#I Dun like the idea of calling my birth name as a dead name :(

[rennyrose]

Trying out a new name, if it sticks I might start switching some stuff up and I apologize ahead of time if it causes any confusion ✌️😔

[oddnub-eye]

The Eyes of the Wily

Emer is my favorite character in the Ulster Cycle, and I had a very wacky joke theory about Tochmarc Emire, which you can read here. A lot of the other details here that aren't based from Torchmarc Emire are headcanons regarding Emer's family. Obviously, this will not be 100% accurate to the story its mostly based on, but I did try and remain mostly faithful, outside of the things altered to fit the overall nature of this story. That being said, I hope you enjoy.

Also gonna put this under a read more because it turned out to be pretty long.

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Scibar was the oldest of his siblings, by a rather significant margin. He had his father’s dark hair and his mother’s blue eyes. When Scibar was only a lad, his father first told him, “He does not have the eyes of a tricky man. Those are the eyes of a man too hard and too soft at the same time. He shall be raised as a warrior. He may not be a great one, but he shall be one.” Scibar, whether consciously or not, started studying his father’s eyes after that. What did his father have that Scibar did not?

When Fiall was born, Forgall ignored his first daughter. “We’ll marry her off at the first opportunity. With Scibar to inherit the Dun, we need not worry about an unworthy heir inheriting this house.” Scibar’s mother did not respond. Scibar was used to this look from his mother, this look of passivity. As if she was dead to the world around her. Her eyes were not the eyes of his father, or the eyes Scibar saw staring back at him when he gazed into the clear water of a calm river.

Ibor was the next born, and Scibar could swear it was the happiest he’d ever seen his father. “The eyes of a wise man!” Forgall had cheered, “We may have a worthy inheritor to this house yet!” It was not until years later that Scibar realized how casually his father had toyed with the idea of disinheriting him. But, as with all of Forgall’s other children, Ibor ended up disappointing him. Ibor didn’t take to his father’s talk of tricks and plans, cunning and schemes. Ibor preferred to spend his time learning the blade with Scibar, or using his gift with words to sing songs and tales.

Cat was born next and with him came a surprise. Cat was the first child Scibar’s mother was allowed to name. Forgall saw Cat and instantly turned from him in disgust, brazenly telling his mother to name him. Cat’s eyes were the same color as Scibar and their mother’s; blue. The blue of Cat’s eyes shone like a blaze light, completely unlike the colors of the sky Scibar’s eyes invoked. It was to the surprise of no one that Cat took the blade like his eldest brother, showing the most talent and passion for it.

But then, Forgall’s last child was born, another daughter. However, with the birth of this one, tragedy came into the house of Forgall the Wily. Scibar’s mother passed away giving birth to this final child. Forgall, as Scibar expected of him by now, remained distant even here, simply handing this final child off to Scibar to hold before carrying his wife’s body off to prepare for burial. Forgall later named his final daughter Emer. Emer hair was unlike her father or her mother’s; the golden locks of her mother appearing dirty with strands of interwoven browns.

Emer was talented, talented behind even her father’s wildest expectations. In all seven gifts of womanhood, she surpassed Fiall, surpassed even her late mother. Young as she was, her voice was like the gods, and she carried wisdom beyond her years. By her seventh year, she was even teaching the girls surrounding Forgall’s dun.

Scibar didn’t actually remember the day the love of his youngest sister’s life appeared very well. He remembered the basics, sure. The blazing young warrior, with his tri-colored hair and seven pupils, appeared in his chariot. Scibar distinctly remembered laughing trying to watch this small, young boy leap out of the chariot. Despite his intimidating chariot and the talons upon his fingers and toes, he was merely a whelp. He could have only been Emer’s age, and he was certainly small for his age.

Scibar didn’t bother to watch the young love blossom. Ibor did, and Scibar didn’t make much not. Ibor was a poetic soul, the blossoming of love was right up the ally of something he’d want to watch.

Emer skipped into the dun later that day, a silly smile plastered on her face, singing a little song about how she was going to marry Cú Chulainn, how he would fulfill her marriage conditions and she would go to join him in Ulster. Forgall shot up from where he was sitting, saying, “Fiall has not been married yet, you cannot be married. Besides, that boy is too wild, he shall bring about our ruin.”

