#Not A Murder Ballad|World of Darkness

[brooklynislandgirl]

Sinday Ask: The latest circulation of newspapers sit in a tidy line along Lawrence's desk. Small neon tabs stick out from various pages, marking where an executive or Mary believes may be of interest. Nothing flags the front page, the headline and a photo cropped by the fold screaming the scandal of an embezzling CEO. A downfall that Lawrence had no part in, and only now gives attention to for curiosity's sake. "What would be the worst sin you could imagine displayed for the world to pick at, Beth? An infidelity on your brother's part? Patricide by your very own hands?"

Spare a Sinday Thought || Always Accepting

She's draped casually against sumptuous leather, just another pretty thing in Larry's collection of beautifully bizzare trinkets and curios. What passes for a casual Sunday visitation ~after church but not quite in time for brunch~ and for a few moments, she continues to read one of the alternative papers that speak more on the concerns of the average citizen than the big Five that he occupies himself with. She really had expected better from the Times after their journalist strike but it is what it is. An elegant hand turns the page. Another brings the bone-china cup to her lips and she moistens them, lubricates her tongue, with rich dark coffee. "Unfortunately," she says meticulously and at long last, "you probably see my braddah's name or picture in dere often enough. Man no can do wake up in da mornin' wi'out someone wan make commentary in it. Mos' of da time it's about his closure rate, or a scandal comin' from him catchin' somebody bein' stupid." A pause before her eyes flick to meet the arctic tundra of his profile. That crystalline blue of his gaze never fails to steal a touch of her breath. "Which is likely why dey nevah link bo'd ya names in a single article." She knows he has more skeletons in his closet ~perhaps even figuratively~ than she can make an accurate guess of, but then again…a good many of them don't come with jail sentences and press conferences. Instead there are whispers amongst the Traditions of the Janissaries, of the New World Order {and how THEY would love to get their hands on someone like Larry} and a whole host of self-policing entities that neither one can fathom. Perhaps that's why she's so inclined to walk beside him into his sorcerous endeavours, taking on the unrequested Role of Virgil to his Dante. For whatever reason she feels responsible for him. "Hardly t'ink da kine about who he's seen out wi'd or who might be in his bed is really notewor'dy. He's single, properly divorced, and so free to frolic wi' whomevah he likes so long as dey also not marry. An' my braddah would make sure dat his paramour doesn't bring a spouse into da relationship. Oh…oh…wait. Is…is dat somet'ing concerns you? Is he your type, Larry?" She giggles at her own joke. Deep down she suspects that maybe the man has even less interest in a physical relationship than Beth, regardless of the body it comes with. "As f' da Admiral, I can promise you one t'ing. If I were da one t' harvest him from dis ear'd? No one would evah know, nor would dere be any evidence left behind. Be like he nevah existed, an' good riddence." She's never recorded any of the thousands of times she's conceived of, plotted out to the finest detail, and not carried out her red-soaked dreams of murdering the man in question. She has no guilt or stain on her soul for having fantasised so deeply about it that sometimes she's truly disappointed when he turns up within a few days, largely to spend time with his son. "I t'ink da worst sin evah I could commit…is not one dat would make da papers. In circumstances I have hard time imagining, would be…how sleeper might say it… fall t' da Dark Side, as it. One of our mos' sacred rules an' it carries a sentence worse dan death," she enunciates that word carefully so to avoid misunderstanding, "says 'Conspire not wi' an Enemy of Ascension'. T' actively work against da wonder of what is, an' what could be… t' join our enemy in war… I mean I can't say it nevah could happen. Dat's wha' make dem so insidious. In a more….mortal kind of way…somehow my mana gettin' away from me…hurtin' people or environment or somet'ing like dat… I'd turn myself in. Not able to live wi' doin' somet'ing dat could hurt innocent people." Immaculate brows furrow above her eyes, the corners of her mouth down turned, Beth is clearly disturbed by even just the idea. She pushes it away with something she tells herself is equally unappealing but not nearly as devastating. "Dat is if sweepin' ya papers off ya desk an' havin' you right here an' now is off da table."

[ophelieverse]

This is the first time that i send in a request,but I’ve been your fan for quite a while now🥰🥰I love your blog and your content,especially your writing,so can I please ask you to write something about Daemon x niece!reader where she is the daughter of Aemma and Viserys and he’s obsessed with her?It can be whatever you want!Thank you so much!🫶🏻

⋆ ˚｡⋆little bird

Daemon Targaryen x fem!reader

-Summary:Daemon is in Harrenhal and he’s tormented by the memories of the only woman that he had ever loved:his niece,the long gone princess Y/n.

-Warnings:death of character,incest,age gap,Daemon never married Laena,reader has valyrian features,reader died of childbirth,reader is mother of twin girls(you can decide if Baela and Rhaena),mental torture(?)sexual thoughts,Daemon being himself,Alys tormenting Daemon and him losing his mind.

•-aww thank you so much for your words and support,also thank you for requesting and let me know what you guys think,sending love🩷🫶🏻

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The palate is a treacherous bastard,a vile traitor.The palate,the tongue,the teeth,the throat:damned monsters,damned stabs in the shoulders.

They rebelled and tortured Daemon intimately,as well as the strawled murmurs of soaking whispers in the dark and lonely castle,as well as the murmurs of that nameless woman.Everything bothered him,in that world built by the blood-stained hands of false and courteous murderers,and the raw truths of the tormented men were no exception.

After all,he should have known - and he knew it, he knew it and he had not stopped,he had become crazy! -that once he tasted the most precious wine of the Seven Kingdoms his mouth would detest any other drink.His primordial instinct and his spirit of survival had tried to warn him,to make him understand,to make him glimpse the inexorable fate in which there would be a before and there would of course be an after.

Because any other flavor would never have been as sweet as the taste of her.

And nothing more would have been the same, nothing would make sense anymore.Daemon had only really understood it after kissing her:it had become impossible to even look at another woman.

He could still remember the first time that he had kissed her,before going to win the war in the Narrow Sea in her father’s name.He had only kissed her once and it had been like savoring the mouth of a fucking divine gift that fell down from heaven,kissing a promise of grace and eternal damnation.An inexperienced,sweet,innocent mouth.

His,Y/n was all his.

She was still a girl at the time,two years younger than her older sister Rhaenyra,just a naive girl that stug with two skinny legs and without even a woman's shape,the silver-haired doll,the trained King's Landing little bird that squeakes and chirps in the shade of her father's words and actions:Y/n, stupid and spoiled princess,daughter of the Long Summer,had let herself be kissed by him and had not stopped him,she had not pushed him away.

Crazy him and crazy her.Or maybe just him, or maybe just her.Who went crazy first,who did? Who had it been?Daemom didn't remember the fucking way those damn events that had folded him in two,disintegrated his entire soul.Killed him not once but a hundred,a thousand,a thousand and again a thousand times.

Who went crazy first?Who?Daemon has started to believe it was him.

It’s been years since the last time he had kissed Y/n,years since he last touched her warm skin,looked into her bright lilac eyes,that he had saw her with their daughters in her arms.

Yet,that night,in the dark and anguish halls of Harrenhal,his little bird had shown up to him.The ghost of Y/n imagine had suddenly appeared in a corridor in the west wing yard like an evanescent appearance,like his worst nightmare and had resumed chirping the same nauseating and tormenting phrases she cunningly gave to all her lords,to all her knights.

She had chirped her thanks,the beautiful words she used to tear from the verses of her beloved romantic ballads,which she used to steal from the fairy tales narrated with placid fervor from the endless rows of her old and decrepit Septas.

She had chirped and chirped and chirped.

Daemon hadn't listened to any of her melancholic sentences and hadn't even paid the slightest attention to her,nothing at all.So the deities and that witch then must have decided to punish him and mock him.They had taken their revenge on all his blasphemies and on all the lives he had snatched with joy.

The pale light of the moon had begun to inflame Y/n long silver braids,braids knotted in a bushy tangle,shaped into circles of blood rays that made her hairstyle look like the one of a small child.The young and innocent girl she once was before Daemon had touched her.A stupid hairstyle that she persided - with a pout - to make her maidens intertwine just like her mother did when she was just a small child.

The red dress that wrapped perfectly around her body,the one that she had wore at the tourney for her last Name Day as a maiden,seemed made of pure liquid blood.Daemon was lost.The red had become fire,it had turned into copper,it had melted into wine.A crown of thorns and autumn leaves in the cold wind of the godswood.

Y/n rosy mouth had stretched out in a brief,false smile,yet what was really false about her?And her elusive purple eyes had reminded him of reality.

The reality where she no longer existed,the one where now he was married to his older sister.He just wants to use her.Everyone uses everyone.He remind himself,he could never love her,not in the way he still loves Y/n.

Suddenly Daemon had realized the existence of his foolish thoughts,he had awakened by the torpor in which her sweet and familiar scent had induced him,and he had understood that he was behaving like a little child that had just woken up from a bed dream,an inexperienced young boy,he looked at her hair,looked at her ephelids,and didn't focus on those small stall tits and her flat,tight belly,and then he thought he had to fix it,that he had to prove to himself that he was a man.

Not the silly man who secretly watched the tears entangled in the eyelashes of a little girl who still slept with the dolls,squeezed in his little embrace,but the real man who fucked women in brothels and got rid of all his most itchy desires. Not the man who trembled in front of a little girl's gaze,but the man who fucked the women quickly and impatiently,without even looking them in the face,fulfilling his needs and his morbid needs.

The man that Daemon was before devoting his life,heart and soul to Y/n.

These thoughts had clouded his soaky mind with vulgar images,they had made his body drunk and frenny.Then he had stretched out towards Y/n, almost staggering,and had devoured her face. Mouth to mouth,he had eaten her lies and her breath.Was it really her,the spectral and little figure that had hunted him since he had step in Harrenhal?Was it really her,the cold and young body he was holding in his arms?He didn’t cared,he needed to feel what he once called love.

His little girl still tasted good,just like he remembered,something sweet,extremely pure. Snow and honey together,what an absurd madness of the senses.Y/n had closed her mouth,her lips soft and eyelids tight,but she had done nothing else.She hadn't disappeared from his touch just like the night before,his rough hands that had begun to mess up her hair and squeeze her thin throat like they used to.

They had kept both eyes closed and he had thought that she was beautiful even in the dark of the dull and worn lights,even in the black of the lowered eyelashes,under the Sun or under the Moon.

Y/n was still as beautiful as the day he had lost her.

And now that she was there,real or not,Daemon had kissed her with a disturbing need and Y/n mouth had moved on his without opening,without granting him anything more.Nothing more of what he already had when she was flourishing with life.

In that moment a cold wind had crept all over his back,until it even caressed his neck and wet cheeks.When did he started crying?Too late he had realized that it had not been a cold wind that had appeased his burns.

«Y/n,my Y/n.»Daemon had murmured«My little bird of the summer,my frightened little bird.»he kept talking on her lips.

«Uncle.»even her voice sounded like she was still that young girl he used to watch run to him,blushing when he would bring her a gift from one of the cities he had visited.

She had caressed his pained face and kissed him like a little girl who can't even imagine that there is anything else after a kiss on the lips.Like a sweet child that still dreamed and hoped for a bright and long future ahead of her.

Maybe at that moment Daemon must have said her name again,because the figure in his arms smiled«Y/n,my little girl,Y/n.»like a prayer.

«Do you still desire me,uncle?Do you still think about me?»her voice,a soft whisper,that cut into his heart.

How naive and stupid,stupid little woman.

He could have turned her like a worn sock,lifted her skirt and possessed it in any dark corner of the castle,stretched her on the floor and forced her to open her legs for him.For him,only for him. First the knees,then the thighs,until he devour her with his hands and tongue,until he fuck her all.

That little creature who didn't even know the thoughts that animated the minds of the men around her,the minds of all animal men just like him.He could have done anything to her,anything unimaginable and unpronounceable,and continued to devour her for whole hours,years and centurie, millennia and other millennia,to the point of satisfying her every repressed need and even more.

And Daemon did it,fulfilling his duties as a husband that resulted in the living love that took form in their twin daughters and son.

He enjoyed her,eat her,mark her at every possible point.He could have done anything for her even now.But Y/n had placed a hand on his heart and more snow had fallen into his chest,appeasing his every pain,every craving.

«Or is my sister crown that you lust over now?»Y/n sharp tongue managed to open another cut in his chest.

Yes,he wanted Rhaenyra crown but it was her he wanted to make his Queen.It’s always been like that,in his deepest dreams,to rule by her side,to pass the throne to their son and be with her forever to the end of his days.

«It’s always ever been you and i’m sorry that this has costed your life.»Daemon words were half stuck in his throat.

Stupid little girl,stupid.She was too good for him.She was pathetically pure.She will never be able to survive in this world,she would become food donated to dogs and worms.Another dead flesh left danging on the spades of this rotten and corrupt castle from the slimy foundation.Another head detached from one's body and turned into a trophy to show to enemies.

Another life that he had ruined.

The images of these elucubrations of his had scared him so much was he afraid?Was the burning in the pupils and ribs fear of seeing her dead or desire to kill or even a fever to possess her?To push her away from his arms,from his belly outstretched towards her.

