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#I’m just emotionally dead now
paterday · 1 year
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I am just straight up not having a good week!!
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the thing about grief is everyone’s like “it’ll never get smaller but you’ll grow around it” and yeah that’s true. i definitely have grown around my grief and it’s not constantly all-consuming anymore. but it hasn’t gotten smaller, and i don’t think people realise what that means. i think people figure it’ll feel smaller because they did grow around it, but it just means that it’s on the back of your mind now instead of at the forefront. you can do things and live your life without constantly only thinking of your grief. but sometimes it will also make itself known, and the sheer enormity of your grief will overwhelm you because ultimately it’s the same size as the day it arrived
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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 9 months
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me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:
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leewire · 1 year
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currently crying over baby monkey. he’s just a little guy. too much trauma for such a little man
(fool’s gold episode 31)
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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months
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felt
#anyway im gonna vent real quick#it’s absolutely crazy to me how much my relapse into self harming/cutting has made my anxiety worse#bc until i was 18 whenever my mom’d find out i’d cut i’d just be punished emotionally and physically to the point i am now looking over my#shoulder constantly paranoid that i’ll be hurt somehow bc i’ve relapsed#despite now being an adult and my parents being dead#it’s crazy how i constantly feel like i’m being watched 24/7 even when i#im entirely home alone bc my privacy was invaded so severely and my every move picked apart constantly my whole childhood#i can never behave like my true genuine self bc im terrified someone will find out and ridicule me for it#it got so bad i started to have panic attacks & literal hallucinations over it when i was younger#and it’s so sad to me bc i was struggling SO horrifically w trauma and abuse as a child and i felt like self harm was the only way to cope#and yet i was never met with any understanding or help i was just told i was attention seeking/hurting everyone around me/making ppl’s lives#hell and though there’s no way anyone would find out unless i told them now and there’s no one to control me over it#i still feel like the biggest burden on earth for coping any way i can to keep myself alive#every time i’ve done something to keep myself on this earth i have been told i’m being so selfish#yet if i chose the alternative and actually killed myself it would be all ‘oh gone too soon we loved them blah blah blah’#you treated me like i was dirt that i was was desperately clawing along in an attempt to survive#it’s as if these people would rather me have died#i do not know how to heal the decades of damage this has led to. i don’t know how to move forward#all i’ve ever been good at is being a nuisance to others that they’d rather drop like hot garbage#anyway. i cut so bad last night my entire fucking upper arm burns#i haven’t done it that bad in years. i can usually stop myself after just a couple but not this time#i just feel so guilty and heavy and gross and disappointing. even tho the only ppl who know are those who i confide in#whatever#sh tw#dlt ltr
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gwdihw · 1 year
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I was putting off the finale of Foundation til the ✨ right moment ✨
and tell me why that show put me through the seven stages of grief in ONE FUCKING EPISODE
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banglatown · 1 year
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#in reality - on the relationship front anyway#i’m not ready for a relationship and i don’t think i ever have been#i’m incredibly emotional and immature and so i attract emotionally unavailable ppl … bc i myself am also emotionally unavailable … dude tht#was a tough pill to swallow i’ll tell you tht for free ..#but once i did realise .. a lot of my tendencies started to make sense and i started to be able to identify shit abt myself better and know#what i need and want#like trauma is horrible but like it doesn’t make any of us bad ppl … but we all need to stop ppl who trigger our abandonment or attachment#issues .. DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS#now you can be wondering ‘beebs .. how dyek they’re doing tht xyz’#okay .. do they make you feel anxious? like not just 🦋 but like … ANXIOUS#like do you find yourself become unhinged so if they reply to you#… tht’s it … tht’s literally it#and how you stop them is … literally just remove them off of everything .. bloque bloque bloque#as far as they’re concerned you’re a fucking phantom (one of the few times i’ll excuse ghosting)#DO NOT EVER ACCEPT THT SHIT FROM NO ONE#bc none of our days r over and yk what … i do believe our persons are out there … i do 🪽🪽🪽#but we need to be patient for them#n i do think the universe is on our sides yk#like i think it makes these ppl tht IT KNOWSSS are bad for us hurt us to push them away from us … bc we don’t need them bad vibrations#i leave you w this oscar wilde quote i love:#‘never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary’#you’ve got this i’ve got this we’ve all got this 🧿 love n light#beebs.txt
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seventh-district · 1 year
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CW: mention of gun violence (in a nightmare. not IRL)
i know for a fact that my period makes me more apt to cry over things because i can have a vivid nightmare about getting randomly gunned down while waiting in line to pick up a pizza then wake up and not shed a tear but when i’m on my period i can have one (1) bad dream about my father yelling at me and i wake up and promptly begin full-on sobbing into my pillow
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robertsbarbie · 2 years
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i do a really bad thing where i have a conversation in my head but then retaliate out loud like when i’m overwhelmed i’ll be like ‘gosh everyone is being so annoying and so loud’ and then the second someone talks to me directly i’ll be like ‘STOP DONT TALK TO ME’ instead of being normal in the first place and asking people to not talk to me in a polite manner
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flippedorbit · 6 months
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at this point i would rather be dead because of that dog than injured
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soft-persephone · 10 months
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I’m writing a college essay into angling Eve and then I have a whole research paper after this and then I just remembered all these whack ass quiz games homework assignment things I haven’t done yet😓
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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So yeah going to bed yesterday at almost five am once again means that I am sleepy tired. Fighting the sleepy to daydream about the blorbos from my brain
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hallowxiu · 9 months
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How the Brothers Would Deal with MC's Mortality
Mammon:
You casually brought it up as a joke
Probably something like “i’m here for a good time, not a long time” or “why should i care what happens in 100 years? It’s not like i’ll be around to care”
Would probably confuse Mammon at first as to why you wouldn’t be around, but he would put the pieces together in the middle of the night when trying to sleep.
