#I am not a fan of vocaloid. Why did I do this

[topaztimes]

Miku if she was an Alien final girl

[solunstell]

List of bsd headcanons

Dazai:

Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it

He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao

He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff

Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.

Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days

Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it

Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general

I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact

He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked

I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)

Aroace spectrum

heavy sleeper. Very

Chuuya

FRECKLES and tan from sheep days

He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact

That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)

Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai

Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown

That man is AUTISTIC

One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me

Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes

A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious

Ranpo

Autism plus adhd ftw

Aroace spectrum

Poe

He/they vibes

Anxiety

Gay af

I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters

Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it

Lucy

Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it

VERY good at baking

But she won't share :(

Atsushi

Anxiety, so much anxiety

Aroace spectrum vibes

Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him

Akutagawa

Aroace spectrum

Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes

Very trans vibes from me

(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)

Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them

Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now

Mori

Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them

He gives great bonuses for birthdays

He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao

Ozaki

Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity

Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen

Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once

"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"

"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."

"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."

"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"

She has perfect vision

Kunikida

Trans vibes. In any and every direction

Adhd af

Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated

You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring

[dokidokitsuna]

...I just remembered I wanted to make my own statement on the AI thing. ^^;

So you've probably heard, but in case you haven't: Tumblr just sold out everyone's data to the AI trash compactors, they probably did it long before they gave us the option to opt out, and even if you do opt out they're probably still taking and using your work anyway (telling people to opt out instead of actually asking for their permission is already scummy business practice, but when it comes to AI it's functionally meaningless. :/ It's always "well, we're telling them not to use these people's data and we're hoping they'll be nice and go along with it" with no regulations or consequences if they decide to just steal everything indiscriminately...)

Despite that, I am not leaving Tumblr anytime soon. I'm looking into other sites*, but at this moment in time, I have nowhere else to go. ^^; Besides, I still like it here. When I left DeviantArt I was already getting sick of the place, having my art stolen regularly by "fans" and paradoxically getting less and less interest in my work over time. By the time the devs turned the website into eye-blinding slop with Eclipse, I was more than ready to move on.

But I still enjoy using Tumblr. I like writing long text posts that no one would bother to read anywhere else, I like answering asks, and I like the unique sense of humor and style among the users here. ^^ It would take a lot to force me out.

Also, I can take a little solace in the fact that AI-bros do not value "low-quality" art like mine. ^^; If messy cel-shaded sketches with visible pixels ever become popular, then I'll worry, but for now I think it's highly unlikely that anyone will want to wholesale regurgitate my art. If anything, I think prioritizing it in their datasets would only make them worse...and on that note, if you do have "high quality" detailed/painterly/semi-realistic art that would be targeted, I'd recommend 'poisoning' it with Nightshade/Glaze. Although I heard a rumor a while back that AI is "building immunity" to Nightshade and already learning to work around it, but I'm really hoping that was just a wishful lie from the trash compactors themselves. I haven't heard it repeated since then, so I think it's still worth a shot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So anyway, like the post I reblogged said, I think the best thing we can do now is to make it clear that WE DON'T WANT AI ART. We don't care how easy it'll be to instantly generate thousands of hours of mindless 'content' to look at; we don't want it. Since regulation is lagging so far behind (wanna know why Disney's copyright hounds didn't shut this down on sight? Most likely, they're hoping to profit from it down the line) the only way to fight this right now is with individual litigation and consumer demand.

Don't support projects made with AI**; don't hate-watch them or spotlight them. Focus your energy on the millions of human artists who are still here, and need your support now more than ever.

*I've heard people mention moving to Twitter and/or Artstation: fam, you're jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. ^^;;; IIRC, Arstation was one of the FIRST art sites to start flirting with AI, and Twitter has been selling off its users' data for several months already. Go there if you must, but don't go under the impression that it's "safer".

**Please keep a cool head when discussing AI art, and keep in mind that it used to mean something other than "mass theft". Artists have and still do create AI tools that are built on limited data sets with permission/compensation, that are used to aid them in their work and encourage human artistry (Vocaloids and DAW's, for instance) rather than stamp it out. Until a specific word evolves into popular use for exploitative AI, we're kinda stuck with this confusion, so remember to get the facts before you speak out.

P.S. Praying every night that this is a dumb fad that will soon die and go to the same hell as NFTs. >_< Praying every morning that the influx of AI art into its own datasets will eventually corrupt itself and make it useless. >_< >_< Praying every afternoon for both at once! >_< >_< >_< Like to charge, reblog to cast, all that

[dysfunctionallygrey]

Who the fuck was gonna tell me how gay all the units in pjsk are?!???

I got bored over the summer and decided to download pjsekai again (there's a story behind that but it's too long.) Before this, I knew like 3 things about it: 1. Its a rhythm game, 2. Also a gacha game 3. Emu Ootori. I haven't heard much of people talking about the story, but I did know a few ships (Ruikasa) and that a number of them would have queer ships. (what are you gonna do it's fandom)

I was not however, prepared for the sheer MAGNITUDE of ships and ship material.

Prepare for a long ass post underneath because if theres one thing I enjoy it's yappering. Also spoilers for a few main stories ig.

Jesus Christ what the hell miku why are you turning all the units gay.

I'm not much of a shipper but God, are homosexual tendencies like a requirement for a sekai?????? My god these bitches gay, good for them. And this is coming from someone who hasn't finished all the stories.

First of all More More Jump.

I'm not that big of a fan of Idol Groups but the Sapphic squad™ has really captured me.

I had to rub my eyes in disbelief for a moment everytime they interacted because

The MOMENT Shizuku and Airi walked in and opened their mouths my immediate reaction was: oh?

And then as the story went on i was like: Oh!

OH.

Suddenly my favorite Vocaloid song is Romeo and Cinderella.

THE WAY AIRI SAID HER NAME I CAN'T. THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SM "You're my Idol." IS THAT SLANG FOR I WANNA GET MARRIED TO YOU AND RUN OFF TO THE COUNTRYSIDE WITH TWO CATS THESE TWO ARE KILLING ME.

I was rendered speechless.

The only consisyent thing to come out of my mouth was "Oh."

Oh spelled backwards is Ho which is one half of Homo therefore the other half is Minori and Haruka.

And dont let me get STARTED on them.

I ddid a quick deep dive into both Shizuairi and MinoHaru.

Let me just say that Haruka was probably Minori's awakening. Actually that is my hc now Haruka was Minori's awakening thank you all goodnight I will be expecting my Nobel Prize tomorrow.

There is so much ship material between these two it is actually insane, PLUS all their cards????