Daemon had already lost Y/n once,in their old shared chambers of the Red Keep,drenched in sweat and blood.Screaming in fear and pain,just like her mother,as she gave birth to their son.A life for a life,the child survived and the mother died without being able to meet each other.

And now she was there,after so many years,Daemon had only glimpsed at her wet lips and red cheeks,then started yelling at her to leave.It wasn’t real,nothing of this was,his wife,his Y/n was dead,ashes in the wind.

«Go away.Get away right away or you'll regret it.I'll make you regret it,I swear to you.I'll make you regret anything you've ever done or thought if you don't leave now.Go away!»Daemon was screaming like a mad man,but his words were not directed towards Y/n.

His crude and harsh words were echoed only for the silent witch that lived in that old and empty castle.

He must have insulted her,or he had cursed the bastard witch back.He didn’t cared because now Y/n had escaped from his head and eyes with every new sip of wine that he took once he walked back into the dark halls.

Her ethereal figure disappeared at each red bottom of a cup he had swallowed in an attempt to forget the circles of her damn braids.A new cup of wine at every turn of the silver locks and then a hysterical laugh every moment he saw the lilac eyes of that damn girl in the accusatory ones of the witch who sat next to him.

«You are rather unrequited tonight,your grace.What’s bothering you?»Alys Rivers was her name and her voice was as enchanting as her looks.

A punch against the table at every drop of watered down flavor,at every cup of all those lousy drinks that she had given him to help him sleep.A mediocre taste that made him miss better flavors - the taste of him.

Almost as she could read his mind«In love?You?»Alys sound surprised.

And a thud in the heart as every second passes,at the stroke of the hours,at the slow formation of a nebulous wall of chaos inside him.Honey,snow,sweet salt of tears never shed. What was happening to him?What was going on in his head,in his sternum,between his legs?Had Alys poisoned him?

«Y/n.»she spoke again«The little girl that you used to bounce on your knees,the woman that died to give you an heir.»she taunted him,the ghost of a smile on her lips.

Daemon felt his heart shatter in his chest,pain at every breath.His hands burning like the rest of his body,the wine down his throat ready to choke him with all his guilt.

«Where is she?»he asked then,turning to look at the woman next to him.

Where is Y/n?

He had screamed at her out in the gardens and she was gone,she had flown away.

«Where is she?Tell me.Tell me where she is!»the cups on the wooden table crushed on the floor,the cold stones now painted of red wine.

«Where is Y/n?»Alys asked calmly,not even getting up from her chair as his grace thrown everything around«The little girl is far away.But she’s not unreachable,you will see her again soon.»she answered him.

Daemon had was spinning,he felt the nausea coming up from his stomach.He tried to walk and a gag forced him to kneel on the ground,to throw his head against the floor.

«Y/n,my little bird,Y/n.Y/n where are you?»he choked out.

She was there,he had seen her just a few moments before and the other previous nights that he had spent in Harrenhal.He held her,kissed her and it felt so real.She didn't run away,she didn't cry,she didn't even lower her head.Nothing,nothing of nothing.She just looked at him for a second and then she left.

Now she was gone,again.She was gone,Y/n,was gone and Daemon wanted her back,like he had always wanted her,he couldn’t breathe,Y/n come back to him.

Come back,stupid little girl,come back here right away.One moment,he needed to touch her,to kiss her,to have her,just another moment to share with her.His little girl,his little bird.His,his,his,she had always been his.Come back,he needed to hold her and protect her.He would protect her from anyone,even himself if she was so afraid.He was scared too.

«Your grace?»Alys voice was distant,loosing itself in the air.

Daemon crawled on the wet floor,getting up«The little bird.I have to find,I have to find...»the world became dark and dyed of red.There was laughter around his body and someone sneering his name.

«I have to find...»he repeated.

He had to look for her.He hadn't been able to resist her,he hadn't slept even a minute.He had walked around the castle like a mad man,reaching his chambers only to find her inside.

The room looked like the one they lived in the Red Keep,warm and familiar.A small figure appeared,wearing a old white nightgown drenched in blood,pale hair wild on her head in the same that she had died in.

Y/n was there,holding to her chest a child wrapped into a blue blanket like a present.Their son,the joyful and smart boy that looked exactly like his mother and that she had never even seen before closing her eyes forever.She was sitting and crying .He had felt like he was dying and had taken a few uncertain steps.His eyes had moved frantically and they had glimpsed the blood-stained sheets,the stained dress on her thighs, the hands holding the child.

As soon as Y/n had seen him,with shiny eyes, huge tears on that small face she had brought her red fingers on her lips,as if to ask him to be silent as she rocked her baby.The smell of iron had never disgusted him,never shaken him,not until that moment.The little girl's legs had continued to drip and form spots on slippery spots on the floor.

«You always wanted a son.»Y/n voice was paralyzing«I should have know that this would have been my end.You can never surrender to your desires.»she didn’t looked at him,calmly holding the cloth in her arms but he knew she was accusing him of the same sin his brother had committed.

He had never hated blood with such despair,never hesitated before his duties,never thought of spitting acid on his oldest loyalty«I should have…i should have saved you.»he breathed.

Y/n smiled softly«No,this is the price you have to pay for taking what isn’t yours.The throne,the crown…me.»her empty eyes burned his flesh«You will die here,uncle,and you will loose everything.»she warned him.

Daemon vomited until he almost fainted,almost suffocated in his own vomit.Tears mixed with the pain and guilt on his face and his arms suddenly gave in.He felt hands on his neck and lips near his ear.He hit his head against the floor again and rocky voices pronounced his name more times.

He tried to crawl but threw up again,and then again and again.He couldn't stop anymore.He tried to grab a the chair next to door,but the world began swirling to turn and he lost himself in meaningless images.Before closing his eyes Daemon only saw pale silver birds with broken necks and torn wings.

[iouinotes]

Good gone bad | Coriolanus Snow (part one)

pairing: young!Coriolanus Snow x female!reader

movie: Hunger Games: The ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

warnings: dark!character, smut

word count: 3,8k

summary: You are childhood friends and very close with him. When his behaviour starts to change for the worse, you try your best to hold on to his real-self.

a/n: I adored Snow the first half an hour, because he was a gentleman and cared so much! Then his character became dark, obsessive and murderous and it really was a game changer...but I definitely want to read the book, so I can describe his character in my following stories better!

part 2 here , part three

"I will call my new discovery just like you, Mr. Snow. The best student and the future of this world. No one will stand in your way, when the blizzard blows over the people. And because it will work so well for your little infatuation, it will function for every other naive creature too."

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

"Coryo!" I shot his name across the hallway, when I see his blonde locks, ignoring the looks from my classmates around me. At the sound of my voice, his head turns in my direction and I run faster towards his figure. As soon as I catch up with him, I meet his curious eyes and look further down to his smiling lips.

"Good morning to you too. Let me guess, you have something really important to announce or are just very happy to see me." Holding the door open for me, I try to catch my breath, wanting to ignore the lovely tone of his voice and the way he looks so outstanding beautiful.

"Well, both, but I heard some gossip about the upcoming ceremony tomorrow. Details who is gonna get the scholarship." Now, while entering the room, I have his full attention.

When I heard about the changes, that were made I immediately searched for him, clearly knowing how much he was ready to sacrifice for this academic possibility.

As he stops walking and places his hands on my shoulders, stopping me in my foodsteps and searching my gaze, I feel my pounding heart.

God forbid this man to look at me this way.

As I try to avoid his intense glare, his hands gently move to my cheeks to focus my eyes on him. I feel myself blushing, fiddling with the rings, that are attached to my fingers.

"No time for jokes, please. What do you know?" I clear my voice, trying to ignore our close gap or the way his curls lay on his forehead and how his skin shines beautifully in the light- No, wait. Not good. We're just friends. I don´t like him that way. Nope.

"I- uh, so please don´t freak out on me, but rumor says it's not up to the student with the best grades to get the scholarship..." I watch his posture straighten, see the how his facial expression turns blank and the irritated change in his mood. And I promise you, it´s not good.

When he lets go of me to strike forward, I try to hold him back. "Wait- you are angry and disappointed, so talk to me first before you let your emotions out on the others, okay?" I catch his left hand and hear his upset breathing.

"It's just- you know, more than anyone, that I deserve this scholarship the most! And now the only possibility to help my family and to become successful are at risks, because someone decided to change the rules? God, I worked my ass off to be the one they choose and now I'll probably get laughed at, cause I didnt get it!" I nod, trying to calm him down by listening to his outburst.

"You do deserve it, I know that. But you still have the chance to stand out more than the others. You are intelligent and brave, very ambitious and you care a lot. Not only for your family and friends, but for everyone. You are the best candidate and if they don´t choose you, then it is the wrong decision. Because they need someone like you. Just like I need you, believe me." I hold his hand close to my heart, trying to convince him of his abilities and his good heart, to show him that he deserves every recognition he gets.

And it works, because he relaxes slightly and after another second passes, I feel myself being embraced in a tight hug. His hand holds the back of my head and I hear his quiet "thank you".

"Always, blue. I am here for you." His lips linger for a second on my forehead, the kiss leaves me feeling warm and in love.

Even if I try to deny it.

"It's been a while, since you called me that nickname." I look in his eyes, when he pulls back. Admiring the shining blue that follows my dreams.

I only smile at him, shrugging when we have a normal distance between us, that helps me to concentrate again.

"It slipped out, I guess. But you are right, the last time I called you that, we were in primary school. How fast the time goes." Nodding we gently smile at each other and I clear my throat, when I get more and more enchanted to him.

We have known each other for so long, but nothing has changed about us.

Expect my feelings for him. They seem to never go away.

So, when I step forward and his eyes follow me, I start to walk to class again.

"Come on, we're being late. The greatest student of all time does not come late." He shakes his head, smiling at me and when I feel for a moment that something is different between us, I brush it off.

When he's finally catching up with me, I order my thoughts.

Don't fall in love with him.

Pretend, you didnt fall in love with him.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

I am good at pretending, really. It normally helps me to focus on the important things in my life, for example school, my grades, studying and getting accepted by a college. Did I mention, my academic success needs to be excellent?

But now, the only thing I can concentrate on is him. And I can hardly pretend, not for much longer, that I am not in love with him.

Because his life is in danger, now that the Hunger Games have started and he is the mentor of the tribute of district 12, a girl named Lucy Gray, everything is different.

He is different.

I know him long enough, that I see how much he cares for her. And because I'm good at pretending, I can see right through his actions.

He maybe likes the girl, but even though he tries to hide it, he cares more that he is the victor in the end.

And that is something that I find quite odd. I mean, he always wants to win, wants to be the best and on top or ahead of everyone. But he was always fair, human and supportive.

But his behavior changed as the days passed. Of course, it's obvious that the violence and torment that the game brings with changes you. More for the worse, than the better.

But it's not only the pressure he is under or the tension that he feels, because he needs the girl to win. It's something different and I notice that none of this is doing him any good. Especially for his heart.

Because he is being distant, he talks less, smiles less, is acting like a person I don´t even know anymore.

And it scares me, it hurts to see him losing himself in the process of being successful.

The last time we talked, he said something to me that left me awake all night, thinking about the decisions and sacrifices he has to make to achieve his goal.

He said: "I will become president and when I am on top, the world will be as cold as the snow in the winter. Nobody will oppose me."

It scared me. He scared me.

And maybe it was the change of his behavior or the cold look in his eyes, with which he looked at everyone or maybe it was because I started to fear him, that I distanced myself from him.

And even though I thought, he wouldnt notice, he did.

And it made everything complicated.

He tried to approach me, talking and joking like we always did, but it wasnt the same. Because he wasnt the same. Even though the color of his eyes was still as bright as the sun, the way he looked at me hid something that was as dark as the night.

I didnt know how I felt anymore.

Because when fear is equal to love, do I fear him then?

I guess I did and it made me sick in the stomach. He lied, he betrayed, he murdered, he did things, I would hate anyone for.

He did things for that I started to hate myself, because I couldnt hate him. Not when he really was the victim in this cruel world, even when he presented himself as the victor.

But for me, he didnt win. Because he rather lost something.

My trust for him.

And that made him angry, so much that he started to manipulate his way into my life again, when I decided that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

At first it would be small things. He continued opening the door for me, even though I didnt walk to class with him anymore.

He always saved me a seat next to him, although I decided to sit somewhere else. Then he started bribing the teachers, so that I had to do my assignments with him, he started showing up by almost every place I would go to.

He would give me roses that I wouldn't accept or visited me at work, always with a smile on his face. But I could tell it wasn't real.

He wasn't his real-self after all. He pretended to be someone else and I couldnt trust this new version of him.

He cut his hair short, nowadays wears expensive and neat clothes, always speaks in a formal voice and does polite gestures.

Small smiles, fake laughs, adoring looks which he uses to hide his real intentions behind a facade.

He enchanted the whole world.

But his magic didn't work on me and he became more and more aware of it as the days went by and I continued to ignore him.

