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W҉ęlटΦɱę ƮΦ gЯǞviƮყ F҉Ǟlls

Who’s ready?

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How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Emotional numbness is where we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment – so it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more. This includes both negative and positive emotions as you can’t decide to shut just one feeling off. Common causes of emotional numbness include different stresses or traumas … from receiving bad news … to being in an accident … to recovering from the death of someone close … to a relationship breakup … to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed. So how do you overcome emotional numbness and live with emotional integrity again?

1. The first thing to do is to choose to respect and allow all emotions – no matter what they are. Also, try and grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache and problems later on (as they’ll possibly resurface at inappropriate times.)

2. Try and understand that feelings and actions are two very different, and unrelated, things.  That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent – so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions, too.

3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love - as you can’t believe that anyone will love you for yourself?

4. Take that risk – and find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you like – like a true and caring friend. The important thing is not to try and isolate yourself, and to make the extra effort to prioritise self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.

5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counsellors and therapists out there who have the training and skills to help you to get free – so you can live a more fulfilling and normal, healthy life.

6. Be patient within yourself. It’s likely to take time – as you will need to learn to trust, and take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt and pain).  

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Communicate. That’s the biggest and best first thing you can ever do. Whether it be with a teacher, sibling, friend, parent or even a counselor. Being able to communicate is the first step to your life getting better. It doesn’t have to be even talking; it can be a letter or email or text…let people know what’s going on in your life, your thoughts and emotions. People can and will help you, you just need to search them out. Oh and one last thing, never EVER let someone bring you down. You’re you, and you is always good enough. Never stray from who you are because you never know who will come along and want and love “you”.

- Marc M. (Brampton, ON, Canada)

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Writing vs Storytelling Skills: Improving Writing

Though “writing skill” is often used to refer to all aspects of story crafting, it best refers to the actual writing and technical skills that create the written word of a novel. Addressed in the previous post: Writing vs Storytelling Skills (link embedded), now I’m here to tell you how to work on that specific writing skill.

1. Study up on Literary Techniques: English class isn’t just for assigned reading and essays if you’re serious about bettering your writing. While essay writing and creative writing are different, the literary techniques and how they’re used and applied is good knowledge to have. Especially because a lot of them overlap with tropes and tie into storytelling!

2. Read a variety of books. Various authors, various genres, the more you expand your examples the better. Variation of reading means you’ll be exposed to more ideas, more ways of thought, more writing styles, more everything that you can draw ideas from and help develop your own skill. Even take up books you may not like. Give them a chance, and if the writing isn’t working for you then keep tabs on why.

3. Critique the writing of others. What did you like? What didn’t you like? How does the writing style affect how the book reads? When you critique others, you identify what makes and doesn’t make “good writing”. While a writer can only critique at a close level to their skill, the more they critique, the higher skill climbs, and the better they get. To become a better writer, you should get used to tearing other’s, and your own, work apart. It can help to keep a journal or some kind of record of critiques because as you gain more skill you may change your mind on some points. 

4. Tighten up your grammar. It’s fine to make mistakes, especially in a first draft, but if you have consistent grammar errors then it’s time to tackle the issue. Grammar isn’t optional; it exists to help with clarity of communication and a clearer writer is a better writer. It’s true that creative writing allows for the use of semantic grammar or a more fluid approach to sentence structure, but there’s a difference between using purposefully altered grammar for a reason versus just not knowing how to write properly. 

5. Try writing exercises. Many of these exist, from things like The Sprint (link embedded), which can help train you get work done, or The POV Swap (link embedded), which works on distinguishing character voice and perspective. Not all exercises are for everyone because there’s a variation to writing styles, but it never hurts to put in some effort to step outside our comfort zone to see if it could work. Further the benefits of writing exercises by developing a routine of regular use.

6. Read your work out loud. The mind has a tendency to put a haze of glory over some things and one way to help look at your writing realistically is to read it out loud to yourself. Reading out loud helps catch errors, some even grammatical, measure flow, evaluate pacing– it’s an amazing technique that gives the writer a better idea of what they’ve really put down. When reading, don’t be afraid to get into it and put emotion into your voice as long as it’s coming from the flow of the writing itself and isn’t forced.

All that said, there’s no such thing as a “perfect writer”. Brushing up on writing skills isn’t about being perfect, it’s about getting better relative to where you were before (and potentially helping close the gap between writing and storytelling skills).

