#you're one of the strongest and kind-hearted people i know and you deserve nothing but the best

[estcaligo]

Problematic post, dark content, if you don't like dark topics - skip this

I have this absolutely masochistic desire to read a series of fics with each twst character, theme: rejection. + upd:some general headcanons

Reader conferences to them and they reject prefect's feelings. 100% angst, no comfort, some disturbing warnings too.

Specifically I want to see :

Hanahaki with Sebek. He wants to be with you but can't because duties. OR he doesn't even want to, he's 100% focused on duties and you're a nuance, go disappear, useless dirt. (I have 10000+ sad scenarios for Sebek...)

Humiliation, degradation, bodyshaming with Vil aka "Have you even seen yourself? What was going on in that ugly head of yours that you could even consider such possibility? No, don't touch me with those ugly fingers."

"You're not a match for me" with Leona.

"Very funny. But I AM a prince after all. What can you offer me? Are you an important ally? A monarch from any country? Maybe you're a valuable business partner? No? Didn't think so. Now move, you're blocking the sun."

"We belong to different worlds" with Malleus. Everything here screams doomed romance. Your life is so short - it's like a second for him. He's a prince, the heir to the throne, a powerful fae, the mighty dragon and one of the strongest mages in the world. And you? You're a grain of sand in his life. Useless, bleak, weak grain of sand.

Manipulation and gaslighting and even enslaving with Azul. Manipulating you into dating, making you fall for him and then sign a bunch of horrible contracts. The contents of those contracts? Trust me, you don't want to know....he makes you do horrible things. Disgusting things. Truly sorry for you.

Public humiliation and playing with your feelings - Ace.

"I was just messin' with ya. Did ya think we were a thing? Are you that naïve or actually stupid? Nah why r u crying rn. It's not my fault you're so fucking stupid lol"

Ghosting with Idia. It was clear from the start - it wasn't going to go well. You're too different… No, it's him who doesn't deserve you. You tried to make it work, but… Idia just can't communicate well. And you're kind of tired of it, too. At first, you did try to reach out, you asked him to talk about it… but he just kept ghosting you. Not a single word to explain why he doesn't want to see you anymore. It's unfair. It hurts.

Jack? Your presence makes him uncomfortable. You just irritate him. You're so unserious. everything is a joke to you.

"Even now you're joking, right?" he said when you tried to confess to him. "I will never think of you as my partner. You're not a match for a wolf. Not with that attitude. I bet you can't even imagine what a lifelong partner means." He didn't mean to be rude, just clear. But it hurts, because you truly love him. And yet, he will never even look at you that way. The best decision would be to never see him again.

Lilia is mischievous, everyone knows that. But you didn't think he would do this to you. Play with your feelings just like that. All that occasional teasing, random hair stroking, small kisses on the cheek… he made your heart flutter every time. But when you decided to confess?

"Fufu, young people are so hopeless these days. Sorry, little bat. I'm not interested."

Not interested. That’s what he said. After doing all this to you. Luring you in and then breaking your heart like it was nothing.

Spoiler: it leads to suicide and not Lilia's.

not rejection, just some headcanons

Floyd - Kinda dating but with much much physical abuse. Domestic violence. Rape too. You're bruised 24/7 in those relationship. Consent? Never heart of it. He's touching you where he wants, when he wants. Your opinion doesn't matter. Say a word and he'll break your ribs again. You're so annoying, jeez. You were supposed to be fun, why're you nagging all the time...Blood suits you now, dear.

Jade - Oh, he he was so charming at the beginning. And by charming I mean fucking mind games, but it was so captivating and you just couldn't resist his charm and by charm I mean manipulation. In the end - makes you his test subject. He kills you and grows mushrooms on your corpse. Scary but eco friendly!

Rook - It started with stalking. He followed you everywhere, he "occasionally" stumbled upon you in every corridor. You constantly felt someone's gaze wherever you went. Eventually, he confessed, but you made the mistake of rejecting him.

"Sorry, Rook, I think Cupid's arrow missed this time" you tried to joke. Too bad.

"He might miss sometimes, but I don't."

Yes, he shoots you because "if you don't want to become 'us,' there will be no 'you' at all."

[asena-graywolf]

Considerate Boyfriend

“Look y/n… are you really dating that weird guy?”

"Yes. Is there any problem with that?”

You could proudly tell your friends that you were Aone's girlfriend. Unfortunately, your friends were biased about your boyfriend because of Aone's outwardly scary appearance.

“No but…he looks like a bully”

"Yes. Does he treat you badly?"

“Did he do the scar on your knee?”

As usual, they managed to get on their nerves.

“What nonsense are you doing? I fell off a horse last week. Luckily I survived with only one minor scratch. He also put the tape on my knee.”

"You can’t be serious!"

“I am quite serious. He may look like a terrible bully from afar, but he is never what he seems.”

"Is he just being nice to you, then?"

“I have never seen him mistreat his teammates or anyone else. Besides…who knows? Maybe you don't deserve to see the real good side of him. So he's not really showing you how kind and bland he is."

They laughed at the answer. Obviously, no matter what you said, they wouldn't be convinced that Aone wasn't what they thought she was.

“This is crazy. Open your eyes, fool! That guy is a bully. Besides, I've heard that when he gets on the train, no one sits next to him. The team captain punched Futakuchi in the shoulder”

“Who knows what Futakuchi did? Also, Aone doesn't hit anyone for nothing. Either something happened to make him very angry or he couldn't control his power. Doesn't anyone sit next to you? Don't be funny! I'm sitting next to him. Others may fear him, but his kindness and cuteness never frighten me. You are low-thoughted people.”

“You are blinded by love. If you ask me, try to save yourself from this mental patient as soon as possible"

“Watch your tongue! That boy you call mentally ill is the strongest middle blocker on the volleyball team. He’s such an iron wall. Plus it's way better than those cool kids you're dating. Don't ever laugh at him or blab around about him!”

“At least those cool boys can talk, y/n-chan. Can your boyfriend really talk?"

“He can talk. But he doesn't want to talk to you. Why would he talk to fools like you who don't understand the heart and love? He talks when he wants, not when he doesn't want to. Everything is up to his taste. He is aint for none”

Your eyes are filled with anger, but you try not to show it.

“Shut your mouths and keep hunting handsome boys, you jerks! Leave my boyfriend alone! You don't know him! You will never know!”

You quickly drove away from there. You wanted to throw yourself away. It never mattered where. You thought of the attic and you went up there.

You felt a little calm as the fresh air hit your face. You calmed her nerves and kept her eyes from watering.

It wasn't just because you felt the fresh air blowing. When you turned your head, you saw Aone sitting against the view with her back to you.

It couldn't be a coincidence that your boyfriend was here at the same time as you.

“Aone? Were you here too?" you said and you approached him

There was no way he hadn't heard you. Yet he did not react. You knew you weren't supposed to go after him when he didn't want to talk. But you needed to talk too

“It is no coincidence that we are here at the same time. My dumb classmates pissed me off again. I hate when they talk back and forth about you. They don't know that you have a loving heart. Seriously, none of them deserve to see your true personality. People are really cruel and prejudiced…that's why I don't want to make friends. Except for you of course"

Again, Aone didn't react to you. He was just listening to you. He knew that even though he didn't answer you, he could understand your feelings.