Scibar had known his father long enough to know that “our ruin” meant “my ruin.” The silly smile fell from Emer’s face and the light retreated from her gray eyes, replaced by a more passive look. No, that wasn’t quite right, Scibar decided. There was...something underneath that passive glare.

That night, Forgall donned the disguise of a gaulish king, telling his children he would deceive Cú Chulainn into a fool’s errand, to keep him from marrying his daughter. Emer was present in the back of the room, and Scibar noticed it once more. That passive glare with something beneath it.

Cú Chulainn arrived the next morning to say his goodbyes with Emer, and she warned Cú Chulainn of her father’s attempts to destroy him. The young hero acknowledged her words, and he set off for Alba.

One week later, Emer innocently asked her father if she could move her room into the dun’s treasury. “You call me your greatest treasure father, may I not sleep surrounded by the others?” The request seemed innocent enough, and Forgall dismissed it as a woman’s vanity. Ibor raised an eyebrow but ignored it otherwise.

A month later, Emer met with her brother’s and convinced them that they should start guarding their parts of Forgall’s three walls separately.

“You are father’s most trusted. It is best not to put all your eggs in one basket, your prowess should not be focused on one wall.”

The logic checked out for the three brothers, although Ibor once again seemed to know something. Scibar didn’t think it was important, so he didn’t bother asking.

Midway through the year, Forgall tried to marry Emer off to a man named Lugaid. Emer rejected the man, speaking of her love for Cú Chulainn. Lugaid backed off, not wanting to experience the wrath of Cú Chulainn.

Cú Chulainn returned from his training, and Forgall sent a guard to keep him from marrying Emer. They kept the Hound at bay for a season, until Cú Chulainn’s anger finally boiled over, and he stormed the dun with his full strength.

Scibar was standing at his post in the walls, within the group of nine men, standing at its center. The young Hound of Ulster descended upon them, and Scibar braced himself for conflict. Scibar almost felt bad, that he’d have to kill the lad who made his sister so happy.

Of course, in the time it took Scibar to think that, the men standing next to Scibar had been felled in one blow. Cú Chulainn leapt away, to the next wall, and then the next. Soon Ibor stumbled towards his brother, unharmed, but deeply, deeply rattled. Scibar walked over to his brother, but Ibor smacked his hand away.

“I’m leaving, brother. I’m going to become a bard.The path of the warrior is not for me.” Ibor slurred out quickly, mind clearly abuzz with thoughts. Cat came next, clutching a shattered spear in his hands, a quiet grin upon his face.

“I blocked a hit.” Was his youngest brother’s only words. Scibar only nodded, looking at the path of warriors who had fallen. Anyone who hadn’t directly engaged Cú Chulainn had lived, but the three brothers had engaged the Hound, so why did they still breathe?

Scibar was knocked out of his thoughts by a shout, and the brother’s turned to see their father’s body crash into the ground, his old bones shattering with the impact. The three pairs of eyes that Forgall had rejected when he first saw them, could now bring themselves to feel nothing at his fate.

Scibar looked up and watched as the Hound of Ulster soared above them, performing a great feat of leaping, Emer in his arms and Fiall clutching to his tiny form. The treasures of Forgall’s dun also were held. Emer was laughing as she soared through the sky in his arms.

Cú Chulainn and Emer were married later that day, after Forgall’s allies had ambushed the couple at the fords between Scenmenn and Banchuing, the young Hound fought off all of them, killing many. Cat would later follow his sister and new brother-in-law to Ulster, with hopes of one day joining the Men of the Red Branch. For now, he settled for joining the boy troop. Ibor followed through on his promise to become a travelling bard, visiting his brother’s and sister every now and then to share his stories. Scibar, however, stayed at the dun of his father, inheriting it.

The dun’s new owner would be lying if he said he didn’t smile when he replaced the bed his father had rejected his children upon with his own.