Keep trying, keep practicing– keep writing.

Thinking of asking a question? Please read the Rules and Considerations to make sure I’m the right resource, and check the Tag List to see if your question has already been asked. Also taking donations via Venmo Username: JustAWritingAid

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XKCD’s excellent presentation on historical global temperature and anthropogenic global warming. 

[After setting your car on fire] “Listen, your car’s temperature has changed before.”

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Summer 2019 Entries-- I guess

May 29 - Woke up at some late noon hours. Wasted my whole day. Accidentally ditched volunteer meeting at 4. Went to the gym with my parents at around 6. Watched some movie, I forgot what. Slept at 2 on the 30th

At around 12 to 2 AM, I was just talking to KH and PG. Some puns here and there. Some pick up lines. Knocked out at around 3 AM or so. Woke up at 9:30 when I had to make it a friend’s house to carpool to the bonfire with a Christian club at school. Time at the bonfire there was nice. Good talk with KvY. Had to leave at 2:30 ish to go to the library to make up that volunteer meeting. Came home at 5. Wanted to nap but wasn’t able to. Watched 2 movies with PG and KH then knocked out cleanly at around 12 AM on the 31st of May.

Day 8 - May 31st: I failed my permit test. I missed 10 questions. After eating brunch or so, I told some close friends about me failing it. Then went to small groups with the blank face, not mentioning a single word of my permit test. We finished the rest of Tsurezure Children.

Day 9 - June 1, Saturday. During like the AM of Saturday, KH was trying to figure out my birthday. I gave him the hint that the date is prime and adding the date and month gives a total that is not prime. KH legit made a spreadsheet. PG went to sleep at like 3:40 ish while I hold KH back from knowing my bday. I told him why I don’t want people to know my birthday. That turned the mood very depressing. This was at 4 and KH’s confirmation was at 6 AM on Saturday. Say our good nights then parted. Woke up at like high or late noon to discover that there was a park hangout with the Young People group. Went, then I got the maroon sweater. Then to parents’ small groups at 7. Got to read a good junk of The Knife of Never Letting Go. Came home.

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realistic tips for uni students

i’ve seen many tips for university students fly around here and i’ve noticed that some of them are either unrealistic or not necessary at all (take it from someone who has been studying 3 years already) so here are some real tips to help you

BUY. A. BACKPACK. i’ve made the same mistake and my back is in s h a m b l e s. and honestly, you don’t need an expensive one, but be sure to check if your backpack has a laptop compartment in case you bring a  laptop a to class. i know it looks unflattering as hell but trust me your back will thank you for it.

You don’t need expensive stationary. any pen or notebook will do but make sure you bring enough pens to classes, exams, etc because you don’t want to sit there panicking because your pen gave out.

on the topic of stationary ALWAYS KEEP A NOTEBOOK IN YOUR BAG what if your laptop dies? what if you want to make a reminder to yourself that you will forget about 5 minutes later? just keep a small notebook in your backpack in case you need it.

Always bring food and water! i’m particularly bad at this, not gonna lie, but especially when it’s summer and hot as hell this tip is incredibly important or you will most likely feel awful. i’m not a big breakfast eater myself because i get stomach issues from it but i make sure to bring something for either on my way to class, just before class, or during the break you might have in class. 

For those of you who menstruate: keep tampons/pads in your bag. you’re friends will thank you for it as well!

Moving on from backpack arrangements: pro-tip you don’t have to be bff’s with you teachers, especially not in your first year. later when you’re writing your dissertation, it’s can be helpful, but honestly they most likely won’t remember you in your first year and they will also most likely not grade your papers/tests either so no need to suck up

on the topic of teacher: you don’t have to attend every single office hour. if you have a question, please go, but otherwise you’re wasting your damn time

wait until your first lecture/seminar before buying books your professor will most likely say please buy this or this is optional. don’t waste money!

read the damn syllabus not just so that you know what to do before class, but also so that you know what to do in case you fall ill and what the attendance expectancy is (some professors have a 80% attendance or you will fail and others don’t give a shit)

don’t sign up for 9 am classes you won’t go okay? it seems fun at the beginning but you’re gonna end up dreading that class even though it would’ve been interesting if you were awake enough to take it in

procrastination is normal everybody does it and guess what? YOU DON’T NEED TO GET ALL A’S!!!! strive for it? great! but work yourself until you’re crying from the stress and thinking about dropping out because you can’t handle it? not so great!