"Come on! Will I always talk to your back like this? Okay, I know you don't like to talk. But you don't like talking to me too? I'm literally taking words from your mouth with tweezers"

You sighed and smiled slightly. You turned around and sat down with your back to his

“Well okay. Let's not talk. Then show me a sign of how I can get along with you without speaking."

You rested the back of your head on his back and took a deep breath. Then you turn yourself to the right, face her back, and wrap your arms around her waist. You put your cheek on his back. You could hear her breathing and heartbeat

"Do you know?…I love you. No matter what they say. I'm not ashamed to be with you. Quite the contrary, I'm proud to be your girlfriend. If you're just with me, that's enough for me. I don't want anything else. I don't need any friends but you anyway. Lovers are also like each other's best friend"

Your words must have pleased Aone. You felt the warmth of his hands on your hand. He stroked his knuckles and the back of his hand

“Sit near to me” she said briefly and clearly.

You put your arms around his waist and came over to him. You pulled your knees to your chest and sat down. The Band-Aid on his knee caught his eye

“How was the your knee?”

"Better. For you sticking the tape"

He caressed his kneecap with his huge palm

"Well. I am pleased"

“Do you have practice today?”

He nodded yes.

“Oops! Look at the chance. I also have training. If it wasn't, I would say let's meet in the park at the exit"

“Don't worry, we'll find time to meet up. You go to your training. But watch out. This time, don't fall off the horse"

“I do, don't worry. You do well too. Do well-by to your iron wall nickname"

He took your hand. Your hand looked tiny within his huge hand, and it was literally disappearing. He ran his fingers through yours, she. The warmth of your palm hit your cold palm

“How huge are your hands. Tall people have big hands and feet though. And look at my hand. Lost in your hands" you laughed

While you were laughing, Aone pulled her hand towards her and placed a kiss on it.

You rested your head on his shoulder. His free hand caresses your cheek

"Come on. Lunch break is almost over. Let's go" he said and you stood up

You continued to attend your classes until the departure time. Unfortunately you couldn't meet at checkout and you only wished him a nice and productive workout via text message.

After I came home and had a snack, you went to practice. You loved this job. Both horses and riding them

You took your horse from the stable and rode it, and you were enjoying a workout in the company of your trainer. You felt extremely cool.

I wish Aone could see you on horseback too. You would like him to discover your riding charisma

Then you turn yourself to the right, face her back, and wrap your arms around her waist. You put your cheek on his back. You could hear her breathing and heartbeat

"You know what, I love you? No matter what they say. I'm not ashamed to be with you. Quite the contrary, I'm proud to be your girlfriend. If you're just with me, that's enough for me. I don't want anything else. I don't need any friends but you anyway. Lovers are also like each other's best friend"

Your words must have pleased Aone. You felt the warmth of his hands on your hand. He stroked his knuckles and the back of his hand

“Come with me,” she said briefly and clearly.

You put your arms around his waist and came over to him. You pulled your knees to your chest and sat down. The Band-Aid on his knee caught his eye

“How was your knee?”

"Better. For sticking the tape"

He caressed his kneecap with his huge palm

"Well. I am pleased"

“Do you have practice today?”

He nodded yes.

“Oops! Look at the chance. I also have training. If it wasn't, I would say let's meet in the park at the exit"

“Don't worry, we'll find time to meet up. You go to your training. But watch out. This time, don't fall off the horse"

“I do, don't worry. You do well too. Do justice to your iron wall nickname"

He took your hand. Your hand looked tiny within his huge hand, and it was literally disappearing. He ran his fingers through yours, she. The warmth of your palm hit your cold palm

“How big are your hands. Tall people have big hands and feet though. And look at my hand. Lost in your hands" you laughed

While you were laughing, Aone pulled her hand towards her and placed a kiss on it.

You rested your head on his shoulder. His free hand caresses your cheek

"Come on. Lunch break is almost over. Let's go" he said and you stood up

You continued to attend your classes until the departure time. Unfortunately you couldn't meet at checkout and you only wished him a nice and productive workout via text message.

After I came home and had a snack, you went to practice. You loved this job. Both horses and riding them

You took your horse from the stable and rode it, and you were enjoying a workout in the company of your trainer. You felt extremely cool.

You wish Aone could see you on horseback too. You would like him to discover your riding charisma

You wouldn't fall off the horse like last time. But it didn't turn out the way you think. You lost control of the horse, just as the horse jumped over the obstacle, the reins slipped from your hand and you were blown up.

The last thing you remember was being in the air. You couldn't remember how you hit the ground and what happened after that

You opened your eyes in the infirmary. He was surrounded by your trainer, your fellow riders, and a few doctors.

“How did this happen?”

“Suddenly he lost control of the reins and fell down instantly”

“She walked away from accident. She's conscious. No cracks or cracks anywhere. Just let her rest.”

Luck wasn't really smiling in your face. Just two weeks ago you fell off your horse and injured your knee, and now you're covered in bruises.

This was normal for your trainer. You were still a beginner and you were going to learn by hovering

You're alone with your trainer after everyone leaves

“Yes y/n-chan. Falling off the horse is normal, but you need to be a little more careful. You heard the doctor, rest well. Is there someone to take you home? Do you want me to inform your family?"

You weren't fully sober yet. You had difficulty speaking. It occurred to him to call Aone. must have wondered about you

"No. I hafta call my boyfriend. He can take me home. I don't want to worry my family for nothing"

"Ok. Wait, I'll get your bag"

When he looked outside, it was getting dark. You knew Aone's temper. If he couldn't reach you, he was going crazy with curiosity.

You answered your phone as soon as your coach brought your bag. You saw the screen full of missed calls and messages from Aone.

Y/n…where are you?

Pick up that phone!

Are you gonna make me worried sick?

If you don't response it I'm really going to the police

You immediately called Aone. He picked up the phone instantly. There was fear and anxiety in his voice. Anger stemming from some fear

“Y/n! Finally! Why don't you pick your phone up! I've been calling you for hours! I thought something happened to you, i went through hell and back”

"I am sorry. I didn't want to worry you. But unfortunately I fell off the horse again. This time is worse than before”

"What did you say? Are you ok? I'll come and get you"

You tried to get off the stretcher

“That's why I called you. Please come get me Aone"

“I'm coming right now. I'll be there in a short while" and hung up the phone.

You got dressed and waited outside the training ground. Aone arrived within minutes. You stood up as soon as you saw him.

“Aone…so you got here”

He took her face in his hands and examined the scars on his face.

“God! Don't you ever pay attention y/n?"

He kissed you on the forehead

“It happened in an instant. The reins slipped out of my hands.”

You were dizzy and almost lost your balance.

"Are you ok?" ' she asked, holding her shoulders.

"I feel dizzy. I am not able to stand”

He took you in his arms and hugged you tightly. You lay your head on his chest

“Get some rest. I will call a taxi. Then I'll drop you home"

——————-——————-——————-——————-

Somethings and someones made me Aone fan and this is my first Aone x reader fic

I love him so much, he’s not popular but he deserves to love more

[the19thduckpotato]

and this isn't a new concept either. Season 2 had Gran Torino point right at Izuku and declare: "You're exactly like [All Might]"

n while the kid is basking in the glow of those words from his hero's teacher, the old man adds: "yeah, that ain't a compliment "

you could almost call it a generational trauma. We don't know a lot about Nana and how she taught or raised Toshinori; she was the one who said, "Those with the biggest smile are the strongest."

not to mention all the unspoken trauma Toshinori has most likely gone through for him to develop a shutting out defense mechanism very early. It reads like he's lost a lot more people than we know about and he decided he had to get used to losing people.

by the time Nighteye had come along, Toshinori was already deep in his bad habits. Society had literally rebuilt itself on All Might and one begrudgingly agreed to sidekick wasn't going to change much.

which is why Izuku and Toshinori bring out the worst but also the best in each other.