I saw some clips of some event stories and damn. I know these aren't meant to be ship fodder but it is so damn easy to put this stuff through a shipping lens.

Speaking of Len

Vivid BAD Squad???

Not a single het person in sight.

I already had the AnHane tag open on a separate tab halfway through but the way I JUMPED to open the AkiToya one and I hate to invoke the lord's name thrice but Jesus H. Christ what in the hell

I had to open my phone and text my friend if I just witnessed a gay divorce in front of my very own eyes and she confirmed.

I couldn't even make a "girls are fightinggh" joke because my mouth was AGAPE.

OPEN.

AJAR.

The fly nearby was too distracted to come into my mouth because of what it just witnessed.

And Toya's Backstory.

Their Bond???

THEIR RECONCILIATION?????

It only needed to be outside and raining and I would've been SOLD.

The music. The emotion. The words. Akito's speech. GOD. It legitimately made me tear up.

And that marks number 4. I'm not religious anymore but there's smth about these gays that make me start shaking aggressively as if ridden with rabies.

Anyways

This iis getting too long.

I was originally gonna write smth abt AnHane too but that took also a hell ton of words.

And of course I had a few words to say about everyone's favorite gay clowns and no I'm not talking about your friend group I'm talking about Wonderland x Showtime.

I have yet to finish the n25 story. But judging from the overall tone and the look I feel like it's smth I would love.

Insert sentence about Leo/Need here.

Jk I actually love those girls Saki is one of my favs and I am in LOVE with Shiho's cover of Lost ones Weeping.

Part 2 sometime in the future

[roboyomo]

the pinned post

finally making one!!

anyway hai helloo people i am roboyomo :] usually go by yomo (or robo but that's a rare one). i use he/him and masculine terms despite being agender

more info about my blog below the cut :)

current interests are:

#projmoon - Mostly lobcorp and ruina!! Probably one of my biggest interests at the moment,, adam and the fascinating worldbuilding could be some of the main reasons why

#pokemon - Still fairly new to pokemon, but nonetheless i still enjoy the games :) (even though i can only watch gameplays since i don’t have a nintendo ds. cruelty to me)

#yuppie psycho - Yuppie Psycho has been here with me for a long while, but It mostly stayed like a vague memory from a few years ago. Still, I absolutely enjoy the game and everything about it!! domori and rei sintra my beloveds,,

#utaite - A REALLY BIG utaite fan. literally 99% of the songs i listen are just utaite originals or utaite covers of vocaloid songs. (and only just a bit of actual vocaloid songs)

#ocs - LISTEN this may not qualify for an interest to some people. but it does to me. i love hearing about the little critters other people have created from their mind. and i love talking about my beasts. Basically hand over your beasts. i need to hold them like a dove it is urgent and of upmost importance

#studio investigrave - i. Did Not post about these games yet but i have a lot of art ideas for these games i love all of the current 5 games released urhfuwhrhwh,,,, biggest favorite out of the 5 is elevator hitch!!!!

#reverse 1999 - i am still fairly new to the game but i have been playing for like 3 something weeks by now and i fucking adore medpoc I LOVE YOU MEDPOC R1999 THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU

I also have my own tags for this blog!!

#yomoposting : General posts and such. i use this to post mostly random stuff

#yomoart : my art tag!!! all of my sketches, drawings and illustrations are under this tag :]

#yomoasks : the tag for asks i receive! pretty straightforward

#yomo and his beloveds : i don’t use this tag as much,,, but generally i use this to tag posts that are centered around my most beloved/comfort characters!!

#yomo ocs?! : THE TAG FOR OC CRITTERS!!! Everything about them goes here - ranging from lore rambles to random joke stuff with them involved

and some character-specific tags!!

#adam the greatest : the tag for my most beloved adam lobcorp!! “all hail adam christ”, as i used to say. everyday i hold him like an injured bird because he is precious to me

#carmen the beloved : the tag for carmen projmoon :] i love carmie i hold her dear to my heart. which might be a bad idea considering what she does but i’m doing it anyway

#volo my bestfriend volo : the tag for volo from pokemon!!!! i adore him i love me some cool long-haired male characters with some very clear issues. and also with some religious motifs going on

#N the greatest : the tag for N (or Natural Harmonia Gropius) from pokemon!! i still need to get through the entirety of the story for pokemon bw and b2w2 but i love him nonetheless. cool green guy :]

i am also on Artfight!! My profile is here if you want to check it out :)

some additional stuff: i am an artist for as long as i can remember, i really really really like adam lobcorp, volo, carmen, cynthia, N and medpoc and i heavily obsess over characters that are just. long haired and have some sort of plan for the world and the humanity. <- and i do not mean “oh this is a good thing to do” NO they need call it a good deed but in reality it will absolutely ruin everything instead. plus i am also really obsessed with my own ocs and their lore so please please please ask about them i will happily ramble about my little critters. also please be careful with the things you say in my direction! i am. sensitive and i WILL be sad over what you have said about me.,,

my blog is welcome to everybody :] that is unless you are an asshole and/or a creep so please leave if you are anything like that. that being said, please do not make yaoi/yuri, fujoshi/fudanshi and himejoshi/himedanshi jokes on my blog! i am not comfortable with those terms exactly so please avoid using them in the comments or reblogs. thank you for your cooperation!!!

yea this post turned out to be a bit tooo long for my standards but who cares

[disabilityshowdown]

i'd like to showcase a character i really like... saki tenma!!!

saki is from a game called project sekai, where 5 groups of teenagers all have worlds in their phones called SEKAIs, manifestations of their emotions and feelings, and in them is hatsune miku (and other vocaloids) to help them figure out their true feelings!

saki is in a rock band called leo/need with her 3 childhood friends. saki is chronically ill, although her exact chronic illness hasn't been mentioned, and had been in and out of the hospital since she was little. during middle school, she was practically always in the hospital, and her and her friends had drifted away, due to all of them having different problems in their lives at the time.

saki's described as having a very physically frail body, along with fainting very easily. she catches illnesses very easily and can make herself sick from overexerting herself, so most fans agree she most likely has some form of an autoimmune illness.

after being deemed healthy enough to return back to school in her first year of highschool, her and her friends eventually reconcile and decide to form a band together, she's the keyboardist! she is very cheerful and tries her hardest to get things done. because of all the time she spent alone in the hospital, she's dead-set on making the most of her life! she loves hanging out with her friends.

she also has an older brother (one year older), tsukasa. the two are very close and have an ADORABLE relationship. tsukasa is an actor/performer, and became one because of saki's support!

overall, i think saki's chronic illness is treated really well in the plot of project sekai. while it does affect her and how her life goes, she isn't reduced to only her chronic illness. she has struggles other than her illness, and has plenty of times she is happy, outgoing and enjoying herself. i think the writers did a very good job writing saki.

also, most importantly, shes adorable! what's not to like?

fun fact: the pink gradient in her hair is completely natural! her brother has a similar natural gradient, but orange rather than pink.