A whole, eyes snapping wide opening and flinging out of his bed kind of moment.
Mammon would worry himself sick
Yes, he knows humans can die, hell, he used to mock you for being so frail when you first came to the Devildom, but now? 
Well, now things are different. How he feels about you is different
He's spending all his money on ways to keep you kicking longer. 
Anything he can think of that’ll help, he’s buying it. Vegetables, fruits, protein powder, comfortable clothes, a nice pillow, vitamins, shampoos- anything. He has no idea where to start, so he just starts grabbing everything. 
I mean, something will have to help, right? 
If you notice he looks panicked, don’t point it out, it’ll only make it worse. Unless you want to be smothered to death from his affection and worry, then by all means. ;)
Leviathan:
Look, he can barely handle his favorite anime characters dying, so you? Yeah, no, that’s way too much. 
Nothing actually popped up to remind Leviathan of your mortality, it was because of Satan throwing his books all around the house that did it. 
Suddenly, it was all he could think about. How did he not think of this before? 
Leviathan is no Satan though, and he’s certainly not Lucifer. Researching medical documents and trying to think of things to keep you alive longer are a little over his head. That being said, there were some things he could do.
Leviathan dove into his own research that would be within his realm of understanding, studying that humans who have more positive mindsets and who are less exposed to depressing forms of media, may live longer than the average person. This- this was something he could work with. 
Suddenly, you were constantly being invited to his room, Leviathan having a variety of slice-of-life anime for you to watch with him, all of which had happy endings to boot. If an anime was even remotely depressing, he made sure to keep that out of reach. 
Video games? He’s keeping it safe; he’s not risking anything here. If it’s not similar to Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, Dreamlight Valley, or The Sims (which must be on a good day), you’re just not playing it. Kingdom Hearts if you’re lucky. 
Satan:
Would do an insane amount of research 
Likely overheard the topic on a news segment about the tragically short lifespans of humans before it all clicked together.
Satan, unlike the other brothers, has never experienced death before, so while it sounds silly, he never had reason to think of you dying.
Looks up humans who had long lifespans to see how he can implement those things into your lifestyle.
Books will be littered everywhere (although that’s not really unusual, but what is would be the topic of said books- The Long Lives of Humans, Human Lifestyle for Dummies 101, The Road to Human Immortality, etc. etc.)
This is when Satan learns just how easy it is for a human to kick the bucket.
Heart attacks, brain aneurysms, strokes, seizures, cancer, the list goes on and on and it’s starting to scare him. He didn’t know humans could just drop dead. 
He’s going to start researching curses to increase your lifespan, or at the very least he’s going to make sure you’re careful as hell. 
You won’t even get as much as a cut without him being aware of it; he’s going to hover around and mother hen the absolute shit out of you. 
Try not to get too annoyed with him though, it all stems from good intentions. 
Asmodeus:
He’ll be damned if his shopping partner for life is going to die on him.
Asmo isn’t stupid; if anything he’s pretty emotionally aware. He's known for a long time just how short the lifespan of humans is.
But still, it came in the form of a nightmare. One where he couldn’t save you, despite giving his best efforts. The way you died was tragic, long before your life should have ended. 
This sent Asmo somewhat into a frenzied state trying to find things to keep you alive once he woke up. 
Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins
Humans benefit from vitamins, right? Surely you’d benefit from Devildom vitamins then. If it’ll increase the lifespan of a demon, he sees no reason why it wouldn’t increase your lifespan. 
Of course, it really only gives you nicer nails and shinier hair. 
He’s 10x more intense with your morning and night routines. 
He will be unloading all his facial creams on you, and telling you the benefits of each one and how it might add a few years to your lifespan. 
You want to stay up late at night to finish homework? Maybe watch a movie? Yeah, no, not on Asmo’s watch. 
Your ass is going to bed every night at 10pm, right along with him. You do realize you’ll be getting exactly 8 hours of sleep each night, too, right? 
