#I'm getting rid of all the junk food in my house

[mcwexlerscigarette]

definitely not healthy at the moment but I am going to seriously work on that

[melanieph321]

Gabriel Medina x Reader - Untamable Part 3/8

Part 1 Part 2

Reader spends the summer with her first love, Gabriel Medina, for him to get a chance to know their three year old son. However, both Reader and Gabriel struggle to keep their feelings at bay.

Enjoy!

You and Gabriel worked out this co-parenting thing nicely. Once you trusted him enough to take care of Nemo by himself, you saw no reason why he couldn't stay in Maresias for the day. At least while you helped your grandmother with the maintenance of her house as it was beginning to fall apart.

"Vovó, what do you even need a golf set for?" You stumbled upon them while navigating through her overflowing garage.

"They were your Avô's. He would've hated for me to get rid of them, even though he never played golf."

"And the second car? Does it even start these days?"

"It just needs a little fine-tuning. Most of the things in here do."

She got that right. There were piles and piles of junk in your grandmother's garage. However, another man's junk was another man's treasure.

"These surfboards, for example." She walked over to where they stood leaning against the wall. "I can get good money for these. They just need a little polishing. Can't your Papai Açúcar help us with that?"

"Please Vovó." You chuckled. "Don't call Gabriel that." 

"What? Is he not your Papai Açúcar? The way he has been treating you and my dearest great grandchild makes me believe that he is."

It's true. In the past, Gabriel's presence in your son's life was only noticeable in the checks he sent you for food and clothing. You weren't complaining, though, since it was a very generous check, enough to pay your rent and your courses at university. But you've come to realize that Gabriel's presence in Nemo's life had more value than money could ever possess

"Well, things are different now." You mumbled. "He's different."

"Yeah right."

"Yes." You made your way over to the surfboards. "I'm sure he would help us sell these. Matter of fact, I'll take them to him right now."

You were already on your way to pick up Nemo. Hopefully, the day went well. You wouldn't know since Gabriel was not the texting type. And it was a bit alarming pulling up to his house, with no one answering the doorbell to the luxurious estate.

Peeking through the castle-like windows, you spotted some of Nemo's toys lying around on the floor. However, no Nemo or Gabriel were anywhere to be found. Your instincts told you to go down to the beach just behind the house, and to your relief there they were, Gabriel, in the water playing with Nemo.

"Hey Rico." You joined the man sitting in the sand, watching them.

"Ah, Amoreco! Come vai?" (How is it going, love?)

Rico was Gabriel's personal trainer, a short but buff man with an aggressive bowl cut. Much like Gabriel's other surfer buddies, he had a back full of tattoos, the meaning of them incomprehensible to you. Nonetheless, he was an old friend of your brother, and like Gabriel, you had known him all of your life.

"Have you come to watch the show?"

You looked towards the water, where Gabriel had gone to put Nemo down, allowing him to splash his little feet. "What are they doing?"

"What do you think?" Rico smiled. "Poseidon must teach his children his ways."

"Huh?"

"Gaby is teaching your son how to surf."

"What?"

"Yes. But first he must get used to the rough ways of the sea."

"Nah-uh! Over my dead body he is." 

You stood and marched down towards the water. There was simply no chance in hell that you'd let Gabriel teach your son the root to all of your problems in life. No chance in hell.

"Gabriel!" You reached the shore as he turned around.

"Y/N? You're early."

"Mama!" Nemo happily squealed. 

You ignored him, your narrowed gaze piercing Gabriel's. "Whatta hell do you think you're doing, teaching my son how to surf?"

"What? I can't hear you?"

Large waves crashed in the background, with more incoming in the distance, the noise draining the sound of your voice. However, Gabriel seemed to understand your distress by the look on your face.

"Get...Nemo...out of the water!" You shouted.

Gabriel did so, grabbing his surfboard that drifted on the surface. "Why, what's wrong?" He walked towards you, Nemo in his arms. Your eyes fell upon his lean torso and the muscles shifting with his every movement.

"You are what's wrong Gabriel. " You said, raising your head.

"Me?"

"Yes, you." You hurried to unhand him your son, his skin cold, teeth rattling. "Look at him. He's freezing." You wrapped Nemo's body in the sleeve of your knitted sweater. He was only wearing a pair of oversized boardshorts. BOARDSHORTS!

"Y/N, relax."

"Don't tell me to relax. For how long were you in the water for? Don't you know that children catch colds easily?"

Gabriel regarded you with concern. He then waved for Rico to bring forth a towel. The man did so in a hurry, handing it over to you.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I wasn't thinking—" 

"Of course you weren't. You never think about anyone but yourself."

Gabriel's eyes widened, shifting back to Rico, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't just stand there, help me get him inside."

He led the way, surfboard tucked underneath his arm. Once inside of the house, Gabriel made sure to light the fireplace that burned well into the night, keeping Nemo warm and cozy.

"Do you want something to eat Y/N? I'm about to order us some pizza."

"No, thank you, Rico." You were quite comfortable where you sat next to the fire, perfectly immobile. Nemo sat before you on the floor, watching TV and playing with his toys. 

"How about one for the little guy?"

"He can't have pizza." You frowned.

"Of course not." 

Something about the grin on Rico's lips told you that Nemo has had pizza served to him before. You'd have to take it up with Gabriel, educate him on your son's daily meal plans.

Somewhere in the distance the doorbell rang, followed by a loud commotion in the hallway.

"That would be Sophia." Rico sighed and correctly predicted the entrance of Gabriel's little sister. However, she wasn't as little anymore.

"Y/N, you're here!" The young girl rushed across the living room to give you a hug, her long hair draping over your face like a vail. "Oh my god, I haven't seen you in like forever. How are you?"

"Sophia....you've grown." 

Her hair smelled of lavender and sea salt. A welcoming smell. Sophia was well into her teens now, a disturbing reminder that you were well into your teens the last time that you saw her.

"Yes, I can't believe I'm an aunty now." She said excitedly. "Remember the times you used to babysit me?"

"Please don't remind me."

Although her body had matured, Sophia still had the same babyface and youthful smile, much like Gabriel's. They were each other alike.

"Well, my friend and I thought we'd come over and help my brother babysit Nemo again since it went so well the last time I was here."

"Oh...it did? I had no idea." Your eyes drifted towards the young blond girl standing in the doorway. She was curiously watching you and Nemo. Nemo, who was still in his own little world, playing on the floor.

"Come, Luana, say hello to my nephew. He's really funny." Sophia went to pick him up, twirling Nemo around in her arms until his laughter echoed throughout the living room.

"It's such an honor to meet you, Mrs Medina, I had no idea that Gabriel had a wife, let alone a son."

"Erm....Come again?"

Sophia's friend had dared to enter the room, but instead of joining Sophia and Nemo, she approached you, politely offering to shake your hand.

"It doesn't say much about your relationship with Gabriel in the media. But my sister tells me that the two of you are trying to keep things a secret from the world."

