#yuru's writings

[yurozo]

a study in silence (fenhawke)

(e) fenris is selfish for loving hawke the way he does, but can't help but forever remain in her orbit. circling in her presence, but never getting close enough to taste it. he's simply accepted that hawke is something that will always remain out of his reach, until she reaches for him first. fem!hawke and fenris romance, in the moments between.

1. Fenris lingers in the Hawke mansion for far longer than usual, lounging near the fireplace in relative silence. Marian and him were never ones for rushing through a good bottle of wine; it was always an unspoken rule between them, even when they could rarely agree on anything. He nurses the wine glass with an uncharacteristic languidness while he pretends not to notice the way Hawke is watching him out of the corner of her eye. He watches her just as sneakily in turn, at how her legs stretch out on the couch opposite him and how her arm flexes when she lifts her glass.

He feels a sort of shaky relief that he’s performing in the act of indulging something after all the years of having nothing. They have that in common, he supposes. Hawke tries to break the silence, chattering on about some recent adventure of theirs that Fenris had definitely been on. Regardless, Fenris lets her go on, watching her with a keen eye and a curled lip that looks suspiciously fond. Despite the fact he’s a man usually prone to quiet, his demeanor always stone and sly, Fenris finds a particular calmness in her endless discussions of whatever comes to her head. Ultimately, Fenris is a weak man only for her, in the way she provides a form of relief for him– Fenris can simply sit and enjoy her endless meandering and take sips out of her glass when she pretends she’s not looking.

“Are you staying the night?” Hawke breaks the lull in her story, looking over at him with an expression Fenris can’t decipher.

“I suppose.” Fenris answers, still staring down at his glass. “The walk is far too long to make at this time of night.”

Hawke snorts at that. “Ah, yes. Walking to the other end of the street too much of a labor?”

“Exactly.” There’s a bit of a sly grin on his face. “Not after this much wine.”

Fenris doesn’t want to think about how much of a habit he’s made of staying the night at her place, sleeping stiffly in her armchair and trying desperately not to think about what she looks like in her bed. That every single time he will lie and tell her that sleeping there was comfortable, and the smile that she gives him will ultimately ease the ache in his muscles. The knowledge of Hawke in clothes other than her armor is enough to keep him out of the bedroom, because Fenris knows deep down he does not have enough self-control to be a gentleman about it. And knowing Hawke, she’s most likely sprawled out under her sheets, her dog curled up at her feet. The thought makes him smile anyways.

“You can sleep up in my room if you like.” Hawke’s voice lowers, and she looks away from him to stare down at her hands. “I do hate to see you sleeping on the chair like that.”

There’s a long silence that stretches between them, one that feels different than the others. It’s like a thick fog that settles on Fenris’ shoulders, clouding his better judgment. It’s a line that they’ve never dared to cross, despite their budding friendship over the years. Sure, Fenris has dragged her back home after a particularly tough venture outside of the city, or more often than not back from The Hanged Man. Despite this, he had never dared to cross the threshold into her bedroom. It felt private, like a barrier that always kept their friendship from developing into something more.

But then again, Fenris is a weak, weak man.

“Alright.” He answers, taking another sip of his wine. “I don’t believe the dog will fit on the bed with us.”

Hawke laughs. “He can survive sleeping on the ground for one night.”

They head up to the bedroom minutes later, once the bottle of wine has been thoroughly indulged. Fenris follows at her heels like a puppy, his fingertips lightly tapping against his thigh. Hawke pays no mind to it, opening the door for the both of them and gesturing to him to walk in first. Fenris takes a deep breath, and passes the threshold.

The first thing he notices is that the room is more sparse than he expected. There’s very little personal belongings in her room, save for a journal and scattered pieces of armor. Hawke had never been one for keeping things for herself, often being annoyingly generous with her gift-giving. He had been at the receiving end of it far too many times for him to count.

He lets Hawke climb into bed first while he takes off the remaining pieces of his armor. Fenris takes his time carefully placing it into the corner of the room, waiting for Hawke to change her mind. She doesn’t, and instead watches him undress with a sly grin on her face. He gives her a slightly scolding look, and she dramatically turns her head with a smile.

“Enjoying the view?” He climbs into bed, rolling his eyes playfully.

“Just admiring the Maker-given gifts.” She smiles back, settling under the covers.

Fenris lets out a light scoff, turning to face her. “I didn’t take you for an Andrastian.”

“I’m not.” Hawke answers simply, facing him as well. “But some sights almost make you believe.”

Fenris knows that part is true, at least. The sight of her once again, of Hawke lounging in her bed in something other than the armor he normally sees her in is enough to make even the most sadistic man believe in something more. Something pure and unbidden that Fenris is just self-hating enough to believe he will never deserve. Hawke had always been something that felt just outside of his grasp– humble enough to humor him with their friendship, but always too good for him to have. He’s thought about running away, about leaving Kirkwall and Hawke behind for good, but Fenris is selfish. There is no better fitting punishment for a man like him; to want something so badly, to hold it and feel it in his arms, and know that he is never going to be worthy of it. It’s a constant push and pull, a tease of something more without ever crossing the boundary.

There’s that silence again. That forgiving, comfortable silence between them that Fenris is too familiar with.

