#charmandhex

[hoothootmotherf-ckers]

@charmandhex

[terezis]

Title: On Death’s Door, or How Taako Nearly Died Getting a Date

in this one, taako tries the food before he gives out any free samples in glamour springs. he dies!

and because he's an edge case who’s somehow skipped out on eternal rest before, kravitz shows up to personally escort him to the astral plane... where he will stand trial before the raven queen for his crimes against the laws of life and death. smh, poor guy can't catch a break.

it's barely a trial. if it weren't for lady istus showing up at the last second and insisting that taako's still needed on the prime material plane, he'd be raven food!!! istus asks her wife to let him go. for fate reasons!

the raven queen says >:0

kravitz says >:0

taako says :D?

the raven queen sighs and says okay fine. but he is a criminal - somebody will need to keep an eye on him, to make sure he keeps to the straight and narrow from now on. the raven queen turns her head and looks at kravitz. kravitz frowns. he does not like where this is going.

and that's how taako gets a hot dead parole officer :>

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

If requests are still open: “Bless their hearts because they aren’t using their brains.” Regardless, have a lovely day!

oh classy 

Askbox is currently closed as I work my way through these older asks

[herbgerblin]

Happy 8766 (maybe) days on planet!

:0 maybe so!!! Thank you!!

[hoothootmotherf-ckers]

@charmandhex

Took a trip to the aquarium this weekend 💕

[lichlover]

33 and Blupjeans?

send me a number and i’ll write a micro story using the word or phrase!

33. saccharine

“Try this,” says Barry, and Lup leans forward to catch a dollop of frosting. A helpless smile almost smears the sample across her teeth, because fuck, she can’t help herself—not when her husband is standing at the kitchen counter, covered in flour, and working a frilly apron like he’s about to vogue his way into Wonderland.

Of course, it’s all she can do to keep that smile from morphing into a grimace when the frosting hits her tongue.

“Okay,” she says, and then, “huh.”

“Could you, uh—‘huh.’ What’s ‘huh’?”

“It’s, uh,” says Lup, smacking her lips, “really sweet.”

Barry scratches the back of his neck and almost definitely leaves a flour-caked handprint there. “Like bad sweet?”

“Like…” She has to fight back a grimace when the second wave of saccharine-sweetness hits her like a sledgehammer. It’s rich. One-percenter, tax-dodger rich. “How much sugar did you add again?”

“Uh,” Barry says. “A pound?”

Lup blinks. “A pound of sugar?”

“That’s what it said in the recipe.”

“Babe,” she says. “Did you adjust for serving size?”

Barry scratches the back of his neck again. Their shower is going to be covered in flour tonight. “There’s a, uh, serving size?”

Oh, boy. “Okay,” says Lup, and plucks the spoon from Barry’s grip. She leans over the counter to press a delicate kiss to his forehead, narrowly avoiding a mouthful of flour, then jumps down to survey the damage. It’s nothing their kitchen can’t handle, she thinks, twirling the spoon between her fingers. Especially after surviving Taako and Angus’s culinary “experiments.”

“First things first,” she says. Barry perks up instantly, like she’s just rapped a pointer against a chalkboard, and dear gods, Lup loves this man. “Let’s talk proportions.”

[raychleadele]

Hey Rachel! How about 34 or 7, maybe with Taako and Angus?

Thanks, Charm! I went with 7, “Silent Fury.” Really wanted to find a way to combine both into one fic, but couldn’t come up with anything I really liked for “bauble,” so here it is. Also, not that short actually. But damn it was fun to write. Hope you enjoy it!

***

Angus was seated at the kitchen island, his feet swinging below him, his palms gripping the edge of the cushion between his thighs. The stools were just a few inches too tall for his toes to reach the bar where an adult’s feet might rest. He hadn’t been allowed in the kitchen for the last hour, but now all eyes were on him as Mr. Kravitz carefully placed two plates in front of him and handed him a familiar looking fork.

The plates each held a single crepe, folded carefully around lovingly crafted fillings. The fork, of course, had once belonged to Angus’ grandfather. Taako would’ve never admitted to feeling guilty over stealing the silverware, but the set had quietly reappeared in his kitchen not long after he’d moved into his new house in Neverwinter, and they were used every time Angus came over for dinner.

Mr. Taako leaned against the counter near the stove, wearing the flame-emblazoned apron he’d started using not long after the apocalypse. He was trying to look casual and indifferent, but Angus saw the way he quietly gnawed at his knuckles to avoid chewing his carefully manicured fingernails, and he knew Mr. Taako was feeling nervous. Aunt Lup, on the other hand, leaned on her elbows at the island in front of Angus, not bothering to hide her eager anticipation.

“Alright, little man,” she said, grinning widely. “Dig in.”

(The twins had spent the last week arguing about who made a better crepe. Kravitz had been force-fed a new batch of crepes daily in that time, and was badgered every time to declare which crepe was superior. After six days of eating nothing but crepes, he finally made the reasonable assertion that there was no way for him to make an unbiased choice since he knew which twin had made which dish. That was when Taako called Angus and demanded that he come home from school, insisting that he had a mystery that needed solving immediately. Angus felt this “mystery” wasn’t as urgent a problem as Taako had made it out to be, but he kept that opinion to himself and took his new task seriously anyway.)

