#yuck. idk i'm so so tired man

[sapsolais]

,

[nervoustragedyluminary]

Idk why calling transmasc people "cunts" & "bitches" in an insulting way is so normalised by fellow transmascs and trans guys in the Anti-Transmasculinity and transandrophobia tags.... like you realise you're just doing toxic masculinity and transphobia right?

Trans women never asked you to do this and it's pretty transmisogynistic and chauvinistic to claim you're doing it on their behalf or to fight for their liberation when it's actually the same self centred bullshit that predatory cishet men do when they go "I'm a feminist and all men are trash (but not mee I'm one of the good ones)"

the tone of many of these kinds of posts is very "I'm not like those other guys I'm one of the cool guys who is better than all the whiny boys who are behaving like girls (Derogatory) for talking about Anti-Transmasculinity and I'm gonna prove how feminist I am by calling them cunts and bitches and telling them they aren't real men because IMO 'real men' (white pericishet abled men) don't face gender based oppression or talk about facing it"

it's just very thinly veiled truscum "you're a transtrender for talking about Anti-Transmasculinity " BS trying to hide behind "I'm defending trans women & fighting transmisogyny by calling out these whiny bitchcunt tboys who won't man up and suffer in silence for the good of trans women like I do" when you're not even centring trans women in this kind of "advocacy";

you're just doing the classic thing of making it all about your own insecurities with masculinity and attacking other trans people for not being 'stoic' enough about transphobia and violence they face & claiming that trans women benefit from our erasure and silence .

Like you realise most trans women don't see you hurting trans dudes, misgendering them or mocking trans survivors of DV & SA and go "woo yeah this helps me fight transmisogyny & SA and DV against trans women please tell another guy that he deserves to be SA'd or detransitioned for being whiny"

and it's pretty telling of your unexamined transmisogynistic assumptions about how this behaviour must somehow benefit trans women that your first go to for "how can I be an ally to trans women? " is apparently to seek out trans guys and tell them they deserve sexual or domestic violence while calling them bitches and cunts and misgendering them to try to threaten them into silence on issues that effect them

... Just yuck behaviour like how to say you agree with terf rhetoric about trans women being pro DV and SA MRAs without saying it.

Seriously if you want to advocate for trans women and trans fems (and trans neuts) try to actually listen to them and stop trying to use them and their struggle for liberation (which is inextricably entwined with our own) as an excuse to play out this tired self obsessed "I'm more of a real man than you" dominance paradigm BS

And also maybe while you're at it listen to some of your fellow trans men and transmascs talking about their own issues and don't be so quick to assume without cause that they're blaming trans women for Anti-Transmasculinity existing in the first place or that they think trans women as a group are oppressing them.

Like there's a HUGE difference between talking about societal violence from cis people, lateral in community violence and anti transmasculinity and going into terf GC & radfem BS that claims that trans women are "using mAlE pRiVeLeGe to rule the trans community and oppress the poor TIFs" & listening to the good faith discussions and understanding what people actually mean when they talk about Anti-Transmasculinity and transandrophobia actuall helps you to quickly identify and discard BS terf rhetoric that tries to pretend to be pro transmasc rather than just writing off anyone speaking on these issues as "you're just a detransitioner (Derogatory) in waiting you're not a real trans man because real men don't have or talk about problems"

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Tw: Sexualization of (fictional) minors discussion, CSA

Mod: some older Tells on this topic 💞 Open with caution

1. I'm tired of others coming here to say "it's just a doll/not a problem" and then claiming to be a CSA survivor as if that means their word is final. On this anon blog. I think you're lying and full of shit for excusing any behaviors adjacent to sexualizing minors. The BJD hobby is a comfort space for a lot of people, including ACTUAL CSA victims. No one is pearl clutching for being grossed out by that content. Especially in a doll hobby full of people in varying stages of emotional and social recovery. No one is putting it on par with the actual thing either. Stop looking for that straw man, he's not real.