[also im very sorry for not including image descriptions, i am mentally disabled and cannot properly explain images and cannot write image descriptions properly]

[Image 1 ID: A fully rendered and dynamically posed art piece of Saki, a light skinned anime style character with pink eyes, and long blonde hair in two pigtails, that fades to pink at the ends. She is dressed in a white collared shirt, red tie, black skirt, and yellow jacket. The background behind her is of a classroom with some tables put up for the end of the day, and she is posing at a piano keyboard, with one hand on the keys and the other reaching out to the viewer]

[Image 2 ID: A much more chibi style comic panel set in a hospital, where Saki is in white pyjamas with a bunch of magazines in front of her, and flowers to her right. Her brother (who looks similar to her but with short hair that fades to orange) is posing with a flower while doing a dance move, wearing a similar uniform to Saki in the first picture. He says "As your brother I'm here to cheer you up with a new move!" while a person behind him says "Mr Tenma, please keep it down! This is a hospital!" There is a "Yay!" not in a speech bubble above Saki's head, and more onomatopoeia illustrating the dance]

[Image 3 ID: The same art style as the first image, in bright colours. Saki looks to have fallen down, lying amidst a pile of toys and music equipment, adjusting glasses on her face. A white coat and orange sweater have been added to her outfit, and she holds an open notebook in one hand. /end IDs]

thanks for sending this in! i can totally see why you like her, and as a disabled actor/musician i can relate so much

[azul135]

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆Intro Post⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

this does NOT look good at all but that’s fine, I’m not good at designing :,D

⋆༺𓆩Basic Information𓆪༻⋆

⛧ HIHII!!! You can call me Ayna or Azul (Both are great >< !!!)

⛧ I am a 17 year old girl :3 ! My pronouns are preferably she/her but anything else is also a-okay!!

⛧ I’m a polyamorous (sapphic) lesbian ^o^!

♱ My Interests, and stuff ! ♱

⛧ My BIGGEST interests ever are Boothill (From HSR), Wataru (From Enstars), 2000s emo/scene fashion & music, and Death Note ! (FANS OF THESE THINGS PLSPLSPLSPLSP TALK TO ME!!!!)

⛧ Music I’m in to are bands like NSN, PTV, I Hate Myself, Our Eyes Go Blank Tonight, etc. I am also into Vocaloid, more specifically Gakupo! I occasionally listen to R&B, Rock, and some Pop! (>-0)b !!!

⛧ Some other fandoms I’m in besides what I’ve mentioned before are SHTDN, Zeno remake, A3!, PJSK, HXH, WUWA, TGCF, SVSSS, Black Butler, Sweetest Valentine, LaD, All studio investigrave games, Alien Stage, aaannnddd thats it I think!? ⛧ What I like to do are things like crafts, paintings, or, ofc, drawing! I also like studying, like taking notes and stuff, idk why I just love it sm. AND LISTENING TO MUSIC AND DRESSING UP!!!!!!!!

!!!! DNI. !!!!

⛧ -15, 20+, any kind of bigotry, rude people, Z!onists, Anti-Neopronouns, and Mika Producers (/j I love u Mika fans) ⛧ Yeah I think thats it. I’m a pretty open person tbh.

Okie thats it, congrats on making it to the end!!! If you did read this all, thank you :]

[justanie]

It's been a while since I made a post like this...and it's probably the worst case scenario to talk about now. No, I love GUMI and I am proud of how it is giving more attention to enter into multifacets for different voice banks...I clarify this, it is NOT made to defame GUMI SV or Internet Co of this decision. My problem is due to SynthV and its scandalous Fandom that...I am not pleased with the level of stability that most users have for this type of news.

Well, I won't deny that Vocaloid is currently in decline and barely had the luck to update V6 a year ago, but it's not to say that they have always been terrible at their job and that they spread evil just because they use a more complex level to make new voice banks. Let's remember that if it weren't for Vocaloid, other Synthesizers like UTAU and SynthV itself would not exist, yes, their main star Miku and company are no longer updating themselves with all this success that the most recent synthesizers have but I remind you that, in 2019 Crypton had decided this after the decline of V5 and how Yamaha has become a conflictive company that lost all ties of labor cooperation to continue updating their Loids. So if there is someone they want to blame, it is both companies for having a closed mind, do not defame and make the Vocaloid characters look bad for this very reason.

Now the SynthV Fandom...look, I'm not one of those people who prejudge and make a group of people look bad just because I don't agree with their opinion, in certain cases, I admit that SynthV has surprised me and certain banks I like the voices of it depending on the cover I hear. But the direction I'm seeing from the majority of fans gives me a bad taste in my mouth...instead of taking things calmly, they exaggerate by saying that Teto or Gumi SV is the best thing that ever happened in SynthV and that it's going to trample to Vocaloid only because they consider their banks better due to the inclusion of AIs and the realistic intonation they choose (In case someone forgets, remember that before this happened many considered Gumi's voice to be more realistic even if it was already from Vocaloid). No vocal synthesizer is going to be superior to another, what's more, if you are a fan of Stardust or Sora, you will know that they managed to please a number of fans in a healthy way, so why is there this hype with Teto and Gumi? Easy, SynthV fans are demanding iconic character voices to take on Vocaloid, because "Vocaloid is so horrible and bad that it didn't leave its Synthesizers free to update" I remind you, Vocaloid is not a single company, there are several those who work using this program so it is ridiculous to judge an entire program when they are executives and people who work on the decision of their Vocaloids, as I said before, do not look down on the voices and the program itself.

And my last point which would be the controversial one...the AI and the supposed realism that people ask for in Vocaloid. Fans of yesteryear will know that the essence of Vocaloid was always that of "a robotic voice that is programmed to sing." At what point did they ignore what it characterized Vocaloid? The thing is that with the advancement of AIs, people have forgotten that same meaning that Vocaloid represented, I see that SynthV is taking advantage of the use of these and that is why people ask for more, not only original voices of it, but they demand the extinction of Vocaloid so that its popular voices belong to them. This is not like in animation companies where one is buying and acquiring the products of another, like a certain company that is also being hated, the voice bank programs are free, even if Yamaha Corporation has the authorization of Vocaloid or in more cases variables, AH Software has authorization from Voiceroid, it is enough to do business with them so that Vocaloid can be distributed to other companies and so that they also have the decision to use SynthV or Cevio for their voice banks.

