#anyways this is my lil parting/graduation gift to her

[sofiaruelle]

ladies on some sewing rulers.

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 3/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

a/n: I’m sorry this took too long to post!! 😭😭 but I been so busy with college rn, I’m going to graduate this year so I’m like having a lot of work lately, and I wasn’t satisfied with what I was writing so that was the reason it took longer than expected, sorry!

I'm a sucker for cliche stuff so as soon as this fic popped in my mind l had to write it down, english isn't my first language tho.

I'm sorry if this is too long TT, but this is kinda a slowburn? it might contain a lot of parts so wait for part 3! One of the reasons this is long af it's because I would like to show you how Jaehyun and (Y/N's life is before they get together! So pls pls don't skip anything I hope you like it!

if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

The third day of the week arrived promptly, where (Y/N) found herself comfortably seated in one of the library chairs, with her chemistry books scattered on the table in front of her as she studied for the exams she had coming up, with Jungwoo beside her.

It was becoming her routine for the week; after last Friday's party, what she most desired was to avoid being at home, especially after having an argument with her mother when she returned from the party.

She didn't want to deal with her in a good time.

Annoyed that her mother had thought it was a great idea to take away her right to use her own car as punishment for disobeying her that night and leaving the house... staying in the library seemed the most pleasant option; with silence, able to listen to music through her AirPods, without her mother bothering her every five minutes and being able to review what she had learned in her last classes: it was something she could take advantage of. She took a sip of her vanilla latte, which had been sponsored by Jungwoo, who, in an attempt to apologize for abandoning her in that way during last Friday's party, promised to pay for each of her daily drinks for a week and a half, no matter the cost.

And even though (Y/N) could afford that or even triple, she was still happy about it. Gifted things tasted even better anyway.

Of course, she first gave Jungwoo a -no- beating after telling him everything that had happened during his absence, but still, she appreciated that her friend was okay even though she hadn't heard anything from him until Saturday night.

During these last few days, with a new routine, (Y/N) was almost always in the same places, at the same times, and if she was honest, she was surprised not to have bumped into Jung Jaehyun at any moment.

It was weird; she would normally see him somewhere around the school, either accompanied by Lucas or just sitting on one of the benches while smoking his 'n' cigarette of the day. But simply, since Friday, she hadn't heard anything from him... she hadn't even bumped into Lucas, which increased the level of strangeness, considering he was a social butterfly, he was always around. (Y/N) had been aware of her words after Jaehyun had taken her home: she could no longer continue with whatever deal they had, with all the stress of her own tasks and knowing that no matter what she did, her cousin wouldn't give up his addictions, it was best to give up.

Although it would hurt her soul to know that there was no way to help Daeho.

But thinking about it, she didn't know if she had really been sincere about each going their own way... apparently Jaehyun had taken it very seriously to not show up anywhere, and although (Y/N) knew very well that being close to him didn't bring her anything good... his presence hadn't been so bothersome in the last few days. Really, after sharing a few words and spending more time with him, she couldn't say that she disliked his existence. It was funny if you asked the (Y/N) from a month ago, there would be no way she could have imagined that, somehow, she would be related to none other than Jung Jaehyun, who, on the outside, just seemed to be one more problem.

She tried to stop thinking about it and tried to focus her gaze on the book in front of her, but after a few minutes... it was difficult for her. There was something inside her that made her feel uneasy but she couldn't think what it was.

"There’s a race in Kosmo today" her best friend's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

Kosmo was the neighborhood that was right in the middle of the city, dividing Kwangya and Neo Zone. (Y/N) knew that there were usually illegal races in that area because it was when the rich kids from Kwangya usually dared to compete against Neo Zone.

"And why should I care...?"

"Your cousin will go to bet," Jungwoo replied, interrupting her study session.

The girl opened her eyes in surprise and asked, "How do you know?"

"Daeho told Mingi, and Mingi told me," he replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. The boy fell silent for a moment and cleared his throat. "Don’t you want to go?" He asked curiously.

(Y/N) looked up from her books and observed her friend incredulously. "Why would I want to go?"

"To keep an eye on Daeho," he answered.

"I'm still mad with him, I've decided not to help him anymore. I really tried, I've been trying for the past few years, but he doesn't want help and now I understand," the girl confessed, closing her book and letting out a sigh.

"Still... don't you think it would be fun? Getting out of our comfort zone a bit... seeing what all this racing stuff is about. I've heard they're amazing," Jungwoo insisted.

"Jungwoo, my mom will kill me if she finds out I went to an illegal race," the girl continued, taking a sip of her coffee.

"She won't find out."

"Jungwoo..."

"Come on, (Y/N), we won't even be in Neo Zone, it'll be in Kwangya only. We'll go, watch the race, and leave. We won't even make contact with anyone. We'll go on our own," the boy assured her, moving closer to her. "Please, I think it would be interesting to break out of our routine, just for one night, what could go wrong?"

"Many things could go wrong, Woo," she replied.

"We won't know unless we try," he pouted, clasping his hands together. "Please."

She hated how persuasive her best friend was.

She sighed and shook her head. "Fine, but at the first sign of trouble, we're leaving without a second thought."

"I love you so much," Jungwoo replied, hugging her shoulders.

"And I really hate you."

______________________________________________

The night fell faster than she expected, and among the roar of engines and the intense music that could be heard on the outskirts of Kosmo, (Y/N) felt something cold run through her body.

She could see familiar faces here and there, some of her classmates from Kwangya were in the place, and from the opposite side, the cars and familiar faces of Neo Zone were present.

It was a strange atmosphere for her; she had always played it safe, and now she didn't even know what to think. She felt herself getting closer to Jungwoo to not lose him, the last thing she needed was for them to separate like they did at the party.

She didn't think she could survive alone.

And it's not that she was dumb to think otherwise, but her parents raised her in an environment where they made her believe that she shouldn't do things outside her daily life. (Y/N) was afraid of adventures. Her life was governed by being obedient and doing the right thing; she didn't know when the moment of rebellion she had a few days ago when she left home the night of the party had been wise.

And now finding herself in Kosmo secretly from her mother at an illegal race? She must have gone crazy.

She believed even more so that she had gone crazy when something inside her hoped to run into none other than Jung Jaehyun.

She didn't understand why the urgency of what was happening, and even less why she expected to run into Jaehyun before running into Daeho.

Maybe it was because she found it strange not to have seen him since last Friday's party.

But she knew that if there was one place Jaehyun wouldn't miss... it would be the race tonight.

"Are you looking for Daeho?" Jungwoo asked when he saw her looking around. "He's probably with Mingi."

How could she explain to her friend that the person she was looking for was none other than Jung Jaehyun?

She nodded without saying more, and they both continued on their way while cautiously observing their surroundings. The smell of marijuana and car engines was embedded in the place, the music made their ears ring, and the night breeze made their bodies tremble.

(Y/N)'s eyes drifted away when she noticed Lucas in the distance, having a conversation with another guy. Lucas felt her gaze on him and looked at the girl with confusion before approaching her after apologizing to his companion.

"Hey, Kwangya kiddos, what brings you here on this magnificent night?" Lucas asked enthusiastically.

"We wanted to know what these races are about," Jungwoo replied simply.

"Hmm, interesting," the tall guy nodded. "Well, you're in luck, Jaehyun will race today, are you sure you want to see the show? The best of the area against someone from Yellow Wood," Lucas explained while cracking his fingers slightly.

Upon hearing the guy's name, (Y/N) looked up and paid attention to Lucas's words.

"If you're interested in betting, come to me," Lucas advised.

"I think we're fine like this," said (Y/N).

"Alright, take care. I'll go look for my guy to get him ready for the race," Lucas announced as he patted Jungwoo on the back.

The guy walked away from them with a smile, and Jungwoo responded with one of his own, then he looked at his friend and frowned, "relax, you're anxious."

How could she not be?

But before she could even answer anything, a few meters away, she saw the familiar face she had been looking for. In the distance, the silhouette of Jung Jaehyun was leaning against his car while talking to a few guys from Neo Zone, his neck tattoos weren't very visible due to the darkness of the night but she could distinguish them a bit, then... as if he had called him, Jaehyun's gaze moved to connect with hers, making her freeze in place.

Jaehyun frowned when he saw her standing just a few steps away from him, looking like a lost puppy as she stood beside Jungwoo.

The sight reminded him of a month ago when Daeho had clumsily brought (Y/N) to Neo Zone. Although this time she was accompanied by her best friend, another rich and spoiled kid from Kwangya. He observed the outfit she had decided to wear, once again, just like that time, it wasn't extravagant, no famous brand could be seen in her attire, and the only piece of jewelry she wore was a pair of earrings that definitely looked like gold...

He hoped she wouldn't lose them tonight.

Because they made her look good.

The surprise was evident on the girl's face when she took a better look at the brunet's body, who was now walking towards her, wearing a hoodie with its hood over his head and as he got closer, the darkness of the night was no longer so intrusive. It hadn't been enough to hide the bruises that were scattered across his body.

There was one under his cheek, just below his left eye, and it was reddish, as if it were flushed. Then, looking at the ones between his jaw and his neck, she noticed how they subtly mixed with the ink of the tattoo he had on his neck. That one was difficult to distinguish thanks to the dark lines that adorned that part of his body, but if you paid enough attention, it was alarming.

When she lowered her gaze over his torso and then looked at his hands, she could see the intense shades of red that his knuckles contained, as if ground blood had accumulated on each of them.

It wasn't the first time she had seen Jaehyun or Lucas with a bruise or two on a school day, but it was the first time she had seen it up close.

Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. Why was it suddenly doing this?

"Did you lost your way home?" Jaehyun asked when he was in front of her.

"Jaehyun," she muttered quietly, "... are you okay?"

The girl didn't need much to realize that was the stupidest question she could ask right now, of course he wasn't okay. And although she knew this happened regularly in Jaehyun's life, she couldn't help but fill her head with doubts; what had to happen for him to end up like this?

... was that the reason he hadn't gone to school?

A small smile appeared on the boy's face, and even with the different colors decorating his face, she could still notice the dimples that formed in it.

Why did he still look good?

"I don't think you came here to ask that, Angel," Jaehyun replied mockingly. "I really believed in your whole story about us going on our ways, so what are you doing at a race where most of the spectators are from Neo Zone?"

The girl was left speechless. "Jungwoo brought me here."

"Well, if that's the case, enjoy the races, I think it'll be fun for you to spice up your Wednesday nights a bit," he continued with a sarcastic smile.

"What happened to you?" She asked again.

Jaehyun didn't answer.

He had gotten himself into big trouble... all thanks to Jeno.

He had trusted that all his merchandise would be sold by the time Monday came around, but after being at Johnny Suh's party, where other dealers were also present, he didn't manage to sell what he needed.

He had a little less than half left in his pockets and in Lucas's.

Luck had not been on his side this time, and when he had to be accountable to Lee Sooman, he had to take responsibility for his brother's actions. And despite telling him that he would not take care of him like he used to after the argument they had... he'd much rather take the beatings he had received than see Jeno the way he did in the mirror.

That time, it really felt eternal. He still remembers the angry (but also mocking) look Sooman had on his face when Jaehyun and Lucas brought the money to his office and after asking Lucas none too kindly to leave, that was when Jaehyun knew what was coming.

With Cheol Uk by his side, leading him out of the office to the vacant lot not far from the warehouse, Jaehyun could do nothing but accept what was coming.

It was one blow after another, and he knew well that at that moment, defending himself was not something he should do or he would end up worse.

He remembers feeling every punch with tremendous pain, and all he could think about was Jeno and how he would have felt if it had been him getting beaten up.

At least Jaehyun was used to the beatings and had no choice; he already knew that all of this was part of being someone from Neo Zone, so he simply had to continue to comply with what Sooman demanded to the letter unless he wanted to end up again in the position he was in.

What felt like hours was really just a few minutes; Cheol Uk stopped hitting him after a while and without saying more, he left. Leaving Jaehyun in the middle of the vacant lot with a broken lip and eyebrow as he spat blood and reached for his abdomen for some support to get up and walk to where he knew Lucas was waiting for him.

How much more? How much longer would he have to keep with all of this?

But, right now, it wasn't something he should talk about.

"It's really not something you need to know," he replied with a smirk. "You came to enjoy the race, right? Then do it, I'll be running in a few minutes, if you don't get scared by the atmosphere here before that, I'm sure you'll want to see me," Jaehyun continued, winking at her.

"I think it'll be fun to see you in second place," the girl teased.

"Baby... I always win," Jaehyun bragged, looking her directly in the eyes.

It was then that the girl didn't say anything else, she just kept her gaze on his. She hated feeling intrigued by Jaehyun himself. Because right now she didn't even feel like she was in Kosmo, with Jaehyun in front of her looking directly at her, she didn't even feel real. She was getting into fire and she knew it.

And she didn't know if she could escape from it.

For a moment she felt a heaviness on her shoulders and warmth surrounded her, causing her to snap out of her thoughts and notice that the jacket that Jaehyun was wearing over his hoodie was now over her body.

"You were trembling like a chihuahua," Jaehyun explained. "Don't consider it an act of kindness, I'm just returning the favor after having done my jobs those two weeks... at least now they won't kick me out of school this evaluation period," he continued.

"I'm not sure if I should feel good knowing that I'm indirectly helping an illegal business," she replied, adjusting the jacket.

"No one needs to know," he replied. "Good luck tonight, don't get lost too much because things get interesting," he said, and without further ado, he turned around to go back to his friends.

(Y/N) stood perplexed in her place, and it was then that she felt Jungwoo's presence next to her.

"What was that?"

"I have no idea."

_______________________________________________

The next morning, after putting her books back in her backpack, (Y/N) looked at the jacket folded inside her bag, feeling a heaviness and remembering the events of the previous night.

The rumors were true... Jung Jaehyun was the best street racer in the area, because he not only competed once the day before, but two more times, winning 3 victories in a short time, and to be honest, it had been impressive.

She hadn't run into him again after the brief conversation they had, and even though she had been waiting for it... she and Jungwoo bolted from the place when they heard the police sirens approaching Kosmo.

The last thing she needed was for her parents to find out about her escapade.

She didn't hear anything from Daeho the night before, she even doubted if he had really gone to the race.

She didn't want to give too much importance to the situation, which is why she chose to continue her path through the school hallways, hoping to return the jacket that was at the bottom of her bag and trying to divert her thoughts to something other than Jaehyun.

And as if she had summoned him, she saw him under the entrance roof as he leaned against the wall and took a drag from the cigarette in his hands. (Y/N) checked the day's weather and cursed when she noticed the raindrops falling lightly. She had forgotten about today's forecast.

Jaehyun was lost in his thoughts as he watched the rain and let out the smoke in his chest.

The bruises were still visible.

She stopped abruptly to take the jacket out of her bag and, without saying anything, approached him and handed it back to him.

Jaehyun looked at her with a raised eyebrow and blew out the smoke from his lungs.

"You're welcome," Jaehyun said as he took the jacket in his hands.

"Yes, thank you," she said, feeling her cheeks flush.

"Where did you park your car?" Jaehyun asked out of nowhere.

"I didn't bring it with me, my mom confiscated it," she blurted out without thinking, and when she turned to look at Jaehyun, she noticed a mocking smile on his face.

"Oh, mom took away your Porsche," he pouted mockingly and shook his head. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"I'm fine, Jaehyun. Thanks," she said as she looked at the rain.

"Come on, it wouldn't be the first time I've taken you. Plus, the school won't be closing anytime soon."

She thought about all the possibilities that crossed her mind, but something about her was excited to think about the ride home.

"Where's your car?"

______________________________________________

It was fortunate that his car was nearby.

Jaehyun turned on the heater as soon as they got into the car, and without further ado, the journey began.

It was just like the first time they had been together in the same car. Without saying anything, both with their eyes focused on the road, and it was then that they both realized that they didn't have a topic of conversation. The few times they had interacted had been about their interests and what they needed from each other at the moment. However, Jaehyun didn't know anything about (Y/N) that he hadn't heard at school, and (Y/N) didn't know anything about Jaehyun that she hadn't heard in the hallways or from her parents about the people from Neo Zone.

At this point, they weren't even acquaintances.

They had just coincided in something and that was it.

(Y/N) took the opportunity to send a text message to Jungwoo and tell him that he no longer needed to pick her up, without explaining more, she sent the text and subsequently, Jaehyun's phone rang.

The boy sighed and cautiously looked for a quick place to park even with the sound of the mobile phone ringing filling the car. He took the device and (Y/N) could notice the slight tension that seized Jaehyun's body as he read the caller ID, without thinking twice he answered the call.

The brunette felt weird being able to hear Jaehyun's conversation, so she tried to distract herself with something else. First with her phone, then looking out the window where she could see the rain beginning to dissipate, and then she could hear a "I'll be there in a moment" that made her react and turn to see him end the call.

The boy scratched his neck and then brought his hands to his face to rub it, let out a deep sigh, and looked at (Y/N).

“Uh, I need to do something quickly and your house is still a bit far... Do you mind if we stop by that place first? It's on the way” he asked with no other option.

“Does this has to do with your job?” She asked.

It took him a moment to respond: — No, it's not about my job. You can stay in the car, it's just that, I really need to get there.

After seeing Jaehyun's face and not being able to decipher what he was trying to say, (Y/N) nodded, not very sure, and that was enough for Jaehyun to quickly start the car.

Thousands of thoughts ran through (Y/N)'s mind. Eager to know where they were headed; she didn't know if she should believe Jaehyun that this wasn't about picking up or delivering goods or meeting someone who worked on the same thing he did.

She was only sure they wouldn't go to Neo Zone because they were far from there.

She could see how impatient Jaehyun seemed while driving, and that only made her even more nervous. What exactly did they tell him in that call to make him like this? She wanted to ask, but she knew she wouldn't get an answer.

She didn't know how many minutes had passed, she only knew that the rain stopped just before the car parked and she finally noticed where they were. A gray building was a few meters away from them, and it wasn't hard to recognize it.

It was the National Rehabilitation Center.

A long and large building, which was accompanied by an extensive garden, and from the outside, you could see that there were a huge number of rooms inside it.

Her head was flooded with even more questions knowing that this was the place where Jaehyun was needed.

“You can stay in the car if you want. I'll be back in a moment” Jaehyun said as he opened the car door and got out.

Curiosity got the better of her.

And that's why she got out of the car and followed Jaehyun. Without saying anything, they entered the building where they were immediately greeted by a nurse who seemed to know the boy well.

“Jaehyun, I'm glad you were able to answer the call” said the woman as she greeted them. “We need to talk to you”.

The boy nodded and turned to (Y/N), who just nodded and said, “I’ll wait for you.”

He smiled slightly and walked with the person until they reached the reception where she was able to pull out a few papers.

It had been, perhaps, about two weeks since the last time he had been there. A place he was very familiar with and where he regularly went; he had become good friends with the friendly nurses who apparently didn't care where he came from.

He was grateful that the nurse didn't say anything when his bruises and wounds were clearly visible.

“Has something happened?” he asked after a few seconds.

“ He's fine” the nurse said with a smile “but we need to talk to you about his stay here” she continued.

That's when the small smile on his face disappeared. Jaehyun knew what she was referring to. He swallowed hard before the nurse could speak.

“The payment is overdue, Jaehyun," the nurse confirmed what he already knew. "We care about Sicheng's health, but this is not my concern. You know that the center relies on patients' monthly payments, and the administrators in charge of them request them punctually," she commented as she handed Jaehyun one of the papers. "I understand your situation and Sicheng's, but there's nothing more I can do even if I wanted to; I've tried to delay the payment as much as I could, but unfortunately, it can't be delayed any longer. The administrators expect the payment soon, or we'll have to discharge Sicheng and send him home," she concluded.

It was difficult at first for Jaehyun to process everything the nurse had said, as more than ten things ran through his mind at once; one of them being his good friend Winwin, then, thinking about how he could quickly get the money he knew he owed to the clinic, considering the beating he had just received for not being able to complete a sale. So, what would he do? He still needed half the money for that monthly payment, and between the clinic's expenses and those of his own house for his family, he couldn't see a way to get the money on time.

He would have to ask for more stash to sell if he wanted to do it.

He couldn't let them discharge Sicheng.

Not while he hasn't made progress.

"I'm sorry," Jaehyun said. "I... I still have a little left to complete the payment. It's just that lately, it's been harder, and... how much time do I have to pay it?" the breathless boy asked.

"Considering that it's only the first few days of the month, and the payment is already two weeks late... I can't give you more than three days," lamented the nurse, making a grimace.

"I'll try the impossible to bring you that money on Saturday. Sicheng still can't be discharged; he hasn't progressed the way he was supposed to," he affirmed, a slight pout evident in his mouth.

What a contrast there was between his expression and the bruises, accompanied by the tattoos on his body.

Being in the Rehabilitation Center was the place where he could be most vulnerable.

"How is he?" he asked, lowering his gaze.

"Same as the last time you came to visit him," commented the nurse. "We're doing what we can, Jaehyun, but as long as he stays the way he is, we can't move forward. We need his will to help him."

When no words came out of his mouth, the nurse continued: "Jaehyun, you know you can go see him."

For Jaehyun, each visit was just as difficult as the day he decided to admit Sicheng to that clinic, and each one left him more tormented than the previous.

He would give everything if that means that Sicheng would go back to be himself.

He nodded after a few seconds and cautiously glanced back, where, not far away, (Y/N) was reading some brochures and observing the facilities around them; when she noticed the boy's gaze on her body, she walked toward him carefully.

The brunette didn't really know what came to his mind or what caused those words to come out of his mouth, but when he wanted to back off, it was too late, because they had already been expressed.

"Are you coming with me?"

And although (Y/N) had no idea why they were there or where they were going, she accepted anyway. So they found themselves walking down the long whitewashed hallway until they reached an elevator, and then they went up about three floors.

The atmosphere was cold, the hallways and rooms were well-lit, and they could see a few nurses and what she assumed were doctors walking around in their lab coats.

Jaehyun didn't know why he was allowing himself to show her that part of his life, especially when it was such a fragile part for him. He had tried to protect it cautiously for the past few months, and now he was there, accompanied by Hwang (Y/N), with the person he never thought he would meet at that moment.

He hadn't really thought of her when he asked if they could go there before going home; his head was only thinking about the clinic and Sicheng when the call had ended, and it was too late to change his mind when they had set off.

He just hoped the girl would be discreet enough.

They reached room 119, where Jaehyun pushed the door open and where in a wheelchair, they both could see Winwin, who was facing the large window of his room, looking outside.

(Y/N)'s surprised face did not go unnoticed; she was confused in a thousand ways. She knew who Dong Sicheng was; everyone in her school knew him, however... she thought he had simply left the city. She had no idea he was in that place. So in her head, thousands of questions arose about him, why he was there, and why he was in a wheelchair.

She could only react when she heard Jaehyun's voice: "Hey, buddy. How are you today?"

Nothing.

That's what he received.

Jaehyun walked over to him, and when he stood next to him, he crouched down enough to be able to observe him better. Winwin had his gaze fixed forward, his cheeks were a little rosy, his hair fell over his forehead, and his hands were resting on his legs.

Jaehyun sighed.

"Oh, I see you've taken a shower today," the boy mentioned with a smile, and again, there was not a single response.

When he noticed the presence of the girl, who had remained in her place throughout the visit and hesitated to approach them, he spoke: "Today I'm not alone; I brought company. Maybe you'll find it helpful to hear another voice that isn't mine or Lucas's... or the nurses'," the boy teased and gestured to the brunette to come closer, who obeyed. "Do you remember (Y/N)? She was in our class; we've coincided a couple of times, that's why she's here."

"Hello, Winwin," she greeted softly. Jaehyun made a grimace and stood up from his place to be at the girl's height.

"Don't expect an answer," Jaehyun commented. "There won't be one."

"I thought... I thought Winwin had moved to China," (Y/N) confessed.

Jaehyun snorted: "Yes, that's what everyone thinks."

