#ypou ever just have a character idea that just

[byrdstrolls]

Record Skip

Your name is Raerae Daling, and sometimes a thought gets stuck in your head like a skip on a record, like accidentally clicking speed backward on a grubtube video, like losing your spot in a paragraph and reading the first sentence over, always in threes. Today's thought is thus-

I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend,

I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend,

I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend,

-That was what you would say to the bouncer. It had to be playful enough for intrigue. The bouncer would probably be Nafisa. You know most of the bouncers in the entire west side, and the comfort of firm arms shoving you out into the gutter. But Nafisa was his go-to for these kinds of parties. She’s got a sense of humor, she’s got a want for chaos- You had to play their game for a moment. I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-grlfriend, you would say. 

No shit, she would answer. Give me one good reason to let you in.

I brought booze, you would say, holding up your shopping bags- your six packs are across the bathroom, you had put them down after purchasing this morning like they burned your hand. But you’d say-

I brought booze, 

-And Nafisa, or whatever bouncer, whoever was guarding the party would say

Shittt, can’t argue with that.

And let you in. Deep down, they all wanted to see you kick that bastard in the nose. You wouldn’t give them the satisfaction, but you’d prey on their thirst, their desperation for your comment, your reaction, the showdown that was always meant to be. I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend. 

You didn’t plan on talking to your ex. There wasn’t a thing to say. You finish the slow circle of eyeliner around your eyes. You’ve never had a steady hand, but it's supposed to be messy, and you take a hand and smear it slightly across your knuckles. You stare into the bathroom mirror, your slit pupil eyes wide. Feeling like one of those dogs freezing at the sight of its reflection. You look so much like drunk Raerae your fight or flight kicks in, but it's just a costume, it's just a costume, she's just a costume. 

Don’t go to your ex’s party, your sponsor had told you, Quincy had looked tired, but he always looked tired, so it wasn’t your fault, and you couldn’t be held accountable for how you answered. Your sponsor said don’t go to that party, and then your client had said 100$ an hour, 500$ bonus if you catch him in the act. And you told them both I’m not drinking and you meant it with your whole heart, and mind, and empty bank account. 

When you make it to the outside of the mansion, the highblood estate where hive music blasts into the unforgiving darkness, the night is young. The bouncer is Nafisa, like you knew she would be. 

“Excuse me Miss” She huffs. “You got an invite?”

“You know me” You accuse. “You know me, Nafisa, I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend”

“Uh-huh. And why would I let you in?” She says, crossing her arms. 

“I brought boozeee” You grin, flashing your bags, she’s so on script you feel like kissing her, but then she ruins it. She squints at you, your running makeup, your permanently offset dress. 

“Girl, did you pregame?” She asks. 

You frown your way into a lopsided smirk, hoping she doesn’t notice your momentary disgust and confusion. 

“You know me,” You joke. You lie. “I started pregaming two nights ago.” 

“You know I’m like security, right?” 

“You know I like, brought booze? Out of the goodness of my heart? Out of the bottom of my wallet?” 

“If you go in there” She warns. “And do some stupid, insane shit like you pulled at the new sweeps party or fright night, everybodies gonna be like, who let Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend in here?” She huffs, adjusting her hijab. 

“And then Nafisa, darling Nafisa, you say, not me! You say, I’ve never seen that bitch in my life! And your lips stay shut, and my lips stay shut, and everyone wins and everyone lives a little.” You plead. 

She stares at you, but then, with a patient glance around as if to check if anyones watching, she opens the door for you, and you walk into the party. 

The place is a minefield. But that’s why you came in with two plastic bags of seltzers in your hands, with two grenades pressed into your palm pin-first so you can keep the pin tight and close and hear its heartbeat against your skin. You’ve gotta make it to the upper floors- there's got to be an elevator. The alcohol is heavy, and no way in hell you’re going up the stairs in these heels. You wander from hall to hall, from pockets of giggling drunk girls, past trolls lounging on chairs and beanbags passing back and forth pipes, the inescapable smell. You press the elevator button once, twice, three times. 

