#I have no clue how to be taken seriously in the conversations and I don’t want to break up the group bc I can’t handle her shit
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deviousdayz · 9 months ago
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I’ve decided to place more value on myself and that means I have to stop tolerating people who treat me like an idiot !
And who treat me like I’m subpar, or are nice to everyone but me. Or who try to get others to laugh at me and not with me
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awkwardandeccentric · 2 months ago
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So I want to talk about how attentive of a sexual partner Blitz is to Stolas.
How much of Stolas’ situation Blitz knows is anyone’s guess. Stolas is extremely private, but I imagine they at least had a conversation about why he has a kid and a wife despite being a gay man. Also, given the fact that Blitz had pity sex with Stolas, someone who was clearly new to this whole scene, I think Blitz knows he’s not dealing with a sexually aware person. Which might explain why he’s so forgiving of Stolas’ OTT flirting in Season 1 when most would have peaced tf out eons ago. He knows he’s not dealing with most people here.
And I think Blitz takes this very seriously. He knows he could seriously fuck up Stolas for the rest of his life if Blitz takes advantage of this experience imbalance. He most likely knows that Stolas would do pretty much anything he’s asked and so long as the safe word isn’t said, Blitz is in the clear.
I acknowledge that this is a lot of speculation and we don’t see any of this on screen. But there’s a little word that sticks out to me in Full Moon when Blitz is talking with Fizz. Seemed. “He never really seemed into the beads.”
Blitz had to pick up on that through clues in Stolas’ body language and/or tone of voice. Stolas never actually said ‘no.’
Now, unfortunately, there are some really awful people out there that would go, ‘Well he didn’t say ‘no’ so it’s not like this is rape’ and then continue with something that their partner clearly isn’t enjoying. Fortunately, Blitz is not one of those people. He could tell Stolas was either saying ‘yes’ to something he didn’t want to do or was trying to find a way out that gave him plausible deniability. Whether Blitz called him on that or made a mental note and let it pass, we’ll never know. And it would not surprise me in the slightest if Stolas agreed to things that he didn’t want to do because he has such low self-worth and how he wanted to seem more experienced than he actually was.
This may also explain why Blitz is so frustrated about Stolas’ blind spots to the power imbalance. Blitz is taking great pains to make sure Stolas walks away from every encounter self-assured and not feeling taken advantage of and he feels like he’s not getting that effort back.
Regardless of whether I’m reaching or not, I think “seemed” was chosen deliberately by the writers. They’re telling us that Blitz is paying very close attention to non-verbal cues and he cares about consent. That everything he and Stolas do, he’s checking in to make sure Stolas is enjoying himself and if he’s not, the activity ceases. Blitz takes this seriously. He may act otherwise, but he knows the kind of power he wields and he doesn’t want to abuse it.
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bloatedandalone04 · 2 years ago
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➪the one where ethan mistook your kindness for love. (requested)
Warnings: death, angst, obsessive ethan, lowkey yandere ethan, takes place mostly in the climax of scream vi, blood, mentions of blood, mentions of death, use of knives, all around fun stuff (clearly)
Word Count: 1.9k
Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine <3
Ethan’s crush on you wasn’t as well hidden as he probably thought it was. 
Every single person in the friend group knew about his feelings for you as he did a really bad job at hiding it. You were the only exception as it seemed as though you had no clue of the poor boy’s infatuation with you. 
There was rarely a time where Ethan wasn’t around you, and unluckily for him - or luckily for him, who really knows - your friendships had always consisted of touch. Hand holding, hugs, kisses on the cheek; they were all things you normally did with your friends. And they were things you currently do with Ethan, platonically. You were oblivious to how seriously he took your displays of affection. 
To him, it went beyond you just being friendly. You had to be into him, right? There was no way you weren’t, no way your lingering touches meant nothing to you when they meant everything to him. There was just no way.
But it was true. Ethan was a good friend, and that was all you saw him as. 
Since Anika and Quinn had been killed in the Carpenter apartment, it was no longer your safe space. Instead, you found yourself sitting quietly on the couch in Chad and Ethan’s place. 
Your leg was bouncing uncontrollably as Tara, Sam, Mindy and Chad talked amongst themselves in the kitchen. Ethan was beside his roommate, pretending like he was listening to the endless conversation, but he was really just looking over at you. The way your body curled up by the edge of the couch, your knees pressed to your chest as you stared at the TV screen, eyes tired and scared. 
You were just so cute. 
Ethan nudges Chad’s elbow with his own before leaving the kitchen, and a rather boring conversation, and making his way to you. “Hey, Y/n/n,” he says, his heart skipping a beat at the way you looked up at him and gave him a small smile, murmuring a quiet ‘hi’ back to him. “How are you holding up?”
You shrug, keeping your arms locked around your legs as he sits next to you, leaving less than a couple inches between you. “I’m fine,” your voice came out shaky and told him just how full of fear you were. He just wanted to pull you into his arms and assure you that there was no way in hell any harm would be done to you. Not if he had a say in it. “I just can’t believe this is happening again.”
You were one of the many survivors of the Woodsboro murders, Sam having protected you last time as she considered you her second sister. Growing up, you and Tara were really close, and by default, you were also close with Sam. She took care of you when your parents didn’t, looked after you when she had better things to do, and even took a stab to the shoulder a few days ago when she saw that the knife was heading straight for you.
When you heard that they were leaving for New York you were devastated. That only lasted about an hour or so until Sam asked you to go with them, and now here you are. 
“You know what’s awful?” You ask and look over at Ethan, not noticing that he hasn’t taken his eyes off you since he sat down. “I almost wish I died last time. I can’t keep living in fear, Eth. It’s not right.”
Tears gathered in your eyes and you quickly looked away. 
“Sorry. I don’t know why I told you that,” you mumbled, bringing your sleeve covered hand up to wipe under your eyes.
“Hey, come here,” he said quietly and you glanced over at him before allowing him to wrap his arm around your shoulder. You bury yourself in his side as you try to keep your tears from spilling onto his dark shirt. “Don’t be sorry. You’re just scared and you have every right to be. It might not mean much, but I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”
You lift your head and give him a sad smile. “You can’t make those kind of promises, Eth,”
His heart swells at how cute his nickname sounded when you said it. “I just did,” he answered simply. 
Scoffing playfully, you sit up a bit and wrap your arms around his shoulders, embracing him in a grateful hug. “Thanks for being so awesome,” you say quietly, your chin resting against his neck.
Ethan felt like he was dreaming when he allowed himself the pleasure of returning the embrace, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and pulling you even closer. 
-
 Your heart felt like it was failing you as you slammed your elbow down onto one of the display cases. Ignoring the pain that shot up your arm, you reached into the case and grabbed Charlie’s knife, ready to drive it into one of the Ghostface’s backs once they turned around to attack Tara. 
The feeling of cool metal was placed against the back of your head, making your heart stop. “I wouldn’t do that, sweetheart,” you hear the voice of Detective Bailey, who you had just recently found out was working with the killers. 
The Ghostface you were just about to stab turned around to see what he was talking about. “Jesus, dad, don’t!” The voice of Ghostface morphed into the one of Ethan as he pulled the mask off his head. Your heart fell to the floor as you stared at him, wide eyed. “Please, leave her out of this.”
“She was going to stab you, son,” Bailey said as he pushed you forward. 
You caught yourself, unwillingly grabbing hold of Ethan’s arms as he reached out to steady you. “Son?” You seethe, pushing yourself away from him. “You’re his fucking son?”
Ethan stepped towards you, holding his hands out in surrender. “Please, Y/n/n,” he said desperately. “You have to understand. You weren’t supposed to find out like this. I was going to tell you once everything was over and you and I were finally together, like we’re supposed to be.”
Your eyes widen and a scoff of disbelief leaves your lips. “Together? You and me?” You ask, watching as his brows furrowed. “You’re fucking crazy. I’d never be with you, not even before I found out you’re the fucking killer.”
His eyes darken at your words. “We’re meant to be together, Y/n,” he dared to step closer to you and your heart skipped a beat at the fact that you had nowhere to run. Ethan was in front of you while his dad was behind you, effectively blocking any exit. “You’ll see.”
Sam called out to you from her place on the balcony, Tara right beside her as they looked down at you. She pointed towards the ladder that was behind Ethan and you quickly formed a plan in your head.
Ethan stepped closer to you, his hand outstretched to you. “Let me finish this, then we’ll go from there,” his hand wrapped around your wrist, his other one coming over to take the knife from you. 
You let him and even move a step or two towards him, your hand hesitantly raising. Once it was placed on his shoulder, and his guard was let down for half a second, you gave him a harsh shove. Since his hand was still wrapped around your wrist, when he fell back you ended up falling on top of him.
His hands grip your waist, a devious smirk on his lips. “I’ve always wanted to see you in this position,” 
You let out a noise of disgust as you grab the knife that had been knocked out of his hand and drive it into his shoulder. “In your dreams,” 
When the knife pierced through his skin and his cry of pain sounded throughout the room, you got off him and sprinted towards the ladder, barely missing the shots fired by Bailey as you did so. On your way over, you grabbed Kirby’s gun and tucked it away in the back of your pants as you climbed. 
As you began making your way towards the sisters, Ethan sat up and pulled the knife from his shoulder with a loud grunt. “I told you to leave her out of this,” he muttered to his dad, relieved that he had failed to hit you with any of the bullets. You were just confused right now, and this was just something he’d have to help you move past once everyone was dead and the two of you got the hell out of this city.
“Christ, Ethan,” Bailey shook his head, pocketing the gun and reaching his hand out to help his son stand up. “You wait down here while I go find the stairs with Quinn.”
Ethan nodded, watching as his father and sister fled the room. He looked up just as you lost your footing. He was beneath the railing within seconds as you held onto Sam’s hand for dear life, a cry of fear leaving you once you felt your grip loosen. “It’s okay, baby,” Ethan called up to you, only adding fuel to the fire of fear building within you. “Come back down to me. We can leave now and let my family do the rest. It’s okay.”
“Fuck,” Sam muttered as she tried to readjust her hold on you. “Fuck, you’re slipping, Tara help.”
Tara reached around her sister and also held onto you, but you knew it was a poor attempt as her hands were also covered in blood. “Oh, God,” you whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut as you silently pleaded to anyone who was listening for this to just be a dream. 
“Let go, Y/n,” Ethan said from under you, dropping his knife in a way of showing you that he wouldn’t hurt you. “You never have to be scared ever again. It can all be over. I love you, please, come to me.”
You open your eyes and look down at him. “You love me?” You ask just as Bailey and Quinn make it up the stairs. You knew Tara and Sam needed to be able to protect themselves, and they couldn’t do that when they were holding onto you. Another plan quickly formed in your head.
“I do,” Ethan answers you. “I love you so much. I know you love me, too.”
You look away and at the knife that Tara was holding in her free hand. As discreetly as you could, you grab the gun from its place in your pocket and shove it into one of Sam’s hands, taking the knife from the younger sister afterwards. “Ethan,” you called down to him, masking your voice to sound more desperate. “Help me, please.”
He opened his arms as he stared up at you. “Let go, baby,” he said and you gave Sam a sad smile as she finally realised what you were doing. “I got you.”
You let your hand slip from hers and watch as she immediately turned and pointed the gun at Quinn. Clutching the knife tightly as you fell, you take a second to ready yourself for what you were about to do. As Ethan’s arms caught you, you both fell to your knees, a look of shock forming his face when he felt the knife pierce right through his heart. 
“I could never love a monster like you,” you mutter, pulling the knife out and pushing his body backwards, watching as he fell onto his back, his hand slipping from yours in the process.
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apollos-boyfriend · 1 year ago
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a transcription of bagi and cellbit's conversation - 10/15/23
their convo starts at approximately 03:03:00 in cellbit's vod. there's a lot of screaming and yelling, so to save on being repetitive, anything after (screaming) continues the sentiment until i note their voices returning to normal.
C: What’s up?
B: Look deep into my eyes. 
C: (long pause) . . . I’m looking.
B: Well? Nothing? (punches him, yelling) You asshole!
C: What? Wh-
B: (screaming) I looked for you for 15 years! And you forgot about me! You asshole!
C: (yelling) You abandoned me!
B: (crosstalk) You asshole!
C: You have no idea what I went through! You don’t know what I-what I lived through before this place! I don’t even know-
B: I spent the past few days in that stupid fucking house trying to remember your face!
C: I spent the last 15 years alone! In a war, in a jail, in a prison! I had to kill-I had to eat other people to stay alive! To be respected! Where were you? You were being coddled by mommy and daddy while I was out there, alone, bathed in blood! Half-dead! I never had a sister!
B: (pause, no longer screaming) You think mommy and daddy are still alive? What do you think I’ve been doing for the last 15, 20 years?
C: (pause, no longer screaming) I don’t know. And it doesn’t-
B: (raising her voice) What do you think I’ve been doing for the last 15 years of my life? Why do you think I’m on this shitty fucking island, you bastard?
C: (raising his voice) I don’t know! I just want to get out of here!
