#at least make it clear you KNOW autistic people have a disability

[lore-gore]

You do realize YOU'RE being ableist right now? And you being disabled doesn't excuse it.

That person you mentioned literally explained "hey, I'm sorry for being mean, I'm autistic so I'm not always aware of it."

You have every right to be mad but I think their apology is valid.

Oh my god! Having a disability affects you in negative ways?!??!

And yes, being autistic makes you disabled you dumb fuck.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

ok. masking. let’s go.

[plain text: ok. masking. let’s go]

(specifically masking in autism - there probably other disabilities this can apply to but no guarantees. so only write what know, aka autism)

to simply it a bit, personally see two part to masking:

1. ability to mask

2. whatever struggle/thing, can be masked

1. ability to mask

it a skill that depends on many other skills

think most people will able see it as ability to suppress behavior & instead do something else (to appear more “socially appropriate”). like stop body from stim & instead sit very still. stop self from say something that may be rude or blunt n instead say it in more indirect way or say compliment instead. n it true, that is ability to mask

but ability to mask also depend on many other more basic skills, n because it basic, sometimes people forget they actually skill & others struggle with it, n instead see it as given, as nature, almost take for granted. before can do the thing in previous paragraph, other skills need have:

awareness of self - that you exist, awareness of what you doing

(n if able aware, also the ability control what you doing & impulse)

awareness of others - that they exist, that they have thoughts you not see

awareness of surroundings - that, you not just in own world

n, if have all of that, understand “need” or feel need or pressure for masking. at least some conscious or subconscious idea or feeling about what supposed to do & what not supposed to do. n ability to remember it. ability act on it. (all related but separate skills.) some autistic not able explicitly name it or tell you, but have internal sense of “this feels wrong even though don’t know why,” & that still allow them to mask

n many others am forgetting at moment

2. whatever struggle/thing, can be masked

think people forget about this part often: that even if assume have expert ability to mask (#1), there some things that. just can’t be masked (at all, or cannot mask all of it). because they (for not have better word) so extreme, or simply cannot control

for example. there no way really mask fact am nonverbal (as in, cannot mouth talk at all. all the time). no matter what do, cannot just. mask n suddenly say mouth word (then wouldn’t be nonverbal).

n say this simplify because. real world much more muddy more nuanced than can be say in clear linear bullet points n equations. some times, is mixture of both. not that clear divide.

many level 3 / severe / whatever language they use for self / etc people, move their body all the time, make sounds all the time, grunts screams etc. not really able control it, because very significant sensory needs that come with their level 3 autism. n not able to control it, not know to control it. sometimes both.

or, like awareness of other people - if not able to, then can’t mask it (#2). but it also prerequisite skill to masking to appear more “socially appropriate”, so cannot mask if don’t have skill (#1).

*

so, get annoyed when level 1 (& sometimes 2) high masking autistics say difference between them n someone like me (cannot mask & level 2/3 nonverbal), just masking. that if they unmask,

masking often really negatively affect mental health. make you stressed, on edge, confused about who you are (it actually me or just my mask?). n sometimes it become so a part of you you cannot drop it. yes. and same time true:

B1. masking is protective. is coping mechanism. is for safety. or else wouldn’t start do it first place. you mask n spend that energy n put up with its cost because feel like on some level, would not be treat as well or with as much dignity & autonomy, will be bullied n hurt even more than already is. n for some (especially BIPOC), masking literal one of reason they alive, not wrongly convicted or suspected of crime because suspicious behavior, etc. something can be both protective & harm. it up to you decide if it worth it.

B2. high masking not always mean other people not able tell. high masking not mean you treated well all time or not get treated badly at all or not go through anything said in above paragraph. it just mean that. you would probably be treated even worse if not masking.

B3. ability choose to unmask (yes, even if hard), not same as not able mask at all (involuntary not a choice) in first place. able switch between mask n unmask, even more so. you at advantage some of us not have.

B4. like in B1, not everyone can afford unmask. n for every person like that, imagine there someone in similar situation, except they cannot mask (reason #1 or #2 or both). what will happen to them? what happens to them? what happened to them?

no, you wouldn’t be like us (who unable mask in first place because level 2/3 autism, high support needs, severe autism, whatever language we use) if you unmasked.

there also difference between unmasking & finding your authentic self & how you naturally act. n pretend to be like us, copying us, someone you not, by choosing to do stereotypically visibly autistic things because it make you feel more validated. that no different than mocking n faking. we not your cosplay. (yes this actually happens.)

n no, don’t mean anytime you hand flap you’re copying mocking visibly autistic people, or you picking up AAC device “even if you can speak” (but you struggle) is copying nonverbal people. understand this is process, that sometimes when mask so long not know what feel natural anymore who you are or aren’t anymore, so you pick up n experiment different things.

fundamentally, is it helping you? that should stay. is it make you become another person you aren’t, going in opposite extreme direction? that shouldn’t.

*

anyway.

a lot time you see people who not able mask, we level 2/3 / moderate & severe autism / higher support needs (etc language we choose for self), which make us not able do both #1 & 2 (both not have ability to mask, n have struggles that cannot be masked fully or at all). struggling with more “basic” stuff needed for masking like awareness of self others n surrounding, often happen together with other symptoms n struggles that too big or significant or severe to mask.

this why you rarely if ever see anyone like listed above who also appear high masking — even if we can mask, our struggles often too significant to be fully masked over. n many of us can’t mask, we not have prerequisite skills to mask

but, not all people who not able mask are higher level higher support needs higher severity.

sometimes some people may have some masking abilities (have some #1), but have struggles that cannot be fully masked (#2).

sometimes, they have struggles that many other high masking autistics can mask (have #2), but they have low or no masking abilities themselves (don’t have #1).

AKA—

not able mask =/= not always mean higher level higher support needs higher severity autism

lower support needs level 1 autistics =/= not always equal high masking

there lower support needs autistics level 1 autistics who low or no masking!

masking ability not always correlate with levels & support needs & severity!

wow that long winded. glad we got back to where started.

[do not debate severe autism & autism levels etc language we choosing for ourselves - if you don’t like it for yourself cool then am not talking about you]

[bluenoo42]

How I do my job and accommodate my disabilities.

So, I have the best job in the world. I'm a fossil tour guide and basically walk around the beach with people talking incessantly about my special interest and they are actually interested and pay (extremely good) money for it. I'm living the dream guys!

As awesome as my job is, there are a few challenges due to my disabilities. Luckily, I have found ways to accommodate myself so both me and the customers all have a great time. I've decided to split this list up by disability rather than by different aspects of the job so if you have one of the disabilities that I mention you can just look at the bit that is relavent to you to see if any of the things that are helpful to me are helpful to you. If you have any other suggestions of different things to try, please put it in the comments!

Autism:

To be honest, the palaeontology field is full of autistic people so I really don't stand out. When people book a fossil tour, they expect the tour guide to be a little quirky, so I do have a bit of leeway for seeming socially awkward without too much judgement.

I don't really pick up the hint that someone isn't having fun any more, so when the weather is bad I make sure to tell people at the beginning of the tour "I know it's really (insert unpleasant weather situation here) today, so if at any time this stops being fun for you, we can always head back early, just please directly tell me 'I'm not having fun any more, can we go?' because I'm not great at picking up hints." If the family are from the UK, I sometimes make a joke about them not being my hostages, but I avoid this with foreign families because that kind of humour doesn't always land well with other cultures.

I have visual materials to help keep my talks on track and to better explain the points that I'm trying to make. I also keep my initial talk pretty similar every time so I don't have to think of the words off the top of my head every time.

I make sure I give clear factual answers to questions that give both the technical terms and a simplification to all age groups e.g."That is a fossil echinoid which is the scientific name for a sea urchin." This avoids having to guess the person's level of prior knowledge and avoids me being overly technical or coming across patronising.

I try to limit my work to around 3 hours per day to avoid getting overstimulated.

Deafness:

I always make sure to tell people about my deafness right at the start of the tour and tell them how to accommodate me. I try to make it lighthearted I'll say it like "Just so you know I'm Deaf which means I can't hear well. If I look like I'm ignoring you, I'm not, I just can't hear you. Please tap me or wave at me to get my attention and make sure to look at me when you're speaking so I can understand you." Some people just ignore the instructions, but at least then they know what they're supposed to be doing, and it normally works out okay.