Those words took her by surprise, and it was when she decided to remain silent, watching from a distance the little interaction between the boys: it was just Jaehyun saying a few words while adjusting Sicheng's hair without expecting any response.

Dong Sicheng and Jung Jaehyun had been friends since birth, being two little boys who grew up on the streets of Neo Zone, it was easy to click with each other. Winwin's parents had decided to move to the infamous area after his father had met Lee Sooman in some low neighborhood in Wenzhou, China, and he had offered him a job where he could have his family at least a little better off than in his country.

Winwin had not joined the gang since it had not been of great urgency to him; his father was the active member needed by the family, and if he were honest... the farthest he could be from the Neo Zone gang... the better. He was always Jaehyun's companion at all times. Best friends who shared every detail of their lives for years, Jaehyun took care of Sicheng, and he provided the most sincere friendship he had ever had... then, a while later, Lucas Wong and Mark Lee joined their adventures.

Four boys from Neo Zone with the desire to conquer the world, but unable to leave their sad reality behind.

Jaehyun still remembers that fateful day a year ago, and he still feels like it happened yesterday.

The guilt gnawed at him every passing day, terrorizing each of his nights as he wondered: Why?

Why did something like that have to happen to someone as good as Dong Sicheng was?

A year ago, when Jaehyun had chosen to go deliver a package of stash after Winwin had asked him to stay and keep him company, and he had denied that request... that decision still drilled into his head.

Winwin's family and he had been robbed in their own home. Knowing who had done it, the reasons for the event, and who had ordered such inhumanity, were still a mystery. When Winwin's parents along with him tried to flee the place by leaving in a car; it had not been the wisest decision they had made at the moment... because not long after, outside of Neo Zone, after the group of people who had robbed their home managed to shoot a clean shot in one of the tires of the rear part of the car, causing Winwin's father to lose control of his own vehicle and not a few meters later it would impact hard enough for the car to be shot in another direction, causing immediate damage.

Jaehyun only remembers receiving a call from Lucas and minutes later finding himself at the entrance to the Emergency Room of the General Hospital, where a stretcher with Winwin's body was being transported.

He remembers seeing the blood. He remembers hearing Lucas and Mark's screams asking to see their friend. He remembers standing still at the entrance to the Emergency Room.

But above all, he remembers thinking, what would have happened if instead of deciding to go sell that stupid package of stash, what if he had stayed at home with his mother and Sicheng?

A week in a coma and a diagnosis of paraplegia was what made Jaehyun lose his mind.

It had been a year since the accident, and Winwin had not even progressed a bit. After being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, it had been difficult to help the injury in the dorsal spine that he had suffered; the damage had been partial, Winwin could handle his movements and his sensitivity to walk again... if only he would come out of the state of shock he was still in.

There were too many things he experienced in so few minutes, so much physical and mental pain for what happened, that now, Sicheng couldn't react.

It had been a year since Sicheng hasn’t spoken.

The doctors assured that he could hear and understand everything, but he was simply mentally tired to process the words and make them come out of his mouth.

His body didn't react as it should either.

And until Winwin had the strength of his own will to do it, the only thing they could do at that clinic was to keep him on medication so that the pains would not persist.

But Jaehyun couldn't take it anymore.

What he would give for Sicheng to be able to enjoy life again.

Unfortunately, the visits he made to the hospital... didn't last more than half an hour since that was the place's regulation. So, his farewell was as quick as his arrival.

"See you on Saturday, Win," he put his hand on his shoulder. "Don't give the nurses too much trouble."

He could swear he heard Winwin laugh and say goodbye.

Even though that really didn't happen.

(Y/N), who throughout the visit remained silent observing both boys, could feel her heart in her hand. She had never believed she would see that vulnerability on Jaehyun's part, and knowing what it was about because of the importance his best friend had in his life, made her heart ache with sadness even more.

"Now I'll take you home," murmured Jaehyun when he passed by her without saying anything else.

The girl glanced back, looking for the last time at Sicheng's silhouette, who hadn't moved from the same place since they had both arrived in the room. She took a deep breath and left the room when Jaehyun was already far enough away.

She didn't know what to say. There were no words of comfort for the situation, and she knew it, that's why they both silently said goodbye to the nurse who had received them and continued like that until they entered the car, which was not parked far away.

Jaehyun allowed himself to lean back on the driver's seat as he closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

"I guess you have many questions," Jaehyun said without opening his eyes.

She had.

"I don't know if I really should ask them," (Y/N) confessed as she looked at him.

The boy remained silent for a few seconds.

"Sicheng and his parents had an accident a year ago," Jaehyun said, opening his eyes to look at her. "An accident that was caused."

"By whom?"

"No one knows," he replied, taking his hands to the steering wheel of the car and squeezing it tightly. "His parents died instantly... Winwin arrived at the hospital in critical condition; it was a miracle that he came out alive."

"Why...?"

"Why is he in this clinic?" he interrupted, and she nodded with a knot in her stomach. "The accident had a great impact and damaged on his dorsal spine; the doctors diagnosed partial paraplegia; his sensitivity in his legs was minimal, and he couldn't make any extensive movements with his legs that didn't make him cry from the pain. After seven days, he woke up from the coma and realized everything that had happened, including my uncle's death... he hasn't said a single word since then... the doctors said it would take time for him to recover, and that eventually, he would speak, but Winwin doesn't have the will to do it; he's still in a kind of state of shock, and that has delayed his recovery," he explained, unable to see her in the eyes.

"Who... who pays for all this if Sicheng's parents aren't here?" she asked curiously.

Jaehyun sighed; "For the first few months, my boss covered part of the monthly fee, until suddenly he stopped doing it. Since then, I've been taking care of it."

The girl's expression was one of surprise.

"How do you do it?"

"That’s the reason I'm in the business that I'm in," he replied, changing his gaze to her, being able to see directly into her eyes and causing her to feel a shiver run through her body.

There was something about those bruised eyes that had done something to her.

"It must be hard," the girl said in a murmur.

Jaehyun snorted and nodded slowly. He hated being seen in his less tough character. The only person he allowed himself to be like that with was Lucas... or Winwin. And for a stranger to see him like that... made his blood boil.

"You know? Winwin loved dancing," Jaehyun said, smiling sideways as the memory came to his mind.

That fact wasn't strange for (Y/N), she remembers seeing Winwin at the school theater... the only boy from Neo Zone who was part of the dance team. She didn't even know how he had managed that, but he must have been good if the Kwangya students allowed him to be in the group.

"Now nobody knows if he'll be able to do it again," Jaehyun continued. "Winwin was the only one of all of us who really had a future, he wasn't even a gang member... he hadn't even gone through his initiation, and look how he ended up."

(Y/N) swallowed.

"Mark Lee is no longer friends with you, right?" The girl asked curiously.

"Things got complicated with him after the accident."

The brunette fell silent for a moment and then shifted her body to face him.

“Haven't you thought about looking for another alternative?” she questioned again “You know? If you let me help you, maybe I could get you a position at my father's company and...”

“Shh. I think I've told you it's not that easy.”

“ But it could be” she insisted.

Jaehyun scoffed and shook his head as he looked away from her.

“I not only have to cover this quota, I also have to bring money home, for my mom and for Jeno. It's the easiest way to get what I need” he confessed “besides, I told you once... in Neo Zone there's no way out, once you're in, you're in forever.”

The tattoos on his neck were what sentenced him to a miserable life forever.

But as long as that miserable life helped to ease the pain and managed to make Sicheng return to who he was, it would be worth it.

“It doesn't have to be like this” she murmured, focusing on her own hands.

"You don't know what it's like to be part of this," he countered in a low voice.

How had they opened up to have such a conversation so suddenly?

The girl felt her lip tremble as she remembered the scene she had witnessed minutes earlier in that room, and she couldn't help but think about how it would feel to lose a loved one in such a way... knowing that physically they were present, but mentally they weren't there.

(Y/N) had always had a heart easy to move, but she really never believed that Jung Jaehyun would be able to achieve that.

"Is that why you insist on continuing school?" she asked, looking at him again.

"Students are my best clients," he replied with a half smile.

(Y/N) didn't know how to take that.

She closed her eyes for a moment and then said, "I can help you with a few more assignments," she assured. "But only for a while and in my own way. But, I don't want you to involve me in any of the problems you're in, it will only be school matters. I don't want to be associated with anything you do, if anything you do is enough to help Sicheng, I'll try not to question it."

Jaehyun couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"If that helps you help me and me stay in school..." he paused "...I might be willing."

"What's the reason for your change of heart?"

"Because if I were in the same situation as you, I would also want someone to somehow help me," she replied, hugging herself.

The boy nodded with a half-smile, and without further ado, he started the car.

"Only school matters," Jaehyun confirmed.

She definitely didn't know what he had just gotten himself into.

______________________________________________

The day after the visit to the National Rehabilitation Center, something happened that made (Y/N) unable to concentrate enough during class hours. Her mind kept going back to the place over and over again, but how horrible was the situation the boy was in. One day you're capable, and the next... not even being able to move. How could anyone endure that?

At some point in the morning, during the physics period, her mind was spinning, her leg moving anxiously, and she bit her lips. She tried to erase the conversation she and Jaehyun had had the day before a thousand times and tried to erase the image of Winwin in that room.

But it was impossible.

Just when she thought she had succeeded, the image returned immediately.

She hated being someone who cared too much about things.

Because she knew something wasn't right with her when she found herself in front of the doors of the Rehabilitation Center.

Her coat shielded her from the cold breeze on that day, and as she clutched her bag to her, she didn't think anymore and entered the place.

She felt a little out of place when she entered the center, but after a few minutes, a presence came in front of her.

"Hello, good morning," the nurse greeted her. "Oh, you're the girl who accompanied Jaehyun yesterday, right?" She asked in confusion.

The girl smiled and nodded. "Yes, I'm Hwang (Y/N). I'm Jaehyun's classmate... and Winwin's."

"How nice of you to visit us... are you here to see Winwin? It's rare to see someone come for him other than Lucas or Jaehyun," confessed the nurse.

"Um, yes... I could say I'm here for a visit," the girl smiled. "But, to be honest... yesterday I overheard a bit of his conversation with Jaehyun... I know Winwin's payment is delayed this month."

"Yes, usually Jaehyun finds a way to pay on time," she sighed. "But this month it's been delayed for a few weeks, and if I'm honest, I've been doing everything I can to keep Winwin from being discharged."

The girl nodded and asked, "Do you think Winwin's treatment will still take time?"

"I can't answer that accurately," admitted the nurse. "It's all a matter of Winwin's will, but to be honest, right now he has no will at all, so far as we're concerned, and if the payment continues to be monthly... he could spend another half a year here."

The girl understood the situation, and although she would like to think more about it... she didn't, so she didn't even know when she blurted out those words: "Is there any way I can pay for the next six months?"

The nurse's eyes widened with surprise, and she looked at the girl with enthusiasm. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," she replied. "I would like to help one of my classmates as long as I can. Money is not a problem," she confessed.

"Wow... thank you, i really appreciate that. Winwin is a boy with a lot of potential from what we know, and although we're sad that we haven't made the progress we want, we know that someday he will leave through that door better," (Y/N) smiled nostalgically.

"I just need to ask you something," the brunette confessed. "Could you not tell Jaehyun that I've paid?" she questioned.

"I don't know if it's easy to lie to someone like Jaehyun," the nurse laughed. "But since it's something good you've done... I'll try," the nurse walked to the desk with (Y/N) behind her. "(Y/N)?" She called and paid attention. "I know there may be many things about Jaehyun... but he's a good guy... beneath all that facade; he really has something good."

Those words hammered in her head. "Thank you."

_____________________________________________

(Y/N) reviewed the same line of text she had read five times now on some molasses topic. Trying to understand the topic deeply.

The air coming lightly through one of the library windows was enough for her to try to hug herself to take warmth, read a bit from the physics books on the table, and impatiently move her leg.

She didn't know at what exact moment a tall figure stood in front of her, but what she did know was that that person didn't seem very happy.

"Why did you do it?" Jaehyun let out while looking directly at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," (Y/N) replied while looking at her book attentively.

"I know you know. I thought I told you I don't need your money," Jaehyun repeated with annoyance.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," the girl stopped seeing her book and changed her gaze to the boy.

"Don't play with me," the boy exclaimed exasperatedly. "Why did I went to the center today and they told me Winwin's treatment has been paid for the next six months?"

The girl shrugged. "It could have been your boss."

"My boss doesn't give a shit about Winwin!" Exclaimed the boy. "I told you I didn't need your money, I was clear, I don't want to owe anything to anyone from Kwangya."

"You don't need to pay me back," the girl assured, standing up in front of Jaehyun. "With the money you'll save from that, you'll be able to sell less."

"It seems you don't understand a fucking thing!" Jaehyun raised your arms with annoyance. "Paying or not paying for Sicheng's treatment, it doesn't change the fact that I sell drugs!" The boy explained regardless of where they were; they were lucky the library wasn't being occupied by other people.

"Everyone starts somewhere!" the girl attacked. "I just wanted to take a weight off your shoulders."

Jaehyun scoffed and looked at her with a sarcastic smile.

"Why? I don't need your pity! If you hadn't accompanied me yesterday, you'd still be thinking Winwin had moved to China! You didn't give a fucking damn even when he was your classmate!"

(Y/N) started gathering her things and putting them in her backpack.

"Saying thank you would have been enough, Jaehyun!" the girl remarked. "I know you can do better with your life," she murmured as she turned to look at him.

Jaehyun's blood was boiling; he hated when people interfered in his life, as if he didn't already have enough to deal with.

"You don't know anything about me! You said it yourself; we're not even friends," he retorted.

"And what if I want to get to know you better?" the girl exclaimed without thinking. They both fell silent, staring into each other's eyes. (Y/N) didn't even want to say those words, but she did.

She couldn't deny that Jung Jaehyun was intriguing. She didn't know why. She didn't know why she had been avoiding him for weeks, but since that night at Neo Zone, when they had talked about the deal, she knew it would be difficult to shake him off, and when she had... something inside her wanted them to meet again. Why are things so difficult? They are two different people from different backgrounds; why would she suddenly be interested in him? Was it because she saw him vulnerable the day before? Or was it because she believed there was something good in him, just like the nurse had said?

She must be crazy to think like that.

"You really don't want to do it," Jaehyun said with a bit more calmness.

"I know you can get out out of that hole, Jaehyun."

"Winwin's parents tried, and look how that ended up!" he exclaimed. "There's no way out in Neo Zone, get that through your head," he explained. "There's nothing good about me. I don't even know why you think so, just because yesterday you saw something different or because I drove you home a couple of times, doesn't mean you know everything about me!"

"Stop acting like a fucking jerk."

"Like a jerk? This is reality! Your act of charity isn't going to change my life. I was born a dealer, and that's how my life will end!"

"I really believe there's something good in you."

"Well, keep believing it."

"If you ever feel grateful, you know where to find me," the girl said, gathering her things and walking out of the library.

Jaehyun cursed under his breath and shook his hands in frustration. In just a few days, the girl had managed to push his buttons faster than anyone else from Neo Zone.

But when he saw her walk out the door, why did he feel regret for lashing out at her?

_______________________________________________

The week had been slow this time. (Y/N) and Jaehyun had been avoiding each other like the plague, not even looking at each other when they crossed paths in the hallway. For the girl, it seemed like childish behavior, especially coming from Jaehyun and his usual façade; now he seemed nothing more than someone throwing a tantrum after she only wanted to help him.

But she still thought she really wanted to get to know him better.

What was behind his façade? What was it that made him who he was? Not the boy from Neo Zone, not the dealer everyone knew... who was Jeong Jaehyun really?

That question had been on her mind for weeks, and it disappointed her a bit to know that she might never know the answers to those doubts she had about the boy.

Today was warm compared to the weather last week. The sun was shining brightly, and luckily for (Y/N), her mother had decided to return her car. So her day had started off on the right foot, and hoping for a good day, she took the opportunity to stop by her favorite coffee shop in Kwangya. Ordering her usual vanilla latte and just before it was time to pay, a thought invaded her mind, and after debating it internally, she decided to follow her thoughts.

An hour and a half later, when she was the last one to leave her physics class, someone blocked her path at the classroom door. Holding her book to her chest, after the unexpected startle, she looked ahead to find no one but Jaehyun. Who stood silently in front of her, with the same leather jacket he used to wear, the same combination of marijuana and vanilla scent, and with the same enchanting eyes, that she had just noticed.

She was in dangerous territory.

And she knew it.

"I need to go to my next class, Jaehyun," the girl said shortly.

For a few seconds, the boy in front of her didn't say anything, he just watched her, until he sighed and slowly said, "Thank you."

Short and to the point, he didn't say anything else, and that was enough to make (Y/N)'s heart flutter in a thousand ways.

"For the coffee," the boy finished. "And for the notes."

"I did my part, I told you I would help you," said (Y/N) as she fiddled with her fingers.

"I thought you wouldn't after the last time we met," Jaehyun confessed.

"I'm sticking to that."

A small silence ensued. Two people face to face. With thousands of doubts between them and things to resolve. What had drawn them together? How was it that the universe managed to put two completely different people in the same place?

"Did you mean it?" Jaehyun asked, and when he noticed that (Y/N) didn't understand what he meant, he continued. "About wanting to get to know me more."

(Y/N) swallowed hard and looking him in the eyes, nodded.

"I still believe there's something good in you."

"Why?"

"I don't know yet," she replied honestly. "And it's killing me. A while ago, I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with you, not even to cross paths, but now, I don't know what's changed, but every time I try to stay away, it's like something brings me back here," she confessed, leaving Jaehyun speechless, who just watched her, trying to decipher everything she was saying.

It was killing him too.

"Let's go to my car," he said.

"Huh?" she asked, confused.

"You want to know more about me, then get in my car," he said again, this time making his way to the parking lot, with (Y/N) behind him, who didn't say a single word, just followed his lead.

What was he doing?

When they reached the car, Jaehyun opened the passenger door, causing (Y/N) to get in without protesting. Then Jaehyun got into the driver's seat and without further ado, started the engine. She didn't know what was happening or what would happen next, but right now she could only trust Jaehyun.

Even though she didn't know how bad an idea that might be.

A few minutes later, as they had traveled a long distance, (Y/N) noticed they were approaching Neo Zone, and with her eyes wide open, she panicked.

"This is me," Jaehyun said out of nowhere, catching the girl's attention. "See all these streets? This is where I belong. This is what I am," he explained carefully.

(Y/N) looked out the window, a couple of people smoking on the sidewalk, others passing joints, and other silent streets. The houses weren't that big... rather, they looked cramped. Unlike what she was used to, to her lifestyle, this didn't seem like it would be enough for a family.

But what did she know with the privilege she had?

"I grew up here, this is what I know," he commented. "Most people are born and die here, it's something that seems to be already written," he continued as his car slowed down. "Those of us from here have a different perspective on life... people from Kwangya lives for the money... we live to survive, and although it's getting harder and harder, we manage to do it," the car finally stopped, and still looking out the window, (Y/N) saw a small house in front of them. One story, not much to describe or point out, it was small but for some reason, it looked cozy.

(Y/N) changed her gaze to Jaehyun, who was still looking ahead and spoke.

"Is this your house?"

Jaehyun nodded.

(Y/N) smiled softly.

"Would you invite me in?"

______________________________________________

He doesn't know how (Y/N) managed to have an effect on him, but now they were there, inside his little house, (Y/N) carefully examining the walls around them and analyzing every aspect of the small space.

He was grateful there were no one at home.

"It looks cozy," (Y/N) said as she looked at one of the frames hanging on the wall.

"I guess it's not even a third of your house," Jaehyun assured to (Y/N).

“And no matter how many people are there, it always feels lonely," she confessed. "It's like no one leaves anything there, like it's something unimportant. As if it's not a home," she finished.

Jaehyun looked at her gently, and as she looked around, thousands of things went through his mind.

"To be honest with you," the girl spoke. "I see more vibes from Jeno in this house than yours," she said. "Many things here seem related to Jeno... but I don't see many things related to you..." she continued. "It's like you don't even think about staying here for long."

"I don't plan on leaving Neo Zone," Jaehyun asserted, crossing his arms.

"Don't you want a different future?"

"There's no future for me," Jaehyun pointed out. "And if there were, I'd prefer to give it to Jeno. He has much more to live for than I do."

"You also have a life to live. A future to write, you can change what is today, for something better," (Y/N) turned around to face the boy.

"I have no way out," the boy replied. "Do you think this is easy? After seeing my dad die and doing everything my bosses ask me to do no matter what. Taking care of my mom, Jeno, and now Winwin? Huh? Making sure Winwin becomes who he was again and that my brother doesn't end up being a fucking addict are enough reasons for me not to leave here," Jaehyun concluded, getting dangerously close to her, with a few centimeters separating them.

The words echoed in her head strongly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't pity me," Jaehyun said under his breath.

"It's not that. It's just that every time I think about all this and now that I see your place and I don't see anything that seems to belong to you, it makes me think that's what you're looking for, to belong to something and leave here as soon as there's an opportunity,"

Jaehyun looked directly at her, not knowing what to say. And afraid to think that maybe she was right.

Because yes, maybe he wanted to get out of there, along with his mom, Jeno, and Winwin; maybe he wanted to do something with his life that wasn't illegal, but what was the point of thinking about it when he knew he wouldn't make it? He was afraid to admit that he wanted to be able to change things, to be able to make his family okay, that no shadow from the past would follow them, that they would have a place where they could forge a clean and safe future.

"This has never been about what I want," Jaehyun commented with a future. "Since I was born, everything around me was the gang. After my father's death, I knew what was coming, and I knew I would never be able to get out of it. It doesn’t matter what I want. It matter what my boss wants, he has that kind of power, no one below him has their own decision. The whole life of Neo Zone is ruled by him," he concluded, even closer to her.

(Y/N) looked him in the eyes, her breath uncontrolled. Her chest heaved, and her hands were sweating.

"What do you want, Jaehyun?" she whispered.

The boy paused for a moment and looked at her lips.

"Now?" he asked, and she nodded. "Would it be unrealistic to say that I want to kiss you?"

"How realistic would it be to say that I want you to do it?

She didn't even finish the question because Jaehyun's lips collided firmly with hers. The boy's long hands slid through (Y/N)'s soft hair, her hair smelling of lavender shampoo. He gently covered her cheek with one of his rough hands, and she melted into the touch.

It wasn't a hurried kiss, as (Y/N) thought it would be; actually, Jaehyun was taking the time to savor every passing second. As if this moment would disappear at any minute and he wanted to hold onto it.

Was he looking for something to belong to?

His hand moved from her cheek to her waist, and she took the opportunity to press her body against his and release a moan of pleasure. As if she felt complete leaning against Jaehyun's warmth.

As if it was something they both longed for for a long time.

And even though she wanted to continue with the act, they were severely interrupted when a car horn sounded incessantly outside the house, causing them to separate with tremendous confusion. (Y/N)'s red cheeks were enough to make Jaehyun's heart race, but when he heard another horn, he took her hand and they walked outside in hurry.

And then, there was Jeno, being thrown out of the back of a car, blood streaming from a cut on his eyebrow, bruises scattered all over his body, and falling firmly to the ground after being thrown.

"I want this to be the last time your brother sets foot in our zone. Next time it won't be him we throw," the familiar voice of a boy from the opposing gang spoke up. Chris. Who was with the window down and smiling maliciously. "Neither will it be you, Jung. It will be the girl who will end up like this,"

Jaehyun moved abruptly from his place to try to reach the car, but it left as fast as it could, (Y/N) shocked to hear those words, didn't do anything more than approach Jeno to help him up. Then Jaehyun cursed under his breath and looked into the distance at the girl and her brother together.

And his chest tightened as he realized that now, she too had been involved.

And he believed there was no turning back, because she was right... Jaehyun wanted to belong to something.