Hawke reaches over, unthinking, and presses a soft fingertip to Fenris’ face. He doesn’t move, too frightened to move, as her hand slowly cups the edge of his jaw. Another moment passes, his gaze crooked, before he wraps his hand around her wrist. His movements are slow– careful, like approaching an animal you wouldn’t want to scare away. Fenris is many things, cold and cruel and heartless; but here, in this moment, he’s vulnerable. He’s gentle.

It should stop being a surprise at this point, Fenris thinks, that she can so easily convince anyone to bend to her whims.

It still doesn’t prevent how his heartbeats trips and doubles over itself as she shuffles closer to him, the warmth of her thigh sinking into his skin. Ordinarily, he would move away. He’s too familiar with affection being used as a form of control, too familiar with the cold sting of a lash against his back. But this feels different, her hands are soft and warm and everything that Fenris is not.

There are certain things in the catch of a breath, in the flex of a muscle that had always entranced him. An unspoken language, one that says so much with so little sound. For all the talking Hawke does, she can appreciate Fenris’ silence in a way few can. In the moments before, Hawke looks down at Fenris’ wrist and studies the skin there– tanned and thin, his lilac veins too close to the surface. Nothing about Fenris had ever seemed fragile until now, when he’s peering at her with too large eyes and a strange sort of vulnerability.

Hawke leans forward and presses her lips to his. There’s no spark, no fireworks, no final piece fitting into the puzzle. It’s peaceful, and it’s gentle, and it’s silent. There’s no sound in the room except for the light puff of air that escapes Fenris’ nostrils, and the soft sigh that leaves Hawke’s mouth.

Perhaps the silence isn’t so bad.

In a moment, it changes. What was once gentle turns into something more. Flurried hands pull at his chest, greedy and wanting. Because her every whim is his purpose, and because his purpose is somewhat clouded and inhibited– Fenris complies. Under the endless staccato refrain of you should not be doing this and Hawke deserves better, Fenris' heart feels like it’s alive for the first time. Everything about this feels good, and he is selfish to the core.

“Curse you, Hawke.” He finally grumbles, their lips just inches from each other. She looks at him curiously, but the glimmer in her eyes gives her intentions away.

“That’s not the common reaction I get from people after kissing them.” Hawke laughs; bright and cheerful and happy. “What brought that on?”

“You made me need you.” He whispers, looking into her eyes with that look of vulnerability again. Hawke’s hand wanders to the back of his neck, and she pulls him in for another kiss.

“The feeling is mutual.” She smiles against his lips, and this time it’s Fenris that moves in first.

When he walks out the door that night, he leaves his heart behind the threshold, and tries not to cry at his first unselfish deed.

2. The silence is different after that. It’s stilted and awkward, and everyone else has begun to notice. Even Hawke is uncharacteristically silent, in a way that only Fenris can hear. They’re walking through Darktown, trying to find another damned sewer to crawl through when Varric finally says something.

“So, are you going to spill the details?” He asks, looking up at Fenris with a wry smile. Fenris only looks back at him with what can only be described as an expression of scathing anger, and Varric holds his hands up in surrender. “Just need some details for the novel, you know how much my readers love the tragic romance.”

“There is no romance to speak of.” He answers quickly, perhaps a little too quickly for his liking. Varric glances over at Hawke, then at Fenris, and his expression turns thoughtful. Fenris scowls. “Whatever you are writing in your head, stop it.”

Varric simply laughs, and re-adjusts his crossbow. “Alright, broody. I’ll drop it. But I care about Hawke. Try not to let her suffer for too much longer, yeah?”

Fenris looks ahead, and pretends he didn’t hear him.

3. He can tell Hawke is suffering. He can see it in the tears building in her eyes, her sluggish movements. The walk back from Foundry is silent again, and none of the other party members have the courage to speak. Fenris watches Hawke walk into her mansion with a conflicted look on her face, before Varric pats him firmly on the back.

“Go talk to her.” Varric’s voice is firmer than usual. “It’s best if it’s you.”

Fenris nods at Varric in thanks, and opens the front door. The moment it shuts, the first thing he notices is the lack of silence. He can hear Hawke crashing about her room, dropping her armor on the floor with a loud clang.

He heaves a deep sigh, and walks up the stairs. The banging stops.

Fenris is starting to have second thoughts once he reaches her bedroom. Thoughts that he shouldn’t entertain when he sees her sitting at the foot of the bed, the very same bed that they had shared one night months ago. These thoughts were dangerous and impossible, and Fenris tries to suppress the feelings lingering in his chest. It’s not what Hawke needs, and above all, Hawke is what matters. Especially now, when she needs someone so desperately.

He lingers by the doorway. “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”

Hawke continues to look down at her hands, at the blood that still stains her fingertips. She hasn’t bothered to wash it off, and Fenris has the sinking feeling that she’s not going to for a while yet.

“It was all my fault. If I had been faster-” Fenris cuts her off before she can continue.

“You are looking for a forgiveness that I cannot give to you.” He sits down next to her, just close enough that their thighs brush against each others. Any more contact would cause Fenris to crumble, so he limits it to only what he can handle. Only to what Hawke needs, and nothing more. A line in the sand, drawn by Fenris in a desperate attempt to keep himself from giving into his selfish desire once more.

