad thing - who knows. We know better RIGHT??)#and yes I will stylize T'Pring's hair differently every single time I draw it HEHEHE#star trek tos#Spock#T'Pring#also of COURSE something something spock/kirk & stonn/t'pring parallels: To keep your beloved safe you have to force someone else to kill#theirs - not BC you hate him (you don't) but you don't love him either and why does HE get to have you even if you don't want him?? Why doe#he get to 'give' you to the person YOU chose?? It's not a hatred on a person level (which I wanted to portray with the 'brothers') portion#but a sort of societal embodying.#I will think about T'Pring not wanting to be 'the consort of a legend' every damn day !!!#They really could have laid it on thick in making her evil guys...T'Pau even makes a comment about Spock's 'vulcan blood is thin'#but all T'Pring says is that Spock is a legend and she doesn't want that for her life. She wants Stonn.#And you're gonna sit there and you're gonna tell her that she's wrong!??? Spock doesn't even want to be with her!! Why is she so hated!?#CAN WE FREE MY GIRL??? She did all that but it's being read in the worst faith possible!!#comix page#bea art tag#star trek art#She literally says the word 'FREE'...she's TRAPPED!!!
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i come check ur blog everytime my friends slander shane to my face. its a type of shane palette cleanser. ur the only mf who gets me
Im glad you can feel some sort of sanctuary in my blog bcz shane fans r always going through the fucking trenches in this fandom
#i just went through facebook looking at a page that did not ask for permission posting my art (i gave up) and im reading thru the comments#and most of them r just slandering shane left and right like CAN U GET OUT#i know that old man is stinky!!! now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE ššŖ#i keep getting shit in reddit too everytime i post shane. this never happens w the other characters š#they all complain abt me drawing shane āhandsomeā like idk how to tell these ppl but can u fuckin imagine if i drew shane more poorly than#everyone else LMFAOOOOOOOOOO#like even if im not a fan of a character i wouldnt draw them intentionally 'ugly' šš there would always be someone who loved that person#ppl r entitled to their own opinion ofc and we cant stop them for not liking shane but they dont have to rub it in our face either šš#i normally just avoid/ignore ppl who dont like shane (obviously. incredibly normal thing to do.) but shane haters will go to shane fans#and shit right in their front yard and personal spaces lmfaooo šš good lord#sorry for the yelling in the tags
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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:
Steph (25):
Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, sheās killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)
Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. Sheāll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Timās death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm itās doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)
Her worst trait really is her spitefulness
Cass (26)
Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isnāt perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isnāt the one to START the introspection.)Ā
Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness.Ā
Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isnāt there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)
Tim (24)
Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)
Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)
His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using peopleās emotions against them. Heāll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, heās not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)
Pierrot (Insists: āAge doesnāt apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! Iād never be a middle child, though.ā Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this āblatant character assassination by my eternal rival!ā)
Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this).Ā
Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)
His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesnāt really know who he is outside of āinheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)ā and āchip in Timās brain that became sentientā. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)
Dick (17)Ā
Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)
Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. Heās kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)
His worst trait actually is his anger issues.
Barbara (18)
Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)Ā Ā
Thinks her worst trait is her disabilityĀ
Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)
Damian (16)
Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruceās son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but itās still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)
Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionismĀ
His worst trait actually is his perfectionism
Duke (16)
Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a āmy dad is a villain so who knows??ā joke)
Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. Heāll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isnāt done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone whoās quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)
His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words
Jason (14)
Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which heās pretty insecure about considering heās now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne).Ā
Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. Itās saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)
His worst trait actually is his reactiveness
#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#tim drake#dick grayson#barbara gordon#damian wayne#duke thomas#jason todd#batfamily#randomizedrobinsau#I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot#because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with#so I don't think I'm gonna#anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability#the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the#stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU#I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version#I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is#BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR#I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles#the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when#I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suirenās design was a very long process of trying and failing because after youāve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but Iām actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatuās pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, thatās who, Iām chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. Heās still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say Iād do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suirenās design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I donāt really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask Iāve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmmā¦#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think sheās a bad avatar#I donāt. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes Iām well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think sheās a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the showās production team#Iām making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#sheāll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe sheād have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but itās fine. 1. she isnāt alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off š /hj. basically. sheāll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. sheās my dear child whoās been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Katās doing one right now!! I just wanna do something thatās my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isnāt Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suirenās got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 yearsā worth of grievances to air out. itās like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine arenāt divorced. theyāre Worse and everyone wishes theyād just separate#anyway. that aside. Suirenās not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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WAIT YOU HAVE LAB KIDS ;__; TELL ME EVERYTHING
OK OK SO. tysm for the ask and sorry for taking so long to answer this oopsies I got distracted badly. (redesigned a few of the labkids and then wanted to redesign the rest of them and then forgor) also this is gonna be a bit messy on account of it is 2 am woopsies. and also uhhh warning for lotsa body horror type stuff and fucked up science things and also most of it is kind of a metaphor for how the education system fails some kids?