…

It was a family reunion, a banquet and a feast. Scibar’s family, his sisters and his brothers, surrounded him at the table, drinking and eating merrily. Emer had brought her husband, of course, and she looked so happy laughing next to him as the duo partook in the feastivities. It had been so many years since Scibar had become the owner of this dun…

Ibor leapt onto the table, and decided to sing the tale of how Cú Chulainn had joined their family. Scibar largely toned out of the beginning of the story, he was there for most of it, after all. Until something Ibor said got his attention.

“And our beloved sister told the hero, “No man may travel these plains unless he has gone from Samhain til Imbolc without rest, killed 100 men at each ford between Scenmenn and Banchuing, performed the feat of the Salmon’s Leap while carrying twice his weight and gold, and struck down 3 groups of 9 men with one strike each, leaving the middle man of each group alive.”

Ibor smiled his smile, the smile of a bard, “Isn’t that right, sister?”

“Yes, it is!” Emer laughed, confirming Ibor’s account, “Those were the conditions I layed for Cú Chulainn in order to become my husband!”

“And I succeeded!” Cú Chulainn laughed, throwing an arm around Emer’s shoulder, joining in with her laughter. Cat followed soon enough, almost as if he didn’t remember, or didn’t care, that he had been so close to not being the man in the middle.

But that was not what Scibar focused on. For what felt like the thousandth time in his life, Scibar took a hard look at his sister���s eyes. The passive light was gone...no, no, it was never there, was it? Only a fake light, a facsimile of passivity that had fooled Scibar all these years; a facsimile that fooled their father his whole life.

Scibar finally burst out laughing with the rest of his family, but not because of the song being sung or the drink running thick or the memories everyone was spending the night recalling. Scibar laughed at the irony that the one pair of eyes his father may have accepted were the eyes of the one who was the first to reject that man.

[handofvictory]

Does this for Y’gar because he’s precious

What is your character’s name? Does the character have a nickname?

Y’gar. For much of Cata/Mists/etc. he is known as “Son of the Seabeast” in full, because his father wanted to hammer in his mother’s legacy. He ditches it the moment he becomes Battlelord, at which point that is the title he adopts. He’ll later be taking his husband’s false surname of Anchorfist. Conveniently, it’s applicable to both a dwarf and an orc!

What is your character’s hair color? Eye color?

His hair is brown and his eyes are red; basically not at all differentiating from in-game colour-wise.

What kind of distinguishing facial features does your character have?

He has a few lip marks, which are common for orcs (likely scars from biting one’s upper lip. Tusks, man). His face is very soft and gentle for an orc, although he is still very expressive.

Does your character have a birthmark? Where is it? What about scars? How did he get them?

He’s as scarred as one would expect a typical orc to be, albeit he feels as though he should have more. He has no birthmarks to speak of, but he does have tattoos.

Who are your characters friends and family? Who does he surround himself with? Who are the people your character is closest to? Who does he wish he were closest to?

Of his guild, his particular close friends are Morana, Hallomanaha, and likely others but they don’t come to mind right now. He’s divorced himself from his birth family, having been overwhelmed by his father and the memory of his mother. He regrets it at times, but then he remembers something that helps him recognize “yeah no screw it”. One of the dearest people to his heart is, of course, his fiancé (to be husband once Legion officially ends).

Where was your character born? Where has he lived since then? Where does he call home?

He lives currently in Silvermoon with the rest of the guild. He spent most of his life in Durotar/Orgrimmar, and briefly spent some time in Dun Morogh during Mists and hung out in Booty Bay between Wrath and Cataclysm.

Where does your character go when he’s angry?

Onto the battlefield, where he can, like any orc, take his fury out on his enemies. If that’s not an option, he goes to the training room. It’s rare to get him particularly angry, though.

What is his biggest fear? Who has he told this to? Who would he never tell this to? Why?

Being alone. His other most major fear of losing Moroes boils down to this, as well. Even jailed and isolated isn’t so bad to him, not just because of his apparent self-destruction manifesting into confidence in such a situation, but because his jailer would count as company. But lost, in an unknown place with no way out, he would break down. He very much needs people.

Given that Moroes has the same fear, they’ve discussed this before. They’re very comforting to one another about it.

Does he have a secret?

Not as of Legion. He’s generally quite the open book, and doesn’t like hiding things from others.

