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#Maybe actually have a conversation with me instead of just complaining in anonymous asks
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On days like this I ask myself what's even the point of this blog anymore. I have been gone for three days and not a singular ask or case arrived meanwhile. Instead, I receive anonymous complaints telling me that they dislike my personality, my behaviour, that I am too immature, and many more. They basically say all I do is wrong and then 'suggest how to be better' according to their own preferences. Telling me to reconsider my behaviour. Even 'threatening' to 'boycott' me (how does that even work, are you going to stop sending me cases? The person threatening probably doesn't even have any cases anyway) What am I, a puppet on a string? Dancing however you want me to? Just because you are displeased? If you don't like my character I don't even understand why you are on my blog to begin with. Given the blog is literally about me and my life. I know people dislike my personality, even more when I am face to face with them, I am used to that. I know I am difficult to deal with, that the majority of people don't like me. But then having the audacity to demand me to change and even telling me how to change because 'you know it so much better', that's a whole other level of audacity. Why should I want to change because people continuously criticise me? Do you think I changed because of all the people that yelled directly in my face how much they hate me? That's not how you get people to change, quite the opposite. You just make them worse.
At least have the courage to show yourself and stand by your words instead of hiding in anonymous shadows. Are the words of some anonymous even worth anything? You can't be that convinced of your words if you don't want them associated with yourself.
All that just seems discouraging. When the negative starts to outweight the positive what even is the point anymore?
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I can never take that drbat clown person seriously. All they do is complain about anonymous confessions while being a hypocrite spamming confession blogs. They sound so bitter at the world honestly.
i think everyone's got issues, and i mean, i can't lie, i've clearly got issues.
don't get me wrong, i get what you mean, some a the shit physician batsy says or even likes while knowing how disingenuous it is does rub the wrong way and deeply concerns me, and i have noticed that (not limited to batsy or even this blog in general) some of the frequenters and responders to confessions have a bit of a problem where the anon's opinion is taken personally despite it not really being negative towards them or saying anything about the "other side" so to speak that they i guess consider themselves a part of. or even and there's a LOT of this, when the confession points out a genuine but general problem in fandom, instead of being open to discussing the problem and acknowledging it, they try to shut down the conversation by being nasty to the confessor or denying the problem happens (ex: pretty privilege)
i've seen a lot of fairly neutral confessions get commenters fighting with the confession and even sometimes trying to disagree with a confession that is agreeing with them. it's a weird and sometimes hilarious phenomena i've noticed (and again not limited here) that i think mostly stems from bad reading comprehension and assumed intent (and assumed identity of confessors/trying to figure out who the confessors are/straight up insulting or bullying the confessors because... idk, i guess people feel better about bullying when they can hide behind a screen and not connect a human being to the otherside)
i have gotten mad a few times and let that get the better of me, and i'll admit that. there are some pretty shitty confessions sometimes that are hurtful or insulting to fans, there's nonsensical trolling shit which is less harmful but can be annoying, and then there's people trying to cause harm (the valkyrie antis remind me a lot of the sharon antis, except they actually have a legitimate point to make about the character's writing, but they take it too far a lot of times over something fictional and are willing to bully and insult the fans themselves for not agreeing, that's the problem)
i try to ignore most confessions that don't address or attack me (or people like me/fans of certain characters) in any way, especially if just a positive confession on a character. even if i die hard disagree with it. (strictly positive peggy confessions that don't attack sharon or insult fans of sharon/non-fans of peggy as an example, i try not to reply to them cause i'm not just aiming to be that random asshole, i'm trying to educate where appropriate, maybe live and laugh a little too), and reblog the stuff i do like (i need to catch up on lots of shit, way behind on that but been distracted and dealing with life...)
but i do know what you're talkin' about. i wanna hope that people will grow out of the behavior, but i also know that some people thrive on conflict and are addicted to it. i don't get how, but i know it happens. i have half a mind to believe mcfuzzshizzjizzshizzizzface is one of them, cause probably one of the biggest confessor bullies i've seen and of the one interaction i had with the dude, it was weird enough to make me think mcfuzzishizz started a whole new account just to argue with the self when i didn't satisfy the need for it (could be totally wrong here, but i don't think the person that responded has used the account since and i'm just sayin' it's a little weird)
anywho, to a degree, i feel you anon, thanks for the ask sorry for the essay lol, and i do wish people would stop resorting to bullying confessors and others in fandom... hot take i guess, fandom is catty as shit over the pettiest fuckin' bullshit i swears.
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sleepyhollands · 1 year
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https://www.tumblr.com/sleepyhollands/724934354258821120/false-god
the smut didn’t really make any sense with this it just didn’t flow right and if someone was that adamant to break up with me and sees no point in our relationship you bet your ass i’m not just moving on from the conversation and staying until the next time they tell me the relationship is pointless and then they eventually give a half assed apology😭😭
hey there anon 👋
i typically enjoy some constructive criticism, and if this was not an anonymous ask i could have answered it privately (directly to your own inbox). but this feedback isn’t exactly constructive… so instead of taking notes from this to better my future writing, please allow me to explain what i think you might’ve missed when you read false god the first time.
first and foremost, this piece was inspired by taylor swift’s ‘false god.’ if you listen to the lyrics of that song (which i’ve just linked for you), you might understand the flow of events more easily. i’m not going to sit here and explain every line of the song and how it pertains to my writing, because those connections should be very easy to draw yourself. i will say, however, that in each verse, taylor sings about how there is doubt and fighting within the relationship, but in each chorus, she talks about how intimacy still works for them (hence the smut).
if you need a better breakdown of the flow events, it goes like this (by scene):
argument (based on verse 1), started by harry.
smut (based on chorus), harry’s internal monologue.
argument (based on verse 2), started by y/n.
smut (based on chorus), y/n’s internal monologue.
forgiveness (added by me, not really in the song but sort of implied).
essentially, it follows the song’s flow. it’s a good one, i recommend actually giving it a listen.
and in contest to your second point— relationships have highs and lows. in this case, harry is under a lot of stress to perform well in both his career and his relationship and is having a hard time balancing both. happy couples go through rough patches. it’s also explicitly stated in the fic that y/n says things she doesn’t mean when they fight. so when she says “maybe you should just break up with me,” it’s built up frustration manifesting itself into harsh words. surely you’ve said things you haven’t meant before, anon?
harry and y/n are in love. they see the bigger picture in their relationship. harry’s tour (again, as stated in the fic) was going to end in a couple months anyway, so even if y/n moved back home for that time, they would’ve been fine afterwards.
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*this picture was taken from genius, you’ll see it if you click the link to the lyrics i put up there.
the apology scene has harry and y/n both taking full responsibility for their behavior out loud to each other… it might not be bouquets of roses and boxes of heart shaped chocolates, but that doesn’t make the apology half-assed. in fact, that’s my favorite scene in the fic, and i thought it was really cute.
basically, couples fight. you can take whomever’s side you want in this fic. maybe you think harry is in the right, or maybe y/n. it honestly doesn’t matter to me.
also, and this might be the most important part… i write for free on here. if you don’t like my writing, move on. it’s quite simple. my inbox is not the place to come and complain about work i spent hours on. i’ve personally come across many writings i haven’t enjoyed on tumblr, wattpad, and ao3, and i’ve never once felt the need to come be rude about it to the author’s inbox, especially anonymously.
constructive criticism is encouraged. this was not appreciated.
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kodzuvii · 4 years
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CLUB STUPID [24: yeah probably]
next [25: premarital hand holding]
PAIRING - SUNA x FEM!READER
GENRE - crack + fluff
warnings - spelling and grammar errors lol guys its 1am plz-
SYNOPSIS - Club Stupid, an anonymous podcast meant for the dumb and dumbest to send in unspoken and nonsensical thoughts about issues they face in their day to day lives and for Y/n to speak out and give her opinions and feelings. Normal feelings though, nothing romantic like how she thinks this lazy guy with questionable hair in the volleyball club is actually pretty cute.
a/n: as an executive member and proud representative of the suna simp club (jk lol idk) it is my duty, to keep my simps fed. you’re welcome. please listen to some cute wholesome shit. 
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“Look at this Samu, Suna really his own breed, how does he manage to look more dead compared to how he usually looks”
“Well Tsumu, he ignored the same girl twice in the same week and also got confronted by her cousin who’s also his captain. Pretty sad if ya ask me”
The twins snickered to each other as they eyed the quiet middle blocker who stood by his locker. “Did you see his blocks today Tsumu? I was afraid I was gonna break his toothpick arms with my spikes” Osamu whispered but made it loud enough for Suna to hear. Atsumu nodded, “yeah Samu, totally lame if you ask me. Thank God Yn wasn’t watching him” he teased. “Oi,” Aran called out as he packed up his things on his back that was sitting on top of the benches inside of the boy’s change room. “Lay off of him will ya” he scolded but the pair shrugged and continued to change out of their practice clothes. 
“What’s even happening?” Akagi whispered and Riseki could only turn to him and mirror the same lost look on his face and give a clueless shrug. They both just sat back and watched the scene unfold in front of them. The twins were teasing and throwing indirect jabs and insults towards their middle blocker who looked as if he was going through an existential crisis with the dull look in his eyes. 
Suna was quiet, everyone knew that. Yet somehow in some way, everyone could feel his energy hit an all-time low. He still attended practice sure, but it was like practicing with a pole lamp. He just stood there and observed whatever was happening but even then, his mind was somewhere else. Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by the coach who gave him an earful about the proper attitude to be having during their practices. Did he listen though? Nah. Listening to a lecture required too much effort. He was just tired and done for the day and the anxious and nervous feeling bubbling up inside of him wasn't helping either.
Suna was stupid. He knew that. His attention span outside of the court was never the biggest and his lack of energy never helped increase his intelligence. He was never the brightest in his class, and honestly, it never bothered him that he wasn’t. Everything he learned came through one ear and left the other. He retained the information for a test but simply forgot everything once it was over. He wasn’t the brightest, and it didn’t bother him not one bit.
What did bother him was his terrible habit of being oblivious towards other people’s feelings. Maybe it was due to his lack of energy or lack of interest, but he simply never put much effort into acknowledging how people felt. Yeah, he got vibes when people had on and off days, his teammates were the twins, you HAD to notice their mood swings and take necessary precautions. It just never occurred to him that more people could enter his bubble. A bubble that revolved around himself.
However, instead of someone finding a way to enter his fragile bubble without popping it, Suna willingly left his bubble when you came into the picture. It was no secret that Suna was whipped the moment his eyes laid on you. He’s been getting clowned about it ever since the twins found out and they never let a day go by without calling him a simp.
He had no clue what type of person you would be when you entered the doors of the Shiratorizawa gym. You looked sweet and bubbly, the smile you came in with never left your face unless you’d whine to your friends or roll your eyes at them. When you stepped into the room, people just naturally gravitated towards your positive energy and your good vibe. He liked that about you. Then again he still didn’t know anything about you at the time. All he knew was that you managed to attract his attention without even directly giving any to him. Every time he tried to look away and focus on whatever was happening in front of him, his eyes trailed back to you.
For a while after camp, you kept popping back in and out of his mind. It was quite ridiculous actually. He’d be taking a drink by the water fountains and he’d look over to the hallway and suddenly the first thoughts would be ‘what if I saw the redhead again?’ It never lasted long, maybe for a split second or two before he snapped himself out of it. He’d never see you again, what was he talking about? He was just being delusional.
So you could imagine the way his mind stopped functioning the night at the train station. Suna had to pinch himself 8 times when he saw you walk out of the train doors. ‘No way’ he thought. You, out of the 7 billion people in the world, was Kita’s cousin. He remembers seeing your tired face and your short stature clad in a big hoodie and loose sweatpants with your hair tied up. You were supposed to look like a mess, why did he keep thinking that you looked so pretty? This must’ve been the higher power playing a trick on him for slacking off during practice. So annoying.
Suna could keep his cool around school. You weren’t in the same classes meaning he didn’t see you at all. So you could imagine the kind of panic that crossed his mind when Kita told the team that he’d have his cousin staying in the gym. He learned later on that you started watching practices because Kita didn’t feel comfortable with you walking home. You were nice to the team, incredibly nice actually. Your easy-going nature made it easy for you to have a couple of conversations with his teammates here and there. While you were nice to Aran and Akagi, you had a little feisty attitude with the twins (mainly Atsumu) and he couldn’t help but admire how outspoken you were. You were blunt, to say the least. That was something you and Kita had in common. But he liked that about you, how you were always free to speak whatever was on your mind and keep a conversation going. 
Suna noticed early on that you rarely paid attention to their practice. He figured volleyball just wasn’t your thing and he couldn’t blame you for that. During water breaks, he’d glance up and watch you tuck back your hair and sometimes he’d catch you scratching your temple in annoyance because of some question you couldn’t answer on your homework. You never looked up, simply unphased by whatever was happening in front of you. 
Even so, he still put the smallest amount of extra effort into his practices. Jumping a bit higher and running a bit faster and spiking the ball with more force. He insisted that it was about time he would break some of his bad habits, but even the team knew that it was a sorry excuse. Truth be told, a little part of him was just hoping that if you ever looked up from your phone or your work in your lap, you’d see him and think that he looked at least a little bit cool. 
One day, on the rare occasion that he’d be listening in class, he remembers his teacher having a discussion with the class about an epiphany. 
The feeling of a sudden or striking realization that hits an individual out of nowhere.
It was late at night where Suna hit an epiphany. You were off to Miyagi, spending your weekend with your best friend and the Twins continued to bug him about his little first-year crush even though he had asked them multiple times to drop the topic. 
Suna came to the conclusion that he liked the way you made him feel. He liked the way he felt at ease when you were around him. He liked how you were so different compared to him, but it never stopped you from forming a friendship with him. You never pushed him to ever open up to you, you listened to the bare minimum he had to say and never took his lazy nature and blunt attitude to heart. He liked annoying you, the way your face would scrunch up when he’d take your bento’s the first couple times during your first initial lunch hangouts or the way you’d puff your cheeks when he comments on your height. He liked the way your eyes lit up when the smallest things caught your attention. He took notes on the songs you said you were currently listening too or the ones that reminded you about happy memories. 
Suna especially liked seeing you smile. Especially towards him. Something about it gave him the same feeling that was comparable to the way he would feel when he would see those jelly sticks on sale at the grocery store. The way you’d roll your eyes in playful annoyance when he'd come up to you and ask to bandage his fingers even though you both knew that he was capable of doing it himself. You would tease him, a playful smile gracing upon your lips, telling him that his fingers would probably break off if you weren’t there to bandage them up. Suna liked thinking that having you wrap them up made his hands feel a bit stronger with his blocks. But you didn’t need to know that.
He remembers a specific memory that lives rent-free in his mind. He was walking down the hallway, casually strolling and taking his time to get back to class after using the bathroom and he happened to notice you heaving a tired sigh as you closed the doors to your class. You looked quite frustrated, probably because it was your art class and you had been complaining days earlier about how creatively drained you were.
 Suna must’ve been looking at you for a moment too long because the moment your eyes met, he felt something tug at his chest by the way your eyes sparkled at the sight of him. Despite being under a little bit of stress, the same smile he grew to enjoy seeing made its way onto your lips and you waved to him excitedly before running up and rambling off about how much your class was pissing you off.
You two eventually got in trouble for skipping the whole period after being too caught up in your conversation. Suna thought it was worth it though.
After scrolling through his phone, listening to Atsumu’s obnoxious lovey-dovey playlist, and inevitably searching “how to know if you like or like like a girl” (there's a difference, he swears) on google. 
He came to his epiphany.
 Maybe before, when he barely knew you and you never knew him, maybe he was just infatuated with the idea of you. 
But it was different now, He liked you.
And that scared him.
It scared him how vulnerable he felt. Suna’s reserved and quiet nature gave him a hard time to open to others. Not that he really cared if he was being honest. He simply had the mindset that no one needed to know everything there was to his existence. Everyone eventually leaves anyways, what was the point?
When it sank into him that he liked you, it confused him endlessly. You never wanted to get out of his head and sooner or later he found himself doing the smallest things for you. The little black silk band was always on his wrist and if it wasn’t on his wrist, it would be tucked away in his pockets. Not to mention that he kept one in his pencil case for good measure. The bandaids inside in his backpack were sealed away in a ziplock bag just in case you ever got hurt because he knew you were a bit clumsy. He found himself keeping his eyes open for little souvenirs and trinkets that looked like something that you’d like wherever he went. 
At first, he thought that he just wanted to upgrade you from friend to best friend. Maybe this was a friendship that he had just been deprived of since his world revolved around constantly meaning to improve in volleyball. Yes, he did find comfort in the friendship he grew with you, but sooner or later he realized that he wanted more. The thoughts of holding your hand slipped into his mind and sooner or later hugging you from behind and resting his head on top yours flowed in followed by taking you back by peppering your smooth and soft cheeks with kisses. That wasn’t something that best friends did.
Kita was right about how his logic of ignoring you to suppress his feelings was stupid and that the worst things that could happen were that he’d get rejected. But he didn’t want to face the chance of him getting rejected, he’d like you for so long and he learned during his time spent away from you that he didn’t want to just stop talking to you. Suna knew himself, if he got rejected then he’d distance himself away from you and never talk to you ever again because the embarrassment would eat him up. 
He didn’t wanna lose you for that. He wasn’t ready. 
What a coward. 
He just really hoped you liked the flowers and read his note, he thought anything was better than a stupid “I’m sorry” text.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* 
“Hurry up, I need to lock up the gym” Kita’s voice echoed throughout the walls as he stepped into the changeroom. Suna looked up from his phone, taking one last glance at your ‘see you soon :P’ text before shutting it off and shoving it into his pockets. As everyone began to leave one-by-one and bid their goodbyes to each other and their captain. The twins however didn’t leave until they both gave Suna a teasing punch on both of his shoulders. Suna only glared at them before proceeding to make his exit as well. 
Kita stopped Suna before he could exit and the look on his face seemed rather serious. With his voice low, Kita simply said “She needs to be back by 7. If she comes home hurt in any way, I’m benching you” he said sternly and that was enough for him to feel his skin crawl under his tracksuit jacket. Suna nodded, understanding that he really wasn’t kidding and that he definitely bench him. 
Kita turned around and opened the door for them both to leave the changerooms. They walked together side-by-side and from a distance, he could see your short figure walking up to both of them. You looked different today, your hair was sitting on your shoulders and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses he was yet to see was sitting on the bridge of your nose. You were clad in your uniform with an oversized pink knit cardigan overtop. Was that a new cardigan you were wearing? He’s never seen it before either. 
Kita smiled at the sight of you skipping up to them and he watched you two exchange high fives and he gave you a brief little speech about staying late. You nodded along and Suna stood by and watched Kita ruffle your hair making you whine cutely. 
He wanted to do that.
You waved goodbye to your cousin and Kita looked at Suna and gave him a firm nod before turning back and making his way towards the gym doors. You turned back and faced Suna, your hands behind your back as you made your way towards him with a warm smile. “Hey there” you greeted and stood in front of him, looking up so you could look at him clearly. Suna couldn’t help but look at you weirdly, why were you acting as nothing happened? Shouldn’t you be upset with him? “Hi, let’s go?” god, why was he so forward. 
You hummed and shook your head, making him furrow his eyebrows in confusion, “do you not wanna go anymore? I can drop you off if you want-” You rolled your eyes, “I don’t see you for a week and you’re already trying to get rid of me?” you questioned and narrowed your eyes at him. Suna felt his heart wrench as your lips pouted. 
He shook his head, “n-no” he stuttered. Your eyes perked up and you watch his cheeks heat up (potentially from embarrassment, but you're not going to assume) and look away. 
You chuckled and grabbed his wrist and pulled him to follow behind you. What made you so bold today? Probably from the unexpected pep talk you had with Goshiki that morning.
“You don’t need him Ln-senpai! If he thinks he can just look over you and all your greatness and beauty and not acknowledge how beautiful you are and how your very presence graces this dull world then send his ass to KFC! You are a woman senpai! A beautiful woman who deserves everything. Not a value menu that has a 20% off discount!”
Did his speech make sense? Sure. You’ll take it over Tendou’s “cut his dick off if he does you dirty queen” text message sent with the confetti effect on imessage followed by a bunch of knife emojis that was honestly more threatening rather than comforting.
You pulled him out of the gym and Shin gave you a look before shaking it off and locking up the gym doors. From the corner of your eyes, you could see the twins sending winks your way before snickering and walking off. You rolled your eyes and stopped when you reached the doors of the school. 
You turned around and faced Suna who looked very lost and confused. “Let’s not go to the convenience store today, let’s go somewhere else,” you say. Suna nodded slowly, “okay? Where do you wanna go?” he asked.
Just then, you lifted up your other hand and it was only then that Suna noticed you carrying a small pink lunch tote. You let go of his wrist and tucked some strands your hair behind you ear, “we haven’t had lunch together in a week and you had a meeting today again so we couldn’t do anything today either and well..” you trailed off and looked up at him and shrugged, “I figured we could make up for lost time” you muttered. 
Suna felt his chest tighten, not only because you were absolutely adorable and it was making him lose his mind, but it almost seemed like you were the one trying to apologize to him when you didn’t do anything wrong. He did.
You frowned as you looked at how subtly his face dropped. As upset as you were, you understood that he wasn’t ready to tell you whatever he was meaning to hide. He wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you understand that. A small smile creeping up on your lips, “let’s go eat at the park near my house. The one we walk by all the time. Saves you the trouble of worrying if you’re gonna get home on time or not” you laughed slightly.
Suna couldn’t say no to you, so here were the two of you now. Eating and sitting in front of the other with the bento’s you had prepared on the table. The park was as busy as it usually would be during the afternoon. The atmosphere felt warm as the sky was slowly settling into hues of orange with peaks of pink seeping through. Suna watched you happily eat the bento you had prepared and listened attentively as you told him about everything he missed during your week and you did the same when he talked about his. 
A part of him couldn’t help but admire how pretty you looked in front of him. Suna was lying when he told the twins that you were a 7. You were beyond a 7 and beyond whatever scale they had given him. It was a rare sight to see you with your glasses and partnered with that oversized pink cardigan? You were adorable. 
You tilted looked up from your food and stopped mid-sentence when you saw him just look at you with what seemed to be a fond look in his eyes. But you could’ve just been mistaken, maybe you need to have your prescription checked again. “Rin, what’s wrong?” you asked. At the sound of his name, Suna blinked snapped back into reality and was met with your concerned look. “W-what?” You chuckled, “you zoned out Rin, everything okay?” you asked.
Rin.
He liked the way his name rolled off your lips. 
He shook his head, “I’m fine, sorry. This is really good by the way, I didn’t think you could cook” he said as an attempt to change the subject. You rolled your eyes but you looked away. “As much as I want you to believe I’m some great chef, Granny helped me with most of it” you confessed sheepishly. 
He chuckled and poked the sausage that was cut up into a little octopus with his chopsticks, “Well, you did tell me that you burned rice once so maybe I thought too highly of you to make a full meal” he teased. You scoffed and grabbed his bento, “if you’re not gonna appreciate the chef then you don’t deserve the food” you huffed. Suna rolled his eyes and grabbed yours, “guess I’ll have to eat yours then” he said and shoved some rice into his mouth. Your jaw dropped at his actions, “Hey!”
As the day went on, you both began to feel at ease and comfortable once again with each other's presence. The harmony that flowed around between you two was coming back and was settling into its familiar rhythm. You two continued to chat as if nothing happened. Laughing at anything and everything you found remotely hilarious under the sun. Suna felt warm. He was here, with you, and everything felt okay. With both your bento’s empty and tucked neatly away into your lunch bag and the sun settling down and giving a wake-up call for the stars to come out, it was about time for Suna to bring you home.
The walk back to your place was comfortable. There was no tension in the air or any awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was simply peaceful. You were walking beside him and rambling on about something that had happened to you in class that day. It was slightly cooler and the winds were colder and he had noticed early on that you kept pulling at the ends of your cardigan at an attempt to get some more warmth from it. It would’ve just been rude for him to let you be cold, Kita would kill him if you got sick.
It took you by surprise to see Suna slipping off his volleyball jacket and shoving it into your hands. He was wearing a hoodie under it anyway, he didn’t mind. A part of him was just curious about how his jacket would fit you too and what kind of fool would you be to reject an oversized jacket? It was just extra points that happened to be from the boy that you liked.
Suna nodded along to what you were saying, but he couldn’t help the sudden urge to just grab your hand out of his system. You were walking so close to each other. Your shoulders kept brushing past and your hands were right there. 
But with the events that happened this past weekend, he didn’t wanna overstep any boundaries. He was still too cautious that he would mess up and make you upset all over again. With the thought of his actions, Suna suddenly felt a little ball of guilt eat him up. He never stopped feeling bad about what he did. Kita’s words rang through his head, he needed to learn how to communicate better and not deal with everything all on his own. Maybe he really was a coward for letting such a dumb fear eat him up.
In the midst of your talk about how much you despise your math class, you turned to look at Suna and saw how troubled he looked. He didn’t even look like he was listening anymore and seemed to be having some sort of internal battle with himself. 
You furrowed your eyebrows and grabbed his wrist to stop walking. “Rin, what’s wrong?” you asked, concern lacing the tone of your voice. You both never really brought up what had happened. Maybe you were just too caught up in having a good time but you were honestly content with the reasons he gave you. If he wasn’t ready then he wasn’t ready. 
Suna however felt like he owed you so much more than his apology that he already struggled to explain. 
Suna stared down at you for a moment, the unreadable expression on his face that only made you more confused. It was quiet for a moment, the only sound to be heard was the wind blowing by and the trees rustling.
Nothing would have prepared you for the way he turned around and pulled the arm that was holding his wrist and pulling you into his chest. His hands wrapped around your shoulders as he held you just a little bit tighter. He was a bit stiff, but you couldn’t put that against. He wasn’t the type of person to initiate things like this.
“I’m sorry”
Your body froze, something about his tone was different. It was vulnerable.
You stayed quiet, letting yourself relax slowly in his hold.
“F-fuck, I’m really sorry. I said I wasn’t good with words right? S-so I’m trying to explain now because you deserve it but I don’t even know why I did it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset at all, I was just caught up with myself and I didn’t consider what I was doing to you. You didn’t deserve that. I like being around you and I’m sorry” He pulled away and one of his hands dropped to your waist and fiddled with the material of his jacket. You watched as his free hand dug deep into his pockets and you watched him pull something out. 
“It’s kind of pathetic if you ask me and it’s also kind of ugly but-” he grabbed one of your arms and dropped the object into the palms of your hands. Your eyes widened at the little paper craft,
It was an origami strawberry.
It was small, it fit perfectly inside on the palms of your hand. You could see that he struggled with making it. The leaves were slightly bent and the tip of the strawberry was ripping off. There were lots of creases all in the wrong places and even the seeds were drawn on. 
But it still melted your heart. 
“I read somewhere about 1000 paper cranes for a wish and well, cranes are kind of hard and I didn’t have enough paper to make 1000 and-god this is so embarrassing-” he muttered the last part but gained enough courage to look up at you and meet your eyes. Your eyes were soft and patient. “I wished that you wouldn’t hate me. Or that, this wouldn’t y’know...make everything all weird between us. I like you-or well uh- being around you at least and I-I know you joke about it all the time but please don't-” 
Suna paused when he felt you wrap your arms around his waist once again, hugging him back but just a little bit tighter. The small confession not even going through your mind because your attention was too focused on the way his words were making you melt. 