And then, on one evening he visited my dorm and before I could close the door, he stood in my apartment and said something, I will forever keep in mind. His presence began to feel like a short movie, captivating me with each encounter.

"I know that you don't like the way things are now. But I am doing this to maintain peace, to keep the people in the place they belong. And I want you to know, that you just need to understand my actions and start to trust me again."

As he spoke, he started to walk towards me, looking me in the eyes, trying to convince me. I had no way out, all I could do was to back up until I hit the wall and he was standing right in front of me. Starring at me, like I needed to be on his side.

I tried to avoid his gaze and the deep blue that somehow always successfully convinced me. Until now.

"Please look at me, I´m telling you the truth. You know me, I´m still the same guy. Why don´t you believe me?" His hands brush my cheeks, roughly holding my face in his hands to keep my eyes on him.

It wasnt new to me that he loved to manipulate. I overheard some of his lies, the hidden betrayal of his own best friend and I couldnt be sure, that he wouldnt do the same to me too.

The only thing I knew was that his striving for power was taking over his being and I seemed powerless to do anything against it.

"I can´t trust you anymore, Coryo. You are acting different and all the things you did-" his face gets closer to me and my heartbeat becomes faster the less distance there is between our faces.

I can´t deny it.

He looks so beautiful.

Even though I want to talk, he leaves me speechless. As if the cold blue of his eyes froze me into a stature, that can only listen to him.

"Everything I did was for you. I know you love me, always have and always will. But you don't admit it to yourself, you don't want to admit it. I know how you feel for me, sweetheart and you have no reason to stop loving me now."

His words are like magic, his eyes like a hallucination, that everything is fine. His hands so warm and familiar that it's hard for me to remember the bad things he did.

That he's trying so hard to make me forget about.

His fingers move around my neck, his body comes closer to me until we touch, until I can only see him and only he matters.

His face is so close to mine and my eyes flutter - out of fear or anticipation, I don´t really know - until I feel his breathing on my ear.

"If you just let me make you remember the old time. Everything we did, the fun we had, how much we trusted each other. How much I still care and appreciate you. Stop thinking and let yourself feel."

His lips touch my skin and I have to suppress a whimper. I can breathe in his scent, his hands around me confuse my thoughts. My dreams from back then, imagining being able to have him, love him and touch him - they make me insecure about my decisions.

I wanted him for such a long time, that it now seems impossible for me to actually call him mine.

But coming to my senses, realising he is no longer the sweet gentleman I fell in love with, I want to stop him, by holding my hands out to push him back. However his hands react quickly and enclose mine with a firm grip to press them against the wall.

"No, listen to me. I never told you, but I heard you dreaming about me once. You whispered my name, like your heart longed for me, in a way you would never be able to truly understand your feelings for me. Like I am the god you pray for and I promise you, if you would just let me, I would fulfill your every wish. Because, together, you and me, we can become holy in our own, untouchable way. "

When I try to shake my head, his hands change so that one of them is holding both of my hands and the other one is grabbing my face.

"Don´t fight against me, darling. It wont work. You know it, I always win."

And as his hands hold my chin and I can hear my loud heartbeat, his lips meet mine in a wild kiss, clearly showing me the control he has over me.

And it's addicting, but so so dangerous.

His lips are soft against my own and he roughly kisses me, like he's the devil trying to steal my soul.

His body feels warm against my own and I'm weak for a moment, gently kissing him back, enjoying the way he smiles at my reaction.

His kisses becomes more heated, his hands are roaming over my nightgown and his fingers caress the exposed skin. Everything feels too good to be true.

But I can´t let myself enjoy this, I need to focus.

"No- Coryo. We cant-" I try to studder, breaking the kiss and hating the way he makes me feel. Because I feel so good, like only he can make me feel this way.

When I interrupt our kiss and while I try to assert myself against him, I notice his anger becoming more and more obvious.

"What I do is only to make you happy, why dont you understand? I want to see you happy and because of that, I have to do certain things. Just like now." His intense gaze is focused on me.

Without being able to do anything, I suddenly feel a liquid on my skin, that first makes me shiver because of the cold, but in the next second, I feel as hot as if I was standing in the desert and would be dying of thirst.

His touch begins to feel like the only solution and I want more. So, I lean into his touch and literally melt against his body as his lips brush mine.

"Fascinating, as Dr. Gaul said. It becomes one with the skin and intoxicates the senses." He whispers, but I can't figure out what he means by that. The only thing I can concentrate on is him. Why was I here again?

"You need me. You said it yourself, I'm here to remind you." His voice is quiet and I feel my thoughts dissolving. Only the sight of him remains in my head.

His look, those beautiful blue eyes, they distract me and I can´t ignore the desire that his lips are about to meet mine again. We're just centimeters apart and even if I try to stop it, my emotions change. I stop thinking about all the things he did.

Instead, all I can think about is his touch, his lips. And now that I know the ghost of his touch, I wouldn't want anything else.

So, I lean myself forward and kiss him.

It feels like my insides burns with desire, something that is so indescribable, that I don't even know, if I'm capable of feeling this love for too long.

My hands move to his shoulders and to his head, but my control is quickly suppressed as he pushes me back against the wall. So that I almost can't move.

His fingers lift my chin up, I see him grinning smugly at me in triumph.

"Good girl, you only need to listen to me. No one else." And I want to believe him so much, that I suddenly want to forget my doubts.

So, I let him make me forget. His hands roam my body, freeing me from my clothes and holding me where he wants me.

And I let him because I remember that I always wanted him to have his way with me. And when I look at his face, I no longer differentiate. For me, only my Coryo exists.

I close my eyes and lose myself in these sensations, the heat of his words and his actions.

His lips are soft, his kisses leave me with an unknown want and I can't do anything other than just take everything he gives me.

When he strips me out of my pants and unbottons my blouse, he lifts me up against the wall. His hips are pressed against my waist and his kisses travel from my lips down to my chest.

"Everything I do is for you." His words sound familiar.

"You will never doubt me again, I promise you. I'll make sure of that. From now on, you will feel this good forever. Because of me, you hear me? Only because of me, always me." His words cover me like a veil, but I'm unable to process them. My head is so empty and just like he said, I only feel.

I've never not thought about nothing and even if it should unnerve me, I can't even remember to be bothered about it.

As my hands try to move further down to his back and my nails leave marks on his back, his hand squeezes my neck like a warning.

"I am in control, you do as I say. Now take off my pants, so I can fuck you until you believe in me again." I can't think straight, when his hands are undressing me, cupping my breasts and turning me on in a way, I only want to be here with him.

As soon as my hands undress him and his pants are pulled down, he tears my panties apart, meeting my lips in a wanting kiss.

I feel one of his fingers slipping through my wet folds, pumping roughly two fingers inside me. My mouth opens and moans escape me, while I hold myself onto his shoulders.

"You needed to play hard to get, huh? Look who is at my mercy now." My body is still pressed against the wall and as my eyes close on their own, I suddenly feel his tip at my entrance.

And when I want to protest, he places his hand on my mouth to keep me quiet.

"No talking back to me. If you don't listen, I will make you." He pushes himself into me and I feel every vein as his hands direct mine against the wall behind me.

When he starts fucking me, I'm sure I'll pass out.

"C-cant take- too big, please" I dont even know how to speak properly anymore. His hands hold me tight and his thrusts are so brutal, that I barely have enough concentration to breathe.

"What did you say? You want to please me? Then shut your mouth and let me use you." With every harsh thrust, I feel my muscles become more and more relaxed and only he is holding me up now. I can't concentrate on anything else other than him inside me.

My thoughts begin to only focus on being good for him.

I feel like my soul is leaving my body. All I can hear is the dull clapping of our bodies, my loud moans and his heavy breathing.

As he buries his head in the crook of my neck, I softly whimper his name.

I feel how he tenses, when he react to me calling his nickname. His eyes shift to me and suddenly he lets go of my arms and I put them around his shoulders without hesitation. The position now is much more intimate and I scratch his back as his thrusts become even deeper and harder.

I hear his heavy breathing and feel his arms wrap around mine too.

"Tell me you want me." His voice is menacingly quiet. When I don't answer, too focused on his hips thrusting into me, he lets go of the wall and lays me on my bed.

"Fine, I will make you say it then." He sits down and pulls me onto his lap with my back to him, sliding his cock into me again. I moan so loudly, that I notice him grinning contentedly against my shoulder.

"You like that? Good, everyone will know how me you like me, when I'm done with you." His hand directs me so his chest touches my back and one of his hands moves to wrap around my neck.

"You will get used to doing what I want and you will do it, because you want to. You hear me? You won't stay away from me anymore, you belong to me. Everything you do is for me and only me." My thoughts are so confused, I can't think straight anymore. All I know is that I have never felt so good and that he is the reason for my pleasure.

"But I fucked you dumb so it seems. Pretty, little thing. You are like my personal doll, that I can use as I please. This turns me on even more than I would have thought." He pushes me further down on him, making me bounce until that one special spot in me is abused over and over again. And all I can utter are useless words and loud moans.

"B-blue" I hear him chuckle darkly in response.

I'm no longer certain, that I'm even laying in the arms of the person I once loved so much.

"You should have let me fucked you much sooner. It would have destroyed any resistance you had towards me. Just like now and just like I wanted." His voice whispers in my ear and my head leans against his shoulders, my mouth opens and I feel every inch of him inside me.

His hand strokes the skin, where my heart lays and I feel his lips brush against my ear.

"If this heart ever beats for anyone else other than me, everyone in this world will die and I won't be afraid to tell you that it is entirely your fault."

I collapse in his arms, when I come, going completely limp and vulnerable, unable to move. This time I only seem to be physically present.

His arms wrap around me and he let me sink onto him again, then I hear his voice whispering promises into the dark room.

"You cant ever escape me. I will always find you and I will always get you."

[metalhoops]

Corroded Coffin didn’t ‘do’ love songs. 

It wasn’t some unwritten rule or unspoken theory that they were too ‘cool’ for love songs. Hell, metal ballads were a whole subgenre. Even W.A.S.P. had a love song. 

It was just that in their three years as a band, they’d never written a single love song. If Corroded Coffin had a lyricist, it was Eddie. It wasn’t as though other members hadn’t tried their hand at writing. Gareth and Jeff had written a handful of songs between them, as well as helped Eddie polish a couple of verses. Grant had even written a chorus, but generally, the lyrics of a Corroded Coffin song were, first and foremost, Eddie’s brainchild. 

The closest they’d ever gotten to writing a love song was ‘Killer Konnection’, and that was all Jeff. Though it was more about lust than love. So you could imagine the boys' shock when Eddie showed up to band practice and played them a love song. 

It was unlike any of their other material. Since Eddie disappeared back in March after being framed for a series of murders, the songs he’d written had changed. That hadn’t surprised the boys. Being proverbially run out of town with pitchforks could really change a guy’s view of the world. He pulled out some killer prose about red skies filled with bats and dark wizards out for deathly revenge. But they’d never heard Eddie write anything like the song he played for them that morning. He hadn’t even named it. Though Gareth caught a glimpse in Eddie’s notebook and saw it was going by the tentative title of ‘S’. A mysterious name for a mysterious song. 

Sure, ‘S’ had all the hallmarks of a Corroded Coffin song. It had the killer beat spurred on by the anxiety-inducing pounding drumbeat and base, accompanied by thrashing guitars and raw vocals, but the lyrics? Downright Robert Smith or Morrissey vibes. Maybe ‘love song’ was too harsh. Really, it was a song about longing. Even the guitar chords appeared to ache under the weight of the song. 

The song left the three other members of Corroded Coffin asking one question. What the hell happened with Eddie? They’d known Eddie was gay since before they’d become a band. It wasn’t like the boys were the type for adhering to societal conventions anyway. 

It’d be another year before Gareth decided he didn’t particularly have any preference as to who he fell in love with, and Grant? He decided he’d rather play D&D and work on creating his own tabletop RPG than date anyone, anytime soon. Thank you very much. Jeff was the token straight friend, though he did like wearing eyeliner and painting his nails, so people thought what they would. 

They knew Eddie had dated guys — maybe ‘dated’ was too strong a word. They knew Eddie had hooked up with guys but none of them had inspired such a response. They made it their mission to work out who the hell ‘S’ was about, and maybe try to knock some sense into him. Eddie’s song sounded so damn heartbreaking. They were his best friends. They had to do something. 

It wasn’t until their next Hellfire session that all the pieces fell into place. Since Hawkins burst of Satanic Panic, D&D at the high school was no longer an option, so they’d been couch surfing across different members’ houses. How they ended up at the Harringtons’ the Corroded Coffin boys would never know. They knew Dustin and the younger kids were friends with the guy, but since he’d gotten off the hook for the town murders, Eddie and Steve had gotten close. 

The men had eyes. It was clear to see by the way Eddie’s focus honed in on Steve the second he entered the room, the guy was equal parts smitten and grief-stricken. It was also painfully apparent Steve was oblivious. Not Eddie falling for a straight guy, again. That always ended poorly. 