Angus carefully pierced his fork into the crepe on the left, its filling oozing slowly out onto the plate as he did so. It was stuffed with fluffy, lemony cream cheese and jammy blueberries, the top dusted lightly with powdered sugar. The juice from the blueberries stained the pastry purple as the tines of his fork burst them open. He tried to ignore the tense silence in the kitchen and the way the twins stared at him as he tasted it. It was delicious, of course. Tart, sweet, creamy, rich. This would be a difficult choice.

The second crepe was drizzled with a caramel sauce, a sticky apple filling wrapped inside. Cutting into it revealed a crumble layer made from brown sugar and oats. The whole concoction was like a bite of apple pie in his mouth. The apples were just a little sour, which was balanced by the caramel, and the crunch of the crumble was a pleasant contrast to the otherwise soft filling.

Angus swallowed and gently set the fork down beside the plates. The adults in the room seemed to be holding their breath as they waited for his verdict.

“This one,” he declared, pointing at the apple crepe.

“Fuck yeah!” Lup shouted, pushing herself off the island and practically leaping into the air as she clapped her hands in victory. She leaned close to Taako to loudly gloat. “Take that, little brother!” Kravitz laughed, loudly at first but quickly covering his mouth in attempt to stifle his delight.

Taako didn’t answer right away, instead stewing in silent fury as he stared Angus down. Angus smirked back, maintaining eye contact with his mentor as he took a second slow bite of Lup’s crepe.

“Enough,” Taako grumbled, leaning forward to snatch the fork from Angus’ hand. “You’ve betrayed me. You’re losing your silverware privileges.”

“Now that doesn’t seem fair,” Angus protested. “They’re not yours!”

“They’re in my house, aren’t they?”

Angus took his wand off its lanyard, transmuted it into a new fork, and continued eating.

“So, it’s settled now, right?” Kravitz asked, still trying to smother his amused smile. “We can be done with the crepe thing now, right?”

“You’re not helping,” Taako snapped, jabbing the original fork dangerously close to Kravitz’ nose. “You don’t need to eat anyway, remember? Keep smiling, see if I cook you dinner tonight.”

“Go easy on him,” Lup teased, “it’s not his fault the kid has good taste.”

“Lucas has clearly not been teaching him to appreciate good food at his garbage school.”

“There aren’t any culinary classes at Lucas’ school, sir.”

“See?” Taako slapped the fork down on the island. “This is why you should be at my school.”

Lup just laughed again, reaching over the island to ruffle Angus’ hair as he continued to eat. “Don’t listen to him,” she said, “he’s just jealous.”

“Of you or of Lucas?” Angus asked past a mouthful of crepe.

“Both.”

“Am not!”

“Shut up, little bro. You are.”

“I am not your little brother, we’re twins!”

The twins continued to bicker, throwing half hearted insults across the kitchen as they argued. Kravitz picked up the forgotten fork and sat beside Angus, sliding the plate with Taako’s crepe across the island so it was in front of himself. Angus grinned at him, raising his fork towards Kravitz.

“Cheers, sir.”

Kravitz returned the smile and tapped his fork to Angus’.

“Cheers.”

[youhearstatic]

Hi Cor! May I suggest 13 “too loud” of course with Lup and Barry?

Lup slid through the crowd like a fish, darting between people the moment a space opened. Once she was clear of the dance floor, she looked around. Sweat and glitter clung to her skin. Pushing the hair up off the back of her neck, she looked around for the others. Taako was behind her, deep in the crowd and showing off how they used to shake it on Two Sun. 

She could hear Magnus’s laugh even over the music and noise and wound her way through the crowd milling around the dance floor like old ladies trying to find the courage to peel off their swim suit cover ups and dive into the water. Go on and dance, she wanted to tell them, wanted to explain that they should celebrate and enjoy this beautiful night. But she knew something about holding back, taking the time to test the water before you jumped in.

Magnus and Davenport were tucked in a booth in the back. With Merle training this year, they’d all gone their separate ways mostly. But tonight the six of them were together. 

Approaching the table, Lup peered around. Well, there were supposed to be six of them, anyway. Just as she opened her mouth to ask where the others were, Lucretia stepped around her with drinks in her hand. She passed a hard cider to Magnus and a wineglass to Davenport. “Hey, Lup,” she said before taking a sip from her own glass - something dark, swirling with cream and ice. “Want me to grab you a drink?”

Lup smiled and shook her head. “Nah, thanks though.” She glanced around the crowd again. “Where’s Bluejeans?”

“Headed back to the apartment,” Davenport answered as Lucretia slid into the booth. 

Lup frowned theatrically. “Aww! Why?”

“Can you believe he said it was too loud?!” Magnus shouted from three feet away, making her bite back a laugh. 

“Maybe I should go check on him,” Lup said, not making it a question. “Tell Taako that’s where I went if Lord Rumpshaker manages to pry himself off the dance floor.”

The captain nodded and tilted his glass to her. 