You think Dad Might's heart doesn't ache like hell when he sees his kid following in his footsteps? on the beach, when he Texas Smashes his student and basically bellows, "FFS, STOP HURTING YOURSELF I ASKED YOU A HUNDRED TIMES ALREADY!" Even Toshinori himself says, "You've got some bad influences." And they both know exactly who he means.

And right now, Toshinori is trying. He's trying. He's fully aware of the bad behaviors because someone else is engaging in them and not only does he know it's bad, he knows it's especially bad for the kid he adores so much. Dad Might wants to give Izuku all the good things in the world but feels like he's screwed over and scarred up this sweet kid who did nothing but be kind to an old man who had given up on himself.

So don't think for one second Toshinori isn't fully aware of ALL the effects he's had on Izuku. There is a massive cloud of grief, despair, loneliness, guilt, and self hate all wrapped up in a big shiny "I deserved this" bow sitting on his head.

"ONE MORE THING--"

"....(I'm sorry.)"

Toshinori never meant to hurt his kid.

“All might contributed to Midoriya’s self destructive mindset and behaviors” that’s true!! Makes dadmight more real tho bc who hasn’t been fucked up by their parents’ expectations <3

[krshima]

Oh, grantors of Dark Disgrace. Do not wake me again.

—happy belated birthday to the lovely jess @dominantecode ♡

[pretty-toru]

just like heaven┆gojo satoru

୧ genre: smut/fluff

୧ wc: 1,108

୧ content warning: established relationship. vanilla sex. cockwarming. light nipple play. sweet lovemaking. love marks. gojo being soft and vulnerable.

୧ synopsis: gojo always knew that he loved you, but the words don't come tumbling out until he hears it from you first.

You are like a dream to Satoru.

Even as the moonlight pours into the room and he watches the silver beams dance on the curve of your cheeks. He can hear the softest, almost audible sigh that escapes your throat when he first enters you past the threshold. Slow and steady until he bottoms out and he pauses for a moment because he likes knowing that he's got all the best parts of you. In that locking of a gaze, your fingertips curl into the back of his head of his white locks as silence engulfs the space and the thumping of his heart beats in sync with the one he truly loves most.

"You're so perfect, you know that? An angel so sweet and pretty just for me." He says barely above a whisper, quiet and gentle, as his hand comes up to brush any strands of hair out of your eyes 一 all the nuance and emotion that rests on your face that the body sometimes tries to mask. Some people say that they wear their heart on the sleeves, but he thinks for both you and him it's entirely in the eyes.

You feel heavenly when he starts moving his hips, and he lowers his head to embrace the softness of your lips and through parted mouths he slips in his tongue. He slowly trails down to your jawline and neck, open tongue-ful kisses hot and searing against your skin. You're reduced into helpless moans and hitches in your breath when he quickens his pace, your hands glide down his back and legs wrap around him tighter each time he hits your sweet spot.

You feel so good and everything fits so right 一 the word perfect comes across his mind again. You're perfect in all the right places, beautiful and kind to his soul, nature conspired and made you perfect for him.

His large palm makes its way to the soft mound of your breast with a gentle caress and a cheeky squeeze before he takes your hardened nipple between his fingers. Your manicured nails drag through his hair as he continues to nip and gently suck along your neck and shoulder, a small giggle leaving your lips because he has a thing about marking his territory. Even though you like giving him a hard time about it, the sensation and him nestled in your neck overrides the inconvenience of covering it up for a few days.

"Toru, you're gonna leave a mark."

A lustful shiver runs through you when he draws back slightly to appreciate the visible evidence of his love. The sweep of his thumb runs over the soft hues of warm purple that looks like velour feels. There's just something viscerally satisfying about seeing a mark on you that's his 一 a feeling of togetherness, the moans and the sweat, he wishes so much it would last forever. Instead he leaves something behind because he likes to keep it as a reminder of tonight.

"Just want everyone to know you're mine." The afterthought hesitates in his mind, and for a moment it doesn't feel real unless he hears the words in your sweet voice. He reaches for your hand and the feeling of your smaller ones in his grasp is like a sigh of relief when he feels the world caving in. The entire time you're both wrapped tightly in each other's embrace with him deep inside you, thrusting ever so slowly to savor his own little heaven that is you.

"You belong to me, right?"

He sounds almost unsure and withheld, and you think it's such a silly question coming from him nonetheless. But he always glows from within whenever you offer your reassurance of his place in your heart. Even as the strongest sorcerer to tread the Jujutsu world, you know that at the end of the day he is nothing more than a sweet lover and someone deserving. A man who just wants to love someone that will love him back.

"Of course, baby. I don't wanna be anyone else's."

Again, Satoru feels like you're a dream to him. There's an ethereal connection he hasn't felt in so long, the way your touch melts into him when you cup his cheek and gaze into those cerulean irises. He knew that the moment he had you there was no going back. How can he when you feel like morning on his skin or other such pleasant things. He tasted a light that adds a certain kind of brightness to the most ordinary of days and he doesn't wish to go back to what was before.

"I love you so much, Satoru. I hope you know that."

He feels like he's floating on warm water, and he loves it when you say his name in its entirety 一 like he's an everlasting echo across a stilled landscape until someone answers back and gives him hope again. There's a peace of knowing, a sense of belonging and he clings onto you and you to him until the end of your days.

"I still can't believe how lucky I am to have you." He almost chokes out a sob, and with a wobbly smile he reciprocates your feelings. Maybe for a few months now he thought he loved you then, but truthfully he'd fallen for you long before he could put it into words. The swelling of his heart that's been threatening to burst squeezes intensely inside his chest and he can't hold the capacity of his love for you inside any longer.

"I love you, too. God, I fucking love you and it feels so good to say that.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you so much, I'm gonna marry you someday."

The half-second you take to respond feels like an eternity. But the way your cheeks dust in rose with a sliver of white between full lips, he feels like it wasn't a mistake on his end. Your hands pull him down and you kiss him with everything you have, and in that moment you both are your pure and vulnerable selves. Your entire body is a calm flutter against his and everything suddenly feels right in the world.

"You love me that much, hm?"

His body slumps against yours and he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his porcelain skin flushes a soft pink, the kind of blushing that shows the soul and the delicate sweetness within. He plants a chaste kiss here and there before murmuring, "Y-yeah, baby. You are it for me, don't want anyone else but you."

[strawberrypaul]

miami

request: "if you're still in the mood to write.... maybe something cute about going to miami with john and the boys in '64? 💗" okay i'm so sorry if this didn't turn out the way you imagined. i just started writing and got carried away and it might not be super "cute", it has some angst but also fluff. if this is nothing like what you asked for, please let me know and i will do my best to write something else <3

word count: 3.3k oops

pairing: john lennon x f!reader

warnings: accidentaly angsty, mild verbal abuse (?) not really tho, arguments, achohol, annoying men at the pub and probably bad grammar and typos.

summary: john comes home from the studio and can't wait to tell y/n some great news; they're going to miami! but y/n is unsure and that causes some conflicts.

