#and I've gotta work so. must tough it out

[meownotgood]

I'm so tired and sleeping isn't enough, I need to be put under cryostasis for fifty years, or until chainsaw man s2, whatever comes first

[punkshort]

Roommates | 7. jack and jill

Pairing: pornstar!joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You and Joel organize Tommy and Maria's bachelor and bachelorette party together, making it the first time you've spoken to each other since you moved out.

Chapter Warnings: language, discussions revolving mental health and therapy, insecurity issues, anxiety, angst, alcohol and food consumption, idiots in love but won't admit it, cigarette use, one bed couch trope

WC: 6.8K

Series Masterlist

Five Months Later

Everything was fine. Everything was going to be fine. There was no need to be nervous.

Okay, so you were going back to the house for the very first time since you moved out. You didn't count the time last month when you idled in the driveway in your car, waiting to pick Maria up to go to her dress fitting. You avoided it as much as you could, but eventually she asked you to come over to help with wedding planning. She wanted to look over the seating chart and because it was so big and she insisted on making a physical floor plan instead of a digital one, she guilted you into coming to the house.

You didn't have the nerve to ask if Joel would be there, but when you pulled up to the house, your stomach doing cartwheels and threatening to bring up your breakfast, Joel's truck was gone.

Relief and disappointment flooded you all at once.

When you approached the front door, your hand hovered over the doorknob. Should you knock? Do you just walk in? You stood there a minute too long, going back and forth, undecided, until the door swung open with Maria standing on the other side.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know."

She rolled her eyes and opened the door wider. "Don't be weird," she told you as you slid past her into the familiar hall to kick off your sneakers.

Although the house was generally the same, it felt different now.

"Is anyone home?" you asked timidly as you followed her into the kitchen to grab some drinks.

"Tommy's got work," she replied, pulling a bottle of wine from the fridge. You took a deep breath and inwardly groaned. She was really going to make you work for it.

"And... Joel?"

She stopped and looked at you like you were speaking another language. "Have you still not spoken to him?"

You chewed on your lower lip and her shoulders sagged.

"C'mon, you promised us you would work things out before you left."

"We will! I've just been... busy, I guess."

"It's been months. You need to talk to him," she scolded, brushing past you as she headed to the dining room table where her seating chart was all spread out. "We're getting close to the big day and you guys need to plan our Jack and Jill."

You cocked an eyebrow at her and took the glass she extended your way. "Jack and Jill?"

"Yeah, y'know, where the bachelor and bachelorette parties join into one big party?" You must have looked confused because she frowned and popped her hand on her hip. "I mentioned this three months ago."

"I know, I know, I just forgot."

"You need to get your shit together. You're my maid of honor! I need you."

"I will, I promise," you said firmly, taking a sip of wine. "I'll text him tomorrow and I'll set something up so we can start planning."

She eyed you up for a moment before dropping into a chair with a sigh. "Thanks. Sorry, I know this is tough but you guys gotta work things out. You're both too important to us."

"We will. Don't even give it another thought." You sat down across from her and glanced around while she opened up a notebook with her guest list. "So, where is he?"

"Well, if you would have called him in the past five months, you would know he moved out."

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. "When?"

"Like, two months ago, I think."

"Good. That's... good. Good for him."

"He bought a house."

You nearly choked on your wine. "He did?"

She nodded and bit back a grin. "A lot of things have changed. You'd be surprised."

"What's that mean?" you asked with a frown. She just shrugged.

"You'll have to talk to him and find out."

You tossed a piece of popcorn across the table at her and she giggled. "Enough about Joel. Let's get down to business. Like where am I going to put my Aunt Cathie when she refuses to speak to anyone on my side of the family?"

You tapped your chin and looked down at the poster. "Kitchen?"

In hindsight, picking a coffee shop was a bad idea. You were nervous enough as it was, the last thing you needed was extra caffeine. But still you found yourself sitting at a small table by the window twenty minutes before you were supposed to meet Joel, tapping your foot anxiously on the tile floor and turning around every time one of the doors opened.

To kill time, you stared down at your texts from earlier in the week, rereading them over and over, trying to pick up on his energy so you could get an idea of what you were walking into.

Hey

Then, two painful hours later:

Hey

I was hoping we could meet up sometime soon if you're free? Maria not so subtly pointed out we need to plan their Jack and Jill party.

You remembered at the time, the little text bubbles appeared and disappeared over and over, as if he were changing his mind until he finally sent:

Sure. Thursday?

Thursday works. Java Joint on third?

I can swing by after work around 4

Okay - looking forward to it :)

Then... nothing.

Maybe the smiley face was overkill.

You drained the last of your iced latte and got up to throw it in the trash. When you sat back down at your table, a flurry of activity caught your attention through the window. Three girls were bouncing on their heels and giggling into their palms, grabbing each other's shoulders with their phones in their hands as they spoke to none other than Joel fucking Miller. He had his sunglasses on and a white Henley shirt, the material stretching across his broad chest and arms. Paired with the confident smirk on his face, he looked devastatingly good. You watched with a twist of envy in your chest as the girls all took selfies with his arm wrapped around their shoulders before he finally jutted his thumb towards the coffee shop and gave them a final wave, turning on his heel and then heading in your direction. Once his back was turned, the girls collectively lost their shit while looking down at their pictures, but you couldn't pay them any more attention because Joel was about to walk through the door.

Butterflies burst in your stomach when he pushed his sunglasses on top of his head, locking eyes with you, and suddenly it felt like no time had passed at all. Memories of watching movies with your feet tucked under his thigh and making dinners together flashed before your eyes while you forced yourself to give him a shy wave.

He simply nodded in return and motioned towards the counter, indicating he was getting something to drink, and when his gaze finally left yours in favor of reading the menu, you let yourself fully take him in. He looked really fucking good. Something was different but you couldn't put your finger on it. Healthier, maybe? Or maybe he just looked happier now without all the stress you brought into his life.

He must have said something flirty to the barista because she giggled and the tips of her ears turned red and, after he paid, he sauntered down the counter, casually resting his elbow on the hard surface while scrolling his phone.

From the look of it, he was no where near as nervous as you felt, which just made your anxiety spike more.

The barista slid his coffee across the counter with a wide smile and he gave her a wink before turning to weave his way through the tables. You straightened up as he approached and tried to look normal.

"Hi."

He sat down across from you, putting his coffee down with a grunt. "Hey."

Your heart was practically wedged in your throat and your fingers wouldn't stop tapping nervously on the table.

"H-how are things?"

He shrugged and took a sip from his cup. "Alright. Busy."

He was looking everywhere but your eyes. You supposed you deserved that, but it still stung.

"How's work?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "We don't gotta do this, y'know."

"Do what?"

"This," he said, waving his finger back and forth between you. "We can be civil for the sake of Tommy and Maria but we don't gotta pretend this is somethin' it ain't."

You tried to hide the hurt from your eyes but he must have clocked it because he pinched the bridge of his nose and made a frustrated sound.

"Don't gimme that look."

"I'm not," you replied defiantly, staring down at your fingers now. "I'm sorry, Joel. For all of it."

"You made that pretty damn clear when you left."

Your eyes snapped up to him as he took another sip from his coffee and looked around the café. Then your gaze fell onto the writing on his cup: a name with a phone number and a little heart and your stomach rolled but you took a deep breath, just like you practiced, and let it go.

"I didn't leave because I regretted it," you whispered. His eyes finally landed on you, patiently waiting for you to speak again. "I left because I couldn't stay away from you."

His eyes softened but he remained quiet, so you took a shaky breath in and continued.

"I needed time to think over what I did and why I did it and what I really want," you nervously began to shred your straw wrapper as you spoke. "And I couldn't do that with you so goddamn close because there's just something about you that drives me fucking crazy."

His lips twitched. "Crazy in what way?"

You sighed and slumped down in your chair. "Crazy as in every time I see you I want to kiss you and laugh with you and tell you about my day and just... be near you."

"Then why the hell didn't you wanna try 'n make it work?"

"Because of your job," you groaned pathetically, knowing full well you sounded like a broken record. "It's not your fault, Joel, it's mine. I have... issues. But I'm working on it. I've started seeing a therapist-"

"What issues?" he pressed.

"Jealousy, insecurity, self-doubt, anxiety... you name it."

He took a deep breath and readjusted in his chair so he was facing you instead of the café. "I didn't know you were goin' through all that. Is it helpin'?" he asked softly, and for the first time you thought you heard the Joel you used to know.

"Yeah, but it's hard," you replied. "It takes a lot of work to change the way you think and react to something. But I'm trying. Really, I am. Because-" you took a deep breath and raked your fingers through your hair. "No one makes me happy the way you made me happy. And I really, really fucking miss you." Tears welled up in your eyes that you quickly blinked away. Crying in the middle of a coffee shop was not on your list of things to do that day.

"What are you tryin' to tell me?" he asked, dropping his head so he could catch your eye. "Hm? Say it."

"I know I blew my chance with you and I don't deserve another one, but can we please try to be friends again?"

His gaze bounced back and forth between your eyes, studying your expression before slowly straightening up in his seat. "Friends?"

You nodded weakly, your lips pressed into a thin line.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he considered it.

"What'll that look like?"

You frowned and gave him a little shrug. "Joke around. Inquire about each other's lives. Help each other out. Be supportive of one another."

He nodded along as you listed everything off with a confused look on your face, unclear as to why he was asking you to define friendship. "That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"That's all you want?"

And there it was again: that undeniable pull, that undercurrent of tension bonding you together, making you question every word and every look.

"Yes," you finally answered quietly. It was a lie, of course, but you were too scared to put yourself fully out there. You already felt vulnerable enough with what you confessed and you couldn't stand the rejection if you told him the truth.

He ticked his jaw to the side and you could have sworn in that moment, he saw right through you. But maybe you were wrong, because his next words were -

"Alright, then. Let's be friends."

Your eyes lit up as he pulled out his phone and opened his calendar app.

"Thank you, Joel."

He nodded without looking up. "What weekend were you thinkin' for this party?"

"So you two kissed and made up?"

You scowled at Maria over the aisle at a local florist.

"We did not kiss, thank you."

She grinned and rolled her eyes before picking up a deep pink carnation. "It's a figure of speech, but you never know."

"Things are fine. I mean, they aren't like they were before, I doubt it ever will be, but you have nothing to worry about. We can be in the same room together without anything getting weird. I don't like that one," you added when she picked up a red poppy. She plunked it back down in the bucket and kept browsing.

"Good. And how's the party planning?"

"Really good, we're almost all done. I just need to pick up the shirts and the favors and we should be good to go."

"I can't thank you enough for organizing this for us, I'm so excited! It's gonna be the best weekend ever," she gushed, picking up a few other flowers in similar shades of pink.

"Well, hopefully your actual wedding will be a better weekend, but I appreciate the sentiment," you giggled.

"How are we doing ladies? Do you have any questions?" asked the florist, an older man who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Maria launched into a laundry list of questions and you grinned before leaning against the register and pulling out your phone. You had to actively stop yourself from opening up your text chain with Joel. In the past, aside from Maria, he was your person. He was the one you always texted silly things to whenever you were bored or lonely. Even though he agreed to be friends again, it had yet to feel the same. In fact, you still hadn't seen him since that day in the coffee shop. You had managed to do all the planning for the Jack and Jill over the phone, but you didn't want to tell Maria that. Something told you she would want you to try harder with him and you were too nervous to stick your neck out there. The shame you harbored for the way everything fell apart after the camping trip was too great.

"You wanna grab lunch?" she asked once she was done going over in excruciating detail the flowers she wanted in each bouquet and centerpiece.

"God, yes."

There was a nearby Mexican place you both loved so you ordered a couple margaritas while you waited for your food.

"Can I ask you a question that I've been dying to know the answer to but wanted to get you loosened up on booze first?"

You quirked an eyebrow at Maria and nodded hesitantly.

"Have you talked to Sam?"

You closed your eyes and groaned.

"Very briefly, only once. About a month after... you know."

She sipped her drink and nodded. "And?"

"It went about as well as you could expect. I tried to apologize but he was so hurt, I think I just made things worse."

"Thank god he got that new job. The timing couldn't have been better," she said, then winced when she saw the look in your face. "I'm sorry, I just meant at least you didn't have to worry about work being a factor. You had enough going on as it was."

"I know what you meant, it's okay," you assured her.

Maria stirred her drink with her straw for a moment, the two of you falling into a comfortable silence while you listened to Latin music over the speakers and blankly watched some soccer match that was muted on the TV over the bar.

"Can I ask you another messy question?" she finally asked. You grinned and shrugged.

"Go for it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat and dropped your gaze to the table. "What was I gonna say? 'Oh, by the way, I'm fucking your boyfriend's brother behind my boyfriend's back?' You would have slapped me."

She laughed and leaned back in her seat to make room for the sizzling fajitas that got placed down in front of you both. She eagerly picked one up and began to pour salsa and sour cream on top before she spoke again.

"I don't think I would have slapped you, but I definitely would have made you to dump Sam and get with Joel."

"Yeah, that's not something I would have wanted to hear," you told her with a laugh.

"So," she said, wiping some sour cream from the corner of her mouth, "you didn't wanna date him because of his job, but fucking him was okay?"

You paused your chewing and gave her a blank stare. "What happened didn't make a ton of sense, but I can tell you this much: I was in deep denial over what was happening with Joel. I told myself it was just a friends with benefits thing and it didn't mean anything, but there's just something about him that I can't describe. Like we have some connection that's impossible to ignore, or something? Even the annoying things about him make me smile. I know I sound crazy, I'll shut up," you said when you noticed the incredulous look on Maria's face.

"Girl, you love him."

You balked and nearly choked on your taco. "No."

"Yes."

You shook your head and took a big sip from your margarita. "I care about him deeply but I'm not in love with him."

Maria widened her eyes in disbelief and looked back down at her food. "Okay... just sounds to me like something more."

You quickly changed the subject to her wedding dress, which easily distracted her while you let what she said about Joel marinate. Were you in love with Joel? Is that why you couldn't let Sam in? Were you that blind?

In the end, you decided to let it go. It didn't matter, anyway. What you had with Joel was over, and after the way things ended, you couldn't imagine a situation where he would ever want to give you another chance, assuming you could get past all your insecurities surrounding his profession. Therapy was helping, but you had a long way to go, and ultimately you were seeking help to better yourself overall, not to make things work with Joel.

Maria had told you Joel bought a house but for some reason, you imagined it was a small ranch house somewhere, not a gorgeous two-story relatively new build. Or so, it looked new as you walked up the driveway and stared at the new black roof and white siding. You could feel your heart beginning to beat faster the closer you got to his front porch, gripping the brown paper bag at your side with sweaty fingers.

Stop it, you're just leaving the shirts at his door, there's no need to be nervous.

You climbed the creaky wooden steps and looked at the two Adirondack chairs with a table in between and suddenly you felt a pit form in your stomach. Two?

Why hadn't it occurred to you before now that he could be seeing someone? What if he was bringing her as a date to the wedding?