---

Barry pulled his robe tighter around himself. Tessaralia had turned chilly in the last few weeks after a long, mild autumn. Now, hours and hours past sunset, the street felt cold and miserable.

Or maybe it was just him. 

The night had started off well enough. The six of them had gotten together for dinner for the first time in a month. This cycle everyone had been going in different directions, taking the rare opportunity to pursue their own interests wholeheartedly. 

Which was great. Except that Barry had gotten his fill of study time alone back on Two Sun. Since the Starblaster, he’d gotten used to working with others constantly.

One other specifically.

But Lup and Taako were gone most of the time. Most nights, they didn’t even stay in the enormous apartment the six of them had gotten at the beginning of the year. They’d been going further and further from the main city, exploring restaurants and food markets, diving into the different flavors and spices this world had to offer. 

So Barry had been thrilled to see her - everyone, really! - for a whole evening. He’d spent dinner hanging on her - everyone’s! - every word as they described what they’d been up to. But then they’d ended up at that club and the twins had gotten up to dance and… 

Rain started falling, the cold drizzle finding its way right down the back of his IPRE robe before he could scramble the hood up over his head. 

He just wanted to get back to the apartment and go to bed. His head was pounding and now he was cold and wet. 

In the darkness between streetlights, he stepped into a puddle he hadn’t seen on the cobble street. Almost instantly he could feel the cold water seeping through his sock.

Great, he thought, perfect way to learn these new boots aren’t waterproof. 

Honestly, it was better than finding out in the middle of a blizzard on a trek after the light, but Barry wasn’t in the mood to see that upside. 

And, if honesty was to be pursued, it wasn’t the lack of streetlight proximity that made him fail to spot the puddle before he’d stepped in it. It was the recurring image of Lup on the dance floor, happy and laughing in a spray of glitter from the ceiling, moving in sync with a tall, handsome elf who’d had his eyes pinned on her since she’d started dancing. 

He was so glad she was having fun. She deserved it! And he would have been happy to sit there and watch her be happy but then the thumping speakers started making his head hurt and the constant din from the crowd wore on his nerves and eventually he just couldn’t hang out in the club any longer. 

---

Lup snagged her cloak from the coat check and dashed out into the street. It had begun raining but it felt good on her overheated skin. Maybe it would wash some of the glitter off before she pulled on her cloak, she figured. Though, either way, the thing had seen worse than a little bit of glitter.

There weren’t many people on the street and Lup’s sprint caught her up to the only person on the street in a red robe, even with his sizeable head start. 

“Barry!”

Ahead of her, the red robed figure froze and turned, surprise clear on his face even with the distance between them. Speeding up, she closed the distance between them.

“Calling it a night so soon, Bluejeans?”

“Yeah,” he answered, shoving his hands into his pockets. “It was too loud in there.” He shrugged, as if it was of no consequence. “But you should go back! It looked like you were having fun! At least get back in out of the rain, Lup.”

“Pssh,” she replied. She grinned up at the rain, letting it fall on her face and soak into her hair. “It was too hot in there. It’s nice out here.” Tilting her head back to look at him, she threw her robe around her shoulders. “I’ll walk with you.”

Barry couldn’t stop himself. He reached over and straightened her robe then pulled the hood up over her head. She watched him without comment then caught his hand as he pulled away, tucking her arm through his. 

“Let’s go home and make waffles,” she suggested. “Surprise the others when they get back.”

Barry’s headache seemed to have faded so he nodded, “Sure, Lup, sounds good.”

(Thanks, Charm!! This one went a little long but ehhhh... that’s how I generally roll, isn’t it?)

[adventuresloane]

Hi hi it’s motivation Monday and all of your Hurloane work is very very good and I think you’re great!

Zgebsnxjnebdbbbe this is so SWEET the FUCK!!! Tsym, I like your Hurloane work also, this ask has me very 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 right now

[everqueen12]

What’s up Kat it’s motivation Monday and you are one of the best writers I know both in TAZ and your prolific works of original fiction and basically you’re great and I love you okay bye

LONG SHRIEK

[hoothootmotherf-ckers]

@everqueen12 @charmandhex @raychleadele

CAPYBABIES

SD Zoo has baby Capys!!!!!!!!

San Diego Zoo

[desiree-harding]

Motivation Monday so all of your writing is very good from rejeancy to pirates!!

Thank you charm!! This brightened my day quite a bit 🥰🥰

[simplyaskeleton]

Hi hi so it’s motivation Monday and you are lovely and wonderful and so is Soft Respite and it is a very very good fic!

ASDFGHJKJHGFD CHARM YOU SWEETIE!! THANK YOU!!

[terezis]

The art reminded me of my stance that the best way to cosplay Dupree is one of those inflatable T. rex suits with a little fascinator wizard hat

this ask gave me a very powerful mental image of taako in an inflatable t-rex suit with a little wizard hat attached to his head like a party hat and it’s very important to me that u know this

[hoothootmotherf-ckers]

@charmandhex

A cursory survey of things which Tumblr assures us are the Devil speaking suggests that the Devil has an inordinate fondness for crochet artists.

[desiree-harding-fic]

Happy Birthday!

Thank you, lovely!