B: (voice cracking) You abandoned me, bastard! I spent the last 15 years chasing after you!
C: I don’t even remember this place. I don’t remember you! I don’t remember anything! How could I-how could I have abandoned you? (pause) You can believe whatever you want, but the place that I went to—the one far from here—I didn’t want to go there. The places I was taken to, I definitely never wanted to be taken there.
B: (softer) I found Roberto!
C: What is that? A worm . . . 
B: It’s your worm, you dick! It was thanks to Roberto that I remembered you. (she tosses Roberto to him)
C: (he analyzes Roberto for a second) He’s-
B: (interrupting) You don’t remember Roberto?
C: No, but he’s cool.
B: You always wanted to have a pet worm.
C: He’s really cool.
B: You thought they were fucking sick.
C: No, genuinely, he’s really cool. I can’t deny that. (raising voice) But that doesn’t negate the fact that it doesn’t matter-wait, what do you mean, didn’t you have-what do you mean I have a sister, that makes absolutely no sense, where have you been all my life?
B: I was chasing after you! Looking for you! I located you in that shitty prison and you fucking ran away, damnit!
C: (screaming) Of course I did! You don’t have the slightest clue of what happened in that place! I had to do everything in my power to manage to get out of there! And yeah, I did-I did terrible stuff! But it’s what I-it-after you’ve spent 10 years in a fucking warzone needing to kill dozens of people a day to survive, that’s the least of what you have to do to survive!
B: Wait, what happened to you? I didn’t-I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I-I spent the last-I spent the last 15 years looking for you. 
C: (solemn) And I spent the last 15 years trying to survive.
B: (long pause) You really didn’t remember me?
C: I didn’t remember anything. I just know that my-my first memory is me holding a fucking knife and a dead body right in front of me. And it was the only food I had. And it was like that for a long time. So, if you ask me, I’ve never had a family.
B: (crouching, crosstalk) You don’t remember us?
C: (increasingly more angry) I’ve never had a mom, or dad, or sister. I only had myself.
B: (broken) Seriously? You really don’t remember me?
C: I’m sorry, but no. I don’t remember you.
B: (long pause, stepping away) It’s okay.
C: (tossing her diary) This is yours.
B: What’s this? (long pause as she reads it) Looks like we’re no longer joined at the hip after all.
C: For me-
B: (interrupts, punching him) No, go fuck yourself, man! No, I’m not going to accept this! (screaming) I came to this shitty island, I’m stuck here with you, because I came searching for you! So now you’re going to accept me, damnit!
C: (screaming) You were already here before I got here!
B: (crosstalk) I’m your family! I’m your family, you fucker! Do you hear me? I’m stuck in this shit because of you, and I’m not leaving without you!
C: Well then, are you stupid? Because if you came here looking for me, I wasn’t even here! You got here before I did!
B: (speaking normally) I didn’t get here before you did, are you nuts?
C: How did you get on this fucking island, then?
B: (screaming) We lived on this island, dude!
C: (crosstalk) I never lived in this fucking hellhole! You think I would-are you-
B: (crosstalk) You were born here!
C: (squeaks) Huh? You’re nuts. Now you’re-now you’re in a whole new dimension. How was I born in this fucking place? What I want is to get out of here. I want to blow this place up.
B: (crosstalk, solemn) Do you want to see the house we grew up in? Maybe it’ll trigger some memories. I’m being serious.
C: (speaking normally) You have a-you know where-you have a-a-
B: (interrupting) I know where we grew up, yes. You don’t remember it, it’s okay, it happens. But . . . our house is here.
C: Uh-
B: Do you want to go there? Here, come with me. Let’s go to my house.
(They teleport to Bagi’s)
B: (breaking rp, laughing) [Your voice] is fucked to shit.
C: (not understanding what she means) What about yours?
B: (still laughing) 
C: (breaking rp) Oh, I get it, you’re talking about my voice. (laughing) That I’m losing my voice, shit. 
B: Mine is also fucked to shit. It feels like you have a boat stuck in there.
C: I do, I do, I do.
B: Put a boat down for me, please. Hold up, let me drive, let me drive. There.
(They get in the boat. Bagi starts driving)
C: (back in rp) We don’t even look similar, it doesn’t make any sense. Are you sure that that’s true?
B: (yelling) We don’t even look similar? You’re my fucking clone!
C: (yelling) Shut up, obviously not! The only thing-what man, you fucking dyed your hair to look like mine? It’s the only-wow, the only two people in the world-
B: I don’t even know why my hair looks like this! C: Neither do I! Maybe it’s-it has to be that fucking bear trying to get into our heads!
B: (speaking normally) Okay, look. Let me tell you something. Someone helped me get back my memories. I don’t know who. 
C: (speaking normally) But-
B: (interrupting) Someone wanted me to remember you. And wait, where did you even find my fucking book? Were you spying on me?
C: No, it was in my castle!
B: What do you mean, it was in your castle?
C: I-I woke up—actually, that reminds me of something else, oh my god—I woke up, and then I went-I ate my breakfast, with my cake, in my beautiful dining room with my marvelous portraits, and there was a fucking mysterious black box (immitates thunder) pow! It starts raining, there’s lightning, and I’m like “Fuck, what’s going on?” and I went to check-
B: (interrupting) But it wasn’t from the Federation, was it?
C: I don’t think so, because usually the Federation is-is-when they reach out, it’s not with black boxes and lightning. 
B: It happened to you too, then. There’s someone helping us find our missing memories! Why, I have no clue. I mean, I’m thankful, I’m really grateful, but . . . I don’t know why [they’re helping us]. (pause) Okay, hold on, let me see what the best route is to get there.
C: (long pause) How do you know about who was born on this island?
B: I don’t know who was born on this island, I just know that we were born here.
C: Is this-
B: (interrupting) Well, I don’t know if we were born here, I know that we grew up here. 
C: There are houses here.
B: So. When we were younger, everyone always said that the island was the safest and most perfect place to live. Now. How you disappeared in the safest and most perfect place to live, I don’t know. Hold up, let me see if we can go through here. No, it’s better to go in farther ahead.
C: (long pause) Why have I wound up back in this place, then?
B: We’re here.
(They get out of the boat and begin approaching the house)
B: You don’t actually remember anything? Nothing? 
C: No. 
B: There’s someone-there’s someone helping me recover my memories. I-I didn’t remember why I was here. But now I do. I’ve spent the last few days [in our old home]. 
C: Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve lost my memories that I stopped thinking about where I came from. I just kept moving forward. Because if I looked back, I may have seen things I’d rather have forgotten. (observing their house) What is this? Shit.
B: Things you’d rather have forgotten? You were the only good part of my childhood, why would you not want to remember that?
C: (long pause) Because . . . because between my childhood and now . . . there’s something much worse. (he enters the house) What is this-it looks like a cozy house.
B: It’s a bit dusty now.
C: (crosstalk) It looks-it feels very familiar, actually. 
B: (excitedly) Come here! Do you remember our TV? That we needed to keep fiddling with the antenna that mom would make us put Bom Bril on? (Bom Bril is a Brazilian cleaning product made of steel wool.) Here! The TV!
C: (muttering, crosstalk) Bread with eggs. Bread with eggs. I once liked bread with eggs.
B: Um. When I got here—when something sent me here—all of your missing posters were all in the trash can. And . . . one book about the police investigation being dismissed because they didn’t have enough evidence to keep looking for you. You apparently left without leaving a single trace. Now, if you ran away because you wanted-or if because something-I don’t know.
C: (crosstalk, serious) I didn’t want to go where I went. I didn’t want to end up where I went. I didn’t want to be where I went.
B: (distressed) If this palace was supposed to be safe, then how come they kidnapped you?
C: Whoever took me-did you stay here?
B: I stayed here a little longer. 
C: Was this the parents’ rooms?
B: Yeah.
C: And there was nothing of theirs left behind?
B: No. I don’t know how they are. I don’t know where they are. I don’t know if they’re still alive.
(Long pause as Cellbit enters their bedroom)
B: Roberto was here, in the thing you were always messing with, oops, sorry. 
(Cellbit examines the small coffee mug on the table, then the brewing stand she was referring to)
C: What does this mean, Gabi? Why couldn’t I have a family?
B: Come here.
(Cellbit takes the coffee mug)
B: (raising her voice) You have a family, fucker! I came all this way just for you! Of course you have a family. You’re my brother! And you know that we’re fucked now, right? Because I was gonna let you fuck yourself over, because there’s someone trying to fuck you up, but now I can’t, because you’re my brother, and I won’t let go of your hand!
C: We’re-I give up. 
B: (speaking normally) Come here. You left this in here.
C: My mystery novels. This one’s really good, actually, have you read it? (he tosses her And Then There Were None)
B: Which one? I read all of them, damnit. I read all of them. You left them behind. Obviously I read them. But this one’s really good, you’re right. You left something else here. Oh, hold on, there’s too much in my inventory. You left a cipher book. You taught me ciphers when we were kids. And whoever it was that’s been giving me clues gave me them all in ciphers. And I knew how to solve them, somehow, because you (punches him) taught me about them when we were kids. 
C: (long pause) I’m not following. Who did this to me?
B: I’m going to find that fucker, and I’ll end him! Do you hear me?
C: But what . . . why . . . . what horrible atrocity could I have done as a kid to-to receive the penance I did, Bagi? I had a home. I had a family. (voice breaking) What did I do? Why was this all stolen from me?
B: (pause) It wasn’t stolen. I’m right here. 
C: Why did-
B: (interrupting, firm) Do you hear me?
C: Why did they turn me into a monster?
B: (voice breaking) Get back here, I’m going to give you a hug! (Bagi raises her arms for a hug. Cellbit doesn’t reciprocate) You get back here, you asshole! I’ve missed you! You don’t remember, but I spent the past 15 years looking for you! When I finally found you in prison, what did you do? You ran away! You were a fugitive! You bastard! I’m never going to let you go again, do you hear me? I’m stuck on this fucking island, with-with a psychopathic killer bear that keeps coming after you, and I did it willingly. I’d do it all again if it was up to me. 
C: I’m not the same person that you-that you grew up with.
B: (crosstalk) I don’t care!
C: (crosstalk) I’m not the same person.
B: (crosstalk) I don’t care! You’re my-we’re joined at the hip! A bit redundant, but we’re joined at the hip! (she finally steps away)
C: Maybe if I’d never left here, I’d still be your brother. But . . . I don’t-I’ve done things that I can never take back. And there’s broken parts of me that can never be fixed. I don’t-I don’t-I’ve never said this to anyone, Gabi. But I killed a Federation worker yesterday. And I liked it.
B: If you did it, there was a reason. There’s always a reason.
C: It felt good to kill someone again . . . .after so long. I’m not the same person you knew. 
B: (pause) Fuck off. You’re my brother. I don’t know what I-what you went through. I have no idea. But you don’t know what I went through, either! And now I’m here. And we’ll get out of this place together. Even if you don’t want to. 
C: At this point, I don’t know if leaving is my end goal anymore. 
B: Your goal is to end them?
C: I want to make them feel what I felt. I want to make them understand what they did to me. Now that I know that they stole me from the life I could’ve had, I will do the same to them.
B: You won’t do it alone. You hear me? You don’t have to be alone anymore. You’ve been alone for too long. As have I. 
C: So you better prepare yourself. 
B: I was born ready.
C: To bathe yourself in blood.
B: Alright.
C: I need-I’m going-I need some time in my castle alone. 
B: Me too.
C: Can I keep [Roberto]?
B: Obviously! Roberto was always yours. Actually, Roberto was [in the loft], I don’t know how he survived for this long. I got here and he was alive and kicking. 
C: It’s because he kicks ass.
B: I don’t know where you got him, but be careful. He seems a little dangerous.
C: That’s what makes him so cool.
B: See you, Roberto.
C: Okay.
B: Roberto’s a little cute. 
C: I need some time to process things, I can’t-I can’t-
B: It’s okay. 
C: We’ll see each other-
B: (interrupting) When you need me, you know where to find me. When you don’t need me, too. At any time. 
C: See you around. 
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lamportb · 9 months ago
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The stitch up
Finally have a minute to re watch episode 4. Rambling below
Love Fagin and Jack covered in viscera in Gaines’ carriage with his wife. “My colleague and I were burying a cadaver” A+ excuse Jack, totally explains why you aren’t wearing pants.
I didn’t notice just how clear it is that Lady Jane is the real governor of the colony. Don’t love her as an obstacle to true love, but I Stan a powerful smart lady.
Hetty is a queen. “All right! Time to check your rose bushes” while she makes the rounds in the brothel, then single handedly loads Rotty in a cart to haul her to the hospital. Also ignores Sneed and gets Jack when it’s clear the first surgery didn’t work.
When Belle goes to observe the surgery Sneed suggests that the surgical theatre is too gory for her and that she should read to the patients instead “some of them can barely read”. Cue pointed look at Jack. I didn’t pick up on this the first time.
Belle also tells Jack that her father paid for Sneed’s medical training! Talk about having connections.