7 p.m. Since it’s August, and the end of summer has begun, when you lifted your head from your book and turned to look out the window - you could see the sun already setting. The entire sky was a perfect blend of warm oranges, purples and blues. The sunrays’ vibrance and warm colors seemed to find their way straight to your heart and a smile slowly showed up on your face.

It was hard not to fall in love with evenings like these. The living room was dark, only the light from a floor lamp in the corner of the room and a couple of candles lit up the room. But it was nice, cozy even. Right next to the couch’s arm rest stood a little wooden side table with a record player on top of it, softly playing “Love me Tender” by Elvis Presley - a classic choice. Everything was at peace and you were content, the only thing missing was John. Sure, you supposed you enjoyed a bit of you-time every now and then but you would be lying if you said you didn’t prefer to be alone with John. He was your partner, and your safe spot. As an all-the-time-busy woman you didn’t get the perks those other housewives got; You didn’t get to spend all day at home and you didn’t get to make dinner for your husband when he got home from work. But the thing was, that’s not what you wanted anyways. You enjoyed working, you enjoyed running errands all day, and most of all you enjoyed getting home after a long day at the office and cook dinner together with John.

With all these beautiful thoughts passing your head you found yourself missing John a lot more than just minutes before. When was he going to come back from the studio? He left at seven this morning, he’s been away for over twelve hours now. But right as you turned your head away from the clock on the wall, to dive back down in your book, the front door flew open. And with it, John came storming in. Hastily he tried to rip off his coat, throw off his shoes and started to unbuckle his belt. You simply stared at him in disbelief. Maybe you took back what you had said earlier about not enjoying time alone in complete silence. What the hell was the hurry about? Now John had rushed to your shared bedroom and you could hear him rummaging through the drawers. You shook your head and put down your book to stand up and walk over to the bedroom door frame. Crossing your arms over your chest you continued watching him throw out clothes from different drawers, waiting for him to even notice you.

“Care to say ‘Hello’?” you spoke up with a slight annoyance. His head shot up to look at you with wide open eyes, it was like he froze for a second. He let go of whatever he had in his hands to walk over to where you stood, opened his arms to embrace you. With a kiss on your head he let go of you.

“Of course, of course. Hello, dear. I’m sorry.” he hastily said. Just as you were about to ask him what on earth he was doing, making the bedroom a complete mess, he opened his mouth to speak again.

“We got great- no, fantastic, news today! You won’t be able to believe it, we’re going to Miami!” he said with excitement, face lit up with joy. “They’ve already got it all figured out with flights and hotel. And the best part; you’re coming with us!” John almost burst with excitement at this point. He waited for you to jump in his arms cheering. But you didn’t. And in no time John’s facial expression completely changed. He now had a confused look on his face. His brows were furrowed and his eyes filled with questions. He took a step back from you in an attempt to understand why you weren’t just as frantic as he was.

“Love, what’s wrong? We’re going to Miami!” he asked. You sighed, letting go of a heavy breath you didn’t know you had been holding. Your shoulders fell as you looked down on your feet. Fiddling with your fingers, you were unsure of what to tell him.

“I- uh… John, I can’t go to Miami” you started, eyes still on the floor.

“What do you mean you can’t go? You always talk about how you want to go on vacation to all these different places” he said in confusion. “Besides, it’s only two weeks” he stated. You didn’t know what to tell him. Two weeks. That’s a long time, you thought for yourself. You thought about your parents, and your job. You visited your parents about every other day, they lived nearby and since they were getting old you felt a responsibility over them. You have helped them get groceries and run errands for a large number of years now, you couldn’t just leave. What if something should happen to them, like an accident and one of them needs to get rushed to the hospital? Anxiety rose inside you as horrible thoughts crossed your mind. And work, you couldn’t just leave work behind you for two weeks. Not even for two days. Working in an office meant piles and piles of paperwork every day. You couldn’t imagine what your desk would look like when you got back from Miami, if you went. No, you simply could not go with them. You walked over to the bed and sat down. You sighed once more before you started to explain to him.

“I can’t leave my parents here, or work. You know that.” you said looking up at him with doe eyes. “What if something happens when I’m not here? No one will be there to help. And work, I will have sky high piles of paperwork on my desk when I return” you continued.

John let out a loud sigh, he sounded almost frustrated? He started walking back and forth in front of you and you stood up. Placing a hand on his shoulder you started saying “John, I’m sorry but I just-” but you got interrupted immediately.

“No. Stop. I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’re just being ungrateful. I arranged a vacation for you, to bloody Miami, and you say you can’t go because you won’t be able to take care of your adult parents for two weeks?” he snapped unexpectedly.

Your jaw dropped. Did he just say that? No, unacceptable. You would not let anyone talk down on things you held close to heart, and especially not your parents. You felt your face heat up with anger and your body fill up with adrenaline. This was not gonna be pretty.

“You did not just say that…” you started, still in disbelief. “How dare you say that?!” you spat, raising your voice at him. “Don’t you dare talk down on my parents! You know damn well how special they are to me. They have helped me so much in my life, they gave me the childhood every child deserves. The very least I can do to return the favor is to take care of them” you were almost shouting at this point, tears had begun streaming down your face. “But I guess you don’t understand that, you don’t have your parents” you muttered and you regretted every word of that sentence the second they were said.

“What did you just say?” John began quietly. You frantically shook your head. “No… no, I’m so sorry John. I didn’t mean to say that” you tried but it was too late. “Did I hear that right?” he raised his voice. “You’re standing there, shouting at me for ‘talking down on your parents’ and then you proceed to add that you assume I don’t understand because I don’t HAVE any parents?” he, too, was shouting now. “Do you hear yourself right now?” he asked angrily. You didn’t answer, you were in chock. You had to admit you were a little scared even. “I said, do you hear what you are saying right now?” he repeated with a military-like voice. You couldn’t handle this, you had to get away from this situation. You quickly grabbed your purse and wallet, put on your shoes and grabbed a coat, stormed out the front door and one second later you were gone. You didn’t know where you were going though. You couldn’t go to your parents house, you didn’t want to bother them having to explain what had just gone down. Your only, and best, friend was away on vacation, so you couldn’t escape to her house either. Ha, ironic, you thought to yourself.

You were just walking with no destination. You passed a pub, stopped, took a few steps back and decided to have a look. You entered the bar and was greeted by the smile of a middle aged man standing behind the bar. He was holding several bottles at once, making drinks for the people sat on the bar stools in front of him. You simply smiled back to him and took a seat on a free bar stool.

“What can I get for a lady like you?” the man asked politely. You gave him a fake smile. What was ‘a lady like you’ supposed to mean?

“I want a glass of whatever the strongest alcohol you have in store” you answered while straightening your back. The man looked surprised but then nodded, immediately getting started on your drink. One moment later the drink was put on the table in front of you. “That’ll be £4 then” the bartender said, still with that ridiculous smile on his face. You started digging in your wallet for some money as a male voice was heard behind you. “I’ll pay for that” the man said. You turned around to see who this man was and when you looked up you saw a tall man with slicked back hair, wearing an expensive-looking suit. He looked like the typical red-flag-guy. You’ve met a lot of those in your life, so you knew one when you saw one. You shook your head telling him you had money of your own, but thanking him for his kindness. “No, no, I’ll pay. A lady like you shouldn’t have to pay for her drinks” the man insisted, a distasteful grin showing up on his face. What’s it with all these creepy men and saying ‘a lady like you’, you thought. At this point you had almost finished your drink, but that man was not going to give up on you any time soon. You were getting tired of his ‘but you’re such a pretty lady’ and ‘I bet you I could treat you better than your man at home, I mean, why are you at a pub alone anyway?’ bullshit. You took a last sip of your drink and slammed it down on the table, catching the people around you's attention. “Fine, you can pay for my drink” you said monotonically. “But don’t you ever call me a ‘pretty lady’ again”.

