#and i lliterally cannot answer. it will feel worse to answer. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

avpdgirlfriend · 2 years ago

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i love how i try desperately to get people closer to me & then immediately push them away when they try to reciprocate in a deeper way because i'm scared of rejection and abandonment and everything & then cry about how no one reciprocates when to anyone else it's clear that it's my own fault . everything that anyone says to me is Empty & fake and if i suggest anythng for them and they go through with it it'll be even faker! i can't be so evil as to force them into preforming even more kindness around me! & it's not because of the person the person doesn't matter it's because of me. i'm the one that makes it fake because someone being genuinely kind to me or genuinely caring about me as a person and wanting to do things for me out of their own will & not because they feel forced by me or out of pity is unfathomable. so everything is fake

#mmm i'm having. the Problems. lol #diary #like a week ago by now . thistle asked if he could do anythingg to make up for what happened or what would help me feel more appreciated #and i lliterally cannot answer. it will feel worse to answer.#when my friends offer to listen to me vent i can't believe them. nothing anyone ever does i can't believe it's genuine #i dont think i ever will #i can only believe it when there's literally no other possibility besides genuine kindness. which is not often. ghh #i will use any reasoning to weasel myself out of the possibility. ht someone could genuinely care abt me. its almost impressive #but it's just not. it doesn't seem. like. yeah.#i'm so impossible. Lol.#hard to love. impossible even

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