#Libtm means so much to me

[separatist-apologist]

Can I just say that I’ve never seen anyone write Gwynriel the way that you do? It’s always Gwyn being terrified to be touched even in a platonic way by men and never that she wants it? And it’s never her being angry about what happened with Hyberns soldiers, always just her being sad and devastated-

Also- it’s always with Az walking on eggshells so he doesn’t scare her or make her uncomfortable.

and I’m not trying to say that I haven’t read great Gwynriel fics before yours, because I have- but you just seem to capture that grief isn’t always just being sad and scared. It’s also anger and frustration and self loathing.

I’ve always loved Gwynriel/Gwynriel fics but LIBTM!Gwyn is one that’s more relatable to me. I feel like she would lay with me in the rain and scream at the skies for all the awful things that have happened and that just means so much to me

Thank you for making me feel seen and heard through this series 🩵

I know I'm such a Taylor cliche but like:

I can go anywhere I want, just not home

And

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/ and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

And

You're a crisis of my faith

And

I miss who I used to be/ the tomb won't close/ stained glass windows in my mind

And

I looked around in a blood soaked gown and saw something they can't take away

And

Long story short I survived

And not to be overly personal but I just think about how I dealt with it, too. I was just angry for a long, long time and that rage bled into everything. Like I could function but there were times when I wanted to scream and rage. There was no beauty to the suffering- it was exceptionally ugly and I think there's something to be said about like. Being allowed to feel that.

With distance and time and education ive realized it's not even uncommon. What was it all for, you know? And the answer is nothing. There's no grand purpose, no greater meaning and that was hard. Writing it all out in some ways is my own love letter to the girl I was at 16. Like now you can sift through it all and see how you came out, which I never thought I would. Guiding Gwyn through that feels good. I think I'm putting too much of my past selves in these fics at time but if her pain feels real to you, it was my pain first.

I didn't expect to find any of this when writing this fic. I just missed writing a canon compliant long fic and I felt like I'd done it all with elucien. Why not try my hand you know? People have been asking me to for years.

The response though- it means so much to me. I'm glad you feel seen, too. I used to say this with RWYLM but we were never alone, this club is not exclusive and still it felt like it was at times.

And we were never alone

[separatist-apologist]

Hii it’s me the anon (maybe one of a few?) who messages you weekly grumbling about Azriel before telling you LIBTM is a masterpiece, back after the double update to inform you that LIBTM is a fucking masterpiece and the last chapter was so unbelievably moving and then also?? So sexy?? All at once?? The way you characterise their pain and anger and fear is just perfection. Thank you for not shying away from the rough parts of surviving.

I was particularly proud of that chapter. A lot of things in this fic are rapidly becoming personal and I stole pieces of that moment from my real life with one of the best people on the planet.

Hearing that it resonates means so much to me. We DID survive.