Grabbing your purse you stood up and walked out the door. You had had enough. With a fast pace you instinctually started walking back home. After a few minutes of walking you felt a wave of fear wash over you. The anxiety kicked in and suddenly you were crying. You were not far away from home when you started running for your life. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, rain started pouring down. What was wrong with these men?! Can’t they leave a woman alone? The adrenaline made you run faster than you thought was possible but you suddenly stopped when you realized you had reached your front door. Your first instinct was to just open the door but you soon got reminded of what had happened before you left. So instead you took a few deep breaths and gently knocked on the door while trying to pull yourself together. But as the door opened and a man you deep down loved so dearly stood in the doorway with a tired smile, you lost it. You ran into his arms and to your relief he put his arms around you and held you close to his chest. Hearing his heartbeat immediately calmed you down and you closed the door behind the two of you. John helped you out of your clothes and into new warm ones. He made you a cup of tea and sat down beside you on the couch. He did keep a small distance though.

“I’m so sorry, John, I really am. It was a horrible thing for me to say” you shuddered, still cold from the rain. You could hear a quiet sigh come from John.

“It was, yes. But I forgive you, y/n” he said calmly, nothing like how he had shouted at you only hours ago. “Besides, the things I said - that was not okay. You’re never ungrateful, and I know how much your parents mean to you. I’m sorry, really sorry” he said and looked down to his feet. You could tell he was ashamed of earlier. But you were too, and you were going to forgive him. You stroked his cheek with your cold hand and made him look at you. “I forgive you, John. And I know, I shouldn’t worry so much about my parents. They’re adults and can take care of themselves just fine. I just feel guilt over not giving them the love they deserved when they gave me everything as a child. I guess this is my way of saying ‘thank you’ to them”. John took your hand from his cheek and held it in his. “You don’t need to explain, love. You’re too good for this world, and what you’re doing is more than enough” he told you. John’s words hit you like an arrow in your heart. It was like his words were the only piece missing in the puzzle that was your life.

Squeezing his hands you looked up into his beautiful hazel eyes, and you breathed out. “I want to go with you to Miami” you said. John’s eyes shot open and a smile appeared on his face. “What?” he said, surprised. “I said, I want to go with you to Miami” you laughed, knowing damn well he heard you the first time. John jumped up from the couch, his hands still in yours as he pulled you up with him. He grabbed you by your waist and spun you around. When he put you down, you were laughing so much your stomach hurt. John placed his index finger under your chin to make you look at him, and when you did, he pulled your face closer to his and kissed you right on your lips. It was a kiss of pure happiness and you couldn’t help but smile like a child on christmas. This was love, if anything.

John broke away from the kiss and inspected your face for a moment before speaking. “Well, we better get to packing then. The plane is at nine tomorrow morning”. You let out a giggle before giving him a peck on the lips, typical John.

The next morning you were woken up by a loud knocking on the door. You rubbed your eyes trying to see anything in the bright bedroom. You were looking for the clock on the bedside table and after trying to see what time it was you successfully read 8 a.m. You put the clock back on the bedside table and as you were about to lay back down you were hit with realization. 8 a.m?! The plane to Miami was leaving in an hour! Oh no… this was not good. You turned your head to look at John, who was of course still fast asleep. You shook his shoulders and gently patted his cheeks a couple times. He let out groans and mutters, letting you know he was at least half awake.

“John, wake up! It’s 8 a.m, if you don’t get out of bed in ten seconds we’re going to miss the flight” you informed him while getting up to open to see who was knocking on the door. Looking through the peephole on the door you saw three men with matching outfits and similar haircuts. Knowing exactly who these three men were, you opened the front door, preparing yourself for the worst. Through the door stormed George, Paul and Ringo. They immediately rushed into the bedroom to find John sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Why’s it always you John?” Ringo asked irritably.

“Go on, out of bed you go” said George while pulling on John’s arms to help him.

Paul simply stood in the doorway with crossed arms and a smile of disbelief on his face. “What were you two up to last night? This room’s a bloody mess” he laughed. John didn’t. “Shut up” he simply replied.

You were in the hallway packing the last few things for your trip. The only thing everyone waited on now was for John to get dressed so you could leave for the airport. You had called your parents the night before, telling them about your trip. You were nervous but struck by relief when your mom basically begged for you to go. She explained how they could take care of themselves, besides, you were not going to leave them forever. It was only two weeks after all. “I’ll come over and water your plants every few days, alright?” she had said over the phone. A smile had made its way to your face and you answered with an “Alright, mom”. It had been quiet for a while as your mom spoke again “Just don’t miss us too much, okay, honey?” she sounded almost concerned. And as a wave of sadness washed over you, you said “Can’t promise you that, mom”. You said your goodbyes and hung up.

As you came back to reality after reliving the memories of your conversation with your mother from last night, John, Paul, George and Ringo stood in front of you in the hallway with sweet smiles. You smiled and nodded before opening the door. You let the four boys out of the house and before closing the door you took a last peek inside. Why was it so hard to leave home? you sighed for yourself. Maybe it was the separation from what you loved most that gave you this extreme anxiety? You didn’t come up with an answer and your thoughts got interrupted by a car honking at you. You quickly turned around to see Paul’s hand waving at you, signaling for you to get in the car. You mouthed a “I’m coming” and turned to the front door again. Crouching down you lifted up the doormat and stuck a key under it, in case your mom should stop by.

Exhaling deeply you got up and started walking away from the house. You stepped into the car and sat down next to John. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly, giving you comfort. “It’ll be alright, darling. It’s only two weeks, remember?” he whispered so only you would hear him. You didn’t look at him, afraid you would break down again, but you smiled and stroked your thumb over the back of his hand. You were so grateful to have a man like John in your life, and not one of those obnoxious men at the pub. He knew how to treat you the way a woman deserves, and for that you loved him more than words can explain.

The car started rolling and you looked over to John to meet his eyes. He smiled and quietly said “Let’s go to Miami”. A broad smile soon appeared on your face as genuine happiness filled your body. “Yeah, let’s go to Miami” you replied, putting your head on his shoulder and closing your eyes. Yeah... maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?

[taeyamayang]

Hello hello! Since you still have a few slots open, I'd love to join your 365 days event! I'd like to get a JJK matchup please (and TR, if you're accepting multiple fandoms) :D

Alrighty, so starting off, I'm definitely an introvert. I'd love nothing more than to stay at home all day & avoid people (gosh, I'm making myself sound like a complete hermit, lol). When I do go out & socialize, I like to present myself as a friendly person to others - despite the fact that I'm quite cynical & wary of most people. I'm very selective about whom I choose to trust & get close to, but towards those that I do trust, I'm extremely caring, loyal, accepting & protective. I also become super chatty + physically affectionate lol. Loyalty is definitely my strongest suit & once I've given it to someone, there's pretty much nothing that'd make me turn my back on them.