~Anonymous

2. I agree with you anon. And it always circle back to these pearl clutchers parrotting the same arguments without any proof. FYI, to these people: you have the burden of proof when you claim something so provide scientific, peer reviewed, widely accepted among actual mental health professionals proof of what you claim is harmful to victims etc. etc. I've seen this mentality on the rise not just with dolls but with other hobby spaces and fandoms and I feel like the one thing most pearl clutchers are lacking is the capacity for critical thinking, analysis, and separating a work (in this case, the bjd dressed in provocative clothing or photographed in sexually suggestive poses, or something similar) from reality.

It's like the "video games cause violence" argument all over again (which has been debunked btw). I have been called various names in a separate hobby (but the root of the issue is the same - I maybe outing myself here, but I am a prolific fanfic writer) because I write about controversial topics (funnily enough, I get hate for works that are of sexual nature and not for those that have outright depictions of violence), but exploring these themes is therapy to me (I am writing about my trauma basically) and is a recommended form of therapy my actual therapist told me to explore (it's called expressive writing / journal therapy). I just want to exist and enjoy my dolls and my fiction in peace no matter how morally questionable they may be to YOU. I am not here trying to lure kids into my basement because I want to sexually assault them, or corrupt minors (that's a funny accusation to be honest, one literally I was accused of by a minor which begs the question - why are they in my personal space, viewing my outrightly tagged nsfw work and then getting mad at me they exposed themselves to it when they didn't heed the warning?)

~Anonymous

3. sure, theyre not illegal, and I would in no way, shape, or form think a doll's design is anywhere remotely as important as an actual child's welfare, but sexualized childlike dolls are fucking gross. If you cant understand why people can be grossed out by that, idk what to tell you. slasher films aren't real, but they can be pretty fuckin nasty and no one will argue with you on that. So why is expressing getting yucked out by a hyper sexualized childlike doll so fucking controversial?1mText Extracted by jpgtotext.com

~Anonymous

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, April 9th, 2024!

12:45am: Studied, now taking a nap till 4am lol wish me luck!! Had delicious meatballs for dinner, had a great day, saw the solar eclipse (!) and didn't hear from old guy which was nice for once!! Tired of him calling and ruining my Mondays with his sob stories :) I'm just saying I actually had a hella productive day because I wasn't triggered before noon! Hallelujah ❤️ good night everyone I love you all :) ❤️

12:26pm: I'm so burnt out and doneeee. Also just ewwwww ick what a fucked up guy fr I had to put him in his place in order for him to treat his gf right 🤢 fucking hell I'd be so embarrassed if he posted me ever again like I think I would fr cry out of embarrassment. I want to tell her so badly but(!) that would only put bad karma on me I really don't want that, just let her find out eventually ❤️ yuck

4:41pm: I think he blocked me from messaging him, but didn't actually block me? Why are there so many different ways to ignore someone lmao I didn't even know you could do that. Sucks for him. I'm done with my pediatric kidney transplant research, 🥳 and he's not around. Kinda like he died or something. He really went with me through all the bullshit but didn't want to stick around for the end result is kinda fucking crazy and stupid tbh. Really really really crazy to think another guy is gonna get the big baller Dr. version of me, and he only got the stressed out poor broke ass weight gaining student version but whatever. It's not like I wasn't going to make it at some point. Anyway, his loss and someone else's gain 😎❤️ You would think he'd appreciate it the most, but he was too pussy to have a bad ass Dr. as a wife and just REALLY wanted to be the aLpHa MaLe and needed a lower level bitch 😬😂 The definition of self sabotage and toxic masculinity/ red pill bs. I need a confident man to match my energy and that's really some shit he was never able to do. It doesn't matter what you do for a living either I just need you to own your shit. He always wanted me to be quieter or more chill because he just wasn't shit. Every time I shined he looked like a rusty piece of junk instead of just shining with me. It's not like I wanted him to be beneath me, but he really wasn't helping himself either. Whatever. His loss is someone else's gain 🥰 Can't wait to find my partner ❤️

10:09pm: I really want to take my birth control out but I'm just gonna wait until I can call the pharmacy tomorrow because I don't know how early I can pick it up! This is killing me. I have deduced from planned parenthood (thanks!) that because I've had it in for infinity number of weeks (lol) I'm good to take it out as long as the new one goes in at 7 days or earlier if I want to try to change my start date?. The out time just cannot exceed 7 days. I want to have it out the whole 7 days this time and maybe I'll duck around with it next time trying to move it to Mondays again instead of Friday?? Idk I just need this shit to enD I remember why I skipped my period for six months straight now. I think that might be a record I haven't seen much longer than 2-3 months.

