#(because she might have been pining a bit too close to the sun)

[dawnpours]

You ever saw a woman so badass you started crying

[turbulentscrawl]

Since the topic of body hcs and body hair hcs overall...may I ask what do you think survivors smell like? I've seen some people differ and I just wanna know your thoughts ;w;

Also, we've gotta be honest. They *will* stink at times, specially after matches. But hey that's only but natural so *shrugs*.

They definitely smell more distinct than I think we'd be used to in general, yeah. And I DON'T think most of them smell unique enough to say how they're different from others, specifically, but there are a few things to consider, if we're looking at it a little more realistically:

More regular cleanliness was becoming normal in the 1800s, when most of the survivors were from, but the actual frequency of bathing varied by class and career. Showering daily still was not common until the 1900s, though. Even without any concerns about water supply in the manor, I would imagine most of them average a full clean-up maybe twice a week? A little more for those who get into actual filth on their days off. (looking at Emma, since she digs in the dirt and spend a lot of time outside.)

Deodorent was not invented until 1888, and didn't become popular until the 1930s or so. And most early deodorents didn't come with much in the way of additional scents, rather they just killed bacteria that caused excess body odors. Most of the people in the manor would not have used this, except perhaps the latest arrivals like Frederick and Alice. Instead, before deodorant, people took steps like shaving their underarms to prevent more sweat and bad scents, and used products like perfume and talcum powder to freshen up and get rid of odors.

Fancier soaps were around in the 1800s, but were used sparingly and economically. The lower class especially would have made their own ashen lye soap to bathe and wash their clothes. (Which, if you've never smelled unscented lye soap, is not pleasant to the nose imo. It's a bit of a pungent chemical smell, mixed with the scent of whatever the soap base was, which was usually lard and olive oil.) More expensive soaps could have been made from things like almond oil, coconut oil, or goat's milk, plus herbs or extracts for something much better smelling.

There's not a ton of hard labor to do in the manor, which would keep some people from working up so much of a sweat, but there's not likely an AC there. On the plus side, I don't imagine there's too much weather fluctuation in the manor for the sake of keeping the passage of time as confusing as possible, which also means it's not getting too hot. Most of the temperature changes you experience would be on the maps. I also don't think a lot of the Hunters would sweat! Any of those who have been dead and were brought back probably don't perspire anymore, though they may have the slightest hint of something off about them.

In short...yeah there's definitely more BO than we're used to in most modern settings. Most of the people in the manor are going to smell pretty natural--which won't always be offensive to the nose, mind you, since they say the smell of someone who's right for you will smell GOOD--plus some talcum/baby power or perfume scents to 'soften the blow' a bit. (Though it wasn't really in fashion to DROWN yourself in perfume by most of these peoples' time, so I think only a few people might lay it on too thick. Mary or Vera, for instance.)

And some people probably maintain very small scent hints about their professions or lives before the manor, just to distinguish them up close. Luchino has a touch of carbolic acid on his clothes, from sterilizing tools in the lab. Norton still smells of coal and minerals, just a touch. Victor smells a bit like sun-heated dog due to walking around outside all day with Wick, and Ithaqua like snowy pine trees from his years wandering and guarding winter woods. You get the idea.

I won't say who I think smells the worst or the best because that;s just too subjective--especially since I've revealed I don't like the smell of lye which is probably what most of them would have used LOL. But I'm definitely not one to say 'let's fully suspend our disbelief and say Naib smells freshly showered and uses Old Spice 😜'.

[angelkissiies]

in this light, you’re mine

abby anderson x reader

cw : angst, fluff, pining

wc : 1K

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ for a more immersive experience, it’s recommended that you listen to the song attached ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

The day had come and went, casting a familiar haze onto the walls of your bedroom. The large windows of the stadium rooms proved useful, showering your intertwined bodies with the last haze of sun before the night's frost took over. It was times like these you wished the days never ended, you wished the night never came. With the slow descent of the sun, you saw the rift begin to pull the two of you apart, because every night like clockwork- she made her way back to him.

“Abby..” You spoke, hand running through her honeyed waves as you felt her shift on your chest. You loved her, in every sense of the word, which is why you’d taken to being the best friend she needed. Though, now, the feeling had blossomed in your chest- making you want to be much closer than friends.

The girl made a small noise of acknowledgement, her face buried in the fabric that covered your stomach, muffling her words- if she spoke any.

It was moments like this where you thought, for just a second, that she loved you. Her body was relaxed, full weight tossed upon you as if you were the only person in the world. She hadn’t spoken in an hour, allowing the silence to fill the drift between the two of you, something you’d noticed she couldn’t do with him. It was reserved solely for you. And as much as it hurt, you soaked these moments up- taking the love she’d give you greedily. God only knows when she’d take it away and trade it for the comfort of the man she called boyfriend.

“I-..,” You couldn’t find the words to say to her, though you had so much to say. You wanted to spit it all out, to tell her the depth of your devotion to her, to let her know that you would always be hers. Even if she wasn’t yours. Your heart was trapped in a limbo, perpetually captured by a girl who seemed to only have eyes for one other and wrapped up in these moments of pure bliss that furthered your deluded imagination. “Nevermind.” You whisper in defeat, not willing to risk the domesticity you’d become so familiar with.

How did it even come to this? How did you go from being friends to whatever this was? Just a year ago you’d never imagined even being able to hug the wry girl but now here you were, watching the sunset drop below the horizon with the girl so close she might as well have been a part of you. It would never make sense to you, the pace in which you’d gained the trust and love of someone so naturally off put by people. Maybe it was the whole reason you were found by the washington liberation front, maybe it was some fucked up fate you’d been allowed for the sins of your past. Whatever it was, you thanked it.

You always knew that somehow this would end in heartbreak, as you only were granted these moments when Owen was away. When the dove in your arms felt free enough to fly home to you. Was it real? You didn’t know and didn’t want to ask.

In the light of dusk, she was yours.

Abby shifted, turning enough to be able to look up at you with doe eyes. “I love you, (y/n). I don’t know what I'd do without you.” She whispered, settling back in to rest on your soft tummy. It was so simple with her, or at least it should’ve been, the love was so pure. You couldn’t imagine anyone else being in a place you reserved so especially for her.

The words made your heart leap, and once she turned away, your eyes pricked with the blossom of tears. As she rested upon you, you watched as her free hand toyed with the necklace that Owen had gotten her for her birthday. You wanted her. You needed her. She was so close but somehow still out of reach, yearning did nothing when the object of your affections was actively thinking of someone else whilst with you. You tasted metal from how hard you bit your tongue.

“I love you too, Abs.” Was all you could muster, chest slightly hiccuping as you bit back the sobs that bubbled in you. You dared not disturb the girl, watching as her hand dropped to rest upon your free one. It was so simple, but it filled your stomach with guilty knots. You spent so long longing for her touch, only to get it and think of the man she had waiting for back in her room. It made you sick to your stomach to think of how she loved him, how much he took for granted as he complained about her excessive display of care. It made you so fucking sick.

But right now, she was yours.

Softly leaning into your touch every time you ran a hand through her hair, sighing in contentment as you drew tiny patterns into her exposed shoulders, murmuring small ‘i love you’s’ as she fell in and out of love sleep.

Before you knew it, the girl had begun letting out small snores, falling asleep and effectively trapping you beneath her. Her back rose and fell with every breath she took, mesmerizing you as you mapped out constellations her freckles had made a map of. It was as if her life story was here, recorded in tiny brown dots along her rosy skin. It made you draw a soft breath as you let your hand ghost over the spots, thinking of how much love you carried in the depths of your heart for her. More love than she had freckles to account for.

The silver chain of her necklace caught your attention as you admired her, and for a moment you wanted to laugh. Owen had gotten her silver. You never really paid much mind, but now you wished you had.

Everyone knew that Abby Anderson wore gold.

Everyone but Owen.

[dianneking]

The Set-Up - Miranda/Reader (Top of the Lake: China Girl)

Crossposted on AO3 - if you prefer to read it there, follow this link!

Summary: Reader is crushing hard on Miranda, and yet somehow ends up on a date with Robin organized by none other than Miranda herself. Light angst, mostly Miranda being a hot mess tbh.

Tags: Mutual pining, jealousy, fake relationship, spying on people, Miranda being a clueless hot mess (as per canon), lil’ bit of angst, matchmaker!Robin, height difference, smoking, present tense, second person pov, ungendered reader.  Words: 3767

The Set-Up

You watch as Miranda enthusiastically waves goodbye at Detective Griffin before coming to lean against the wall by your side. Wordlessly you offer her a cigarette out of your pack, and she accepts with a muttered Thank you, sticking it immediately between her lips and lighting it up. Maybe it’s because you are somewhat more tired, maybe it’s because today she looks particularly happy and it tugs at something deep within you, but today’s the day where you throw caution to the wind and ask her what you have been ruminating on for quite some time.

"So, what's the deal with you and Griffin, huh?"

"We're on another case together. It's a good one."

"Only that?"

"What else?"

"Come on, Hilmarson, are you really going to make me ask?"

"I... I don't understand what you mean."

"You two seem pretty close, that is all."

"We sorted out our differences."

"Isn't that just great?"

"What's wrong with you today? You are being more waspish than usual. Didn’t take enough smoke breaks?"

"Don’t try to change the subject. Are congratulations in order? Are you two an item now?"

"What? No!"

"...if you say so."

"We really aren't! She's like my sister or something. Is that what was pissing you off?"

"Of course not! Why would I care if you and Griffin were hitting it off?"

"Oh my god, it is. You are jealous."

"No I'm not"

"You so are!"

"Am not"

"Are too!"

"Piss off!"

You shove her playfully, but doing so makes you painfully aware of your height difference, and you feel suddenly very small and nervous. If your crush for Miranda is so evident that even herself can call you out on it, you are worse off than you thought you were.

You try to sneak a glance up at her, and you see her beautiful face corrugated in a frown, as if trying to piece together a puzzle. Has she already figured out everything? Maybe you should consider making a tactical retreat before you dig yourself too deep into a hole. But at the same time, you are not willing to give up any time the two of you spend together.

Damn. She's so out of your league it's not even funny, you think, watching how the warm glow of the afternoon sun shines through her blonde eyelashes. You should probably have been more careful in letting your feelings known, you think as the silence stretches on uncomfortably. Now there's going to be that embarrassed little dance of her trying to let you down and you telling her that it's okay (it's not), you understand (you do), and that you hope you two can still be friends (you really, really do). You are not ready to give up your smoke breaks spent together, all the laughter, the jokes, the heart to heart talks. Miranda is the brightest part of your day, and you'll be damned if you'll do anything to hurt your friendship.

 "Hey I... I think you might have a chance, you know?"

"What?" You barely manage to choke out. Is she…

"Yeah, Robin is single you know. And you are witty and smart like her, you two would get on like a house on fire."

Oh no.

The implications of that sentence hit you like a cold shower. Is she really that clueless or is it some sort of joke? She's not the person to purposefully try to hurt you by mocking your crush, you know her well enough for that. You know she means well, and yet your heart sinks as surely as a rock in cold water. She's totally misunderstood, but that in itself is an answer.

"Miranda, that's not..."

"You know what? I can set you two up for a date!" She whips her phone out before you can try to get in a word, her tongue peeking out of her lips in a show of concentration as she types away. You try your best not to stare at her mouth as she does so, but you are entranced. So much so that you miss your only occasion to stop her.

"There you go!" she announces with a satisfied smile as the phone pings with Griffin's answer "She says she's up for grabbing lunch with you at Tony's tomorrow if you pay for it."

You try to swallow your disappointment, but it stays as a bitter knot in your throat. She might not be dating her detective partner, but she for sure isn't interested in you, if she's so quick to try set you up with her. She looks down at you, with so much excitement shining on her face that for a moment you get lost in those sparkling blue eyes. She's so gorgeous, and sunny, and kind. You really cannot be blamed for falling for her. It's just your usual rotten luck that she only sees you as a friend. So much so as to play matchmaker for you.

And you are so desperately in love with her that you cannot bring yourself to burst her bubble, to be the reason that her infectious smile drops from her lips, and so you don’t say anything. You don’t tell her that when the two of them storm through the station on their way to another case, or when they lean together, their heads close as they look at the computer screen together, it is not Griffin that you can’t take your eyes off from.

"So, what do you say?"

"Uhm…sure, I guess…"

“But of course, that’s what friends are for, isn’t it? You go get your girl!”

You shrug, trying to squash down the hurt that the word friend carries. You might as well go to this lunch with Griffin, hopefully you might be able to pull out of her whether Miranda is seeing someone else. Not that that would change much, would it? You should start trying to resign yourself to the fact that you really have no chance with her.

Also, Miranda looks positively giddy with excitement at having set the two of you up. Not when she has so resolutely stated that she only thinks of you as a friend. You are not going to make a fool of yourself confessing feelings that won’t be welcome and would only make your interactions awkward. Grabbing a bite with Griffin is for sure the lesser embarrassment of the two. Or at least the least damaging for your friendship. Because even if you can't have Miranda as your girlfriend, you are going to fight tooth and nail not to lose her as a friend.

 You only hope that Griffin won't be an arse about it.

“Why are we even here? Didn't you have a huge crush on Miranda?”

Obviously, it had been too much to ask for.

“...”

“I’ll take that as a yes. So why let her set you up with me?”

“If you knew that already, why did you agree to this date?”

“I wanted some free lunch.”

“Oh wow. Way to make someone feel appreciated, Griffin.”

“And I was curious.”

“Were you?”

“Yeah, I wanted to see what she sees in you.”

“Nothing much, probably, if she tried to peddle me to you at the first chance she got.”

You try to keep the bitterness out of your tone, but you still bite viciously into your sourdough sandwich, and you can hear Griffin scoff.

“Oh please, it's obvious that she's pining for you just as much as you are for her.” You can feel yourself burning with embarrassment. Still better than the alternative, you remind yourself. It's just a lunch.

“I might even believe you if she hadn’t just put me firmly in the friendzone, so please, Griffin, can you drop this and just enjoy your free food?"

 Miranda tries not to feel guilty as she peeks beyond the wall corner to watch her two colleagues through the window of the café. She just wants to see how the date goes, that's all. Since she's the one who made it possible and all of that, she feels somewhat responsible for it. Like a fairy godmother for your budding relationship. Her friend and her work partner hitting it off…that has to be a good match, right?

Everybody agrees that Robin is the absolute best detective in the station. And you...well, you deserve nothing but the best. And if you two work it out, she won't have to share her free time between the two of you, right? The three of you will be able to hang out together all the time, and all will be just grand. One big happy family.

She can see the two of you in conversation, and cannot help the nervous tapping of her fingers on the wall she's hiding behind. She can see you shrug, an embarrassed grimace on your face. She can see how red your ears have turned - she can't get over how cute you are when you blush. For all of your tough talk, she thinks affectionately, you really are just a big softie. Have you already told Robin of your crush for her?

What will her reaction be?

Maybe Robin will reject you, and of course Miranda will be there to help you through your heartbreak, to comfort you as you had done for her when her affair – it’s a relationship, babe – with Adrian had crumbled like a sandcastle built too close to the ocean. Because that’s what friends do for each other, right? And Miranda is very happy to be your friend.

She absolutely is.

Really.

It's just that…

It's just that sometimes she allows her mind to run free, and she finds herself wondering how it would feel for once to hold your hand as you lean against the wall outside the station side by side, how your hair would feel if she buried her hands in it, how your lips would taste if she were to… No. She really shouldn’t. You're her friend, and she's pretty sure normal people don’t think about kissing their friend.

Unless they have romantic feelings for their friend. And she surely doesn't. Does she?

…

Fuck.

She totally has romantic feelings for you.

How hasn't she noticed? How long has she been feeling this way towards you and mistaking it for friendship? Suddenly she feels like bashing her head against the rough brick wall. How could she have been so dumb? She has even helped to set you up with Robin! Wow, good job, Hilmarson. Great. Couldn't she have realised it like two days ago? Even for her standards - she's the first to admit that she has messed up multiple times in her life - that's one major cock-up.

 “See? She's totally into you as well, she's even spying on our date.”

“That might just be because she is curious. If she wanted me, why would she try to set me up with you? Come on, Griffin, you must be smarter than this. Aren't you supposed to be the best detective in Australia or something?”

“Ha-ha, such a flatterer. Look, I know what I’m seeing. And lucky for you, I’ve got an idea.”

“Lord help us all.”

“What if I pretended to go along with it?”

“Griffin, I am flattered, but I thought we had already been over how I'm not interested in you.”

“That's why I said pretended, genius. She’ll see us together, get jealous and realize her feelings for you.”

“She won't. You might be a decent detective, but you suck at relationship advice. Oi! Remove your hand from mine, this is ridiculous.”

 She shouldn't still be here, Miranda thinks, and yet she can't seem to be able to rip her eyes away from the way Robin has grasped your hand above the coffee table, her face opening in a lopsided smile.

This isn't fun anymore. Not since she's realised how badly she has fucked up in helping you two out. Miranda swallows, her eyes never leaving Robin as she slides out of her side of the booth and moves to sit beside you. She's never seen that sort of playful grin on Robin's face, unless she was totally hammered, and to see it when she's sober, and on a date with you of all people… Robin wants you too, doesn't she?

Well, of course she does. I mean, look at you, you are lively, smart, funny, attractive, and Robin might be many things, but she for sure isn’t blind or stupid. She has to know how much of a catch you are.

Miranda can only watch helplessly as Robin - the same Robin who refuses all sort of affectionate contact, struggling to even hug her own daughter - is leaning into you, nuzzling your neck, and whispering something in your ear. You jolt up as if electrocuted, and turn towards her, shock clear on your face. What has she said to you? Miranda feels like she's going insane, stuck on the outside looking in.

And then Robin chooses that moment to plant a kiss square on your lips.

Miranda turns tail and flees.

 “What the fuck, Griffin?”

“It's gonna work, trust me. I know Miranda.”

  Miranda leans against the wall next to the station, in what over the years she has come to think of as your spot. If she closes her eyes, she can almost fool herself into thinking you’re by her side, as you always are, cigarette dangling from your lips, always ready with a sarcastic quip, or a funny retort. Except you're not there. You're still on your stupid happy date, that she had pushed you into, like the moron she is.

She's been chainsmoking since she came back from spying on you, and the longer it takes for you to come back, the more harshly she pulls in the smoke between her teeth, trying to lessen her stress. Trying not to picture what you and Robin could be doing that's taking the both of you so damn long.

She tries to ignore the painful constriction of her heart at what her traitorous mind conjures up. The mere thought of Robin's small hands safely ensconced in your bigger ones, of her mouth exploring yours as Miranda had been dreaming of doing even before she recognized her feelings for you, of the two of you hugging or worse, makes her want to scream at the top of her lungs and hit something.

But she can't.

You're her friend, she should want you to be happy, shouldn't she? And if that means stepping aside and supporting you in your relationship with Robin, of course she'll do just that. Because Robin is the one you're interested in and there's nobody on earth Miranda can think is more different from her than Detective Griffin. Robin simply is everything Miranda has never been: petite, professional, smart, careful and precise. It's no wonder you like her and not big, clumsy, helpless Miranda.

Miranda, who's a terrible friend and cannot even support you wholeheartedly in your new budding relationship.

Miranda shakes her head, dropping the butt of her cigarette to the ground and moodily stepping on it. She should be happy for you, should be grateful to be allowed to be your friend, it's not like she has  a whole lot of those anyways. The sooner she starts to accept the fact that there's no hope for anything more between you two, the better it'll be for her poor heart.

She just didn't expect it to hurt so much.

But what's taking you so long? Is that how it's going to be from now on? You and Robin, so wrapped in each other that you forget about Miranda, leaving her alone once again, cast aside, begging for scraps of affection from her friends?

She can feel the tears filling her eyes at the mere thought.

 "You're back! How…how did it go?"

Miranda’s smile is too big, her eyes too watery for it to be sincere. For the first time you allow yourself to hope against all hopes that maybe, maybe Robin has a point.

But maybe you are just seeing what you want to see.

“Are you alright, Miranda?" Her laugh is high, nervous and ends up in a sort of hiccup as she clumsily claps you on the shoulder, rocking you with the strength of the impact.

"Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be, there’s a new, blooming romance in the station! And between my best friend and my partner, to boot! Isn't that just grand? Are you gonna tell all the others about it, or should I tell them and save you the pain?”

Her happy-go-lucky voice is so fake it twists your heart and almost makes you miss what she has said.

“Nonono, there will be no telling anything to the others!”

The last thing you need is for the whole fucking station to think you and Griffin are an item. You wouldn’t hear the end of it. It’s already bad that Miranda thinks that. And hopefully you can somehow clear that up.

“Is that something Robin asked you? Does she want to keep you as her dirty little secret? You shouldn’t settle for that! You deserve more!” She gesticulates wildly at this, her hands cutting the air with agitated gestures, as she defends your honor against imaginary slights.

“That’s not it, Miranda. It’s just-“ But she cuts you off before you can get a word in.

“You shouldn't hide your feelings! You two are totally made for each other. Go be unapologetically together!”

"Why are you so adamant in pushing us together?" You finally snap, irritatedly. She's not making any sort of sense. She's trying so hard to get the two of you together even if it's obvious that she's not happy in the least about it. And even though you are starting to think more and more that this might all be a huge misunderstanding, it cuts to hear the woman you love trying so hard to set you up with someone else. What if Robin wasn’t right? What if Miranda really only saw you as a friend and nothing more?

"What do you mean? Didn't the date go well? You sure looked like you were hitting it off pretty well, and you took your sweet time, too." She mutters the second part softly, as if it has come out of her mouth without her really wanting to, then promptly blushes a deep red.

You always found her adorable when she blushed.

"Miranda, I need to know it, why were you spying on us?"

"Oh god, you saw me? I… Uhm I…I just happened to drop by Tony's, I had totally forgotten that the two of you were there. So I uhm hid, because I didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for you. Hehe, that’s all."

"Is… Is it possible that you might like me?" You throw all caution to the wind because really, at this point you need a clear answer.

"No!" She answers too quickly "Of course not! You are my friend. I like you as a friend!" Hope stirs once again, but you don't dare to believe it quite yet. Not while she keeps denying everything.

"Miranda, you are many good things, but you are a terrible liar."

She suddenly rights herself from where she was leaning against the wall and makes as if to move towards the station.

"Well, I…I need to go. I just realized that my lunchbreak was over like five minutes ago and I-"

You stop her, a hand on her wrist, and a pleading tone to your voice.

"No, please. Stay. I…"

She stops, but she stays with her back to you. When she speaks, her voice wavers ever so slightly.

“You don’t have to spare my feelings, I know what you want to say.”

“You…do? ‘Cause it seems to me that this is all a huge misunderstanding.”

“Of course. A misunderstanding. Sure, that’s one way to put it. Just another big clumsy mess, made by big clumsy Miranda. I guess we’re used to it by now, aren’t we?”

She turns now, and you are shocked to see tears streaking down her face.

“That’s not what-“

“It's OK,” she interrupts you once again, angrily wiping the wetness off her face as she looks at you with a solemn, sad look into those beautiful big blue eyes of hers, “I know that you like Robin, I would never do anything to ruin your chance with her. You really make a perfect couple, I am serious about it. I just need a little time to adjust.” Her voice is picking up speed, as if it's impossible to stop now that she's started, “I am so grateful to have you as a friend, it's not like I expected you to return my feelings. Hell, I didn't recognise them for what they are until I saw the two of you together. And I would never let something like that ruin our friendship. Everything can stay perfectly the same, even if you are with Robin and…and I know I am a terrible friend that has fallen for you after setting you up with your crush but I want you to be happy and please don't hate me."

You blink under the onslaught of words she's unleashed on you, and when she abruptly stops, all that can be heard in the small alley to the side of the station is her heavy breathing, as if she had just run a marathon. Her shoulders are shaking and you can't see her face, dipped as it is into her collarbone in shame.

Your heart breaks at seeing her like this, at the sheer thought that Miranda could believe even for one second that you hate her.

You stand right in front of her, cradling her red, downturned face in your hands, tilting it ever so slightly up from where it was staring at the pavement, so you can once again look directly into her beautiful blue eyes, now swimming with tears and swirling emotions.

She's such a mess, you think affectionately. But she's a lovely mess with the biggest of hearts, and you wouldn’t want her any other way.

"Miranda, I could never ever hate you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I… I think I love you."

"As…as a friend?"

"No, dearest, no, not as a friend."

And you hope there's no mistaking your intentions now as you press your lips to hers in a kiss that the both of you have been daydreaming about for way too long to admit.

Liked it? You can find more of my fanfiction on my masterlist!

[ch4rryc0smos]

⊹ noceur — a. donaldson.

synopsis — the past still haunts marion. she never let go, she yearns, and wishes, but hope does not truly exist. she's learnt to accept it, finally. she thinks so, until everything comes back to her, to become her ruination. to ruin the order she created to fight back her wants.

genres — friends to strangers, tension, one sided-pining (is it really?), unrequited yearning, admiring, best friend's husband (huh?), domestic angst, unrequited love, hurt no comfort.

pairing — art donaldson x friend!self insert, art donaldson x mutual friend!self insert.

warnings — mentions of medication, and insomnia.

word count — 2.3k.

author's note — i had to return to my angst roots, they feel so right. plus i'd been itching to write some masterpiece angst anyway. it just felt right. most of this might feel like inner monologue, but i just couldn't help it? anyways, no hate to tashi, by the way! we love her :)

masterlist.

Tennis has not been a staple in Marion’s life, but insomnia has. Much more than she’d like it to be. She’s barely been to any games, but it’s all on purpose. She’s been telling Tashi she’s been busy. That she’s got work. She never wanted to go into corporate, Tashi seems to have forgotten that. Once Stanford came along, tennis had become the one sport she loved, learnt to integrate into her life, and she succeeded, for the most part. Until Patrick and Tashi happened, until the injury. Until somehow the imminent fear of Tashi being everything Marione ever wanted to be ended up true. 

Twenty and college went from being what Marion thought would be the best years of her life to dreadful later years that left her yearning. Yearning for a man that she once thought wanted her too. But of course not. She’d been foolish to assume he would. A selfish want, a yearning that was always meant to be unrequited. Especially considering that tennis and Patrick had been Art’s world. And Tashi was the sun when those were the Earth. Marion can’t even find it in herself to dislike her best friend. Tashi’s been her rock, her anchor. And she was the first person to notice her. Ironic, because the same girl woman has recently been the last person to realise that Marion’s been spiralling, downwards. How she’s some main character from a novel, but she doesn’t seem to be anywhere close to getting her happy ending.

The man she thought would be hers is the furthest thing from it. He’s married, has a daughter, and Marion knows he’s struggling, but at least he’s got someone. She can’t even help but think that at least Tashi is better than she could’ve ever been. Marion is so glad that she’s Lily’s mother. She’s so glad that Lily has someone like Art there. As a father. 

The one thing Marion still doesn’t know, or have. She’s so glad, she’s so glad for her best friend and her husband and their daughter. But she hates the way her heart clenches every time she thinks about it. She hates the way insomnia has rooted itself into her life and how she spends endless nights awake, thinking about everything that was right in front of her, but never hers. 

Life feels like being in a museum with relics that have been taken from you, like standing on the other side of the glass and banging her fists on it. Begging for what’s rightfully hers. But is it really? The lines between her rationality and her human instinct to want have blurred a while ago. Now she’s just a pointless heap of flesh that has a conscience. 

One which she doesn’t use enough.

Her life is the same cycle, pointless. But she doesn’t mind. She also refuses to visit a therapist, much to some people’s chagrin. She doesn’t want to sound like a twenty year old fool still pining for her once love of her life. Also current love of her life.

It’s honestly so pathetic, she thinks. All of it just feels a bit wrong. 

Even more so when the last time Tashi texted her first was four months ago, and suddenly when the one night her exhaustion wins her mind over, the next morning it’s Tashi’s message that greets her first. Before the sun, before the birds, before clarity.

Her alarm hasn’t rung when her eyes flutter open, the curtains are drawn close, and she sits up immediately, glancing at her digital clock. It’s four in the morning. A whole hour before her alarm. She never changed it from when she was in college. When Tashi would wake her up in the mornings to train. When she tried out sports and was not ‘lady-like’. When something as simple as hitting a ball with a racket with her best friend had become her freedom. And her saviour. Had become the one thing that connected her to the one man that somehow managed to win her over.

The one she was still yearning for. 

Sometimes, the negativity made her wish for her life before anything. Before Stanford, before Tashi. Mostly, before Art. But she thinks she wouldn’t have ever been the person she is now if not for  that. And she could never wish anything bad on Lily. 

Lily prefers to spend days with her over her own parents. Guilt floods Marion’s guts when she thinks about herself, because how could she ever do anything to hurt Lily? That’s when she realises she’s already read Tashi’s messages at least five times, but hasn’t processed it.

It’s reading something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry I’ve not been able to keep up, you know how it is with coaching Art and taking care of Lily, and tennis. Would you want to come along for his next game? I think it would be a great way to reconnect’. Marion can’t lie, it sounds nothing like Tashi, but something in her heart snaps. She types a yes. Just a yes.

A dumb yes.

A few hours later, when she’s a bit more aware of what her body is doing, she receives a call. And it’s from none other than Tashi. Who breathes deep, and heavy. Marion knows she’s stressed. She can always tell. 

Even after all these years.

“Hey,” Tashi starts. Marion hasn’t had the heart to speak first. It scares her, it scares her so bad. Like being ten and waiting for her father to return after his meeting, after he cleaned up her childish mess and the way his voice rang in her skull, the way the tears poured once she was in the safety of her bedroom. 

She collects her breath. “Hi, Tashi.” She hates how dead her voice sounds. How lifeless she sounds. But since picking up the call, she hasn’t moved an inch. And she can’t ignore the way she can hear the laughter of a man and young girl in the background. 

When Tashi tells Art to be careful over the phone, it somehow still makes Marion’s stomach drop. He says something, but their voices have just become background noise in her mind. The rest of the call is spent in one-sided conversation. Marion agrees to everything her best friend (was she really?) said.

She doesn’t know how she’s the one that always gets wrangled into situations that leave her heart feeling a gaping hole, but yet again, it ends up being her. She’s meant to be scheduled for an Uber that would pick her up the next day, the next game. But she refused. She couldn’t bear to deal with it.

She’d rather drive herself to her own demise, even if she doesn’t trust herself to be in her right mind.

It appears she was correct, she isn’t. From the moment she’s awake, it feels like a fever dream. She can hear birds at four in the morning. The sun hasn’t risen a sliver, even after an hour and half. Her clothes feel tight. She almost drops her medication, ends up taking two more pills than she needs to. But it doesn’t matter. At least her heart rate is more decent. She practises a smile as she walks out, keys in hand.

She’s ready to face the day. She’s ready to grieve her way through. 

Her car ride is silent, except a few sniffles, a few curses, and the rustle of her makeup as she reapplies before she has to finally leave the comfort of her car, the safety of it. She should’ve expected it when she sees Tashi standing, ever calm, collected. Her daughter’s next to her, practically bouncing as she waves excitedly at Marion.

Marion quickly makes her way over, glancing at both sides as if there would be any cameras to capture her hideous appearance. Lily sprints over when there’s only a few metres left between them. Marion holds her arms open, holding up the young girl when she runs right into her arms. She brushes Lily’s stray strands of hair out of her face, holding her closer.

“How’s my best girl been?” Marion asks. 

Lily grins at her as she tells her how she’s been having fun with her grandma, how she loves the hotels. Marion listens. Tashi walks up to her, and she leads her inside. Marion just wishes her stomach would stop dropping. At some point it’ll be buried more than six feet under. She hates how when Tashi starts leading her down a rather empty hallway, she knows it’ll lead to Art.

When she sees him again, after years, her breath is still stolen. It’s like being nineteen, twenty. It’s like meeting him for the first time. Lily runs up to her father. The white shirt Art’s wearing seems a bit too tight on him, and Marion doesn’t like that she’s staring. She averts her gaze, feels shame. 

Footsteps that shouldn’t be so loud but are nonetheless, fall against the floor. She counts every one of his footfalls.

“Hey,” he whispers. 

She hates how quickly she looks up. Words die in her throat when their eyes meet. Still blue. They don’t look as warm as they used to, but it’s him. He’s still in there, somewhere. Even if his eyebags make him look like he’d be anywhere else. Marion thinks he looks like a man who’s lost all his passion for what he does.

She hates that she knows exactly how it feels. Because it hurts, hurts so intensely. It makes you feel devoid, because tennis had once been something the both could bond over, along with the idiocy of being in college and being in love but never quite admitting it. 

She still regrets that. Wonders how it would be if she just told him. Hates that at thirty one, she’s still grieving her what ifs. 

“I hope you’re well,” he says. It feels unnatural. 

They never had to ask each other if they’re fine or not. They’d know, they could always tell. Marion thinks he can tell she’s not been doing well. Or maybe he can’t. She hasn’t seen him in years. Instead, she spends her nights awake thinking about how it would be to meet him. She doesn’t know if he remembers anything about her, but she knows she could never forget anything about him. 

He was her whole world, and sometimes she thinks that if she said he still is, she wouldn’t be lying. 

“I am,” she lies. Doesn’t even bother. He smiles, it’s taut. It’s forced. It’s nothing like him.

He plainly looks like he wants to retire, and nothing more. Like that could be the best thing to ever happen to him, if it does. Marion knows it would be selfish of her to want, but she thinks that if he still loved her, she could spend every morning holding him in her arms, and running her hands through his hair, and making him a cup of coffee, and laughing, and joking. And doing all the things she thought they he would.

He nods, and says he has to prepare before the game. She knows it’s a lie. At least that hasn’t changed about him. He used to do it when they were younger, and he still does. She sighs, lets him go. Tashi appears at her side, places her hand on Marion’s shoulder, the latter flinches for some reason.

“Sorry,” she whispers.

“It’s okay.” Tashi squeezes her shoulder. 

Tashi’s words echo in her head over the course of the game. She watches Art move with proficiency, with vigour. With power. But she can’t ignore the way his hands jitter in the moments before he has to react. Her eyes catch on the way the sweat glistens on his skin, the scars that peek out from under his shorts, and the way his serving style hasn’t changed one bit. 

He ends up winning, and their eyes meet again. For the umpteenth time that day. It’s like all the years that they spend apart, they’re making up for it now. With every lingering glance getting longer. It feels unbearable, having to just watch him breathe, not having him already in her arms. 

She wishes that she would’ve held him then, when she could’ve, instead of complaining about him being all sweaty. 

Her heart soars to her throat when he starts jogging towards her general direction. She stands up, followed by Tashi. Her arms are limp at her sides as she watches Art hug his wife, his daughter chittering beside them. She doesn’t even realise she’d been staring until Art looks up, his eyes meet hers, and he smiles softly. 

She missed the way his lips turned upwards so bad, she doesn’t even know how to explain it. But she knows it fills her heart with glee. Pure glee. He holds his arms open, and they look vacant, like they can hold her just how they used to. She hesitates, he doesn’t move an inch. He waits as patiently as he always has. 

She’d hate to make him wait longer. 

She steps into his embrace, his arms find their way around her waist. She’s clinging onto him, mumbling about how she’s so proud of him, for everything. Whispering the rest of her words, about how she wished, and wished, and wishes. It feels just so right to be back in his arms, and she just doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t want to let go.

Her heart flutters when she realises he doesn’t want to let go either. She drinks in his cologne, it hasn’t changed much over the years, Marion realises.

The post-win interaction felt like a dream, felt so right. But the night that followed, and the week that followed didn’t. Her insomnia only turned up multiple notches. Her queen sized bed felt empty. It always did, but now the crumpled sheets beside her just felt emptier, colder. 

They felt devoid of someone she knew she couldn’t ever have. Not now, not for another eternity.

Or another lifetime.

The thought kept her up at night. Most nights.

ch4rryc0smos © 2024 … do not repost, alter, translate, or steal my work.

[court-jobi]

Want for Nothing

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x modern!OC, Tessa DeVon

Words: 6,404

Rating: Teen+ (inuendos, testing the waters--mmm) (18+ for spicy themes to be safe)

Warnings: no-angst confession, pining, LOTS of touching, kisses and grinding, lovely dirty talk, sweet, sweet romantic tension

A/N: a bit of fluff, bit of pining, and no small amount of delicious chemistry for these beloved characters who are FINALLY acting on their feelings... Much love to @fizzyxcustard in celebration of her recent trip around the sun... belated, but very much deserved! This one's for you, m'love 💞

Summary:

Take away the robes, the sword, the crown, and the weight of responsibility; these things leave Thorin as just a dwarf. A dwarf with pride, passion, and loyal to a fault-- and yet also easily the most honest and endearing man Tessa DeVon has met in this or any other realm- most notably, hers.

And does she ever crave him. The dance with death they faced on their Quest is over, and Tessa ever so wants to settle into a gentle ending with her Dwarf King.

The busier the two get, she'd do nearly anything for a moment alone, and when she happens on just such an occasion, she's thrilled-- only to doubt reading into the situation with one sided intentions. But what if these feelings were not so one-sided? How might she be rewarded when she brings her heart to the surface…

Read on AO3

There's a learning curve or two, for Tessa to learn in Erebor. Or three. It’s hard to keep count; it feels like there is a new one every day…

The Mountain is both familiar and not. The stories she’s heard on their cross country trek to the Erebor has painted a clear picture in her mind– and now, she’s seen it in the flesh and has the chance to have a hand in helping rebuild it. Her reinstated King has his mind set to restore the parts that should be redeemed back to their former glory, and to also sort out the plans for the things he wants to change. As the second of his royal namesake, Thorin II has the rare opportunity to make this kingdom as he sees fit– one to truly bring all the dwarf kingdoms into the fold and see Erebor and her people reach higher highs than his forefathers ever conceived.

And that’s a hell of an undertaking.

Not that he wished to micromanage, but Thorin has spent days slaving over each department’s planners and ledgers to get a solid master plan in place, with those he trusts at the top– because if his Company worked this hard to come home, too, he's going to see that they thrive in their new roles. There's bound to be missteps -trial and error- but the kindly voices of hardy dwarves around him will help him tackle the learning curve.

There is also the matter of his conscience– another, new learning curve of his own. Thorin must wrangle and settle the guilt of his failings… and thank Aule that Tessa promised to be here to see it through. 

He’s told her any time she’d listen that he relies on her for that blessing– the mercy that passes his understanding.

Tessa is so proud of the whole operation, of all of them– if a little at a loss of what to do, herself. Through recovery, she was able to be of help during a most stressful time; but the first night the entire Company sat together again for a reunion meal now that they’ve all healed, the questions came to how they would divide the shares, their stations, etc. Each member, to the last dwarf,  volunteered to aid Thorin however he deemed. 

The journey brought them together so closely, and none could go long without seeing each other now that they’ve been through Hell and Back Again. 

In the very beginning however, Tessa could not have felt more like an outsider. 

Welcomed as she was and tested through trial after trial living amongst them with linked arms, living in the Lonely Mountain was a new experience entirely. She might have been given nickname after nickname by the men in her life: from playful to annoying, to something called Sanâzyun… but she was and could never forget, in every way, a stranger to this land: to the Race of Men, Elves, to the dwarven kind.

… to the very World of Middle Earth. 

So while she rested her head each night under the assurance that she had a secure place here and plenty of friends who cared for her, Tessa made no mistake to try and assume she knew it all from a few stories and some history lessons around a fire. 

Out of respect, she nearly excused herself in the early meetings when they talked over all this– but Thorin stopped her in her tracks each time she made to stand. In perfect grace, he’d extended an offering to her, 'naturally'. He swears she'll want for nothing if she chooses to stay, 

'Celebrate your wins, yes. But please, share in this– our joys and our revelry as well– this home we've won together. This Mountain is yours to call home if you wish it so. You bled for this just as we all have. I cannot imagine a soul here would not want for you to stay, Tessa.'

So she agrees to stay… like she was going to choose anywhere else. Everyone cheered when she gave the news.

So they each set to work. 'Rome wasn't built in a day', and neither will Erebor. Tessa decided to shadow Balin and find the nooks and crannies that can be preserved. Royal Quality Control– similar enough to her old job, she reasoned. She learns the Mountain home best this way... though in doing this, she also caught a bout of 'smog sickness' from the lower mines at first– the third learning curve. She had to learn the power of hydration in the hot forges and the importance of a good, well-fitting facescarf.

