porquepuede - Tumblr blog

[porquepuede]

*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.

[porquepuede]

Teas for…

Wake up:

Matcha

Peppermint

To Sleep:

Kava

Chamomile

Cold symptoms:

Echinacea

White tea

Digestion:

Ginger

Lemon

Detoxify:

Dandelion

Nettle

For nausea:

Fennel

Ginger

For energy:

Mint

Green tea

De-stress:

Lavender

Ginseng

Antioxidant boost:

Roobios

Black tea

[porquepuede]

✨June affirmations ✨

I am aligned with my highest self

I am at peace with my past and present

I am surrounded by people with pure good intentions towards our relationship ( whether it’s platonic or romantic)

I am lovable

I am nurturing

I am beautiful

I am grateful

I am adventurous

I am soft

I have an abundance of good health

I have an abundance of finical freedom

I am in healthy friendships

I am in a healthy relationship with my family

I am in empowering friendships

I am traveling and exploring beautiful places

I am willing to help others when I can

[porquepuede]

I cried for one year. I cried myself to sleep doubting my worth. I cried myself to sleep constantly tearing myself down. Pointing out all my imperfections. I spoke with several friends because therapist were booked out months in advanced and I was reaching my breaking point.

I read books. Listened to podcasts. Journaling helped a lot. Yelling to myself ever morning with affirmations. I did the work.

And I met a guy. Love bombing was definitely there. I saw it. I called it out. But he respected my boundaries and I decided to put myself to the test.

We talked. We kissed. We had sex. We became official. I celebrated his birthday with him. He wanted me to speak to his parents. He started talking about a future with us. He respected my alone time and respected that I was putting myself first.

I hear people say “ I knew she was the one after the first date “. So I believed him. I am the whole package. And I am worthy of finding someone who is willing to give me everything.

He offered me his time, he felt the need to provide for me. He wanted to provide and protect and I allowed it. On his birthday, he thanked me because he said no one ever took the time to him feel that special. He told me that I truly value him. Unlike any other women he’s been with.

The next day , I checked his phone.

We broke up the day after his birthday

I refuse to believe someone who genuinely loves you, will do something that will hurt you.

I didn’t read all the messages. I just needed to read one. I didn’t need to put myself in a situation that would hurt me more than him.

I left peacefully. We broke up.

It felt so nice having someone to hold at night. It felt so good waking up to fresh fruit in the mornings . It felt so nice hearing “ let me help you “

I grew up to be so hyper independent and this was the first relationship were I let my guard down. I was voicing my concerns and how I felt and he listened. I was getting ready to put my whole wall down the day after his birthday

I prayed to god. I told him several times that if he wasn’t for me to remove him and if he was for me to let him stay. It hurts but I trust god

He sent me a TikTok “ hope May brings you blessings, love and peace “

I think it’s his way of apologizing and saying bye

I learned that even when I’m hurt , I don’t wish anything bad on people. I told him to keep working for his dreams. Even told him to sell his birthday gift and use it towards his goals ( it was a stuffed teddy bear. Nothing to expensive)

My question is . When is it going to be my turn ?

[porquepuede]

My love language is definitely physical touch like boy you better grope me or else I think you hate me

[porquepuede]

Blessings in disguise

Test without lectures

Hearing what can’t be seen

I have been gifted with a wonderful body that is constantly pushing to keep me at my best. I rewarded it by respecting it for two weeks and return to neglect it. I wonder why I’m sleepy all the time and why I kept forgetting things. Yet, I don’t forget the ice coffee. Or how I constantly fill it with stress and not long term solutions

Dear body, I promise to protect you

Put you first

To stop idolizing other bodies and make you my pedestal. I will respect you again. We will work on discipline. I hear you and feel you . I understand you’re trying to protect me and I overstep the boundaries as soon as I think we have solved our issues.

I overthink and over plan yet accomplish very little changes. I owe it to us to do better.

Tonight I realize that procrastinating, sleeping in, and leaving my room messy are early signs of me letting myself go. My mind tells me I’m not good enough and give up .

Tonight I put in the work. Closet is clean. One load of laundry in the dryer before bed time. Floor visible. Missing shoes have been found. My room feels bigger.

I won’t fail you. I’ll take accountability for myself

[porquepuede]

Dear Summer 2022

Hi Summer 2022. It’s bring of 2023 with scandalous news 📰!