Stop. It. Drop the bag and fucking go.

You nestled the paper bag behind one of the chairs and turned to leave when you heard the front door squeak open.

"What're you doin'?"

You closed your eyes and silently cursed to yourself before spinning around with a forced smile on your face, only to have it immediately slip with you saw Joel had greeted you completely shirtless with his hair a disheveled mess.

Shit.

"Hey, I'm, uh, just dropping off the shirts for the guys," you pointed to the paper bag, his eyes following your finger.

He opened the screen door, stepping out to pick it up and you had to look away. He was wearing basketball shorts and the material clung around his bulge just a little too well.

"Why didn't you just knock?"

"Um," you took a breath and met his gaze, refusing to let your eyes drop lower than his neck. "Didn't wanna bother you."

"It's no bother. You wanna come in?" he asked. You finally picked up on the gravelly sound to his voice once you were able to ignore his smooth, broad chest.

"Did you just wake up?"

He shrugged and gave you half a smirk while he held the door open.

"Worked late."

"Ah," you replied, gaze dropping to the porch while you rocked back and forth on your heels. Work.

"You comin' in or not? I'm lettin' flies in."

"Uh, sure," you finally decided, sneaking past him, purposely holding your breath so you wouldn't breathe in his intoxicating scent.

His front door opened into his living room, which was about how you expected it to look: a dark couch with a matching chair surrounding a glass coffee table in front of a big screen TV with green and blue plastic clamshell video game cases scattered on the floor.

"Want somethin' to drink?" he asked, brushing past you as he ambled into his kitchen. You followed, noting his house seemed to lack... something.

"Water's fine."

It was bare. That's what it was. It hit you when you were in the kitchen. He had all the essentials but there was no warmth, no decorations, no pictures.

"Did you just move in?" you asked, then thanked him when he handed you a bottle of water.

"'Bout three months ago."

"Oh," you replied before taking a slow sip of water, your eyes darting around the sparse kitchen. "It's nice," you finally said when you pulled the bottle from your lips.

At least you could be sure he wasn't living with a girl. His home practically screamed bachelor pad.

"Thanks. How's your ma?" he asked before picking up a half drank mug of coffee.

You leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed your arms. "She's good. She's already found a new boyfriend. And here I thought I was doing her a favor by moving in and keeping her company," you said with a soft laugh. "Now I feel like I'm in the way of her exciting social life."

Joel nodded and sat down at the kitchen table with a grunt, his legs spread wide as he leaned back into the chair.

"Been meanin' to apologize to you," he said, staring down at his coffee sitting on the table. "Shoulda been there to help you move out, or at least say bye. I'm real sorry 'bout that."

That took you by surprise.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," you said immediately with a shake of your head. "It would have been too painful, anyway."

Joel took a deep breath through his nose. "Yeah, reckon that's why I bailed that day."

Neither of you said anything for a moment, both of you thinking back to that week when everything fell apart.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you, Joel," you said quietly. He frowned and looked up.

"What you did to me?"

"Yeah. For pulling you into my mess and hurting you. It was never my intention, but I recognize it was my fault. I started it. I kissed you. I came to your room that day. It's all on me, okay?" You looked at him with raw pain in your eyes and he sighed.

"Darlin', if you didn't start it, I would've. It ain't all on you," he told you softly.

You nodded and you felt tears welling up in your eyes, so you dropped your gaze to the floor and pressed your lips into a thin line, trying to stifle your emotion, but Joel could see it.

"It was fun while it lasted though, huh?" he joked, then grinned when you laughed and swiped away a stray tear.

"Yeah," you sniffled with a smile.

Joel pursed his lips and looked back down at his mug, his middle finger gently tracing the lip of the ceramic when he asked, "you seein' anyone?"

You shook your head. "No. I think it's probably best I take some time to work on myself first."

The same question for him was on the tip of your tongue but you couldn't bring yourself to ask because if the answer was yes, you weren't sure you were ready to hear it.

"Well, anyway," he said with a slap to his thighs, "everythin' ready for tomorrow? Need me to do anythin'?"

You smiled and shook your head. "Just handle the guys and I'll handle the girls. I have all the money to pay the limo bus driver. Did you have enough for the booze?"

"Mhm, no problem there," Joel said after taking a sip from his now lukewarm coffee.

The goal was to bar crawl some local spots in downtown Austin and in between, party on the limo bus.

"Just make sure to have a good playlist ready so we can connect to the speakers on the bus," you told him as you headed for the front door.

"Y'leavin'?" he asked, getting up to follow you. You shrugged and slid your shoes back on.

"Yeah, unless there was something else?"

He scratched his beard while he struggled to come up with anything that might make you stay. It just felt too nice to have you around again and he didn't want it to end.

"No, nothin' else," he finally said. "See you tomorrow."

Back to the scene of the crime, you almost let slip, but fortunately common sense kicked in and said, "Tommy and Maria's, 8pm so you can help me pack up the bus before everyone arrives."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, leaning against the doorframe as he watched you jog down his porch steps, tossing one more wave over your shoulder before getting into your car. As he watched you drive away, he tried to stifle that familiar, desperate feeling he always felt whenever you left and forced himself to go back inside.

The party bus was already wild before it reached the end of the street. You just sat down after passing around Jell-O shots and making sure the snacks and waters you brought were readily available to the entire bus when Maria shoved a solo cup in your hand.

"What's this?" you asked over the roar coming from the speakers blaring AC/DC and the guys screaming along to the lyrics after they all did a toast to Tommy, throwing back shots of tequila.

"Jungle juice!" she replied with a grin. You took a sip and raised your eyebrows in surprise.

"Not bad!"

The lights on the bus dimmed and you looked up to find Joel playing around with the knobs at the front of the bus. Suddenly, brightly colored lights that lined the floor and roof of the bus turned on, painting everyone in a red glow that faded to orange then to all the colors of the rainbow.

"Come on, Tommy! Show us what you got!" one of Maria's bridesmaids yelled when Tommy stood up and leaned on the stripper pole in the middle of the floor for support when the bus took a turn.

"I ain't drunk enough yet, ladies!" he replied with a lopsided grin. Joel chuckled as he made his way back to his seat.

"What about you, Joel?" she asked, then all the groomsmen began whooping and pumping their fists, encouraging him, but he shook his head and sat down.

"Gotta pay me extra for that," he smirked. He brought his beer to his lips and glanced briefly in your direction before looking away.

The whole bus was wearing matching white shirts with Tommy and Maria's names printed on the back with the date of their wedding and a note at the bottom that, depending if you were a girl or a guy, said if found, please return me to the bride/groom.

On the front of the shirts was a big box where everyone could tally all the drinks and shots they had that evening with the sharpie necklaces you handed out as everyone boarded the bus. So far, most people had at least one drink or shot under their belts.

"Alright, who wants to play Tipsy Hoe?" you called out while holding up a stack of index cards. The bus cheered so you began to explain the rules. "We pick one card with a specific word on it that nobody's allowed to say. The person who says it first has to take a shot and then we pick another one."

Another of Maria's bridesmaids eagerly volunteered to pick the first card. You fanned them out as she carefully chose one from the middle and read it. "The word is Bride!" she announced, and half the bus collapsed into laughter.

"Take a shot, you can't say it! Just hold it up!" you giggled when she laughed and buried her face in her hands. "Okay, go again."

After taking a shot and drawing another tally mark on her shirt, she picked another card and this time, held it up for everyone to see: dress.

"What's that say? I can't read it?" Joel teased from the back, and she stuck out her tongue.

"Ha ha, not falling for it."

You sat back down and took a sip from your cup before leaning into Maria's side to take a few selfies only for them to come out completely blurry from the dim lighting, but you saved them anyway.

Joel brushed past the two of you to go to the front of the bus and direct the driver on where to drop the group off for the first bar, and as the bus slowed down, most people chugged the rest of their drinks and added a mark to their shirts before standing up and filing out the door.

"Jesus, Tommy, when'd you have four drinks?" Maria asked when she saw his shirt. He grinned and draped an arm around her shoulders.

"What can I say? The guys can be persuasive."

"Hey, don't you know that girl over there?" Joel asked when he suddenly appeared at your side with a cigarette hanging from his lips. He pointed over to a group of three girls standing right outside the bar with sparkly outfits on and heavy eyeshadow.

"Which one?"

"The one in the blue."

"The blue top or the blue dress?"

He smirked and shot you a wink before taking a deep drag of his cigarette. You groaned and slapped your palm to your face.

"I can't believe I fell for that."

He laughed, a plume of smoke rolling from his lips, then tossed the cigarette on the ground. "C'mon, I'll buy you the shot."

"It's the least you could do," you teased, following him inside past the bouncer. The bar was dark and really fucking loud as you weaved your way through the throngs of sweaty people until Joel managed to squeeze his way to the bar and flag down a bartender. While you waited for your drinks, you tried to locate the rest of the group, but the only people you saw were Maria and Tommy down at the other end of the bar with one other groomsman you didn't know very well.

"Bottoms up," Joel told you after handing you the shot and a mixed drink. You winced when you tossed it back, then handed him the empty glass. He pushed it back across the sticky bar along with his own empty shot glass then pointed to your shirt.

"Ah, right," you mumbled before uncapping the sharpie around your neck and scribbling a tick mark on the fabric. Joel stretched his own shirt out and you hesitated for just a second before drawing a quick mark on his shirt and tried not to focus too much on the sweat that had soaked through the collar already.

"You stayin' at Tommy and Maria's tonight?" he asked. He brought a bottle of beer to his lips and took a long sip but didn't take his eyes away from you.

"Yeah, I can't imagine driving home at this rate," you replied while motioning to your shirt with your free hand. He nodded and let his eyes drift around the room behind you, head nodding slightly to the beat of the music before he said, "Maybe we can watch a movie. Like old times."

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. "You're staying over, too?"

He nodded again and took another drink as your heart fluttered nervously in your chest. Maria conveniently failed to mention he was planning on staying the night, as well. Where the hell did she expect you both to sleep when there was only one couch?

You scanned the bar and found her laughing at something Tommy was saying, waving his hands around dramatically as he told some story. Narrowing your eyes, you hoped she could feel the heat from your stare, but of course she was oblivious.

Just as you were about to reply to him about the movie, you felt someone's arm snake around your waist right before their overpowering cologne made you gag.

"You wanna dance?" a voice slurred in your ear, and you immediately twisted away from his sour breath and turned to face him. He wasn't with your group, just some other patron, and he looked completely wasted. A thin sheen of sweat covered his neck and face and his eyes looked glassy as he stared down at you, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, no thank you! I was just leaving."

"Aw, come on, just one dance?" the stranger pushed with a lopsided grin but it just made him look even more sloppy.

"She's with me," Joel said defensively before tugging you closer and tucking you under his arm. You could smell his deodorant and soap and it instantly transported you back in time to the point where you had to fight the urge to bury your face against his chest and breathe deep.

"My bad," the guy said, raising his hands defensively before walking away.

"Thanks," you said so softly you weren't sure he could hear you over the music, but he did. He dropped his arm and cleared his throat as you tried to create a bit of space between you again without being awkward, but it was hard to do.

"I hope you don't feel like you can't dance with other guys 'cause I'm here," he said.

"No, I know, I'm just not looking for... that right now," you assured him before taking a long sip from your drink and glancing around the bar.

"Right, you mentioned that," he replied. The topic of your love life caused a heavy silence to settle between you even though you were surrounded by noise. Right when you were about to make an excuse and leave, he spoke again.

"How's all that goin', by the way? Therapy?"

"It's... going okay," you said. What was he getting at?

He tossed back the rest of his beer and slid the empty across the bar.

"Okay enough to start datin' again soon?"

You swallowed nervously. Was he asking for a specific reason?

The look on your face made him switch gears because he grinned and shrugged. "Friends ask 'bout each other, right?"

Oh.

"They do."

He nodded, his smile faltering a moment when his gaze slid to your lips before he forced himself to look away. "C'mon, let's find the rest of the party." Then he took your hand and led you through the crowd.

Stop it, get it together, he's just being nice, like you asked, you told yourself. But you really, really hoped you were wrong.

"Here's some extra pillows and blankets," Maria sang gleefully with a shit eating grin.

"I can't believe you," you seethed quietly so Joel wouldn't hear you from downstairs.

"What? I forgot Tommy told Joel he could stay over," she said with a tipsy shrug.

"I'm half tempted to call an Uber."

"Don't you fucking dare. Now be an adult and go sleep with your ex," she giggled, giving your shoulder a shove to make you move towards the direction of the stairs.

"Hilarious," you replied dryly, but before you took another step she pulled you into a hug.

"Thank you so much for tonight, we had such a," she hiccuped before pulling away, "great time."

You blew her a kiss before giving her the finger. "Love you."

"Love you, too!" she practically shouted, and you turned around halfway down the stairs to shush her. She slapped her hands over her mouth and giggled before stumbling into her bedroom and shutting the door.

"Wha' the hell was she shoutin' for?" Joel asked groggily from his spot splayed out on the couch, remote control hanging limply from his fingers as he blinked at the TV, trying to clear his vision.

"Nothing. Here," you said, tossing him a pillow and blanket. He reached out to catch them but missed, then started to giggle when he accidentally slid from the couch onto the floor to pick them up. You grinned and threw yours on the other end of the couch and wandered into the kitchen, returning with two bottles of ice cold water. "Drink this," you said with a yawn. He took it and you plopped down on the other end of the couch while Joel flicked through title after title on one of the many streaming services Tommy and Maria had.

While Joel continued to browse, you shifted uncomfortably before setting down your water and reaching behind you to unclasp your bra. With practiced ease, you pulled it out from under your shirt without having to remove any clothes and tossed it on the floor. Joel's eyes widened when he saw it and looked at you.

"Don't get any ideas, I just can't sleep in a bra."

He smirked before picking a romcom and settling in under his blanket. "Next you gonna tell me you can't sleep with panties on?"

You snorted and felt your cheeks flush but thankfully the lights in the living room were off, leaving only the glow from the television to light the room.

"You wish."

The alcohol was making both of you way flirtier than you intended to be, so you shut up. You watched the movie hazily for a while, laughing softly at Hugh Grant's charismatic humor. It was quiet for so long that you had assumed Joel fell asleep until he suddenly spoke again.

"This's nice."

You rolled your head to the side and smiled at him. "Yeah, it is."

He smiled back, his eyes bright from the glow from the television, cheeks still a little pink from the booze as he looked you up and down. "C'mere."

You pinched your eyebrows together. "Why?" you asked slowly. He rolled his eyes and waved you over.

"Jus' get your ass over here."

With a sigh, you scooted over to his end of the couch and once you got close enough, he threw his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his side. You let out a quiet oof when the side of your face came in contact with his chest, but god the way he smelled had you reeling for the second time that night. Even with the lingering scent of cigarette smoke and spilled liquor, he still smelled amazing. He smelled like him. A comforting smell you missed so much in the past five months that it almost hurt to have it back again.