But as with all new things, these stumbling blocks were all teaching lessons: Tessa’s to find her place in this world,  and Thorin’s to not sweat the small stuff and to try and rest himself.

–and maybe learn to come to terms with his heart’s feelings too. Tessa’s a bit ahead of him on that front… 

It's been weeks since their last talk on the subject;  of their undeniable chemistry. Rather than put a name to their draw to one another, the dwarf King and his odd, other-worldly Darling with her funny flat twang of an accent have remained in a dance of sorts, ever since… and Tessa -poor thing- has never quite forgotten what's all been pushed to the side and gotten in the way.

Perhaps, she wonders as she slips on her long sweater atop the layers of embroidered dress, I can snag him aside for a little chat tonight. God knows he needs a break. Maybe I'll pay Dwalin for a good distraction, some whiskey– yeah, that'll do it.

So, with a smirk, Tessa slipped a bottle of her personal stash from her makeshift bedside table, wrapped it in a leather skein, and set out into the Hall at Fili's call for her. 

Here Tessa found herself surrounded by the brashest blend of personalities in what was beginning to be actually a very relaxing moment... At dinner, the Company had all been merrymaking and having a blast of it. There's been builds, a hog tying, and something called a 'Stumpfest': which for those out along the mountainskirts, that was a success called for a celebration. Tessa will take any excuse to open this whiskey again. 

Then as the evening dwindled on, the stories began; clusters of family and friends telling their tales of old, and thankfully, making an attempt to include Tessa as much as possible. It often felt like a personal storytime to her, whenever her boys took the helm of a conversation. 

'Ye won't believe this next one lass, just wait till ya hear-'

Good thing Tessa brought the whiskey for the occasion- she'd need it for herself after all these gory war stories…

Across the room where Heads of House have gathered for a meal, Thorin was actively blurring the lines between work and play as they speak. His sidebars, from what Tessa could vaguely tell were ones of nostalgia which segued into his current happenings quite well. Still, she'd listen to him all day if she could. 

Everyone at the table, and truly everyone in Erebor, sees their king as infallible, immovable and without any chinks in the armor– never knowing that his biggest enemy is himself. After all, his fatal flaw is never turning that brilliant mind of his off. Funny, Tessa thinks to herself, that he'd be a prime candidate for Redbull or Five Hour Energy advertisements for as much as he complains about not having the energy to get through the day. Though in the warm din of the evening fires blazing across the fire stones, he'd gained a second wind through a pint or two of his favorite ale.

Tessa snuck a glance from where she sat among a circle of master storytellers; namely her dear Bofur and Nori. Even with hilarious sources of distraction right next to her, she’s unable to part her sights from Thorin for long. He’s just– captivating. Even here - at the end of the day with his hair down and tunic untethered to the low point of the neckline. He’s irresistible. And not helping Tessa’s endless pining of him…

As the hour dragged on, she was pleased to see Thorin laugh and ease himself of those hard lines of focus he wore– and was hit with even more delight when he met her eyes with rapture and ultimate fondness, even from across the room. It was electrifying, every time, to have his focus all on her. (What she wouldn't give to have a way to speak mind to mind, because she cursed the distance between them whenever he looked at her like that.)

Sure enough though, the pull to be by his side was too strong– and he, too, beat her to the same draw. 

Thorin came to her circle of conversation, where Bofur was regaling another far-fetched story Tessa assumed was toeing the line of fantasy. While he didn't react to the outbreak of laughter that ensued, Thorin spoke above them on the downbeat, begging the group to allow him to borrow Tessa– effectively excusing the pair 'for a quick review while she has the time'. 

Tessa assumed this was a lovely excuse to take a walk, as they left the hall and into one of the upper corridors.

–but it wasn't. No, he's actually picking her brain and trying to find the right bit of parchment in the Mapmakers Study to show her something, and swept her away to help him look. 

For a moment, Tessa did find this adorable: Thorin, flitting about mumbling a decade's worth of history as if she can hear him properly, explaining what he's doing. But it's just his way of trying to catch her up to speed, so she took their outing as a dear expression of that. 

Inside this room, Tessa found a little perch beside the table she happened upon. It's ancient and caked with rubble, dust, and stacks of books. Oh, and of course, Dwarven scabbards; because who in their right mind in Erebor would find themselves without their steel at their side, even one abandoned generation ago? The mess was a funny sight. Careful of nicks and splinters, Tessa minded where she sifted through, all while Thorin dug around like he owned the place speaking only in fragments- sorting his thoughts as he did the hidden treasures laid out before him.

A comfortable quiet passed between them, leaving Tessa to a host of thoughts in her inner dialogue. When Tessa recalled the memories and stolen moments they shared like this– the ones they typically came so close to talking about, but were always interrupted for one reason or another– the flair of impatience reared up.

Thorin's promise, especially.

So, Tessa broke her waiting silence,

"You said once, 'I wouldn't want for anything'. Not while I lived here, right?"

Thorin only barely cocked his head, still on the hunt for whatever he was searching for. 

"Mm, that's right," he offered blindly. "Why do you ask."

A knife's hilt caught her attention. To admire the goat's-leather handle, Tessa picked it up and leveled it on a finger– and kept her gaze from him, as aloof as she can manage, 

"Well I gotta say…" she lightly sighed, "If the taste of what I had in Laketown is any indication, I'd say I'm pretty neglected."

Polite quiet was thrown out of the room– by Thorin’s hand on the table rolling something off it by accident. 

The sound turned Tessa towards the clatter, and then to her lovely companion. Completely puzzled, Thorin looked up to her newly alerted. Concern coated that expression.

Tessa made a concerted effort to keep her face as neutral as possible. Really sell the blasé look to him;

"On the back porch?..." Tessa threw the memory into the open. 

Tomorrow would be the blessed day that’s been over a year in the making: the day that would see the dwarves reach Erebor, and the buzz about Bard's small home couldn't be more lively. With the exception of Kili's room where he fought with sleep and the aches, the Company had trouble getting a good night's rest when the journey would be reaching its end in a matter of hours– when they'd take the boats from Laketown and see their home again. Yes, this was the night before they take on their last stretch of road, so Tessa joined Thorin on the balcony for their nightly chat– presumably their last peaceful one for a while.

He's wearing red tonight. It's a borrowed shirt and decidedly too long in the arms– and yet he pulls it off with a rugged finish. He could don any color and he'd look amazing… even though the Durin blue is the natural choice. Surely it will return after a wash day gives it new life.  

Threading his arm, relaxed, Tessa keens in the cool of the night and said she'd decided to come outside to simply enjoy the view while she has it. –but as he noticed she's looking right at him when she said the words, Thorin settles into the moment's respite with her, comforted as never before- and squeezes the hand laid atop his. 

Didn’t last long, this stretch of magic and attraction. When picking up the sound of Bilbo and Balin wandering out the door on the far side of the dock to talk with him, Tessa took her leave; well, not before she snuck a kiss on Thorin’s cheek before he can turn and say otherwise. But words never came in his surprise: only action.

It’s so fast– Thorin catches her wrist back, pulls the palm over where his heart beat, and gives Tessa a real kiss for the very first time: warm and firm due to how close she was. 

The pair didn't notice since Tessa bluffed so well, passing them and the Company with that stolen moment with the King all to herself. Secret kept, she simply beamed in what looked like pride to the outside, after slipping inside and losing herself to drink and a buzz that had nothing to do with the wine. 

A tense parting would come the next morning… As Kili's health waned, Fili stubbornly set standing by his brother’s side, the Company received an earful of even more warnings about the Mountain's curse, and poor Bilbo fluttered about more nervous than he'd ever been. Before they set out from the city, when Thorin asks Tessa to stay in Bard’s home and care, she agrees because it's obvious: she'd protect his family without question and understands Thorin to-a-tee. He worries for them both, his sister-sons, but in turn, Tessa makes him swear to be careful until they can rejoin him. He gives his word as best as possible- as the Uncle, the Leader, and something more... 

Under the little half canopy, some wooden chimes blew their way in the breeze as a send-off song of their own. Nothing more to promise as she knew nothing truly was, Tessa offered Thorin as confident a smile and 'go get em' as she could manage. 

But as she heads inside, Thorin catches her elbow again to make her stop. She's thrilled her brave show of affection wasn't a dream, when the dwarf cups her head and kisses her goodbye again in private where no one can see them: under tarps, caring touch, and broken bits of light above them… shedding what hope they could offer this tired, wooden corner of the world .

–And it all fell into place; each line of Thorin's confusion dissipates as he realizes just what Tessa means. 

What's more is his response, interest seeping in: 

"Is that what you want?"

Tessa cocks her head. All too demurely, mind you– sliding a hand back through her hair's part, the flirty act deliciously fluffed it up. She's feigning innocence, but even the smallest of moves all but scream how she's presenting herself from the chest, out. 

True, Tessa wants his kiss again.. But she wanted something even deeper, felt herself wanting for more than just that one brief connection on the surface. 

She yearned for every bit of Thorin: those moments of pride she’d observed in public, as well as these intimate ones here. She wanted his heart, his mind, his kindness, his righteous  rage… she wanted to taste every story he’d gift her, and wrap herself up in that voice for the rest of forever. 

So in short? Yes; she wanted him. 

But this behavior… this is a wager. A huge limb she's leapt onto. 

Whatever Thorin was looking around the desk for her to see went forgotten. Instead, he chose to close their gap. 

With steady steps, he saunters close to his fairer company– dangerously eyeing her face, to her neck, to the slope of her chest, and to her eyes again. The move forced Tessa into a lean back onto the desk, pinned. Under such dazzling eyes, she just holds back Thorin's stare with a saucy, hidden smile.

"The lady wants for a bit of attention, does she?" 

Thorin soothed the woman in reach as he framed her perfectly, hands bridged on the desk on either side of her. 

"Just a bit, maybe," Tessa slides her hands along his lapels- not so cautiously anymore. "Not to be an inconvenience, Your Majestic-ness…"

With a careful eye, Thorin outlined her features as he looked her over, ignoring her jab and seeking the intention underneath. He's no simple-minded man- he sees everything in a word: what she says and what she means, even in her jests. Something akin to doubt crossed his face as he spoke his mind, 

"I'd not been certain… Forgive me if I cast the wrong impression your way," Thorin sought her forgiveness through a tender touch of her arm, "Tessa, I've only ever– I've tried my utmost to carve away time to you, as you rightly deserve. Though I’ve not presumed or demanded so…"

A lovely flip bashed against Tessa's chest, her desire: spurring her nod of the head to placate his worry. 

Thorin asked further, meekly,

"Am I to believe you– might feel as I do? Regarding that night, and… the morning that followed, and the– Mahal, what you said in the infirmary…" Thorin winced at the shared memory; indeed, reading into things too late. 

Tessa bopped her head again, a subtle way to show her heart lies with him without a doubt in her mind. That it wasn't too late…not when she'd given her reason for staying, why she'd stay in Thorin's corner, and the reason she'd keep coming 'round: 

'Love– present tense.' 

"Feels like ages ago, but– yeah." Tessa confessed. "Kinda hoped it wouldn't be a one-time thing," A small, enticing smile tinged the side of her mouth. 

"I feel a fool all the more, then," Thorin chuckled as he swept Tessa into his arms more comfortably, "I truly have been distracted, haven't I."

"I don't think a single person here would blame you, Thorin. You're more than busy– you're booked three or four times over, hon," Tessa laughed herself, sinking into his arms. "Your people's King comes first, and I know that; and I can behave myself well enough on my own between my sightings of the guy."

Thorin's look softened upon her. He clearly wasn't content with this status quo.

"And it's not like I feel ignored, not in the slightest! M'only–" Tessa trailed off, turning coy again and fixating on all these details up close; the stiching and braidwork she'd come to associate with this more illustrious form of 'Thorin', "--just finding myself craving a certain someone's attention sometimes. Just from one, particularly regal source, busy as he is…"

With his palms swept up her corseted sides, the dwarf before her teased her right back. To her delight– Thorin likes to play, too.

"And whose attention is that?” he asked lightly, “There are several dwarf lords here tonight, all from noble blood. Whose attention have you sought after, so patiently?..."

Breathless as she locks in on his lips and gives a playful little smirk, Tessa hug hims loose around the shoulders.

He's got her: snug in tight, in perfect space to nuzzle noses, close to speaking into her partially open mouth,

"Tell me, Tessa~"

His Darling swallowed. Won't take much, she'll be caving any moment now. Broken and breathy, Tessa stood stock still beside herself. Her chest heaved with the words,

"-'d like yours."

Thorin rumbled, "Louder."

"Yours." Tessa's shudder.

A happy, low moan came from Thorin in response, his forehead dropping to hers for a nuzzle. What she'd been reduced to by this man's voice…breaking eye contact from that gorgeous face to study his neck.

"Shyness, from you. Wherever did this come from, pretty thing?"

Forget shyness and patience. Tessa whines, tipping her head up for a kiss.

"Thorin, please."

The dwarves' King quiets her with a devilish hush of his lips before collecting her hair back and capturing hers in one fell swoop. But one right after another, Thorin easily lost himself in the sensation.

 Just as guilty and greedy for so much more. 

Breaking for labored breaths and a too-long glance, a delighted smile lit up Tessa's face, and one in equal measure to his. 

Giving him attention back, Tessa's hands cupped his strong neck and jawline, fingers teasing deliciously down to his beard before seeking a path through his hair like he'd done to her. This earned a straight growl and a deliberate step forward to pin her to the table-- to the point where Tessa felt Thorin's 'presence' in every sense of the word.

She sighed his name, like she could breathe it until the end of time to sustain her. For Tessa, it was easy, and right off the tongue, to react like this at the lack of room, distracted by his press to notice him straying to lap at her neck now. 

Paws cradling her to him, Tessa's stance spread to let her leg give out and lift on instinct. 

Reading her moves by touch, Thorin yanked behind her knee to prop her up against the surface to fit himself to her. She was pretty sure a knife hilt and some empty scabbards laid flush against her bottom, but she barely cared.

"Thorin--" Tessa lightly sighed and swallowed for control. Her head buzzed from within, and echoed by his moans answering hers, "some--ah.. Don'-- nnng d-door?"

"I don't care." Thorin growled in a deep place in his chest. "Let them come. I've waited for you long enough."

Tessa gawked: has he??

She could chuckle now, she's that relieved– but gasped at the sensual kiss and light suck to her ear. Thorin teases the stud between his teeth. Nuzzling her back to center, he mumbled something delicious in his native language before his mouth was yanked back to meet hers again by way of slightly trembling hands.

There's no hope now; Tessa's addicted. Now locked in, she bit along Thorin's bottom lip to claim him– wordlessly crying out 'mine' to his lips.

The game of back and forth wound up with Tessa being hoisted fully onto the table, Thorin's hands petting just about any curve he could reach. Fingers long since tugged her collar down so he could worship her jewel-adorned chest, one palm braced above her as she has him locked between her legs by the waist, making out with him half atop her. 

As her sights stayed fixed on every bit of his regal features, Tessa's exploration of Thorin's chest and arms' reach had him heaving heavy, excited breaths when they broke away-- each huff exerting intense restraint to not bowl her over and lose himself in her entirely. The sight thrilled her.

While she held onto his pillar of a bicep, Tessa gave Thorin's neck an extra dose of care and took advantage of the angle to whisper all sorts of nothings up to him– anything to break his damn restraint and give her some sort of pressure between her hips.

"God you're gorgeous…”  Tessa sighed, the praises coming naturally. “Watching you run this place like you were always meant to... teasing with those baby blues of yours, and all I can do is watch you-- so fucking unfair."

Thorin shuddered under her tongue.

"How the hell am I supposed to focus all those days last week… stuck in that throne room, wishing I could just walk right up to that dais, n'sit on your lap... That's my spot, after all; you promised you’d keep it for me~"

"Mahal, Tessa..."

Tessa smirked, 

"Part of you wouldn't even care if I did, would you? I could wear that blue dress you like on me so much. Won't be any mistaking whose I belong to then, huh~" She whispered up to his ear. "Maybe one of these days I just..might..do that."

Thorin rattled a low growly noise, something fierce and turned on. 

He caught her neck in a light hold, tearing her from her niche under his curtain of hair,

"Nnng, must you say things like that..."

Tessa upped the ante on the sweetness, despite the lustful glare he gave.

"Would you rather I lie and say less, my darling Highness?" 

"Lies don't become you," Thorin grit out, tugging her up flush against him, "But if you're to be so lavish and colorful in your descriptions of what you'd like me to do to you, I'd prefer it to be in a warm, lit room with a good, sturdy bed– and not in the same hour I have to turn tail and face my innermost council with my 'sword drawn'."

A chortle burst from her with a lovely giggle-- the audacity, she could imagine the faces now. 

Thorin fixed a look at her laugh, straightening his waistband as subtle as possible.

"You are set on becoming the death of me, aren't you."

"I doubt you really wann’a make a deal with Death now after all this time, do you? Thought you had work to do."

"Work that you do not seem remotely interested in partaking in right now, little minx."

"I am interested, I've always been interested," Tessa sang up to the object of her affections, "Just thought maybe you deserved a break–" Tessa eyes him back with a glance... and a super slow uptick of the leg,  "Just a nice, little distraction."

Thorin pressed in at that front leg advancing. He groused into her shoulder, inlaying a kiss between his thoughts. 

"What was that?"

"A desperate dwarf's plea, my darling dove." Thorin moaned at the base where her neck and shoulder met. "'Have mercy on this stubborn soul.'"

"Hey~ m'not trying to embarrass you," Tessa smooths his hair back and directs him by the bearded chin to face her, "Just want you to feel the same as I do. Just as good, just as special."

"My special one, you are." 

Thorin mouthed at her cheek after a sweet kiss, continuing, 

"--and how I'd enjoy showing my special one just how special she is–”

Tessa sank into his arms tightening around her waist, giving in to his support.

“For Mahal as my witness,” Thorin all but sang into her ear low and clear, “I'd not show my beloved my efforts in this musty place. I'll not have her on a desk that's not been touched in who-knows-how-long when I commit every blessed inch of her to memory…”

Good God.

Thorin rakes through her hair before the poor thing could speak, could think- 

“No; I shall have her on the finest bed in these Halls. Nothing in earshot but a fire raging: crackling the air around us, accompanied by that perfect sound of every sweet noise I drive out of her- filling the Mountain itself. Every last beg and moan and sigh and cry. I take my time. I do not rush, and I will not allow her to hold a drop of her sweetness back from me. And believe me, Sanâzyun, I will know."

Tessa... stopped working. 

Then he promised again, 

"You will want for nothing… whilst you are under my care and my house. Not now, nor until my last breath." Thorin pulled back to hold her gaze to him again, "Does that please you, my sweet, neglected One?"

The tiniest noise escaped Tessa-- not unlike steam from a teapot-- but was silenced as Thorin sealed his filthy promises with a lavish kiss to her jaw. 

The rest of Tessa's neck bowed, compliant; leaving Thorin with the room and to he time he willed to carry on with adoring attention to her nape, all while massaging up her leg through her dress.

… –at least until an oaken door flung open in a crash against the wall. 

Tessa flung into panic mode- what she must look like, a wanton thing; Thorin forced them both to duck, quick now, under the desk. 

Once landed on her ass and tucked in by Thorin's massive, immovable arm, Tessa choked on her laugh– heaven knows why they're doing this... But Thorin simply held her: back flush against him with the unspoken swear to not move a muscle.

"Will Mahal in His Grace please give me a reason not to whack this oaf, please! I need a sound voice of reason for once, THORIN!! 

"I'll show ya REASON, you ancient pair a' donkey's buttocks!!" 

Tessa looks at said King over her shoulder to catch sight of it; Thorin simply rolls his eyes and firms up his mouth. 

Tessa mouths, 'donkeys buttocks?' It took everything to keep her from giggling– this scene is ridiculous. Thorin however, while keeping a sharp ear on where the others were in the room, met her silent question with a cheeky wink. They listened on– praying to every spirit that their surprise company would just leave. The wandering hand cupping Tessa's waist spoke volumes as much….

Which worried her– because she could hear steps all around the backside of the table.

She can't really believe this: two grown adults were hiding from from their dearest, closest comrades and kin. 'Like randy bairns', Dori would say… Of course, he's presently debating with Gloin something fierce. 