I have a cochlear implant which helps me a lot, but is vulnerable to wet and windy weather. I use EarGear covers on my processor to block out the wind noise and to protect it from moisture. It works pretty well, but isn't perfect.

I probably would benefit from an interpreter, however my work schedule is pretty flexible and often there are last minute bookings, also there aren't many interpreters near where I live so it would be virtually impossible to find one, so I make do without and it seems to be working okay for me.

Balance and Mobility (HSD and balance disorder):

Luckily my hypermobility is pretty mild so I'm able to weight bear fully on both legs and climb stairs etc.

If I'm going to be walking/standing for over 1 hour, I use knee supports to help prevent knee pain. I use the ones that are thin and elasticated tubes (kind of like a sock) rather than the velcro ones because they look more sleek and I find them more comfortable, also I only need fairly light support. I recommend using the lightest support that is reasonable for you to avoid weakening your joints. If you're not sure, speak to a professional.

I use an ergonomic backpack with padded straps and try and keep my kit as light as possible. I always make sure to carry it over both shoulders to avoid an uneven load on my body. I used to just use any old backpack and cram it full of examples of every single fossil you could ever find. Don't do that. You're not on SAS who dares wins.

Trekking poles. (In my opinion) The most underrated mobility/balance aid out there. Does it make me look like I think I'm scaling Everest? Yes. Does that fact make me feel ridiculous? Yes. Am I very grateful for them when I lose my footing on a pebble bank? Also yes. Most of the time I use one pole just for balance so I can keep a hand free, but I do have two, just in case. It also allows me to point at things without bending down so much which helps with my vertigo issues. If you are considering whether you could benefit from a mobility aid for your balance, especially if you're often on uneven surfaces, I would urge you to try trekking poles. You can use two at a time for extra support, they're gentler on your wrists than a crutch or cane and they come with the option of rubber or metal tips depending on the surface you're on.

Here is my relatively comprehensive guide to how I do my awesome job. If you have any questions or you would like to suggest something that you've found helpful, please leave a comment.

[red-moon-at-night]

An Analysis of Haruka’s MVs: Distance and Disability

Hello! I’ve recently fallen down the rabbit hole that is Milgram and I have been itching to make some completely normal and sane analysis posts. My silly alternate title for this was gonna be “Things About Haruka’s MVs That Just Make Sense: A Hyperfixation-fuelled Analysis”, because honestly my autistic brain has been having a field day over here.

I am in awe with just about every single music video in this project; the animation is incredible and each one packs so much carefully laid out information. But I have been rotating Haruka’s in my head constantly since I first watched them, and I have a lot of Thoughts. Not about whether he’s guilty or innocent/forgiven or unforgiven. Not about whether or not I can justify his murders. Just some straight up imagery and symbolism analysis, through the lens of disability.

Haruka’s disability has not been specified, but I am confident we can at least say he is neurodivergent. I feel like the cultural differences in names for several things e.g. ‘learning disability’ vs ‘learning difficulty’ will just invite unnecessary drama, and is a little pedantic. What does matter here is that Haruka's experience as a disabled person is heavily intertwined within his story and his motives. 

So, without further ado... let’s get into this!

Trigger warnings/TW: I will be discussing ableism, eugenics and harm towards disabled people. Everything else will be related to the music videos ‘Weakness’ and ‘All Knowing and All Agony’, so any triggering content within them may also be mentioned. Read at your own discretion and stay safe!

Disability: some brief (important) historical context

It is only within the last few decades that those who are disabled have been ‘seen’ for the first time. A modern society is (ideally) expected to be built to include and accommodate for disability, and to acknowledge disabled people’s existence. But for many countries (even the ones making steps outlined above) this is still not the case. For a very, very long time, globally, that has not been the case.

For most disabled people, society makes it very clear that they are a burden to it and are better off not existing. 

I’m going to make this section as succinct as possible because...it’s heavy stuff. But it’s important, and I want you all to get the gist of what I’m saying. The weight of it.

Let’s highlight a piece of history regarding IQ and eugenics, surrounding the publication and subsequent worldwide reception of ‘The Kallikak Family: A Study in the Heredity of Feeble-mindedness’ by Henry Herbert Goddard in 1913:

“In 1927, it was used as evidence in the case of Buck v. Bell, which culminated in a Supreme Court ruling that the involuntary sterilization of ‘mentally defective’ persons was not unconstitutional in the United States. By 1938, thirty-three US states had passed laws allowing for the forced sterilization of women with learning disabilities and twenty-nine had made sterilization  compulsory for people who were thought to have genetic conditions. Many European countries followed suit: Denmark in 1929, then Norway in 1934, and after that Sweden, Finland, Estonia, Iceland, Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, Latvia, Hungary and Turkey.”

— Limburg, J. (2021) Letters To My Weird Sisters: On Autism and Feminism, p. 126

This history of a ‘sterilization law’ includes Japan, who between 1948 and 1996 enacted the Eugenics Protection Law which “authorised the sterilization of people with intellectual disabilities, mental illnesses or hereditary disorders.” According to the government, about 25,000 were sterilized.

SO. It’s important to bring this up. To establish how much disabled people are not wanted, just from their governments. Let alone society. To this day, disabled people are hidden away from the public by families that are ashamed of their existence.

Japanese culture values collectivism, and maintaining the harmony of a group...to the extent of excluding those that don’t fit into the mould. That are different.

The question is: where do they go? The ones that are publicly rejected?

Haruka and The Curious Case of Distant Waters

Okay that’s enough of the heavy real-world stuff! Time to delve into some...*checks notes*...heavy fictional stuff. Fun!

Haruka’s MVs prominently display themes of distance and separation through the motif of water, specifically being submerged underwater. 

The name Haruka reinforces this concept as the specific kanji used (遥) translates to ‘distant’, ‘remote’ or ‘far away’. As there are many, many kanji choices for the name (including but not limited to: ocean/sea, eternity/permeance, clear/distinct/obvious, and spring/growth/cherry blossom) it feels like a particularly cruel and intentional choice to go with that one.

Through the exploration of this motif, we can see the extent in which Otherness/the state of being ‘Other’ drives Haruka to great lengths to close the distance and escape it.

What I noticed throughout both MVs (particularly AK&AA but note the beginning scene of Weakness), is that whenever Haruka looks at himself in a reflective surface (e.g. the vanity mirror, the fish tank), water either begins to rise and overwhelms him, or is already there and he appears submerged:

I think this is the “All-Knowing” part of AK&AA. He knows he’s different, and he knows there’s a huge ocean between him and his peers, his family, everyone. A disconnect when trying to listen and understand, but also when trying to be understood by others and listened to himself.

You know when you submerge your head in water, and your hearing gets all muffled and incomprehensible? And have you ever tried speaking underwater? You can’t, because if you open your mouth you’ll drown. It’ll just come out as bubbles rising to the surface.

I also think the bubbles symbolise rising tension, between what he wants and what he currently has. Bubbles are everywhere in these MVs, even in places where they shouldn’t logically be? Such as this scene, following the line “don’t wipe me out, don’t wipe me out”:

Immediately pans up to Haruka gasping for breath, droplets of water rising from...somewhere. For about a split second, and they’re gone. 

This boy is really going through it. I’m getting an ‘emerging from the ocean before I drown’ vibe from this one folks. When the line that follows this scene is “I can’t stop, I can’t stop”, what I’m REALLY hearing is “I can’t stop (killing) or I’ll drown”. This is his lifeboat, pulling him out from the depths of being neglected and hidden away, into the spotlight.

Some interesting images from Weakness in relation to that (of spotlights):

Anyways, onto the next point:

Blue to Orange: Water to...Nectar?

So, the orange liquid. It’s clearly representing blood, but I don’t think this is just a “danganronpa pink blood” situation of censoring/getting this video onto youtube without restrictions.

I think it’s most likely honey, specifically nectar.

The etymology of the word nectar shows its compounds translate to “death” and “overcoming”. Nectar is also called the drink of the gods, so it would make sense for it to be a ‘death-defeating’, immortalizing liquid.

