#can you guys tell i love drunk shenanigans

[mintypsii]

dropped everything when I saw this

[hqbaby]

two — are you in?

mess it up — gojo x reader & sukuna x reader

⁀➴ when i told you i’m fine, you were lied to. when the love of your life falls for someone else, you decide to move on—by pretending to date your best friend, the campus fuckboy.

previous — masterlist — next

word count. 1.8k content. profanity, alcohol consumption, sukuna being gross, drunken shenanigans

In your defense, you’re quite drunk. Not much of a defense, you know, but it still counts for something, right? Why else would you be at this party, standing in front of your ex, with your best friend at your side claiming that he’s now your boyfriend?

That’s right. Sukuna, catching you in a moment of weakness, dragged you with him to a party you had no intentions of going to. Sure, if you were feeling any better, not dealing with a major heartbreak, you’d go to the party with him, no questions asked. But you aren’t feeling better, you are heartbroken, and you don’t want to be here.

But who can say no to Sukuna?

You couldn’t say no to him when he forced you to get dressed—“No, you’re not wearing those pants, they’re hideous. Try this dress.”—you couldn’t say no to him when he pulled you to his car—“No, I do not have a used condom in my backseat.”—you couldn’t say no to him when he offered you a bottle of vodka—“Don’t get all prim and proper on me now.”—and you definitely don’t say no when you get stuck in an awkward encounter with your ex and Sukuna asks, “We were just waiting to get together, right?”

The three of you are in the kitchen. There’s a couple about to do it on the counter beside you, but you pay them no mind. You’re standing by the fridge with a stale beer in your hand and Sukuna is right beside you, his arm draped over his shoulder as he stares down Satoru who you’re pretty sure is going to pop a vein in his forehead.

“Really?” he asks, looking at you and pointedly not looking at Sukuna. “You’re together now?”

It’s Sukuna who answers for you. “Yeah, two weeks going strong.”

If he didn’t have such a death grip on you, you’re sure you would have kicked him in the crotch by now. Alas, there’s nowhere to go, no way to move, not with the way your best friend is clutching you to his side.

Satoru glares at him. “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to her.”

When he looks back at you, you can feel Sukuna’s grip get tighter. It’s something like twin telepathy, the way you’re able to decipher what he means just by a simple squeeze. Without even looking at him, you already see the snarl on his face. You can hear him screaming, This is your one chance to make him feel bad. Don’t be an idiot.

The kitchen door opens and you catch a glimpse of the party outside. It’s bedlam out there, that’s why you and Sukuna sequestered yourselves to the kitchen in the first place. Yet, despite all the chaos, you manage to see her.

The girl who, when you walked into the party, was stitched to Satoru’s side. Who had her tongue down his throat. Who he held by the waist, the same way he held you not too long ago.

The door closes, the guy who opened it in the first place probably realizing that the room is in fact not the bathroom, leaving you alone—save for the couple coupling in the corner—with Satoru and Sukuna and the terrible tension that’s managed to descend upon your little anomalous group.

You glance at Sukuna. He looks at you expectantly, an eyebrow raised. Are you going to do it? he asks.

You turn to Satoru. He’s ready to laugh in your friend’s face, already anticipating your denial of this whole charade. I know he’s lying, he says. Like you could ever be with him.

The words fly out of your mouth before you even realize it. It’s like something has taken over your body, an unbearable force, an innate sense of pettiness that you can’t quite control.

Be a big girl, it tells you. Grow up. And pretend to date your friend.

“We’re together,” you say. Your arm finds its way around Sukuna’s middle and you pull him closer to you as you smile. It’s wicked and charming and honestly doesn’t feel like you, but you do it. “Is that a problem?”

You spy the tiniest clench of Satoru’s jaw. Imperceptible to anyone else but you, the girl who has loved him for a whole year and will probably love him for the rest of your life. You almost want to break right then and there and deny what you’ve just said. You don’t know why you said it. It must be the booze. Satoru, please come back.

But you don’t. You’re a lot of things, but you are not weak. And you’re definitely not going to break now. Definitely not over him.

“Yeah,” Sukuna chimes in. You don’t even need to look at him to know that he’s got a satisfied smirk on his face. “Is that a problem, man?”

Satoru gives you one last look, one last chance to take it back, and when you don’t he turns to Sukuna, your apparent boyfriend.

“Nah,” he says. His voice is so cold it startles you. Has he ever sounded this terrifying before? “Goodluck.” Even if he isn’t looking at you, you know that you’re the one he’s talking to. “You’ll need it.”

He leaves the room and you immediately push yourself away from Sukuna.

“What the fuck was that?” you hiss. “Don’t fucking laugh!”

He doubles over, holding up a finger to signal that he needs a minute because, god, this is so ridiculous, isn’t it?

“Your fucking face!” He cackles, turning his finger to point at you now. “You looked so shocked!”

You step forward and bite his finger. Just chomp. It seems like the right thing to do in the moment.

“Kinky.”

You jump away and spit on the ground.

“Why did you do that?” you demand, stepping forward to attack Sukuna. You don’t know if you want to punch him or kick him, but you have to do something. And because you’ve been so lucky tonight, the bottle of vodka that you polished off a few minutes ago, hits you right then and there and you stumble.

Sukuna catches you by the wrist and his laughter only gets louder. “You’re kinda pathetic, you know?”

You push him away and steady yourself on the kitchen counter. “Why’d you tell him that?” you ask, closing your eyes as you try to stay upright. “He’s gonna think I’m stupid.”

“Stupid how?” he prods. “Because you’re dating me?”

Your eyes shoot open and you scowl at him. “I’m not dating you,” you say lowly. “And I never will.”

“Way to make a guy swoon.”

You give into your drunken stupor and sit down on the floor. You try not to think about the fact that it feels sticky beneath your thighs and try harder not to think of the possibility that you’re not sitting in spilled alcohol but something much more vile.

“Hey.” And he’s sitting beside you now. “Sorry, alright? But that guy had some nerve making out with his new bimbo for all the world to see.”

“Don’t call her a bimbo, that’s offensive,” you chide. You fold your legs and pull them to your chest, allowing your head to rest on your knees. “And he’s allowed to do that. It wasn’t his fault.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean,” you say slowly, “I broke up with him.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

Sukuna chortles. “Good for you, tiger,” he says. “The guy’s dead weight anyway.”

You turn your head over to look at him. “Well, now he probably thinks I broke up with him to be with you.” You slam a fist on his leg, ignoring him when he yelps. “That’s a really terrible reason to break up with someone, dude.”

“You wound me,” he says. “I’m not that bad.”

“You have at least five girls on speed dial for when you wanna get it wet.”

“I have needs. Sue me.”

You groan and shake your head. “What am I gonna do?” you ask. “I just lied to my ex and told him I have a boyfriend that I do not have. How much more pathetic can I be?”

You feel his hand reach over to the top of your head. And he… pats it.

“I guess I have to be your boyfriend then.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Oh, sure, because you’re such boyfriend material.”

He raises a brow. “What?” he asks. “You think I can’t do it?”

It’s your turn to laugh now. “Are you serious? ‘Kuna, you wouldn’t know commitment if it shot you in the face.”

“I resent that,” he tells you. He turns his body towards you and grins. “Come on, how bad could it be?”

“Seriously?” you laugh. “God, it’s fine. I mean, I’ll figure something out. No need to commit to the bit.”

The look he gives you is so earnest, it almost scares you. “I can be your boyfriend,” he tells you firmly. “Let me do this for you.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“I’m not.”

You’re waiting for him to crack, to start laughing at you again, to say, “Did you seriously think I was gonna pretend to be your boyfriend? Grow up, bro!”

You wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And, “You’re not joking.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not,” he tells you. “It’ll be fun! A little experiment. I’m so down, tiger.”

“You,” you point at him, “want to be my pretend boyfriend.”

Without hesitation, “Yes.”

“I don’t get it.”

Sukuna beams at you, touching your hand with his. “We’ll pretend to be together for like a month, so Satoru doesn’t think you’re a loser who can’t move on like he has,” he says, laying out the plan like he’s already thought it over in his head. Screw him for being able to think properly while intoxicated. “Then, we break up. And all the girls who have been avoiding me because they don’t think I’m relationship material will come running and I get my happily-ever-after. It’s a win-win!”

You gape at him. “You’re gonna pretend to date me so you can get more girls?”

He nods enthusiastically. “It’s the perfect plan.”

“You’re a pig,” you tell him. “You’re like the biggest pig ever.”

“That’s no way to talk to your fake boyfriend,” he says. “Plus, I’ll also be abstinent the whole time we’re—” he uses air quotes, “—‘together.’ And you know what they say, sex is always better when you’ve been deprived for a while.”

“I am so telling on you to your mother.”

He nudges your shoulder. “This is a one-time offer, tiger,” he tells you. “So? Are you in?”

You think about the many, many ways this whole situation could go wrong. You think about the fact that Sukuna has no self-control whatsoever. You think about the fact that your friends will not like this plan at all. You think about the fact that you’re still very much heartbroken, unable to put yourself through this much stress right now.

Then, you think about Satoru kissing that girl. You think about your heart splintering into a million pieces. You think about that day, at the steps of the science building, when you realized what you had to do.

Are you in?

“Okay,” you say. “Let’s do it.”

notes. and so it begins ;) on another note, i'm actively ignoring the leaks like i KNOW what's happening but i'm just gonna plead ignorance

[mearchy]

The clones with drugs and alcohol - HCs

In no particular order. Obviously TW for mature themes.

REX:

Thinks of himself as a very responsible drinker, only occasionally indulges and usually when talked into it by his brothers.

Won't touch spice or any other drugs.

Able to be coaxed into shenanigans SO easily when drunk

Therefore his brothers have IMMENSE motivation to get him drunk when they want to pull Nonsense

Can also be a very sad drunk, I think. Please give him hugs.

Can hold his liquor... fine. His tolerance isn't great because he doesn't drink often but he's got engineered supersoldier metabolism so he holds up alright, to his relief.

CODY:

Who do you think Rex got his responsible drinking and drug habits from?

Except Cody is the kind of mf who learned through EXPERIENCE.

His batchmates have stories about teenage drunk Cody that they are sworn to secrecy about on pain of death.

Drunk Cody is TWICE as ready to throw down and is five times LESS inhibited about bodily tackling someone with no regard for his own safety.

Cody can probably hold his liquor but wouldn't it be so funny if he couldn't. Marshall Commander two-sheets-to-the-wind-from-four-glasses-of-wine.

WOLFFE:

He's the guy who will make direct, unwavering eye contact (ha. just the one.) with you across the table as you're both taking a sip from your drinks and suddenly you're in a competition for who can keep chugging their drink until the whole thing is empty and he's so scary how is he DOING that-

Wolffe has a naturally competitive and snippy personality but I do actually think he softens more around the edges with a few drinks in his system.

Not in a sloppy way just smiling a little more and being more affectionate.

Doesn't like or trust any substances that aren't well known to him, won't touch anything other than alcohol.

FIVES:

Sloppy, loud, kind of peevish drunk. All the shit that's always simmering under his skin has an excuse to come out.

“Listen, man. We need to start a revolution. Why hasn't someone bombed the Senat- oh, they have? Shit, can I be in on that?”

Will drop space acid or smoke space weed but only if Echo does. And Echo is smart enough to know that the paranoia Fives gets when he smokes weed is not worth it.

Type of guy to run across some random person in the desert and take psychedelics with them and go on an intense spiritual journey where he communes with dead gods. And then he shows back up at camp a couple hours later having achieved six new levels of enlightenment looking none the worse for wear. Only ever tells three people about this.

ECHO:

Echo is the kind of guy to have an Excel spreadsheet of dosages so he can bake the world's most precisely engineered edibles.

It doesn't work anyway because Fives keeps sticking his fingers in the batter and now the damn ratio is slightly off, why would you do that-

Also cannot keep a secret for the absolute life of him so he cannot pretend to be sober and he must be kept contained while drinking/stoned illicitly.

Maybe a very loving drunk. Or very sad. I'm not sure.

HARDCASE:

You already know he's in the club taking shots dancing on tabletops with his shirt off.

Life of the party, BUT he also doesn't mind being the designated driver. Flyer? Designated sober friend.

Type of guy to cheerily carry his drunk, passed out besties home and dump them into bed.