“You’re an idiot” you mumbled into his chest and hugged him a bit tighter. Your words made his stomach drop, but that feeling went away when you pulled back and looked at him with a smile. A smile that said you understood. 
“I’m never gonna force you to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me” You repeated but this time it felt different, it felt warmer. 
“I’m never gonna hate you. I know how you are Rin, you’re not good with your words and I get that. You could've sent me a text but you didn’t. You went out of your way with the flowers and even the little note and this adorable fucking strawberry is more than enough” you laughed but you could feel your eyes watering up slightly with the overwhelming amount of emotions you were feeling all at once. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me okay? I understand. Thank you,” you smiled. Suna stared down at you. Nodding slowly and you chuckled and fell into his arms once again.
This time, he was the one who held you a bit tighter.
“This side of you is cute you know, but It’s kinda ruining your whole tsundere image you’re going for. Bet the twins would make fun of you for being this thoughtful” you whispered jokingly, making him roll his eyes and huff a quiet “shut up” in annoyance. If only you knew the pain he endured for putting up with those twins. 
You both stayed like that for a little while longer. Holding each other and fitting so perfectly in the arms of the other. If it wasn’t for your phone dinging from a text from Shin asking where you were, Suna swore he would have held you there for the whole night. 
You pulled away first and tugged his hand, “come on, Shin wants me home now so let’s get going ‘kay? Don’t want you getting benched the whole season now do we?” you grinned and walked in front of him and tugged him along. 
Somehow in some way, your fingers slipped perfectly into his.
Suna could only feel the warmth rising in his chest, his daze fixed at the sight of his hands interlocked with yours. 
“Oh and Rin” you called out, making him snap back into reality.
Suna hummed, looking right back at you.
“Tell me when you’re ready, okay?”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* 
“Text me when you get up in your room safe”
You turned around to him with a quizzical expression before letting out a chuckle, “I’m in front of my house Rin, I got here in one piece” you said and motioned your free hand towards yourself to prove that you were indeed, uninjured. Suna rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek, “you’re clumsy remember, you might fall or something” he muttered and looked away.
You grinned and squeezed his hand, “Awe, look at you caring for me and my wellbeing. My ears might be deceiving me but it sounds like you’re in love with me” you teased and swung your hands together back and forth.
Suna huffed, his mind not properly functioning when the words fell out of his mouth.
“yeah probably”
Simultaneously, his eyes and yours widened and you both froze. 
Both you and Suna blinked at each other twice. Your eyes looked down at your hands that were still interlocked and looked up at his face that was fully drained of any colour. Your heart was beating rapidly against your chest and Suna began to question the very point of his existence.
“W-what?”
“Uh-”
“Y-you said-”
“A-ah I-”
“Oi!” you both jumped and instinctively Suna pulled you closer to him. You looked at up him briefly before turning around to see Granny waiting by the gate with an impatient but also teasing glint in her eyes. “It’s almost 7:30 Yn-chan! You almost missed bingo night! Kiss ya little friend goodnight and come in before Shin and I eat all the mochi we left for ya” she called out but you could hear the teasing tone in her voice.
“C-coming!” you yelled back. Your face was piping hot and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole from the amount of embarrassment and flusteration you were feeling at that moment. 
Granny nodded and walked back inside, and looked up at Shin who was standing with his arms crossed on the porch. Granny walked back to him with a victorious smile on her lips as she gave him a thumbs up. Granny knew what she was doing and she knew what she saw. She’s gonna call and gossip to your mother.
You gulped and took a step back and looked back at Suna. He was still frozen and his mind was racing at what just happened and he too, wanted the ground to swallow him whole. “I-I uh, I guess I gotta go?” you winced, but the tone of your voice made it sound like you were asking a question. Suna nodded, “y-yeah, goodnight I guess” he muttered as he looked away and you watched his face heat up. 
You were both so embarrassed but neither one wanted to let go of the others hand. 
Suna figured he couldn’t keep you out all night and just as he was about to let go of your hand, a sudden wave of confidence went through your veins and you just went ‘fuck it.’
You pulled his arm down towards you taking him back. His eyes widened, “what are you-” you stood slightly on your tippy-toes and kissed his cheek which made him shut up instantly. “That’s for today, thanks. goodbye.” you said frantically. 
Suna froze, too much in shock and his mind was still in the middle of trying to register what just happened and watched as you let go of his hand and covered your face furiously blushing and running off to your gate and slamming it shut.
He stared blankly at the gate door and blinked twice as an attempt to get himself back to reality. He brought his hands up to his cheeks that were on fire. His mind kept replaying the way your soft lips kissed his cheek and could feel the slightest residue of your lip gloss still on his cheek. 
Shit, you really had him wrapped around your finger. 
“Idiot” 
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* 
a/n: BYE STOP IM SO SINGLE THIS IS SAD AND I AM DEVASTATED.
taglist! [CLOSED] @chocolaterumble​ @elianetsantana​ @versatilewindow​ @introvertatitsfinest​ @aristatrois​ @mizukisonoda​ @amberisnotcrazy​ @kritiiiii @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @a-moon-fairy @akaasht​ @lotusweebs @marvelous-maxi @laughingismorefun @hhmnvm @sweetyrina @honeydrip @miracleboy420 @rachelexe @charsdummb​ @sxrcasticbacon @loser-keiji @dinablossom @ntimacy @kac-chowsballs@unhappyraspberry @sbaepsae @doebopeepeebbod @missalienqueen @ssuna @violenthead @unstableye @tycrackculture @a-applepi @lollyzen @aisawa-reo @ashybitch89 @sunflowerirl @sapphicstarss @melodiamore​ @valrubiii @urbasicaveragegirl @mint-mai @4kaashl @sugawsites @anngelllla @applekenm @bumblebeesofspace @dreamstormings @milkingkageyama @tsumu-core @luvelyxp @aquariarose
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sen-no-yume · 3 years
Text
23:35
❀ pairing : bakugo katsuki x reader
❀ summary : the last twenty-five minutes turned out to be way more valuable than the past twenty-three hours and thirty-five minutes of the day you missed. 
❀ notes : i got this request from anonymous. im sorry for taking a long time to make this and not making this the exact way you want it, but here you go and happy belated birthday! PS. we all knew that hes an early bird but oh well..
❀ anonymous : Hello! I saw that you requests where open and I wanted to request something as yesterday was my birthday and not a single one of my friends remembered expect for one of my friends parents who text me happy birthday so I was hoping you could do a bakugo x reader where he and the bakusquad forget the readers birthday and maybe his mam or some adult asks him what he’s doing for the readers birthday and that’s when he remembers 💚💚
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You were never fond of birthdays.
Call it a party pooper or whatever, but the sole fact that birthday pisses you off will never leave your subconsciousness. It might or might not have something to do with the fact that you have a very low level of presence, so people usually never notice nor try to ask for your birthday date. Some people – no, actually a lot wouldn’t even realize and would spend their days just like how they usually do. It just unintentionally became offending when they try to surprise other people on their birthdays in front of you sometimes.
Well, you can never completely blame other people for that. You always stayed low to the point people won’t recognize you until you talk, so the whole ignorance wasn’t solely anyone’s fault. However, sometimes you hoped that at least someone would wish you a happy birthday, just a bit.
This year wasn’t as different as the last. Forget the candles and cakes, nobody even wished you a happy birthday except for your family. Well, that was to be expected. Although you feel a tinge of hurt, you spent your day pretending nothing special was happening. It wasn’t such a big deal anyway, you kept ensuring yourself.
After all, this happens every year.
That was until half past eleven at night, you heard the vibrate of your phone. You were in the middle of studying, but you went to take a peek and saw that Bakugo sent you a message. Curious, you opened your phone to see what the message was.
Call me when you see this.
So you did.
It didn’t take more than two seconds when the other line picked up. You could hear rustling before Bakugo greeted you.
“Hey.” Hearing his raspy voice, it sounded as if he was irritated about something. Although Bakugo was usually yelling, this time he sounded uncharacteristically quiet. As if he was contemplating about something. What, though, you didn’t know. You decided not to mention it because you wanted to ask about something else instead that piqued your curiosity.
“Hi, so why did you ask me to call you?”
There was a recognizable pause. “You didn’t tell me.”
You raised your eyebrow despite knowing the person on the other line couldn’t see it. “Tell you what?”
“Your birthday. It was today.” Despite Bakugo trying to mask the guilt with an annoyed growl, you can still sense it was there.
Oh.
You decided to laugh to lighten the mood, “Wow, who told you? Not even one of our classmates actually realized it so-”
“Stop trying to make it sounds light, you dumbass. I should have known you’re too stupid to tell anyone by yourself.”
You rolled your eyes. There came his casual insult. You can never hold one conversation with Bakugo Katsuki without him throwing an offensive remark somewhere along the topic.
“Well, no one asked,” you countered, trying to ignore the twinge of hurt you felt even though you pointed out yourself. It was the truth, anyway. You assured your own self.
The other line went silent for a good second. Another pause before Bakugo decided to answer, “Let me make it up to you.” Although he sounded gruffier than usual, it didn’t sound like he was angry. The tone sounded more like frustration. Even though he didn’t say it out loud, you know he was guilty of not realizing the date sooner.
You blinked although you know he wouldn’t be able to see it. “Make it up? What do you mean?”
“Open your window.”
His last words left you confused. Your window? Why would he-
A subconscious gasp left your lips once you registered. No way, is he outside?
You ran towards your window, slid your curtains and saw him standing right in front of your house. He was still grabbing his phone in one hand, his eyes staring right at yours the moment you opened the curtain and saw him.
You opened your window door in attempt to lessen the distance between yourself and Bakugo, gaping in disbelief, “What are you doing here?” You asked through the phone so you didn’t have to scream and disturb your neighbors – as much as you wanted to scream.
“Trying not to feel bad because I spent the whole day talking with you without realizing it was the day you were born.” He muttered to the phone, still looking intensely at you.
Despite being too far for you to hear it directly from his mouth, the way he said it through the phone made you shudder instinctively. The voice sounded closer than it actually was, with the phone placed right next to your right ear. “We still have twenty-five minutes before today ends so go down right now.”
He didn’t even give you a room to discuss. You couldn’t even ask for him to wait until you change from your pajamas. You decided to just follow his instruction and went down right away in mixed feelings because he actually visited your house at this ungodly hour.
The moment you opened your front door, Bakugo was already in front of you – standing with a small cake and a single candle lit up; he shoved the cake to your face until it was mere inches away from your nose.
“Happy birthday to the stupidest person I know.”
“Rude,” you frowned, “don’t you know you’re not supposed to mock someone on their birthday?”
“You’re not supposed to dismiss the day you were born as well,” he retorted. “Yet, here we are.” You rolled your eyes and Bakugo just pushed the cake closer to you. “Hurry and make a wish, you’re going to be late for your party.”
You blinked, trying to comprehend what Bakugo said. “Party?”
“You don’t think I’m the only one who’s frustrated at you for dismissing your birthday, don’t you? Everyone is waiting so blow the damned candle before your day runs out.”
You did as he told you to do. You made a quick wish which you kept by yourself and then blew the candle. He gave you his signature smirk before pulling your arm, leading you outside. “Let’s get going then.”
“To where, exactly?”
“That’s a secret,” he answered smugly, “don’t expect you can get home early tonight. It’s a compensation for celebrating your birthday too late.” Even if you wanted to complain, you really couldn’t with the way Bakugo dragged you so hurriedly, desperate not to let another second wasted.
As you followed him without saying another word, you couldn’t help but think that the last twenty-five minutes of your birthday turned out to be way more valuable than the past twenty-three hours and thirty-five minutes of the day you missed.
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admiringlove · 3 years
Text
[ii] scents, coffee and turtlenecks
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+synopsis: hq boys and their scent, their coffee order and the turtlenecks they wear.
+genre: fluff lol; headcanons.
+characters: kageyama tobio, oikawa tōru, suna rintarō, miya osamu.
+warnings: literally just fluff man, unless you cry because of cute stuff.
+order: hi!! i saw that suggestions are open and i was wondering if you could do more of the scent coffee turtlenecks? they were really fun and comforting to read. they got me through a tough situation, so thank you! i hope you keep writing and keep growing <33 [by anonymous]
+author’s notes: hi anon! funnily enough, i had written some part of this and it was sitting in my drafts halfway done, but your ask helped me get through the rest of it. hope you like it, love. here’s part one!
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— KAGEYAMA TOBIO.
his scent is calming. it’s strawberries and mint, and it refreshes you. it’s funny really, the way his favorite flavor of milk is strawberry and how he actually smells like the fruit. whenever you embrace him warmly, a cooling feeling washes over you—it feels like a day off. when you’re overworked and you need time to spend with self-care? yeah, tobio reminds you of that. he’s constantly telling you to take care of yourself more too(which is the irony in this situation). you feel a small pinch in your heart whenever he lets go of you(if he goes out of town for matches or gets up from cuddling). if he’s leaving the city for work, you’d shed a tear, telling him you’d miss him. and when you’d come back home, you’d wear any of his clothing. because kageyama reminds you of a calm afternoon, filled with the scent of strawberries and the alleviating agent like mint. 
he does not order coffee. definitely the type of person to go to the vending machine to buy flavored milk instead of getting coffee. he thinks coffee shops are a waste of time. why would someone pay ten extra bucks for average coffee when you can just get sweet milk from the vending machine? you definitely bully him for this(just point and laugh, [y/n]. point and laugh). he’d get all flustered and yell at you, but then he’d end up hiding his face on a pillow or something. you’d go up to him and hug him, which would lead up to kageyama asking you, “so... the next time you get coffee, i’ll just wait outside, okay?”. you laugh at him again, telling him that he didn’t have to wait outside, but then he retorts with how the barista looks at him weirdly after he asked her if they sold flavored milk. 
kageyama likes wearing a fixed set of colors. he’s not the type of person to go out of the ordinary and wear some absurd color like neon-green, but something like different shades of blue. he definitely doesn’t have two same colored shirts—even if they are, they’re in different shades. he mostly wears blue and black turtlenecks, but he doesn’t mind trying whites or greys either. he does blush every time you compliment him though, so maybe dial it down a little or he’ll combust(you don’t have to, you can just watch his brain go haywire then kiss his forehead to make him go redder than before).
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— OIKAWA TŌRU
his scent is so sweet, it’s addicting. it’s either something floral like rose or lavender. or sometimes he’d go with the plain old smoked vanilla. his hugs are the best, really. they’re filled with the sweet aroma circling around the two of you as you inhale his scent. he’d stroke your hair as you hum against him in contentment, saying, “like the cologne, [y/n]-chan?”. you’d tease him, telling him he smelled like an eleven-year-old girl and he’d reply with, “hey! at least eleven-year-old girls know what they’re doing!”.
he does not like coffee. will straight up go to the barista and order the sweetest drink on the menu. this boy just does not do well with the bitterness of coffee. he doesn’t like it, and he’s in shock by how you can drink it so easily. “[y/n]-chan, how are you doing that?!”, he’d exclaim. you’d raise an eyebrow, asking him, “doing what, bub?”. although he really wants to melt at the nickname, he’d say, “that bitter monstrosity!”. this conversation leads nowhere except laughter and jokes, really. some teasing comments are thrown here and there; some criticizing oikawa for having such low tolerance for bitterness, and some at you for what an utter abomination you are for drinking coffee. tie the bow on the gift-box with a small teasing kiss and dancing in the kitchen without music at seven in the morning, because oikawa felt like it. your relationship is like the marriage of bitterness and sweetness—somewhere close to perfect.
he can wear anything and still look good. has a wide variety of turtlenecks—and he’ll definitely wear them according to his mood for the day. although most of the colors are on the lighter side, he has a few blacks in the mix as well. he likes the pastel-blue one the most(because, according to him, “blue is just my color, [y/n]-chan!”). he has the tendency to match with you. loves buying you the same shirts as him, because he thinks it’s adorable when you walk around with him and match his clothing. basks in the glory of when people look and compliment the two of you, and you blush(he thinks you’re cute, okay?). 
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— SUNA RINTARŌ
suna definitely smells like cigarettes and lime basil. he doesn’t smoke often, it’s just the scented candles he buys online(he thinks it’s funny because the candles are cigarette-scented). you often tell him he stinks, but he knows you’re only poking around. he knows you love the scent he gives off when you hold on to him just a little tighter, just a little longer, just a little closer. the kisses linger for a smidge longer, and he knows. he knows you love his scent and he knows you love him. he’s not cocky about it until you tease him though, because if you do say he stinks, he’ll pull you into a passionate kiss(and obviously, you don’t pull away). after he breaks the kiss, he’d say, “if i really do stink, you wouldn’t be sticking to me like glue.”
his coffee is either completely black, or just a normal latte. he doesn’t like really milky, or sweet coffee. also most definitely just uses coffee as a way to stay up(suna likes nights more than days). he likes staying up late with you, doing homework or anything really, until you’re dozing off next to him and he’s left in comfortable silence. he’ll run his hands through your hair, his slow breathing silent and his sharp eyes softened just by looking at you. he likes coffee. he really does. he likes coffee because it helps him stay awake and watch you peacefully. he falls asleep by four in the morning, and now it’s your turn to watch suna sleep. you make him a mug of coffee and breakfast. it’s a leisure-filled morning, and rin loves every part of it. he won’t tell you he does though, because you already know. and he knows you do.
suna rintarō in turtlenecks is a sight for sore eyes. he has a lot of greens, blacks, and greys. his style is to effortlessly look good, so he doesn’t actually care about what he wears unless it’s to impress someone(*cough* you) or for work. if he doesn’t have the energy to do something that’s eye-catching, he’ll just wear a turtleneck and pair it with plaid pants to call it a day. man still gets stares from people because of how effortlessly cool he is. he’s not even trying, which is the best part. he looks so good(cue you drooling in the background because suna in a black turtleneck and green plaid pants is just wow). and if he’s actually putting in effort for a date or something, he goes all the way with the accessories. rings, necklaces, maybe even wears his reading glasses because they look good with his overcoat. olive green turtleneck and white dickies would definitely suit him. after all, he wants to look the best for you. 
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— MIYA OSAMU. 
he has one of the most comforting, woody scents ever. he has two bottles—one vetiver(it gives a smoky scent and he usually wears it to work) and one patchouli(more woodland-ish kind of scent. he wears it when he’s going out with you or on special occasions). you love the way he smells, because honestly, the most comforting time of the day is when he comes back home, and the first thing you do is hug him. you’ll take the dinner he made for the two of you at the restaurant and set it up as he changes and freshens up. his aroma overcomes you as the two of you sit down an talk about your day through the meal. his tired grin and you small giggles enough to make you feel content. and man, he’s the best to cuddle with as you sleep. he smells so good, it’s kind of scary. in the mornings, it’s almost hard to let go of him so you can get to work.  
okay, we all know osamu is a sucker for food. but he’s also a pain in the ass when the two of you go to coffee shops. orders something fancy like café au lait, then continues to complain about how this particular coffee shop didn’t do the french drink justice. all the while, you’re just listening to him criticize the place(but you still love him, because he looks cute talking about the things he loves). you’ll leave the shop after an hour or so, and then just settle for a bowl of ramen from a small diner by your apartment because that seems to be the only thing that gets osamu off his high horse. by the end of the night, you’d tell him to quit acting like gordon ramsey. he’d retort by telling you that you would obviously prefer his food over gordon ramsey’s anyday(i mean, you can’t disagree with that. even if you tell him he’s being dumb, you know he’s right on the inside. osamu basically is a wizard with food).
osamu likes grey and black, and that’s about it. he’d try more stuff if you make him though. gets annoyed at the mall because you’re just picking out different colors for him to try and he’s just standing off to the side holding like ten different articles of clothing. he looks amazing in a chartreuse-green if you get him to wear it(will like how it look on his abs, he doesn’t tell you though). every canonical color suits him to be honest, just don’t go overboard with the neons or purples. he likes to keep it simple with the dark colors(black turtleneck osamu is a looker). and he definitely becomes all blushie-blushie if you tell him he looks pretty. looks away and puts his hand over his mouth a little(you should definitely take a picture of this, it looks so wrong and suggestive but it’s just him being a blushing mess). please, just hug him or something. 
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kissinginkitchens · 3 years
Text
You Bring Me Home — Chapter One: Flightless Bird, American Mouth
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a/n: I've been working on this story for mooonths now and I'm so excited to finally share it with the world! It's heavily inspired by Harry's Behind the Album mini doc, except I changed the setting to Hawai'i because I've personally spent some time there and as they say, write what you know! YBMH takes place in the period between One Direction's hiatus and Harry's first album/tour, but with that being said, this is entirely a work of fiction and some events don't follow the true timeline. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my little story, I hope you love it as much as I do! It will be updated every Friday at 5 PM PST. My inbox is open, so feel free to talk to me once you've finished reading! I'd love to hear from you :) Much love, Mel <3
Pairing: Hawai'i!Harry x Original Character
Warnings: swearing
Word Count: 5.5k
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May, 2016
Harry watches LAX get smaller through the airplane window and visualizes all of his worries stuck at the terminal gate, their magnitude also diminishing as he takes flight. He sinks lower in his seat and skims through playlists on his phone when a nagging feeling at the back of his mind pulls his attention away from the screen. Looking up from the song choices, he spots a cell phone quickly lowered from his line of vision and a girl with flushed cheeks who quickly averts her gaze. Harry shoots a tight-lipped smile in her direction and goes back to his phone with a sigh. The days when he could roam the streets freely without fear of recognition—or worse, harassment—feel like an entirely different lifetime. He sometimes imagines that he’ll wake up back in his childhood bed as if the past five years had all been a dream, but he never does. In fact, his privacy and anonymity seem to dwindle with each minute of radio play that One Direction receives. It’s a bittersweet pill to swallow, but one he hopes will go down easier with some time in the Hawaiian sun.
His close friend and new manager, Jeff Azoff, had suggested the vacation as soon as the band privately agreed to take a hiatus.
“You’ll go home for a few weeks,” his voice had crackled through the speakers of Harry’s phone. “Visit your mom and Gem, lay low for a while until the smoke blows over,”
Harry mulled it over in his mind, eyes flickering over the rolling landscape outside of the tour bus window.
“Then what?”
“Then you go for a little vacation. The label offered to cover a house in Hawaii so you can start working on the album,”
“Alone?”
Jeff chuckled lightly on the other end before responding. “I mean, if that’s what you want,”
“No,” Harry corrected. “You and Tom should come. Mitch and Bhasker, too,”
“The dream team,”
“And there’ll be a studio there?”
“Yes,” Jeff started, almost hesitant. “But I don’t want you to think about that too much,”
“But you said the label—"
“I also said vacation. Look, Rob said ‘it will all happen in due time,' did he not?”
Harry twisted the rose ring around his finger, tracing over the silver petals and thinking back to his conversation with the CEO of Sony Music, Rob Stringer. Upon the proposal of his debut solo album, Rob had told him that the most important ingredient for a successful debut would be patience. The singer had agreed in the moment, but every day not spent in the studio felt like a test he hadn’t studied hard enough for.
“Yeah.”
“So you take the free vacation,” Jeff suggested. “You go out, live, get some writing material. Maybe mess around with some tunes. And then we come back to L.A. and get to work. But until then, I just want you to focus on taking it easy.”
So take it easy he had. Or at least he had tried to when he was back home in England. Harry quickly grew restless after what felt like the millionth awkward conversation with past friends and acquaintances, all of which eventually led to the topic of One Direction and it’s unexpected hiatus. After one month at home, his mind and journal were full of ideas for songs, things that he wanted to say before he lost his nerve. One night as he tossed and turned in bed, he shot Jeff a text, just two words that would kick off a three month getaway to the Big Island of Hawai'i:
I’m ready.
********
“Sounds great, I'll go put in your order.” Alani offers sweetly, trying not to overdo it with the customer service voice. After waiting on the family at her designated table, she heads back to the kitchen and finds her younger sister, Pua, crouched in the corner taking what appears to be a serious phone call.
“I don’t know, I just saw it!” Her sister cries in a hushed tone. “Where do you think he’s going?”
“Is everything okay?” Alani cuts in with concern.
Pua whispers into the speaker before bringing the phone to her shoulder.
“Harry Styles was just spotted on a plane this morning,”
“Who?”
“The guy from One Direction,” her sister explains with a hint of irritation in her voice. “The band who sings that song you secretly like, ‘Fireproof,'”
Alani vaguely recalls the melody, but she waits expectantly for Pua to elaborate. “And this is news because…”
“Because the band just broke up, so where could he possibly be going?”
"The unemployment office?”
Pua rolls her eyes and returns to her phone call while Alani envelops her in a tight hug.
“I’m just kidding!” Alani apologizes, squeezing tighter despite her sister’s attempts to break free. “I’m sure he’ll be living off of royalty checks until he’s, like, eighty,”
“Get off me, freak!” Pua cries out, finally breaking the embrace.
Alani clutches her chest and pulls out an invisible knife. “Ouch. I’m telling Harry you said that,”
“This is exactly why I don’t tell you things.” the younger sister huffs, storming out of the kitchen through the employee entrance where Alani’s best friend, Maleah, has just arrived.
“Looks like someone forgot to eat their Cheerios today,” she remarks, tying her curls into a high ponytail.
Alani shrugs and leans against the counter. “She’s going through something. Just discovered that boys in pop bands are, in fact, just regular boys.”
“Poor thing,” Maleah frowns. “We all have to learn eventually.”
********
The sky is a blend of cotton candy pink and burnt orange when Alani returns home from the café with a strawberry smoothie in tow. She empties the mailbox and sorts through the various bills and advertisements, but her stomach drops when she sees a familiar return address label. After a quick greeting to her excited dog who waits at the door, Alani bolts up the stairs and quietly shuts the bedroom door behind her. Breathe, she reminds herself before tearing into the envelope and discarding it onto the wooden floor.
Dear Ms. Hale,
We are very grateful to have received your submission to Rolling Stone magazine. However, we regret to inform you—
She doesn’t read the rest, slumping to the floor in defeat. The sixth rejection letter from Rolling Stone lies crumpled at Alani’s feet and she kicks it across the room with a frustrated grunt. She had worked for over two months perfecting her analysis of Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi and its allusions to the environmental impact of urban development in Hawaii. As part of her initial research, Alani had even traveled to both the Royal Hawaiian hotel in Honolulu, which is the famous Pink Hotel mentioned in the song, and Foster Botanical Garden that Mitchell referred to as “the tree museum.” She was certain that her effort and persistence would result in at least a consideration. The second third time's the charm! Maleah had joked watching Alani submit the piece. Six articles in the span of two years, each one facing the same rejection despite the increased effort Alani had put in over time. The fact that the rejection letter hadn’t changed over the course of the two years brings an incredulous smile to her face, and her stomach turns when she considers that the editors probably hadn’t even read her work, anyway. All that effort, she thinks to herself, all that time, for nothing.
“It will take time,” her favorite professor, Dr. Hudson, had reassured her three months after the Joni Mitchell article was submitted. “Every great writer faced countless rejection until that one piece. Yours will come. Keep your eyes open and your pen ready.”