Goals: Start my period asap (safely) and get as much out as possible* I stg I'm gonna be chugging cayenne juice n vitamin C and tea and water y'all don't knoW. I want the spotting to STOP. Side note I also put bandaids on my boob acne maybe this will get under control :')

Get through this week's work and become the CritCare expert and try not to fail the last OSCE omg :') last verbal defense :')) it's all coming to an end literally.

Seriously though staying hydrated and *stress relieving* are the main goals until next weekend.

By the time the 19th rolls around (!!!) y'all aren't ready for that HYPE ASS weekend free dinner and Jesse McCartney and then the last week will be a BLUR 🤠

It's so funny because when I'm lit I know I'm not going to be thinking about him. It's not even that bad anymore. I can't imagine when the stress is 0%. I'd say I'm more fatigued than stressed atp too, like stress is about 20% and it's all to do with my period tbh, not even school. A little anxiety about APPE so maybe 25% but I'm not even really thinking about that yet either.

[firstdivision]

୨ eyes locked, hands locked ୧

— chifuyu x fem reader

— college au

— 1.4k words

୨ notes ୧

MY FIRST FIC idk why i'm extremely nervous ummm hope you like it bye. i gave myself heartache w this so sorry if the same happens to you. also this is inspired by an irl interaction w a classmate but minus fuyu unfortunately the guy is still a freak who cannot take a hint.

“so have you ever tried that?”

you blink and bring your focus back to him. “tried what?”

the man in front of you doesn’t mind that you were not paying one bit of attention to him but instead perks up, eager to share his knowledge regardless of whether you are listening or not. “i guess you don’t know about risky withdrawals then? i actually attended a seminar on this the other day,” and relaunches into his spiel about conservative investing habits and holding on to equity.

something starting with a w, wataru? watanabe? you wrinkle your nose as you catch a glimpse of the stain on his collar. yuck. he had arrived late to class but unfortunately not late enough to squeeze into the seat behind you and stretch his legs out underneath your chair for the entire class period. he had tugged your shirt sleeve as you were leaving and asked you to share the notes he missed. you weren’t naive enough to miss the implications - he was barely five minutes late for god’s sake - but you had thought it would be rude to decline and as he added the promise of a free iced coffee, you rolled your eyes and agreed, figuring that you would let him take pictures of your notes and make small talk until your drink was made, then dip. fifteen minutes later, here you are. the guy didn’t even introduce himself, preferring to present himself as some kind of education machine. he keeps running his fingers through his hair in a way that he probably thinks is attractive but only brings you secondhand mortification, which coupled with the pungent smell of drugstore cologne makes you want to gag. you absentmindedly take a sip of your drink and nod along while reaching for your phone inside your tote.

you: HELP /

mitchuuuuya 😘: ?

mitchuuuuya 😘: what

you: elon musks clone wont stop talking to me were at tje cafe in north court

mitchuuuuya 😘: WHAT

mitchuuuuya 😘: WTF?

you: IK HELP ARE U PN CAMPUS STILL??

mitchuuuuya 😘: IM SO SORRY IM AT THE GIRLS SCHOOL

mitchuuuuya 😘: they’re being let out in ten minutes and i can reach campus in another ten. do you want me to call yuzuha to go find you in the meantime?

mitchuuuuya 😘: wait.

mitchuuuuya 😘: i have an idea

you: ????

you watch the three dots wiggle before they stop altogether. you assume this means yuzuha will be arriving shortly and you let out a breath and shake your drink, feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders.