But how selfish would it be to belong to (Y/N)?

a/n: well now you know what happened to Winwin TT. Once again I’m sorry if this took too long I promise I’ll try to update sooner this time!

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @kriizztin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae

[rjschoicesstuff]

I've made 2 Immortal Desires oc's so far

The first is a human guy named Miguel, cause I really wanted to explore Ripley's dynamic with a human her age who Knows what she is.

And the second is a vampire girl who shows up in Crimson Beech claiming her whole coven got wiped out by the creator. Which is true but she conveniently leaves out that she joined the creator once it became clear that her coven didn't stand a chance and betrayed them.

I'll drop some more info and art for them below the cut

Both of them are just for little au's I 'write' (more like think of and draw cause I'm Not a writer) cause I love au's yahooo

I wrote all this down at 2 in the morning so idk how much sense it makes + HDDB it's a lot but I found that I enjoy using tumblr as an archive for these things

More about Miguel:

-He's 19, graduated high school in a different city a year ago and recently moved in with his aunt and a cousin in Crimson Beech. He works as a janitor at the hospital.

-I haven't completely figured out the storyline yet cause I mostly just wanted to add a character that's 100% Mine, but so far the gist is that he finds out that Ripley is a vampire, she tries to keep this a secret with him for a while to save both their asses and grow closer in this time because Ripley would go check on him a lot. But eventually someone would find out and they get in trouble. He'd survive his Nexus trial and they keep hanging out. Like I think to Ripley it'd be really nice to have a human friend who knows what she is. And also Ripley gifts him her old talisman bracelet and gradually 'rewards' him with new talismans so he can protect himself if he has to. A lot of this might still change, I'm someone who comes up with characters and the plot follows lol.

-He's a lil shy and doesn't talk a lot, but he's very open about it when he likes people. And he's very Generous with compliments. He's not much of a fighter especially against vampires who are much stronger than him anyway and he'd likely freeze if he ever got into such a situation. He enjoys taking care of people and I think that sorta extends to him Really enjoying giving his blood to vampires lol.

-He has a car that he named Hailey and no one but him is allowed to drive her because he saved up real long to buy her. Like he'll get kinda mad if you even dare to suggest wanting to drive or borrow his car.

-He has a weird sense of humor and often wears shirts with weird/funny/vulgar texts on them.

-Him 🤝 Ripley never completely grew out of their scene phase

-He kinda like Really wants to be part of whatever Ripley, Cas and Gabriela have going on. Like just from the start he has a crush on all of them. He starts out just with Ripley, but eventually the rest follow too.

-He likes how they all make him feel small and fragile in a good way lmao

-I think that while he likes the Idea of becoming a vampire, in reality he doesn't want it. And he knows this. And eventually he would realise it's not going to work with the whole relationship he has going on with everyone in the long run. He'd decide to move out of Crimson Beech and break everyone's hearts lol. Kinda similar to my au where Ripley stays human, tho I haven't shared that one yet..

-I gave him a genderbent version too, just cause everyone else also doesn't have a set gender in the books lol. They are very similar except she feels more freedom in how she can express herself regarding her appearance (like long nails, showing more skin etc.) than canon Miguel.

More about Sabine:

-She's very eccentric and fun to hang out with if she likes you and she's on your side.

-She's a scary good liar and sometimes just makes shit up because it's Funny. Especially because she's definitely over a century old so when talking to younger vampires she'll just make shit up about things people used to do in the past.

-She'd join the Venandi's because she's used to hunting and has a high prey drive.

-She's terrified of dying and will do whatever she has to do to protect herself, she would never put someone else's safety before her own, no matter how important you are to her.

-She betrayed a lot of friends in her old coven, she tried to convince them to join the creator too, so they could all survive, but everyone was set on protecting their coven and town, even if they had to die protecting it. She thought it was insulting that they seemed to suggest she should do the same and left them behind. She feels no responsibility or guilt for their deaths, but rather anger that they didn't make the right decision, like her.

-She's good at reading people and generally knows exactly what to say to make people like her. She'll lose interest in people if they don't 'give back' enough, especially if they aren't fun or interesting enough to make up for it.

-Her love language is stealing shit for people ❤️

-I like the idea that the creations in book 1 could switch between that form and their og human looking forms, so I imagine she can turn into a creature if she wants. I think she has mixed feelings about that form though cause it's kinda ugly 👎 and nowadays she can't switch anyway because it'd blow her cover

[curatedbyhatto]

BANKS - Gemini Feed

Heyoo! I totally didn't post two songs close to each other because I forgot to make last week's video. Not at all.

Anyway, this week's song is called 'Gemini Feed' by the US singer BANKS. It is a well known song, with millions of streams on multiple platforms, but it deserves even more recognition, imo. The lyric video is on youtube, as always.

About the artist

As mentioned before, BANKS is a very well known artist, and therefore creating a whole bio when there are a lot already would be futile. We'll then check her most important achievements and releases.

BANKS, born Jillian Rose Banks is a Californian (US) singer, songwriter and painter. She started writing her own songs and playing the piano when she was only 15 y/o; this prompted by a piano that she received as a gift from a friend to handle her parents divorce in a better way.

Jillian actually studied Psychology at the USC, and graduated with a thesis on children of divorced parents. While still at uni, and through a series of connections, her yet unreleased song 'Before I Ever Met You' was played on BBC Radio 1 (at this point I'm realizing that if your song is good and gets featured on BBCR1, you're very likely to get famous).

2013 saw the release of BANKS' first single: Work (ft. Lil Silva). After that, she has constantly released music, almost every year. Up to this date, BANKS discography spans more than 20 EPs/singles and 4 LPs.

Rose has opened for artists like The Weeknd, and appeared on festivals like Coachella, Bonnaroo and Open'er. Her TV debut was on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, which was very well received.

Go follow BANKS on instagram, twitter and of course youtube and spotify. Oh, she also has a website and is right now featured on an art gallery. A lot more here, too.

About the song

'Gemini Feeds' is the first song on BANKS second studio album 'The Altar' which was released on Sep. 30th, 2016. It reached the 17th position on Billboard 200, and was her second top 20 in the US.

Tbh I don't remember where I got this song from, but I fucking love it. I really really like the descending melody on the chorus, the synths that sound very future bassy, the drums which though appear as kinda minimalistic, are a fundamental part and a great base for the song. A well crafted track, a great opener. The lyrics are great too! Oh, hold on

Any meaning?

'Gemini Feeds' talks from the perspective of the woman, who talks to a past lover (possibly a man) that she gave her love to, but all he did was treat her like shit and make her feel inferior and that she was not important. Fortunately she got outta there and now sings from the top of the mountain, victorious and free from the cage of a shitty lover, if we can even call that 'love'.

☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊☿☿☿♊

I got a bit creative with the lyric video, just because I had time and I wanted to make something good. Don't get me wrong, I always wanna do something good, but a lot of times my mind is dry and I have little time, so I put out something still good, just not that flashy.

The inspo for the background was the overall idea of running away from someone that hurts you, but looking back afterwards to let them know what they lost.

I used another image for the last chorus, in case you want it and the clear, first one, here you go

[z3nitsusgf]

Metamorphose

homelander | reader

cw: graphic depictions of violence/gore, needles, forced injections, body horror(?), obsessive/possessive behavior, power dynamics, knives, you get pushed off a building, death (not reader) 

wc: 3.9k 

anon: hi i have an idea for a maybe part 2 of your dark soulmate au with homelander? the reader is injected with V, either because homelander forced it or she just can’t take being so vulnerable around him anymore so she sneaks into the labs and does it herself. anyway, when she wakes up, it turns out that she now has the exact same abilities as he does- chaos ensues: homelander being a mix of jealous/now seeing reader as an equal, vought having an absolute PR field day, reader putting her foot down with homelander. if you have something else lined up or this doesn’t take your fancy that’s fine! just a lil thought :)

met·a·mor·phose

verb

• to change into a different physical form especially by supernatural means.

• to change strikingly the appearance or character of: transform

It could kill you.

You could gain powers or die. Either way, you're already past the safe testing mark. Though, it’s not like that’s going to stop him.

You don't know what the V really does. It's just a faulty man-made serum that’s supposed to put your body through a genetic blender and spit out some amazing power. And you're sure as hell it's not FDA approved.

They haven’t really taken into account your comfort, physically and mentally. You’re strapped, belly down, on a hospital table. You’re sure your neck will ache from the position later, muscles straining.

The bed paper feels strange on your face, like the type of tissue paper you’d get in a present, the soft pink kind that fluffs against a bagged gift on your birthday or on Christmas. It’s not either of those things. But this is his gift to you he said, a sick cruel gift.

Homelander said you’d be getting a check-up, simple routine vaccines, and whatnot. He didn’t mention forcing you to become a supe.

You didn’t think you could hate him more.

“It’s just precautionary, for your safety really. We don’t know what kind of power you’ll get.”

Homelander has his hands folded against his back, cape draped over them as he peruses the doctor's office. The nurse is off the side, preparing the V in a long syringe, you can hear her shuffle around the room. It smells of rubbing alcohol and bleach, the room is a sterile white, only decorated with a few college graduation plaques. Homelander stands out like a sore thumb, red and blue like neon traffic signs against the dull paint.

“I mean, for all we know you could hulk out and destroy the office.” He says it to be funny, letting it roll off his tongue with a good-natured chuckle. He doesn’t comment on the way you glare at him with pure hatred.

You can only move your eyes to the side, glaring at the wall where a poster of Homelander himself is hung up. The picture of him grinning with his pearly whites and a thumbs up, captioned with “Stay Well, Get Your Shots!”, in big blocky letters.

Homelander tries to soothe the nerves, he can see how you look up at him with teary wild eyes, teeth clenched as you bite back the absolute disgust that pools in your mouth. Heart hammering in your throat, you strain your fingers against the leather wristbands.

“What if I fucking die or grow a third leg? Oh my god-“

You’re hyperventilating, trying to squirm your way out of the bond. The thought of turning into a monster is nauseating, it makes bile rise in your stomach. But Homelander just watches, shaking his head with a small smile.

“Don’t be so dramatic, you’re in great hands. Nothing is gonna happen,” he squats down next to your face, leaning forward to brush his nose against your temple,

“Plus you’ll finally be able to keep up with me.”

Of course, it’s always about him.

When he stands, he gestures to the nurse to start. Giving you a pat on the head for good luck. The nurse is trying her best to be gentle. Homelander stands beside you, smoothing his hand down your shoulder blades. He’s shushing you, cooing like you’re a pet.

“It’ll all be over soon, don’t worry.”

You know he’s just there to make sure you don’t bolt, to make sure you’re compliant. The palm on your back is more of a heavy promise than comfort. You feel the cold air of the hospital room when they lift your shirt. Skin bumping in chills at the draft, your hands twist inside the leather.

“Wait, please-“

Your eyes go wide when the needle is pushing into your spinal cord, it’s heavy and foreign in your flesh. Your mouth parts and you feel the serum. It’s thick, sticky almost. You can feel the icy-hot texture of it spread inside your lower back.

It hurts.

“John-“

You can barely say his name without wheezing, crying out at the molten pain. He crouches down, his face next to yours. His eyes narrowed in curiosity and concern. He’s never seen someone this old be injected with the compound V, he knows it’s possible though.

“You’re doing so good, just a little longer.”

He mumbles, he can feel the prickle of uncertainty in his head. He knows you probably hate him right now, and he gets it. Oddly enough he doesn’t like how you writhe in pain, how you wail and kick at nothing. It reminds him too much of days spent in the lab. But he’s curious, curious to see how you react. What powers will your body develop?

Will you be like Maeve, with super strength and indestructible skin? Or like A-train, faster than the light and sound? He just hopes you don’t get something useless and stupid, like Deep’s awful power.

You sob, choking on the air and feeling the hot tears spill over your face and onto the chair. Your kick your legs at nothing, twisting and writhing on your stomach. Faintly, in the back of your mind, you wonder what your family would think.

“It hurts- John, fuck it hurts.”

You can feel it changing your DNA, mutating each cell. It ravages you, flooding your system with - pain. It feels like annihilation. There's that human impulse inside you, that rages to fight against it. To not let it bury the real you under its shimmer. To not let your blood turn blue.

He watches on curiously. Your skin ripples, just under the surface of your back - like snakes are coiling around your intestines. Each bone of your spine protrudes as if it’s trying to claw its way from your body. You’re terrified that your system is rejecting it.

“Please, I don’t wanna die.” You cry, tears pooling underneath your cheek and into the paper. Soaking through and leaving the table wet with salty water. Homelander runs his fingers through your hair, petting your skull in an attempt to be soothing.

There’s a buzzing, a high-pitched ringing that stabs your brain, the pain is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You give way to the dark, letting the wave of it roll over you as you pass out.

Homelander watches with a lip tucked between his teeth, eyebrows drawn together in worry. Your eyes roll back and your breathing slows, he can see how high your blood pressure is. Chemicals firing inside your system like a fucking nuclear explosion.

“Well, don’t just fucking stand there like a ditzy moron, help her.” He snaps at the nurse, barking the command as she scrambles to roll you over and check your vitals.

—

Bright fluorescent lights blind you when you wake. No longer on your belly, instead you’re resting on your back. A voice says your name, over and over. Your ears ring, everything muffled like cotton shoved inside. You sit up with a sore ache in your body. Gripping the edge of the table, you don’t notice the indents in the metal when you stand, and you hop off with shaky legs.

“Woah, careful there cowboy, don’t get all excited just yet.”

Homelander is holding your shoulder, the creases between his eyebrows deepening at the way you sway. You can barely see when you stand, vision blurring between dark and light, static spotting that bubbles around your corneas as press your palms into your eye sockets.

“Fuck, I feel like I got hit with a bus.”

Everything is fuzzy, too bright, and too loud. Homelander is asking you how you feel, thumb slowly rubbing into the muscle where your neck meets your shoulder.

“You alright? Need anything?”

He barks for the nurse to come back and you cup your hands over your ears. He’s too loud, his voice shakes down to your bones.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Just need to-“

You feel the overwhelming urge to vomit, a swell of bile rising in your throat. You shove past Homelander, stumbling into the bathroom, gripping onto the sink, trying not to dry heave your lunch.

You kick the door closed, sliding down it to sit on the cool tile. Palms pressing down onto it, the porcelain feeling like ice on your skin. The singular tap tap tap of the faucet dripping is unbearable, to say the least. You can feel, hear - everything. Down to the faint creak of your shoulder as the joints creak against each other. Your chest swells in pain, from the weight of it all.

There’s resentment, a restrained animosity never spoken aloud but it’s there. You want to destroy everything and cry. It’s a humiliating feeling, to be forced into this new body. It omits a sinking feeling that never really goes away but instead amasses into a narrow drain that thaws out with every passing minute. Oozing a vomitus sap ichor from withering hallowed pores.

You’re surprised he even lets you out of his sight, allowing you this moment of reprieve - even if it’s just for a bit.

You hear him talk to the nurse, his voice coming through the door clearly. You don’t know how long you sit, the time passes quickly yet slowly. You blink with blurred vision before standing. When you look in the mirror your eyes are strange, like you haven't slept in weeks. Red pupils that bleed into a glowing vermillion, like diffusing saffron.

Eyes bloodshot, lips chapped, your face feels drained of blood. You look like you’ve been run over with a train.

After a few minutes of blankly staring you wash your hands. The cold shocks your hands and it pricks your flesh sobering you. You hiss at the hyper-sensitive feeling that stings your hands, everything feels like it’s been dialed up to a thousand.

“Ow- shit.”

You don’t even try to dry your hands, you’re sure it’ll just make you want to cry. Instead, you pull at the skin just under your eye, looking at the whites. Your lashes are drippy in salty tears. There's a weird sensation that burns the back of your sockets, a red-hot plasmatic feeling.

“What the fuck.” You whisper, and you lean closer, staring at yourself.

A radiant circle of light beams in your pupils, burning bright and familiarly. You’ve only seen one other person who’s able to do this. And he’s standing right outside. It’s innately fascinating as it is terrifying, bordering on the uncanny valley. You blink it away before you can get ahead of yourself.

“Sweetheart, you okay?” Homelander calls from the other side of the door, hand already on the handle and about to push it open when you jump back from the sink. He doesn’t expect it when you swing it open. Mouth parting to look at how disheveled you appear.

“I’m okay, just tired.” You’re not necessarily lying, you’re exhausted.

Homelander gives you a knowing smile, pulling you into his chest. He’s just glad you’re not throwing a fit at him for making you do this, he’s really not in the mood to deal with that right now.

“Of course you are, I’ll take you back to our room so you can rest.” He cups your head between his hands and swipes his thumbs across your tacky cheeks.

You hold his wrists, not really smiling back as you stare into his clear blue eyes. The icy ring is incredibly bright, you can see each fine line and pore. Like you’re looking at him through a magnifying glass. Homelander thinks you’re just disoriented and he presses a kiss on your forehead.

“Then we can test your new powers.”

—

You don’t sleep that night. You can’t, not with the realization.

You pace around his penthouse, chewing on your hangnails till they burn and bleed. Homelander tried to get you to eat earlier but everything tasted too greasy and strong.

He tried to talk to you, yapping about how good this was. New opportunities and whatever - you could even become part of seven. You just hugged your knees on the couch. After a while he’d gotten a call, something about a shootout and hostages all the way in Staten Island - you didn’t really pay attention.

You’re trying to piece your mind together, trying to understand this new body - these powers.

It’s late, the moon hangs high in the sky and warm lamps glow inside the penthouse. You can hear everything; from the people talking on the phone 76 floors down, to Mr. Edgar all the way up on 99. Every elevator door opening, every conversation, it all bleeds inside your ears.

You felt that continual burn in your eye sockets, you realized all too late the implications until you accidentally blew a hole through one of John’s statues in the living room. The scorched marble dripped from the plasmatic laser beams. You hope he’s not too mad about that.

It still doesn’t feel real. Like this is some dream, one that you’ll wake up from any second.

You want to be sure, you want to know exactly if you’re really like him. You have to test it. Homelander be damned, fuck him and his command for you to “wait for his observation”, you were doing this now.

You stalk into his kitchen, for someone who doesn’t cook (and doesn’t know how), it’s fully furnished. Probably because you’re here now. Your feet pad against the cold tile, standing in front of the knife set. They’re high-quality, some Japanese brand that you could never actually afford.

You take the biggest one, one meant for carving meat, unsheathing it from the wooden cutting block like it’s Queen Maeve’s sword. It’s sharp and glints like silver starlight under the LED. You tremble, holding the knife in both hands, gripping the black handle tightly.

This could go horribly wrong if you’re not right about this. It’s not like every supe has indestructible skin - fuck it.

“Okay.” You breathe in until it hurts, exhaling and pointing the tip of the knife towards your abdomen. You draw the knife outwards, extending your elbows out.

“Here goes nothing.” You whisper to yourself, clenching your eyes shut and plunging the steel into your gut.

You brace yourself for the excruciating pain - but it doesn’t come. Instead, you feel the metal bend against your stomach, the knife folding in on itself. It didn’t pierce, didn’t even nick you. You drop it with shaky hands, hearing the soft metal clang on the tile, laughing out a breath of relief.

It’s real, you’re not a human anymore. Even worse, you’re just like him.

“Well, that was quite the show.”

You spin around to see Homelander standing off to the side, leaning against the wall of his kitchen with a dopey grin. He’s got his arms crossed and his gloves off.

“I mean, you didn’t have to ruin one of the kitchen knives, but still.” He claps, applauding you for your dramatic display.

“When did you…” You trail off, it doesn’t really matter you suppose. He was going to see it for himself eventually.

“Oh, I saw the whole thing. Pretty ballsy if you ask me.” He approaches you with that casual demeanor, but you can see the underlying instability in his features.

He drags a finger over your jaw, down your neck until it dips into the collar of your shirt.

“I mean, wow. Really, wow. This is just, incredible.” Your eyebrows furrow at his words, lips parting in confusion.

“You’re not mad?”

A beat.

Homelander scoffs out a chuckle, an arm coming up to hook around your waist. It’s an awkward hug like he’s trying to show he’s being genuine but failing. He cups your chin and lifts your face, the twitch of his lip is hardly noticeable unless you look for it.

“Why would I be mad? My soulmate, my perfect wonderful soulmate - is just like me.”

—

When Homelander said he’d help you learn how to manage your new powers - you didn’t think he meant this.

You feel light-headed, looking down at the city of New York from atop the Trade Center. Standing on the roof of the tallest building in the whole city. It’s dizzying, you get flashbacks from when he dropped you. You turn to look up at Homelander, glancing between him and the little glittering dots of each skyscraper. The sun refracting off the glass.

“Well?” He gestures with his hand for you to get a move on. Your legs are shaky, knees turned inward as you peer off the ledge and into the open expanse.

Earlier he said, “if you’re anything like me, you can fly.” You thought he was gonna start small, not make you jump from the World Trade Center.

“John, I don’t think-“

“That’s good, don’t think. Just-“ He puts a hand on your lower back and shoves. “Fly.”

You’re falling forward, flailing your arms as you crash down into the sky. You’re screaming, and you hear Homelander yell behind you (above you?).

“Just let your body do its thing!” He hollers with his hands cupped over his mouth.

You try not to think about how fast you’re falling, instead, you just think about flying. Spreading your arms like you’re a bird, praying that if you get too close to the ground Homelander will catch you.

“Fly, fly. Just fucking fly straight.” You mutter to yourself, fists clenched as you feel the air whip around you.

It’s almost instinctual, your body defies the gravity around you - and you soar. Instead of helplessly descending down, you float. Up and up and up, past the glittering buildings and the trade center. You are so free that you become Icarus, flying so close to the sun it burns.

He’s watching with piqued interest, gazing up at you as you soar upwards, no longer jetting towards the ground. You give a whoop, arms kissed by the breeze as you wobbly glide through the air just as you’ve seen Homelander do. It’s such a beautiful feeling, you’ve never felt it before.

You close your eyes, basking in the sun above the clouds. You don’t notice Homelander come up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and settling his chin on your shoulder. It’s sweet, almost. Watching the horizon, not having to worry if he’ll let you go- because you can keep yourself afloat without him.

To immerse yourself within this openness is to bring out your vulnerability. It’s a way to be comfortable with fear.

“See, I told you you’d fly.” He mutters into your shoulder, kissing it.

Maybe this isn’t so bad.

—

Homelander thinks it’s great you can hold your own now. But if he’s being honest, you need to toughen up. Especially, since Vought wants you as the next face of The Seven.

Not to mention, it’s hot as fuck to see you this violent. 

You’re shaking, hands trembling in raw regret and fear. Even though you’re just as strong as he is, just as powerful - you still act like a scared human. Your clothes are stained a dark ichor, sticky and wet. Your hands get the worst of it, drenched in guts and blood. 

“Oh god, what did I do?” 

Homelander stands over the corpse of the man, some nameless unimportant guy that no one will notice is gone. You feel sick, revolting. Like there’s something rotten inside you, molding over your brain. You so badly want to be pure again. 

He whistles, “You really did a number on him.” 

You glare at him, fists clenching as you draw your eyebrows together. He can smell the incoming salt water of your tears. Homelander waves his hand dismissively. 

“Oh come on, don’t get all weepy. You did a great job.”

You can see the man's skull, patches of hair, and stretched skin covered in a dark slimy red. His face looks like a Rorschach test. You see the curve of his ribs, the burnt disintegrated material of his clothing. His arm has a strange broken quality, it's longer than it should be. It looks oddly animal-like.

This is a great job? 

You turn away from the mutilation, sitting on your haunches and cupping your head between your blood-soaked hands. The hot sun beats on your back, heating you from the outside in. You can hear the city breathe around you, people walk past the alleyway like it’s a normal day - to them it is.

“What I’d do?” You mutter to yourself, hating the smell of copper that floods the air, you can practically taste it. 