"Well surely you gotta give him the context, Dori!!"  Fili chimed in to lay down the law. Tessa could imagine the hand motions he's giving to seem his most princely. "Be fair, now! Tell him who's really got the grievance." 

"The lords over the Guild are making a right mess of the armory- we got one chance to do this right, and it's all gone to straight horseshit. It doesn't even take a novice to know what a mess it is- ye can't even walk straight down the Hall, there's rubbish everywhere!" 

"I TAKE OFFENSE TA THAT!" Gloin fired up again, "I've given a GENEROUS allotment to see to the– bah, just as- Not asking ya to come see fer yourself like a nanny," grace reentered the Redbeard's tone, "but- Thorin, you in 'ere?"

A hand petted along Tessa's ribcage. Not a word. 

"You sure he's in here, lad?"

"Saw 'em come in here myself…" Fili mused low in his chest.

Tessa bit her cheek against the pang of nerves for distracting Thorin in the first place. Then, a silent nip to the soft spot on her still-exposed shoulder changed her feelings; she became confident she needn't worry if he wasn't.

"Don't exactly got the best track record of watching where folks are going tho, are ya boy."

"That was one. time." Fili groused, never living down the 'Ponies Incident of the Spring'. "Fine. Let's go your way, Dori."

The two bickered on with an exhausted Fili following suit. But by Grace, Favour and Luck, at the sound of his nephew's grunt to close the oaken door again, Thorin let his head fall back on one of the table supports. 

The sigh that left him was tired and worn. 

Tessa slunk back to recline against him- more across his lap so that she could see him fully, 

"Popular mister you are, huh?"

Thorin bristled at even his closest blood relative who left the room. "Only ever at the peak times I wish not to be."

Tessa chuckled at Thorin's interrupted expense, but snuggled up to him all the same. Naturally he welcomed the cuddle, and coincidentally helped her heart slow down a bit at both their rush of passion and the scare. With a shadowed curtain over them, the pair out of the low lamplight, this hiding spot did wonders for the senses and made everything feel more cozy between them– yes, even criss-crossed on the cold floor. Thank goodness for the linens over the table.

Reminded Tessa of those tarps that gave them shade in Laketown. How similar this all felt, a nighttime deja vu rather than the day... 

"Suppose I might be the selfish one, after all–" Tessa stomached her guilt. "This is just this sort of thing I was trying to avoid..."

"What do you mean?"

Tessa truly felt juvenile now, cooped up and hiding from prying eyes. 

"This." she sassed, "Crawling around like children, trying and almost failing to keep a secret thing going?"

Thorin gave a naughty laugh at this, one that betrayed his years, too.

"Now that you mention, who's to say this need be a secret, really..." 

"You, apparently," Tessa wrenches back to look Thorin dead in the eye, "You're the one who hid us under a flippin' table!"

"Because you were nearly about to faint at my next words– and I'm not letting my nephew see either of us in this state!" Thorin laughed, incredulous. "Imagine what you'd might have cried out for the whole neighboring quarters to hear, had I carried on just so-"

And she did indeed start a poor try to smother her giggles at the sheer embarrassment. Thorin tickled the daylights out of her sides until she scooted into his lap further to gain the high ground. 

While Tessa revealed in this soft spot she’d found in her dearest and most unexpected crush, the thought sunk in how quickly he did, in fact, hide away. He had said he was trying to avoid the look of losing himself, and Tessa couldn't forget that appearances - though vain- were important to him.

As much as she loved the man underneath the regalia, Thorin was the King- he and the crown were inseparable. 

"Don't tease, Thorin." Tessa heaved, breathless. It was easy to disguise her pause as mirth for a moment. 

But Thorin pored over the way her face must have changed with a careful regard,

"I am not teasing you."

He cupped her cheek then, keeping her close with a gentle hold, Thorin leaned in to brush their foreheads together. 

"What of you, my Heart," he rumbled softly, "Would you sacrifice your happiness as I have… and wait along for a mere moment's peace with the one you seek for the rest of your days when you may have it all, freely?"

Tessa's brought to tenderness by his words.

"Well.." she managed with a Southern smile, shifting to mesh her fingers with his off her face, "When it's you, I think any chance is worth it, even if it's small. Even if…."

She glanced up, to the plans laid out on the table above them,

"... this is the only chance I get to really work up the guts to tell you just how much I would want that with you."

While she couldn't read his mind, she was no fool: Tessa saw how her words affected Thorin, as maybe he never got to hear them.

Those lovely, heavy-set brows tilted and softened. 

"I'll take ya however I can getcha, yknow." Tessa tried to lighten her meaning, "I'm really not out to keep you from those who need you, hon. That list is getting longer by the day."

"And if.. I said I needed you?"

Oh how she tried not to set her hopes too high for that. And yet, she was gifted with its blessing:

" 'My people', our friends, will manage well enough on their own." Thorin brushed Tessa's bangs away lovingly, "And I for one agree with your point of view; you are right. I believe I should spare my time when I can. Indulge in that ‘self-care’ you speak of.”

The term sounded funny coming from him, and caused a smile to flicker into your lips.

“Just for a spell of rest and company every now and then can't hurt…” Thorin decided, “-if you say it really matters."

Music to Tessa's ears. 

Taking that height of heart, Thorin scooped Tessa into his lap the rest of the way. Damn the cramped space, but she made herself fit anyway.

"Maralmizi, Sanâzyun." Thorin said, as solemn as a promise that would be given by a King. 

But that light in his eyes- the one that shot into the soul when you looked at it… Tessa couldn't turn away if she tried. In fact, she melted into it, wrapping Thorin up in her arms. 

That's the look of a lover…

…Did he just say he loves me?

"Something tells me," Tessa whispered down to him, "that I think I know that one. You just spun three words, with eight very sweet letters around in Khuzdul… M'I right?"

"A fair observation, yes," Thorin chuffed in a smile, he spiraled a lock of hair around a finger, entranced by its ombre fade of color. "Clever thing."

Tessa beamed in full joy, and nuzzled into him again. 

"I may crave this sight of you all I like," he confessed, "--yet I would also see you by my side as well, Tessa. And proudly keep you there, if you wish," he gave a crooked smile, "If that will satisfy your wanting for the time being, I will make the effort to ensure you do not feel this way again."

Entranced by that smile and adoring words that came from it, 

"Not just for work?"

"You'll have it all. Merely say the word, and you’ll have the world by my hand."

Tessa rested in this comfort. She didn't want the world… just him, really. 

"...I'd like that."

And so, Thorin kissed his Tessa again with ultimate softness- and dare she say, love. 

Perhaps they’d tell the party when they came back into the room, perhaps not just yet. Perhaps they’d keep this between them for now…

Taglist: @lathalea @sotwk @evenstaredits @heilith @asgardianhobbit98 @guardianofrivendell @middleearthpixie @absentmindeduniverse

^^If I've neglected any tags, please let me know, friends!

[animatorweirdo]

The Feast of the Stars

A lot has come to happen after a whole week has passed. Luthien invites you to join a feast beneath the stars and Maglor finally decides on his feelings for you.

Warnings: sending letters to each other, healing from your wounds and a crack in the head, pining, Luthien teases you, you decide to accept her invitation, Maedhros has a serious talk with Maglor, mentions of heartbreak, dying of old age, you join a party, you have fun then Saeros kinda ruins it, deciding to be mischievous, longing and missing people.

Chapter 18

-----------------------------------------

It had now been a whole week since you arrived in Doriath. Nelle had taken good care of your head and wounds. You no longer suffered from prolonged headaches, and the bite wounds left by the vampires had become no more than fading scars. It could be because Nelle was a Maia or that the medicines of the Sindar elves were much more effective than the ordinary ones. Nevertheless, you were well enough that Nelle even allowed you to go outside again, albeit with supervision, since you were still sensitive to the sun's heat.

You had exchanged letters with Maglor during the course of the week. The delivery was effective since Doriath wasn’t too far from Himring. 

You mostly wrote to him about how things were going, how you met your two friends when you were imprisoned, and that you got help finding the new medicine from Melian herself. You couldn't stop yourself from telling him everything, and he seemed relieved and happy for you. However, he constantly told you to be cautious around the Sindar, since they were known to be quick to jump into things. You figured he was still worried someone might incidentally discover your secret and tell Thingol, and tried to assure him many times that your secret was safe. 

His way of expressing his worry made your heart pound warmly, so you sometimes tried to add a joke at the end of your letters in hopes of putting him at ease. 

When you would wait for his reply, you would sometimes stare at his previous letters and daydream a little. It was a bit strange, but for some reason, reading his handwriting gave you comfort, unlike Camilla’s, since they were pretty cold. Not that you received any more letters from her. She simply told you in the first letter to take the chance to get any help possible and ensure that Melian would help you find the new medicine.

Nelle and Melui sometimes came to chat with you. Nelle would check on your wounds, and Melui would bring short books for you to read. The two would then sometimes chat among themselves, and you would watch with a smile. You had a feeling Melui had a thing for the stoic Maia, and Nelle also seemed softer toward the elf.

Luthien would also come to chat with you and then invite you for a walk. You would usually agree, and Nelle would then force you to take a flask of water with you. Going outside did good for you, and you had become close friends with Luthien. You had doubts that she had better things to do than entertain you, but she confessed you were a good reason for her to ditch duties and simply have fun in the forest. She was quite adventurous, and you adored that, but for the sake of your safety, you told her to do it occasionally. You did not want her father to think you were being a bad influence on her.

Melian finally summoned you to talk with her after a whole week. You two exchanged greetings before she shared that she had looked into things and wanted to learn the previous methods you used to contain the wendigo. You told her all you knew, and then she sent you away, telling you she would invite you once she created the medicine.

Things started really looking up to you. 

You were sitting on your bed, reading a reply from Maglor. It was his reaction to the joke in your previous letter, and he added his own joke, which made you snicker and swing your feet like a love-sick fool.

You failed to notice Luthien as she snuck behind you and peeked at your letter. 

“Seems like he has a good sense of humor,” Luthien smiled, making you jump and cover your letter in a fluster. 

“Hey! Don’t go peaking over like that! Some privacy please!” you whined, making her chuckle. 

“You have been sending letters since day one,” Luthien stated. “Who is he if I may ask? He sounds like someone important to you?” she questioned. 

“Just… a close friend. That’s all,” you answered. 

“He doesn’t seem like just a friend. You seem quite happy when you receive a reply and the way he wrote the letter seems like he might feel more toward you as well,” she said. 

“And what is that supposed to mean?” you rolled your eyes at her while setting the letter in the drawer next to you. 

“It seems like you two might be in love. I can see it in the way you keep staring at the letters with that adoring look,” Luthien grinned. 

Your face warmed up. “Get off my back! This is a private matter!” you pushed her playfully, making her chuckle. 

"Anyway..." Luthien started. "There is a feast tomorrow at midnight, and since Nelle has deemed you well enough to go outside, would you like to join? It's a feast we hold each year when the stars are at their highest," she explained.

“Oh, is it something like a summer celebration?” you asked. 

“Exactly, so what’s your answer? It would be quite an opportunity for a human to join a celebration like this one” she asked. 

“I can believe that,” you chuckled. 

“I would love to join. But unfortunately, I’m not really a party type, and I also don’t have anything nice to wear,” you said. 

“I can lend you some clothes, so don’t worry about that,” Luthien smiled. “And it would feel nice for my new friend to join a party held by my kin,” she said.

You wanted to decline, but after she said that, you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

“Okay… if you insist,” you answered despite your reluctance.

“Great. We can look for your clothes tomorrow. Rest well tonight,” Luthien said as she began leaving. “You too,” you smiled as she left the healer’s halls. 

When she was gone, you released an exasperated sigh. It would be the first time you appear before the elves since the court fiasco. You're not entirely sure how you would fare, but you didn't really want to disappoint Luthien, even though she would have most likely understood if you said no.

Maglor was in the garden, reading the letter he had received from you in the morning. The flowers in the garden have come into full bloom and given color to the gray pavements and stones. 

He read in your letter how the princess of Doriath had invited you to a feast, and that you agreed to it not to appear rude. It seemed you two had become good friends, and it eased his heart, knowing you would have her support if something happened to you. But it did not banish the worry he still felt for you. You have assured him many times that your secret was safe, but he could still remember the day when Thingol learned about the deeds of his house and how his mother tongue got banned from all over Beleriand. He could only imagine what would happen if the elf king learned about your curse.

Maglor’s attention was then drawn when he heard footsteps approaching him. He looked over your letter and saw his red-haired brother walking toward him. 

“I have been spending quite a lot of time here,” Maedhros started. 

“Well, I have to go somewhere to find peace and quiet. And my study is not exactly a good place to think about other things than the work you keep dropping on me,” Maglor answered, trying to sound humorous. 

“Say what you say, maintaining a fortress is not an easy job. You should know that better than anyone,” Maedhros stated, causing Maglor to roll his eyes. 

“You have also been sending letters these days,” Maedhros added. 

“Well, I have been writing with (Name). I did tell you that she was recovering in Doriath from her injuries after the Sindar found her,” Maglor explained. 

“You did tell me, and I am glad she’s recovering,” Maedhros said. 

Maedhros then looked serious. “There’s something I need to talk about with you, and it’s about your relationship with (Name),” Maedhros stated, making Maglor look at him with a frown. 

“Is there a problem?” Maglor questioned. 

“I am not going to push around it. I’ve noticed how much time you started spending with her, and even though your private affairs are not my concern. I think this is important because you are catching feelings for a human,” Maedhros explained. 

Maglor frowned. “So, what if I’m falling for a human?” he questioned.  

"I’m not trying to ridicule you or talk you down. I only wish that you understand if you decide to pursue her, you will most likely curse yourself with heartbreak. She’s not immortal like us. She will not live for thousands of years. She will eventually grow old, and then there will be a time when she will depart from this world. Her spirit will not go to the Blessed Realm, which means you will never see her again after she’s gone,” Maedhros explained.

“I know the risks, and I know she will not remain in this world forever,” Maglor answered quietly. 

“I am glad to hear that,” Maedhros said. “(Name) seems like a good person, and I can see how much you have grown to care for her, which is why I am letting you decide where to go from here. I only hope you are prepared to take the path you choose,” he added.

Maglor thought about it quietly. “And what if I do not pick the choice you would expect me to pick?” he asked. 

“Like I said, I am letting you decide. I only wanted to make sure you know the consequences and the pain that may fall upon you,” Maedhros answered.

“I am happy that you found happiness with someone, but I do not wish for you to get severely hurt by the bad sides that follow it,” he said with a gentle look. 

“I… Understand completely, and I am willing to bear the consequences of my own decision,” Maglor said. 

“That’s good. That’s all I had to say,” Maedhros nodded and began walking away from the garden. 

Maglor thought to himself while his brother left. 

“And if you do decide to court her…” Maedhros stopped and turned toward him. Maglor looked at him, waiting to hear what he had to say. “I… will support your decision. Our brothers might put opposition if they learned about it, so try to keep quiet about it with them around,” Maedhros finished. 

Maglor chuckled. 

“Thank you, Maedhros. And I keep our brothers in mind,” he said. 

Maedhros nodded. “Don’t forget to sign the documents today. They need to be done before next week,” he said, leaving the garden. Maglor rolled his eyes at his brother and returned his gaze toward your letter. 

He thought about you and his feelings. His mind then returned to Camilla’s question and if he considered his feelings for you as love. There was no denying it anymore. He had feelings for you. Even though there were downsides to it, he could not bring himself to push you away. 

He finally had his answer, an answer he was ready to accept. He only hoped Camilla would be accepting of it as well. 

The corridors were dimly lit. Your and Luthien’s footsteps echoed across the walls as you arrived at the hall where the feast was held. You were wearing a comfortable dress Luthien helped you find, and she also helped you style your hair nicely, even convincing you to add a few lovely stones to decorate it. She was really good at convincing you, or you just didn’t have the heart to tell her no.

You would consider your attire pretty simple, but even you agreed that you looked really nice. You wonder what Camilla and Maglor would think if they saw you right now.

You two arrived at a pair of doors. 

“Here we are. Are you ready?” Luthien asked. 

“Ready as I will ever be,” you shrugged your shoulders. 

Luthien chuckled and pushed the doors open. You were then amazed by what you saw. The hall was decorated with flowers and stones. All the elves were dressed in fine attires and the atmosphere felt surprisingly welcoming. However, despite the welcoming atmosphere, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. You were the only human in the kingdom after all. 

“Well, this is it. What do you think?” Luthien asked as you two stood at the entrance. 

“It's definitely fancy,” you answered. 

Luthien seemed to have noticed your nervousness. 

“You will be fine. I’m going to be with you after all,” she said as she grabbed your hand. 

“I know, I know… And I’m glad,” you answered, not minding the touch of her hand. 

“Now, come on. Let me show you the food. I think you like them the most,” Luthien said as she began to pull you.  

“I think you just read my mind,” you said, allowing her to pull you into the crowd. 

The feast started well. You two spent time tasting the food and listening to the music and songs. They were lively, and you had to admit that the Sindar knew how to throw a party that kept the crowd on their toes. The Noldor usually threw very formal ones and not many things happened at them.

You once teased Luthien if she wanted to dance with you and she unfortunately got excited by the idea, pulling you along and making you dance with her in front of all the elves. Luckily, they did not seem to mind and some even joined in. 

You eventually had fun with it and even agreed to dance with her to a couple of more songs. 

After dancing so much, you and Luthien stood on the side, telling funny stories until a servant came to her. 

“My princess, your father wished to see you,” the servant said. 

Luthien groaned. “I might have to go see him what he has to say. Will you be alright?” she looked at you. 

“Yeah, I will be fine. Don’t worry about me,” you replied. 

“Great, I hope this won’t take long,” Luthien said, and then left to find her father. 

You took in a deep breath. You honestly felt a little panic at being left alone, especially when you didn’t know anyone else at the party. Your eyes then noticed Melui and Nelle on the other side of the hall. Melui waved you over and you were more than happy to walk over to them than be left alone. 

“Hey, guys! Looking good,” you greeted them. 

“Thank you. You look lovely as well,” Melui smiled. 

“Thank you, but I’m kinda glad I picked a dress with long sleeves. It's kinda cold in here. I think this is a perfect temperature for a polar bear,” you said while rubbing your shoulders. 

“Well, it is kinda cool in here. But it’s barely anything compared to the north, or the cold breezes of the sea,” Melui said, taking a drink from his goblet. 

“Yeah, you’re kinda right about that. Too bad I also live in the north, and I hate the cold for obvious reasons,” you replied, making him chuckle. 

“So, how's the party for you?” you looked at Melui.  

“You seem to be enjoying but Nelle is still grumpy as ever,” you pointed at the stoic Maia. 

“Well, before even my own capture. I did not attend feasts like these. I see it more effective to do important things, which reminds me,” She looked at you. “Your head is not bothering you, isn’t it?” she asked. 

“No, I’m doing great. I barely feel anything at all,” you shook your head. 

“That’s good. It would be a lot of bother if you suddenly passed out on the floor,” she said. 

“If that were to happen then I would be too embarrassed to join any parties in the future,” you stated. 

“I don’t think it would be that bad,” Melui smiled. 

“It would definitely be a talk for years to come if that occurred,” someone said and to your displeasure, it was the elf from before. 

“Lord Saeros. It's a pleasure to see you here,” Melui replied respectfully. 

“Likewise, good Melui. I hope your arm has been recovering well,” Saeros nodded. 

“It has. Thank you for asking,” Melui smiled. 

Saeros then looked at you. In his eyes, you could see him sneering down on you. 

“I must say, you are quite bold to show your face here,” he stated. 

“Well, I was invited by the princess. I didn’t want to be rude by refusing her,” you said.  

“Wise decision. Not many humans are permitted to enter Menegroth, so enjoy this opportunity while you can. You might not enjoy something like this in your limited life,” he said, taking a sip from his wine. 

“Oh, I am enjoying…” you said with a fake smile, trying to avoid uttering how your enjoyment was already ruined by his face. 

“I see you are well accountant with good Melui and lady Nelle,” he stated. 

“Oh, (Name) is actually our old friend,” Melui smiled. “It was thanks to her we were able to escape the orcs and find refuge here,” he added. 