For Haruka’s victims to contain nectar is very interesting. It reinforces that necessity to kill, to take the life of another, to sustain himself. To overcome the ‘living death’ he is experiencing by being hidden away from society. 

This is his means of escape from drowning.

However, as we all know, things don’t turn out great for him. By the end of AK&AA Haruka is rejected once again by his mother, after which the door is shut (the light with it is gone too) and we’re met with this imagery:

The nectar floods the room, engulfing him much like the water from earlier. 

There are many things we could take from this. One being that the nectar-gathering/killing-spree has clouded his vision; it’s so sweet, so sickly sweet and he’s addicted to the taste of attention, even if it’s very bad attention. 

Who else has honey imagery in their MV again?

Oh, right. 

Anyway, the nectar/honey situation could also be representing submerging into an even further level of distance. All that murder is gonna push people away, despite his motive being to close the gap between him and normal people. The 'ocean’ has lost clarity and become a maddening, delusional substance. After all, there is a type of honey literally called ‘mad honey’ known for its medicinal and hallucinogenic properties.

That’s enough about honey, though. Let’s move onto less unfortunate... oh, sorry, what was that? *checks notes*...Ah, yes. I meant to say, let’s move onto even more unfortunate symbolism:

The Necklace

So, this necklace. Haruka steals it from his mother’s belongings, and is his only material, physical connection to her. It is taken on the declaration of “making (her) love me again” and getting her attention once more, now he is no longer a child but a teenager closer to adulthood (at least, that’s what I consider the ‘shirt with a vest sweater and tie’ to represent. child him = the blue polo, teenager him = this one, adult him = an amalgamation of his teenager clothes).

I wasn’t sure if this was an opal or pearl/mother of pearl, but I’m leaning towards opal from the other depiction of it in Weakness:

Opals are fun because they can symbolise both good luck and bad luck, usually to do with whether it’s your birthstone. There’s something to be said of Haruka’s belief in his ‘misfortune’ and the superstition surrounding these gemstones.

But they are even more interesting for the powers they supposedly have; in medieval times the opal was considered the ‘patron of thieves’ for their ability to grant the wearer invisibility.

There is a deliciously sad irony to Haruka’s theft with that titbit of information.

Now, if this isn’t an opal, and it’s a pearl/mother of pearl there’s still some fun interpretation to be had! A little less sad, even. Pearls invoke strong imagery of the sea, of purity, and of a connection to the maternal. If this is the last thing he has relating to his mother, I can see this necklace representing a lifeline when he’s deep in the ocean. A reminder of why he’s doing all of this killing, and who it’s for.

His mother’s attention (or the idea of having a mother at all, any mother) is his driving force in life.

Speaking of that...

So We Really Need To Talk About That Fish Tank: AKA, Why Haruka’s Mom Wins ‘The Worst Parent of The Year’ Award

This fucking fish tank.

Okay, I’m gonna start by saying: I don’t think this is reading too far into things. When it takes an animation team months, sometimes years to create a 3-5 minute music video, and one as detailed as this...you don’t just wing it. There are storyboards, there are key frames and there are choices made down to the smallest of details.

From the sheer volume of animal/insect/fish décor that resides in the Sakurai household, you bet I’m gonna pay attention to what type of fish are in that fish tank.

For one thing, they live in saltwater. This is a marine tank, aka the harder choice of aquarium to have. I mean, way, WAY harder. For the experienced only.

These fish right here? One is a clownfish, and the other is a yellow boxfish.

Boxfish are a nightmare to keep alive. This article goes into more detail than I will, but all you need to know is: if there was ever a fish out of all the fish you could possibly want in your tank, this is the one to avoid like the plague.

They release deadly toxins when stressed, as a survival instinct. Boom. All your fish are dead. They need to eat a shit ton of food, but are notoriously clumsy swimmers and slow eaters. Boom. Starving, stressed out boxfish. Boxfish either dies from starvation or dies from stress and toxins.

For Haruka’s mom to have not just one of these fuckers, but a tank consisting ONLY OF MULTIPLE BOXFISH AND CLOWNFISH...

This is a high-maintenance tank. And it shows how much time and effort, how much care she puts into the things she loves.

How neglectful she is as a parent of a disabled child in contrast.

There’s something about the last scene between Haruka and his mother that reinforces this for me:

Haruka’s relationship with animals and himself: AKA, “why don’t I just become the damn fish tank?”

Let me backpedal a little bit. This subheading will make sense in a minute.

So, like I said earlier we have a lot of décor in this house relating to insects and fish. We also have a lot of pets. Both living and dead, taxidermized creatures in one household, proudly on display.

I think this may have created some confusion for Haruka regarding the value of animals being alive or dead, as in his perspective his mother values both equally. The fish in a tank may be full of alive creatures, but they’re still on display as if it’s artwork. Isn’t breaking the glass of a framed picture of a fish equal to breaking the glass of a tank with a ‘picture of living fish’?

(This isn’t to say Haruka is clueless to the impact of his actions, nor to justify any harm to animals. I just find the train of thought to be intriguing.)

So when considering these ‘objects’ are proud trophies of his work:

This is a carefully arranged display, which by the way, doesn’t contain a single fish. In fact the only piece of that moment visible here is the...large piece of driftwood? Okay. Keep that in mind.

We proceed into Haruka’s mother opening the door and seeing her son, for the first time in any of the MVs. Note the way they composed this shot:

I’m obsessed with this scene. The blue eye framing Haruka, with a literal fishbowl effect on him...

He is the goddamn fish in the aquarium now. His mother’s full attention is on him and him alone, with only the dead animals, the books, the lamp and the driftwood as window dressing to this wonderful display.

Doesn’t it just scream “Look at me! Look at what I did, mom!” to you?

That blue spotlight is on him once more. He is not just drifting deeper into an endless ocean, but contained in a vessel to be stared at.

One Last Observation

I didn’t know where to fit this in but I think the end feels appropriate.

His clothing here:

Is a frankenstein-esque mash up of clothes from his younger years. He wears this throughout AK&AA, and as I mentioned before it signifies him as an adult. However, I should clarify what I mean here as Haruka says “he thinks he’s 17″ and “doesn’t care about his age”. So... not an adult, but on the cusp of adulthood.

But I think he actually does care about his age, and quite a lot too.

This outfit feels symbolic of refusing to let go of the past, and of himself as a child. He’s literally grown out of his clothing, but he still clings onto it. He’s attached to the past because it not only contains his happiest moments, but the change from being loved to becoming neglected.

As a disabled person, you’re often treated with a lot more forgiveness when you’re younger. That is to say, some people don’t realise that children with disabilities grow up into adults with disabilities. There is a point where even support from medical and social services drops off like a cliff edge once you turn 18.

The ill-fitting clothing in this context becomes more than a reflection on Haruka’s feelings, and extends to reflecting society’s feelings on disabled adults ‘refusing to grow up’.

I don’t blame Haruka for holding onto his childhood like this. He’ll be even less publicly visible and seen once he is no longer a pitiful child, but a ‘weird’ adult in ill-fitting, children’s clothes.

[erinelliotc]

Talking about "Ed, Edd n Eddy" outside of Tumblr with (probably) heterosexual cisgender neurotypical men is just... frustrating. I feel like I'm talking to a door. The guy got mad just for stating the simple fact that what the Kankers do to the Eds is sexual harassment. I mean, how can anyone deny that? I thought it was, like, obvious to everyone lol. I made it very clear that it's my favorite cartoon and that admitting that what the Kankers do is sexual harassment doesn't mean it's bad or that it should've been canceled, and the guy just said he wouldn't read my text. It's ridiculous.

People outside of Tumblr are so lazy and this scares and saddens me because I love writing and I can hardly summarize my thoughts. I mean, it's okay if you don't want to read it, but then at least keep quiet and don't give your opinion on something you don't know about or assume what the other person said. People simply leave discussions with a simple "I won't read it" and feel victorious for it, even if the person in question is agreeing with them, agreeing more than disagreeing, or only partially disagreeing. They treat "writing too much" as having already lost the argument itself and that doesn't make any sense. The worst part for me is that being lazy to read and having the inability to formulate a counterargument has already been widely normalized on the internet as winning an argument, and it totally pisses me off.