His hand gently stroked your back as you watched the movie. The steady thrum of his heart beating against your ear combined with the alcohol and his warmth made your eyelids droop and before you knew it, you were out like a light. When Joel realized you were asleep, he looked down at you and smiled before turning off the television and slowly rotating you both so you were laying (albeit, scrunched) together along the couch. His arm remained wrapped around you and your face was buried against his chest with one of your legs draped over one of his and everything finally felt right again.

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[slowestlap]

Bradley Scanes, Max's trainer during 2020-2023 seasons, did an interview with The Red Flags Podcast (22 Jan 2024)

I took one for the team and transcribed the bits I found interesting enough to share:

[12:40] Talking about the first times Brad met Max and how important it is that you click together well:

I think it's the most important. We had a good conversation in that time, I think the decision probably set on the fact that, for half of the time I was there, he was out driving the car. But I was there, talking to his dad, talking to his family. And really got on with Red Bull and really kinda fit into that mold and did for my whole 4 years with him and it was so nice. And I appreciate Max for this, his dad for this and the rest of the family because I felt part of the family the entire time which was really really nice and you know, we'll stay friends.

[24:00] From what I saw, I saw a guy that was elite. He knew where he wanted to go. You could see the drive, you could see the work ethic. The work ethic was tremendous. And for me it was just, I've gotta create the optimal space for him to be him and him to do him.

[27:30] Talking about flexibility and adaptability being the traits that separates greats from the rest:

He's on the grid being interviewed by two or three different tv stations, or something's happening with the car, he gets in the car and drives exactly the same no matter what's going on. And that's for me what I've seen from the kinda good to great.

[28:25] Was it hard to train him this year when he was so far ahead?

No, no. If anything he was more motivated this year than any year before.

[34:55] I feel like you have to be elite at falling asleep. Is Max like "allright time to go to bed" and he's like "okay [snores]"? Can kinda turn on turn off?

Yeah, he's really good at that.

[48:50] On staying motivated to win:

The mindset to keep winning is there. We love winning and it's what we get out of bed for, it's what we do our work for. We want to win no matter what it is. We going to Monza, going to Belgium, we wanna win that race. We want to win every single race and if the championship comes in the end the championship comes in the end. That's the mentality he has. […] The first one was motivated by winning the first championship, the second one was motivated by seeing off Ferrari and making sure we got the second (wdc) and that we're here to stay. And then the third one we were motivated by winning every single race and setting every single record that we could.

[1:14:55] Talking about other drivers posting tough work out videos while Max posted a lighter work out:

That's the thing actually, it's a conversation we've had before because we have the markers where we need to get to. How you get there doesn't really matter. We managed to do it in the most time efficient way, in the most enjoyable way for Max and how it doesn't impact on the other stuff as much. […] He doesn't like working out, everybody knows that. But when he's in the session he gets after it. It's just shifting that mindset, he might not want to do it ever again but there's not too much encouragement needed actually in session which is always nice. It's nice to work that way.

[1:16:10] If Max pisses you off what exercise are you doing to punish him? What's his least favorite?

Single-leg squats or planks.

[1:17:35] How long can Max plank for?

Decent amount of time. I don't actually remember but we must have hit like 4-5 minutes in pre-season test and a bit longer come summer break.

[sneakyparsnipslicer]

dude help please! This twink kidnapped me!? And he is wanting to swap bodies with me since I’m so huge and muscular and hairy!

Hmm, this is a tough situation. Guessing the twink won't take no for an answer?

You'd met him on a night out right? Out clubbing with the mates and that was where you saw him, at the bar as you were getting the round. Pretty sure that's where you introduced him to me and the others. I was worried since you hadn't texted letting us know you got home safe. But whatever ropes he bound you with you broke free of. You must have, that's how you managed to text me right? Good to know you haven't lost your touch Houdini!

I don't suppose you remember where he took you do you? Can't really send the police if we don't know where you are. Keep your wits about you and do what you can to stall him. You've got this

-

You read the text and sigh, it's reassuring to know that someone knows you're in this predicament. You pocket your phone and look around the dimly lit room. It's gotta be a basement right? You haven't seen that creep since last night, pretty sure he spiked your drink, the bastard.

In the distance, up the steps you hear the sound of footsteps and the turning of the key in the locked door. The twink was coming to check up on you! You quickly place your hands behind your back and sit patiently as you hear him steadily walk down the steps. You watch cautiously as he arrives at the bottom of the stairs. The two of you stare for a moment and he swaggers towards you.

"Good to see you're awake" he says calmly, walking into the moonlight shining from the window above you. He's cute, but by God do you hate him and what he wants.

He looks like a TikTok fuckboy, but something about him makes your skin crawl. There's more to him that meets the eye and with his earlier proposal of making you into a bodysuit, you just know you're not his first victim. For a twink, he's quite intimidating.

"Have you considered my proposal?" he asks softly. You clear your throat, indicating that you can't talk due to the gag in your mouth. He approaches and unties the gag. You take a deep breath of musty basement air and cough.

"Catch your breath" he says as he walks over to sit on a nearby box. Your breathing calms, you lick your dry lips and look to him searchingly. He sits there unphased.

"Why are you doing this man?" you ask croakily. The twink looks to the window and sighs.

"It's become a passion of mine, collecting bodysuits of men I admire, I've been collecting for quite some time now. Once in a while I see someone so drop dead gorgeous and get the urge to just BE them, you know?" he said, romanticising the idea.

"So you just bag us and wear us? What the hell? What about US? I want to live man" you say sadly, tears begin to well in your eyes.

"I understand the sentiment, but consider this; all that work you put into that godly body of yours, eventually it'll age and wear and that'd be such a tragic waste" he says, shaking his head disapprovingly. You look at him shocked. He only cares about how you look now?

"So what? You kill me and wear me like clothing and somehow that's better than me continuing on with my life?" you ask. He considers this but still doesn't show any notion of reconsidering.

"Beauty is a fleeting thing, but I can preserve it for all of time" he gloats, smiling cruelly at you. You want to get up and shove him off that box but you remember your hands are meant to be tied, so all you can do is glare.

"Oh come on now, don't scowl! You'd be the pride of my collection! Those arms, your muscles, and oh that ass of yours!" he whistles and laughs. He looks off to the side. It's then that you look to the stairs and notice me sitting up there. Our eyes meet and I press a finger to my lips. Don't give us away!

You hang your head sadly.

"Fine, just get it over with" you say. This snaps the twink out of his laughing fit. He looks at you surprised.

"Is that a yes?" he asks excitedly. You nod.

"You'd better make it worth it" you say, spreading your legs. He smiles and jumps off the box, walking over to you.

"Believe me, my Bear friend, I will" he vows, crouching and holding your jaw in his hands. He looks deeply in your eyes and locks lips with you. At first it's kissing with tongues but then he moves his hands down your neck to your burly shoulders and holds on to them tightly. Suddenly he breathes in sharply like a vacuum cleaner. He's sucking your soul out! It doesn't last long mind you, he soon falls off when I whack him over the head with a shovel.

"Sorry about that" I say, panting. You look to the unconscious twink.

"Ah, it's ok. He sucked" you chuckle. I shake my head, grinning and offering a hand so you can pick yourself up.

"Did it take you long to find this place?" you ask as you dust yourself off.

"I tracked our texts, turns out he's about a mile's drive from the nightclub. Not very smart. Let's get out of here so we can go make a statement to the police" I say as you hurry up the stairs, me following close behind. Whoever this guy is, he's getting justice for his past victims and you get to keep your skin fitting tightly all over.

[roleplay-evil]

Resident Evil 3 (2020) Starters

"Don't start. I did what I had to."

"Right. Guess I'm not talking you out of this."

"Hey, fuckface!"

"It's my turn, bitch!"

"I'm not gonna die on you and leave you in a cold, cruel, [name]-less word."

"Do me a favor and don't fuck up like I did."

"C'mon, [name]. We know how this ends."

"C'mon, don't look at me like that, alright? I'm not an infected!"

"One fucked-up thing always leads to another."

"The only safe place is in here!"

"You don't have to trust me, but I'm going to the shelter. You coming?"

"Listen, I promise you're in good hands."

"I'm gonna get you that vaccine. You're gonna be OK, I promise."

"The town's crawling with those freaks. No chance of fighting our way out of the city."

"Just look around you. The longer we wait, the more screwed we are."

"We've gotta be dreaming. How could this many people be infected?"

"How did this all happen so fast?"

"Name's [name] and I'm saving you!"

"If I die, you'll never find out the truth!"

"Where is your sense of self-preservation?"

"What were you thinking, turning yourself into bait?"

"The only life that matters is your own."

"Ballsy motherfucker."

"C'mon, let's get you someplace safe."

"Sure you don't need to stop?"

"Hey, come on. There's a helicopter waiting to take you to safety."

"We need to get you geared up."

"You're a hell of a lot braver than me."

"I don't have time to explain. You gotta get outta there RIGHT NOW!"

"[name]! Here they come!"

"Stay back! Don't come any closer!"

"You think I don't know how to fuck you up?"

"Three more days. Then I can kiss this town goodbye."

"What the hell is that thing?!"

"Hey! Hey, wait! Down here!"

"We're gonna make a run for it!"

"Sorry. We're gonna have to go around."

"I think we're in the clear."

"Alright, keep your head screwed on, Romeo."

"[name], you are amazing! Tough as nails, too."

"Your reputation is well deserved."

"I must admit, I respect your tenacity."

"Goodbye, [name]. A shame you didn't listen to me when you had the chance."

"I don't need a bleeding heart like you getting in the way."

"Alright, I'm in. But I'm on their side. Not yours."

"[name], I know we didn't get off to a great start, but... thanks for the save."

"Are we still a team?"

"Hey, what do you know about that monster?"

"Are you shitting me? I thought you killed it!"

"Look, just so you know? This is the last fucking time."

"I don't think the wisdom I've been trying to impart on you is getting through."

"Next time... take the fucking hint."

"I don't mind a little detective work."

"You're not going to stop me."

"Do you know how long I've been trying to reach somebody?"

"You can thank your corporate overlords for that."

"A rocket launcher? Really?"

"Knew you couldn't pull the trigger."

"Surely a tall drink of water like yourself can put out a few flames."

"Fucking gross!"

"Have you ever seen anything so incredible?"

"This is insane."

"You want [blank]? I'll give you [blank]!"

[anonymousewrites]

Adolescent Antichrist (Book 6) Chapter Eleven

Father Figure! Lucifer Morningstar x Teen! Reader

Demon! OC x Reader

Chapter Eleven: Someone’s gotta keep Things from going to Hell

Summary: Lucifer finds the answer to God's retirement. God has other plans, and an era comes to an end.

Mouse Note: I'm so sorry this is late I forgot to post it! (Family creates chaos, as I've found)

            “(Y/N), I found the answer,” said Lucifer, grinning ear-to-ear.

            “Answer to what?” said (Y/N), not looking up from their work.

            “God’s retirement,” said Lucifer proudly.

            “My beach idea?” said (Y/N).

            “No,” said Lucifer. “That would be my retirement as God.” (Y/N) laughed. “No, I listened to what He needed. I realized only one thing would be truly fulfilling.”

            “What?” asked (Y/N), actually looking up. This made them curious.

            “Come to Lux tonight and find out!” said Lucifer, turning away.

            (Y/N) groaned. If he’s being dramatic and mysterious, that can’t be good.

            Undoubtedly, though, they were going.

l

            Lucifer eagerly waited at the bar of Lux, and (Y/N) gave themself way too many maraschino cherries than would usually be used in a Shirley Temple.

            “Lucifer!” greeted Amenadiel as he entered and walked down the empty stairs. God sood beside him. “Why’d you call us here, brother?” He looked at (Y/N). “Good evening.”

            “Hey,” said (Y/N), waving and taking a sip of their drink.

            “What is that?” asked God curiously.

            “Give me a second.” (Y/N) grabbed the ingredients again. “This is better than wine, I can tell you that.”

            “How do you know that?” said Lucifer.

            (Y/N) ignored him and poured God a drink as God smiled. God took a sip and nodded.

            “Delicious,” He agreed.

            “I know, right?” said (Y/N), grinning.

            “Now, son, why are we here?” said God, looking at Lucifer.

            “Well.” Lucifer straightened and smiled. “After finally listening to what Dad’s been telling me all along, I realized there’s only one thing that’s gonna make His retirement fulfilling. So I enlisted Gabriel’s help to make it happen.”

            (Y/N) and Amenadiel looked at Lucifer in confusion.

            “Did you know our sister can deliver a message anywhere?” said Lucifer. “And I mean…anywhere.” He gestured to the stairs behind them.

            Everyone turned around. They stared.

            The Goddess of All Creation, God’s ex-wife, Mistress of the Universe—Missy (in (Y/N)’s mind)—stood before them. She smiled and walked towards them.

            Amenadiel looked at Lucifer, who nodded softly. That was really their mother.

            “Mother?” said Amenadiel as she stepped towards them.

            “Hello, my sweet boy.” She smiled. Her smile fell slightly. “Husband.”

            “Wife.” God was just staring at her. This was the first time He’d seen her in person for millennia. He moved towards her.

            “Lucifer, how?” whispered (Y/N).

            “Well, it wasn’t easy,” said Lucifer. “Mom says she only has enough juice for this one time.”

            “I never thought I’d see you again,” said God.

            “I never thought I’d see you retire,” said Missy.

            “Hm.” God smiled slightly. “Well, like I’ve always said, it’s a tough gig. But you understand that now that you’re doing it.”

            “I don’t find it nearly as difficult as you made it out to be,” denied Missy, but there was no malice in her words.

            God chuckled and smiled. “Then clearly you’re better at it than I ever was. No surprise in that.”

            Missy smiled at Him. “Well, I must admit, though, it does get lonely at the top.”

            “Lucifer, you don’t have to become God anymore,” whispered Amenadiel as God and Missy spoke quietly to one another.

            Cute reunion, thought (Y/N).

            “I found out Dad’s not losing His powers,” said Amenadiel.

            (Y/N) looked at Amenadiel and frowned. “What?”

            “Michael was gaslighting Him,” said Amenadiel.

            I really hate him, thought (Y/N).

            “It’s all been inside his head,” said Amenadiel.

            “Michael?” Lucifer scoffed. “Well, he won’t get away with that sort of thing when I’m in charge.”

            “Brother, do you hear what I’m saying?” said Amenadiel. “Dad’s fine. He can keep being God. Everything can go back to normal. Everything.”

            “Can we still do something about Michael?” muttered (Y/N). Michael seriously needs to be humbled.

            Lucifer’s eyes drifted to God and Missy, who leaned in to kiss one another. The reunion was going very well. (Y/N) smiled to themself.

            “We can be a family again,” said Amenadiel softly to Lucifer.

            Lucifer chuckled wryly. “Wonderful. Except for the part where I don’t get to become God and prove that I’m worthy.”