You’re horrified, angry even. He’s robbed you of your life - of humanity. He’s turned you into this- this creature. Homelander on the other hand, is ecstatic. He loves this look on you, this carnage-born god. You are his mirror, his shimmering double that refracts all of him. His movement, his anger, his violence. It's not about good or evil, it just is.

You’re perfect.

He wants to kiss you, taste the blood that’s smeared across your mouth. Consume it, consume you. Sink his teeth into your flesh; tissue, skin, and fat - and have you finally understand. That the very sight of you brings nourishment, and each sacrifice creates a new scar that can be etched into the skin.  

“Am I a bad person?” You mumble it into your arms, chewing your lip raw. 

He would tell you that even he wasn’t this brutal during his first patrol, but he doesn’t think that would help the situation. He can’t come off too strong, too eager. It’d be weird if he told you how much he wanted to just fuck you against the brick wall, right? 

Homelander squats in front of you, pulling your arms down so he could look at your glassy eyes and dirty face. 

“You’re so cute.” 

You frown, lip trembling at his words. He swipes at your teary cheek with a gloved thumb. 

“How is this cute?” 

“C’mere,” He doesn’t answer your question, instead he cups your face and kisses your mouth, it’s like he’s trying to eat you. He swears you taste like religion, holy and godlike. He almost moans when his tongue swipes along your bloody lower lip. 

His other hand slides down to grip your wrist, tracing your mark with deft gentleness, already familiar with the black ink tattooed on your skin. It makes you shiver, you feel as gross as sin. He’s tender in an awkward way, affectionate even through the bloodshed. He’s the type to tell you he’s going to stab you in the front, before slicing you in the back.

You can’t help the way you relax, collapsing into his chest like he’s comforting. Tucking your nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling his cologne. For a moment, you allow yourself this selfish desire. You ignore the corpse, you ignore the guilt, you let him flood through you - you let him change you. Vought will clean up the mess, get rid of the evidence - scrub you squeaky clean and make sure you’re presentable once again. Like two shiny trophies on the wall. 

“You did nothing wrong, you stopped a bad guy and everyone will thank you for it.” 

You don’t look him in the eye, keeping your chin down and pressed against his suit. 

“Hey, you’re a superhero,” He whispers in your ear, “and you can do whatever the fuck you want.” 

Perhaps, this is fate, destiny manifested through pre-determined means. You exist to burn, melted down into this new person. Built up again by him.

[the-archxr]

*vague cryptid sounds* yOU TAKE REQUESTS FOR STEVE

can i please have headcanons for moving in together and/or him proposing??

thank you ily

I LOVE YOU TOO BRO AND IM SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG

aight so for shits and giggles let’s just say you two practically already live together.

except you don’t live anywhere specific.

it’s either you’re at your house and Steve happens to be there as well, or vice versa. never once are you guys separated in any way because that shits nearly impossible.

you sleeping all by yourself in your cold ass bed? unacceptable.

him watching tv alone and eating leftover pizza? pizza that you had ordered??? no way jose.

even though you both need your space (cause quite frankly it’s unhealthy if you don’t), you don’t want to be in separate homes.

because you are each other’s home, ya feel??

anyways

I think you guys moving in together would be the most natural, organic fucking shit in the world. like the kind of thing where Steve just shows up on your doorstep with two suitcases, a backpack and the biggest fucking smile ever.

although let’s be honest, he’d make a joke about it, try to play it off as though he wasn’t bouncing off the freaking walls at the thought of actually living with you.

“rents fucking expensive, babe. I think splitting it is the more economical decision.”

and of course you give in; play along right with him

cause that’s just how the two of you are, and deep down you both knew this shit was coming (honestly you’re more shocked that it didn’t happen sooner).

it’s a smooth transition as both of your lives completely entangle

like to the point where you’re writing your joint schedules on the calendar; keeping your toothbrushes together instead of on either side of the sink; buying his shampoo without him even having to ask you; him having a glass of water ready for you on your bedside table.

anyone who comes over always asks if you’re secretly married; the running joke being you take off the ring when you have company and put it back on when they leave.

it’s the kind of joke that you both roll your eyes at and pretend to forget cause for the most part marriage and kids are at the back of your minds (until you find out months later about steve’s lil’ breeding kink, but that’s to elaborate on for another time if y’all ask nicely).

and so for a solid year and a half you somehow get even closer.

the kids and Robin visit you all the time, which isn’t surprising at all (despite the fact that Robin is constantly trying to bribe you guys on her moving in for a little bit once she graduates).

everyone loves your place and each person brings a little knick knack to add to the space. there’s even a designated shelf you put up because the kids just continue to bring so much stuff (el having a particular interest in bringing random wild flowers she picked off the side of the road).

meanwhile Dustin brought over his old Nintendo as a “welcome gift” (though it’s his excuse to come over all the time, saying “oh, I forgot I gave it to you. I just didn’t want to misplace it.”)

he comes over unannounced too, which causes a couple issues (although he never fixes them) after he walked in on the two of you having sex for the third time.

but when the kids aren’t stealing your pocket money and buying shitty takeout, you and Steve actually have quite a lot of alone time.

living with him is simple and fun and calming.

you’re either cooking together, dancing to his cassettes or having horror movie marathons

(and although he’s terrified of the horror movies you pick, he really likes when you watch them and your adrenaline gets up…if you catch my drift *winking aggressively*)

all in all, you and Steve fall into a beautifully tender and comfortable routine. it’s a routine that no one would dare to change, for the worse or the better…

except for Steve himself, and the small blue velvet box that waits in the back of the Robin’s closet.

✨the-archxr headcanons✨

[jiminrings]

Can I request a drabble, hobi is kinda like a band singer and Y/N is like his old time friend and they like had a falling out bc he got super successful but years after they're like together again? IS IT TOO SPECIFIC UHM :")

parallel

pairing: hoseok x y/n

wordcount: 4k

glimpse: hobi’s kind of an asshole and is vERY much emotionally repressed, y/n’s serotonin is dependent on wearing bridesmaid gowns, the dwindling one-sided pining anD the everlasting question of where the fuck was hoseok when you needed him :D // gif is from pinterest!

notes: this drabble really hits close to home and tysm for the request babe!! even if i’m a month late yeesh :O

you can’t believe yourself either when you say it

but holy shit — weddings are definitely your thing!

there’s something about the union of marriage that gets your head into overdrive but in a gOOD way

there’s just something so pulling about last-minute changes and family drama and awkward trips to the restroom that make your mind mHMMMM THIS IS IT CHIEF

yea granted that not every wedding you go and participate in isn’t exactly straight out of a rom-com

lmao sometimes it’s so obvious that the bride doesn’T love the groom but hey!!! who’s keeping tabs :D

you love wedding environments so much that here you are, two years out of uni and a couple of gigs later — couples are LITERALLY fighting over you

heh not to brag but uh

you weren’t recognized as best wedding planner for two years in a row and have your face in multiple covers of bridal magazines and such

time magazine recognized you as one of the most influential people in the scene last year but hey !!!!! no big deal lads

“i am asking you for just one minute, y/n!! stop being a wedding planner and start being my maid of honor!!”

nayeon exasperates and tugs you by your sleeve, having already noticed your second nature of taking charge the moment you entered the hall

after all, this is just cake tasting! that’s why she’s brought her maid of honor to help her out, nOT immediately go fishing for a clipboard

“well if the planner you hired wasn’t so sloppy-...” it’s a fact! he relies too much on his tablet and doesn’t even have any paper with him, and even if he’s already using a tablet, he doesn’t even use different colors to mark out!

apparently nayeon can’t handle the truth because she’s stamping her hand to your mouth that’s already a frown, about to suffocate you if only you didn’t bite it

>:|

y/n - 1 | jisoo’s hand - 0

you’re just a lil bit cranky alright

the last wedding you’ve catered to was just three days ago, and well you’re thankful for your job!!! really!!! bc not everyone is as booked as you nor sought-for

but there’s something about her wedding that puts you off :((

she’s very kindly yet firmly told you that no, you would absolutely not be her wedding planner and coordinator

“b-but i-“

“i want you to relax! and it’s-...”

“we said-“

“we said when we were kids that we’d plan each other’s wedding, but we didn’t swear on it! and i want you to-...”

“y-you told-“

“i told you that we didn’t have a wedding planner yet so you’d intentionally clear your schedule for me! and here we are-...”

“i’ll cry-“

“aww you big baby, save it for the wedding! i told you, just relax, m’kay? let yoongi handle the planning, and you do the unwinding.”

goddamn yoongi

yoongi who’s a wedding planner in his sPARE time could fuck right off

you don’t care if he’s very persuasive and firm and happened to book nayeon’s wedding even it was peak season :((

you don’t wanna admit it, but being a wedding planner has basically been your personality trait for the past years and it’s hard to cope when your job is to not.... plan and worry

anyways besides that

you’re a little iffy because nayeon’s wedding is your wake-up call

you’ve been planning weddings.... but uh when the FUCK is yours

u are so tempted to put a sock over your head and just yell gIVE ME A RING!!! PUT IT IN THE BAG

unfortunately, you don’t even have someone in your life to readily propose to you

you would have had someone, actually —

if only hoseok didn’t wake up one day and decide to remove you from his life

if only your childhood friend didn’t suddenly decide that you’re not worthy of his attention and time!!!

god he thinks he’s a bigshot

and well yea ok he IS a bigshot

who doesn’t know jung hoseok at this point :((

you’ve always figured that he’d be successful at whatever path he chooses and for a moment, you feel sorry for him that he’s stuck in such a state of mundaneness

he’s stuck between home and school and since he has no choice — you

your each other’s day one!!! the moment your mom went home from the hospital, her first instinct was to knock on hoseok’s mom’s door and then iMMEDIATELY present you to her

the two of them are absolute best friends and why not make our babies the same way ya know????

the two of you were apparently so close as babies that when one was crying, the other would comfort

and you weren’t even a year old then????

you’ve shared cribs and milk bottles and clothes and everything in between with hobi

so why is it that when you’re just almost at the peak of your life with graduation, he just suddenly decides to drop you?

he’s suddenly too cool for you as if he hasn’t spent countless nights crying on your shoulder for any inconveniece that gets brought up

he can’t even meet your eyes :(((

that’s why graduation is the blandest and emptiest day you could recall

hoseok is over there with his bandmates looking the absolute hAPPIEST and you’re there by the corner.,.,. alone by yourself feeling like your cap has the words dropped by jung hoseok :D all over it

he’s at his peak and at the top of his life performing and touring, whenever and wherever

he’s happy

but without you in it :(

the irrational (and probably rational) part in your head is beyond infuriated at him because atleast offer an explanation!!! if you did wrong at one point, then he should tell you!!!

not suddenly pretend that you were nEVER in his life

even his mom feels guilty and ashamed over his son’s actions so she orders flowers from the shop signed underneath your company, then send it back to you

for awhile she tried to pretend that it was hoseok but no :((( that man will physically convulse if he doesn’t add (atleast) three hearts after his name

you hate him so much that you still religiously visit his instagram and wonder if he could see your likes despite a couple other million liking the same posts

you hate him so much that he’s number one on every single thing in your spotify wrapped 

you hate him sO much that you wonder who’s behind the songs his band plays and how you’d wish that you’d be the one he’s writing about

“is the cake that... perfect?”

nayeon gently places a hand on your shoulder to which you flinch and she backs off because christ i’m nOT taking the cake away from you!!!

oh my god why are you tearing up

“yeah, yeah! it’s so good. you should try it nayeon!” you’re scrambling to scrape up your plate, almost shoving the fork into her mouth as she squeals with the sudden attack

yoongi has ???? hovering around his head but this is nOT about you my man

he sneaks a look to the bride’s plate and uh-huh... yup..... she has the same moist chocolate fudge cake with coffee ganache on her alright

the topic of hoseok that you bring up to yourself, one that no one knows (not even nayeon!!!), is just something that never seems to vacate your mind fully

it’s been two years and you’re still so touchy and you dON’T KNOW WHY

he probably doesn’t even think about you when he’s drunk and bored

“this champagne must be so... nice?”

nayeon thinks out loud as you’re once again crying into doing your maid of honor duties

she’s a lil worried if she’s being honest but you always whisk her away when she’s about to ask

like right now :D

“are you-...”

“i just can’t believe you’re getting married!! wow, you’re so cool. with the love of your life. then the two of you could be cool together after the wedding. you aren’t gonna forget me once you’re married, are you? nayeon do you think that i would ever be married-...”

you should just accept it now :((

you’re a little bit of a mess and a half underneath your pantsuits and walkie-talkies and the special pride you’d carry whenever the couple mentions you in their wedding speeches

absolutely WHY in the hell do you think about hoseok when it comes to weddings???

it’s almost a pavlovian response when you instruct the people to open the doors and the bride to start walking and your mind would iNSTANTLY think about him

it’s sometimes awkward when the couple would ask ah !!!! ms. y/n u are such a world-renowned wedding planner !!!! your own wedding must’ve been magnificent :D

aha actually about dat.,.,

you get tons of gifts of gratitude from just a single client alone and you don’t have hoseok and his stupidly powerful arms to help carry boxes back to your car

you don’t have him to give untouched and left-over flowers to

you don’t have him to remind you when you’re getting a little ahead of yourself over just talking to sponsors and trying to squeeze in as much as you could for an initial budge

you don’t have hoseok, in all his glory, to put his hand on the small of your back when you’re talking to how you need the fireworks to start the moment the band starts playing ice ice baby and the vendor does nOT need to know why it’s the song chosen by the couple

it’s what he’d do when you’re trying to fit two semesters’ worth of notes into a pricey A3 notebook that you’ve bought 

and just how many weddings do you plan and coordinate, even within just a span of two week?

:)

a lot.

often.

you think about hoseok a lot. often. oftenly a lot.

but aha nOT TODAY!!!

today’s nayeon’s wedding and you’re not gonna ruin it for her by projecting your yearning into your best friend’s wedding that clearly isn’t yours

10/10 she’d probably stop reciting her vows to ask you why you’re sniffling

your only source of distraction is your gown!!!

your maid of honor is the absolute pRETTIEST and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel gorgeous in it

it’s floor-length silk!!! fLOOR-LENGTH !! SILK !! GOWN

it’s in a deep mauve with an off-shoulder situation and a little risqué bit of cleavage!!! cinches right at the top of your waist and poofs a little and oh my god mayhaps you aRE pretty

god hoseok may have not written you a song, but sean kingston dEFINITELY did

nayeon knew you’d be catching everyone’s attention as much as her wedding dress would and she’s absolutely happy and fine with it!! 

in fact she’s strategically practiced her throws for her bouquet so you’d catch it and your gown would nOt go to waste

having a wedding happen right where you are, but being in it as a guest instead of a planner, is just so much... calmer

you’re not fixing the chaos but you’re just watching it!!! if you feel a little more bubbly then you’re gonna partake in it hee-hee

yoongi’s actually not so bad

he could just be a little too lax which ends up with him being lost and distraught 

you could see so much of you in him when you were just starting out and it’s endearing actually

(( nayeon’s told you in passing that she once told yoongi that you were her best friend and he looked both intimidated and awed at the same time ))

the only thing you help yoongi with is sending him a thumbs-up every now and then and he perks uP because that’s the signal that he’s doing a good job and not fucking up

nayeon looks so beautiful and you’re already tearing up fixing her veil :((

you know how wedding photographers and videographers LOVE people crying???? they r probably eating your shit up so quick that you won’t be surprised if you take up atleast half of the same-day edit of their wedding film

there’s something so serene about the hecticness everyone’s indulged themselves in

you’re grinning when you walk down the aisle because you realize that omg you haven’t doNE this in a long time!!! 

the last time you did was testing out the aisle for a client that wanted it ala crazy rich asians and you had to walk back and forth cOLD-ASS water with damp rolled-up pant cuffs before they got the temperature and the levels right

nah you should definitely know how it’d be because after all :D you aRE the consultant for that scene in crazy rich asians :D no biggie :D

it’s such a serene blast to see everyone happy and in their element

you’re sitting the reception out bc yoongi very kindly pleaded to please give him notes and promising that he’d never tell it to anyone else

the whole planning process for nayeon and not oNCE did he bring a notebook..,., but he just hAPPENS to have one when you’re telling him how to say no to your client

“listen, you have to tell them in the sincerest way possible, that you tried everything. it gets them going when you tell them that you even pleaded with the vendors, but don’t go too low on your knees, alright? and then after that, you say a strict no. no, because their choice of flowers is absolutely sHIT for their tie-dye theme they’re so adamant about!”

yoongi has never listened so intently

not even when his roommate lists out their grocery checklist

“mhmm. and if they still push, should i give them an ultimatum? or tell them about a wedding that totally happened that did exactly what they were planning, and how much the guests hated it?”

okay nOW he’s talking

“what you do is...”

the buzz of the reception never really dies down because it’s barely even starting!! the couple’s still finishing up on their pictorial which gives everyone time to get to the venue and freshen up or get last-minute gifts lmao

you know that it’s starting when the band or the dj starts doing polished mic checks

mic check! one, two, three! sKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRA

no, no 

there’s something definitely wrong

the rolling and the lull of routine words just seem so familiar

mic check! J-A-Y! H-O-P-E! J-HOPE! jung-...

oh

my

fucking

gOD

that’s hoseok.

that is most dEFINITELY hoseok

you turn your back to see the stage set-up and god...... fuck

it’s someone you haven’t seen in the flesh for two years yet spent the years of your life with before that 

he looks sickening in his black mandarin-collared suit with thick white lining on it wITH his hair styled up and parted to the site

it’s even more sickening for you because you don’t actually know if you can mANAGE to be here

you’re standing up abruptly and yoongi squawks at that because he is the furthesT thing from being finished about asking how to make the guests arrive on time without holding a field trip assembly-like type of line with the megaphone

the fastest way out was dashing through the front part and you must have forgotten that hoseok has a knack for catching things with his perfectly good eyesight

“y/n?” 

ok what now

he mumbles your name to the mic, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes trail the speed-walking speck of mauve from in front of him 

his little question to himself must have gotten people more than curious

they’re already mORE than curious because it’s his goddamn band that’s playing!!!! and the fees are not cheap and it’s practically impossible to book them!!!

but jungkook, their drummer, was a close friend of the groom’s and alright.,.,. okay maybe we CAN play at weddings now

ok hoseok’s mind is probably just playing tricks on him and he should finish setting up before the lights dim again for what they insist is the 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓻

but then he can’t help but look oNE last time

then he sees the watch he’s gifted you on his wrist — one that he was supposed to give you at graduation but later made his mom give it to you instead and not say that it was from him

...

....

whew he might need his inhaler for this one and he doesn’t even hAVE asthma

oh my god what the hELL is hoseok doing here????

you haven’t seen him for two years, and the moment you do, it’s in your best friend’s wedding with no date present??

you’re clearly panicking and the only form of caffeine you’ve gotten is the pre-game of getting a few bites from the coffee ganache in nayeon’s wedding cake that she was munching on while getting her makeup done

you know what!! it’s fine

it’s totally fine :D

hoseok is just hoseok and you’re not gonna be intimated by the man you’ve been loving in the sidelines from practically your whole life :D

it’s not a big deal!

besides, people are looking for you bc you’re supposed to give the opening toast to welcome nayeon and her groom in

you’re walking, you’re talking, aaaaaaaand-

yeah this is not nOT a big deal

you’re crumbling from the inside out because seeing hoseok is just too painful after two years of wondering where you could’ve went wrong and what could’ve happened if the two of you didn’t fall out

you feel especially bitter when hoseok starts singing their famous song about love and everything in between

everyone’s sWOONING and on their feet and you’re literally just there vibrating with how furious you are

you keep downing the good champagne as iF it’s gonna get you drunk

yoongi has a clue that the server must be a little dizzy having to go and back forth to your table so he just offers his portion to you

you’re so goddamn busy and absorbed with loathing him that you don’t even turn your back to notice that his eyes keep flickering to you

even at the cheesiest lyric, hobi expects that you’d atleast LOOK at him for that one but nOOOO your champagne flute and the blondie beside you is just much more interesting

you’re buzzing with anger that you aren’t enjoying this reception At All

you fail to even recognize that nayeon’s intentionally had your favorite food to be served!!! and you have an extra portion delivered to your table!!!

you just want your suffering to eND wow absolutely how much longer could this go

you’re so busy with cussing the whole ordeal in your head that you didn’t even notice how the band isn’t playing anymore and instead everyone’s swooning over the cake

it’s lost in you that hoseok’s shooed yoongi from his chair, sitting right beside you and even scooting closer until his knees bump to your own

and that’s when it sinks in

hobi doesn’t even have time to tell you how beautiful you look because you’ve gone straight to seething him

“for the record, i want you to know that i hate you.”

...

:O

okay hoseok didn’t expect that

for all he knows, the two of you even vOWED to never say the h word even if it’s meant jokingly!!

it’s a lethal word and the two of you collectively agreed to never play with it in regards to saying to one another

but well here you are

you’re saying it as if you’ve never been more sure of anything in your whole life

you feel actually relieved to say it to him right to his face, a miniscule weight lifted from your shoulders while your arms are crossed just by looking at him

hoseok does you one better with a timid chuckle, looking down on his rings that he’s fiddling with nervously

“yeah. i hate me too.”

.... oh

you’re perplexed at his reply so much so that you’re speechless

you’ve been keeping to yourself what you should say to him the moment you see him for two years and now that he agrees to what you’ve just said.,.,.,

oh fuck that

“i hate you so much, hoseok! i don’t even know what i did wrong and i asked even your own mother what’s wrong with me! did you know that you are, without a doubt, so fucking selfish???”

you exclaim as quietly as you could but that doesn’t stop people from glancing because the two most-known people in the room, besides the bride and groom, are having what seems to be an... intimate conversation with how close the two of you are??

“did you even try once to consider how painful it was for me to wonder why i just am the way that i am? or is that even too big of an inconveniece for you to think about because you’re so busy?”

“did you suddenly get too big for me, huh?” you ask straightly without malice, not even thinking about the double meaning because clearly, you’re too PRESSED lightly jabbing your finger to his chest

right he deserves that

hoseok’s fucked up big-time, that much he knows

his eyes are actually stinging right now and he would ask you for your handkerchief that you used to always carry for him but uH he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that

“why couldn’t you just tell me what was in your mind? you know that nothing would change whatever it was that-”

“i love you, okay?”

hoseok interrupts you with his mumble before he sets his eyes down once again on your watch

you’re speechless for long this time

“..... w-what?”

okay maybe he fucked up even more

“listen i-...”

“if you love me, a single text wouldn’t have hurt, hobi!!”

your chest doesn’t hurt anymore but it iS constricting with the amount of emotions and scenarios you’re trying to process

he’s kinda lost because oh my god you aren’t mAD anymore!!

and you don’t look fazed that he just declared his love for you

“i dropped you because i-i — i don’t want the people i love seeing me fuck up, y’know? i finished uni for the sake of it, and i didn’t even know if the band thing would work out!!”

