#your desire for human experience to be simple and for labels to reflect rigid experiences will be your downfall

[spyroz]

Being non dysphoric trans at least for me is more of a political statement than a description of literal reality. It says "I'm for bodily autonomy in all circumstances and without explanation" but it does also say "I love my trans body"

Every person in the world would likely become 'dysphoric' if described or gendered or viewed in a way antithetical to their self image, trans or otherwise. So pulling the "erm technically you do have dysphoria" response just isn't necessary. We already know this. It depends on how you define the word "dysphoria", but idgaf about semantics like that, my goal is simply to send a message and describe myself in the *closest possible way* to the truth. But nothing is ever *entirely* true

People posting about how "non dysphoric trans people aren't really non dysphoric" are missing the point because dysphoric or nondysphoric was never a binary in the first place. These are made up words and I'm using the one closest to my experience, doesn't mean it has to fit 10000% of the time. It isn't so black and white, nothing is.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi! I just recently found this blog and I want to say it’s been so informative and comforting for me as someone who’s questioning so thank you for this wonderful space. Lately, I’ve been questioning if I’m ace. Ironically enough, I first came across an ace blog that struck a chord with me on international asexuality day!! Truly felt meant to be but I doubt myself heavily so that’s where I need advice... I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years and sex was a thing for the first few months but for me the desire slowly dropped off. I didn’t feel like I needed or wanted it anymore despite being perfectly happy in the relationship. That is a consistent pattern that’s happened with me for every serious relationship I’ve been in. I look at my current partner and I feel so much love for them, and I absolutely think they are attractive but I don’t feel the need to engage sexually with them. I think my partner is confused but they never ever give me a hard time or make me feel less than. I fear they think it’s because I’m not attracted to them at all (causing them to question their self image) or that I’m unhappy and want out of the relationship which is definitely not the case. I question my validity as an ace person because of the guilt mainly. I feel like I used to be someone who enjoyed sex occasionally so I feel as if I’ve duped them. I also think about the possibility that maybe I’m just suffering from some sort of sexual dysfunction due to hormones or something and by identifying as ace I’m actively taking away from the validity of the ace community. I hope that’s makes sense. It’s just an internal struggle :( I greatly appreciate any advice or words of wisdom you have to offer!

Alright so just to start with the medical side of things, if this is a consistent pattern with you in relationships, then it’s likely not any kind of medical issue. And it’s much more likely this is just the pattern that your orientation follows.

Honestly the only time I’d be really concerned is if your usual pattern changed and your sex drive suddenly dropped off, and even that could still just naturally be how you are, but it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor and just make sure there isn’t a medical reason behind it.

Disinterest in sex specifically usually isn’t a medical issue, though sometimes it may happen with something like depresssion or ptsd or something like that, but in cases like that there’d be a lot of other noticeable symptoms.

Though it’s also OK to identify as ace if there’s a medical reason behind it, the reasoning being if a label fits your experiences and is useful for you to use, it doesn’t really matter why you fit that experience, the fact is you do. And it’s up to the individual to decide if the label would be useful for them or right for them or not.

It isn’t an unusual pattern for ace people to start a relationship being interested in sex and for it to wane or fade as the relationship goes on. Some aces get less interested in sex the more they get to know someone and get closer to them (this can fall under the label fraysexual), some experience sexual attraction in an initial sudden burst and then it will fade or vanish (burstsexual). Not everything fits under a neat label, so if neither of these fit you don’t worry about it. But just to let you know it’s not unusual. Of course if one or both of these labels does strike a cord, feel free to look into them!

It’s very possible to not be interested in sex, but still attracted to your partner. There’s a lot of different types of attraction, and sexual attraction is just one of them. So for example it’s entirely possible for your interest in sex to fade, but to still be very much romantically attracted to your partner. And it doesn’t mean you love them any less, the sexual component just isn’t a part of it.

Honestly too I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about. This is something completely outside of your control. The fact is too that we live in a society that tries to force people and orientations into very rigid boxes, you’re not doing anything wrong by not fitting that box.

I really wouldn’t worry about taking away from the validity from the ace community. It doesn’t really work that way. Identity’s a very personal thing, and it’s very important people feel free to explore and try things out when questioning, even if at the end of the process the person decides they’re not that label. So if you question being ace, even try out identifying as ace for a while, and then decide it’s not the right label for you, you’re not harming the ace community at all. In fact helping people figure out if they’re ace or not is one of the major functions of the community.

Instead I’d encourage you to look at it from a more personal level. Do you think identifying as ace would be useful for you? Do you think it would help you? Such as by giving you a better understanding of yourself or help you feel more comfortable with yourself or help you find community? Would it describe you the way you want to be described?

Identity also isn’t a large objective truth. What matters more is a label works for us than how perfectly accurate it is. Because in real life labels are quite simple but human are very complex.

Anyways this is a lot, but hopefully it’s helpful and gets you moving in a useful direction. For some people questioning will have a light bulb moment, but usually it takes time to reflect and adjust to a new identity. So don’t rush yourself and take the time you need to read up on things and consider what’s right for you. You may also find reading about other ace experiences useful too.

If you have more questions, or want anything clarified, please don’t be afraid to send in another ask.

All the best!