He's actually an explosives expert not just an enthusiast and he’s kind of a genius and everyone forgets that until he gets drunk and starts writing the equations to create insane explosive devices on his napkin while enthusiastically explaining it to his friends.

Very high alcohol tolerance.

GREGOR:

This man dresses like he's from Bangor Maine. I just know he was on that void planet smoking wild amounts of weed, and wearing Birkenstocks and a Patagonia puffer vest over a flannel shirt while doing it.

Thinks alcohol is a crutch.

FOX:

World's most miserable drunk.

But also can act really embarrassingly flamboyant so he stays away from alcohol at all costs.

Heh... I should kill my boss heh... wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if ... haha if I just walked into his office with a grenade right now and pulled the pin... fine, fiiine, yes, stop yelling at me. I would neeever leave Thorn with that much paperwork.

Zero tolerance, complete lightweight, doesn't matter how often he drinks. Can't hold his liquor for shit.

DOOM:

He either does mind-boggling amounts of coke or he's completely 100% straight edge and always has been. Don't ask me how I know this.

BLY:

He's so normal about alcohol I bet.

But he is giggling and kicking his feet and twirling his hair while talking to his brothers about Aayla and about the adventures of his men.

Absolutely incorrigible gossip.

Not braver after a few drinks just more prone to melting into a puddle.

Tried space MDMA once (spice?) just to say he did and hated it.

Uhhh if I do a part two it will include the bad batch and some other clones I missed.

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Hi Hal! First of all, congratulations for reaching 5k followers! Your fanfics are what pushed me further into COD and Cult of Vagabonds turned me into a full on Gaz girlie 💗

With that, I would love to request some sort of boyfriend drabble for Gaz! I remember in some of your asks, you guys would talk about Kyle being a gentleman and just him being a sweet and loving partner in general. So, I was thinking of scenarios with him taking care of reader, maybe he helps her with her skin care routine when she's too tired, or he picks her up and takes her home when she gets drunk (and he goes along with her drunk shenanigans but at the same being the protective, worrywart bf) or (as someone who loves shopping and dressing up) they go on dates and they spoil each other since they know each other's preferences so well, stuff like that hehe.

Again, congratulations on the milestone Hal! Here's to many more celebrations and achievements 💖

—Drunken Sappiness

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 5k Drabble Masterlist ࿐ྂ

╰┈➤ ❝ [You can't say you've ever had a boyfriend as perfect as Kyle.] ❞

You giggle, slurring your words as you get placed into the back seat of a cab. 

“I love you s’much, Kyle, y’know that?” The man himself is smiling fondly, heart eyes stuck into his head as he holds the door for a moment before grabbing your legs, pushing them inside. He shakes his head in good-nature.

“I’m flattered, Sweetheart. I love you too, yeah…? Let’s get you home—think you’ve had a bit too much fun tonight.”

Your arm is over your eyes before it’s grabbed, Kyle grunting, “Up you get,” before the world slips and you’re sitting up, belt clicked around your frame by long fingers. 

The driver waits patiently as your boyfriend closes the door and jogs to his side, opening and closing it before giving the directions to your shared flat as you lean over into him heavily. 

“I like your smile,” you push out, gripping his waist tightly, nuzzling his shoulder. 

Kyle watches, face bright and teasing as his arm loops your body to pull you into him. This was turning out to be a good end to the night—he always knew you were a clingy drunk, but this was just sweet. 

“Yeah?” He asks, pushing farther on with a smirk as the vehicle turns and continues on. “What else do you like about me, Love?”

“What isn’t there to like?” You hum, eyes blown and half-lidded. You’d crash soon, but Kyle wanted to get you ready for bed before that; at least into some pajamas and get your makeup off. He’d hate for you to wake up uncomfortable.

“Well,” the man teases, “can’t argue there.”

You laugh into him, uttering, “My head’s spinnin’.”

Kyle’s face becomes a bit more understanding, worrying even when he knows it’s normal. “We’ll be back soon, yeah? Get you off to bed—you can tell me about how dashing I am in the morning, okay?”

“Deal,” you whisper, vision blurring as a hard kiss is placed on your head.

The man does as he promised himself he would, and soon after you’re, difficulty, dressed into pj’s, he’s kneeling down as you sit in your vanity seat, spreading micellar water on a cotton pad. 

“C’mon, Love, keep those eyes open for me.” The item is moved along your cheeks as your lashes flutter. You’d take a shower in the morning, Kyle just wanted you to get some rest. “There we are, then….Beautiful.”

Humming under your breath, you blink at him as he takes off your mascara, using another pad to not spread the particles around when he starts on the other eye. 

“You’re perfect,” you whisper, still under the alcohol’s effects but not lying for a mere moment. “S’good to me.”

The Brit feels his cheeks go hot, clearing his throat at the praise and your sleepy expression. 

Lord…you looked adorable. 

“I’m a lucky bloke,” he utters to you, standing back up and kissing your forehead. “Couldn’t ask for a better woman to be around.” Kyle huffs a chuckle. “Even when she’s drunk, she’s complimenting me. You’re an ego boost, Love. A dangerous one.”

Even if you only registered half of those words, you still know the way he picks you up and carries you to bed, settling you down before flicking off the lights.

“Water’s on the nightstand—meds, too,” he mutters into your scalp as he slips beside you, pulling the covers up around both of your bodies. “I’ll remind you when you wake up.”

His hand rubs up and down your skin, thumb massaging the flesh in tiny circles that leave your mind purring at the slight pressure. Kyle’s lips are at your hairline, not leaving there as he holds you lightly to him, humming in the back of his throat. 

“Love you,” you slur for the millionth time that night. 

Kyle has no problem answering for a billionth. 

“Love you too, Sweetheart. You go on and sleep now.”

So, with little resistance, you do.

He really was the definition of the perfect boyfriend.

[amloveabledeathmo]

Accidental? Marriage Johnlock au idea

So we all know Sherlock is not as emotionally distant and mature as he likes to pretend. I think he is a very emotional individual who cares deeply but has problems expressing it.

Anyway, he gets Mycroft to stop monitoring his online activities in exchange for a case or testing clean or something. So he starts online dating. Sherlock falls hard for this ex military man. He refuses to tell his family any identifying information about said man because he doesn't want them to tell him anything bad or bully him.

Four months in to the chatting the man says lets get married and Sherlock is overjoyed. He plans the whole wedding invites all of his family, the other guy says he'll invite his side and Sherlock even ends up getting a suit for the man.

Day of the wedding, Sherlock is getting all his stuff prepped to go to the venue and the man texts saying it was all a joke and he's married and was just looking for fun. Sherlock panics because he doesn't want his family to say stuff to him about being too emotional or Mycroft to say I told you so or you should have let me investigate him.

Sherlock decides he needs air and he needs to think and starts walking to a nearby pub. He realizes that he's more upset about what his family will say than about the man breaking it off, he also finally admits to himself that he suspected the man was married the whole time.

In his introspection he isn't paying attention and physically runs into John who is in full military dress. Turns out John was coming from a ceremony honoring him and his unit. Sherlock can read how upset John is and decides to take a chance.

"You'll probably think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but I just got left at the alter, well I will be left at the alter in two hours technically. I can see life isn't going your way either so what do you say? Do you want to get married? No catch of course. We can divorce really quickly."

"My sister just got kicked out of a ceremony that I was supposed to be honored at for causing a drunken disturbance and I have a week to get out of the temp housing, why not."

They both stare at each other and start giggling. Sherlock takes John back to 221 B, grabs his stuff and hails a cab and away they go to get married.

Of course Sherlock's family ends up loving John and are all sympathetic when he admits his only family is his sister and she was too drunk to attend.

Cue shenanigans where they actually end up falling in love and decide to stay married.

I'd love to hear your thoughts @moosefrog @am0o5 @tragedyinmyveins @sunnyrosewritesstuff @skinnyscottishbloke @crazylazydays @consultingtribble

[vidavalor]

Well, Aziraphale went Down like a...

Bullet = lead.

Ball = root word of balloon.

...lead balloon.

Loon (contained within balloon): a rascal.

Rascal: from rabble, meaning: a mob.

Loon: a diving bird. A bird with a love for diving into the sea.

Loon: a boor. Boor: from bovis & bos, meaning cow or ox.

Boor: a farmer; a dweller. Someone who is part of a community.

Loon: One who dives; a diver. A fall involves a dive.

Loon: A mentally unbalanced or an eccentric person; from lunacy.

Heaven's ideas are, as Crowley accurately put it, lunacy.

Loon: An ember-goose. Geese: you know, as Muriel would say: big, cross ducks.

Cross: to be upset, especially angry. You don't want to cross Aziraphale when he's cross.

Also: the thing Jesus was murdered on.

Embers: the small, still-burning bits of a dying fire.

But...

Embers: the small, still-burning bits of a dying fire that are often used to stoke that fire back up to a roaring blaze.

The essential element of a fire that never dies.

Lead: Alternate meanings: one who goes first..

...and one who acts as a guide. So, Crowley...

Lead: Alternate meanings: primary; main. The character whose story arc forms the outline of the story. So, Aziraphale...

Bullet: from French boulette, meaning cannonball and small ball.

Ball: a three-dimensional, round object. Also: a party.

Information that "goes down like a lead balloon" is information that generates a negative response in the recipient.

Like when you tell off a fascist floating head over Heavenly Zoom like the total badass that you are... but then he decides he doesn't like it so he lets Satan have at tempting you... and then Satan shows up the next morning looking like said fascist floating head guy to help with his temptation because the fascist floating head is the only person who can give you the power you think you need to more fully protect the love of your life... which also just so happens to be the only thing that would ever, ever, ever tempt you to Hell...

Aziraphale already having spoken to The Metatron the night before seems to be implied in this bit here:

A "Lead Balloon": A balloon made of lead, which is heavy metal. The heaviness of the lead inhibits the balloon's ability to float in the air. It is too weighed down to be its otherwise light, joyous, balloon self. Ahhh, the scent of Aziraphale metaphor...😊

A lead balloon, by design, is never going to be able to stay Up. It's unlikely it ever was truly, fully Up in the first place.

The lead balloon is always going to fall Down.

From its beginning, its fall has been inevitable.

To "bite the bullet": An expression meaning to accept an impending difficult situation or hardship and endure the pain of going through it with fortitude.

To bite a bullet (literally) is to successfully survive The Bullet Catch.

The expression is thought to have originated from doctors who would have patients bite down on a lead bullet in order to redirect their focus enough to help them endure the pain during an operation that was occurring without anesthetics.

I'm not suggesting any bullet-paralleling shenanigans here; Crowley is a metaphorical bullet here enough as it is. This kiss is as painful as an operation without anesthetics, though...

An operation (in espionage): organized spying on and manipulation of enemy targets.

An operator: an effective, clever manipulator.

A lift operator: a person who operates the buttons in an elevator.

As we know, in Britain, what Aziraphale gets into is referred to as a lift. In the United States, it is called an elevator. This lift/elevator is in the doorway to a pub-- The Dirty Donkey. Why this location for the lift/elevator, of all the shops on Whickber Street?

Are you going to be surprised at this point to learn that I think there's a word-related reason? 😂

Elevated: Slang for being drunk, off of the notion that being drunk is experiencing a kind of high.

A high, though, is not necessarily an experience of elevation; it is just a generic term for any mental experience that is outside the norm, due to the influence of an ingested substance or substances.

A high? Can bring you down.

In Crowley's foreshadowing/paralleling case in 1827, he was elevated from the laudanum-laced wine when he was dragged down to Hell.

Alcohol is what they sell in The Dirty Donkey where the elevator/lift is.

Alcohol is not a stimulant. It may appear to send you up... but it does not actually physically send you up, no matter what it appears to be doing on the surface.

Alcohol is a depressant. Alcohol sends your body down...

It also can come with a real crash down if you have too much of it. That crash down, as we know, is called a hangover. Remember when we heard that term used in S2?

From Crowley, when Hell first showed up on Whickber Street and started to circle closer to Aziraphale:

A hangover (one of two original meanings): a thing left over from before. Like the fact that Satan and The Metatron were pretty pissed off about the end of S1. Like the fact that S2's cliffhanger, hangover ending is going to carry into the plot of S3.

Elevated is a slang term that uses language of "going up" (elevated; high) to actually describe "going down" (drunk; depression).

That other, original meaning of a hangover, though?