mental health is more important than that 4.0 GPA speaks for itself but also if there is something going on please talk to your student advisor or tutor! you can better warn them in advance than try to build a case after you flunked that assignment/exam

try to make friends honestly it will make your uni experience so much nicer. and i get social anxiety, but at least try to get on friendly terms with people so you have notes when you’re sick, a partner when there is group work to be done, and just a friendly face when it’s all too much!

wear comfortable clothes yes i get the need to look cute but honestly when you’re freezing in your lecture hall because you wanted to wear that one top, you’re gonna be mad at yourself. also bring a jacket/scarf to put over yourself when you know a lecture hall/classroom is cold as hell it helps, trust me.

have fun sounds cliche but sign up for that one class that has absolutely nothing to do with your major but it looks fun, go out partying with your new buddies and stay up later than you should, it’s okay. nobody is all study all the time and you get to enjoy yourself. just find something fun in everything you learn even if you f-ing despise that one course because it will help you get through these years!

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Farewell online privacy

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Dialogue Prompt

“I can make this journey without you. People close to me always get hurt. I don’t want you to be one of them.”

“Then I won’t get close to you. But I’m not letting you go alone either.”

“You’re a fool if you think you’ll be different than the rest.”

“Because you’re oh so likeable. Trust me, I won’t get close to an egotistic brat like you.”

“Promise me.”

“Fine, I promise… brat.”

- Lynn

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A telltale sign of a person’s colors can be seen in how they treat those who they feel matter the least. If someone is cruel to animals, or in a sci-fi story treats AI poorly, and uses an excuse like “it’s just a [thing], it doesn’t matter”, that reflects poorly on their character, because this shows how they’d REALLY treat others if there weren’t social rules that set in place consequences for cruelty to people.

In psychology, we consider childhood trends of repeated animal curelty as early signs of antisocial personality disorder, colloquially known as sociopathy. So if you’re writing a character and you want them to seem tough and traditional, and have them be needlessly cruel to an emerging AI, mythical creature, or anything and everything just on the basis that it doesn’t matter because it’s non-human, then anyone who is familiar with human psychology, or hell even basic empathy and/or compassion, is going to read them as a supreme dick.

The human-ness of the target doesn’t matter. Humans will pack bond with animals like dogs. Hell, some really social people will try to pack bond with their roombas. The point of the matter here is that healthy humans, as social animals, tend to treat everything as emotionally valid, and displays of dominance and cruelty to anything is atypical and emblematic of larger, darker issues.

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Summer 2019 Entries-- I guess

Continuing on Day 4 After waking up at 11, I just ate and waste my time on my laptop. I wanted to sleep but wasn't able to. I got to read a chapter of “The Knife of Never Letting Go.” Went to Fry’s Electric to see the things we need for building a computer and approximating the price for building one. Still didn’t get to think of a consequence for P for finishing a book over summer. Went home. Started another move at 10. A movie about basically Japan during world war ii. 

Leading onto day 5: May 28 I told Aidan Robertson Happy Birthday at 12:18 AM or so. After finishing the movie, PG (aka P but now I know his last name lol), KH, and I just knock out. We need our energy for the bonfire.  Woke up at 9:30 ish to pack the things and build some food. Got picked up at 11:30 or so. Made it to the pier at around 12:15.