Jack is soooo baby soft when Belle offers to help him. His eyes change. It’s perfection.
despite hating Jack, Sneed still defends him when Gaines is looking for reasons to arrest him. More reason I love that pompous git.
Seriously, there’s not a filler scene anywhere in this series.
Gaines trashes Jack’s room and threatens him with handing and/or flogging to death. Jack has JUST had this very hopeful conversation with Belle and here he is on his bed holding the trampled remains of his signature top hat - the Dodge dilemma. How can he hang it up permanently, and does he want to?
“sniffly Sneed” 😂
dodger hat back on when sneaking around the governor’s yard to find Belle. “We don’t pay for cadavers. We just… borrow them”
11 o’clock cadaver date is the hottest thing Belle has ever heard.
I love Tim and I love how he loves Red.
Fanny is so excited by the idea that Sneed’s medical knowledge will make him a good lover. Yeah…
Jack the savant surgeon - eyes closed in concentration. Lovely.
Jack is illiterate clue 2: he is so unsettled at the idea of being found out he just nopes himself right out of the situation and leaves Belle in the operating theatre at presumably midnight or later. Lol.
“the white ghost who’s close to his grave” should be my new tag for Fagin
Red is so fucking cool
Feels like a very deliberate choice for Belle to let her hair down when she joins Jack in the surgery. Maybe because of the conversation with Fanny about going for it? (Finding love with Sneed?). Also how did Belle know to be there? Tim says they can do the second surgery because Sneed left the hospital. Did Jack just have her hiding on standby? Was it a coincidence? I don’t care - she looks gorgeous.
lots has already been mentioned about the Hetty/Jack/Belle situation but I appreciate the framing of this scene with the three of them - both women assisting in their own way, and both necessary to Jack’s success.
Belle seems genuinely taken aback when Jack is so abrupt with her when the surgery starts, but her relief when she helps him in the end and he smiles at her is so sweet. She is basking in that smile - I don’t think I realized how fast she fell for him. (Of course they start arguing about publication and the moment passes)
“I shall be turned around as a curiosity” - some more insight into Jack’s insecurities.
Lady Jane: “Have you been alone with the surgeon?” Belle: “There’s always another body in the room” 😂
What time is this dinner starting? 2pm? It’s so bright!
love Sneed and the prof arriving in a carriage while Jack walks up in his Navy uniform.
Note to self: research the siege of Sevastopol.
Ah! Jack describes his time as a naval surgeon as “nothing more than butchery” to Lady Jane. Those words sting all the more when she uses them against him later.
Fanny and Belle are both terrible at flirting. Belle can’t stop interrupting to talk up Jack and Fanny can’t stop staring. “I love soup”
I also love how Jack is SO UNCOMFORTABLE with Belle praising him at the table. She’s not lying, but her embellishments are so unnerving to him. “Really, it’s nothing” - but she just. Can’t. Stop.
Jack really is trying. He takes responsibility for Fagin not knowing what the plan is. He tries to fit in. Seems a bit harsh to snap at Belle but she was terrible at reading his cues - like this is her surgical theatre and he has to defer to her expertise. It’s too vulnerable for him.
“I AM rare!” Have i mentioned how much I love the ladies in this show??
Jack’s little voice crack when he blurts out “I CAN read!” And then a little softer “I can read, just not very well”
All her talk of teams and partnerships - she really did bet on him. All in.
”You can take the boy out of East London but you really shouldn’t”
”Belle will never speak to me again” right before taking Fagin’s share of the money and heading to the card table
whew! Gold star if you got this far.
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messenger-of-stupidity · 2 years ago
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Soup is for nerds
WOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DONE ONE OF THESE!!
Welcome back to the Shaw Pack Mates Super top secret and totally unknown by anyone outside of the group groupchat. (Name trademarked by Angel.)
Whether these are real conversations I’ve overheard/seen/partaken in or not is entirely unknown and shall stay that way.
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CW: Crack, Angel needs to learn what boundaries are but not in a toxic way, Sam is asking for a god to save him he’s not picky on which god he’ll even rely on science it doesn’t even need to be religious, Sweetheart please for the love of the universe put the cat down, Baabe why are you just sitting there laughing?
Actual CW: Crack, mentions to others being sneaky link/hoes/sluts but in a friendly platonic way, GN listeners. Any reference to gendered terms is purely for the memes and not to be taken seriously.
<-- Previous _______ Next -->
Redacted Masterlist
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Angel: im so disappointed in u all
Sam: Oh dear. What’s upset you now?
Angel: is that lip im hearing
Baabe: if my boss finds out im on my phone right now im so dead. so whats wrong bb?
Sweetheart: Tracking down a covert breaker. Cant talk rn.
Sam: Now I’m actually concerned. Is this genuine, or is Angel being Angel again?
Angel: not one of u said ‘congrats on ur nuptials’
Sam: I wasn’t aware anyone called marriage nuptials anymore, but also if I’m not mistaken you two have yet to have your wedding since you both are still planning it?
Baabe: CONGRATS ON YOUR NUPTIALS YOU SILLY GOOSE
Angel: this is why im marrying with baabe
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Baabe: LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
Angel: ooooooo teeaaaaa
Sweetheart: That’s what he said.
Sam: I think one day I will gather the strength to leave this groupchat.
Angel: oh ill just add u back and then kidnap u to drag u to my basement so u cant ever try to leave me again
Sam: Angel what the fuck.
Angel: HE DIDNT USE A COMMA IM THE REAL WINNER HERE
Baabe: to defeat the huns~
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Angel: im so upset rn its not even funny like i cant live laugh love under these conditions
Baabe: aweeee what’s wrong bby?
Sam: Is there something I could do to help? I will if I can.
Angel: hang on i gotta wait for sweetheart to respond so i can get all the attention necessary
Sweetheart: Sorry I was just filming a tiktok with Aggro. Whats up
Angel: perfect all my three hoes are here
Sam: I resent being called that, but I also recognize my powerlessness in getting you to change it, so continue.
Angel: do yall even have any clue how expensive it is to buy a mcdonalds bouncy house
Sweetheart: Why are you trying to buy a bouncy house
Baabe: ngl i’m kinda curious about that too
Angel: well i could just buy it because ur bitch is rich rich but i share a joint account with my mega alpha gigachad of a finance so i cant buy it without him noticing but i wanna keep it a surprise so theres just a bouncy house in our backyard when he comes home
Sam: Don’t you mean your ‘fiance’?
Angel: no i mean finance im just with davey for his money but my real loves is my three hoes in this gc
Sweetheart: Youre so romantic Angel
Baabe: ikr? like just marry me already
Angel: anyways this is my way of asking u to buy me a bouncy house who wants the privilege
Angel: DONT JUST LEAVE ME ON READ YOU SLUTS
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Angel: SOS
Baabe: whats wrong sneaky link?
Sam: Once again, I am confused whether or not this is a serious thing or Angel is playing up the dramatics again.
Sweetheart: I can send you a picture of my son if that will help
Angel: yes pls i miss my baby boy Angel: and also were out of sugary cereal and davey is making me eat his yucky worm food
Sweetheart: WHY DID YOU WRITE SOS? THIS IS A 911 EMERGENCY!
Baabe: dw bb i got u. just ask him why hes giving you his dog food.
Angel: oooo good idea hell take it away then and tell me to just starve and give me the chance to naruto run to sams house for breaky
Sam: Now hold on just a minute. I don’t recommend doing that Angel, also I don’t need to eat food and Darlin isn’t here for me to have any reason to make breakfast. I think you’ll survive a morning without your cereal.
Angel: YALL HE THREW A PLASTIC SPOON AT ME HALP
Baabe: MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Sweetheart: rip
Angel: You’re next. - David
Baabe: oh fuck
Sweetheart: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Sam: rip
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bluedemon1995 · 7 months ago
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“I want you and I know you want me too.” Enjoy!
Keith bites his lip, almost drawing blood, wanting desperately to butt in but knowing Katie would want to speak for herself. So, despite how much he wants to do so on her behalf, he keeps himself in check, somehow. Keeping his eyes on Katie, he’s taken by surprise when Lance stood abruptly, moving fast enough that he actually knocked his chair over.
“I don’t think so buddy, in fact, I know so. Go on, anda, sal de aquí. She does NOT”, at this point he slaps his hand on table and continues, “want you. I’m her bestest friend. I would know! And let me tell you, she doesn’t need some guy with a stick up his ass who thinks he knows everything!”
Keith froze, feeling vindicated by Lance’s take but also completely surprised at how strongly Lance rebuked Griffin. Why was his response so strong? Since when did Lance dislike Griffin? What was he missing? He eyes, tracked to Katie, as they always seem to do late, not wanting to miss Katie’s response? He bit his tongue a little more and managed not to say anything to Griffin even though he wanted more than anything for her to agree with Lance.
Not Griffin, please. Please. Heart pounding, he could feel his muscles tense. Like he was bracing for impact. Quiznack!
Katie sighed, replying firmly, “Lance, not your place!”
“What?! You’re not saying I’m wrong! You aren’t pining for him. He doesn’t make your race. Nor are you flushed and pining for just five more minutes of his time. In fact, James is always so full of himself, exactly what you hate. And I think you are-!“
“Lance!!! Stop, seriously.” She ran a hand through her longer hair, pulling slightly and then squaring her shoulders. Redirecting her gaze to James, she starts, “James, um, yeah, so, funny enough, I actually had no clue you were interested. I, well shit, I feel really unprepared for this. I honestly, don’t know what to say. But having this conversation at a full dinner table in the middle of the mess hall, well, this is probably not one of your better ideas.”
Griffin stands and takes a few steps closer to Katie, coming around the table to sheepishly state, “Yeah, I didn’t really think this through.” He grabs his neck and crouches down so he’s right next to her chair and I feel my fingers curl tightly in a fist.
Griffin continues, with no idea that I’m desperately trying not to act on the desire to punch him, repeatedly.
His eyes cut to me, then go back to Katie. He continues earnestly, “I’ve been feeling this way for a while and I, needed you to know how I’ve been feeling. I did NOT mean to put you in a tight spot or anything. I’m sorry. I’m usually way smarter than this, I swear. How about we table this for later? Maybe we can have a private dinner and maybe drinks?”
Keith blinks, when the fuck did his hand move to her chair? He didn’t think he could refrain from hitting him if he actually touched her.
Katie smiles and nods shyly. Shyly? What the hell? What does that mean? I look to Hunk and mouth, “What the heck?”
Hunk shrugs but doesn’t look too concerned. At this point, Katie’s alarm goes off and we all know it’s time for her to head back to the lab. Keith tries not to look too relieved. No actual date was set. Katie is rushing around throwing out her mess, with Lance practically in her pocket. What was he telling her now?
Keith waits for a few minutes, trying to formulate a plan. He shoves the rest of his burger in his mouth and stands, going to the conveyer belt for dishes on the opposite side of the room. He has to move. No time to lose, not now.
Suddenly he shoved back and pulled into an alcove. Straightening, he meets Griffin’s hard look in kind. They size each other up, and Keith resolves to not say a word. He doesn’t owe him anything now.
“Why couldn’t you just stay gone man. I had a plan. Isn’t there a ship that needs blowing up or some people that need saving?”
Keith looks up, “Look, I actually don’t have anything against you personally. Not anymore.”
Griffin smiles, relaxing at those words. Until Keith continues, “So you see, this actually has nothing to do with you. And if has everything to do with the woman I’m in love with. So, yeah there probably is a ship that needs blowing up or some people that need saving out there. But right now, I’m here on a purely selfish mission, to save myself.”
Luckily Cosmo appears so he continues, “So, hopefully that clears things up for you.”
He quickly moves with Cosmo at his side. He’s trying to think, but he can’t seem to focus. All he feels is panic. He’s too late. He’s missed his shot. He feels like he can’t breathe. He wants to scream and break things but fuck, he’s past temper tantrums. Making his way to his room on autopilot, he’s trying to think back and determine if Katie ever seemed like Griffin was something she was interested in.
Suddenly he stops at the hall where his room was to see Hunk, Lance and Shiro standing at his door. Hunk is looking at him, with pity? Damn, he was too late. He stops, right in the hall and staggers against the wall. Closing his eyes, he tries to pull himself together. But Shiro grabs him and pulls him into his room, “Hey, stop. Whatever you’re thinking just stop.”
Lance leans agains the now closed door. “Stop babying him Shiro. Look, I just put myself in the line of fire for you. It better be worth it, so tell me straight, are you back, and are you back for Pidge?”
Keith startles, he can feel himself start to deny but no, he’s done running. Done pretending that he was just a friend. Running only hurt him. He stands, looking Lance eye to eye. “Yeah. I’m back and Katie, well, I don’t know how she feels but, I, I love her.”
Keith braces for the questions, the threats.
Silence. Huh?
Hunk smiles and in two steps has him engulfed in a spine crushing hug. “Thank God! It’s about time buddy. Okay, what’s your plan? Should I make her favorite dishes?”