Alani sighs and lifts herself off the floor, choosing to crawl into her unmade bed instead of slumping onto the hardwood. She hears a soft scratching at the door before her King Charles Spaniel, Freddie, pads into the room.
“Come here, bubs,” Alani whispers. He obeys and burrows into the duvet, giving her temple a gentle lick before nuzzling into the nape of her neck.
“You still love me, right?” she asks, voice cracking. “Even if I’m a failure?”
Freddie sniffs her ear in response.
********
“Right,” Harry says, his tongue peeking from the corner of his mouth as he reads the map. “No, left, sorry,”
“Do you actually know how to read a map?” Jeff teases, correcting the turn.
Harry pouts in response, his brows furrowing. “In my defense, we’re literally in the middle of fucking nowhere,”
“There are worse places to be,” Mitch pipes up from the back seat. “England, for example, where they say things like ‘litchrally’,”
“Very well said, Mitchell,” Jeff Bhasker adds with a fake British accent of his own.
Harry turns to his friends in the back seat with a finger pointed like an agitated mother. “If you lot don’t shut up, I’m gonna lead us to a volcano and push you in,”
“Where are we even going? I forgot,” Tom complains.
“To get food,” his manager responds from the driver’s seat. “I think,”
“Why can’t we just stop there?” Mitch asks pointing to a café pulling up on their right.
Jeff merges into the turning lane quickly without a second thought. “Good enough for me, I’m starving.”
“Sorry, H.” Mitch pats his friend on the shoulder.
Harry scoffs. “You’re the one who wanted poke.”
The Aloha Nui Loa Café is much more spacious than the exterior suggests, yet it still feels cozy. The walls are painted sage green and adorned with various local art pieces, as described by the plaques that accompany them. A skylight fills the center of the room with plenty of warm lighting, leaving the space along the walls in a bit more shade for an intimate feel. In one corner, a hanging disco ball leaves freckles of sparkling light along the walls where the sunlight hits, making the whole image very idyllic in Harry’s mind. As if he couldn’t enjoy the setting more, he hears the beginning of an Otis Redding song that he’s had stuck in his head drift through the restaurant speakers.
“Welcome in!” a voice calls, which pulls him from his survey of the room. His head whips to the source—a girl around his age with wavy, dark hair and honey skin. “For here or to go?”
Harry takes a hesitant step up to the counter. “For here,”
She smiles warmly and pulls some menus from under the counter. “How many in your party?”
“Five.”
“Great, follow me.”
Harry and his friends follow the waitress to the corner of the room under the disco ball and take their seats at the round table.
“My name is Alani,” she introduces herself, setting the menus down. “I’ll be serving you today. Can I get you started with some drinks?”
Harry continues scanning the restaurant while his group orders. His eyes land on the shirt that Alani is wearing, a white tee with the words “Enjoy Health, Eat Your Honey” in blue lettering that surrounds a picture of a cartoon bee.
“Harry,” Jeff says gently, catching his drifting attention.
The singer turns to his manager, who nods to Alani waiting with a pen pressed to her notepad. Harry feels a rush of embarrassment creep across his cheeks and he clears his throat to cover it.
“Just water,” he says, eyes glued to the menu. “Thanks.”
“You got it.” Alani nods, flashing a toothy grin at the rest of the group before turning back to the kitchen. Harry. Her mind repeats, finding a hint of familiarity, though she doesn’t know why.
When Alani arrives at the drink station, she finds her sister staring at her, mouth agape, while Maleah unsuccessfully conceals her laughter.
“What?” she questions, checking herself for any embarrassing stains or smells.
“You were—and he—” Pua stammers. “He was—and then he—”
“That’s Harry Styles,” Maleah translates, her voice hushed as she peers over her friend's shoulder.
Alani turns to steal a glance at the table she just seated, but Pua and Maleah latch onto her and shake their heads frantically.
“Don’t look!” her sister hisses.
Alani smirks, amused at their reactions. “No shit. That’s One Direction?”
Maleah snorts, clasping a hand over her mouth as Pua huffs. “No, dumbass! It’s just Harry. I don’t know who the other guys are,”
“But the blonde guy? That’s not—?”
“No!” Pua and Maleah giggle in unison.
“Okay, geez,” Alani relents. She manages to steal a quick glance at the table over her shoulder, immediately searching for Harry. Her eyes scan over the long, curly hair kept out of his face by a pair of white sunglasses that she had seen on Kurt Cobain once. All of his features are sharp and striking, from his pointed nose and defined jawline to the bright blue eyes. Or maybe they were grey? Alani wonders, trying to remember the exact shade. He doesn’t look anything like the fresh-faced teeny bopper she’d had in mind, the one from a music video her sister had shown her a long time ago. She would have never guessed that the What Makes You Beautiful singer had so much dark ink trailing down his bicep and forearm, though her knowledge of One Direction was very limited.
“What did he order?” Pua questions, her eyes wide.
Alani quickly snaps back to reality and resumes filling the drinks. “A water,”
“Oh my god,” Maleah swoons. “I’m never drinking anything else ever again,”
“I didn’t even know you liked him,” Alani teases with an eyebrow raised.
Maleah sneaks another peek at the table and catches her lower lip between her teeth. “I mean, I didn’t really think so either but look at him. What a fucking dream,”
Harry was objectively handsome, this Alani could admit, but she personally didn’t see the appeal and had a strong feeling that he was just like every other male celebrity. The fact that he hadn’t even bothered to make eye contact with her only served as further proof of what she knew to be true.
“Okay, well, your dreamboat is waiting for his water. So excuse me,” Alani winks, making her way back to the table.
The singer spots Alani returning out of the corner of his eye and the sight of her causes a strange flutter in the pit of his stomach that makes him want to duck for cover. Instead, he pulls his phone from his back pocket and pretends to be occupied with something on the screen.
“Okay,” she greets, setting the drink tray down. “I have a Blue Hawaii, a Mango Mama, two Loco Cocos, and a water,”
The group graciously accepts their drinks with a chorus of “thank you," but the only one under Alani’s scrutiny is Harry. He still doesn’t meet her almond eyes, and though she figured he wouldn’t, she can’t help the inkling of disappointment that washes over her. After taking their meal orders, Alani heads back to the kitchen, checking on her other customers along the way. Harry’s eyes follow her and he observes the way customers light up at her presence, indulging her conversation with laughter. He watches as she lingers by the jukebox in one corner of the room, a detail he had missed in his initial scan, and waits anxiously to see what song she chooses. Baby I’m-a Want You begins softly and Harry feels the corner of his lip curl ever so slightly. Good choice, he thinks.
********
“He’s still here,” Pua muses, peering through the tiny window in the kitchen door. It had been nearly two hours and the five men were still seated around their table cracking jokes and doing a lot of talking with their hands.
Alani doesn’t look up from her bowl of sliced kiwis, offering a hum in response. “And what do you want me to do about that?”
“Nothing,” Pua shoots back. “Don’t bother him,”
“What kind of girls do you think he’s into?” Maleah asks, attempting to peek through the window.
Alani shrugs, bored of the conversation and of thinking about Harry. “I don’t know, but I’ll bet he’s a real sucker for the ones who stalk him while he’s eating,”
“How does he make eating a salad look hot?”
“Can we talk about something else now?” Alani whines, poking holes in a lone kiwi with her fork.
Pua tosses a wet dish rag in her sister’s direction and cheers when it lands in her face. “Go see if he wants more water, he looks thirsty.”
“I already refilled it,” Alani defends. “Twenty minutes ago. I’ve refilled it a hundred times, I’m surprised he hasn’t peed his pants.”
I’m gonna piss myself. Harry thinks, his right leg bouncing to distract himself. He really wasn’t all that thirsty, but he couldn’t stop himself from finishing each glass of water that Alani placed in front of him. He really wasn’t all that thirsty, but he couldn’t stop himself from finishing each glass of water that Alani placed in front of him. Like clockwork, she would return to fill his glass almost as soon as the last drop had been drained, and so what began as a little experiment slowly turned into a bladder hazard. But if the trend was to be trusted, she would be back any minute and he wasn’t going to miss it; afterall, there were only so many ways to casually linger in a small café without making it weird. Unable to bear it any longer, he heads to the restroom and hopes that Alani doesn’t clear their table before he has a chance to see her again.
Harry pads down the back hallway with his eyes cast down at the floor, which proves to be a mistake when he walks directly into another person.
“Sorry!” they both apologize quickly, Harry’s palm taking purchase on the other person’s upper arm.
“I wasn’t paying attention,” he offers, finally meeting the dark, mocha eyes already looking back at him.
Alani presses her lips into a tight smile. “Me either,”
Harry’s heartbeat picks up when he realizes it’s her, and he isn’t aware of how close they’re standing until he detects the faint scent of kiwi on her breath. He takes a step back and rakes a hand through his hair.
“So I guess I’ll just—”
“Yeah, sure.”
Green. Alani notes to herself. His eyes are green.
********
Shortly after Harry returned from the restroom, him and his friends settled their bill and headed out. Alani cleared their table and her eyes nearly fell out of her head when she saw the hefty tip left behind. The word mahalo was also left behind on the receipt, underlined twice, and she wondered if it was his handwriting.
Later that night, she settled into bed with her laptop and hesitantly typed his name into Google. As she expected, countless articles about the split of One Direction emerged, most of them speculating what was next for each member. To her surprise, however, Harry’s name seemed to be mentioned more than his fellow bandmates as various sources labeled him “the next Justin Timberlake” and rising star of the group. Upon further investigation, she learned that the demand for information about the elusive Harry Styles was high, especially concerning any possible solo music. No news had yet been confirmed by Styles himself, nor anyone claiming to represent him, but she still wondered if his presence in Hawaii had anything to do with a possible solo project. Almost as soon as she thought it, Alani dismissed the theory in favor of the idea that he was most likely just taking a vacation. And from the buzz that she saw surrounding the news about One Direction, she couldn’t blame him.
The more Alani read, the more she wanted to know, and something deep down told her that his was a story worth telling. Of course, the only problem was that she had hardly talked to him, and there were only so many things she could say about the fifteen glasses of water he downed. There was no way of knowing if she would ever see him again, either, or if he was merely stopping in Hilo on his way to another island or somewhere else entirely. Alani sighed, thinking back to her most recent rejection from Rolling Stone. She knew that there was no possible way she would ever see or talk to Harry ever again, and even if she did, why would he bare his entire soul to a stranger? Still, she let her mind wander through the possibility.
Dear Ms. Hale, the letter would read, we are very grateful to have received your submission to Rolling Stone magazine and are pleased to inform you that your piece on Harry Styles will be featured in next month’s issue. Additionally, we would be honored to have you on staff, effective immediately.
It was far-fetched, Alani knew this, but she dozed off that night with endless ideas swimming in her head.
********
By the third day after his visit, the only trace of Harry is in Alani’s search history. She would have completely forgotten about him if it weren’t for her sister’s constant reminiscing and multiple attempts to rename the house salad to the “Harry Special.” As a result, a part of Alani’s thoughts periodically linger back to that day and the subsequent hours spent on Google that she’d rationalized as research instead of stalking. Somehow the knowledge that she’ll never see him again only adds fuel to the questions still burning in her mind, but a customer clearing their throat while she sorts menus below the hostess podium interrupts her thoughts.
“Welcome in!” She calls, standing. “What can I—”
She stops in her tracks, unable to believe her eyes. Harry blinks and waits for her to continue.
“What can I get started for you?” Alani tries again, hoping that he hadn’t noticed her shock. Luckily for her, Harry had been too focused on choosing his next words to register her mistake.
“What’s in the Honu smoothie?” he asks, mentally kicking himself for asking such a stupid question when the menu just inches above her head clearly spells it out.
Alani hums, thinking back to the times she had made the smoothie herself. “Kiwis, spinach, mango, avocado, and a hint of lime,”
“I’ll take one of those,” Harry says, reaching for his wallet.
Alani punches in the order with trembling fingers and nods. “For here or to go?”
“To go,”
Disappointment fills her chest. Sure, she hadn’t planned on seeing him ever again, but the fact that she did felt like a sign. If she wanted to take the chance, she’d have to do it fast.
“Anything else?” she asks, weighing her options while he skims the menu.
“No thanks.”
Alani makes the smoothie quickly, head spinning. She had spent most of the night after their initial meeting planning out exactly the type of questions she hoped to ask him and what kind of article she would write. She was used to writing about what she knew—artists and music she’d admired for years— but she figured that starting fresh with someone she hardly knew would be a good challenge. Not to mention that it seemed like just the thing Rolling Stone would jump for. Alani finally works up the courage as she finishes his smoothie, but when she returns to hand it to him and hopefully strike up a conversation, his ear is pressed to his cell phone. She holds out the drink and he graciously accepts, giving her a small nod as a “thank you” and rushing out of the restaurant.
Two days later he returns and is seated at the counter, typing away on his phone. Alani feels both a rush of optimism and annoyance at the universe for dangling his presence so unexpectedly. She starts heading over to him, but Maleah cuts in.
“Trade me?” she proposes, eyes wide.
Alani blinks. “Oh, I would but I—”
“Please,” her best friend pouts. “I’m leaving to see my grandparents in stupid California for two months. Who knows when I’ll get the chance to see him again?”
Alani sighs, but gives in, reluctantly exchanging Harry for the family of four seated by the window. A strange feeling settles into the pit of his stomach when he sees that she heads in the opposite direction after a hushed conversation with another waitress. He doesn’t know why she traded him for a different customer, but he takes the hint.
A week goes by without another sighting of Harry and Alani has permanently taken on the role of greeting hostess in hopes of seeing him again. Her heartbeat temporarily speeds up when she sees a long haired customer approach the door, but her spirits quickly fall when the face doesn’t match his.
Another week brings another disappointing realization that Harry might be gone for good. One rainy morning when the restaurant is quiet and only two customers huddle together in a booth near the back, Alani hunches over the hostess podium and doodles on a stray receipt— a sunflower, a crescent moon, and two hearts. The bell above the door jingles but she doesn’t look up, too absorbed in her scribbles.
“Do you serve coffee?”
The familiar accented voice stops Alani’s pen dead in its tracks. She lifts her eyes first to confirm, and then straightens up when she sees that her ears haven’t deceived her.
“Yes,” she swallows.
“Great. I’ll take it to go,”
She slightly deflates, but Harry thinks he’s reading too much into it.
“Actually,” he corrects anyway, just in case he isn’t. “I think I’ll stay for a while,”
Alani flashes a warm smile and nods in the direction of the counter. “Right this way,”
Harry sheds his windbreaker onto the back of the seat, revealing a black and white Rolling Stones t-shirt that makes Alani’s blood pressure rise. A sign, she thinks.
“What do you want in your coffee?” she questions carefully.
“Nothing,” he responds, shaking out his damp hair gently. “Or actually, uh, butter...if you have some,”
Alani blinks, not sure if she’d heard correctly or if there had been some transatlantic miscommunication.
“Butter?”
“Yeah,”
“Like the—”
“Spread, yeah,” Harry confirms. “It’s weird, I know,”
She lets out a light-hearted laugh and nods. “It’s a...unique request,”
“I thought the same thing at first,” Harry confides. “It’s not bad, actually. But maybe I’ve just been in L.A. for too long.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
She offers a polite smile and heads to the kitchen where the cook and two other waiters talk amongst each other. Alani is grateful that the restaurant is slow this morning because she knows that it means minimal interruptions to her time with Harry. To ensure this, though, she asks one of the other waiters to cover the podium and returns to Harry with his coffee.
“One butter coffee, free of judgement,” the waitress announces, setting it down.
Harry grins softly, stirring the drink with the spoon Alani provided. “You can judge, it’s alright,”
“I just wanna know why,”
The coffee had been part of a fad diet while on tour in order to boost Harry’s energy on stage and stay trim for the hundreds of photo-ops he would be a part of. He doesn’t know how to communicate all of this to Alani, however, not sure how much she knows about that part of him, so he shrugs and tells a simplified version of the truth.
“I read about this trend a while back, it's called bulletproof coffee. Supposed to get your energy up and I needed it for my job,”
“Which is…” Alani trails off, downplaying the knowledge that she had acquired from Google.
“I make music,” is all Harry says and he takes a sip of the drink to avoid elaborating.
“Anything I would have heard?”
He swallows hard and listens to the faint rumbling of thunder outside before replying. “Possibly,”
“Try me,” Alani challenges.
He narrows his eyes and takes another sip of coffee. “Why don’t you tell me something about yourself first?”
“What do you wanna know?”
Everything, Harry responds internally, though he reigns it in. “How you got into waitressing,”
Alani sighs, resting her elbows on the counter across from him. “There’s not much to tell, it’s a family business. What I really wanna do is write,”
“Music?”
“Articles. I’m studying Journalism at UH,”
Harry hums in response, filing the detail away in the back of his mind. “Sounds interesting. You ever publish anything?”
“Not yet,” Alani shakes her head gently, toying with the sleeves of her green University of Hawaii crewneck. “Hopefully soon, though,”
Harry racks his brain for something else to say, but before he can, Alani speaks up again.
“Is it my turn to ask something now?”
He offers a curt nod and stirs his coffee.
“What kind of music do you write?”
Harry chooses to be vague again. “Different stuff. Pop, usually. Been messing with some classic rock, though,”
“Explains the shirt,”
He peers down at the design on his tee and agrees. “Yeah, I guess so,”
“Do you like it?” Alani asks, her eyes begging to make contact with his again. “Writing music, I mean,”
“Yeah,” Harry confirms, tapping his spoon against the rim of the mug. “I really do,”
Alani’s heart pounds. This is her chance, a moment to finally secure her breakthrough piece. She doesn’t know how to approach it, so she opts to dive right in without looking back. The worst he can say is no.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“That’s cheating,” Harry teases lightly. “It's my turn,”
She pouts playfully, but obliges. “Fire away,”
Harry doesn’t know which question to ask first, but when he glances down at the crescent moon inked on her wrist, he decides to start there.
“What’s with the moon tattoo?”
Alani isn’t sure what she expected him to ask and wonders what purpose such a detail could possibly serve him, but she answers anyway.
“Oh, well,” she begins, tracing her index finger over the outline. “It’s kinda the meaning of my full name. It’s Mahealani, Hawaiian for ‘heavenly moon,'”
Fitting, Harry comments to himself. Every detail he learns about her makes him want to learn that much more, from her favorite foods to the last thing she thinks about before falling asleep. Studying her expectant eyes, he suddenly remembers that it’s his turn to respond.
“That’s cool,” is all he says.
Alani doesn’t know what to make of the faraway look in his eye, but she decides to pose her most burning question while he appears to be in good spirits.
“I know this is gonna sound totally out of the blue,” she starts, working past the lump in her throat. “But when you mentioned how you write music, I was just reminded of this assignment I’m working on in my class,”
Harry waits for her to continue, nursing his now lukewarm coffee.
“I’m supposed to write a piece about someone who I don’t know that well,” she continues. “You know, to practice our interviewing skills. And, well, I was just kind of wondering if you might be interested in helping me out—being the subject, I mean,”
Alani had every intention of telling Harry the truth, about how she really planned to submit the article to Rolling Stone in hopes of securing an internship before her college graduation next Spring. But as she started speaking, she quickly realized how it would come off: a complete stranger asking for personal information to submit to a well-known publication. She knew that there was a chance he would shut down and never return, so she lowered the stakes and hoped that this route would be less risky. Was it ethical? Alani hadn’t decided yet, but she would work out the details later. After six failed articles and two years of rejection, she saw a ray of hope and wasn’t going to let it slip away.
Harry ponders her offer for a moment, which confirms that she had recognized him. Normally he would be off-put by such a request, and to a certain extent he is, but there is something sincere in her voice that he trusts deep down. Before he agrees, however, he decides to fish around a bit to test her reaction.
“You know who I am,” he says gently. “Don’t you?”
Alani’s heart drops into the pit of her stomach, not sure what to say next. She hopes with every fiber of her being that she hasn’t upset him, or worse, ruined her chances, so she decides to offer some truth to throw him off her scent.
“My sister recognized you,” she explains. “That day you came in with your friends. I thought they were your bandmates at first,”
This lets Harry know that she isn’t a total stalker, which is comforting, but he wouldn’t have been minded if she were a fan simply engaging in conversation.
“Oh,” he laughs weakly.
“I totally understand if you say no,” Alani offers quickly, trying to smooth things over. “I just thought it was worth a shot. And that it might be more interesting than interviewing our produce guy,”
Harry decides to give her one last scan for any sign of insincerity. He’d always felt that his gut instinct was strong and it hadn’t led him astray thus far.
“An interview?” he clarifies.
“Just one,” Alani promises. “An hour, tops. And you can proofread all of it once I’ve finished, too.”
Harry waits a beat, already knowing his reply, but he wants to see how she will react to his silence. She doesn’t budge, almond eyes set and determined.
“Okay.”
next chapter
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spideytingle616 · 3 years
Text
Five Months [5]
Part 4 / Masterlist
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*based on the five stages of grief*
Pairing: Peter Parker x Female Reader
Warnings: angst, death, mentions of anxiety/panic, possible implications of sexual activity, blood/injury, swearing
Summary: The first time you touch your soulmate, you’re able to see a glimpse into your future. What happens if your future is also your end?
Word Count: 12.7k wow wow (bold and italics are thoughts, scenes following a +++ are a flashback)
A/N: Thank you all who have read this story! I have had this planed for almost a year, and I’m so happy it actually became a thing, though I apologize for taking so damn long with this part. I hope you enjoy. This chapter features a lot of flashbacks, so buckle up.
Chapter Description: Maybe the universe isn’t so bad…
Month Five, Acceptance: Love, and Never Forget
A new day. A new month. A new semester.
The subway ride feels extra bumpy today, most likely due to the large pit in your stomach. Going to school is never something you looked forward to, but when you got there, someone was usually waiting for you.
Someone that made the grueling day a little easier.
You sigh and slump into your seat. How does a train full of people make you feel so alone?
A completely different person could be seen in your window reflection. Or maybe you were just so numb at this point, your body was nothing but luggage you were simply dragging along.
Fuck, you were exhausted. Beyond the undereye bags and the dry hair, your frame looked like it was ready to buckle down and rest. It was already curling in, prepared to do so when given the chance. Your eyes shut tight as you clenched your fists, trying your best to quiet the anxiety that flowed through your body.
When you open your eyes, you look at your reflection one more time, ignoring the cold stare that met your own. The world keeps going, and so should you.
Everything was more or less the same at Midtown. People were alert after their long break, but they still dreaded the upcoming classes. Friends were reuniting with one another and chatting, and everything seemed normal.
But it wasn’t, at least not for you.
You close your locker, and as you turned away from the wall you were met with familiar faces coming your way. The two friends kept looking at one another as they walked toward you, and it was clear that they felt unsure about approaching.
It wasn’t like you were purposely avoiding them, so to speak. But their worried texts were plentiful, and with everything that has happened, you pushed away from their coddling. Your responses were short, usually, something along the lines of “I’m fine” and “doing good”. Whether or not they trusted that you weren’t sure, but it kept them off your tail long enough for the time being.
Fake it till you make it, right?
“Alright, let’s get this over with,” you joke, opening your arms wide. “Come here.”
MJ and Ned smile at the gesture, quickly accepting the hug. It was definitely something all of you needed. You buried your face into their shoulders, happy to be with them again. Guilt pooled in your chest.
“I missed you guys… and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting” you sigh.
MJ tightens her grip on you, snuggling her face closer to yours. “It’s okay. We get it. We were just worried is all.”
“Still, it was selfish of me to do.” You pull away, looking between the two. “This whole thing is not just about me. I should have been there for you guys too instead of pushing myself away.”
“Well, we’re here now. Whenever you’re ready, to talk or hang out, we’ll be there.” Ned offers, and a smile reaches your face.
God, your friends were amazing. You couldn’t bear to hurt them even more with your doom and gloom. They deserved someone that would be there for them and listen to their concerns, instead of hiding in their own pool of guilt.
You quickly shake your head before speaking. “Thanks, I think I’m gonna be okay, though. If you guys need more time that’s totally fine, but I’m good. Nothing has to be weird between all of us, we can just hang out like old times, you know?”
Your friends glance at one another, their eyebrows pulled slightly tighter.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I’m glad,” Ned says, looking back at MJ for reassurance. “But you know, it’s totally cool if you still need time. After all, it’s been a rough month.”
You bite your tongue back from replying, your jaw suddenly tense.
Yeah, no shit…
+++
He’s gone.
Oh my god he’s gone.
He’s actually dead.
If someone came and ripped your heart out of your chest, it would be painless compared to how you felt now. You continued to stare at Peter even after his eyes closed. If you continued to look at him, maybe you could still pretend that he was alive.
When the police showed, everything was a daze. The flashes of red and blue sirens drew a queasiness deep in your stomach. As the officers forced you to let go of the boy, their voices muddled into the air. You felt completely disassociated from the scene in front of you, and all you wanted to be held in Peter’s arms. There, you could pretend that everything was okay.
“They’re still breathing!”
The shout draws you back into current time, their words shooting a current throughout your body. It couldn’t be…
“Airways are clear, but his respiratory rate is dropping. Get him on the stretcher now. Don’t let him go into shock.”
Were you hearing all this right? Too many things were happening right now, and no one bothered to tell you anything. The police were pushing you away from the scene as if you were a random pedestrian, and you were ready to grab them by the throat and scream at them. When you see Peter getting lifted into the ambulance, his suit now more red than blue, that was the last straw.
You push your way through toward the paramedics. If they were taking him, you were going too. You were right behind the red and white doors before a hard shove comes to your chest, stopping you from coming any closer.
“Excuse me miss, this is private business,” what looked like an EMT said. “Stark Industries does not want anyone seeing this. I’m going to have to ask you to go back with the crowd.”
You stare dumbfounded; at least Ned was able to get a hold of him, but the fact that they were acting as if you weren’t a witness and Peter’s friend angered you even more. “No, you don’t get it, that’s my friend in there. I- I need to be with him if he’s still alive. Please I-“
“Look, as much as I’d like to believe that we were not told anything about other parties being involved. So, to keep this under wraps, we cannot let you ride with us. If you actually do know the patient, you can follow us and figure out your clearance there,” they finalize before walking away and jumping into the vehicle. You don’t even get a chance to breathe before they’re gone, and the only remnant of Peter was the stain on the street.
The EMT did have a point. If you wanted to keep Spider-Man’s identity a secret, you couldn’t draw attention to yourself. Slipping under the newly posted yellow tape, you’re swallowed into the shadows before the police even notice.
Now here you were, in a dirty subway car at ten in the evening. Being a teenage girl, this situation would normally terrify you (Seriously guys, no means no. Why are you even near us to begin with?), but luckily the murder scene on your dress and the hollow glare in your eyes drove most passengers away from you.
Staring into space, your brain tries to process everything that just happened in the past hour. You sprinted across the city to find your dying soulmate, only to find out he isn’t dead? Or at least, not yet. Based on his current state, it could still go either way.
Shouldn’t you be feeling hopeful? Or at least some sort of relief knowing that Peter has a chance? Your body internally cringes at the idea. Getting your hopes up wasn’t great; part of you always hoped for a happy ending with Peter and look where that got you.