"Your sister? And who is—"

"Lulu, please." Sophia stopped spinning Nemo, pinning him to her hips. "I only said you could come along if you didn't ask so many questions again."

"Right, right. My apologies."

Sophia rolled her eyes but moved on from the subject rather quickly. "Where is my brother?" 

"Basement." Rico said, stumbling back into the living room with a pizza carton in his hand.

"Well, what is he doing down there?"

"Probably hiding?" He chuckled, glancing at you. 

"Well tell him to come back upstairs. He promised that we were going to—"

"I'll tell him." You volunteered, hesitantly so.

"Oh, okay." Sophia nodded. "It's movie night. I was thinking that Nemo and I pick what film to watch, while Rico hook us up with snacks and refreshments. Gabriel was supposed to set up the theater outside. Maybe you can do that as well, Y/N?"

"Erm...sure."

"But..." Her friend squealed.

"Lulu." Sophia gritted. "She's headed downstairs anyway. You'll help Rico with the snacks."

"Fine." She sighed, glaring at you rather stiffly. You didn't think much of it, though, and headed downstairs towards the basement, which was more like a studio, if anything. It was neatly furnished with a number of photos on the walls, photos of Gabriel surfing. There were also loads of trophies, some of them stocked on shelves while others lay piling up inside large cardboard boxes. It was all very impressive, you thought. Gabriel was really living the dream as a professional surfer. A dream that your brother would have loved to achieve.

"Gabriel?"

You came around the corner and found him bent over a table, inspecting a surfboard that lay on top of it. He lifted his head, confirming that it was indeed you that was heard coming down the steps. The last person on earth that he wanted to talk to right now. On top of that, he was still shirtless, sweat dripping down the hill of his muscles as he worked on the board.

"Your sister is here." You spoke timidly. "She says that you've promised her some kind of movie night?"

Gabriel nodded his head. "Tell Sophia that I'll be right there."

"Right." You stood weighing on your heels. "She wants me to help you set up some kind of theater out in the backyard."

Gabriel lifted his head again regarding you skeptically. "She wants you to help me?"

"While yes. Don't you think I'm capable?"

Gabriel snorted his answer, returning his attention back to the surfboard. You kind of deserved it, the cold shoulder that he was giving you.

"Look, Gabriel...." You sighed, stepping closer to where he stood. "What I said on the beach—"

"It's okay Y/N, I know you meant every word."

"I did, but they weren't supposed to come out like that, not in that moment at least."

"Right." He reached for a tool on the wall, something to help smoothen the edges of the board.

"You're right, those words weren't meant to come out at all."

"And still they did." Gabriel rested his hands on the table, regarding you with slight amusement in his eyes. "Y/N, I get that I've done things in the past that would make you not want to trust me again. But if you've already made up your mind about who I am as a man, let alone as a father to our son—"

"I haven't." You shook your head. "I promise that I haven't...made up my mind."

He did not seem convinced. "I don't get it. Why can't I teach my own son how to surf? Because that's the real issue, no?"

Your lips pressed into a thin line. "Yes."

"But why?"

You frowned. "What do you mean why?"

"Yeah, tell me why you suddenly hate surfing so much? You were one of the best surfers I knew growing up."

"Gabriel."

"No, Y/N. I want you tell me why. It can't be because of Nemo's age, the two of us were practically born in the water. And if I remember correctly, didn't your mother—"

"Please Gabriel." You shut your eyes, preventing the tears from escaping.

"Fuck...I'm sorry. I didn't mean...."

You turned your back on him, quickly wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. 

"Hey." Gabriel's hand tugged at your waist, pulling you towards him. "Hey, don't cry."

His skin was warm against your face. He swayed you his arms, the sound of his heartbeat slowly drumming in your ear.

"You miss them a lot, don't you?"

"More than anything." You sniffled. "To think that Nemo will never get a chance to meet—"

"Hey..." Gabriel gathered your face in his hands, your cheeks pressing softly against his palms. "Nemo has got Vovó. He's got my parents, Rico's parents and not to mention Sophia. He's got a whole village looking after him. It's up to you to let them all in."

You got lost in his gaze. Gabriel's dark eyes that seemed to carry an infinite depth. It's what you loved the most about him. That and his gentle touch.

"What?" He smiled, seeing as you were smiling too. 

"Nothing. I guess I just thought of something funny."

"Which was...."

"Nothing, it was just something random."

"Don't leave me hanging now, I want in on the joke." He let go of your face, but did not let you escape from him.

"Well, if you must know, your sister brought a friend, Luana, I think her name was. Nevertheless, she called me your wife."

"She did?"

"Yes, she called me Mrs Medina, which is crazy since that is what I used to call your mother." 

It sent shivers down your spine just thinking about that woman. Especially when Gabriel mentioned her amongst the people to let into your son's life. His mother would never be one of them. Not after the horrors she put you through in the past.

"But you are..." Gabriel said, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

"I am what?"

"My wife."

"Pardon me." You laughed. A gut wrenching laugh that almost made you choke. "I am not your wife Gabriel, we never even...." A flash from your past entered your mind. It was from the day Nemo was born. Gabriel wasn't there, only your grandparents and....Gabriel's mother. 

"I won't let you take him home unless you marry my son." She said, "It is already enough that you've tried to trap Gabriel with this baby. His career will not be shattered by a scandal. You will marry him or I'll see to it that you'll live your life out on the streets where you belong."

The memories from that day came and went, but the pain of his mother's words still carved its way into your heart, posing it.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

You winced with Gabriel's touch. 

He backed off immediately.

"We're still married." You gasped. That day had been a cluster of your dreams, until now.

"It's why I wrote you." He nodded.

"W...what?"

"I thought enough time had passed without the two of you being in my life. I knew that my mother kept in contact with you throughout the years, making sure that you and Nemo had everything you needed. But it was time for me to step up and take care of business myself."

"Business?" You frowned. "Is that all we are to you, business?"

"Come on. You know that's not what I meant."

"But we are." You nodded. "Because you never even cared about us up until now. It was your mother, sending those checks out all along. Not you."

"Y/N, I think you're misunderstanding what I'm—"

"No, Gabriel. I understand perfectly that this summer and those letters were all about you making peace with yourself, not us."

"Hey, at leats I'm owning up to my mistakes."

"Not being man enough is not a mistake, Gabriel. It's a choice. A choice that you made the day you decide to go on tour, surfing, instead of witnessing the birth of your own child."

"Y/N, wait!"

He shouted for you in vain. You returned upstairs with heavy steps, only to be met by an audience who probably heard everything that just unfolded downstairs.

"Amoreco...." 

"Not now, Rico."

It was not your proudest moment, especially seeing the look on Sophia's face when you snatched Nemo from her. You left Gabriel's house with no intention of coming back. You were so rallied up by the fight that you failed to notice the surfboards missing from the roof of Vovó's car.

Part 1 Part 2

[k-tarotz]

AHHH THAT BEOMGYU READING WAS ADORABLE

can i request one on how jay from enhypen would treat his crush please? thanks!