The top floor, the penthive, that’s gotta be where the seadwellers room was, it was Hesdie’s party, but it’s not his bedroom you’re breaking into. The elevator door opens to a crowded living room, but you don’t skip a beat. 

“Booze runnnn!” You slur, dumping the two bags onto the floor, to which they perk up like vultures. 

“Yoooo!” One says, a cerulean you don’t recognize. He squints at you. 

“Aren’t you that girl who jumped off the building into that hot tub once??? DUDE I remember you” 

“That’s me” You grin. “I’m Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend.” 

“Come sit with us,” He says. 

“I gotta pee” You say, walking past him further into the hive.

“Where have you been?” He says. Like you would tell him. “Nobodies seen you for months.” 

“Living it up in some rich girls apartment down east.” You lie. 

“My man,” He says. 

“I really gotta pee” You repeat, and keep walking down the hall, till you run into a long row of bedroom doors. The first bedroom you check is empty. The second has a couple in it, but they're so trashed they’re not even speaking. The third has a pair of jade’s playing cards. 

“Girl” One says, “Wtf the fuck is up with your eyes?”

You roll them, your sideways goat pupils going to the ceiling. 

“They’re contacts, ofc. Literally grey. I’m anon” You say. 

“Why not get normal ones?” 

“I’m quirky that way.” You reply. 

“Those look real dude, they’re fucking freaky.” the other one says, and you realize you’ll have to do your whole little show, one you knew by heart but still right now feels like a waste of time no matter the adrenaline rush it’d give you. 

Your hand goes to your contact case in your pocket, slyly reaching inside. The contact case had rust lenses in it, you never left home without it and you pick one up with your ring finger, balancing it delicately on the tip. 

“Here” you say, “I’ll take one out” You promise, lifting your index, the rust contact still concealed, turning your head upwards such that your fingers are obscured to the two jadebloods. You put the rust contact in your eye in one quick motion, blinking, and lift your index finger, pretending to hold a contact that is simply not there. 

“See” You shrug. “I’m a rustie” You say. Staring at them with one red and one gray eye. And you see their shoulders fall with ease and relief. You would feel more satisfaction with tricking them if you hadn’t done this one billion times, in the backs of bars, in closets and sidewalks and way, way drunker than you are now. 

“Wait, hold on a second.” The first jade says. “Aren’t you Hesdie’s ex-mate? He’s talking mad shit about you dog. Where have you been?” 

“I went on a cruise, actually. R&R for months” You lie. 

“Did you really try to steal his grubtube channel?” he asks. 

“What? No.” You say, so unsettled by the question you shut the door in his face.

Who cares, who cares, who cares what he says about you to his millions of followers, his channel will crash and burn without you. You head back down the hallway, and open the fourth door- but it's just Maindy in there, and talking to Maindy makes you sad, because you really did like him. 

“Raerae,” He says, voice laced with concern. “Is that you?” 

And how dare he be concerned, really- how dare he- whatever Hesdie said on grubtube, he was complicit- he was the editor. Hesdie never had the skill to do it himself. You like to imagine he portrayed you kindly when he could. But you had deleted grubtube off your phone months ago- you didn’t know what they were saying. 

“No.” You answer, slamming the door.

“Rae!” He calls back, shutting his husktop, following you into the hallway. Can you really be mad at him for videos you haven't even seen?

“What are you doing here?” He says, as he stalks you down the hallway to the last bedroom. “Where have you been?” He asks. “Nobodies seen you in months,” He says. 

And it's Maindy, and he's this barkbeast grub of a man, with big wide dark eyes and curls cascading down his back, and he looks at you like a guilty pet, and you can’t lie to him. 

“Rehab.” You say. 

“Oh” he says, stopping, and you try the door of the last bedroom, but it’s locked. 

“Did that… go well?” He says, taking in your state of dress, makeup, and demeanor. 