A survival. 😊

[fishanks]

Shanks hcs

Genre: relationship fluff

This doesn't need much of an introduction but I LOVE THIS MANNN

He acts like the tough manly partner but anyone that sits with the both of you for 10 minutes+ knows he's actually the baby.

Absolutely a "secret from the public but everyone close to me knows you're my biggest achievement" relationship type of guy.

CLINGYYYYY!!!!!

Acts drunk just so you can take care of him, and when you start catching up to his shenanigans he switches to acting sick, acting like he got injured in a fight (close to impossible) or just anything that will get you to pity him.

He's sooo soft with his partner, like this man genuinely treats you like glass.

You stubbed your toe? CALL HONGO.

You got hot coffee spilt on you? COFFEE IS BANNED FROM THE RED FORCE.

It gets annoying sometimes honestly, but you feel loved so whatever.

It's weird because he also trusts you a LOT.

If you tell him you can manage a certain enemy he's clapping for you and shouting at anyone that's trying to interfere in your fight.

Sooo proud of you for the smallest things it's even caught him off guard

Genuinely 100% sure you're the most intoxicating human he's ever laid eyes on.

Like you'll wake up in the middle of the night and catch him up just staring at you.

Sometimes you'll be talking about the newspaper with Ben and he's just sitting there on the opposite chair just admiring the beauty that is his partner.

If he's back from a long trip or he hasn't seen you for a long time, hell walk in saying "where is God's most divine creation at?"

"Nobody's promised tomorrow, so imma love you every night like it's the last night"

-🐶

[buddierecs]

humour/crack buddie fics

all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

nobody knows you, baby, the way i do by allyasavedtheday "buck and eddie bet hen and chimney that they know each other better than they do and a rivalry ensues. featuring one-upmanship, codependency, ravi as reluctant quizmaster and eddie believing his will is the ultimate trump card." word count: 3.7k important tags: humour, fluff, bet & wagers, feelings realization, first kiss 1001 reasons not to get drunk with your sisters boyfriend by: withmeornotatall "buck and chimney have a little too much fun on a night out and end up in a tattoo shop. when the tattoo artist asks what buck wants, he can't decide between eddie and christopher." word count: 4.3k important tags: drunken shenanigans, tattoos, possessive!eddie, getting together, sloppy makeouts, team as family the one where the 118 play "never have i ever" & chaos ensures by: dylaesthetics "playing never have i ever during a slow shift goes as well as you can probably expect." word count: 3.1k important tags: team as family, love confessions, teasing, friends to lovers, first kiss the kermit verse by: hattalove "how is eddie diaz like kermit the frog? let buck and christopher count the ways." word count: 8.7k important tags: christopher diaz is a national treasure, getting together, first kiss, memes those two firefighters by: darkfairytale "#thosetwofirefighters starts to gather a following on social media, as everyone tries to figure out if those two cute firefighters from the 118 in LA are a thing or not." word count: 64k important tags: crack treated seriously, oblivious!buddie, internet, social media, slow burn does your firehouse know? by: allyasavedtheday after chimney accidentally discovers buck and eddie are together they ask him to keep it a secret for a few weeks while they settle into their relationship. it goes about as well as expected. word count: 7.5k important tags: secret relationship, fluff, crack, pov outsider woke up the girl who looked just like you, i almost said your name by: rarakiplin "five times Eddie dates a guy a little too similar to Buck, and one time he dates the real deal." word count: 8.9k important tags: 5+1 things, jealous!evan buckley, getting together, pov outsider i just wanna tell you how i'm feeling by: calvingseason "healing through shitty memes sure is cathartic." word count: 7.6k important tags: memes, getting together, coming out, first kiss, love confessions yours apparently by: smilingbuckley "buck and eddie are accused of hiding their relationship... even though they're not together." word count: 7.3k important tags: misunderstandings, different know they were dating, feelings realisation, first kiss, idiots in love good luck, babe by: hattalove "sometimes, when you've had a bad week, all you want is a romantic evening out with your wife over terrible pizza, and what you get instead is some kind of intricate gay ritual happening two tables away from you." word count: 2.1k important tags: outsider pov, tommy kinard, marisol, social media, jealous!eddie diaz you were looking at me first by: hattalove "in which buck likes to be naked when he's at home, and eddie likes it when buck feels at home under his roof. these are two things that can definitely coexist." word count: 3.4k important tags: nudity, getting together, first kiss, gay disaster!eddie diaz the ducking of evan buckley by: browney3dgirl6 "buck doesn’t have any ducks for his jeep. eddie decides to fix that. aka 5 times eddie secretly leaves ducks for buck, and the one time he hands one right to him." word count: 13k important tags: 5+1 things, bad puns, soft!buddie, christopher diaz is a national treasure, oblivious!evan buckley, idiots in love say (don't) go by: bccalling eddie starts dropping hints he wants more kids. buck assumes he means with marisol. buck spirals about it. eddie does not mean with marisol. word count: 20k important tags: pre-relationship, getting together, kid fic, mutual pining, domestic fluff

[kitthepurplepotato]

Chapter 19 - Cards against humanity.

Part 2 of Winter Wonderland!

Summary: The gang makes it to the cabins. Izuku and Y/N tries out the fluffy rug in front of the fireplace. The heroes play Cards Against Humanity (MHA version) while drunk. Things get out of hand really quickly.

Warnings: Swear words, suggestive, drinking, drunk shenanigans, absolutely vile Cards Against Humanity cards so please, be aware that this chapter contains a lot of uhm… stuff. 16 +

First Chapter Master List KO-FI page

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“I won, motherfuckers!” Katsuki yells victoriously as he makes it to the top of the mountain with Eijirou in his tail. Needless to say, everyone is in pieces; there’s so much panting going on, Rody is meters behind everyone, actually hyperventilating, you, Kyouka and Izuku are somewhere in the middle but only because Izuku gave you a piggy back ride (with black whip because he’s a good boy and he knows his limits.)

“I’m never… going camping with… heroes… ever again.” Rody pants, his legs shaking like a leaf.

“Who asked you to run with us, huh?” Katsuki retorts with a devilish smirk. “Know your place, weakling!”

“I thought… we are done … hating each other?!” Rody pants.

“This is how he loves, Rody.” Kirishima sighs.

“Jesus, stop fucking talking and sit the fuck down for a second, do you want to die or something?!” Katsuki yells with a red face, from embarrassment or just from the cold, no one will ever know.

The view is absolutely stunning up here; you can see the whole city underneath, the fairy lights connected to the street lights are sparkling happily, the snowflakes are massive but their flow is quite sparse at the moment so you can see everything perfectly as the snow doesn’t obstruct the view too much. Up on the mountain where you are standing right now, the snow is fresh and crisp, completely untouched except for the few imprints of your own shoes, the cabins are also covered in white, fairly lights attached to every single one of them, all sparkling in different colors to make the cabins distinguishable (probably in case someone gets too drunk to remember which cabin they rented. Haha).

“I’m sure I don’t really need to tell you who stays with who but I will do it anyway.” Shouto speaks up as well, clearly excited to be able to do his usual shenanigans. “First cabin: Hitoshi, Denki and Kyouka.” Kyouka and Denki cheers happily. Hitoshi looks… a little bit gobsmacked.

“You guys are getting the bigger cabin which has three separate rooms, so you can sleep alone if you need privacy or you can just use the massive master bedroom and have a sleepover!” Rody chimes in, picking up on the grumpy vibes coming from the lilac haired man.

“Oh, Rody! Do you mind sharing the other big cabin with us?” Yaomomo smiles.

“Yeah, that’s perfect for me!”

“With that said.” Shouto continues. “Momo, Rody and I will share the second cabin. Tamaki and Mirio will get the third one, Katsuki and Eijirou the fourth, which has a massive common space apparently, and Izuku and Y/N are getting the last cabin.”

“If there are any invisible individuals hiding in a bushes, please speak up now. The cabins will be locked overnight and it’s freezing outside.” Yaomomo adds, looking around with clear suspicion.

“Hagakure is not here.” Kyouka speaks up. “I personally asked if she would like to come but she’s away on a mission in America.”

“Splendid.” Momo mutters. “Please make sure to take some pictures for the people who couldn’t make it today. They might not be here in person but let’s make them feel included by sending them selfies and pictures of the place.”

“There’s no reception up here but there is wi-fi in the cabins! Don’t ask how they made that happen, but… yeah.” Rody scratches the back of his head sheepishly.

“Okay, so...” Momo continues. “This is where we usually give warnings, but seeing your faces, I think there is no need to do this today. But please, drink responsibly and don’t do stupid things. Only go outside in groups during the night.”

“Don’t go into the attached onsen while drunk. Trust me, it doesn’t end well if you do.” Rody chimes in, embarrassed. “Hot water and alcohol are a really bad combination.”

“Thank you for your helpful input, Rody! I’m glad to have another reasonable person in this group!”

“You guys know he only knows that because he fucking tried, right?” Katsuki mutters, rolling his eyes aggressively.

“That’s a fair point. But he learnt his lesson!” Mirio, the symbol of positivity adds.

“Hey, can you do something about that rainbow coming out of your ass? It hurts my eyes.” Katsuki makes a snarky comment, trying his best to sound menacing but he can barely hide his smile.

“Stop looking at my juicy peach then!” Mirio turns away, showing off his indeed juicy butt to the “audience” by bending over. The whole gang roars.

“Is this another gay thing I don’t understand?” Shouto asks his girlfriend with a bamboozled look on his face.

“I think it’s just a Mirio thing, to be absolutely honest.” Momo giggles with a fond look on her face. “Let’s go, guys!” She yells once more and everyone makes their way towards their respective cabin.

Izuku takes your hand in his and pulls you towards the cabin excitedly; you go without a single retort.

~•🥦•~

“This is so cute!” You yell excitedly right as you go through the main door.

This cabin looks so homey it makes you want to cry. Everything is wood and it’s just how you imagined it in your daydreams; there is a massive, cosy sofa full of blankets, almost the size of a normal living room, yellow fairy lights everywhere on the ceiling. There is a massive fireplace built into the wall, heat emanating from the fire that the staff has started before you arrived, filling the room with warmth and that lovely scent of burning wood.

“The fluffy rug!” Izuku points at the pure white rug by the fireplace exitedly. “It has a fluffy rug!” He doesn’t even let you put your backpack down before he pulls you towards it with childish glee.

“Izuku, we only have half an hour!”

“Shut up, wifey.”

“Izuku, what the hell?!” You giggle to yourself, given up on resisting quite quickly; Izuku takes that as a win and pulls you into his lap, slowly taking the backpack off your shoulders. He throws it on the massive sofa with the help of black whip, then lies down on the fluffy rug with you on top of him. Huh. This position is quite… uhm… suggestive. Huh, take a few deep breaths, will ya?!

You look down to see Izuku’s face and damn, that was a mistake; his hair is splayed out on the rug, his pine green hair even brighter in the sunlight coming in from the massive windows behind him; his face is pink from the cold, his eyes full of wonder as he looks up at you. You can’t help but lower yourself down, leaning on your elbows so you can look into those emerald eyes with nothing but love.

“Hi.” You mutter, your eyes slowly moving down to his puffy lips.

“Kiss me.”

That’s all it took to loose your composure. One sentence.

You kiss him with all you’ve got while Izuku’s hands snake inside your coat and your shirt and the touch sets your whole body ablaze; you slowly open Izuku’s own coat to be able to touch him properly, you hate all these layers, it’s way too hot in here, way too much for your little heart to take in, knowing it can’t go anywhere right now, but you can’t stop, you just can’t, his scent is so addicting, that citrusy pine, that hint of wood and sweat, it’s so Izuku…

You make a small whimper when you feel Izuku’s tongue dancing with yours while he pulls you closer and closer until every single one of your body parts touch.

“Calm down.” You mutter to him (and to yourself), your actions saying the opposite as you deepen the kiss even more. You’ll never get used to being able to this, to kiss the man of your dreams. Needless to say the half an hour passes before you can even put your stuff down properly; you can’t stop enjoying each other on the fluffy rug, probably smelly from all the sweat because heavily kissing in five layers of clothing is the stupidest thing you two could have done right before Katsuki’s grill party. Both of you start laughing as your alarm goes off.

“Well, uhm… should we roll in the snow for a few minutes before we go?” You snicker with your nose in Izuku’s neck.

“Should we just skip it and uhm… continue this?” Izuku retorts back. You can’t help but giggle once again.