I'm not claiming which side is better, I'm just asking that there stop being wars and insinuations over these issues that Gumi has been suffering from being a prisoner of Vocaloid, GUMI was originally from it, what Internet Co does is give it more variety of programs ( which not only SynthV, we will probably see a Cevio GUMI in the future) and believe me this is not the first time this has happened, in this case it was distinguished by being a Vocaloid with variable banks and intonations. Speaking of the latter, I remind you that the program works depending on how it is used, yes, I see people complain that the banks they have are complex, but even with that, there are still people who are planning to use Vocaloid because they have brief experience and knowing the proper use for when a bank will be used, I'm also not saying that only Vocaloid experts are the only ones who can handle it, anyone can be capable, it just takes a real intention to use it as it should and not be bothered by it.

You can ignore my opinion if you don't like me or you're not interested, I know that many won't think the same as me, but keep in mind that if you continue with that disastrous attitude of "Vocaloid deserves to die" it won't amount to anything because that the general fandom of the Vocal Synths can be better than the reputation that SynthV is having and the defamation they give to Vocaloid, which was the one who started this trend of robotic idols that sing as I mentioned before. And seeing people asking for "realism" makes lose why Vocaloid should exist in the first place...

[attavoid]

Honami Mochizuki, Avoidance, Broken Bonds, and Responsibility

I’ve always been a big fan of Vocaloid since 2010 when I was a wee child- I even mess with vocal synths in my free time and make songs when confident enough in my skills- and I’d been eyeing Project Sekai (or Hatsune Miku: Colorful Stage, but I’ll be referring to it as Prjsk) for a while now. I adore rhythm games and they help me calm down, but I never really bit the bullet until recently. I have no idea why I waited so long! I’ve only been playing for a couple weeks but I’m already mastering the skills and am climbing up.

Anyway, one of my good friends brought me to the attention of Honami Mochizuki, and how many people headcanon her as having AvPD. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have a vague idea of how the game works, but I’ll explain the background of her and her unit, Leo/need.

Honami is one of four girls in Leo/need, all who were childhood friends who drifted apart when Saki, another part of the group, was hospitalized for chronic illness (which, by the way, I could go on about how surprsingly respectful they are about her disability rep, at least in my opinion as a narcoleptic with a weak immune system). Despite being very close in elementary school, now that they’re all in high school, Honami has drifted from the others and tends to stick with her classmates, seemingly always following their lead.

A common misconception of AvPD is that avoidants don’t have friends. That can be true, but not in the sense that people think! In the past, I had a friend group, but we weren’t exactly friends. I morphed myself for approval so that they’d validate me and I’d be accepted, but I was not myself, and I did not let myself be vulnerable, as close friends should. Even though we had all been “close” since elementary school, what it really was for me was that I had found a group that I thought had accpeted me- only because I had hidden the parts of me they found embarrassing. They still berated me and my choice in other friends that I did actually have connections with, which caused me to drift away from them. That’s something evident in Honami’s story- she sticks with her “friends” because she wanted to get their validation, but these friends didn’t like the other members of Leo/need, so Honami forced herself to stray away from them to avoid being judged and humiliated.

This is something I don’t see discussed much about AvPD- the effect it has on your friends. Although I agree that personality disorder information should focus on those with the disorder, it’s also important to remember the effects it has on those around you (without buying into the abuse propaganda, of course). Honami’s past all too well highlights a part of my journey in AvPD that I wish more people talked about- betraying your friends just for your self image as a coping mechanism. It feels like it keeps you safe, but in reality, it doesn’t. It just hurts your true bonds and further isolates yourself into a group that will take advantage of you and use you as a punching bag.

Even as a 21 year old, I still find myself struggling with this, and I find great comfort in this aspect of Honami’s character. Especially how awkward she is trying to get along with her friends again- repairing old friendships, especially when you’re the source of the rift (for the most part), is always hard. And I love that she doesn’t give up! She keeps going and we see her slowly become more comfortable again with her friends and finding that spark of joy they ignited when she was a child.

I do want to add a disclaimer- I don’t think this coping mechanism is an abuse tactic, but it’s still important to remember the effect it has on other people. When I did this in the past, I thought I was protecting myself and our friendship- why would they want to be seen with someone like me?- but in reality I was hurting them and our bond. Instead of framing this as an abuse tactic, in Prjsk, it’s framed as Honami bearing some responsibility for the drifting, yet respects where she comes from and doesn’t vilify her for it at the same time. It’s quite refreshing, and even though she doesn’t canonically have AvPD, I can definitely see these traits in her, and I absolutely headcanon her with it.

Maybe someday I’ll do a more indepth analysis of Honami having AvPD, but I wanted to especially comment on this part of her. I feel when AvPD is talked about we gloss over the responsiblity we do have on relationships, unless it’s in a negative light painting us as abusers, which isn’t true. Even if Leo/need isn’t my favourite group, I think Honami will continue to have a special place in my heart.

[cocodepan]

Hello Coco! (●’◡’●)ﾉ

How are you today? You said you've been into hetalia for a few years. How did you get into it? Whose your favorite character? Has that character always been your favorite?

You also said your into idol groups, 48 of them? ヽ(^o^)丿 Is that idol musical groups? Or am is there like another idol stuff your talking about?

Anyways, have a lovely day Coco! -🪽

Hiii, Anon~ (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

I'm doing well, thanks for asking! Hope you're doing well too 💜

💥 HOW I GOT STUCK IN THE HETALIA FANDOM

Sooo, this is going to be a storytime (bear with me HAHAH). I got into Hetalia when I was around 14 (2017). I was in the Vocaloid and Love Live! (+ 48Groups) fandoms at the time and I stumbled upon HETALIA because of hetaloid. Yes, those HETALOIDS 😭😭. Being someone who likes history and is curious about international relations/dynamics, I WAS SOLD. NOT JUST SOLD, I WAS PUMPED. What do you mean these people are representing an entire country? WHY ARE THEY ALL SO COOL AND HOT? ... is that a good or bad thing? I'm not sure, but I'm here now.

To think about it, I've been mostly a silent fan of hetalia itself besides my current time here and a brief period of my time in the hetalia amino (lessons learned fr fr😭). While it took me awhile to become an active (non-lurking) fan after some "wtf was that" experience in the past, I promised myself I'll try and be more active and confident regarding the things I like, including hetalia (take that new year's resolution!!!!!11)

💥 WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER? HAVE THEY ALWAYS BEEN YOUR FAVORITE?