Why are people so lazy to... think, discuss and reflect? To use their fucking brains!? They just want to attack people for no reason and be right at all costs! They act stupid and others agree with them! Ugh, I should just stay on Tumblr. I've already accepted that this is the only nice and safe (or at least the nicest and safest) place for neurodivergent / autistic people.

Anyway, about what happened:

It was in this Instagram post:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Millennial & 90's Content (@paraeden90s)

Comments started here:

I replied emir.d95 with this text:

I mean, it is sexual harassment. Admitting this isn't the same as saying that the cartoon is bad or that it should've been canceled (far from it, it's literally my favorite cartoon of all time), it's just stating a fact. It's like denying that Ed has an intellectual disability and is bullied because of it, or that Kevin is a bully (at least in the initial seasons), these are things that aren't explicitly said in the show, but are obvious and don't make it bad (furthermore, it was the 90s/2000s, it was a cartoon within what was considered normal for the time). Problematic things and complications happen, they are part of life, showing them in a cartoon isn't the same as agreeing with them. It was very clear that the Kankers were a bother to everyone and nobody liked them. Danny Antonucci said the Kankers were based on a group of girls he knew during his 7th grade school year. In his words "they're based on a pair of Grade 7 girls who true to form were always on the lookout for potential boyfriends. They frightened us with their intensity and attitude yet they always wanted to play the innocent with the older guys whom they wanted to date". They were based on real girls who were actually scary, cynical and a nuisance to Danny and others. The Kankers are supposed to be creepy, problematic, a pain in the ass, and disgusting. One of the biggest features of this show is the gross things, disgusting the viewers, and the Kankers and them abusing the Eds and sometimes others is one of those gross things. And before anyone says something like "It's just a cartoon, it's not that deep bro", we're talking about "Ed, Edd n Eddy", a show that literally addresses domestic violence, shows the main character's redemption arc and how his brother's abuse influenced him to act the way he did, and consequently teaches about friendship, forgiveness and acceptance. It's not just a silly cartoon, it also touches on serious subjects when necessary, sometimes in a more shallow, light and humorous way, or in a more explicit and profound way, like in the movie. The Kankers are abusers, just like Eddy's brother, and his punishment in the end is precisely being abused by them. Like it or not, "Ed, Edd n Eddy" teaches us, even if unconsciously and subtly, that girls can also be abusers and boys can be victims of sexual abuse. It's a great show for a laugh, but also for learning some valuable lessons every now and then. The movie was supposed to have even more serious and touching scenes, but unfortunately they didn't fit into the available time and budget.

Then I got these:

So, yeah... The lesson is: Don't expect a healthy in-depth dialogue about "Ed, Edd n Eddy" with people outside of Tumblr xD

[lionheartslowstart]

POA

Something happened recently that has caused me to confront the fact that I am truly disabled. It's not that I didn't know I was, of course I have since the autism diagnosis, but I really, and I mean really, got hit in the face with it.

I'll explain.

I can't go into too much detail regarding the actual circumstances, but the long and short of it is that I had to give my parents power of attorney in order to solve a housing issue. I trust parents completely and I know it's not something they would ever abuse. They made it clear to me that should I ever want to dissolve it, we could do that, and that the sole purpose for getting it was to avoid any houses issues now and in the future.

We had to go to a lawyer's office to sign the document and have it notarized. It was all very official. Afterwards, I drove home, sat on my bed, and just cried.

When I received the autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Level 1 autism. Autism is divided into 3 different levels. However, in my research, these levels seem to pertain strictly to social skills. In this way, yes, I am a Level 1 autistic. But if we're talking about "functionality," I'm not so sure I can qualify as Level 1 anymore. (Seriously, why IS it split by social ability? That's stupid.)

I'm 30 years old, and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. At this point in my life, I can't work a full time job. As a result, I will never be financially independent, and I will never be able to afford housing on my own. I say "at this point," because maybe one day that will change, but I doubt it. And for the record, I count myself lucky I can at least work a part time job, because 85% of autistics can't work at all.

Autism is a developmental disability, and I feel that as I'm getting older, it's become more obvious. Because I'm staying the same. I mean, obviously not completely the same. I've learned and grown and matured, and my friends who have known me for over a decade always comment on how much I've changed, but that's not what I mean. I mean that I feel like an adult and a child at the same time. I mean there are certain things I can't DO, certain things I can't retain or process, because my brain just won't let me. For example, I can't set up health insurance by myself. Every time my mom tries to explain it to me, my brain glazes over. That's the best way I can explain it. And I swear, I am trying SO hard to pay attention. I can't help it. My brain just...won't.

If this is what my life looks like when I'm 30, what is it going to look like when I'm 50? 60? 70? Not good. Not a good quality of life at all.

I'm so jealous of my friends and family. I don't understand how they do it. Even my other autistic friends are able to work full time or go to school full time without incident. (I did go to college full time but I almost ended myself like 3 times and I had to take a LOT of time off throughout.) It makes me feel guilty and bad. Like a loser. A failure. And yes, I know that autism can look different in everyone. I guess this is just one of the ways it affects me personally. But even so, it's painful to watch everyone around you be fully independent, and for whatever reason that's just not you. I mean, I'm independent in other ways. I can live by myself, make my own appointments, work part-time, and form meaningful relationships. I'm really trying to focus on those things instead, but it's been difficult to stay positive. I feel like financial independence is pretty major.

I want to interject here and say that I am insanely grateful to my parents. I know how blessed I am. They are my biggest supporters, both emotionally and financially. They love me so much, and if I didn't have them I'm certain I'd be homeless, probably long dead. I know that most people don't have parents like mine, let alone autistic people. I thank them all the time and tell them how guilty I feel and reassure them that I'm not lazy or spoiled, that I take their support very seriously. And they always assure me that they know, and not to worry about it, and they just want me to be happy.

But I do worry about it. My parents have wasted so much money on keeping me alive, it makes me physically ill. If I wasn't around, they'd have more money in their pockets for other things. They wouldn't have to worry about me all the time. I genuinely feel like they'd be better off without me, at least in the long run.

Like I said, the thoughts have been real dark lately, y'all. I've been extremely depressed since we instated the POA. This is my reality.

I don't know if my friends will still want to be friends with me in 10 years. Even my autistic friends. I don't like that I'll most likely never be financially independent. It is my greatest shame and I wish so badly it wasn't true.

People who insist autism is a fad and that people fake it for attention or whatever can eat my entire ass.

I would do anything, and I mean anything, to not be autistic.

[enbycrip]

Cuddle croissant on my legs ❤️

When we adopted Cynthie just over a year ago the people at the rescue centre asked us “so…are you thinking you’ll take her?” after twenty minutes of careful getting to know each other.

And I stared blankly at them because as far as I was concerned the meetings were for introductions and working out if there were major problems - like if she was terrified of my mobility devices that I can’t move around without and couldn’t stand being around them - and none had arisen. And they told me three former potential adopters had turned her down for “not liking people enough” because she took some time - think 10-20 minutes! - to start getting to know them.

This girl had been horribly abused and neglected, as a puppy too, and had contracted a pretty horrible intestinal parasite it took her months of meds to get clear of, and was clearly finding kennel life tough. And she was curious about my rollator, and within 20 minutes she was snuffling my hands and wanting belly rubs.

And this is her after 14 months with us. She is my sweet Velcro girl.

And it’s not been effortless. She needs three decent walks a day and I’m disabled (luckily my OH does two of them minimum) or she starts getting bored and wanting to chew things. It took us a few weeks to work out the balance of how much exercise she needed minimum, and to work on “these are good things to chew, like toys and bones, and these are *dangerous* things to chew, like cables”.

We took her to Dog’s Trust adolescent puppy training classes to work on chewing and recall so she could get off the lead in the park, and in the meantime we took her to an enclosed dog park we had to drive to as there’s none local to us, and to an indoor doggie soft play place because she *really* needs social time with other pups.

And most of these are things you should do with a puppy you get from a breeder. They aren’t born toilet trained! At least safety training (“drop” for dangerous things and “come” for recall) are essential basics.

Much like kids, and indeed humans of all ages, dogs have needs that will cause problems if they aren’t met. Those needs vary a bit depending on the dog’s size, age, type and personality. Again, like humans.