All you could feel was dread, and it wasn’t much better than the heartbreak prior.
The car slows down as the rest of the passengers stand and walk toward the doors, but not without giving you a worrisome stare. You ignore their eyes as they pass by; you couldn’t care less about what they thought.
You look down at your hands and focus on blood caked under your nails, trying to rub the residue away. Some looked like it came off, but the red-brown still pigmented your skin. Chest tightening, you lean back in your seat and let your head knock back.
Peter’s blood was on your hands, both figuratively and literally.
---
A chill travels through your spine, bile working its way upward.
Was that really only a month ago?
The bell sounds, its ringing bringing you more despair than usual. Your conversation was brought to an end, MJ and Ned giving you a nod to signal their departure. They forced a smile your way, and you keep your calm composure even after they turn away.
Pulling the straps of your backpack closer, you take a deep breath before walking to class.
---
“First order of business: team captain. Miss Allan’s parting was unfortunate, but both she and I believe this team will do amazing at the international competition this summer. We just need a new captain.”
“Mr. Harrington, I’m honored-“
“Not you, Flash.”
You and Ned snicker under your breaths, earning your partner an elbow from Betty. MJ rolls her eyes at the two of you, but her smile gave away her amusement.
Decathlon was supposed to be done for the school year, but your team’s win at D.C. earned Midtown a spot at its international competition in Paris. You didn’t expect the school board to approve the trip, especially with the large expenses it ensued. But apparently, they found an anonymous donor.  
Though no one could figure out who would willingly spend tens of thousands of dollars for a kids’ trip to Europe, no one was complaining either, especially when they were paying to include an actual vacation with it. As ecstatic as everyone was about the opportunity, it also meant that you would soon be back to frequent practices. And as much as you enjoy this club, more work is never fun.
“After careful consideration of each of your prior performances, I’m happy to announce that our new captain will be none other than Michelle Jones.”
Harrington continued his announcements, but you already stopped paying attention. You nudge MJ after the scattered applause, mouth still agape.
“You didn’t tell me you were gonna be captain. Congrats!” you whispered.
“Well, to be honest, I didn’t know until just now. But I would have been pissed if I wasn’t.”
“And I would’ve had to listen to you complain about it, so it’s a win-win… can your first order be to rearrange the seating? I love Cindy, but sometimes she smells after gym.”
MJ scoffs. “Done, but it’s your fault if this all goes to my head.”
“Oh, I think it already has,”
“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just be quiet so I can listen.”
You roll your eyes as you let her turn away from you, grabbing your phone in the process.
You: Guess who the new captain is…
Liz: It better be MJ, I put in a good word for her and everything
You: It is lol. Good choice by the way, she’ll probably be a better captain than you
Liz: whatever 🙄
In the past month since she moved, the two of you found comfort in one another. Both of you fell in the direct line of fire, and as brutal as that was, it also meant that you weren’t alone.
+++
Lately, it seemed that your timing was nothing if not impeccable.
You speed walk to the cafeteria, breath getting heavier with each step. You’re usually one of the first in there, trying your best to beat the rush of students, but you just had to go to the bathroom beforehand. Amateur move, honestly…
Once you turn the corner, you stop in your tracks. Just ahead was Liz and her mom, both with boxes in hand. Her mom takes a right, most likely heading toward the office. All that was left was you and her, and the ten feet of tile in between.
“Hey,” you call out, gaining her attention. A tint of regret coats the air around you as you walk closer.
Where do you start, after everything that has happened?
“Liz, hey. What’s up?”
“Oh, hey. Nothing much, I’m just packing things from my locker and whatnot. My mom’s grabbing my file from the office, and after that we should be good, or whatever.” She sighs, looking down at her things.
“Wait, packing? Are you… are you going somewhere?”
“Yeah, my dad doesn’t want us to see him in trial. We’re moving all the way to Oregon tomorrow. My mom has family there… nice area apparently, or whatever,” She purses her lips. “New York allows prisoners to call as often as they want, so no worries there, plus I’m all set for college so I can more or less breeze through senior year.”
You nod. Though you suppose the situation could have been worse, it was evident that Liz was hiding all the struggles she just got handed. Maybe if you were closer, you’d be able to comfort her, or tell her what she needed to hear.
“Liz, you’ve probably gotten this a lot, but I’m really sorry about what went down. I can’t even imagine what that’s like.”
There’s a pause before she finds your face again. “I think you do though. Maybe not exactly the same as me, but you were part of this too.”
You tilt your head, confused at her words. Setting her things down, she slings her backpack around to her front, unzipping it to find what she was looking for. “Peter left this in my dad’s car, but something tells me it was meant for someone else. It’s a little wilted now, but I still think it looks nice.”
In her hand was the rose that Peter had the night of the homecoming dance. You were so annoyed when you saw it. However, this time was different. You were not sure what you felt, but you were grateful nonetheless.
You take the flower from her, admiring the purple-red petals. Underneath, a card was tied around:
A rose for a rose.
You might not be my date, but can I SWING BY for a dance?
You let out a quiet scoff. If the pun didn’t give it away, the web doodles might have.
“You think I would’ve figured it out sooner,” Liz shrugged.
“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t realize until it was right in front of my face," you joked back, earning a smile.
“I won’t tell anyone, by the way. He was just trying to do the right thing, and it’s not my secret to tell anyways.”
You nod at the gesture, relieved that things were not getting any messier. Not as much as they could, at least.
“I’m sorry too by the way…” she starts. “if I got in the way of you and Peter.”
You shake your head. “No no, it’s fine. Really. That was Peter’s choice to do that. I even told you we weren’t soulmates, so…“
“Yeah, well, I could tell that wasn’t the whole truth. Or at least, I couldn’t believe that it was the truth.” When you don’t reply, she continues on. “Obviously, I don’t know the whole story, or maybe even half of it, but almost everyone thought you two were soulmates before you even said anything. That’s gotta mean something, right?”
You pause for a moment. For someone who was only two years older, she was a lot wiser than you imagined. “Yeah, maybe it does… I don’t know, it’s just so complicated, you know?”
“I can only imagine.” She offers a smile. “But assuming he’s okay, wherever he is, I think it’d be a lot less complicated if you were in it together.”
With that, the conversation seemed to be over. You both knew that you weren’t really friends, but there was still a connection there. What happened homecoming night created a bond between you, a burning ember in a pile of ash. Everything died down, but there are still remnants that continued to burn.
If you guys chose to, you could let that memory die with the rest of the fire. But you could also choose to keep it alive and learn something from it.
Liz clears her throat, breaking the silence. “Looks like my mom’s ready, so I should go catch up. Thanks for saying goodbye.”
“Well, thanks for the mini therapy session. Hopefully, Oregon treats you better. If you wanna, you can text me once you’re all settled. We can talk, or whatever you want, really. Doesn’t even have to be about this.”
Her eyes light up at the offer, surprised at the generosity. “Yeah. I’d really like that. Thanks.”
You watch as she grabs her stuff from the floor and walk down the hall. The two of you send each other one last wave before parting ways, but you don’t move from your spot. Not until she was fully out of sight.
When she’s completely gone, you think about her words again. Maybe it would be easier.
Or maybe it’s just a faster route to trouble.
---
“You, me, Catacombs of Paris. It’s been on my list for years, and we are not missing out on that.” MJ declares, interrupting your daze. You didn’t even realize the meeting was over, most of the group already filing out of the library. “Jeez, how deep was your conversation with your pen pal? You look like you just woke up.”
You huff as you stood up from your seat. “How do you even know it’s her? Could’ve been my mom checking up on me.”
“Well, whenever you and Liz text, which is pretty regularly now, you get that weird crease between your eyebrows, and something tells me you’re not thinking that hard when you’re answering, ‘how are you’ from your parents.”
“You know, I think someone’s a little jealous that I have other girl friends to talk to.” You joke, checking her shoulder. “Any other creepy spots you’re forcing me to go to?”
Your friend’s face lights up, relishing at the opportunity to talk about her interests. You knew she had hours' worth of knowledge on the subject, and it gave you the chance to avoid talking about yourself. It wasn’t easy to distract MJ, but you had your ways.
It was easy to distract yourself from your current situation with Liz. After all, she was more or less doing the same thing. Your relationship was symbiotic; One of you would talk about your problems so the other could take their focus away from theirs, and vice versa. Mutual therapy, as you both called it.
The bonding made you feel safe. You made a friend and found someone that would need time to heal too.
At least, that’s what you thought.
For the last few conversations or so, the tone has taken a rather lighthearted turn. Liz started her new semester at Oregon a week earlier than Midtown, and she was already coming for the title of Ms. Popular. Though, with her being a hot, new senior, you shouldn’t have been surprised.
She was using her mom’s name for more privacy and was basically starting fresh. Liz even said she could still go to NYU if things died down after the trial. You were ecstatic for her, of course. She was incredibly strong for taking her life into her own hands and making the best of what happened, yet deep down you still couldn’t help but feel frustrated. In the end, even the people that have it worse still find ways to turn it around.
Your stomach turns. Maybe it wasn’t time that was the issue.
Maybe it was you.
---
Life’s kind of funny. Less than a year ago, you thought meeting the Avengers would be impossible. The only time you ever saw them was on the news or some badly edited PSA. For you, they seemed more fictional rather than real.
Now here you were, in the same car that Tony freaking Stark uses, being driven to the one and only Avengers Facility.
Despite the news about the Sokovia Accords, and the infamous “Civil War”, as they coined it, the building continued to stand tall and proud. The squeaky-clean windows and trimmed hedges were simply another reminder of how this lifestyle was beyond you.
Peter has been staying here for the past few weeks so the doctors could track his progress in private. With his mutated DNA and dangerous alien technology, they wanted to make sure there was not any permanent damage to his systems. Though this caused him to miss the rest of the semester, he knew it was for the best.
Despite taking a nasty hit, his super healing got him back on his feet, more or less. Just a few hours of physical therapy and some tests were enough to get Peter back to full mobility. However, he was still advised by the doctors to take things slow. Just because he could move doesn’t mean he should so soon.
This was the fourth or so trip here, yet every visit still felt like the first. All of this was so overwhelming, but you try not to let it show as you walk through the glass door. When you couldn’t find Peter in his room, your panic started to become visible.
Finding one guy in a 300,000 square foot building? How hard could it be?
Answer: not impossible, but still rather embarrassing.
After a few wrong turns here and there, you eventually made it to what seemed to be your destination. You wound up in a gym twice the size of your school’s. It had every piece of equipment one could need to train for a life-or-death mission, and you were struck with awe once again.
Your attention quickly focuses on the sounds of leather on leather. Across the gym was a boxing ring, holding none other than Tony Stark and your best friend.
The two didn’t notice you yet, so you took your time heading closer. Peter was in deep focus, his grey shirt tightening around him every time he threw a punch. Sweat covered the top half of the fabric as his curls brushed his forehead, and you could feel your throat drying up at his appearance.
You would have shown up earlier all those other times if you meant you got to see this…
“Y/N! Hey!” Peter greets when he finally sees you. “Sorry, I should’ve texted you that I was still in here. Guess I lost track of time.”
You wave it off. “Don’t worry about it. Looked like you were doing some good work.”
“Yeah, I sure hope so. Did you know the only fighting knowledge he had before this was from movies?” Tony interrupted, pointing a glove at the guilty party.
“Hey c’mon, Rocky is a solid resource,” He defended. “You ever seen it?”
The billionaire paused, mentally going through the five stages of grief. “Yeah kid, I think we’re done here. He’s all yours.”
“Sounds good,” You respond, turning back to Peter. “Something tells me you might need to freshen up before we start studying, so I’ll just meet you in your room. If I can find it, that is…”
The boy nods, feeling extra gross and sticky now that you brought it up. You send the two a small wave before walking out of the gym, trying your best to retrace your steps. Peter watches you until you vanish, to which Tony raises an eyebrow.
Maybe it was just him, but the spiderling was rather obvious with his emotions.
“Normally I’d say, ‘don’t do anything I wouldn’t do’, but clearly you don’t listen to that,” He says, snapping Peter back into reality. “Just keep it in your room, alright? Last thing I need is to spray this whole place with disinfectant.”
Peter’s mouth parts, slightly uncomfortable at his mentor’s words. “What? No, it’s not like that at all. She’s just helping me with all the schoolwork I’ve missed.”
Tony immediately stops, punching pads half on. “That- that’s it? You get a second chance at life, and all you’re doing is studying?”
He shrugs. “Well, you know, I haven’t taken my finals yet-“
“Finals that you can pass if you just study the night before like a normal kid.” He walks closer to Peter. “You escape the jaws of death and the one thing you want to do is study? What happened to you teenagers and wanting to ‘live a little’?” He mumbles the last part, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t use this experience as an excuse to shy away. I’m not saying go off and be reckless, but at least have a little fun, yeah? Do what you want.”
From one man who had a near-death experience (or several) to another, maybe he had a point. But then again, if you try to sacrifice yourself multiple times, you must be more than okay with the thought of leaving this world and the people you care about.
Tony finally finishes packing up, while Peter was still in the ring, contemplating.
“She’s a good one,” he shouts to the boy, getting his attention. “Might even like her more than you.” He pauses, realizing how that sounded. “No offense, of course.”
The boy’s face sours as Tony keeps walking. “Some taken… oh and hey! I know it was you that paid for the Europe trip!”
“Nope! Wrong billionaire!” He swings the door open, turning around to look at Peter. “But uh, I think there’s a light festival the same weekend you’re in Prague. You should check it out.”
“Uh-huh…” he grins, playing along.
+++
Thanks to his powers, Peter’s hands always got extra sticky when he was nervous. So, when Mr. Stark called him to come to his office a week or so after the incident, he tried his best to keep his hands to himself.
“Hey, Mr. Stark. You wanted to see me or something?” he asked, awkwardly shuffling through the door.
Tony looks up from his phone and nods at Peter. “Kid, hey. How you feelin’?”
“Oh, well I’m actually doing pretty goo-“
“That’s great,” Tony interrupts. “Anyways, here you go.”
He slides a paper bag toward the boy, to which Peter responds by checking his surroundings. Was this a test? Because there are some major drug deal vibes happening right now.
“What the heck are you doing, kid? Just take the damn bag.”
Peter snaps back to the man and quickly snatches it off the desk. He peeks inside and is shocked when he sees the bright red and blue suit. He clutches the bag closer, afraid it would be stripped away from him a second time.
“You- you’re giving it back to me?” Peter grins.
“Well, it didn’t really teach you anything when I took it away, so I might as well just give it back. Plus, your other one looks ridiculous compared to this.”
His smile falls a little, and Tony quickly backtracks for clarification.
“What I mean is that you did good work. I didn’t believe in you after the ferry incident, but you were determined. You followed your heart and ended up catching the guy. However, you also ended up getting shish kabobbed and almost died, which isn’t as good.” Stark mumbles the last part, getting a little off track. “I told you before that if something happened to you, that it would be on me. But if you won’t listen to me then… I guess I have to mentor you, and make sure you know what you’re doing.”
Peter’s eyes widen. “As in…”
“Training every morning. We can practice using all your suit’s abilities along with combat in case you’re stuck without it. We’ll track your health and progress to make sure you’re not pushing it. Last thing we need is you showing off and hurting yourself.”
“Yeah, got it.” He replies, mouth agape. “I- thank you, Mr. Stark.”
He couldn’t believe it. This was all happening so fast. A few days ago, he thought he was supposed to be dead on the sidewalk. Now, everything seemed to be going well. Maybe too well? How was Mr. Stark so calm about it?
“Well, to be honest, you shouldn’t be thanking me. It was your girlfriend that pretty much convinced me to do this. Y/N or something?”
He cocks his head. “Wait, Y/N? What do you mean?”
“We met at the hospital when you were under surgery.” He shrugs. “Kept telling me how you were a good kid who was going to help the city at all costs, that you were soulmates and this was doomed to happen, you should get another chance, etcetera etcetera,” He dismisses with his hands. “It was pretty moving, really. She really believes in you, so I thought I should do the same.”
Peter tries to keep a neutral face, but this information made his mind go even faster than before. You never mentioned that you met Mr. Stark, much less had an actual conversation with him. With all the crap he’s pulled on you, you still said all that. And to an Avenger, no less.
He doesn’t comment about Mr. Stark’s confession, only giving him another thanks followed with a goodbye. From the looks of it, Tony was rather done with the conversation anyways. He leaves as awkwardly as he came in.
As Peter walks back to his room, he notices the air around him feels lighter. Fresher, even. He smiles at the thought.
For the first time, in a very long time, Peter was optimistic for the future.
---
Never mind, maybe he should have died that night.
Studying was a far worse punishment.
Peter groans and buries his face deeper into his pillow, a string of obscenities following shortly after. You turn and frown at the sight. Sure, you weren’t any better during finals week, but this was just sad.
“C’mon dude,” you said as you shook his shoulder. “Get up. We’re almost done with this.”
He groans louder at your comment. “Too much work. Math isn’t even real.”
You shake your head in amusement. “Yeah okay. Tell that to Gonzales, I’m sure you’ll keep your number two spot after that.” You snort, not registering Peter’s shock as he propped himself up.
“Two? Don’t you mean one?”
Shit. “I mean, not exactly. Finals week happened a little bit ago. Grades change, you know?”
“Okay…” He gives you a look. “Well, then who scored high enough to beat me?”
Your lips tighten, but your silence, in turn, answers his question.
“No…” Peter realizes. “You- no….”
“Pete-“
“You’re first now? You took my freaking spot?”
Your mouth hangs open trying to think of a proper response and your friend scoffs. “Wow,” he says, shaking his head. “After all this time, I didn’t realize my best friend would become my enemy. Now I actually have to try.”
“Ouch. A nice congrats or something would have been nice, you know,” you reply, rolling your eyes. “Whatever, at least I’m being nice and trying to help.”
“Help? Or sabotage?” Peter smirks, sitting up. Stiff from his previous meltdown position, he clasps his hands together and stretches his arms upward. He doesn’t get very far before he flinches back down, hands now gripping his side as he quietly whimpers.
You immediately assume the worst as you turn closer to Peter, but he shakes his head, a sign telling you it’s nothing serious. He takes a few more deep breaths before looking at you, now sheepish.
“Sorry bout that. I think I overdid today,” he explained, gently rubbing his abdomen.
“Peter…” you pout. “Thought the whole point of you being here was so that you wouldn’t overdo it.”
“Yeah yeah, I know. I didn’t think a late-night workout would cause too much trouble,” he says, and your eyebrows furrow, disappointment evident. Peter slumps further down, throwing his hands up. “I won’t do it again, okay? It’s my last weekend here, anyways. I’ll take it easy for the next few days. Promise.” He then offers his pinkie to you, and you accept it with a sigh.
Your eyes wander down his chest, stopping at the top of his waist. You’ve never actually seen it, the wound and the scar that it left. At least, not since the incident. Your chest tightens at the thought. It was so bloody, and dirty, and just plain gross.
It was supposed to be the end of him, the end of everything you had. And now here he was, studying for a calculus test.
How was all that a month ago?
“Does it always hurt?” you ask before you could stop yourself. Peter follows your stare before looking at you again.
“Nah, just sometimes,” he starts with a small shrug. “It’s usually a dull ache every now and then, but it hurts more right now, cause, you know…” He looks away in shame. “Speaking of, I need to put this cream stuff on before I forget, supposed to keep it clean and help with the healing. I forgot to put it on after training.” He leans forward to grab the tube off his desk, and you could tell the easy motion was rather painful.
“I could do it if you want,” you offer, eyes widening immediately afterward. The two of you have been keeping physical distance between one another, and now here you were, basically asking to caress him. “I mean- if you think it would be easier.”
He takes a moment to think before giving a small nod, not saying anything as he hands you the cream. You both seem unsure of this, but you slowly grab the tube anyways. You take your time unscrewing the cap, giving Peter a chance to change his mind. When you look back up, he’s already staring at you, waiting for your next move.
You scooch closer toward Peter, and the air starts to get thicker. Tense. One wrong move could ruin this whole thing. You cringe at the thought. It’s not that deep, you tried to rationalize.
But this was Peter. Every small action meant something more.
Fisting the bottom of his t-shirt, you bring it to his chest to reveal the scar. You let out a shaky breath, looking at the newly exposed skin. It was the same as the last time you saw it: You could still see the tinges of pink under the lights, and his chest was still firm. But now all that was blemished with a horrid red line on his right.
That fucking scar. If looks could kill, your stare could probably reopen the wound that was once there. It makes you so frustrated to know the memory still stains his body. Peter once mentioned that his powers speed up his healing process, but marks like these last a lifetime for normal people, so you imagined that if it were to go away, it wouldn’t be for years.
You shake the thoughts from your head as you squeeze the cream onto your fingers, using your thumb to warm it up. Shifting your weight forward, you lean in even closer to him and gently touch Peter’s skin. The contact causes him to tense at first, but he eventually softens under your touch as you massage in the substance.
Peter doesn’t take his eyes off you. He watches how softly your fingers graze his scar, and how his skin was burning at the contact. It reminds him of that weekend: The hungry kisses, the skin on skin after you took your shirts off. Even when you were pulling him for more, you were never rough. You let him dip his toes first, making sure he was doing what he wanted.
Mr. Stark’s words come back to him. Live a little… have some fun… do what you want…
And right now, Peter thinks he wants more.
He sits up straighter (or at least as much as he could) and brings his hand up toward you, tracing your jaw with his fingertips. His thumb rubs the center of your cheek, bringing your focus away from his scar. You don’t realize how close the two of you are until you face him again. Peter’s stare flickers between your eyes and mouth, and you swallow hard. Though his touch was warm, your mind was frozen.
Were you supposed to do something? What did Peter want? Your questions were soon answered as he started to close the distance between you, ever so slowly. And though a part of you wanted to meet him halfway, memories cloud your head.
Blood.
Rubble.
Tears.
Peter holding on for dear life.
Fear shooting through your veins.
With a sharp inhale, you put your weight on your palms and back away. Peter stays where he is, his body a few seconds behind. After a few seconds, he lowers his hand down as concern floods his eyes.
“I- I should go,” you announce. Pushing yourself off the bed, you quickly pack your stuff away, not bothering to check if you got everything.
“I thought we were going to study more-“
“Just look up some practice problems online and you should be good. The curve helps a lot too.” You zip your backpack. “You’ll be fine without me.”
Peter fumbles for an excuse. “Well, it’s getting late, though. Wouldn’t you rather spend the night like last weekend?”
“No, it’s cool. Happy said they always have a driver on call just in case. Might as well put use them,” you shrug. “Anyways, bye!”
You quickly slam the door behind you, and Peter cringes at the sound. What the hell just happened? He brings his palms to his eyes with a heavy sigh. The last thing he wanted was for things to be awkward, yet he still managed to drive you out of his room and onto a two-hour car ride instead. Did he misread the situation that bad?
Meanwhile, you were still on the other side of the door, eyes wide. Did you really just do that? You were always so upset when Peter didn’t communicate with you, but now you were no better. You turn back to face the door, hand on the doorknob, yet the turn never came. Eventually, you let go and back away, and pull out your phone before turning the corner and out of the hallway.
At that same moment, Peter decided to stand up and follow you. Even if you wanted to leave, he didn’t want all his feelings to go unsaid. He pushes through the soreness and reaches the door, yanking it open.
He sticks his head out into the hall, but he doesn’t see you. Peter’s frame shrinks. A big part of him wanted to chase you, to see if he could catch up before you had the chance to go, but if you were already so far gone, it must be for a reason. With a frown, he slowly shuts his door, hoping that maybe you’ll come back before the click.
You never do.
Sleep never comes to you that night, thoughts about a brown-haired superhero circling your head. You knew that leaving was not the best idea. And not turning back when you had the chance was also not the greatest call. But at that moment, the idea of confronting your fears and worries seemed so much worse.
Grabbing your pillow, you smother yourself as you let out a quiet scream. By the time you uncover your face, you can already see the sun.
---
Neither of you mentions that night. Not that you were purposely avoiding the topic. In fact, you wanted to apologize for your abrupt exit, and maybe talk about what was going on between you two, but there was never a good time to do so.
Peter’s reappearance was not going as smooth as you thought it would. No offense to the boy, but you didn’t think many people would notice he was gone. But with the lack of Spider-Man sightings, and all the chaos surrounding homecoming weekend, people were chatty.
The first day he came back to school, Flash kept asking what happened to the friendly neighborhood hero. Poor Peter tried his best to blubber an excuse about him having a mission out of the country, but that just confused his classmates even more.
Others were asking why he missed all those weeks of school, which caused him to create an elaborate lie about having an extended family in Europe. It took everything for MJ not to outright laugh at the scene, which you later scolded her about.
Combine that and all the work he needs to catch up on, you thought it would be best to wait a little longer.
Eventually, Friday rolls around and all of you have survived another week. You, Peter, Ned, and MJ were talking around your locker before school when Ned claps his hands together, a lightbulb turning on in his head.
“Oh, dude! Now that we’re all here, we should all play some D&D!” He grins, getting giddier by the second. “We finally have a good amount of people, plus it’ll be a good way to have Betty get to know you all better as a group. I got this new book for Christmas and I’ve been planning a campaign for weeks. Spoiler alert: it’s awesome!” He quickly spits out, looking toward the group for a response.
Turns out Betty and Ned were soulmates, though no one knew until recently. Except for MJ, of course. When she gossiped about it homecoming night, Ned spilled all the beans.
They found out a few weeks after D.C., but though the two of them were pleased with the pairing, Betty didn’t feel ready to go into a relationship. Ned was accepting of this, being the sweetie he is, and the two of them are slowly building a friendship, though they are quite affectionate with one another. It was adorable, and slightly jealousy-inducing all at once.
MJ crinkles her nose. “I suppose I could try it. No promises that I’ll enjoy it, though.”
Ned, Peter, and you all stare at one another before bursting into laughter. Your amusement confuses MJ, but she doesn’t interrupt the moment.
“Oh Michelle,” you begin, grabbing her by the shoulder. “You are in for a world of fun.”
“Does that mean you’re in?” Ned points to you.
“Of course, dude! You’re the best Dungeon Master around. That, and your mom always has tons of snacks for us whenever we play.”
“I’ll take what I can get, I guess,” he scoffs. “Should we plan for tomorrow or something? I need to add a few more details and Betty should be free then too.”
“I’m good.”
“Same here.”
“Actually, I can’t. I’m busy.”
The three of you turn to Peter, who shrinks down in size and offers a shy smile.
“C’mon Pete. I get you have a lot of catching up to do but I’m sure a small game break wouldn’t kill you,” you said.
“No no, I get that.” He shakes his head. “It’s just that I was gonna start patrolling this weekend… “ he explains, and your blood runs cold. “But you guys go on and play without me, I promise to join next time.”
Ned nods, the three of them continuing to talk like normal, but you stay silent, keeping your eyes in Peter’s direction. Patrolling? How come he never told you about this?
It’s five minutes before class when MJ and Ned decide to leave, heading to their first period history together. Peter decides to go to class too, but you grab his arm before he gets the chance to turn away.
“Are you seriously going out? What happened to taking it easy?” you hissed. Though your tone was rather snippy, deep down you were terrified for Peter. Sure, he was fine now, maybe even better with all his training, but was he ready to go back out?