I pride myself in being able to accurately pick up a person's mood through their tone of voice (not so much through their expressions or body language), though if I sense someone's in a foul mood, I'll do my best to avoid them (loved ones included). I am an emotional person & cry easily, especially when stressed or being yelled at. Definitely don't like confrontations & try to avoid them when I can. As I take care of a family member w/ epilepsy, I've developed a very gentle side (not that it comes out much) + a tendency to worry too much. Also, super random, but I am not a morning person. Don't talk to me unless necessary within 2 hours of me waking up, or I'll become extremely grouchy.

As for hobbies, I love reading, playing the piano, writing letters, researching or hearing about crime cases (a bit morbid, but to each their own!), listening to classical or jazz, eating sweets & drinking tea. I also absolutely adore cats. I highly dislike dogs & bad hygiene or anything dirty. Unfortunately, I can't tell you whom I kin as I've never really felt that kind of connection towards any character & I've yet to be told by my friends that I resemble a certain character.

Annnnd, that should be it! Thank you so much in advance! <3

(P.S. Love your blog! Always look forward to seeing you on my dashboard. Keep up the wonderful work & make sure to keep yourself happy & hydrated! <33)

hello there bubs! before i start, we have things in common (which i thought is interesting) as morbid as it may sound i love love crimes documentaries and reading about them, and also cats!

the two characters i pair you with are the first characters that popped in my head and thought, yeah, you guys may work out. so for jjk i pair you with:

Gojo Satoru: you mentioned about being random and talkative and i thought that's quite similar to gojo our boy. i bet he can handle your randmoness and overall amiable personality. gojo doesn't mind gory and morbid stuff, which it turns you are interested in. so, i do think if there's anyone is willing to listen to him rant about headless corpses and bloody curses, it's got to be you. another thing, gojo isn't the type to express himself through facial expressions. he changes the tone of his voice depending on who and what he is dealing with. since you have a skill to determine someone's mood through tone shifts, you and gojo will understand each other.

and for tokyo revengers i pair you with:

Seishu Inui: this man has a clear grasp of reality, had a fair share of downs, and clearly knows how the underground life works. contrary to gojo, i paired you with an introverted fellow with a handful of experiences. these experiences are what made inui one of the most loyal characters i know. based from how you described yourself, i have an impression that you are kind, soft-hearted, and loving individual. hence, you deserve someone as like inui.

thanks for joining and thank for the kind words you said at the latter part of your entry, it means a lot! hope you enjoyed this ♡

m.list | jjk.list | tr.list | event | event list

[nhinxsworld]

I know its like the most basic thing and there are probably like a hundred fics about ocean eyes and Gojo

but I literally cry when I listen to ocean eyes it just holds something to me and I'm trying to express it

I did not prove read this at all i wrote it in like 10 minutes.

my list

ANGST

Gojo x reader

Even if you were prepared for it, it wouldn't stop hurting. It's been torturing you everyday, and he is finally setting you free. Yet it hurts even more, your heart shatters to pieces, you can feel it. You can feel the empty void that's replaced by your heart. An empty void the limitless user opened and left.

Not once in your life did you want to date a man like Gojo. It's a thing you'd never admit out loud, but it truly feels like you aren't worthy of him. There have always been people you had crush on completely out of your league, just daydream about a idol, a fantasy about a perfect fictional character perhaps.

Crushing on Gojo was exactly that, even worst. He truly is one in a millennium.

Born as the strongest soccerer in a hundred years, an imbalance in the world just by existing.

If that alone isn't scaring you already to adore the words protector, Gojo is a fancy man on top of that. Ungodly popular with women, wherever he walks. A charming flirtious behavior, the kind of man that can have anything he wants. Rich, good-looking, a has it all kind of man.

You still don't know how you caught his attention.

And once you had glimpse behind his blindfold, somehow nothing mattered.

His ocean eyes.

Eyes have always been the window to the soul to you, paralyzing and beautiful no matter what.

Yet somehow Gojo's eyes hold everything in them, it's like a deep yet bright ocean that you could drown and you do. Each time he takes it off you get lost in them, stunned by him and the look in his eyes.

How you wished you never looked into them, if you could you'd never met him.

It's just not fair how he got you so hooked on him, you've never felt such a deep desire to just gaze at him.

You can't think of anything, but him, mind occupied with just him, the strongest of them all, the six eyes, the limitless user, the Gojo Satoru and his ambitions.

Those perfect blue orbs, those ocean eyes.

It's scary to even think about it, why was he so intrigued with you? He has everything has he not?

It's scary to be loved by him, how long will he love you? How long can you keep him entertained, it's all so so scary.

Even if you knew you'd never be enough, it hurts. Even if you know, you'd never be the one for him you felt like crying, watching him distance himself, watching him walk away.

It hurts oh so much, even if you know he is too good for you, you don't deserve someone like him, it's all so painful.

You knew you're not enough to be his, not worthy of his time, yet he spared you a glance and made you feel it all. All those sparks and flames, turbulences and crashing waves. You felt loved when you knew you shouldn't, you fell in love when you knew it would hurt. You knew you'd be replaced, yet made him your one and only.

So when those ocean eyes are suddenly covered with his blindfold and he takes them off for someone else, you knew it's over.

A look in his eyes has you weak, in way you coudln't understand. You're one and only weakness now finally gone, yet you fear it more than ever.

His eyes are all you can think of.

lowkey want to make this a whole fic or a extended version when I have more time

[butteerfly]

— Dating bnha boys ♡

headcanons 🦋

(don't judge me, I'm so insecure that I'm using the translator 🤡)

WARNINGS: mentions of non-con, toxic relationship y aggressive attitudes (yeah, I stan villains)

katsuki bakugo; shoto todoroki; izuku midoriya; dabi; chisaki kai; shigaraki tomura

KATSUKI BAKUGO

hates yelling at you, he can never do it no matter how hard he tries

you are his girlfriend for a reason so you deserve all the kindness in the world

loves to cook so you can taste the food

and since you both like spicy, extra spicy couple !!!

teaches you to use the knife carefully, holding your hands from behind and with his chin on your shoulders 🥺

powerful couple, you always train together

hates the idea of ​​deku being your best friend but accepts it

you have to hug him first

don't forget to hug him

In private he is very affectionate, but in front of your friends he only holds your hand.

possessive boy

If you don't talk to him for a whole day, thinks you're going to break up with him

is insecure with your relationship, but you fix everything by talking

You talk a LOT, that's why you hardly ever argue

you play video games on saturdays until 6 in the morning

you beat him in the middle of the games

pillow fight

Not a real fight, but a fight after all

He always throws you out of bed, he's so strong darling

he always carries you on his back

just love him, sometimes he's a bit rough with you but he doesn't do it with the intention of hurting you

SHOTO TODOROKI

at first he was very shy

you make weird things happen on his tummy, don't blame him

he loves your smile

and your laugh

and also your eyes

this boy is crazy about you, so in love

play with your hair, so soft

he is a flower boy

And since roses are your favorite flowers, don't be surprised if one day he arrives with a bouquet of 100 red roses just for you