“but baby it dID work out!!!!”

jesus christ hoseok may be a fucking iDIOT

you’re shaking him by the shoulders and he actually has to stand up so he wouldn’t fall by your ministrations

you feel so happy because your processing was just about to be finished, equal parts relieved and happy and maybe a tiny bit confused still

“it did work out because look at you now!! hobi, you could’ve just called me and i would’ve accepted the call before it even rings!!” you’re happily frustrated with him that you push him until the two of you are in the dance floor, his mouth curving up both in disbelief and giddiness

“i didn’t because i thought-...”

he’s interrupted by a swift and tight hug to his middle, his arms moving on their own to envelope you in his warmth

the top of your head still smells the same :D

his purpose is lost before he gathers his bearings once again, freezing in his stance before weakly attempting to push you off

“... you were married.”

the harsh sQUINT of your eyes you’re giving him prompt him to explain

why is he so nervous

“i-i go to your instagram? and well you uh, you posted this pic of you in the middle of the aisle???? you had your back turned and your silhouette’s seen then you were holding a bouquet!!! then after that, i-i never opened your account. jesus christ, is your husband here with you, y/n? what am i supposed to-...”

the realization’s starting to sink into hoseok because it’s something he’s shoved to the back of his head and now he’s seeing it straight-on

you’re throwing your head back laughing at him :D

great

now he’s both heartbroken AND a fool

there’s a gentle kiss on his cheek, one he didn’t expect and one he doesn’t hate

“i’m a wedding planner.”

god now this is just so fucking funny

the two of you fell out and remained distanced because of just a series of unprecedented miscommunications!!! 

the whole thing is so ridiculous that it actually feels light and relieving to talk about

“you’re.... a wedding planner,” he mumbles once again for confirmation, his loose arms around your waist now tightening

oh my god

hoseok starts chuckling to himself out of delight, turning to full-on cackles with you at how much the two of you have just been beside each other like parallel lines

“i need to make up the past two years to you.”

he declares seriously as a promise, pressing a tender wet kiss to your cheek that gets you giggling

“only if you write me a song,” you do him one better, kissing him on the corner of his mouth 

“don’t you know that most of them are about you? anyways, you should plan our wedding once it happens,” he’s forward with his words, having waited long enough that he nuzzles his nose to yours

:D

you’re gonna do him one even better

you’re gonna go right for the kill, the truth spilling out of you before you kiss him longingly, for the first time that it feels that it’s been something you’ve always yearned for

“don’t you know that you’re in my mind for every single one?”

[ukulelecal]

Bloom - Part One

The story of flowers.

Pairing: Poet!Luke Hemmings x Female!OC

Warnings: angst!!!! implied smut. perhaps a swear or two. mostly angst

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: can yall believe that this video sent me so feral that i wrote this whole lil mini series in like five days?? i'm not surprised tbh. ANYWAY omg i really am excited for y'all to read this!!! i hope you love it!!! i would love your feedback, and please please remember that reblogs mean the absolute world to creators!

series masterlist

masterlist // posted on ao3

Devon would never forget the first poem Luke wrote for her.

He was a blushing mess as he handed her the folded piece of paper, insisting she read it later because he didn’t want to see her reaction. He had a lip ring then, blond hair spiked up and a wardrobe full of band t-shirts and black skinny jeans. He certainly didn’t look like how anyone would imagine a poet, but one look at his work would tell anyone that he had the mind for the craft.

Luke’s way with words was unmatched. Devon always called it a superpower; the way he was able to capture readers with words strung together so beautifully and paint a picture in the brain. He made people feel something. He had a gift, no doubt.

All of his poems were breathtaking, and he wrote many for her. The first would always be her favorite.

It was called The Orchids. The poem compared a woman to a field of orchids, delicate and lush. It was simple but sweet. Devon vividly remembered the rush of giddiness she felt as she read it, knowing it was written just for her. She remembered calling Luke after reading it over and over again, gushing about how much she loved it. He explained to her later that he chose orchids because the color of the shirt she was wearing the day they met reminded him of them.

They were only freshmen in college then. First time away from home, getting their first taste of real independence. Of adulthood. They met in a seminar class that every first year student had to take. One that everyone else hated but Luke and Devon loved, just because they got to see each other. A couple of coffee dates lead to The Orchids, which lead to a loving relationship and many, many more poems.

College was just about to come to an end now. Graduation was coming up fast, and that brought the simultaneously exciting and dreadful question: what next?

The future was something that used to delight Luke and Devon. Countless nights, they talked about marriage, a house, a dog, children. Luke would be a renowned poet, Devon a respected social worker. They had it all planned out. Even if their white picket fence dreams fell through, they would be happy so long as they had each other.

With graduation creeping closer and closer, Devon wasn’t so sure about their plans.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want it anymore. She still loved Luke with all of her heart. She wanted everything they had talked about, a future with him. Some deeper thinking into her career led her heart elsewhere.

It came out at dinner one evening, sat at the table of Devon and Luke’s shared apartment that they had moved into junior year.

“I’ve been thinking about going to grad school,” she blurted out. She twisted her spaghetti on her fork to distract herself. His face lit up, but Devon didn’t quite share his excitement. She knew this was something she wanted, but she was about to make a huge sacrifice that she had been trying to convince herself that she was ready for.

“Yeah? That’s great, Dev!” Luke cheered. “Here?”

The proud smile on his face quickly dropped when he saw the look of dread on hers. Graduate school was certainly a good thing, but if she wasn’t thrilled, Luke knew there must be a catch.

“Not here?” Devon shook her head. “Then where?”

The name of the school that she mumbled under her breath made Luke’s heart sink. It was far away. Very far.

“Oh.”

Luke wanted to kick himself for being disappointed. It was selfish, so selfish. He should have been proud that Devon wanted to further her education, and he was. He couldn’t fathom trying to take that away from her, but the thought of his girl being so far away was gut wrenching.

He wiped the frown off his face as quickly as it came. He reminded himself that he needed to be supportive, even if it hurt.

“That’s awesome, baby. I’m really proud of you.”

Devon knew he wasn’t lying when he said he was proud of her, but she could tell he wasn’t as excited as he was trying to seem.

“You don’t have to act happy about this, Lu,” she murmured, still pushing her pasta around. “I know what you’re thinking.”

He sighed and dropped his fork on his plate. Of course she saw through him. She always did. After four years of being together, Devon knew Luke better than anyone.

“I really am proud of you for doing this, honey. Don’t think that I’m not. It’s just…” he trailed off, unable to think of a way to put what he wanted to say without sounding selfish. “It’s so far away.”

Devon swallowed the lump in her throat. She was headstrong, and she knew that she needed to put her career and her own desires first. That didn’t mean it hurt any less to move so far away from the love of her life.

“I know, bubs,” she whispered. “But this is something I really want for myself. For my future.”

“Oh, honey, I know,” Luke sighed, not wanting her to feel bad. “I want you to do this. But the distance...I know it’s selfish of me-”

“It’s not selfish, Luke,” she interrupted, shaking her head softly. “It’s not easy for me either. But this school has the best graduate program for social work. Besides, I haven’t finished my application yet and I’m applying to some other places too. I might not even get in.”

Perhaps the most selfish thing of all was that a tiny part of him hoped she wouldn’t get in. It would break her heart if she didn’t, but maybe she wouldn’t be so far. Luke hated himself for the thought even crossing his mind for a split second.

Devon could see how this was affecting him. She understood; she knew he was planning on proposing shortly after graduation, though they were in no hurry to actually get married until they both had secure jobs. Moving hundreds of miles away for two years undoubtedly threw a wrench in the plans.

She had gone back and forth for a while as she searched for grad schools. As much as she wanted to stay close, her future career was something that she valued greatly. Devon was a first generation college student, and she wanted nothing more than to make her family proud. However, Luke was important too. The distance wouldn’t be easy, but she tried to be optimistic. She could only hope that he would want to try too.

“Don’t think like that, Dev,” Luke mumbled. He let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair. His desire for Devon to succeed and his desire to keep her close were battling each other, and it only frustrated him.

He thought about his words for a few moments, but couldn’t find the right thing to say.

“We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

Devon gave a silent nod. She needed to let him feel this out, and honestly, she needed to do the same. Thinking about it was one thing, but actually telling Luke was another. She had been stressing over it for a while, and now that it was finally out, her and Luke had to actually deal with it together.

The couple finished their dinner in silence, the only sounds to be heard being the slight scraping of forks against plates and the occasional sighs.

Devon couldn’t help but feel guilty. Over the years, she had conditioned herself to put her own aspirations first. She had sacrificed a lot for others in her lifetime, but many people had made sacrifices for her as well. She felt she had found a balance between taking care of herself and taking care of the people around her. She knew that moving away for a while for her own benefit would have an effect on her relationship, but she didn’t feel as if she had to choose one or the other. If Luke was willing to try to make things work, then so was she.

Luke took his last bite of spaghetti and stood up from the table. He silently made his way to the sink to wash his plate before turning back to Devon.

“I’m going to write for a bit, okay?” He mumbled, slowly making his way towards the spare bedroom that doubled as his workspace. No doubt a poem was going to come out of everything he was feeling at the moment. Devon nodded and her brown eyes watched as Luke turned on his heel to walk away.

“Luke?” She called out before he got too far. He turned around with a hum of acknowledgement. “I love you.”

Despite the anxiety and dread he was feeling, he smiled.

He walked back over to where Devon still sat at the table. With her face cradled lovingly in his hands, he bent down to press a soft yet meaningful kiss to her lips. The kiss said that even if things were uncertain, this wasn’t over.

“I love you too.”

…

Devon’s breath caught in her throat when an email from her top choice grad school came through.

She had poured over her personal statement and fretted over her interview. No matter how much everyone assured her, she couldn’t help the anxiety that ate her away.

With a deep breath, she opened the email.

Accepted with a scholarship.

“Luke! Bubs, I got in! I got in!”

She ran into the spare bedroom where Luke was hunched over one of his many poetry notebooks. His head whipped up at his girlfriend’s yells, his brain taking a moment to process her words after being in the writing zone.

For a moment, neither of them were thinking about the distance. All that mattered was Devon’s amazing achievement.

Luke stood up to meet her. Devon practically tackled him in a hug and he easily held her close.

“Congratulations, honey,” he mumbled into her hair. “Fuck, I’m so proud of you.”

He held her for a few minutes, neither of them able to wipe the smiles off their faces. This meant a lot to Devon, and Luke knew it. He knew from the moment he met her that she was going to do great things in life. She was motivated, intelligent, passionate. Anyone could see it. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

Luke pulled away in favor of cupping her cheeks in his hands. Devon flushed under his adoring gaze, eyes falling downwards.

“You’re incredible, Devon Murphy.”

She kissed him as a form of thanks, melting into each other’s touch. Their eyes met when they pulled away, bright blue and warm brown. Devon wasn’t the wordsmith that Luke was, but she didn’t have to be. Her eyes and her actions told him and everyone else everything that they needed to know. Devon was in love with him, and Luke, her.

Even with Luke’s way with words, Devon could read his eyes too. They were just as expressive as his poetry. As they gazed at each other, she could see the flash of sorrow as his mind travelled elsewhere. She didn’t need to ask to know what he was thinking about.

“Luke…” she whispered with a softened gaze. The guilt was returning, although she knew she had nothing to feel guilty about. She had always struggled with her determination to put herself first. It wasn’t Luke’s fault either, however; his feelings about her leaving were completely valid.

“No. None of that right now,” he stated, shaking his head. “This is a huge accomplishment, Dev. We’re not going to be sad tonight.”

A grin tugged at the corner of Devon’s lips as Luke pulled away, grabbing his phone from the desk and sticking it in his pocket. He placed a hand on the small of her back and led her to the door of the bedroom.

“I think you deserve a celebratory dinner, honey, yeah?” He offered, handing trailing to the side to hold her waist. She chuckled and leaned into him.

“You could throw in a frozen pizza and I’d be happy, bubs.”

“Hell no,” he scoffed as if it was the most ridiculous suggestion in the world. “You just got into grad school! I’m taking you out for dinner. If you want pizza, we can get pizza, but not a frozen one.”

Devon couldn’t help but throw her arms around him again, burying her face into his chest. He tilted his head down to press a kiss to the top of her head. She knew this wasn’t easy, and she was beyond grateful that he was being supportive.

“Thank you, bubs. I love you.”

“I love you too, honey. So are we getting pizza, or do you want to go somewhere else? It’s up to you.”

“Pizza sounds good. Can we go to the place with the good garlic knots?”

Luke laughed as he slipped on his shoes.

“Of course we can.”

Devon slipped on her own shoes and grabbed her denim jacket from the hook by the door before the couple made their way downstairs. Luke’s beat up Prius came into view as they stepped into the parking lot. Devon had named the car Bertha; she was old and a little rusty, but she got the job done.

Luke drove to the small pizzeria not far from their apartment complex. Once inside, they were seated quickly and ordered garlic knots and a pizza to share.

“We haven’t talked much about your writing lately,” Devon said once the waitress walked away. “What have you been working on?”

Luke shrugged and sipped his water.

“Not much. I haven’t really gotten anything good out.”

Truthfully, he had written a lot of poems about Devon leaving. He wasn’t going to tell her that at their celebratory dinner, though.

“In a slump?” She queried sincerely.

“Yeah, a bit.”

“Maybe next weekend we can go out, go to the park. You always get inspired there.”

Luke grinned and reached across the table for her hand.

“I’d love that, Dev.”

The rest of dinner flew by, conversation getting lost in buttery garlic knots and savory pizza. Luke offered dessert, but Devon was too full to even think about it. A sly joke about having her for dessert at home had the giggling couple paying the check and driving home at record speed where Luke certainly made good on his promise.

Devon and Luke laid in bed that night where whispered I love you’s and gentle kisses put them to sleep. Not a negative thought in either of their minds. They were content, but the future still loomed menacingly ahead.

…

The apartment was once a place of solace. It was a place where Luke and Devon could get away from the stress of college life and simply be together. It was safe and comforting. A place they knew they were always welcome.

As time went on, the apartment slowly shifted from a place of joy to a place of dread.

Graduation day was coming up, and both Devon and Luke knew what that meant.

They busied themselves with assignments and exams, Devon simultaneously preparing herself for grad school. She didn’t say much about it to Luke; whenever it came up, the tension between them only got stronger. It led to them bickering about other things to avoid the conversation.

Before they knew it, graduation had come and passed. Devon and Luke officially had their bachelor’s degrees, Luke in creative writing and Devon in social work. The days leading up to it were a good distraction, celebrations with friends and family taking their minds off the move. But it was over. Devon needed to get to her new city soon to set up her new apartment and get her bearings before school started. It was time to face the music.

“Luke?” Devon mumbled as he came out of the spare bedroom. She had been waiting for him to finish so they could talk.

He sighed and sat down next to her on the couch, knowing exactly what this was about. They both had been dreading the conversation, but he knew just as well as her that they needed to discuss it before it was too late.

“Are you ready for this?” She whispered, glancing at him with sad eyes. He didn’t return her gaze.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to be away from you for this long, honey.”

Luke could feel his guard coming down. He wanted this for Devon, but he was struggling to keep his want for her to stay close suppressed.

“I don’t want you to think I’m not considering you in this,” she began, reaching for his hand in his lap. “Leaving won’t be easy for me either.”

“I know.”

He was too scared to say much else.

The couple was silent for a moment. They racked their brains for something to say that would make the situation easier on either of them.

“Maybe you could come with.”

Devon regretted it as soon as it came out of her mouth.

Luke huffed and sent her a look.

“You know I can’t do that.”

She did know. If he could do that, he would have jumped on the opportunity immediately. Luke couldn’t afford to move. He was working on fulfilling his lifelong dream of releasing a poetry book. He was getting so close. Publishers were starting to take interest in him, and he nearly had enough money saved to cover the costs. It was difficult to save money when his part time job at a local bookstore didn’t pay much in the first place and he still needed to pay for school as well as his share of the rent and groceries, among other necessary things. Devon was a little luckier. Neither of their families had much to contribute, and she needed to pay for the same things as him, but her part time job paid better than his and she had money saved from when she managed to land a paid internship first semester. It was covering the costs of her move and grad school.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

She watched him for another moment, trying to fight back the tears that were welling in her eyes.

“Please say something, Luke,” she whimpered. All she wanted was for him to affirm what she so desperately wanted; for them to be okay.

He finally looked at her, both sets of eyes red rimmed. Devon squeezed his hand.

“Do you really have to go, Dev?”

The break in his voice sent the first tear gliding down Devon’s cheek.

“You know how much this means to me, Lu. I really think we can make this work.”

“Can we? Can we really?” Luke’s tone turned frustrated. Devon’s mouth dropped open slightly. Did he not believe they could last?

“What are you saying?” She whispered, voice shaking.

He sighed and roughly stood up, dropping Devon’s hand in the process.

“We’ll never talk. We’ll both be so busy. You’ll have school, I’ll be working. And you know neither of us have the money to be visiting each other often. There will hardly be anything,” he rambled, pacing around the living room. Maybe his selfish side was coming out, but he felt he was just being realistic.

Luke always aimed for realism, particularly in his poetry. He wrote largely about real life experiences and channeled his emotions into beautiful, flowing rhymes. His best work came from personal connection.

Sometimes, he couldn’t help but write about what he wished he had.

His idealistic poems were never about Devon; his relationship with her was practically perfect. But this was something that no idealistic poem could fix. No words could change what was happening to them.

“I’ll make time for you, Luke. Won’t you do the same?” She questioned, growing frustrated as well. She had wanted him to share her optimism, but clearly he didn’t. A part of her knew he was right, but she wasn’t going to back down.

“Of course I’ll make time. But will it be enough? No matter how much we try, will it be enough to keep what we have going? Look at what it’s doing to us now! You haven’t even left yet and we can barely keep it together.”

“Do you really have that little faith in us, Luke?” Her voice was calm, despite how she felt on the inside. She narrowed her eyes at him. “No one said it would be easy. But we’ve been together for four years. I believe in us.”

Luke took another breath, trying his best to keep his emotions and tears at bay.

“I want to believe in us, Devon. I really do.” He turned to look at her. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and it only made his heart ache more. “I still want a future with you. I want the house and the dog and the kids we’ve always talked about. But I have a bad feeling. We’ve never been away from each other for more than a few weeks. I just...the distance is going to break us.”

Luke’s own words cut him like a knife. As much as he wanted to believe they could last, his own insecurities caused him doubt. He wasn’t sure if he truly believed that or if he just wanted to save himself the heartbreak of being away from Devon for so long.  

Devon let his words sink in. Even if it did break them before she finished her degree, she was willing to try until they couldn’t anymore. Maybe he was right. Maybe the distance would break them eventually. But it hurt her that he didn’t have any faith at all. Still, she understood where he was coming from.

There was no winner in this situation.

She thought for a moment, and finally came to the conclusion that they were both thinking about.

“Fine.” She slowly stood up from the couch and looked him in the eye. They were both shattered. Hearts were breaking into a million pieces simultaneously. Devon put on the most stoic face she could muster with tears still leaking from her eyes. “We obviously want different things right now. I have school, you have your book, and clearly we can’t handle both at the same time. Maybe there shouldn’t be an us.”

Although he had essentially been the one to suggest it, her words felt like a punch in the gut.

This wasn’t what either of them wanted. This wasn’t supposed to happen. But the truth was becoming more and more apparent. They couldn’t do this. Not now.

However, Luke mimicked Devon’s actions and put on a blank face.

“Maybe there shouldn’t.”

They stared at each other for another few moments. Reality was setting in. This was the end of Luke and Devon. All of the coffee dates, the love poems, living off Ramen and questionable dining hall food together, walks in the park, kisses, I love you’s, the late night talks of the future, everything gone down the drain.

Devon shut herself in the bedroom before Luke could see her break.

…

The next month before Devon moved was painful. Her and Luke hardly said a word to each other. They ate their meals separately, not bothering to cook together like they used to or order food to share. They both spent time with friends before everyone went off to their new adult lives. When they weren’t out, Devon locked herself in the bedroom while Luke did the same in the spare. They hadn’t slept in the same bed since before their fight.

Devon spent a lot of free time packing. She went through all of her belongings, creating piles of things to keep, things to donate, and things to throw away.

She soon came across something that made all of her emotions about the breakup resurface.

It was the shoebox that she kept all of the poems Luke had written for her in. She kept every single one.

With a quivering lip, she opened the box and gazed at its contents. Piles of folded papers were neatly tucked inside, his declarations of love all written out in one place. They were her most prized possessions. She went back and reread them often, and the feeling of having someone love her like Luke did was the best feeling in the world.

Devon choked out a sob, burying her face into her hands in hopes that he wouldn’t hear her through the thin walls. The fact that he was right next door hurt her even more. The caring, gentle boy that made her swoon with his charming smile and romantic poetry. He made her fall in love with him all over again every day. He was everything, and she lost him.

She slowly read through each poem. Instead of joy and adoration, all she felt was anguish and heartache. She never thought she would feel this way about Luke.

When she got to the bottom, she pulled out the last poem, and her heart completely broke in her chest.

The Orchids.

Devon couldn’t keep her sobs at bay. She clutched the paper to her chest, every bit of pain coming out in tears.  

Luke could hear her through the wall.

His heart told him to run in and comfort her. His brain told him it would only make things worse for both of them.

He plugged his ears, trying to block out the dreadful sound. He was in just as much pain as her, but the sound of the love of his life’s sorrow only made his own worse.

Glancing down at the open notebook in front of him, he reread the poem he was writing, and soon he found himself joining Devon in tears.

It was called Wilted. Their relationship that had once been a beautiful flower, an orchid, lost its sunlight and its water, and now it had wilted. Dead, grey, dried up.

Luke dropped his pen and folded his arms on the desk, burying his head into them. He cried.

The broken couple, only separated by a thin wall, might as well have already been miles apart. They cried together, but there was no sense of unity between them. Their pain was past what any poem could portray.

[jungshookz]

ok anyway build-a-bear employee!jin who meets y/n bc she comes in to make a new friend after a breakup and he teases her for being an adult by herself in the store and after she starts tEARING UP he’s like okok no!!!! and helps her make the cutest lil guy and records a cute message to put inside

➺ pairing; kim seokjin x reader

➺ genre; employee!jin, i brought you to build-a-bear so obviously this is going to be very floofy (sfw!!) 

➺ wordcount: 4k

➺ what to expect; “…turning twenty-two soon and you’re buying yourself a teddy bear?”

➺ note; when i told u guys that jin always gets the cutest drabble requests i wasn’t LYING!!! i have my own bear from build-a-bear named blu (he’s dark blue with white stars!! at the age of eight i was not very good at coming up with creative names) so obviously i had to write something for him and his homies

                                         »»————-　🧸————-««

jin has a love-hate relationship with his job

you would think that working at build-a-bear would be pretty fun - and it can be, sometimes! - but jin can confirm right here right now that it’s not aLL that great

on one hand, he loves the dramatics of build-a-bear because he’s given the chance to act like the whole store is whimsical and that the tiny little heart that he stuffs inside of the bear is full of magic and hope and happiness (he majored in acting in university so his degree is surprisingly very useful here)

but on the other hand… he works at build-a-bear.

this isn’t where he thought he’d be!!! not at all!!! 

he’s basically almost thirty and he works at a frickin build-a-bear

this wasn’t part of his plan!!!

his plan was to graduate from university, get famous from acting in a small commercial because of his devilishly handsome face, and then immediately get signed onto some fancy hollywood acting deal and become internationally known

but, no!

he graduated from university, didn’t get any roles in any small commercials, and had to find a way to make money so had no choice but to find work at his local mall

and to make things worse, his boss is literally five years younger than him

he has this bratty little twenty-two year old constantly up his ass and he haTES it

“you forgot the whipped cream on my frappuccino.” jungkook looks up at jin from where he’s sitting behind the counter before raising his drink, “am i blind or are you just bad at listening to instructions? where is the whipped cream, seokjin? WHERE?”

jin clenches his jaw before leaning forward, “they were busy, i guess they just forgot. and i’m not your slave. i only got you that drink so you’d give me a day off tomorrow.”

“well, since there’s no whipped cream on it, you don’t get a day off.” jungkook kisses his teeth before shrugging

“wha-“ jin resists the urge to reach down and wrap his hands around jungkook’s neck, “are you kidding me right now?? i spent forty-five minutes out of my fifty minute lunch break lining up at starbucks to get that for you! forty-five minutes!!!”