ok so. the Hopkins Demonology Lab is trying to create artificial demons. for... reasons. what demons are, though, is pretty fuckin' weird - they're basically like. things that look like some kind of animal or other on the outside just with red eyes, but have the ability to 'evert' or turn themselves inside out and basically go bodyhorror gore monster mode. this is generally a big risk to the whole "bodily integrity and not dying" thing, so demons are generally regarded as pests because they tend to cause problems and then die about it. the bigger ones can cause more problems and are worse at dying, but in general they're just an inconvenience. the lab is trying to change that. specifically, it's trying to create human demons. although, creating them isn't the hard part- creating ones that don't die is the hard part. because the lab demonkids are humans, they're better at putting their bodies back together, but because they're artificially created, things have a tendency to go wrong anyway...
ok and here are some of the characters:
first the ones I don't got (regular) art of (I have some art of them but it's either gore, body horror, or outdated, and I'll put it under a readmore at the bottom of the post)
Oliver Izolde: formerly a regular human, who volunteered to get experimented on for... some reason. probably so he could pay his rent. he's one of the most successful experiments there. and also a huge bully to a lot of the less successful ones, especially Emery.
August Watkins: another one in Oliver's group. possibly an orphan who joined the experiments because it was better than his current life. they regret this very much now! this is because he learned something that Dr. Hopkins didn't want anyone finding out, and she made sure they're incapable of telling anyone. and then decided to do more experiments on them since it was too much of a risk to keep letting them leave the facility. he's basically incapable of using his demon powers because he is very squeamish and faints instantly on the sight of his own internals.
Miles Landon: not an experiment, she's a lab assistant... but they relate more to the experiments than to their bosses. on account of their bosses are, not the nicest exactly.
ok and now ones I do have art of!
Nashville Hopkins: no one's entirely sure what this guy's deal is. he's in his own experimental group separate from both the former-regular-human ones and the fully artificial ones. some of the other experiments (and Miles) wonder if Nash might be Dr. Hopkins' son, but she maintains plausible deniability about that since he doesn't look like her aside from their hair color, and he needed a last name in order to have an official identity and stuff. and that's because he's actually allowed to be out and about, since his powers are fully under control. (that's because he wears a sort of power restricting collar. he'd sort of explode without it so he don't mind.) he often runs errands for the lab, does Dr. Hopkins' grocery shopping, etc.
Enzo: one of the artificial demon kids. he's like 8 when stuff starts going wrong... he starts struggling to complete his exercises, moving less, etc. the 'doctors' at the lab (they do not have medical degrees) brush this off as him just being lazy, but actually his body is destabilizing. while that's all going down, he's besties with Elodie so they get put in the same containment area together.
Elodie: another artificial demonkid, also about 8. like Enzo, she's starting to destabilize. she's also one of the more relatively successful experiments, and gets pushed to try to strengthen her powers more. this is painful for her and she's stressed all the time, which gets brushed off as her just being angry/defiant.
Emery: one of the more... sort of successful artificial ones. they're 19 and haven't destabilized yet, but they also can't fully evert, only partially (and they have a tendency to make eyes where they really shouldn't, unintentionally.) they're one of Dr. Hopkins' favorites, but are kind of not a fan of this because she thinks they're just too stupid to distrust her like most of the others do. (they're autistic and she's terrible.) they help with the younger experiment kids, basically helping them do their exercises, making sure they eat, helping Miles secretly teach them how to read, etc. they're also 6'4 and built like a brick shithouse so the Doc likes to have them around to... help intimidate auditors or whoever else comes around to pry into her business. not that she needs the help!
after Enzo and Elodie both completely destabilize on the same day, causing serious damage to the facility, Emery loses the last remnants of their trust in the 'doctors', and pretty soon after that they escape the place with Miles' help. (Miles also lies to their bosses and says she don't know what happened.)
they're the true protagonist of RETW! they're a member of Gavin's party, and like him they're a "hero" which means basically wandering do-gooder... they help people out, fix things, etc. in comparison to Gavin who's uh. a demonslayer. things don't go too great there but not in the way you'd think. here's them post-escape. they got a sword almost the size of their self
oh and then some time later this kid joins the party... they're like 10 ish, they have Problems, Emery recognizes them, and they keep changing what they say their name is... sometimes Elodie and sometimes Enzo.