As he’s released, he looks at his other two friends, who are both smiling and looking relieved. Keith looks down and sees Cosmo, wagging his tail with a seemingly inquisitive look as well. Oh. Guess he was the only one surprised by his feelings.
Hours later, Keith is dressed in his best black jeans, black t-shirt, black boots and his current favorite leather jacket. He has an extra helmet and is sitting on his bike outside of the lab. After some well timed calls, he knows she should be heading out now and her car is currently in the shop. So while Matt was supposed to pick her up (and at his request in the far end of the parking lot) but hopefully she would be open to a ride.
He sees her wave to her interns and turn to the lot Matt was supposed to be in. He takes her in, knowing she was oblivious to what he saw. Her hair was haphazardly pulled back and she had on her leggings with a flannel and her worn in boots. But more than that, Keith could see the smirk that never failed to pull on his own emotions. He saw that even though it was late as hell, all of her interns were with her, not because she demanded but because they wanted to help her, see her genius at work, hell she was probably the only senior staff member who broke rules regularly. He knew for sure; her staff were the only ones in the Garrison who dressed down, wore jeans and tshirts with puns or whatever they wanted. Because she pushed. She fought. And damn if that wasn’t sexy as hell.
He took a breath, calling out, “Hey short stack.”
Keith saw her laugh, and even though he couldn’t actually hear it, he knew what it sounded like and damn, he wanted all of her. All her laughs. All her smirks. All. Of. Her.
She sauntered over, taking her time. “Dude. Did you just join the Blades because their uniform fit your aesthetic?”
Keith grinned. He liked the way her eyes moved up and down him. Score another one for Lance. He was going to rent a car and dress up but Lance said no. Instead, he pulled his hair back and dressed him like a kid. Obviously, he knew what hit Katie’s buttons.
He took a deep breath, “So I know Matt was going to pick you up, and he could still. But I was hoping you’d wanna take a ride with me.”
Katie stood, just beyond his reach. He wanted to haul her up to him, hold her and tell her how much he wanted her. Always. Even when he was oblivious to his own feelings, even when he was fighting them. But it had to be her choice. Always. But damn, he wanted her.
Katie slowly nodded, “Yeah, a ride sounds good. Let me go and get a jacket.”
Now he did reach out, grabbing her hand and slowly pulling her closer. When she was right in front of him, he shook his head. “No need.” Shrugging out of he jacket, he swings it around her shoulders, “Wear this. I’m good, I run hot anyways. So, you in?”
Keith’s hands reflexively tightened on the jacket pulling her infinitesimally closer. So close he could feel her body heat, smell her shampoo and see her bite her lip. “Yeah, I’m in Kogane.”
Keith grins, “Yay.”
Laughing, Katie pulls her arms though the sleeves and grabs the helmet on the seat. Keith moves to help her with the strap and quickly get on the bike, pulling his helmet on as well. Reviving the engine, he waits until her arms wrap around his middle and then takes off.
First, he drives, rather aimlessly until he finds himself on his way back to his shack. Or well the shack he used after Shiro disappeared. Stopping and stretching, he couldn’t help loving how she looked in his jacket, or how when she raised her arms, he could see the skin of her belly. He took an instinctive step forward.
He reached for her hand, “Katie, it’s time. Fuck Griffin and his shitty timing. I was doing this from the day I landed. I want you and I know you want me too. But I don’t just want your body. I want it all, your body, your mind, and your heart. I want it all.”
He knew he was intense. He knew he was possessive. He knew he had a laundry list of issues. But, if anyone could handle him, it was her. Always her.
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kadavernagh · 1 month ago
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TIMING: After Regan and Jade buy couches LOCATION: The Common PARTIES: Regan and Jade SUMMARY: The town is cursed with cold cookies and no one is to blame, especially not Jade and Regan.
“I think we should have given more consideration to that small one, the suffocation model,” Regan said, watching Jade out of the corner of her eye, the most subtle of amused crinkles at the corner. Anyone else might have taken her completely seriously. She was only being 95% serious, though (there was a 5% allowance that, okay, the couch they agreed upon was acceptable for now). A man jogging through the Common whipped his head toward them as he ran by, as if thinking he misheard. Odd. “If we drop our guard to the point of allowing relaxation, we deserve the air squeezed from our lungs. It will keep us alert.” Regan squeezed Jade’s hand, fingers brushing over her ring, the crinkles by her eyes growing a shade darker. She was down to 80% serious now (100% if it was pointed out). “We don’t have a lot of oxygen to go around in the first place, between the two of us. But don’t you think Emilio might steal this one when it’s dropped off at Axis? All those knife pockets…” She gave Jade a raised eyebrow, a reminder. “Defense knives.” A lot of them. Up to a hundred. That seemed excessive, but Jade liked that feature and Regan approved of the removable cushions.
…She probably would have gone along with it even if it lacked removable cushions. Jade had sent her that photo of Betty Crocker whipped vanilla too many times for Regan to think otherwise (along with an explanation of the meaning). But how could she say no to such heartfelt excitement? Regan used to think she had little to no practical experience at decision making. Jade was an even more extreme case. Except, she didn’t realize how wrong that was, what she had been deprived of. So she could pick the couch, the paint, the… no, actually, Regan was insistent on the windows and basement. But other than that.
Regan stopped in her tracks as something that wasn’t Jade fried her skin, plucking at each hair. It was death, almost… not the death she most often knew, and not the twisted version of it that Jade’s vampires carried with them. Jade was used to being along for this particular ride by now (and Regan was adamant that her presence made her even more accurate, but the reverse was probably true). Wordlessly, she nudged Jade into a sharp left, and her focused eyes fell on what looked like – what was – a picnic basket left behind by someone. Whatever she felt was coming from in there, she was sure. “Who put something dead in a picnic basket?” Regan asked Jade now that they’d found their target. “I guess it could be a whole chicken, or a turkey, but it doesn’t feel… like that.”
Regan watched the basket intently, thinking for a second– just before she’d blinked– that she saw it move slightly. 
“Mm, I bet you do,” Jade fired back without missing a beat, rolling her eyes playfully. It was a good thing they were holding hands, cause she was staring so hard, silently encouraging Regan to give her one extra crinkle, that she had no clue where her feet led her. Regan could take them down a cliff and she would’ve been too busy to notice. She marveled at the way Regan revealed her smiles more openly these days. In the common! Where people could see! And of course, she had to entertain the current conversation. “I wonder if that’s what happens when we’re randomly jolted awake from sleep. You know the one… where you feel like you’re falling into the abyss and then, bam! I wonder if that’s cause the air squeezed…” before she could fully nibble on that tasty brain nugget, Regan continued vouching for the suffocation model. Except— “Um, excuse me, I’m not the one taking all the air away. You should try not making it as hard to breathe around you” she scoffed, but like, she never wanted it to be easier. She liked the effect Regan had on her. She liked how gay her lungs got any time she was around. She didn’t banter anymore when she realized Regan was right. (For the first time ever) (Mark the date). Yup. Emilio might take an interest in their super amazing couch. With all the incredible extra knife space.  But then again, wasn’t Emilio totally spoiled by Teddy anyway? She could just refer him to Just Couches. It would be all kinds of cute to have matching ones. Especially since he kept passing on her double date ideas. “It’s gonna be fine, baby.” She nodded, more certain that Regan wasn’t actually right, it was just a false alarm.
The stroll came to a sudden stop. Which usually only happened for two reasons: One, Jade had spotted a new place to get food from, or two, Regan was sensing death. Since she was clearly not the one who stopped them (right?) (she looked around, nope), then it had to be option two: Regan had found something. Or was about to. Sure enough, she felt a tug that made her belly flutter, cause Regan was hot when she was on a mission. And so she picked up her pace to get to whatever was making her girl’s spidey sense go off. They took a sharp turn left and then it was right there, on the ground. She tilted her head, looking at the basket. Huh. But Regan was positive it was something dead. And she was failproof. “Maybe it’s like… a super special offering,” she pondered and ooooh, what could it be? Was it a squirrel, it would be all kinds of poetic, like a full circle type of thingy, right after securing their first piece of furniture for their first home. Home. 
Figuring Regan would call dibs on the basket anyway (as it was her right with anything dead), Jade lowered herself to the ground (it wasn’t too far anyway, haha she was short), sensing movement within. “Can the dead move?” She hoped the audience at home would’ve laughed that it was her, of all people, asking that question.
Regan picked up on the joking lightness in Jade’s tone, but she came in with a serious answer anyway (when didn’t she?). Jade’s dead moved, but those weren’t really dead. They were both referring to the cadavers that lined the morgue she missed every day. “Sometimes, if there are maggot masses under the skin, it can look like the dead are moving. It generates a lot of heat, too, you know. Sometimes nearly one hundred degrees.” She gave Jade a look out of the corner of her eye, most of her attention still on the basket. “You would think more humans might consider using maggot masses for some heat in the winter. Sometimes the others in Saol Eile would do that when the moors got too gusty.”
Regan lowered herself to the basket, slowly, as if it were a wild animal in need of taming. And who was to say there wasn’t something alive in there, too, rattling the basket back and forth? It was definitely moving now. “There’s death in there, I know it. But what if there’s… a cat? A live one? They would eat the dead, in fact.” Regan swallowed, hesitating. “We’re opening it, right?”
“That’s actually super cool,” freaky, but cool. Jade glanced at Regan, genuine curiosity sparkling in her gaze. It never ceased to amaze her just how smart her bone partner was. And like, she wanted to ask more, she wanted Regan to get that adorable look on her face she got any time she explained something nerdy to her. Soak up all the knowledge Regan didn’t want to use at the morgue anymore cause she was… trying to be something else. (She supported her in her discovery but…) (But). She was pretty sure the basket was already pulling much of the attention anyway, but they would have to pivot back to maggot masses cause… “I need to see pictures of that, were they like knitted or…” she cocked her head using her imagination, definitely ignoring the pang of annoyance (and hurt) that the mention of Saol Eile made her feel. 
Regan joined her on the ground, and Jade watched with a dopey smile how she approached the basket like she was kneeling to pet Lullaby. (It had yet to happen, but she envisioned it every day). She was so silly. The basket rattled, but she was too busy staring, until Regan spoke up again, strangely mentioning live cats too. It was the best kinda freaky when they were on the same wavelength. It was probably like, a rainbow wavelength. “Cats do eat the dead, and bring you dead things,” she hummed turning back to the basket. It was totally why she knew her cats would become besties with Regan eventually. But Regan sensed death, so they had to open it. Her love deserved all the dead things. “We’re so opening it, I’ve been ready” With an encouraging nod, Jade flicked the lid of the basket (more rattling), and then the protective piece of cloth covering the dead… “Cookies?” Nope. Not dead cookies. Just cookies. They smelled too nice to be dead. “Now I’m not the expert, but I don’t think cookies are supposed to rattle.”
Jade, as always, was completely correct about what constituted “cool”. Even “super cool”. Regan melted a little at the acknowledgement from someone so special, someone who saw so much in her, and nodded with satisfaction. “It is. Maybe after this we can find a nice maggot mass together. Far better than a photograph, don’t you think? Some photos. There must be something decomposing around here somewhere, and the sun is nearly setting, so I think it would be…” Regan’s breath hitched as Jade kneeled down, and she did the same, her focus now entirely on the basket.
Regan’s skin prickled when the basket opened, a chill against her already-chilled flesh. Did Jade notice? Jade seemed undeterred as she delicately folded the protective cloth over, and– “Um, yes, those look like cookies. Not even dead ones, just chocolate chip. Which is a good flavor, but inferior to the plain oatmeal cookie or sugar cookies. I don’t think cookies can be dead, given they’re never alive. Professional opinion from an Apple Store employee.” Then why did she still feel death? Regan placed her hand over Jade’s before Jade could reach for the cookies. “I think there’s something wrong with these… or the basket, or maybe even this spot.” Regan shook her head, her lips pressed thin. She knew it rattled. It wasn’t just in her head, was it? 
“Do you think they were left here for a reason?” Just as Regan asked, a loud, twisted voice rang out from the basket – it sounded like it came from an old woman, but when she looked, there was nothing but cookies. When it became obvious Jade didn’t hear the old woman, Regan tilted her head and tried to listen more closely. “There’s… I hear an old woman. She sounds nice, but a little, uh, pained, maybe. Um… something about a cold cookie curse on us?” Regan raised a brow and there was silence. “No, never mind, she says we aren’t cursed. The whole town is.”
Cookies and maggot masses weren’t like, at the top of Jade’s favorite date ideas, but actually? Any date was her ideal date when it was Regan by her side, so she couldn’t help the excitement fluttering in her belly at the thought of checking that concept off their list. But first? They had a mystery to solve. And luckily for everybody involved, two of the greatest minds in town were joining forces to get to the bottom of it. She got distracted, though… “Mmm, can you make me sugar cookies?” Regan was already a world renowned baker in her opinion. Everything she put in the oven turned to gold. (Not literally, obviously). But fine, this was about the non-dead cookies. She might as well sniff them to see if they smelled foul, right? Nope.  Before she could grab one, Regan’s hand was on hers. Oh, okay… No touchy, then. Got it. 
