amaryllisantihero

[amaryllisantihero]

(Heartstopper Season 3 - Episode 3)

[amaryllisantihero]

(Heartstopper Season 3 - Episode 1 - Netflix)

[amaryllisantihero]

…I think I've been like this for quite a long time. But I didn't want to admit it, and… and now it's gotten way worse. So I… I was thinking maybe I could go to the doctors about it. Maybe they could help.

[amaryllisantihero]

Heartstopper (2022) S03E02 - "Home"

[amaryllisantihero]

guess who does this all day (me) !!!!

[amaryllisantihero]

[amaryllisantihero]

ponyboy obviously has a smoking problem but i think after the book he would develop an eating problem too

[amaryllisantihero]

“My brother, my little brother, he's soooo perfect, but he's- he doesn't like food, like, literally doesn't like food, or, I don't know, he loves it. He loves it so much that it has to be perfect all the time, you know? And then one day he got so fed up with himself, he was like, he was so annoyed, he hated how much he loved food, yeah, so he thought it would be better if there wasn't any food. But that's so silly! Because you've got to eat food or you'll die, won't you?” -Tori Spring, Solitaire

[amaryllisantihero]

a month from now you can be 10lbs lighter or 10 times more miserable

[amaryllisantihero]

luna moths don't have mouths, so they cannot eat

they live to be beautiful, and then they d!e

having an 3d makes this fact feel poetic in a way

[amaryllisantihero]

[amaryllisantihero]

JUST. BECAUSE. ITS. THERE. DOESNT. MEAN. I. NEED. TO. EAT. IT.

[amaryllisantihero]

i wish i had a normal relationship with food and body image. and my parents. and the human condition

[amaryllisantihero]

These bony girls make me want to kill myself, how are they eating all that and having arms like that

[amaryllisantihero]

let's be real—your problem isn't your metabolism, genetics, or any of the other excuses you keep clinging to.

it's your lack of willpower and discipline.

you say you want to lose weight, but when it comes time to make the hard choices, you cave in every time.

if you can't handle saying no to a donut, how do you expect to achieve anything worth having in life?

until you get disgusted enough with your own laziness, nothing will change.

stop blaming everything else and start blaming yourself.

[amaryllisantihero]

Can you write ED pony after johnny and Dallas death and darry noticing and trying to talk to him about it but he's already real aft into it .

(A/N) Thx to @m4sonn help me write this! :33333

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“Pony, Aren’t you gonna’ eat your dinner?” Darry asks, pointing his fork at my untouched plate. I flinched, I was spaced out elsewhere. “Oh, uhm.. yeah..” I mumbled as I picked up my fork, I looked down at it with shaky hands. I couldn’t eat this. I couldn’t.. God, I couldn’t even put food on the fork let alone take a bite. “I got that elderly couple's house done” Darry mentions, “Oh really? Gosh didn’t they pay you a lot?” “Ya…” Everything soon faded out, I couldn't hear what they're talking about.. I don’t want to hear them.. The clinking of forks were fading into perspective, getting louder the more I dissociated.

“I.. uhm–” I suddenly stood up. I wobble around at first but I try to keep my balance. “Pony, Are you feeling okay?” Darry says in a stern voice. “I– ya.. I’ll be in.. my r-room.” I stutter out, turning away to the hallway opening the bathroom door. I lock the door and stumble over to the sink. I hunched myself over the toilet, the small snack of chocolate cake I had eaten only minutes before dinner coming right back up. It tasted like baloney. All of it. Everything. It reeked of baloney. I couldn’t get rid of it. God I can’t. I hate bologna. I hate it. I can’t. I just can’t. I felt like I was there, I didn’t wanna eat anything because of that. I don’t know. I’ve been like this ever since windrixville.

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I coughed into the sink one last time, soon to turn the leaky faucet on to clean up. Knock knock, 

“Ponyboy? Are… are you okay in there?” Darry speaks into the door. “I..” as I say that I almost gag up more of my food, or what's left of it. “Nngh– ya Darry, just fine..” there was a silence from the other side of the door. “You don’t… sound okay… come here kiddo….” He said softly, he sounded like he was talking to a wounded puppy. I quickly flushed the toilet since I hadn’t beforehand and tried to wash the smell of puke from my breath. I opened the door to see Darry there, soda was nowhere to be seen. He looked down at me and kneeled a bit to be more my level, I hated when he did that. Made me feel like a little kid. I ain’t no little kid anymore. I’m fourteen and I’ve been fourteen for a month…! I’m tired of saying that, I feel like I say it or at least think about it every day. “Kiddo… don’t lie to me… are . You . Ok….?” I looked up at him “yes… I’m okay Darry, I am… I’m fine…” I felt like I was trying to assure myself more than him but he wasn’t buying it. “Did you… throw up…?” “I— uh— no…” I stuttered out. “Your eyes are all red, like you were crying or something… plus, I can smell it on your breath…” I immediately backed up a bit from him “I-I- uhm…” I stuttered at him. To my surprise he pulled me into a hug, I stood there in shock for a sec before just breaking down. I started to sob, I didn’t know what got into me. I’m supposed to be tough, but I just… I dunno… I sobbed into his shoulder and hugged him back tightly. “Pony.. It’s ok..” Darry coos. “No! No it ain’t! It never will be…” I hiccup into his shoulder, yelling at him. I know I didn’t mean it, but I didn’t know how else to let my frustration out. I guess this is how things are going to stay, aren’t they?

“Pony.. please, it’ll get better. I’ll make sure of it.” Darry sounds like he is breaking into tears.

I didn’t say nothin’ about it, just thought about it.

Just… thought about it.

I’m sorry, Darry.

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[amaryllisantihero]

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