What makes your character laugh out loud?

He has a light-hearted and innocent sense of humour, though occasionally a more lewd joke will get the better of him. He’s not boisterous about his laughing.

When has your character been in love? Had a broken heart?

Currently, he’s engaged to a dwarf and they consume me tbh. Y’gar’s dated before Moroes, but has never really been in love. Compulsory heterosexuality had him with a woman, at which point he quickly realized he wasn’t into that.

Then dig deeper by asking more unconventional questions:

What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On his bedroom floor? On his nightstand? In his garbage can?

im lazy

Look at your characters feet. Describe what you see there. Does he wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Is he in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or is he wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by his grandmother?

Armoured boots, as any warrior. There’s plenty of damage and signs of repairs from battle and post-battle, as Y’gar regularly takes the attention of the enemy as per being the tank.

When your character thinks of his childhood kitchen, what smell does he associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for him?

im lazy

Your character is doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for him to throw out? What is difficult for him to part with? Why?

im lazy

Its Saturday at noon. What is your character doing? Give details. If he’s eating breakfast, what exactly does he eat? If he’s stretching out in his backyard to sun, what kind of blanket or towel does he lie on?

im lazy

What is one strong memory that has stuck with your character from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

im lazy

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where is he going? What does he wear? Who will he be with?

im lazy and also need to go to bed i need to reobtain my g1 tomorrow

Character Questionnaire 2

This questionnaire was invented by the noted French author Marcel Proust. These questions are frequently used in interviews so you may want to pretend youre interviewing your characters.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

“I suppose becoming Battlelord is an impressive professional achievement... really, I don’t know why me over the countless others surely more talented than I am, but at the same time, I don’t want to complain.”

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

“Him and I, away from this faction war nonsense. Somewhere where my brothers and sisters of the guild are not burdened, either-- nor are those he cares for from his guild. But... that’s just pure idealism.”

What is your current state of mind?

“I’m alright, I guess. Argus is a discomforting place, with the Legion abound. Still, I’ve been in worse moods.”

What is your favorite occupation?

“I didn’t think I had the heart for battle, but I find I actually... like tanking for the guild. It’s a confidence-booster, at the very least, to stand against beasts and villains several thousand times my size and keeping their attention away from everyone else. I certainly feel helpful.”

What is your most treasured possession?

He smiles and touches his gauntletted left hand. “Until the wedding... ♥”

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

“By the ancestors-- if you get me started on how I adore Moroes Anchorfist, Battlelord and my sea and stars, I’ll finally have reason to never shut up.”

What is your favorite journey?

“Favourite? Um-- I... actually can’t decide. I just enjoy spending time with others, no matter what’s happening. ... I just know I don’t prefer anything that involves spiders.”

What is your most marked characteristic?

“Personality-wise? Um... I get a lot of comments about being shy, or sweet, or pathetic depending on who’s talking. Physically? Anyone who checks me out tends to stare at my abs.”

When and where were you the happiest?

“That moment will come soon. Very... very soon.” Smiles.

What is it that you most dislike?

Makes a face. “It’s a shallow answer, but... spiders. I’ll be happy if I never have to sink my axe into another one of those damn creepy bastards ever again.”

What is your greatest fear?

“I... losing my love is a major one, but... on a purely selfish level, I just... I don’t want to be alone.”

What is your greatest extravagance?

“Not really mine, but Odyn insists on officiating mine and Moroes’ wedding in the Halls of Valor with the Vrykul, as much of the guild as we want to invite... I would have been happy with just doing it in a private ceremony in Pandaria like we had planned before, but Moroes liked the idea, and, well... where he’s happy, I’m happy.”

Which living person do you most despise?

“Um, I guess Garrosh is out of the question since he’s dead now. I... don’t know. I have a hard time really hating people. Okay, Catahecas is an asshole and nobody likes him, but he... really could be worse? People really have to earn my ire, I guess, and... wow, that sounded presumptuous...”

What is your greatest regret?

Buries his face in his hands. “... Northrend...”

Which talent would you most like to have?

“Talent? Practically, I should ask Althrich for tips on cooking. I’m going to be married soon, and I know Moroes doesn’t know how to do it.”