“i don’t know what to tell you,” jungkook hums as he kicks his legs up onto the counter and leans back against his chair, “now get back to work. and remember to smile! after all, build-a-bear is where best friends are made-“

“the new slogan is ‘the most fun you’ll ever make’.” jin raises a brow, “you don’t even know our slogan! how did you become the manager?”

jungkook takes a slow sip of his drink while maintaining direct eye contact with jin

sChLuuUuRrRRRr

jesus christ

his life sucks

jin rolls his eyes before turning on his heel and heading back to the main area of the shop

today’s saturday, so the store is a little busier than it usually is - which is great, because jin works off commission and he thinks he’s pretty good at selling teddy bears

on his best day he managed to sell thirty-eight bears in one day

he also convinced most of the kids that their brand new furry friends needed new clothes and a personalised recorded message in place of the usual little red cloth heart

he doesn’t like looking at the parents whenever he’s egging their kids on to buy even more things because they always look at him like they’re going to kill him

anyways

he could’ve ordered like forty frappuccino’s from the money he made on that day

before he left for lunch today he sold eight which really isn’t that impressive

but, to be fair, the mall usually gets busy after lunch, so now is the prime time to make some sales

jin lets out a breath as he scans the store for any newcomers or anyone who’s noT already being bombarded by his co-workers

he can’t help but snicker to himself when he notices yoongi at the stuffing station conducting a heart ceremony

“-and now you can go ahead and give your heart a little kiss-“

he looks up for a split second and jin takes the chance to blows a sweet little kiss at him

he snorts to himself when yoongi’s eye twitches

yoongi hates giving heart ceremonies but he’s actually pretty good at it!

he’s good with children whether he wants to admit it or not

alright, enough making fun of yoongi >:-)

time to hunt down a new customer…

jin sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as he walks around the store slowly

ooh, a little boy and his family just walked i- aaand they’ve been swept up by jimin

okay, no problem!

how about those twin gir- nope, too late, taehyung’s approaching them

damn

that would’ve been a good sale, too

it’s fine

he’ll get someone!

oh, wow

build-a-bear has really upped their game since the last time you were here

to be fair, the last time you were here was like more than ten years ago, so you’d hope that they make some changes to the store

…are those star wars themed teddy bears??

that is most definitely a princess leia teddy bear

and she even gets her own little light sabre!

wow

this is a whole new world

“excuse me, sorry…” you manoeuvre your way through the crowd as you continue looking through your options

is it weird that you’re in here by yourself?

the thought of trailing behind a random child in order to blend in with everyone else crosses your mind for a split second

although… a grown woman creeping behind a child they don’t know probably isn’t going to sound good to the judge when you’re standing in court, so maybe you shouldn’t do that

okay

you know what

it’s fine

it’s totally fine that you’re in here by yourself!

stuffed plushies are for people of all ages!!

it’s not just a kiddie thing

you’re FINE

and you have a perfectly legitimate reason to be in here

the only reason why you’re even in here is because…

well, the short and sweet version is that you got dumped two weeks ago.

which means that you’ve been cooped up in your apartment for the last fourteen days

which means your bedroom was starting to smell a little ripe so you thought it’d be good to air out the place and give your poor bed a break  

(also, please, for the love of god, remember to wash your sheets when you get back home later today.)

anyways

you thought that a trip to the mall for some retail therapy would make you feel better!

so far you’ve only been the food court but you helped yourself to a cheeseburger, some onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake

food always makes you feel better

you could honestly go for another round of onion rings right now

there’s nothing quite like the pain of having your heart broken nudge you towards the direction of binge-eating the pain away, is there?

you were about to head into a victoria’s secret to splurge on pretty panties (that no one but yourself will be seeing for a long time) but this build-a-bear caught your eye

a cuddle buddy you could ugly-cry into for the simple price of $35?

obviOUSLY you had to come in

the only issue now is that there are way too many options to choose from

who do you want to take home??

pawlette the bunny?

toothless from how to train your dragon?

you could even take pikachu home if you wanted to

“timeless teddy…” you mutter to yourself as you dig out a teddy bear skin (also, it’s very unsettling that they’re called ‘skins’. like, you know that’s what they technically are, but the phrase ‘i’ve picked out my skin!’ just makes your skin crawl.)

you lean forward a little to read the label on the wall

teddy bears are a timeless way to share love with every hug! timeless teddy is a classic teddy bear with shaggy brown fur and an adorable smile. personalize this classic teddy bear with outfits, sounds and accessories for a huggable gift they'll cherish forever!

hm

perfect!

a classic teddy bear sounds perfect

there’s nothing wrong with going back to basics

also, you’re assuming the ‘they’ll’ they’re referring to here is a child

…

nO

you are doing this

you will buy this teddy bear!

your other option was to go and adopt a cat from the shelter but you can barely take care of yourself right now so that wouldn’t be a good idea

“hello!” you jump three feet into the air when you’re suddenly being greeted by one of the bright-eyed workers, “can i help you find anything?”

you turn around quickly while clutching your teddy’s skin (gag) to your chest with wide eyes, “h-hello!”

oh

hello indeed

you feel your heart drop a little when you realise that you probably look disgusting right now

you weren’t expecting to bump into a veRY attractive super handsome boy today!!!

very attractive super handsome boy with sweet brown eyes and soft-looking hair and the poutiest lips you think you’ve ever seen in your entire life-

thank god you decided to wear the sweatshirt that doesn’t have any stains on it, right?

the one thing you remember from your previous build a bear experience (once again, 10+ years ago) is that the workers here are usually overly perky sixteen year old girls

this guy is not an overly perky sixteen year old girl

well

maybe he’s the perky part

but everything else??

wowie

he smiles brightly at you before tilting his head, “hello. i’m jin!” he points at his name tag, “i’d love to help you out today. were you looking for anything in particular?”

“hi! hello, jin. i’m, um, i’m y/n. i was, uh-“ you clear your throat, “i was actually just browsing, so…”

“oh, perfect!” jin claps his hands together, “let me tell you all about our collections. there’s the summer fun collection, the rainbow friends, the promise pets, the heartables, the classic build-a-bear collection-“

yeah okay

he’s definitely nailed the perky part of the job

“-DC comics, dr. suess, marvel, my little pony, how to train your drag-“

“you know, i-“ you smile sheepishly after interrupting jin, “thank you so much, but i’ve actually already made my decision, if that’s alright.” you hold your teddy’s limp, hollow carcass up before pressing your lips together

“of course that’s alright!” jin takes the skin from you before shrugging lightly, “i figured i’d just let you know of all the other options in case your younger sibling wanted something more extravagant than just our timeless teddy. follow me to the sound station!”

you don’t get a chance to say anything before jin spins around swiftly to head to the back of the store

he thinks this bear is for your younger sibling

okay, you can work with that!

you can pretend like you’re in here for your non-existent younger sibling and certainly not for yourself

“you can choose a pre-made sound from here,” jin gestures to the bins of plastic hearts (there’s a sound option for an ‘into the unknown’ snippet from frozen 2 which is insane), “or we can go ahead and record a personalised message. what’s your sibling’s name?”

you look up at him immediately

“wha- um, why… why do you need to know my sibling’s name?”

“oh! i was just asking so i could give you an example.” jin hums as he tosses the skin over his shoulder and places his hands on his hips, “like, you could say, hey there… sibling’s name, it’s me, your big sister! i love you! or something like that.”

“ah, right!” you nod to yourself, “that makes sense! my sibling’s name is totally normal information that i have no problem giving to you.”

jin raises a brow when he notices you continuing to ramble about how your sibling’s name is something that you will be telling him soon because you definitely know the name of your younger sibling whomst’ve this bear is for

hm

you’re cute but you’re a little odd

“-my younger sibling’s name is… paulette!” you catch a glimpse of a pink pawlette bunny being stuffed before looking back over at jin, “yep. that’s her name. sweet, sweet paulette. sweet little angel.”

“hey, our iconic bunny is named pawlette!” jin beams, “wouldn’t you want to get paulette her own pawlette? instead of a bear?”

the smile immediately drops from your face

oh god

you’ve never been very good at lying

one time in middle school when you wanted to get out of PE you told the teacher that you were in pain and that’s why you couldn’t do anything on that day

and when he asked you what hurt, all you said was ‘…bleeding out of my butt?’

you don’t even know why you said that!!

you could’ve told him you had a headache or something but nO

you told your teacher your asshole was BLEEDING and that’s why you couldn’t participate in baseball

so yeah

lying has never been your forte

but you don’t want pawlette!!

you want this bear!!!

although, it would make sense to get paulette her own pawlette because that’d be an adorable coincidence…

what are you-

what are you even sAYING

PAULETTE DOES NOT EXIST

“okay, you got me!” you raise your hands in defence and jin’s eyes widen in surprise, “paulette isn’t a real person. i don’t have a younger sibling. i’m in here for me. the bear is for me. the timeless teddy is mine.”

“oh…!” jin purses his lips before nodding slowly, “alright! totally get it. the bear is for you.”

why has everyone he’s ever been attracted to turned out to be a little cuckoo?

the expected demographic of build-a-bear are children aged 3-10 (a child aged below three isn’t interested in stuffed teddies because they don’t really do anything but sit there and a child aged over ten isn’t interested in stuffed teddies because… they don’t really do anything but sit there.)

and you… well, unless you’ve experienced some kind of insane growth spurt, you certainly don’t look like someone aged 3-10 years old

“phew! it feels good getting that off my chest.” you breathe out as you lean over and place your hands on your knees, “there was a lot of pressure there to keep lying to you but-“

“how, um, how old are you, by the way?”

jin doesn’t mean to sound like a judgy bitch

he’s just genuinely curious as to why a 21-23 year old would willingly go into a physical build-a-bear store to buy themselves a stuffed plushie

you could’ve purchased one off the online website

also, aren’t there better things to spend your money on?

like… literally anything besides a stuffed plushie??

“turning twenty-two soon!” you get back up onto your feet, “why do you ask?”

“…turning twenty-two soon and you’re buying yourself a teddy bear?” jin snorts before raising a brow, “i mean, really? didn’t you graduate this year?”

“ah, well…” you reach up to scratch the back of your neck as you feel the tips of your ears beginning to heat up, “i mean, yeah, but like…”

“i’m not judging! some people go on grad trips to party and get wasted after they graduate, and other people go to the mall to build themselves a $35 teddy bear-“ jin laughs to himself before turning around to plop the skin down on little counter attached to the stuffing machine, “anyways, were you thinking about choosing a sound or recording something?”

he spins back around and his eyes widen when he notices that your eyes have gotten red and are starting to water

oh

uh oh

what’s going on?

what’s happening??

are you…

are you crying??

why are you crying??

he was totally kidding!!!

that wasn’t supposed to be mean!!

that was supposed to be playful banter!!!

“oh- oh, god no- wait-“ jin immediately walks over so that he’s standing in front of you and jungkook won’T be able to see that he just upset a customer, “don’t cry!! i was kidding!! i have, like, ten plushies on my bed! i’m twenty-seven and i work at a build-a-bear, if anything, i should be the one crying-”

“i just-“ you reach up to wipe at your eyes as you begin to blubber, “my boyfriend of one year b-broke up with me two weeks ago and i- i just th-thought that a teddy bear would make good company because god knows i’m not in the right mental state to be taking care of a real animal-!”

jin winces when you let out a particularly loud sob and he quickly drags you over so that the two of you are behind the stuffing machine and out of sighT from everyone

crap

he doesn’t even have any tissues on him!!!!

maybe he can pull some fluff out from the machine and you can dab at your tears with that

actually, the cotton might stick to your cheeks if you try wiping your tears away with a fistful of stuffing, so maybe not

“i-i know it’s stupid and humiliating for a grown-up to be in here buying a stupid teddy bear for herself but there’s so much in my life that’s just out of my control right now a-and making this teddy bear seemed like the only thing i could control and i just-“

“y-yes, of course!” jin pulls you into a tight hug (your sobbing is getting a little loud and people are starting to notice so this is the only way he can think to muffle your crying) and strokes the back of your head comfortingly, “i’m so sorry, i had no idea! that makes total sense, of course you can get this teddy bear for yourself…”

he continues to hold you until your sobs reduce to little hiccups and gives a warning look when yoongi mouths whether or not they should call mall security on your ass

when you pull away your eyes are a little puffy and the tip of your nose is red

if jungkook asks, maybe jin can get away with saying that your allergies acted up in the middle of the store

you don’t look like that because he made you burst into tears

not at all!!

“how about we… record a special message for your new friend?” jin digs through the tub to pull out an electronic heart

“i-“ you hiccup, “i don’t really h-have anything i want to say…”

jin purses his lips in thought

hm

stuffing the bear with a heartbeat heart seems way too basic

this is an important bear!

ah!

“why don’t you let me take care of it, okay?” he reaches over and rubs your shoulder gently, “you wait here and i’ll take care of everything. for his stuffing, would you like a soft cuddle bear or a plump one?”

your bottom lip starts to quiver again and you let out a light laugh, “a soft cuddle bear sounds really sweet.”

“then a soft cuddle bear it is.”

“and this is for you.” jin hands you the box over the counter and you take it from him with a grin, “thank you for your purchase! and… sorry about making you cry-“

“oh, god no-“ you snort, “i’m sorry for bursting into tears and loading all of that on you-“

“it’s totally fine!” jin shakes his head, “you’re definitely not the first person to start crying in a build-a-bear, so there’s absolutely nothing to feel bad about.”

“right! right, of course.” you nod and press your lips together, “anyways, thanks for helping me out today, jin.”

“of course! it was a pleasure.” jin clears his throat

it’s pretty clear that the two of you want to continue talking to each other, but…

jin doesn’t usually practice his flirting skills when he’s at build-a-bear, so pardon him for being a little rusty

“so… see you around!” you chirp, “i’m just gonna-“

“wait, uh-“ jin wipes his hands down on the back of his pants, “i… i don’t know if maybe this is a little too soon for you or… and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, but… maybe i can treat you to an apology corndog or something sometime? i don’t know. this mall doesn’t really offer fine dining, so a corndog is really all i can-“

“yeah, i would love that!” you nod enthusiastically, “an apology corndog with you sounds great. i mean, a regular corndog would be fine too, but- d-do you… want my number?”

also

this isn’t you rebounding or anything

this is the first time in two weeks where your mind hasn’t been clouded with thoughts of your ex-boyfriend

this is the first time in two weeks that you’re actually happy

jin seems genuinely sweet and you wouldn’t mind getting to know him :-))

also you’re glad that hE was the one who asked

because if you were the one who asked, it’d probably make you look that much more pathetic

and you’ve already made a fool of yourself once today!!  

you sigh happily as you slam the car door shut

you’re about to shove the key into the ignition when suddenly you remember that your bear has a personalised message inside of him

“oh, right!” you reach over to open up the cardboard house that he’s been shoVed into

!!!

you wonder what soundbyte jin picked out for you!!!

you pull him out and smile fondly at the sight of his chubby arms dangling over your hands

cute :-))

this was money well spent for sure

okay, now how do you activate the sound…

there’s a bit of squeezing and poking but you manage to find the little heart inside of him

you perk up when you hear a muffled crackle

“hi, y/n! it’s me, your furry friend… uh… jin bear! if you’re listening to this, it probably means you’re super sad… cry into my stomach to muffle the sound of your violent sobs! …oh, god, probably shouldn’t have said that- anyways, um, i hope you feel better soon! and remember to give me plenty of cuddles - i promise it’ll make you feel better!”

hA

that was actually a pretty good message

(you hope jin texts u soon)

“okay, jin bear.” you murmur quietly as you buckle him into the passenger seat, “time to take you home.”

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[bellaslilpapercut]

Eclipse reread part 2! This is gonna cover a lot of chapters because I forgot to include stuff from chapters 4, 5, and 6 in part 1 (in my defense your honor, this book is very grating to read). Awayyy we go:

1. so chapters 4-6 really could have been one chapter tbh since the plot is: Bella ditches work at Newton’s Outfitters to hang with Jake and then writes some graduation invites with Angela. She pushes her rusty old behemoth as fast as it can go through driving rain but then hangs outside with Jake the whole time so I don’t really know where the rain went. She also manages to hear Jake gasp through her closed car door! Super sonic! Anyway, Bella insists that Edward is a good guy, Jake makes Bella hold his hand, Jake explains imprinting (yuck we can skip that), and then Edward drives threateningly past Bella while she’s on her way to Angela’s house. Angela reminds Bella that, at his core, Edward is a teen boy who is Totally Jealous of how Ripped and Sexy her 16 year old best friend is. Then Alice kidnaps Bella. Fun times!

2. During the imprinting convo it becomes very apparent that Meyer thinks the worst thing that can happen to a girl is getting broken up with. Somehow Leah got the “worst end” of the Sam/Emily/Leah fiasco despite Sam turning into a “monster” and Emily getting literally mauled in the face. What’s worse is later in the book, during the “Legends” chapter, when Bella wonders if Leah thinks Emily’s scars are a form of “justice.” Yea, Bella, that’s justice. 

3. I love this Rosalie quote but hate the entirety of they way meyer writes her story. Others have mentioned it before but Meyer writes Rose's dialogue there as if Rose is an author and not like...a person telling a story. An easy fix would be to format Rosalie's story "flash back" style rather than have her narrate all the way through. Then you can include all the superfluous details of exactly what everyone's voice sounded like and all the excessive dialogue tags you want.

I also Violently Abhor this quote here:

Yea, meyer, the Hot Girl hates your self-insert because her stupid ass brother didn't have the hots for her. It just reads like weird middle school revenge fantasy "I only hated you because you were so Special!!!" Sure, sure. Also "all those females!" People don't talk like that @stephanie

4. I do love the scene when Bella “escapes” from Alice with Jake (I don’t know why i put escape in quotes, Alice could definitely murk Bella) but then that whole adventure ends with Jake telling Bella he’d rather she die than turn into a vampire. And yeah, fair buddy, but also you’ve known Bella for a long time. This should not be a surprise to you at all even a little bit. a) she mentioned it before, b) you knew she would never get over Edward even if your plan in NM had worked, and c) you’ve known that she’s fully obsessed with the Cullen’s since you started hanging out with her again. The last time you guys hung out she went on an impassioned rampage about how lovely and good and fantastic Edward is (footage not found) I really don’t know why you’re surprised that this hard-headed girl is prepared to commit to vampirism for him. She is not normal lmfao.

5. The legends chapter. Oh boy. Stephanie, Meyer, Smeyer. Honestly it might have been less offensive if she had just made up a whole new tribe to give these backstories to, for all that they have in common with real Quileute legends but actually that would still be offensive and terrible anyway. I don’t know how to describe this adequately but if you’ve ever seen G.I. Joe’s portrayal of indigenous people that’s exactly what meyer made Old Quil and Billy’s dialogue sound like. Just absolutely dripping with Mystical Native/ Magical Native trope from the content to the tone. https://mthg.org/ Because it can’t be plugged enough.  

6. The legends chapter ends with this Wuthering Heights quote:

I have no qualms with it's inclusion, if you really want to push the Edward is Heathcliff and Bella is Cathy agenda, I don't believe it but fine, whatever. But those last two paragraphs are such a dumb way to end a chapter. Every chapter ending should make the reader want to turn the page: this makes me want to shut the book (actually I did take a long break after this lmfao). Anyway, just end the quote on "drank his blood," bold those three words, and end the chapter there. Don't go back and say "the three words that stood out were... Anyway it could have fallen to any page I believe in coincidence teehee!!" That's just annoying.

7. Okay guys I hate to say it but Edward does get a lil bit of ~character growth after the first few chapters. He comes home after having Bella kidnapped (she decides not to be angry, surprise surprise) and is all "so I've been thinking about it and you're right my Beloved Angel Face or whatever, please hang out with Jacob but also wear a helmet on your motorcycle my Beloved Dumb Idiot or whatever" (paraphrase). And he also says this in chapter 12:

Which is like, man I hate when I agree with Edward but I agree with Edward here. Now I know from MS that he only wants Bella to stay human because he's creating an Unfolding Drama in his head but this bit of dialogue is really sweet. And it's funny that he thought Bella didn't want to marry him because she just wanted to use him for immortality but it's also a Dark Reminder that he's literally only romantic with her because he can't read her mind and can't tell that she's just as obsessed with his looks as the other Teen Girls TM.

8. uuuh Jasper’s Backstory Time. This is so infuriating to read for so many reasons. So we know that smeyer got Jasper’s name from a confederate memorial/ listing (from a New Moon Q&A but the link isn’t secure so I can’t share) so I know that his backstory was always meant to be Confederate Soldier which makes everything else about his characterization just baffling. Again, he was the only Cullen that was genuinely kind to Bella besides Carlisle for the entire first book and he’s still incredibly kind during Eclipse (which is another issue I have though because no one mentions again that Jasper tried to eat Bella and they stand close to each other and hang out and Bella’s never like “this is scary, this dude tried to kill me” but i digress). The point is: smeyer knew he was going to be a confederate from book 1. She never addresses that this was bad, she never has Jasper mention that he regrets his role in the war, he is the only Cullen that’s actually capable of empathizing with humans anymore (Carlisle cares but I would not categorize him as empathetic), it just... None of these pieces fit together. This is a fraught and bloody history that smeyer throws in with no thought to how it might alienate black readers (though tbh she constantly emphasizes “white beauty” throughout the series so I doubt she cares) and the editors don’t question it either. No one, at any point in time, said “Hey, steph, you know confederates fought for slavery, right?” Every black american deserves reparations. White women and men who glorify the civil war should be the first to pay up. 

9. I’m gonna jump back to chapters 9 & 10 here (target & scent, respectively) to say: no tension is being effectively built. I get it, someone stole your clothes. You’re annoyed because you have nothing to wear and Victoria is scary. But where is she? Where is the volturi? Move it along, please! This is one of the challenges of 1st person narrative because the author is stuck in the eyes of, usually, the person who knows the least. Meyer is not a talented enough author to make this interesting. Not to bring up THG again but Suzanne Collins really knew how to work 1st person. Everything that Katniss asserts with certainty throughout the series gets either confirmed or denied by the narrative, keeping it interesting. She assumes the worst of the people around her so we’re pleasantly surprised when people violate those assumptions. We’re kept on edge by how little Katniss knows and SC never gifts Katniss with more knowledge than she could be expected to have. Bella is constantly gifted with knowledge and her assumptions are rarely proven wrong. You can dig into the canon a little bit more, read the lexicon and the guide, and find all the examples of Bella being unreliable or making wrong assumptions. But within the narrative she is rarely incorrect. She doesn’t get opportunities to grow out of her false assumptions (while Edward does, at least in Eclipse). So to keep the Victoria debacle interesting, smeyer has to plant seeds like- during these two chapters- Bella thinking of Laurent and Victoria while the cullens discuss who could have been in Bella’s room. That just doesn’t cut it for me. 

This is hella long and I’m only halfway through the book. I probably should split the second half into two parts as well but based on how talented smeyer is at stretching out the mundane, especially just before the climax, I probably wont need to. 

[cheswirls]

[ i rly wanted to write smth for them that was short n quick n then i thought ‘oh bt what abt this small supporting cast’ and then it grew a lil but its still a short oneshot tho longer than intended.. anyway, heres kurosemi. no knowledge of to aru is necessary for comprehension. ]

“this plant smells good.”

semi knows exactly what plant kuroo is referring to, because it’s the only semblance of one in the quad. “what? that plant is fake.”

“oh?” kuroo pauses, bending down to sniff again, semi doesn’t know. “did you spray it with something or . . ?”

he stops writing when his hand jerks, a stray line of red ink stretching two centimeters farther than it should. his head snaps up away from the offending mistake so he can direct his anger in a glare at his research par- affiliate. “stop joking around!”

kuroo’s expression properly adjusts. the slant on his eyebrows is heavy -they’ve become so straight it would be possible to balance small objects on them. semi’s not entirely sure where the analogy comes from, or why he thinks it’s appropriate to the situation, but he doesn’t bother to take it back, even if he’s the only one hearing it.

anyway. kuroo deadpans. complete with a deep frown. he reaches a hand up to pluck one of the daisy’s petals, and it comes off easy, much to semi’s utter shock. “this,” he says, with as little inflection as possible, “is not plastic.”