ok and now here's the more gorey arts! warning for body horror of various sorts, eye horror?, mouth gore, and a little bit of boob
August and Dr. Hopkins
Emery (cursed pre untwinkification design) and Oliver
Emery (cursed twink version again) and Dr. Harwell (I didn't mention her in this post oopsies. she's Dr. Hopkins' subordinate, and seemingly meaner than her boss but the bar is a lot higher than she realizes. they sorta have a good cop bad cop dynamic sometimes. also doc harwell has a crush on doc hopkins because I love evil woman yuri. and divorce. doc hopkins is extremely divorced. the divorce is plot relevant. im going on a tangent)
#psii.txt#asks#tundra-tiger#red eyes take warning#RETW#my art#most of the newer arts here I haven't posted separately oopies#ill post them separately tho. probably#my ocs#Enzo#Elodie#Nashville Hopkins#Emery#Louise Hopkins#Evangeline Harwell#Oliver Izolde#August Watkins#oh i so hope im using the right character tags. I always forget#did i miss anyone#wait shit thats right#Enzel#is that their tag?#theyre prob my favorite. maybe#on the one hand emery is a subversion of the 'big mentally disabled person who dont know their own strength' trope and also i love them#but on the other hand i CARE enzel#little kid whos been betrayed by the people that should have raised them#it thinks it's a bad kid and dangerous and a monster so it wants to be the most dangerous one there is. because then they'll be safe#(also they use it/they pronouns. cuz the experiments get called it so it's reclaiming that shit)#also their characterization is inspired by the time i was at summer camp and overheard a really lil kid muttering abt smth#and what they said was ''i wanna shove a rat skull on a stick up his ass'' and my thoughts were 'what kinda shit this kid been thru man'
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After 10+ Long Rests to clear out any event that can override this one and another Duke rescue later, I finally got Wyll's last romance scene
#prince's gaming tag#i like his second romance scene more but I still like this one a lot he's so happy when I said yes#but the shit i had to do to get it was TEDIOUS#between mizora's renewed contract scene and the emperor and halsin wanting me carnally and the flaming fist almost killing me bc of mizora#so many scenes took over this one and I had to redo it bc i needed to read a book pertaining to wylls quest and it glitched out of existence#after saving the duke again so i had to read it AND THEN save the duke#and then i got scared bc it didnt pop up after doing everything right but i just had to do another long rest and i got it#anyway now im officially done with this run and I can start playthrough number 5#only thing is part of why I did astarion now was i didnt have to think about making my own character#but now i do... which means its gonna take a while...... i dont even know who i wanna be#i guess bard again so i can get the busker achievement#we shall see
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Could you draw Mr Johnson as a test subject? Like in that one fic? That man is in such a situation
Happy 12 years portal 2 and even longer portal 1! (belatedly)
#hehe test subject cave is fun#you know youve drawn too much art for a fandom when u dont need to pull up references fssfsgs#except i did pull one up to make sure chells bandages really are on her right wrist#because i usually forget to draw them#this birtgday art a few days late oops#i got a new hyperfixation atm so sorry everyone who's here for portal#we have been temporarily hijacked#portal#portal 2#wheatley#chell#glados#cave johnson#my art#cake#does that get its own tag?#it's basically a character
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on āmen'sā stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting āgirlsā āmensā āboysā āwomensā etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of āwhy should i keep writing if apparently no one caresā eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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rage is a āØway of lifeāØ
#found out that i successfully angered someone by not showing up to work on saturday lmaoooooo#and im just likeā¦ gOOOOOOD. BE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!#mans has no room to be mad anyway. itās his fault i had to ot for 7 hours to cover his work for him in the first place soooooooo#a nd heās getting demoted next year and im ahauxucjsjjsjsjsjxjdhss#in other news im kinda annoyed by my motherās (unfortunate) pressuring of me to go to the upcoming family christmas gathering :(#like no way manssssss i havenāt seen the extended fam since my grandmaās funeral and iād like to keep it that way thanks~~~~~~~~#and a c h r i s t m a s gathering of all placesā¦ m a n. im half expecting them to drag everyone to church to end off the gatheringā¦#i wouldnāt put it past the hosting aunt to do that ngl. she had tricked me into attending a church service in the past and allā¦#like. man. thereās this local mall that has a similar name to said church serviceā¦#so ofc itās normal to assume that said mall is what she was referring to when she said āletās go to [insert name]!ā with no context right???#and uggshdhdjjsjsjdjs i donāt wanna be introduced to my cousinsā kids as āauntie [insert nickname i hate]ā bc thatās lame#and m a n. i definitely donāt wanna interact with my cousinsā kids. i either donāt know or canāt pronounce (or both) their names#i only remember the oldest oneās name (bc he has a stereotypical frat boy name) and the one whoās named after a ninja turtle#but none of the rest. i think some of them have names from my cousinsā spousesā home countries? dk about the others though#iām 80% sure one of the girls was named something like ātriceratopsā but that doesnāt seem rightā¦#being named after a dinosaur sounds cool thoughā¦ or any prehistoric creature really#if i could choose my own name iād like it to be ācoelacanthā#just so i can say āi coelacanāt do it!!!!!ā if someone asked me to do something i donāt wanna do. the pun potentials are endless mans#huh. wowā¦ i started this off with a mad coworker and ended it by turning into a coelacanthā¦ how did we get here anywayā¦?#oh wells no one reads the tags anyway uehxudjdjdjsjsjss my secrets are āØsafeāØ
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idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?