Thank you!! I'm happy you liked it lovely!! <3

Yes of course, Jay is someone easy to read too hehe!

Feel feel to like and reblog this, thank you!<3

Paid personal readings | paid kpop readings | masterlist

How Jay acts around his crush:

King of wands, the chariot

More Optimistic in general he would become a bit more optimistic, I think he might be realistic in general, but being around his crush would make him think more positively about many things. But even about things like a new music video, new album and such stuff would make him more optimistic as well because he would genuinely be curious about his crushes opinion and reaction to those.

Best version of himself he would also be the kind of person who would try to better himself, even though he is doing perfectly fine you know? As for his personality I feel like he would try to be more easy going than he already is in general. As for looks he would try to look more manly, despite that he already is. He might wear jackets more often that make his shoulders look a bit bigger tbh sunghoon would do the same, probably prefer to wear black more often as well as he might view that as a colour that makes people look more attractive

Nervous man man man... when I tell you, if he is around/near his crush he would get so nervous that for a moment he has to check if he is still wearing his pants or shirt- I absolutely don't mean this in a nsfw version, but you know some people have those dreams where they go out of their house forgetting to wear a pants right? In that moment he would think something like "hold on- do I still wear my clothes? Do I have something on my face? How is my hair?" Boy would overthink it for a few seconds there but who is he to blame? No one wants to accidentally embarrass themselves in front of their crush, we all want to look amazing around them

Trying to joke more often so jay is someone who likes to rather joke with his friends that he knows for longer, like especially if he doesn't know his crush for too long yet, but honestly I think if he is really comfortable around his crush regardless of that and likes them genuinely a lot - he would love to make them laugh. It would make his heart flutter so much and genuinely fill him with joy because not only is he seeing his crush laugh, being able to see their beautiful smile and hearing them laugh, but he would feel so warm and proud of himself that he is the reason why his crush laughs. I don't have enough words to describe how happy that would make him, but it would be enough to make him joke around more often than usually. One of them being puns! "Do you like jay-pop? I do"

Shy but proud so if his crush compliments him I can see him blushing slightly being a bit shy about it but at the same time it would make him feel proud and boost his ego in a good way, his heart would beat faster and he might chuckle because shy, maybe even his hands would get a tiny bit sweaty in that moment but he would smile brightly and his eyes would lit up

More confident Jay is unfortunately someone who can be quite insecure about himself, even though he really is such a good person, but spending time with his crush, words of affirmation, quality time and other things he would receive from his crush (and also give! He isn't selfish at all!) All that would lead to him gaining more confidence

More healthy if his crush takes care of him while he is sick, or genuinely tells him they are worried about him - I think he would take that to his heart. "My crush and my friends and family care about me, I shouldn't worry them!" Which would lead to him trying to take better care of himself more often, even trying to get rid of bad habits that he might has (like for example overworking himself or perhaps eating too much junk food)

More happy and also more chill I think those are the most obvious so I won't expand too much on this but he would genuinely be much more happier, he would especially love it if he can rely on his crush and go to them to talk about God and the world for hours, he really enjoys deep conversations. He would also be a bit more carefree and easy going, usually he can get sulky or mad quite easily but I feel like if he spend time around his crush and then something none serious yet bad happens he wouldn't get mad or sulky rather just laugh over it, like even if there might be a small fight with a member he would rather try to make up than to add to the fight or get emotional over it you know?

Enough confident to take action so I think after a while, it depends a bit how close he is with his crush so it can be weeks but it can also be months, he would definitely want to confess. He would feel confident and comfortable enough to gather hod courage up and confess, instead of waiting for longer or wanting his crush to take action. I feel like he would definitely plan out a proper confession. Not just a "Hey I like you, do you want to go out with me?" And especially not through texts. He is the type to want to do it in person and also see his crush's real expression after his confession.

Romantic so we all know that jay is a hopeless romantic, who would he take it out on? His crush of course! Especially the confession would be super romantic. He would literally plan it out first. I can see a beautiful candle dinner outside maybe in an empty park or a empty beach, near/during the sunset and there probably being a bottle of wine, glasses, a wonderful (probably self made) dinner, beautiful flowers in a vase on the table and lots of rose petals on the ground and some on the table, also forming a heart. Let's Also not forget about the candles. I also feel like after he already prepared everything he would go and pick his crush up, lead them there but blindfold them shortly before they reach their destination. Boy would be so excited yet nervous. I almost forgot but he would definitely ask his crush to dance with him right there (with music, after their dinner) in a very close yet romantic way. After his confession and his crush saying yes he would give them some sort of jewelry, either a ring, bracelet or a necklace. I feel like it's the last option and he would help them put the necklace on.

Aside from all of this those are also all the things he would be towards/around his crush, even before the confession: loyal, kind, helpful, gentleman like, playful, generous, paying attention to detail, jealous, perhaps a tiny bit possesive but really nothing serious, lovely, caring, honest

Disclaimer: this was made with tarot, intuition and a bit of analysis, don't take anything too serious please, it's mostly for entertainment purposes! The divider isn't from us, credits to the right owner!

- Hun

[yourpicasso25]

The secret, part 2

Hey, I'm back!

Sorry about last week, but I was very, very sick? Very bad attack of flemmingite aigue!

Translated in English, I was feeling lazy as f*ck, so I just watched Youtuvideos. I'm sure you know how it goes. Feeling better now, but still have little to show to show for it.

Speaking of lazyness...

I know I waxed lyrical about food and markets and all that jazz, but one can't really live on the local production.

One can only do so much with fish, after all.

So we have Supermarchés Lapompe. Not Walmart, but the small chain (2 markets) does brsk business with both locals and tourits in both basic nececities... and about a ton of of junk food, let's be honest here. And that's the dirty little secret we're don't really like to talk about.

The Lapompe family also deal in fuel, gas, and electricity proction and storage. Their home lot is shaping to be something else!

I didn't upload that one because it's a very basic one, sure y'all can do just as well.

Otherwise, I had a CAS moment. I know, weird.

I made that quite big appartent building nect to the market last time, and the inhabitant just came to life in my head. Happens sometimes.

So, meet the Boucicaud family:

Bernard Boucicaud.

He is the reason the famijy is here, since the building they're residing in belonged to his grandparents. Bernard was born here,tail ending the boomer generation, but he grew up in Paris, since his parent hightailed out of Vogoel to make careers and a life as far away from anything fishy as possible.

Bernard had very nice vacation in his grandmother house as a boy.

However, as his parent fled Vogoel, Bernard fled Paris to traval the world, because he was an artist.

In Delhi, he met

Lucie

Then Dolman, now Boucicaud. Same kind of story except she's from Marseille.

They both liked to travel, so they did, Bernard managing some free-lance photographing to earn a little money and Lucy learning Yoga and stuff.

Both probably smoking funny stuf.

But time flies, and a baby girl was bord... and there is one day when you long for a nice bed and some creature comfort, so they came back to France.