“Really well” You say, pulling a bobby pin from your hair to pick the lock. 

“I’m sober. I’m sober. I’m sober.” You say, with a different inflection each time. But it’s true. 

“I just wanted to lure everyone into a false sense of security so I could break into this hive.” You say, and the lock clicks open. 

“Oh.” He repeats. It’s so easy for them, it’s so easy for them to believe the worst of you, and why wouldn’t they?

The worst of you has millions of views. However many livestreams on Hesdie’s channel. MINECRAFT DRINKING GAME WITH MY GIRLFRIEND (gone wrong) (gone crazy). 

“Why break in?” Maindy asks. 

“For a client of mine.” You say. “Moirail of the fushia who own’s it’s matesprit.” You say, walking in and rifling through the fushia’s drawers, for a husktop- preferably a husktop. The fushia had a name, but it wasn’t important to you. 

“Oh… I forgot you used to do that Private Investigator thing” He says. 

“I’ve got bills” You answer. “No longer the luxurious grubtuber’s girlfriend.” You find an ipad plugged into the wall- bingo. You start looking through his messages. 

“Hesdie’s um,” Maindy pauses. “Saying a lot of stuff about you.” 

“So I hear” You say, flipping through the text messages, just long enough to confirm this guy is indeed cheating on his matesprit, just as your client suspected. Most PI gigs are cheaters these days. They bored you. It was always too easy. It was always too easy. It was always too easy. 

“He said that um” He stares at you as you work. “That you, um, demanded he give you his whole channel, and accused him of hemophobia when he didn’t. (he made me leave that in)” He says softly, and you can’t even stay mad, because Maindy was paying off student loans, and Hesdie pays him well, because Hesdie knows he’s not actually funny and his channel will crash and burn without Maindy’s editing, just like it will crash and burn without your hilarity. Just give it time.

“I did none of that” You say. 

“Well what happened?” he asks. 

“None of your business” You say, texting screencaps to your client, plugging the ipad back into the wall, you walk past Maindy back into the hall, and shut the door on him. 

“Go fuck yourself” You say, and it doesn't matter to you much whether you or he earned it or not anymore, its a night for slamming doors, and suddenly you have to be out of this party, you want to not be here more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your life. Why didn’t you listen to your sponsor? You begin the long trek back to the elevator, and past the living room, and to the front door, and very few minutes someone stops you and says hey, aren’t you that hemoanon who chugged a bottle of capiers on a dare? Aren’t you that girl who did a line off a pocketknive in a livestream? Aren’t you that troll who set fire to Hesdie’s kitchen last New Sweep party? 

Aren’t you Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend? 

Aren’t you Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend? 

Aren’t you Hesdie’s crazy ex-girlfriend? 

And you don’t run into him the whole night, you just hear his name spoken again and again like it’s your own, but you know that by three am most nights mid-high he likes to mellow out in jacuzzi’s and hot tubs, and the pools are on the third floor, and you know he’d be there, and you avoid it like the plague. Right now, somebody, maybe one of those jades or those guys on the living room floor is walking up to him and they’re probably saying hey, your ex-girlfriend was upstairs with two six packs, she was opening bedroom room doors, 

And he’d lean back, running a hand through his hair and he'll say 

Damn, she really is obsessed with me

Nafisa watches you head out the front door at a brisk pace to where you’ve parked and she tries not to look too disappointed.

[juun-the-aira-mun]

600 Follower Giveaway and Follower Forever!

Listen up, everyone!

It has been three long, long years since I started my journey on tumblr and I have gone an incredible way from the beginning. When I started I didn’t expect to even get a doozen followers and now look at where the blog has come to (even though it is still as deserted as back then most of the time).

SO now I want to say “Thank you, everyone.” Some people have helped me outside of this blog, in a certain sense in reallife, others have given me a lot of fun with the roleplays I have. There are a lot of followers I really owe a lot to in one way or another. And while I can’t say thank you to everyone, I can still direct certain people further below.