            Ah, so that’s what it’s about. His self-esteem. (Y/N)’s gaze softened. “Dad.” They touched his arm. “You are worthy. Of everything. You don’t need to prove it to anyone.” They squeezed his hand. “You just need to see it yourself.”

            Lucifer looked at them, and he smiled. If only he could see himself the way they saw him. He wasn’t good enough for them. Not nearly enough.

            “Lucifer. Amenadiel. (Y/N),” said Missy. They all looked at her. She and God were holding hands, standing together like a loving married couple should. “We’ve made our decision about God’s retirement.

            Lucifer put a smile on his face. “Ah, sunny Florida? Silver City?” He tried to clear away his self-doubts.

            “Actually…” Missy looked at God with a gentle smile. “We decided…we’re moving to my universe.”

            Amenadiel and Lucifer’s smiles fell. (Y/N) stared in surprise.

            “What?” said Amenadiel. “But you’re…both here.” He swallowed. “Together.”

            “Yeah,” said Lucifer faintly.

            “You’re just gonna…leave us again?” said Amenadiel. He blinked as his eyes burned. “Without any ability to come back?!”

            “Your mother spent a long time in my world,” said God gently. “It’s my turn to spend time in hers.”

            “Dad—” Lucifer stammered over the word and swallowed. Suddenly seeing this change, something he had never aimed for or truly wanted, meant too much. It was too painful. “A-A word, please.”

            God nodded. He cupped Amenadiel’s face gently, and Amenadiel gazed back at Him tearfully. God walked towards Lucifer’s at the other end of the bar.

            (Y/N) watched them go. They knew this was the end. God was leaving. Even if Michael was interfering, God had decided to move on. He wanted to do something new with his life. (Y/N) respected it. They also felt an ache in their heart. For the father Lucifer and Amenadiel had repaired their relationship with leaving. For the father all of the angels would miss. For the God the world wouldn’t know they were saying goodbye to. For the new family member (Y/N) would remember forever.

            They hoped they could carry on His kindness and compassion for the rest of their life. It was the least they could do for His memory and His legacy.

            Missy kissed Amenadiel’s forehead softly, promising him that he’d be alright. She hugged him tightly. “I am so…so sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye last time.”

            “No, I never blamed you, Mom,” said Amenadiel.

            “No.” Missy chuckled and smiled. “Of course you didn’t. My kindest, wisest, most perfect son. And now the perfect dad.”

            “I’m far from it,” said Amenadiel. “But…I’m trying my best.”

            “That’s what makes you perfect,” said Missy. She hugged Amenadiel again.

            With God and Lucifer, God paused after they had much of their conversation. They had said almost everything that was needed. But God still had a few more words He knew Lucifer deserved to hear.

            “At the family dinner…you were right,” He said. Lucifer looked at Him in confusion. “I could have been a better father to you.”

            Lucifer chuckled to disguise the sob that wanted to force its way out. “Well, now you forego your mysterious ways. Just as you’re leaving…?”

            “No need for them anymore now that I’m retiring,” said God. “Which means…I can say something I’ve wanted to for a long time.” Lucifer stared. “I love you, son. And I am very proud of the man you’ve become.”

            Lucifer’s lips quivered, and his heart leapt for joy. God hugged him. Lucifer sobbed and hugged Him, still a boy who needed a hug from his father.

            Lucifer swallowed. “I think Amenadiel might like to hear that, too.”

            God chuckled and held Lucifer just a little bit tighter before letting go. “I already told him. It was an emotional round of golf.” He smiled at Amenadiel and Missy, who had finished saying their goodbyes.

            “Time to go,” said Missy. “My universe needs me.” She hugged Lucifer goodbye, and God hugged Amenadiel.

            When they let go, Missy looked at (Y/N). “(Y/N).”

            (Y/N) stiffened nervously. They felt like they were intruding on a private moment. “Yes?”

            “I’m sorry again. For threatening you the last time we met. It was wrong of me,” said Missy. “And I’ve grown.”

            (Y/N) smiled at her. “I forgive you. I know you were just…confused about what to do.”

            “You’ve grown up. You’re much stronger than last time.” Missy looked at Lucifer and smiled. “You should be proud of your child.”

            “I am,” said Lucifer.

            “He’s a great dad. I wouldn’t be who I was without him,” said (Y/N). “I’m happy to be a part of this family…Grandma.”

            Missy grinned and hugged (Y/N). They hugged back. God joined a moment later.

            “Goodbye, (Y/N),” He said. “It was wonderful to meet you. I know you’re going to great things as you continue to grow.”

            “Goodbye,” said (Y/N), hugging Him. “I’m going to miss you…Grandpa.”

            God chuckled. Missy stepped back. God squeezed them a moment longer and whispered, “Take good care of things.” He stepped back.

            (Y/N) smiled. “Someone’s gotta keep things from going to Hell.” They grinned, trying not to tear up themself.

            “Indeed,” said God, chuckling. “And who better than you?” Missy smiled and took His hand. The pair walked a few steps away.

            “Dad, wait,” called Amenadiel. God paused and looked back. “You forgot to name your successor.”

            God smiled. “You’ll figure it out.”

            “Back to your mysterious ways already,” said Lucifer, still swallowing back tears. (Y/N) hugged him, and he hugged them back. They watched God and Missy with a bittersweet ache in their chest.

            “All part of my plan,” said God.

            “Plan…” said Lucifer softly.

            God and Missy went to the stage of Lux and drew back the curtains to reveal a shining golden light. Beyond it was a field of green—Missy’s universe waiting.

            “How much of this was your plan?” said Lucifer, looking at God.

            He chuckled mysteriously.

            “Goodbye, my loves,” said Missy.

            They stepped forward, and the curtains fell closed behind them. God and Missy were gone.

            Lucifer and Amenadiel let out long sights. (Y/N) pulled Amenadiel into the side hugs they were giving. They all stood in silence, letting the moment pass on its own.

l

            “How is he?” asked Chloe quietly.

            (Y/N) had invited her over as Lucifer just stared out over LA from the penthouse. They knew he needed support, and they wanted every piece of support he had. Amenadiel had his son and Linda to help him. Lucifer had them and Chloe.

            “It’s bittersweet,” said (Y/N). “I think he just needs us to be there with him.”

            Chloe nodded, and the pair walked towards Lucifer.

            “Hi,” said Chloe softly.

            “I brought Chloe, Dad,” said (Y/N).

            Lucifer nodded and smiled slightly. “Thank you.”

            “How are you holding up?” asked Chloe.

            “Oh, nothing lasts forever, I suppose,” said Lucifer.

            “Do you need anything?” said Chloe.

            Lucifer shook his head. “Just time.”

            “Alright,” said Chloe. “But (Y/N) and I are here.”

            “Forever,” said (Y/N), smiling. “Because family is the one thing that lasts forever.” They tapped his heart. “There.”

            “That was cheesy,” said Lucifer.

            “I try to be nice, and that’s what I get,” sighed (Y/N). Lucifer chuckled and hugged them from the side. Chloe shook her head in amusement.

            Flap! “Lucifer!”

            Lucifer groaned and turned around. It was Remiel.

            “Where is Father?” said Remiel.

            “Uh, excuse us, we were having a moment,” grumbled Lucifer.

            “Where is He?” repeated Remiel.

            “Gone. Retired. Eternally unavailable,” said Lucifer.

            “Did He name His successor?” said Remiel.

            “No, He said it was up to us to figure it out,” said Lucifer.

            “What’s the matter?” asked (Y/N).

            “Can we talk?” Remiel glanced at Chloe and (Y/N). “Without the child and human?”

            “No,” said Lucifer. “Whatever you want to say, you can say in front of both of them.”

            “So be it,” said Remiel distrustfully. “Upon returning to the Silver City, I discovered something alarming. Michael’s been gathering support from the others.”

            “Support for what?” said Chloe.

            “Don’t tell me…” groaned (Y/N), narrowing their eyes.

            “Michael wants to be God,” said Lucifer. “The sneaky bastard. I bet this was his plan all along.”

            The shadows around (Y/N) waved back and forth angrily as they shifted. They hated the idea.

            “If it’s up to our brothers and sisters, it looks like he has a good shot,” said Remiel. She paused. “Which is why, and I cannot believe I’m saying this…” She took a knee. “I am backing you, Lucifer. I may not like you, but I hate Michael even more.”

            It’s like the presidential elections, thought (Y/N).

            “Now there’s a ringing endorsement for my campaign poster,” said Lucifer, not disparaged by the slight insult.

            Remiel stood and nodded. “Michael would never suspect I’d take your side. So, I’ll find out what he’s up to.”

            “I think if I just get another chance to hit him we’d be fine. I’m like…3-0 against him. 4-0 if you count the family dinner,” said (Y/N).

            “The Apocalypse does not count as a win, you are not going close to him,” said Lucifer firmly.

            (Y/N) huffed. They really wanted another chance to hand Michael’s ass to him. They hadn’t gotten a proper chance after the Apocalypse.

            “Whatever Michael’s up to, it can’t be good,” said Chloe.

            “And knowing my brother, he won’t be wasting any time,” said Lucifer. “So, if anyone notices anything, let someone know immediately.”

            Chloe nodded.

            (Y/N) nodded firmly. Michael would not win. Not with them around.

Taglist:

@sammyscreencaps-13

@grippleback-galaxy-galaxy

@scarlettqueen190

@ziro-the-null-god

@sammy-13

@zeros-rot

@ceridwyn3

@technikerin23

@poetoflawed

@slytherinroyalty16

@ilse235

@theurbannoodle

@lookitseddie

@amberforest08

[naavispider]

hey! I've been following you for a while now and i just wanted to say that i absolutely love your writing and check your blog almost everyday 😔🙏🏻

anyways i was wondering if you'd write something fluffy where spider gets the hiccups while out in the forest with the recoms. He acts tough and tries to hide it, but the recoms take notice of course. They take turns suggesting increasingly ridiculous 'cures' (gulping down lots of water, holding your breath + spinning around etc) which don't work, to their amusement and spider's growing embarrassment, and Quaritch ends up having to step in as the Responsible Father before things get out of hand.

+10 for general recom dumbassery

+20 for a cute father-son moment between quaritch and spider

+30 if spider's hiccups actually go away! 🤭

-b

Hi b! Thanks for asking! Sorry it took me a while 💞

"Son of a-"

Spider's curse was drowned out by Wainfleet's booming laughter throughout the clearing.

"Something funny, Baldo?" Spider dared.

Wainfleet tried to dim his guffaws, but was only drawing more attention to himself from Zdog and Prager. "This kid, man!" Wainfleet chuckled, addressing the rest of the recom squad's curious and amused stares. "He's had the hiccups for the last twenty minutes and tried to hide it!"

Instantaneously, the watching recoms' faces burst into matching expressions of mirth.

"Aw, baby Spidey has the hiccups?" Zdog mocked.

Spider seethed. He had been trying to conceal them for this exact reason. He knew the squad would be jerks. He grit his teeth and turned around on the fallen tree trunk, facing out of the clearing and ignoring the squad.

"Hey, kid!" Lopez called. Spider didn't turn around. He knew he was being mocked. "I got a cure." Spider's ears perked up. He slowly twisted around to hear it.

"You gotta hold your breath," Lopez continued, walking over so he didn't have to shout, "and spin around ten times while looking at the sky."

"I'm not doing that, asshat!" Spider yelled. Did they think he was dumb?

Lopez looked offended. Fike stepped in. "It's true Spidey," he said. "Something about..." he looked at Ja, who was smirking from beside the fire. "Stretching your diaphragm! Right, Ja?"

Spider looked at the medic for his opinion. "That's correct," Ja admitted. "You do have to stretch your diaphragm..."

Lopez and Fike cheered, and Zdog had begun to laugh again. "Come on, Spider! Give it a go!"

Spider cussed them all in Na'vi, hating them for their stupid 'cures', but he really was feeling desperate. If he didn't embarrass himself by listening to their suggestions, the humiliation of them all listening to his hiccups would do the job anyway.

"Fine," he growled, getting up and taking a huge gulp of filtered air, throwing his head back to the sky and spinning. The recoms began to count him, and Spider knew they were doing so deliberately slowly.

"... seven, eight, nine, ten!" They cheered, and Spider stopped spinning, letting himself come to a wobbly standstill. The world spun in front of his eyes, and his legs suddenly felt like jelly. "Woah," he said, trying to find his balance as he stepped forwards.

The recoms roared with laughter as he faceplanted a mushroom.

"Shit," he cussed, struggling to get back to his feet and deciding to just sit down with his head between his knees. Only a few seconds later, the next hiccup came.

"You bastards!" he groaned, raising his head to glare at the squad, laughing like a pack of hyenas. Spider cast around, looking for Quaritch, but the Colonel must have been out looking for dinner or securing the perimeter.

"Alright, alright," Wainfleet snickered. "Have some of my water. Just take small gulps." He got up and passed the bottle to Spider, who took it after a second's hesitation.

"Wait, have you tried drinking upside down?" Zdog butted in.

"Upside down?" queried Ja, a skeptical look on his face.

Zdog's face was reminiscent and confident. "Oh yeah, my granny swore by it, bless her heart." Spider couldn't tell if she was being serious.

"Is that gonna-" another hiccup "-stretch my diaphragm, yeah?" Spider asked sarcastically, fed up of her already.

"It will!" she replied earnestly. "If you're constantly taking small gulps without pausing for air, it forces you to hold your breath and stretches your lungs out!

Spider hiccuped again, sealing the nail in his coffin. "How am I gonna drink upside down?" He asked. Seeing the glint in Zdog's eye, and the conspiratorial smirk between Lopez and Fike, he immediately sussed them out. "You are not holding me!"

"You're a right buzzkill, kid," Wainfleet murmured.

"I can do a handstand fine by myself," Spider ignored him. "But how am I gonna drink anything?"

Prager seemed to be two steps ahead of him, already pulling out a straw from one of the recom's gross nutrient shakes that came in cardboard cartons. "Voila."

"Jesus," Spider muttered, eyeing the straw and the devilish gleam in each recom's eye as they stared at him. "You know I'll have to take the mask off?" He hiccuped again, which only strengthened their resolve, making them even more insufferable.

Spider made up his mind. "If any of you dickwads touches me I swear to Eywa..." he warned them, approaching Prager and bringing the bottle with him. "I can only hold it for like, thirty seconds."

"I'm right here with the mask, whenever you give the word," Wainfleet assured him.

"Fuck. Am I really doing this?" Spider muttered to himself stupidly.

"Yeah, baby!" Cried Zdog, who had throughly enjoyed the whole saga, providing nothing but ill-timed sniggers throughout.

Spider got into position, ready to go into a handstand. He addressed Wainfleet. "Once I'm balanced, take the mask off." Hiccup. "When I say, put it back on and not a moment later, you got it? I don't fancy dying."

Prager spoke next. "And I'll hold the bottle up for you, so you don't need to use your hands."