Were you ready for him to go back out?
“I’ve been taking it easy for a week, and people are starting to get suspicious. I don’t know if I can make it through another one of Flash’s confrontations without getting caught,” he sighs. “Look, can we just talk about this later? Class is about to start.”
You scoff. “You’re just trying to avoid the subject.”
“No, I’m not. I just don’t want to hear you lecture me when I’m already heading to one. And besides, I already know what you’re gonna say so what does it matter?”
“You literally just described ‘avoiding the subject’,” you bite back, concern turning into frustration. “Nothing good happens when we don’t talk, Pete.”
“Oh really? Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah dude, I’m pretty sure. That’s kinda how a friendship works.”
“Right. Friendship…” A pause. Peter’s face hardens as he looks at you. “Fine, let’s talk: why didn’t you kiss me?” he asks, jaw clenched.
Your hand lets go of his arm and falls slack. When you said you wanted to bring up the almost-kiss, you didn’t mean now. Why was he turning this on you?
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, if I can’t avoid the subject, then you can’t either.”
You shake your head. This was not the time to talk about this. He takes your silence as an answer and moves a step back.
“I’m going out. Tonight,” he announces. “I’m not waiting around.”
He doesn’t give you a chance to reply before he turns around and walks away. The action surprises you; Peter was never the one to walk away. If he was, it was because there was a danger that he needed to tend to.
This time, he willingly chose to.
You mull over what he said before he left. I’m not waiting around. He said it with such conviction. It almost sounded like he wasn’t talking about Spider-Man.
He was talking about you.
+++
You didn’t realize the Avengers had their own private hospital section, but considering their job description, you shouldn’t be surprised.
The stale, air-conditioned air of the hospital welcomed you the minute you entered. Goosebumps prickled your exposed arms as the atmosphere around you shifted.
Yeah, you really didn’t like hospitals. Especially now.
The nurses didn’t know anything of you or your involvement either, so they couldn’t let you go past the designated waiting room, leaving you all alone in a stuffy room. You’ve been staring at the fish tank for the last five minutes, waiting for someone to at least come in and talk to you.
Ugh, fuck this.
You texted MJ and Ned the news about Peter, which was a rather chaotic conversation. You promised you would let them know the whole story soon, but now didn’t feel like the time. Not when your other half may or may not be alive.
When you left the school, Ned spammed Stark Industries with emergency messages, which finally got Tony Stark’s attention. You overheard some nurses at the desk talking, and apparently, he was somewhere in the building, talking down a woman. You had no doubt that it was May.
God, if you thought you’ve been through it, you couldn’t imagine how she felt. To find out your nephew, who was basically your son, is a crime-fighting superhero is one thing. To find out he was almost killed and is currently fighting for his life all in one night is another. You were surprised her head didn’t explode right then and there.
Another ten minutes pass by before May comes out from the patient area, eyes red and completely distraught. Tony Stark was close behind her, holding the door open as May’s crouched figure passes through.
You stare at the two of them and accidentally make eye contact with the billionaire. He sends you a nod before heading back to the hospital rooms, like it was the only safe thing to do. The anger from before quickly disappeared; at least you weren’t the only one in shock.
“Oh, Y/N,” May says when she spots you. “I didn’t know you’d be here. It’s super late, I think it’s safer if you went back home. I don’t want your parents to worry. Do you need me to call and talk to them? I can take you home if you need me to.”
“May, you don’t-“
“I mean it’s probably best if I go do something. I don’t think I can sit here for very long without pulling my hair out.”
“May-“
“This is all just hitting me so hard. I mean, how did I not even realize this? I feel so stupid. God, the nerve of Tony to pull this. I should have never trusted him-“
“It’s my fault, May.” You snap, ceasing her rambles. “I did this… I fucking caused all of this. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do and one thing led to another and… I killed him. I killed Peter. I am so sorry, May. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
May doesn’t respond right away, still processing everything you said. Her shoulders slump down slightly as she cocks her head. Out of all the news she got tonight, this one confused her the most. But as she focused on you and your shivering body, she realized she wasn’t the only one that had a rough night.
She takes your hands. “Let’s talk, alright?”
The next fifteen minutes were spent by you blubbering about everything. The soulmate memory, his Spider-Man secret, how you tried to keep apart, and how you found him downtown. You skip over the rather intimate parts, knowing it was probably not going to help May. Your face is red and splotchy by the end of it, and a handful of tissues covered the small table next to you.
May doesn’t say a word until you’re done. Though a nice gesture, her silence was more due to her complete shock.
“I am so fucking sorry, May,” you whisper at the end. “I should have told you, or someone, at least. It’s just that, it was Peter’s life on the line. I didn’t want to do anything and hurt him. I thought it was best if he made the call, but look where that got us.” You wipe your eyes and look away. The guilt was unbearable. May was nothing but caring to you, and you repay her by killing her nephew.
“God... I knew Peter was having a rough time, I always heard him at weird hours of the night, but I thought it was just school or something. I’ve always checked on him, but he would always say he’s busy.�� She shakes her head. “I don’t blame you, though. I mean, I’m not exactly happy this all went down the way it did, but I can’t be mad at you for at least trying to save him, even when it hurt to.”
You sniffle at her words, trying to suppress any more tears. “He still got hurt, though. Peter being my soulmate cost him his life…” you whisper the last word.
May offers a sympathetic smile as she smooths your hair. “You know, people say the reason for soulmates is to be with someone you love forever, but it never takes into account some people’s forever is shorter than others,” she explains. “When Ben died… I was so angry at the world. Why give me this amazing person if I only got them for a short time? Sure, the world can give me another soulmate or something, but it almost defeats the purpose… makes it seem that I had to have this one soulmate before I had to a ‘real’ soulmate. Even after all this time, part of me will always want him…
“But even if Ben isn’t with me forever, I was with him for his forever, and I found a way to be okay with that. I gave him all the love I possibly could have, and I have no doubt in my head that it was worth it.”
You smile and nod at her words, but she could tell you weren’t completely getting the point. “You and Peter are great together, friendship or more. There’s no way he regrets spending his time with you, and I don’t think you do either. The two of you always had something special. Don’t push away from that, even if it might seem easier.”
You find May’s hands and give a firm squeeze, a silent way of saying thanks. For months, you have been trying to go for easy: less drama, fewer risks… but it was still a whole lot of pain. And for what? Never getting to be with your best friend in the way you truly wanted? May made it seem like the choice was obvious, and you wondered if it actually was.
A few quiet minutes pass until Tony Stark steps into the waiting room and approaches the two of you. You and May quickly stand up, waiting for the worst. You already experienced Peter’s “death”, you didn’t need to go through it again, especially if it’s real this time.
“Is he going to be okay?” May quickly asks, hands close to her chest, protecting herself from any hidden blows.
Tony’s mouth tightens before answering. “More or less…” he starts, looking down before continuing. “The wound was deep, and if he couldn’t heal as fast as he could, this would be a different story. However, it was still caused by dangerous, alien hybrid technology and he was already in a rough state prior to the… stab.” He cringes at the word. “Scrapes and bruises, a broken rib, some significant brain injury… Dr. Cho is doing the best she can, but as of right now, he’s in a comatose state.”
You gulp at the news. “So, what does that mean? When will he wake up?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“But- but he will wake up, right?” you clarify.
A pause. Tony’s jaw ticks. His eyes quickly leave you before blinking and meeting yours again, but you notice it. The doubt behind them.
“I don’t know…”
---
It’s almost midnight, which means you’ve spent the whole night worrying.
You were out on the fire escape freezing your ass off. It would only take ten steps maximum to grab something warm, but the bite of the wind kept you alert.
You weren’t going to leave until you knew Peter was safe.
He barely talked to you since this morning. He sat near Ned at lunch instead of you and took different routes to class. You texted him a few times throughout the day, but he never replied.
So, when you sent a message checking in on him with no response back, you weren’t sure if it was him ignoring you or that he was in danger. You let out a sigh of worry as your breath dissolved into the night.
You never realized how nice your view was. The most use your window got was when Peter came in, but that hasn’t happened for months. It’s crazy that you consider that a simpler time in your relationship.
Your ears focus on the sounds of the city. The bustling noises often brought you comfort, knowing that there were thousands of people going through the motions of life. Tonight, however, it sent a feeling of loneliness to your veins. New York kept going on while you were wallowing and worrying. It didn’t need you, even though you needed them.
A sudden urge to cry makes your throat tightens. You really hope that Peter was alright.
When you check the time again, you saw that a new day began. You decide to shove your phone back in your pocket. Watching the clock every ten seconds wasn’t going to help.
You sigh, maybe you’ll feel different today. Maybe you’ll feel warmer because holy shit is it cold outside. At what temperature does hypothermia kick in? That seems like a question to Google, not experiment.
You’re about to turn back when you hear a soft thwip, and a Peter hanging outside down on the stairs. You weren’t too sure how he was feeling at the moment, his covered eyes not giving any hints, but you send a soft smile nonetheless.
“I’m not a damsel in distress if that’s what you’re thinking,” you break the ice.
Peter turns himself right side up, taking a seat on the railing next to you. He pulls his mask off and drops it in his lap, and you can see his face isn’t as icy as this morning. But his mouth was pulled tight, unsure how to go about this.
“I’d consider frostbite to be a crime,” he shrugs. Luckily, you had your window open this whole time. With a quick webshot, Peter sticks and catches the sweater hanging on your chair before offering it to you. “Especially if Spider-Man can stop it.”
You bite your cheek. Part of you didn’t want to give in, but there was no way you could last another minute out here. Slowly, you grabbed your sweater, your fingers grazing the fabric of his suit. A way of saying thank you.
“Slow day?” you ask, pulling the sweater over your head. The extra layer was already warming you up, and your body relaxes a little.
“Well, considering the biggest thing I did today was helping tourists find their way to the subway, I’ll let you figure that out,” he laughs. “Though I suppose some good work is better than no work at all. At least the city knows I’m back.”
Peter realizes that the last sentence wasn’t a good idea, your face slightly dropping at his words. He tries to keep talking in hopes of distracting you. “So uh, any reason why you’re out here tonight?”
“I was waiting for you. Couldn’t sleep until I knew you were safe, I guess.” you sigh, looking back at the skyline. “I also wanted to apologize, for how I reacted. Even if I didn’t agree with you, I could have at least listened to you.”
Peter awkwardly nods, guilt surfacing at your confession. “I mean, I could have done the same thing too. I was so focused on the dumb rumors I let Flash get into my head. That was my first mistake,” he jokes, causing you to snort. “I’m not trying to get into myself into any death matches anytime soon, but I still want to help out, you know?”
“Always the hero… I learned that back in D.C.,” you sigh. “I guess I’m still trying to figure things out. Everything just feels weird right now, and I don’t think I’m making it any easier.”
He doesn’t say anything and faces back toward the city. He takes a breath of the city, smelling the mix of laundry detergent from your apartment basement and the exhaust from the streets.
For all his life, Peter was dedicated to New York. He loved going to the museums with May and Ben; he always tried to pay street performers with whatever spare change he had in his pocket; he rolled his eyes every time someone brought up New Jersey; most importantly, he wouldn’t take off the suit until he knew his home was safe, even if it was almost morning.
He’s done everything he could to protect his neighborhood and the people who need it most, yet he feels… almost distant from it all. As if Peter was trying to find something more to it. A faint memory passes through his head- what did Ben use to say all those years ago? Something like, “home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling”?
Peter’s brain sticks to the thought.
Suddenly, the last month hits him.
“I thought of you,” he starts, still looking out into the night. “When it happened, all I could think about was you.”
Your face softens as the beating of your heart becomes audible.
“I was so… angry about it all. I was so pissed off at myself. Even if I knew that was gonna happen, even if I knew or thought I guess, that that was the end, I was an idiot for not spending my time with you. I should’ve used whatever time I had trying to be something more to you, instead of pushing away what we already had. At least if I did die, I would be at peace with everything,” he chokes up a little at the end. “You’re my best friend, and one that somehow gets me. This place is my home and I’d do anything for it.” He turns his head closer. “But it’s nothing without you. Life feels complicated, it’s always been complicated… but I think it’d be easier if we were in it together.”
You bite your lip and pick at the skin. They’ve been chapped since you came out, but it didn’t stop you from using it to cope with your nerves. Peter was laying it all out on the table, and you were the one left silent.
“You don’t have to tell me why we didn’t kiss, it’s completely understandable if you rather just let it go. I’ve pushed you away too many times, it’s only fair you get to do the same at least once. But I want you to know this.” His eyes were bright under the moonlight.
The last hurrah.
“I would keep you in any possible way I could. I told myself that I need to be able to do what I want, and I want you, for however long I can get you,” he sighs. “If you’re not ready for that, okay. If you never want that- fuck – that’s okay too. I love you. I will always love you,” he says, passion dripping from his words and into your heart. “If you could wait for me, I can wait for you too. Whenever you’re ready, just say when. I don’t care what I’m doing, or where I am, I’m always going to be here with you. Even if you don’t want me, I’ll be here.”
I’ll be here…
+++
It took five days for Peter to wake up.
Five days of nonstop worrying and utter stress. Five days of you traveling to the hospital first thing after school until your parents texted you to come home. Five days of you not sleeping because you were waiting for the call, and you had no idea what to expect when it did.
The first day was somewhat bearable. May and you slept in the waiting room that night, and when you woke up, which was about four hours later, she took you home. Sitting in a sticky, vinyl chair was not helping you, and if May had to wait there for another minute, she was afraid she’d have another meltdown.
You were still a little numb from it all by the time you got back. It wasn’t until almost midnight that you started to realize, oh shit, you don’t know when Peter will wake up. If… he’ll ever wake up.
That first night you cried in your bed until the morning. Your face was swollen for the rest of the day, and when your parents came back on the second day, they were panicking that you had an allergic reaction.
You told May not to tell them. They didn’t need to know, and they didn’t need to coddle and worry about you. May, who didn’t exactly think it was a good idea, reluctantly agreed anyways. So, when your parents were fussing about your appearance, you laughed it off and told them you watched The Notebook the night before with some friends.
It was just easier that way.
The second day was spent with you wallowing in your room, waiting by your phone for something. May told you she would keep you updated and that you shouldn’t worry, which both of you knew was just empty advice. Hearing nothing was just as bad as hearing something.
Later that day, MJ sent a few news articles about the Vulture and his arrest. Apparently, his suit gave out not too long after he left the scene, causing him to suffer some internal injuries and harsh burns. He got caught by Stark Industries and was arrested quickly after, and is currently awaiting trial. It was likely that Adrian Toomes would be under bars for a while, and that brought you both relief and guilt as you tried to sleep.
The third day sent you to school, and at least gave you something to focus on. The tension between you and your friends was palpable, but no one bothered to address it, not sure where to even go. The only mention of that night was with Liz in the hallway before she left, and that was enough for you.
You went back to the hospital on the third day (after telling your parents you were staying at school for newspaper), and though there was nothing new about Peter’s condition, you still wanted to be there just in case. May was too busy with work to come in unless there was an emergency, and you hope that brought her more relief than stress.
You spent your visiting hours watching Peter sleep, or whatever people did when they were in a coma. You at least liked to pretend he was just sleeping, it made you feel better about his chances of waking up.
His face was so pale and frail under the fluorescents, and you wished he could wake up just long enough to get some actual food in him. You hoped he was at least somewhat at peace right now and resting away all of the stress he’s put himself under. The stress that you were also a cause of.
“I’m sorry, Peter. For everything,” you whisper. Even if he could hear you right now, you’re not sure you want him to. You slowly stand up from your chair and step closer to the boy, brushing his curls back. Gently, you lean forward and press a kiss to the top of his head, brushing the area with your thumb afterward. “I hope you’re doing okay…”
The fourth day is mostly the same. After school, you lied to your parents and went straight to the hospital. You quietly worked on homework while sitting next to Peter, glancing at him from time to time and sending his hand a reassuring squeeze every now and then. He looks the same as yesterday, and you’re not too sure if that’s good or not.
“You know he’s not going anywhere,” you hear from the doorway. Their voice was instantly recognizable. “Dr. Cho says he’s doing alright, though. Still don’t know when he’ll wake up, but he’s alright for now.” Tony Stark says.
You scoff. “No offense, but that ‘for now’ part doesn’t seem so reassuring.”
“Fair enough,” he shrugs, taking a seat next to you. “But considering this is probably my fault, I’ll take that over nothing.”
You shake your head. “It’s not your fault. It was bound to happen either way, no matter what you did, it wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“Yeah, that’s what everyone says, isn’t it?” he mumbles.
“Trust me, I actually mean it. If we’re going to put blame on anyone it should be on me… or the universe or whatever.”
Tony tilts his head. “Universe as in…”
“-soulmates, yeah,” you answer. “In our future, we saw each other after the incident, and I thought he died… now here we are.”
“Right, here we are…” he repeats. “They told me someone else was there at the scene when I got to the hospital, but I wasn’t sure who they were referring to until I saw you afterward. Nice to meet officially meet you…”
“Y/N,” you introduce yourself.
Tony nods. “I’m sorry about how all that went down though. I knew the kid wants his identity to be a secret so I tried to keep everything under wraps as much I could.”
“No hard feelings,” you smile. “I was definitely upset at the time, but I could tell you were just as worried as I was. You wanted to protect him… I do too.” You turn and look at Peter, watching his chest go up and down with his breath. “I’d do anything for him.”
You don’t notice Tony’s faint smile as he watches you and Peter. Young love was beyond him, and watching it happen right in front of his eyes was both sweet and nauseating.
“I should be heading back, I only came here for a quick check-in. Still have some loose ends to tie up regarding press, but nothing to worry about.” He stands up, straightening his jacket. “Glad we got a chance to chat.”
“Me too.” You watch as he walks away, words still at the tip of your tongue. “For what it’s worth Mr. Stark,” you begin, gaining his attention again. “Peter is the type of person who would do anything to save people. He looks out for his family, his friends, me… I can’t imagine someone who’s more of a hero than him, and that includes the Avengers. No offense,” you half-joke. “Whatever you decide to do with him, I hope you give him another chance. He’s really amazing- powers or not.”
He nods, impressed at your words. Tony doesn’t say anything, choosing to offer you a smile before turning away, leaving you and Peter alone. You don’t stay much longer after he leaves, and you follow yesterday’s routine of kissing Peter’s head before heading out.
The fifth day is rainy, perfect to match your somber mood. School decided that today would be a great day to kick your ass and give you tons of homework, even though finals week was already fast approaching. You also forgot an umbrella this morning, and your clothes were still damp from your walk from the subway station. For the cherry on top, no one has had any updates on Peter since he went under, and your hope was starting to falter.
Without thinking, you took Peter’s hands in yours and started to fidget around with his fingers. The cuts on his knuckles were turning pink and gradually healing, while the calluses on his palms were still evident. Much of the skin around his joints were rough, but it meshed so well with the smoothness around it. You were never touchy with other people, but you desperately wanted Peter to squeeze your hands back. At least show some indication that everything was going to be okay.
When you actually felt a squeeze, you almost couldn’t believe it.
You straighten in your chair and turn your head up. A slow flutter of the eyes and a twitch of the lips make your body tense in anticipation. Is he…?
“Peter?” you whisper.
A quiet groan escapes his mouth as Peter’s eyes gently open, taking in the bright lights. You sigh in relief and blink away at the tears trying to come. This better not be a dream.
“Y/N?” he asks, voice dry and scratchy.
“Oh jeez, maybe don’t talk yet. I’ll go grab you some water and tell the nurses you’re up, okay?” you loosen your grip on Peter’s hands, but he squeezes again.
His head does the tiniest shake as he stares down, watching where your fingers touch his. “Stay. They’ll figure it out.”
You bite the inside of your cheek. “Fine,” you give in. You’ll be out of here soon enough when they find out, and you wanted to spend time with the boy who came back from the dead. “If I get in trouble though, you cannot play the ‘sick patient’ card.”
Peter lets out a gravelly laugh, his body still trying to figure out how to be awake. “I’ll try my best…” he mumbles.
“You’ll try your best? Seriously?” you scoff. “You finally wake up and your first words are some half-ass promise?”
He takes a deep inhale, both humored and annoyed at your teasing. “Fine. I promise I won’t… as long as you promise to be here.”
You smile at his quiet words, taking his knuckle and forcing his pinkie finger up. You gently wrap yours around it, looking him dead in his tired eyes. “I promise I’ll be here,” you whisper.
”I’ll always be here…”
---
A month ago, you promised Peter that exact same thing, and it feels like you already broke that promise. The world has offered you a second chance, and you were doing the same thing Peter did the first time: pushing away out of fear. Could you really waste another five months doing that again?
Could your heart handle that?
“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something,” Peter stammers. “If you need some time alone, that’s cool,” he offers, fumbling to put his mask back on.
“-Peter, wait.”
He immediately freezes, looking at you with wide eyes. The wind was starting to pick up, and his curls gently blew in the breeze. The dry air irritates his lips as he picks at it, waiting for your next response.
You move closer to him, inch by inch on the railing; your hands are almost touching, your pinkie desperately wanting to link with his gloved one. You take a deep breath and let it trap in your chest as you stare at the boy in front of you.
Peter Parker.
Spider-Man.
Your soulmate.
But most importantly, your best friend.
The wind moves through your hair and chills your body, yet it jumpstarts every nerve in your system. Peter was alive; you were alive; and fuck, was it a good feeling.
You wanted more, so you leaned in. Your nose touched Peter’s and your mouths closed the gap. A small, innocent kiss to tell him you want more, and that it was his call to keep going. When you stop, and Peter realizes that yes, you did just kiss him, he comes back for more. And he’s not looking to stop anytime soon.
His hand lets go of the railing and wraps around the small of your back, keeping you close and balanced. He keeps the other one gripped tight to the metal; he doesn’t trust himself to not get dizzy from you.
You cradle Peter’s face and deepen yourself into his presence. Your heart is hammering against your chest and you love it. It makes your body heat up and radiates the air around you. You hum against his mouth as you suck on his bottom lip, making Peter whine at the feeling. Your sweater rides up as you press yourself closer, and his thumb draws circles on the exposed skin. The small action makes you smile; you were only half-sure you weren’t crying at the amount of love that was running through your veins.
It seems like forever until you two are pulling away, absolutely blissed out and breathless. Neither of you go that far, faces still just a space or two away.
You look into Peter’s glassy eyes. If something were to happen to him, if you had to say goodbye to him in the worst way possible, if you had to grieve for a lifetime in order to move on, if you had to spend every day thinking of him and crying until your face was red and dry…
It was worth it. You were grateful to be loved by Peter Parker.
You catch your breath and take a slow inhale. It smells like cedarwood. Home.
You lean forward again and Peter meets you halfway. Your lips are just touching when you whisper into his mouth his new favorite word.
“When.”
Part 4 / Masterlist
Taglist: @eridanuswave @spideylovin @mktravelbuggie​  @bintfalastin8​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @selfcarecap @peterbenjiparker​
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Meeting and Dating Anton Tobias
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(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)
(Seth Green in this movie? A+)
- First things first: Anton’s had a crush on you since the first grade, which is also where the two of you technically met for the first time.
- You being placed in the same class would become a frequent, on and off again thing in both your lives. Every year or so, you’d end up having a class with Anton Tobias and every year, he’d fall for you harder and harder.
- Regardless of how long you’ve been aware of each other’s existence, Anton is still completely incapable of actually speaking to you. There’s been a few instances of him; accidentally or purposefully, coming into contact with you and just widening his eyes, doing a 180 and booking it away from you after you say hello.
- So yeah, for a while, he’s just adorably obsessed with you in a way that only a boy in love can be.
- There was definitely a period in your life where you considered trying to talk to him yourself, wondering if you could ease his nerves a little and show him that he could actually interact with you.
- But then he got really into the whole stoner thing and you found yourself a bit too intimidated to approach him. Plus, he was never at school anymore for you to talk to him anyways.
- It’s only when the two of you reach your junior year of highschool that anything of actual value happens between you.
- It was during one of the days that Anton actually showed up to school. You’d gotten home from school when you went to pull your things out of your schoolbag. It was then that you finally noticed that you had two copies of your English classes book.
- You vaguely remembered assuming you’d dropped yours when you saw a copy near your bag on the floor, a copy you’d quickly stuffed into your bag “again” before rushing to your next class. You cracked open the covers of both and found that one read ‘Anton Tobias’ in a messy scrawl.
- Considering the fact that you didn’t know where Anton lived; or had even ever spoken to him, you couldn’t exactly return the book right away, so, you were forced to wait until school the next day and hope that he showed up.
- The next day, you spotted him in front of the school and quickly made your way over. He looked at you like a deer in headlights as you explained the situation, not saying anything but taking the book from your hands as his friends watched in secondhand embarrassment and amusement.
- Pnub kicked him in the shin and he finally spoke, assuring you that it was alright and forcing a smile onto his face. You offered to let him copy your homework since you borderline stole his book and he asked if you were sure before thanking you as you handed it to him.
- You said goodbye and walked off as as he stared at you in awe. He handled that paper like a museum artifact the entire day.
- You were already seated in your chair when he walked in and surprised you by sitting right next to you. He handed your paper over and thanked you again as you gave him a smile.
- When class is finally over, he stays behind and gathers up the courage to actually talk to you, complimenting your homework before the conversation shifts into more interesting territory. His boys are very proud to see him walking out of the school with you instead of being a puss.
- The two of you made it to the bus area before you were forced to say goodbye, which you did so begrudgingly before you got on. He couldn’t complain though, he’d finally talked to the girl of his dreams and he was floating on cloud nine.
- The two of you start talking to each other everyday and he couldn’t be happier, he feels stupid for being so afraid to start a conversation with you. It takes about a month of short conversations for him to actually invite you to hang out. 
- You’re once again walking out of school with him and you’re just finishing up saying goodbye when he turns back around and asks if you want to come over to his place, which you obviously agree to. 
- So technically, your first date consists of you going over to his house and pretty much just hanging out and enjoying each others company. You watch television, talk some more, eat some food, go for a walks, things like that. 
- It’s after a few months of the two of you hanging out that you have your first kiss. You were a bit bored and flopped on his bed as he fiddled with something, asking if he actually wanted to do something. 
- He asked what you wanted to do as you hovered above him and you watched as his gaze kept drifting down to your lips. You’d suspected before that Anton had a crush on you; primarily because Pnub and Mickey had outright told you he did, but it was only now that you saw he truth in their words. 
- Before you lost your nerve, you leaned down and pressed your lips to his. He froze for a minute as you pulled away, looking at you in surprise as a million thoughts raced through your mind; thoughts that were banished as he lurched up and kissed you again. 
- Rest assured, that kiss sealed your fate. You’re never getting rid of him after that. 
- Lots of Pda. Anton really doesn’t care about what anybody thinks so if he wants to touch or kiss you; which believe me he does, he’ll just do it without thinking.
- His arm around your shoulders, or draped around the couch behind you.
- Drowsy hugs from behind. He’s usually half asleep when he does this and will usually take in a deep, tired breath and sleepily tell you you smell good.
- He presses kisses all over your face whenever he can; particularly when he’s board. He’ll give you one on your temple, then one on your cheekbone, under your cheekbone, the apple of your cheek, your jaw, the corner of your mouth-
- Soft, sometimes slow kisses.