Remember that hetaloid video that HOOKED me to hetalia that I was talking about earlier? It was the hetaloid america justice breaker vid. So, he'll always be THE favorite 🦅 (luv u eagleman pookie (⁠´⁠ε⁠｀⁠ ⁠)) 🌟//have a sketch

Besides him, I also adore my Asian and ASEAN bbs along with the FACE fam so expect some art and dynamics with them soon hehehehehehh 💜

💥 48 GROUPS???????

Oh, this is actually referring to 48G, J-pop idol groups most commonly known to be sister groups of AKB48 that I was practically obsessed with before and now on a limited level unfortunately since most of my oshis (like stan) have graduated (left) the group. 😭

I also kinda listen to 46G (rival group of 48G), =LOVE, ME:I, INI but very casually even with K-pop groups 😭

I'm more focused on our local idol scene currently. Please check out BINI 💜🌴

//If you got a cool ass idol group you want to share with me, don't be shy to hit me up. 🌟

Thank you for your questions, anon! May you have a fantastic day ahead. ✨

[nanjokei]

ok heres what ive been thinking of recently

honestly its just raw emotion, i dont really mean to upset anyone or say that they're consuming anything wrong. i'll try to word things as carefully as possible (or ill mince meat as much as possible idk) because i really do not like when people assume ill intent in my words just because i use blunt language at times. (sorry its just how i talk. im not mad at you. im not yelling at you online)

but honestly i have had a long thought about it.

i'm incredibly tired of the lack of curiousity a lot of new vocaloid fans have towards the culture.

statements like "boomers expect me to know songs from 2007" or whatever. i mean, no, no one is Expecting anything from you, that is absolutely a strawman you have invented based on someone merely being surprised (often in jest even), but it's also like. you, who actively identify yourself as a big fan, have never even thought to look back? there are so many playlists and medleys you can consult. it is a few searches away, i don't care. you are not five years old. and if you feel lost you can always ask people there are always so many people just waiting to introduce someone to even one or two old songs they like.

like is it bad that i think you should be a little more passionate if you consider yourself a geek?

what is wrong with me being surprised if you don't know sakura no ame or saihate or whatever. what is wrong with me thinking that it's weird that even with the biggest producers in the world, you have 0 curiousity to look into their old works?

it's not me being old and cranky, i just think it's a little bad and disrespectful that a lot of new fans just see older songs as inherently worse or not worth their time and use them as a strawman to invent some kind of boomer boogeyman who is going after them for not knowing shiningray or celluloid or ikelenka or whatever. even though honestly you should know them. even if you only listen to it once and decide you don't like it, or hell even just know they exist without listening.

like, songs with millions of views on nnd, i want you to at least familiarize yourself, especially if the producers are still active! at the very least!

whats wrong with me wanting people to enjoy amazing music that built up an entire subculture? made by passionate people who didn't even know the scene could last as long as it did? what's wrong with wanting to share my love with another generation?

i'm not denying that there may be outliers who are rude to other fans, but come the fuck on, stop acting coy about it. you should at least be able to recognize one of either the title, sound or thumbnail of the top 100 songs from 2009. not even KNOW them, just recognize, like is that too much to ask?

like, it's something i personally struggle to understand in general when it comes to interests i'm passionate about. i'm not a pushy person by the way, i don't go around heckling people not even as a joke, so i am not even letting anyone put me in the box of "probably acted pushy and didn't realize and is now mad at the other party". like, this is not directed at casual fans. i am just thinking stuff like "why are you hostile towards the idea of learning more about your interest?" and "why are you hostile towards passionate people who want more people to get into what they like?" and "why pigeonhole yourself? learning more means more fun for you."

because what bothers me the most is that eventually it turns into accusations of "gatekeeping" and "elitism" if anyone voiced their opinion about things. i know how im wording it makes it sound like it personally happened to me but it hasn't it is just what i have observed over the years as someone who gets super into stuff and tries to immerse myself and sees other people get into fights whether its the """elitist""" or the """casual""".

why is it like this? i cannot see why wanting to share is elitism or gatekeeping. maybe elitism sure if the other party feels like they're being targeted for no reason (and im not saying it does not happen). but gatekeeping? why is it gatekeeping? wanting to share what you like with others is gatekeeping? isn't that if you told people NOT to get into it and hid it away?

like, im saying it properly so no one misconstrues what i am saying, but i understand not everyone wants or has the energy to become a big fan of something. there are so many things where i am a very casual fan!! but even then i respect the thing i am into by also acknowledging its history at the very least even if i might not ever play/watch/read/etc all of it or at all.

so like... is it bad? is it bad that i think others should have this respect too? i know this is an issue of low empathy or whatever. i have to run around in circles to understand others. i "get" it, but im also like, why cant they be like me? so i want you to know in no uncertain terms that I GET IT. I GET PEOPLE'S POSITIONS HERE. i have been thinking about this general topic my entire life

so in the end it just turned into a general sort of thing. but yeah, i don't understand why people get so defensive and act so persecuted. am i wrong in my point of view? am i just being an elitist after all? like i simply see it as "i want people to enjoy it too."

like, i thought about this stuff after seeing how passionate ado is about vocaloid. like, she is only 21 years old. she is as old as or slightly older than many new fans (though she had liked vocaloid since elementary school). she is the biggest pop star in japan right now and yet her passion has not waned. not to mention so many younger fans that do have that curiousity too. i used to think its not possible, but i see them in the YT comments, going "im 16 but i really like this era of music" and such.

like, please just open your heart. ignore the boogeymen you're hallucinating and just enjoy slowly... it doesn't have to be a study session. naturally you will just discover more songs you like from those eras

[momomiooo]

Essay😛

I think a problem a lot of people have with CI (including myself) is how different she is compared to the likes of v4 and talk. There was an obvious aesthetic set up by Gynoid that Cevio didn’t exactly follow through with and the color scheme came off as strange to me so i shall describe my few problems in sorta depth

Twitter

VFlower used to be EXTREMELY active almost like a person on twitter. I got curious during a car ride home and saw cevio attempted it but it didn’t hold the same strength as flowers did. While many people don’t even follow Vflowers account or even go through her post it’s still clear people liked having vocaloids seem realistic, like they were like us. It gave her a bit more relatability that could make even newer fans amazed. While The trend of realistic tweets from vocaloids has died down (sadly) to see they’re at least trying gives me hope for flowers future endeavors! Some of the things CIflower lacks are things that V posted which could be seen as risky for the company (some old tweets consisting of flower trying to flirt with girls, swooning over randos and talking about big boobs[😭???]) it gave flower some spice no other vocaloid softwares DARED to do!