“There is no forgiveness for people like me.” She answers sadly, and Hawke’s face carries that same vulnerability that Fenris once showed her. People like us, Fenris wants to say, before he stops himself. If anyone deserves forgiveness, it’s her. The people’s champion, pushing the same boulder up the same hill countless times and hoping for a different result. Once again, they’re the same in that regard.

“There is nothing you could have done.” While his answer is blunt, both of them know it's true. This is the way Kirkwall works, circling the same tragedy and suffering like water entering a drain. The city lets it sink into itself, before spitting it back out with more tremendous amounts of force. It’s unfair that it has to be her, the person who has given everything to this terrible city, only to receive nothing but tragedy in return. The city does not pick and choose which ones are worthy of something better, no matter how much Fenris wishes it could be so.

“Perhaps.” She replies, so soft that it hurts. Fenris sighs, and like he’s done it a hundred times before, covers her hand with his. Her touch is warm, just as she is, and Fenris pointedly does not comment on the tears that splatter on his hand.

It’s Hawke that turns her palm up, lacing their fingers together. When Fenris casts a sidelong glance at her, she’s staring ahead at the wall like nothing is happening. Before he can do something incredibly stupid and out of character for him, he squeezes her hand once and lets go. He stumbles towards the door, ignoring the way he can feel her eyes on him.

“I’m here if you need me, Hawke.” He says, right before he closes the door. “I always am.”

When he finally shuts himself away, Fenris stands in the hallway for a moment too long and tries to force air into his lungs. Hawke’s expression is branded into his mind, the way that she cried and crumpled before him. In all the years that he’s known her, he’s never seen her so weak.

Everything ever written, all the books that Fenris forced himself to read after Hawke’s appalled shock at his lack of education cannot describe this feeling in words. Fenris was not someone made to love, he was made to hurt and follow orders, and this type of tenderness is entirely unbecoming to someone like him. But Hawke is someone made of love– it pours over her every word, laced in every tender affection she so freely gives.

He wants to give that to her, help fill the chalice that Hawke empties so easily.

But that was before– before Hawke had crawled her way into his heart in that fussy and incongruent way of hers that Fenris loathes so much. Before he kissed her, before he broke her heart, and before he left his heart in that damned bedroom.

4. Isabela is staring at him again. An unsettling and calculating gaze that’s sending shivers up his back. He can tell Hawke is pretending not to notice, keeping her gaze forward and towards their destination.

“What are you staring at?” He finally says, glaring at Isabela with all the

“Trying to see something.” She smiles, and Fenris can just barely see the glimmer of amusement in her eye. Isabela’s up to something, and after years of knowing her, he knows when she’s about to stir up trouble for nothing other than her own amusement. “Anders and her have been getting close, don’t you think?”

Fenris says nothing, but the slight twitch in his eyebrow gives him away. Isabela chuckles to herself, and turns her gaze forward. When he finally responds, his voice is tinged with the slightest hint of jealousy. “What Hawke does is none of our business.”

Isabela largely ignores him, continuing her train of thoughts much to his chagrin. “I see him lurking out of her house at all hours of the night. Always with that sly look on his face.”

His eyes flicker over to Anders in pure unadulterated anger, and Isabela nearly doubles over in laughter at the cross look on his face. Over the years, Fenris had become increasingly obvious with his affections, and Varric had made it a regular habit to mention the ‘puppy dog eyes’ that always breaks through his stoic exterior at the mere mention of her name. He can feel the energy humming through his veins at the thought of Hawke with anyone else but him, because Fenris is selfish and terrible and wicked.

Out of the corner of his eye, breaking his unrelenting scowl in Ander’s direction, he can see Hawke look back at him with a concerned look on her face. He softens at that, and his markings fade to a dull hum. It only makes Isabela smile wider, at the way Fenris becomes so uncharacteristically weak from only a glance in her direction. The very thought of her with Anders, of him touching her the way he once did, is enough to bellow the pit of jealousy flaming in his stomach. This spirited pursuit of inactivity ends here, he decides, and follows Hawke a bit closer.

5. Driven by a morbid curiosity, and perhaps the lingering feeling of jealousy seeded and nurtured by Isabela’s comments, Fenris begins to drop hints. Increasingly expensive bottles of wine that happen to show up on Hawke’s kitchen table with no warning, lingering touches on her back after an arduous battle. He rubs a droplet of blood of her cheek with his thumb, his expression filled with an aching tenderness reserved only for her. He lets their legs press together in the cramped seats of The Hanged Man, shallowly excused to his friends by having a glass too many of whatever swill he drank this time.

Hawke had also drank too much this time, it seems, by the way she leans her shoulder into him with a casualness that Fenris envies. Every move, every dance of affection was always carefully calculated by him, and yet Hawke touches him like they had known each other for millenia. They eventually get shooed out of the bar, with Hawke hanging off his shoulder and reeking of still blood and ale.

She rambles on once again about something Fenris is only half-listening to, his mind preoccupied by thoughts that are once again impossible and dangerous. The curve of her lips, the arch of her back. The white-hot contact of her arm around his shoulder that sears into his skin like a brand.

“My point is-” Hawke speaks a little too loudly for his taste, especially considering that her lips are right next to his ear. “My point is– they obviously love each other. I don’t understand why they don’t just buck up and say it.”