- Makeout sessions. What’s better than laying in his bed and kissing you? To him? Pretty much nothing.
- The two of you cuddle wherever you fall. Sometimes you’re on top of him, other times he’s spooning you with his leg thrown over your body; just all types of cuddling.
- He tends to just call you by your given name but if he feels the need, he’ll call you babe or honey as well.
- He thinks everything you do is so fucking cool. He’s constantly amazed by and complimenting you.
- He’s almost embarrassingly fond of and proud of you. He brags about you to people all the time; it’s really quite adorable.
- He can’t remember basic math 90% of the time but you bet you’re ass he remembers the outfit you wore when you first talked to him or everything about that necklace you always wear or the book you always carry around. He’s well versed in the subject of y/n.
- Fast food dates.
- Watching television together.
- Chilling up in his room.
- Listening to music together. Sometimes you just lay on his bed with your heads connected and your hands intertwined and vibe.
- Walking his dog with him. You know ...Anton really isn’t fond of the way Randy looks at you as you’re walking by.
- Going to the skatepark with him and his friends.
- He’s always phoning you and asking you to come over because he wants to see you; usually groaning when you’re busy or trying to convince you to ditch what you’re doing.
- If you’re into weed then expect to be doing a lot of smoking with him.
- Trying to get him to be a little more ambitious. You’re one of the only things that get him out of bed and out into the world.
- Informing him on the latest happenings because god knows he isnt paying attention to any of whats going on around him.
- Subtle butt touches.
- Wearing his pants because he sure as shit doesn’t. If he’s rocking his boxers, you’re rocking the sweats he’s neglected.
- Occasionally cutting class or skipping school with him. You do want to graduate high school so you don’t do it all the time like he does:
- Doing him a few favors; or more so his mother. Picking up milk on your way over after school, bringing some food, returning movie rentals. Things that take like a five minutes if you’re already gonna be passing said places.
- Waking him up in the morning, or more accurately: the afternoon.
- He loves when you fuss over him. Honestly, the more motherly and “traditional” you act with him the better. Get out all those urges. He’ll never mind.
- Your laugh? Music to his ears. His humor is his main appeal; besides the fact that he’s nearly six foot and pretty attractive.
- Talking all serious about stupid shit until you both breakout into laughter.
- Wondering why he’s suddenly acting so strange....
- Going through the whole idle hand ordeal and stopping him by being crushed by a whole ass car.
- Visiting him in the hospital.
- Helping him after he loses his hand.
- You are his last brain cell. You’re like the main reason this boy is still alive.
- Occasionally shutting him up since he doesnt think before he speaks like 90% of the time. Anton ...maybe don’t make fun of police officers ...to their face ...when they already don’t like you.
- Your parents probably don’t like him ...for obvious reasons, so you’ll most likely have to sneak out or lie to them so that you can see him.
- Helping to keep him calm in stressful situations.
- He thinks he’s really bad at comforting you but he’s actually like accidentally really good at it. He has no idea what he’s doing but it’s working!
- Antons pretty oblivious most of the time so he doesn’t tend to get jealous very often. That being said, since he’s been in love with you for so long, he isn’t too keen on losing you so whenever he senses a serious threat to your relationship, he’ll do whatever he can to stop it.
- He’s sort of a coward so he really isn’t going to be the one you can count on when you’re scared. He’ll probably talk up a big game but the minute a tree limb snaps beneath someone’s foot, he’s clinging to you like a child.
- The two of you don’t fight extremely often; you sort of just know how he is so you’re unfazed by most of what he does. But when you do fight, he has trouble staying calm and saying the right thing. He’ll probably call you a bitch without thinking and you’ll have to stop yourself from strangling him.
- Whenever you’re mad at him, he’ll keep periodically calling you to try and get you to talk to him. He never waits long after you leave either; usually it’s at most an hour before he’s ringing your line. He can always seem to wiggle his way back into your good graces no matter what he does and it’s infuriating.
- He tells you he loves you quite a bit. He’s had a while to come to terms with his feelings so he isn’t afraid to tell you the truth.
- He’s not a fan of talking about the future but let’s just say that you’ll probably be the more established and accomplished person in your relationship.
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Text
Pride Month Bingo - flowers
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Tulips
Harley is getting a flower and a note from a secret admirer.
ao3 link here
Harley was complaining to Gwen about his English exam when he found the carnation. It was red coloring and it had a note. It was taped to his locker meaning the sender was probably anonymous. Harley looked at Gwen who shrugged as Harley grabbed the note and read it. 
Light Red Carnations mean admiration. I admire how much you care about the people in your life including your sister. It is so different from my life. 
Harley read over it again and smelled the fresh flower. He asked Gwen but she didn’t know who was behind the note or the flower. Harley decided he had a secret admirer and they would appear soon. Gwen told him as much as well. Harley just watched people who knew about his sister and even asked Spider-Man what he thought during their nightly meetings.
“Maybe someone heard you talking and you don’t actually know them,” Spidey suggested. Harley didn’t know if Spidey was right but he was curious to know who was admire him now from afar. Especially since he was in love with Spider-Man which sucked cause the hero obviously couldn’t love him. He didn’t even know who was under the mask. He just would be watching the other boy be his hero and always wander who was under the mask.
~
The red orchrid on his locker was nice and Harley was already regretting how nice it was for him. He looked around but no one was there. Instead it was just students walking past and his admirer was not watching him. 
Red Orchrid means one-of-a-kind love which is what I feel for you. My friends think I am crazy and that this is just a crush, but I have never meet someone as cute as you. I bought you this flower cause I’m crazy and think that maybe someday I can tell you and I know you got the last one and have questions but I just want to let you know I do care, Harley Keener.
Harley felt himself blush and he heard a voice and turned but no one was there or staring at him. He decided to share the note with Gwen who smiled. 
“This boy really is into you,” Gwen said. “What if it’s Spidey?” 
“Spidey doesn’t know where I go to school,” Harley reminded her.
“What if he did because he goes to school with you and all those time you spent saying you had a crush on Spider-Man, he heard you,” Gwen suggested.
“Then why hasn’t he told me that we go to school together?” Harley pointed out. They were really close and now he was stuck not knowing if Spidey was actually the worse. 
“Maybe he feels nervous and that is why he is leaving the flowers for you,” Gwen suggested. Harley didn’t believe her and he didn’t want to ask Spidey. 
~
Harley was not expecting the red peony on his locker with the note after his conversation with Gwen. Nor did he imagine catching the backside of the boy who had been leaving him the flowers and notes. Harley watched and almost ran after him but in the end he couldn’t chase him. He paused though and his mysterious admire was gone. He sighed and grabbed the note and read it.
Red Peony for love. Used for many wedding bouquets. These flowers show a future that I want with you. You don’t know how much you drive me crazy and how many times I have heard you say something about my little notes and not wanted to admit it was me but I know how much you like Spidey. Guess we have knowing Spidey in common.
Harley gasped as he looked at Gwen who looked at him confused. He showed her the note and she read it.
“So he knows Spider-Man,” Gwen said.
“Not just that but he is burnet. I caught him leaving the note,” Harley said. “He got away too fast. I think he will show up again though. He knows I talk to you and he even knows your name so maybe we all have a class together.” Gwen decided to compare classes they had with brunets during lunch. It wasn’t until he was in his last class of the day that he realized this was the class he shared with his admire. The boy was in the second row with scary girl who was trying to get Harley on the academic decathlon team. Gwen had a small crush on her. Harley grabbed the paper she had been writing on.
“Hey,” She said as he wrote her letting her know. She looked up and seemed to smile. She wrote back before handing him the note.
That is Peter Parker. He is friends with MJ (scary girl). He also has a Stark Internship apparently. Flash is jealous of him and brings it up all the time. 
Harley nodded as he looked up to Peter’s brown eyes on him. Peter turned away quickly as MJ seemed to be watching as well and noticed Harley still staring. She seemed interested in Harley for some reason. Harley hoped she wasn’t interested. He tried to make it obvious he wasn’t into girls but there were still the girls who asked him out. The period ran long and before he knew it the bell rang and Peter ran out of the room before Harley could let him down easy… though Harley wasn’t even sure he wanted to with how cute he was. 
~
Harley sat out that night watching the city below as he sighed. He didn’t know how he felt about finding out who his admirer was. He waited for Spidey to show up to bring up his crush but he didn’t end up doing that. He groaned as he tried to form a plan to catch Peter and let him know how he felt about Spidey and apologize for not being ready to move on.
~
Harley wanted to scream when he saw the red rose. It was stupid of him but hey what else was he suppose to say. He wanted to go off on Peter until he saw the note.
Red Rose means love. I know you know who I am now. I’m not stupid. I just wanted you to know I didn’t want you to feel obligated to act by me admitting my love to you but that it might cheer you up. I know you were upset the other day. I didn’t know about Spidey and your crush on him until after. I’m really sorry. 
Harley looked at the note and felt bad. Here he was annoyed but he didn’t purposely do it to tell Harley his feelings but to make Harley feel better. Harley went to talk to Peter but he didn’t find him anywhere. It finally took him finding MJ who hadn’t seen Peter all day.
“Ned would know,” MJ said. It took Harley the rest of the day to track down Ned who just told him that Peter was at home sick.
“But he gave me a note?” Harley said showing him the note.
“I checked on him this morning. He asked me to deliver it to you,” Ned said.
“Can you deliver him a letter tonight?” Harley asked grabbing a paper and write a note to Peter explaining his feelings and how he thought Peter was cute and if Spidey wasn’t in the way that he would have ask Peter on a date but he had to deal with his feelings. Ned didn’t read it but he said he would deliver it. Harley thanked him as he left for the day. 
~
Harley sat on his balcony and breath in the air as he noticed a red tulip. He picked up the flower with the note. It was like at school but it was from Spidey.
Red Tulip for true love. I think ours is true because even after everything you still think I’m cute even though you like me. Okay that makes no sense if you don’t know who I am, but I’m hoping you have put two and two together. 
Harley reread the note confused until it finally made sense. He thought Peter was cute but he loved Spidey. The only problem was for Peter they were the same. Harley paused.
“Figure it out,” a voice said. He turned to Peter holding his mask while in the Spider-Man suit.
“Wow,” Harley said. 
“Wow?” Peter asked. “I was hoping for something else but maybe this is a lot fast.”
“No, I meant like I just figured it out and you look amazing and I’m messing up,” Harley said.
“Trust me if I just came forward after the first note then you would probably not have to had dealt with this mess,” Peter said. “So would you like to go out sometime when I’m not patrolling?”
“Yeah I would,” Harley said as Peter smiled and kissed Harley’s forehead before putting on his mask and muttering about a cry for help before swinging off. Harley watching holding the tulip, believing that true love maybe was right in front of his eyes all along.
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indiaalphawhiskey · 4 years
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I respectfully disagree with your last post (as an author). I’ve been in this fandom for 6 years and noticed it’s a little bit toxic when it comes to certain issues that should be normal and obvious to anyone.
I don’t get the “I choose the people I want to take criticism from” part. Ok, so why posting your work on a public page for independent writers where every subscriber will be able to read it and comment on it? Just send it to the people whose opinion matters to you and have a discussion about your work with them. If you post your work on a public page made specifically for independent writers, you are automatically posting it for everyone on that site. And every person has opinions on things and feels invited to express it if that particular thing is public and comments are open (I’m talking about respectful opinions, not slurs and offending someone).
If it was only for you and the people you actually want to get feedback from then wouldn’t it be easier to create an “élite” group where you read your work and then discuss it together? Because your post sends a very negative and exclusionary message to people that are reading your work for the first time or without knowing you as an author. It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.” Then don’t post it. But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post. And constructive criticism is just an opinion too as long as it doesn’t contain vulgarities, you don’t have to listen to it. Other’s opinion shouldn’t change the way you feel about your work but you also shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable and bad for expressing it in a respectful way on a public page.
I know that authors on AO3 aren’t paid and that’s just for fun, but that’s what every page like AO3 is about: putting your work out there for other people to read with the possibility to express their personal opinion in a respectful way (I mean, you CAN disable the comments). Why making it public and then complaining and making other people feel bad for expressing their opinion on it? It’s not a diary or a personal Instagram profile.
So, first off, thank you for saying you respectfully disagree with me. I appreciate that you’re trying to be polite. 
There are many different ways I can answer this ask, because there’s a lot to discuss here, however, I’m exhausted by this conversation and have tackled it many times before, so I’ll link things when I see fit and get straight to the point.
My question for you is this: What is the purpose of you posting negative  (even though well-worded, polite, and tactful) unsolicited comments on a person’s fanfic? Why do you do it?
That’s not a rhetorical question, I really want you to think about the answer, because, for something to be called “constructive criticism” (which is specifically what we’re discussing here, versus the opposite “destructive” criticism) there has to be a point beyond just the fact that “it’s a public forum” and therefore, you feel entitled to express your opinion, whatever it may be. (That reasoning, btw, is called entitlement. No one said you weren’t allowed to have an opinion, but if you’re saying it to the author with no constructive, bettering purpose behind it, then at worst, your intent is to hurt them, which is just mean, no matter how politely you word it, and at best, you’re saying your opinions and preference take precedent over the author’s own.)
There are three reasons that I assume one can have when posting constructive criticism on work/art:
1. You want to help make them be a better writer, both now and in the future. 
I, and other fellow authors, explain why this doesn’t work here and here, and there are more posts about it like this one, if you need to hear it from voices that are not from the Larry fandom (which I assume you do, since you said this is a little bit toxic here particularly.) 
I encourage you to read all those posts, to get a better explanation in context, but the gist of them is this: for something to be truly constructive (synonym: helpful), the source, the timing, and the tact is key. Let me demonstrate: There is a difference between telling a friend while shopping, “I wouldn’t buy that dress, it’s not the most flattering on you,” and saying, while you’re out at a club, “Oh, that dress isn’t the most flattering on you, I wouldn’t wear it again.” -- Both are honest, worded politely, and both will achieve the same outcome: she will not wear the dress again -- but only one of them will cause undue stress, embarrassment, and self-consciousness (under the guise of being helpful), and that is all due to tact and timing. At the store, she can change into something else, and won’t assume you think she looks awful the entire day while you’re out. At the club, the damage is done, there is nothing she can do to change it, and you’ve just ruined her night.
The same goes for writing. I have seen people gracefully and willingly rewrite their entire first drafts based on astute and even harsh comments on their work, by their betas. I have never seen someone take down a fic and edit it based on a piece of constructive criticism given by a stranger on AO3. What I have seen based on that scenario, is people taking that criticism to heart and reflecting on whether or not they ever want to write again, because when they made themselves vulnerable, some people looked at it as an opportunity to ask for what would cater best to their own tastes, instead of appreciating the work as a true product of the author’s personal feelings and experiences. That results in less writers for the fandom, less content, and a whole lot of undue discouragement which is not something we want (nor is it actually constructive).
2. You want to engage the author in a deeper discussion of their work.
This is in direct answer to this part of your ask:
It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.”
You feel passionate (both positively and negatively) about my work? That’s lovely. I say, start a discussion with me. Ask me questions. Learn why I made those decisions. A discussion starts with an invitation to have a conversation (two ways, you say something, I say something, rinse repeat). It doesn’t start with “I didn’t like” or “This could have been better if”, and it certainly doesn’t start in a public forum, like the comments on AO3, where the writer runs the risk of looking like a defensive asshole. 
But India, you say, what if I don’t have the means to have a private conversation/the writer doesn’t have tumblr/they’ve long since been inactive in the fandom? The answers are, respectively: leave a polite comment asking if they’re willing to discuss, if they are willing to discuss, leave a polite comment asking how to contact them, and if they’re no longer active, find other friends with which to discuss your feelings in private.
But India, that seems like so much work. It is, flat out. But if you really felt that strongly about something I wrote, you would make that effort to understand it. Otherwise, why not just walk away?
3. You don’t know better.
I found this part of your ask extremely interesting:
“But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post.”
The reason I found it interesting is because it means that there are people who assume that all work that is public was made for them, to suit their tastes, which is, frankly, a bizarre way to consume art. I do not go into The Louvre, look at the Mona Lisa and say “I don’t see the hype, it’s not something I would hang in my living room.” I look at it and think “What does this piece say about Da Vinci and his life? What has this brought to the world? How has this helped people/art/culture?”
(No, I am in no way comparing my talents to Da Vinci, I am not delusional. But, I don’t think my work deserves any less thought than that of a professional artist, simply because I’m an amateur and it’s on the internet and not in a gallery, and you have the superpower of anonymity.) You asked me what the point was in posting my work publicly if I didn’t want to hear every single person’s personal (negative) take on it, and the answer is this: I post what I write publicly, because I hope it helps someone. I hope my thoughts, feelings, experiences, loneliness validate someone, entertain them, help them through a tough time, bring them comfort. I post because I want to invite people to lose themselves alongside me, heal alongside me, dream alongside me. 
(Notice how I said “someone” and not “everyone”. How I said “someone” and not “an élite group that discusses my work”, because yes, I do hope that my work positively impacts someone outside of my betas, my friend group. Does that mean someone can leave negative comments on my work? Yes. But should they? That’s a different question.)
I know my work won’t be a positive experience for every single person, but my goal was never to be relevant to every single person. So, my question is, if I’m not relevant to you personally -- if my work doesn’t touch you personally, heal you personally, entertain you personally, why not just walk away and find something that does? Who does your negative opinion really help? How is it constructive? What is its purpose? Why do you do it?
I will apologize for this, though: I spoke on behalf of all writers, and maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been clear that though many writers feel this way, not all do. There are some, such as, I assume, yourself, who do view negative comments on AO3 as constructive, whether or not they are solicited, and I’m sorry to have spoken on behalf of you. However, I do still stand by this, though: it is much better to be kind than be right, and that definitely goes for comments on fic.
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onf-headcanons · 4 years
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Another OFFICE AU aka CEO AU
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A/n : Alas its not draft clearing but a brand new work for 2021 (but i still have some drafts as well)XD Hello, did any of you remember an idea dump I dropped for last year Christmas? you could easily guess which was it by tallying the mood board with the idea lists (*winks)
Setting :
1. OFFICE AU 2 , it is a brand new one where ONF member is a young CEO while you are his secretary. So I will name this one as CEO AU
Of course it does not hurt should you wanna imagine it as the already exist office au, using the idea dump posted for 2020 Christmas.
2. ONF MEMBER that I will integrate would be Hyojin and Seungjun as mentioned during the Christmas post, but I wont stop you for imagining other members, thats why in headcanons I will use ONF MEMBER instead their names. (For member X reader scenario)
3. In this headcanon, reader is slightly older than ONF member, maybe 2 or 3 years older. Same age is plausible, then it would be ONF member continued their studies further so they started working late.
ok lets go, beware its long and sorry if it is messy I tried my best to control 2 way storyline, I had fun writing but I know I am lacking much much more than I could notice. total 6k word count (dies)
1-1
• You work as assistant/secretary for the head of department/CEO in company before the young successor joins and his predecessor retires. • Because you tend to separate work life and private life, you established personality to look like ice queen on the outside (reality) but actually passionate carer on the inside (virtually). None of your colleagues knew, only your close friends • You have been using a chat app (not tinder type) for since you started intern, • 1. That app's specialty was anonymous. • 2. Its like a hideout spot where you can share and post whatever you love. (Because there are some co-workers added your FB or Insta and you felt it is a hassle to create another fake account exclusively to add people) • 3. Even though you tried and failed at 1 or 2 virtual relationships with other users, you never despise the thought of online dating. But you do know it’s not realistic so you never take it too seriously (it is also self-protection) • You would post some photos but mostly are just lunch pics, occasionally an outdoor view from your office floor, also some cute stationaries or accessories found on the way back home. (Just adding this trivia for fun linking the universe, maybe you pass by Minkyun’s flower shop as well?) • (It will be funny if your contents was more on sharing random idol pics that you follow, passionately promoting it hence creating a more impact contrast later when revealing) • One day you came across a post asking about what kind of cologne to buy for a predecessor who will be retiring. Being a good Samaritan, you leave a few suggestions under the post and did not really take it to heart, you forgot about it once you see the original author replied "Thanks" • Not knowing that 1 interaction would change your life forever.
1-2 • The next day, your superior announced his retirement and mentioned a young successor will join the company next month. And ONF member being the young successor does make rumors flying around the company, making people questioning his ability as he is related to company board of directors. The department you are in is under top 5 sales/profit bringing, so with a young successor would be inexperienced which might lead to drop of department reputation of course people are going to worry and gossip. • First impression with ONF member is actually ok. Well dressed, good looking and nice manners. The moment he followed his predecessor walks into the office floor, girls starts to make all sorts of gasping noises (lol) • Your superior mentioned that he bought a retirement gift for your superior deep down you approved at the selection of the cologne brand. • You might goes, this guy got sense, not bad. • One night after several days ONF member joined the department/company, you received a PM from a user, thanking you for the cologne recommendation. It took you a while to remember who it was. You politely replied him “You are welcome.” • The user also nonchalantly asked about how you can make such suggestion that pinpoints because by the glance at your profile, first impression could be very much misleading. • You just replied that you happened to know someone at that age who likes that type of scent hence the list of suggestions, what you did was just you taking the liberty to do a lucky guess. • Out of curiosity, you tap at the stranger’s avatar to get a glimpse of his profile, but out of your disappointment, there were no picture of his to know what he looks like. But there are pictures of scenery from places he travelled. • You also noticed that their “joined the app” days are way lesser than you are, quite a new user. • You found a few pictures of places you went before/ places that you want to go. Delighted, you started the conversation asking if he likes travelling and his next travel plans. • The other party replied briefly his plans and his experience during travels, from his words you know that he won’t be travelling overseas for the next 2 years as he had a new job and responsibility to learn. Instead he will be focusing on doing domestic travels. • His words made you reminisce your rookie days and you responded him that you understand him with empathy. You did not pry further but you do give him some encouragement, telling him that things will get better and once he got the hang of it, he will have more time on his own. (Yup at the moment you are thinking he is a freshman or newbie joining new company) • You timidly ask your new chat friend why they decided to join and use the app. He replied, “I don’t really play social media apps and I don’t want anyone to find me online, the anonymous system this app provides mental security for me.” • The reply was so different from those who are playing the app just for flirting and finding a quick date, you replied him, “Same as you.” • The conversation ends by the other party mentions he will need to be early for work and politely wishes you good night. The next morning you found the stranger has added you as friend, without any thoughts you tap on your screen and now you have a new mutual.
1-3 • Back to office, as ONF member is still new towards his scope of work, you would sometimes giving him advise and guides by sharing “What would his predecessor does.” or “What he can do by not violating company policy”. He takes advises well and would always inquire for your suggestion before making any critical decision. • Once he started to get the hang of it, you passed the torch of freedom to him because you are only a secretary/assistant. But he will still come to you, which you felt he was being dependent. (I feel if it is Minkyun, he will be more dependent should the scope of work is totally unfamiliar to him. Tendency of dependent to independent would be Seungjun, Hyojin, Yuto same par as Jaeyoung, Changyoon then Minkyun.) • (Of course sometimes there are some doubt raised regarding to policies and because he sees things in another perspective, you know he meant no harm but sometimes you wish he would just shut up and just follow the policy just for convenience sake+lessen damage. That’s because should any dissatisfaction of decision happens, colleagues will firstly come to interrogate you, hoping you to twist his decision or questioning your ability to lessen the damage done towards merit they/the department holds. AND YOU HATE PLAYING THOSE POWER MIND GAMES, even though the image you impose looked like you are skilled player.) • So there is some sense that being strict is you are trying hard to protect him and protecting yourself. • BTW ONF member, your new superior has a bright personality unlike his predecessor (huge reason is due to the age factor), even though inexperienced in work, he has good be friending skills. So people in the department felt it was less stressful working under him because he would do small talk with his underlings. (This hc is not suitable for Changyoon and Yuto during the beginning, due to their personality they would try but not suddenly initiating small talks on the first week joining.) • IT WILL BE FUNNY IF SOME FEMALE COLLEAGUE TOOK PITY ON HIM BY MENTIONING/GOSSIPING THAT YOU ARE TOO STRICT AGAINST HIM • Its not that you hate him or he does not have the ability to do his work, it’s just when he is standing on the opposing side against company policy it troubles you. • Every time when things like this happens, you would low-key complains by posting status on the chat app, mentioning you don’t hope for an understanding but you would hope those who are not in your shoes would shut up. Your mutuals mostly are office workers as well so resonates with your words. • Your new friend leaves a comment underneath the post you asking if you are doing alright, and hope you do not stress yourself too much. You thanked him for the mental support. • He will even PM you asking if you are doing alright, most of the time you don’t want to lose your cool plus you don’t think it is wise to abruptly rant towards a stranger as if they are emotional sandbag, so you will politely thank him and say that you are alright now. • Since you and your new friend work on the day, you two chat during the night and weekend, getting to know each other in a very casual pace. A bit of child hood and you both also shared your majors in studies. He told you that he used to study at overseas and he picked up hobby of travelling around a bit during those days. • You never turn on the app during lunch (to avoid people finding out) but your new friend does send you some messages during lunchtime. • As you and the new friend get to know each other, there has a few things in common, you two like talking about travels and you two read works by the same author • By the way the new friend is a he. You two are using ID names the whole time during chatting, because you have told him that you are not comfortable giving and knowing each other’s real name. He understands and respects that. • And you confirmed that he is slightly younger than you. Which you replied to him, “Oh my superior is same age as you.” • This new friend gives you a calm and mature vibe even though he is same age as your new superior. You could not help yourself but comparing. • The other party goes: “Wow, he must be a very successfully accomplished youngster.” • You go: “Nah, other than his outgoing personality that brings freshness to the department, he still got lots to learn.” • Your new friend then continues, “Your new superior is a lucky one, I can confidently say that because I have an excellent senior who would always look out for me.” • You respond, “Then you better treat them well.” • And he goes “Of course.”
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• Work is as usual, possible you unintentionally eavesdropping and caught ONF member saying towards you (even better backing you up when some junior colleagues are reverse gossiping about you) : You know, Y/N might look cold and stern sometimes but actually a kind and gentle person. Y/N would always give out advice for the sake of the department/ company. • Cues you would fluster a bit by those words. • A few days later you are done briefing your superior their schedule. And ONF member suddenly ask if you are free for dinner. It’s already his 4th month in the company and wanted to properly thank you for guiding him with patience and prudence. • At first you wanted to decline him because you don’t want to deal with work related stuff after office hours, ALSO you don’t want anyone to start weird gossips. • Another reason is you don’t want to talk about yourself too much in front of your superior. Heck you even avoid your colleague’s invitations for dinner because you value your “me time” very much. • But looking at his anticipating face, you got soft and agreed that a coffee would suffice.  ONF member smiles at you suggest both of you to have coffee right now at Starbucks next to your company building. You are free to choose whatever drink you like. • Before both of you leave the room. And then you heard a familiar notification sound, you thought your heart is going to stop, that is the notification sound from the chat app you are using. You did not have your phone with you so it was obvious the sound comes from ONF member’s phone. • And that was a notification alert of the system has found someone nearby and presented to the user.  It got you curious and worried at the same time. • At Starbucks, ONF member had to answer a call, so you ordered his drink as well. • Later you see him start replying messages while waiting for orders to be done.  You wanted to have a peek at his user name but you are a few steps away and your instinct told you better don’t do that. What if it is already someone you already know? • “Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” You tell yourself. • Once you are at your desk, you took some deep breath to calm yourself and try to remember if you recalled wrongly but truth is you are accurate. You hurriedly checked you phone, there were no new messages and you are sure you have turned off location visibility.  Lucky for you it was never turned on to begin with. • You also kind of worried if your superior actually has a “fun” lifestyle after office hours. But, it’s hard to relate him to a playboy image when he looked like a friendly good boy. You shake your head and deny yourself. • “If (ONF member name) uses that app then I will need to be more careful.” you thought while sipping the frappe. So back at home, you started to alter all posts’ visibility to “Visible for mutuals only”. Took you nearly a whole night but better safe than sorry.