"you know, i found it really admirable that you took an upper-division biochem course this quarter." he seems to have finally gotten tired of holding the conversation by himself and turns the topic to you. looking at him with hooded eyes, you question, "why? everyone in our major usually starts upper-divs this quarter to graduate on time."

he runs his hand through his hair again, "it's just, you know, females don't really take biochem. i feel like most of them just want to show off. but it's cool that you did though." you feel a vein twitch in your forehead and you sit up straight, "what on earth are you trying to sa-"

“i found my baby," a familiar voice cackles from above you. no. no no nonononononono. chifuyu is not here. you're dreaming. w-something's voice finally put you to sleep and this is a dream. you lean your head back and no one other than chifuyu kisses you square on the lips with an obnoxious smack. you spin around and stand up to place your hands on his chest and look up at him with a small giggle. he wraps one arm snugly around you and teasingly dips the other down to squeeze the back of your jeans. sensing what he intends to insinuate, you stifle a laugh and playfully mess with the front strands of his hair as he pecks every inch of your face.

your classmate clears his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “is this your boyfriend?”

sporting a tiny grin, chifuyu intertwines your fingers and turns to him. “more like trophy husband. isn’t that right, miss research grant winner?” he looks at you with a gleam in his eye and gently tugs at your earlobe.

you can’t stop the giddiness from welling up at the look of soft determination and pride in his eyes. despite the show he is putting on right now, his words are not lies. the one you first shared the news with, the one who dropped everything to celebrate with you, the one who dashed up to you the moment the cameras turned off and presented you with what was quite possibly the largest bouquet you had ever seen. maybe your favorite boy in the world. the two of you joke that he is the brawns and you are the brains of this relationship but you’re sure that he is in fact the heart.

your classmate crumples his cup and stands up, no way left for him to save his pride, and he is thankfully able to take that hint at least. “i’ll see you around then?” you shrug. “maybe.”

you and chifuyu watch him leave before bursting into laughter. you turn in his arms and poke his cheek. “what are you doing here fuyu? i thought you had practice.”

he moves to bite your finger but you pull it back and try to break free from his arms; he simply tugs you back and you relax against his chest, the two of you in your own little world. “coach’s wife went into labor so everything got cancelled - mitsuya called and said someone was trying to steal my girl. you look pretty today, pumpkin.” he twirls a strand of your hair around his finger. you roll your eyes at his haste to change the subject and to try and disguise the flutter that runs through your chest at his words, “stop flirting.”

he flashes his cute lopsided grin, all teeth, and you nearly go blind for a moment. “what? why are you shy? it’s the truth. you look sooo pretty. my pretty girl.” he punctuates this with a wet kiss on the apple of your cheek.

“honestly fuyu, are you my boyfriend or my dog? you’re slobbering all over my face like one,” and he playfully barks twice, earning a few dirty looks from the students and staff at nearby tables. he throws his head back and cackles as you flush a rosy pink and clutch his arm to lead him outside before the two of you get banned for engaging in questionably inappropriate behavior.

“pumpkiiiiin,” he whines but is taken aback when you suddenly bury your face in his chest in the middle of the walkway, “whoa, whoa, is everything alright?”

your words come out slightly muffled from his sweatshirt but they reassure him, “yeah, it’s just been a long day.” you lift your head to peek up at him with wide eyes, “can we go to your place?” his hands cradle the back of your head with the most feathery touch that completely contradicts his tone as he teases you with an obnoxious “oh pumpkin you missed me thaaaat much?”

embarrassed, you stuff your face back into his chest and mumble a half-hearted "shut up. i’ve only been able to see you through a screen this week so why wouldn’t i…?” and his face transforms with a soft smile. chifuyu snakes his hands under your blouse to rub circles on your waist. i’m sorry pumpkin, let me make it up to you today. and i don’t have practice for the rest of this week so how about we go on a drive tomorrow, hmm? how does that sound?”

you ghost a feather-light kiss on his mouth as your response. how did you get so lucky to be able to call him yours? chifuyu looks down at you fondly, cheeks ripening red in a shy smile. he caresses your jaw with one hand and pulls you into a deeper kiss, to which you promptly part your lips on command. he hisses and runs his tongue over your bottom lip.

you reluctantly pull away from him, remembering far too late that the two of you are in a public location in the middle of a weekday and tug his hand, twisting his rings and beckoning him towards his apartment. he blinks himself out of the dazed look he had been giving you and reaches over to smooth out the strands of your hair that got mussed due to him before bringing your intertwined fingers up to his mouth for a soft kiss.