Infortunately, neither were talented enough as artist to "make it" in the capital. So Bernard remembered his Mémé house, which his parent didn't really use and were quite happy to get rid of. It provide a far more luxurious accomodation than what they could afford in Paris, and it's would be a far better place for their girl to grow up in.

And here is said girl, Namaste Boucicaud.

Let's make it clear, not a happy bunny.

First, why did those idiot boomer parents she's saddled with had to name her Namaste? She hates it! honestly, Grertrude would be nicer!

And OMG the parents! Couldn't they be, I don't know, a little bit NORMAL once in a while? (well, they're both Avant Garde, so the teen may have a point here)

At least her father had some job with the local paper, so Namaste could forget the cheesy seagull photos to sell to tourists... and the paintings.

And her mother, still dressing like she was young, in jeans and exotic tops!

Honestly, Namaste can't wait to get her Bacalaureat and flee to Paris to her grand parents who are normal people and call her Nathalie.

"Where you will go to the Beaux Arts, dear. Not of that nonsense about being an accoundtant like your grandfather, do you hear me? Open your chakras, honey..."

But MOOOOMM!!!

[bodyhopper-files]

How I transformed my dad's life.

My dad swapped bodies with me like it was punishment or something. He said he wanted to be young again and free from all the burdens of being an adult. Burdens? Are you freaking kidding me? This is awesome!

My dad went off to school in my body the next day like he'd won the freaking lottery. As soon as he was out the door, I called out sick from his job, took out his credit card, got online, and started buying everything I imagined I'd need for this new life I'd been supposedly burdened with. 

My dad’s life was pathetic. He had a crappy job at an accounting firm, and he spent his life doing the bare minimum. He didn’t care about how he dressed or how he took care of himself. He had never done anything exciting in his life. Now, it was time for all of that to change.

I bought myself a whole new wardrobe, which required me to measure every inch of my new body so that I could finally order things in the proper size. There would be no more saggy "dad" clothes for this dad. I ordered a shit-ton of premium workout supplements and protein powder. I joined the best gym in our neighborhood and hired their top personal trainer to help me get this body in shape. I also ordered better skin products, better hair products, better everything. It was time for this dad to upgrade his life! OK, the truth is, I also ordered a few extra things I'd always wanted, and I'm not just talking video games. I'd always wanted to see what it felt like to wear a jock strap and a leather harness like I'd seen guys wearing online. This was my chance to play dress-up and find out exactly how it felt. It was like a mini vacation that nobody knew I was on.

And let me tell you, I was in heaven.

Two years after the swap, I've completely transformed my dad's life. I left his lame job the second I could, and instead spent every hour I could at the gym. My dad had enough money in his savings account that he could have always done this for himself, he just never saw it.

I took care of the house the way he never did. I made it my own, steadily discarding the things that had once been his. I replaced the basic furniture he'd bought with pieces that better suited my new tastes. I swept out all the beer and junk food from the fridge and cabinets and swapped in fruits, veggies, and protein shakes.

Eventually, I got rid of everything in his old life that had been holding him down. Actually, it's my life now. And this is my body. 

I've started a new job as a personal trainer at the very gym I started training at the day after the swap. I'm bigger, stronger, and better than I ever could have been before. I'm healthier and happier, too. 

And whatever happened to my dad? He dropped out of school and vanished that day, and no one ever saw him again.

[murfeelee]

WWDITS INSP - A Day in the Life of a Familiar

Guillermo: The job of a vampire's familiar is not an easy one. It's very dangerous--I mean, they are vampires, after all. There's different kinds of jobs that I have to do. Keep the house tidy…. Make sure there's no sunlight. "Sunlight, why Guillermo, whyyyyyy!?" Not on my watch. Getting rid of carcasses, I feel, is a big one. Being a vampire's familiar is like being a best friend…. Who's also a slave. I like being a familiar! It's a very satisfying job. Well--actually, calling it a "job" would imply that it pays. So it's more of a vocation. Less glamorous than I imagined. I thought by now I'd be like Armand, but sometimes I feel like I'm halfway turning into a Renfield. I think the worst part for me is the loneliness. I'm awake when my master's asleep, and…the house gets quiet, and it's lonely. But I'm also awake when he's awake. I'm always awake! You know, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was still at Panera Bread. I'd probably be manager. I'd get to boss other people around for a change. Sleeping, health insurance, friends, getting paid, all the Panera Bread you can eat. But you know what they say: The heart wants what the heart wants!

- What We Do in the Shadows, S1E01 & S1E10

MY THOUGHTS (rant alert) & CC Credits (under the cut)

MY THOUGHTS

I'd rather be a werewolf!

I thought Guillermo was a freaking FOOL, slaving away for 13 years (with NO PAY 💀) hoping Nandor would someday turn him into a vampire. Like...HUH?! Memo, you're wasting your life! You know allllll these dope werewolves who would readily take you in--you're barking up the wrong tree obsessing over vamps all day, my guy!

Memo is an expert on vampires, yet he somehow missed the memo that vampires almost never turn their familiars! 🤨 I'd've given them the middle finger and joined a wolf pack, eff those vampires. 😅

Ok, SURE, vampires are freaking cool--they're the coolest monsters by far. But being a vampire literally SUCKS! Dhampirs like Blade & Alucard have the best of both worlds, since they have all of a vampires' strengths, and none of their weaknesses--they still have all the fancy powers, but can also walk in sunlight, drink blood, and most importantly: eat regular food, bless!

Like, I remember watching Tokyo Ghoul, and bursting into tears when Kaneki-kun was desperately forcing himself to eat food, but his body kept rejecting it--that hurt me to my core. No junk food?! Just kill me.

And if y'all know what went down with Guillermo in Season 5, it's even crazier, like omg, REALLY? U_U Could never be me.

CC Credits

- Memo's hair N76, basegame glasses (+ OEM sliders), basegame cardigan & shoes, SN EP pants

- Bloody apron outfit by EA (AMB EP IIRC), gloves ACC by Amethyst

- Chainsaw from AMB sculpting station (+ gratuitous abuse of MOO)

[cuddling-siren]

i'm sorry i've been quiet !! i want to post more, but have been waaay too stressed lately :'( mini update ahead~

ya girl needs to move, but also might stay in the house she's in rn (but need to find some chill roomies) aaaand idk it's all so confusing, and there's junk to get rid of and I need to clean the house to be able to even properly show it which is hard bc of said junk but also on the other hand housing is SO unaffordable where I am that it's comical. staying in this house would be ideal because the landlord keeps it low for me, but convincing others of its "eclectic charm" is another thing.

on top of that, my bestie left me and moved back to her home state (for at least a year) :'( I cried so hard when I sent her off, and I hope she'll come back regularly to see me

all in all, pray for me pls because I feel like life is challenging me rn and I'm trying to stay calm despite the stress, but it's hard and I'm also working 10 days straight rn :') gotta renew my insurance and pay for application housing fees and food and current rent etc. i feel so sleepy all the time tbh

[merihn]

For the 30+ Ask Game: 7, 33, 39, 48, 56

7. Any groceries you’ve been getting into lately?

I get into obsessive patterns with food where I only want one or two things for a length of time (varied). I'm a nailbiter so often I really love buying Corn Thins to nibble on instead of ripping all of my nails off. I mean, my nails are still a mess bc absolutely nothing can stop me from chewing them, but nibbling other things can help.