Spider looked around at the group, who were clearly having the time of their lives over his suffering. "I hate every one of you," he muttered, before going down on his hands and pushing himself up into a handstand. He could hold one since he was five - it was just something he was good at. Funnily enough, no Na'vi he'd ever met was able to do it. He'd spent ages trying to teach Kiri and Lo'ak and even Tuk, but they just couldn't. It seemed his useless skill was finally coming in handy.

He waited for the next hiccup to pass, took a few deep breaths, then nodded at Wainfleet. "Okay, take the mask off."

Wainfleet did so, and Prager immediately moved the water within sipping distance of Spider's mouth. He began sipping small sips, without pausing for breath, just like Zdog had said, until-

"PUT YOUR MASK BACK ON!"

Spider immediately fell down from his handstand - somewhat gracefully - and took the mask back that Wainfleet was hurriedly handing out to him.

Quaritch was standing on the edge of the clearing, a yerik slung over his shoulders and staring at the group with murder in his eyes. He deposited the animal down by the fire and stormed across the grass. Spider pressed the seal on the exopack and cool air flowed back into his mask. He took a hesitant step back from the Colonel, the man's anger palpable.

"What do you think you're doing?!" He yelled, addressing the recoms, but mostly, Spider noticed, Wainfleet. Nobody answered. "Taking his mask off! ARE! YOU! INSANE!"

All noise had vanished from the clearing. Spider could have heard a pin drop. He didn't want to even shuffle his feet for fear of making too much noise. Quaritch's roars had rooted everybody in place in shock.

Quaritch looked directly at Spider. "Come here!" he demanded, and Spider hastily obeyed. "Sit down!" Quaritch barked, removing Spider from the line of bollocking. He continued to shout at the recom squad for what felt like half an hour, when in reality it couldn't have been any longer than a minute. He was so angry, even Spider knew better than to snigger at the looks of embarrassment on the recoms' faces. They looked like a line of children that had misbehaved at school.

When Quaritch had finished, he took a moment to catch his breath, then turned back to Spider. Spider automatically flinched away, but there was no need. The Colonel reached out a huge hand and placed it on Spider's shoulder. "You should know better, kid." His tone was feather light compared to the one he'd used on the squad. "What if you'd hiccuped without your mask on?"

Spider hadn't actually considered that. Until Quaritch had mentioned hiccuping, Spider had completely forgotten about it, and only now did he realise... it had worked.

"Sorry," Spider mumbled, only half sarcastically. He looked up and made eyes with Zdog over Quaritch's shoulder. Although the woman was thoroughly scolded, she still maintained that mischievous glint in her eye, and Spider knew in that moment that she was gloating.

She'd won.

Spider's hiccups had been cured.

[a-tiny-teez]

Behind the scenes

Yandere Director OC X Fem reader

Part 1

Warning : 18+ content,MDNI, age gap, yandere themes, kidnapping,power imbalance, implied non-con, slight slow burn, reader is in her mid twenties and yandere Director is in his late thirties.

1:34 AM

The sound of the clock ticking away could be heard as you continue to type away on the keyboard.The last few scenes of the work you've been working on are going to be completed and with new inspiration you continue . Pulling all nighters , dumping strong coffee in your system and an unhealthy amount of rest has been your life for the last six months.

The purrs of your beloved cat taking your attention for a slight bit was actually quite good for your eyes as looking at a screen for a long time strained your eyes heavily. You looked at your cat with a smile. “ Just a bit left baby ”.It wasn't that you had a deadline. It's just that you loved your work. Your friends often made jokes about your intense workaholic routine but you just laughed them off.

“ At this point you're gonna have to marry your own character” , your friend Becky said laughing.

“ Wouldn't be bad you know” ,you smirked at her and she shook her head with a smile.

Being a playwright was your dream that you accomplished just a few years ago. Doing part time jobs and studying were most of the things you did during your college days. So although you were completely new to this field of work , you have gained quite a good amount of fame. Some of your work has been appreciated by the audience and the rookie playwright of the year award was a great feat of accomplishment of your whole life.

Now back to present, with the last word typed away you save your work and then send it to your beta to recheck everything. Stretching your arms out you yawned and finally stood up. Going over to your kitchen and opening a cabinet you pulled out a microwave ramen and decided to settle for it tonight. You decided tomorrow you'd go grocery shopping as you shivered watching the sorry state of fridge. After a few minutes you had your ramen while watching the tv . There was nothing much going on the tv at this time so you settled for a documentary show that was being re-broadcasted.

Oh , it's him. You thought as you slurped on the noodles. Spicey just as you liked it. The documentary was about a famous film director. You had seen him a few times during award shows. He was one of the most successful directors of the time and all of his films were successful as he got the best director awards quite a few times. It must be fate now that you came across this because you were just thinking about sending him your work. You doubted it'd be accepted but still it's worth a shot. You gotta keep trying in this field of job.

Hoping you'd at least have your work checked by him you turned off the TV and dumped the trash in the garbage can. Then after cleaning up you went to bed to get the sleep you very much needed.

____________________

“ I've finished rechecking. It's all good to send. Be assured”, said your beta, Alan .

“Alright. Done” you said clicking the send button. Now if it's accepted you'd get to meet the director and it'll be made into a film. Your genre this time matched with the kind of works he worked on so you hoped your work will get at least the recognition.

“ Man I hope I'll get accepted”

“ Don't worry. I have a good feeling about this and you worked really hard on this so don't lose hope” , reassured Alan. You smiled at him and hoped for the best.

“You wanna get lunch ? My treat.” You asked.

“Why not? Can't say no to free food”, he sheepishly smiled.

Alan was like your little brother. He's been with you ever since your first work and over the time you two bonded as if he was family. He was still a student from your alma mater and he looked up to you a lot. You were happy to have him appreciate you cause there were times when you felt despair but he was the one who always helped you get through tough times.

After eating and bidding Alan goodbye you went to the grocery store. Walking towards the aisle you remembered what you needed and put them in the cart. A carton of milk, eggs, vegetables, sausages ,Nutella oh and you were about to run out of coffee so a jar of coffee. Okay , that's all from here . Then you bought some cooking spices and other necessities. Checking everything you went to the cashier. Paying for everything you went out the store and a cold breeze passed by making you shiver. October was ending and it was getting colder. You pulled your coat closer and loaded your car then drove away to home as you planned on making dinner and having hot chocolate later.

_____________________

2 days later

The sound of luminary playing in the background could be heard as you were cleaning out your closet and filling it with warm clothes. It was one of your favourite soundtracks. It was just so beautiful and gave you lots of ideas.

You remember the earlier phone call. You still couldn't believe it. Dominic Albero read your script and he wanted to have a meeting with you. His assistant called and made you aware about the appointment which is tomorrow night. You're so happy right now. You can't believe your work got recognized by THE director everyone wants to work with. You informed Alan about this and boy was he so enthralled with the situation. He wished you best of luck for tomorrow and you decided you'd celebrate with him if your work gets adapted tomorrow.

[carpememes]

Bluey Sentence Starters pt 1/?

“I slipped on ma' beans!”

“If your friend wants chippies, she's gotta pay for chippies."

“Dear child, embrace your father!”

"It's DAD!"

"That's not how grown ups work, kid." "But that's how kids work!"

"Ow! My back! My neck! My back and my neck!"

"Awh! After all I've done for this family."

"Probably get about five bucks for the pair of you."

"Don't worry about the sun! It's meant to be there."

"Can I help you?" "Wish you could, mate."

"What? How very dare you!"

"Ding ding ding! You lose!

"I am not dad. I am Magic Claw. Magic Claw has no children. His days are free and easy."

“Biscuits!”

"Obstacles do not block the path. They ARE the path."

“It’s less than ideal, but it’s still a win!”

“See, I know some stuff!”

“Hey, you always make me laugh.”

"I'm not taking advice from a cartoon dog."

"It's just monkey's singing songs, mate. Don't think too hard about it."

"Interesting plan. I know, how about this plan? I'll do what I want, and you don't tell me what to do."

“Ride Flamingo, RIIIIIDE!”

“I was saving that chippy...”

“Check out my big bum!”

“Who said you can have all that green stuff?”

“Hey Twinkle Toes, hurry up!”

“Would you mind keeping it down?”

“Is that an okay thing to want?”

“I can’t be happy with what I got when she has it better!”

“You can’t just get out of a helicopter in the middle of the sky!”

“...and the fridge doesn’t like me.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m doing this for my kid.”

“I LIKE STINKY!”

“Look, I just want us to use nice words so everyone thinks we’re a nice family.”

“But I’m much too scared to travel in the outside world!”

“Nooo! I wanna stay in my bad mood!”

“Who ate the mini cereal?”

“Hey no fair, I want a husband too!”

"If you want me to stay your wife, you'll learn about dishwashers."

“I'm veeeeeeeery busy.”

“If you keep being mean and greedy, then no one will want to be your friend!”

“Why would you want to watch some stinky baby have a shower?”

“There must be a reason why you’re being such a pickle tonight.”

“ YOU'RE MAKING ME LATE FOR WORK!”

“Why can’t you do what you’re told?”

"Whoa. I didn't think this through."

"It was the fairies!"

"Bed. Sleep. Now."

“You've still got it, babe.”

“I’m fine, just ignore this.”

“Ah, this is Heaven!”

“This changes everything.”

“Who wrote this?”

“I’m always here if you need me.”

“It’s everything we want.”

“Boring things are still important.”

“COCONUTS HAVE WATER IN THEM!!”

“Me want books for big boys.“

“Are you not entertained??”

“You’re doing great.”

“Is true love not forever?”

“IT’S DAD!”

"Ohhh, what's this? Some romance music?"

“Well, just make me more handsome - if that’s even possible.”

“Oh, tough crowd.”

"I demand you let me down this instant!"

"This is outrageous!"

"THERE'S LEAVES EVERYWHERE."

"Here come the grannies!"

"Boring things are still important."

"You sound like your dad."

"I don't have to. I'm special.

“Did you just eat a tick from your own hair?” 

“You’re a grub! You don’t brush your teeth, you don’t eat vegetables, and you don’t take showers. Grub.” 

“Hey toots! When are we gettin’ married?” 

 “You look like you’ve never cleaned your teeth, brushed your hair, or had a shower in your life.” 

 “Maybe self-improvement just isn’t for you.” 

 “Well, I must say, you really have cleaned yourself up. And I love your little bow tie.” 

“My life is a lie.” 

“’Someone’?! You’re a someone! I’m a... no one.” 

“You know what’s great about being no one? You’re everyone.” 

“I’ve been thinking. How can you be sure you’re not a puppet?” 

"I'M MAKING A SALAD!"

"You're both crazy."

"OOOH. Alright. That's it! We're not going to the park. We're just staying here then!"

"This is great. They're learning a lesson and we get the house cleaned."

"Don't just get the fun stuff. I mean the bag of stuff."

"You're really doing this?" "I think I have to."

"Feet ok. Arms ok. I think we're good!"

"Soo... Has the romance started yet?"

“I don’t feel like playing!”

“Hello, new husband!”

“Wow! Are you serious?”

"I do not have the energy for games today."

"She saw you dancing on her barbeque table."

“Is the whole world made of atoms?”

“How do you remove makeup?”

“Why would anyone like being in a bad mood?”

“DANCE MODE!”

"I peed on my foot."

"Welcome to middle age, kid."

“Don’t tell your mum.”

"This isn't legal anymore!"

"What. Was. That?"

“This is all my stuff from when I used to be cool!”

“Hello doctor lady, do you sell crutches?”

“If grownups grow from babies, and only grownups have babies, who had the first baby?”

"The thing is, I do this to myself."

"I have a wife!"

"Big brothers always beat little brothers."

"He stole our money!" "Well that's putting kind of a slant on it.."

"Didn't you fall in the pool at the wedding?"

“Me? I’m not brave enough.”

“I’m not special anymore!”

"You figured out how to avoid capture by the police."

“If you hit a flamingo, you’ve gone too far.”

“ Remember I'll always be here for you, even if you can't see me... because I love you.”

“I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!”

"Ladies, ladies. There's plenty to go around."

“Oh leave them alone! They’re just trying to run a small business!”

“How does the baby get in the lady’s belly?”

“You’ve still got it, babe.”

“That’s enough sinister plotting!”

"Me want books for big boys."

“We can edit that bit out right?”

“Oh, a massage! Why, thank you. A little lower. That’s the spot.” 

“Is your frizzy hair very heavy?” 

“I demand you let me down this instant!” 

[powerful-niya]

Out of Context WIPs

Omg! While I was on my break, I was tagged into this game by @sessakag @dayseternal-blog @chloelapomme @opttagoyeo and I'm just now doing it. Sorry!! I have NOT forgotten, haha!

I appreciate you all tagging me! It's heartwarming to know that you all consistently keep me in mind, and include me in these fun little activities. It means the world to me! 💕💕

Pick a bunch of your WIPs and summarize them as badly as possible, then ask your followers to vote on which one they'd be most likely to read. Multiple/all/none options are completely optional.

🤭🤭

The wips I'm listing are the few remaining one-shots I still plan to write for the past Nhmonth event: Nhmonth23. I've also included some prompts from the Nhmonth22 event that I still intend to write as well.

I've done my best to infuse humor into these snippets, though I must admit, most lean toward the smutty, angsty, or dark side, haha. The "out of context wips" could go either way—terribly bad, good, or downright goofy. Who knows? 🤷🏽‍♀️ You all are the judge!

These are just sooo stupid, lol. 😂🤭 I can't explain it, but these random snippets just popped into my head, and so, I didn't think anything further on them and just wrote them all down here. It was fun though!

Here's who I'm tagging (no pressure) @brwnsugcr @wickermayne @tjtheanimelover @opal-chan @inayasurya @naeverse 💕💕

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

Hi BeautifullyObsessed,

Having heard the recent news regarding RDJ and who he's going to be play in the MCU in what I am assuming is future films( Avengers???), I guess, I must admit to being beyond infuriated with the MCU at this point. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE RDJ, but why in the HELL does he get play a whole new character, whether said character be a variant/from another universe/whatever, yet Rachel McAdams, who I also adore immensely and utterly despise how Marvel has treated her(ex. attempting to throw away/disgard palmerstrange and Christine like nothing), can't be Clea/ a Christine variant that is Clea? Yet, RDJ gets to do essentially that himself. Why? What's the difference? If he can do so, shouldn't Rachel be able to be a vastly different character as well? It's just so unfair, not to mention makes zero sense to me whatsoever how one person gets to do something, yet someone else doesn't get to do essentially the exact same thing :@ Not the mention, they would have had me automatically invested in that ship had they allowed Rachel to play the character. I seriously loved the idea of her in that role, waaaaaaayyyyyyyyy more than I will ever like the idea of CT in the role( not at all fan of that casting personally).

Thanks for taking the time to give your thoughts xx!

Honestly, when you put the question as you have, Nonny, the first response that came to mind is that there's some not so subtle misogyny at play here (the same sort of misogyny that enabled the Russos to dismiss Natasha Romanoff as being of no future value to the franchise beyond 'Endgame'). Coupled with Feige/Marvel/Disney being both desperate and greedy for a way to return the MCU to its former glory.