“Unfortunately it led to our separations, so I am glad fate allowed her to come to Doriath and have us reunited despite the circumstances of her arrival,” Melui said.

You softly smiled at him. 

“Oh, really now. I guess I then owe you an apology for our previous meeting,” Saeros bowed his head but you saw the fakeness in his eyes. 

“It’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about,” you said back with an equally fake smile. 

“I’m glad. You must have many talents if you were able to help Lady Nelle and Melui escape the orcs and survive attacking vampires,” he said. 

“What can I say? I am a talented person,” you remarked, hoping he would already leave you be.

“Thought not talented enough since you seem prone to getting injured all the time. I guess you should work on that,” he commented. 

Since when have people been able to survive orcs and vampires unscathed without armor or weapons of any sort? You felt blood rushing through your head the longer you continued conversing with the stuck-up elf. 

You then had an idea. 

“Well, I have one uncanny talent that helps me avoid harm when needed,” you stated. 

“Oh? And what that may be?” Saeros looked at you and now even Nelle and Melui looked at you curious. 

“I can mimic voices perfectly,” you answered. 

Saeros scoffed. “Really? And how does that help avoid harm?” he asked. 

“Quite easily. You can use it to distract or scare away the unwanted creatures,” you said. 

“And you can copy the voices like the real things?” he questioned. 

“I can,” you smiled. 

“Really show me?” he dared you. 

“Like… the nightingales,” you said then used your voice to chirp and tweet, sounding perfectly like the birds. 

“Like a rabbit…” you started clicking your teeth and sounding like a rabbit eating grass. 

Some of the bystanding elves began to look toward you with interest. 

Your friends looked impressed, and Saeros looked baffled. 

“I can also mimic a person’s voice, especially if I have heard them talk before. Like your friend Daeron,” you said then coughed up your throat. 

“Greeting. I hope you have a pleasant stay in our kingdom,” you said with a perfectly mimicked male voice. 

Melui clapped excitedly, and even Nelle looked impressed. 

“I can also mimic the sound of a warg,” you said with a mischievous smile. 

“I think I have heard en—!” you startled him with a loud growl of a warg, making him spill his wine on his tunic. Some of the other elves were startled by the sound, but soon enough continued enjoying the feast.

“Oops! Sorry, I did not mean to startle you,” you hid your grin as he stared at the red stain on his fine tunic with shock. 

He looked at you angrily. 

“This won’t be over, you vile woman,” he pointed at you then left, walking through the crowds who looked at him and the stain on his clothes. 

“Good grief— he should learn how to unclench his ass once in a while,” you said and looked at your friends. 

“That was a bit mean, (Name),” Melui looked at you scoldingly, but you knew he was amused by the little prank you pulled. 

You sighed, feeling tired. 

“I think I’m gonna go hit the bed. You elves might stay up late at night, but humans need to rest after hours of doing things the whole day,” you said as you began to make your way toward the main doors. 

“Do you need someone to take you back?” Melui asked. 

“I think I will be fine. This place is not too far from the healer’s wing,” you shook your head. 

“Alright, rest well,” Melui said. 

“Thanks, have fun,” you said as you left the feast and began your journey back to your room. 

During your walk through the empty corridors, your mind was slightly bothered. You could not help but miss Camilla and Maglor. Their presence would have made the night ten times better. Maglor then became the main subject of your thoughts. 

Your heart swelled for him. He was in your every thought and you could only imagine if he was the one you danced with on the dance floor. But could he truly ever love someone like you? 

You brushed your thoughts away and returned to your room.

[mysteroads]

The Chosen and the Child

Summary: Tomura's battle has been won, but at a hefty cost. A promise from a hero secured, Tomura gets a visit from a friend he hasn't seen in a long time.

Excerpt:

“My playthrough might be over, but I still have time to choose. I don’t have to let this be the bad ending.”

One step. Two steps. Three steps. God, when had walking gotten so hard? Tomura tried to activate Wings—if he couldn’t walk he would damn well fly there— but the wings just crumbled. The red rope still around his waist frayed a bit and he rolled his eyes. Figures. Old fashioned way then.

An eternity later, he’d made it to Deku’s side. Tomura would prefer to say he knelt down, but it was more like his legs crumpled beneath him and he ended up on his knees. 

“Hey. Hey, Deku.” Green eyes opened, dull like pond scum. “You listening?” A tiny nod. “Good. Cause you gotta do something for me.” Tomura put his hands on Midoriya’s chest as if he were about to start CPR compressions. Gently, so gently, he passed Hyper-Regeneration to the younger boy. He’d have to be careful. Midoriya’s body hadn’t been modified like his. The quirk would eat through him as it tried to repair him if Tomura left it too long. “I can’t be there for them anymore, so you have to do it for me.” 

Midoriya’s gasped, eyes flying open wide as the quirk started to work on him, and Tomura caught his chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. “They need a hero. All the lost ones. The abandoned ones. All the ones who fell between the cracks. The k-kids—” Tomura coughed and felt blood dripping from his lips and down his chin. Ew. “—The kids on the playground that no one else will play with. You have to find them for me, okay?” Midoriya’s face blurred as the tears Tomura had been fighting back spilled over. Or maybe he was losing consciousness? Wasn’t important. Focus on what was. “M-My friends. Please… Please take care of my friends. I… I can’t. Please, Izuku… take care… take care of them.”

He pulled Hyper-Regeneration back, and was pleased to see the color that had returned to Midoriya’s cheeks was staying in place. His green eyes were bright again, bright as sunlight through pine branches. He’d be okay. 

“I promise I’ll take care of them, Tomura,” he said in his squeaky, earnest little voice. Knowing everything this crazy kid had done to reach him, Tomura knew he could trust the brat. “I’ll be there for them.”

Tomura Shigaraki smiled down at Midoriya Izuku and said, without a trace of irony and with all the gratitude he could muster, “My hero.”

Deku was spared from having to answer by the sound of frantic barking. Both he and Tomura looked across the battlefield and saw a brown and white dog charging toward them, barking its head off and running as fast as its short little legs could go. It got a bit closer and recognition punched Tomura right in the gut. Recognition followed by incredulous joy.

“Mon!” he screamed. “Mon! Mon-chan! Mon! Mon!” Without a second thought, he jumped to his feet and raced to meet his dog. Behind him came a soft, relieved sigh that sounded like his own voice, but Tomura couldn’t have cared less about what was behind him. He was five again and Mon-chan was in front of him. 

He stopped suddenly, remembering the last time he’d held his dog, but Mon-chan had no such compunctions. As soon as she was close enough, she leapt into his arms, bowling him completely off his feet with her ecstatic greeting. Tomura fell back onto something soft that smelled like sun warmed grass and flowers, but only for a moment before everything smelled like puppy breath because Mon was licking his face, whimpering and whining, her whole body vibrating with eagerness to show him just how much she loved him.

[cosmicpunked]

Signfang anon, back!

Hope this isn’t weird but I love the little mini comic you made where Signless finally meets up with Mindfang in person after reading through her lost diary. I do love the idea of him forming a parasocial relationship with her through only reading her writings, lol.

I’ve been inspired enough to start considering an AU where Signless survives his execution, but instead of returning to the restless masses, turns to the sea instead and joins with Mindfang. Haven’t settled on why yet, but I’m leaning towards him knowing that returning to his family (if he ever found them again) would only endanger them further. The biggest snarl would be how Mindfang’s very dubious relationship with Dolorosa would transpire, if at all. Yet, if Mindfang really did start to secretly pine after the mutant she’s got stowed away on her ship, maybe she’d seek out his adoptive parent for more benign reasons.

I honestly really like that idea you suggested of them meeting once before, if only briefly after her ship starts skulking around a nearby shore. Maybe that’s why he turns to her after everyone believes him to be dead. After all, trying to carve out a new life on the ocean might not be too bad alongside the high blooded pirate captain who pretends she only pities you. Mindfang is not known much for altruism, after all.

hey! hope you're doing well anon, sorry tumblr did not notify me of having any asks :') Oh I remember that old drawing I made, wow it's like several years old haha

Also putting this under a read more because im about to get so self indulgent o_o

I would actually be so interested in seeing the AU take place!

An idea on how he could survive his execution:

Imagine if Rosa had been a daywalker from the start. Maybe she had initially died fleeing from the caverns with the Signless grub from a cave system full of hostile jadebloods and drones. But instead of fading away, she woke up under the blazing sun, her silken robes shielding the young Signless from harm.

With the world assuming her dead, she could raise him in peace, without being pursued as a 'runaway jade'.

However, to sustain herself, Rosa needed blood and often sought (with permission) from him, potentially leading the Signless to inherit her daywalker abilities, in death where he bleeds, in an irony it could have triggered something in him?

With the Dolorosa and Mindfang thing:

Regarding the Dolorosa and Mindfang situation, the timing of Signless reaching Mindfang would be crucial and depends on the outcome you want in the au.

It could take her ship several months or half a sweep to locate Dualscar's whereabouts, with him likely keeping a distance from Mindfang to avoid any association that might tarnish his title.

Afterall, if Mindfang was close to Darkleer, even potentially moirails (?) then the Signless' execution was one of the biggest betrayals in history, essentially the Empress' Executioner sparing the disciple of a false prophet would enrage the Grand Highblood and his church and every other Imperial on the planet.

So to avoid Dualscar's head being on the block, he could avoid meeting Mindfang for a while until things cool down, especially as Signless' mother is now on his ship as a slave.

In that time Signless could have established a close relationship with Mindfang and her pirate crew. Perhaps they even had a Rapunzel 'I've got a dream' moment where he realises that such brutes also have dreams, and some crew are ex-communicated clowns who didn't wear makeup and had they not come to a life of piracy they would have been slaughtered, or tealbloods fleeing from the corrupt justice system, or olives whose forests were burnt down carelessly or yellowbloods fleeing being turned into powering batteries e.g.

I know we see a common theme of Vriska and Aranea mind controlling their crews, but I really would imagine Mindfang as someone who doesn't rely on mind-control so often as it feels a bit like a 'easy win' and mindcontrolling her crew for centuries would be so impossible lol I really hope they were a rag and tag family who genuinely respected one another and voted her a Captain based on her expertise rather then conditioned because how would she go to sleep at night, surely they would mutiny while she slept and wasn't being influenced by her control?

Why he might go to Mindfang over his family ideas:

I think this could add an interesting conflict. Either Signless had a vision in the years before he would die where he would know where his family would be after death (even more reason why he doesn't want to face them) and wants to prevent Mindfang doing what she does.

Or he doesn't know but finds himself drawn to Mindfang like a lighthouse beacon (light player after all) perhaps the 'Sufferer's Rage' has changed him emotionally, and he doesn't want his family to see him become a replica of a man he once was, and perhaps he finds his new rage and short temper for the Imperials more better fitted in boarding a pirate ship.

Should he become a stowaway on her ship, perhaps she makes him go through some trials when he's brought to her quarters (e.g I'll make a man out of you >.> type trials where he has to climb the mast in stormy weather to prove he's one of them, or he ends up saving her life? Or maybe he's just a good cook who gains the crew and Captain's favour that way <.< as I doubt Mindfang can cook for shit)

Or Mindfang could give him a little fighting training montage where he can finally begin to use his scythe, kind of befitting it's the same weapon the grim reaper wields as he could take on a 'grim reaper' kind of moniker as his new pirate identity.

Maybe they both eventually become aware that his mother is on Mindfang's kismesis' ship, perhaps Signless talks about his family to her but Mindfang doesn't know who 'Rosa' is when she see's her on Dualscar's ship for the first time, she just thinks she's another slave but then she see's Signless' anger begin to reach boiling point again when he recognises his mother. (Dualscar vs an angered Sufferer, Mindfang Dolorosa ancestral showdown??????)

I suppose the outcome of such a showdown would end based on how well signless and mindfang end up getting along in the months or even sweeps before eventually running into Dualscar and his ship. Mindfang may know that if she doesn't do what her fate says, it could doom the entire timeline and their descendants will all be doomed - if Mindfang asked the oracle how her kismesistude would end, just like she asked who would kill her - then her fate could be locked and that she's meant to end the night angering Dualscar so that he'll die by the Grand Highblood as her fate describes.

They could both totally break the entire timeline with this, and at what cost? Could it summon an angry Demoness? Would it piss of Scratch if Mindfang puts Signless over her destiny? <.< This is the drama I live for.

At that point it could be when people are starting to begin to forget about the Executioner's betrayal and the Signless' teachings as they both fade into obscurity. So Signless will also be faced with a similar crossroads, whether he wants to doom the timeline to resurrect his own name and teachings. If Mindfang, Signless and his mother manage to get away, what would happen? Would he begin preaching? Would Mindfang even want to associate with him then? Or would he be too different to go back to that life? That too could doom the entire timeline.

How he could find her?:

Chances are with the connection Mindfang has to Darkleer (His Executioner) perhaps he goes to seek Darkleer out first to try and find where the Disciple was (having his last memory be her running away traumatised) but is met with the realisation that perhaps he should hang back and not reveal the fact he's alive or retraumatise her more with the 'ghost' of him.

However he has nowhere to go, so while he's hovering around he instead finds Mindfang coming out of Darkleer's exiled house and tails her back to her ship? Just some ideas? I'm frothing at the mouth I haven't talked about signfang for so long with someone jwiasjd

Hopefully this gives you some ideas!! Feel free to ignore them all if they don't go with the vibe you're wanting.

[zoyaofthegardvn]

for a request could you write a Crier’s War fic? I feel like they’re such a criminally underrated ship, I’d love for you to write something for them since you have flawless writing skills

Butterflies

Crier x Ayla (Crier's War)