Her Design

ah yes, the initial problem, her design. As fore-mentioned Cevio didn’t go with the exact color palette/scheme as the last few models but I still think it was a great idea. It feels like we’re watching an emo girl grow into adult-hood, flower now appearing to be around 17-24! The only problem is her color scheme. While I love the idea it just doesn’t fit flower and I think to make it work they had to change flowers most notable features, her hair and eyes. Her eyes have gone from magenta or pink (depending on who drew her when) to blue. Her hair also changed, getting a similar color to ia’s, more blonde and pink than white. And while I could go on about the software companies hating while haired characters (maybe they don’t sell as much like piko idk) or how they need to learn their audience consist of neurodivergent gays afraid of change, I don’t have an explanation for this one. Surely I could search and find out something but I don’t know why flower took such a leap from her talk vb to ci. I understand you change as you grow blah blah blah but still how did she go from confidence and the only problem you see is her dropping her head phones in talk to “c-can you p-pass the ketchup m-mi-miss?” She looks so scared and nervous😭.

Her voice

holllyyyyy crap. I could take the model, “pink eyes are unrealistic anyways… maybe it’s just shading” but the difference from AI and hand done is just.. wow… on one hand maybe maturing caused a bit more feminine to come into her life but oh my flying Fukase. Dunno whoever’s reading this but that whole “learn their audience” was observing how me and other autistic people felt about the design😭😭😭 I hate change so when I heard the lower one’s eyes cover I almost had a panic attack. Where is the angrodgany??? Where’s the vflower??? I get they’re supposed to sound realistic but it just sounds feminine. Could just be the creature of habit thing but I personally prefer her older voice banks just because of the power and emotion I feel from her voice. Some covers make her sound real, like she’s struggled just like us. So far the songs with CI in them sound… well.. AI. Advanced AI, sure, but ai nonetheless.

summary-ish

if you hate this woman now because of the design, take a deep breath and remember…

YOU CAN HEADCANON ANYTHING!!!!!

Re-make flower, nothing is canon other than existence, and even those boundaries are tested by creative people! Have fun making a flower that represents YOU. It’s a voice with a name and that’s all that matters. Self project on the plant and give her a life you’d like! Still don’t think she’s a girl? PRONOUN IT UP! Flower is just a singing software package, have fun making her what you want to see while supporting others:D

Have a good day I am done yammering

[dailyhonakana]

admin 🎼 here - happy first week of daily honakana except not really because we missed yesterday, whoops! i’ll be trying my hardest to make an extra post (once i work up the motivation to)!!

anyway today im here to announce i figured out im bi and honakana was part of the reason why 👍 here’s, somehow, a five-paragraph ramble about that! this doesn’t really fit the blog’s usual posts but i figured i’d talk about it because i didn’t want us to miss posting two days in a row, and i wanted to discuss how special these two random ass girls are to me <3 this is pretty personal but i thought id get it out somewhere and this blog seems fitting enough. if its too long then just know the moral of the story is that honakana changed my life

okay so i do like guys, which is something i cannot deny. i hardly even considered the possibility of me liking girls as well, though, until i downloaded project sekai on my phone. Yes, until I downloaded project sekai. i was already a huge vocaloid fan (not to the ridiculous extent i currently am, but it was still one of my most important interests!), so of course i became a huge prsk fan, too. i immediately grew attached to nightcord, and kanade in particular! why her? i couldn’t tell you, but boy did i really like her. and i still do!

i was an active shipper of some characters from some different fandoms at this point, combing through google for ship art and reading tons of ao3 works and basically searching everywhere for scraps of content of them. all my favorite couples were straight, though - i was fine with gay pairings, but didn’t care all that much about them. now, i was thinking a lot about kanamafu (who i still love too!). and then i wondered if anyone was shipping kanade with her housekeeper. i proceeded to go to ao3 and read all of skwakr’s works, and then all the few other works tagged with honakana, and then i followed the tag and looked everywhere for honakana fanart to save and honakana AUs and canon honakana moments and whatever other content i could find of them. somehow despite the fact they had hardly anything together in canon or fanon (at the time, anyway) they were my new obsession.

why? again, i couldn’t exactly tell you. i think it had something to do with how sweet and uncomplicated their relationship was, though - it was easy to believe honami would always care for kanade, and kanade would always leave time for her, and both would unconditionally love the other with nothing stopping them. i also think it must have been because of how well skwakr portrayed that unconditional love (go read their works if you haven’t, they express such great love in so few words and they’re incredible!!!). it seemed so real to me, real enough i somehow managed to fall in love with honakana as much as each was in love with the other. oh yeah and this was while my first (male!) crush was raging on - i turned to a pair of fictional girls dating for comfort while constantly pining over him. that was incredible of me. i mean i still do that tbf

i eventually lost my interest in prsk itself and got rid of the game, but my interest in honakana didn’t waver much. i didn’t actively interact with the fandom or read every single honakana fic that was released - i didn’t even find out about their wedding event until a few months ago - but i continued thinking about the two of them frequently. recently, i started the game again, for a reason i don’t remember. i don’t think i was planning on playing it much; then, i learned about the event and that it was coming to the EN server in a few months, and after not playing for so long, i suddenly had a goal waiting to be completed in those few months. i needed to rank high on the leaderboard, and i needed to do it for those two fictional lesbians i loved so much, for some reason.

a new, more agonizing crush is currently raging on for me. i’m pretty sure the object of that crush now thinks i’m a lesbian after having explained my need to tier in the event to him (and also having an icon of marcille donato on discord). it’s now a day since the event’s ended and i’ve been thinking a lot about my orientation - yes, mainly because of him, but also because it’s something i haven’t really figured out about myself. i’ve never liked a girl as much as those two boys, but i consider way more girls from fictional media hot than guys, and there’s also … all of this to consider. i don’t know how else to say it: i do not think there is a heterosexual explanation for my two-year-strong obsession with the not-even-that-fleshed-out relationship of two girls who are not real and are not dating. somehow, they’ve been as much of a constant presence in my life as that first crush was! and so thinking about it today i have decided i do not give a shit if i’ve only ever liked real guys and fake girls, i am bi and nobody gets to decide that except for me. who cares? no one should, except for me! thank you for reading my pouring my heart out about two random anime girls and good night. i need to go to sleep save me honakana

[driedfern]

JaidenAnimations new Hatsune Miku video made my autistic ass go off the charts:

So, I am not a big Jaiden watcher, enjoy any content of hers I see, I just don’t watch as much as I used to. However, I saw today that she uploaded a miku video the other day. Here’s the thing, when I was younger I had a really strong attraction to anything vocaloid/miku, I would se the blind boxes in Walmart for keychains or mini figures and would get so excited, but yet I never allowed myself to do anything beyond that. I never bought the boxes, I never looked into anything beyond surface level music consumption and knowing a few very popular characters because of the songs I listened to, that was really it. I’m autistic, so for me not going balls deep in information about this franchise is kinda really odd for me, especially since it’s not like I was into “cool” or “normal” things at the time either, so like why was vocaloid different? Why wouldn’t I let myself get into it? I’m sure eventually I’ll figure out what caused that, but back to the point - I saw the video in my recommended today, got excited and immediately turned it on.