“Do you want to die a slow, torturous death?”

“I’m quite sure I’ll be beaten to pulp the second we go through that door while looking like this anyway.”

“Fair point. Let’s go.” You try to pull yourself up but Izuku is not having it.

“One more kiss.”

… you got there half an hour late. I know, shocking.

~•🥦•~

“Today we are playing… drum beats please…” Denki’s body is about to burst from all the energy. Katsuki, still busy plating the food, stops for a second and beats on his thighs. “Thank you! We are playing… cards against humanity!”

The whole gang yells “NOOOOOOOO!”. Except for Denki and Katsuki. They look fucking thrilled.

“And I thought today will be easy.” Momo sighs exasperatedly.

“I want to go home.” Tamaki mutters to Mirio who only smiles at him.

“Okay guys, you don’t need to play if you don’t want to!” Denki retreats. “You guys can be the judges! So who’s playing?”

“Fuck yes!” Katsuki yells.

“I’m in!” Kirishima also joins.

“Hmm…” Izuku mutters then his smile changes into a shit-eating grin. “Fuck yeah.”

“Oh my god, Izuku swore! Hell yeah, man!”

You swear you see some electricity crackling around Denki. Bro must me really excited.

“I think I want to try this game.” Shouto mutters as well.

“Amajiki and I will play together if that’s okay!” Mirio chimes in; bless him, he’s such a sweetheart for trying to keep the shy man in the loop without him being in the centre of attention, knowing way too much that he would probably shit himself if he’d need to read the cards out loud in front of all these people.

Momo, Rody, you and Hitoshi became the judges of the game. You have a feeling this will be a lot of fun.

~•🥦•~

“What would Granma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?” Rody reads out the question loud, buzzing from energy. “Come on, don’t disappoint me.”

The players are already laughing their ass off as they look through their cards. Rody collects the cards and can barely stop laughing.

“All Might’s massive thighs on your face. Wow. Kinky.”

“Shigaraki’s five hundred broken fingers.” Hitoshi reads the next one. “Wow. That’s a good one.”

“Deku’s Big, weird eyes.” You giggle as you read the next card. “That was Katsuki’s. Hundred percent.”

“Oh my god, I really don’t want to read this…. Hawk’s out of control blowjob parties.” Momo’s whole face flushes. The whole gang roars.

“Fat Gum’s soft belly. Awww!”

“Communism. This card is so dry it must have come from Shouto.”

“Fuck you, Rody.”

“Rude.”

~•🥦•~

“Bonus features include never-before-seen footage of…” Momo reads the next question.

This game is getting out of hand already.

“A severed horse penis being hurled at a politician. Okay who the fuck was that?” You giggle to yourself.

“Who the fuck do you think?” Katsuki replies with a shit eating grin.

“A sad, old man. Is that supposed to be an All Might reference?”

“You can NOT just call All Might a sad old man!” Izuku gawks, offended. Everyone ignores him.

“Wigs made of executed LOV members. That’s… wow.”

“All for One riding a baby horse. I need to see that.”

~•🥦•~

“You need to sit here and think about…” You read out the next question. The boys look more and more drunk as the game goes. Izuku is giggling to himself like an idiot the whole time and it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

“Stabbing a guy in the eye with an arrow, pulling it out and shooting another guy with it.”

Everyone looks at Katsuki. It’s just so obvious that it’s him.

“Casually suggesting a threesome. Someone needs to get laid.” Rody comments and Kyouka grins like an idiot.

“Throwing your dad into a dumpster and yelling “who’s the daddy now?”” You can’t help but literally snort out loudly at this one. “Okay, I don’t even care about the rest, this one wins.”

“It was me.” Shouto admits and the whole gang gawks at him.

“Damn, I’m impressed.” Even Katsuki can’t help but comment on this one.

“Momo says I have daddy issues.” He mumbles back with a straight face, his cheeks blushed from the alcohol.

Half of the team ends up on the floor, dying.

Kaminari resigns from the game and stays on the floor for the rest of the night.

~•🥦•~

“This year, I’m going to dedicate 100% of my energy to:” Hitoshi reads the card and takes one of the answer cards into his hand. “A Nomu wearing a tiny raincoat and booties. Okay, that’s quite disturbing but kinda cute.”

“You are cute.” Kaminari giggles, still on the floor, completely wasted. An exasperated sigh leaves Hitoshi’s mouth.

“You always talk nonsense when you are drunk.”

“You are cute though. Don’t sell yourself short buddy!” Rody smiles at the purple haired man who flushes aggressively.

“He can’t sell himself short. He’s tall.” Kaminari mutters and goes back to sleep. Your tummy hurts so much from all the laughing but you can’t help but laugh once again.

“Worshipping Stain’s right ear hole.” Momo snort sat this one. “This game has no filter.”

“Sucking Dynamight’s dick until it explodes.” You read the next card, flushing like a virgin.

“I like this game.” Katsuki laughs proudly. “The creator has a good taste.”

“Oh my god, Katsuki.” Eijirou giggles next him with an incredulous look on his face.

“What?” Katsuki retorts. “Feels nice to be appreciated!”

“Time to stop drinking, Kats. Your soft side is coming out.”

“Whatever.”

“Licking shoes.” Everyone looks at Shouto. Shouto just shrugs.

~•🥦•~

“Last round because you all had too much to drink.” Rody reprimands, looking at the pile of people on the floor. The only ones still paying are Mirio, Katsuki, Shouto and Izuku. Tamaki is still sober but he decided to sit in the corner, right next to the pile of people to “keep an eye on them”. It’s absolutely hilarious. You can’t help but take a picture of it. Hitoshi looks like he’s ready to kill as he stares at Denki and Kyouka snuggled up on the floor, right next to the fireplace. No one comments on it. They are too terrified of drunk Hitoshi to do so. “Who’s hot and smelly and about to die?”

“A fucked up alien fish from the deep.” You read the first card.

“All for one’s hope for a “better” future. Damn.” Rody laughs.

“Red Riot’s popularity.” At that, Katsuki smirks right at his drunk fiancé who gives him a side glare for being an asshole. “Oi, it was a joke, you are literally the hottest man walking on Earth.”

When Momo reads the last card, she almost chokes on their saliva.

“We have a winner, guys.” She smirks and shows the card to the rest of the team.

The card simply says…

“Endevour.”

“Jesus fuck, I’m dying.” Katsuki laughs like a maniac, reading out the card out loud. Even Kaminari wakes up to the loud laughter that seems to never end. Izuku is literally crying at this point.

“Oh my god, I will burn in hell for laughing at this but… I can’t stop!”

“Izuku, take a deep breath!” You whine, still laughing your ass off.

“One extra round?” Katsuki smirks at the his friends and he completely ignores the group’s loud “NOOOOOO!” And takes a card from the pile. It’s a two card one, this time. “Okay fuckers, let’s take 5 more extra cards and let’s have some fun with it.” Katsuki gives the card to you to read it out loud.

“Dying from - something - is painless, but I would still prefer -something-. Three, two, one, go!”

This time, everyone reads their own cards out loud because the drunk idiots forgot how to play this game. It’s only Katsuki, Shouto and Mirio in the game now, Izuku laughed so much he made himself sick and now he’s resting in your lap, trying not to throw up. He’s so silly sometimes, honestly.

“They say dying from a tiny dick is painless, but I would still prefer sex with a blindfold.” Katsuki smirks, clearly proud of his own creation.

“Not today, babe.” Kirishima mumbles from the floor and that’s when the whole team roars. Katsuki looks like he’s about to explode.

“They say dying from shame is painless but I would still prefer another war with All for One.” Mirio reads his own answer with a massive smile on his face.

“Damn.”

“They say dying from a firm tofu is painless, but I would still prefer choking on pro hero Deku’s humongous dick.” Shouto KILLS everyone with his his answer. At least half of the gang has tears in their eyes.

Izuku chokes on his own saliva then laughs for a few minutes with his hands on his belly and… runs to the toilet to throw up.

“Emotional damage.” Hitoshi mumbles, smiling like an idiot.

Shouto somehow wins the game. His reward is one of Kaminari’s concoctions that was left on the kitchen counter. Shouto joins Izuku in the toilet a few minutes later.

“Why can’t you guys party like normal people?” Momo sighs, already sobered up.

“Why can’t you pull that stick out of your ass and relax for once?”

“Oh, you mean this one?” Momo creates a random stick from her lower back instead of her tummy, making the whole gang roar once again. It really looked like she just took that out of her ass, bless her creativity for that.

“Katsuki, I can’t laugh anymore. I’m in agony.” Eijirou whimpers on the floor, completely, utterly done with life. You must admit, he looks extremely hot, disheveled like that. Like damn, that guy is a fucking snack. Good job, Katsuki. Good fucking job.

Okay, you definitely had way too much to drink today.

“I’ll get Izu-Izu from the toilet.” You mutter as you stand up from the sofa.

“I’ll take the three bozos home then come back for Shouto.” Momo sighs as he makes his way towards the pile of people on the floor.

“I’ll help!” Tamaki SMILES at her and the whole team gawks. “What? I had fun. And Denki gave me his drink to finish.”

“Oh no, he’s been tainted with the Denki juice.” Hitoshi mumbles. Tamaki answers by growing a potato on his arm. “Huh. I guess there was vodka in it.”

Needless to say, NO ONE makes it home after that. At least the floor is nice and warm, thanks to the lovely fireplace in the wall. Katsuki doesn’t even look surprised, he just throws a bunch of blankets on everyone and lies down next to Eijirou, giggling to himself happily.

“Best party ever.”

… Next Chapter!

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TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @katsuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @themultifandomgirl @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai @happydragonfrog @eeerreehhh @vinivave @alyss-eiz @sleepisfortheweakpooh

[chronurgy]

i loveeeeeeeee your hc about gortash in all your tags!!! can you share your favorite hc about durge/gortash shenanigans in the city?

Yeah absolutely! Shenanigans hmmm....

Some of these will be a little more specific to my durge (Vesper, half-drow wizard) than others

During the Hall of Wonders heist, gortash specifically left some guards out of his reconnaissance to test how Durge handled themselves under pressure. He wanted to know if this was someone he would work with or someone too crazy to manage.

Gortash and Durge did a heist in the House of Hope as a trial run for their heist of the Crown - this is when they stole Raphael's shoes (the helldusk armor boots that Gortash keeps in the chest at the foot of his bed). Gortash didn't tell them about his history there or with Raphael before they went in. I think after seeing him there Durge did put at least pieces of it together and really left lots of burn marks and blood and guts spread around in their wake to get back at Raphael. They also broke at least one priceless and irreplaceable vase on "accident" while they were there. Their ire towards Raphael from this realization actually manages to carry over even when they can't remember why and it's partly why they're so determined to kill Raphael and so insistent that they won't work with him.

Gortash takes Durge to fancy parties, for a number of reasons - as a bodyguard, to bring them close to a murder target, to introduce them to the kind of high society stuff they'll be involved with as his co-ruler. But also because he loves to show them off, his darling assassin, loves the vicious little comments they make about the other attendees. He starts finding excuses to bring them to any party he can because he only ever enjoys these parties when they're with him, when he has someone just as brilliant as he is at his side. Durge usually has to attend in disguise but sometimes just dressing up fancy enough not to look like a sewer rat is enough to fool people.

Gortash is the kinda guy who will work himself to exhaustion and then fall asleep at his desk. The first time Durge found him like that, completely dead to the world on top of his diagrams and sketches, they thought about killing him. They imagined every detail, knew exactly how it would go. It would have been so easy, because he's so defenseless like this. They see his eyes moving under their lids, see his hands flex, and little expressions pass over his face - they know he's dreaming. They wonder what he's dreaming about (is it them?). And they don't kill him. They just watch him sleep, fascinated by the differences between the waking man they know and this unguarded sleeping one. They leave before he wakes up. I think they do this a couple of times before he finally catches them (maybe because they try to stroke his hair or something in a fit of softness). At first he's like, "oh my apologies, please don't hesitate to wake me should this happen again" before he puts together the look on Durge's face and realizes they've been watching him sleep and tried to like, touch his hair. He considers this a success because they could've killed him a whole bunch of times and didn't and they seem to be developing some sort of feelings towards him. He resolutely does not acknowledge the existence of any things he could possibly be feeling about this. Not at all.

