#I wanna sleep I wanna cry I wanna sleep and cry in my dreams
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i finally watched the making of deadpool & wolverine and wrote down every thought that popped up into my mind while watching, have fun lol
god hugh jackman is gorgeous
they’re talking about all the different ideas they had for this movie and honestly??? i would eat up every single one of them they should still do it lol
god hugh jackman is GORGEOUS
man i missed them sm i haven’t watched dp&w in TWO MONTHS?????
i will never shut up about the deadpool suit in this movie it’s SO AWESOME it’s a blessing for my eyes every time it’s on screen
"that’s what we were striving for with rdj in endgame, is to give this iconic fictional character an amazing ending." yeah well only that endgame‘s ending SUCKED and i will never forgive anyone for it <3
ugh hugh jackman is gorgeous
i could watch him speak forever
i‘m SO glad ryan made that "i should use his body as a weapon" pitch bc GODDAMN that opening scene will never get old
ahhhhhh i love that we‘re getting some insight in the stunt/fight stuff, SO interesting !! the shitty iphone test videos are hilarious
they should’ve made a "he ACTUALLY broke his toe when he kicked that helmet!!!!" reference when ryan kicked logan‘s skull lmao
the marry puppins SNOGGING ryan bts clips will never get old lmao funniest shit ever
THE SUIT LOOKS SO GOOD UGHHHH am i having a gender or a sexuality crisis over it???? guess we’ll never know
EMMA CORRIN ILYSM
shout out to british people gotta be one of my fav genders fr
all the different lines ryan screamed out of the honda????😭😭 honestly they should’ve just kept all of these idc about logic
EMMA CORRIN
"and i knew the fans would love it" ohhh hugh i think we all love it a bit too much
"and yet, i wouldn’t say wolverine is a straight man" awesome, thanks, case fucking CLOSED.
"which i don’t recommend, sending a 10 minute voice memo to anyone"
*me looking at the five 10-20 minute voicemails i send my friends every single day*
THE SUITS LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER (their asses do as well)
GOD hugh jackman is gorgeous
"what we refer to as the van fight" no babe that’s the honda odyssey sex marathon actually!!
"violence is our love language" ITS CONFIRMED (everyone knew. BUT STILL)
choreographing this scene (all the deadpool vs wolverine fight scenes really) must’ve been SO FUN like UGH just coming up with all this violence knowing that it won’t affect your characters in the long haul and you can add of many of it as you want????? THE DREAM
THEM HUGGING IN THE HONDA???😭😭 brb gotta cry
I LOVE YOU EMMA CORRIN
CHRIS EVANS LOML
it’s unfair how attractive he is i‘m gonna throw up
reminder to myself to finally learn johnny‘s monologue i wanna be able to randomly hit people with it
OHHHH i actually did NOT realize that was hulk‘s bed from ragnarok??? which is weird bc i used to watch that movie religiously. but hey that’s so cool!!
channing tatum talking about gambit is so heartwarming man so happy for him😭
jennifer garner is so pretty i‘m so gay lord help
me
dafne keen‘s voice sounds SO different when she’s not playing laura, CRAZY
EMMA CORRIN MY LOVE
just once just ONCE i wanna walk through a street filme set like this UGH it looks so cool & surreal
"this is our baby yoda" i have to be this annoying person i‘m sorry but HIS NAME IS GROGU
i don’t know shit about music but i could listen to people talk about movie scores for hours on end (how did you know sideways is my fav youtube video essayist???)
good fucking god hugh jackman is gorgeous
lmao they should’ve kept the "zoooombies wake uuuppp" again, idc about logic
EMMA CORRIN ‼️‼️‼️
ohh hugh jackman is gorgeous (put your greasy tits away you preening slut)
ugh i‘m getting emotional help
well that was awesome, gonna cry myself to sleep now byeee
(have i mentioned how gorgeous hugh jackman is?)