Okay, this is going to be a little long. Beach Hangout 1 The first thing that I did was swimming for a nice hour or so. Water as freezing and there were so many seashells that we walked on. The bottom of my feet was hot pink. Went back to our tent or base to have a little lunch. I didn’t eat much. So there was 15 that came. RK, KVP, TL, SC, TP, NK, JN, KH, KT, KvL, KnL, E, PG, D, and me. :D I was about to go back to the water but it was too cold. So I just sat in the sand and watch others have fun. Playing with the sand was soothing. NK, P, and KH came up to the sand for a little bit and just sat there. NK and I had those indirect depressive talk and joke sitting there. Then we head back to change. Then head to CVS to buy KH league money. Yea that makes sense. Ooooooooooookie. When I was by the sand to watch others play, the others split into some groups to buy certain things on the main street. So we are in 3 groups. We met up, took some pictures. Then went to CVS. Being in the first group is JN, NK, KH, and I. The walk there was nice. Especially getting to talk to NK. Blub bloop blab boi. His intentions are pure. A precious one that needs to be protected. Once we got back to base, I wanted to sleep. It was aight. We had some good talk. NK, JN, and I. There were 2 other groups. One playing cards against humanity and one on the tarp thing talking. Tbh the group on the tarp was the kool kids group. NK, JN, and I talked about topic from all over the place. Now I got another hugging buddy. It’s NK. :D  The bonfire was lit and we roasted marshmallows and make s’ mores. Burning all my papers was great. PG found some of my drawings which was an oof. Took a lot o group pictures because TL was the first to leave. Then JN’s and KT’s group have to leave. This includes JN, NK, KVP, KH, KT, KvL, and E. NK gave me a hug before leaving which as noice :D. I stared at the firepit for a long while before SC said to start walking to be picked up. SC’s group includes KnL, TP, SC herself, and me. PG walked with us half way and waited at the police station for his ride to go home. RK and D were the last to leave the fire pit. SC, TP, KnL, and I waited on the Main street for a while. Then head SC’s mom came to drive us home.  After showering, texted for a bit and posted some pictures before movie night. So PG found out my bday by stalking my facebook account. ;-; So I don’t have a consequence for not finishing my book before summer. PG, KH and I watched Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Then everyone just knocked out after that at 1:30 AM.

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Summer 2019 Entries-- I guess

The other half of day 2 - shopping ig

Day 3 Starts another night for “movies.” Watching the first 2 eps of Hyouka. KVP asked if I had a thing for KH. I said no. I am slowly sick of it because friendships tend to be overlooked when it is between a male and a female. It makes me want to be an aro. Everyone forgets that friendships are relationships too. Played some would you rather questions. I slept at 1 AM.

Woke at 9 to go to church. No biggie. Some good small talk with Daniella. I’m planning on having to finish a book before summer ends. I want to make a consequence if I don’t finish the book.  So I got P in on this. He has to read a book before summer ends too. My consequence is that if I don’t finish by the end of the summer, I have to tell the discord server my birthday. I can’t think of a consequence for P.

Tonight was Coco and Hyouka arc 1 some random youtube videos and then Your Name.

Leading onto day 4 - May 27 We stayed up until like 5 in the morning. P and I texted a lot during Your Name... which is why P didn’t get what was going on. It was a very very deep talk at 3-5 in the morning. Personal as in we’re telling each other our stories. We wanted to stay until 6 so we can say hi to NK and E when they wake up to league. No one made it to the 6 AM mark. We all knocked out cold.

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Writing vs Storytelling Skills

When talking about story writing, “writing skill” typically refers to everything that entails the creation of a story from brainstorming to drafting to editing, and while it’s fine to have a catch-all term for that kind of thing, it can be a bit misleading.

There’s a point many newer writers reach where they can tell that something is generally wrong but they can’t figure out what. To most effectively work on a skill you need to be able to identify what the problem is, and a good place to start is to take a look at yourself and ask if your skills are better as a writer or a storyteller.

(Editing is like a 3rd category because doing it well requires a good critical eye and strong technical skills, but for the sake of non-professional, personal editing, it can fit under “writing”.)

Writing and storytelling skills aren’t mutually exclusive. For very specific skills they’re divisible, but in general they affect each other and working on one tends to see some form of improvement in the other. Like with all skills, you can easily reach a point where you’re good at both, but most people have a natural inclination toward one or the other and it’s always good to know where you fall. 

Writing skill is more technical. It’s concerned with elements like sentence flow, diction, structure, and other literary techniques. These writers usually work best with paper in front of them and practical application.

Storytelling skill is more conceptual. It’s concerned with plot, meaning, and entertainment. These writers usually work best in their mind and with theoretical ideas.

There are some signs that may help you discover where your natural strength lies, but remember that it’s possible to have a mix of skills and that some of the signs are situational and can be influenced by other factors. Mileage may vary on how rigidly these apply.

Signs of writing skills being more your strength:

Writer’s block may more frequently come from not knowing what to write or where to go, rather than not knowing how to write it.**

These writers tend to be good with essays or explaining ideas with the written word.

These writers tend to prefer planning stories before starting so they can focus on the writing rather than immediately making up where they have to go.

Editing brings out more issues with plot or story concepts rather than unclear writing or grammar. 

They tend to write more detailed descriptions, better exposition, and have a good understanding of technical literary techniques like diction.

More likely to understand exactly what tweaking a scene needs to convey a specific concept or idea, particularity when rereading for editing.