Yet there were moments, the boys questioned how one-sided the affair was. Gareth noticed the way Steve went straight to Eddie after the session was over. He asked about the game. He knew Harrington didn’t give two shits about D&D but he listened attentively, nodding his head and narrowing his eyes as though in deep concentration as Eddie spoke. Weird. 

He was also nice to the Corroded Coffin boys. Uncharacteristically nice.  Harrington got a little snarky with the kids. He’d make jabs about them making sure to use coasters or get their feet off the coffee table, but the Corroded Coffin boys? It was nothing but small talk and platitudes, as though he was trying particularly hard to be nice and non-offensive. Why would Harrington care what they thought? 

Eddie was always the last to arrive at rehearsals, which left plenty of time for the men to discuss. One pressing question: was Steve actually queer? Gareth said yes, Jeff said no and Grant wanted to be excluded from the conversation. The next, had anything actually happened between Eddie and Steve? After going through ‘S’s lyrics with a fine-toothed comb, they all agreed on ‘maybe’. Which was less than helpful. The boys weren’t usually the type for meddling but Eddie had been downright mopey all month.  They needed to do something. 

Gareth took one for the team at the next Hellfire session held at the Harringtons’. They’d been playing for three hours straight and were taking a well-deserved break. The kids were eating lunch while Eddie was smoking out back near Steve’s pool. Harrington was cleaning plates in the kitchen, so Gareth offered to help. He’d never been subtle, so he began the conversation with a sentence that seemed to hit Steve, much like a sledgehammer to the face. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Steve looked at Gareth wide-eyed, all deer in headlights, dull doe eyes. Gareth didn’t understand Eddie’s seemingly deep and aching love for the guy, but he was easy enough on the eyes. 

“No. Not currently,” Steve fumbled. 

“Oh. Okay cool.” Gareth paused for too long. He should’ve had a better plan than just ‘talk to Steve’. 

“Do you want one?” 

“A girlfriend?” Steve clarified, still looking both alarmed and dumbfounded. 

“A friend. Who doesn’t happen to have to be a girl,” Gareth circumnavigated. People said Harrington was dumb, but the guy appeared to catch onto what he was implying too quickly for an entirely straight ex-jock. 

“I-uh. I don’t know you that well,” Steve mumbled, his eyes suddenly glued to the dishes in the sink. 

Holy fucking shit, Steve Harrington thought he was asking him out. Nope. NO. Abort. Gareth needed to crawl into a deep, dark hole for the foreseeable future. He had no clue what he’d said to Steve. He just got himself the hell out of there. Steve spent the rest of the session being annoyingly nice to him, without mentioning the awkward moment in the kitchen. Gareth spent the time wanting to crawl inside himself and puke. Eddie was going to be so mad if he ever found out. 

With all his inner turmoil, it wasn’t until he left the Harringtons’ that he realised, Steve hadn’t turned Gareth down because he was a guy. He’d turned him down because they didn’t know each other. Holy shit. There was hope.  

At the next rehearsal, he managed to sway the other band members into believing that despite their (and likely Eddie’s) assumptions, Steve Harrington wasn’t as ‘totally straight, off limits’ as they’d assumed. It was Jeff’s turn to have a plan. He kept the other members in the dark, besides his exclamation of ‘I have a plan’. By the time the plan came to fruition, it’d sunk into the back of the band members’ collective subconscious. 

The band was playing at The Hideout and Jeff insisted they change their setlist to include ‘S’. There wasn’t much argument.  When it was time to play the song, Jeff quickly introduced it, dedicating it to ‘someone special in the crowd’. It was then that the other Corroded Coffin boys were suddenly on hyper-alert, searching the crowd for whatever poor girl Jeff had decided to fall for, when all three sets of unassuming eyes found the familiar face of Steve Harrington lingering in the back booth. He stuck out like a sore thumb amongst their regulars. 

Eddie looked ready to puke or run but the boys quickly counted him in, and they were off to the races. Eddie couldn’t resist a catchy hook. Once the setlist was over, Eddie remained hiding backstage, pacing and looking ready to actually commit a string of murders while muttering ‘what the fuck did you do?’ whether to himself or the rest of the band, they didn’t know. 

Eventually, a familiar figure appeared at the backstage door. Steve knocked tentatively before peeking in. He gave an awkward half-hearted wave to the other members before making a beeline for Eddie. 

“I got your note,” Steve said, the note all band members were now sure Jeff had somehow engineered. 

“I liked the song, it was kind of sad though...” Steve muttered, gazing down at his shoes: dentist’s teeth fresh, white reeboks. Who wore reeboks to a metal show at a bar? 

Much to the dismay of the other Corroded Coffin members, Grant chose that moment to get involved. He ushered Gareth and Jeff out to the front of house, out of earshot. Leaving Steve and Eddie to have their conversation in private. 

The next week, Eddie arrived at rehearsals early, with Steve Harrington and a new, real Corroded Coffin love song in tow. 

[werepuppy-steve]

strawberry wine

real life has got me feeling stressed and uncertain so, naturally, i started thinking about a previous fic, which can also be read here

The kitchen’s dark, save for the light above the sink. Steve is elbow deep in soapy dish water when the radio on the china hutch behind him clicks on, a soft country ballad trickling into the quiet space. Arms wrap around his waist and Steve huffs a laugh as he reaches for the dish rag to dry his hands.

He turns in Eddie’s arms and is met with an expression that’s so open and full of love. It still catches Steve off guard sometimes, still not used to being loved by someone who proudly shows all of his emotions on his sleeve.

Eddie takes Steve’s hand in his as they sway in the dim light. Steve buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder and closes his eyes, letting him take the lead.

I still remember

When thirty was old

My biggest fear was September

When he had to go

The lyrics are like an arrow in Steve’s stomach. He grips Eddie’s shoulder tighter and presses closer to him as they continue to sway in the slow circle. Eddie just rubs a soothing hand up and down his back.

A few cards and letters

And one long distance call

We drifted away

Like the leaves in the fall

Doesn’t mention the tears seeping through his shirt or the way Steve’s shoulders wrack with silent sobs. Eddie presses a kiss above his hair and holds him tighter while he croons softly.

Strawberry wine and seventeen

The hot July moon, saw everything

My first taste of love

Whoa, bittersweet

“I don’t want you to go,” Steve admits against his shoulder, feeling a bit like a child throwing a tantrum. He thinks he’s allowed to be a little selfish when it feels like his whole world is being ripped away from him.

Robin’s transferring her community college credits to a state school after her gap year ends and the kids are a month away from graduation and starting their own college journeys.

Corroded Coffin’s been noticed. Their gigs at The Hideout have been growing ever since Eddie’s name was cleared and the murder charges were dropped and there was an actual scout at their last one. Talked to the band and showed them a pretty picture of fame and fortune.

And a way out of this cursed town.

And Steve? Steve has no idea where he’s headed in life. He gave college a try three separate times after Vecna and dropped out each time after a semester. Too stupid to understand what his professors were talking about and unable to keep up with the workload while also working full time.

What good is he if the world isn’t ending? If he isn’t being the protector, the body they need when shit goes sideways (it always goes sideways.) His parents were at least kind enough to pay off the mortgage and cover the utilities for at least a year before they fucked off to God knows where, but once that’s up? Family Video only pays so much and he’s definitely not being paid to drive the brats around every weekend.

“I know,” Eddie says, because they’ve already talked about it. The band’s been invited up to Chicago to meet with label executives next month to let them hear some samples of their music, and that means the possibility of signing a contract and finally getting their big break.

Steve is so, so proud of him.

He’s also so, so lost.

They’ve stopped dancing. Eddie is still running his fingertips along his spine comfortingly. Steve sniffs and pulls back just enough to look at him. His boyfriend has opted for a flannel over a band t-shirt today. Steve fiddles with the collar and doesn’t meet Eddie’s concerned eyes.

“But you have to go.” He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. “I can’t hold you back from something you’ve waited your whole life for.” He gives Eddie a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Corroded Coffin is your baby.”

Eddie cups his face and frowns. “You’ll always come first, you know that, right? Even if I’m on the other side of the world, as soon as you say the word, I’ll come right back to you.”

Steve does know that, and it scares the absolute shit out of him. Being loved so completely and unconditionally. It’s been almost three years and he’s is ashamed to admit he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Eddie to wake up and realize he could do so much better than a washed-up has-been who peaked in high school.

For him to realize that Steve Harrington isn’t actually a good dude after all.

But he wants this thing with Eddie to last longer than three years. He wants forever with him and he can only hope that Eddie wants the same. So he swallows down his insecurities and self doubt and leans into Eddie’s space, pressing their noses together and taking the lead of the dance this time.

“I promise not to call too often, then.”

taglist (mutuals lmk if you want to be added!): @yournowheregirl @steves-strapcollection @thefreakandthehair @stobinesque @vecnuthy

@tboygareth @flowercrowngods @starryeyedjanai @matchingbatbites @corrodedbisexual

@theheadlessphilosopher @patchworkgargoyle @sentient-trash @wormdebut @legitcookie

@corrodedcoughin @steddieas-shegoes @wynnyfryd @sidekick-hero @simplebtromance

[finnish-kingdom-hearts]

Why I love the Alan Wake/ Alex Casey pairing:

The Minstrel's Ballad: Enemies to Lovers trope (Ultimate)

From wherever Alice truly was, Alan could feel his wife’s emphatic approval of her husband’s advances on Alex. Her words, as soft as whispers in a breeze, reverberated in Alan’s head.

“Contrary to universes’ belief, you two are allowed to be happy for once. Go for it.”

Alan dreamed about Casey’s varied loves and found himself wishing he’d been on the receiving end of his detective’s affections. His very first drafts of his Alex Casey stories were more amorously charged, Casey finding his lovers on a wider spectrum. But Alan knew, at the time and the world being the world, his books wouldn't sell that way. So reluctantly, Alan knew certain changes to the detective's tastes would need to be made to reach a wider audience.

The detective’s romances would always ended in tear-jerking tragedy, femme fatales crushing Casey's heart leaving the man hollow and raw by the end of each book. It was a fate Alan longed to change for the man but his readers loved the drama all too well. As time went on, the writer shared his desire for his original version of Casey with Alice who gave him every variety of “well DUH” she could think of. Alan was as content as he’d ever be with this secret crush on his very fictional detective.

Casey was everything Alan thought he wasn’t. Alan put all of the things he knew he couldn’t overcome into the Casey books. Every challenge he knew would destroy him he eagerly threw Casey into head first. Casey in his early life solved problems with his fists until finding his calling solving the worst crimes the sordid city had to offer. As hard as he got knocked down, Casey would always stand back up and his fans loved him for it. Rooftop shoot outs, soul shattering betrayals. The writer had left long trails of scars both visible and invisible on his detective. And that was ok. His Alex Casey wasn’t real.

FBI agent Alex Casey however was very much real and was very much pissed off at the writer from the moment he emerged from the lake’s shore. Years of jokes the moment he said his name out loud, years of that damn murder cult in NYC sending him their twisted work based on Wake’s novels.

Then the events of Bright Falls happened. His memories rewritten, whatever he had experienced in the Dark Place, his side throbbing from a wound he didn’t have. The contents of his skull felt rearranged from Scratch’s possession. The thought of that monster hunting and tormenting Alan for more than a decade made him sick.

Which brought his thoughts back to the writer. His rage towards him had dulled into a manageable annoyance reserved for anyone not Saga adjacent. The Wake of 2023 was a shadow of the man he’d glared at on the newsstands before his disappearance, nothing like the arrogant blowhard he expected him to be.

Casey stood strong through the multiple times wake tried to apologize for… everything. He noticed how flushed the writer’s cheeks would get when he was close, how his voice would stammer ever so slightly. He noticed how dry his throat got when someone mentioned the writer, his hand reaching for the nearest cup of coffee to block his reddening face. He also noticed the raised eyebrows and slight smile Saga gave Casey from across the room. Casey rolled his eyes. Maybe it was the after effects of this damn lake. He wasn’t developing feelings for this wet cat of a man. He wasn’t.

[hotfuss]

rolling stone france september 2021

edit: translation now available thanks to the wonderful @likemonstersinlove!

- INTERVIEW -

THE KILLERS

America afterwards

DEEP DIVE INTO THE KILLERS’ AMERICA

Pressure machine depicts the daily life of a small american town in a springsteenian style deftly taken on by their singer, Brandon Flowers. The band tell of their reunion with guitarist Dave Keuning and consider their return to the scene with prudence.

At the onset of the pandemic, when it became obvious that the Killers 2020 tour would not happen, Brandon Flowers started thinking back to his childhood spent in the small isolated town of Nephi, Utah. “There was a nostalgia in the air and a little bit of sadness too, " says the singer, "all those stories resurfaced as I was thinking back to the place where I was in the 90s.”

These “stories” make up the fertile ground for the Killers’ new opus, Pressure Machine, released August 13th, a concept album about life in Nephi told from the point of view of several of the town’s inhabitants, that broaches varied topics: [from] prescription drug abuse to poverty, by way of criminality, drugs, homophobia and depression. Despite the dark tone of the record, there are strokes of hope and joy sprinkled along the album.