33. What’s something you collect?

Pens! I love pens and have... too many. I buy them pretty often even though I don't need them at all.

39. What little treat do you always get when you run errands?

I don't think there's something I always get when I go to the shops, so I'm not sure how to answer this. But probably junk food is the thing I get the most. Some kind of chocolate or chips or something.

48. If you could build your home from scratch, what outrageous feature would you want to build into it?

Oh man, now that I own a house, there are just SO many things I would love to have inbuilt. A big thing I've always wanted is a proper hobbit hole. There are places in Australia where it's so hot that the homes have to be built under ground, and they're so interesting. I'd love that. I'd also LOVE a really awesome bathroom. Our bathroom is fucking terrible because whoever built/renovated it fucking sucks arse, and the floor is uneven (letting the water run from the shower towards the door 😒) , the handles for the taps all work the wrong fucking way, and the shower head is shit (best thing we did when we moved in was get rid of the disgusting glass shower wall, even if it allows the water to escape). Last thing is water tanks. Would love some big water tanks on the property.

Oh, for something outrageous, one of those inbuilt beds. With doors. A really big bed with plenty of space that I can close the doors of and have it completely dark inside.

56. Favorite low-effort meal that you make?

Hmm, that's a hard one since most of the meals I make are as low effort as I can manage. I'm not much of a cook but I do most of the cooking since my mum isn't well. I guess the lowest effort is like, a cup of tea with peanut butter on toast. Lol.

[beauty-and-passion]

Beau! Hello! How are you doing?

Hi! :D It's so nice to see you again! I really missed our conversations, can't wait for more of them to come soon! <3

This summer has been pretty busy for me. I studied almost every day - but it's summer, it's hot and my will to study was below zero, so I skipped a few days here and there, did other things, studied in the morning only and so on. Still no idea about the results, but when I get them, I will let you know :)

In the meantime, I still enjoyed my time by doing other stuff, like:

Cleaning

I love organizing things and since I finally had some time, I took the chance to:

Write a full inventory of the garage/storeroom where my family has been accumulating stuff for years

Buy a couple new storage racks for my apartment and move some furniture around. Still not over, but it's an improvement

Also, since my mother finally realized that yes, we have a lot of stuff indeed and we can rid of some of it, we went on a cleaning spree and cleaned:

The woodshed which had everything inside except for wood. There was even a sewing table!

The front garden of my house and that meant removing a shit ton of plants because my mother decided it was a great idea to plant them all together. She literally put two palm trees inside the vineyard. Those have been hard to tear down, but when me and my brother finally did it, the satisfaction was immense

We still have to move some stuff and properly clean the storeroom, but we have to wait for my uncle first: once he takes some furniture away, we will be free to keep going.

Keeping healthy

Since I went to the gastroenterologist and he told me to change my diet, I lost 7kg immediately and I feel WAY better. But it's still not enough: I plan to lose 7 more kilos, just to be in perfect health and to keep being healthy, even if I gain a couple kilos back in the future.

In order to do that, I kept (and try to keep) a schedule made of:

walking at least 6000 steps every day

spending at least one hour doing exercises and yoga 5 days a week

following the healthier diet suggested by the doctor, which is made of fresh fish and meat, fresh vegetables, almost no bread, gluten-free pasta, rice, couscous, no milk and no processed products. It was hard the first few days, now I feel bad when I don't follow this plan. I don't miss junk food and I still allow myself a treat once in a while. Also, since I am lazy, I cook once a day and double the amount, so I can eat for dinner and have a meal ready for the next day's lunch. This way, I'm always covered and I don't feel like resorting to junk/fast food (I also got rid of everything unhealthy, so it would be impossible anyway).

trying to get a better sleeping schedule: my alarm clock is set at 7:50 every day except for the weekends and I allow myself to get a 1-hour-long nap in the early afternoon. I also try to go to sleep around midnight, but still end up sleeping at 1am, so there's still room for improvement.

Writing

Studying was hard, but writing has always been great. And when I can have a schedule, it's even better :D

I started with two hours, every day. Right after dinner, when my mind was still fresh - and the weather gets cooler too. Then, around 10pm, I move on the couch and watch a few YouTube videos, before going to bed.

Some days, I didn't want to write a single line and had to force myself to write at least for one hour. But there were also days in which I wrote one or two hours more than planned. And now, I can write a few hours in the morning too and that means double productivity! :D Also, after sitting for so long in front of a screen, the exercise session in the late afternoon is even more enjoyable.

Small trips

I couldn't allow myself to take a longer breaks this summer. And that means I won't be able to visit Greece, so I took small trips to my uncle's farm and 1-day long trips to a few places.

In July, I visited Gaeta and Sperlonga (Italy). Those are two beautiful towns between Rome and Naples, with wonderful clean sea and beautiful sights. Sperlonga was especially cute, because the oldest part of the city is on a hill, so there are a ton of narrow streets, white-painted walls, corners decorated with seashells and painted tiles, tiny stairs and little plazas. It was nice.

In August, I visited Rovinj (Croatia): that's another little town, with a wonderful green sea. While we were there, we took a boat trip and visited the nearby fjord and wow, it was just like a postcard from a Norwegian fjord. And the trip was very enjoyable too: the boat owner offered us drinks and gave us interesting insights about what we were seeing.

I have two more trips planned for the next week: a water park tomorrow and a small cruise trip next week. Then, nothing else for now. Maybe will do something for Christmas and even New Year, but we'll see what offers we can find.

What about you?

What did you do these months? How did you spend your summer? How are you spending these last few days of August? And do you like to sleep as much as my cats like it?

[dausy]

I did it. I clocked out for the last time. My husband brought us food. Boss brought donuts and a coworker made sure I was well equipped for the Tennessee game today.

Very bittersweet. I've gotten really sad and guilty about it and then there was one tiny thing that happened that was a gentle reminder of "oh yeah, this is why I was excited to go". So maybe one day in the future, I can rant out my frustrations but theres nowhere private online.