Signs of storytelling skills being more your strength:

Writer’s block may more frequently come from not knowing how to write something rather than what needs to happen.**

Coming up with the sequence of plot events is easier than finding the words to describe it.

These writers tend to not need as much planning because their mind is wired to connect plot points and concepts on the fly.

Editing tends to brings out issues with poorer clarity of explanations, skeleton writing (not enough description; too much plot), or simplistic wording. 

They tend to better understand plot cause-effect, tension and entertainment, and have a good understanding of thematic literary techniques like plot structure.

Ideas and plots are more naturally structured for the medium they’ll be used for, rather than frequently found to better off on TV or in another type of storytelling.

(**Writer’s block can be a complicated issue that, compared to the other points, has the highest level of variation for why it occurs.)

There’s no such thing as being too skilled in one area, but a severe imbalance can show up in ways like:

If writing skill is much higher than storytelling skill, the writing will be structurally sound and pleasant to read, but the plot may be full of holes and not that enthralling. 

If storytelling skill is much higher than writing skill, the premise of the story may be interesting and well thought-out but the writing may be dull and/or disconnecting to the audience.

The exact implications of the imbalance will vary per story and per degree of issue.

In the end, there’s no such thing as a perfect writer. A division of skillsets doesn’t mean you can’t have varying abilities in both, but knowing where you tend to fall as a writer can be a first step toward finding better resources for what you need to improve. So take a look at which side of the fence you tend to fall on; your future progress will thank you.

Thinking of asking a question? Please read the Rules and Considerations to make sure I’m the right resource, and check the Tag List to see if your question has already been asked. Also taking donations via Venmo Username: JustAWritingAid

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Summer 2019 Entries-- I guess

Last day of school: May 23, 2019

School lets us out early so by 12:30 is when we were free. So my mom is supposed to pick me up at 3 PM. All of my friends already left so I was at school alone. My dad didn’t pick up his phone because he would be my ride home if I wanted to go home earlier than 3. I thought of waiting until 3 for my mom but a great idea came to mind. I can walk home or take the bus home. I wanted to this for the longest that I can remember. I wanted to be able to get home by myself. I knew how to get home but usually never allowed to because my parents think that I’m so naive that I will get kidnapped. Screw them because they can’t stop me now. It was like 1:18 was when the bus leaves on the nearest cross street to my school. I had 2 5 bucks and bus fare is $2. I had to go in the opposite direction to get change and then run back to the stop to pay for the bus. Sadly, I missed that bus so I had to wait for the next one which was at 1:51 PM. The wait wasn’t bad. I could have gone and bought some food while I waited. 1:51 PM got on the bus, pay for my trip and off we go to the closest cross street to my house. I have never been so happy being on that bus by myself. Once I reached my house, I had to tell my dad a small lie. I told them one of my friends dropped me off. I made it home at like 2 PM flat.  After eating, I knocked at 6 pm.

Day 1 I woke up at 2 AM on the 24th of May. I just scrolled on Instagram until like 8 AM. I made this Tumblr account somewhen before noon. Read about psychology, psychopathy, and sociopathy for the rest of the day. Oh yes, I forgot to eat for like the whole day. I had my lunch at 3 PM. Read some more on Tumblr. Went for a walk to the nearest park where I contemplated how I don’t want to open up to people and be vulnerable with them. How I still love everyone but I don’t trust them. Must trust be a part of love?

--slowly leading into  Day 2 Came home to fellow discord friends planning to watch a movie at 10. First, it was Cat in the Hat. Didn’t even make it past 1/4 of the movie that we wanted to choose a different one. We watched Kiki’s Delivery Service at like 11 until 1 AM. KH, P and I stayed up until like 2 AM waiting for each other to leave. “Ladies first, 2nd wins, and last is a b--ch.” I called last. KH won’t go first but P won't sleep either. KH gave in first and knocked out at 2:35 AM. P and I DMed each other so we won't spam the server. We answered some questions from 365 questions. I did a bit of summer planning. Then at like 3 to 4, I tried to spin a marker to see whichever side points at me, that person has to sleep. Cap was P’s and back was mine. The cap pointed in my direction twice but apparently, it wasn't enough to be solid. Stayed up another hour. 4-5. The question was, “what is your biggest fear?“ and mine was being vulnerable. P’s was isolation. We had more questions leading to why. We both moved a lot. This got a bit personal with P’s family. My mom’s alarm rang at 5 and she woke up for work. I said bye and knocked out then. I woke up at 12 PM. Ate and texted P and in the discord server and type all this BS. It’s a Saturday. I’m kind of sad that I can’t go to KHL’s concert. Also kinda sad that both of us fell out of our friendship.  Maybe I’m just clingy and crap with the desperation for a good friend that will stay by my side. 