Rich boy, he buys everything he likes for you even when you don't want it, just let him be

you share rings, he chose them

you have dates next to the sunset

and always carry chocolates for you

your quirk is not the strongest, but he knows how smart you are and he knows you could beat him in a real fight

you are his pretty girl

always tells you how pretty you are

and he blushes every time you remind him how beautiful he is too

he has trouble socializing, so there are a lot of words your friends use that he doesn't understand

you explain to him very patiently what he does not understand

you always give him soft kisses on his scar and remind him how beautiful he looks

baby starts crying 🥺🥺

you mean a lot to him

You do not understand how someone as kind and adorable as Shoto, went so long without being loved in the right way, because you have no doubt that his entire family, including his father, loves him very much, but you also know that many difficult things happened in the Todoroki family, your baby went through so many things :(

you came into his life to love him and give him the confidence in himself that he lacks, and he loves you too much for that

IZUKU MIDORIYA

he doesn't understand how someone like you likes someone like him

but you always remind him that he is beautiful in many ways, he blushes

you take a lot of pictures of him while he's distracted, you actually have a whole folder dedicated to him on your phone

It's hard to kiss him without him passing out, but you always do it to get him used to it ;)

you sometimes try to cook together, but ...

nothing better than a pizza night and some disney movies !!

you would really love to sit on his lap and hold him tight, but he would definitely die 💀

your dates are always in a cafe, he buys you a strawberry cake because he knows you love them even when you only mentioned it once

baby has trouble controlling his own immense strength and always accidentally breaks glasses with his hand

For that reason, he always hugs you carefully, he's afraid of hurting you :(

loves to play with your hand, which is considerably smaller and softer than his hand

you are his best nurse

the way you touch his scars, without fear of hurting him or getting hurt, just makes his heart fall more in love with you

In fact, you are the first person who, after seeing his room, is not ashamed of his fanaticism towards the former number one hero, you think his admiration is incredible.

you are the couple who give each other confidence and motivation ✨

villains

DABI

well .. this is complicated

you met him in a very dark bar, with dangerous people around you, you should know that nothing good was going to come out

And that's the harsh reality

If some man looks at you too much while you two are walking in the city, don't doubt for a second that he is going to start a fight for you

too jealous

always has a hand on your hip, wherever you guys are

kisses with him are always passionate, long and very loud, he always bites your lower lip until it starts to bleed

It is difficult to be the girlfriend, sometimes he spends MONTHS by your side, and suddenly, one morning you wake up and he is no longer by your side, you know that he left

You have no choice but to cry, you don't know if the tears are from fear and worry, or that your heart broke because the reason why he left is that he got tired of you

you hate him because this lasts many more months than he spends by your side

and you hate him much more when he comes back full of wounds

your discussion is very intense at that moment, it even ends in mutual physical attacks

you have many burns on your skin because of his quirk

he feels something very annoying on his chest every time he sees those scars

but not everything is bad, to the surprise of many

always steal vodka from some store for you, you two love to drink together until you lose consciousness

some nights, he carries you to the shared bed and proceeds to relax his whole body on yours, his head rests on the crook of your neck

take advantage of the moment to leave hickeys on your soft and sensitive skin

he's a fucking vampire, the next morning your neck is PURPLE

He also tells you about how stain's ideology means a lot in his disastrous life

you listen to him carefully and he falls in love much more because you are the only person who really listens to him seriously, even when your relationship has many ups and downs

CHISAKI KAI

I would dare to say that you are his girlfriend against your own will

he is fucking overhaul, he is with you probably because you are one of his whims

He is so cold, he never hugs you and never kisses you, sometimes you feel like you are nothing

but you have to understand something, his job and responsibilities force him to be heartless with EVERYONE

if you don't take a shower first, he won't let you sleep next to him

he won't even let you out of the basement if it's not for a good and justified reason

he always takes showers with you, it is the only moment he can share with you without a care

he even grabs you by the waist and kisses you really hard, which never happens

he is VERY possessive

you are HIS and nobody else's

for that reason he becomes very annoying on days when you don't want him to touch you

btw he doesn't care 💀

two of his men follow you EVERYWHERE

deep inside, you are one of his top priorities

does not tell you or anyone else, but constantly misses your presence and cares a lot about you

You better not get sick, because if that happens you are going to force him to use his quirk with you, and he may love you, but he is not a compassionate man

you love Eri, and you don't like what they do to her but you can't fight for her either, so all you do is play with her to give her something from the childhood she's losing :(

Kai sees this and doesn't like it, but admits that after playing with you Eri is less resistant, so it is beneficial to his plan.

Your boyfriend thinks that there are many things in the world that are wrong and the solution is to eliminate them, he also knows that you are wrong, but he sees a solution for you

SHIGARAKI TOMURA

(look at his arms omg)

dating him is DANGEROUS

dangerous and frustrating

he doesn't care if another man fucks you, if he's in the mood he won't waste time killing people for stupid reasons

you are the stupid reason 💀

well .. your discussions are INSANE

you THROW things at him, you can't let him get CLOSER to you, you know he won't hesitate to KILL YOU

Kurogiri: *sighs*

you cry a lot after arguing, like a LOT

He may be a psychopath, but when he calms down and sees your tears all over your face, something VERY annoying settles on his skin

"oi.. sorry" don't wait for more

He lets you hug him all you want, he won't admit it but he's SOFT with u

I think your relationship is not official, you are the woman he likes the most and makes him horny, he is with you when he wants

hands on your waist whenever you're around

and you're with the only person who shows his face all the time, he says it's easy to kiss you

he loves to kiss you, just kiss you, that's reason enough for you to be his girlfriend

lets you try different skin care with him, but IN PRIVATE

you always wear tight clothes and he gets horny 🥵

When he's this affectionate with you, he kills anyone who dares to look at you

Shigaraki doesn't know how to love, the only people who ever loved him are dead because of him

He is very worried that the same thing happens to you, help him to love you

you are the only person who holds his hands without fear of being hurt

and he doesn't understand why, but you make something inside him warm in a nice way

🦋🦋🦋

— I really hope you liked it, I am very new to this and my English is not very good 💀

[ofendlesswonder]

Congratulations on the impending release! That's so exciting. Also so excited to see you're taking prompts - 27, if you're so inspired!

27. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

Cat thinks she’s dreaming, when she sees a cape flutter outside her balcony. 

It certainly wouldn’t be the first time she’d dreamt of red and blue and a sunny smile. Probably wouldn’t even be the hundredth, if she counts her daydreams, the one allowance she’d made, for when the itch under her skin, the desire to reach out and touch had almost become too much to bear. 

Had become too much to bear, in the end. Had sent her fleeing across the country to another coast entirely, separating herself from any temptations, from blue, blue eyes and the traitorous voice in the back of her head wondering would it really be so bad, if you told her? 

Yes, she’d always answered. Yes, because I can’t ruin her, too. 

Not like she had every other relationship she’s ever had. Couldn’t bear to see the light in her eyes dim, for her to become bitter and jaded, and look at Cat like she despised her. 

That’s something she knew she’d never be able to handle, no matter how many times Kara had pressed close beside her on the couch, staying long after her work hours had ended. No matter how often she’d looked at Cat like she held the world in her hands, her gaze had lingering when Cat had dared to undo an extra button, knowing she was playing a dangerous game. 

The cape flutters again, propelling Cat out of bed, feet sinking into the plush carpet of her bedroom. Her new home isn’t quite as nice as the penthouse she’d left behind in National City, but it’s a decent replacement, she thinks. Carter had taken some convincing, but she knows D.C. has grown on him. 

“Aren’t you a little far from home?” She asks the superhero slouched over her balcony railing, pushing open the doors with the palm of her hand. 