“It is seldom ever that easy.” He answers simply, holding her waist a little tighter. Love had never been Fenris’ particular forte, no matter the amount of terribly cheesy novels Varric makes him read now. It is something that will remain locked inside of his chest, dampened by his terrible and unselfish desire to see her happy. Happier than anything a broken former slave could ever give her. “And Isabela’s not particularly the sentimental type.”

Hawke rolls her eyes, and sighs deeply. “I know. I know, and yet I want them to be happy. Love is so… stupidly complicated.”

Fenris can understand that, at least. The ardent and unrelenting desire to see someone they care for truly content. “Love often ruins people. She is right to be cautious.”

“All I’ve ever wanted is to love someone.” Hawke answers, her voice softer, less slurred. “Like that, I mean. I never thought I would be one of those sappy romantics, and yet-”

Fenris looks at her out of the corner of his eye, trying to ignore the way his heart is nearly pounding out of his chest. Hawke’s silent for a long moment as they stumble through the streets of Hightown at a leisurely pace.

Hawke looks at him, hiccups once, and smiles crookedly. “I like the new sword. It suits you.”

“Thanks.” He shakes his head, fighting the grin rising to his face.

They make it to her front door, and the moment between them vanishes into the night air. He leads her into her house, where they play cards and he lets Hawke believe she won fairly. All he can do is try to shove down the image of her smiling at him so openly to the back of his mind.

6. Fenris is pacing around her mansion, muttering half-impassioned Tevene curses into the open air. Hawke simply watches him stalk around the room, sitting in the armchair with a half-empty bottle of wine.

“Festei bei uno canavarum.” He mutters angrily, the markings tainting his skin casting the room in an eerie glow.

“No need to go overboard with the thanks.” She teases half-heartedly, tilting her head curiously at him. Fenris was particularly known for these random bouts of anger, but this was different. He was mourning, broken by a life lost. Fenris only looks at her scoldingly, but says nothing in return.

“Hadriana is dead. I should be free.” He finally says, his tone still laced with anger. The energy thrumming through his veins is running too hot to dampen, and Fenris lets that anger simmer off him in waves. Hawke doesn’t seem particularly perturbed by this, sipping at her wine while he storms about the room. Suddenly he stops, his gaze fixed on the fireplace with a withering expression. “I should be happy.”

“You still can be. This is not the end of everything.” Hawke answers, leaning forward slightly in her chair. “Danarius is not all that you are.”

Fenris still doesn’t move, his eyes still lingering on the ashes flickering out of the fireplace. “It feels like it.”

“I know. But this is a chance for you to start over.” She stands up, walking over to him to lean against the wall. He only looks at her briefly before the flames feel like they’re licking up his ankles, and he forces his gaze back to the dying fire. “To have a new life.”

The phrase ‘You could leave this all behind’ is left noticeably unsaid. Fenris doesn’t want to leave Kirkwall, the thought only ever crosses his mind for brief moments before being quickly stamped by his aching fondness for this place. Particularly for one person within it.

“I don’t want a new life.” I don’t want to leave you, is what he doesn’t say. She understands it anyway. “I thought I would be free.”

“You are free, Fenris.” He also notices the way she doesn’t use his old name, the one whispered to him in Hadriana’s dying breath. Hawke is looking at him with that expression that he once again cannot describe. “You always have been.”

Fenris watches as the flames flicker out, leaving behind only flaring embers. “This freedom tastes like ashes.”

“I know.” Hawke answers, reaching her hand out to gently interlace her fingers with his. “But this time it’s going to be different.”

7. It’s another night that he’s lingering about in her presence, nursing another expensive bottle of wine that he not-so-secretly dropped at her place. He had been ecstatic at her invitation to drink it together, using the wine as an excuse to ensure Anders will not be making any more night-time visits to her mansion. Hawke is tittering about the kitchen, complaining once again that he doesn’t eat properly, that his mansion is a mess, that he really ought to stay with her while they at least clean the corpses off the floor.

Fenris watches her with a keen interest, fingers tapping on the wine bottle in an uneven rhythm. “I think it adds character.”

“Character.” She scoffs, turning to face him. “The smell alone– I truly have no idea how you can even bear to step foot within it..”

“Because it’s mine.” He answers, his brows slightly raised. There’s a slight pride in taking something from his former master, in desecrating it to the point of abandonment. A property of Danarius’ that Fenris can completely destroy with very little consequences.

“At least clean it a little.” Hawke sighs, leaning back against the counter. “Just the entrance, so I don’t have to smell rotting corpses when I need to come get you.”

“For you, I will.” He grins slightly, taking another sip of wine. For her, he would clean the whole damn place. Get on his knees and scrub every inch if it makes her happy. But he doesn’t say that, just looks up at her with that slight grin he knows she loves to see so much.

“Good. Maybe one day I’ll actually be able to spend the night there.” This time, her tone is lighter, more teasing. The comment gives him pause, his fingers resuming that endless tapping on the wine bottle. The silence grows heavy between them.

“We never did talk about it.”

“About what?” She takes a step forward and seats herself across from him. Their knees slightly touch against each other under the table, but Fenris doesn’t move away this time.

“That night.” He finally says, looking up at her. Her expression crumbles, and he can see the exact moment that she recalls the heartbreak he caused her. The very same expression she wore the night he left, the night he took what he needed from her and left her broken under the covers. The silence closes his mouth and twists at his heart. He loves her in such a vain and terrible way, an ember desperately trying to keep the fire burning no matter how much he tries to be altruistic.