Where would you like to live?

“I think I would like someplace with a winter’s chill, but not so cold as, say, Icecrown. Dun Morogh is actually rather nice, I find, but, er-- I know Moroes would rather avoid it... Perhaps Kun-Lai is close enough to that climate?”

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

“I... a lot of people have gone through much worse than I. Torture. The weight of the world. Deaths of others, their own deaths. Of them, I don’t know which would be the greatest of despair... I want to give you an answer to be polite, and so I don’t feel so ignorant, but at the same time...”

What is the quality you most like in a man?

“Well, I know what I like in my beloved. He’s clever, strong, inspirational, hard-working, caring, thoughtful, incredibly handsome-- I like blue eyes and a long beard...” Blushes suddenly. “I-I’m sorry, I’m going on too long.”

...Pause. “Aw, hell, it’s him, how can I not? ♥ As I was saying, handsome, witty, brave...”

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Blank-faced -- “When they’re not attracted to me.”

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

His face tells of a struggle not to say ‘everything’. “I... um... Just the worst one? I guess... My biggest weakness is how I waver before opposition. I mean, I’m-- I’m getting better, I think? That’s what everyone else is telling me, but...”

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

“I think... what I hate to see most in others is undeterred, uncaring cruelty. I hated Garrosh’s warmongering, Illidan irks me with his self-justifications... It’s not even sadism on their part. It’s that they are-- or were-- just so... impassive about it. As if the lives and pain of others just meant nothing.”

What do you most value in your friends?

“I admire their hard work and resilience, their marching onward despite everything. I know a lot of them have demons they battle regularly, worse than I could dream of, but still they continue. I aspire to be that way, as well.”

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

“I can’t think of a good tale. All the ones I know are true stories.”

Whose are your heroes in real life?

“Aside from people I know personally, I’ve long admired High Overlord Saurfang’s strong morals and sense of honor. I’m glad he now leads the people of Orgrimmar.”

Which living person do you most admire?

“Have I mentioned my future husband often enough yet? I have? No I haven’t. Let me talk about him some more--”

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

“I wish I could say warmongering wasn’t a virtue I could list for you, but then again, take one step into Orgrimmar and you’ll hear about thirty people boasting their latest kills.” Growls. “And they say Grom freed us from our bloodlust.”

On what occasions do you lie?

“I don’t like to lie... but I’ll do it to keep others safe.”

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I’ve had a lot of people tell me to stop apologizing for things... and then I apologize for apologizing. It doesn’t happen much anymore, thankfully.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Once again, ‘everything’ comes to mind. “I-I maybe answered this when you asked what I most hated about myself? But if not that, then I just want to be strong enough to be reliable. I feel like that encompasses everything...”

What are your favorite names?

“Besides my fiancé’s? Uh, I don’t know. I associate good things with my allies’ names. I don’t think about it besides that?”

How would you like to die?

Shifts uncomfortably. “Not anytime soon. Unlike most of my people, I... don’t want to die in battle. I’d rather pass peacefully.”

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Groans. “You realize that is reality for far too many, right? Some wear undeath well, I... don’t think I would. In fact, I think I’d be too weak to maintain my sentience in undeath. So I’d rather not.”

What is your motto?

“Don’t have one? I mean... I guess... the Horde battle cry, but everyone has that...”

[dubstepkazoo]

So I’m playing Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 2, and it’s pretty good, but...

The translation is doing everything in its power to make me stop having fun.

Good god, the translation is bad. So bad, in fact, that I simply cannot view it as professional work.

Now, to his credit, the translator does approach his job from a perspective I can respect. Rather than give a rote “what does the Japanese say” translation, like so many amateur and professional translators do, he instead asks himself this for each line: “What would be the appropriate English for character X to say in situation Y to get Z point across?” The problem is that not only does he do a terrible job of answering this question, he often gets so carried away that he forgets to ask it in the first place.