You found him. You found a guy that shares the sales values as you. You found a guy wants to give you princess treatment. You found a man who wants to settle down.

The man you were seeing frequently in summer of 2022 told you he couldn’t give you want you wanted. You were confused and asked

“ according to you, what do I want ?”

And he said “ you want to be treated like a princess “

He was right and he stepped away. Now you have this man in your life. He wakes up early for work. But he leaves you a bowl with fruit by the bed. Always sends good morning texts when he wakes up. He’s checking up on you in your new job. He helped with your car troubles ( financial) . He wants to pay for your nails. Flowers every time you see him. Hugs and cuddles. He jokes around with you only. ( he’s a very serious man and he even told you that he loves your goofy side and how he loves it that you make smile)

Spring of 2023 is scared. But loves it. Sometimes I Overthink and think about worst outcome. But I’m focusing on the good for now. It’s time to test my self love. I’m genuinely excited to see Jim again. Sleeping without him has become hard

[porquepuede]

Para la niña,

Tu nunca fuiste el problema , sola eras una niña que tuve que aprender a ser mamá, enfermera psicóloga, y maestra

Eras una niña con un“corazón de pollo “

And your heart hasn’t changed

En tu corazoncito quieres que todos sean feliz. Quieres tener todo el dinero del mundo

Para gritar

“ Hay no hay problemas económicos “

You’re learned to be a great mother and you give so much of yourself

Pero mi niña hoy de voy a roper tu corazón de pollito

Corazón , you need to put yourself first and look the other way

Ellos están pagando las  consecuencias de sus juventude

Y les doy las gracias. Aprender de ellos

Aprendi que el dinero no importa si no tienes buena salud

Que el sueño americano es una falsa promesa para muchos. Entré más dinero ganamos más llenamos la solidar con objetos

Aprendí que ser un buen amigo es ayudar y respetar

Aprendí que puedes aceptar ayuda pero tienes que aprender a dar las gracias y decirles que ahora tu puedes solo

Aunque sientas que todo te está saliendo mal y sabes que es fácil regresar a depender de esa ayuda

Te estás dando el respeto a ti mismo a valorar tus ánimos para salir adelante

Para ti mi niña con corazón de pollito

Perdón

Pero hoy te voy a dar todo le apoyo del mundo y va doler.

Dese hoy ya no eres enfermera, psicóloga ni mamá

Hoy eres una mujer

Una mujer con ganas de vivir. Una mujer con ganas de llorar . Una mujer con ganas de gritar

Porque aunque todos te digan que tienes suerte de ver naciendo en los EEUU . Ellos no entienden que todavía eres la niña que madure temprano para ayudar a sus padres

La niña que aprendo que las necedades de otros era más importantes y que sus sentimientos no vale porque en Mexico la gente lo tienen peor

Y ahora que te estás dando le privilegio de poner tus metas, necedades, y sentimientos como prioridad 

duele

Para ti mi niña ahora voy hacer tu paz

Te voy a llenar con palabras dulces

Y tu corazoncito ya no es de pollo

Ese corazoncito

Ese corazoncito esta aprendiendo a respetar y a que lo respeten



[porquepuede]

Dear me ,

You did it. You did everything you thought you couldn’t do. You applied for a job you didn’t think you had the qualifications for and I got it. You visited news states and you were on a airplane ✈️ on every month of the year for 2022. You saw your favorite artist . You know what you want from a relationship. You know what you want for yourself .

[porquepuede]

[porquepuede]

working out, drinking yummy smoothies, getting mani/pedis, getting your hair done, eating good food, shopping, facials, feet care, hair routine, skin care routine, baking cute sweets, shower routine, decluttering your space, buying new plushies, cuddling with your s/o all day, journaling, and doing your makeup just because are all forms of self care. doing whatever makes you happy is a form of self care.

[porquepuede]

Hi everyone !

I just created an IG page for my personal self growth and I’m welcoming anyone to be part of my journey and I would like to be part of yours

@xqpude

I’m doing a 75 day challenge of personal self growth

I was inspired but a TikTok video about weight lose

My 75 day challenge will include

1) journaling - at least one sentence per day

2) gratitude

3) raw emotions - if I feel like the world is ending I’ll say it .