Please don’t get a dog without making *sure* you can meet those needs. And, if you can, please rescue.

We are in a horrendous dog rescue crisis atm, and a *lot* of that is due to the cost of living crisis. People are losing their homes and temporary accommodation, hostels, shelters etc often won’t take dogs. None of that is anyone’s fault (other than landlords and capitalists ofc).

But I’m still seeing a *lot* of folk spending enormous amounts of money on puppies. And yes, sometimes folk have good reasons for that; a lot of rescues won’t adopt to folk with young children, sometimes people need to train service dogs from early in their lives etc etc. This isn’t shaming individuals; I don’t know your individual circumstances. It’s a plea, if you are thinking about getting a puppy, that you *consider* rescuing instead.

If you’d like a particular breed, the shelters have literally never been fuller of purebred pups whose lives are in imminent danger because pounds and shelters are *full*. If you want a puppy, please think hard about *why* rather than an adult dog, because cute tiny furballs grow up fast and need a lot of training, but you can still ask at shelters about that too. One of my best friends and her partners went to a shelter last year expecting to adopt an older dog and came away with a sighthound puppy from a litter that had been dumped and the shelter had raised.

If an individual shelter is awful to you for disability reasons, please do not be discouraged from asking elsewhere. I was really worried after a friend of mine looking to adopt a dog found a particular breed shelter on social media being incredibly disableist about *autistic* people, for some reason (it was very clear from reading their posts they had very little idea about what autism actually is) and this made me panic horribly that any shelter would see me with my mobility devices and immediately turn me away. Actually the three different ones we checked in with in the process of adopting Cynthie were nothing but helpful and welcoming, and others in other parts of the UK, the US and Australia have been the same in the past year to friends with disabilities as diverse as MS, fibromyalgia and schizophrenia.

Obviously you know your own life and your own circumstances best. This is only a request to *consider* rescue. Right now, you are *very* much saving a dog’s life by doing so.

[zebulontheadult]

I understand this can't be what you mean, but when talking about this, for safeguarding purposes, you should explicitly state that it is not acceptable to ever make any assumptions about consent, regardless of someone's disabilities. Any communication ambiguity or ambiguity around capacity to consent means you have to assume someone is not consenting and cannot consent to sexual contact. We can never assume what someone's inner world is like, that's true- that's why we must always err on the side of not raping people. The way you phrased this reads as the type of rhetoric used to justify crimes such as Anna Stubblefield's assault of a disabled man, which was enabled by her belief in forms of facilitated communication that allow for these crimes to be justified in the abuser's mind. I get that this isn't what you mean, but it needs to be explicitly made clear, because safeguarding means creating an environment where it's clear everyone is in agreement about what is and isn't sexual violence. Your post as you wrote it creates a grey area that a bad actor can read as endorsing the idea that because someone can consent internally despite an outward lack of successful and unambigous communication, people who can't communicate unambiguously enough (in one medium or another) to clearly demonstrate capacity to consent and consent itself, aren't necessarily being assaulted if touched sexually. They are, it's illegal, it's rape. I get that you must know that but we need to be very explicit on this because this is a very vulnerable population and there are people who want to violate them and can easily convince themselves their victims are consenting.

Hey anon. I’m not even sure how to come about this, or even talk about this subject. This subject is so important, and I think it’s also important to realize. I am intellectually disabled. And autistic, and learning disabled, and schizospec, my wording is not going to be 100% but I will say this now. Not once did I say that I agree if someone is not able to explicitly consent, they can consent. If someone is able to explicitly consent in their manner of communicating, then they consent. If they’re not, then they have not consented.

I want people to realize that there is more ways then verbally saying it because verbal words, aren’t the default for many. Sign language users, AAC users, people who write one letter at a time on a piece of fucking paper. These are all ways that people communicate. Verbal. Words. Aren’t. The. Default. That’s what I’m getting at.

It’s also important to realize that a LOT an insanely amount of people with ID are purposefully withheld being taught sex education even if they can comprehend the process of consent. Even verbal, seemingly ok on the outside ID folks who were in special education have been withheld from learning about special education. That’s what I’m getting at.

My posts are not a rapists way of saying “Well you never know they might be able to consent blah blah” No. Consent is explicit. It is something that is heavily debated on within the medical community because they still don’t believe that people with ID, even mild ID, have the minds of adults instead of “children”. Mental age is a HUGE problem, that’s what I’m getting at.

I’m not creating a grey area. I’m not intending to at least. Either someone consents or they don’t, either they’re able to or they’re not. That is between them, their caretakers/parents/support team, and doctors. Although, these people can be wrong. And that’s what I’m also getting at.

Do you see what I’m saying? I’m not creating a grey area, I’m trying to open up a conversation that had been in the ID community for DECADES. Decades of being ignored and being told that ALL people with ID cannot consent when that isn’t true. See what I’m saying?

I hope this helps. Have a nice day.

[adamsvanrhijn]

HATE the "hey you are mildly nerdy about [subject] therefore i think you have autism" thing this webbed site has going on. Over 60% of autistic people are non-communicable. Of those who are capable of communicating - and therefore of running a fandom blog - over 30% read below their grade level. "Autism = nerdy superpowers" is such an ableist and unrealistic portrayal of autism it's actually offensive. I'd love to know how many people on here actually have an irl autism diagnosis (not Aspergers - the damage done to autistic people by combining the two and therefore centering far less disabled people as the face/voice of autism cannot be exaggerated) and how many are just playing into gross ableist stereotypes.

I hear what you're saying! When discussing autism there is definitely a very clear bias in the general fandom-y nerdy user bases of Tumblr + Tiktok + Twitter toward people who can communicate with spoken & written language, and the prevalence/prominence of those ideas has altered the way people perceive autism in a way that can reposition an already vulnerable demographic of disabled people for whom resources are already very scarce.

I will say though I don't think the autism spectrum disorder designation including people of various communication abilities and developmental delays inherently centers people who communicate at average or above average levels. Like, Asperger's is not diagnosed anymore in part because the symptom cluster was not wholly unique from autism & the people making the distinction thought that it was not useful for diagnostics and care. At least to my memory what we are seeing online right now is very recent within the last like 2-4 years and seems a lot more Prevalent online than in real life?

Part of why I feel like it's more of an issue online is that where I've lived, resources as well as general understanding of autism seems to be centering people who cannot communicate and their families and caregivers which is how it has been since I was growing up. But I live in the middle of nowhere and that might not be true other places.

I think the fact that the clinical distinction is no longer made combined with how people who right now are nerdy tweens and teens lost 1-2 years of normal social development and school attendance is probably a huge factor, and this might not be a long term issue the further we move away from the impact of covid.

On a personal note—

I also think that due to the nature of how online communities work, we don't have a view into how people with above average communication skills might be affected by symptoms of autism offline, and that some of that might be intentional in that people don't want to bring those experiences into online spaces. People like to control the image they have online, you know??

I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in 2016 as a young adult by a clinical psychologist after a childhood ADHD diagnosis, and my also double diagnosed brother has significantly more noticeable symptoms than I do including communication delays that I never had (I got the "little professor" moniker). I'm not sure what his first diagnosis was but we are both higher functioning/lower support needs while also in our youth being objectively disabled in a way that relates to autism symptoms. I didn't have support growing up and once I was in middle school I failed every semester until I dropped out of high school (this was also due to homophobic bullying) and he was on an individualized education plan for all of his school years.

I think a lot of people find solace in what their autism symptoms make easier, more engaging, or fun for them and want to focus on that and talk about that rather than all of the things that are difficult for them—and I bet this is especially true with younger people who might be more defensive in general and very, very conscious of how they are perceived offline. "Nerdy superpowers" online might be "can't physically go into the grocery store because the fluorescent lights are too bright" and "only talks out loud to 4 people and is ostracized in school & social spaces" offline.