“You never wanted to talk about it.” Hawke looks down at the table, one finger carefully caressing the edge of the wood. She follows the grains delicately, and Fenris tries not to remember the way she had touched him like that once, like something fragile. But he does, and it kills him. “And I never wanted to push.”

“I thought it would be better if you hated me. If I could forget about everything that happened between us, if I could forget-” Fenris pauses, “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I ask for it anyway.”

Hawke is still staring down at the table, her brows furrowed. “Remembering isn’t all so bad.”

He knows. Maker, he knows. Despite everything that’s happened, not only between him and Hawke, but with Varania and Danarius and everything else. Memory has brought him a terrible sense of tranquility that makes him uneasy. It’s painful, feels like being burned alive from the inside out, but the pain makes it real. Makes the memory real. “The worst thing is that I remember it.”

“I know.” She answers, finally looking up at him. Fenris looks at her eyes, at the way the light glimmers in them, and feels a part of him come to life. She remembers too, he knows in the way her eyes gaze through him.

“I cannot give you what you deserve. You deserve a lot better than me.” Fenris feels like he’s pleading, coming back to that line in the sand with a damned fortress, armed with cannons and soldiers. “A lot better than this.”

“I love you anyways.” She smiles at him. Stupid, caring, giving Hawke, emptying out what’s left of her just to see him smile. Her hand, once again, reaches out to lay on top of his. “But I need to know why.”

“I thought about what I would say to you. About the answer I would give.” Fenris can’t say the reason why he was so painfully and pathetically in love with someone who showed him a tender kindness when he was never deserving of it. That after seeing the past that made him, molded him into a lyrium-infused cold-blooded killer, he knew letting Hawke go would be the only chance he ever got to warrant her. That he made a stupid decision to try and be a better man, and it hurts her anyways.“I am a coward. The memories it brought up– I am not a man that could show you the love you deserved.”

“And yet?” She questions, her eyes peering up at him curiously. He loathes those eyes, the way it sees through every crack in his barrier so carefully put together by tattooed hands. “There must be a reason you’re bringing this up.”

“And yet I love you anyways.” He answers. “Because I need you in ways that I shouldn’t.”

Fenris lets himself be selfish, for this one long painful moment that sits between them. Love really is a complicated, all-encompassing thing. Fenris hates it, but cherishes the feeling anyways. He swallows the apprehension clawing its way up his stomach, and continues. “Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you.”

“Perhaps -” Hawks smiles, her expression going soft. Her fingers lightly curl over his wrist, the same way Fenris had once held her. “Perhaps I’ll hold this over you a little while longer.”

He lightly chuckles at that, and pulls her closer. “Don’t you dare.”

8. They’re laying in bed hours later, his arms wrapped around her waist. This time, he has no thoughts about leaving, no doubts about his place here. It feels right, and Fenris can comfortably sit in the silence with her.

“Do you remember what you said to me? About needing me?” Hawke is the first to speak, as she usually is. Her finger traces light patterns into his chest, nails pressing right at the edges of his markings. They hum lightly at her contact, a pleasant dull sound that reverberates in his chest. It doesn’t hurt this time, nor will it hurt anytime after.

Fenris remembers. He lets the silence speak for him.

“I’ve been thinking about it.” She continues on, trailing down towards his abdomen. “I think we’ve always needed each other.”

He thinks about it, about the ways that they had always sought the other’s presence in their darkest moments. How Hawke held his hand after Leandra, how Fenris paced about her mansion after Varania. Two stars forever in orbit, refusing to keep the distance between them. A blurred line in the sand, washed away and moved inch-by-inch until there was no longer anything standing between them.

“You’re not selfish, Fenris.” Hawke turns to him. “There is nothing about you that my heart won’t accept. I will love you to any end, against all the pain.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Fenris laughs., kissing her once more.

[trans-ralsei]

[risingshards]

Spring 2024 anime review!

It's time for my annual anime season review! I had a lot more shows to watch this season than last, which at times got a bit hectic! It's not quite done yet but it's done enough that I think I can put this up. Warning: Long post incoming where I ramble about the many anime shows I watched and personal reflection about how Going Through It™ affected my watching.

Laid Back Camp Season 3: My fav of the season, I'm obsessed with these camping girlies and any more time with them is always a treat. The combo of the suspension bridge arc with the wacky over the top arc is a fun jarring one, and the last trip was so sweet. Rin and Nadeshiko felt even gayer this season which is impressive, they're the most girlfriends to me, Chiaki and Aoi too (or maybe I should just ship full camping polycule???) It was only a few second scenes too but I love that they added Aya into the later arcs as well. I've been in a rough place mentally for a while and it kicked into a new gear this summer, so the comfort vibes of the show hit differently. I'm a super anxious person so chill times where everything is OK is such a nice escape from the world. Shout out to the OP/ED for being my favs this season! Also highly recommend both sub and dub, because the dub cast is SOOOO good once more. Celeste Perez is so fantastic as Rin, and Morgan Laure Garrett does an incredible performance as Nadeshiko. The whole cast is so great I could ramble on and on about them.