Beelzebub:
Regarding his trauma with Lilith, it came as no surprise when he started to fret over your well-being. 
Poor Beel saw an article that discussed how tragically easy it is for a human to die. The cherry on top? How they could die from simply overeating. 
Overeating isn’t a concept Beel is overly familiar with (because to him, it’s never overeating), and while he knew most people couldn’t keep up with his eating habits, he didn’t think it could actually cause harm to a human, let alone kill them. 
Grocery trips are now a more anxiety-inducing event. 
He’s suddenly paranoid that any of the Devildom food could and will kill you. Are you allergic to anything? How would you even know? 
What if one day he serves you his favorite boiled dragonhead and you just drop dead at the dinner table?? No, that will never do. 
There’s a list of Devildom foods that he knows for sure you can have without dying, but then comes the issue of portion control. How much is too much for a human? 
Beelzebub swore he would never lose another loved one again, and it’s a promise he intends to keep. From now on, you will only eat what he deems safe. 
You want to try a new food in the Devildom that you’ve never had before? You better get some seriously good convincing skills if you want him to cave in. For someone who only ever thinks with his stomach, he’s surprisingly stubborn. 
Belphegor:
He’s still plagued with nightmares about Lilith, especially since he still thinks it’s his fault. Tack that on to the way he blamed you and the rest of the human race for it? The man is walking trauma. 
 Like Asmodeus, this was brought on by nightmares about you dying. Different from Asmo’s, however, you usually died by his hand. Naturally, considering your tumultuous history. 
Belphegor, unlike his brothers, takes a different approach. He just doesn’t approach you at all. 
What better way to keep your lifespan long than by staying away from you altogether? 
Is it something that he wants? Of course not! But how can he trust himself to never hurt you again? To never kill you again. 
He can’t. 
So, he locks himself away in his room, sleeping most of the day or just avoiding the areas you normally like to lounge. 
On a normal day, almost everyone in the household, including yourself, would notice this behavior change. However, since you’re now being cornered by all the brothers and their concerns about your lifespan, it’s easy for Belphegor’s absence to slip your mind. 
This hurts Belphegor, but at the end of the day, he believes this is for the best.
Lucifer: 
Lucifer didn’t need a reminder of your short lifespan; if anything, it’s something he’s thought plenty about. 
Lucifer has trauma, we all know that much. After Lilith, he’s absolutely terrified of losing another loved one to something outside of his control.
And your lifespan is not something that’s out of his control. At least not how he sees it, anyway. 
If you thought he was overbearing or overprotective before, brace yourself. He’s going to step it up several notches. 
No excess of junk food, no more pulling all-nighters, no more sitting around the house gaming all day, and definitely no more overexerting your use of magic. He’s no fool, he knows the toll your magic could eventually take on your body. 
Honestly? He wasn’t this bad until his brothers started to panic about your mortality, and though Lucifer told himself he was above such nonsense, he quickly found himself taking all the precautions they were taking (and then some). 
Fortunately, if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, they’ll be more than willing to listen to you (granted you take some of their concerns into account).
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countlessimagines · 2 months
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Downfall [ Five Hargreeves x Reader ]
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Summary: No matter the timeline, you and Five never get your chance.
A/N: well I think I can agree with everyone that season four was not good… so my way of coping is making angsty imagines for it… I’m trying to cope with the fact this is the last time we will ever see them ): This is also super short, apologies
Warnings: Season Four Spoilers
MASTERLIST LINK
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Five had seen multiple timelines with Lila throughout their time spent together. And in almost every single one they saw, you were dead by the hands of him or vice versa. Eventually it became normal to see you mourning Five or him taking revenge for you.
Lila could see how distressing it was for him to see every timeline play out the same for the both of you.
Fate never seemed to be on your side, and even in your timeline, Five never had the courage to tell you his feelings. Despite spending six years by his side, being his roommate, helping him with cases, being there emotionally for him… he never seemed to catch on to the fact that you held feelings for him, too.
On one of their multiple train rides, Lila tried to address what the two of you meant to each other, but Five didn’t want to acknowledge it.
Because he feared the moment he’d open up, fate would play it’s cruel trick again and guarantee he would never see you again.
So he buried it deep within himself so it would not haunt him.
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For you, it was mere hours you had last seen Five. You had helped Allison and Claire rescue Klaus from being buried alive, and had found your way to Lila and Diego’s home.
Everything seemed to be alright, and although you could sense something was wrong with Five, you didn’t have the energy to ask, simply from the long day you were all having.
However, you didn’t fail to notice the looks Lila and Five were sharing. It made not only you suspicious, but Diego as well. It was started to grow more and more tense as he pried information from them.
It almost felt as if your heart was being ripped out of your chest, being stomped on by the universe, as Five and Lila confessed of their infidelity.
You weren’t sure if you wanted to console Diego or slap Five.