4) my experience as a first gen Latina breaking generational curses

5) maybe my dating experience if I start dating

6) it’s going to be my story

@xquepude

[porquepuede]

Mother

noun: mother; plural noun: mothers

a woman in relation to her child or children

Motherly

adjective: motherly

of, resembling, or characteristic of a mother, especially in being caring, protective, and kind.

* I did a tarot reading and the motherly card was pulled *

Journal prompt: How are you motherly to yourself ?

Growing up, I was taught to put my fathers needs first to avoid fights. Along with my older sister’s needs because she has my fathers temper. I learned the difference between Needing and Wanting. Being the youngest of four , I learned to learn from others mistakes and not to make them. I learned that my opinion was invalid because I was too little and understood nothing of the real world. I was taught to obey and not lead. Speaking up was disrespectful and there is no such thing as boundaries.

At 17, my first nephew was born. My sister was a single mom for about 8 years. This little boy became my everything. I taught him how to walk, shower, count. He had his own room with his mother . If we asked him who he wanted to sleep with, he ran to me. When it came to dating , these men knew my nephew was my priority. He called me mom which is typical for a toddler who is learning to speak. When he started pre-k, he promoted or maybe demoted me to “ sister “ and finally when he finished kindergarten, I became his aunt .

My ex’s have told me I make them feel safe. My mother has told me I’m her only emotional support.

I’m too mean to myself . I don’t celebrate my small accomplishments because I feel like I could do better . I constantly doubt myself. I’m always comparing myself to others. I know what I want but…

But I feel stuck. I don’t feel like I have someone who makes me feel emotional safe .

Motherly . I need to mother myself but I am also afraid of being too hyper independent .

I am proud of myself

Crying is okay

I am beautiful

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Sometimes I doubt my beauty.

Sometimes I look at myself and think I’m attractive. Other days I feel like I looks aren’t attractive at all .

Sometimes my sizes makes me insecure and other days I feel like I’m the happiest and most confident I’ve been in my body.

Learning to love myself is one big roller coaster 🎢

[porquepuede]

the ex who asked me to lose weight

At my heaviest I was 200lbs. Add a small doze of 9 months on birth control, a work injury, and extended lunch periods , with little physical moment. while that really help the weight gain. I worked out and started losing weight. Discipline and consistency is the hard part for me.

I recently had a man who I was dating and he asked me multiple times to lose weight. I haven't lost weight due to my depression and me constantly worrying about other things. I don't eat alot but sure drink up my calories in starbucks. So I am self aware of my bad habits. He sent one final text telling me we are done for good. Under my impression, we had been for good awhile back. He randomly facetimed me and told me how he was still interested in me and nagged me for me not being healthy. Being rejected for not being healthy hurts but I knew he wasn't 100% into from the start. I am start a new lifestyle for myself. I am working on myself for me and not anyone. I have goals I want to achieve. I have to push myself. I just needed to vent. He didn't want me because I was fat but I have another man asking me non stop to see me. I complained about period cramps and he gave me back rubs . I know he wasn't the one for me. I 100% agree that you should not settle for less and if I was less for him, than I respect his decision. Maybe he was hoping after a few months of us not seeing each other, I would be different. I am different. I know what I want now. I am taking actions to achieve goals in all parts of my alive. Slowly but surely.

[porquepuede]

letras de canciones que me lastima y las razones

"Qué triste es amar a otra persona, Que no te sepa valorar, Que tengas que empezar desde, cero Sólo pa' que seas feliz, una vez más Soy el unico" Yahrizta Y su Esencia

This song is about a one sided romantic relationship. But the first 35 seconds of this song make me thing of my family. I left them to work in a different state because they don't appreciate me. I accidently told my ex hook up friend that I would be willing to travel to see him. Expect, I didn't want to hook up. I want to see visit him as a friend. He told me I should feel confident about saying no to things I do not want to do. I replied with

" Sir, I grew up being told I was a bad daughter for saying no. I was told I would full of regret for not helping and when my parents are no longer here, the regret would get to me. I was told it was rude to say no"

He told me he wasn't mad. That he respects my decision.

el problema es que lloro mas. que tengo un vacio en mi corazon. Siento que no pero dependir de nadie. que todos esperna algo de mi. que si digo que no, soy mala persona. Que no puedo decir que algo me asi sientre mal porque soy muy " sensible".

[porquepuede]

Giambattista Valli couture AW22