Gortash keeps a large fancy estate in the city, Durge has a guest room there - it starts out as just an extra room but as they spend more time there Gortash starts to customize it more to their liking. He also moves their room to be next to his once he realizes that they're staying over more often, blaming a maid for knocking over a candle and causing fire damage in their old room when they ask why it was moved.

I think one night they have to have at least one really stupid caper they pulled off while extremely drunk that neither of them will talk about - as an example, they got super drunk, decided that since they were so good at heists they should do more of them, broke into some patriars estate, and stole a ton of fancy liquor. They also stole the bust of some guy from the entryway and staggered up the stairs to escape out the window of the daughter of the house's dressing room. Anyway, they woke up the next morning on the floor of Gortash's bedroom, extremely hungover and both of them (and the bust they stole) were wearing fancy little fascinator hats they can't remember but must have stolen out of the dressing room. They try to laugh at each other but gortash just ends up violently throwing up in a trash bin while durge lies on the floor with their eyes squeezed shut because the room won't stop spinning. They refuse to speak of this and will adamantly deny it ever happened if asked. Durge absolutely killed sceleritas while trying to force him into a stupid hat. The exact series of events might need some workshopping, but the core idea is some extremely stupid adventure the two of them had together that neither would ever admit to but is also a cherished memory for both of them.

Gortash's gauntlets (before he had the netherstone) used a series of capacitors and a setup akin to a self winding watch to generate an electric charge that he could attack people with. He designed them himself.

Vesper finds these gauntlets fascinating. When they first meet in person, he shows them off and discusses their construction and it's the first thing about him that they find impressive and intriguing.

As a gift, Gortash gave Vesper a set of sharpened rings designed after his gauntlets.

Vesper actually helped Gortash with some of the designs for the steel watch, looking at the plans and making suggestions - they were especially helpful when it came to the magical portions of the construct.

I think the closest the Urge ever comes to forcing Vesper to kill Gortash isn't when they first meet or during sex. It's one day when they're waiting for some spy's report, so they're sitting around in his room. He's tinkering with something at his workbench, and they're sitting at a desk working on a spell. They realize they need certain special inks for the transcription and look up to see them in the desk's little shelving unit and then they look closer and realize the desk is stocked with all the things a wizard needs - inks, chalks, paper, magical components. And this is the desk they always sit at when they're here and need to do some work. And Gortash has stocked it as a wizard's desk. He's made it their desk. And he's working at his workbench and they're working at their desk together in companionable silence. It's domestic, almost. And that's when the urge hits, with just absolutely crushing intensity, and they turn on gortash. Jokes on them, he's into that shit. After some back and forth between them (the level of explicitness is up to you! Or me, if I can get my act together and write this!), Vesper more or less jumps out the window and spends the next couple of days cutting a bloody swathe through baldur’s gate. When they finally return to him, gortash just asks them if they enjoyed their little vacation. After that, even when recreating much the same scene, the urge never comes on as strongly again (they don't know it at the time but this is the first time they've managed to throw off Bhaal's yoke when he really wanted them to kill someone. He never pushed that hard again with gortash because he's afraid of the consequences, though he still does push them to kill him a little bit).

Gortash gave durge a number of gifts over their acquaintance, both practical and fantastic: jewelry, enchanted items, clothes, shoes, books, any and everything you can imagine. He loves seeing them using his gifts, carrying or wearing something he gave them, because it helps mark them as his. He spends absolutely lavishly on them, buying them beautiful and fancy clothes for them to wear when they're in his house or out with him in public. He also buys them more practical gifts, well-fitting boots, weapons, armor, all of it enchanted and worth a small fortune.

On some of his gifts to Durge, he encodes messages for them in their cypher. They say things like "For my dearest assassin" and "To the sorrow of all" on a weapon and "pari pasu" (Latin for with equal step) and "I've always liked to play with fire", plus any number of other things.

Gortash has a thing for Durge wearing his clothes. One cold morning durge throws on his black coat when they get out of bed to check something and seeing them wearing nothing but his coat is such a thing for him that he ditches all their plans for the day to spend the day in bed with them.

Gortash has a number of affairs, to help his star rise in the upper city. He may use them to make durge jealous, but they are ultimately people to be used and discarded. He doesn't care what they do, because they're tools. Durge is his. His partner. And that's why he doesn't share.

[sadly-in-active]

Can I request a vampire reader x these specific cookies? You don't have to do all of them if it's too much!

Clotted Cream, Affogato, Prune Juice, and Sablé Cookie?

If you're able to or if you're comfy with it, can you make it seem a lil suggestive? If not that's completely fine and I'm sorry for bothering you-

I just really love your writing :(

OMG YES ABSOLUTELY (I can only do suggestive with Affogato and Clotted Cream sorry 😞 and no guys this isn’t the Vampire Cookie we all know)

AND I’M SO SORRY BUT I’M TOO TIRED TO DO PRUNE JUICE’S ONE :(

Clotted Cream, Affogato, and Sablé Cookie x Vampiric Reader

Summary: It seems that you’ve arranged a deal with a few select individuals. As a vampire, you can’t help but yearn to taste the delectable blood strawberry jam within those feeble cookies. You drink their blood on certain nights, and they can do whatever else with you as their part of the deal. Whether that be asking you questions and gaining knowledge, or more…personal things. Well, let’s just see how this goes! 🤭

TW: Well…vampires. And blood, plus some other random shenanigans. I’m gonna say blood for this set because I feel lazy tryna say strawberry jam

ALSO PRETTY SUGGESTIVE FOR CLOTTED CREAM AND AFFOGATO JUST A BIG WARNING FOR THAT. Expect a bit of whimpering. A lot. A lot of whimpering. More for Affogato cause he a whiny bitch <3

Clotted Cream Cookie

When you first encounter the poor Consul, it was after a late night of getting berated by his father, Custard Cookie, as well as dealing with documents that would…“Create a better and brighter future for the Republic.” Of course, this was all about the Higher City and new improvements to increase everyone’s wealth and whatnot. Unfortunately, the Lower City never even got a chance to be heard or mentioned. As if it were just…a speck of dust in someone’s shiny new cloak.

So, Clotted Cream was sitting at his desk, looking like he was about to faint at any moment from sleepiness. That is, until he felt a cold, death-kissed hand touching his shoulder, and crimson eyes that stared down at his form with a sweet, fang-filled grin.

“Ah…aha~ slow..down there…you’re going to drain my entire…ngh..being..”

The Consul had whispered in a breathy tone, trying to keep his grip on your hair while you sat on his lap, drinking up his oh-so warm and sweet blood.

It had been several weeks since your first meeting with him. Since then, the two of you exchanged a deal. You drained him of his blood, then patched him up so he could have a time to actually rest and get his stress out. However, this arrangement became…quite complicated.

He had to force himself to stay quiet, otherwise a maid might overhear and think that there was much more going on…even worse if it was a maid who gossips..

Clotted Cream let out another whisper, this time cursing to the Divines as he pulled your hair back, staring at your teeth, stained with his blood. Hell, he could’ve assumed that you just decided to drink too much wine and that you were drunk. Yet, that was not the case. With a little grumble, he allowed your fangs to pierce his sensitive neck once more, the feeling of your tongue lapping up his blood making him feel waves of emotions he couldn’t escape nor explain.

“You’re lucky…I don’t usually let…d- demons..into my lap..”

You merely looked at him and smiled softly, pressing your bloodstained lips to his own, in which he responded by pulling you closer to his lap and moving one of his hands to the small of your back.

Well, it seems that he’s up for something more then just a bit of biting, don’t you think? 😇

Affogato Cookie

He met you one night while walking in the halls of the Citadel. He could immediately tell by the scarlet in your eyes and the fangs you bared at him in every smile you gave. You were definitely a creature of mystery, but also one of power. Well, he could always get more of that, so why not make an alliance with a vampire? After all, a new powerful puppet in his grasp would be wonderful, would it not?

However, Affogato soon realized that you weren’t happy on settling with mere scraps while you helped him, so some fun revenge was your best option. Your deal with him was much like Clotted Cream’s one: You drank his blood, but this time, Affogato would use you as a pretty little weapon to help take over the throne.

“Oh…~ y/n, please, agh..it’s too much..you’re draining me completely~”

The Royal Advisor whimpered softly while you pinned him down on the table in his room, not bothering to check if any stray droplets of his delightful blood stained the papers he was working on moments ago. You know, for someone as cunning and intelligent as he was, you couldn’t help but notice how…soft and pathetic he looked while getting the rough treatment.

You took a fistful of his hair and he let out a pleading and breathy moan, his body shuddering as you used your other hand to keep him steady, his neck exposed just for you. Affogato could feel your tongue flick out, the appendage trailing from behind his neck to closer by his chest, and he was practically shivering in both fear and pleasure. He could hear you let out a pleased hum, before your teeth sunk into his already soft and tender flesh, the blood trickling down as you created a second bite.

I do want him bent over and whimpering for me thank you, thank you. /j

Sablé Cookie

(I hc her as being in her early 40’s or late 30’s, making her the youngest Elder there)

Our dearest Sablé met you once while on a midnight stroll, stopping by one of the glorious fountains to admire its shimmering waters under the pale moonlight. It was by a stroke of…well, she wouldn’t call it luck. Or misfortune… But you? You were looking for a new victim. Another life to drain, more blood to spill.

But how could you bloody a body as soft and beautiful as that? Her smile graced the reflection of the fountains, while you merely stared back with a numb and confused gaze. And her voice…she sounded like there was a harmony in every word she spoke, even if she was just infodumping on a new piece of art she planned to work on. It almost felt criminal to you, planning to kill someone so gentle and graceful. Your hunger was stopped abruptly as you considered your options. To either kill, or to…prolong your interactions with her.

“Oh, y/n, dearest…perhaps I might make a new set of paintings, dedicated to this..moment.”

She had whispered to you as you sunk your fangs into her collarbone area, then her shoulder, then finally settling on her neck. You could really be teasing her, or testing which areas would be the best. After your little encounter with Sablé, she had decided to strike a small deal with you. She had been dealing with quite the lack of creativity. She needed something to give her that spark. And so she decided to enlist your help. You drain her blood out, and she’ll try to get ideas from it all.

Currently, she was laying on her bed, your cold body in her arms as you lapped up the blood droplets eagerly. Seeing her face contort into pain, yet she powered through it to please you… now that was something you liked a LOT about her.

Your cold fingers intertwined with her warmer ones, holding her close as you pressed your frigid lips against her collarbone. The blood on your lips acting as a lipstick, staining her glorious body.

Well, she definitely had some ideas on what to paint or sculpt…perhaps you’d like to be her new muse?

GUYS I LOVE SABLÉ COOKIE SO MUCH SHE’S THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE AND I WANNA KISS HER SO BAD WHY CAN’T SHE BE REAL FOR HOLY MOLY SAKE

[nicoline1998enilocin]

After all that dirty talk and breeding kink I really want ask you for accidental pregnancy with young tony. They're a little drunk after a party and forget about the condom and the sex is so delicious and dirtyyyy (I'm addicted to your sweet and dirty tony) that he doesn't pull out either resulting in a pregnancy. Reader is very happy and nervous about telling him, but when she tells him, he's so fucking happy and proud of himself, like "oh yeah, I got her full with my baby (or babies) 😏😏😏😏"

A small miracle

PAIRING | Boyfriend!Tony Stark x Girlfriend!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2.8K

SUMMARY | After a fun night of partying you and Tony get up to some very hot shenanigans, and as a result you get pregnant by accident. You both know you're gonna give this little miracle the life it deserves, and neither of you could be happier about what happened that night.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, smut [ D/S dynamics (Soft Dom!Tony, Sub!Reader), dirty talk, breeding kink, pregnancy kink, oral F receiving), face riding, squirting, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), overstimulation, mating press ], Tony is drunk, Reader is tipsy/buzzed, unplanned pregnancy, labor, talk about separation/divorce.

A/N | Oh, you are really doing a good job of bringing out my inner hoe for this one, Nonnie! I hope you enjoy what I wrote for this one, I sure know it was a hoot and a half to write! 🖤

Also, can we all just revel in the beauty that is young RDJ with these glasses?! I had to constantly scroll back because I couldn't stop watching him with them! 🤤

Likes, comments, and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💚

Divider is by @silkholland | 18+ banner is made by yours truly

Main Masterlist | Tony Stark Masterlist | AU Masterlist

"C'mon, Love," you say and giggle as Tony as he constantly keeps stopping to say goodbye to everyone, even if he doesn't know them.