Something was definitely wrong with the cookies, but what? Regan leaned in to… um, listen to the cookies, which, alright. She was the one with the Spidey sense, Jade wasn’t gonna question it. She fully believed the cookies were talking to Regan, don’t get her wrong. Jade could, also, have a little fun with it. Everything about this was totally whimsical anyway. “You know what, I hear her too, she’s… hold on, she’s delivering a message for you,” staring at Regan with a playful glint in her eyes, Jade bent to the cookies’ level. “Uh-huh. Yup. I got it, she says: Listen to your bone partner, she’s right a hundred percent of the time,” she winked shamelessly, and satisfied with her mini performance, she grabbed the basket to get up. “What a sound old lady,” she swooned, offering a hand to Regan.  
And okay, “if the town is cursed, then we are in charge of breaking the curse, duh,” which sounded exactly like the type of side quest Jade was down for. She watched like, four seasons of Once Upon a Time, she knew about town curses. (She eventually dropped it cause she didn’t like them depicting Bo Peep as an evil woman) (How dare). Side note, of course they were the only ones iconic enough to escape the curse, that didn’t surprise her in the least. “I know you’ve been dabbling in heroics recently, most notoriously Terramoist, so I know you’re the perfect woman for the job,” Jade nodded confidently once Regan was back in her line of sight. Her mind was spinning with possibilities. “We probably have to deliver these to some ancient powerful spellcasters or something,” Ooh! What if the old lady Regan was hearing was trapped inside the cookies and delivering the basket to the wizard would unlock a— wait, shoot, Regan didn’t believe in magic. “Or um, ya know, those crooks who pretend they can do tricks and all?” she air quoted ‘tricks’. “Actually, maybe it’s a prank”.
The old woman’s voice croaked with coldness, making Regan’s arms prickle with gooseflesh. She muttered the woman’s words, repeating them only because they had an important weight to them. Not that Regan believed they were anything truly impactful, of course. “She’s still going, Um, she says… by hearth and flame, by night and day? What? What does that mean? Oh, let warmth from ovens fade away. I still don’t– oh, there’s more. Uh, from flour and sugar, cold be born, and let cookies chill from dusk til morn.” Regan paused because the voice seemed to be done now. She blinked at the absurdity of the situation. “Jade, why am I hearing poetry about cookies from an invisible old lady who feels dead?” But Regan had convinced herself she remained sane even after Terramoist and the human simulations, so was this really much stranger? The voice seemed to take a final breath and then fade away, a cold chill biting Regan’s already cold skin.
Jade really had a way of melting Regan’s concern away (or… maybe that was just being distracting). “It’s probably nothing. So many things in this town are nothing, you know. Just turn your head away and they disappear.” Just like how she wasn’t a banshee anymore. “I’ll make you whatever cookies you want– sugar, chocolate chip, marrow, you name it.” Hold on, Jade could hear her too? Something about that sounded like a lie – Jade’s honesty wasn’t what she claimed it to be. “That is not what she said. What old lady are you listening to?” Regan narrowed her eyes at Jade, but she could still feel death pulsing nearby, and a chill from the disembodied old woman’s voice lingered in the air. Regan was a little uneasy when she took Jade’s hand, though the warmth of her skin cut through her uncertainty. She looked back at the basket they were leaving behind, still stuffed full of inviting cookies. Maybe they should have taken them – the worms outside the cabin might have enjoyed the nourishment.
“We both know curses are nonsense. Not even in the realm of pseudoscience, like a lot of this town’s fascinations. Just utter nonsense. But…” But what? “I think we could use some cookies now, so I’ll listen to my bone partner just this once. Not these cookies, by the way. I wouldn’t eat anything that the old woman baked. She doesn’t even have a body.” Regan harrumphed. “And here I thought we’d find just that. A disappointment. Hm. So roadkill first, then cookies.” She gave Jade a playful jab with her elbow as they walked out the common. “Decomposition always stimulates the appetite.”
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takeariskao3 · 2 years ago
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i can’t wait for the sophie interaction you teased before. idk why but i LOVE when the exes talk to the main character i feel like they always let something slip and it gives all the angst.
- the sophie stan
crap now i can't remember what snippet i shared. should i share more? should i share the whole scene? no right?
ah what the heck. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
Grinning from ear to ear, Ginny collapsed into the chair across the table from Harry. The music blared loudly from some kind of electric speakers in the corner and the buzz of conversation in the crowded pub added to the noise. She felt alive for the first time in weeks. Blessedly relaxed now that they'd escaped the oppressive silence of a half-dead house.
“I LOVE IT HERE!”
Harry chuckled from behind his pint. "Yeah, now that you’ve cleaned everybody out.”
“No, not just that,” Ginny waved away her success in hustling darts. “They’ve got no clue, do they? About you, or me, or quidditch or any of it! We’re just people!”
He hummed, downing the last of his ale and pointing to Ginny’s watered down cocktail. “Are you done?”
Ginny swiped at her glass, hoping he didn’t see it was all ice. 
“Come on,” Harry reached for his coat. “You had your drink.”
“Just one more!” Ginny begged and she noticed him bite back a grin at her pleading tone. “It’s not even nine!”
He scowled at her from across the table, but she put on her most saccharine smile and after a couple lengthy seconds his shoulders slumped in defeat. 
“Fine,” He huffed, then held up an index finger. “One more.”
“Harry?” 
They looked up at the same time to see a girl about their age, with sleek blonde hair smiling down at them. She had a slight gap between her front teeth that didn’t at all detract from her looks. If anything, it added to her charm, offsetting her strong jaw and full lips.  
“Sophie!” Harry visibly swallowed. “I didn’t think you still worked here.”
“Oh, god no,” The girl called Sophie laughed. “I quit ages ago. Just come round to see the blokes and rub it in. How are you? I haven’t seen you since you moved to Sussex…”
Ginny watched in dreaded fascination as Sophie pulled up a chair and Harry launched into a quick story about Teddy. This was followed up by Sophie chatting animatedly about her mum’s salon business and her dog named Clive. 
Harry regarded her with a genuine smile on his face, though he kept shooting Ginny wary glances out of the corner of his eye. 
“Er,” Harry stammered once a story about Clive jumping from a moving motorcar wrapped up. “We were just about to grab another round, do you want one?”
Sophie laughed, looking taken aback. “Always the gentleman.”
“Really,” Harry smiled sheepishly. “It’s no problem…”
She shook her head. “Thanks, but I’m meeting friends.” 
Harry gave her a tightlipped smile and nodded once, then shot Ginny a terrified look before hurrying off to the bar. 
“God, he’s fit,” Sophie groaned, not bothering to hide the fact that she was staring directly at Harry’s arse. “Good in the sack too-”
Ginny choked on the ice she’d been chewing on, sputtering as watered down vodka stung the back of her nose. 
“Oh, sorry,” Sophie winced. “Have you guys not…?”
“N- no,” Ginny coughed. “It’s not… we’re not-”
“Woman to woman?” Sophie continued on, looking at Ginny seriously. “Don’t get too attached. He’s locked up tight, that one. Doesn’t let anyone in, and I don’t mean figuratively. We went out for months, and I never once saw his place.”
Ginny stared, her mouth slightly parted in utter shock.
“I mean it’s thrilling… for a time. He’s a mystery you can’t help but want to unravel, but then you never do and you’re just left with a headache.”
“We’re not together,” Ginny finally clarified, unsure if she could listen to another second without her head exploding. “I’m-” She cast about for anything she could say to a muggle, an actual muggle. “I’m his best friend’s little sister.”
“You’re Hermione’s sister?”
“N-” Ginny blinked several times. “You know Hermione?”
“Crazy hair, bit uptight?” Sophie scrunched her nose. “I don’t think she liked me very much.”
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lyon-amore · 2 years ago
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What if…? Duskwood Chapter 13
Chapter 12 ————————————————————————————-  
*Macie Pov*
Jake had suddenly changed after my comment. I didn’t dare to comment anything or ask if I had said something bad. So far I know he is a changing person, but for some reason. When I name some of his private life or as yesterday of working for him jokingly, he automatically creates that invisible wall in both of them, doing as if he doesn’t care. It doesn’t bother me, just ... makes me think that something bad can be happening in his life so as not to get involved me.
I've been trying to find more clues so I can meet him, but work has kept me busy and I've only been able to talk to Jessy to find out how she's doing after Dan's accident.
It is better not to think too much. Maybe it was because of the kidnapper's call that he was like this, worried about Hannah. Hannah… I feel so inferior to someone I don't know. Maybe because I've never had to compete for a man's heart.    "No... No! Come on Macie, don't be like that!" I sit up on the sofa, startling Henry who jumps to the floor. "You're investigating a kidnapped young woman, feelings don't matter here."     I have always taken research seriously, focused, and will continue to do so.    "But the bracelet... J.H." It had to be too much of a coincidence, right? Jake and Hannah. "He would have told me if it was his, I don't think it's cruel enough to accuse Jessy so I don't notice that he's Hannah's real lover." Lian and Aiden have made me go with them at the time of rest. It is not that I wanted to eat much. My head didn’t stop going around everything that happened yesterday and the bracelet. It was a bit like a roller coaster of accumulated emotions and not only for research, but also for work. I had argued again with Christian, wanted to make a report that everyone tried to obtain: the criminal that the government was looking for. Both Christian and I were Brian's friends, but clearly Christian for his highest position, wanted to talk about the subject and interview several agents.    "You should impose a little more Macie" Lian tells me, taking some buffet pasta ", you can't let them always manipulate and more Christian."    "And lose my job for fighting a superior? No, thanks."    "You are too good Macie." Aiden smile at me and I roll my eyes. "What? There is nothing wrong with that."     Yes is bad. Being a good person sometimes made them manipulate you easily and although my rebel stage was late, I never got angry when I should have done it. I accepted the criticism and kept quiet.    "But it's serious? Have you never argued with someone? " Ask me Aiden, sitting down.     I try to remember. I don't think I tell my discussion with Jake about Cleo and threatens the kidnapper, since he was nervous and worried.    "No, I haven’t really argued with anyone."    "Except with Christian." Lian points to me with the fork and Aiden nods.    "But with him it is different, in the end I have to shut up so as not to end up farewell."    "Yes, that's a bit screwed." says Aiden.     We change conversation to the anniversary party and receive a message from Richy. Before coming here, we had been talking about a mandatory dare that the children of Duskwood did, go to the forest to call the door of a house in the forest. A story that would have been more terrifying to tell at night, really. Although the most surprising thing was that he left his job to go to that house. As far as I know, Richy takes the job quite seriously to leave his job. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Richy Uhm Macie? I think I might have a problem ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
Seeing the photo of a bloodstained crow on the Rogers' garage door made me rise from my chair.    "What's up Macie?" Lian asks me.    "Are you okay? " Aiden's voice sounds concerned.    "I'm sorry, but I have to go." I say as I gather up my things.    "What? But we just arrived-"    "I know and I'm sorry." I apologize to Lian. "Let's talk later."     As I'm leaving the local, I'm sending the message to Richy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Macie Ok, that’s definitely a problem Richy 😕  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
With luck and starting to run, I get to the bus while I chat with Richy and Jessy in the 'Legends of Duskwood' group.
 I can't stop biting my nail, thinking about how he was able to draw that raven in such a short time. It was too perfectly painted, there didn't seem to be a splatter on the door. It's like it took a long time to do it.    << How long will it take to do it? >> 
We decided to discuss it in the group. There's still a bit to go before we reach the floor. I should have come earlier instead of letting my feelings control me. That was not what they taught me in the investigations. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
Jessy This all started when Alfie told Cleo that Hannah was taken into the forest by Te Man without a Face Thomas What? Cleo I was going to tell you about that Thomas Macie We only kept it a secret so that nobody would be worried ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I answer to keep the calm of the chat. Although only one person seems not to understand. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Lilly Sorry, I didn't quite get that. WHAT are you doing exactly?? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I roll my eyes at her question. So far, Lilly hasn't helped us enough, let alone say she hasn't helped me at all. All she has done is complain and doubt my investigations. It makes me very angry to talk to her. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Macie Finding your sister, Lilly ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 She doesn't answer, so Jessy, Richy and I continue on the subject, but Lilly interrupts again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Lilly Does that actually mean that Richy is in real danger? That he is going to get taken next? Do I understand this correctly? Richy Nooo, it can have a variety of different meaning Macie Someone wants to scare us Richy Uhm yeah, something like that 😅 I bet that wasn’t even real blood 🙄 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I find it a bit weird. I'll keep it to myself for now until we talk about it.
Lilly starts to get angry, she even accuses Jessy for getting into all this after wanting to stay out of this. I try to defend our theory that Hannah had an image of the raven, trying to make her understand that her sister was interested in the story, but it only causes her to accuse me of it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Lilly Cleo was in danger because of you. The threat from this lunatic was geared towards you and you alone Macie He was  going to send the video to everyone sooner o later Lilly I don’t want Macie to be part of this group anymore ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 She writes it so fast that it makes me start to get angry, squeezing the phone tightly in my hands.