RDJ's Ironman was the initial foundation stone of the MCU and remains a huge fan favorite five years after his death. So, of course, his return to Marvel in any form is going to fill theatre seats that have gone vacant in the past several years with films that have well under performed those of the MCU's glory days. That's gotta be a huge win for the financial health and popularity of the franchise. And as for Downey Jr, well, he doesn't need the work in particular, but consider first how playing Tony Stark revitalized his career and gave him a cadre of Actors that became as family to him; who wouldn’t want to work with those folks again? Second, he really treasured being Stark, he was the perfect embodiment of Stark, and he must surely expect the same fulfilling experience as Doom. I wish him all good things--while I hope like hell that Doom turns out to be a Variant of Stark; there's so much fantastic story potential (including adversarial interaction with my man Stephen) they'd be throwing away to not have it so!

But Rachel, though--she's been treated shamefully, and like an afterthought, despite the incredible onscreen chemistry she shared with Benedict. And in 'Multiverse of Madness', 616 Christine got the same brusque treatment courtesy of Waldr🤢n and his enablers Feige & Raimi. First, they put words in her mouth that denied her canon feelings for Stephen--'couldn't love you...', wtf!!!...

...then the last shot we got of her, she was irritated while watching Stephen try to save the city from a Monster, as though he was doing it to interrupt her wedding! You can bet your sweet bippy she would've been treated far better if Scott Derrickson had been at the helm (as would Stephen). But based on 838 Christine,

I would have whole-heartedly embraced Clea as a Christine Variant.

I've said as much about a dozen times. Clea is so much more than a badass queen in the comics. She is not only Stephen's student but fully comfortable in her femininity. Unafraid to be soft despite her toughness and the battles she has had to wage in the Dark Dimension. Frankly, the perfect feminine foil to Stephen's delicious brand of masculinity [my knees go briefly weak at the thought of him🥰❤️‍🔥🥰]. They are true Yin/Yang.

Again, the story potential would've been awesome. Imagine Stephen shocked to encounter a Christine so different than either one he knew. A tough, battle-hardened, brusque, even impatient woman, not at all like the Christine he loved. He doesn't even like this Clea--until he glimpses hints of unexpected yet familiar compassion and softness, which draw him in. Ugh. As a storyteller myself, the waste pisses me off.

Academy Award winner she may be, but what I saw in Charlize's brief appearance as Clea showed me that either Feige/Marvel/Disney doesn't get Clea's beautiful duality or they simply don't care. And surely didn't provide CT with any indication that Clea is way more complex than Badass Woman--and that Stephen DESERVES that so much more in his future wife and partner in the Mystic Arts.

Maybe it's just my perception, but replacing Rachel as they did (and it was very last minute I recall, in December 2021, near the end of photography; they created Charlize's makeup & costume design pretty much on the fly in like 48 hours), feels like they said 'Thanks Rachel, you've been swell, but the foundation we built with you isn't necessary anymore, we got us a statuesque, super duper A++Lister. Ta ta, kiddo.' Which infuriates me.

So yeah, in the end, I'm thinking the reason Rachel isn't playing Clea while RDJ is playing Doom? GREED AND MISOGYNY. And after how abused Stephen was in DS II (ie: ignoring his whole experience in living out 14 freaking million timelines and barely letting him mention Donna's death, the most formative experience of his young life), I'm not even looking forward to DS III (unless Benedict gets significant input, especially in story/writing, as he's said more than once that he wrote things for MoM & No Way Home). Charlize's Clea (thus far) doesn't bode well for what I would have loved to see in Cleaphen.

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 23

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note.

Warning for strong themes of suicide in this chapter because of Beth, and well, everything else.

Herschel left the farm all by himself while we was out.

As the sun sets behind the porch railing, Lori explains to Rick and Glenn that Beth's in shock — the thing I was in this morning. She tries to mutter it under her beath, but I hear just fine that she tried to kill herself by slicing her wrists up. Different to how Momma did it, but I know just about every way there is, and that's one of 'em. If I were Beth, I would'a just jumped out the window. Prolly would'a worked, but maybe she didn't want it to. Lori and Patricia found her just in time to save her. She's laid up in bed now, apparently still staring at the wall.

Rick keeps glancing at me throughout the whole conversation. I don't know why he's doin' it, but I wish he'd cut it out.

Herschel told us today he'd learnt what grit was, but I guess he ain't learned enough to deal with his daughter wantin' to die, 'cause he hopped in his truck and took a trip to town to get away from it all. Maggie begs the two of 'em to go bring him back, and they agree.

"You got any guesses where he might'a gone?" Rick asks, putting his hat back on. Always savin' people. "Parks, stores, houses?"

"Hatlin's." She answers unhappily. "Bar on main street. He practically lived there in his drinking days. If he's gone anywhere, it's there."

I can't imagine Herschel in a bar. My Daddy and Uncle Merle used to rot away in bars when they was angry or sad, but that was them.

Rick must be thinking the same thing. "I didn't take Herschel for a drinker."

"He gave it up the day I was born." She half-smiles. "Didn't even allow liquor in the house... But not anymore, I guess."

"I've seen the place." Glenn assures her, holding her shoulder and turning to Rick. "I can drive us there."

"Okay." Before they turn to leave, he murmurs to Lori, "Does Daryl know 'bout Beth yet?"

She shakes her head and glances at me, too.

He warns her, "Well, you're gonna want to. Harley's been havin' a tough go of it and I ain't sure how this is... gonna affect her."

She gives a look of understanding. "I'll go talk to him now."

When he comes down the steps, he crouches in front of me. He's got his Dad-face on, the one that's all nice and reassuring.

"Hey, you did good today." He tells me. "How 'boutchu go find Carl and read some comic books together or something for a while?"

"Alright." I lilt, watching him gently clap me on my shoulder before following Glenn down the path toward the cars.

But as soon as they're gone, I don't go find Carl. I take myself around the side of the house and slouch between two old barrels in the grass, hiding from everyone. I've gotten real good at swallowing down the need to cry, so that's what I do. At some point, the darn ringing returns.

I wish some little animal would cross paths with me, so I could take my knife out and stab it dead. That'd make me feel better.

Merle would smack me if he saw me like this. Don't cry, Harley. Don't cry. Been a long, long day, but you don't gotta cry.

The sun soon disappears under the earth.

"Sh, sh, sh. Baby, it's okay." The night is quiet, but our little tent is filled with my pent-up sobs. "It's okay."

I wish I could go to sleep like everyone else, but I can't. The day's finally caught up with me. Rick and Glenn still haven't returned, but the farm's been a mess without 'em all the same. Dad's been watching me like a hawk since Lori spoke with him, and dinner was spent in silence, and I been trying not to cry for hours. He keeps crooning the same thing to me over and over. It's okay. I hear that stupid lie every time things aren't okay. It don't get any more okay-er no matter how hard I bawl or scream into his shoulder, or wish with all my heart and all my body, right down to my toes, that I weren't such a little wuss. I wish Sophia was alive. I wish Shane made it to Fort Benning.

Seems I'm always hurting. If anyone asked me what I did best, I'd say this. Sometimes feels like all I was made for.

I did good faking my way through the day, but as soon as I laid my head down to go to sleep and realized that I couldn't no more 'cause of my ear, I finally broke. Can't shoot, can't hear, can't sleep. Everything, even the way I curl up at night, been stripped from me.

"It's not okay," I moan, hating that when I close my eyes, I can still see the things I don't wanna. "S'all wrong. It hurts."

"I know it does, chicken. But I'm 'ere. I'm always here." He murmurs into my hair, holding me even tighter to his chest. "Just get it all out."

I wanna tell him I can't, it don't work that way. If you could cry yer sadness out, I would'a lost all mine by now. But he already knows. Just like me, he's made up of sadness. Most people say we're alike 'cause our matching scowls, our little moles. But more than anythin', it's that.

I don't think I've ever been this type of angry before. There's just nowhere to put it. There's no-one to blame. It's just inside me. And I think it'll be there forever, like my bones are. There's no use being sour at Rick or Dad for killin' Shane. You can't get mad at people when there's no right or wrong to it, when they was just doin' what needed to be done. Shane was crazy, we've always said it. He done so many things he shouldn't have. No, I ain't mad at them for that. Or at Glenn, or T, or Andrea for helping 'em. Not at the bullet that shot my ear off, not at the Greenes' God for takin' all my friends away. I'm just angry at being alive.

"He said it was gonna be d-different this time." He said a whole bunch'a things, but that one I remember. "Daddy, I want it t'be different."

"It will be, baby. It will. I'mma keep you safe with everythin' I got, okay?" At least that one's not a lie. "You know that."

"But I'on care about me." I pull back, my fingers twisted in his tank top. "It's everyone else that's dead. It's Shane and Sophia a-and Momma and Merle and Morales and prolly Meemaw and Kyle and my cousins. I'm sick of it! Ain't no point in movin' on if people gonna keep dyin'!"

"Don't talk like that, Harley Dixon." He gently scolds, brows twitching into a frown. "Don'tchu ever. There is a point."

Well, I don't get it no more. "I ca-an't even sleep properly, Dad."

"Well, let's just try again. You can lay on yer other side." He offers. "Dad'll read you another story, huh? Or you want me to sing again?"

"No." I croak miserably. I don't want a story. I don't even want a song. "Even if I go to sleep, t-that's ruined, too. I get nightmares. And when I wake up, it's the same thing all over again. Eatin' scraps and cryin' and takin' ringing meds just for somethin' else bad to happen."

"That's the way life is, Harley." He tells me, a little stricter this time. "I can't change it any more than you can. People die—"

"People mourn," I quote him with a roll of my wet eyes, "Life moves on. I heard."

"Stop it." He don't like that I mocked him, not one bit. Not when it comes to this. "It's true. We move on. We keep livin'."

"Well, maybe I don't wanna. Maybe I'm done."

Herschel says I got a thing called grit. Dad says I'm his brave girl. Carl thinks I'm some sorta badass, but really I'm just a nasty, broken little thing called Harley Dixon. I don't wanna keep living if living's full of death. Maybe it's better the other way. Beth thinks so. Momma sure did, too. I never got to ask her if it worked out like she wanted and got all her sadness taken away, but I like to think it did. I like to think there's no bad things where she is, only good and happy things. She ain't watched Shane die. She ain't stood at Sophia's grave. She ain't hurtin'.

"Little girl," Dad's voice is thin and shaky like a whisper, but also very, very, very angry. "I know you ain't just said that."

I stare right back at him through my tears without a word, 'cause I did say that. Not to hurt him, but because it's the truth.

He slowly starts shaking his head. "Nah, I ain't raised you this way. I ain't raised a girl that gives up."

My wobbly frown deepens. "So that's what Momma was, then? She was weak?"

"Yes. Weak an' stupid." He says unapologetically. "And I won't have you talkin' like her. Over my dead body, girl, I won't have it."

"And how's that?" I challenge him. "You gonna make Sophia come back? You gonna fix my ear? You gonna make Shane—?"

"Weren't me that did that, Harley. Weren't Rick, weren't nobody but himse—"

"—Come back? You gonna kiss it all better and sing a song?" I taunt, shouting in his face, "They're all dead!"

"I know they are." He argues, taking a moment to suck in a breath. "I'm sorry I ain't find Sophia. I'm sorry 'boutcher ear. I'm sorry you're hurtin' and I can't do nothin' about it, but this type'a talk ain't what's gonna help you, Harley. It's bein' strong. You gotta be stronger."

"But I ain't," I tell him, and the tears are back now, streaming down my face, 'cause I'm right. I ain't strong. "I'm just nothin'."

"You're my little girl, is whatchu are." He says sternly, voice cracking. "I love you more'un anythin'. How you think hearin' that makes me feel?"

Probably makes him see the little traces of Momma on my face. Makes him feel like he's failing the same woman twice.

But I'm just so tired, and I just don't care. "I'on care how it makes you feel, Daddy. I'on care 'bout nothin' anymore."

Being empty must be worse than being full of somethin' like anger, 'cause this is the thing that really gets to him. Under his pair of twisted brows, his sharp eyes start to well up, his mouth curls into a sneer. The crickets outside chirp happily either way, dutifully filling the silence that comes. For the first time, I think my Dad is wrong about something. There is no point in moving on. Bein' strong, that's a waste. Shane said we deserve for things to go differently, go better in some way that ain't so cruel, but it didn't. It won't.

"You're fuckin' scarin' me, Harley." He utters thinly. "You ain't never talked like this."

I know. I ain't never stayed down after a hit, but I been strong for so long, I think it's just ran out.

I don't answer him. Instead I confess quietly, "I think I wanna go sleep in somebody else's tent tonight, Dad."

I need out this stuffy tent. If I could sleep alone in a hole somewhere, I would. I'm done arguing. And he's done, too. He wordlessly slides me off his lap and helps me gather my bedding, trying his best not to tear up more than he already is, muttering to himself, swiping at his eyes. He leads me back to main camp, where all the lamps are shut off and the fire pits are smoking. The night air cools my hot, red cheeks. 

He taps his knuckles onto a crate just outside the Grimes' tent, and before he even steps back, there's shuffling inside.

The zipper peels back, revealing Lori's sleepy, moon-lit face. She takes us in with a confused look. "Daryl? What are you doing over here?"

"Listen, I'm sorry for wakin' ya." He murmurs, putting on a level voice. "Came to ask you if... Harley can bunk with you guys tonight."

"Uh, sure." She agrees kindly, encouraging me to step inside by my shoulder, taking my sleeping bag from Dad. "Everything alright?"

"No." He answers gruffly. No point in lying. He don't give up anything else, and she don't pry. He places a kiss to my hair. "Night, chicken."

"Night, Dad." I force myself to say back, 'cause I'm grateful he ain't just kept me stuck in our tent, and that he really listened.

As he gives me one last glance and then leaves, Lori zips the tent up and lays my bedding down next to hers and Rick's. Carl snoozes away in the corner, an open comic book splayed out over his chest. I bet Lori knows what's the matter with me. Rick saw that thousand-yard stare I had after they killed Shane, knows how I been hating myself. He no doubt told her everything. But she's too nice to say anything.

"Here, sweetie." She takes my lumpy pillow and sets it down. I wiggle into the sleeping bag. "Comfy?"

I give a nod, even though laying on my back feels real strange and I don't got Matilda anymore.

She smiles blearily and crawls back under the covers. "Wake me up if you need anything."

And that's that. I stare up at the sky through the Grimes' tent, counting the stars through the black mesh until I fall asleep.

Sometime during the night, I bolt awake, sweating, crying, confused. Shane, I couldn't save him. I watched him die. Again. A gunshot, blood, shouting, dying, searing pain and a dog tag dangling from a broken mirror. Darkness, and then two little hands on my shoulders, shaking me. A boyish, worried voice telling me, hey, it's just a nightmare. I cling to them. Carl. He's here. I don't think before I let him hug me. I sniffle into his neck as he pets the soft spot between my shoulder blades like his Momma and Daddy do when he's upset.