You decided on the latter before storming out of the house. Diego tried to stop Five from chasing after you, but Five was quicker and blinked to your side.
“Let me explain.”
“Get away from me!” You screamed as you exited the house. Nobody followed the two of you, so you only assumed Lila was in the hot seat.
“(Y/n)! Stop acting like a child and listen.” Five grabbed your arm and whipped you around to face him. He was close now, his breath fanning your face.
“How could I listen to the fact you and Lila shared such an intimate relationship while I have been waiting years for you to do the same with me.” You made sure to throw your words in his face, making all of your emotions clear as day. Pretending to not hold feelings for him was beginning to weigh you down, so you needed to let go of those weights now.
“All we did was kiss,” Five said it like it was the most simple action in the world. “One kiss and we realized our mistake immediately. We got wrapped up in our own little bubble and forgot the important things. I just… I couldn’t handle seeing you die anymore…”
“What?” You pushed away from him. Had he seen a timeline with you dead?
“I… we don’t get a happy ending in any timelines. No matter what we do, we fail to be together.” Five sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I lost hope that even if we got back, it would lead to our demise.”
You didn’t know what to say to him as your heart began to beat uncontrollably.
He looked into your tear filled eyes and said, “I want to be with you, but I don’t want to kill you.”
“I don’t want to be with someone who, after forty years in the apocalypse, couldn’t even keep his heart on one person for seven years. It doesn’t matter if you realized your mistake, Five. I’ve been here the whole time waiting for you. I took care of you when you came home bloodied. I stayed up with you while you had panic attacks. I made sure that you had coffee brewed every morning.”
Five felt ashamed he had let everything you had done for him go to waste with his one mistake. “I don’t expect you to forgive me.”
“Maybe I’ll be the bigger person and actually forgive you, because I know deep inside I am that person. And I for sure know you aren’t because you kissed your brother’s wife, Five.” You scoffed and wiped away your tears. “Good luck with that.”
You began to walk towards your car without another word, and Five just watched as you left.
He was smart enough to know that if he chased you, it would lead to a grave.
And not too long after, he would sacrifice himself with his family, his last thoughts only consisted of you and how much he failed your relationship. Some selfish part of him hoped that he’d come back, to be able to see you again.
But the more rational side of him knew that he would never touch you again.
Because for once, you would be able to live in a peaceful timeline without him there to cause your downfall.
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evolnoomym · 2 months
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Washing Machine Heart 🩶
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Mom’s Best-friend!Joel Miller x f!reader
Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist
Summary: Your Mom is not nice to you, her only Daughter, always picking on you whenever she can. To get back at her you decide to seduce and fuck her Highschool Best-friend Joel Miller. Oh she also has a crush on him so that’s a bonus.
Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!
Word count: 3.5k
Warnings: no use of y/n, female reader, implied abuse, childhood trauma, alcohol, smut, reader has no name only nicknames, size difference, age gap, readers age is mentioned and Joel is more than double sooo, mommy issues, strained relationships, petty shit, cream pie, tittys, choking kind of, teasing, Joel is tiny bit Pervy, of course Daddy kink, unprotected p in v,
If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻
Authors note: I was mad so this is what I cooked up lol
Shoutout to @cafekitsune for the dividers 🫶🏻
Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. This is my first time writing smut sooooo be nice please. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. 🖤
Song’s I listened to while writing:
I Hate My Mom by GRLwood
Class of 2013 by Mitski
I hope ur miserable until ur dead by Nessa Barrett
Bubblegum Bitch by MARINA
Backstabber by Kesha
Jerk by Oliver Tree
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You know exactly when the relationship between you and your mother started deteriorating- The day she decided to choose your loser Stepdad, the one she only dated for 4 years, over her own 8 year old daughter. From then on you took a backseat in her life yet she still expected you to take care of her all needs. You hate her for what she did and you miss her like a little kid. You had to drag her home when she drank too much, you can’t even remember how often that happened. Always having to jump in between that asshole and her fighting cuz even though she practically emotionally abandoned you, you still wanted to protect her from harm's way. She forced you to grow up so quickly, it’s her fault you never got a real childhood.
For years you accepted that this is normal. The screaming, the violence and the degrading words became a part of growing up. You were a kid but not clueless, someone who loves you wouldn’t have done all of this. And yet all of them tried so hard to make you shut up and believe it’s what you deserved.
Luckily what happened did not entirely break you. No, you grew into someone who fought for herself since no one ever did that.
Of course you hoped she might realize her mistakes, apologize and change but nothings new with her. She’s great at pretending to be a better person to the outside world, than she is in reality, behind closed doors the mask unveils an ugly woman. A narcissistic self absorbed monster that took all your joy away.
It’s pathetic considering how much she always talks about getting abused by her own father but instead of breaking the cycle she doubled down on it. Going as far as using that as an excuse for what she did to her own child.
She only kinda stopped the abuse once you no longer were a small child. Now that you could fight back she did not corner you anymore.