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How to Be Nice

I first drafted this post like three months ago, before I even made this blog and finally feel like posting it, so… here we go. I struggle with intpersonal interactions because of low-empathy and figure other’s probably do too, so here’s an idiot’s guide on how to do that.

Before I begin, I just want to say, get diagnosed. I cannot stress the importance of this. No, I am not telling you that you don’t know you have ASPD or another disorder, because I don’t know you and you might just, but you may have a similar, treatable condition, may have nothing at all, and it can be dangerous to misdiagnose yourself and end up acting on advice for a mental disorder you do not have can be dangerous. That being said, I believe the advice that follows will not hurt you.

For Interactions with Strangers:

Act like a retail clerk all the time. I’m not kidding. It’s irritating but it works well for short interactions to keep a “the customer is always right” mindset, be overly polite, and try to keep things as impersonal as possible.

That awkward smile? Probably not going to cut it. Practise facial expressions in the mirror and use those, and you’ll probably notice people acting a lot more friendly towards you.

If you just don’t care, that’s fine. It’s okay to sometimes or even all the time let your resting bitch face fly free and enjoy the red sea of strangers parting before you. These people will forget about you seconds after you’re out of sight, so don’t worry too much about trying to leave a good impression on them.

For Interactions with Friends/Family:

Nine times out of ten, you’re going to want to tell your close friends about your condition so that they’ll understand why you act a certain way. If they are good friends, they will embrace even that part of you and understand that you’re going to slip up with social interactions. That might sound impossible but I promise it’s not. As for telling family, that really depends on your situation. For example, my mom knows but my dad doesn’t and I’m hoping he never will. It’s fine to keep this a secret from people for whatever reason.

Friends coming to you with issues/for advice is going to seem like the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. In reality, it’s not that bad at all. If your friends understand your condition, they probably understand that coming to you for advice is going to give them a more objective perspective on their issue. Being blunt in these situations is okay even if it’s ingrained into your mind to respond to situations like this by running away or telling white lies.

Asking questions like “How are you?”, “How was your day?”, “What are you up to?” etc. is a great way to start a conversation. I know the spotlight being on anyone but you is irritating, but you can often relate to answers people might give to these questions and talk about both them and yourself at the same time. This is a tough one, but once it becomes a habit, it’s probably the most useful one.

Remembering things about people is a good way to seem like you care more. Put birthdays in your calendar, fill up your contacts with info, make mental notes of favourite colours, animals, etc.

Invite people to do things! To keep friends, you gotta interact with them, and while doing so online is fine, doing so in person can often work a hell of a lot better. Need to go clothes shopping? Invite a friend. Want to see a movie? Invite someone with similar interests.

If you lie to someone before thinking or for any other reason, as I often do, correct yourself later if you can. Say you misremembered or misspoke if you’re more comfortable with that, or explain to them that sometimes it just happens and you’re sorry, even though you’re probably not sorry.

I know that sincere emotional connections are a once in a blue moon type of thing for people with ASPD but you have to remember that, just because you finally care about someone, it doesn’t mean they’re a good person, or that they owe you anything. They may not want to be involved with you or you may not want to be involved with them. Either way, good riddance. There will be others, don’t worry.

For Dating:

Do not hide your condition from you significant other(s). I recognise the instinct to. I know how that feels. Don’t do it. I’m not saying you have to tell them up front but don’t make it into a secret, and if you think things are getting serious you should tell them. This might end your relationship, I’m not gonna lie, but there will be others. Hiding it from them will only make things worse for both of you and it either is delaying the inevitable or dooming you to a life of misery.

People are going to expect you to be abusive. This isn’t so much advice as it is a warning. Don’t do that. At the same time, don’t take any abuse from your significant other(s). I have in the past, dealt with abuse because I told myself it was what I deserved, was the best I would ever get as someone with ASPD. Don’t think that. Learn the signs of an abusive relationship and know them well. If you end up in a relationship like that and can’t get out, tell your therapist, tell a friend, tell a family member, call a hotline. Do something.