"Byeeee! 'T was fun with ya tonight," he slurs a little, and you can't help but burst out in a fit of laughter as one of the guys at the party awkwardly hugs him back.

"Tony," you try to say sternly, but it doesn't work since you're nearly as drunk as he is. But at least you still had enough sense to stop drinking on time, so you still had a nice buzz going.

"S-Sunshine!? Where did Sunshine go? Have you seen her?" he clamps to a random girl, and even though you're only standing a few feet away, he sounds distraught that you're not by his side.

"Wan' my Sunshine back," he pouts, and you're feeling so bad for him that you walk over to him, wrap your arms around his neck, and give him a soft kiss on his lips, which he happily returns.

When you pull away from the kiss, he rests his forehead against yours, and a small smile darts around his lips.

"Hi, Sunshine," he says softly, and you can't help but giggle slightly at how he sounds.

"Hi Love, shall we go to my dorm or yours?" you ask since both of yours are the same distance away from the party.

"Mine!" he says happily, and suddenly, he picks you up by the back of your thighs, and you react quickly by wrapping your arms and legs around him with a happy squeal.

You rest your head on your arm, your face turned to him as he walks the two of you to his dorm, and you attack his neck with small kisses that make him giggle the entire way.

"S-Sunshine," he groans as he stands in front of his door, trying to get his keys out of his pocket but he can't reach with you still around him like a koala bear.

"Are those your keys, or are you happy to see me?" you joke as you pull away, but his eyes darken as he pushes you against the door.

"Am always happy to see my girl," he says before stopping to look for his keys altogether, and he crashes his lips onto yours in a heated kiss, his hands slowly unbuttoning the polka dot blouse you're wearing.

When it's open, he uncovers your black lace bra and moans softly at the sight of your plump breasts filling the cups to perfection.

"Hmm, such perfect boobs, can't wait till they're full of milk. Will drink from them every day," he says as he pinches and rubs your hard nipples through the lace, earning himself soft moans from your lips.

"Yeah? Going to have to give me a baby first," you say, not thinking anything of it at the moment, but it's almost like a switch got toggled inside Tony. It's almost as if his breeding kink got multiplied by 10.

"F-fuck, yeah, need you pregnant all the time. So fucking hot with a round belly, showing everyone I've fucking you so full of my cum it couldn't go anywhere but inside your womb," he says, and he finally managed to get his keys after many unsuccessful attempts.

When the door swings open, the two of you almost fall in since Tony had you pressed against it, but you managed to hold on to something on the wall, saving you both from a painful accident.

After the first shock has died down, you both burst out into another fit of laughter and soon, both of you have calmed down enough to make your way to his bed finally.

You've never been more thankful for him having a single-person dorm than you are now; you won't be interrupted halfway.

"C'mere Sunshine," Tony says, and you go to stand in front of him as he sits on the foot of the bed, and you can tell he's not as frantic as before, which calms you down as well.

"Gonna unwrap my fucking amazing present now," he says as he opens your skirt and lets it fall to the floor, showing him the matching black panties accompanying your bra.

He lets out something between a moan and a growl, making you unbelievably wet while he stares at you like he could eat you alive. And eating you, he does.

He rips the panties from your body, and before you can even react to what's happening, he has pulled your legs apart and is eating you out like a man starved.

Your fingers have found their way into his hair as you pull it; he lets out deep groans that make your insides vibrate so hard you almost come right then and there.

His hands are on your ass as he kneads them in time with his tongue, either licking your clit or finding its way to your entrance, and the way he switches between them has you seeing stars in no time.

"L-Love... Going to" is all you can say before Tony suddenly falls back, pulling you with him until you're straddling his face, and he helps you grind on his face until he has you cumming so hard, you squirt all over his face.

You scream his name loudly as he keeps licking, sucking, and nibbling on your clit, coaxing you headfirst into another orgasm. Your legs shake like crazy under his touch, but he keeps going. When you announce you're close again, he focuses only on your clit.

"C-close! So close!" you pant, and he doesn't budge even a little, keeping the exact pace as he needs you to cum for a second time before even thinking about shoving his dick inside you.

Not even a minute later, your orgasm washes over you, and your arms give out, making you fall forward, and that's when Tony finally lets go of your thighs.

"Always such a perfect girl for me, doing exactly what I want you to do. Cumming twice for me like that made me so fucking hard for you, Sunshine," he whispers in your ear, giving you goosebumps all over your body.

"C'mon, get naked," you whisper as you try to undo his buttons, but you're unsuccessful since you haven't regained all your strength after being used like that.

"Need some help there?" Tony asks sarcastically, and you look at him with a pout on your face, which he quickly kisses away.

"Right, hold on," he says, ripping the buttons, not caring about the shirt. He could get another one any day of the week, but seeing your face as his abs come into your field of vision is priceless to him.

After some drooling over his abs, he got naked and helped you, too, before helping himself onto his lap and situated onto his rock-hard cock.

You hiss at the stretch, but it feels so good every damn time; you can never get enough of it. In your buzzed and drunk states, however, both of you forgot to bother about a condom, and now that he slid into you completely bare, it felt even better than sex for both of you had ever felt.

As soon as he slides home, he starts fucking up into you, grabbing your hips in a bruising grip as he watches your boobs bounce up and down in turn with his pounding.

"J-Jesus, still such a tight pussy. Fucking love it when you bounce on my cock like that, like the slut you fucking are for me," he growls, and you swear it only turns you on more, feeling the slick drip down your thighs as he keeps pounding.

"Gonna stuff you so full of cum until it leaks out. No, no, going to fuck it back into you when that happens," he says breathlessly, but his pace never lessens.

"Keep fucking it back in and cumming again 'til you're fucking pregnant with my babies. Oh fuck, going to look so hot when you're round because of me; you're such a good fucking slut you'll always carry my babies, won't you?" he asks, but it doesn't register that he's even talking anymore.

One of his hands leaves your hips, and he pinches your nipple to get your attention back on him. With a yelp, you look at him again, straight back to your broken moans and whines when you do.

"I asked you something, or are you too much of a dumb slut to understand when someone asks you something?!" Tony says in a degrading tone, but god, it makes you feel so good.

"N-not dumb feels too good," you say as you look at him with half-lidded eyes, and he can't help the smile on his face from escaping at the fucked outlook of you on top of him.

"Yeah, such a fuckdumb slut for me, love you so much, Sunshine. Going to keep you this dumb forever like the cockslut you are for me," he says, and suddenly, he stills underneath you, which makes you whine at the lack of movement.

"P-please, was gonna cum," you sigh, a tear slipping down your cheek.

"Don't worry, Sunshine, I am nowhere near done with you. Going to get you so fucking pregnant tonight you're going to be carrying my babies in no time," he says, and you would be lying if that didn't get you turned on beyond belief.

"Do it," you say, leaning forward to capture Tony's lips with yours. And he suddenly twists the two of you and folds your legs up so high before laying on top of you and setting a brutal pace.

Your moans come out as distorted sounds as he keeps rutting into you, and before you can even think about saying you're cumming, Tony feels your walls clamp around him and milking him for all he's worth.

Another high-pitched cry tears through the room as your orgasm washes over you, and Tony follows right after, his orgasm feeling endless as he keeps shooting his cum into you.

"J-Jesus, FUCK! Going to get you pregnant, I'm sure of it!" he said, though he didn't mean it, and he was convinced he was wearing a condom. But alcohol does weird things to people. And tonight, it creates them as well.

It was quite a shock when you and Tony found out you were, in fact, pregnant, but you also immediately knew you were going to give them the best life you possibly could.

And now, you are at his parents' dinner table, ready to tell them the good news.

"Howard, Maria, we have some exciting but scary news to tell you both," you start, and a few tears form in your eyes. You're around 4.5 months pregnant and getting a bump now, unable to hide it for much longer.

"What's going on, sweet pea?" Maria asks as she looks at you with worry in her eyes. You slide an envelope across the table, and Tony grabs hold of your hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"I- I'm pregnant," you say with a happy voice, though it gets a little broken by the sob leaving your mouth. Damned hormones.

"And we're having twins," Tony says as his parents look at the ultrasound photos in the envelope.

"Oh my god..." Howard says, and you squeeze your eyes as you brace yourself for disappointment, for him to lash out at you for being such a disappointment. But that never comes.

"We're going to be grandparents!" he shouts as he jumps up from his chair and over to your side of the table, crouching next to you.

"Do you mind-" he asks, but you grab Howard's outstretched hand and place it on your belly so he can feel the bump underneath your dress.

Maria pulled Tony from his chair and enveloped him in a huge, bone-crushing hug because of the news you shared, though you two weren't sure how to handle everything.

You are both still in college, and even though you're supposed to be graduating soon, you have no idea how to care for a child, let alone two at the same time.

"Do you know their gender yet?" Maria asks as she takes the place of Howard, touching your belly, which soothes you.

"We found out a few days ago we're having a boy and a girl; they're fraternal twins," you say, already melting at the thought of holding the two miracle babies in your arms.

Tony can't help but feel proud of himself because one of his deepest, dirtiest fantasies has come true, and soon he can't wait to dig into that damn lactation kink of his too.

Three and a half months later, you're suddenly rushed to the hospital during a school day on your last week of lessons. You would be graduating in less than a month, but that's not what's on your mind right now.

Tony rushed out with you, and less than 30 minutes later, you were in the labor and delivery ward of your nearest hospital, screaming your lungs out and squeezing the life out of Tony's hand.

After a grueling 24 hours, you are finally done and holding your gorgeous baby boy and baby girl in your arms. Howard and Maria are there as well, as they rushed to the hospital the first chance.

Much to your surprise, however, your Mom showed up, too. You let both of your parents know you're pregnant, but your Dad immediately disapproved, and since then, you've never heard from him again.

However, this is the first time in years you've seen your Mom again, and when she knocked on the door to notify you of her arrival, you looked up from your sleeping girl and into your Mom's eyes.

"M-Mom... What are you-" you whisper, but that's when it clicks. Tony must have called her when he was away for a break during your labor.

"Tony called me," is all she says as she walks into the room, tears streaming down her face from pure happiness.

"It's nice to have a chance to meet you finally, Mrs. Y/L/N," Tony says, but your Mom shakes her head.

"Please call me Ms. Huxley, Tony. I don't go by his name anymore since we're separated," she tells you, and even though you're a little heartbroken, you understand why she did it.

"I love you, Mom. Thank you for coming here and meeting your wonderful duo," you say, and Tony takes your baby girl to put her in the little cart next to her brother, who's also sleeping.

Your Mom sits on the edge of the bed, and she holds your hand.

"So, how did the two of you meet?" she asks, and you and Tony tell everything from when you first met to when Tony asked you to the spring dance.

"I'm so happy for you, Buttercup," she says, and you smile from ear to ear at the nickname since it's always been your favorite flower.

"Thank you, Mom. Could you get to know Tony's parents as well? That way, we can announce their names to all three of you simultaneously," you ask, and she nods.

"I'd love to meet them," she says, and Tony leaves the room, leaving you with just your Mom and the twins.

"They're gorgeous," she tells you as she looks at them.

"Yeah, they are. And Mom? Thank you for showing up; I needed you here, and I'm glad you came," you tell her, so she pulls you into a careful hug.

Not long after, Tony returns with his parents, and they immediately introduce themselves to your Mom, whom they welcome with open arms. They don't question your Dad not being there for even a second.

"So, are you all ready to know their names?" Tony asks, and they are. Tony hands you your baby girl as he picks up your baby boy now that they're both awake.

"This gorgeous baby girl's name is Orion Leo Stark, and Tony's holding our fantastic baby boy, Hudson Ryan Stark," you tell them, and all their hearts seem to melt at once.

"They're perfect," your Mom whispers, and you couldn't agree more.

"They are," you and Tony agree, and when he looks at you, he captures your lips in a sweet, soft kiss that makes your heart skip a few beats.

"I love you, Sunshine," he says.

"I love you more, My Love," you respond, and he shakes his head with a slight smile.

"Okay, but you're only winning this one because you gave me the present of these amazing humans," he says.

The rest of the day is spent with all seven of you, though you and the babies mostly sleep. However, Tony never lets go of your hand, making you feel safe and protected.