[shakertwelve]

the obvious defense of this point would be that Victoria is simply supposed to be Wrong About It, which I would love, except that the narrative very carefully bends to make sure that Victoria is Always Right, and ESPECIALLY Always Right about Cape Science

[ context: the quote we're talking about: “I guess it doesn’t make sense as a thing powers would do.  Powers tend to steer clear of the suicidal, the helpless, the invalid, or people who are limited.” ]

my best guess as to what wildbow meant, if he put any thought into this at all? this is ward's version of the scene in worm that goes out of its way to make clear that labyrinth is not autistic and had a "normal" mind before her trigger (and the similar clarification about bitch). wildbow didn't want to write about developmental disabilities, probably because he thought he didn't know enough about the subject not to mess up and get in trouble for writing something offensive, so his solution was to just state that no one in parahumans is meant as "representation" of that demographic and avoid the issue altogether. this at least makes some kind of sense, if you are wildbow.

the obvious issue here is that this quote doesn't just single out developmental disabilities, but is phrased broadly enough to apply to almost any kind of illness or disorder. worm presents superpowers as explicitly tied to a traumatic event and as a metaphor for the effects of trauma, and experiencing other forms of illness and distress make someone much more likely to process an event as a trauma, so logically, mentally ill and disabled people should be overrepresented in the parahuman population (feeling "helpless" or distressed enough to be suicidal are common elements to many parahuman triggers), and the ways capes tend to act in the text of both books consistently reflect this. the only other explanation i can think of is that we're using an extremely restrictive definition of mental disorders (i.e. we're being the guy who thinks adhd isn't a real neurotype, so imp and kid win don't count, and low-empathy is just code for being a bad person, so cradle doesn't count, and so on...), and even that doesn't explain why we're claiming physically disabled people also can't get powers, when wildbow has written about it happening plenty of times (thank you @john-cherry-the-6th for bringing up this wog about triggers in suicidal people that includes the trigger event of a coma patient). also, we've seen that powers can cure illnesses as part of the trigger (see: vikare, famously the first hero ever, whose powers manifesting cured his cancer) if they really need to (they don't even do it all the time if the host isn't dying and can still fight with the power, like genesis), so why would they care if a prospective host is disabled? but whatever--let's disregard all evidence to the contrary and assume that all capes were 100% Mentally Normal (a very objective standard) before their triggers, so their erratic behavior after triggering must be purely the influence of their superpowers.

of course, now we have to go back to the first part of the quote. victoria claims that she doesn't think it's likely that finale's powers would affect her mental development after she manifested them, because powers want their hosts to be able and ready for action. so that can't be why capes like labyrinth and bitch exist, either; powers avoid choosing "limited" people as hosts and they also don't want to make their hosts limited, therefore all parahumans must be healthy because shards want healthy hosts. except there's absolutely no way any scientific study of parahumans in this world would come to this conclusion! scores of therapists run themselves ragged dealing with the various complexes of just the heroic capes, and capes on the "villainous" side are understood to be, on average, even more unstable! victoria has been working with jessica yamada, who definitely knows this, for ages! what the fuck is she talking about!

CONCLUSION: ??? wildbow got confused while writing about his own setting's alien brain parasites and started describing yeerks instead

[the-lincyclopedia]

One of my primary beliefs is that anyone who wants to solve or mitigate a problem should care about correctly understanding the causes of that problem. And I find that often, people prefer to make assumptions about what causes the problem and then get upset when you challenge their assumptions, even when you're right.

I think those of us who are activists have a tendency to notice when people with power and authority make incorrect assumptions about us or about other people they have authority over. We help each other learn to notice this.

We know it happens in health care: We know that doctors often assume that a patient's symptoms are a result of the patient being fat, and that the patient "just needs to lose weight" in order to feel better, even when something entirely different is causing the symptoms. We know that psychiatrists sometimes assume that a woman having interpersonal issues must have borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder, because obviously those are the right labels for difficult women, when actually she's autistic and the psychiatrist didn't bother to check.

We know it happens with how children are treated: Whether we're activists or not, many of us remember times when our parents or teachers acted like we were breaking rules or causing a scene for no good reason, when actually something was wrong and we were trying to solve the problem/get help/generally cope as best we could, and we just weren't asked why we were acting that way.

But the reason I'm making this post is because we, as activists, are not immune from making bad assumptions either.

So many people on this site, and in many activist spaces I'm in, talk as if every incident of harm (at least, every incident where "the other side" causes harm) involves deliberate malice--often nothing but deliberate malice. There's rarely any public consideration of other potential causes, such as genuine ignorance, competing priorities, differing but legitimate values, being stretched too thin, etc. Even greed sometimes gets left out of the conversation, despite the fact that I'm quite certain that greed is a more common motivator than sadism.

I want to be clear that I'm not making this point to cast the powerful as victims, to argue that they're misunderstood, or to scold you about being nicer to your oppressors. That is not my motivation.

I am making this point because when we assume that someone is motivated by malice and sadism when they're really acting from ignorance, greed, a different set of values, or a lack of time/resources to do things in the way they should be done, we are going to propose the wrong solutions.

A teacher who's not using universal design because they hate disabled kids and want neurodivergent students to suffer needs to be removed from the classroom. A teacher who's not using universal design because they don't know enough about it needs additional training. A teacher who's not using universal design because they're totally overwhelmed by having 35 middle school students in each of six periods throughout the day needs more resources and support. The problems look similar, or even the same, at first, but when you look closer, you see that different causes require different solutions.

Obviously, there are groups whose motivations are a lot less sympathetic than those of an overworked teacher. But even when it comes to, like, execs at health insurance companies, I'm guessing they're more likely to care about making money and be pretty apathetic about the details, rather than cackling gleefully at the thought of driving people to bankruptcy or causing them to suffer and even die for lack of care.

And if we want a more equitable world, I think it's logical and even vital that we know what causes the problems we want to solve, because that affects what the correct solutions are and can guide us in avoiding unintended consequences.

[faraway-sunshine]

Aaaa This is my first time doing this idk if im doing it right and I hope this is the right blog hiiii im nervous but I wanna join in !!

So 2 things:

1. Could you explain what Aspergers is (Is that how you spell it?) I've never heard of it !! I hope thats okay to ask. Im very interested in psychology (not enough to become a psychologist but you get it, right?) And I would love to know more !!

2. I know the romance conversation is over but I really related to your response to the guy asking if you liked boys so I wanted to say something. I still, to this day, dont know the difference between platonic and romantic love, and im in a relationship !! Yeah... Somtimes I worry "What if I dont like her romantically and im just leading her on??" But then I remember how happy she makes me and how I would love to live my life with her by my side and the worry goes away. For a little while at least. I used to think I was aromantic asexual or cupioromantic because I didnt know the difference, now I just think I might be demiromantic. Though I am still young so I guess all of this could change. I guess its just, love is hard. Its hard to know if you feel it romantically or platonically and idk my advice is to not get into a committed relationship until you know for sure you love them romantically. Dont be like me please ^^"

Anyway aaaa I hope im doing this right, im new to Tumblr and definitely wasnt planning on talking to anybody but I really wanted to join in sooo yeah !!

Hey, welcome, you're all good!

So Aspergers according to the current medical manuals is a diagnosis under the autism umbrella. It's the fancy therapist way of saying that I'm autistic, but not "Autistic Enough" for a lot of things like disability pensions and regular school. (Admin Note under the "read more" regarding this.)

That sounds really nice. I am trying to trust my feelings about this, but I am going to be careful if I ever get in a relationship and I definitely won't right now.

(Sunday 17th September, 2000, 8:31 PM)

(Admin Note: This blog is set in the past, where a lot of mental heath terminology was drastically different to now. Nowadays, what people used to call Asperger's would just be on the autistic spectrum, and the term is considered outdated. I am autistic myself in a way that would have been considered Asperger's in the day, so I felt I could make the call to use the older language as long as the rest is accurate and it's made clear that Sunny's being treated with compassion and understanding for it :D )

[neon-moon-beam]

Addressing Ableism In The Submas Fandom And Its Impact Again

The fact that I know multiple neurodivergent people who have bad feelings arise from seeing any content, including official, of Warden Ingo due to an influx people turning the Submas fandom into an ableist playground in the wake of PLA speaks volumes.

Before I continue, I want to stress: I am not calling anyone in particular out.

Unknowingly making ableist content does not make you a bad person. Everyone still has things to learn, everyone has room for change and growth. Self-education and critical thinking are very important here (and everywhere). A desire to correct a mistake, change, and grow from it is better all around than digging your heels in and refusing to budge or listen.