But just because she couldn’t hit you anymore doesn’t mean the picking on you stopped, no, it was her mission to rid you of the last remaining confidence and self love.
In each screaming match she tried so hard to gaslight you into believing you were crazy for feeling offended by her disgusting behavior.
One time you asked why she hit you as a little kid and the answer left you completely blown away. She expressed that you cried so much, and did it to provoke her. What else could she have possibly done other than raise her hand?
Or another time she refused to acknowledge that she hit you at all but a second later told you that perhaps if she would’ve done worse you would’ve turned out better.
At some point you stopped calling her Mom and only went with her name. You knew that it must hurt but did she really deserve that title after everything she did?
Now at 21 years old the relationship is just as rocky, not much has changed.
Your mom has basically zero friends, she’s a bitch of course no one would want to be too close, well except for Joel…..Joel Miller that somehow was her friend.
Perhaps only since they have known each other since High School, he might have felt some kind of obligation towards her due to that. She told you once that Joel was the boy every girl had a crush on with his whole guitar playing thing they all swooned over him.
Even now all those years later Joel was a beautiful specimen, tall, broad shoulders, huge hands, strong arms you’d like to be enveloped by, tanned freckled skin, a cute butt, gorgeous brown curls with slightly gray streaks showing his age, big brown eyes, a prominent nose and soft pillow like lips.
You understand why your Mom had a crush on him, any woman would bend over for him if he’d say so. She thought it was not too noticeable but unlike Joel you caught it immediately.
She made you the reason for her life being so shitty but now after years of torment you saw a chance at really giving her a reason to hate you. Maybe something is wrong with you for liking the idea of breaking her heart so much but you honestly couldn’t care less. The one you felt sorry for most was probably Joel; he would be the pawn in your deranged game without knowing.
As it turns out though Joel is not as innocent as expected, the more you tried to get closer the more you realized he might be easier to seduce than originally anticipated.
You started with small things like hugging him a bit longer than normally so he could feel you perky full tits squished against his chest. Touching his arms and squeezing them but not too much as if to draw attention to it. And from his reactions, he did not seem to mind.
You were not worried about your mother, she never was the most alert to begin with.
When Joel came over for a barbecue you used the time alone with him in the garden while your mother was in the kitchen preparing god knows what to impress him.
Joel and you had some interesting conversations.
“Soooo you work in contracting, right?” You asked him sweetly. Joel chuckled “Yeah sweetheart, I do. But ya know tha’ already, so why ask?” You played it off as much as you could “Just making sure you didn't decide to switch career paths in the time I haven’t seen you…” you look up at him through your lashes, cheekily biting your lip. Joel of course fell into the trap, his eyes going down to your plush lips in mere seconds. Got ya you dirty old men.
You stepped closer until you two were only a couple inches apart. His chest almost touched yours. In this position you really had to Crane your neck up to keep eye contact consistent.
“What are ya doing Baby,huh?” Joel tilted his head slightly down towards your face. You just giggled at him “Nothin Joel, just…” with that you put your hands on his wide chest ruining them down over his enticing slightly protruding belly. “I know you stare at my ass alllllll the time. I also know you like it when I walk close by you and graze you with my tits. My little skimpy outfits turn you on as well don’t they,huh Joel?” You smirk at him.
You can see how he clenches his jaw…ohhh yes you got him figured out.
He hisses low and menacing at you “You are a little slut ain’t ya, baby. Groping a man over double your age. Teasin me with those sugar tits and that tight lil ass….”
You can see his pupils dilate till his eyes look close to being completely blacked out. You muse “Yeah I’m a whore but you like that don’t you?” With that you cup his hard cock over his shorts he decided to wear today.
He gasps and immediately grips your wrist to yank those devilish hands away from his throbbing length. Especially when he hears your mother’s voice calling out from inside the house.
He backs off and tries to catch his breath as well as calm his raging hard on down to an unnoticeable minimum. Before he leaves to figure out what she called for he turns to you and lifts an accusing finger towards you.
“We ain’t done baby, ya gonna make it up to me for teasin and leavin me all high and dry, mkay?” He tilts his head almost to intimidate you but to no avail you’re just a massive brat “Hmmm sure Joeliii but i think your underwear is anything but dry.” You giggle and continue “Probably full of pre cum am I right,huh?”
Joel can’t believe what he’s gotten himself into and just shakes his head while turning to the house.
Somehow he made it through the barbecue without your mother noticing any tension between Joel and you. Stupid of her but good for you.
In the weeks after that afternoon you and him kept secretly meeting up. Most of the time at his house or he’d pick you up with his truck to drive you somewhere where he could have you without any distractions, of course when your mom wasn’t home. She might be stupid but even to her it would be weird why you suddenly start taking trips with Joel and she should not be suspicious.
Also during the talks with Joel that happened when taking a break between fucking it was once again made clear that he for whatever reason had not an ounce of knowledge about your mom’s crush.