“When I was writing these songs, I was thinking among other things of Sherwood Anderson’s Winesburg, Ohio, or of John Steinbeck’s The Pastures of heaven, says Flowers, where multiple short stories all take place in the same setting. For some reason, I dared to try it myself. Once I realised they were going to take place here and they would be true stories, everything became obvious to us.”

Brandon Flowers wrote the lyrics before the music was composed, scattering pictures of Nephi around his [computer] keyboard to get inspiration. When they were ready, the band gathered in their studio in Cotati, California, with producers Jonathan Rado and Shawn Everett, 

|| “BRANDON FLOWERS WROTE THE LYRICS BEFORE THE MUSIC WAS COMPOSED, SCATTERING PICTURES OF NEPHI AROUND HIS KEYBOARD TO GET INSPIRATION.”||

the same team who worked on Imploding the Mirage the year prior. It was early 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic. “It was hard, says Flowers, Shawn has a penchant for hypochondria. He would wear glasses, a protective visor, and three masks in the studio. It was crazy. The bassist Marl [Stoermer] also had a hard time, and he could not get into the studio. But we would wear masks as well and get tested regularly. We were quite diligent.”

The album opens with “West Hills”, which tells the story of a desperate Nephi townie who gets arrested for “oxy” possession. “They got me for possession of them hillbilly heroin pills enough to kill the horses that run free in the west hills”, sings Flowers. The record turns even darker with “Terrible Thing”, which focuses on a gay teenager contemplating suicide. “There were kids I grew up with and only discovered years later that they were gay, recalls Flowers, it must have been so hard on them. I think the world is progressing in a more positive and more inclusive direction, but it was still the 90s and people would keep such things to themselves.”

Most of the songs are pulled from Flowers’ own memories in Nephi or things he read these past few years, but in “Desperate Things”, he chose to write the fictional story of a cop falling in love with a victim of domestic violence and ends up murdering her husband. It’s a story that would have easily found its place in Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska, and that is unlike any other song from the Killers’ repertoire.

“I chose a story that caused a scandal in town when I lived there, and I took a few liberties in the third verse to turn it into a murderous ballad, explains Flowers. In a typical pop or rock song, there are only two verses. It’s only when you start looking into Springsteen and [John] Prine, for example, that you find a third or fourth verse. But it only serves to flesh out a story.”

“In Another Life” and “In The Car Outside” linger over disappointed dreams and bitter regrets of middle age, but the album ends on a true hope with “The Getting By”. “But maybe it's the stuff it takes to get up in the morning and put another day in, son that holds you 'til the getting's good…”

The album includes appearances from Joe Pug, Sara Watkins and Phoebe Bridgers, and marks the return of the Killers guitarist Dave Keuning. He did not take part in Imploding the Mirage or the last tours because of personal problems and the exhaustion from the long years spent on the roads. He was not involved in the entire creative process, but “In The Car Outside” and “A Pressure Machine” both start off on his guitar lines, and he plays on other songs from the album. “It was cool that he came back, declares drummer Ronnie Vannucci Jr. You always realise what someone brings to the table the moment he comes into or out fo a room. It was nice to have his input again in the studio. We’ve been playing together for about 20 years. It felt good.”

They had almost finished recording when they decided to send an NPR employee to Nephi to record interviews with the inhabitants. He came back with incredibly personal stories, so lively that the band decided to open each song on the album with excerpts from those recordings. “We were right in the mastering phase, but to us, it was the last ingredient we needed to complete the project," says Vannucci. It gave us a better grounding in reality than our interpretations through songs and music… They were people with their accents and their stories. It’s what allowed us to put the project together and strengthen it.”

The band gave a virtual concert at the end of June for the Splendour in the Grass festival in Australia, with Keuning and Stoermer back on stage with the band for the first time in years, but they aren’t planning to launch an official tour before next March when they go to New Zealand. They will perform in North America in August 2022. But first, they performed on August 21st at the We Love NYC concert in Central Park, along with Bruce Springsteen, Paul Simon, LL Cool J, Elvis Costello and many others.

They will also be playing the Firefly Festival in Delaware on September 24th, and the Sandjam Music Festival in Florida at the beginning of October. For now, according to the band, Keuning is planning to join them on the road, but Stoermer will stay home. Tour bassist Jake Blanton will take his place again.

“We will play a trial concert in Terminal 5 [in New York] before the Central Park concert, " declares Flowers. We’ve had incredible concerts at Terminal 5. I cannot stop thinking about the song we’re gonna open the set with. I hope I’ll keep my cool. Playing live is a part of our identity and it’s something that we missed, this connection to the people of this community.”

Many bands are currently on the road, including Dave Matthews Band, Phish, and Green Day, but the Killers are being very careful by accepting no major concert as headline act before 2022. “We don’t want to be a band that spreads Covid or the K variant, " explains Vannucci. There are a lot of unknowns related to touring and questions of responsibility. And just out of respect for the people and so that everyone stays healthy, we wanted to remain prudent in that regard and not jump the gun too fast.”

Even if they will have two full albums filled with songs they have never played live when they get back on the road, they’re already considering another record. The band is at the very early stages of conception. “We had meetings for a week in San Diego notlong ago, at  Dave’s, says Flowers. We were together the four of us, it was the first time we were doing that in years. But we must rehearse in January for the tour. I don’t know if we’ll find the time [to finish another album], but we will certainly meet again before Christmas.”

In the meantime, Flowers is eager to share Pressure Machine with the world. And working on the album finally gave him the opportunity to see Nephi in a very different light. “When I was a teenager, I wanted to leave. It’s only way later that I developed a better understanding and another view of this town’s beauty. I was so free there. People didn’t even need to lock their doors. I had a different upbringing there. I can appreciate that now.”

captions:

page 4

GLITTER

On stage, Brandon likes to call to mind his hometown of Las Vegas, Sin City. And has great fun with it. Here at the Bonaroo festival in 2018.

page 6

MEMORY

The Killers spent the lockdown recording their new concept album.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group D, Round 1, Poll 1:

Propaganda under the cut

Morgana Pendragon

yes

Linda Monroe

Alright. So. Linda Monroe, President of the Hatchetfield Boating Society, mother of four beautiful blond boys, wife of Dr Gerald Monroe, daughter of Roman Murray. How does one begin to describe Linda Monroe? In Black Friday, she gaslights, gatekeeps and girlbosses her way into becoming a cult leader. Now, to be fair, that hadn't been her initial goal. The only reason she was headed to ToyZone that Black Friday was to buy four of these new Wiggly dolls for her sons. She didn't know, of course, that 'Wiggly' was really Wiggog Y'Wrath, an eldritch being from between universes who was planning to enter and destroy our world via the dolls. But after the queue leading into ToyZone escalates into a brawl over the doll, Linda fights harder and more viciously than anyone else. After the mob scatters and Linda is left doll-less, she is of course approached by one of Wiggly's loyal servants, who offers her the choice position of being Wiggly's prophet and forming the cult that will construct the portal for the dark god to travel into our world through. She's such a girlboss that she gets TWO villain songs - her power ballad, Adore Me, about how epic it is that she has all these people mindlessly obeying your will, and the eleventh-hour villain song, Wiggle, about how glorious it'll be when Wiggly rises to reshape the universe. She's such a girlboss that she escapes being physically restrained by our heroes by just screaming really loudly at them and breaking someone's wrist. (deep breath) And that's just Black Friday. Let me tell you about what went down at the Honey Queen Pageant. Linda REALLY wanted to win this pageant. And to win it, she'd to anything - blackmail, bribery, fabricating an entire fake Broadway audition to cause her opponent to lose her voice the day before the pageant, targeting all other opponents she considered a threat and taking them out one by one, in various ways including but not limited to: trapping them on a fake cruise that crashed on purpose in order to delay them, digging up old dirt on them to force them to drop out due to the controversy, and full-on murder them backstage (to be fair, though, that one was playing just as dirty). She wins by bloodthirstiness alone, then executes an incredible Queen B-style rap ballad to cement her victory. Too bad the whole thing turned out to be a front for determining the next sacrifice for Nibblenephim, or 'Nibbly', a dark eldritch being and one of Wiggly's brothers. Linda Monroe gaslit, gatekept and girlbossed her way into becoming a prophet for a Lord In Black - twice. And that's why she deserves to sweep this tournament. Hopefully the prize for winning this one WON'T be 'being eaten alive by a giant mouth'.

[spacebarbarianweird]

The Rogue and The Barbarian

Summary: Six months after the game, Astarions asks Tiriel why she's stayed with him.

Pairing: Astarion x OC (Tiriel)

Tags: fluff, hurt/comfort, post-game, patch 5 epilogue, named Tav, established relationship, f!tav

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

This line from the epilogue really got me so I decided to write the confession scene featuring my beloved OC Tav named Tiriel.

One night he tells you that these six months of happy memories are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery.

Thanks @satanicspinosaurus for the amazing work as a beta-reader. Your comments and suggestions were super helpful.

Tiriel is a half-elf Barbarian with Chaotic Good allignment. More about her here

Steam rises over a small pond at the back of the cave, and it almost looks as good as a hot bath in the inn. The warm spring nicely heats the air, contrasting to the cold nights Astarion and Tiriel have faced for the last few months. 

Six months, to be precise.

Astarion cautiously approaches the pond. The murky surface can’t reflect anyone, and the vampire touches the water. 

"Go on, I'll join you!" Tiriel says, and her voice echoes in the cave.

"Don't make me wait too long, then," he answers.

Six months ago, the tadpole which allowed him to walk in the sun dissapeared. Six months ago, the insane adventure he had found himself in was over. Six months ago, he murdered the monster who had made him a vampire. 

Six months ago, he became free. 

Astarion undresses, laying his clothes beside the pool. The clothes are dirty with blood, and so is he.

Being naked feels weird and uneasy. The sense of vulnerability returns as he sits at the pond's edge, submerging his legs in warm water. 

It would be naïve to believe his demons and darkness would disappear after the monster's death. That the gnawing void in his chest would somehow miraculously heal in one day. His darkness lingers in his mind daily, devouring thoughts and sanity. The only thing he can do is fight. 

Astarion takes a piece of cloth and starts washing dirt off his skin. If only it was possible to wash away all the non-consensual touches he'd endured over years. To forget, to peel it off. 

If only…

A soft thump takes Astarion out of his thoughts, and he sees a pile of clothes getting bigger – adding Tiriel's trousers and shirt under her armor. 

Tiriel stays at the edge beside him for a heartbeat and then jumps into the water, splashing Astarion with a warm wave. 

"Finally!" the half-elf says, returning to the surface and sitting at the pond's edge. 

Astarion can't take his eyes away from Tiriel. Hair, red as fire. Her right eye is greyish blue, like the autumn sky. The other used to be green as spring before the hag had transformed it. 

Freckles dance all over her body, especially plenty on her back. Half-elven ears with a thin scar on one of them. Breasts, small and perky. A bigger bottom. "Elven tits but human butt!" she once told him after receiving yet another playful slap from him. Hands so elegant and feminine, elven-like. Legs more human-like, thick, and strong. 

She is stuck between two worlds and takes the best from both. 

Tiriel the Barbarian is a woman of no kin and no home. 

"Need help?" she asks.

"I am pretty capable of washing myself."

"I know, but do you need help?"

"Yes, please."

Tyrael smiles and kneels behind him with a piece of rag.

"Tell me if it hurts".

He nods. Somehow, being both naked doesn't have anything sexual. It is something else, some new level of intimacy. Tiriel lovingly washes his body, and her touches are gentle and caring. Occasionally, she plants a kiss, and a shiver goes down his spine.

Astarion relaxes, closing his eyes like a content cat. His world reduces to the sound of dripping water and Tiriel's humming.

The song sounds unfamiliar. Sometimes, Astarion thinks he's already heard all the songs and ballads Tiriel knows. Still, every other evening, she chooses another. Sometimes, he thinks she composes them, but she laughs at the suggestion.

Astarion, my heart, do I look like a bard to you? It's just how humans tell their stories.

Astarion concentrates on Tiriel's voice and her gentle caress. She starts washing his hair, massaging the scalp with long, stiff fingers.

"I never heard this song."

“It’s a ballad of half-elves. A human woman falls in love with an elf. She offers him gifts – a heavy sword made of iron, sleeping potions to make him dream, a fur cape to warm him in the coldest winter, a stallion fast as the wind. And he just mocks her. Because human lives are short and their ways are animalistic. But it seems the mocking is dishonest, since half-elves are born anyway."

Astarion catches her arm and presses lips against Tiriel's wrist. She giggles and nuzzles his neck.

"Which would you take if someone offered you such gifts?"

"Difficult choice," Astarion chuckles. "I don't think I could pick up the sword; horses fear me. The cape sounds nice."

"The cape enchanted with fire magic - that has its own warmth," Tiriel sings.

"Then definitely the cape."

She laughs. "I would have taken the sword."

"Who would ever doubt that, my ferocious love?"

Tiriel hugs Astarion from behind, placing her cheek on the upper part of his scars. Her grip is tight, as if she tries not to let him fall. 

Astarion places a palm over her hands. Tiriel is so warm. He doesn't want to let her go. If, a mere year ago, someone told him that this would be his life very soon enough-he would bitterly laugh at their faces.