I do not particularly mind moving. I do after a while get an urge to pick up and move especially if a place is getting too familiar. I kind of look forward to that awkward sensation of moving to a new place. New states/towns/cities smell weird and feel weird and its interesting how your brain takes in everything new and then 2 years down the road you realize how your brain took everything in wrong and backwards. What I really really want from this move though is just activity. I am hoping to do like 2 days of indoor rock climbing/bouldering and a day of yoga each week. I have high hopes that these things are going to be easily accessible. Thats what I'm really missing out on currently. 2020 certainly didn't help things. I hate feeling like I cant get the exercise that I want. I feel sedentary and icky. Of course the other thing is too that towns seem to grow as soon as I move away from them. I go back to my moms house every once in a while and get so jealous at all her amenities I didn't have when I lived there. So anywho..

the one thing that I will miss about my job is I'll probably never find another nursing job with such freedom and flexibility of hours. I never had a shift. I legit came in when I knew it was going to be busy and beneficial for me to be there and then I left when things got boring. So some days I could work 5a-11a. The other day I was there from 10am-10pm. But not having a clock to look at where I was like "oh, only 5 more hours of my shift" does amazing things for your mental health. If I had an appointment I needed to go to, its kinda a douchey thing to duck out on your coworkers when its busy, but I could if I wanted to. Never gonna get that ever again.

also just being new. I hate being in orientation. I legit just want to get hired and know everything already.

but I dunno we will see how it goes. I have a week left with furniture. I'll probably procrastinate but the plan is to start digging through our stuff and tossing garbage and donating other garbage. I need to get rid of a lot of clothes. Empty my junk drawers. Put some of my collectibles back in boxes. Then we go to moms for thanksgiving and then onwards to Texas.

[vbee-miya]

Hii!! Could I please get a matchup for stranger things and harry potter? I'm a straight female, she/her and I'm 20! I'm a taurus, my mbti is infp and my enneagram is 4w3, sp/so. I'm also a ravenclaw!

Physical description - I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a fair skin tone, I'm slim and I've got full lips and slight dark circles under my eyes. I wear glasses and I have these dimples that I really like! I love wearing makeup, and I almost always have a red lip on. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down!

Hobbies/likes - I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, pulling harmless pranks, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything! I love reading, my favorite genres are poetry, Russian lit, and mysteries! I love learning about new things and knowing a little bit of everything, I'm very interested in psychology, history, mythology and folklore, and fashion! I adore all forms of art and storytelling, and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I especially enjoy interior decor. I also really like working out and organizing stuff!

Personality description - It takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people but once I do, I become really talkative and outgoing. I love helping out and I'm the therapist friend, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'm smart and ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I'm deathly afraid of failure and disappointing the people I love. I'm quite the hopeless romantic and I love being in love! I adore big and small romantic gestures. I also daydream a lot and I can get lost in my own world for hours. I can be quite dramatic and stubborn, and I tend to be withdrawn and distant at times. I get frustrated easily and I'm quietly competitive. My love languages are acts of service (giving) and quality time (receiving)

Thank you very much! I hope you have a lovely day ❤️

༺❀༻ matchup ༺❀༻

anon (1) thanks! you also have a great day

steve harrington

bro this is a match made in heaven i swear. i genuinely think you and mr.harrington himself would make a great pair. and here’s

why you adore adventures?

he unwillingly goes on adventures

you like having in-depth conversations about anything?

he finds himself having no choice but to engage in in-depth conversations and researches

your appearance to him or to anyone for that matter is awestrucking. and that’s fact. he’d be all over the red lips and would make playful comments enough to make you think what he really means.

though he’s not much of a reader, he’d indulged in a few books here and there if it meant it was going to save someone. and eventually it’ll become a habit and next thing you know he’s probably asking for a book recommendation, though it’s probably for the use of certain “puzzles” that the crew came up with somehow.

after hawkins’ chaotic environmental hassles have all finally been rid of, you and harrington would buy a house to both of your guys liking and surely enough he’d let you do all the interior designing. he’ll just clean around and make sure your canvas of a floor plan was rid of all unnecessary junk and dust.

when first meeting him he’d be pretty cocky or awkward depending on when you want to meet him, but eventually after talking to him he’d understand and give you space and time, and he won’t be pushy with anything. he’d ask you if you wanted to hangout and i mean hanging out with mr.harrington doesn’t take much. just a simple walk in the neighborhood then to your local food stop nothing too fanciful. in fact that’s kinda all he needs. is that quality time with someone who he could talk to and really be himself around without any tensions and burdens.

though once both of you start feeling comfortable around each other he’d slowly start appreciating you more and more. the more talkative you became around a sense of ease would come to him, like now you two were both chill with each other.

he’s pretty much kinda a perfectionist in a way and wants things to go out as planned in the most smoothest way possible. but it’s hawkins and he’ll never get that. so when he realizes or rather finds out how much fear you hold towards failure he’ll make sure to be there to encourage you to stand up on your ground and try it again. and he’ll be there one step at a time with you. making sure his plan goes smoothly and that you don’t fail. and he’ll tell you that failure of anything is never your fault and it’s something you can always find ways to better yourself. just be patient. and if you really think about it he’s got plenty of them.

stevey boy is one big romantic. and whenever a date night was planned out you bet he’d go above and beyond. just for you and will always do so. you and him would have the best conversations of all time. like you both didn’t mean for it to get all philosophical but shortly it would and it would bring both of you comfort in some way.

[wellnesscard]

I finally got a day off and this was so badly needed. my house was an entirely disarrayed situation. so far I've done all the dishes, cleaned the counters and stove. took all the weird old food and jars out of the freezer and fridge thrown away just so much random shit that was in there, then cleaned both fridge and freezer interior for maybe the first time since moving in. bedding is stripped and washed laundry's done and folded, I'll match the socks into pears next, I attended to my plants, trimmed their dead branches. I got rid of these old dead plant jars of dirt that had been on top of my cupboards for 2 years. opened all the windows and lit incense to air out this stink nest, All garbage is taken out but the large can is refilling with plant debris and random objects so I'll take that out later after I deep clean the bathroom and sweep and mop all floors and beat the rugs. then there's only a few things left on the agenda. decluttering, emptying out suitcases which have been full for months. I want to go through my purses and bags and backpacks and clean those out too because they've got so much random junk in them. putting lots of coats back into the closet that are overloaded on the hooks by our door. I'm going to wash buckets dog bed next. maybe put some cuttings that have been growing in water for at least a year into dirt finally. might even go through my closet and drawers and get rid of clothes which I really need to. that's just such a hard task because every time I do that a few months later I go looking for the clothes that I got rid of wanting them again. it's hard to make decisions, but I want to revamp my wardrobe a little bit because a lot of these things are nearing 10 years old which is great because I love a lot of my clothes and wear them a lot but a lot of them are getting quite worn down and it may be time to say goodbye....The real problem here is that I only have a very small closet and three drawers so it's really limited space for A girl who enjoys an expansive wardrobe with lots of options, not to mention work clothes im stuck with for my two different jobs and outdoors gear. what if I buy one of those non-permanent sheds to put in my rentals backyard to use as a walk-in closet? haha

[casspurrjoybell-24]

The Alpha's Boy - Chapter 7 - Part 1

Book Two In : The Alpha's Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Alistair 'Star' Claymore-Phoenix

It was early in the morning that we left, two days after me crying in the kitchen.

Silas had dropped the twins off with Jeremy for the time being.

Jeremy was more than willing to watch the boys, he had lost time watching Darren grow up, so he was going to take any chance he could to spend with me or them.