The plan for how the reveal should go was set in motion. Your mom was driving out to one of those weird grocery stores that sold the health powders she drowned herself in, in hopes of making her more pretty from the inside out but to no avail the rot can’t be reversed.
You knew how long that would take her, it gave you enough time to fuck Joel in her favorite spot on the couch. Yeah petty and perhaps childish but you don’t care make her remember how you defiled her lovely couch with the man she was in love with.
Joel showed up 10 minutes after she drove off. You barely got the door closed behind him before he pounced on you. It’s been a few weeks since you fucked him last, you wanted him to be desperate for it so he’ll might be more focused on pounding you then notice that your mother is returning.
He immediately slotted his lips over yours, his hands grabbing at your hips with urgency.
You spin with him attached to your lips so you can guide him where you want him, on the couch. His breathing is already elevated and by the significantly evident bulge he’s massively turned on. Good, the less rational thinking the better.
While you push him towards the couch his lips slip down your jaw and land on your throat kissing and sucking all over. Between those kisses he huffs “Babyyy - I’ve - missed - ya so - much…” you just hum as an answer and when the back of his knees hit the edge of the couch he’s forced to unlatch from you.
He falls back, his head hitting the soft pillows so he’s only slightly elevated. You wink at him “yeah I bet you have and most of all He has missed me huh? Looks almost painful, did you not touch yourself in meantime?”
He sounds a bit whiny in his response “No Baby haven’t touched myself, saved it all for ya greedy little pussy.” Even when you think to have the upper hand he reminds you how different it actually is. “Come on baby, why don’t ya take of that lil skirt an’ take seat on my lap.” While grabbing at his crotch.
Your mouth is watering but there’s no time today to get your mouth on him like you usually love to. At his dirty words you can feel some wetness gush from your pulsing cunt, coating the inside of your thighs. As requested you slip your flowy skirt down your legs.
Joel let's out a gasp „No panties baby? Ya naughty little slut.“ he chuckles and you retort „Don’t need them if I’m with you, so why make it harder than it needs to be?“ at that Joel can only nod.
„Come here Sweet Moon Love.“ he demands.
You get on your hands and knees between his spread legs that lay on the couch. Slowly crawling towards him teasing him with your tits that are almost spilling out of your skimpy tank top.
When you finally sit down on his jeans-covered cock he lets out a sound of relief. Your knees on either side of his hips and his hands immediately find home on your hips and ass, kneading and caressing the skin there.
„Fuck Moon ya turn me on so much take of that goddamn top and show me those sweet sugar tits.“
So you do, slipping it over your head and throwing it somewhere behind you. He’s not surprised by the lack of a bra. He knows you hate wearing them and if he’s honest he loves that a lot, easier access and all.
Joel’s hands go from your hips up to the tits he loves so much. Carefully touching them, his warm hands and the wonderful feeling making it unable not to moan. Swiping his calloused fingers over your nipples, twisting them with determination causing you to keen.
You start arching your back towards his groping hands. His administrations cause the pull in your lower stomach to Continuously get stronger. You are convinced his jeans are covered in your juices and without realizing you’ve started to rub your bare pussy over his bulge with vigor.
„Joel enough I need you inside me, now!“ You don’t even wait for a response, lifting your hips and loosening his belt and unbuttoning the buttons of his jeans. With his help you drag his pants down but only so much that you are able to pull his throbbing cock out of the confines that are his blue boxers and you can see a huge dark spot where pre cum leaked, making you look at Joel chuckling „You really want it huh? Daddy” with a sweet lilt that makes his dick Twitch in your hands.
He just groans “Baby Moon if ya don’t sit down on my cock right now I’ll do it myself and I won’t give ya time to adjust.” He threatens but it really only turns you on more.
You peer up at the clock and see that you only have about 15 minutes left.
You take your original position and when his warm length slips through your moist folds his pre cum mixing with your own juices to create an addicting squelching sound.
At this point the dark hair nestling at the base of his cock and his happy trail are completely soaked.
“Gosh, Sweetheart she’s gushing all over me, put it in. She wants my cock don’t keep her waitin” you love when he talks in this way about your cunt, makes you wetter if that’s even possible.
You lift up a bit again and take hold of his length with one hand, the other on his chest to stabilize yourself. Dragging his leaking head through your glossy folds before lining him up with your gushing opening. You take one deep inhale cuz you know it’ll be a stretch even with how often you've done this.
Before sinking down on him you look at him there’s guilt somewhere deep in your conscience but you shake your head, you ain’t backing out now.
You slowly start to sink down when Joel decides it’s not quick enough so he grips your hips and in one swift fast motion sheets his huge dick inside your tight cunt.
“Ahhh..-ah J-Joel what the fuck” you hiss slapping his chest hard for being so impatient.
He huffs “Sorry Baby but Daddy has waited long enough for Her, just shush.” He actually has the audacity to shush you.