"It was him again," I shudder. "Shane. I miss him. I miss all of 'em."

Life moves on, Daddy said. But how's it that mine ain't? When's that moving part happen?

"Me, too." His arms tighten around me as much as a boy's can. "You're allowed."

After that, I remember the sound of blankets shuffling, a flashlight clicking on, a comic book being quietly read to me. I remember my eyes closing, heart slowing, and I remember thinking he's gonna be the best big brother one day. In a way, he already is.

The next morning, my eyes flutter open to the sight of a quiet, empty tent. By some miracle, I must've slept in a little. I hear the fire crackling away outside, the clinking of spoons on bowls, muffled conversation. After taking a minute to yawn and stretch, I crawl out the tent.

"Ah, there she is." As I round the camping chairs, Dale sends me a warm smile. I take the seat next to him. "Just in time for breakfast."

I glance up at the second storey of the farmhouse, imagining Beth behind one of those pretty windows. I wonder how she feels about waking up this morning. I know I'm exhausted, and all I've done is open my eyes. Another day of eating scraps, crying, and taking pills. Ironically enough, Lori interrupts my spacing out by holding out two little white capsules and a water bottle to me. She's speaking, but I'm not hearing her. I throw both pills back and wash 'em down so I don't gotta look at 'em any longer. I hate that my body can't work on its own anymore.

"Harley." Lori's voice comes quick and sharp this time, startling me. "Are you listening?"

I glare up at her. She's standing so close to me that I don't know how I couldn't hear what she said the first time. "Huh?"

She looks at me like I've done something strange. "I said, 'You can't take those on an empty stomach'. Are you hungry?"

"Oh. Yeah." Now everyone's lookin' at me like that. I reach under my hair and nervously tug on my ear as she turns and fills a bowl with the creamy soup cooking over the fire. I've never not been able to catch what someone's saying like that. She hands the food to me. "Thanks."

As conversation picks up again, I struggle to pin certain words being said, especially when they're from Andrea, who's sitting the furthest from me, and Lori, on my left. S'like half the world's gone silent, and the other half's just a high-pitch squeal. God, it's makin' me mad. I claw at my ear again, as if there's somethin' stuck in there, like a wad of earwax or a cork, but there ain't nothin' in there but the ringing.

A scary thought crosses my mind. If you can't hear for no good reason, that means you're deaf. I can't be deaf.

When Andrea looks directly at me and says something that I think's meant to be a joke, I snap back, "I can't fuckin' hear you, Andrea."

Her smile drops pretty fast, but I don't feel bad. I feel frightened. To my surprise, I don't get told by anyone to mind my language.

Lori just looks at me all pitiful-like and hesitates to guess, "Is it the ringing?" 

I'm tired of hearing about the ringing almost as much as I'm tired of hearing the ringing itself. "It ain't the damn— I just can't hear proper."

She glances side-long at Dale. "Herschel did say..."

He sighs, looking a little stressed, before scooting his chair closer to mine and clicking his fingers on my right ear. "What about that?"

It sounds like a far-away thud, thud, thud, where it should actually sound like a snap, snap, snap.

"S'dull." I mutter unconfidently. 

He moves to my left ear. This time, there isn't even any thud, thud, thud at all. It's just silence.

When I say nothing, he leans back. "I'm no doctor, but... It seems very obvious to me."

I'm not a doctor neither, and neither is Lori or T or Andrea or Carl, but it's all rather obvious to us, too. I can tell, 'cause they're all lookin' pretty uncomfortable, like this discovery has already ruined the rest of my life as I'm just sitting here. I'm losing hearing in my left ear. That's what it is. As soon as Dad mentioned my hearing to Herschel, and when it got worse at shooting practice, I was scared this would happen.

Ain't nobody shocked. I was never gonna walk away from a gunshot to the side of the head with all my hearing intact.

I guess whenever somebody talks, I'll just have to try reading their lips.

"I had a teacher who was deaf." Carl offers this up like it means anything. "She was really nice and smart. Everyone liked her."

I almost feel like scoffing at him, Wow, thanks so much, Carl. You've cured me.

"It's really nothing." Lori's quick to reassure me, covering for his shitty attempt. "Hundreds of people live like this and they still thrive."

"Hell, I think I'm going deaf sometimes, too." Dale jokes. "And I'd say I'm doing alright, wouldn't you?"

"Sure, Dale." I try to chuckle, staring down at my cold soup.

Nobody mentions the fact that having sharp senses is what keeps you alive nowadays. If a walker sneaks up on me, I won't hear it.

It's then that Dad walks into camp, looking nearly as tired as I feel. He mutters a good morning to everyone, and Lori reluctantly stands to go collect my bedding for him. I waste no time hopping out my seat and going over to hug him, locking my arms around his neck as he kneels to hold me close. I said a whole lotta things last night, and so did he, but I don't think either of us is angry at the other over it. We can read each other well enough to know. He kisses my cheek before pulling back and taking my things from Lori.

Clearing his throat like he does when he might cry, he asks me, "You sleep well, chicken?"

Instead of answering, I just hug his waist and Lori changes the subject. "Daryl, just a heads up. That thing Herschel spoke about..."

"Damn it." He sighs when what she's implying clicks. He reaches down to soothingly pet my hair. "And they still ain't back, are they?"

"No. But we both know Harley and Beth are... in some type of way. We need him."

"And y'all want me to go and fetch him, huh?" He guesses, taking a long moment to consider. Then, "Y'all be grateful you been good to me."

"Thank you, Daryl." She exclaims. "Thank you. We've always been able rely on you."

He scoffs. "Maybe not always."

"Well, enough." She smiles. "They said they were headed to a bar in town called Hatlin's. I think you'll wanna head there first."

"There even gonna be anythin' he can do?" He mumbles so I can barely make it out. "I mean, the guy ain't David Copperfield."

"Well, in the old world, I might've suggested trying out a hearing aid, but now... I'm not so sure."

He grunts. "Them things need batteries, don't they?"

"I think so, but not any standard ones we'd have. You're thinking of finding one, aren't you?"

"I'd turn the whole fuckin' country upside down to get her one, if it's what she needs." He says. "Maybe some old dead guy's wonderin' around with his. Maybe I find one in a doctor's office. Either way, ain't no bill attached to 'em these days and if there's one out there, I'll find it."

She admires the determination in his eyes, lips twitching into a smile. "Rick will help you. I know he will."

"Best I go find officer goody-two-shoes and company, then." He agrees. "Look after my girl for me."

She nods. "That goes without saying."

"I love you, baby." He tells me, which is how I know I done messed up. Takes a lot for him to randomly tell me he loves me, and I guess all that talk last night about giving up was enough. He even places another kiss to my cheek, pinching it after. "I'll see you later."

"I'm sorry, Dad." I mutter.

"I know." He understands I can't help what's happening to me, or how I feel. "I'm gonna get whatchu you need. It's gonna be alright."

I'm not quite sure what I need, but at least the adults seem to know. At least some part of me can be saved.

After he leaves to put my bedding back in our camp, I climb back into my seat and watch the blue truck bumble down the drive and eventually, through the trees. Dale encourages me to finish off my soup in that annoying way my Dad always does, but I only eat a spoonful or two before my stomach shrivels distastefully and he tells me I've tried enough for this morning, so I take to curling up and staring at the fire.

I know if Shane was alive to see what he did to me, he'd be that word Lori likes to say, appalled. He never wanted to hurt me.

A hearing aid. It's one of them things I've never had to think about until now. If I had to go back a couple months and tell seven-year-old Harley, with her long, straight hair and chubby cheeks and bright, green eyes, that I look like a boy, got half an ear, and need a hearing aid, I think she'd hit me upside the head for being a liar. But I know now that you gotta be ready for anythin', like dead people in barns and a last-minute gunshot, and now, I guess, the need for a hearing aid. I have to try squash that feeling of shame. It ain't good for me, but it's always there.

I almost make myself chuckle imagining Carl tryna make being half-deaf badass. He's so relentlessly supportive. They all are.

It's too bad, then, that I still feel this way. This numb and hollowed out, alive but-also-dead way.

The way Carol must feel, and maybe the way Dad felt after Momma died.

"Thank you." Maggie tells Lori and Jacqui in the kitchen, as I stand in front of the fireplace in the next room over. "This is nice of y'all."

I see what Glenn was talkin' about now, about Maggie's great grandfather lookin' like a bald Georgie Washington. He's sitting all proper and important-like inside a photo frame on the mantle, like all people from forever ago do. But there's also newer photos, ones with color, like Maggie and Beth as little girls, posing with horse riding trophies and smiling together at old Thanksgivings and Christmases. I feel happy just looking at them. Baby photos, kind-looking people, school photos. We never knew the Greenes before, but I feel like now I might.

"We just thought you could use some help." Lori replies. "It's been a difficult time for all of us, especially Harley and Beth."

"I appreciate it. Sharin' your supplies, that means a lot these days. You wouldn't mind helpin' me toss it all together will you?"

"Not at all." Jacqui pokes her head around the arch and calls out, "Harley, you wanna come help Maggie finish cooking?"

With a little flinch, I turn to face the three women, remembering why we came here in the first place. We had some tinned vegetables and whatever else left over from breakfast, and Lori thought we'd offer them to Maggie, who's in the middle of cooking a meal for Beth.

"I guess." I hum as I head into the kitchen. It ain't like I got anything better to do. "What're you makin'?"

"Potato soup." Maggie pulls a few bowls from the worn cabinets with a smile. "Well, veggie soup, now."

"Hopefully Beth will feel a little better after a warm breakfast." Lori muses. "It always helped me."

All their words are muffled, as if I'm underwater and they aren't, but I can still just about make out what they're saying.

When Maggie places the bowls on the counter and sees me peering over the ledge, she chuckles. "Let me grab you a stool, huh?"

She grabs a mini wooden step-ladder leaning against the pantry, pulls it open, and sets it down for me. I step onto the lowest rung. She fills a bowl with water from the faucet and slides it in front of me, instructing me to how to rinse off the fat, muddy potatoes and lay them on the dry rag afterwards. It's an easy, mindless task. I get to work while they start slicing up the vegetables and opening the tins. 

As Maggie scrapes carrot into the pot, she jokes, "I been makin' so much soup recently I think I forgot how to make anything else."

"Good thing we've taken a liking, then." Jacqui smiles. "I've never tasted a tater soup good as y'all Greenes'. You know your stuff."

Feels like I'm back at the quarry again, helping prepare our next meal from whatever scraps we had, listening to the women gossip.

"Pssh. I'm tellin' you, as kids, Beth and I loathed the day Wednesday came around and Momma'd make her famous potato soup." She scoffs, grinning at old memories. "She always put too much salt in, said it was good for us. But all it was good for was makin' us barf."

Lori makes a sassy face. "I'm taking it the recipe's been tweaked a little since then."

Maggie smirks. "Wouldn't be eatin' it if it hadn't."

"Must've been nice, growing up with food on the table that's straight from your garden."

"Yeah, it was. Fresh peaches and apples to take to school, home-made bread and the like. We've always lived this way."

"Pretty perfect, if you ask me." Jacqui agrees. "Me and my fiancé were always eatin' take away all the time. God, I miss it sometimes."

"A nice greasy burger sounds so good right now." Lori moans, like she can almost taste it. "Oh, and some curly fries on the side."

They all laugh. It's a little funny. I remember her back in the beginning, braggin' about how her family never ate fast food. Now look at her.

As the conversation drifts to more boring things, I find myself thinking about Beth again. We sure grew up different, but we got broken the same way, at the same time. We clearly been thinking about the same things. She was just brave enough to actually pick up a knife and do something about it. I wonder if she knows now her Momma and step-brother been dead a long time, that they weren't sick at all, and were just bodies needed mourning. The Greenes were a little late to that, but it's like Meemaw used to say, better late than never.

I wonder if Beth regrets what she did. She could be dead right now, in a mound of dirt right next to her Momma.

When I was littler, I used to think Dad could read my mind when I was thinkin' unsavoury things like this, and that he'd give me in trouble right away. I thought that's how it worked with adults and kids, but it ain't. I can think whatever I want and it's safe inside my head.

The potatoes get peeled and diced and thrown into the soup like everything else, and then my new job is to help wash dishes.

When we're down to the last few, Maggie says I should take the bowl of soup up to Beth, 'cause they've got this handled.

"Sure." I agree before hopping down, wondering why my heart's beating so fast all of a sudden.

The door to Beth's bedroom creaks open.

I don't bother waiting for her to give me permission to come in. I just creep in all on my own, because from what I've heard, she hasn't talked all day. Her room is exactly like I would'a guessed. Like something out a trendy teenager's magazine, with a nice white desk covered in perfume bottles and hair clips and crumpled paper and books, blonde pop star posters stuck to the walls, a fluffy, cutesy rug, a teddy bear thrown on the lounge chair sitting by the window. Even the Mp3 player Maggie was telling me about, laying forgotten on the floor.

I carefully set the hot bowl on her nightstand, but something keeps me curious, and I don't turn to leave just yet.

Beth's staring at the wall like they said. Not out the window or anything. Just at the wall. I can't imagine her humming sweetly and letting me borrow one of her shirts, giggling at something I said from the other side of the bathroom door. She looks like a totally different girl.

"I went into shock too, yesterday." I randomly muse. "Or at least that's what Rick said. He's the one with the cowboy hat."

I think I might still be in shock. I'm talking and walking around, but inside, I feel like whatever statue Beth's turned into.

"I ain't sure if anyone's told you about it, but you prolly heard the screamin'. The man my Daddy stabbed, Shane, he took me away. We got pretty far. Sometimes I think about what would'a happened if we got even further, but... he was meant to die. Some people just are."

At that, she breaks her gaze away from that spot on the wall and looks me right in the eye. "Do you think I'm one of those people?"

"I... I ain't smart enough to know." I say honestly, before an awkward pause takes over. "'Cause I was only in grade two, y'know."

Carl seemed to find that funny when I first told him, but Beth just looks uninterested.

"And you?" She hides her bandaged wrists under the covers when she catches me looking. "What're you meant for? Dyin', or somethin' else?"

"I think, um... All I'm meant for is suckin' up hurt." I confess. "Like, there's all this bad in the world, and when there's nobody left for it to go to, it goes to me. Maybe I'm just unlucky. Maybe I done somethin' wrong. That's how life is, my Daddy says. So if that's the 'something else', I think I'd rather just be the type meant for dyin'. That's what my Momma did. She was in pain, and then one day... She wasn't."

"She killed herself," Beth says as fact.

"Yeah." I mutter, feeling the weight of the locket crush down on my chest as I take a seat on the edge of the bed. "She did."

"Was she the sort meant for dyin'?"

"No. She weren't." That much, I'm sure of. "She was just meant to be my Momma."