I am not responsible for bad faith interpretations or other potential misinterpretations of me addressing these issues that have personally affected friends, acquaintances, and myself, should people choose to make these interpretations.

I am also not responsible for the reading comprehension or critical thinking skills of others. If you don’t read the entire post and choose to be reactionary towards it, including making assumptions about what was said or putting words in my mouth, I am not at fault.

Bl*nkshippers are not welcome on my content.

I can't begin to forgive the contingency of the fandom that made neurodivergent people feel unwelcome and alienated in their own space, and made them wonder if other Submas fans, or even people in general, even see them as human.

Given that it’s widely accepted that Ingo and Emmet are autistic-coded characters, the fandom could have been a safer and enjoyable space for neurodivergent (but especially autistic) people. It could have even been a refuge for people upset by the uncertainty we were left with due to PLA being incomplete. Instead, a large contingency of fans took one look at Submas and went "how sad/unhinged/angsty can I make the train blorbos?" and decided disability, trauma, and mental illness were acceptable to use as props.

To the people who have been doing things along these lines (but with especially Emmet!);  this tells neurodivergent people that you think they're unhinged, will hurt others if given an opening to do so, and portraying Ingo and/or Emmet as never having been human, turned into something nonhuman (as in Submas is singled out as nonhuman, and NOT in something like a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon AU or other AU where everyone is not human), or otherwise being not in control of their own actions is telling neurodivergent people that you don't even see them as human. And yes, you can be sending this message even if you yourself are neurodivergent!

Because of all this, I now know multiple people who do not want to see any content involving Warden Ingo, or PLA at all due to the negative association from the fandom, and even some who have stopped engaging with Submas in varying degrees.

I've made it very clear in other posts that I don't like how fandom is on tumblr for many reasons and that I do not consider myself part of the Submas fandom. But the Submas fandom has further turned me off to fandom as a whole, and I currently do not wish to engage with PLA content outside of making reassurance posts compiling evidence Ingo will or has gone home.

My roommate barely posts Submas art anymore because the pervasive ableism got to be too much. This is saying something considering she’s the author of the Submas primer many people, probably including many of those making ableist content, reblogged. She’s also the author of a post detailing Submas as autistic-coded characters. She’s been alienated from a community that she had provided a ton of research for! Please think about that for a second.

Other people don’t want to see Submas interacting with certain characters ever again (namely Volo), because of the ableist content created around their interactions, or even ships.

And if you’ve been around since at least PLA, you may have noticed that there are a few people who frequently posted about Submas as well as the ableism, who haven’t engaged with Submas content in a long time.

Fandom shouldn’t become an alienating or even hostile space for people who just want wholesome or comforting content, or simply want to see characters they like or even find representation in NOT being treated as ableist puppets or being so ooc with angst and ableism they’ve essentially become the artist or writer’s OCs. But unfortunately that's the track the Submas fandom seems to frequently head down in the wake of PLA.

If you’d like more info about the ableism that has been going on in Submas fan content, there is a list of posts here, but this is by no means exhaustive.

This is a post I previously referenced in one of my posts about the ableism about the issue of making Emmet violent and traumatized for entertainment purposes and why it’s problematic to use trauma as a prop.

And here is a post I made (with my roommate’s addition) addressing the issue of people thinking ableist portrayals aren’t harmful or don’t have an impact on real people.

And if you’re going to continue to make ableist content of Submas (or any other fandom) without any regard as to how your work impacts others, then there isn’t much anyone can do. But don’t be surprised if people choose not to engage with you or your content.

Thank you for your consideration.

[dilutedapplejuice]

Tw: descriptions of (fictional) abuse, neglect, and complex trauma

I’m rewatching soul eater (finally) and I’m at crona, the traumatized non-binary icon!!! And WOW are they autistic. So I’m making a list about it!

All my examples will be transcriptions (from episode 8) bc Hulu won’t let me screenshot it lol

*spoilers for Crona’s entire character arc*

1) Responding to abuse using very obvious logic

*Ragnarok starts hitting Crona and pulling on their skin*

Crona: That hurts me. It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! Stop moving around like that you’re squeezing me! Don’t poke me! Ow! Stop already. Don’t push my nose! You’re bruising me. Stop it now! I’ve had enough already!

Ragnarok: Now, now, calm down Crona. You’re so scary when you’re stressed out like this.

Ragnarok: If you don’t get it in gear we’re going back to the sleep deprivation again.

Crona: No! Don’t start waking me up every hour again! I don’t like it. The dark circles under my eyes will come back and I don’t know how to deal with the dark circles!

Ragnarok: If you let him hit you with that technique again, I’m gonna stick thumb tacks in your shoes. Got it?

Crona: No! Thumbtacks in my shoes would stick into my feet whenever I tried to walk. It would hurt. I don’t think I could deal with that, really.

*Crona gets hit so hard that cartoony stars and planets start circling their head*

Crona: There are stars and planets floating around me. I don’t think I can handle astronomy right now.

This is a bit hard to explain. Crona is describing things that are somewhat obvious to intuit (of course walking in shoes with thumb tacks on the bottom would hurt). Maybe this is a coping mechanism, to help them feel more grounded and in control. Maybe doing this repetitively is soothing, or compulsive (notice how it’s all the same format? “I don’t know how to deal with this!”).

Maybe they are trying to get Ragnarok to see their perspective so that they stop hurting them. But in that case, it seems somewhat clear that these pleads are not working. It’s almost certain that Crona has been doing this type of appeal consistently, even before they are seen in episode 7. Yet we see at least 3 incidents within 30 minutes of the show where Ragnarok not only chooses to bully Crona, but ignores anything they say (or paints them as overreacting). A different person might use their social cognition skills to intuit that Ragnarok will not listen to any kind of emotional appeal and make some other kind of attempt. Crona doesn’t seem to understand this however. They just keep hitting the same wall.

So not only does Crona not have a natural way of understanding social subtext, but they never had the chance to develop it because they were isolated and abused since childhood! It’s a double whammy.

2) Having specific rules with interacting with other things

Medusa: Crona, why are you taking it so easy? Do something.

Crona: It’s not like the ones before. Those were boys. She’s a girl. I’m no good with girls. What am I supposed to do with her?

Medusa: *laughs* How silly… Kill her of course.

Ragnarok: Wouls you hurry up and attack already you idiot?!

*Crona begins attacking*

Crona: But I’ve never seen a man with a screw sticking out of his head before! I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with a guy like that.

Ragnarok: You eat him! Swallow his soul!

They are struggling with knowing how to interact with new things- a girl, a man with a screw in his head. Considering how extreme their isolation was, it’s likely that they are nervous and uncertain in the way an abled person might feel around a visibly disabled person, or a white person might feel around someone who is BIPOC. They don’t know what’s appropriate. But with how they’ve been encouraged to kill everyone they interact with, I would say this ain’t a typical response. Many people in their situation would follow the pattern and think “I’ve been told to kill x, x, and x. There’s another person who’s not my master or weapon. I should kill them too.” That’s not too much of a stretch, I’d say.

But the fact that they have a specific rule set to follow and struggle to apply it to new things strikes me as uniquely autistic thought process.

3) Struggling to understand other perspectives

*Maka hits Crona because they run up and attack*

Crona: You’re going to start poking at me also?

Maka: You should know that the hunting of human souls is strictly forbidden!

Crona: She [Medusa] said that it was okay to eat the human souls. I don’t see what’s wrong with it if she said that it was okay.

They just… kind of assume other people already fit into the context of their own world. Crona thinks that they are following the rules perfectly and is confused when other people challenge those rules. If Maka defends herself and hits Crona, she is the strange one because wasn’t Crona doing exactly what Medusa wanted? Why is Maka poking at them too? And why is Maka saying that Medusa is wrong? Medusa said it was okay, so it must be okay!

This is all clearly because Crona was brainwashed. Medusa seems like the only source of truth in Crona’s world because that was how they were raised. That’s literally the only thing they know. They just haven’t grown those skills of empathy to understand how other people might think. This just seems like such a specifically autistic way to be traumatized because of their adherence to the given rules/authority.