I watched, and had so much joy in me hearing about someone else’s excitement and love for miku. When it got to her talking about seeing miku live at the convention, I got so excited and happy that genuinely, I cried. Over someone else’s excitement, I cried. And it wasn’t like sadness, I was just so happy to see someone enjoy miku that much. This, unlocked Pandora’s box, much like ddr did for Jaiden. The irony is strong. I started looking up video essays and guides on vocaloid and the characters, I started googling figures and merch to see the different outfits and such, I started saving playlists on Spotify (including Jaiden’s ofc), it has been probably 4 hours since seeing Jaiden’s video originally and ALL I have been doing is looking into vocaloid more and more, watching iceberg videos, guides to fan loids, ect. I am deep diving. Its so bad that there’s a local shop that sells a lot of stuff from Japan and I’m considering ordering a large shelf to start buying stuff from that shop because they have a LOT of miku stuff (and loids in general but ESPECIALLY miku). I have discovered that my favourite loid is gumi, which years ago I believed it was Calne Ca (when I was listening to vocaloid songs when I was much younger they were usually dark/edgy ones because I was very emo at the time so I saw her a lot and thought she was wicked cool and didn’t even know she wasn’t a full canon loid!), I am saving like hundreds of pieces of gumi art for wallpapers and such and to send to my friend to be like LOOK LOOK LOOK!!!

Long story short, I am hyper fixated hard and I have realized that Vocaloid has been a special interest of mine for a LONG a time, but I never let it be. I have been working on myself alot, healing my inner autistic child, and more specifically my inner teenage autistic self who did not let me enjoy the things I loved dearly because they made people not like me, so instead I tried to be as normal as I could (which was not very normal mind you as I was an emo Fnaf aphmau fan so still, very much not the popular kid, but I tried ok). Recently I have got my cat special interest back in order as that has been repressed for a LONG time. Jaiden’s video, unlocked my long time interest in vocaloid, and I am finally allowing myself to get into full blown. Thank you Jaiden animations for the wonderful video and for unlocking my secret obsession. I also want to play ddr now.

[laeteria]

I was feeling things…

I was on my way to university and I was suddenly hit with the fact how times had changed. Kind of like the realization: “Wow, you've grown up! “. It's such a weird feeling honestly, but at the same time I think it's part of what we call life.

(Feel free to skip, because it's really not like the usual content)

This is a little writing on the spot about how I currently feel, so it may be cluttered. Don't worry, it's still kinda about music/multimedia projects I love so much, but I hope some may share the same sentiments and feelings as I do. 

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts as long as it's respectful! 

A STEP INTO AN UNFAMILIAR WORLD

I was never really into Japanese media like I am right now. To be honest, my world was pretty empty when it came to music. I don't even remember the artists I followed before I fell into this world, but it was probably not a lot. Music was simply not something that played a big part in my life. 

I think that I wanted to try something new roughly 10 years ago, so I sort of forced myself to listen to vocaloid. It was something unfamiliar and I thought it was weird. They didn't sound human at all! Soon, I grew to love the fact how the vocaloid producers could make songs exactly the way they did. What would be something impossible for humans, was possible with vocaloid. 

After that, I kind of branched out to the utaite world, but I think it was when I heard MafuMafu's ベルセルク (Berserk) that locked my place in this industry. I felt understood and that was the moment that I thought (maybe a bit cliché even), “So music really can save lives.” I didn't even understand the lyrics, but the raw emotion in the song really hit me like a truck. I was not alone in this world, because there were many others who resonated with the song. It was as if a warm blanket had been put on your shoulders on a cold night.

THE SPARKLING WORLD OF MUSIC PROJECTS

After that, I started to follow these Japanese artists and one day I somehow ended up on a video of Love Live! (just to be sure, social media wasn't really big back in the day, so you really had to do it with what you had at that time which was YouTube for me). I was surprised because they were anime girls, but the voice actresses behind the characters were also performing live? I had never seen something like that before.

I think I got into LL with the last few months of μ's. I didn't follow them that much, but I knew I kind of loved the feeling of supporting something that was so close to the things I love (anime and music in this case). So when Aqours was announced, I decided to follow them closely and that's how I became an Aqours defender. It was a fun time, but it was also still fresh after the disbandment of μ's, so people were throwing kind of emotional comments all the time. I think this made me appreciate them more, because they kept working hard and they kept giving to the fans. They looked absolutely lovely in my eyes, not only the characters, but also the VA's.

Anyway, I also stumbled on the MV of Roselia's BLACK SHOUT and I thought they were cool, but I never really fell into the hole of BanG Dream! as project, but I guess I did follow Roselia's music casually. Not after I lost the YT account because I didn't have a Google account, so I only remembered after I found the video again.

LET'S TRY SOMETHING OF A DIFFERENT FLAVOUR

After that, I played SIF and Garupa a lot, but I wanted to try something different. This is something unimaginable if you know me, but I absolutely refused to check out music projects featuring male characters. I thought it was stupid and why would I because I couldn't relate to them anyway, but oh boy, this aged so poorly...

Back then, I was on an app called Amino. It's a dumpster fire app nowadays, but I'll never forget the people I met online on there (but that's a story for another time). When you entered the app, you would get advertisement sometimes. I deadass got advertisement for the game of IDOLiSH7. This was very very very stupid. I would get i7 ads on YT as well and I was so confused. Anyway, I decided to give it a try but I was on my iPad and I was stupid, so I was locked out because of region lock. I raged, LMAO.

I still decided to give it a try since I saw that they had an anime season with these characters. This was mistake 1, because not only did I not know what I started, not only did I watch the cringe dance, but I fricking loved it. TRIGGER was introduced and wow, I listen to their songs and their songs are good too. What's happening? I didn't know either. In reality, I absolutely fell into their marketing trap and my life had never been the same.

Some other projects worth mentioning that I started to check out after realising that male music projects were good were Band Yarouze! and Kare wa Vocalist.