Beth's pretty eyes gloss over as she says very dully, "Our Mom's dead, too. Right before I thought I was about to die, I imagined what she'd think of me when we'd meet in heaven. She'd be ashamed, I know. Somehow, that was so much worse than the thought of going to Hell."

"Well, maybe your God made sure you didn't die." I guess, hoping it's comforting. "Maybe he wants you to live for everybody else."

A tear beads up on her waterline before sliding down her pale cheek. "I just don't know what to do. I think I'm ashamed, too."

"My Dad says you just gotta be stronger, but I don't know how." I wish I did. "I'm sorry. I'd tell you if I did."

"It's okay." With a sniff, she sends me a tiny smile. "You know, you're kind. I can just tell."

That makes me smile back. Something about my rugged hair, my mean face, my missing ear must still be soft like it was before.

Author's Note.

Sorry for the longer than usual wait between chapters! I've been dealing with intense writer's block recently so it just took me a while to get this out, but I'm pushing through!

I hope you're ready for a familiar face to return next chapter! ;)

PS. I wanted to thank you all for the touching dms and messages I've received recently, both on here and on ao3. It's still so mind blowing to me that there are so many people out there who hold a special place in their heart for this story just like I do. I'm so grateful for you all :) 💙

[pleasedontgethurt]

// *peeks shyly*

Uh... hi?

How's everyone doing? :D

Not back or anything, just lurking and looking around and wondering why it is so empty here. Has everyone left? (I hope not)

But yeah, as for me, life's kind of caught up with me. Gotten into other interests. Moved a couple of times, got a couple new nieces so 4 nephlings in total now :3

Also had a new job, some new hobbies, and doing a lot of volunteer work. It's nice.

On a less nice tone, sadly the older one of my cats had to be put down a few months ago due to a myriad of old age related health issues that weren't going to get any better and there was only so much you can do to alleviate the symptoms. She did make it past 17 years though so it's not all bad. Been considering about getting a new kitten, but we'll see.

On the positive side, my health has improved by a lot over time, in some areas. Such as, I can eat a lot of the stuff again I wasn't able to for the longest time. I no longer need constant stomach medicine. But it turns out I have some allergies so I just gotta be mindful about those.

Also mentally I feel I'm doing considerably better than I used to. Probably can't say I'm 100% healthy but the majority I feel is behind me. Just finished up reading some of my older posts from years ago and I must say I can't even begin to describe how messed up I was back then. I want to formally apologize to everyone about how I behaved back then. I can see now how a lot of the stuff that I said came out very wrong and probably wasn't very healthy.

But reading those, I also discovered something interesting. Remember when I used to say I was so exhausted I had trouble breathing? Well, turns out I had ASTHMA. Don't remember if I mentioned about that here. But yeah, ever since I got appropriate meds for that and especially since I moved out and found an apartment that doesn't have issues with the air quality as much, I've been feeling much better, both mentally and physically. Not perfect, but a lot better.

But yeah, decided to just drop in and say a quick hello in case anyone wondered where I was.

Can't promise I will be active here again. Turns out taking a long break from Tumblr was needed to help regain my mental health back in a better shape. But I might pop by from time to time.

Anyway. I hope you're all doing okay and that everything will be okay with whatever might be going on with you. It's been a tough few years for many, I imagine. If you see this, I'd love to hear from you.

[antiquatedsimmer]

"Holy Cats! Extra! Extra! Billions Lost in Stock Market Crash!"

The year is 1929, and your Sim finds themselves among the countless affected by the devastating aftermath of the stock market crash. With nothing left but shattered dreams, they must now begin anew!

No job, no home, and worst of all, NO MONEY :(

The goal of this Mini Decades challenge is to get your sims to build, live and have raised a family in a happy home by the beginning of world war 2. The great depression was considered over by the start of the 1940s

I didn't invent the Rags to Riches challenge or the Decades Challenge rules. I'm just sharing a slightly tweaked challenge I've been enjoying and thought others might like too :)

*currently working on a random encounter table to make this version a bit more unique

My Guide Below:

I am following these guides with basic tweaks

Rags2Riches Challenge

Decades Challenge, Follow the 1930s Rules

BAISCS OF THE CHALLENGE & MADATORY RULES

• You must follow technological limitations of that Era.

• No Cheats or Mods made to make the challenge easier allowed.

Being this is a Decades inspired Challenge the use of CC & mods for realism involving historical gameplay is fine. At the end of the day the point is to have fun!

• Choose your sims age & lifespan.

Whether your sim had a family & children prior to the crash is entirely up to you!

• Sleep in a public area or a friends home if you do not own a bed.

Historical Tweak:

During the Great Depression, the prevalence of "slums" or homeless encampments surged due to the housing crisis that plagued people in the early 1930s.

If you opt to invite Sims into your household, take on roommates, or utilize the FOR RENT Landlord ability to rent out beds, you can do so. However, it is imperative that you secure the necessary funds to construct housing for these new Sims.

• You may eat/ make dishes using public spaces or a friends home, however taking food with you is not allowed.

Historical Tweak:

In the tough times of the Great Depression, families were really struggling, which means your Sims' neighbors might not have much food to spare.

If your Sim wants to hit up a neighbor's kitchen for a meal, they gotta flip a coin:

Heads - They can grab a quick meal from the fridge.

Tails - Sorry, no luck. Time to try somewhere else.

So, your Sim might resort to begging if they are unable to feed themselves But hey, it could lead to some interesting stories and maybe even some new pals along the way.

• No selling through household inventory

• No selling through Plopsy - no internet in 1929

• No selling through Retail job due to the unemployment crisis, if you can afford to purchase a retail lot however you may open a retail business.

• You CAN sell items through the Food Stand or Market tables.

●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●

GOALS OF THE CHALLENGE

Build a home:

• At least 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room, a study ( with a type writer if u have historical CC ), and a outdoor garden area.

MANDATORY STEPS FOR BUILDING A HOME:

In order to build a home you must have completed these steps:

• Reach level 7 Handiness and level 5 gardening before you begin building or placing items outside.

• Have 1 Bedroom with bed, a bathroom with toilet and shower, a living room and kitchen area.

• you must own at least one of these: Fridge or Icebox, sink, stove, stove, counter, table, chair, and couch.

• A blueprint for your house cost $500

HAVE A FAMILY

Find love, and have the opportunity to raise a family despite the hardships of the great depression!

• Get married

• Become a grandparent

MANDATORY STEPS FOR STARTING A FAMILY:

due to the affects of the great depression I feel like it would be unreasonable to expect a FULL HOUSE BUILT before you can start a family, so instead I'm tweaking that a bit.

You don't need a HUGE MANSION by the end of the challenge but a decent house should be expected. the point it escape being forced to live in a shack.

• For every new Sim joining the household, you must ensure there is a dedicated room to accommodate them. This room must be equipped with basic necessities, including a bed, access to a bathroom, and sufficient funds and food to sustain them.

• Max Toddler Skills

• A Child must complete one of the options before becoming a teen:

Reach level 5 in 2 skills with perfect grades or reach level 10 in any skills.

• Teens must complete one of these option before becoming a young adult

Reach level 5 in 2 skills & a part time job or reach level 10 in 2 skills.

• Host a wedding every time a pair of sims get married.

ASPIRATIONS:

• Complete at least one aspiration for your sim and it's spouse

• Complete an Aspiration for each of your sims children.

[speakofcompersion]

6, 7, 15, 19, 22, 23

omg hello @cut-catches <33

i hope my answers are interesting, thanks for playing!! :))

6. how long have you been into kpop?

so, so long my goodness.. since 2006, when i was in the 6th grade i think? Was super big into TVXQ at the time (big heartbreak when they broke up, let me tell you). a friend from school introduced me right before they moved away and i've been stuck here ever since (i say this lovingly ofc)

7. which song introduced you to kpop?

i think... my friend played me Super Junior's "Happiness" first? but also showed me Big Bang, which must have been their earliest releases given their debut was around i believe

15. your favourite hairstyle on your bias?

oh dear.. this is tough. Gotta do all of shinee, ofc + i probably have some pretty predictable answers, but here we go:

jjong: pretty pink haired babe, and there's nothing that tops that <3

taem: nothing beats just plain black hair to me, but i also love the long hair from Sherlock era. I know he hated it sooo bad, but i didn't :')

key: that cute rainbow buzzcut <3333 yes.

onew: i also LOVE long hair on him. The rock of ages one, but especially that recent photo shoot (this one: x) had me tumbling head over heals

minho: just.. classic black <3 but i love when it's less quaffed, a bit curly? :)

19. All time favourite kpop songs?

this is too hard i question, i fear. very sorry lol. To be honest, i tend to prefer groups with b-sides that outshine their title tracks, so i'll just put the groups i prefer best: Shinee, Twice, StayC, old school TVXQ, XG, Red Velvet, Kara, and many more. I'm sorry i'm in too deep to answer this

22. your favourite concepts?

Taemin. Truly his career has what i would call an actual thesis to it, developed and thought out in a way that i haven't really seen matched elsewhere. The king of concept. He has also stayed true to his root, which i can't appreciate enough.

And i guess that fun, bubble gum pop that Twice and StayC do really well! Kpop helps me release my stress, so i'm partial to things that make me want to dance

23. your favourite choreagraphies?

For Shinee, it's Sherlock, Replay and View my beloveds. They're just so iconic to me; all of Taemin's, but special shoutout to choreo's Koharu worked on and Black Rose (cause she's so visually stunning to me); Twice Fancy (they have such good formations and they're so clean with it <3); TVXQ Mirotic; the GODLY Stay Tonight choreo from Chungha (god, she lives in my mind constantly); ..etc

Thank you <3 this was a lot of fun. Hope you enjoyed my answers

[taylor-on-your-dash]

11 Questions With Taylor Swift (The Boot - Nov 5, 2007)

At the ripe old age of 17, Taylor Swift is already in the country music history books. She's the only female solo artist ever to write or co-write every song on a platinum-selling debut album. And though the songwriting prodigy is hard at work on her second album, she isn't quite ready to put the CD that's earned her numerous accolades to rest. Swift recently sat down with us to talk about beefing up her eponymous debut. And in true teenage fashion, we also gab about boys, high school drama and how she helped her buddy Kellie Pickler through a tough breakup.

Tell us what's included on the new 'Taylor Swift [Deluxe Edition]' project.

The album has been out for a year, but it's too early to put out the second studio album. But we wanted to give [the fans] more music. So this was an opportunity to put out three new songs and a bunch of exclusive content. I actually edited a home movie on my laptop, and it's on there as a special feature. There's my first phone conversation with Tim McGraw, all my music videos and a bunch of concert footage. The [new] songs are demos that I wrote when I was 15, trying to get a record deal. (x)

Is there a true story behind your current single, 'Our Song'?

I wrote this song in my freshman year of high school for my ninth grade talent show. I was sitting there thinking, "I've gotta write an upbeat song that's gonna relate to everyone." And at that time, I was dating a guy and we didn't have a song. So I wrote us one, and I played it at the show. Months later, people would come up to me and say, "I loved that song that you played." And then they'd start singing lines of it back to me. They'd only heard it once, so I thought, "There must be something here!" (x)

You've toured with some notorious pranksters, namely Rascal Flatts and Brad Paisley. What's the funniest joke that's been played on you?

Brad Paisley hasn't pranked me yet ... because he's afraid of me. [laughs] But Rascal Flatts had all of their crew take fold-out chairs and just sit on the stage during my performance. So there were eight guys, just sitting on stage reading the newspaper. And I'm playing right next to their faces, kinda hamming it up, trying to intimidate them. And I look in the newspapers they're reading, and there are Chippendales models in the newspapers! [laughs] (x)

We hear you wrote a song with Kellie Pickler for her next album.

Kellie came on my bus this summer and was all upset about her ex-boyfriend. She was like, "I just want to be over this!" And she gets up on stage now and tells everyone all about it. She's like [imitating Kellie], "He went out and got some other girl pregnant!" [laughs] And I'm like, "OK, if you want to tell everyone your personal stuff, but there's no better way to get over something than to write it all down." So we went into the back bedroom of my tour bus and wrote this awesome song. It's about how, for the rest of his life, he's going to regret cheating on her. And she's said to me since then, "You know what, I didn't think there was anything I could do to really get past that. But writing that song gave me complete closure." (x)

Is there anything you miss about high school?

I don't think there's really anything I miss, to be honest. There's a lot less drama when you're touring the country on a major tour. And I've actually been to prom before ... twice. So I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. It was really great that I got to experience those first two years of high school, and I'll never forget that. I learned a lot. But I feel like I've had the best senior year ever. (x)

How would you say your young age has helped you and how has it hurt you in the music business?

I think my age has helped me, because I can write about things I'm going through and girls my age can automatically relate. And I think [my age] has hurt me, because in the beginning, people were like, "Teenagers and country music? No way!" And I had interviewers who were dead-set on trying to get me to feel bad about how old I was. But you have to stand by who you are. I am 17-year-old girl, and I'm not ashamed of that. Age should not limit what you can accomplish. (x)

Is there a special guy in your life?

I'm completely single! I think that love is something that hits you when you're not looking for it. So I've been actively not looking for it for like two years. [laughs] I'm always the third wheel on my friends' dates. I have a bunch of best friends who never go more than a month without having a boyfriend. And I think that's kinda rubbed off on me, because I've seen the stuff they've gone through over the past two years. And I'm just like, "I'm gonna pursue my career instead." (x)

Garth Brooks has said that you are one of his daughters' favorite singers. Is that surreal to hear that a living legend is familiar with your music?

He is a living legend! And if you asked me who my hero is, I'd say Garth Brooks. I've met Garth's girls, they're wonderful. They came out to one of my shows. And it's just so unbelievable to see someone like Garth Brooks have kids who like my music. I'm like, "Are you kidding me? Your dad is Garth Brooks!" It's the coolest feeling ever. (x)

Do you have any other famous fans?

I was at the ACM Awards, and Emma Roberts came up to me backstage. She was like, "I just have to let you know, I'm announcing you tonight. And I'm a really big fan." And I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to see your movie this weekend!" It was really cool. She's a sweetheart. (x)

Unlike a lot of other teen celebrities, you have managed to keep out of trouble. How do you resist temptation?

You have to surround yourself with good people who will tell you the things that maybe you don't want to hear -- the things you need to know to not do. I feel like I have an obligation to be responsible. I have a million people who went out and bought my album. Who knows how many of them were young girls? And I always think about the ten year old girl in the front row at my concert before I make a decision. "What would she think if she saw me do this? Would this affect her choices?" (x)

Out of all the milestones you've hit this year -- platinum sales, 8 weeks at No.1 on the country album charts, a CMT award, a CMA nomination -- what's been the highlight of your career?

The highlight of my career so far has been winning the CMT Breakthrough Video of the Year award. It's a fan-voted awards show, so I don't see any greater honor than winning an award that was voted on by fans. It was for my first video that I ever put out ['Tim McGraw'], and I'll never forget the feeling of just running ... bolting up to that stage. It was just the most amazing feeling. (x)