A/N: Awh, thank you so much for that kind compliment! That really means so so much to me! <3 I love Crier and Ayla so much, Crier's War was one of the first fantasy books I read when I was getting back into reading, and the first sapphic book I read which really helped me come to terms with my own identity! I will always love them so much. I've been wanting to write for them, but I guess I haven't had the proper motivation. I'd love to whip something up for them, though!

~~~

Crier sits next to an open window in the library, the breeze making the loose strands of hair in her face flutter around, tickling her. Her nose scrunches at the sensation, but before she can move the hair from her face, another hand is rising up, tucking the lock behind her ear, doing it for her.

Crier looks up at Ayla, into her dark brown eyes. "Thank you," she says, ever polite.

Ayla smirks, "You're welcome, my love."

Crier swears Ayla does it on purpose, calls her these terms of endearment, just because she knows what it does to her. Weeks ago, they'd been laying in Crier's bed, Crier's head on Ayla's chest while she carded her fingers through her har. Crier had confessed that being near Ayla, when Ayla touches her so gently and talks to her so sweetly, it gives her a... funny feeling, in her stomach.

Ayla had jokingly asked if being near her made Crier feel sick, to which Crier immediately sat up to look down at her.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course it doesn't make me sick!"

Ayla was laughing, of course she knew what Crier had meant. But she always loved to antagonize her, just a bit. It was too easy.

Ayla had asked her to describe the feeling, and Crier did. "I-It feels like, like maybe there's someone, running around in there? Like it feels warm, a-and funny... like I'm being tickled from the inside out."

Ayla had smiled and nodded, reaching up to tug on Crier's arm, bringing her back down for another cuddle.

"I know what you mean, it's the butterflies. That lovesick feeling. I feel it when I'm around you, too."

Crier had nuzzled her face into Ayla's neck, she breathed in her scent, pine and woodsmoke. "You do?" She whispered against her skin.

Ayla just nodded, rubbing her hand up and down Crier's back, soothing any embarrassment she might have caused. "I do, Crier. Of course I do."

Now, in the library, golden eyes glinting in the sun, Crier, who wants to know everything can't help but welcome the... butterflies, as Ayla called them. She adored the feeling, even more now that she knows exactly what it is. And especially knowing Ayla feels it too.

"Do you feel them right now, too?" Crier asks shyly.

Ayla looks at her in confusion, "Feel...?"

"The butterflies?" Crier finishes for her, tone serious and eyes trained on her.

There's a moment of silence before Ayla bursts into laughter, tears leaking from her eyes. She's bent at the waist, doubled over from how silly she finds Crier in this moment.

Now, it's Crier's turn to look confused. She's a bit stung really, wondering if maybe she's too in love with Ayla, that she's feeling this emotion so often.

Ayla's laughter dies down a bit when she catches sight of Crier's stricken face, feeling a bit guilty for disappointing her. She can't help the remaining giggles, though. Crier's just too damn cute.

"Crier, my love, that isn't something you typically ask someone. Have you been thinking about it, all this time? If I feel it at the same times that you do?"

Crier looks down at her hands in embarrassment, whispering a gentle "Oh" under her breath at the knowledge she might have invaded Ayla's privacy.

Ayla feels guilty, never wanting Crier to feel ashamed. She stands from where she sits across the table, coming closer to Crier, taking the seat next to her and scooting as close as she possibly can.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you, Crier. I just found it funny, and cute. That's all."

Crier nods, still refusing to make eye contact with her girlfriend, her soon to be wife.

Ayla sighs, placing a hand under Crier's chin, bringing her head up so that she can really look at her.

"Crier, I doubt we always feel butterflies at the same exact time..."

She doesn't speak, she just waits for Ayla to continue.

"I feel them when you're asleep, when I wake up before you and see you clinging to my arm. I feel them anytime you speak at council meetings, when you stand up and take control of the room," she runs a thumb over Crier's bottom lip, "I feel them when I watch you read, when we swim together and you laugh every time I dunk you under the water. I feel them when you forgive me too easily, and when you kiss me, Crier, I feel like I'm going to burst because the feeling is so strong."

Crier smiles now, gentle like most everything she does. This time, when she breaks eye contact, it's not because she's embarrassed. It's because she's overwhelmed.

"Look at me, Crier." Ayla says, leaning closer to her love.

Crier does, and in just a quick moment, their lips meet, molding together like they were made to do so.

In this moment, neither one of them doubts what the other is feeling. It's love, adoration, complete and utter worship.

[i-hear-a-sound]

RWBY

Thank you for the ask! Here we go:

Favorite female character? Ilia Penny Pyrrha Ruby Nora(!!!!) Emerald Weiss and most of all… maria😔she’s so fucking funny i loved her energy v6. Further explanations, Ilia has an adorable design, great voice actor and decent enough representation. Nora’s timeskip design was unmatched and she’s very quotable, plus her personality reminds me of one of my close friends irl. Ruby’s struggles in V9 (until they fucked that up) really hit with me as I’d gone through something very similar, and Penny… Penny just makes me happy. What they did with her makes me angry, but Penny makes me smile. :D

Favorite male character? I got a couple but at the moment it’s tied by Sun and Roman. Sun has fun energy and Roman is himself and iconic. Others are: James is hot and so is the bad bird BF he got by being autistic. Mercury is cool for the 5 seconds of screentime he gets every volume now. Tyrian and Watts got impeccable swag and the 5 hour long make out scene between the two of them was very interesting. Adam is cathartic and fun as hell to write my little meow meow. Jaune is best when he’s just a little loser dork, and Ren is very pretty.

Favorite Volume? Surprise surprise, Volume 3. I fucking love tournament arcs. I. Love. Tournament. Arcs.

Favorite Episode? That whole Apathy Arc in V6!!! Great horror in my opinion. I wish they’d show off more creative Grimm like that again. And as a side note, V6 is just… the best looking volume.

Favorite cast member? If they count, Jeff and Casey!! SUCH good music.

Favorite ship? *cracks knuckles* Freezerburn, Catmeleon, Monochrome, Schne//ekos, Pussy Magnet Purrah, Greek fire, nuts and dolts, Bees Schnees, Khali, Spicecream, Seamonkeys, Emercury, If there’s one between Ilia and Ruby put it here, Ginger Snaps, Arctic Winter, Silver Lotus, *looks at writings on my palm* Snow pines, Ironqrow, James x Oz, Crimsun, Strawbana, Nuts and Volts, and Rosebird. To name a few. Some might not be my favorites, these are just ones I like/like in concept. :) Character I’d die defending? Sienna fucking Khan. The whole White Fang, honestly. I do think protesting through violence against your oppressors is very swag and real actually. Plus she’s hot.

A character I can’t sympathize with? Uhhhhhh…… SALEM!!!!!!!!!! Cinder too ish but Salem mostly. Like, I feel a TINY bit bad, only because the gods are undeniably awful garbage horrible terrible. She still sucks though.

A character I grew to love? …Adam. I did not give a single shit about his decently attractive redhead ass until that reveal and his death in V6. He has become my blorbo; my skrunkly. My cringefail loser, my girly pop. Engrained within my brain like a silly silly worm. He’s fun to draw. Fun to write. REALLY fun to write. I can put him in so many situations. So many bittersweet, melancholic situations. And in so many outfits.

My Anti-otp? Ive got a couple.

Bumbl//Bee. Not my thing. Could have been, had they not continually tried making “Only disabled main character losing her arm” something “romantic” as well as paralleling said character to her partner’s… um… ex abuser? Hello?

Embe//rald. Fuck Abusive ships.

Taura//donna. Fuck Abusive ships.

Frostbite. This one is actually one of my least favorite ships, as it is essentially a pairing between the ex-racist ex-heiress of a huge company to the in universe minority said company enslaved and branded while he was a child. Plus, again. Fuck. Abusive. Ships.

Ar//kos. Not… my… thing.

Winter and Marrow or Robyn and Marrow. Nope nope nope. No. Thank. You.

Etc etc etc I could go on all day. Thank you for the ask!

[another-dr-another]

Maeda, narrating - …Sometimes, Uehara can feel more approachable than Tsurugi- more… like he’s at my level?

Maeda - I’m worried if I bring things up to Tsurugi, he’ll just run circles around me…

Maeda - Plus, only one of them is actually here right now, so…

Maeda - …

Maeda - Yeah, I’m doing it. I’ll ask him about what Hatano wanted to know.

~*~

Maeda - Uehara, can we talk?

Uehara - Yeah, always- what’s up?

Maeda - …

Maeda - You’re fourteen, right?

Uehara - …Yeah? Weirdass question- not what I was thinking you’d be curious about it.

Maeda - No- that’s not- I was going to ask you something else…

Maeda - The way he responded just threw me for a loop- he’s younger than me, what does he mean “always”!

Maeda - It just kinda struck me, I guess. It’s weird to remember that I’m older than you, it really doesn’t feel like it.

Uehara - Probably the height.

Uehara - Or- maybe the piercings. Could be those too? Probably, uh… in conjunction.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Don’t you have tattoos…

Uehara - I mean, I’m not sure made-to-fades count… the Japanese government doesn’t think so.

Maeda - …And you care what they think?

Maeda - Either way, it’s more about impressions…

Uehara - Maybe it’s because I’m so suave and mature…

Maeda - Uh-huh…

Maeda - …I can play it as a joke- and Uehara isn’t the most mature… but I guess there is an air of being grown-up to him.

Maeda - Maybe it’s because he’s a Super High School Level, so he has more experience.

Maeda - A-Anyways- again, that’s not what I meant to talk with you about.

Maeda - Uhm…

//Uehara is looking at Maeda. This time, it’s completely casual.

Maeda - …

Maeda - He needs to fucking stop, I can’t handle this. What is he on about.

Maeda - Uh-

Uehara - …You feeling okay?

Maeda - Yeah- sorry, I just-

Uehara - …Dude, chill…

Uehara - Lie down for a sec? Maybe that’ll help. You can get yourself together…

Maeda - …

Maeda - …Okay.

//Maeda lies down next to Uehara, who turns his face away, and closes his eyes.

Uehara - We’re just chilling…

Uehara - …

Uehara - God, could you imagine? Just shutting your eyes, and relaxing… crack open a window, let the breeze in…

Uehara - …Think you could feel the sun, Maeda?

Maeda - …

//Maeda shifts around.

Maeda - Is Uehara really pining for escape? Or maybe, he’s just trying to be in denial…

//Maeda glances over at Uehara- his eyes are still shut, and he looks peaceful.

Maeda - …Maybe I’m being too tough on him, though.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Maybe I haven’t been relaxing enough. Maybe I don’t think enough about what I want…

Maeda - …What’s waiting for me outside of here?

//Maeda pauses… then shuts his eyes- only briefly, before he feels uncomfortable, and sits up.

Maeda - When I was talking with Hatano, I told her what I knew about everything that’s happened.

Maeda - I mentioned that Tsurugi wasn’t feeling well, and that you two had gone into your dorm for a bit.

Maeda - …She wanted to know more about what happened, and when I told her I didn’t really know, she said it’d be important to find out.

Maeda - …

Maeda - I get it if you don’t know, or if Tsurugi doesn’t want to talk about it…

Maeda - But I figured I might as well try-

Maeda - Plus, you’ll definitely be asked about it in the trial? So… I don’t know. This could be a good time to work out exactly how you’ll word things, before everyone starts…

Maeda - …Throwing out accusations.

Uehara - …Uh…

//Finally, he slowly opens his eyes- he blinks against the light, while Maeda waits.

Uehara - …

Uehara - …

Maeda - …

Uehara - ………

Maeda - …Uehara.

Uehara - …

Uehara - I don’t really know, uh… what to tell you, dude…

Uehara - …

Uehara - Tsurugi didn’t feel well, and he needed to go somewhere else, so we went to my dorm-

Uehara - Not like I’m really any help in investigations… and, like Tsurugi would be going with anyone else…

Maeda - …

Uehara - Uh…

Uehara - I don’t know. We didn’t do anything much? I sat with Tsurugi as he… eased back down and got himself together.

Uehara - …He talked with me a lot about, like… what he thinks about the case, and what his plans are? But, nothing to note there…

Uehara - Man- I’m just trying to think of anything I could tell you…

Uehara - Uh…

Uehara - What exactly was Hatano wondering about?

Maeda - …

Maeda - I don’t know. Just… lots of questions, I guess-

Maeda - Which- was it you, or was it Tsurugi, that was asleep next to Higa last night?

Uehara - Uhm… Tsu tends to move around when he sleeps- 

Uehara - Honestly, it’s totally viable that he half woke-up, made me move to the other side of the bed, and took my spot, because he made up his mind that he needed it.

Uehara - Which- just goes to tell you that I have zero fucking clue.

Uehara - Shit- Maeda, I couldn’t even tell you like… a single thing we did last night. We have to have, like… played games? Like in the Rec room?

Uehara - …I think we played Uno. I really can’t give you any more details.

Maeda - …Is he being serious?

Maeda - What do you remember from yesterday?

Uehara - …Like, the whole day?

Maeda - …

Maeda - Do you remember that Tsurugi and Higa got into a fight?

Uehara - …

//He sits up.

Uehara - I remember that Higa flipped out on Tsurugi, yeah.

Maeda - Okay- then, you should remember that I left after that to go find everyone, so you and Tsurugi were alone.

Maeda - Did he tell you what happened between him and Higa?

Uehara - Does Tsurugi seem like the type to go around telling everyone about bullshit like that?

Maeda - I’m not asking if he told everyone, I’m asking you if he told you.

Maeda - …Speaking of-

Maeda - …

Uehara - What?

Maeda - …

Maeda - …Sorry. I don’t… know why I’m acting like this.

Maeda - …It’s because this feels weird, that’s why.

Uehara - …

Uehara - Maybe you need to fucking… work out why you’re asking me all this shit before you come up with more questions.

Maeda - …

//They both sit, silently trying to process what’s happened.

Maeda - …

Maeda - I… was going to ask why you know so much about Tsurugi.

Uehara - …?

Maeda - You said he wouldn’t go to anyone but you, you know his sleeping habits…

Maeda - Last night, you made tea for him!

Uehara - …

Uehara - I mean- it isn’t like you’re asking Tomori this, or asking Kobashikawa why he and Ōtori share a room…

Maeda - But you didn’t treat Tomori like someone Tsurugi would go to- and Ōtori’s the only one Kobashikawa can talk with in his language!

Uehara - …

Uehara - I don’t know how to explain it, Maeda…

Uehara - Tsurugi and I are just close.

Uehara - We…

Uehara - …

//He grabs a chain around his neck, and tugs at it.

Uehara - …We have a lot in common. Getting here… 

Uehara - …There’s a lot of things about each other that…

Uehara - …

Maeda - …

Uehara - …I’m sorry, Maeda. I really want to tell you… but, I don’t want to betray Tsurugi’s trust.

Uehara - If things were important, he’d tell you! I know he would…

Uehara - He’s… even without the dynamic we have, Tsurugi’s easy to have faith in. I think…

Uehara - …You believe in him too, right?

Maeda - …

//Maeda would say there’s a pressure in his head, but that would imply a headache. It’s as though there’s no space left in his skull- no more room to process things. So instead, he let’s go- let’s go of the panic, of the confusion… and tries to remember. For a moment; Maeda just depends on what he feels, and how he thinks.

Maeda - I…

Maeda - I hate saying this, because it makes me feel so stupid. It’s- someone here is a murderer!

Maeda - …

Maeda - …But yeah. I don’t… really believe that Tsurugi would keep important information away from anyone.

Uehara - Yeah…

Uehara - So- I don’t want to tell you to piss off if you’re genuinely asking questions to work out who the killer is…

Uehara - But-

Uehara - …Whatever. I think you get the idea.

Maeda - Mhm…

Maeda - …Sorry, again.

Uehara - It’s whatever.

Uehara - …Did I answer all of your questions?

Maeda - …

Maeda - Honestly… things still don’t feel right, but… I can’t think of any trails to follow.

Maeda - I guess… I can’t think of anything else I could ask you.

Uehara - Alright.

Maeda - …

Uehara - …

Maeda - …

Uehara - Something still bothering you?

Maeda - Yeah!

Maeda - It’s just- I can’t think of what it is that I’m missing…

Uehara - …Why don’t you try and walk me through it all?

Uehara - It’s uh- going over things with other people is supposed to help you understand better, I think…

Uehara - Like- because you have to explain it, you have to give reasons for things, and that can help you see what’s going on?

Uehara - I… legitimately have no clue what’s been worked out, so…

Maeda - …Okay. Maybe that’ll work…

Maeda - Do you want me to start in order of when I found things out, or order of when things happened?

Maeda - Not… that I have any clue when anything went down, but-

Uehara - Uh- the second one. Getcha to think about what happened more, yeah?

Maeda - …Okay.

Maeda - Fuck!

Maeda - Uh…

Maeda - We don’t know yet who died first, between Higa and Iranami… we don’t even know if it’ll be important, but-

Maeda - Tomori and I talked about it, and we’re fairly confident Higa was strangled, because he doesn’t really have any injuries…

Maeda - There’s weird marks on him, but we aren’t sure what caused them, or if they could’ve been anything fatal.

Maeda - So, whatever happened, at some point last night, the person that killed Higa moved over to him, and just… killed him.

Maeda - I thought maybe he managed to scratch his attacker, because we found some blood on a pillow, but Tomori pointed out that the blood patterns aren’t really consistent with something like that,

Maeda - Plus, a lot of people here have injuries, so that wouldn’t be a good way of trying to determine who the blackened is.

Maeda - …That’s why I asked about where you and Tsurugi slept. I wanted to know if either of you might’ve heard something.

Maeda - …Still a lie. It’s still about ease of access.

Uehara - …Oh, are you asking now?

//Maeda shrugs half-heartedly.

Uehara - I, uh- I’m a pretty heavy sleeper? Even if something wakes me up, I tend to forget it…

//…Something wavers in the back of Maeda’s head.

Maeda - …Okay. I’ll ask Tsurugi, too, later.

Uehara - If you want.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Uh- but, it seems like that one was pretty simple… Higa’s body just remained there.

//It’s difficult for Maeda not to look at Higa now, as he talks about him.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Again- we aren’t sure of the order things happened in… that’s really why I’m so concerned with who heard what-

Maeda - I really don’t know how else we’ll work this out…

Maeda - But- at some point, for some reason, Iranami left Tsurugi’s dorm, went to the dining hall, and got murdered.

Maeda - Our current leading theory is poison, which Maki and I believe, but Ōtori disagrees.

Maeda - We think it was poison, because there was coffee in the kitchen which was laced with something.

Maeda - A bit spilled on the floor, and when I touched it, it burned me- not, like, heat-wise- it was a chemical burn.

Maeda - Ōtori and Tomori have both done things to treat it, and I’m fine- but, we think that’s what killed Iranami.

Maeda - We’re really still working out the timeline there… Iranami’s injuries are… weird, too.

Maeda - She bled a lot, particularly from her eyes, ears, and nose- but didn’t seem to bleed much from her mouth, which was… weirdly inconsistent with poisoning.

Maeda - So, maybe that isn’t it… but I don’t know what else could have killed her- or why the coffee would be there, otherwise.

Maeda - But, anyways…

Maeda - The blackened went with Iranami to the dining hall, fixed her the coffee, poisoned it, then went back to Tsurugi’s dorm once she was dead.

Maeda - They either fell back asleep, or pretended to be asleep, until the body discovery announcement played-

Maeda - Or, if it was Ōtori… or Hatano, or myself- they slept until leaving for the dining hall this morning.

Maeda - …

Maeda - The end.

Uehara - …

Uehara - She…

Uehara - You said she bled from- from everywhere on her face?

Maeda - Mhm, pretty much…

Maeda - There- there was a lot of blood… she was found in a pool of her own blood, and we realized that was just from those injuries, because… she doesn’t have any others.

Maeda - And, that’s kinda the thing-

Maeda - There wasn’t, like… any cuts or anything? It was just… blood.

Uehara - …

Maeda - …

Uehara - …

Uehara - Were there-

Uehara - You said, uh- you said Higa had marks on him- were there any on Iranami?

Maeda - …Higa’s marks are like… it looks like he has rug burn or something on his neck, and the skin along the back of his body has weird coloring-

Maeda - Like, the back of his neck, the side of his hands that were touching the floor, it’s dark pink…

Maeda - Iranami didn’t have either of those symptoms-

Maeda - But, she had, like… burst blood vessels, in her eye?

Maeda - Oh! And- okay, Maki and Ōtori didn’t really agree with me, but I think the trails of blood looked a bit weird-

Maeda - Like… her head was resting on her arm, against the table, so she was sideways, right?

Maeda - But, the blood didn’t flow straight towards the table, like gravity should’ve made it…

Maeda - …Oh, now I understand that gravity affects blood, but not when I was talking with Maki earlier. Whatever.

Maeda - It’s more… like it went further down her face before it started to flow down? So, like… from her nose, there’s trails of blood that don’t start at the base of her nose, but closer towards her upper lip…

Uehara - …

Uehara - You said- 

Uehara - Her blood vessels burst? In her eyes?

Maeda - …Well, the one that was open, yeah…

Uehara - …

Maeda - …Uehara?

//Uehara seems the most engaged Maeda’s seen him this investigation. At some point, he moved so he’s sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs. He isn’t looking at Maeda.

Maeda - …

Maeda - If you have any ideas on what could’ve happened, I’d really appreciate a hint right now.

Uehara - N-No, uh…

Uehara - Just thinking about it, is all.

Uehara - Iranami wasn’t prone to nosebleeds, right?

Maeda - Mmm… not that I recall?

//Maeda tries to think back on it- but all he can recall from the past few weeks is Uehara going for tissues- Tomori, on occasion, Maki, Kobashikawa, or Taira, once or twice… but he can’t recall seeing Iranami’s nose bleeding.

Maeda - …

Maeda, lightly - If anyone’d remember, wouldn’t it be you? Nosebleed solidarity?

Uehara - Nah- I only worry ‘bout me… and Tomori, cuz if I don’t, then Tsurugi would totally try and hurt himself so he could be conveniently nearby, and try to fuss over us both while treating himself.

Uehara - But, no- that’s what I thought…

Uehara - …I don’t know. I guess I was just wondering about if that could’ve had anything to do with her death.

Uehara - Seems like it doesn’t!

Maeda - Do you know what causes sensitivity to nosebleeds?

Uehara - Nah.

Maeda - Damn…

Maeda - Times like this that I really wish Inori wasn’t targeted first…

Uehara - …Do you think her getting targeted was inevitable?

Maeda - ?

Uehara - Like… do you think the mastermind made their little plans, and only had so many people they thought they could drive to murder?

Uehara - So, like… they knew they’d have to get her to kill someone eventually, because they knew they wouldn’t be able to get, like… Tomori to kill?

Maeda - Oh, uh… I don’t really know…

Maeda - …

Maeda - Maybe the next motive will be, like… literal torture.

Maeda - We’ll all get taken to one of those pure-white rooms, and the only way out is murder… something like that, that just fucks up our brains.

Uehara - …

Uehara - You shouldn’t say things like that…

Maeda - …Eh?

Maeda - S-sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…

Uehara - Oh, fuck- no, it isn’t that.

Uehara - …