To that I am going to make a Giveaway that is directed at OCs in the community moreover than the people who play canon characters. While this sounds harsh on said people, I want to give OCs a bit of love or try to at least. I know how hard the community can be on them and how little some of them get no matter what so I think this gievaway will be justified. More about this will be posted relatively soon, hopefully during this very week even.

So, now to the specific thanks that I will direct at people around. Some might be a bit surprising as the people might never have interacted with me, others will very well be no surprise at all. I just will tag everyone I think I should make a note on! And while I usually see these things swamped with tags at all followers, I think I will pass on that for now!

@thecatofdarkness Hey sis :3 I mean, really, my shipping partner, my sister in soul or mind or whatever you want to call it, the one I often have to say “Donchu dare” to in all sorts of variations. If I were to not put you here first, I think I should be leaving this blog right now. I am allways happy with whatever you do for our muses, for me and whatever you message me with to tell me. I adore Ren and our conversations and am more than happy that a thread of a cheeky teasing cat evolved in a more than complicated and incredible detailed relationship. You listen to me rambling and groaning and are there when I need someone to talk to. Really, I can’t thank you enough. So thank you. Just thank you for being there.

@shukuchiisms Tales of Ice, flametales, do you remember these names? And how luna was a Skyrim muse way back? Or a fluffball that you would cuddle before the blog reset that turned her into a bloodsoaked monster that now has to deal with a Shadowlady that annoys the heck out of her and at the same time makes her melt? Holy hell, we never really got to any roleplays. All of our msues history is entirely set up in IM alone and yet it all makes sense. I love your character, I love talking to you and I allways grumble that we barely talk with each other anymore. I really, REALLY hope you come back to your bloga s an active member of the community and as the goofey idiot you sometimes are that gets bitten by his muse who definitly did not try to kill you with that. Thank you for sticking around with me.

You two were the ones who kept me in the blog. If you hadn’t been there, I would probably have abandoned the blog for real 2 years ago. Thank you. A round of applaus.

@crystals-angel Hello owo Remember me .3.? Yes, we barely talk. Yes, we had both our differences and our nice conversations. And yes, we basically talk apart from each other a good 40% of the time. But you are still a person I am happy to not have missed back when I found your blog. It is already so clouded as to how that happened that I am almost sure that it was just a random blog recommondation that caught my eye but what came of it is still incredible valuable for me. I was sad when you ahd deleted your blog back then and I was happy when I found you on skype and you reopened your blog. Your muses are diverse, Fawniss is a total goof that can sometimes just be described as adorable and at other times is just badass. I am happy for our interactions. And I really hope that we can talk more and interact more in the future.

@thecelestialchibi1 Muhahaha, I bet you weren’t even expecting me to tag you here :3c Or maybe you were. Knowing you, you weren’t and since you don’t roleplay anymore or use tumblr it wouldn’t really surprise me xD But you are still here. You are one of these people who I could just take and shake for half a minute while giving you a lecture about why you are awesome and you shouldn’t hate yourself or dislike yourself or ... whatever there is else you could think about yourself that is negative. You are an awesome person and I hope to see you again around in the future. For now there will be more patting and pouting in Discord though!

@castdeath Well, this one is actually surprising. I feel like we parted in a more negative way than I would like, but I am convinced that we can work through that ... somehow. I hope we can set these differences aside. We only did one single play so far but that one was very much important to me. I don’t get to play Aira in her AU that much. And I only that oen time got the chance to actually play her out the way she is. I hope we can return to being friends. I really do. (I also hope you are fine by now. Fucking storm sucking out all joy of the stuff we had going just from the time it forced you away).