1-5 • More weeks pass by peacefully but one day a conflict happened between you and ONF member and some colleagues/minor members of the board.  He went ahead to announce that he decides (had a thought) to run a campaign/new rule (maybe a budget cut). The moment he finished his sentences, you know the seniors will not be happy with it. • Later after meeting, you politely confront with ONF member that he should discuss with you before announcing it on meeting. Plus, announcing without any advance preparation will put him and you in an awkward position as verbal announcement are not persuasive enough. Of course you are also worried that people might use this issue to tackle and exploit the cons of both of you being inexperience and young. • “With all due my respect, Mr.(ONF member name), it will be nice if you could discuss with me before dropping that bomb at the meeting.” you try not to sound fierce but your tone clearly does not sound you are cool with his actions at all. • “And later having you lecture me and stop me? You do know it was for the good of the company too right?” He retorts like usual • “Yes but no.” you try to fight back. “ It’s not that easy, there are people need to be dealt with and I don’t think you--” • Before you could finish, ONF member says with an eyebrow raised, “You don’t think I can handle it, because I am still unexperienced.” • You unconsciously frown and thinking, why is he suddenly trying to pick a fight deliberately today? Why is he suddenly trying to piss off seniors in the department/company? • ONF member then with firm tone, gives you suggestion, “Should you have anyone come to you and complain, tell them that you knew nothing at all and request them to talk to me directly instead.” • “I am the CEO, not you.” He adds. • You could not help but sigh, knowing there is not point arguing because he is not going to back down. And deep down you do know the new rule/budget cut will do more merit than harm. (Your focus is more on how deal with seniors employees not him for now because seniors are more pain in the ass compared to him) • But still there are people come to you and bug you while you are working and you can’t tell them to leave you alone hence it stresses you out. • You escape to the bathroom taking your phone with you and vents out at the app by posting a status mentioning you are just trying to do your job and wants a peaceful work days. • You also come across seeing your new friend posting a status prior your meeting time, it’s a photo of frappe you recommended him to try it out. He is thanking you for recommending it. • You could not help but feeling a bit jealous, should your title and work scopes are different/ should you are just normal employee rather than a CEO’s secretary, you might not need to face these kind of stress. • “Guess you have to bear what you signed up for huh?” you thought to yourself after 15 minutes cooling yourself down. • You switched your mind set and step out from bathroom. Returning to your place with your usual ice cold face. You are trying hard not to show that you are weak against stress. You are too immersed at people coming at you asking you questions, without knowing ONF member actually observing you with concerned gaze from his room. • That night, you receive a PM from your new friend asking if you are doing ok, as you never sound that upset before. He said he can lent an ear so you can tell him what happened. You spare him all the intricate details and tell him briefly that your superior made a mess and you need to clean it up also back his plan no matter you like it or not. • The whole progress he did not interrupt you nor tried to tell you what you should do, he let you type all the way until you finished. Once you are done, you asked, “I don’t know what might be up in his sleeves that it’s inconvenient for me to know beforehand but... Isn’t he a jerk, putting me into an awkward situation?” • Your friend backs you up and agrees with you that matters should be discussed, and critiques your superior actually could trust you more. • You thanked your friend for letting you to rant and mentioned you have accepted the fate because of the title and responsibility you hold in the company. That’s being professional and mature in office. • The other party replied that even if that is the case, he hope you don’t stresses yourself too much as it seems your new superior still needs your guidance and support. • You playfully replies, “Well I am not his babysitter XD, he will need to face a lot of issues by his own someday.” • “Why is that?” • “Well I can’t always be by his side though? I might get married and resign.” you reveal your future plans to your new friend, “Moreover, even I don’t resign, I might take pregnancy leave though?” • The other party comments, “I never thought you had that planned out.” • And he continues, “Your profile gives out the ‘I love my job so much.’ vibe” • You then back up your point by saying you do want that plan to work but too bad you are single now, so of course you are going to focus on your job more. Plus, you do not plan to find a partner in work place anyways. • The new friend leaves more supportive words and hoping it will cheer you up. By the end of the conversation, he also offers that you can come to him and rant should you need an ear. • You grin at his words and felt warm towards his actions. Rarely any of your mutual actually PM to check up on you. “Maybe he was just being nice.” you thought before you wish him good night.
1-6 • The next day, you are being summoned by your superior the first thing in the morning. He passes you a pile of documents and requests you to go through it. It a proposal regarding to the budget cut/new rule and he hope you can be his ally. His gaze is not as firm as yesterday, but it’s more of seeking approval and acknowledgement from you. • You let out a sigh and mutters, “You know, should you have hand this to me beforehand the situation won’t be that ugly.” And then you start to flip the pages. • “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But I really want to make it work. It’s also a handover work by my predecessor.” • “You look up upon him too much, ONF member, he is a sly fox just like the other seniors.” You do not mean to back stab but you are telling the truth. “Has it never come to your mind why he did not initiate the plan when he is here and requested you to initiate it when he is gone?” • “I know. But this move is going to benefit the company; I am willing to bear responsibility.” ONF member adds • You stop reading and look at your superior in the eye, “You better hope this work though, I don’t want my 5 months effort of guiding you goes to waste. And I hate the idea that I need to re- adjust my pace with a new superior.” • ONF member gets your intentions behind your words; he swiftly stands up from his chair and thanked you. “I owe you big one, Y/N. Another cup of coffee to thank you for reals?” • “No thanks, I will be busy. Next time.” You feel uncomfortable because the social distance between you two seems shortened, so you politely decline. • Luckily the whole budget cut/new rule policy worked out fine and by year end, benefits shows. You and ONF member can finally relax a bit knowing that you both have won the fight.
1-7 • Meanwhile, you did not stop interacting with your recent favourite friend. As you two got to know each other even more, both of you chat almost every day during the night. He never bores you and he can understand most of the topic you bring up. You are amazed that how can someone has so many things in common? • It spikes your curiosity and you ask him if a wonderful person like him has a partner in real life. He answers you that he is single, just like you are. • (You thought he is lying because he is such a nice guy, but of course you do tell yourself not to 100 percent trust everyone online) • Then he asks your opinion about online virtual dating. You honestly told him about your experience. But you added that even though you failed twice/thrice, you are not against it. • And that moment, you don’t know what has gotten into you, you playfully type, “You are asking my opinion on that as if you are preparing yourself” • “Prepare for what?” he asks • “To get yourself an online girlfriend.” You reply. • His respond reads, “Yes I am.” • “That’s wonderful. That girl you will be confessing is a lucky one.” • “Yea, indeed you are.” • You pause for a moment when you saw the message. • “Wait, you serious? ME??” you quickly send him the message because you thought should you hesitate longer, the mood will turn awkward. • He replies you by sending you a heart emoji. • You give a quick thought, well it is interesting chatting with him and he does seem nice. Plus, it’s online anyway, you could call it off should he becomes toxic and annoying like your previous experiences. • “I wasn’t sure if you are ok with someone like me. “He continues. “I am fine if you want to call it off should you found someone in real life later on.” • “Don’t be silly, that should be my line.” You retort him. • And then you have it, another secret. You have an online boyfriend now. You both even declared each other as a pair of soulmate publicly on the app. But you two did not exchange selfies, keeping the relationship virtual and anonymous. • However you two always share interesting stuffs happen on daily. New book, new cd, a random shot of a puppy or cat you met on the street. • Also before year end, you overheard girl colleagues gossiping about your superior has a girlfriend now; you are not interested at his private life so you just let it slide. • But you did briefly mention it to your boyfriend. Not in a gossip tone, more of a life update share. • Of course there are some girl colleagues that are ok with you comes to you, hoping you leak some information about ONF member’s rumoured girlfriend. But of course you know nothing at all, leaving them with disappointed answer. • Fast forward to the week before Valentine’s Day. It is also 10th month since ONF member joins the company. • Out of the sudden, your online boyfriend suggests you two to meet up. You are not against it, and it’s not like you never met anyone you know from the app. Thinking why not knowing a new friend in real life, you agreed his offer. (Also because you are curious what he looks like so that you can understand why he was single before dating you) • You even inquired his preference in chocolate and promise bringing him some on official first date. • Your boyfriend thanks you and suggests a place for dinner. You knew that place, it’s expensive and you could not help but wondering if he is trying hard to match you. (You still thinks he is just a normal employee in a company) • But, your boyfriend only replies: “Don’t worry, it is the perfect spot, I could not think of others that are suitable to our taste.” • You can only acknowledge it because you don’t want to have an argument to blow up but deep down you could not help yourself to start doubting again. • “It’s going to be Ok, right?” you question your decision, but it’s too late.
1-8 • On Valentine’s Day, younger female colleagues in your office give out chocolate treats to younger male colleagues as friendship presents, some of course using the occasion to confess. • You don’t have the habit of presenting chocolate treats as a token of friendship appreciation at the office. But you are giving your date chocolate treat later; you hid yours in your bag carefully scared of being teased should anyone saw it. • ONF member gets some too. One female colleague even teases him if he is going to get chocolate from his girlfriend. And ONF member replies that he might get it later that night. • Of course ONF member will asks you for chocolate treat with an innocent face, you just bluntly tell him that you don’t have the habit to give out chocolate treats, he only pouts after listening to your respond. • By the way today you unintentionally changed your makeup (lipstick or eyeshadow). No one dared to make any comments but not your superior, ONF member. • He goes: “Y/N ah? Did something good happen on you? Are you going to a date tonight?” • You are typing quick report and his words caught you off guard. You flinched at his words. Hoping ONF member did not notice, you quickly lied by telling him simply ran out of your usual makeup colour. • But your superior teases you a bit, “Aww, I was hoping I could attend your wedding in near future. “ • You have gotten used to his socializing pattern, so you counter him by asking if he is going to bring his girlfriend to have a nice dinner at a grand restaurant. • And to your surprise, he revealed the place he will be having dinner with his partner. It’s the same place where you are heading to later. He had a special room booked exclusively for tonight’s date. • “Oh, Oh… Have fun and enjoy your dinner.” You force yourself to break a smile. • ONF member only smirks at you and gives you a few pats on your shoulders and says he will have an unforgettable night before returning to his room. Leaving you questioning the meaning of his actions that are unpredictable but also definitely intentional. • Of course you had a quick thought asking your boyfriend if it is possible to change location, you could not bring yourself to ask as you are worried you might sound rude/arrogant trying to change plans on the last minute. You deduced that since ONF member will be having dinner in a room, you might not going to bump into him. You and your boyfriend can just finish dinner quickly. • You could not have that bother you too much time because you need to finish your report so that you can leave on time. Once it reaches the end of office hours, the others started to leave. You made up a plan to leave after ONF member leaves the office. You keep raising your gaze to have a slight peek towards your superior’s room. • Seeing him finally standing up from his chair and adjusting his suit. You can tell he is finally leaving. He passes through your desk and asks, “Y/N ah, please don’t tell me you are planning to work overtime during this special day?” • You only smiles and tell him you are going to finish soon, “Don’t you have a dinner to attend?” you remind him without looking at him, acting as if you are typing the remaining contents of your report. • “Yea I do. See ya.” ONF member waves you goodbye. • You leave the office after 10 minutes. (As for method of transport to the restaurant, I will leave it to your choice.)
1-9 • You reach the building of the restaurant. You let out a sigh, hesitating to step in nonchalantly knowing ONF member is inside there as well. The least thing you definitely do not want to happen is ONF member finding you having a dinner date tonight. It’s embarrassing and it will break the balance of your work and private life. • While you are pacing in front of the building with hesitation, you receive a chat notification from the app. You open it and it was your boyfriend, notifying you that he has arrived, and he reminds you the restaurant located at 38th floor. • You nervously bite your lower lip knowing it’s too late and it is rude of you to cancel the date on last minute. He was a decent person to chat with and you don’t want to lose a good friend. You are blaming yourself for agreeing to attend this date too casually. And you also find yourself way too wary of your virtual boyfriend’s thoughts towards you should you now called him to cancel the date. • Then you heard a familiar voice called out your name and you turn your head towards the voice unconsciously. It’s ONF member, walking out from the building. You flustered and panicked by just imagining scenarios of him asking why you are here and other many more questions. • “OMG…. Shit shit shit….!” You cursed in your head, regretting your life decisions. Recalling the entire chat context between you two, this might be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. • He is grinning while reaching out to grasp your hand. You unintentionally try to back away from him but he was faster. You tried to pull your hand away but he pulls you toward him instead. You nearly bumped towards his chest. • “Y/N ah, I told you its 38th floor; you did not get my message?” ONF member asks as his smirks widens. • As he finished his words, you only look at the young guy in front of you with disbelief, processing his words. Seeing you froze due to the big plot twist, ONF member taps you on your forehead hoping to unfreeze you. • “It can’t be…You are (ONF member’s ID in the app)?! “You exclaim. • “Yeap.” He responds. • “Impossible…How?” you ask. “How did you know it was me?” • “At first I had my doubt when I first saw an old post of yours. You shot a sunset pic from our office floor by the window near the lift right?” he returns with another question. And man he is good at remembering details. • “Then I confirmed that it was you by the time I announced budget cut/new rules for the company/department. ” he explains   • “I…” You could not bring yourself to say anything, but you are not an idiot, “(ONF member name), did you risked your reputation in the company just to find out a stranger’s real identity?” • “No, I did not, I swear. I initiated the plan to suddenly announce the budget cut because I want to find out which board seniors will make a move to cover up themselves, as requested from my predecessor.” He knows you well to sense that you are angry, and he quickly denied. “I only know it was you when I checked up on you. Since then I have been dropping so many hints for you to realize, but it seems like you are the dense one here.” • You can tell he is telling the truth. • “This is absurd…” you mutter while placing your hand on your forehead. • ONF member let out a sigh and he shifts behind you, places his hands on your shoulders then pushes you forward. “Come on, I am starving we can talk about it later, you did not had a decent meal during lunch as well right?”   • He is right, you only had a mini croissant during lunchtime.
• You follow him without a word to the entrance of the building and enter the lift to 38th floor. ONF member has booked a nice room that both of you can enjoy the city’s night view.
1-10 • It was a luxurious dinner but you are not in the mood enjoying it. In fact you are so stressed that you could not even taste your food. You did not touch your dessert at all. • You only quietly trace the shape of wine glass in front of you while looking at the night view, hoping the night to pass quickly. • “You are not happy with me being your date, Y/N?” he suddenly asks. • You jolted and you finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight. • “You startled me, I am still trying to grasp the situation here.” You reply him with a low voice, trying to act calm by casually bring your drink closer to you and hydrates your throat. • “Hey Y/N-ah, I know you mentioned before that you don’t like the idea of dating someone from the office, but…” his eyes are fixed on you. “I like you. Not just the virtual you, but also the real you.” • “I called you a jerk.” You know you should not bring it up, but you still did. • “Which I did act like one so, no hard feelings.” He accepted. “I am truly sorry about that, I was trying to prove myself way too hard.” • Now it got awkward since he apologized without any complaints. You don’t know what to say and avert your gaze again. • “You know, Y/N ah, when you are stressed, you tend to avoid other people’s eye contact. “he breaks the silence.  “And you are doing that ever since you reached here.” • Upon hearing his words, you flinched and exchange eye contact with the young man sitting in front of you. • “And oh, and you flinch as well.” He adds, “Which is very adorable in my opinion.” • “(ONF member’s name), I …” you try to explain yourself but he cuts you off. • “It alright, you don’t have to push yourself, I have made you stressed out way too much today.” ONF member smiles at you while saying based on what he observed. • He finally stands up and offers to send you home. You could not decline him because you felt terribly sorry for ruining such as nice date. • “I am sorry, should it is another girl, it will be a terrific night for you.” You apologized before leaving his car. • “Don’t worry; it is an unforgettable night for me.” He responds with his usual smile. • Back at your place, you are frustrated that the night ended up in an awkward and weird way. You only noticed that you did not get to hand him the chocolate treats as promised. • You cannot sleep that night, gazing at the chocolate treats as you holding the package in your hands. You cannot tell if you messed up or you are lucky that he happened to like you. • You wanted to consult a random mutual of yours but you hesitated. Because at this point you are not sure if you actually have the full grasp on the situation. And you don’t want a biased reply. • “It’s just this boyfriend of yours happened to be him, I guess?” you murmur to yourself. But that did not clear up your mind enough for you to make any decision towards the situation. • Several days passed, ONF member did not send any message to you in the chat app. He acted like usual back in office, but it does not look like he has any intention to talk about what happen between you two either. • (The problem is you cannot look at him in the eye) • You are troubled if you should initiate the first move. It’s not like you hate him, you never did in the first place, it’s just he annoys you sometimes. • Then you overheard ONF member having small talk with colleagues, and they ask about his Valentine’s Day. He only replies it was an unforgettable night and he is glad that he is able to meet his girlfriend, it was better than never meeting her at all.
1-11 • From his words, you gain a bit of courage and decided to make your first move. • The next day you arrived at the office earlier than usual, you take out something from you bag and places small gift box on ONF member’s desk. The small box has a memo attached to it. • You hurried back to your desk, acted as if nothing happened while the office starts have more and more colleagues coming in. ONF member arrives later on and he greets you before heading in his room. • You take some quick glances, making sure ONF member notices your belated Valentine’s day gift. • He did noticed and read the memo you attached, then he made a confused look but he adjusts his facial expression immediately as he sees you stood up from your place. • You head to his office room to brief his morning schedule. Like usual, you step into his room, closes the door and starts the briefing. ONF member stares at you with a puzzled expression while sitting on his chair. • Once you done your part and you ask him if he has any schedules to add into the list, he places the gift box into your view and pushes it towards you. • “What do you mean by this?” he inquires. • “I promised you chocolate for Valentine’s day, sorry I was late.” You purposely answer him the wrong information. “ Don’t worry I made a brand new ones.” • “You know I meant this.” He pulls out the memo has his eyes fixed on you. • The memo wrote, “(ONF member’s ID), Let’s call it off --- (Your ID)” • “That’s how it is.” You tried not to break into a smile, you are getting your revenge and this is fun. “You are the one who said you are fine to call it off if either one of us found someone in real life right?” • ONF member pauses for a moment, his eyes wandering then he admits he did say that. • “Well you found someone in real life, so there is not point for us to continue virtual dating on the app anymore right?” you slightly let out a victorious smirk as you ask him. • ONF member finally gets what you mean and he let out a smile. He puts down the memo and pushes himself up from his chair and walks towards you. • Thankfully the design of his room is made up of walls, once the wooden door is closed; no one knows what happens inside. • “So, you are fine with us dating in real life then?” You can feel his breath as he is only one step away from you. This time you are not going to back away and you look at him straight in the eyes. • “I will need to adjust a bit. You have a problem with me being your girlfriend?” you reply with him with another question. • ONF member unconsciously let out another smile, he quickly hides it with his hand,  “No, not at all…” and those were the words you can hear coming out from him • “That settles it then.” You widen your grin towards him before turning around ready to leave his office. • But you are being pulled back by a pair of arms. Your back come contact to his chest area. He is hugging you from behind you. • “Seriously, I don’t get you.” He low key complains. “I thought you are going to hate me for real this time.” • “I was going to, you did not texted me and you acting like nothing happened after that night.” You pout as you explain to him. “I thought I have ended my career the moment you told me who you are. And who would have thought a decent CEO would date someone randomly they met in a online chatting app?” • “I am sorry; I thought leaving you unbothered for some time so that you don’t get stressed out.” You could tell from his tone he does feel apologetic. He never sounds like that before during work.
• "But I am dead serious on trying to start a proper relationship with you that’s why I suggested for us to meet up.” he continues. “Glad you felt the same.”
• You freed yourself from his hug and turn to him. • “Now listen, (ONF member’s name), as we are professionals, I do hope you understand that there is a clear line between work and private life.” You remind him. “Just because we are dating now, does not mean that I am going to let you off easily if you messed up during work, ok?.” • “Man, I don’t think I will ever win you huh?” ONF member only look at you affectionately and continues, “As you wish, my beloved assistant/secretary.”
A/N : the concludes for this oneshot headcanon fic should there are more ideas I might write a continuation about this pair for a part 2. Also thinking of linking the universe with MInkyun Florist AU, just a maybe. 
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whoistheasshole · 3 years
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Why do I get yelled at when other people behave like dillweeds?
Anonymous asks: what to do when people vent their anger on me. is it because i am the quiet one in the family or maybe i am the easy target???? cause they did that to me instead of calling out the one who creates the problem
Hi there,
I am not sure if you mean „complain to me about other people/family members“ only or „lash out at me when they are angry at somebody else“ also. Therefore I will try to cover several bases.
Generally, venting can serve a social function where you go to a third party to blow off steam and come back to the original offender more level-headed and constructive. In this way it can be a healthy tool of de-escalation – instead of having a hot-headed debate and just riling each other up, you talk to somebody else to work through the problem and come back with some fresh ideas.
If you vent in this way, you will get a better understanding if you were overreacting or should stand your ground. It can be necessary support to hold firm when you are in fact right.
Of course, all this counts on the fact the everybody involved is a willing participant.
If somebody vents excessively, without the consent of the target or worst, blows up at somebody else because they cannot blow up at the original offender, the venter may still feel relief, but the ventee is drawing the short end of the social stick, so to speak.
It sounds like you are in the latter scenario.
As to the why – I don’t know where it originated, but there’s this story about the boss yelling at the male employee, the employee coming home and yelling at his wife, the wife yelling at the kid and the kid yelling at the dog. The dog then probably gets a stress ulcer and starts chewing up shoes. As this short, though heteronormative, image shows: Everybody is finding somebody else with less power to vent their anger that they are not able to direct back at the aggressor. In real life, it is not always that simple because human connections and power structures are complex (and not like a white US TV commercial from the 50s), but the general dynamic holds true: If people are not able or willing to re-create their equilibrium by fighting right back at the (verbal) attacker, they will find other means to do so. The means do not have to be interpersonal – a lot of people are internalizers and turn the stress inward, getting the aforementioned stress illnesses instead. Or they try to cope with the situation and turn to an advice column. Just as an example. But generally, if you have a group of people–friends, hobby groups, work, family–unwritten social dynamics will always be at play that direct, among other things, who dares talk back to whom, who will stand by and look, who will try to get out of the line of fire, who tends to get blamed and so forth.
Long story short: Through the unique mix of power structures and personalities in your family, you are where you are now. You identified that you would like it to change and need some ammunition to do so. Fortunately, I do have some strategies for you.
First: If there are no safety issues at play, direct is always best. That doesn’t mean spontaneous. You can rehearse what you want to say or talk through it with friends or alone in front of a mirror–rehearsal can be crucial. But it’s absolutely okay and within your power (again, if safe) to speak up about your boundaries and needs. Find a short script that feels right and appropriate for the situation and tell the venter. You might want different scripts for when they are ready to have their next feelings barf versus talking to them in a quiet minute to re-set the dynamic. E.g. „Hey X, I realize Y topic is weighing heavily on you right now, but I’m kind of at my limit talking it through, so I’d like to focus on other topics. I hope you work it out!“
The last part is your friend, by the way, redirecting them to action. It can be used beautifully with incorrigible venters to make it very boring/unhelpful to talk to you. You have to be persistent though, these kind of dynamics are not changed in a day.
„That sounds tough, well I hope you work it out!“ / „Oh. What are you going to do about it?“ / „I see. What do you plan on doing now?“ / „I see that you are quite upset right now so I will give you some space. Feel better!“ and move away. (Read the last one from a Captain Akward commenter and I am still in love.)
What you want to do is:
1) Make it boring. Ever heard that active listening is important? Not here. Here you want to be the least enthused and most unhelpful listener that has ever graced the earth. Short words are your friend, said in a completely neutral tone: „Oh.“ / „I see.“ / „Hu.“ / „Hm.“ If you need some more pointers, look up „Grey rock method“. Fiddle with your phone, get up to do the laundry, have something at the ready that you need to start doing now which means you need to move physically away/make some loud noise. Potentially something that the other person approves of, or at least has no good reason to argue back against. „That sounds tough. I wish I could help, but I really need to get started on my applications. Catch you later!“
2) Never under any circumstances offer your opinion on the situation and especially not on what the other person should do. They might try to make you solve their problems or alternatively, shoot everything down that you suggest, which is also frustrating. If you have the urge to say something or are unsure how to continue the conversation without saying what you think, try silence. Few things are more effective in a conversation than silence. Maybe a small „Hmm“ or other thinking noises, if you must. If asked directly, you can also use „That’s a tough one, no idea off the top of my head.“ / „Honestly, I don’t know. What do you think?“ / „Beats me.“ You can say it sympathetically and remorsefully, but the more monosyllabic and flat you can be, the better.
3) Redirect them to figure it out themselves. See above: „Oh. What are you going to do about it?“ / „I see. What do you plan on doing now?“ It doesn’t mean they ever will. They might actually leave in a huff, but that’s a success. We cannot make other people do things, we can only control what we do ourselves. And if Dr. Vent 3000 bothers somebody else next time, well, success. Some people will have the gall to say „Well, you are not very helpful today.“ Take it as a badge of honor, don’t try to convince them otherwise, you are the grey rock. „Yeah, I’m not creative today.“ / „I’m all out of ideas.“ *shrug*
Family dynamics can make this list of strategies a little less helpful because you are in close quarters more often (I assume) and you cannot avoid the offender as easily, therefore definitely weigh how direct you can be with the person. If you don’t expect serious repercussions, it’s fine to say „Hey, I’m not involved with this and don’t want to be.“ / „Sounds like you need to sort this out with X.“  /„I don’t want to be in the middle of this, please take it up with X.“ / „Frankly, I don’t enjoy these conversations. What about topic change?“ and the all time classics of telling them about other things you need to do now and leaving.
When people put us in a weird position, the anger we feel at the mistreatment can make us blind to the options that are actually at our disposal. It is possible that you can only use few things of what I suggested, but make sure to stop and make an inventory of things that you can do because they are in your power. Feeling stuck and powerless can be the worst thing about this kind of situation and the antidote is identifying what you can do.
P.S.: Don’t get drawn into the losing battle of making the original offender behave (the person who upset the venter). It doesn’t sound like you’re the parent/authority figure in this scenario, so all you need to do is treat people who deserve it kindly and state your own boundaries when they are crossed.