When Talking About Your Disorder:

If you say “I’m a sociopath”, people are going to respond with “Oh, like Sherlock?” Please resist the urge to kill these people. If you’re well informed on ASPD, politely tell them that BBC’s Sherlock is not a great example of a sociopath and uses many outdated views on the disorder. Research on ASPD has greatly advanced just in the past few years and it’s important not to judge a disorder and those who have it based on old, half-assed research.

If you say “I’m a psychopath”, shit’s probably going to break bad. That happens sometimes and there’s honestly much advice I can give you here except to say that this might not be the best way to start off. Try saying “I have ASPD” and explaining from there. People may still react badly but this tends to give you a little more of a chance to explain before they make assumptions.

People are going to ask questions about your disorder, a lot of them. If you’re comfortable with it, speak from your own experiences and do your best not to lie and spread misinformation. If you’re not, simply tell them that and maybe have a few resources they can look at (for example, my blog is always open to questions!). Googling ASPD is not a fantastic idea if you want to understand the disorder, and that’s most likely what they’ll do if they don’t have somewhere else to look. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, it’s fine. It’s not your job to explain your disorder to everyone you meet.

[gratifiedbean-blog]

"Definitions" of Psychopathy 4

People think “psychopathy” is what you do. That it means abusing, raping, manipulating and killing. But many people without “psychopathy” do those things.

“Psychopathy” is what you don’t do. You don’t care for rape and abuse victims, you don’t care for people who feel betrayed and you certainly don’t care for the dead ones.

“Psychopathy” is not an action. It is a mental state.

[gratifiedbean-blog]

hello! i love your prompts ^-^ i'm writing a story where the protagonist finds out her best friend is a psychopath. although, i don't know how to write this kind of stuff. any tips? dialogue, maybe? thank you in advance!

Hey there!

♤First off, I’d do ALOT of research. Its also important to figure out whether you really want your character to be a psychopath rather than a sociopath. Here’s some places to start:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mindmelding/201301/what-is-psychopath-0%3Famp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wicked-deeds/201401/how-tell-sociopath-psychopath%3Famp

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/sociopath-psychopath-difference

https://www.thrillist.com/health/nation/signs-someone-is-a-psychopath

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/02/12/differences-between-a-psychopath-vs-sociopath/

♤ A blog you should really check out and search their archive is @scriptshrink

♤ Assuming you truly want your character to be a psychopath (not a sociopath or someone with a different mental illness), here’s the basics: • Can’t form emotional attachments• Can’t feel empathy • Often charming and manipulative • Can easily gain people’s trust• Meticulous, calm, and organized• The result of genetics • Don’t feel remorse or guilt

♤ Sociopaths, on the otherhand, can rarely feel empathy or form emotional attachments, are disorganized, are easily agitated, are erratic, usually cannot hold down a job, and can be made as a result of past trauma. Both have a disregard for society’s rules, but psychopaths are better at dissociating from their actions.

♤ One common analogy to distinguish the two are that psychopaths at cold hearted and socipaths are hot headed.

♤ Again, if your character really is a psychopath, then they don’t have a true relationship with the protag. The protag might think they do, but they’re actually being used.

♤ Dialogue:

• “You’re a psychopath? Like Sherlock Holmes?”

“Sherlock is a sociopath at least according to his own words. They’re very different; get it straight.”

• “So, what we have, it’s never been real?”

Their friend shrugged. “Nope. Just using you to my benefit.”

“How can you not feel the least bit bad?”

“Psychopath, remember? Guilt isn’t in my vocabulary.”

• “Are you going to kill me?”

“Not all psychopaths are violent. And if I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it already.”

• “You should become an actor.”

“Why?”

“You’ve done an amazing job at pretending you care about me.”

“Pretending? What do you mean?”

“People like you are supposed to be smart. What do you think?”

“You were never supposed to find that out.”

• “Isn’t it nice, not having a conscious to hold you back?”

“I suppose. I’ve never quite understood how people let a silly thing restrict them when they could just do whatever the hell they want.”

• “How could you never tell me this?”

“It’s not important.”

“You lacking the moral barrier that prevents you from killing me in my sleep is important.”

“Knowledge wouldn’t change anything if I wanted you dead.”

• “You feel nothing towards me? All those years of friendship, promises to watch each other’s backs, good memories… and you don’t care about me at all?”

“Let’s just say that if you were shot in the head right now, I wouldn’t flinch.”