4) The way they talk

They just have that autistic accent. Idk if they’ve hit puberty yet, but they sound like a little kid. Slightly whiny, breathy. And that’s trademark autistic.

5) Eye contact

They are almost never looking at people’s faces. This could be trauma, this could be autism. Likely both.

6) Gender

This is kind of a “duh” point, but autistic people are more likely to be trans or gnc, either because they don’t understand intangible concepts or social concepts, struggle to present in a way that conforms with their AGAB, or don’t feel as obligated to follow arbitrary rules just to fit in. Regardless of if Crona is canonically a “boy” or not, they clearly don’t conform- our first intro to then was when they were mistaken for a girl and verbally assaulted. It’s likely a mix of their pink androgynous hair, childish voice, and clothes that makes them seem like this. They also don’t seem too bothered by different pronouns, if they even notice a difference at all.

7) Daydreaming

In the end, we learn that Crona constantly escapes into their own mind where they are on a tiny desert/beach planet, where they are happy and have an imaginary friend (if I remember correctly- I haven’t made it to this part in the show yet). This is also a very autistic trauma response. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had some kind of dissociative disorder like DID or OSDD and their friend just never fronted. And the specific fantasy of having someone who understands and loves you, in a small, controlled environment where you can do repetitive things for however long you want to…. It’s autism baby.

And… that’s a wrap! Thanks for reading!

And yes. This is a silly Tumblr post by an autistic person who doesn’t have any major trauma. I have no hope of understanding the complexities of childhood abuse and brainwashing. There’s no way for me to actually discern whether a fictional character is suffering from being programmed as a living weapon, or if they’re autistic (I mean, many things listed could be a result of Crona completely losing their free thinking ability and being dependent of their master to do all the thinking. Of course, and that’s exactly how Medusa intended it. Trauma does imitate autism in some manners. I just like to make lists). I just like to think that Crona’s psychology is a result of both.

Anyway. Drink some water!

[devouredead]

Thinking about childhood today

Thinking about when I started school. And kids would talk to me. And I just... would not speak. Just did not have words. They said I was cold or rude. Eventually called me a ghost. Treated me as a non-person. Would not talk to adults, either. Not teachers, not doctors.

Thinking about how that continued on forever. They ask me a question, I could show them an answer, if they asked what book or what animal or anything, I'd show them but that's 'rude.'

Thinking about how I could not speak to my parents, only pushed out words to them when they threatened me. And how that continued on forever.

I struggle to speak without very specific scripts. I can write. Not with more social knowledge but at least words come, I have so many words in my brain. I use AAC pretty well. But I never had words for my parents or my grandparents, for my cousins or aunts or uncles. They grew old and away or passed away and I never had 'conversations' with them that weren't 'hi how are you okay bye' (a script) or echoes that they half-way understood. My father used to frequently tell me he didn't know who I was because I didn't speak to him. Of course, he didn't want scripts and was annoyed by echoes. He wouldn't look at the art I made or read my writing or watch movies or shows or share music with me. He refused every other way I had to communicate. My dad would not read the (literal) writing on the wall so... in the end he was right. He never did know who I was. My siblings and I echo (echolalia) back and forth to each other and that is our language, but as speech therapists will account for, echo isn't considered 'independently speaking' which I guess is their way of saying 'not speaking the right way,' which is to say, 'so that the outside understands.' Which is a shame because I love so many things I have many echoes for many occasions! They are just not original phrases or thoughts, just adopted reactions because as it's been made painfully clear to me, I will never have my own. As if I am the impression of all that touches me but nothing else. If people see me echo or script, they assume I talk with no difficulty. But I can't, and when they inevitably experience that, they get angry and think I'm rude/cold/hateful. And they take it out on me and are congratulated for it because I'm so hateful for not speaking. I get tired. Tired of living for abuse. Even other people with speech difficulties, because guess what? They don't magically understand, either, and I don't have a way to explain because of the assumptions of how being semiverbal works, at least for me. The assumption is always, somehow, that you speak typically except for episodes of speech loss-which is bizarre to me, because I (and the majority of other developmentally delayed and intellectually disabled autistics I've known in the flesh) who have been semiverbal definitely do not communicate like that. But then, I guess that makes sense that people don't know that, because we're not really among the autistic people who typically 'get out much.' Why is speaking so hard? Why can't I understand it? Why can't I do it right? How come I know where to put italics but can't make the people bark sound? I've had decades to be at least as good as a middle schooler so why can't I do it? Even if I try to talk to friends when they repeat back to me I realize that I haven't said enough to be understood or to make sense.

Why am I so bad at this? It's rhetorical. Of course I know it's my autism. It just affects me so bad that I can't make new friends or ask necessary questions or to protect myself. I just stare at people I'd love to talk to and reach out to but we can be two feet apart and oceans away at the same time.

Cuz we'll never talk, and that's just the truth.

My experience of semi-verbal/semi-speaking is all the time, not episodic speech loss.

While I have empathy for those with episodic speech loss and nonspeaking people, our experiences are not the same. Please stop assuming all semi-speaking people suffer episodic speech loss but otherwise have normal speech. You're erasing people like me, thanks.

-

I'm very much for everyone staying in their respective lanes! All our experiences should be respected and should have their space. For that reason...

Verbal/typically speaking people

People who experience speech loss episodes/selective mutism/anxiety related speech loss/speech difficulty is not a permanent state of being

Nonverbal/nonspeaking people

DNI with this post please! It's not for you-

[cocklessboy]

Wow, a couple of my posts have got popular recently. Hello, new people! I'm an autistic trans man with ADHD, a diverse array of other health issues and disabilities, and no money! 😘 This is a sideblog so you won't get any follows or comments from this url, but I appreciate you for being here. I figure I'd better make a pinned post since a lot of the same things come up frequently in replies and I might save some folks some time:

I'm not in the US. I am from there but I've lived in central Europe for over 15 years now. A lot of stuff is different here. I know a lot of folks reading this blog are in the US or UK and a lot of folks try to make suggestions for some of the troubles I have but 99% of the time it's something that's ubiquitous in the US or UK but straight-up not available here whatsoever. I appreciate the intent, but if you see a really simple, easy solution to a problem I post on here, odds are I've thought of it, I've investigated it, I've tried it, and it's either not available or it doesn't work for me for one reason or another.

Things that aren't available here include air conditioners, box fans, square hepa filters, most dating apps (in fact most apps in general), a lot of streaming services, many types/brands of medication and types of medical equipment that are super common in other countries, Amazon (seriously), Etsy, and a lot of other online shopping sites, a truly incredible number of food and drink items (especially processed or pre-made ones), and most social groups/clubs/events (at least ones accessible to an English speaker). (And much, much more!)

I have a lot of medical issues which I sometimes write about here. I don't necessarily explain everything in every post because that would mean writing a novel every time, but since people keep asking, yes, I know what EDS is, yes, I know what MCAS is, yes, I am investigating these possibilities along with many others with my doctors, but it is an obscenely slow process. This country has a serious lack of specialists in a lot of conditions that are lesser-known or which have only been properly understood in recent years. Overall the medical system here is quite good and I can go to almost any doctor and get almost any of the medications available in this country without paying anything, but that comes at the cost of a language barrier and a lot of outdated diagnostic standards for particular conditions like autism, ADHD, and the aforementioned EDS and MCAS. In short, I'm working on it, but my options are limited and the process is slow.

The disability system is also different here. I know the system in the US is horrific and my heart goes out to everyone struggling to survive in it. Fortunately it is better here. It's a very long, slow process to get approved (mainly because you have to get a pretty significant paper trail first, and the lack of specialists means it can take months to get appointments), but approval is based mostly on the recommendations of doctors, the amount you get is calculated based on your income and how much working capacity you have lost, and it does not carry restrictions on how much money you are allowed to earn or have at any time. I am currently in the process of trying to get some benefits but it is likely to take another year if not longer.

If other stuff starts coming up frequently in comments and replies, I'll add answers here. For now, thanks for reading what I have to share and for the kind words (and kind attempts to help) that many of you have left me. I hope that what I write is helpful to some of you. It's hard to find time and energy to write a lot at the moment, but I will try to post more, since it's clear that a lot of people relate and are looking for more of what I have to share.

Take care of yourselves.