IT'S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK

I met people online who were into other projects and I met my bestie who introduced me to Hypnosis Mic back in 2018. I met more people, I started to follow more music projects in general. I actually didn't even like hiphop/rap music until I stumbled upon Paradox Live. These projects are really opening my eyes now, huh…

Anyway, a project that really changed my life forever was Argopro. I followed them in their beginning stages kinda (2018) and they still don't disappoint at all. They were building on a shakey base, but look how steady it goes (pun intended?) right now! I was even reminiscing about the times when the pandemic was going on and how strongly they were going even then. They were absolutely dominating the field. Here is the link of that small thread of mine.

Suddenly, there was a rise of several music projects too. I guess it was the perfect time for people to check out these projects, especially when they were not allowed to go outside.

HAPPY, BUT WITH A LINGERING SADNESS

I graduated from high school, but my high school times were absolutely wild. I tiered in games. Not in the biggest games ever, but I had a great time tiering in AAside and Hanipre (though both games are no more; do check out Kimisute 🫵). I went to school, did my homework and played games. That was basically it.

When I officially graduated, I started to understand the SOARA songs more and I felt a certain sadness within me. It was time for goodbye. It was an end of a chapter of my life. My friends and I were going to different universities and we were friends, but there were no aligning interests actually, so the interaction died out pretty quickly.

I started to attend uni and I was much busier than I was in high school. The 30 minutes cycling to school became a 2 hours ride on the train and I had to plan. There was no time anymore… there was no time to indulge myself into these projects that much anymore… It was an end of a chapter.

AND THAT'S WHERE WE ARE NOW.

Even though I'm mostly a closet fan and I'm afraid to actually take the first step for many interactions, I am no longer alone in this world. I bought CDs and albums, I bought online live tickets, I pulled other people into projects. I am happy.

This has been a mess, but I just wanted this to be off my chest while I'm on my way to uni.

I do feel bad when I'm missing out and when I'm no longer up to date with the story of the projects, but simply listening to their songs is more than enough. There is not something like a good reason to be a fan. If you enjoy it, you enjoy it, right?

Of course there are party poopers who are like the fandom police who tell you to do certain things and they make obnoxious comments like "how did you not know this?". They honestly make me sad, especially as a Genshin Impact fan, you know how bad it is over there. Do I really have to care about their words though? No, past me did not put a lot of effort to find happiness for the current me to throw away that easily.

Things have changed, of course they do. It's impossible to stay the same and I think it's valid to be sad about things you can't do right now. You are allowed to grief. It is okay and it will be okay. I always tell myself that. Even if the road seems long, it's still not a dead end. You got this, just like all the other times you did.

I don't know if people struggle like me, but…

You're not alone,

You will never be truly alone.

Lots of love,

Lae

[papihomo]

I fucking wish I never has to write this, I wish that I never had to even feel this way to begin with but I know for a fact that I will NEVER be the same.

My name's Lucifer, I also go by Emmanuel, and I go by any & all pronouns.

I am 16 years old, and at the risk of sounding over the top, honestly, I dont even care anymore at this point. Everything feels like a never ending nightmare since October.

I am a Rwby & Madoka fan. These shows were responsible for helping me find my voice, to break away from cycles of abuse and become the strong individual I am today.

The reason why I bring this up, is how I specifically as a Jew, who has friends in Israel, Lebanon & Palestine WHO JUST WANT TO FUCKING LIVE has been alienated, pushed aside and harassed in the very communities that I took refuge in.

This is a problem.

I remember the myriad of "friends" I had, who showered me with love and affection that all meant nothing in the end

I exactly remember back when I asked them what their thoughts on me cosplaying Cinder Fall would be around mid-October, and I had hoped that they would be who they were before.

But all I got, was animosity

They called me a "Satan Worshipper", "A Baby Killer", they accused me of being sensitive when I told them that what they were doing was antisemitism right after they threw the k slur at me.

Then, they blocked me, the fucking icing on the cake.

More and more friends, dropping like flies each and every day

All for a government that I have no control over.

They called themselves anti racists, and yet they called me slurs and spread blood libel about me.

How is this normal? HOW IS THIS FUCKING NORMAL!?

I had this fucking belief that without my so called friends I'd be nothing but at this point whats there to lose?

As one of my friends fled to a shelter and I lost sleep for him in fears that he might die, they, my so called "mutuals" cheered for his demise because he was Israeli, and then they cheered for mine.

I was later accused of double loyalty, of being a spy, a spy when I am just a mere student who cannot even drive yet let alone doesnt even have a credit card or bank account who wishes they didnt have to write some of their fucking experiences down on a website that used to bring them immense comfort!

This all brings me back, back to when the boys in my 8th grade class jokingly said I'd commit pearl harbor on a building downtown

When I was asked about Nanking for days

When they said the concentration camps were justified

And now that I, have gotten "worse" for converting to Judaism because now I am not just a "Evil Japanese Imperialist Sellout" but now I am also a "Cold hearted murderous child killing animal"

I am well aware that I sound already all over the place, but tell me

How does it feel after making little headcanons about characters being Jewish, posting about punching nazis, talking about J.K flopling's antisemitic blood libel game

Only to propagate these exact same things! You can criticize Israel's government without being a racist POS AND IT ISNT THAT HARD.

How does it feel after watching Kimetsu No Yaiba, listening to Vocaloid and playing Animal Crossing?

Only for you to go up to random Japanese people asking them, "What do you think about Nanking/Comfort Women?" Or "The bombs were necessary", claiming any song with Shinto or strong cultural undertones "Supporting Japanese Imperialism" and claiming that every aspect of Japanese culture is "stolen" despite that being untrue and that the reason why Japanese media is so popular is to "distract from war crimes"? You sound just like the people who stuck us in the camps after Pearl Harbor and suspected we "conspired with the government", you know that, right?

How will I ever feel going to a convention in 2024 and beyond? Will they shout at me, claiming me to be a threat? An animal? A danger to society?

How did it go from my friends going: "You look like Cinder Fall. You totally should cosplay as her" to legit spouting immature, hateful shit that would practically sound like "You disgusting putrid whore, how dare you even THINK about cosplaying such a character? She would NEVER be one of your impure, hideous, wretched, accursed kind. The fandom needs less of you, and yes my bestie is Jewish so I can call you every single slur and accuse you of blood libel too XO XO UwU Cinder can't be like you, because I said so, live laugh love bitch teehee"

Because now it feels like the place where I thought I belonged, stabbed me in the back

The people I thought I could trust turned on me as I mourned and spouted hatred my way.

I could go on and on on what else I had endured but that would leave this post longer than it was in the first place.

Think critically, love yourselves, just try and make the world less hateful instead of propagating it, and maybe you should learn that people aren't their governments.