You get used to the feeling of being so filled to the brim and slide back & forth for a moment.
Then you put your feet down flat on the couch and grip the headrest behind him before starting to fuck him in earnest. Up and down at first slowly but steadily you get quicker and harder. Joel can’t even speak unless you count his obnoxiously loud moaning and growling.
“Yeah how you like that old man, hmm Daddy you're all quiet this pussy shut you up good, huh?” You wonder and out of nowhere one of Joel’s big hands grips your throat making you slow your movements to a minimum. He pulls your face toward his and grunts “Baby Moon ya need to be put in your place, ya bratty ass is treading on some mighty thin ice.”
He gives you one hard peck and then shoves your face in his neck. You don’t complain, you love when he’s so rough with you and his musky masculine smell is your favorite.
Joel pulls his legs up and plants his feet on the couch just like you did and then he starts to relentlessly push up into you at an alarming speed so hard that if it weren’t for the arm pinning you to his chest you’d fall off.
“Jo-Joel….Joel it’s so good ah…don’t stop” you babble in his ear and opposite to his harsh pounding he soothes “Shhh Baby I know, I know it’s so much for ya and Her. But listen to how much she’s enjoying it.”
And he’s right besides the obscene “plap, plap, plap” of skin hitting skin you can hear the wet squelching from the place you're both connected. “I’m close baby, where?” He asks while slipping a hand between your bodies to touch your neglected clit and immediately your whiny moans get even louder “I-in…inside Daddy. Pleaseee cum inside me.”
You beg and he loves that “Hmm yeah, ya wanna be filled up Baby?” He questions “God yes Daddy fill me up, please pleasee” you want nothing more than to feel him spill inside of you.
Seems that when Joel told you he was kinda deaf in his right ear it wasn’t a lie or maybe the plan of making him so desperate to fuck you that he won’t hear the door unlocking worked out.
But you can hear the slight clicking and the closing of the door. Unlike what you expect she does not start screaming, no, she’s eerily quiet. Perhaps it’s due to not having realized who exactly you're screwing as if there’s no tomorrow or simple shock.
Joel under you seems to have reached his end and without any preamble he starts shooting his warm cum deep inside your tight hole. The warm sensation combined with his unrelenting rubbing your clit pushes you over the finish line too. With that you pull up from his neck and drag him up as well, crossing your arms around his neck and kissing him.
You know she is right there at the threshold, you don’t care and to rub it in even more you say “Thank you Daddy, I love you.” And as if he knows his role Joel answers “I love you too little Moon.”
And that might have been the final straw, she speaks up and it flips out into incoherent screaming. Joel is immediately startled; he lightly pushes you off, quickly tugging himself back into his jeans and getting up to explain. You however get up slowly and put your top and skirt back on.
With the lack of panties you can feel his spend leaking out of you and you’re sure there’s very evident stains on Joel’s jeans that your mother must see.
The back and forth they must be having doesn’t even register to you. The blissful buzzing from the orgasm and the satisfaction of having succeeded in hurting her are making you all dozzy.
But then she comes charging at you screaming in your face “You’re smiling, you think this is funny??? I knew you were a bitch who only ruins everything, you are a worthless piece of shit a absolute waste of space” she’s so hysterical but you don’t care, it’s good she’s showing her true colors for Joel to see.
She continues “You are disgraceful and shameful for the entire family. I want you out of the house now. You are dead to me.” She probably thinks those words could hurt but it’s nothing compared to all the horrible things she did in the past. You just smirk at her nodding which infuriates her more than any comeback could.
With that you slip past her, Joel looks completely stunned by what just unfolded before his eyes. You don’t acknowledge him much, quickly skipping up the stairs,entering your room, grabbing a suitcase and filling it with the most important items. Then shuffling out of your room locking it behind you. You heave the suitcase down the stairs, no sign of Joel all you can hear is her crying in the living room, it amuses you, not an ounce of sympathy left for her. You don’t bother saying bye just open the front door and out you are.
The surprise is waiting in front of the house, Joel, he didn’t leave but instead waited for you.
He looks at you “Did it mean anything to you at all, or was it just a big joke?” He doesn’t look hurt, just confused. You close the distance between him and you “I wish it wouldn’t but it’s not possible to not feel anything, look at you Joel you’re a so beautiful so caring of course I fell for you.” He nods and takes your suitcase out of your hand. “Wh..what are you doing ?” You question “I’m taking ya home Moon, think I’d let you run around these streets? Get in the car” he urges.
And you do, when he drives off you don’t look back once.