[aachria]

WEDNESDAY CGAPTER?? SOGN ME TF UP. OMFG SO MUCH HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER.

(This is gonna be in almost entirely in all caps im jst very excited abt this)

IM LIVING FOR FERAL ED. IM SICH A SICKER FOR ANGST AND THE PANIC, THE DESPERATION, THE DETERMINATION TO PROTECT CAMIE. ED'S FIGHT OR FLIGHT RESPONS3 IS FR GO FERAL OR FLIRT/FLAWN HUH.

GRUNKLE NAME REVEAL GRUNKLE NAME REVEAL GRUNKLE NAME REVEAL GRUNKLE NAME REVEAL HE ALSO HAS A D. IN HIS NAME AND HE WAS A TATTOO ARTIST AND AND AND HE CALLED ED "HIS KID" AND HE ALSO HAD A HASTY MARRIAGE, THO HIS WAS A DRUNKEN DECISION INSTEAD OF SOBER SHENANIGANS

THE RAYLEIGH AND ED INTERACTIONS WERE ON POINT OMG BOTH ARE FIRST MATES OF A PIRATE KING I LOVE THEM SM 😭 also Buggy mentioned

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ONCE AGAIN INCREDIBKE CHAPTER 🙏‼️

Desperation is one of my favourite words baby. Be desperate in all things you do and you’ll live life with a whole lot more in your hands ✌️

Sometimes life knocks you hard over the head with a fight/flight response of KILL MURDER KILL MAIM/get in that fuckers pants any way you can and that’s just the way it is.

When I tell you 80% of all stories about Coin have him being drunk or batshit insane. Coin is a bastard man who’s favourite hobby is shenanigannery.

The Rayleigh & Ed dynamic is important to me. You do not understand the emotional weight of this for that fine ass old man. My guy is having his come to Jesus moment.

What do you think Buggy is gonna do when he realizes just who tf Ed is and connects the dots of that asshole kid who laughed at him getting dick kicked. What then.

[farity]

Guardian

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x you

Summary: College AU bar shenanigans

Warning: Smut

.

“Aemond!”

You were surprised to see your friend at the bar.  He turned, the corner of his eye crinkling as he smiled at you.  He’d told you all about how he lost his eye when he was younger, then caught you Googling Lucerys Velaryon but stopped you before you could drive to his house and murder the little shit.

“He’s not worth it,” Aemond had said, adding that the bionic eye he had gotten was just fine by him.  

“That’s not the point,” you’d replied, “he cut your fucking eye out, Aemond, and didn’t even get a slap on the wrist.  If I ever run into him, I will take out one of his balls.”

Aemond had wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head.  “Ah, my guardian angel.”

“Not feeling very angelic about it,” you grumbled in response.  You felt protective of him, not just because of the eye and how his father had done nothing about it, but because from what he’d shared over the years, it seemed that other than his mom, his family his family didn’t appreciate him much.  He didn’t complain about it, but you’d gleaned bits of info here and there, and when his family made it to his high school graduation, you saw the dynamic up close and personal.

His father, first of all, didn’t even show up.  He was visiting his daughter from his first marriage, and couldn’t be bothered to see his son give the valedictorian speech.  His mother was proud and thrilled, taking a thousand pictures of Aemond.  His brother Aegon seemed bored, and maybe drunk, his younger brother Daeron was on his phone the whole time, and his sister Helaena spent the time with her headphones on, doodling on a little notebook.  Aemond had told you about her, he loved her dearly and she loved him back, but her autism made her spend most of her time in her own world.  

“Is this your girlfriend?  She’s very pretty, Aemond.”

You smiled, shaking your head at his sister, who was looking at you with a big smile on her face.  

“Hel, she is my friend, remember?”

“Picture of you both!” his mother said, and you stood next to him, both of you holding up your diplomas.

Dinner was an awkward affair, but you did your best to keep Aemond entertained, including throwing tiny rolled up bits of napkin at Aegon’s hair when he wasn’t looking.  

Now Aemond took a spot at the end of your bar, and you wondered what on earth had brought him in.

“What can I get you and why the hell are you here?”

Aemond laughed.  “I do get out sometimes,” he replied, scanning the board high up behind you.  “I don’t know, surprise me.  You know what I like.”

You nodded and turned to the row of bottles.  You did know what he liked.  And vice versa.  And sometimes, you did wonder, but the thought of wrecking the friendship, the relationship that was the most important to you, kept you from saying anything.  Neither of you had dated anyone in college, and the mere thought of going to bed with anyone made you wince.  

Anyone but Aemond.

You added a few ounces of this and that to your shaker, closed it and then tossed it behind your back, making it twirl in the air before catching it in your other hand.  The patrons began to clap and you laughed as you shook it a bit more before pouring it into a glass and adding a slice of orange as a garnish.  You placed it in front of Aemond and clasped your hands daintily in front of you.

“Drinks and a show,” he smiled, taking an experimental sip.  “Oh wow, this is amazing, what’s in it?”

“I’ll never tell,” you said saucily over your shoulder as you went to serve another guy.

* * * * * 

Aemond watched her walking away and smiled into his drink.

“Lucky man,” the guy next to him said.  Aemond met his eyes and the guy nodded towards the pretty bartender.  “How long you been together?”

“We’re not,” Aemond said, “just long time friends.”

The guy looked at him as if he had three heads.  “Uh-huh.”

A group of three guys came in, already drunk from the looks of them, and planted themselves at the other end of the bar.  Aemond watched as they began whispering among themselves, looking at his friend the whole time.  One of them leaned in, getting her attention and she turned to grab the pint glasses for their beers.  The guy who’d leaned in kept his eyes firmly on her ass the whole time and Aemond began to really, really dislike him.

“Want another?” she asked when she came over to check on Aemond.

He had a feeling a clear head would be the best choice given what he could see brewing at the other end of the bar.  “I’m good, thank you, those guys come here often?” he asked, nodding towards the group.

She rolled her eyes.  “Thank god, no, they’re not locals, they’ve been here a couple of times and they get so trashed and obnoxious.”  She smiled at him.  “I’m so glad you came in.  I feel like I’ve barely seen you this week.”  She squeezed his hand before going back to serve some more drinks and beers.

“Just friends, huh?”  The guy sitting next to him said, and when he saw Aemond give him an irritated look, he put his hands up in surrender.  “All I’m saying is, the way she looks at you, maybe you’re not as smart as you look, bro.”  The man left before Aemond could respond.

He’d thought about it.  Of course he’d thought about it.  She was sweet, funny, and had gone from a girl ready to throw a punch in his defense to someone he couldn’t imagine living without.  And she’d still throw a punch for him.  He’d felt a frisson of fear down his spine whenever he’d seen her laughing  with some other guy.  Was this it?  He’d ask himself.  Was this the one who’d capture her heart?  

It was inevitable, he thought, sooner or later she would find someone and he’d be happy for her and wish her the best.  

* * * * * 

You had kept tabs on Aemond for the past hour and his mood had definitely gone down in the last few minutes.  He kept stirring his empty cocktail glass and you wondered just what had happened.  The bar had emptied except for him and the three at the opposite end of the bar.

Speaking of them, they were getting on your last nerve.  Clearly, they thought you couldn’t hear them whispering about you, and as they got more and more drunk, their voices got louder and louder.  You wished Paul, the owner, were here, he was a great father figure who’d soon put those assbutts in their place.

“Hey honey, we want another round!”

You sighed, exasperated, because this wasn’t going to be pretty.

“Sorry, boys, you’ve all had enough.  I’ll close up your tab.”

“I want another fucking beer, I’m paying for it!”

You pointed to the sign on the wall.  

We reserve the right to refuse service to any patron for any reason. 

“What the fuck?  You just work here, honey, we pay your wages.”

You continued closing the tab on the computer, and it printed out the signature form.  “Here, sign this.”

“Fuck you, don’t you know who I am?”

“Someone who needs to sign this.”  You tapped on the printout and placed a pen next to it.

You were tracking Aemond’s movements out of the corner of your eye.  He’d stood quietly once you’d denied them more drinks, had slowly walked down the length of the bar, and was now standing, empty glass in hand, leaning against a pillar about ten feet away from the three assholes.

Asshole #1 grabbed the pen and threw it at your face.  He didn’t do any damage, you turned away and it hit the back of your head.  When you turned back around, he wasn’t there, and his two buddies were looking toward the floor, where you heard a sickening crunch.

You checked the last place Aemond had been and he was gone.  

Oh shit.

You went through the side door of the bar to find Aemond straddling Asshole #1, who was grabbing his nose and moaning in pain.  Aemond had his fist pulled back, clearly ready to strike again.

“Get out,” you shoved one of the other two out the door.  “You, get the fuck out of here.”  You pointed at the other one, who left without checking on his friend on the floor.

“Aemond, stop.”

He didn’t move, fist still ready.  “Are you hurt?”  His voice was full of a quiet rage you hadn’t heard before.

“No,” you placed a hand on his shoulder.  “I’m fine.  Come on.  He’s not worth it.”

Aemond stood, slowly, pulling the guy up with him.  “Don’t come back.  Ever,” he said before throwing him out the door.  He turned, and you held out your hand.  “What?” he asked.  

“Hand.”

“I’m fine.”

“I didn’t ask if you were fine, Aemond.”  You kept your hand out until he placed his on it.  It looked worse than you’d figured, a bloody scratch that was still oozing, and various bruises on his pale skin.  “Let’s ice it.”

You wrapped some ice from the well in a bar towel and placed it gently on the back of his hand.  “I need to put some stuff on it, we don’t have it here.”

“I can clean it up at home.”

“You can, but you won’t, because you’ll get home and start checking the overseas markets and forget about your hand.”  You watched as he opened his mouth to reply but he realized you were right.  “Let me close the register.”

He grabbed the few stray bottles with his free hand to toss them in the bin, wiped down the bar while you closed up.

He drove the two blocks to your apartment.  Once inside you took out your first aid kit while he made himself at home.  He’d been at yours hundreds of times, studying, hanging out, or watching movies, but the sight of him kicking off his shoes and sitting down on your sofa warmed you.  There was an ease in your friendship, and the more you thought about it, the more you felt it had become a crutch, something you held on to so you wouldn’t have to go any further.

You opened the antibiotic gel, dabbed a little on his scratch.  “It’s stopped bleeding, which is good.  Let me get a bandage.”

“It’s fine, really,” he smiled up at you.  

You narrowed your eyes at him.  “When it gets infected and fills up with pus, do not come to me to take care of it.”

Aemond laughed.  “You love all those vet shows where they lance huge abscesses!”

You laughed along with him, but this time, it hurt.  Was this it?  Was this all you could have with him?  Until some girl with more guts than you came into his life and stole his heart?

“What is it?” he asked, aware of something going on in your head.

“Look, Aemond, uh, we’ve been friends for a long time, and I, uh, I just need to say something here.”

* * * * * 

This was it, Aemond thought.  Either she’d met someone or she was pissed off that he’d hit the guy.  She was steeling herself to say something and it just wasn’t going to be good.

“I’m sorry,” he interrupted, “I mean, I’m not sorry I hit that fucker, but I am sorry you’re upset.”

“What?”

“Aren’t you angry?”

She looked at him.  “No, I’m not angry.  I mean, I’m angry at myself because I’m such a fucking moron, but no,” she cupped his cheek and brushed her thumb over his cheekbone, smiling at him.  “I’m not angry with you.  Thank you.  Which really makes this much more difficult.”

Nope, it’s not going to be good at all.

“We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“Good friends,” he interjected.  That had to count for something, didn’t it?

“Yeah, yeah,” she nodded.  “And in that time we’ve been through a lot, but sometimes, uh, things change, and change can be difficult, I mean, maybe only one person wants change and the other is just fine the way things are.”

The pool of dread forming in his stomach was growing colder with each second, with each word she spoke.  

She’s met someone.

She let out a long breath.  “Oof, okay, so I want you to know that however you want to take things is okay with me, I want you in my life no matter what.”

“I will take whatever you give me.  You’re the most important person in my life,” he said, “and whatever this guy means to you, I will respect-”

“Huh?”

“I will respect your relationship, and-”

“Aemond, I fucking love you.”

He stared up at her, the knots in his belly refusing to unwind.  “As a friend,” he said quietly.

“That, too.”  She looked terrified, “but no, that’s not what I meant.”  She swallowed.  “I love you.  I’m in love with you.”