See, he commits the same mistake he did in the first game: changing the tone of a line/scene or otherwise misrepresenting what the game’s creators intended. He adds humor where it doesn’t belong, changes jokes into meta-jokes (Underling “hitting the spawn cap” for the Killachines, a guard qualifying his youth in “non-anime years”), and pushes a character’s gimmick farther than even the original Japanese did (Red mentions her “wifeys” more often than she should). He even sometimes changes character dialogue to be a lot more sarcastic, incisive, and biting than it should be. In Chapter 2, after they meet the fake Chika and IF expresses her suspicions of her, Compa is supposed to gently rebuke her for judging a new acquaintance based on preconceived notions. Instead, the translator has her scold IF for holding “Chika” up to “[her] own lofty standards.” That’s WAY too cutting of a statement for Compa to make. If it were Kei, I could believe it, but Compa, everyone’s favorite desu girl, would not say something like that. And she certainly didn’t in the Japanese.

Then there’s Nepgear. Poor, sweet Nepgear. What did the translator do to you, you innocent little creature? She got mangled so far beyond belief that I have to completely ignore her translations - only listening to the Japanese voice clips - if I want to retain any ability to like her. As if changing the other characters’ nicknames for her wasn’t enough - IF calls her “Gear” instead of “Nepgear,” Rom calls her “Miss Nepgear” instead of “Nepgear,” Neptune calls her “Nep Jr.” instead of “Nepgear,” and Compa calls her “Ge-Ge” instead of, say, “Geary” - actually, you know what? No!

In what universe does it make sense for Compa to call her freaking “Ge-Ge?” I can only assume that the translator wanted to mimic “Nep-Nep,” but here’s the thing: there’s a reason why the Japanese didn’t do that. Wanna know why? Because it sounds stupid! Even for Compa! Seriously! “Ge-Ge.” Good god. Just- just call her “Geary.” Why are you so afraid of trusting the developers’ judgment?!

So anyway, as if changing the other characters’ nicknames for her wasn’t enough, the translator decided to give her “modern” and “trendy” dialogue. Everyone else has this to some degree too, but you’ll often see Nepgear use words such as “BFF,” words that fell out of common usage over a decade ago. I know this is a port of a Vita game, but come on. These words were dead even long before the original game came out. And even if they weren’t, adding trendy dialogue is not a good thing. The key to making a good character is to make them timeless - identifiable with anyone, no matter how much time has passed since the game came out. Fad language only points out more heavily - both to contemporary and future players - how dated the game is.

Then there’s that other thing. Yeah, you know the one. You know what Nepgear needed, despite the original developers sensibly not doing it? A catchphrase. Oh my goodness! What the goodness? Goodness! This is pushed extremely hard, to the point where every time I see this word put into Nepgear’s mouth (which is multiple times in nearly every Nepgear scene), it’s all I can do not to slam my headphones down in disgust, storm out of my room, and scream. I wish I was exaggerating. I am ACTUALLY overcome by this urge whenever the translator makes this horrible, infuriating decision. What in the name of all that is chicken made the translator decide that this was anything other than the worst idea ever conceived by man?

See, I understand the temptation to emphasize how pure, innocent, and overall angelic Nepgear is. It is her one defining feature. But there’s something far more important than that: making her relatable. Yeah, this goes back to that “timelessness” thing I was just talking about. Nepgear is the player’s window into the world. The player has to be able to connect to her and self-insert in order to be engaged. That way, Nepgear’s hardships become the player’s hardships, and her triumphs become the player’s triumphs. Just look at Link - people get so invested in his games and worlds, and yet not having a defined personality just so happens to be his most iconic character trait. And the protagonist of literally any Pokemon game: they never say a single word, but the player becomes them. You’re not controlling the character - you are the character.

That’s not to say protagonists need to be silent or devoid of personality in order to be self-insertable and relatable. Look at Sora, from Kingdom Hearts: he connected to the player by remaining optimistic and going on a journey to save his friends, a sentiment easy to sympathize with. As such, the player could have a blast exploring fantastical worlds and fighting imaginative enemies on a grand old quest to fight the powers of darkness. Look at Cecil, from Final Fantasy IV: he was struggling with the discrepancy between his own moral values and his prime authority figure’s actions, prompting him to question his allegiances and life choices. That is an incredibly human struggle! As such, not only could the player identify with him, but the player could simultaneously be impressed by the character’s redemption arc. We could simultaneously be the protagonist and watch him - admire the story from both the inside and the outside.