“lead the way, my pretty girl.”

— firstdivision

— do not repost

[tamiddyinyourcity]

1:07am.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by A Coochie Thats Fatter (@a_coochie_thats_fatter) on Mar 29, 2020 at 1:10pm PDT

This is stuck in my head.

Thursday, April 30th of 2020.

General life update, for some of yall still on here:

Room maintenance, as usual.

My mom was upset hearing I was buying things by myself instead of letting her buy them for me. (Like bedsheets; but to be fair, they were satin bedsheets, and its easier to purchase myself with sugar cash than to ask the woman instacarting food nonstop...)

I think she just feels... (what's the gender neutral word of emasculated??? idk, stripped of the whole "im ur parent and therefore am trusted to take care of you" type feeling.) So she ends up feeling like a failure of a parent if her own daughter does not trust her to do basic tasks for her, (I don't, ever,) or annoyed at my own independence.... But whatever, she's not gonna die. She paid me back for the bedsheets anyway and chipped in for the laundry service I had gotten.

I called Marco today. He surprisingly picked up right away. Just pleasant idle chat, felt nice. My level of dislike for him has raised from "if he jumped in front of a train then I'd not waste energy stopping him and just let his fate be determined by chance and velocity", to "if we were hanging out at night, and someone tried to mug us at knifepoint, I'd at least apologize, before darting down the street and leaving his ass there."

Just mild political talk, flirting, taking some digs at him. Not too bad, actually pretty pleasant. He's better off not knowing I enjoyed it, though, since I know how his ass gets.........

Yuck. :)

Aaaaand.... he told me something interesting.

A nice random song.

A relevant song, for several reasons.....

Matty reached out to Marco.

"Who is Matty?", you ask, despite me writing about him and what he did to me several dozen times by now within the last month. I assume thats an understatement, also.

Matty, the guy who was 19 years old, and absolutely head over heels infatuated with 17 year old struggling me. Gosh, do I wanna do a short summary, or a full blown memory rewind with descriptive writing?

Probably a mix, since I'm too tired to write too long.

We met on reddit. I was looking for a distraction, since Crackhead John, the hotheaded college level guy I knew, was avoiding me, as well as some asshole nicknamed Nikko, who pulled a "hey i really do adore you, but im also very easily depressed and may not contact you for a long time"... yikes, man.

Matty was an...... interesting fellow. I digged that he wasn't into gender roles, wore dresses, and was a pretty open minded and generally playful dude.

We had sex. It was bad, since he had yellow teeth and poor hygiene. It was a difficult point in my life, but I'll just say, he was attractive otherwise. Ear length dyed blonde hair, big blue eyes, pale skin, he kinda looked like an obnoxiously shojo-esque version of Prince Charming from Shrek. Or like, a shonen version of Tomoko from OHSHC, except terrible hygiene, and a dragon dildo collection.

Hard to explain my reasons for liking him, buuuut let's just say, I thought he was gorgeous before I saw him in person, and our personalities clicked perfectly. And by the time I met him, with him smelling like dog shit and must, I just didn't know how to tell him I changed my mind.

I also temporarily thought he was going to kill me, but that's not super relevant nor was it plausible.

One terrible three to ten minutes of him fucking me, and me slamming my head on his headboard in hopes to trigger a concussion for myself later, aaaaand surprisingly he didn't want me to leave so soon. He asked if I wanted to hang out and keep talking... Then we clicked... perfectly. Played Mario Kart while nude, hooked up again i think, took a walk around his neighborhood, (he used to leave right next to Japantown, it was great,) l

Night ended with food, a kiss, and us actually being ecstatic at meeting up again.

By the 2nd date, all of his friends and family nonstop knew about me, he put the picture we took of eachother as his phone background, and we fucked like rabbits.

We moved extremely fast as a couple. I met Marco and Saula through him, his father and stepfather took us out to a national forest for a romantic stroll in a historic area, (Matty complained about being wet the entire time, since a rainstorm had kicked in,) lots of great things had happened between us.

Buuuut not all was perfect.

I am too tired to continue memory diving in depth.....