#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool 3#the making of deadpool & wolverine#assembled#poolverine#deadclaws#peanutbub#ryan reynolds#hugh jackman#emma corrin#wolverine#wade wilson#shawn levy#channing tatum#xmen#mcu#marvel#amy talks
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I'm so tired and sleeping isn't enough, I need to be put under cryostasis for fifty years, or until chainsaw man s2, whatever comes first
#you ever just wake up and the sound of your alarm fills you with a blinding rage#sorry for my brief absence by the way#you know how I said I was gonna write some more and it was gonna be so awesome and all that#then I got hit with pms that is somehow worse than the last time I had it#I think I need to go to the doctor... maybe... lol#BUT I HATE THE DOCTORSSSSSS GRRAAAAAAAAHHHHH#I wanna sleep I wanna cry I wanna sleep and cry in my dreams#I want to look at clips of aki but if I look at them too long I think I will burst into tears#and I've gotta work so. must tough it out#my head hurts#wanna call off#but I won't
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hi. do you see my vision?
#screaming crying throwing up about this one folks#theyre SLEEPING THEYRE CUDDLING#UGH#anyways#at least dorian will never be cold again#sorry for being insane today#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dai#dorian pavus#iron bull#the iron bull#inquisitor adaar#adaar#akaraan adaar#dai fanart#dorian/bull/adaar#i wanna call it adaaribull but that eats most of dorians name#you get me#my art#this is my dream ship everything is right in the world#i might do more with this later idk
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The Dreamtale bros ig
#god I need to sleep#I am so incredibly tired...(and eepy)#utmv#sans au#undertale au#dream sans#nightmare sans#Dreamtale#I oddly like drawing dream crying it's not fun#my thoughts have gone everywhere I just. I need sleep so#eepy time!! :3#I wanna go to Japan bc bc my brother was there and got rlly cool stuffs
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@ my body: would you STAY ASLEEP
#i had the saddest fucking dream. do you wanna know what it was?#i dreamed i woke up and checked my phone and it was past noon#meaning i'd gotten roughly 5 hours of sleep#and then i drifted off again#but when i REALLY woke up and checked my phone it was just past NINE#I FELT SO BETRAYED I WANTED TO CRY#I'M AWAKE NOW I CAN'T FALL BACK ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#tox.txt
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i have been lurking in your asks for this moment: for the spotify wrapped fic prompt, #10!!
i'm going to ignore the very obvious and very painful daniel/hob implications of this song because i want to finish the comics first before writing anything outside of the show's canon. so have this instead!!
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Dream had been visiting Hob more frequently than he'd like to admit. It all started with Dream wanting to carve out a small place of solace in his life, and what place was more perfect than The New Inn? Built for him like an altar for an absent god.
Though these days, he'd been more present than ever. He wished he had the privilege to say he'd been drunk the first night it happened, or the next night, and the next. But Dream, Lord of Dreams and Ruler of Nightmares, always knew what was going on, and what desires he'd recklessly indulged in again and again.
Tonight was no different. By now, Hob was a veteran in making Dream feel more than welcome. It was all too easy to fall into Hob's arms and into his bed above The New Inn. Somewhere down the line, Dream had made himself vulnerable to Desire's machinations.
But he had somehow convinced himself that it was alright, as long as Hob wasn't vulnerable.
Some nights they talked afterwards, and Dream wasn't quite sure whether it amplified or quieted his regrets. This was one of those nights.
"Tell me about the Dreaming," Hob said, his head propped up on his arm as he looked down at Dream.
"What do you wish to know?"
"I don't know. Everything. You don't work alone, do you?"
"...No, I suppose I don't, anymore. I have Lucienne. And Matthew."
"Ah, Matthew, yeah, we've met. Why does he talk by the way? Nearly gave me a heart attack the first time he spoke to me."
"He was human, before. He died in his sleep and became a raven of the Dreaming."
"Oh," Hob said. He paused. Dream observed the shadows cast on his face by the moonlight. "So if I die in my sleep, I get to stay at your place? As a raven?"
Dream felt the corners of his mouth lift up. A silly notion. "You do not have to die. You will always be welcome in the Dreaming, Hob."
Hob smiled down at him, and Dream felt a warm fire in his chest. "Thank you, love. But what I meant is I never had the chance to visit your, y'know. Your place. Is it a castle?"
"Yes, I suppose you could call it a castle," Dream said.
Hob hummed, and tapped Dream's chest with his free hand. "A wild thing," he said after a few seconds.
"What is?" Dream asked.
"I was just some peasant when we first met," Hob said, his eyes lost in memory. "Thought you were some ignorant lord. In the back of my mind, I thought were you just making fun of me, asking to meet you after a hundred years. Never thought this," he gestured to their bodies, naked under the covers, "would ever happen. Y'know? A wild thing."