•

semi devolves into panic, but it’s the first time kuroo has seen the plant, so a bit of explanation is necessary to garner any sympathy. unable to concentrate on anything else, semi moves the thick notebook he’s been scribbling in for the better part of an hour until it falls on the floor, half-buries his face into his ink-stained hands, and starts rambling just loudly and just coherently enough for kuroo to understand.

semi is a workaholic. his one-track mind is on his research. he can’t take care of anything but himself, and barely manages that at times. he’d acquired the house plant as a gag gift, because he couldn’t kill something that was fake. and, true to form, he’d had the daisies for five months without lifting a finger to their care.

five months.

but they were alive.

they were alive in perfect condition.

understandably, after hearing all this, he garners kuroo’s sympathy.

kuroo panics.

•

kuroo tetsurou is born in tokyo. academy city piques his interest, but he can’t see himself being a test subject. he works hard at school, and works hard at university, and only then does he apply for a graduate school inside the walls. purely for research. he is in no way a subject, nor does he desire to be.

semi eita is born in the northern tohoku region. academy city was constructed in the capital of the country before he was born. his interest was fleeting, but a chance encounter his third semester in undergrad changes that. he applies for a research position inside the special ward and is granted the transfer his fifth semester of undergrad. he is not interested in subjecting himself to strange drugs or practices, or in trying to raise his level at all. he’s not an esper.

and yet, somehow, he’s kept a small houseplant alive for five months with absolutely no conscious care. he thought it was fake, for crying out loud. the thing was only good for looking at, and that was only on particularly bad days.

semi eita is stressed.

•

“of course they found out,” kuroo grumbles, looking up to cast daichi a particularly scathing gaze. he reaches across the counter to wrestle the espresso from daichi’s fingers and downs the shot in one go. (the wrestling is not necessary, nor is it true; daichi had been handing him the shot to begin with; he simply took it with a minimum amount of nervous fumbling.) “i haven’t seen him all week.”

daichi retrieves the shot glass and holds on to it, reluctant to refill it. again. “won’t that hold up your research?”

“it already is,” kuroo admits. “not like it matters; not like they care. semi’s an important specimen. they’ll do what they want.”

“and what he wants?”

kuroo casts him another dull look and makes grabby-hands at the shot glass daichi has regrettably refilled. again. he passes it off.

“doesn’t matter much anymore,” kuroo mutters, chucking his shot right after. the words aren’t necessary to say aloud, and yet he does anyway, so daichi figures he must feel a particular sort of way about the whole thing.

•

“i don’t think it’s that bad,” yachi tells him, a couple weeks later. “sure, it can be intense, but it’s a lot of fun, too!” she smiles, sunny, as if contrasting kuroo’s deep-seated scowl. 

but here was the thing about yachi hitoka. she had been here the longest out of any of kuroo’s friends. she went to middle school here. she was level two. her esper powers were, to an average person, out-of-this-world impressive.

here was the thing about yachi hitoka. she’d grown up here. she was a success. she wanted it.

(kuroo thinks about semi, coming home to kuroo’s place instead of his own, eyes rimmed with red and hands shaking and teeth chattering, unable to fathom being alone in the dark and alone in his own thoughts and alone with all the shadows that could morph around him and alone to dwell in the negative emotions and painful memories and dreaded terrors of what was next, next, next-

semi, alone with the daisies to watch him from the corner.)

semi had kept a plant he thought was not real from dying, somehow. being an esper was not a dream of his. developing esper powers was not a desire. subjecting himself to what the city deemed necessary was in no way part of his plan when he showed up several years prior.

yachi hitoka started the power development curriculum at eleven.

semi eita was forced into it at twenty-four.

semi had kept a plant alive; some nights kuroo wished he had never mentioned it.

•

nine knocks come at rapid succession on his front door. kuroo knows this, climbing the stairs to said door, because only one person knocked like that these days.

also, because he had stopped near the top step to watch semi do it, surprised to see him there before kuroo himself, surprised at a lot of things and not surprised at all, all at once

semi is barefoot. today, he’s not breathing in odd intervals. his natural hair is more pronounced at the roots than the last time kuroo had seen him. he appears to be clean-shaven, unlike the last time kuroo had seen him. his eyes are wild, when he finally catches sight of kuroo behind him; his eyes fade to calm, when he finally catches sight of kuroo behind him.

he steps forward, bare feet loud on the floor, and kuroo has him wrapped in a hug before he’s even made it the rest of the way up the stairs. 

(he marvels at how, for just a brief moment, they stand at equal height)

semi never wants to talk about it. kuroo isn’t a therapist, and on some level, doesn’t think he can handle it. doesn’t think he can withstand the boy he loves breaking apart in front of him.

but sometimes semi writes. just as a release for his thoughts. to keep from having them pent up. and it helps, he tells kuroo.

sometimes kuroo reads them. sometimes, even rarer, he’ll read them all the way through.

it’s more of the same, usually. needles and strange drugs and pain pain pain that they insist will fade. electrodes and wires and brain experiments and nerve tests and practical experiments and live tests and plants and small animals and human cells and

semi collapses into kuroo and cries pathetic tears for someone suffering so much. kuroo feels helpless. all he can do is pull the boy he’s in love with close and whisper in his ear things he thinks are comforting. all he can think is that he has to be brave, for them both.

there’s not a name or classification for eita’s esper power.

eita. kuroo pauses on that thought. ah, i see.

kuroo runs his callused fingers through eita’s two-toned, choppy hair. he skims over fresh raises in the skin, tries not to tread too close to skull anymore. eita stiffens but relaxes quicker, burying his face more firmly in kuroo’s chest.

kuroo gets brave, bending close.

“eita,” he whispers. “you’re safe here. no one is taking you from me. you don’t have to grip so tight.”

eita’s grip grows slack, then tightens over the course of kuroo’s words, then releases entirely. he lifts his head, eyes huge and wet and fixed on kuroo and kuroo alone.

“eita,” kuroo says again, raising a hand to cup his face, run a thumb under dried tear tracks. 

eita bends closer, sucks in a breath, releases it against kuroo’s lips.

kuroo acquiesces.

•

“this is a dream,” semi mutters, glancing up from the results again. across the way, kuroo lifts his face from the microscope.

“this is dull.”

semi scoffs. “i meant overall. being here. doing this.” with you, he doesn’t say. “being here,” he says again.

“you’re running out of words.”

“hey.”

kuroo looks up again. semi has that look. the one that makes kuroo want to draw him close, call him ei-

“come over tonight. you haven’t seen my new place yet.”

kuroo hums, pretending to think it over. “got anything exciting?”

“no.” semi snorts. “i’m here all the time. no use in exciting. you’ll be the best thing there.”

the turn of phrase does something to kuroo’s heart that has him agreeing.

• 

kuroo has never called eita eita. 

kuroo is an only child. the one other person he’s ever addressed by their first name is daichi. semi eita is semi eita. research partner. assistant. what have you.

but it brings eita comfort, in a world of suffering, to be called such.

so kuroo calls him eita, and some days he lies and says it will all go back to normal. some days he believes himself when he says everything will be okay.

the daisies sit, unblemished. fresh. alive and well.

eita festers in kuroo’s arms.

•

semi nudges him on the way there. “actually, i have a couple decorations. housewarming things. flowers.”

“oh! that does sound interesting.”

“don’t get your hopes up. it’s all plastic.”

•

one day, eita’s esper ability gets a name:

repair.

kuroo laughs. what irony.

eita laughs, and bends close to suggest a synonym.

kuroo near chokes when he says tetsurou so easily.

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey by ehxsnos

First lets get the basics out of the way...

What's your name? Stephanie.

How old are you? 31.

Where are you from? California.

What color are your eyes and hair? I have brown eyes and naturally dark brown hair, but I dye it red. I’m a year overdue, though...

When were you born? July 28th.

Now for the fun stuff! Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? They don’t have doors; I have a curtain instead that I do keep closed.

How many people have you slept with this week? Zero.

What size is your bed? Full.

What do you drink with dinner? I don’t always have something when I eat unless I already happen to be drinking something, like coffee or a Starbucks energy drink. I do always have water nearby, though. But yeah, I usually don’t drink while I’m eating, it’s usually before and after.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ranch or Chick-Fil-A sauce. 

Last person you kissed/kissed you? Joseph, almost 10 years ago...

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? There’s several.

What is your usual bedtime? After 7AM. :/

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? It varied, but there were a lot of vampire and witch costumes.

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Six years ago for my UC graduation.

Take a vitamin daily? No, but there’s a few I should be taking.

What do you wear to bed? What I wear during the day, which is leggings and graphic tees.

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Wal-Mart and Target. We haven’t had a K-Mart in well over a decade.

Ever have plastic surgery? No.

Do you want kids? No.

Where did your last kiss take place? I think it was in his car.

Four words to explain why you last threw up? I had a stomach bug. That was like 4 years ago.

Last thing you ate? Wingstop for dinner, which was at 8PM. I skipped out on my nightly ramen tonight that I typically have around 2-230AM and now it’s 4:53AM and I’m starving. :/ I actually fell asleep around 10PM last night cause I had a bad headache and then woke up around 230AM, but I didn’t feel like getting up and making it. Sigh. 

Do you get your nails done? Nope. I’ve only had my nails done once, and that was for my 8th grade promotion.

When did your last relationship end? Back in 2013.

So tell us, what room ARE you in? I’m in my room.

How many stories does your home have? Just one.

Do you own headphones? Yep, I’m currently wearing my new Beats earbuds my lil bro got me recently.

Have you ever... Gotten a Brazillian wax? No.

Gotten so drunk you couldn’t remember wtf you did? The last time I drank I got really drunk (and really sick) and there’s parts of that night that are spotty.

Been called a bitch? Jokingly. Seriously as well, I’m sure, but not to my face. 

Slut? Jokingly.

Pierced anything? *Okay, finishing this at a much later time now cause I ended up zonking out.* Anyway, I just have my earlobes pierced.

Had a tattoo? No.

Smoked a cigarette? No.

Smoked weed? Yes.

Missed someone so bad you couldn’t eat or sleep? I’ve gone through really hard times after losing loved ones. 

Worked out at a gym? Yes.

Snuck out of the house? Nope.

What’s the nearest furry object? My throw blanket.

Is the room you are in messy? No.

What is the single largest item in your house? Hmm.

How much money did you spend today? Zero.

What is the biggest amount of money you have ever had at one time? I think 5,000.

What kind of cell phone do you have? An iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Have you ever been under anesthesia? Several times.

Which Disney parks have you been to? Disneyland and California Adventure.

What does your bed comforter look like? I don’t have one. I use a throw blanket, which is rose gold and fluffy.

When did you last cry? Last night.

When is the last time you took medicine? Over an hour ago.

What was the medicine for? It was my pain medication. 

What kind of health insurance do you have? I’m not sharing that.

What is your birth control method of choice? Well, I’m a virgin but besides that I can’t get pregnant, sooo.

How much do you spend on your parents for Christmas? A lot. I love saving up and spoiling my family with what I can.

If you were given $1k and had to use it on 1 purchase, what would you buy? Uhhh. I’d have to really think about that.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? I honestly didn’t try to drink before I was 21.

Have you ever crawled through a window? No.

What do you spend most of your money on? Food delivery, heh. :)))))))) It’s my favorite way to spoil myself. <<< Saaame.

Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yes.

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? Yes.

Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? No.

How many rooms does your house have? It has 2 bedrooms.

Would you sex tape with you in it for 3 million dollars? No.

Are you happier single or in a relationship? All I really know is being single and while I’m not happy, it’s not because of my relationship status. Being in a relationship wouldn’t fix my problems and would add more stress.

Do you have curly hair? No.

What is a compliment you receive often? I rarely receive compliments.

How tall are you?: Like 5′4.

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? My mom recently.

What is the last thing you said aloud? I said goodbye to my mom as she was leaving for work.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

What is one thing that can ALWAYS be found in your freezer? Ice cream. My dad likes to always have it.

How many pets do you own? One.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 32.

Last time you went out of town? February 2020.

First thing you wash in the shower? My body. What kind of shampoo & conditioner do you use? A salon style for red dyed hair.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? I own a lot of things from Hot Topic, from clothes to accessories to collectibles. Majority of my graphic tees are from Hot Topic and their sister store, Boxlunch.

Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? Yeah.

How often do you hold hands with someone? I hold my doggo’s hand a lot, ha.

What was the most recent thing you bought? Food.

Could you ever forgive a cheater? I don’t know. Possibly. It would depend on some things.

Do you have Verizon? Yes.

Have you ever been pregnant? No.

What is your average cell phone bill? I don’t know. I’m on a family plan and my parents and brother handle it.

How many piercings do you have? Two; one in each earlobe.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? When I get in.

Have you ever had stitches? Yeah, I’ve had several surgeries. 

Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? Uh, it’s a piercing. Who cares.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? Coffee all the way. I don’t drink.

Do you have a wireless keyboard and mouse? Nope.

How many songs are on your iPod or MP3 player? *shrug* I haven’t used my iPod in almost a decade. 

Where did you get that shirt you're wearing? Speaking of Hot Topic...

What are your pet’s names? Princess Leia, either one for short. And a ton of nicknames.

Honestly, are you in love right now? Nope.

Honestly, what color is your underwear? Blue.

Honestly, do you think you are attractive? No. I’m a mess.

Honestly, do your wrists hurt? Not at the moment.

Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? No.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Say they got me mixed up with someone cause that’s impossible.

Was there anyone who "made your day"? My mom went and got me my favorite breakfast before she went to work. 

Are you vegeterian? Nope.

How many windows are open in your computer? Two.

Do you read Perez Hilton? Nah.

Is there a baby in the room with you right now? No.

Do you plan on moving within the next year? We’d love to, but I don’t see that happening.

Have you been to a baby shower? I’ve been to several.

What brand is your computer? Apple.

How many cars can fit in your driveway? Two.

Are you taller than your mom? No.

Are you a cuddler? Not really.

Sleep on your back or stomach? I have to sleep turned toward my side and propped up due to acid reflux. 

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? Always closed.

Do you dress for style or comfort? Comfort, definitely. 

Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? Blahhhh.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sex isn’t a big thing for me, honestly. Also, I don’t plan on getting married. 

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? My first boyfriend did when I broke up with him. 

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? It’s horrible.

How long has it been since you had sex? Virgin here.

Who was the last person to call you babe? *shrug*

Last reason you went to the ER? I haven’t had to go for myself since my accident.

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? Yes.

How old was your mom when she gave birth to you? She was in her early 20s. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah.

When was the last time you shaved your legs? It’s been awhile. My legs don’t really get hair growth for whatever reason, but that’s fine with me.

What facial cleanser do you use? I don’t.

Do you use a blowdryer? No.

How many purses do you own?: Several.

What are your top five favorite stores to shop for clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

What kind of clothes do you mostly wear? Graphic tees and leggings.

What about shoes? Adidas.

Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? I’m single, but no I’ve never cheated before.

What are your first thoughts when your visitor visits? It’s always like, ‘ohhh, that’s why I’ve been feeling like that.’

Favorite underwear brand? I don’t have a particular favorite, really.

Last thing you bought at the mall? It was Christmas gifts a couple years ago.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m single. What color are your pillows? I have like 10 pillows and they all look different.

What if an ex asked to be back in your life? No.

Don’t you just love DVR? It’s nice to have.

If you're on a laptop, how much charge does it have left? It’s plugged in, so it’s at 100%.

Last gift you recieved? My brother recently bought me a new pair of Beats earbuds.

Lesson you recently learned? *shrug*

[ofhenri]

hellllo i’m hayley n i’m from london so natuRALLY i’ve got the love/hate relationship with gmt. anyway i’m super excited to introduce you all to my dumb but well-meaning son, henri ! 

BIO // PINTEREST // STATS 

first off i, much like henri, never know when to shut up dkjfdfdsf so!! a word of warning is that his bio is LONG but worthwhile if u would like to read some dumb boy antics !

ABOUT 

so. it really all starts with a mamma mia styled adventure to europe in 1998. henri’s mother, tabitha, was just out there living her best life as an artist and sleeping with her muses ( i wouldn’t be surprised if it was still complete with musical numbers bc she’s That bitch ). until she returned back home and realised a big oops... the big oops being henri ofc. 

i said it in his bio but he really is a bit more of a concept than a person!! tabitha named henri after her favourite artist, henri talouse-lautrec, but also guessed the last name of one of the potential dads based on the fact she liked paris most from her trip so henri came to be known as henri rousseau as more of a reminder to the trip than anything. kinda like a keychain or a snowglobe but y’know. a baby. 

he was actually born in the obx!! but his mum was only there for a lil trip so they moved to chicago when he was two weeks old. very much a ‘they didn’t have much, but at least they had each other’ kind of situation in a one-bedroom apartment for his early years. 

up until the time he was nine things were pretty idyllic! he had a little too much freedom to explore potential hobbies and his mother really wanted him to follow in her footsteps with painting, but all he really liked doing was making his mum smile ( a Sweet boy what can i say ) ... and playing pranks on his classmates ( not so Sweet )

then his mum met his step-dad, bill, when he was nine at an art show. bill was always a little sterner than his mother, he was an art critic, with a six-year-old daughter called meaghan. henri slowly saw his mum put aside her dreams, albeit in the form of taking down pictures and replacing them with new dreams of having a family. and it hurt! because his entire being is based off his mother’s dreams. by the time henri turned eleven, his mother and bill decided to move in together, and so they moved from their familiar little apartment into a much fancier townhouse in chicago with bill and his daughter.

henri didn’t really adjust to moving schools too well, especially with trying to make new friends and kinda took to just goofing around as that’s totally how you make friends, right? except it came at the cost of his grades n when his report card arrived by the summer he was told something straight out of the fresh prince - go stay with theo in the outer banks as they both thought that being around the other boy would be good for henri. calm him down a little or inspire him to do better. his mum gave him a camera as a parting gift and the rest is history. 

after that things passed without much note. his summers were spent in the outer banks and the rest of the year he’d be in chicago trying to discover what he was good at to no real avail. classrooms always felt a little too limiting and he was honestly more interested in joking around than taking academics seriously. 

( tw: miscarriage ) then when he was sixteen his mum became ill. except he didn’t quite understand why she’d grown distant and sad? or why bill and she were suddenly arguing so much? so he just did what came naturally to him! JOKES a plenty! until one hit badly at the dinner table causing bill to snap at him and his mother to tell him that she’d suffered from an early stage miscarriage. 

and so after that he just got worse as he blamed himself for the continued arguing! he spent more time out of the house, partying, skateboarding around the city n just generally fucking around.

until it neared applying for college and suddenly everyone was more serious about it and honestly he was just like wtf?! about it but uh! he told everyone it was all Gucci - he’d just apply to art school in paris. pay homage to his roots y’know. except he never ended up applying as he got too scared to be so far from home without a familiar face around and instead settled on going to the university of illinois urbana-champaign to study art and design bc not going to college was also just.... not an option? 

and he was due to graduate this year! except uh, surprise surprise! he dropped out!!  because the prospect of getting a real job? growing up? terrifying. but he’s told absolutely no one that he’s done this. like... to the extent he’s probably done some photoshop sorcery to keep up appearances. 

PERSONALITY

okay but that grilled cheese aspiration on the sims is him in a nutshell and i’m not even sorry about it. 

very indecisive. the person to pick up a hobby on a whim one week and then when you ask them about it, will be like ‘aw no, dude, gave that up.’ he spent a long time deciding what he wanted to do at college and wondering if he would grow tired of it. 

takes everything Too Seriously and Not Seriously enough simultaneously. he has a big bucket of emotions that he doesn’t really know what to do with, so the best thing to do is just laugh ‘em all off! lots of humour to mask the fact that he’s v. terrified about the future. 

trusting and Soft. especially when it comes to the gang because he has so much faith in them all. probably greets them all each year with a bear hug and snaps impromptu photos of them all when they’re off having fun or asks them to take part in photoshoots just because. 

with the gang, he’s a bit of an impartial entity. he’s Switzerland. he was raised by his mother to be quite diplomatic and to treat everyone’s views with kindness n respect even when he doesn’t agree, and it’s very much something that’s carried through with him! so he’s the first to diffuse some tension with a joke or by doing something dumb. doesn’t mind if people laugh at his expense, ya know. just wants them all to be happy. 

enthusiastic with a million-watt smile at each and is very willing to support every idea that comes to anyone’s head! even when he doesn’t necessarily agree, he also doesn’t shoot an idea down straight away. 

little bit of a peter pan energy to him, ngl. visiting the outer banks is a bit like his neverland as it means that for the summer he can put aside a lot of his ‘at home’ concerns. 

OTHER TID BITS 

note: i paraphrased some of these from his bio bc :’) 

john! hughes’!! biggest fanboy! henri likes to capture moments of youthful energy in his photography and hughes is defINITELY his artistic inspiration. he makes ferris bueller jokes, he references breakfast club too much. and i’m sorry but he’s definitely the person to ask ‘HoW haVE yoU neVER seen IT’ and then try to force you to watch them with him lmao

his Style is very much Baseball Cap toting, flannel-wearing, Tourist-looking chic with a camera strapped around his neck. it’s low effort at its finest ( but he does spend hours picking out the specific caps to pack for his obx trips so is it...... is it really )

former theatre nerd. yes he can sing. but he won’t bc he’s too shy (!!!!) 

could talk about anything for hours but particularly cryptids. pls talk cryptids with him 

massive chicago cubs fan and hasn’t missed a single televised game in five years and it’s become something like a bit of a bragging right to him at this point tbh.

skateboards everywhere and this should be a relief to everyone bc he’s a terrible driver

is fluent in french as his mother really wanted to have Something of his potential dad’s. if he’s particularly angry sometimes he’ll swear in french as he thinks it sounds less aggressive 

took sea monsters too seriously as a child and is terrified of the ocean as a result. he would rather linger on the beach and take photos of everyone. 

his jokes are terrible n i apologise in advance. bc you all will have to suffer through them w/ me. he tries. he really does. they’re still bad lmaooo 

[thebigreylotheory]

My Episode 9 Wishlist (with a dab of speculation)

Happy May the 4th (Force) My Reylos, Star Wars fans, and others-I-amuse-in-some-way!

So we’ve all heard the May the 4th tale that if you post your wishlist and with a tiny bit of magic maybe, possibly some fraction part of your wish will come true, right???

No?

I knew it was just me, dagnabbit. Me and my delusions of grandeur. It’s just like sand, it gets everywhere. Ugh (I feel like I’ve done this joke a lot, I go back to the well, but it’s dry).

But, but, I’ve been a really good, bad Star Wars fan Reylo this year (all in how you define good and bad…this is what I get when I google it, cause I’m lazy:

) So here goes nuttin’:

My List of Wishes (ok, ok Fan Girl Demands Full of Feels)

Properly honor the Skywalker lightsaber – AHHHH! They broke an antique!! Get some duck tape quick!!

What could happen:

o   Rey uses Skywalker crystal, but designs a new hilt.

§  My feelings: I’m ok with this, this could be an interesting side story or comic. But I’m NOT a fan of her having a two bladed lightsaber similar to her staff or Darth Maul. I was recently in a panel with someone who’s into weapons training at JordanCon and I heard: although something with two blades might look cool, it’s not realistically practical because it makes it more difficult to guard yourself. And my headcanon is Rey is a practical gal.

§  Could it be an interesting unstable blue lightsaber cause it’s cracked? (And be another thing Rey and Kylo have in common…And if Kylo’s cracked crystal was Vader’s we’d have cracked Anakin and cracked Vader and that crack could combine (Captain Planet! No wait…)and Force Balance stuff

o   Rey finds a new crystal, gives Skywalker crystal to Ben as a gift (aww) when he embraces the lights again (aww) (Maybe she gives him a graduation from the dark side to the light party? No? Mmm…ok I’ll fangirl out and say engagement/wedding gift. I went there PEOPLE.

o   Rey and Kylo Ren done broke it together, so they gotta fix it together (aww) So sweet, it could be like a date. Lightsaber Repair AND Chill. Hands on projects are really good for your relationship. *wink wink*

o   Rey and Ben half the crystal (if that possible?) and make two new lightsabers like nifty friendship thingies you see

o   The lightsaber becomes a nice paperweight for Rey’s Jedi Office™ or The Throne of Ren™ (AKA they fuhgeddaboudit)(And if Star Wars rhymes then I guess it goes back to being nothing like it was before Anakin found it? Maybe? Hmm. But that makes me sad.)