Freedom? A monster dying a painful death? Tiriel? Those things were unreal. 

Tiriel finally lets him go and returns to washing herself. 

"Tiriel"

She looks up at him. Her eyes were so close he could see the green iris behind the foggy hag eye.

"What is it?"

"Why do you stay?"

She pulls back a bit.

"What do you mean?"

"I – I don't understand why you are with me. You could choose any man but chose me. Why?"

Tiriel is silent and Astarion fears he has hurt her. There is an instinct to apologize, to beg for forgiveness. He shouldn’t have asked. 

She sighs. "Apart from the fact you are the most beautiful and handsome man I ever met in my life?"

"Six months ago, I would have thought that was enough."

Tiriel takes his hand. "Look at me, please." 

Her smile shines like the summer sun. "You want to know why I am with you? Because you sometimes think that I am with you either for pity or just because of your looks?"

He nods. 

"I love you for being brave. For being strong. All these decades of torments and you preserved yourself. You survived where madness was the only choice. You never allowed to break yourself. What can be more heroic? Every day you fight the darkness in your soul – and win. It is an invisible fight but, gods, it's more formidable than fighting dragons and monsters. I can see it. I see it daily, and I admire you for that. Because accepting darkness is easy."

She touches a loose strand of silver hair and kisses his cheek. "I love you for being so smart and good with words. I can't even read – and you know so many things I didn't even know existed! You open a new world for me, every day!"

"You know I can teach you how to read?"

"My eyes hurt when these letters jump on the page."

"Unless the book is enchanted, they are not supposed to."

Tiriel cups his cheek and plants a kiss on his forehead.

"You care about me. You protect me. No one ever did! I am this wild warrior girl who can kill a giant with one swift of her sword. Who can be beaten to death and then stands up with bones broken and wounds bleeding and shrugs it all away. No matter how in pain I was, no one ever asked me how I felt. No one cared. Do you know why people like me drink ale all the time, especially celebrating victories? Because we're in pain. But we can't show it, it's a weakness. And we can't be weak."

Tiriel suddenly turns her eyes away, and Astarion sees a glimpse of pain as if she re-lives those moments. He pictures a wounded woman who drinks herself to numbness while people cheer her for slaying a monster. Then a bleeding half-elf curled up in the tent, hollow and miserable. 

"But you – you care. When I don't rage anymore, when I feel the pain and exhaustion again, I don't have to think how to get back to camp and make sure my companions don't steal my part of the loot. I can just fall into your arms and let you take care of the rest. Washing me, helping to undress. You help me with my flesh wounds and broken bones. You wait till I recover – and don't let me risk myself."

"It would be cruel to let you return to the fight with internal bleeding."

"Aastarion, that's the point. I've never had anyone who would do that to me. I never knew I could sleep so worriless. My heart, you are safety. You are protection. You let me hide behind your back. No one ever did. Because if someone with a two-handed sword joins your party, she is supposed to protect you. Sometimes I would vomit blood after the fight and people would surround a delicate looking maiden-sorceress who was just shocked by seeing so much blood and gore. I was always the last one to get the potion or healing. I am Tiriel the Barbarian, after all. No one would check up on me, no one would look after me. But you – you do that. Astarion, you can't even apprehend how much love there is inside you. And how much I need it."

Astarion finally makes himself move and pulls Tiriel closer. She wraps her hands around his neck. 

"You remind me of a fairytale I loved as a girl. When I was beaten by my mother and when my stepfather called me a "fairy bastard," I would run to the village healer and listen to his wife telling fairy tales. There was one which always caught my attention.”

"A long time ago there was a warrior woman whose ancestors were giants. She was fierce and strong. One day she got a mission – to kill a monster. She realized the monster was indeed an enchanted prince. She broke his chains and they married. I always pictured this prince as an elf in my head. Like, he was described as someone very beautiful. It couldn't be a human! Human males are ugly. Or maybe it was my own desperate hope my elven father would come back and take me with him".

"And what is more important, you understand me. You laugh at my stupid jokes. You know how to make me feel better. I love talking to you. I never thought I would find someone I would be so comfortable with. Yes, I fell for your looks. For your sweet words. You made me feel wanted, desired. Everything I thought I wasn't. I knew you were manipulating me; it was easy to understand. But I felt good when you dragged me to the woods. I am going to live for fifteen or twenty decades more and I want to live these years with you. I don't want and don't need anyone else." 

Astarion stares at Tiriel as if seeing her for the first time. As if they hadn't shared a bed for half a year. It was like she was talking about someone else. Someone he doesn't even know. How come… how come he has her? What a weird coincidence made them meet? Maybe some god was responsible after all. Heard his prayers and made that unknown elf hook up with a married human woman thirty-six years ago. 

A married human woman who hated the little girl she gave birth to. Who abused Tiriel and beat her for her mere existence. 

"My stepfather once lusted for me and he suppressed his desires with violence. He snatched a knife and cut my left ear off. The healer stitched it back but I have a scar left."

The girl grew up. Survived. Made her way to Baldur's Gate.

Tiriel, with her absolute lack of self-control or respect for anyone, solved most of the problems threatening to break people's bones.

"He told you "No!", I will smash your head against the wall if you don't leave him alone, you drow bitch!"

His very own knight in shining armor. Well, barbarian rags rather than actual armor, but Astarion is also far from an innocent prince. 

Tiriel puts her head on his chest as if trying to hear his undead heart. They both don't move, holding each other in silence. Astarion wants to say a thousand words. How much he loves her. How she makes his undead heart ache. How he adores her – with her dark humor, easygoing nature, and bravery.

But he can't. The words are stuck in his throat; meanwhile, Tiriel keeps humming. A song of the north, of the wilderness. There is wind and cold, battles and blood. The smell of burning wood. The rage. The sorrow. And dragons. 

Tiriel, the unwanted daughter of the barbarian kin, holds Astarion, and he drowns in her arms. Safety, protection, freedom, love. Such simple concepts and yet so unknown.

He doesn't want to let her go. He won't let her go unless she wants.

"Ok I am freezing and want to sleep. I will be in the tent," She pulls away, shivering. "How do you say "my love" in Sylvan?"

"Salen Aster," Astarion answers, and the words sound like a spell.

"Then see you later, Salen Aester."

He chuckles – Tiriel pronounces the words clumsily with a terrible Common accent. 

"Have a good rest, my love."

Being alone is uncomfortable. So he quickly puts on clean clothes, leaving the dirty pile for the latter, and returns to the small camp they had put up. Tiriel is already under the fur blanket but knows she hasn't fallen asleep yet. She never goes to sleep without him. So while she rests, Astarion stays beside guarding her or meditating himself.

Astarion crawls beside her, and she immediately wraps herself around him, placing her redhead on his chest, sharing body warmth.

Astarion concentrates on the heartbeat. He can feel blood streaming around her body. Her short breaths. Tiriel is so alive it's enough for two of them. 

"Tiriel"

"Hm?" she looks up at him, her eyes already sleepy.

"These six months we've been together are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery I endured. My worst memory lasted longer than I know you but somehow… somehow it holds the same gravity as those years of darkness. I don't even know how this is possible."

She smiles and caresses his cheek.

"Rage is louder than tears, fire is brighter than shadows. Rags are cheap but fur is paid with gold."

It seems like she wants to say something else, but she falls asleep in his arms. Astarion looks at her with adoration, trying to memorize every small detail of her face.

"Salen Aester", he whispers in her ear. 

--

Tag List

@tragedybunny @caitlincat-95 @tallymonster @astarionsbeloved @lumienyx @fayeriess @elora-the-slutty-songstress @veillsar @astarion-imagine-archive @micropoe10 @starlight-ipomoea @herstxrgirl @theearthsfinalconfession @ashrio20 @not-so-lost-after-all @vixstarria @wintersire @marcynomercy

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🌈 Queer Books Coming Out in June 2024 🌈

🌈 Good morning, my bookish bats, and happy Pride Month!! Struggling to keep up with all the amazing queer books coming out this month? Here are a FEW of the stunning, diverse queer books you can add to your TBR before the year is over. Remember to #readqueerallyear! Happy reading!

[ Release dates may have changed. ]

❤️ The Shadow of Summer - Marlon Yelich 🧡 Of Stardust - (ed) Avrah C. Baren 💛 The Ballad of Jacquotte Delahaye - Briony Cameron 💚 Triple Sec - T.J. Alexander 💙 Same Difference - E.J. Copperman 💜 The Pull of the Tide - Various ❤️ The Misadventures of Getting Lainey a Date - Eija Jimenez 🧡 Surface Pressure - Adrian J. Smith & Neen Cohen 💛 Mirrored Heavens - Rebecca Roanhorse 💙 The Fire Within Them - Matthew Ward 💜 One and Done - Frederick Smith 🌈 Digging for Destiny - Jenna Jarvis

❤️ She Who Brought the Storm - Vaela Denarr & Micah Iannandrea 🧡 Tristan and Lancelot: A Tale of Two Knights - James Persichetti & L.S. Biehler 💛 London on My Mind - Clara Alves (translated by Nina Perrotta) 💚 The Deep Dark - Molly Knox Ostertag 💙 Furious - Jamie Pacton & Rebecca Podos 💜 Gay the Pray Away - Natalie Naudus ❤️ Such A Small World - Jordan Clayden-Lewis 🧡 Make It Count: My Fight to Become the First Transgender Olympic Runner - CeCé Telfer 💛 Cicada Summer - Erica McKeen 💙 We Used to Live Here - Marcus Kliewer 💜 Dandelion - Merlina Garance 🌈 The Curse of the Goddess - C.C. González

❤️ The Schoolmaster - Jessica Tvordi 🧡 Cigarette Lemonade - Connor de Bruler 💛 Coil of Boughs - Penny Moss 💚 Ballad for Jasmine Town - Molly Ringle 💙 Asking for a Friend - Ronnie Riley 💜 Pleasure Principle - Madeleine Cravens ❤️ Perfect Revenge - Jessica Burkhart 🧡 Lockjaw - Matteo L. Cerilli 💛 Markless - C.G. Malburi 💙 Queer Art - Gemma Rolls-Bentley 💜 Morally Straight - Mike De Socio 🌈 Our Bodies Electric - Zackary Vernon

❤️ Love Is All - Various 🧡 Becoming Ted - Matt Cain 💛 Annie LeBlanc Is Not Dead Yet - Molly Morris 💚 Dear Cisgender People: A Guide to Trans Allyship and Empathy - Kenny Ethan Jones 💙 Pole Position - Rebecca J. Caffery 💜 Something to be Proud Of - Anna Zoe Quirke ❤️ Hot Hires - Nan Campbell, Alaina Erdell, Jesse J. Thoma 🧡 Lord of the Empty Isles - Jules Arbeaux 💛 Kissing Girls on Shabbat - Sara Glass 💙 When You Smile - Melissa Brayden 💜 We Could Be Heroes - Philip Ellis 🌈 But How Are You, Really - Ella Dawson

❤️ A Bluestocking's Guide to Decadence - Jess Everlee 🧡 Take All of Us - Natalie Leif 💛 One Killer Problem - Justine Pucella Winans 💚 Why Are People Into That? - Tina Horn 💙 Free to Be: Understanding Kids & Gender Identity - Jack Turban 💜 Lady Eve's Last Con - Rebecca Fraimow ❤️ Sea of Broken Glass - Jenna Pine 🧡 Rapunzella, Or, Don't Touch My Hair - Ella McLeod 💛 Wolfpitch - Balazs Lorinczi 💙 Looking for a Sign - Susie Dumond 💜 Director's Cut - Carlyn Greenwald 🌈 Wish You Weren't Here - Erin Baldwin

❤️ Act Two - Rochelle Wolf 🧡 Unexploded Remnants - Elaine Gallagher 💛 The Stars Want Blood - Morgan Lawson 💚 Shadows Dark and Deadly - Andrea Marie Johnson 💙 Design of Darkness - R.D. Pires 💜 Two Sides to Every Murder - Danielle Valentine ❤️ Meet Me in the Sky - Jeffrey K. Davenport 🧡 A Shore Thing - Joanna Lowell 💛 The Lions' Den - Iris Mwanza 💙 Under the Dragon Moon - Mawce Hanlin 💜 A Sea of Wolves - Sarah Street 🌈 Saints of Storm and Sorrow - Gabriella Buba

❤️ Private Rites - Julia Armfield 🧡 Everyone I Kissed Since You Got Famous - Mae Marvel 💛 The Stars Too Fondly - Emily Hamilton 💚 Keeping Carmen Ruiz - Alyson Root 💙 Cuckoo - Gretchen Felker-Martin 💜 Heartwaves - Anita Kelly ❤️ Bound to the Wild Fae - Tavia Lark 🧡 Four Squares - Bobby Finger 💛 The Ghost of Us - James L. Sutter 💙 Poison in Their Hearts - Laura Sebastian 💜 Puppy Love - Elle Sprinkle 🌈 Hot Summer - Elle Everhart

❤️ Liddy-Jean Marketing Queen and the Matchmaking Scheme - Mari SanGiovanni 🧡 All Friends Are Necessary - Tomas Moniz 💛 Six of Sorrow - Amanda Linsmeier 💚 Shanghai Murder - Jessie Chandler 💙 PROUD - Anthology 💜 Little Rot - Akwaeke Emezi ❤️ Fling - Deja Elise 🧡 Too Many Stars to Count - Frances M. Thompson 💛 Rakesfall - Vajra Chandrasekera 💙 The Unrelenting Earth - Kritika H. Rao 💜 Freakslaw - Jane Flett 🌈 Please Stop Trying to Leave Me - Alana Saab

❤️ A Sense of Shifting - Coco Romack, Yael Malka 🧡 Moonstorm - Yoon Ha Lee 💛 Now, Conjurers - Freddie Kölsch 💚 Hide No More - Rita Potter 💙 Running Close to the Wind - Alexandra Rowland 💜 The Afterlife of Mal Caldera - Nadi Reed Perez ❤️ Her, Him & I - Christian Weissmann 🧡 The Sons of El Rey - Alex Espinoza 💛 Show Me Your Teeth - Amy Marsden 💙 Defeating Demons and Breaking Up With My Boyfriend - Dylan James 💜 For Real - Alexis Hall 🌈 The Clarity of Light - Jade Church

[acourtofkindness]

Thank you for sending in all the stories, here you can find the collection! Some of these are one-shots, some are longer stories, just click your way through them and also check out their other fics!