Dream hummed in agreement.
"Guess I'm lucky, huh?" Hob chuckled, his fingers still tapping on Dream's chest. "Hey. Would you bring me to your castle some day, show me around?"
"Perhaps," Dream replied.
"Tease," Hob chastised. Then he pressed a kiss on Dream's forehead, then on his nose, and finally on his lips. "I adore you. You know that? I love you, Dream."
Dream froze. He looked into Hob's eyes, saw the fondness in them, and knew that he meant it.
This was just supposed to be a brief respite, some semblance of comfort that he did not have in his day-to-day life. He thought it was the same for Hob, that Dream was just someone immortal to hold onto once in a while. But it wasn't. Not anymore.
I should not have come here, he thought, tearing his gaze away from Hob's. He did not have the heart to say it out loud.
Dream stood up from the bed, already clothed.
This will be the last time, he thought. It was what he thought every time. And maybe tonight it will finally come true. No, it should come true. Lest he destroy even Hob Gadling, like he has many times to his other lovers before. It always ended in tragedy, whether Desire was involved or not, and Dream didn't want that for him.
A hand shot up from the covers to grip his wrist.
"Stay. Stay, darling," Hob said, sitting up. "Won't you stay?"
Dream turned.
Hob's eyes shone, watery in the moonlight.
It should not be fair, Dream thought, for Desire to easily toy with me like this.
"I cannot stay any longer," Dream said.
"Why not?" Hob said, with all the petulance of a child. "Come back. Just for a while."
Dream resisted the urge to climb back in the covers with him. That was his sibling speaking.
"I apologize. I will make sure your dreams are pleasant tonight, and on every other night."
"Will you be coming back?" Hob asked. "You sound like you're never coming back."
Dream said nothing.
"I can wait. I will."
"I know," Dream said. He didn't add, "beloved."
"I'm not sorry," Hob said, gripping Dream's wrist even tighter. "But I won't say it again, if it means you'll stay."
Something cold and heavy sat in Dream's chest.
"So don't go," Hob said, "please."
Dream dissipated into thin air, but not quickly enough that he did not see a tear roll down Hob's cheek. He can still feel his grip on his wrist.
#the song is sad and therefore this is now... sad#sorry in advance 😔#dreamling#sandman#*my fic#*#rooftopwreck#this probably needs editing but idk im just gonna throw this out now.... i wanna go shower and sleep kjdbsfgdf#of course dream has to storm out after hob says i love you! it is only the natural course of things#idk maybe this will turn into something else in the future ????? depends ig#thank u for participating vi my beloved <3#i want to let you know i thought of that gif of ferdie crying precisely one tear#spotify wrapped#ask
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Not a very good morning today :(
#i feel awful#i have volunteering today but i kinda feel like not going#i just wanna stay crying and sleeping#depression stays being my worst enemy#i did have a dream about douma which is 😭 i guess
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I am going to loose my mind trying to organise this funeral. And it's just me doing most of it alone so i cannot stop. I have to keep going
Okay.... warning i did hit 30 tags. Like u been warned if u open my tags u will be scrolling
I need a cigarette so bad and I can't drink because health. And I'm SO WIRED
#i slept after doing funeral stuff#had a dream my dad was alive and there had been mistake#woke up 7am did funeral stuff#went to sleep again and woke up with Health Symptoms#briefly sat outside#more funeral stuff#emails#phone calls#planning#checking anf rechecking anf recchecking and rechekcigng my damn to do list and emails bc i am so traumatised by#the amount of times i will forget literally any and every thing of little or great importance#music planning#email#photos and massive crying fit#break to eat#looked through 7 photo albums until my mother got mad bc she doesn't wanna do that#looked through cd after cd after cd for 3 hours of photos and some did not have photos and some had funny childhood things and i learnt a#lot about my dad from the cd from the old Brick Box Computer backup from 15 years ago and laughed so hard i triggered my asthma#and couldn't stop cry laughing hysterically for minutes#more photos#checking obsessively my email again anf adding shit to the to do list#and now....#i .... need to sleep but I'm so fucking wired#this is just like when i was at uni#i would work day in day out until i passed out. fall asleep with my laptop on my chest. dream of essays snd research papers. wake up and#start writing without even leaving bed#no fucking wonder i was so suicidal holy fuck???????#all I'm doing is funeral planning for my father but it's like being at uni again with deadlines just not enough time and the urgency