#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive.#like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love#and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me#she is. the most important person in my life#and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her#like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this#if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh#what more could i ever ask for#but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right#even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be#in just over a year#when she's making enough money for it#she plans on moving into a place of her own#which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point.#but i just. don't know what i'm going to do.#and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing#i thought we were going to move into a house together#i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke#but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year.#i would still want to be here. with her.#or somewhere else. with her.#like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me.#and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.#and she's leaving.#she doesn't want to be with me.#sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do.#for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs#its what sufjan would have wanted#fucked up terrible no good week
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For some reason, this round of meds (same dose and everything as last time) is making me have very violent Realisations and Remembering Things moments. And by that I mean the Thing I Forgot and/or the Realisations show up with a bat and see how hard they can make my brain hit the wall. So anyway.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER SPIKE THE WETFLOOR BOT??? YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER??? THE FIRST FAZBEAR ANIMATRONIC TO BE BORN FROM LOVE INSTEAD OF PAIN??? YOU REMEMBER HER???
CAUSE I JUST DID
#SPPIIIIKKKEEEEEE I MISS YOOOUUUU#I love spike. spike the wet floor bot is my favourite. I miss her I should bring her back somehow#the first animatronic to gain sentience and awareness out of LOVE and CARE#I miss her we need to bring her back. I never made a visual design but I definitely posted some descriptions of her pretty sure#a wet floor bot... a little wonky and a little off colour. holes in it's damaged and dented casing patched up with scrap#never the same colour. always different#stickers and magnets and a lil bit of spray paint. part of an ear missing and crooked#has one of roxy's spiked bracelets around her neck with a keyring dangling from it like a tag...#she picked her own name and pronouns... doesn't really understand what they are and what they mean but she wants them#in one AU she was Roxy's little distraction. something to work on and repair while the others search the rubble of the plex for-#their friends. In another Roxy repaired her for fun unknowingly after Vanny had used her as a test subject for the virus#in another one post-ruin roxy and cassie were searching the plex for an easy animatronic for roxy to repair so cassie's dad could-#test what she'd learned about repairing them from him and found a salvageable wet floor bot#that they then wrapped in tarp and put in a shopping trolley to take her straight home and get to work on her much to the-#confusion of literally everyone as they barrel down the halls of flats with an unidentified tarp blob in a stolen shopping trolley#<- that one's Meteors AU btw. Roxy got turned into a Real Boy by the Meteor and is now living with Cassie as her adopted sister#this is just the kind of shit these two get up to all the time and no one knows who's meant to be the braincell between them because well#they keep taking turns on who the older sibling is. they keep changing it. the eldest sibling is based entirely on the situation lmao#who's bright idea was it to steal a wet floor bot? WHO KNOWS!! Cassie said 'pick an animatronic!' so they did that's all there is to it!#cassie's dad just. head in hands. as he realises. the fucking wet floor sign on wheels is sentient now.#why. why and how. terrified of the wrath of Fazbear if they find out. while she's just. trundling about.#wheels on carpet floor style. struggling but getting there. happy beeps as she pushes a ball around on the floor. living her best life.#sfdsfdsfs I fucking LOVE Spike okay I miss her I need to bring her back somehow#I could give her to mangle or sprocket in robot hell but I'm not doing much with that right now#sdhfdfsfs Chica's recipe zine starring Spike!! and every image of her is just confusion#'see? even Spike likes bananas!' Chica says as she puts one on the floor so Spike can very happily run it over.#dfsdfsds love Spike. Spike enrichment is now running random foods over because she can. and also the wheels off a toy monster truck#so she can be an ALL TERRAIN wet floor bot. make them gecko wheels like DJ's hands and she's got everyone beat lmao#she can be DJ's Uppies Buddy!!#lmao Spike I'm so sorry I've left you in the dark for so long I'm bringing you back. beloved guy of all time
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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