A Ballad of Thorns & Roses: How the High Lord of Spring told his Tale (Feylin/Tamcien)

by @positivelyruined When Tamlin, the High Lord of the Spring Court of Prythian, finds the clock counting down to his final battle with Amarantha — two things push him into action: the sudden death and bloody sacrifice of his friend Andras and the fierce vexation of his close friend Lucien. With no more time to waste, he offers shelter to the one person that he should despise the most — the girl who murdered Andras. His heart has been bleeding for a decade. Will their connection be enough to break the bond that holds the Spring Court captive, or will this burning love only spurn Tamlin’s heart? In this tale as old as time, only time will tell.

Spirit Meets the Bones (Eris x OC)

by @lucienarcheron Eris and Iris. Son of a high lord. Daughter of a fiend. An arranged marriage brought them together and beneath all the hate, the two are more alike than they’d like to be.

To Dust Or To Gold (Neris)

by @queercontrarian Eris calls in his bargain with Rhysand: he wants Nesta to join him in the Autumn Court to help him in his scheme to bring down his father.

Flame of Autumn (Eris x OC)

by @climbthemountain2020 "He quashed his hope like a bug beneath his heel. They would meet, marry, and produce a child. How hard could it possibly be to copulate and wash his hands of it? It’s not like he hadn’t regularly found release in the hundreds of years of living. This one would just be attached to him a bit more legally." Eris Vanserra is forced into a marriage with a magic-less daughter of Autumn from a strong bloodline. Despite his best efforts to remain apathetic, the universe has other plans.

A Court of Threads & Daises (Lucien x Tamlin)

by @shi-daisy Tragedy almost struck the Spring Court when Tamlin Evergreen tried to take his own life. Lucien Vanserra manages to save his former Lord, but not his power. Now that the Spring Court has a new High Lord and the horrors of war are behind them, both Tamlin and Lucien agree to help the new heir navigate court life and attempt to rebuild the broken Spring Court, along with healing themselves. They weren't expecting to fall back in love in the process.

A Court of Song and Desolation (Tamlin x Lucien)

by @achaotichuman With his Court in ruins and everyone gone, Tamlin lives amongst the broken pieces of his Court and has no intentions of changing that. Lucien, however, will not stand to leave his oldest friend alone. When Lucien takes Tamlin back to the human lands, they discover a darkness coming for Prythian. If something does not stop it, it will completely rewrite the way Faeries and humans alike live as they know it.

Of Hearts and Swords (Feysand, Nessian, Manorian, Quinlar, etc.)

by @QueenofNightmares (on ao3) 5 years have passed since Bryce Quinlan fought the Asteri—and lost. 5 years since the Horn in her back was then used to permanently open the gates between worlds. Midgard, Erilea, and Prythian are now in open war--the reunited Fae of each world working together to fight the Asteri. But much has changed in the war-ravaged years that have passed. The Crochan Witchclan fights alongside the Valkyries. Hunt Athalar has sought day and night for a way to bring Bryce back from the dead and end this war. And the beloved High Lady of the Night Court--Feyre Archeron-- left Prythian for Erilea, just after their Inner Circle was cleaved apart forever by a newcomer. As war rages on, the Asteri have found an unlikely ally in Prythian--one that might turn the fortunes of battle against the Fae. This is an alternate ending to CC3 (HOFAS) where the Asteri win. Bryce was killed in the conflict that followed and the Horn in her back was then used to permanently open the gates. It will follow each of the main character ships (Feysand, Nessian, Rowaelin, Lysaedion, Manorian, Quinlar, etc.) as well as introduce some new ones for some other beloved characters (Azriel, Fenrys). Lots of relationship angst with a happy ending.

Flame of Autumn (Eris x OC)

by @climbthemountain2020 Eris Vanserra is forced into a marriage with a magic-less daughter of Autumn from a strong bloodline. Despite his best efforts to remain apathetic, the universe has other plans.

Beyond (Helion x LoA)

by @areyoudreaminof The Lady of Autumn has agreed to come live at the Day Court, though she seems hesitant. Can Helion convince her that she belongs at his side?

[puella-peanut]

The ballsd of what? I know Hunger Games movies but wtf? Is this prequel or sequel?

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is the prequel to The Hunger Games Trilogy.

It focuses on 18 year old Coriolanus Snow as he becomes a mentor to Lucy Gray Baird in the 10th Hunger Games. It builds on the lore of the world, the series—while also being a fantastic character study, as well as a deep and intimate look at what people become in situations either of their making, or beyond their control. Either involuntarily…or voluntarily.

I highly recommend reading it, because it shows you how this 18 year old boy will eventually become the mass murdering presidential dictator of the original series. It’s a very dark, political, philosophical, and yes—romantic take on your traditional coming-of-age tale. Besides, reading it, and then going back to the original trilogy answers several formerly unanswered questions—some of which are absolutely mind blowing and shocking. Not to mention the entire third part of the book goes entirely off the fucking rails…

“A tendency toward obsession was hardwired into his brain and would likely be his undoing if he couldn’t learn to outsmart it.”—Coriolanus Snow

Read it, avoid spoilers at all cost, and let it sink into your skin with all the bite and venom of poisonous fangs.

Highly recommend! :D

[rosyfingered-moon]

2023 drama roundup

Unchained Love: I still hum the unhinged flute intro on a regular basis, easily my fave intro of 2023! I didn't actually finish the show due to dwindling interest, but for the first 14 episodes or so I took a keen pleasure in it (and it made me go on a eunuch webnovel spree, expertly curated by @mercipourleslivres). I love it when heroines are allowed to be truly funny, rather than just quirky or ditzy. Also appreciate the goofy Lamp Prince turning into a brutal incel tyrant the moment he got power.

Six Flying Dragons: I don't think I can write anything succinct enough for the roundup format so I direct you to my "my sfd tag" if you want to access my enthused livetweeting. Show of all times, lives were changed.

Tree with Deep Roots: I literally can't think of a better topic for a tv show than Sejong the Great constructing hangul together with his band of nerds, one of whom he has a weirdly intense, vaguely erotic relationship with. Han Suk-kyu carried this entire show on his trembling shoulders. What an actor! What range!!! It was such a treat to watch him smugly debate his ministers, roleplay a farmer, and hiss half-mad soliloquies to himself in the dark. It took nuance and depth to portray the kind of inner conflicts and generational trauma that Sejong battles in the background of this drama. To be honest I didn't always enjoy the Milbon subplot which I felt got repetitive, and often found myself wanting to fast-forward the wuxia scenes. In a better world the show would have centered the whip-smart palace maids and their alphabet workshops. But I will definitely rewatch this soon. And maybe also write a fix-it where Sejong and Soo-yi fuck idk.

Quartet: Cute little murder mystery about a found family of freaks, liked it a lot.

My Country: The New Age: As entertaining as ever. Very fun to rewatch this back to back with Tree with Deep Roots, since Jang Hyuk plays diametrically opposite characters with the same vigor and commitment.

Gone with the Rain: Sometimes you watch something which you understand is technically a masterpiece but it doesn't do anything for you, and sometimes you watch a piece of campy silly fun and it makes you tingle with joy. This was the latter category for me. I liked the first and middle parts enough to make up for the lukewarm fizzle of an ending.

The Autumn Ballad: Has some fucked up elements that are difficult to stomach, but the parts that are good are really good.

Not Others: Bingeable! But imo they could have cut out the stalker/murder cases and just focused on the excellent family drama.

The Matchmakers: This surprisingly swooped in towards the end of the year as my favorite comedy of 2023, all thanks to a rec by @haraxvati. I adore Cho Yi-hyun in this role!!! She is so hot as a shrewd matchmaker with a fake mole and a twinkle in her eye. Love the virgin prince with his yearning-induced panic attacks (Rowoon didn't work for me in The King's Affection in a quite similar role, but he's so much weirder and lamer here, which is something I like in a man). I am obsessed with the side plot of the crossdressing romance novelist and the solemn police officer who is trying to capture her and ends up giving her free home renovations and smouldering looks instead. Also, Park Ji-Young and Lee Hae-Young are two of my favorite villain actors on their own, and here they are married!! Still have a few episodes to go, but I intend to binge them as soon as I post this.

Dramas I dropped or paused:

Our Blossoming Youth: I shipped the heroine and her cute maidservant a little too much to bear the dull prince they stuck her with. But I might rewatch it some day bc I want to write a Sherlock Holmes fic for the girls.

Little Women: A real disappointment, because I love Louisa May Alcott and I love Jeong Seo-kyeong. Once again, letting the women kiss might have solved much of it.

Island: Casting Kim Nam-gil as an expressionless cool-guy action hero offends me personally. (Yes Song of the Bandits I'm giving you the stinky eye also.) But Lee Da-hee and Cha Eun-woo were delightful!

See you in my 19th life: I couldn't, even for my most darling Shin Hye-sun, go beyond episode 1. There's something about a kid dating another kid even though she's a literal adult inside her brain that I can't really vibe with.

My Dearest: I do intend to finish this, but I lost the thread after the first half. It got a little too dark for me I think.

[cdrama-action]

Good afternoon,

This post is being updated daily to reflect which fandoms have been signed up for, and how many people are offering them. If you see a series with a lot of signups that you can do, don’t be discouraged from signing up! A lot of signups means a lot of people will probably be interested in donating for it. We really do need more people signing up for this to be successful. Please continue to share our promo post.

To note, when donations open, there will be clarification as to if NSFW is available for a fandom. For example, say two people signed up to do New Life Begins, but neither of them can do NSFW, then NSFW prompts will not be available for that series.

4/15- FINAL TALLY.

FANDOMS WITH MULTIPLE SIGNUPS:

The Untamed- Thirty

Love Between Fairy and Devil- Eighteen

Till the End of the Moon- Seventeen

Mysterious Lotus Casebook- Ten

Nirvana in Fire- Ten

Word of Honor- Ten

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty- Seven

Guardian- Six

My Journey to You- Six

Love like the Galaxy- Six

Hikaru no Go- Five

The Story of Kunning Palace- Five

A Journey to Love- Five

Romance of Tiger and Rose- Four

The Spirealm- Four

Legend of Fei- Four

New Life Begins- Four

When I Fly Toward You- Four

Love You Seven Times- Three

Couple of Mirrors- Three

A League of Nobleman- Three

Reset- Three

The Blood of Youth- Three

Under the Skin- Three

Justice in the Dark- Three

Back from the Brink- Three

In Blossom- Three

Who Rules the World- Three

The Longest Promise- Two

Moonlight- Two

Heroes- Two

Joy of Life- Two

Legend of Yun Qian- Two

Stick to the Script!- Two

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble- Two

The Legend of Shenli- Two

Someday or One Day- Two

Ruyi's Royal Love in the Palace- Two

My Roommate is a Detective- Two

Royal Rumors- Two

Lighter and Princess- Two

A Dream of Splendor- Two

The Sword and the Brocade- Two

FANDOMS WITH ONE SIGNUP:

A Familiar Stranger

A Murderous Affair in Horizon Tower

Ace Troops

All these Years

An Ancient Love Song

Arsenal Military Academy

Ashes of Love

Being a Hero

Bloody Romance

Blue Whisper (The)

Chinese Paladin 3

Day of Becoming You (The)

Demon Girl

Derailment

Destined

Dong Lan Xue

Duoluo Continent

Eternal Love of Dream (The Pillow Book)

Everyone Loves Me

Fly with You

Gank Your Heart

Go Ahead

Hidden Love

I am Nobody

Imperial Coroner (The)

Journey of Chongzi (The)

King’s Avatar (The)

Knockout (The)

Legally Romance

Legend of Yunxi

Legends (The)

Letter from the Cloud (The)

Long Ballad (The)

Lost Love in Time

Lost You Forever

Love and Redemption

Love in Between

Love is Sweet

Luoyang

Marry my Dead Body

Marvelous Women

Meet Yourself

Murder in Kairoutei (The)

Parallel World

Rebirth for You

Scarlet Heart

Starry Love (The)

Story of Yanxi Palace

Sunshine by My Side

The Disguiser

The Oath of Love

Three Body

Tiger and Crane

Unchained Love

War of Faith

White Cat Legend

Wolf (The)

Wonderland of Love

You are my Glory

Young Blood 1

Youth Memories (The)

If I made any errors in how I listed these, please inform me. Contact info is on our CARRD, or you can just send an ask or DM.