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mimi-cee-hq · 4 years
Text
The Dating Project - Futakuchi x Reader
Summary: In a dorm where nobody dates, Futakuchi thinks of a solution to Y/n's Dating Project.
Pairing: Futakuchi x fem!Reader, mentioned Aone x Nametsu (for plot reasons)
Genre and Themes: Fluff, Boarding school AU, Getting together (to fake date lol), Sort of dystopian? but it’s still cute?
Word Count: 1,553
Author’s Notes: Happy Birthday @writeiolite! Here's your matchup story. Out of the list of your favourite characters, of course I chose Futakuchi :P This is the first time I’ve written an AU, but I hope you like it. (Your description is at the end of the post.)
General Taglist: @dorkyama @the-black-birb @hqprotectionsquad @nagichi-kenma @moonaaluna @muffins-puffins
*****
Y/n heaved a sigh as she rested her head in the palm of her hand. “Should I just drop the Dating Project?” she asked Futakuchi.
He leaned back against the metal bench they were sitting on and placed his hands behind his head. He stared up at the glass dome ceiling of their dorm, about five floors high from them. Colourful metal beams stretched across the building. Students milled around the balconies. At his left was a wide metal stairwell, just far enough so the people strolling up and down wouldn’t hear their conversation.
“Why? You were so passionate about it when you first thought of the idea,” commented Futakuchi.
A large and soft teddy bear was the only thing separating them. Who knew his stuffed gift would remind him to keep his distance from her - not that she knew it was from him. He still hadn’t quite adjusted to being a resident of Dorm E, even though he had lived there for three years.
“Nobody wants to be a part of it,” Y/n replied, sticking out her bottom lip. They continued to face the TV, playing a movie which was apparently acceptable for them to watch.
“Well… can you blame them?” he said. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, fully aware he couldn’t reach over and place an arm around her shoulders. So instead, he rubbed his hair and sighed. “Not after they made an example out of Nametsu,” he added.
He recalled the moment when he heard the announcement through the speakers. Nametsu would no longer be a part of Dorm E. He and Y/n stared at each other, eyes wide, and ran to the balcony to see what was happening in the dorm’s foyer. Nametsu was being escorted out of the dorm.
Reasons were vague. They said her potential had decreased to the point where she was no longer a student suitable for Dorm E, a place reserved for top students. The school evaluated every student on a variety of factors including leadership skills, extra curricular activities, and academics. They wanted Dorm E to have a culture of innovation, creativity, and success. The students would be society’s future leaders.
So dating was banned.
There was no need for romantic relationships. Those were reserved for commoners. The elites of society were meant for more and shouldn’t be tied down to a relationship.
So when Nametsu was caught dating Aone, the Council decided she was unsuitable to be a future leader. Her potential was negligible.
“Ugh, what they did to Nametsu was stupid,” she told him. “But she didn’t care anymore. You should have seen her eyes when she would describe Aone: stoic but warm.” Futakuchi saw a sad smile on Y/n’s face. “And when they kicked her out, it was as if she was walking down the aisle. Like one of those women dressed in white!” Y/n longed to be able to love like that too, to give it her all like Nametsu.
When Futakuchi raised an eyebrow at her, she realized what she said and she quickly covered her mouth. “Pretend you didn’t hear that,” she said in a hushed tone.
“Pfft,” he teased. “You’re telling me to forget that you watched a banned movie when we’ve been talking about your Dating Project this whole time?” That earned him a smack from her, using the teddy bear of course.
“I know so many students here who are in love,” she continued to complain. “I’ve seen how they pine for each other.” She let out a sigh. “But nobody wants to take that first step.”
“Well… they’re still the minority,” commented Futakuchi. “Most of the students in Dorm E agree with the Council - especially people like you who’ve been here their whole lives.”
Y/n gave him a smirk. “I still don’t know how you got in,” she said, lightly jabbing him.
“I just know how to not get caught,” Futakuchi grinned with pride at her.
Y/n was about to retort, but he suddenly stopped talking, blinking a couple of times. She saw the growing smirk he was trying to hide, but she caught on right away. “I know that look!”
“What look?” Futakuchi said as he averted his eyes away from her.
“That look when you get an idea that'll piss off someone,” she said, bending over while laughing.
“No it’s not,” he snapped back.
“How would you know what you look like right now?” she snickered. He didn’t answer. “Come oooon,” Y/n whined as she continued to poke him. “Tell me!”
“Ugh!” he groaned, finally giving in. “Alright.” He opened his mouth to tell her, but stopped short of actually verbalizing his idea. Instead, a blush covered his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
Y/n eyed him, grabbing his arm and saying, “What the heck? Are you going to tell me or what?”
Futakuchi let out another groan and shrugged her off. “Fine. Basically, you can do what you usually say: show don’t tell.” Y/n scrunched her brows. “You know… for the Dating Project.”
“Uhh… What?”
“Just start dating someone to encourage the other students to start dating,” he explained. “If you take the lead, others will follow.”
As Y/n scratched her head, seriously considering Futakuchi’s idea, he turned his head away from her. He started to bounce his knee, now regretting sharing his idea.
“Futakuchi…” Y/n said in a singing voice, causing him to look back at her. Y/n batted her eyes at him expectantly, knowing he would be quick to catch on.
“No,” he firmly replied. “I’m not doing it.”
“Please!!!”
“No.”
“But you’re the only one who agrees with me.”
“No I’m not.”
“Okay, you’re not,” Y/n admitted. “But you’re the only one who’s not pining after someone.”
Futakuchi grumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair. Of course she’d think that. She didn’t know he liked her - even though he did before he came to Dorm E.
Several years ago, he saw her and Nametsu through the wired fence bordering Dorms B and E. He hadn’t met anyone from Dorm E before, but he thought they were all nerds with no life, which was why Y/n peaked his interest. She danced. He watched her footwork and her swinging arms. He saw her there every Thursday afternoon, showing Nametsu the various moves she came up with and laughing at herself whenever she messed up. Little by little, his desire to see her up close grew. He even started to wonder if he had a chance to get into Dorm E. He did.
“Are you sure about dating me?” he asked. “Aren’t you worried about getting kicked out?”
“It’s worth the risk. I want to see the Dating Project happen.”
He sighed, scratching his temple. “Okay. Just on one condition,” he said in a serious tone. “Just to be clear, we are fake dating, okay? That’s the only way I’ll agree to this.”
With fake dating, they had a chance. He could weasel their way out if things got messy with the Council and they failed. There were no rules against fake dating. Even if there was just a small possibility he could keep them in Dorm E, he’d take it - even if it messed with his own feelings.
“I’m fine with that,” Y/n grinned. “Umm… but now what?”
“What do you mean? Do you seriously have no idea what to do?” replied Futakuchi.
“I’ve only watched one banned movie okay?” she replied, reminding Futakuchi she had no real life examples of people dating.
He took a deep breath, knowing he would be in for a rough one. If he was the one who needed to take the lead in this relationship, he didn’t know how he’d keep his feelings in check. But maybe he didn’t need to.
Futakuchi suddenly scooped up Y/n from the metal bench, her legs dangling across one arm and her back against his other. “Hey! What are you doing?” she complained.
He rolled his eyes and replied with a scowl, “Having fun with my fake girlfriend.” Futakuchi carried her to the large stairwell, scanning the area to make sure they were visible to most of the people in the building. As expected, some were already turning their heads.
When they got to the middle of the staircase, he put Y/n down and looked into her eyes, asking again, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Y/n nodded. As he studied her face, he admired how selfless she was, putting herself out there at the risk of being kicked out, hoping to change Dorm E. She longed for it to be a community where students would be free to date whomever they loved.
Taking her cheeks in his hands, he pulled her close and placed his lips on hers. Y/n’s eyes shot open in shock, Futakuchi seeing them after pulling away. “W-what was that?” she asked, her cheeks surprisingly red.
“A kiss you idiot!”
Looking down, she shyly asked, “Can we do that again?”
By now, Futakuchi could sense many eyes watching them. He heard mumbles and whispers around the building. But that wasn’t his current concern. He wondered how long they could keep their relationship fake.
*****
I hope you liked it. I'm a little worried you won't because this is slightly different from my usual. But I was glad I reopened my match-ups so I could write this for your birthday. lol.
Fun fact: This was inspired by a historical couple who got married to encourage others to do the same (and to provoke their opponents). I'll be surprised if anyone knows who I'm talking about. lol
I have another Futakuchi x reader fic called Anonymous Text, which is in canonverse and a cute and funny one, and a bunch of other fics too in my Masterlist.
*****
Matchup Request from @seijoh (Like usual, I didn’t use everything lol):
MATCHUP REQUESTS AYYYEEEE!! feel free to write based on anything u already know abt me plus: am a smol dancer and choreographer. i love to lead projects and come up w/new ideas. cooking/baking is lots of fun but nothing beats sitting in bed with a soft kitty, tons of blankets/stuffed animals, and just cuddled up over a tv show. or going out for food/museums!! ♡ i’m a firm believer in all or nothing, so i’m rly like that with relationships too ahdhsjjsakw. congrats on 500 again!! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
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milknette · 4 years
Text
day 17 - masquerade
you’ll wind up like the wreck you hide, behind that mask you use.
tumblr month: @auyeahaugust
links: ao3 | ff.net
"IT'S a masquerade, but it's unique because this time the masks aren't over your eyes, but they're over your mouth."
Nadja Chamack is visibly thrown, but maintains her calm attitude as she adjusts the face mask on her lips. "Well, that certainly is something… new," she finally decides to respond. "What made you decide on such a theme for the Mayor's— your father's annual Presidential Ball?"
Chloé shrugs, rolling her eyes. "Well, obviously I wanted a normal event, but that's impossible because of this stupid virus," she says, annoyingly clicking her tongue. "So I suggested that we do this instead."
"Alright then," Nadja remarks, before taking out a remote that controlled the large screen behind them. "Now, we have here some questions from Parisians who want to know more about the impending ball."
"Whatever," she only scoffs, before turning her head to face the screen.
[USER 1]: I don't understand why you don't just hold a regular event. Quarantine is lifted already, we don't need to be cautious anymore.
"Ha!" She snorts, shaking her head. "Are you insane? Just because quarantine's over doesn't mean we can just pretend nothing happened."
[USER 2]: But there's a vaccine and cure already available, right? Just have everyone take it, it's not that hard.
"Not everyone can, though," Chloé snaps at the screen. "Daddy's working hard to make it available for the public, but there are still people out there who can't access it. Try thinking about someone other than yourself for a change?"
[USER 3]: You're not even properly informed. Masks aren't good for anyone, they just make the virus worse—
Nadja shuts the screen closed, evidently aware of how irritated her special guest is becoming.
"Chloé, now…"
One can almost see the cartoonish tick that appears on her forehead. "Is this really what most of you believe? No wonder daddy's tired all the time, it's because some of you are so foolish as to think…"
"Chloé, we have another guest who—"
"No more guests," she seethes, whipping her head to the screen:
Only to come face-to-face with her personal idol.
(And Chat Noir, but… eh.)
"We got your invite, Chloé, and we'd love to go. It's a good advocacy that you're working toward, and we appreciate it!"
Ladybug smiles at the camera, with Chat enthusiastically doing a thumbs up in the background.
"See you then! Bug out!"
.
.
"I've never seen you be so nice to Chloé," Chat Noir starts, as they carefully sit on the ledge. He wears a black face mask with a single green paw in the middle— a gift Ladybug had made him after learning how to make ones that actually protected against the virus.
(Chat's only too happy that she had given him a gift at all.)
Ladybug shrugs. "I meant what I said," she says easily. "At least she's taking this pandemic seriously. And I like what their event stands for."
"Why don't they just cancel it, though?"
"Apparently they can't," she sighs. "The ball is necessary for Mayor Bourgeois' to maintain good relations with other leaders. But they're pulling out all the stops— having everyone tested, ensuring they've taken vaccines, social distancing… Chloé really doesn't want anyone to think they're just making light of the virus."
"Didn't expect that from her, huh?"
"I still think she's entitled, but at least I know I can count on her when it's important."
As the sun starts to go down, Ladybug decides to stand up and lazily stretch her arms. "Anyway, I have to go kitty. I'll see you this weekend? The Wear-A-Maskerade, don't forget!"
"I'm looking furward to it!"
.
.
He decides to show up as Adrien Agreste first.
(Ladybug told him she'd show up later on in the evening, so he figures he has some time before Chat Noir was needed.)
Chloé almost clings to him when he enters, before immediately stopping herself a few feet away. Instead, she bows to him. "Thanks for coming, Adrien."
(She's become a lot nicer since she started hanging out with Kagami— he figures that her strict moral code of goodness has started rubbing off on his childhood friend.
The need for social distancing helped, too.)
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he only responds, looking in wonder at his surroundings.
Everyone's wearing a face mask, but it's all from designer brands and labels. (In fact, he spots quite a few Agreste masks being sported by the attendees.)
Adrien can clearly identify who's who, but ultimately decides that anonymity wasn't the purpose of the masquerade— not of this one, at the very least.
Subconsciously, he lightly tugs on his own face mask, a white one with gold-colored embellishments, the undeniable Agreste label placed at the very center.
(He only feels much too relieved that his father had consulted with medical professionals on ensuring the masks were at their most effective; and not simply used for their aesthetic or luxury designs.
— though, make no mistake, the prices for these masks still cost an insane amount. "It's only right," his father tells him.
"Capitalist," Adrien only thinks back.)
He spends the next few hours speaking and socializing with the guests; especially in order to cement relationships and friendships with those who'd help his father's company.
It's tiring work, but he finds comfort that everyone is as careful as he is; maintaining distance as they speak, avoiding direct contact, and never, not even for a moment, taking their masks off.
The cycle of exhaustion ends as soon as Ladybug enters the room— a bright red-and-black spotted mask covering her mouth.
Everyone immediately stops what they're doing, and almost begin to crowd her.
It's only Chloé's sharp and strict voice, "Anyone who violates the social distancing rule will be promptly kicked out of the event", that prevents them from moving any further.
Ladybug's relieved smile— though not directed at him, makes his spirit soar and his heart beat.
Adrien figures now is as good a time as any to transform into Chat Noir.
Excusing himself from a conversation, Adrien quickly runs off to the nearest empty bathroom and locks the door. He quickly changes face masks— he prefers Ladybug's, of course— and transforms.
In a few minute, Chat Noir comes bursting through the entrance, altogether too-loudly announcing that "his lady's purrince has arrived."
.
.
The ball is fun, for the most part.
Except that Chloé keeps looking for Adrien and Ladybug keeps looking for Chat Noir so he finds himself more often in the bathroom transforming than much of anything else.
"You're going to have to retire one of you soon, Adrien," Plagg sighs exhaustedly, after being detransformed the nth time that night. "I don't know how long I can keep doing this. Or how long you can keep it up."
"What do you mean?" Adrien asks, breathing heavily as he leans over one of the sinks. "I'm fine!"
"No," his kwami starts slowly. "You're—"
An old man suddenly enters the bathroom, and Adrien almost panics. "Ahahahaha!" He laughs maniacally, before looking in the mirror. "You are really one funny guy, Adrien."
He turns briefly to the newcomer, then smiles somewhat insanely. "Just talking to my old pal over here," Adrien says, patting the mirror. "Talking to myself… you know, like I always do."
The elderly man just stares blankly at him then nods slowly, before backing away. Adrien heaves a sigh of relief as he disappears— failing to notice the amused wink that the stranger throws toward his kwami.
As soon as he's gone, Plagg makes it a point to ensure the door is locked.
"See, you even forgot to lock it this time!" He complains. "If not for Master— my mastery of being a great kwami, then you would've been found out!
"That doesn't even make sense," Adrien argues. "And it's just an elderly man, I doubt he knows anything."
(Well, Plagg begs to differ.)
"But okay, this is the last time," he finally relents. "I'll stop Chat Noir, because Chloé expects me to stay until the end. I'm sure Ladybug will understand, okay?"
He picks up his mask from the sink, and puts it on.
Then— "Plagg, claws out!"
Adrien fails to notice his kwami's panicked expression as he gets sucked inside the ring.
.
.
Chat Noir finds Ladybug out in the hallway, other empty aside from the two of them. She's busily typing away at her miraculous, barely even noticing as he steps outside the bathroom.
"Milady, what are you doing alone on such a mewtiful night?"
She rolls her eyes, barely letting her eyes rip away from the screen. "I'm not really one for parties," Ladybug replies easily. "I'll probably leave soon, too. What about you—"
As soon as she looks up to stare at him, the words die on her mouth.
Instead she stares at him— almost too intently, her eyes burning holes into his face.
(Is this really happening? Is Ladybug… checking him out? Has she fallen for him the same way he's loved her for months—)
"I know that the glamour of the ball is tempting, but I'd never thought you'd stoop so low…"
Huh.
"... as to literally steal something, I mean, what is that supposed to be? You being a cat burglar or something? That's not even all that clever…"
"Hey, wait…"
"... We're supposed to be superheroes, Chat, I never thought you'd do something so…"
"Milady…"
"... and a mask, of all things?! I thought you were taking this pandemic seriously— and parading around in someone else's mask is extremely irresponsible of you to…"
"Ladybug."
"... what?"
"What are you talking about?"
He stares at her, evidently confused, before her expression flattens and looks almost angry.
"I'm not dumb, Chat; everyone knows that's Adrien Agreste's mask— it's originally designed by his father, and there's literally no other copy of it in this world. So you definitely stole it from him…"
"But I didn't steal anything!"
Ladybug speaks first. "Then how would you explain wearing it around your neck?!"
"Maybe think about other possibilities before assuming that I stole it?!" Chat Noir argues, shaking his head. "I thought you'd know me well enough to know that I'm not a thief, Ladybug— in fact, I would never need to steal anything! I have enough money to last me a—
Oh, wait.
Oops.
"... what do you mean?"
"Haha, I was just kidding, I'm actually dirt poor and stole this mask! You should probably also look around for Adrien, he's passed out somewhere… in an alleyway… uh, YEAH, so…"
"If you didn't take that mask, then there's only one possibility…"
"No, no, don't connect the dots— leave the dots unconnected! Yeah, social distance those dots! There's a virus going around, you know, so you shouldn't—"
"Adrien?!"
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Text
one hundred and seventy-ninth time's a charm
Drift and Rodimus spend the evening talking about crushes and what to do about them. Namely, Rodimus talks about his crush, and Drift tells him what to do about it.
(read it here on ao3!)
Drift really should have stayed in his hab suite tonight.
“I can’t do this anymore!” Rodimus thumped his fist against the table, rattling the several empty cubes around him. “I’m gonna die, Drift.”
“You’re not going to die,” Drift said.
“What else am I supposed to do?”
“About?” As if he didn’t already know the answer.
“Him! Thunderclash!” Yep. “I can’t—ugh!” Rodimus threw his arms up and petulantly slouched in his seat.
“Wow,” Drift said, drawing out the first w in disbelief.
“Drift,” Rodimus moaned. He slowly sunk to lay facedown across the tabletop. Drift didn’t look away from his datapad as he lifted his servo and sympathetically patted Rodimus’ helm. “He’s so fraggin’ nice and noble and pretty. How does he make a color scheme like that work for him? Red legs and teal arms and a yellow face? How? It’s so unfair.”
Drift merely shook his helm while Rodimus mumbled into the table. Hm. It looked like Ultra Magnus’ citation count was beginning to tick up again (“—and so tall and I bet he’d be stupid good at hugging and—”). Reckless behavior, vandalism, destruction of personal property, encouraging unnecessary violence. All clear signs that the Lost Light needed to find a place to stay for a while so its passengers could blow off some steam (“—and his laugh is all deep, and it gets in my chest, and it makes me feel all floaty? It’s weird.”). He’d have to pass the suggestion on to Ultra Magnus himself or Megatron at some point, seeing as their first in command was currently otherwise… occupied.
“—you think he likes me? He smiles and compliments me all the damn time, but maybe I’m wrong and I think he’s just being nice to me when he’s actually nice to everyone?”
“Have you considered,” Drift began with the weariness of someone who has had this exact conversation no less than one hundred and seventy-eight times with no results, “that if you didn’t very obviously and dramatically avoid every conversation with him, you’d find out?”
Rodimus paused. Then he turned his helm towards Drift. “Is it obvious?”
“Painfully so.”
“What should I do then?”
“I have a two-step solution for you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Number one.” Drift put up one digit and waited for Rodimus to focus on it. When he blearily did, Drift said shortly, “Have a normal conversation with him that doesn’t involve compliments disguised as insults and-and-or running away. You’re sending messages that are mixed to the point where he doesn’t want to approach you for fear of offending you. Trust me, I asked.” And he had. After weeks of hovering, it was clear Thunderclash didn’t want to step on the lines in the sand Rodimus had unintentionally drawn. Drift, having been watching the dance between the two of them for far too long, decided to step in then.
Rodimus winced but didn’t deny it. “Can do,” he said easily. “What’s step two?”
“Step two is to ask him out.”
Rodimus sputtered and shot straight back up, mouth gaping. “Are you crazy?” he asked with a slight squeak to his voice. “I can’t just—do that.”
Normally at this point, Drift would shrug and say, if you say so. Rodimus would huff and bluster for a few more moments before pointedly avoiding this particular point of conversation like the rust plague for the duration of the night. And that was that. 
But Drift, to be frank, had had enough. One hundred and seventy-ninth time’s a charm.
He shot Rodimus a frown. “Why not?”
Rodimus sputtered. “‘Cause he’s Thunderclash! And I’m—”
“A very capable, determined, wonderful mech who is not about to tell me that he is unworthy of Thunderclash’s potential romantic interest in him,” Drift cut in firmly, narrowing his optics.
“Sure,” Rodimus huffed. “But there’s also no way he’s gonna say yes.”
Drift thought for a moment. Should he mention that Thunderclash had been staring at Rodimus for as long as they’ve been at Swerve’s? Or reveal he had a ten-minute long audio file of Thunderclash talking about all the things he liked about Rodimus’ smile? Or admit it had been Thunderclash who had anonymously gifted Rodimus his favorite spray paint set? Hmm. He could. Or…
“You’re right,” he eventually said with a woebegone sigh. “He won’t. Because you’ll never ask.”
Rodimus narrowed his optics. “You’re doing it again,” he accused, jabbing an accusatory digit at Drift. “The reverse psychology thing. It’s not gonna work.”
Drift dramatically rolled his helm as he ignored Rodimus and continued, “You won’t ask, and you’ll never get to be held in those big, strong arms…”
A telltale heat shimmer began to warp the air around Rodimus’ exhaust pipes. “Stop that.”
“And you’ll never get to kiss his pretty face—”
“Drift.”
He stared Rodimus right in the optic. “You won’t get the chance to suck his—”
“Drift!” Rodimus yelped, slapping a servo over Drift’s mouth while barely smothering his laughter. “Shut up, oh my God.”
Drift snorted and peeled Rodimus’ servo off of his face. Then he wound his digits between Rodimus’ and tugged him in close. “Rodimus, I need you to listen to me,” he said somberly. Rodimus’ smile faded slightly. “I love and care for you very deeply. You know that, right?”
“I wonder sometimes, but yeah.” Drift squeezed his servo just on the side of too tight. “Ow, okay, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I know, Drift.”
“That’s why I need you to promise me you’ll at least try to talk to Thunderclash.”
Rodimus’ field twisted with uncertainty. “I mean, you were right, earlier,” he said offhandedly. “I dunno if he even wants to talk to me now. I’ve kinda fragged things between us up a lot.”
“Stop trying to convince yourself of a fact you don’t know for certain is true. Besides, Thunderclash isn’t the type to hold a grudge. I’m sure he’ll forgive you if you apologize first."
But Rodimus still didn’t look convinced. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“How are you so sure about all of this?”
Rodimus is the bravest and strongest mech I know. I’ve never seen such genuine conviction and determination in my many years of function. It’s hard to believe he’s of the same stuff as you and me.
I’ve heard many stories about Rodimus, some unsavory, some heroic, and some that fall in-between. But each one has only sought to prove his spark burns brighter and fiercer than anything in this universe.
Oh, what I would give to be able to tell him how truly wonderful he is! I’d tell him every day if he would allow it—And I’d much instead gain the courage to say that all to him myself one day, so my apologies for requesting you not share any of this with him, but I can’t bear the weight of my affections by myself a second longer—
“Primus has gifted me with wonderful intuition,” Drift said.
“...Ugh. Your intuition's always right.” Rodimus sighed. “Alright, fine. I’ll talk to him.”
Drift smiled a small, genuine smile. “You’re a good mech.” He patted Rodimus on the back and gently pushed him back. “Also, I am going to start locking you out of my hab suite every time you come to complain about your crush on him.”
Rodimus groaned and thunked his head against Drift’s shoulder. “I knew there was a catch. You’re the worst.”
“Interesting way to pronounce ‘helpful amica who wants his best friend to be happy because he deserves it.’” Drift took a sip of his drink and picked up his datapad. “Go get your mech, Rods.”
“What like, right now?” Rodimus asked with an incredulous hitch of laughter.
“Well, now that you’ve said it… yes.”
“Ugh.” Rodimus stole the rest of Drift’s drink and gulped it down in two swallows. Then he stood and rubbed his servos together furiously before blowing out a short, harsh exvent. “You owe me drinks here forever if you’re wrong, and this goes to Pit,” he hissed.
“It won’t,” Drift smiled.
Rodimus sighed again before striding over to where Thunderclash was sitting. The mech in question very hastily turned his helm away to pretend he was focusing on his drink, only to peek up bashfully when Rodimus came to a stop at his table. Rodimus shot a worried glance back at Drift, who smiled encouragingly. Rodimus’ spoilers flicked nervously before he turned back to Thunderclash with a slightly strained smile. His servo went to apologetically rest on the back of his helm, the other gesturing as he spoke. Thunderclash watched him with wide optics before a smile broke out across his face. He replied something with an earnest expression and a servo laid grandly over his spark that had Rodimus' spoilers sinking in relief.
Drift wasn’t sure what Rodimus said next. But whatever it was caused Thunderclash’s helm light to flare up with such a brilliant red glow, Drift had to reset his optics a couple of times to clear the spots from them. Seconds later, an overwhelming wave of pure joy washed over the room. It clearly emanated from the broad smile on Thunderclash’s face as he nodded enthusiastically, then gestured for Rodimus to sit down beside him. Mechs left and right turned to the source. But once they found it, most of them turned away with a fond shake of their helm, though some called out to the pair, and at least one mech definitely whistled.
Drift watched as Rodimus sank into his seat. He could tell by the unsteady descent of the motion instead of the practiced carelessness that Rodimus was more than a little dazed. His smile grew as he opened his comms with Rodimus only to find that he was already typing out a message for him.
.:he said yes:.
.:???:.
.:he said yes???:.
.:I told you he would.:.
.:i owe you:.
.:seriously:.
.:Tell me how it goes and I’ll consider your favor fulfilled.:.
.:I’m happy for you, Rodimus.:.
.:thanks:.
.:for everything.:.
Drift glanced up. Rodimus wasn’t looking at him—he was staring in shock at his servos, which were enclasped in Thunderclash’s—but the content glow of his optics told him everything he needed to know. He nodded once and went back to typing out his report. And if he included a couple of popular date spots as suggested places they visit on nearby planets, well. No one but him needed to know.
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