Whisper Me a Love Song: Not technically done yet as eps 11 and 12 are delayed, but in spite of the production woes this one has my heart this season in that "I love the manga and am happy to see this animated, I am hyperfixated, and warts and all I love watching it and get way way WAYYYY too sensitive about it seriously chiral go touch grass instead of having anxiety attacks about an anime" kind of way. The voice cast is SO perfect and everyone fits their characters so well and it's a treat to see the manga adapted. Himari and Yori's fluffy relationship was so sweet and I teared up a lot at their big moments. My beloved Aki got so many delicious angsty scenes while also showing her as not a bad person, just someone who's caught up in a crush while heartbroken about her true love leaving her (a true love that she didn't even realize was true love). Speaking about that true love, Shiho getting to be a feral cat storming into the proceedings is a treat, and I love that we get to see her earlier in the anime than in the manga.

The downsides ofc are the production that delayed two of the episodes, and now has the last two pushed to a later date, and my big qualm is the festival getting skipped over (well still kinda animated in the visual comic they released with the voice actors doing great on it), that's a bummer. I can see structurally what they were going for, 6 eps for Himari/Yori and 6 eps for the very popular Aki/Shiho storyline, and having the 'lost' ep voice acted helps a bit. But ughghggh even with all that...IDK it's still my babg and they're my babygorls so I'm rooting for 11 and 12 to be really great and for me to not engage with any fandom discussion about it LOL. Like I said this one had my heart this season, and when something latches onto your heart like that, I think it's good to cherish that a bit.

Jellyfish Can't Swim in the Night: I heard the buzz a few episodes in about this and was hooked pretty quickly. The animation quality was great, I adored the characters, and I loved the queerness in it with the nonbinary talks, trans yakuza ladie, the kiss, and while I wish they went more in on the romance, we still got a lot of queerness that I don't want to count out. It's another case where I really need to disengage with what people think about something when it's special to me (that might be the moral of the season, honestly). My big downside for this is it got a little too stressful for me, the big fight towards the end of the show kept me up at night. I might be going through it pretty bad if watching anime does that to me BUT we stay silly.

Train to the End of the World: I didn't realize until I saw a post about it like yesterday that this had the same director as Kill la Kill and Gurren Lagann and in hindsight yeah that tracks. This was such a wild ride, I love a good journey story and this scratched that itch well. A group of girls go on a weird, hilarious, and heartfelt journey via train through a bizarre world? It made me really want to write a journey story. Funniest show of the season by far, crazy visuals, fun action, each episode being a strange little journey on its own helped the vibe.

The Many Sides of Voice Actor Radio: This was a really cute one, bubbly gyaru x stoic girlie is a fun dynamic. Going by the structure, I assume this was the first 3 light novels adapted, since each arc was 4 eps IIRC. I hope the light novels get translated here because I'd love to see where the story goes next. My downside to this is this one also got STRESSFUL stressful in that like social kind of way as the main duo deals with stalkers, assholes online, shitty voice directors (I hope that voice director that was giving Yasumi a hard time gets super fired in season 2) and that took away from the fluff at times. Still was a definite highlight of the season.

Nijiyon Animation 2: Maybe even weirder than the first season, I was really glad to get more of this one, weekly 3 minute adventures of a wacky gay harem really is good for the soul. I love the vibe of like "yeah we're doing this premise this week let's just go with it" that a lot of the episodes had. Do Season 3 cmon!

Vexations of a Shut in Vampire Princess dub: I am a big stan for Vexations, and this dub has not disappointed so far (I think just one or two episodes to go for it), VERY well cast with Brittney Karbowski (of Railgun fame) putting in a STELLAR performance as Komari, showcasing all the facets of Komari's personality, like her spoiled bratty princess side, her anxious about being plopped into a dire situation side, the theater kid performance that helps her through this, and many other sides, it's really fantastic work by her. Vill, Sakuna, and Millicent are standouts as well (every Millicent scene I needed to pause afterwards because wow 🥵).

I also watched the back half of Dungeon Meshi (which is so big rn that I feel like I don't know what to add? It's great!), the new Spice and Wolf which was nice, Bartender: Glass of God which was VERY chill, and a coworker friend rec'd Condition Called Love, but I did not really enjoy that one.

All in all despite the bumpy road, I was really happy with this season and got SO much yuri. I do still need to watch Girls Band Cry and will rectify that soon, I just had way too many shows to watch at once.

Next season I am mainly looking forward to My Deer Friend Nokotan, and started watching Suicide Squad Isekai mainly for the ED lol. Next season big goal also: Chiral touches grass and her hypersensitive ass stops getting so worried about what other people think of the anime she watches and to just enjoy the anime hyperfixation while it's in full swing like this.

[fantasy-things-and-such]

I was just randomly reminded of Laid-back camp(yuru camp) whilst going thru a gachapon center

Rin x Nadeshiko

(No hand for u)

[havinganormalone]

I'm so glad that I'm a multishipper. I remember being in the bnha fandom and people were so weird about wanting to ship multiple ships or not having preferences. I remember that one super toxic td*k shipper that called rival ships "cancer" and was borderline delusional about the ship being canon, and then people in b*dk servers saying that looking at other ships "feels like cheating." Just the most unhinged online behavior I've seen, and it made me bounce from a lot of fandom spaces.