But in this translation, you can do neither. Giving Nepgear a catchphrase, something real people don’t actually have, only serves to distance her from the player. In the Japanese, Nepgear talks like - get this - a normal human being. She doesn’t overuse “goodness.” She doesn’t talk of “BFFs.” She doesn’t refer to boobs as “boobies” (seriously, what is she, a toddler?). She is a normal girl (well, as normal as a goddess can be) feeling the pressure of standing in her sister’s shadow, yet she still ventures out to save the world, despite her insecurities. She’s a brave, optimistic protagonist with a pure heart. Pretty easy to relate to, don’t you think? Well, too bad. You’re not allowed. Get out of her body, you pervert. You have to stand back and watch from afar as she shoots memes and goodnesses down your throat, whether you like it or not. You’ve got some nerve, thinking you’re allowed to be a participant in this adventure, rather than a spectator.

Oh, and it’s not like other characters get a free pass, either. I get that Ram is a child, but it’s silly to have her call everyone “dummy.” I don’t know what children the translator hangs around, but I at least know that none of the children I know (and I’ve worked at a church’s summer camp, so I know quite a few) don’t call anyone and everyone “dummy.” Also, it’s extremely out of character for her to constantly call Rom stupid. Yes, she’s a bossy, self-centered brat, but she does care for Rom in her own way. It’s why she attacked Underling and the protagonist brigade. Her attitude should be “Rom just doesn’t know better,” not “Rom’s an idiot.” There’s a big difference there, and the translator failed to grasp it.

And returning to the fake Chika, Underling was actually not doing a terrible job of acting as her. The only giveaways were her voice, her lack of knowledge, and her decisions. Still, that was enough to make it obvious to the player that we were actually dealing with everyone’s favorite boss battle. But the translation decided to ham it up and make her slip into her normal speech patterns, despite the Japanese version consistently maintaining Chika’s elegant, refined demeanor. This is less of a “how dare you moment” and more of an “oh, come on” moment, though.

And I’m only just at the beginning of Chapter 5 so far, but I see a dismayingly large amount of the word “heavens” in Vert’s dialogue. This is a little more forgivable because she’s a minor character in this game, but- again, come on.

But you know what the saddest part is? I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the translation’s problems. I haven’t even mentioned how “the Hard” characters are now “CFW” characters, joining “CPU,” “HDD,” and “Arfoire” in the list of “what were they smoking” decisions. I haven’t even mentioned the concert at the end of Chapter 2, which was an abomination of otaku culture references, not only displaying a very shallow understanding of otaku culture (despite the Japanese’s clear understanding), but also inserting words like “otaku,” “moe,” and “tsundere” where they didn’t exist before. I haven’t even mentioned how there are several moments where the translator decides he clearly knows better than the developers and just rewrites lines wholesale, with no regard for the tone or concepts that the original line was going for. I’ve even kept screenshots of the truly abominable bastardizations of all that is holy, naming them with the Japanese line to truly showcase the idiocy of this translator - though one of them I simply named “thereisnogod.png” out of pure, utter despair.

All in all, this translation reeks of an incompetent - probably N3 or lower - translator who thinks he’s the smartest person in the room and can do no wrong. He’s a classic example of the Dunning-Kruger Effect (that’s the one, right?). And if I looked through the credits, I could probably find his name. If he’s credited as anyone other than Alan Smithy, then that would mean he’s proud of his job. He looked at the completed game and said, “Yes. I did good.” I mean, despite this list of grievances, there are a FEW well-done moments, but those are the exception, not the rule.

I’ll close this post out with a confession that I don’t know much about the localization industry. Perhaps some of these bad decisions weren’t the translator’s fault. Maybe someone higher up said, “Give Nepgear a catchphrase” or “add more self-referential humor.” Either way, though, someone is to blame, and whoever this decision-maker is, he has displayed a profound lack of understanding not only of what it means to translate, but also of storytelling in general. Because in the original Japanese, this game’s storytelling is a vast improvement on the first game’s - but that’s a post for another time.