If you’re a creator and you’d like to add a fandom to what you’re willing to do, contact me via one of the communication methods listed on the CARRD FAQ.

-Cdrama Action Team 🍉

[spinningalbinoturtle]

LOTR Music Headcanons

Every time I see a TikTok edit of LotR I think of this

Sam: Sam is a Swiftie all the way, waited five hours to get in line for Eras Tour tickets. His favorite album is Fearless closely followed by Folklore. He also likes bluegrass music but is not ashamed of his Taylor opinions. Before the quest he tried to hide it from his dad, but afterwards shamelessly plays it all the time.

Frodo: Frodo definitely went through an emo music phase as a teenager MCR, Death Cab for Cutie you know the works. He also secretly loves ABBA and other disco music and eighties stuff like Kate Bush and Pet Shop Boys and Madonna. Was not initially a Swiftie but Sam got him into it and his favorite album is Speak Now.

Merry: Merry likes old folk music from the sixties (Bob Dylan, Joan Baez etc). Of course being the massive stoner that he is, he also loves reggae and has been accused of cultural appropriation by Frodo every time he mentions wanting to grow dreadlocks. He definitely has the massive Bob Marley weed poster on his wall. He also can jam out to heavy metal any time.

Pippin: Pippin has the most bubblegum pop taste and mostly listens to top 40 but if you asked him who is favorite artist is he would say with a hundred percent confidence Weird Al

Gandalf: Gandalf mostly listens to podcasts but he surprisingly likes rap music a lot and also classic jazz

Aragorn: Aragorn doesn’t listen to music unless its live, he has no idea what headphones are and if he did he wouldn’t use them because they prevent him from being vigilant.

Boromir: Boromir likes military marches and things sung by the bards of Gondor. He also loves country music and will only play the country station. Despite their different tastes Merry and Pippin will loudly sing along with him in the car to the top country hits

Gimli: Gimli of course loves hard rock (get it?) but he also loves anything with a bagpipe. He likes music that mixes genres and has good percussion.

Legolas: Legolas is also a pop girly but pretends to be interested in only classical music to be a snob but he once got kicked out of a Charlie XCX concert for trying to sneak back stage. He and Gimli have no overlap in music taste which drives Aragorn crazy when in the car with them because they continuously fight over the aux.

Eowyn: Eowyn of course loves feminist punk music. She also likes dark female country music and southern murder ballads sung by women. Currently she is on an Ethel Cain kick.

Arwen: Like Aragorn she prefers listening to live music, mostly like relaxing stuff like the shit you hear in yoga class. She likes chill pop.

Faramir: Faramir likes emo music and indie rock and discusses these in depth with Frodo. He also likes world music and loves salsa and takes Eowyn on salsa dates every month.

Bilbo: Bilbo of course loves old Elvish ballads and his own compositions he doesn’t really listen to anything he isn’t singing or someone he is likes is singing.

[galesdevoteewife]

BG3 Tav Backstory Bash

This is a challenge to help people flesh out their Tav’s backstory by exploring their past. It is organized into four sections with seven prompts. You can treat this as a monthly challenge or a general project. You can write headcanons, fics, or share art based on the prompts! You can interpret the prompts however you want. If you want to share use the tag #bg3backstorybash @kelandrin's original post

Thanks @fantasyfictionfables for the tag! Yeah traumatized-sinister-sweet Menzoberranzan drow baby, here we go!

Zilvera | Lolth-sworn runaway drow | Rogue/Sword Bard | Neutral

[WARNING] This content contains slightly dark adult themes including incest, sex, murder, drugs, child abuse... Please read with caution. They're only slightly mentioned though!

Baby

| Birth | Born 4 Alturiak, 1460 DR. | Parents | Her biological mother was a soldier from the church, her father's identity was unknown even to her biological mother. She was carried as a means of entertainment [1], and was an outcome of debauchery. Zilvera doesn't have any memory of her biological mother. She was told that her biological mother was killed on a mission when she was little, but it's not like her biological mother spent even a day nurturing her. She was fed and taken care of by the church's slaves, taught and trained by the soldiers and priests, just like many other children in the church.

On the other hand, Chessintra, a high priest of the Lolth church, whom she addressed as both her mother and her mistress. Chessintra was the one who shaped her morals and ways. Later on, Chessintra even took Zilvera into her nightchamber.

| First word | "Elliya Lolthu" — "Test me, Lolth." She didn't even understand what the meaning was; it was just something that she heard again and again. And the adults seemed pleased when she said it so she would repeat the words for that reason.

| Tantrum | After witnessing adults putting spiders into other crying kids' open mouths, she learned at a very early age to subdue her needs, do as she was told without making a beep. She also learned that she could, and was even encouraged to, let out and play shenanigans on the slaves.

| First sickness | Poisoned, of course. It was fed to her for building immunity, but it was awfully painful.

Childhood & Teenager

| Friends and Siblings | Zilvera grew up with many children in the church. The number of peers decreased to less than 20% as they reached adulthood. They were friends and good rivals — when their assignments didn't collide. They all knew too well that their time spent together being silly, gossiping, and comforting each other would not provide even a moment's hesitation when the death orders came.

| Getting Into Trouble | Not because she was being a teenager or naughty, but trying to save her own skin from sticky life-and-death missions. It was more than enough to wear down any rebellious tendencies she might have had. | Games |

• She doesn’t kill or do evil for sport. It always comes with a reason and addresses a problem to be solved.

• Enjoys lizard riding contests.

• (Almost) never loses at hide and seek.

• Casual gambling and thievery for fun

| Work | She worked as the church’s soldier and spy, mainly collecting intelligence, carrying out assassinations, capturing and training slaves, and occasionally defending the city from various dangers: including mind flayers, duergars, and countless types of nightmare beasts. | Learning Something New | As a church agent, she often had to infiltrate or deal with merchant companies and clans, which are often led by males. Therefore, she held relatively less gender discrimination towards males compared to others in her matrilineal society. She heard many rumors, tales, and ballads from there, and knows more about the surface world and other races than most of her people. | Trauma | Too many to know where to start, lol.

• She scarcely escaped a death trap trial by Chessintra, very luckily, by accidentally overhearing the content beforehand.

• She was ordered to kill her childhood caretaker, who was a well-trained slave yet made a critical mistake, to butcher and feed to the driders.

• It didn't take long for her to realize that having something nice makes her a target for stabbing, and holding something dear means having it taken away. One should always grab as much power as they can, but how to conceal and keep secrecy was of the utmost importance.

• Too many close death experiences led her to paranoia. She was always terrified, and that was how she survived. Couldn't know enough, couldn't prepare enough, couldn't be careful enough. She only felt safe and relaxed when she was absolutely alone, and had been very sensitive to sound. | First Love | It was her pride to be chosen by Chessintra and become one of her lovers. Zilvera developed a submissive kink with her impressive, glamorous, strong will and sweet-tongued mistress. She loved feeling wanted and protected. A night of pleasure was a treat which could only be earned by being extra useful to her mistress. Though others might call her a fool and say she was merely being puppeted, she believed she saw adoration in Chessintra's eyes and became addicted to it.    She was madly in love and loyal to Chessintra, her mind was fixed on how she could complete her assignments outstandingly and win her smile. Zilvera never succeeded in harboring anger within herself; it was snatched out in her early childhood and replaced with loss and fear.

Adulthood

| Leaving Home | She was saved, sheltered, befriended, accepted, and even somewhat romanced by a myconid king named Yoseles (Ya-soth). It called her 'sweet lullaby' (in the myconid's way, more like a tune than words). It commanded a spore zombie to teach her how to play the lyre and the comfort of music, so she could play and sing to feel their connection when she was out of reach of the spore. The taste of harmony and serenity generated doubts within her. Her fight began to wane as she started questioning Lolth’s teachings. It didn't take long before jealous Chessintra found out and sent her on a sacrificial death mission. She managed to escape and fake her death, yet she could no longer risk staying in the city or leading the assassins to Yoseles's circle.

She left and fled into the vast, dangerous, unforgiving void of the Underdark, and was luckily snatched by the nautiloid before long. Otherwise her chances of survival all by herself would have been desperate.

She was tired of life and became somewhat self-destructive and hedonistic. Death and threats no longer held much significance for her, as she felt like a walking ghost with nothing left to lose. However, her weariness and emptiness created room for curiosity and an open mind to flourish within her, leading her to see things differently and learn much in this rediscovered world.  

| Their “first time” | Unlike many of her kin, she thought the risk of engaging in sex was too high, not to mention her submissive kink, which was one of the utmost embarrassing and definitely deadly preferences a drow woman could have. Since she couldn't relax nor be satisfied by doing things 'properly'—dominating, whipping, bossing, tying people up, abusing, or murdering—she retreated into celibacy and preferred to satisfy her needs on her own. This also deepened her dependency on Chessintra since her mistress was the only one who was taking care of her. She mostly attended orgies as a bodyguard for Chessintra, who enjoyed watching her biting her own fingers in envy.

| Serious Relationships | Then there was Yoseles, who taught her the myconid's way, pacifism and natural laws, music and unity. She felt acceptance that she had never experienced before. She had always been a misfit in her society. She lacked the ambition, grudge, hunger, or strength that her society praised. She managed to survive but never felt like she belonged. For the first time, she no longer needed to hide or pretend. She was loved—and the spore weed mind sex felt so good, lol.

The relationship ended with her escape from Menzoberranzan. Later on she came to the surface and became completely enamored with the wizard after some unplanned bondings, which were thrust upon them by chance. She was captivated by his resilience, abilities, intelligence, courage, knowledge, ambition and tenderness. He showed her a life beyond mere survival, one that transcended Lolth’s teachings, beyond darkness and caves. An eye that seeks for beauty even in the darkest of his time. It was because of him that she began to learn about the connection with the weave and became a bard. Through his words, she learned the existence of endless worlds and possibilities, countless joys in life such as delicious food, stars, magic…comfort, beauty, and wonders. She was drowned in love, his voice becoming her favorite music, his scent her comfort, his loving gaze her reason to live.

| Aging | By the year of BG3 (1492DR) she was 32. Her life had only just begun as a drow. She freaked out that Gale, being human, would have a way much shorter lifespan than her own. Until she later learned that aging wouldn’t wear him out as he is Mystra’s chosen. They exchanged a great service for a favor from Mystra, to share that lifespan with her. (My canon route in Gale romance was dating -> moving back to Waterdeep -> Married -> Happily ever after!! I know I know so childish and tasteless but I need it XD)

*update may 11/2024* Have to figure out something to make happily after forever possible, just found out after spellplague the chosens aren't immortal anymore, they simply age slowly. Great read about Mystra's chosens: Now I have to read Death Masks & Elminster: Enraged XD

| Finding Your Place | Finding her place was difficult for her. For so long, all she did was either follow orders, execute requests or solving problems. She didn’t know how to be free. As of now, my brain's rendering progress hasn't processed to the part where she figures it out and settles down. She had been trying various things, being careful not to stain even the tiniest spot on Gale’s reputation. She wanted to make him proud, to impress him, and to make him love her more. However, she was a bit of a wartime hero since she thrived best in combat and murder.

| Starting a Family/Found Family | The concept of family is alien to her. She doesn't understand, trust, or like the idea. She sees any addition to the circle between her and her lover as an intrusion. She would consider giving birth to as many children as Gale wants, but she already holds grudges against those don't-even-exist-yet beings, seeing them as nothing but distractions of her lover's attention. Gale knows this and would never want to put that stress and risk on their relationship. Tara held many doubts about Gale choosing her as his partner. Zilvera was too unstable and power-hungry in Tara's eyes. Tara worried that she will once again drag Gale away from home and safety—and Tara wasn't wrong.

NOTES [1] Ehem, yeah, so, apparently drow women experience foetal cannibalism orgasms during pregnancy. Check the 'Bloodied From the Birth-Sac' section here. [2] Good read about alignments. It's a bit different from the regular 3x3 [3] Most of my world building references came from D&D 3.5 - Drow of the Underdark, realmshelp and Forgotten Realms Wiki. I will make a post another time to put together my finding about Menzoberranzan drows and my own narrative theories. Hope that will help anyone who needed some storytelling material.

Ahh it was fun trying to puzzle out all the pieces. I will come back and edit if my further DnD study made me change my mind on things <3 If you read all the way here...you have my most sincere thanks for staying with me while I rambling through my absolutely overly invested Tav story <333