Uehara - I say that because of the cameras. You don’t want to be giving the mastermind ideas, yeah? Good not to say anything, unless you’d say it to the mastermind.

Maeda - …

Maeda - I… completely forgot about that. The idea that someone’s listening to us right now…

Maeda - …God…

//Uehara slowly nods.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Anyways… that’s about all I know so far.

Uehara - …Guessing that talking it through didn’t help at all?

Maeda - Not really, no.

Uehara - Damn… I’m sorry, Maeda.

Maeda - It’s okay! Not like you did anything wrong…

Uehara - …

Uehara - Uh-

Uehara - …Sorry, I know this is… totally dumb of me- but, could you explain something to me, please?

Uehara - I’m like… so fucking far from understanding…

Maeda - Oh- no, of course.

Maeda - Like you said, it’s about, uh… knowing the reasons behind things? Hit me!

Uehara - …Okay.

Uehara - You said you don’t know when Iranami went to the dining hall, right?

Maeda - Yeah?

Uehara - …?

Maeda - W-Well…

Maeda - We all agreed we’d close the door, and if anyone opened or closed it, they’d be likely to wake someone up…

Maeda - So… I mean, with Higa dying, I guess we just have to all be deep sleepers…

Maeda - But, it’s weird that someone would… what, wake Iranami up, and convince her to go to the dining hall with them?

Maeda - Because, either Iranami woke up naturally, early this morning, and so the blackened was on a time crunch trying to kill her and run before everyone woke up-

Maeda - Or, what, they made Iranami think that it was a totally normal time to be up, and killed her at 2 am, so they wouldn’t risk waking everyone?

Maeda - God…

Maeda - Maybe she didn’t even die in the dining hall-

Maeda - !

Maeda - Maybe she died in Tsurugi’s dorm? If she died in her sleep, then her conversation with the blackened wouldn’t wake everyone up, because there wouldn’t be one…

Maeda - The bleeding could be something post-mortem, explaining why there wasn’t blood in here- or the blood on that pillow could be from Iranami!

Uehara - …???

Maeda - …What?!

Uehara - W-Well…

Uehara - Could… you give me everyones testimonies about last night… I wanna try to like…

Uehara - I want to solve things the way you are, instead of just asking for your theories, you know?

Maeda - Sure…

Maeda - There really isn’t much to say, though.

Maeda - Everyone really just said they drifted off…

Maeda - …

Maeda - …Uehara?

//Uehara is staring at Maeda- though… for once, it isn’t making Maeda feel judged. Rather… Uehara seems distressed. He’s looking at Maeda because he’s lost.

Maeda - What is it?!

Uehara - W-Well…

Uehara - If everyone fell asleep last night, then-

Uehara - …

Uehara - Who says Iranami even made it back to Tsurugi’s dorm?

Maeda - …

Maeda - …“Back”?

Uehara - A…After the snack run…

Maeda - …

Uehara - …When I said I was going to get tea for Tsurugi? And I asked if anyone wanted to come with me…

Uehara - Iranami was part of the group that left then.

Maeda - …

//There isn’t a moment of realization. It isn’t the flick of a switch, or a lightbulb going off. Rather, as Uehara speaks…

Maeda - Oh my fucking God.

Uehara - …?

~“I’m going to the dining hall real quick, it’s going to close soon. Does anyone want to come?“~

Uehara - M…Maeda.

//…It’s as though Maeda is back to last night, listening to everything all over again. Uehara’s voice only registers dully as the events replay.

Uehara - Did… no one else? Point that out?

~“He watches Higa reach the door, and realizes that Iranami has joined Uehara as well.“~

Uehara - It- I know multiple people were awake then- people who didn’t even go to the dining hall!

~“Taira sticks out like a sore thumb compared to them- she’s sitting up, blanket pooled around her feet as she draws.“~

Uehara - And… no one put that together? That Iranami was last seen going to the dining hall last night?

Uehara - …Were you all really stressing over the logistics of that?

Maeda - I-

Maeda - I completely forgot that happened.

Uehara - Crazy…

Uehara - Maybe Tomori was asleep when we got back?

~“Hatano, Maki, and Tomori, all seem to be either asleep, or falling asleep.“~

Uehara - Which, I just bring her up because she’s, like- here… so if she was asleep, that would explain why she didn’t think of Iranami going to the dining hall-

Uehara - But, the same should be true of Maki then- if anything, it’s even more important that she was asleep when we got back, because she’s the one who was actually by Iranami’s body…

Uehara - Tomori doesn’t have much reason to be thinking of Iranami, or the dining hall- though, not knowing does drive some people insane. Tsurugi’s been losing his mind over not getting to investigate in there.

Uehara - …Man, Taira’s really an enigma right now, huh…

~“Similar to Taira, Tsurugi’s sitting up, but unlike Taira, it seems that Tsurugi’s struggling to stay awake.“~

Uehara - …

Uehara - Really weird though, that Ōtori didn’t mention things- he was in the dining hall last night, so it’s hard to believe that he wouldn’t remember going there with Iranami…

~“…I’ll come too, just give me a second…“~

Maeda - …

Maeda - I’m going to fucking kill him.

Uehara - ! Okay, so you agree that that’s weird. 

Maeda - Uehara. 

Uehara - ?

Maeda - Ōtori has been with Iranami’s body this whole time. I have been the only person to ask him about what happened.

Maeda - He watched Maki and I theorize on what could’ve happened. He shot down every single theory we came up with, and acted like working anything out was hopeless, and irrelevant.

Maeda - Not once. Did he remind anyone of the fact he and Iranami went to the dining hall together.

Uehara - …

Uehara - …

Uehara - I haven’t… investigated. I don’t know what everything looks like…

Uehara - So… don’t listen to me?

Uehara - …

Uehara - But- that is really fucking weird, right? You- you agree- you understand why I was so confused, right?

Maeda - Oh my god. Oh my god-

Maeda - That’s why he was so against the poison!

Uehara - ?!?!?!

Maeda - My- my fucking hand- that’s how he knew how to treat it!

Maeda - I-

//Maeda comes crashing back down to earth, hit hard with the implications.

Maeda - Ōtori…

Maeda - …He chose to keep that information away from us. Maki and I directly addressed when Iranami had came to the dining hall, and made it clear we thought she was asleep in Tsurugi’s dorm at some point.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Ohhh my god… I- 

Maeda - …Did he think no one would remember? That no one would point things out?

Uehara - …Maeda? You feeling alright?

Maeda - I…

Maeda - I’m fine… just- trying to process.

Uehara - Cool…

Maeda - …

Maeda - Genuinely, I can’t think of a reason why he’d keep this from us-

Maeda - It… really changes everything.

Maeda - …Wait- what do you mean you didn’t check to see if Iranami came back last night?

Maeda - W…was that not on your mind?

Uehara - Honestly, I don’t think it was. I was… literally exclusively concerned with bringing Tsurugi his tea.

Uehara - Which- I was tired, too…

Uehara - My brain is not that large… I can focus on one task at a time, and last night I was fully focused on that damn tea.

Maeda - Mm…

Maeda - I don’t think Uehara’s lying… no offense meant to him, but that really might track-

Maeda - …

Maeda - Wow. I don’t have any leg to stand on here. I literally let Tsurugi’s drink get roofied and he asked me to watch out for that. 

Maeda - Sorry, Uehara. That was on me, I was wrong- I understand, now.

Maeda - Do you remember anything- seeing anyone come back? 

Uehara - Uh…

Uehara - …

Uehara - Maeda- I really think you’re going to have to ask someone else about this. I couldn’t tell you anything…

Maeda - God Uehara, what do you know?

Maeda - …I shouldn’t be upset- he’s the only person who’s mentioned the trip to the dining hall, in his defense… that’s important enough to get him a pass.

Maeda - What’s wrong with me? Why am I getting so upset with Uehara…

Maeda - People do talk about trusting your gut instinct, but I don’t even know what I”m being told.

Uehara - I dunno… ask Kobashikawa when he gets back- he should remember better than me.

Maeda - …Wait, Kobashikawa was there?

Uehara - Mhm?

~“Then, Kobashikawa stands, and stumbles after the group going to the dining hall.”~

Maeda - Oh my god…

Maeda - I’ve talked to both Ōtori and Kobashikawa, and neither one mentioned their little- adventure…

Uehara - Uhhhh…

Uehara - I think… that it was me, Kobashikawa, Ōtori, and Iranami that went to the dining hall before we went to sleep-

Uehara - Oh! And Higa, too.

Uehara - …Which, is funny, because that’s both of the victims.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Both of the victims were there. In the location one was found dead. And I’m hearing about this now…

Uehara - Right? Swear to you, it’s weird as hell…

Uehara - You really should ask Kobashikawa about what happened- or Ōtori, but who knows when you’ll see him next.

Maeda - I…

Maeda - …I’m going to ask Kobashikawa, once he’s back…

Maeda - Honestly, I want to confront Ōtori when Tsurugi and I are both in the dining hall.

Maeda - Kobashikawa should be a better place to start- I don’t know if I believe that ��tori would talk with me.

Maeda - This- this whole thing is just so weird!

Maeda - I don’t know why Kobashikawa didn’t mention leaving for the dining hall last night-

Maeda - Well… maybe it’s because he thought I remembered- but why didn’t I remember?

Maeda - Ugh… ughhhhh…

Maeda - It feels like two steps forward, two steps back… I get more evidence, but it doesn’t get me closer to a culprit.

Uehara - …

Uehara - Do you think Kobashikawa meant to keep something from you?

Maeda - …

Maeda - Again… I just don’t-

Maeda - But that’s the problem! It really doesn’t feel like anyone could be the blackened…

Maeda - In past trials, I guess I saw everyone with some suspicion… but now, I feel like I can’t distrust anyone.

Uehara - …

Maeda - …

Maeda - What?

Uehara - Just thinking. About you, and the things you say.

Uehara - Kinda weird to me, to see you holding such faith in everyone…

Uehara - Uh- but you’re worried about it being a bad thing, right? I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s good to believe in others.

Uehara - Maybe…

Uehara - Rather than look for the person that’s cold enough to commit a murder, look for the person that’s…

Uehara - …I don’t know- don’t frame things in your head like the blackened has to be evil or cruel.

Uehara - Accept the odds that they had a sympathetic reason, and things might be easier-

Uehara - Especially since there is a motive going around, and we know it’s one that’s only hit a few people.

Maeda - Oh- I completely forgot that we got a motive…

Maeda - Probably because I… wasn’t “here” when it got announced…

Uehara - Mmm…

Uehara - Well, I don’t think anyone really understood what Monokuma meant by it.

Uehara - I don’t understand what I’m saying even-

Uehara - Hey, look at us, Maeda!

Uehara - Both saying shit and then feeling like we’ve fucked it all up… woooo…

Uehara - …You’ve been nice to chat with, Maeda.

Maeda - Didn’t you just say it’s weird to see me believing in others. Uehara. 

Maeda - But, he’s right… it’s interesting to remember how similar people’s thoughts can be to mine.

Maeda - It’s… it’s nice that we can still have conversations like this, even in these circumstances…

Uehara - …“Like this, in these”... you should use, uh… adjectives, more.

Uehara - Descriptive words. You should… put names to what you think.

Uehara - Well- there’s no real reason to, I guess. Just thinking.

Uehara - I don’t know! I have a lot of thoughts right now, which is weird, because that isn’t normally the case… or maybe it’s just that I don’t feel like filtering them out.

Maeda - You mentioned that you and Tsurugi might’ve switched spots last night- think you’re tired from getting woken up?

Uehara - …Yeah, maybe.

Uehara - Maeda, do you think you’ve gotten tanner? Since we first met, I mean- and while we’re asking questions.

Maeda - Eh? Uh… not that I’ve noticed… wouldn’t it be hard to get tan here?

Uehara - Mhm, it would be- that’s why I thought it was weird! But I swear, you used to be more pale…

Maeda - Ah… I don’t know- I’ve always been a bit tanned.

Uehara - Oh…

Uehara - I burn real easy, and I never seem to have sunscreen… not that stuff like that matters now.

Maeda - …

Maeda - Y’know, I was toying with the idea that things could’ve been poisoned, like- days ago.

Maeda - Do you think someone could’ve been screwing with everyone’s meals, lacing our food with something?

Uehara - Oh dude, maybe! That’d be, like… horrible-

Uehara - Someone could get pissed off, and try to kill us all… though, with that new rule, Monokuma would have to execute them now…

Uehara - But, if they’re going so scorched-earth, they might not care.

Maeda - Mhm… and if we go back to the idea of things happening prior to this case, that rule wouldn’t be in effect.

Maeda - Ah- that all aside though, because-

Maeda - My thought now is that maybe someone… I don’t know, laced our food with something to make us disoriented?

Uehara - You should ask Tsurugi about that, he’d know about what pills can make you loopy-

Uehara - Not for any weird reason, just because of the work he’s done.

Maeda - I- remember him solving what happened with the pills during the first murder, Uehara.

Uehara - Well, yeah, but those were different…

Uehara - Did you find any evidence that makes it seem like our stuff was being laced?

Maeda - I don’t know… I can’t think of anything the class was all having?

Uehara - …

Uehara - Oh! I promise I didn’t put anything in dinner last night, by the way.

Maeda - …

Maeda - I appreciate the testimony, Uehara.

Uehara - Yeah- it doesn’t really mean shit right now, huh?

//Maeda hums- then jumps.

Tsurugi - HOWDY.

Maeda - JESUS-

Uehara - Tsurugi!

Tomori - Ah! And Kobashikawa!

//…Synopsizes what’s new in the room. Tsurugi entered dramatically as ever (Maeda didn’t quite catch what happened, only able to process motion before it was over)- and now, as Tomori’s called, Kobashikawa is following him in.

Kobashikawa - Hello again, everyone.

Maeda - H-Hi, Kobashikawa…

Uehara - Dude… happy to see you’re alive! We got worried!

Tsurugi - My paranoia is infectious but so is my unrelenting optimism… perhaps I am the disease?

Uehara - …

//Uehara starts to cough, loudly and dramatically.

Uehara - Ohhh I’m sick. Sooo fucking sick. I’m ill.

Kobashikawa - …

//Kobashikawa crouches down, turning away from the group and hiding his face as best as he can- then coughs as well, sounding much more genuine.

Uehara - …

Tsurugi - Oh shit. Maybe I am some sort of disease-carrier…

Uehara - More likely that it’s Maeda, he’s the one that was around Mekaru- well, no, they both investigated with her on the second floor…

Kobashikawa - …You know- I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately…

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - Kobashikawa, you are consistently one of the most relaxing people to be around here. Knowing you has been a genuine delight, and despite our circumstance, I’m happy to have met you.

Tsurugi - If we have to deal with a class-wide cold or something, on top of the murder game, just because you decided not to mention that you’re sick, I will make it my life’s mission to ensure you don’t know peace.

Kobashikawa - It isn’t that bad!

Kobashikawa - Really, I think it’s just… exacerbated by everything that’s happened.

Tsurugi - Oh good! 

Tsurugi - Saying something threatening felt really bad, so I’m glad I don’t need to scare you into practicing health and safety precautions…

Uehara - I would have scared him for you…

Tsurugi - …

Uehara - You should never have to do anything ever.

Tsurugi - …

Uehara - Sick and twisted world we live in where you need t-

//Tsurugi starts to cough- Tomori joins in.

Maeda - …

Maeda - I am so fucking lost right now.

//Despite this, Maeda fake-coughs too.

Uehara - …

//They all fade to a stop.

Tsurugi - …“Sick and twisted”, get it?

Tomori - If any of us were actually carrying anything, we undoubtedly all have it now.

Kobashikawa - …Sorry.

Tomori - And if any of us caught anything, it likely wouldn’t be from the person who was on a whole other elevation when they coughed-

Tomori - Uehara and Tsurugi should be apologizing, if anyone.

Tsurugi - Sorryyyy, so sorryyyyy…

//Kobashikawa catches Maeda’s eye- he smiles, and gives a small wave.

Maeda - …

Uehara - I have committed multiple severe sins against humanity and will not be stopping here.

//Maeda waves back.

Tsurugi - …Maeda, why did you come back from the dining hall? 

Maeda - Oh! Yeah, uh…

Maeda - After I spoke with Hatano, we discussed what I’d found so far, and she had some questions she wanted me to ask about.

Tsurugi - Cool! I figured there was a reason…

Tsurugi - Are you done now, or do you need to speak with Kobashikawa or myself?

Maeda - Mmm… 

Maeda - Should I still ask Tsurugi about his condition?

Maeda - …I have questions for both of you, actually-

Maeda - Just- quick ones for you, Tsurugi, and you don’t have to answer, but…

Maeda - …

Maeda - How are you feeling?

Tsurugi - …Eh?

Tsurugi - Oh! Wait, no, that’s right- you asked how I slept, not how I’m doing…

Tsurugi - Sorry, I got you mixed up with the space invaders I was chatting with!

Tsurugi - To tell you what I told them, I’m doing good! Should be set ‘n ready to blast off soon…

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - My head really hurts, but I think I just…

Tsurugi - …I think I just need to drink water-

Tsurugi - …Maeda, I’m sorry, I keep lying- we absolutely talked about this earlier. Kobashikawa was the one who asked, but you were there.

Maeda - I- I think I phrased my question poorly…

Maeda - Uh- Hatano just doesn’t quite… understand what happened to you, since she wasn’t there?

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - Ohh…

Tsurugi - Uhm… headache? I don’t really know how to explain it, but it’s true… my head just started to hurt a lot!

Tsurugi - So, that’s the thing, is there’s still some leftover ouch’ing… 

Maeda - Alright… and what did Uehara do to help, while you two were in his room?

Tsurugi - …Why is Hatano curious about that?

Maeda - Shit- this is probably what Uehara was getting at earlier…

Maeda - Thinking about it, Tsurugi has been somewhat of a private person- is he really this prone to keeping information from others?

Maeda - I don’t know, she didn’t really explain her reasoning- she just said she couldn’t think of what had happened, so she wanted to know.

Tsurugi - …

Tsurugi - I mean, there’s really nothing to say… I needed somewhere to be, a dorm room is a private place, and I couldn’t go to my own?

Tsurugi - Uhm-

Tsurugi - Oh! If you’re really looking for details, I busted my nose, so Uehara helped deal with that…

Kobashikawa - …How’d you do that?

Tsurugi - Uh- when I was writhing on the floor in agony, I think I managed to reopen some old issues? I’ve had my nose broken like… five times, so…

Maeda - Eh? I-Is that the genuine number, or?-

Tsurugi - Mhm! 

Tsurugi - Never broken a bone while at work, but I’ve had my nose broken… I think it was five times. Don’t really know for certain-

Tsurugi - Processing that information request could take two to four business days! 

Maeda - …How did you break your nose that many times if it wasn’t at work…

Kobashikawa - …

Tomori - …

Tsurugi - …Oh, it wasn’t anything bad, it’s all just from, like… rough-housing? Uh… one time it happened because I was making Kouhei confront his fear of heights-

Tsurugi - Which he doesn’t have anymore, by the way!

Tsurugi - So, we were climbing a tree, and I was below him, and his foot slipped, and… yeah…

Uehara - I was going to say, that sounds like something caused by Sasaki…

Kobashikawa - …Who?

Tsurugi - Oh!

Tsurugi - Sasaki Kouhei, my number one enemy…

Tsurugi - He’s my closest friend, I’m just kidding. He gave me, uh… 

//Tsurugi takes a moment to untangle two of his bracelets- his class band is on his right wrist, on the left, two silver bracelets. It’s now that Maeda notices he doesn’t have on any of his string bracelets.

Maeda - …It’s a bit weird to see Tsurugi’s arms- though, probably weirder to notice that…

Maeda - …

Maeda - God, that’s a lot of scars- Tomori was right, there’s at least one person with active cuts…

Tsurugi - Sorry- there we are! He gave me this bracelet. And he’s also given me the lovely gift of a crooked nose. Then he broke it the other way, and fixed it a bit.

Tsurugi - Then he broke it again. You see the pattern, yeah?

Kobashikawa - Where’s the other bracelet from?

Tsurugi - Oh! A different friend.

Tsurugi - Uh, but yeah- bloody nose! Just burst capillaries, not a break. Uehara, uh…

Tsurugi - …He’s been having a lot of bloody noses. So he was able to help!

Tsurugi - I’m pretty sure my nose is discolored, if, like… you’re worried about proof? Uhm…

Tsurugi - …Sorry, Maeda. I don’t really know what else to say…

Maeda - …No, it’s all alright- I don’t think there’s much to elaborate on… and I don’t think it’s anything too important to the case.

Maeda - Just- one last question; do you have any idea what caused your headache?

Tsurugi - Ohh…

Tsurugi - I mean, genuinely, someone trying to take me down a step? Both Inori and Yamaguchi were concerned with me solving their plans- Yamaguchi moreso, but still- and got on me for it.

Tsurugi - That’s all I’ve really been able to come up with! I don’t know who, or how yet.

Maeda - …Ah…

Maeda - That’s… worrying, if Tsurugi doesn’t know…

Kobashikawa - …Are you actually uncertain, or are you just lying to get us to try and solve things on our own?

//Tsurugi’s eyes widen.

Tsurugi - …

Kobashikawa - …

Tsurugi - …Sorry… I missed that, I was on the phone with someone else…

Tsurugi - Beep boop beep beeep… gonna transfer your call, okay? Can’t talk right now!

Maeda - …Oh. Less concerning, then.

Maeda - Well, that’s all Hatano was wondering about, I think…

Tsurugi - Hooray!

Maeda - I do still have things to finish in here, but none of it involves you, if you want to start investigating in the dining hall?

Tsurugi - …Hm… going somewhere by myself? In this environment?

Tsurugi - Pretty confident I’d die, actually…

Tomori - …The only person unaccounted for right now is Taira-

Tomori - Think she’s hiding somewhere, waiting for you to be alone, so she can get you before the trial starts?

Tsurugi - Mhm. I know it for a fact.

Tsurugi - …Please, no one bother Taira over that joke.

Kobashikawa - Oh, yes- because we all thought you were being serious.

Tsurugi - Mmmm…

Tsurugi - Anyways, if I leave now, I’ll die of feeling alone and excluded. 

Tsurugi - Look- it’d be just like this.

//Tsurugi collapses to the ground, landing haphazardly across a few different blankets and pillows.

Maeda - …

//Tsurugi makes no further movement.

Maeda - …I mean, I guess if he doesn’t want to go, it isn’t really an issue.

Tomori - …

Tomori - …Are we all staying here?

Tsurugi, muffled - I’ll go when Maeda goes~

Tomori - …

Tomori - …Tsurugi.

Tsurugi - ?

Tomori - Are you alright?

Tsurugi - …Zuna, my heaaaad…

Uehara - Does it hurt again?!

Tsurugi - …I have painkillers somewhere. I’ll find ‘em… in a second…

//Uehara shifts, then stands, using the wall as balance while he gets up. Maeda stares at Uehara’s boots-

Maeda - Please don’t hit me, please don’t hit me- ah…

Maeda - …Uehara, what flowers are those, on your shoes?

Uehara - …Eh?-

Uehara - Oh, uh- they’re lilies. Painted them on myself… around a year ago?

Tsurugi - …White lilies are the national flower of Italy-

Tsurugi - What’s Japan’s national flower?

Tomori - It’s cherry blossoms.

//Uehara is rifling through Tsurugi’s dorm.

Tsurugi - Ah, makes sense, I’m silly…

Kobashikawa - And chrysanthemums.

Kobashikawa - Cherry blossoms are less official, but more widely associated with Japan, while chrysanthemums come from the imperial seal.

Tomori - Oh! I didn’t know that.

Uehara - Does anyone else need any painkillers?

Tsurugi - …

//He finally lifts up his head.

Tsurugi - You found ‘em?

Uehara - Mhm. How many do you want?

Tsurugi - Ah… just one.

Uehara - I’m giving you two.

Tsurugi - Probably best!

Tomori - I’m fine…

//Uehara looks at Kobashikawa, who shakes his head.

Uehara - Maeda?

Maeda - Oh- no, I’m alright.

//Maeda watches as Uehara steals a sip from Tsurugi’s water bottle, before passing it to it’s rightful owner, and giving Tsurugi the painkillers.

Tsurugi - Yayyy… I love taking medicine to explode my head. I love it when my head is exploded. No more pain if there’s no more head…

Uehara & Tomori - So, no head?

Uehara - Hah!

Kobashikawa - I still miss vine…