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#thats me in the corner. thats me in thr spotlight. rocking from side to side and not contributing to the conversation#which is to say. i made it to thr lab get together with an old lab mate. i really truely did not think i would#i was like 20min late bc of the crying and hyperventilating over a 6min drive down the road#i sorta freaked out while driving too. and almost turned around. its just that i kno i havent been sleeping enough and got overwhelmed#but i made it there. and i dont think i looked like id been crying but i probably looked a bit blank faced and miserable#as i rocked from side to side for like 2hrs listening to ppl talk. i enjoyed it exactly as much as i expected. it was good to see the guy#again but i just dont connect in group gatherings idk. im glad its done. also fucking we were sitting there and a group comes in and whos#in that group?? someone i have avoided seeing for like a loooong time. the guy who tried to be in a relationship with me back when i 1st#started as a grad student. i say relationship. i was explaining to him why i couldnt do any sort of romantic e tanglement and he was very#firm abt not wanting a relationship. and im like bro im explaining u why no romanticly adjacent thing is gonna work. u literally asked me#to physically hold ur hand thru this. u r somehow more emotionally invested in this than me and also are telling me that u just wanna fuck#me. so like u r not slick. whatever. it was so fucking stressful at the time. which i feel bad abt bc it wasn't really his fault#i was just less self aware so i didnt kno i have bad awareness in the moment. like i dont kno a lines been crossed until a week later when#im laying on thr floor falling apart. so like i wish him the best. didnt kno he was still around. hopefully this doesnt trigger stress#dreams. all this to say i was very fucking tense. and when i got back in my car i was like shaky and panting lol#idk looking back its just such a weird situation with that dude. if i was anyone else it woudlnt have been a big deal but#my brain just doesn't process physical touch right. so now ive got these horrible touch memories that like on paper r literally nothing#but for me they were so unfathomablly awful when i 1st aquired them. i literally could not deal with any romantic stuff for like a month#bc it would like trigger me. now thst its been like 3 years its not bad tho. just like gives me thr ick but i dont get#stuck in the memories too much. its so dumb. whatever. point is im all sore now from sitting all tense haha#unrelated
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Calmed down now so I’m gonna try to fall back asleep
#3am n I’m tired so I know I need to sleep but I kinda wanna never sleep again#woke up crying and reached for my knife ready to stab someone#Both the scariest and weirdest dream I’ve had in a while#Screaming
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#2 whole weeks sobeR let’s talk abt it#this the longest I’ve gone without a crumb of weed in my system in 5 yrs and the second longest in 8 yrs#For a long long time I thought I was self medicating the adhd but turns out I was making it Significantly worse#I have an attention span now I can watch tv without scrolling on my phone or playing w fidget toys#My apartment has stayed perfectly clean for the past 2 wks#haven’t rly struggled with eating or sleeping routines are v important wit it tho#been relying heavily on safe foods I’ve eaten the same exact thing every day for 2 weeks but it’s fine#ashwagandha helps me not wanna peel my skin off in rage#time moves INSANELY slower when ur not h*gh every waking second of the day these have been the Longest 2 wks of my life#but also I have So Much more time to do things and SO much more energy to do the things#I thought being anxious and exhausted was just my constant state of being but turns out that was Also just the weed#The insane nightmares have been The hardest part but most of the time my dreams are just weird#Feeling emotions is weird I’ve cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 2 years#I cry about good things I cry about beautiful things art as a whole is just so moving#self regulating after stressful things like work or staying with my parents is definitely New as w as decompressing after socializing w ppl#I do things like paint and journal and make silly little bracelets now#Idk man it just hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be#A few months ago me and ******** were talking about how we’d actually k word ourselves without it#turns out the jazz cabb was making my depression and anxiety so much worse than it actually is#shits literally fine#Anyways don’t let ppl tell u u can’t develop an unhealthy relationship w weed I was h*gh every waking second of my day for 5 yrs#Last time I tried this I immediately became an alcoholic instead this time I don’t even feel the desire to have a single little drink#Overall I have A Lot more self control in every single area of my life#I don’t waste my money on dumb shit I can eat normal amount of food like a normal person#The thought of buying my favorite cookies and only having like Two of them used to be such an unreasonable concept to my little brain#I don’t know if this is gonna be a permanent thing I definitely know I can’t do it habitually#just like I learned I can be normal about alcohol if I don’t keep it in my house and only do it when socializing for special occasions#anyways if ur thinking about taking a break from ur favorite substance maybe give it a try#thx for coming 2 my ted talk if u read the whole thing I luv u take care of urself