But long story short, once a considerable chunk of time had passed between the nonstop lovebombing and attention... He did spontaneously tell me that I was the only girl he truly wants, 100% only wanted me and to be exclusive and serious with me, (which was an amazing feeling, after several incidents of romantic flings or relationships ending with abandonment or terrifying amounts of stress and suicidal thoughts on my side due to another person's reckless treatment of me....)

Then three hours after I said yes and cheerily accepted, finally happy to not second guess someones intentions, or someone wanting me in their life, (he put a lot of thoughts in my head, even once grabbing me by the chin and demanding I understand that he would never, ever do anything to hurt me, and would want me in his life no matter what......) he decided oh, I don't like you, I'm in love with my best friend who lives multiple states away, so I'm going to block you indefinitely, AND have the girl I left you for threaten you as well.

Thaaaaanks, Matty. Let's see... crying nonstop for weeks, nonstop chest pains and dehydration, lightheadededness, suicidal thoughts, self harm tendencies, and much more.

Cool, yeah. Way to go, Matty. "This girl obviously has an abusive home life, a bad and terrible past with her boyfriends before meeting me, and more. And is pretty open about even the most absurd things I've told her about..... guess I better continue the cycle!" *cue the canned laughter track*.

Then eventually he tried to have me and him still "keep in touch", after I read him the riot act later in the week when we met face to face. From the way he described things, it seemed like he had wanted to have his cake and eat it too. "You can sleep over sometime and still hang out, if you really want! JaLeah wouldn't have to know." Sickening.

No wonder she ended up being so paranoid and insecure that other people were out to steal her man..... that she stole very easily....

Ooh. Reminds me of a song, lol.

I listened to that religiously while in school. Ha, the bass and the way it hits makes my ears feel so dope.

Anyway.

Matty and me then had a falling out which had went teeeerribly.

Months later, I told him I fucked Marco. (Not behind his back, but just a general, "Sup ex, enjoy picturing me and your emo manlet friend plowing lol.") Very mature, but not as immature as what Matty did.

His girlfriend went batshit on me from at least 7 different phone numbers, claiming I was trying to "steal her man", making sure ro repeatedly say "thats MY MAN", and getting upset when I said, "I told him I fucked his friend, sis, where in that message does it say I want to fuck him?" (Ever get mad at a girl for not wanting to fuck your boyfriend? Well then you've had more luck than me... and Matty also got mad at me months before this incident, for, in response to him unprovoked saying he would never want me back and that he had made the right decision, became pissed as HELL hearing me say, "Even if you did want me back, I would never want you back nor take you back after what you did"... those two are.... odd.)

Anyway.

Then despite Jaleah bragging to me that Matty didn't care whatsoever about me banging his best friend, (which was a lie since otherwise they would've never responded in the first place,) Matty then, a few months later, contacted Marco....

To be mad at him.

Both for being a shit friend, (he was,) but MAINLY for having sex with ME.... BUT WHY BE MAD AT THAT? You can't be mad that you missed out on a full course meal, and then someone else was ready to take it while it was still hot. (Marco's words, not mine. I said "He can't get mad that he ignored a snack and you took the leftovers", and Marco reminded me that I am more than a snack, and not at all discarded leftovers, since i was still hot.... aw, sex metaphors are so adorable. And nerdy lmfaoooooo.)

Matty blew up on Marco, and said that him fucking me was "betrayal and a violation of their trust". (Wh..... what.)

Yikes.

......

Fast forward to present day.

Matty hits up Marco.

Asks if he still talks to me.

Marco says no. (Honestly, a good call....)

And then Marco asks why. Matty just brushes it off, and mentions that him and JaLeah are "kinda sorta" together, when Marco asks him.

Marco then proceeds to call Matty one of the worst people he's ever met, and how after witnessing a lot of the shit Matty does to other people, Marco absolutely does not wish to stay in contact whatsoever.

A smart call.

And yeah.

.......

Ha. I see why JaLeah was so insecure, then. Two years is a substantial relationship, and 5 years if you count their friendship....

God, what a prick. No way is he gonna be allowed back into my life like that.

2:23am. Gonna go to sleep.

Rest up well yalls. Peace out.