I am here for compelling dynamics first and foremost, and I'll bounce around to whatever looks interesting or provides me with a springboard for making good smut or engaging stories. I don't GET the vitriol that people have when engaging in ship wars. Like oh that rival ship is making stuff too? Cool, I want to check it out and see if any of it is good.

[bernkastel-ao3]

This is a Yuru Camp fic I wrote a few years ago. So, as I was reminded of it, this'll be the next thing that I'll link here.

[mengyan]

相守; guard you, guard me

🩸 2.6k words, complete oneshot ❤️‍🩹 missing scene from before jiusi wakes up at the end of ep 15 🩸 emotional hurt/comfort with a splash of codependency ❤️‍🩹 liu yuru has a score to settle with her self-sacrificing husband 🔗 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50290201

reblogs, kudos, and comments are very appreciated!!

[laluzdelamagia]

Introducción y sinopsis

El Grand Triskellion se liberó, la magia había vuelto a tener poder, y las brujas comenzaron a ser comentadas. Ese ambiente fue el que recibió a Akko y sus amigas, en su segundo año como estudiantes de Luna Nova. Ya había conocido a aquella quien la inspiró, estaba recuperando su magia, pero el camino hasta la graduación aún se extendía largo y oscuro ¿Qué se encontraría? Estaba dispuesta a aceptar cualquier reto que viniera.

Nuevas amigas, nuevas aventuras, nuevos sentimientos, y un destino del cual no puede huir, será lo que recibirá a Akko en su recorrer, esperando alcanzar la victoria, o si no lo logra, dejarse hundir en la oscuridad.

Crossover de:

-Love Live y Love Live Sunshine

-Little Witch Academia

-Yuru Yuri

-Puella Magi Madoka Magica Historia yuri (chica x chica)

Si no te agrada, por favor, no lo leas. Esta es una obra de ficción. Todo personaje, grupo, ley, nombre o lugar que aparezca en dicha no tiene relación alguna con la realidad. Ninguna de las franquicias aquí presentadas me pertenecen, tampoco sus personajes. Nuevo capítulo cada domingo.

[teatitty]

Title/Link: four idiots on a road trip what will they do Rating: Teen Fandom: Gintama Dynamic: Joui 4 [Platonic] Additional Tags: Slice of Life, Fluff and Humour, Bros Being Bros, Other Tags To Be Added Word Count: 2.7K

Summary/Preview: When Tatsuma had proposed the idea of a road trip, he’d meant it mostly as a joke. Katsura takes it seriously and the rest, as they say, is history.

A/N: I promised my mate Dino I would write platonic road trip fic for him so HEY DUDE THIS IS FOR YOU! Was gonna be a long oneshot but then I went hey. I could do slice of life chapters. So here we are

[marismoments39]

Daily Himawari day 8:

she may be a lesbian?

[yurukiturah]

Voicemail

It's 2010.

My mother always has her phone on her. She doesn't answer every call. Most of them are telemarketers or wrong numbers. Sometimes she misses calls, sometimes they leave voicemails. Usually it's not important.

It's 2012

My mother answers every call. Most of them are her brother or the hospital, sometimes it's her mother. It could be news. She always answers the phone. One day it's bad news, the worst news. She doesn't want to answer the phone anymore.

It's 2013

My mother doesn't empty her voicemail inbox. She listens to one on repeat, and she cries. It's nothing important, it's not news. It's just her mother. "Sorry I missed you, give me a call back!" It's the only way to hear her voice anymore.

It's 2016

The voicemail is gone. The phone company deletes them after a while. We found that out the hard way. We'll never hear her voice again.

[catlover-multifandom]

(in a free mood again here we gooooo)

Free canon moments I think about a lot

Rin writing “fuck” in the elementary school yard

mecha salmon roe

the mr steal yo mako face (you know the one.)

Steve the cat existing

Haru and nagisa working at wcdonald’s or whatever it’s called in the freeverse

romio mentioning florida

haru makoto asahi and kisumi having a hangout in asahi’s apartment (at least I think it was his, it was in a df episode)

tomadoburiranchinburiranti!

makkou the dog

🎶 tabidachi no asa ni miageru sora ni 🎶

Haru and seijuro being friends

Haru’s mascot obsession (relatable im also obsessed with yuru kyara now)

Rei in the novelization

“Nagisa’s mermaid” video and then it got booed when they accidentally played baby videos of haru and makoto lol

Nagisa’s sister’s sketch friend that isn’t quite her boyfriend

Kaede coming back from the concept art grave in s3

the high of s3 in general because I remember counting down the days for it to come out and oh boyyyyyyy summer 2018 has such a special place in my heart. pure euphoria!!