He hadn’t heard right.  He had missed a word somewhere.  Some key word that changed the meaning of everything she was telling him.

* * * * * 

Oh shit, your worst fears had come true.  Aemond was staring at you like you were speaking in a foreign language.

Fuck fuck fuck.

“And, uh, I get it, you don’t feel the same, and I am not going to push or anything.  I treasure our friendship, and every-”

He’d stood and wrapped one arm around your waist in the blink of an eye, cradling the back of your head with his hurt hand.  His mouth found yours as he turned, pressing you against the wall.  You gasped and he deepened the kiss, his lips soft and warm on yours.

Tangled up in each other you made your way to your room as he removed his jacket.  You pulled away, seeking reassurance in his gaze.  Aemond smiled softly at you, taking your face in his hands.  “I love you, too.”  He pressed his forehead against yours before you pulled him back down to kiss him again.

In your bedroom, you turned him around so he sat on the edge of the bed while you removed your sweater, while he stared up at you.  He whispered your name as you straddled him, clad now in your thin t-shirt and work shorts.  “I have dreamed of you,” he said before he slipped his hands under your shirt and began exploring.  

You had wanted those big hands on you for a long time, fantasized about those long, elegant fingers, and as he roamed higher up on your sides you raised your arms to let him pull the shirt off.  He was so warm against your skin, the heat of him making your head spin.  He slipped one bra strap off your shoulder, kissing the indentation left by the strap on your skin before rubbing his cheek against it.  “So very soft.”

He repeated the process on the other side while you reached back to undo the clasp.  “I’ve always loved how your skin smells,” he murmured against your neck before he cupped one breast in his hand.  He lowered his head to take the tip in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.  You began to squirm and his hands went to your hips, keeping you still while he continued licking and suckling.  

“Aemond,” you breathed out, threading your hands through his hair.  Each swipe of his tongue sent a spike of pleasure between your legs, and as you rocked against him, you felt him getting harder.  “Come here, please.”

He obliged, crawling up until you could yank his shirt off.  God, he was gorgeous. You’d dreamed of sliding your hands all over his chest, his shoulders, feeling the muscles in his back under your fingers, and now you explored every inch you could.  You reached down to the waistband of his jeans and felt him shiver as your fingertips began working the button and zipper.  

“Fuck,” he muttered.

You stopped immediately.  “What is it?  Do you not want to-”

“Yes, of course I want to.  I don’t have any condoms on me.”

You reached up, pushing his hair out of his eyes.  “Aemond.  You’re clean, I’m clean, and I’m on birth control.  We’re good.”

He grabbed your hand, kissing your knuckles.  “Are you sure?”

“Aemond, I swear to god-”

“Okay, okay, making sure,” he leaned down to kiss you as he shoved the rest of his clothing down his legs.  “Your turn,” he said as he began undoing the fastening on your shorts.  You let him pull them and your underwear off, now wishing you’d worn something fancier, lacier, smaller.  

* * * * * 

Aemond thought there was no more beautiful sight than the one before him.  He’d gone from despair to utter joy and now she was looking up at him like he was the world to her.  He kissed her again and again, to reassure himself this was real, this was happening, and when she reached down and began stroking him, he nearly came on the spot.  

“I want you inside me,” she whispered.  Jesus.  She was going to fucking kill him, but he’d die a happy man.  He guided himself between her legs and began pushing.  She was wet and hot and her hips were pulsing up, taking him deeper each time.  

He tried to take it slow, ruthlessly containing the desire to snap his hips so that he was fully inside her.  She was making little whimpering sounds and he would cut his own throat before he hurt her.  Slowly he filled her, and when he pulled his hips back, she moaned, wrapping her legs around him.

He couldn’t help himself, sinking inside her again, the feel of her a lure he couldn’t resist.  “God, yes,” he murmured, driving faster.  She reached up to kiss him, her hips rolling to meet his every thrust.  He felt her nails sink into his shoulders, and she whimpered again.  “Aemond, I’m- “ she managed before he felt her start clenching around him.  She let her head fall back on the pillow, swooning as the pleasure swirled inside her.  He let go, his resolve shot to hell as he let the orgasm overtake him, too.

* * * * * 

Damn.

You felt Aemond pull you to his side so he wouldn’t crush you.  That had been the most amazing sexual experience of your life.  His heart was racing beneath your palm as he cradled you against him.  

“Are you cold?” he asked, nuzzling your cheek.

You shook your head, safe and happy in his arms.  “Will you stay with me?”

You felt him smile.  “As long as you’ll have me.”

[liaarxse]

how would the tr boys react when their s/o is the funniest person ever? like they could crack anyone up with just saying something and their humor is peak humor?

This is unbelievable...

Characters: Haruki (Pah-chin) Hayashida, Keisuke Baji, Shinichiro Sano

Warnings: None, crack if you lack cocaine

A/n: My type of humor frfr. I had a blast writing this HAHAHA

Also, can I add how insane some TR fangirls are? Like, I love my man too, but chill out, he is a fictional character, he doesn't belong to anyone. It's all fun and games until they become toxic

— Haruki (Pah-chin) Hayashida

If you don't like Pah-chin, leave

It's literally one of my top favorite characters

Anyway

Y'all were out, roaming around the city while Pah Is walking his dog, Pochi

Pochi >>>>

You were just blabbering about all kinds of shit

Toman shit, school shit, hobby shit

Shit shit

When, all of a sudden, a pregnant couple walked out of a store just a few feet away from you

Pah didn't think anything about it, probably didn't even notice them

But you?

OH YOU

You noticed A LOT more

"Y'know..." You started. "There is something about my unholy mind that when I see a guy and a girl walking by and they're a couple, and the girl is pregnant, I'm like... was it good?"

Pah was FLABBERGASTED

You? You were laughing your ass of on the middle of the side walk

Both Pah and Pochi looked at you like-

This bitch good?

"Like, OH YOU'VE BEEN RAW DOGGING IT ALL NIGHT HUH—"

"Y/n–"

"OkAY–"

"Y/n sto–"

"You've been RIDING IT" "MHMMM"

"Y/n–"

"GET THAT DICK–"

Pah elbowed you right in the stomach

And you just continued LAUGHING

Thank God the couple didn't hear you

Sweet potatoes and honey pie

This bitch mental

But you know who else is mental?

This mf in front of you, who out of nowhere starting wheezing

Like?

Are y'all not?

Embarrassed?

APPARENTLY NOT

You just started wheezing and screaming into thin air

Nobody, but you knows why

Like, even the dog is embarrassed

Stupid

Pochi had enough of your shenanigans that when Pah's hold on the leash weakend, Pochi made a RUN FOR IT

Boy just ZOOMED into space

And when I tell you

That dog is fast as a motherfucker

You and Pah? Your asses are dragging on the fucking floor

You couldn't catch Pochi even if you wanted to

Thank GOD Baji appeared from thin air and caught Pochi and you got him back

What?

Y'all seeing ghosts now?

— Keisuke Baji

Samara entered the chat

Somebody call ghost busters

Kidding, kidding

It was like, 2am and Baji was, obviously, sleeping

You?

Sleep is for the weak

So you called your sleeping boy to say something important

"Y/n. It's 2 fucking am—"

"Babe if I was a bee do you know what sound I'd make?"

"...what?"

"I wouldn't make a 'bzzzing' sound, I'd make a 'puhtk, puhtk, puhtk.'

Y/n what the fuck

You mental ass

But you could hear his muffled laughing

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Like. Bzz is boring, ya know? Puhtk-ing is wayyyy better. Like, imagine if I flew over your head. You wouldn't hear bz bz bz, but like, puhtk, puhtk, puhtk. Like a small horse with wings."

"...wh—"

He burst out laughing

Bruh

It ain't even funny

Maybe he was too sleep drunk to comprehend the situation

And you were too drunk to realize what you was saying

"Don't laugh! It's a perfectly reasonable theory that if I were to become a bee, I'd be 'tuguduking' like a horse."

Suddenly the other line went quiet

Like

Dead quiet

...

Wait

Shit

"Baji?"

He suffocated

Great job, Y/n

You ass

— Shinichiro Sano

Y'all smell that?

Smells like reincarnation to me

Anywhoooooo

You were out with Shinichiro

It was raining but who cares?

Pneumonia?

What's her snapchat?

@Pneu_yomom_nia

SKSKSKSK

You were just talking to Shinichiro when all of a sudden

"What's the feeling of being named after a bone, Shin?"

"Don't say that."

"Why, Shinbony?"

"...SHIN WHAT—"

LMAOAOAOA

Shinbony-kuuuuun 🤪

"Or like, SHINaningans."

"Y/n I swear to GOD."

"Don't, you'll go back again."

"Wha–"

Yo ass went silent

For like

2 minutes

What?

Writer Lia here, it was 2.69 seconds, my mistake

"Shini, shini yay, shini yay, shini yam-"

"Are you fucking joking?"

"SWALLA-LA-LA"

"Stop."

"SWALLA-LA-LA? SWALLA-LA-LA"

Y/n what kind of cocaine did your ass inhale?

And from where

The nose, the mouth, she bellybutton, yo fucking BOOTYHOLE ??

Cuz your ass cannot COMPETE with the shit that is coming out of YO MOUTH

I'm hilarious

I mean, Shin thinks you're hilarious, not me !!!

(Fangirls don't kill me)

Like

You both got home after like, 10 minutes

The bitch dropped the second y'all entered the house

That's because he didn't accept pneumonias snapchat friend request

[solomons-poison]

I got Simeon's chat, "An Unexpected Side to Simeon" in the OG Obey Me where he was at a party with Solomon and gets drunk and drunk texts us, saying Solomon had disappeared on him lol. And idk if it depends on which response you choose, but he responds that he'd love for you to come drinking with them next time. And I've been in a mood for confessions and first kisses, so I'm just thinking of MC and Simeon getting tipsy/drunk at a party and things evolve from there...

GN reader, Simeon and reader both tipsy/drunk, first kisses 💋

══════════════════

Solomon disappears on you two, the party starts to die down and things get quiet and calm. You guys are just feeling warm and glowy from the drinks, sitting together somewhere off to the side, cozied up in a little loveseat, as you wait to sober up a little, just people-watching whoever is left as your shoulders are pressed together.

Finally, you're pretty much alone, but you're just so comfortable in each other's presence and where you are, you can't be bothered to move. Maybe you two chat a little bit, giggling over something silly Solomon was doing at the party, or the brothers' shenanigans. Maybe you're telling Simeon about something adorable Luke was doing when you last hung out.

And Simeon is just hanging on to every last word, although his eyes cant help but wander. He can't stop staring at your face, thinking about how pretty your eyes are, the shape of your jaw, or how sweet your lips are looking. And it's almost a little unnerving, the intensity with which he's looking at you.

When you eventually run out of things to say, or you give him a moment to maybe speak up, unsure if he's been waiting for a chance. He finally speaks up, his cheeks are hot and he's not even sure if it's from the alcohol or what he's planning to ask you. But he's still watching you as he tentatively asks if he can kiss you.

Even though this is the first time, everything just feels so natural, so expected, you nod without even realizing it before hes leaning in. He tastes like the alcohol you'd been given at the party, sweet yet bitter, and dizzying and warm. One kiss turns into two, then a few more. You're not even sure who's initiating each kiss, you're just both magnets drawn to the other's presence that you just can't stop.

But finally, you both have to breathe, and you take a moment to separate although your bodies are still close together. There's butterflies in your stomach, and he's got this yearning, dazed looks in his intense blue eyes. Simeon knows he should be saying something, confessing?? Apologizing??? His words left his mind as soon as his lips touched yours, to be honest. All he knows is that he wants to kiss you again.

You spend a little while longer exchanging these wordless kisses, savoring the feel of his body against yours, the way his hands come up to cup your face in order to kiss you better. You know you'll need to talk to each other in the morning, but for now, just enjoying this moment of bliss.

You both pass out eventually and awaken later with a blanket covering you both, and you know without a doubt it was courtesy of Solomon. As soon as your eyes meet Simeon's, your faces are instantly burning up, clearly remembering the events of last night, including some up-close-and-personal moments. It's a little nervewracking, now that you're a little more sober and face to face with your feelings. But you know, the moment Simeon slides his fingers between yours and gently holds your hands, a very nervous but incredibly sweet smile on his face, everything will be okay.