#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago

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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!

#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy #life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist #and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances #and God loves us no matter the path we take #like I just. I am reflecting #you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life #like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space #but you know the fuck WHAT #(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order #I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist #and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives #but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much #I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money #to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT #people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known #and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you #to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really #change our lives? I know that’s insane #because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen #without our control or our scheming or our planning #so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna #keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make #so yeah

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