She continues to accuse me of being to blame for this whole thing. I didn't choose to have Hannah send my message to Thomas, I had nothing to do with it. Even the kidnapper isn't supposed to know that I'm investigating Hannah's disappearance. Did Lilly really want to kick me out? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Lilly All you have to do is listen to the words in the video If Macie doesn’t leave this group it is going to get worse! Macie You are really going to listen to the kidnapper? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is then that I read the most childish and ridiculous that I have ever read in a chat, which makes me think about how much I can't stand Lilly. She has stayed with crossed hands while we have been trying to know why Hannah was kidnapped. So difficult it is to accept my help? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Lilly I want to have a vote Cleo Lilly, are you really sure about that? Lilly Yes You have to make a decision whose side you are on Macie Your request is totally ridiculous Lilly Spare me please If you are on the side of Macie, you are against me Make your choice ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 But how old is she to act like that? Fourteen? She's acting like a kid making sides.
 I try to convince the group not to vote against me. The first to log out is Thomas. Just the person who got me into all this, really? Couldn't you have refused to vote?
 I get off the bus stop, shaking with anger. I can't meet Jake like this, it would worry him a lot.
 I approach the cafeteria and ask myself for an infusion to calm down. I feel like I'm going to break my phone because of how much I'm squeezing it, I even have the red marks.
 Lilly reappears after a while. And as soon as I see her connect, I ask for another infusion, feeling furious. I can't even see her name anymore. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lilly Did everyone think about it? Macie I did and I will stay Lilly I am not talking to you ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "My God, you are... Ugh!" I loose between my teeth, avoiding not to shout in the local.     She just got promoted from people I hate.
 I read how Jessy and Cleo defend me and vote in my favor so that I stay in the group. Lilly clearly gets upset and reminds Cleo that she has been filmed by the kidnapper, along with a threat.    "How about you just continue to stay out of it?" I ask the air, typing my words.     What good is it to us that she is in the group if she collaborates? In truth, all she is doing with this stupid vote is delaying it. She then tries to convince Thomas that Hannah would be the next person to get hurt because of me, but what is she saying?! How can she scare him like that?! Unfortunately for me, Thomas sides with Lilly, something I don't understand. He himself was the one who got me into all this and now he wants to get me out? But why? If the kidnapper had wanted to hurt Hannah, he would have done it long ago. Disappointed but not surprised. Shit Lilly… You can't use his fear to do this.
 I get up from the table continuing the conversation. Richy refuses to vote, really Richy? Couldn't you have sided with me at least to shut her up? I'm going up the stairs and then I notice something strange on my phone. The screen starts to shake? 
The image of an eye appears in it, but that is not what surprises me the most. I'm near the door and what I hear leaves me completely breathless. Since I had the volume of my phone turned down when I was surrounded by people, I don't hear his distorted voice. I can hear Jake's voice perfectly angry.  "You are making a big mistake with this vote" Hearing him speak to the group like that makes my heart skip a beat “Hannah disappears and the only thing that you have is the cell phone number she sent.“ I squeeze the phone hard after hearing him say those words, why don't they understand? “The person behind this number is an important piece of the puzzle in the search. There is no way that I’m going to accept the fact that you looking to remove the puzzle piece." I lean against the door, listening more closely. Hearing him defend me makes me smile. I feel warm "Be aware that all of you digital activities are monitored and recorder by me. There for you should focus on finding the identity of the real perpetrator except of wasting our time." Okay, threatening them may cost us a bit expensive, but I have to admit... It sounded pretty sexy. I wonder what expression he will have. "In order to find Hannah you need us both, don't forget that... "
 ''Us both''. My body trembles after listening to him. He has really shocked me after completely ignoring me during lunch yesterday. I want to believe that it was more than finding Hannah, but because I couldn't control the situation. Help me.
 The chat continues, with Richy subtly commenting on what happened. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Richy …I don't have to ask if you just saw this right now, do I? 😶 Macie I didn't tell him to do that 😳 Jessy This guy is soooo creepy Thomas Does he want us to be scared of him now or what? Macie He just want to protect me ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 It's what it does, right? I look at the door placing a hand on it. I want to call but I'm scared What if he gets mad that I'm there? I want to be able to thank him.
 Lilly logs off. I guess Jake's warning scared her. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Jessy He seems to really like you Macie Macie I was just as surprised as you Richy Well, I guess then the vote is postponed for now ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little by little they are all disconnecting and I can see Jake connected. I doubt whether to speak to him or whether to knock on the door.
 I have to thank him well. I'm not sending him a message knowing I'm here.
 I knock on the door like I always do, but since my hand is shaking, I give it too many. Jake opens the door and I stare at him. I can see how tense he is, but when he sees me, little by little he seems to calm down, almost as if he doesn't want me to see him like that. So far I haven't realized it, but I'm breathing too much. I don't know how to act knowing that I've heard him. I'm controlling myself so I don't jump into his arms. I wish I had seen him instead of heard him.    “That was… pretty impressive just now.” I finally say, trying to meet his eyes. I feel like if I did it now, I'd pass out.     Jake finally relaxes and slowly gives me a smile, then winks at me. I let out a slightly nervous laugh. He steps to the side, not erasing the smile.    “Do you want to come in?” He asks me, without erasing the smile.     I can see the ego through the glint in his eyes. He really has shown off in the chat and he doesn't hide it.    "I'd love to." I finally reply.     I walk into the apartment and he closes the door behind me.    "How do you feel?" He asks me, while he follows me.    "How I feel?" I leave my bag on the chair while I take off my sweatshirt, now I start to get nervous "Lilly almost gets what she wants: kick me out."    "You have to understand her," Jake looks at me calmly, "her sister is kidnapped, although I understand, this hasn't been good for you."    "I have declared her as my number one enemy on the planet," I replied, crossing my arms, "with that I tell you everything."     His laugh calms me down a bit. I sit at the desk and take three deep breaths. Nervous about what happened. They could have kicked me out… I was afraid for a second that maybe it could be my fault for real. But he couldn't let Lilly see it.
 I feel Jake next to me and I let him run his hand through my hair, pushing it out of my face. I look up and melt at the way he looks at me. I sit up better, placing my hands on the desk, squeezing hard. Isn't this the moment in the movies when the boy kisses the girl or is it just because I want it?    "What do you think Dan will do?" He asks me, breaking the atmosphere a bit.     I didn't want to talk about this.    "Him and Lilly get along too well" I say, remembering that chat where Lilly asked him to come over to her house at night ", clearly he'll take her side." Disappointed though I am, I smile at Jake. "But I think your message has made them quite clear."    "I'll do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen again."     I take his hand and whisper 'thank you'. He corresponds to me but very carefully. The delicacy he has when treating me makes me feel special. *Jake POV*
Although I have risked being able to locate me by entering a chat, I could not sit and watch as Lilly wanted to vote Macie out of the group. Part of this is my fault, I could have gotten her into this, so it's the least I can do for her even though it may have some consequence. I've really gotten pretty angry, not with Lilly, because I get it from her, but with Thomas. He received her number and decided to also include her in all this, to later abandon her to the fate of the group. What was he thinking? 
I stroke Macie's hand to calm her down. I didn't think something like this would happen. Then I tell myself that I shouldn't cross the line, but I can't stop myself from wanting to have some contact with her. 
I hear a warning from the computer and that makes me jerk my hand away. Macie looks at me confused. I swallow nervously.    "I have to take care of something." I say as quickly as I can, returning to the computer. "Do you think you'll have time to come tomorrow?"    "Yes" she replies, getting down from the table. ". Sorry I didn't come today, Lian and Aiden dragged me out to eat."     I make an annoyed sound. I envy Aiden, he can be with her in public without any problem. I took enough of a risk when we first met, but I needed to know what kind of person was behind that number. I already take risks even when I have to buy food or drinks in order to survive a little somehow.    "I guess the group has interrupted your date." I says, trying not to sound annoyed.    "Well, at least something good has come out of all this," she replies, with a smile. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She takes another bag from her bag, with food "I didn't know if I was coming, but I've prepared something for you anyway... "     I accept the bag and nod.    "Thanks Macie."    "You're welcome Jake." She begins to pull on her sweatshirt. "And thank you also for what you have done for me."    "Don't give them to me, I had to." I replied with a smile.    "Of course." He gives a small laugh and heads for the door. "I hope I can come tomorrow Jake."    "I'll be waiting for you then, Macie."     She waves goodbye as she leaves the apartment. 
I sit in the chair and start to look at the ceiling, thinking about her. That boy is too lucky to be with her every day, in full view of people.    "I wish I could be the one to invite you to eat..."
Chapter 14 
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ureunyung · 10 months ago
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Anyone who tells you self-diagnosis is stupid and harmful to whatever community either hasn’t had to deal with bigotry in the medical system or just doesn’t care about bigotry in the medical system.
When I got diagnosed with OCD, I was extremely shocked because it was the absolute last thing I thought I had. But like looking over the symptoms and behaviors, it began to make more sense. I remember my mother being upset on the ride home and coming home, hesitantly telling my siblings, and having them completely deny it and tell me it wasn’t true. Even a diagnosis wasn’t enough for most of the people in my life to take me seriously.
I spoke to my psychiatrist not too long after and he kept asking me the same question over and over again with no clarification. “Is there something you should be doing right now?” All I could think was, “Idk, is there?” I started naming off my chores because I had no clue what he was talking about and he told me that isn’t what he was talking about. He refused to elaborate what he meant and after coming to the conclusion that I could not give him the answer he wanted, he turned to my mother and said, “I don’t think she has OCD.”
I felt absolutely shattered hearing that because OCD was explaining a lot of things for me. I had constant compulsions that made it near impossible to function without doing them the exact way I did them every day. My intrusive thoughts were so intense that I’d avoid conversation with people all of the time. I couldn’t leave my house because thousands of thoughts controlled how I lived my life. If anyone moved any of my stuff even slightly, I’d have to throw it out/never touch it again because my brain would not let me.
I genuinely felt like every step I’d taken to get better had fallen apart.
I remember hearing my psychiatrist and mom hold a conversation about kids mimicking what they see online and how I need to put the phone down. I felt absolutely defeated for the longest time. I never got an official evaluation, and I don’t know if they revoked my diagnosis or not, but I know he simply didn’t believe me at all and neither did most other people I knew.
Every single symptom I had lined up perfectly with OCD and when I was told I was faking, I held the assumption that I was just crazy. That every single thing I’d done was in my head. Around this time, I stopped talking to people again and stopped leaving my room once more. I had drawn this conclusion that I was genuinely crazy and I didn’t want to lie to anyone else about it again.
So many people have this idea that anyone who self-diagnosis is out to spread negativity, but it’s extremely helpful if you’re doing it right. I know so many people whose self-diagnosis has lead to an actual one. And even then, some people whose self diagnosis has helped them cope and learn how to better deal with their every day struggles.
As a Black woman, I understand how difficult the medical community is towards us and how little research they put into mental health in regards to people who are AFAB in general.
The idea that “suddenly everyone is ND” fails to factor in the failure the medical industry has towards how mental health and/or disabilities affect the brain of a person who is AFAB.
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another-dr-another · 1 year ago
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advance
Tumblr media
Maeda, narrating …ZZnnnss…
Maeda - …Zzz…
Maeda - …
Maeda - Snnnzzzzz…
~*~
//Maeda is asleep… but he’s in that hazy stage, where he can still process things, but can’t quite understand them. He’ll “wake up”, but sleep keeps its hold on him enough that he doesn’t really commit things to memory, or process what’s going on enough for it to wake him up further…
Maeda - …Nzzz…
//And it’s in this sleepy haze that-
Maeda - …
//-He shifts somewhat, and with bleary eyes still mostly shut, aided heavily by the sounds his ears pick up on-
Maeda - …?
//-He realizes something has slid… somewhere in front of him. However, too asleep to be concerned, he shuts his eyes completely, and settles back down to sleep.
Maeda - …Zzznz…
//In the morning, it’ll come back to him in whispered fragments-
??? - …Ah- …huh?
??? - …
??? - Wait, wait- how long have you been-
??? - …Was it…
??? - Jesus, okay…
??? - No, no, don’t worry…
??? - Yeah, no, just go ahead-
//Who’s to say how much time went by between that, and…
Maeda - …
//Maeda’s brain finally receives enough simulation for it to be somewhat roused…
Maeda - …Nnn… huh…?
//As the door creaks slightly, swinging open, letting light flood in once more.
Maeda - …Wh- what…?
//In the morning, Maeda won’t recall how much time passed, nor how many times he fell back asleep… but Maeda will recall seeing…
Maeda - …Someone’s… at the door…
Maeda  - I don’t… get it…
//The image of someone’s silhouette lit up by the lights of the hallway, just staying in the doorway will stick in Maeda’s memory.
Maeda - …Are they…? Sitting?...
Maeda - Mmm…
//Maeda tries to force his eyes to open further, but just can’t- they’ve already grown used to being shut by sleep, so trying to wrench them open is too uncomfortable.