@properbalance Boop :3 While the origin between us will remain a mystery, I have come to like you and come to like talking to you a lot. You are very hard to get a hold of though, one day ypou will be there, the next you will be gone for half a year to never be seen again. Just to pop up out of nowhere. I hope we will find the ways to do things in the future. But for now I will gladly focus on the idioticiy that we are doing anyways and will look forward to whatever idioticy we can brew up from thing air from now on xD

@staardusts You are probably the one who just jumped onto this list the most recent. You are the only Soraka-mun who ever had taken the time to show interest in my muse, the only one who bothered enough to actually think would could go on. And to add to that you are so incredibly nice as a person that I simply love talking to you in private. I hope things brighten up for you and I hope that we can continue and build up something special!

@littledesertsparrow I mean ... you and your muse are both adorable in their own ways. So far I had nothing but fun talking with you. Well, disregarding the one thing with my clinginess. Sorry for that once more, I am trying my best to change it currently. Your Taliyah is very unique and I think you play her in a one time way that noone else would be able to achieve. Even though I still don’t know how you managed to start shipping Darius and Taliyah. Then again, I managed shipping Elise and Quinn >.> Don’t ask how. I really, really hope we can make some things happen in the future between our muses and maybe between each other as a person as so far I just had a blast talking to you and sending things in for you to answer. And yes, I know this wording is weird. I am not good at social interactions :3

@rinidinger We abrely ever talked BUT you are one of the reasons I even started this entire blog xD I still have the old things I tried to make for an Ingame Model for Rin somewhere on my PC. Even though we did indeed never interact and there were only a handful of conevrsation, it is very easy for me tos ay thank you for your character and what you did for the community. You and two other blogs alone inspired me to start roleplaying here. And I made lots of friends due to that!

@asknasus-thecuratorofthesands Youuuu are probably dead. I think. I am not sure. But your blog is dead for sure. Thank you for the memories and the time our muses shared. They have helped develop my muse a lot and I am more than grateful for you to accept me just jumping in your inbox as if our muses knew each other and just going with it unlike other people who I did it back then with long before IM were even a thing and plotting was new to me. You helped my character to develop and it pulled it through the earliest stages of the blogs development. Thank you, kind sir. You helped me a lot.

@lillium-the-scout I ... think I should put you in this list as well. I have no clue what happened back then. I don’t know what the entire drama was that you were involved witha nd I honestly care little for it. I am not even sure that the mun I am tagging here is the same mun who played with Aira back in the early months’ of the blog. But for the chance that it was, disregarding every rumour and every bad reputation: Thank you for back then. You were one of the first roleplay partners I had. Even though in hindsight the entire starting ship was a terrible idea. I stilll want to thank you for the experience.

@askspiderqueen  I have to thank you for the single interaction we had with our muses. It might not make a lot of sense but it showed me a lot of things about hwo I paly my character and what she does. I really, REALLY want to interact and talk to you more, but I fear our muses just won’t work out. Elise being pissed and Aira having no real reason to ever visit the Spiderqueen. maybe I will find a way in the future. For now I thank you.A nd silently hope you might eba ctive again. Because your character is a lot of fun to read.

@noxian-rose We literally never roleplayed and we barely talked because I am shy as hell and SCARED like hell to approach you. But your character is amazing in the way you play her. I have been watchng your rolepalys in the past with excitement and am allways happy to see you on my dash. It pulled me back into roleplaying a while back. Thank you for that. Maybe things will come by in the future.

@shorthammertime And at last the mun I literally allways feel like I upset them when they suddenly stop to reply. I think of all the people on this list, you made me laugh most. Your muses are incredible, your love for them is noticeable and you yourself are just a fun person to talk with. I still hope that we might roleplay someday with each other. When I can’t tell. But I can at least hope.

Honorable mentions: These are a few people that I wanted to mention because they give me life in their roleplays or because I roleplayed or roleplay with them. Because I enjoyed our conversations or anything otherwise similar. Thank all of you for what you have given me. I will cherish it. Promise.

@ladyem-s-grimoire @verum-exsolutus @lustful-heavens @sexydeceiver @the-demacian-pariah @grabthelantern @maiden-soraka @the-everchild @ask-xayah-therebel @seliniakocharitos @sacredtempest

Thank all of you so much. Let’s hope that the future stays bright.