Don’t mess with Chewie or the Falcon

o   Right now I’m really glad this is Star Wars and not GOT or Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling killed me when she killed Hedwig…it was just so unnecessary)

§  Ok, our father figures Han and Luke are gone. I want Chewie to stay in this role for Rey, and even for Ben. And with Leia gone, I really, really need Chewie there. Seriously.

·      He was the first to go in the old canon, so now maybe he’s the last?

·      I need him to be grandpa to Han’s grandbabies. I really have to have this. White-haired Gramps Chewie.

§  I’m sure the good ship lollipop will stop flying one day. But I’m not interested in seeing that on screen. Have mercy.

·      Ben Solo Redemption

o   Else, what was this, the tragedy of the Skywalker clan?

§  And, lo, the Force did harden the heart of the last Skywalker Solo and the evil Pharaoh-o Ren™ did perish for the wickedness of his forefather, and, lo, they were wiped from the galaxy, and cursed is the name Skywalker and Solo and none shall utter it ever, ever again, yea, even unto an age.

§  Why you wanna make me sad? Star Wars + Sad = DOEs Not Compute (No, no seriously life is sad enough)

o   There’s no morale to the story for my kids. Or even my cats.

§  Once upon time two of the most beloved space characters of all time Leia and Han had a baby and that baby was Kylo Ren and he turned bad and was Pharaoh-o Ren™ and they executed him. AKA I guess you’re just born bad. If you feel like you’re a bad person, you should probably just give up now cause there’s no hope (This isn’t Star Wars: Episode 9 No Hope™, right? Just checking)

Reylo Fight Round 2

o   Ok in my wildest lil Reylo dreams I never thought Rey and Kylo would fight together on the same-ish side (though how very brief)….I really thought they’d fight each other AND Kylo would openly spare Rey. Anyways call me crazy but I’d like to see them fight each other again. And after the end of TLJ, I think it’s super plausible.

§  If Rey wins:

·      I’d love for Rey to have a “Ben/Kylo join me” scene. We don’t get these scenes with female characters in charge (or in my experience, at least). Give in to your light side!

o   Also, I mean, she thought Ben would return to the light, but did she outright ask him? These peeps need to communicate better.

·      Or, Kylo starts confessing some deep regretful feels at the point of death, I’m talking something equally as sorrowful as his outbursts are rage-filled, making Rey super conflicted about what to do with him

o   Sorta her Ben-returns-to-the-light-wish is granted but it’s practically too late

o   Should/would she trust him?

o   Could she kill someone who wants to be good again??

§  If Kylo wins:

·      He spares her (I done said Star Wars shouldn’t be sad, right?)

o   Cause he confesses his deepest feels for her! (yeah, yeah in my fangirl dreams)

o   Mm, does he kinda owe her a life-debt for not killing him in TLJ when he was knocked out?

·      He takes her prisoner again and we go down the First Order rabbit hole a final time

§  Tie!:

·      Well, I guess they’d just have to learn to live together, cause they could fight until the bantha-cows come home, but it wouldn’t do any good, so, yeah, balance, harmony together and stuff

      Supreme Leader Hux

o   Cause, I mean, can’t the average man get ahead as the boss in the galaxy? It’s always some Force user?

§  Arguably aren’t their more non-Force users? Maybe they don’t want to be ruled over by some mystical dude anymore.

o   I like for people to get their dreams

§  Even if they are short lived…

o   First Order Civil War seems more likely…you really want me to believe NO ONE would help the Resistance on Crait, time jump, Resistance is stronger than ever?

      Reylo Fight United 2.0

o   I just need more of this in my life

A “real” Reylo Kiss

o   Cause regardless of Reylo, there’s not enough kissing in this trilogy compared to the others

o   ForceTime is great and all, but puts me in a Mockingbird “Real or Not Real” state of mind. Eventually the long-distance relationship has to have some in-person one on one time.

o   Arguably, it might, mean more if they kiss naturally opposed to ForceTime.

§  Kinda of, oh-look, they like each other, and it’s not just about the Force

Mountains

o   I dunno, I just wanna see mountains Gandalf.

     Anakin Force Ghost

o   Argh stuff you see in Art Books and the idea gets stuck in your head.

      Luke-y Pooh Force Ghost

o   So long as he’s standing with the others at the end I’m good

o   But just hearding a creepy Luke ghost voice could be cool, too

A Happy Ending

o   IDK, don’t Finn, Poe, and Rose deserve metals?

§  Give the Wookie one, too!!

o   Or do be Senators in a Neo-Senate?

o   StormRose wedding!

o   I see Poe trading in his X-Wing for a boat on the lake and having really great Resistance Independence Day BBQs, but doesn’t translate well on film

[wanna-17]

sisterzoned ft. kang daniel (pt. 2/end)

summary: you’re sisterzoned by your crush the moment you two meet, will you ever have a chance?

length: 2.3k

a/n: PART 2 IS HERE IM SO OVERWHELMED BC PART 1 GOT MORE THAN 100 NOTES THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! this is a lil long and i’m honestly unsure how you guys will find this :// so please please send me asks to let me know what you think or just talk to me in general heheh i really hope you guys like this!!!

please read part 1 here if you haven’t already! i also suggest reading both parts to get you in the mood!! 

so continuing on it’s been 5 years and you thought you were over your camp crush on daniel 

however this completely proved to be wrong when you came across a picture of daniel kissing this girl’s cheek 

and your heart felt messed up 

so you decided to REALLY actually move on 

so you started doing a whole bunch of things to distract yourself 

you started to take the initiative in hanging out one on one with friends to catch up 

you watched a lot of kdramas and shows

you helped your parents at home a lot with stuff 

you took your younger siblings on drives and tutored them 

you even managed to go out for a run a couple of times a week 

you were feeling so much better

more happy more refreshed and you were doing things for yourself too

occasionally treating yourself and also trying new things like planting and arranging flowers which you never ever thought you’d enjoy 

you had a party coming up and at first you were hesitant to go 

bc you weren’t close to the girl hosting the party as she was only someone you met through group work 

and secondly it was pretty fancy as it was gonna be like on a cruise and you had to dress up and you were really lazy with that stuff

but you decided hey why not go as there wasn’t much to lose

all you had to do was force yourself to wear a dress and chip in $10 for the birthday gift and you got to be on a cruise, have unlimited food and maybe even make some new friends 

so here you were at this party on a cruise in your dress from a couple years of back that you wore for graduation without any make up on and a purse which had your thongs that could save your feet for the night 

you had small conversations with many people and everyone was generally nice 

people offered you alcohol but you declined as you had to drive home and you also secretly hated alcohol 

so now anyways onto the important stuff

FOOD who doesn’t like free food at parties omg

the food was a buffet style so it was always available and you could get as much as you wanted anytime 

as you were reaching for the salmon i love salmon a girl also reached for the tongs thing to pick up the salmon at the same time as you

“omg i’m so sorry! here you can go first!” said the girl apologetically as she offered the tongs to you 

“ah thanks!” you replied as you took them from her and took some salmon 

you offered to put some on her plate and she was grateful 

then it got awkward as you didn’t have in mind where to go after getting your food and it seemed the same to the girl 

so you decided to strike up a conversation with her bc why not she seemed really friendly 

“hey so what’s your name?” you asked 

“oh my name is yoojung! what about you?” 

“i’m y/n! nice to meet you!”

“nice to meet you too! i’m so glad that you talked to me as i haven’t really met anyone new here” said yoojung 

“oh are you only close with chungha?” lets say its chunghas birthday party on a cruise lol

“no i actually don’t know her...my boyfriend bought me here as a plus one so i thought why not as i love food on cruises” explained yoojung “ahhh this is kinda embarrassing” lets all guess who yoojung’s boyfriend is lmao

you laughed

“you’re so cute and its not embarrassing i would do the same as you if i had a boyfriend that took me to parties for the food” you replied assuring her

you and yoojung bonded instantly due to both your love for food and you really enjoyed talking to her bc she was so sweet and genuine and cute and you guys found out you were the same age too and even swapped contact details 

however for some odd reason yoojung looked a teeny bit familiar but you couldn’t pinpoint from where or what 

you asked her and after comparing primary schools high schools tutoring places and everything there was nothing common but whatever 

you guys continued to chat about other things 

after like half an hour of just chatting suddenly a guy came and snaked his arm around yoojung’s waist and gave her a kiss on the forehead as he said “little kid where have you been?” 

you couldn’t see the guy’s front but his backview somewhat seemed familiar and so did his voice 

but it couldn’t be who you thought it was right?

“stop calling me that omg” said yoojung as she shoved him playfully 

the guy finally turned around and his eyes widened and so did yours

yes it was daniel 

who you’d tried so so damn hard for the past two months or more like 5 years to get over 

and here he was standing in front of you with another girl who was cute and sweet 

yoojung hadn’t yet caught on that you two probably knew each other as he introduced you two “hey daniel, that’s my new friend y/n and y/n that’s my boyfriend that bought me here, daniel” 

daniel suddenly smiled showing his bunny smile that you had not seen in five years and it was still the same

you realised he’d lost some weight, grew taller and had dyed his hair light brown 

“yoojung that’s my younger sister that i mentioned to you before” exclaimed daniel “SIS I MISSED YOU” 

daniel suddenly engulfed you in a hug and you awkwardly stood their frozen hoping that he did not hear your heart burst 

yoojung laughed “omg what a coincidence! that’s so sweet how you guys reunited thanks to me” she clapped her hands happily 

daniel finally let go of you 

“awww y/n its been ages i’m so happy to see you” said daniel 

“yeah me too” you replied awkwardly as you tried to avoid eye contact and keep calm

it was crazy you’d been going out of your comfort zone for the past two months to get over daniel because he got a girlfriend but all that effort had been wasted as daniel and his girlfriend were standing in front of you right now

you were on a freaking cruise so you couldn’t even escape 

“well i need to go to the restroom why don’t you guys catch up?” said yoojung 

daniel gave her another kiss on the forehead and yoojung left smiling at you two 

yoojung was a literal angel you couldn’t even hate daniel’s girlfriend because she was so nice and cute and you guys even swapped contact details 

no wonder she looked familiar as you’d seen the photo on facebook....

and now it was just you and daniel and he had that bright smile on his face 

“y/n let’s go outside to the cruise balcony its so pretty out there!” exclaimed daniel 

you nodded in response unsure what to say 

suddenly daniel placed his hands on your shoulders and started to steer you in the direction of the cruise  balcony 

as his hands made contact with your shoulders you literally felt electricity run up your entire body 

even though the straps on your dress were really thick you still felt your skin crawl up due to the contact 

when you guys reached the cruise balcony he let go of your shoulders and leaned against the railing looking at the ocean and the night sky above

you stood next to him keeping a rather large distance between the two of you 

you looked towards him and couldn’t help but admire his sideview and the way he shone under the moonlight 

but you couldn’t fall for him, you couldn’t be distracted by his actions towards you and the smiles

he had a girlfriend for goodness sake 

you wanted to escape so bad but you also couldn’t help want to spend more time with him like this

the wind was pretty strong and you unconsciously folded your arms in an attempt to keep yourself warm 

daniel glanced over at you as he asked “dont you have a cardigan or something?” 

you shook your head 

please don’t do something that will make me all fuzzy please don’t please don’t you chanted in your head 

too late daniel had already taken off his jacket and he wrapped it around your shoulders 

you felt your cheeks burn up and luckily you guys were outside so he couldn’t see 

“you need to look after yourself” said daniel as you ruffled your hair

you were suddenly getting annoyed

this guy had a girlfriend and he kept doing sweet things to you that made your heart go crazy 

all of a sudden an unfamiliar amount of courage took over you as you shook off the jacket around your shoulders and looked at daniel right in the eye 

“why are you doing this to me?” you asked bluntly

you were so out of character as you were usually the type of person to follow others and endure rather than be straightforward and bring up uncomfortable topics like this

“huh what do you mean?” replied daniel confused as he still had his bunny smile on 

you shoved the jacket in his arms as he looked at you in surprise 

“this, everything that you do to me and say to me. aren’t you dating yoojung?” 

“yeah i am but how’s that related to my actions towards you?” asked daniel still confused 

“have you ever considered how yoojung might feel knowing how you treat me?” 

“she’s fine with it because she knows that you’re my sister -” 

“i’m not your sister and maybe have you thought about how i feel?” 

“wait what...” said daniel as he tried to figure out what you meant “no way...it can’t be what i’m thinking right?” 

“well yes it is” you replied

and then you realised you had basically confessed and never in your imagination would you have expected yourself to confess to someone 

especially in a ridiculous situation like this where daniel already had a girlfriend 

daniel looked at you wide eyed as he was lost for words 

silence filled the atmosphere between you two and you really wanted to run away 

but since you had already embarrassed yourself you thought you might as well make your feelings clear

“look daniel i actually liked you since that camp we met on ages ago and i’ve been trying to get over you ever since i found out you had a girlfriend. i was pretty much over you but it didn’t help that you appeared in front of me like this being all sweet and nice” you let out basically in one breath 

he looked at you in shock “you liked me on the camp?!” 

you bowed your head down in embarrassment regretting everything you had blurted out 

“you know what just pretend i didn’t say anything bye” you said quickly about to leave

“no no wait y/n” said daniel “it’s just that...why do we have such bad timing?” 

your eyes widened at what daniel said resorting in you staying to finish hearing what he wanted to say 

daniel rubbed the back of his neck furiously 

“seriously this is so messed up...” said daniel rubbing the back of his neck “to be honest i liked you at the camp back then too...”

“WHAT” now it was your turn to exclaim and be shocked

“then why did you call me your sister and all that?” you asked

“well at first i noticed you and had the feeling of wanting to protect you since you were like a little kid so i made up the excuse of us having the same last names so i could get to know you better. but i didn’t think i would end up liking you and i thought there was no way that you would like me back...” 

you couldn’t believe it because daniel had liked you back then too...

“and well back then i probably could have told you that i liked you but we were so young back then i was afraid of messing up and also since you were transferring schools it wouldn’t work out anyways so i just kept it to myself and enjoyed my time with you” 

you were speechless you didn’t know how to respond and to take in this new information

you could feel your knees go weak and tears forming in your eyes 

“but well as you know i have a girlfriend right now and i really love yoojung a lot...i’m so sorry y/n...i’m so sorry that it turned out like this and that i misled you i should have been more careful i’m so sorry” said daniel 

daniel felt so terrible 

“no it’s okay it’s not your fault...i overthink and overanalyse everything...” you replied 

“no y/n it’s my fault...but i hope that you can get over me and i’m sure there is someone out there who will love you way more than how much i loved you back then and treat you with sincerity and understand you better” said daniel 

you felt a stab in your heart as tears started to really fall 

daniel took out a pack of pocket tissues from his pocket uh duh 

and instead of wiping your tears which would be his normal behaviour towards you he handed them to you instead

“y/n i know this is selfish of me but it would be nice if you could still be my sister...maybe when you get over me and find a great guy you are always welcome to come and be my sister but it’s entirely up to you” 

you nodded as the tissues soaked up your tears

daniel gently ruffled your hair one last time before walking away 

you watched his back view getting further and further away and he finally disappeared back inside 

fate was so cruel to you 

omg the ending the ending this was my first attempt at angst so i really don’t know ??? but i love daniel sm!! well this is the end of sisterzoned. i think the moral of this story is that timing is pretty important bc here if y/n didn’t have to move schools she probably got to get to know daniel better and that by the end they would be together. feelings can come and go especially when we are young so it’s important to cherish every moment! OH AND PLS LET ME KNOW WHETHER U LIKE THIS WRITING STYLE OR NOT so i know if i should keep doing scenarios in the future i love you all 

ALSO MTLS ARE OPEN SO PLS REQUEST :)

masterlist is here

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (9)

Anonymous said: if you have the time, could we maybe please have your absolute /worst/ headcanons about Dick mourning Damian? before/during Spyral? btw u are an absolute gift :*

Shoot I meant to put this one into the fic today too. Oh well. Damian and Dick angst is here

Anonymous said: everytime I see something about damian it reminds me of you

The highest praise I’ve ever received :’)

Anonymous said: do you know of other batblogs that don't do ships?

Uhhhhhh I don’t think so? I can’t think of anyone else that’s entirely ship-free, but frankly I don’t follow very many people. How bout this? If any of y'all ARE ship-free, reply in the notes. That way we’ll know :)

Anonymous said: Song recs: "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy (Justice League), "Remember The Name" by Fort Minor ft. Styles of Beyond (this is THE Batfam song!), "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic (Dick), "All The Right Moves" by OneRepublic (Batkids), "Tiptoe" by Imagine Dragons (Batkids), "Warrior" by Beth Crowley (Batgirls), "Shatter Me" by Lindsey Stirling ft. Lzzy Hale (Babs), "Disarm" by The Civil Wars (Jason), "Demons" by Imagine Dragons (Jason), "Afterlife" by Ingrid Michaelson (Batkids).

Oooooooh thank you these are very nice! I hadn’t heard most of them

Anonymous said: Batfam/kids song recs! "Renegades" by X-Ambassadors, "When The Darkness Comes" by Colbie Caillat, "Royals" and "Rule the World" by Lorde, "Midnight" and "Fix You" by Coldplay and "Bad Blood" by Bastille. Also for Dick: "Pompeii" by Bastille and "Hopeless Wanderer" by Mumford & Sons.

Thanks! Idk if this was one person or two, but please continue to send me music, y'all, I like it

Anonymous said: no need to be batfamily centric, what comics would you recommend for someone getting into comics now?

Red Robin (2009)

Batgirl (2009)

Batman and Robin (2009)

Batman and Robin (2011)

Robin: Son of Batman (2015)

Batman: Under the Red Hood

Batman: The Black Mirror

Batman: The Court of Owls

Batman: Death of the Family

Good enough for a start? I don’t read a lot outside the batfamily titles, I’m afraid

Anonymous said: Omg I love your writing. Can I request Damian and Jason fighting about Damian and Jon's missions?

Hm I’m a lil backlogged just now, but I think there’s a pretty good chance that Jon will show up eventually. Just probably not real soon :/

Anonymous said: I'm new to the DC comic world, but I'm a bit curious as to how fans feel/reacted about one thing: Talia drugging and taking advantage of Bruce? Do fans feel the same about that as they would if that had happened to a female character? Was it a big deal? I was shocked to find out it had happened, and want to know how other fans feel. Did the writers ever later address it?

Oh boy

In my experience there are two schools of thought:

1) People that like Talia and choose to use the older version of canon, where Bruce and Talia were in love and the rape never happened

2) People that hate Talia

As always, I’d prefer not to say which side I come down on, and I won’t answer any personal questions related to Talia. It’s a bit of a hot button topic, and I prefer to avoid conflict. Thank you. Let’s continue.

Here’s the thing, anon-- Damian was created by a writer named Grant Morrison in 2006. Before that, there was a storyline where Bruce and Talia had a baby, and she gave him up for adoption without telling him. Historically, Bruce and Talia’s relationship has been pretty straightforward: they liked each other, and any romantic interactions were consensual. 

Morrison changed that. I can’t say for certain why, but you can read a bit more about my opinion of him over here. In Morrison’s version, Damian was conceived by rape, for eugenic purposes; they were trying to create the ideal heir from al Ghul and Wayne DNA.

Talia drugged Bruce’s drink, and yes, that is absolutely rape. No doubt about it. Rape. It’s disgusting and unnecessary, and it doesn’t really make sense, considering the thirty-five years of material that came before Morrison’s Talia. 

Because of that, it’s a divisive topic. There are a lot of people who argue that since Talia’s actions were out of character for her (and since Morrison went on to make her do other out of character things, like murdering her own son) the rape should be removed from canon. Those folks generally substitute the older storyline where Bruce and Talia were in love. 

That kind of thinking really isn't that uncommon for comic fans because the way comic canon is constructed-- multiple writers with varying skill levels who frequently produce overlapping or contradictory accounts of the same events-- presents us with multiple versions to choose from. A small and unrelated example: in his original version, Tim Drake dropped out of high school before graduation. In the n52, he graduated early. I prefer the older version, so even when I read the n52, I think of Tim as a high school drop out.

There are also canon story lines that I just don’t acknowledge, Battle for the Cowl being the easiest example. I know that the characterization is awful, so I pretend it never happened.

Morrison dramatically changed who Talia is as a character, not just at that specific point, but continually from 2006 to 2013. Since he retired, Talia has been shifting back to her older incarnation (again, see the link from above). You’re going to find a lot of folks who are happy with that, and those are likely to be the same people that edit the rape out of Talia’s history. 

You’re also going to find folks on the other side of the issue-- people that acknowledge the rape and believe that it would be wrong to edit it out of history. Morrison’s Talia, while mischaracterized, has been around for a long time with some very dramatic effects. Damian’s redemption storyline, death, resurrection, and general personality all depend on Talia’s action while Morrison was writing her-- if you choose to ignore all of that, Damian as we know him can’t exist, and he’s been a giant part of the general bat canon for the last eleven years. 

Beyond that, rape and filicide are awful, horrifying crimes, and they both happened within Talia’s canon. They’re the current version. They haven’t been retconned. As a matter of fact, Morrison isn’t the only one circulating that version-- the recent animated movies about Damian explicitly include the rape, and those began in 2014. 

You also made an excellent point when you asked about gender-- male rape victims are treated incredibly poorly in fiction and life, and I think it’s fair to argue that ignoring Bruce’s canonical rape contributes to that. Bruce isn’t the only member of the batfamily with this issue either. Dick was raped by Tarantula in 2002 (he asked her not to touch him, he was in shock and immobile, and she had sex with him anyway), and that writer (Devon Grayson) didn’t even call it rape. Would the rape of either of those men be treated differently if they were women? I don’t know. I can’t really answer a hypothetical. But it’s worth thinking about.

When it comes to Talia, I’d say my experience with general opinion has been about a 50/50 split? That being said, I am very young, and I’ve only been in this game for five years. I can’t tell you how any of this went over in 2006 because I was a ten year old at the time, and I don’t think I know anyone older who could tell me.

As far as writers go... I don’t recall Bruce’s emotional state being addressed in any way. Most of the time, writers don’t directly talk about it. Some of them seem to lean towards the earlier version by framing Bruce and Talia as a love story; however, that doesn’t mean that by omitting the rape, they retcon it. People are raped by their partners or spouses all the time. Saying that Bruce loved Talia doesn’t automatically erase the rape. Implying that Bruce and Talia had consensual sex before or after Damian’s conception doesn’t automatically erase the rape. Frankly it would be very hard to retcon, since there would have to be some kind of statement within the dialogue denying any kind of drugging. 

I don’t know if any of this will ever be addressed, but I’ve written a lot more than I meant to now, so I’m going to stop. I hope I answered all your questions. If I didn’t, you could try sending me a message instead of an ask, and we can talk more about it in private

@another-nameless-person said: The CTC story reminds me so much of my own family omg. I am so happy I'm not the only one with a big family who does this too. I'm so happy I've since moved out of my moms and can stash my own junk food at home lol

Right? I’m only just now kicking the habit of hiding my food. I also recently realized that I’m allowed to drink directly from the bottles now, which is fun

@coredesignixandnekonee said: Do you think, in a world where Nightwing knows Starfire, Oracle, Miss Martian, Red Arrow/Arsenal, and Kid Flash (Wally West1) that there's a "red headed friends of Robin/Nightwing" club where they hang out and complain about him with tea and cookies?

Wally, dipping Oreos in his milk: listen guys I know for a fact he isn’t sleeping and I think we’re gonna have to make him. Whose turn is it