Rin giving Sousuke a koala shirt

MATCHING FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS

everyone pointing out that Rin has cleavage

“no chips at the pool” **SHOTS FIRED**

Makoto’s mixer nightmare

Rei getting drunk on chocolate

the fact that makoto haru Nagisa and rei would have sleepovers together and haru gets so happy to be with them and he fell asleep early HES SO CUTE

Haru and asahi getting worried thinking makoto would fall for mlm scams in Tokyo

Haru’s profile picture being Iwatobi chan

the squid festival drama cd track and Rei’s puns from s1 that everyone ignored

Haru and Albert’s friendship happening because they just like the same fish and they don’t need words to eat mackerel together

Rin crying over the rat movie

shizuru’s existence in general. he’s so funny and silly and he looks like makoharu had a child

the mackerel body pillow that makoto gave haru for his birthday

continuing off the last one: the team thinking haru turned into a mackerel and nagisa telling makoto he has to kiss him to make him back to normal 💀

the scene in s1e1 where Nagisa kicks the can to scare makoto

Rei being uptight and serious and very professional man™ and then gradually loosening up and being less guarded and being his genuine silly smart self and having fun and you can see how much love he has for everyone as the show goes on… and the love and genuine affection he has for his friends keeps increasing even when you thought his heart was already the biggest it could get. it gets so much bigger. and the fact that he learned to swim and got to nationals for an individual event in 3 years. Rei I love you no one could ever make me dislike you you’re a beautiful butterfly

the general babygirlification of rin matsuoka as the series progresses

free mastering the “character that is a jerk at first but the second they’re forgiven/not a jerk you absolutely love them to pieces” archetype (rin, sousuke, hiyori!)

haru being an old man when it comes to technology: “sorry I haven’t looked at my phone in 2 weeks”

perfect body

haru almost dying like 10 times throughout the series

haru giving makoto his gold medal in that one artwork AAAAAAGGGHHHHWJFJEDJEKS

more of a fandom thing, but the whole makoto train scare back when fs1 came out

in df when ryuji is trying to teach haru and makoto translates it to haruspeak, they show you makoto smiling when haru turns around and half his face is cut off from the screen because he’s shorter than makoto lololol

Haru trying to escape the premises the second he sees kisumi

the scene of haru driving in Tokyo and makoto freaks out the entire time… guys I think they somehow got actual footage of me driving when my mom is in the passenger seat

the reigisa montage before their races at nationals in df. MY HEART

the entire show honestly… if there’s one thing you got from this post, it’s that I will never be free of free (I’m perfectly happy to keep it that way)

[risingshards]

I love how girlfriends this moment is. in the manga for extra ref:

The dating energy of Nadeshiko being like "Rin plz let me get one more photo of you also I love you drive home safe" and Rin being like "if literally any person subjected me to this I'd be mad but I love my boo that much"

then Nadeshiko getting home and immediately wondering how gf is doing, and Sakura being like "oh god nadeshiko's worried about her cute little gf, well I don't have a choice here" and drives her baby sister out to see her in the middle of the night.

and then AND THEN AND THEN rin having the realization like "oh my god my gf worries about me like I worry about her" because Rin was panicked AF when she thought Nadeshiko was in danger.

JUST SUCH CUTE LIL GIRLFRIENDS ENERGY UGH

[havinganormalone]

I don't talk very much about the GOOD things that happen to me on here, since I use this as a vent hole and I don't like to brag, but my mental health is looking up. I'm on medication, and I'm working on being a better communicator with people in my life. I feel like I have a partner who actually cares about me, which is something I have VERY limited experience with and the idea of being let down again is scary, but... nothing ventured, nothing gained. I am cautiously optimistic about the future.

[call-me-rucy]

So I went and reread all YnT available chapters a couple of days ago (36 of them) and I thought I'd write about a plot point that is making me have many questions, in case someone had any theories.

[Spoilers ahead]

Whatever is going on with Granny Yamaha and the twins 400 years ago? This has me: so confused.

It is not clear yet who was the master of Sayuu-sama 400 years ago. Not is it clear to me how the contract with that person got broken.

There are four options:

The master got killed

They got broken

They got sealed

They resolved the contract peacefully

Now the first two would mean Sayuu-sama were an stray. That only seems to mean that they get bound to their location, which we can't prove they weren't, because they didn't move. In contrast, Mountain God moved when in relic form. But this doesn't explain why Dera's necklace is a thing.

If they were sealed, that would explain the need of an extra step to make a contract with them. The extra step is Dera's necklace. How does it work? It is not part of Sayuu's relic, because it remains even after contracting with them, but it has to be part of them, because Yuru's blood went on it to make the contract. So maybe that what seal does? It makes it so a key is needed to contract with the tsugai?

But this doesn't explain how Ken freed Tenagaashinaga then if a key was needed after they were sealed (because they were sealed presummably by the seal twin 1200 years ago)??? Or just do the Tadera have all the keys for all the tsugai????

If they resolved the contract peacefully, they said they would fly back to the village. And this again doesn't explain Dera's necklace. And it would have been after the twin that didn't die died, theoretically, becaus Sayuu-sama is used to keep Seal and Break in check. And I'm still not convinced they died.

Because the ward of Higashimura made by Granny Yamaha looks an awful lot like seal!! And "she's so old she doesnt even remember her age". It would make sense for her to be the seal twin, and the break twin would be the one that died ages ago without reviving. I take it she could "seal" herself alive. But. But. Then this doesn't explain why her eyes are normal.

And even if she isn't. She does the ward. She has to have some tsugai. What are they?!?!??

ARAKAWA-SENSEI, I NEED ANSWERS

[mengyan]

乡思; homesick

🌧️ 2.6k words, completed oneshot

💌 missing scenes from ep 33 before liu yuru's funeral takes place, canon compliant with novel elements (ch 105-106)

🌧️ through fire and water, gu jiusi will always bring his wife home.

🔗 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48962551

reblogs, kudos, and comments are very appreciated!!