Maeda - …Mlem…
Maeda - I wanna… wanna go back to bed…
//Maeda gives a small yawn, but before it can truly begin, he’s back asleep…
Maeda - …
Maeda - ……- !
//Until that’s interrupted once more, by the lighting changing once again. Maeda’s eyes whip open-
Maeda - !?...
Maeda - Ugh, asshole…
//Someone’s standing in the doorway- but wait! They’re gone…
Maeda - Mmmm…
//They take the light from the hallway with them, for once Maeda realizes they’re gone, he realizes the door has swung shut. All that's left are the gentle lights Tsurugi brought in to illuminate the room before the sleepover- they’re soft, and familiar enough for Maeda to drift back to sleep, finally content…
Maeda - …Zznnz…
Maeda - Szzznn…
//In the morning, Maeda will realize that he started to hear sounds at some point, but stayed asleep…
Maeda - Ssszznz…
//Then, things got louder…
??? - I don’t know what you — —- — 
??? - But, seriously-
??? - …
??? …Oh my God.
//It’s silent- but just for one tense second…
??? - Did- Did you just kill somebody?
//There’s another voice- previously unintelligible, but now, Maeda can pick out and piece together what they’re saying- though context clues have been crucial this entire conversation.
???2 - Huh?!
???2 - I don’t know what you’re-
//The two begin to speak over one another- Maeda can no longer pick things out-
Maeda - …Shuddup… You’re gonna wake everyone up, ‘nd we’re all trying to sleep…
//There’s a soft thump. Then…
Maeda - …
Maeda - Can I finally sleep now…
//Maeda hears some sort of… sniffle, or a whimper-
Maeda - …
//Maeda’s mind is once again taken over by sleep. 
??? - …
//But in the morning, he’ll be able to recall hearing a sob, and the sound of shuffling from where he was hearing the voices.
Maeda - Zzzns-
Maeda - I fucking hate sleepovers.
//There’s a light again- the source isn’t as large as when the door to the hallway was open, but this one is closer to Maeda, and it’s brighter. 
Maeda - I should’ve gone back to my dorm to sleep…
//Maeda hears… some noise- all he can think to compare it to is white noise.
Maeda - Mmm… actually, could I just leave, and go sleep in my dorm…?
//…And Maeda- he knows he hears something but this noise is too faint for him to further describe it-
Maeda - !
//The light suddenly grows in intensity- before it fades back down to the level it’s been at. Maeda, so very tired, gives a quiet cry, and tries to toss his blanket over his head, but fails, and settles for tossing and turning a bit, before he settles on his side, no longer facing the light.
Maeda - …
//This solution works well for Maeda- he’s able to… not quite fall back asleep, but drift off to a state of rest, despite everything that goes on around him. For in the morning, Maeda won’t be able to recall a single detail, too asleep when it happened- but he will recall that once again, he heard noises. This went on for some time, too quiet for him to pick anything out, and further distorted by the white noise-like sound, but there was something happening. 
Maeda - …
//There’s a moment of silence, with only the white noise. When the other sounds pick back up, the moment of clarity is enough for Maeda to realize he’s hearing words, though he still can’t understand them.
Maeda - …
//Maeda becomes truly comfortable, and begins to drift off.
Maeda - Zzzssss…
//And he stays that way, even when the white noise goes away, and the light turns off. There’s a pause, where nothing happens- and then once again, there’s some sort of soft noise by Maeda. These noises go on for longer, and Maeda can’t quite tell where they’re coming from.
Maeda, unbothered - Sssnnnnz…
Maeda - …Znnssnz…
//And as Maeda drifts to sleep…
??? - …
//Someone in the room is thinking. About the inevitability of death. About the world outside. About how urgently they need an escape to appear.
Maeda - Ssnzzz…
//And with not a single student awake- Maeda falls into a sleep, light and easy, where the world is gentle and pure, and not a single student has ever been hurt while at Hopes Peak Academy.
~*~
Maeda, narrating - Zsnnn…
Maeda - …Nzzzsssn…
Maeda - …
Maeda - …Sznn…
[Wake Up]
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ace-oreos · 1 year ago
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Squad Four, Coruscant Guard: Ch. 4
Kel gets more clues about what's going on in the Coruscant Guard, and a certain marshal commander makes his entrance.
“Kel, can you do me a favor?”
Kel looked up. Seeing as Nines was doing the asking, he knew to be wary. “What is it?”
“Can you run these to the medbay?” His brother waved a stack of flimsi. “They’re just requisition forms and the like,” he added, catching Kel’s questioning look. “Puck likes to have them on hand.”
“Why can’t you bring them?” Kel asked even as he hopped off his chair and held his hand out. He didn’t mind the errand, especially since he still had yet to make the acquaintance of the Guard’s CMO, but he was learning that a little pushback kept Nines humble.
“Because I know you take duty too seriously to refuse.” Nines grinned as he handed off the forms. “Mind you don’t drop them - Puck is picky about how they’re ordered.”
“In that case, I’ll just tell him you sent me.” Kel snapped off a salute for good measure - never mind that they were indoors and unhelmeted, and Nines wasn’t due a salute anyway - and started off towards the medbay. 
This area of the base was quieter; no one came this way unless they had a reason. Kel himself hadn’t been here since the day Nines gave him a tour. It was probably for the best. If Kel was out of commission, there was no one to fill his spot, even temporarily. Strictly speaking, Kel wasn’t supposed to be aware of this - but any day with Flip and Nines proved to be an educational one. 
He ducked into the medbay. The first thing he noticed was the distinct, harsh smell of antiseptics. The second thing he noticed was that the room appeared to be empty. Thinking he might as well leave the forms and spare himself another trip, Kel searched for somewhere to set the flimsi down where it could be easily spotted.
No sooner had he taken another step, however, than a trooper with medic’s insignia on his armor materialized from behind a thin curtain. Kel had enough time to notice that he looked tired and in need of a haircut before he found himself being bustled onto an exam table.
“What’s the problem?” the man asked brusquely. He pulled on a pair of gloves and produced something that was probably a scanner of some sort faster than Kel could interject. “Well?” he prompted, looking Kel over. “The sooner you tell me, the sooner I can treat you.”
“There’s no problem,” Kel said quickly. “I was just dropping these off.” 
The medic took the proffered flimsi and flicked through it. “Just in time, too - for all the good it does,” he added, more to himself than Kel.
Kel frowned. “What do you mean?”
“For every five supply requests I put in, maybe one of them is filled,” his brother said. He waved an impatient hand, still scanning the forms. “It’s been that way since I got promoted and from the looks of things it isn’t likely to change anytime soon. You’d think we wouldn’t have a shortage, being in the Senate’s backyard, but here we are.”
Even though he spoke matter-of-factly, clearly resigned to the circumstances, Kel felt a pang in his stomach. It made sense that infantry units might experience supply shortages or delays from time to time as they were ferried from one battlefront to the next; the Guard, however, was hardly a front-line force. But that doesn’t mean we don’t need a functioning medbay, Kel thought with a familiar spike of anger. He felt much the same as he had during his short-lived conversation with the representative from Malastare a few weeks ago.
“That’s not right,” he said once his emotions were in check. “That shouldn’t be happening.”
The medic looked up at that, mouth open to respond. Then he closed it again and gave Kel a careful once-over. “When did you report in?”
“About two and a half months ago.”
“That explains it,” the other trooper said with a wry smile. “Name’s Puck. You’re Sergeant Relay’s ninth man, aren’t you? Kel, isn’t it? How are you liking the Guard so far?”
There were several things Kel wanted to say - namely that it was becoming more and more apparent that the veteran troopers knew something he didn’t, and that they seemed incapable of giving him a straight answer whenever he asked about it - but he finally settled on, “Never a dull moment around here, that’s for sure.”
Puck raised an eyebrow. “Keeps you on your toes, doesn’t it?”
“More than I expected,” Kel admitted. “I’m still getting used to it.”
“Well, we’re glad to have you,” Puck said. “Force knows we can use the help.”
Kel knew a chance when he saw one. “I’ve been wondering about that, actually.” He paused, wondering how to proceed without giving himself away. “Is every unit like that? It just seems strange, is all - I thought our job would be pretty straightforward.”
Puck had a knowing look. “You aren’t the first shiny to wonder what’s wrong with the Coruscant Guard. We’ve all been through it.” 
Throwing caution to the wind, Kel burst out, “What’s going on? And why won’t anyone talk about it? Nines warned me that being in the Guard is complicated, but he never told me why. And the day I was on escort duty, I - ”
He fell silent when Puck held up a hand. “There’s a reason for everything we do - and everything we don’t do,” the medic said quietly. “We have to watch our step more than the infantry or other combat units, for better or for worse.  I’m sure you’ve realized not everything is as it seems on Coruscant.”
“I just don’t understand why.”
“There are several reasons,” Puck said. He met Kel’s eyes. “All you need to know is that every rule we have exists for a reason. We have a lot of eyes on us. As long as you follow orders, you have nothing to worry about.”
“What about - ”
But Puck was shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Kel. That’s as much as you need to know.”
For a moment Kel was tempted to demand Puck tell him more. I still have questions, he wanted to protest. But one look at Puck told him the medic wasn’t going to be divulging anything more anytime soon. Besides, he knew a dismissal when he heard one. 
Suppressing a sigh, Kel pushed himself up. “I should go. Relay will be looking for me.”
“Thanks for bringing these,” Puck said, organizing the flimsi with deft hands. “I appreciate it.” He smiled as he spoke, but there was a warning in his eyes. 
Kel was clearly supposed to follow his lead. “Happy to help.” 
He didn’t say anything else as Puck led him to the exit. After Puck thanked him again, Kel slowly made his way back to barracks. So there was more to the story after all. Only no one will come out and say what it is, he thought, trying to quell his frustration. Or what to do about it.
One question only led to another, it seemed. Kel glanced at his chrono and sighed. He was scheduled for a patrol in a few minutes; questions would have to be put aside for the time being. 
The patrol turned out to be mercifully uneventful. Once he debriefed with the oncoming shift, Kel headed for the mess hall. He was halfway through his meal when Relay sat down across from him.
“The commander wants to see you,” the sergeant said without preamble. Kel’s stomach dropped. “Report to his office once you’re done.”
Kel managed an automatic “Yes, Sarge” and hoped he sounded calmer than he felt. A meeting with Commander Fox can’t be good. He finished his meal without tasting it, returned his tray, then set off for the commander’s office. His heart raced in his chest, and he felt his palms growing slick under his gloves. 
It seemed to take far longer than it should have to reach Fox’s office, but at last he arrived. Kel took a slow breath to steel himself and knocked. When the door slid open, he marched through before he could think twice about it. 
The commander was seated behind a small desk. Kel came to attention in front of it and announced with more confidence than he felt, “Sir, CT Zero-Nine-One-Eight.”
He thought Fox might have been smiling. “Take a seat, Private.”
Kel sat. Fox didn’t say anything more right away, allowing Kel his first proper look at the senior commander of the Coruscant Guard. His armor was decorated with the same red and white as his troopers, but it had clearly seen better days. So had the helmet sitting on the desk. Risking a glance higher, Kel saw that Fox’s face was lined with exhaustion. The deep circles under his eyes looked more like bruises. 
Fox propped his elbows on his desk. “Congratulations on lasting this long.”
“Thank you, sir,” Kel said uncertainly. 
“Relay reports you’ve been doing well,” Fox continued. “He says you take orders well and learn quickly. I’m glad Nines hasn’t rubbed off on you too much.”
Kel tamped down on the urge to grin. “Not for lack of trying, sir.”
“I’m sure,” Fox said drily. “I know all about Nines and his… methods.” 
“He’s certainly persistent, sir,” Kel agreed. But that’s not the reason I’m here, is it. 
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” the commander said as though he’d overheard Kel’s thoughts. “Unfortunately, cramming in a meeting is easier said than done. But I want to say this now while I still have the chance.”
He paused then. Kel’s heart sank. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, but he forced himself to wait until Fox was done. 
“Puck told me about your conversation earlier,” Fox went on. Kel bit his lip, but the commander’s tone wasn’t accusing. “Believe me, I understand your concerns - and your frustration. If it helps at all, you aren’t the only one who’s frustrated.” 
“But you can’t tell me anything else, can you, sir,” Kel said quietly. 
“Not as much as you’d like.” Fox sighed. “But I can tell you this much: the Senate has more influence over the GAR than you might think. And whatever decisions they make, there’s almost always an ulterior motive. We have to deal with the fallout. That’s why I need soldiers like you who don’t question orders, even when it seems like they don’t make sense.”
Kel’s thoughts raced. “Why isn’t there a way to stop it? Chancellor Palpatine is commander-in-chief, he has the authority - ”
“The Chancellor is commander-in-chief of the entire Grand Army,” Fox interrupted. “The Guard is one unit. He has more pressing issues than playing referee.”