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Npt: @joelmillerisapunk @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @joelslegalwhre @thundermartini @studioghibelli @sizzlingcloudmentality @vivian-pascal @strang3lov3 @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @joelsgreys @janaispunk @sizzlingcloudmentality @the-mandawhor1an @clawdee @penvisions 🩶
Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI, thank you 🙏🏻
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rileyslibrary · 7 months
Note
Okay okay but hear me out- reader gets assigned on their first solo mission by Price and Ghost is inwardly concerned for them and keeps subtly giving tips to reader about the basics of any mission as way to prepare them
Hi, anon and thank you for requesting this! I made some minor adjustments to the original idea since I got lost in the process once I began writing. Reader is also fully aware of Ghost’s concerns and messes with him.
Fluffy, the usual banter, an emotionally constipated Ghost, yada yada. Enjoy!
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“Again,” Ghost murmurs as he shuffles through the row of tactical knives on the table. He decides on one, picks it up and walks towards you. “What is this?” He asks.
You look up from tying the laces of your boots and redirect your attention at him. He either believes you’re an idiot or doesn’t trust you enough. Either way, it’s not a good sign.
“Good question, Lieutenant,” you reply. “What you’re holding in your hands is a knife. Knives were one of the earliest tools used by humanity to-”
“Cut it out.”
“That’s correct!” you exclaim. “You mainly use one of those to cut stuff.”
A long sigh escapes him, and he throws his head up. He lowers the knife and walks towards the table, scratching the back of his balaclava with the other hand. He takes a few breaths, turns around and lifts the knife again.
“That’s not what I’m asking, and you know it.” He growls. “What kind of knife is it?”
“A sharp one.”
“Stop it.”
“You mean stab it?” you ask and continue tying your laces. “Yes. Yes, you can definitely stab with it.”
He throws the knife onto the table and leans on a chair, holding it with both hands. His brows are tied together, and you can see his jaw tightening beneath the balaclava.
“I need you to focus.” He says firmly. “This is not the right time for jokes.”
You stand up and walk towards him, now standing by his side. You grab his shoulder and squeeze it. He doesn’t budge, yet he slowly shakes his head.
“You’re worried.” You state.
“I’m not worried.” He replies. “I don’t know what Price was thinking; the stakes are too high for this to be your first solo mission.”
“So you don’t trust me.”
“Of course I trust you.” He says and lets go of the chair. “It’s just too dangerous for you to go alone.”
“So you are worried.” You whisper with a smirk.
He looks at you with the side of his eye and picks up a map from the table. He spreads it out in front of him.
“Alright,” he says, “let’s go over the route again.”
“Got it,” you nod. “So, what’s the plan?”
“What do you mean, ‘what’s the plan?’” He shouts, turning to look at you with wide eyes. “We’ve been through this-”
“-a hundred times now.” You interrupt. “Yet you still want to go over it again and again and again and again.”
“I just need you to be ready.”
“I am ready!”
“Then go on,” he says, pushing the map towards you, “what’s the plan?”
“Alright,” you begin, pointing to a door on the eastern side of the facility. “I’ll start here, at the service entrance. It’s not heavily guarded since they mainly use it for their occasional smoke breaks.”
“But you’ll still need to be cautious,” He adds.
You ignore his remark and continue to outline the route.
“From there,” you say, moving your finger along a series of corridors, “I’ll make my way through the maintenance tunnels. They’re narrow and dark but should provide good cover from security patrols.”
“And when you reach the central hub,” Ghost continues, pointing to a large room at the heart of the facility, “you’ll need to be especially careful since that’s where the security is the tightest. There’s only one entry point, so once you get to this door you should-”
“Knock.”
He slowly turns towards you and gives you a side-eye. “You’re not taking this seriously,” he whispers.
“On the contrary, Lieutenant,” you jest. “I’m deadly serious.”
“Deadly serious?” he scoffs and shakes his head. “You might end up seriously dead if you don’t pay attention.”
You roll your eyes and let out a sigh.
“When I get close to that door,” you say, pointing at the map, “I’ll wait for Soap and Gaz to manipulate the security systems and set off the alarms. Once the commotion is at its highest, I’ll infiltrate the hub, collect the intel, and escape through the ventilation shafts.”
“Right,” he says and folds the map. “Do you have everything you need?”
You turn your attention to yourself, checking your tactical vest, and he does the same. His eyes scan over every piece of equipment on you. He walks around you, tracing his fingers along the edges of your gear, checking for any signs of damage. He reaches out to adjust a loose strap on your vest, ensuring it’s securely fastened.
“You need to make sure everything is secure,” he says as he continues to search each pocket and pouch on you, ensuring that your supplies are well-stocked and easily accessible. “We can’t risk losing any essential gear during the mission.”
You follow him with your eyes and smirk as he inspects you. “Is that what worries you?” You ask. “Losing gear?”
He pauses for a second and meets your eyes. “You know what I mean,” he says as he tightens a buckle on your waist. He takes a few steps back and nods. “Everything looks good,” he concludes.
“Alright,” you nod back and walk towards the door. “Let’s do this.”
“Stay sharp out there!” he shouts.
“Yeah, yeah,” You shout back as you exit the briefing room, “sharp like a knife!”
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