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JAPAN DOME TOUR GETS CHEERS AND FALLIN' FLOWER AND CALL CALL CALL AND DREAM AND HITORI JANAI AND FREAKIN HEAVEN'S CLOUD I'M GONNA CRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#personal#quite literally crying rn#I LOVE ALL OF THESE SONGS SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭#AND I PROBABLY CAN'T SEE THEM 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanna do the online streaming SO BAD#but it's at 1am the morning of my 3rd thanksgiving roadtrip fiasco#so it would probably not be the best idea even though i would technically have time to watch it#and the delayed streaming is on a night that i already agreed to go see my friend's baby fejiaowfaw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#BUT CHEERS AND DREAM AND HEAVEN'S CLOUD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#trying to decide how dead i think i'd be if i got up at 1am and watched a 3hr concert then maybe napped for like 2 hrs#then did a 7hr roadtrip and then went to work the next day#bc everything in my body is screaming that's a bad idea but my heart is really pulling for me to do it anyway#i mean i guess i could attempt to sleep in the car#usually i can't really sleep in the car well but–#THEY GOT THE HOLIDAY VERSION OF DARL+ING TOO AND AINOCHIKARA I DON'T NEED SLEEP
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#so just talking here for a sec bc I’m slightly emotional but don’t really wanna talk to anyone#we finally had to put my Grandma’s dog down yesterday#she was 19 and almost blind completely deaf and had essentially lost control of the back half of her body so it was time#but it’s still never easy#I was. . . very okay with it going in because it was one of those ‘long time coming’ things that you think you’ve prepared yourself for#but maybe it’s because I’m on my period or maybe it’s just that you never really can prepare yourself for these things#but I’m stupidly crying now#but not entirely in a bad way#because I dreamed of her last night#a full detailed dream of just watching her race around and play and rub herself in the grass like she loved to do on carpets#we were back on the farm we stayed at when being near Tanya#I’ve had dreams like these each time I’ve lost someone in my life#and it feels like a goodbye but the dreams are always soft#I’m never sad during them#when I wake up sure but during them it’s only ever peace#and I know it’s just my subconscious processing the loss as I sleep#but even if that is all it is#it’s a comfort I will gladly take every time#personal
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#they should make it easier to kills yourself#i had a dream a little while ago dentists could perform euthanasia on ppl if they were in too much pain#why cant i go into a doctors office and say#hey i wanna die#heres records of me feeling this way for over a year#here are my mental health records from my therapist#alright#like heres the proof#you know they way they do before you medically transition or s/t#like i swear#i wake up everyday and think the same.thing#i cry myself to sleep#and i cry when i wake up#i cant take anymore of this
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i just woke up from possibly the eorst nightmare ive ever had & its 7 am
#i dont wanna get in2 it cuz i will cry#but in my dream smth happened 2 my mama & now she wont answer my texts#ik its cuz its 6 am over therw but still#im boing back 2 sleep#BOING ok that made me laugj
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bleh
#venting post oof#no motivation for today really#head hurts#And I will have to make a presentation in a school for kids - teenagers and I am really not the best at those#Never know how to act or make what I explain interesting and I just get incredibly frustated about it all#And I will have to do it again tomorrow as well because our teach set us for a trap where like 3 students end up with double of the work#Presentation is like in 2 hours and i haven't even praticed out loud yet#kind of want to cry a little#next week I have tests and a competition and I have two works to deliver today and a party to go saturday and an article to write#and present until next month and idk. just. idk#wanna sleep and read fanfics and dream about the sky again#but at least my classmates will be there too. They make everything much more fun.#It will be fine. I've been much busier and I turned out well. I can do it again#me being me#One step at a time#Going to present my stuff today#Take a bath#Finish my work#And then I will start thinking about the rest#that is it
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