Jeremy had sent Darren to his Grandparent's farm when he was a kid, not long after his mother had died, in fear that Darren would be targeted by whoever had killed her.

That and his grieving process had taken a lot from him.

Jeremy and Julie had spent years trying to start a family and only after they had their first child was she taken away.

Everything around here happened for a reason.

Darren told me stories about being at his Grandparents, he didn't spend much time at their house.

He didn't like the farm, he told me how he spent most of his time next door, trying to control his own grief and demons.

Things with Jeremy and Darren had been rocky for years, Darren resented him and he had every right to do so, he felt abandoned.

But when I was adopted and the twins were born and things slowly started getting better between the two.

It wasn't perfect but they were trying.

I wish his mother was still alive.

I could only imagine what a change it would have made in his and Silas' life.

They would both have grown up together, they'd be friends, they'd do stupid shit together.

Once they hit their age of maturity Darren would realize they were mates, he would care that Silas didn't realize and try and figure out why.

They'd know about Lucca sooner.

How so much of this would be different.

Would I be here?

Would Charles have had a reason to come to the pack land if Lucca didn't do his job?

Sure, he came here to get the jewels off of Simon but things would be different, maybe Simon would have told Silas about the jewels sooner and he'd be ready for it.

He'd had gotten rid of them.

Those stupid jewels, they weren't anything special or not as much as Charles made them out to be.

They didn't do anything for shifters per-say.

They were more useful for werewolves because with the jewel you could shift into anything you saw fit.

Anything of normal size, you couldn't become a mouse or something small like that.

The smallest you could shift would be a large breed dog but the last thing Charles wanted was a wolf to have that power.

He hated Werewolves, he spoke dirt about them all the time.

I cringed thinking about it, shaking my head as I watched trees pass by the window.

The jewels also helped to heal, made things faster, easier.

Still painful but did numb you more than a regular healer's crystals would.

I took a deep breath, looking forwards as my dads sat in the front of the SUV, both of them talking about something I didn't bother listening to with my headphones stuck in my ear.

It made me nervous having them both leave the land, the Alpha and the Beta leaving the territory never ended well but they both reassured me that it was fine, that they had people watching out.

Like Ellis, Ivan's older brother, he was in charge while they were away.

I tried to let that ease me as we drove the twelve hours north into Canada.

We were headed to Jasper.

Silas said he didn't want to stop very much so the three of us were taking turns driving but so far Darren hadn't given up the wheel even though we'd been in the car for nearly six hours.

"I'm getting hungry," Silas said as the music paused with a track change.

I took a headphone out, I was starting to get hungry too, we had snacks around us and Darren reached back grabbing a small bag of chips and tossed it towards Silas, who just rolled his eyes.

"I want real food," Silas turned and looked back at me.

"Are you sick of junk food? Do you want a real meal?"

I nodded my head and looked at Darren's eyes in the rear-view mirror.

Darren huffed and shook his head.

"Fine, next pitstop but that's not an invitation to let you drive."

Silas shook his head this time, before pointing towards a sign that had a McDonald's poster.

'That's not real food,' I signed to Silas.

He let out a small laugh.

"No, I guess you're right, maybe the next diner, what do you think Dare?"

Darren shrugged.

"I'm good with some chips, honestly."

"You plan on driving the whole way to Canada and only eating some chips?"

'Body needs fuel,' I typed into my cell-phone, letting the text to speech echo in the car.

"I hate when you two gang up on me," Darren said with another huff, turning the wheel of the car to the next exit into a small town that sat on the edge of the highway.

"One quick meal, then back on the road. I want to be there before nightfall tomorrow."

"Remind me never to plan a road trip with him again eh?" Silas said with a smirk looking at me.

I smiled back, slinking back into my seat, putting my earbud back in and listening to the end to 'Chasing Cars'.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Cleaning - my skin is happy

So I have a 4 day weekend, which is great because work can be exhausting. However I know my skin was going to get irritated because my house is cluttered.

I know allergens and irritants do trigger my skin. I know eczema is an inflammatory condition. So are painful menstrual cramps, which I used to struggle a lot with. Now since I started taking vitamin D and fish oil for inflammation, my cramps are much more tolerable, to the point where I feel fatigued and sleepy and some pain (I don't feel like the women running around in white pants in the commercials) but it's much better than how I felt in the past, where I would stay home from work/classes laying in bed crying. I know that if I reduced my inflammation, there is something that causes eczema and not period cramps that I haven't addressed it. And of course, allergens and irritants are definitely a trigger.

My diet has been good and I'm eating anti-inflammatory foods and I'm drinking a lot of matcha tea. I'm taking vitamin D and omega-3 fatty acids for anti-inflammatory nutrients, and spirulina (I've gotten used to the taste). I'm not eating a lot of sugar and junk. I know diet is a huge component when it comes to inflammation, but it's not 100%. Though it's definitely a huge important factor which is more important than others. In fact I might even cancel my appointment and speak to my aunt about this.

But there is most certainly an allergen component, because my skin clears up at work where there is good ventilation. My face was so red yesterday and I took an allegra pill and applied some benadryl gel to my hands, face, and neck. My mom, who also deals with bad allergies and had severe eczema when she was my age, told me that would help. This morning I woke up and spent the entire day cleaning my room. Removing a ton of clutter and stuff I do not need. Sometimes it goes way beyond just vacuuming, dusting, and running an air filter. It needs hours of decluttering. I'm so satisfied and relieved. I got rid of so much stuff I do not need. My skin feels better already. I feel like I can breathe in my room.

On top of my anti-inflammatory diet and supplementation, my next step is to declutter my house and just organize and being up to date with cleaning. This will help so much. My skin is less angry at me. So diet and decluttering are 2 main goals I want to develop for now.

Other sources of irritation are gut inflammation and toxin exposure, which is why I take the spirulina. Taking that doesn't require as much effort as cooking and buying anti-inflammatory foods and deep cleaning my house. But it is worth scheduling an appointment with my doctor to discuss all this. And how I can guarantee a healthy gut and toxin removal. Again it's as simple as finding a supplement and taking it regularly. It's not something that requires active maintenance like an anti-inflammatory diet and decluttering. Nor do I think they are as important. But it's worth asking about both.

The next step would be to do autism testing. It's quite hard to book an appointment, unfortunately. Not many offices near me offer it. But I know it will work out.

Final steps would be to consistently workout and go to a dentist with my mom.

So overall the main goals would be to stick to my anti-inflammatory diet and to declutter and clean my house regularily. Then we'll see where the next step takes me. I don't want spend a lot of time, energy, and money on seeing doctors and my mom and sister have been more helpful in many ways than doctors have been. Such as recommending an anti-inflammatory diet and how to effectively clean and manage allergies. My dad told me about intermittent fasting and may aunt about spirulina. Sometimes our loved ones know best.