Tsurugi, mumbling - No more head… went “pop”!

~*~

Maeda, narrating - …Do you ever have that feeling, like…

Maeda - …

Maeda - You know “you’re” in the room- but you aren’t really sure that “you” exist?

Maeda - Maybe I’m really just… a small collection of atoms, floating around.

Maeda - But, I guess everyone is a small bit of atoms, when you think about how big other things are.

Maeda - …Still, though. It’s like everyone else exists in one place, and you’re at the same coordinates for your x and your y… but there’s a whole z plane, and you’re somewhere else there.

Maeda - I don’t know. What the fuck is going on.

Maeda - Ōtori didn’t tell me about the trip to the dining hall.

Maeda - …I can’t wait to hear what he has to say to explain himself.

Maeda - …

Maeda - …Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions- I guess I’ve been kinda hard on Ōtori…

Maeda - But- now that Kobashikawa’s back, I can ask him… not like he mentioned it to me either…

Maeda - …Talk about bias.

{Tomori} is fidgeting with a bit of her hair, while {Uehara} picks at his nail polish. {Kobashikawa} has gone to sit down, while {Tsurugi} seems to have relaxed into his spot on the floor. Maeda doesn't think he's ready to return to the dining hall yet.

[sobredunia]

Talking about ship dynamics with my ocs because i have nothing better to do

this is just gonna be Uzomi x Lare btw. they are consuming my brain. Lare is the sun and Uzomi is the moon

Fluff!: Lare really likes Uzomi and is a blushing mess when trying to approach her so that she takes the fucking hint, but Uzomi is too oblivious to actually realise what Lare is doing

Pining. so much pining. both ways. they want eachother sooo bad but they’re too shy to do anything about it

Lare excitedly rambling about moths and Uzomi not actually listening but just. looking enamoured at the spark in Lare’s eyes when she talks about something she likes. Lesbian ass

Uzomi isnt exactly a huge fan of being touched but she is okay with staring it herself. as long as its in a jokey matter aka putting an arm on someone’s shoulder for a bit. the moment shit gets romantic she’s bolting out FAST. Lare both loves this and hates this because! she! wants! cuddles! with! a! buff! lesbian!

Uzomi just. being in a tank top. and Lare unable to look away from the muscles with a hella red face. I have a type okay

Angst!: holy SHIT where do i begin

Uzomi pushing her feelings aside because last time she got crushes they weren’t into girls and it just hurt. so now whenever she likes someone. ESPECIALLY if they’re already friends. she pushes the feelings deep down bc she values a friendship more than the chance of turning it into a relationship if she ever confesses with the risk of being turned down and losing that person. Lare is head over heels but she doesn’t know this and she worries it might ruin their friendship too but at least she’s trying to do kinda things about it??

so much hanahaki potential. Pining but it hurts

Lare realising that, no matter her efforts of being close to Uzomi and all the time they’ve spent together, she doesnt actually KNOW anything about her. she doesnt know what she’s been through, her emotions or feelings on anything that isnt mechanic-related. she gives answers that lare at first thinks are good on getting a good read on her but it turns out they aren’t. she talks about her past so dissassociately its almost like she’s telling another person’s life

Lare, in the whole killing game thing, being forced into the position of a leader by a series of choices and even though she is objectively good at leading the group she cannot take it. drowning herself in other people’s problems so she won’t think about her own, kissing denial passionately on the lips. not remembering things about herself because she doesnt WANT to. prioritising others and feeling terrible whenever they try to help back because she’s such a burden she should be better at dealing with her own emotions now look what you did you’re making them have an even worse time by being so pathetic they have to take care of you now. grow up. Uzomi watching this from the sidelines TRYING to help but Lare won’t let her and instead tries to comfort Uzomi. Uzomi being tired of this because she wants to hel she wants to help so so much but its almost like Lare doesnt care about her because if she did she wouldn’t try to push her away

yeah

[thcophagy]

"you said make him hard." lou pointed out softly, not wanting to irritate lux any further than he already had. he'd obviously gone to lux first because it was the safer option, it was what he was most comfortable with when considering the fight he'd just put up about the mere concept of kissing griffyn again, but he'd also had a goal in mind. maybe griffyn liked to watch, he might have gotten hard watching the two of them be handsy with each other and make out. "he wants to fuck you too." he mumbled pitifully before she had the chance to push him away. with the amount of history they had together, lou would've bet money on griffyn choosing him over lux if he had only one option but that didn't mean there wasn't something there, after all, they had both been pining after her that first day they met, they could've been in a very different situation that evening had lux chosen differently. lou let himself enjoy the brief moment of respite that kissing lux brought him before he was shoved away from her and he cowered like a kicked puppy. nervously, he turned his head to meet griffyn's amused expression, eagerly watching the two of them like he knew he would be. for a long moment, lou stayed still. the quicker he got it over with, the less time he'd have to spend worrying about it but it took more than just telling himself to move to actually get his limbs to cooperate. eventually, after what felt like hours but could only have been a couple seconds in reality, lou slowly began moving towards griffyn, at first shifting on his knees then dropping into a crawl to bridge the small gap between them. his baggy shirt dipped, allowing the other man a glance down at his bare, sweat-slick chest. he didn't break eye contact once, not even when he felt like he might melt into a puddle and sink into the carpet, the weight of his embarrassment making him feel lethargic like he'd spent the whole day in the sun. when close enough, his hands on either side of griffyn's body, lou sat back up onto his knees and took in the sight of griffyn close-up. the drink he'd just downed had given him some confidence but not nearly as much as he'd liked because now that he was there, close enough for their noses to be almost touching, all lou wanted was to crawl back to the comfort of lux and let her baby him again. she might, if he was pathetic enough, if he cried and complained and made a whole song and dance about the whole thing. then again, maybe she'd grown tired of all that and would leave him altogether, let him clean up his own mess. once again, it was the fear of disappointing her that pushed lou forward and with a shaky exhale, he rested one hand on griffyn's knee, still much too nervous to go any higher. you have to do it- lux's words rang in his ears and served as the final bit of encouragement that he needed to finally, after all his arguing, lean in and press their lips together. it was soft at first, barely a peck but after he realised he hadn't burst into a guilt-fueled ball of flames, lou took the initiative to go a little further, to part his lips and kiss griffyn properly, exactly how he had all those years ago.

if lou thought there’d been a lot of pressure put on him already, he had no idea just how far lux intended to push him. a “comfort zone” wasn’t something that could exist with her, as she had a knack for pinpointing a person’s deepest insecurities and exploiting them for her own gain. at least in lou’s case, her motives weren’t entirely selfish. she really was trying to help him accept who he was, trying to show him that he didn’t have to continue on with this act he’d been putting on his whole life, offering equal amounts of encouragement and cruelty to bring about her desired result. if that sort of radical change was too much for him, he didn’t have to stay. lou was a grown man capable of making his own decisions, and she’d never forced him into anything; lux merely cultivated an environment in which bending to her whims seemed like the most viable option, but he could’ve decided it was all too much and removed himself from the equation. “it’s a dare, lou,” she reminded him, her gaze softened to try and soothe any apprehension he might have. “you have to do it.” they’d successfully backed him into a corner now, but he’d had an equal part in sealing his own fate. when faced with a choice between allowing lux to excuse herself for the night, facing her potential disappointment for not performing up to her standards, and playing along with her impish fantasies, he’d wisely chosen the latter, and now it was time to put that decision to the test. brows furrowed once he finally made a move, coming closer to her rather than approaching griffyn like she’d expected, the tip of his angular nose brushing against her jaw. “loulou… that’s not what i said.” her tone was still playful, but her words held a slight warning. still, she didn’t stop him when he tilted his head and leaned in until their lips met, her eyes fluttering shut in response. the hand that had been toying with his hair curled around to grip the base of his skull, just barely teasing his lips open so her tongue could briefly dart into his mouth and brush against his before she subsequently released his head and used both hands to push on his chest. “quit stalling and do as you’re told,” she scolded him. “griffyn’s waiting…”

just from what he’d witnessed so far that night, griffyn knew her dare was bound to be something out of pocket. lux wasn’t the type to pussyfoot around, allowing lou to do some lame, watered down act when what she really wanted was so obvious. lou had taken off his floaties, and she’d taken that as an invitation to shove him straight into the deep end. “not what i would’ve picked, but alright,” he chuckled, trying to disguise just how excited the concept had made him behind his usual veil of humor. it probably wouldn’t take much to get him hard, but he didn’t know if that’d be more or less embarrassing for lou. having already laid all his feelings on the table, griffyn wasn’t worried about any feelings of shame arising for him. this was what he’d been wanting, after all, so there was no use pretending to be bashful about it. maybe his own nonchalance would rub off on his friend, showing him that it really wasn’t a big deal if they played a raunchy game while they were both clearly intoxicated, but so far his demeanor had only seemed to frustrate lou further. his eyes were glued to lou’s face as he swiftly drained his glass and reached out to pour himself another, watching his expressions and trying to infer what he must’ve been thinking. was he disgusted by the thought of potentially touching his friend so intimately? was he just as excited, underneath the veneer of uncertainty? he sat forward slightly as he watched lou lean into lux instead, fighting back the initial pang of disappointment in favor of enjoying whatever little show he was trying to put on. the warmth that had settled in the pit of his gut only intensified once lux separated them, turning the attention back to him so that lou was forced to focus on the task at hand. "take your time... we've got all night." he grinned.

[mariellewritesalot]

Field Notes on Walking

(Boungainvillea at someone’s house I found breathtaking)

I’ve been on my feet a lot since you left.

The first few days, I started wandering around the neighborhood I grew up in, admiring the way the sky changed color as the sun came down. I think about how I’ve lived here for 23 years, and I’m about to move away soon without truly knowing the place. I would pause to take photos of plants I found interesting, take mental notes of houses with designs that made me wish I lived in them---or at the very least, be capable of creating something that aspired permanence. I soon found out that the one plant that grew like vines in my camera roll was called Bougainvillea, often big and pink with the sunlight peeking through its leaves. The perfect contrast to the sky blue and white. I looked up a lot, comforted by the idea that we are smaller than we think we are, in the grand scheme of things. I listened to folklore and evermore by Taylor Swift on these walks. I felt heavy, like I carried around rocks in my pockets. If I was in the water as often as you are, I would sink.

I think of Taylor singing, “If my wishes came true, it would have been you,” I reject the idea of pining, the concept of missing someone who was never there. 

The ground is always there for me. It’s solid, it makes me feel real. I could go through bumps or roads that could use fixing, but at least I know of its consistency. After a loss, we all cling onto something constant to keep ourselves grounded. I might have taken it too literally. 

I started running a little bit after those first few days of just walking. So much so that two of my old rubber shoes broke down, an indication that I’ve been moving around a lot more than I was and I didn’t wear them enough back then that they just gave up. My parents, not alarmed at all about this old/new hobby, got me a new pair. New Balance. I’ve been using it almost every day. I would go for 10,000 steps or more, obsessed with the numbers on my step tracker, and always wanting to one-up myself. I wear my black puffer jacket and a headband, my shockingly pink Aquaflask in hand. I went from walking for thirty minutes until sundown, running in the dark after five, to a person who goes for a walk and then runs 3km-5km all before eight in the morning. I went to the beat up track and field oval near my house so much that the guards recognize me every morning, and we greet each other like friends. Sometimes I arrived as I normally do, and the oval would be closed for an event or two for a few days. At one point, they got my number so they could let me know, and I could ask them if I needed to. Even when I miss a couple of days, I find myself still coming back.

I discovered other pains, like chafing and muscle aches. I have a little jar of petroleum jelly, now as important to me as sunscreen. By the end of February, my hair was back to copper. I got a job. I learned to ride jeepneys again. I breathe a lot better. I wake up around six in the morning unprompted.

(El Cato! Sleeping on the grass!)

A middle-aged woman named Rebecca complimented me one morning, noticing that I’ve been around, and that in her eyes I lost weight. We briefly say hi to each other when we’re there at the same time now. At one point, for fun, I joined the regular morning Zumba before I ran around the oval because an old man from that community invited me to try it. I befriended a cat, let my Instagram followers name it “El Cato,” and even after finding out she was a girl, stuck to the bit. I used to be afraid of touching cats in fear of getting scratched. Now we take photos and I speak Spanish to her. I’m relieved whenever I see her sleeping on the grass, and worried when she’s nowhere to be seen. I try and take the feeling of missing you and putting it towards her, a worthy opponent for my affection.

One morning, my friend Mon joined me for a jog around the academic oval in UP, and we’ve started looking into doing this at least once a week. In these runs with him, I forgo my earphones. We talk the entire time, even when the jog sometimes leaves me out of breath, and he matches my pace when I go slow. We pass my water bottle back and forth. We sit at Sunken Garden and eat taho, I told him I will miss that sweet soy and tapioca with syrup delight the most when I move to Spain in September. I get my stuff from Ate Beth and we buy kiosk snacks from her, usually kwek kwek and cheese sticks. Some days, I join him and his girlfriend, Gia, for lunch. 

On my runs alone, I listen to music and internalize everything I feel. I think about the life I’ll live in Spain, and the one I’m living now in the Philippines where I try to be as present as possible because it’s also the only one I know. On runs with a friend, I learn to verbalize these without dissolving into a puddle of tears. I admit to things I don’t want to believe. I worry out loud about the vast future, the one I’ve been working towards--so near that it terrifies me. Truth be told, a lot of things have been going well for me. I’ve been moving forward, as I should. Like I promised you, because really, what else is there left to do?

(A beautiful pink sky at the oval I jog in)

When I think about admitting to you on the last time we spoke that I think I was in love with you, I sometimes wish I never said anything that vulnerable it makes me want to throw up. I hate that you knew me like that. I hate that I could never hate you. I hate that it was true and I can no longer take it back. It makes me think of Rory Gilmore in Season 3 of Gilmore girls, receiving that silent phone call during her graduation from Chilton with Jess Mariano on the other line, where she tearfully admits, “I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that’s it, I guess. I hope you’re good, I want you to be good.”

Sometimes I run until I feel like if I don’t stop, I’ll cough my lungs out. In one of those articles I found on the internet, I read that sometimes it helps to not listen to music during my time with nature. To be mindful, I need to be present. I focus on my breath, the feeling of sweat rolling down from my forehead, and the noise around me. I look up a lot. The Acacia trees around the oval at UP are so beautiful it hurts. There are days when I wish I could have taken you there, when I wish we had more time. Sometimes I feel like you’re the only person who would get it, whatever it was I wanted to talk about.

On other days, I’m relieved that we’re an ocean apart. It’s like that Michael Ondaatje quote from The English Patient, “Half my days I cannot bear not to touch you. The rest of my time I feel like it doesn’t matter if I will ever see you again. It isn’t the morality, it’s how much you can bear.”

Nowadays, if I can walk to a place, I walk. Three kilometers is beginning to feel too easy. The heat is unbearable in the summer, though. Sometimes, my left shin starts hurting, and I have to shake my leg out--only slightly paranoid that I pulled a muscle. When I’m at the gym, I do the 3-12-30 method on the treadmill, which is essentially walking uphill at 12 incline and the speed on 3 for 30 minutes before or after weights. I still do yoga, though not as consistently as I’d like. From exclusively listening to sad songs, I’ve been listening to songs that make me feel good. I resist the urge to dance around or sing out loud when I take the jeep so I could make it to work in time. I go out on Friday nights, for a drink or dinner, and maybe soon, a date. I imagine you’d laugh, in a way that isn’t cruel, but in that way where it’s like a private joke between us.

(Clouds in one of my late afternoon walks)

So, no, I am not sitting around at home feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been through heartbreak so many times that I know how to care for myself the way I need to be taken care of. I make it a point to always bounce back. On our accidental first date, we asked each other: “For what in your life do you feel most grateful?” You smiled at me when I said, “My grit. Before, if something didn’t work out or a guy broke my heart, I would be inconsolable--”

“Inconsolable?!” You repeated teasingly.

I laughed, “Yeah! But now I just know that it’s going to work out for me, anyway. God has a better plan, something like that. I just try to be better.”

I swear I’m trying so hard. We were playing 36 Questions. We only got until the 15th question because we were talking so much. The next set of questions, we played the last time we saw each other. Maybe we shouldn’t have played it, knowing how much it revealed to us that night, but I couldn’t resist getting to know you. You couldn’t resist it either, that pull. No matter how much we insist that we don’t know each other that well, one thing I’m sure of is that no two people have connected as easily as we have. At least there is that.

So I’ll keep walking. I’ll run harder if I have to. I’ll drive myself crazy keeping track of the steps I take every day. I’ll keep counting down the days, feel a little ache every time it’s the fourth of every month. I’ll move to a continent where the time zone is eight hours behind yours as opposed to just three. I’ll keep praying for you. I’ll keep telling myself, “Know it’s for the better,” like Phoebe Bridgers sang in Waiting Room, when I feel like it never will be. I’ll wonder if we could truly ever be just friends, in the purest sense of the word, if we could ever forget how it felt. I’ll wonder if I would ever see you again. 

I guess one thing I can stand firm on is acknowledging that it was real for me. Whatever it was. I hope it was for you, too. I wouldn’t want to know.

[softguarnere]

I loved your pining HC!!! Can we get some for Leibgott and Winters?

👀 I'm excited to try writing this, because they're two very different people. And thank you Anon! 💕🥺

Winters

He's such a reserved person that Nixon is probably the only one who can tell that something is going on with him

If anyone knew him as well as Nix, it would be so obvious that he's head over heals for you

The staring for a bit too long and then quickly looking away! The way he smiles when you walk into a room! The way his cheeks are so quick to redden around you! It's all there bb!

It's not that he doesn't want to make his move or that he doesn't know how to -- he's worried that as a ranking officer it might make you uncomfortable around him or that he might get you guys into trouble

Nixon is having none of it

"Well she clearly likes you back, so just go for it and quit making excuses." "How would you know?" "I'm an intelligence officer! I notice things!"

You realize that something is up when you notice that he's not spending as much time around you, and that he always has some sort of excuse to leave the room shortly after you come in. Which is kind of heartbreaking because you like spending time with him

Finally you get tired of guessing games and corner him in his office, asking if you've done something to upset or offend him

He's such a composed person, but the way his heart is racing in that moment is unmatched

He knows that he can't lie to you, because you're friends, and he just can't do that to you. So he tells you how he feels and hopes for the best, making it clear that it's okay if you don't reciprocate

You feel so relieved in that moment, because you thought that you had ruined your friendship, and of course you like him back! Did he seriously not notice?

Nixon from the next room after overhearing the whole thing: "I knew it!"

Liebgott

Basically the polar opposite of Winter's subtleness omg

He already jokes around and flirts with you so much that you don't really notice when it intensifies, so you don't think he's serious

Despite the fact that this man literally stares at you like you hung the moon and the stars and all the planets by yourself

Sad Boy™️ Jealous Boy™️

It takes you a while to realize that he's always making excuses to sit close to you, that his hands linger ever so slightly when he helps you throw darts when you're at pubs

He's never felt this way about anyone else, so it kind of terrifies him how much he likes you. You make his chest feel gooey and warm, and he has a reputation to uphold

But there's also an underlying fear in it, because if you rejected him he thinks it would kill him

And there are soooo many chances that he could tell you how he feels, but he always holds back

Until late one night when you guys are sitting behind the barracks together. Weekend passes have been cancelled, but you're staring up at the stars and reminiscing about home

He tells you about California. Tells you that you should come out there after the war and hang out at all his favorite spots. And suddenly he can't take it anymore. He's got to do something

"I'd really like it if we went out there together after the war. I'd like it if we went everywhere together." "We're in the same company. We do go everywhere together." "No, (Y/N). Together."

And when the realization dawns on you, you really can't help it -- you kiss him, right then and there, and it lights up his chest in a way that makes him feel like you put the sun in the sky, too