Kel rather thought that making sure a unit the size of the Guard - particularly a unit tasked with protecting the heart of the Republic - was functioning smoothly seemed important. But he knew better than to say so. It’s not right, he thought passionately. We serve the Republic, and no one is willing to stick their neck out for us? Even Chancellor Palpatine? He should be the first to advocate for us. 
“Kel.” Fox was watching him closely. “I need to know that you understand.”
I don’t understand, sir. 
Kel gritted his teeth. “I understand, Commander.”
“Good.” Fox leaned back in his chair, surveying Kel with an expression he couldn’t read. “You’re a good soldier, Kel. The Guard needs you - I need you - to keep being a good soldier. Dismissed.” 
“Sir,” Kel said, and stood. 
He strode back to barracks in tight, quick steps. He didn’t have a name for the feelings rising in his chest, only that it made his fists clench and his heart hammer. He wasn’t sure who he was angry with, either. The commander? The Senate? 
Like Puck, Fox seemed to accept the Guard’s lot. They shouldn’t. And I don’t, Kel decided. Even if he didn’t have the first clue what he was going to do, having a direction gave him comfort. 
Flip pounced as soon as the barracks door opened. “What was that about?” he demanded. “Relay said you had a meeting with the commander.”
Did I ever. Kel shut his eyes. There was too much to think about, too much to wonder. “It was nothing,” he said wearily. “Nothing at all.”
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winns-stuff · 2 years ago
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LO CONFESSION:
I won’t lie, about the reveal of the fastpass with Hermes and Persephone with Apollo coming back I really had a hard time feeling anything about it. I hate to even admit this because I understand about why this should’ve been a bigger moment and why I should at least be excited that Apollo is finally being dealt with I find myself lacking in all emotion about it.
Now before I say anything I wanna clarify that in no way am I saying “I don’t care that Persephone is confronting her abuser”, that’s not what I’m trying to say at all. I am glad that he is being dealt with and hopefully this time it will be by Persephone’s hands and Persephone’s hands only because I feel like since her trauma is so overlooked by the comic this could really be her chance to literally take it back and be in full control of it. I’m happy that he’s finally being addressed and I hope that the comic actually punishes him and not just let him off so easy like they’ve genuinely been doing this entire time. And what I mean by that is that Apollo literally has no consequences for anything, every time we’ve seen Apollo he’s gotten away with things and I can understand if the narrative writes it like that on purpose so that it’ll be realistic but at the same time it doesn’t feel like the narrative itself even wants to deal with him. His character gets slaps on his wrists not because it’s intended to but because they want to move onto something else, for the trauma he’s caused to be this great it doesn’t actually feel like it’s important and I hate that.
But back to my main point about Persephone and the red eyes. First off I just want to say that they should’ve just kept the red eyes for wrath and anger, I really do think it would’ve been more impactful since we know that that’s the only emotion that comes with it and this would be an amazing time to be furious. Second, I wish Persephone would actually look pissed off when the red eyes come on I hate that she’s always smiling and in a way yeah it could be creepy and unsettling but I just wish to see more range with it but that’s just a personal nitpick. Third off is I have a hard time taking them serious now, the comic has used Persephone’s red eyes and her anger in general as a joke so many times it’s hard to convince myself that this is actually something that won’t be taken as a joke. As much as I have hope that there won’t be any jokes made or implied both during this confrontation and after it I already know that LO has a very hard time taking itself seriously so I wouldn’t be surprised if jokes would be made even when it’s nowhere near necessary. Fourth is I feel like there was little to no build up to this whole thing, I don’t feel like this is what I’ve been waiting for and I don’t believe that this is even a big moment. There’s nothing satisfying for me about this confrontation and it genuinely upsets and disappoints me entirely, I feel like they’ll be no resolve or the resolve will just be very rushed and underwhelming which is annoying to me because I would like to see this situation finally have importance and be acknowledged as important by this comic.
I know how serious this conversation is and everyone else in the fandom does as well but I hate that the comic acts as if they have no clue why this whole thing is important. I don’t want jokes being made, I don’t want light atmosphere, I don’t want “funny faces”, I don’t want anything that would take away from the scene. I want this scene to be powerful and I want them to deliver true justice to Persephone not half ass it like they always fucking do. Which is why I’m writing this confession, I want all of these things to happen but I know more than anyone that I’ll be disappointed yet again by this comic. I know that they won’t give this situation any integrity or respect at all and I know they’ll treat it like it’s one big fucked up joke because they always do, and I’ll be the one left angry and upset because once again LO has failed to deliver what it’s promised to fans for the 1000th time.
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lovemesomesurveys · 2 years ago
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This time last year, what was happening in your life? It’s pretty wild to look back at this time last year and have absolutely how badly things would take a turn in a couple months. I really wasn’t doing well health wise, but I never thought I’d wind up in the hospital for 3 months with everything so out of whack and almost dying twice (I did once).
Did you/will you have coffee or some other form of caffeine today? Of course I will. Ya’ll should know me by now. I have my Starbucks Doubleshot white chocolate energy drink right now.
Who did you last have a text conversation with and what was it about? My mom. She had asked me to do something for her and I had some questions about it. I also had to show her a couple things. 
Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yeah.
Do you bathe your pets regularly? She gets bathed every few months. It’s actually better not to do it too often.
Do you have a mailbox or do you collect your mail from the post office? We have a mailbox. 
What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? Yes, I last saw my doggo. 
Have you ever had an ear infection? I have. They’re quite unpleasant. 
If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I want to finish the rest of the new season of You. I watch it with my mom and brother, so with their varying schedules it can take us awhile to finish a show. If I were watching it by myself, I would have been done in two days (one day for the first half that was released and another day for the rest).
Would you have any clue when your best friend last got their hair cut? I think my mom cut her hair a couple months ago.
Someone messages you just as you’re about to go to sleep. Do you reply? A text message? I likely wouldn’t even check it. Or, I’d read it and not reply until later on. 
Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. My doggo does and it’s really cringey because you can hear her teeth grinding together. 
Have you ever been hospitalized due to dehydration? Well, dehydration was part of it. It was a small part of many issues I had going on. 
Is there anything you need to remember to do before the day ends? Hmm. Nope, don’t think so. 
When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly, or do you blast it? I like to be able to hear a little background noise to be aware in case something important happens or someone calls me. 
What’s your favorite online radio site? I very rarely use them anymore, but I do like Pandora. 
Do your parents have any authority over who you date? I mean, no, seeing how I’m 33 years old, but that being said their opinion very much matters to me. It’s important to me that my parents like them and they like my parents. If there were any issues or concerns, I’d want to hear them. Ultimately, it’s my decision but I would listen to what they had to say and take it seriously. I’d want to be able to work it out and not have any issues. 
How many different shades of nail polish do you have? Zero.
What did you have for breakfast this morning? My usual Cream of Wheat. 
Are you lucky enough to have an ice maker in your refrigerator door? I wouldn’t consider myself lucky if I had one or unlucky that I don’t. I don’t even use ice, so it doesn’t matter to me.
Are you the type to wake up before the sun has even risen? Some nights, even having taken my sleepy time meds, I wake up a couple times before the sun comes up. It’s super annoying. Thankfully. I typically go back to sleep, but I love the nights when I’m actually able to sleep all the way through. 
Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? I have, actually. I can’t remember what It was called at the moment, but it was a show a friend had gotten me into. 
Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I mean, I certainly could, but I’ll spare you for now. 
Do you have a favorite towel? What color is it? No. 
Have you seen any films with Judy Garland in them?: I’ve only seen The Wizard of Oz. 
How did you feel when you woke up today? Why? >> tired. kind of sad. because that's just how it is sometimes? I don't know, man. <<<< Oh, do I understand that feeling all too well.
Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? My mom.
When was the last time you saw them? This afternoon before she went to work.
Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? No.
What are you listening to? A YouTube video about Disneyland ride history. 
What year are you/did you graduate? I graduated with my BA in 2015.
Are you obsessed with anything? I tend to get that way with shows and movies I really enjoy.
Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Mmmm, waffles.
Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? Non-diet.
Do you like seafood? Blech, no.
Are you craving anything right now? My Doritos Locos taco that I’m about to eat.
Do you dress appropriately for your age? I think my leggings and oversized graphic tees are appropriate attire.
If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you buy them? Yeah, I think I would.  
How long is your hair? It’s choppy and short. My ends barely reach my neck.
Do you like your neighbors? I don’t have any issues with them. I don’t even know them.
What’s your school motto? --
Has a bird ever flown into your window?  Nooo.
Which word did you say first, mama or dada? I think I said, “mama”, first. 
How old were you when you learned to walk? I never got to that stage thanks to my accident at 7 months old that left me paralyzed from the waist down. 
What was your first pet’s name? His name was Buster.
How many kids were in your class in kindergarten? I think there were like 30 or so of us.
Who was your best friend in elementary? Back in the early elementary school days best friends kinda changed all the time. It was a very loosely used term. I’d say my real best friends I met in 5th grade. 
Who was the best athlete in your freshman class? I don’t recall. I didn’t pay attention to the sports stuff.
What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? There wasn’t one to my knowledge.
Where do you see yourself in a year? I hope by this time next year I’ll actually be able to do things again, travel, and gain back my independence. 
If you were able to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My stubbornness. The amount of issues its caused me that could have totally been avoided...
Are you content just blending in with the crowd? I never want to stand out in the crowd. I just want to do my thing, pay no mind to me. 
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inabadancedcrazy · 2 years ago
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Surviving was something Ichika often thought about. It was tough for a girl who wanted what she did to be taken seriously in a world like this. Needing to mingle with strangers, engage in “networking” to even have a hope of getting ahead in the world. She didn’t like meeting people. She liked doing her job, and she liked being good at it. She looked away from the conversation she was having yet not paying attention to, and instead she turned her attention to the brown haired boy who had come to this place with her. Masaru laughed at some joke, unaware of her plight.
It didn’t feel like this for Masaru. He didn’t have this horrible gnawing in his gut, this desire to hide himself. He never looked caught off guard, he never let comments about his appearance get to him, even if he only ever got flattering ones. On some level, deep in her soul, Ichika felt this was maliciously unfair. Being a host meant that he was used to high energy, emotional kinds of places. This club was practically baby stuff for him. He could wine and dine with every girl he saw and always charm the pants off of them. Not literally, usually. She knew Masaru was better than that, and she knew that he was never actually serious when he put on his work voice to get them a free seat or a ticket into some movie. It was just how the world worked for him. Play up the role, get what you want.
It wasn’t like that for her. If she had any sort of charms, she had no clue how to weaponize them in the way Masaru utilized every single one he had. And so when she turned back to re-integrate herself in the conversation she had been tuning out, the person she had been talking to had already been replaced by someone else. She was so bad at this whole social thing that she couldn’t even keep one person engaged in conversation without them running off. The replacement, a guy with way too revealing an outfit than she was prepared for, spoke up.
“Hey, you alright there?" He didn't wait for a response before continuing. "Looks like that guy actually ditched you. Man, this really ain’t your scene!”
“I guess, haha...” Confusion won out over indignation in this case. She didn’t feel like it was a laughing matter, but he was still smiling anyways, scrounging through his pocket for something. The last thing she wanted right now was to be chatted up by some strange foreigner.
“Hey, if social anxiety is what’s got you down, try this.” The man took out a notebook and handed it to her. “It’s all tips and tricks on how to beat those pesky nerves. I’m about to go on stage soon, and that book’s the kind of thing that kept me motivated to keep my eyes on the prize.”
“Oh, uh... Thank you?” She looked through the book, seeing that it was indeed full of advice on how to topple her anxiety. The goat on the front was a little freaky, but otherwise it seemed like he just wanted to help. In a weird, obtrusive, kind of aggravating way, but still. She went to thank the man more earnestly, but he was already gone. Just like the last one. That was two for two, Ichika. “Oh, okay.”
“Yo, Ichika.” Masaru left whatever girl he was charming and jogged towards her. “Look at this. Some cryptic blond guy gave me a book of pick-up lines. Can you imagine? Me! Needing advice on how to pick up girls! I don’t know what the scene is like in America, but I’m the best around! And besides, the whole thing is in English! Do I look like I can speak English!? This is like... Unbelievable!”
It took an ungodly amount of strength for Ichika to not roll her eyes. “It’s a horrible insult.”
“Exactly! It's an insult, right? He should- Hey, what’s that you got? Some spooky American give that to you too?” Ichika remembered at that moment that the stranger had handed a book to her as well. Was it just... normal in America to give books to strangers? "Maybe it's a holiday thing? Or maybe they fell in love and thought that books were the best way into our hearts, huh? Hey, let’s see if we can find anybody who knows English! See if this thing actually has anything good in it.”
"I thought you weren't interested in those pick-up lines?" Ichika pointedly ignored most of what he said and focused entirely on the part about actually reading what was inside.
"Hey, it's always a learning process! The ladies'll love if I incorporate a little English into my vocabulary. A little spice, you know?"
"Of course. You'll knock them out."
He was already off before she could even finish speaking, so she just followed along behind him like usual. Honestly, this night couldn't end soon enough.
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