It can also help to switch to less irritating cleaning and skin/hair products like soaps, cleansers, shampoos, body washes, deodorants, laundry detergents, and dish soaps. Even maybe a shower water filter attachment. This is another goal to look into and I'm not really good and finding alternatives. I'll see.

[horce-divorce]

it's very very weird having both sides of my family be affluent. my family is full of people who have never been homeless, some of them even have multiple homes, and yet homeless is all I have ever been in my adult life.

and they just sit around and watch me struggle and then ask why I don't come to Xmas dinner bc they miss me sooOOooOOoOo much. lmfao.

liberals are literally useless. a jackass in a MAGA hat telling me outright that he thinks I should die is honestly doing me more of a service than all of my family members who have sat around and WATCHED me struggle without saying a damn thing, all while singing a song and dance about caring for poor people, disabled people, trans and gay people, about how it SHOULDN'T be like this! Wow! It's just so terrible! :/ SOMEBODY should do something!!! :/ Anywayyyyyyz girls' golf weekend in Florida lol 🤪

at least the MAGATS are honest. it has done something to my brain to grow up in a family that CLAIMS to care about each other, but actually espouses completely conservative ideals when it comes to actually, you know, being human people. A family that raised me not to look away from panhandlers, who shake their heads and say 'everyone should have a home smh... really sucks that you're living in the woods rn... we gotta keep pushing em left.... good thing you like camping, at least! oh, you have to abandon your whole life and the only person who offered to help is in CO? I'm so jealous you get to see the mountains!!!! What? MY house has an extra room? No, thats your dad's office, he's using it. I cant just have people in My Sacred Space, you know.'

gee, what's that like, mom? what's it like having a sacred space. what's it like having a space that belongs to you at all. because I've never had that. growing up, my things were actually her things. she could throw them out if she wanted. she could redecorate if she wanted. she made it abundantly clear that "my stuff" was actually stuff she loaned to me, and her approval was the condition of having any of it. One time I got a .25c sticker from a capsule machine that said "who cut the cheese?!" and she made me get rid of it bc she didn't like fart jokes. One time, she left for a weekend and threatened to divorce my dad bc he bought me a lunchable, and she didnt approve of that sort of junk food.

One time when I was about 10, I told her I hated her for the first time, and she wrote in her journal that if she had known all the love and care she poured into me as a baby would have been for nothing, she'd never have become a parent.

She GAVE me that journal, btw, lmao. I have it now. That's one of the less unhinged things she said in it. The primary purpose of the journal being to prove to me, once and for all, how loved and wanted I've always been.

Until I hit puberty, and until I developed mental health problems, and until I found out I was trans, and until I dropped out of school. And until I was finally 18 and legally no longer her problem.

Then the narrative changed from "we'll always love you and support you unconditionally!" To, 'I know [being homeless] must be hard, but I wouldn't want to rob you of your accomplishments.' (Also something she actually wrote in the journal when I dropped out of college and became homeless due to chronic illness.)

Idk like I grew up with all these big promises about supporting each other, and now my rich aunties with the nice RVs and golf carts for putting around town and the vacation homes and multiple cars and extravagant lifestyles act like they're fucking embarrassed to be around me lmao.

So you admit it? You admit being rich and liberal and having homeless family members makes you look bad? Hmmm???? I wonder why that is????????

[bishiglomper]

Cannot sleeeeeep. Have to w h i i i i n e

Woke up to stabbies. Been getting these electrical stabs the last couple weeks. Figure its fibro. I dont see why it would be my new pill. But my body picks a spot and then it feels like im being STUNG. REPEATEDLY. Tonight its the opposite spot of my scar's location.

And i hear beeping. I think its bro's alarm. He does not wake up easily. If i tell him to turn it off, he will and go back to sleep.

And the nephew keeps turning on the hallway light.

And I'm obsessing over a niece issue.

Bong water has not been using a litterbox. They're upstairs, i think she just isn't going upstairs anymore.

Conversation with niece went like:

"I picked up 2 piles of poop from bong water last night."

"You can take her back to my apartment whenever you want"

"Are you going to be there?"

"Nope."

"If i bring a litterbox down, will you help me clean it?"

"I dont do the litterbox at MY house."

Bitch. You do not deserve a fucking cat. Or any pet. She killed her rats from neglect.

If i wasnt so against returning poor helpless furbabies to the shelter for insignificant reasons...........

But also we already have FOUR CATS. We were supposed to stop at Cinderbelle. But then Pantera, Pooka and Reno happened....

We cannot own another cat. It's already been a month. If the landlord notices... 😣 We've babysat other animals before but like i said its been a month. Niece doesnt seem to have plans for leaving either. I guess shes fine paying rent for an empty house and just sleeping on our couch forever. If we kick her out, she'll just couch surf. At least her boyfriend is in jail.....ffs

I barely have the executive function to clean MY cats litterboxes, and they're right outside my door. For just this purpose. I'm not gonna be able to do a downstairs one. I cannot tote the container of litter between flights. Just. No.

I dont think i can tell her friend (original owner of bw) to take her because she lives with a toxic af mother and i dont think the situation is safe.

SO, WHAT DO D:

Also the house is so bad. Made worse by now cat shit all over the place. But everyone is really struggling physically, and between the house and our own bodies, our mental health is fucked up too.

Moms stomach is fucked. She does not want to eat. She does. She resorts to junk food when she gets hungry but i cant complain because she wont let us feed her otherwise.

And sissy fucked up her back. I dont know what all shes doing for it but shes done muscle relaxants, back brace and tens unit occassionally. She refuses a heating pad for some reason.

Lately my symptoms are fibro shit, stomach pain, asthma, a strained/tired back, and tachycardia. The tachicardia is the worst because it kicks up when I get up. And eat. It settles down when i rest. Also the asthma. Just going up/down the stairs makes me do this dry throat clearing kind of cough for the next 10 minutes after the tiniest pinch of exertion. And I've woken up gasping a few nights.

Those two need to see some fuckin doctors. Mine can't do anything for me, but at least I jump through those fuckin hoops. I see everyone. All the specialists. I'm trying my best here. I have some major flaws that im sure frustrate the family, but this irritates me that they won't see people.

Mom especially. The only appointments she has are for literal surgical consults and she flaked on ONE situation already. Next one is for somethig else. No idea if she'll ever do anything about her previous issue she needs fixed 🙄😤

And also my sister is going blind and has high blood pressure but won't take her medicine. Her reasoning is because then she'll have to order more and go through setting it up and shit. Executive function issues i guess. Mom has been setting it up and giving it to her but i never remember and sometimes she forgets too.

Like do you know how many pills i take to have some semblance of function and not die? This is also frustrating to see.

I don't know what to do about any of this.

If we got rid of the cat, the niece would disown us. Which honestly, if she werent already riding a fine line of unsafe i wouldn't mind so much, she'd get over it eventually. Once she had the maturity to. 🙄 Because it's not like it would be out of spite. But sissy is on eggshells making sure we dont push her away. Probably into the arms of another halfway house resident. 😒

Uuuhhgggg