Kara doesn’t move, and Cat thinks something must be deeply wrong. Why else would she be here, after so long? Why else, after years of silence stretched thin, would she have come to her? 

“What’s wrong?” She asks, a silence of a different kind pressing into her ears. This high, the city traffic is quiet, the low hum of the people milling on the sidewalks below snatched away by the wind. 

Cat grabs her robe off the back of the chair by the door, steps into stupidly fuzzy slippers Carter had bought her last Christmas. The ones she will never, ever publicly admit to owning, but that she adores slipping on at the end of a long day, and joins Kara on the balcony. 

She doesn’t move, remains still and silent, and Cat wonders if she’s finally gone mad. If something in her has cracked, and she’s conjured an image of Kara, a ghostly mirage that will disappear as soon as she’s within arms’ reach. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” she says, when Cat steps close, in a voice suggesting the opposite is true. “Not really.”

“And yet here you are, on my balcony in the middle of the night, for...what? An interview? A catch up? How long has it been, Kara? Four years?”

She doesn’t react to her name, and Cat thinks that might be the most worrying thing of all. A secret she’d guarded so closely, so fiercely, terrified of Cat finding out the truth, and now she doesn’t care? Doesn’t acknowledge it, even? 

No, this isn’t the Kara she knows. 

But then, it’s been years since Cat last touched her life. 

Years, for her to grow and change. 

Years, where Cat didn’t know her at all, aside from brief glimpses of news footage, from the articles she’d read, written by Kara’s hand. 

The woman standing before her may as well be a stranger. 

One she has no idea how to help. 

“You were always...like a port in a storm. A safe space to land, a voice of reason when I needed it. You were never afraid of telling me the truth, even if it was painful to hear, and you always knew exactly the right thing to say. And I think I need that, now, because I...I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” 

She doesn’t look at Cat when she talks, her jaw clenched tight, her fingers wrapped around the bar of Cat’s balcony railing, leaving indents in the metal. 

It’s then Cat notices the blood. It’s caked under her nails, smeared across her knuckles, and Cat’s gaze darts over her body, searching for other signs of damage. 

Maybe it’s not hers. 

Maybe that’s why, when she turns to face Cat, her eyes are dark and haunted, so lost within herself Cat struggles to find a trace of the woman she once knew so well staring back at her. 

“Feel what way?” Cat asks, and her voice is hoarse, because, different though she may be, it’s still Kara looking at her for the first time in years, and Cat had known it was naive, moving away to run from her ever-growing feelings, known it was unlikely to work, but it’s only now, four years down the line and feeling like not a single day has passed, that she realises just how naive. 

Can Kara hear the uptick in her heartbeat, as their eyes meet? Has she heard it before? Does she have any idea, how a single glance from her can knock Cat breathless? 

“Like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.” Her eyes close, and Cat lets her gaze settle on her face, how though she is physically unchanged—something about those Kryptonian genes, she suspects—she looks so much older. 

Weary. 

Defeated. 

“I can’t...I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to. The world needs a hero, but that isn’t me.” She shakes her head so violently she lurches to the side, and Cat steadies her—futile though the gesture may be—with a hand on her elbow, her suit rough beneath her fingertips. “I’m not a leader. I’m not...I’m not cut out for this.” 

Cat casts her mind back, tries to remember any mention of Supergirl in the news, recently, that might make her feel this way. Smear campaigns against superheroes are nothing new—Cat could almost understand it, because who was going to stop them if they decided this whole being good thing just wasn’t for them?

But not Kara. Never Kara—red Kryptonite aside. 

“They deserve better than me.” She sags when she says it, falling into Cat so suddenly she barely manages to catch her, face pressed into the side of Cat’s neck, and her tears hot on her skin. 

“You are the strongest person I know,” Cat says, cheek pressing against Kara’s head, a hand settling at the small of her back, nothing but certainty in her voice, in her gentle grip. “The strongest person I’ve ever met, in fact—and let me tell you, Kara, I have met a lot of people. None of them could hold a candle to you.” 

She sobs harder, and Cat breaks, because what is it that’s brought this beautiful, selfless woman to her knees? 

“There is no one better than you,” she continues, because she thinks these are words Kara desperately needs to hear. “But you’re right about one thing—they don’t deserve you. And no one is entitled to you. What you do, Kara, putting yourself on the line, day after day, forfeiting your rights to a normal life, risking losing it all every time you charge into battle—that’s incredible. But it’s not sustainable. You keep doing it, and sooner or later, something’s going to break.”

If she’s being honest with herself, Cat is surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. Just goes to show, then, how strong she really is. 

“You’ve endured so much. So much pain, so much loss.” The likes of which Cat can’t possibly comprehend, the likes of which she will never even fully know. “It’s okay to have days where you can barely even drag yourself out of the bed in the morning. Hell, I feel like that at least once a month, and I don’t have to cope with anything like you do.” Cat doesn’t know what she’d do, if their situations were reversed. Doesn’t know if she’d be able to cope. “Kara, what...what happened?”

Something triggered this. Something to send Kara flying a thousand miles across the country, to seek out the embrace of a woman she hasn’t spoken to in years. The why, Cat thinks she understands, now. Certainly, there have been a dozen other conversations on a balcony just like this one, though the view had been a little different. And Kara had been different, too, buoyed with the feeling of something new and exciting, invincibility in its most naive form, drawing strength from Cat’s imparted wisdom, which she’d never been truly qualified to give. 

She definitely doesn’t feel qualified to deal with this, with Kara breaking in her arms. Doesn’t know what to say to make her feel better, not without all of the pieces of the story. 

“There was a fight,” she says, and she doesn’t lift her head, the words muffled against the silk of Cat’s robe. “Nothing special. No really. But he...he was strong, and he tossed a car at me, and I...I pushed it off. Didn’t look where, until...until I heard a scream.” 

Kara shifts, leans away, like she thinks Cat is about to be repulsed by her, swipes at damp cheeks with a bloodied sleeve. 

“I didn’t notice her.” Kara’s bottom lip wobbles, and Cat has never seen someone look so broken. “I didn’t know she was there, but she...it crushed her.” She clenches her jaw, clenches her fists, like she can change the story by sheer force of will alone. “She’s six years old, and she’ll never walk away.”

“Kara…”

“Don’t,” she says, so viciously Cat flinches. “If you’re about to tell me it’s not my fault, don’t. Because it is. I did that to her, not him.”

“You can’t save them all.”

“She wasn’t even in any danger though, was she?” Kara’s laugh is bitter, and not one Cat has ever heard come from her lips before. “That’s the irony of it. If I’d never been there, she’d have been fine.”

“But someone else might not have been.” 

Kara scoffs, takes a step back, and for one horrifying moment, Cat thinks she’s going to launch over the balcony and flee, leave her standing out here with an ache in her heart. 

“No one ever talks about the collateral damage,” she says, eyes focused on the horizon. “How many people’s lives have been ruined, because of me? How many buildings destroyed, how many people in hospital?”

“And how many people would be dead, if you’d never started using your powers, hm?” Cat has her counterattack ready, can’t let Kara keep going down this rabbit hole. “Thousands, I’d wager. Or the whole world, perhaps. You stopped Myriad, you stopped an alien invasion. And they’re just the ones I know about.” She steps closer, wraps her fingers around Kara’s wrist, squeezes hard so she feels it. “You will carry this in your heart for a long time, Kara, there’s no way around that. It will hurt, and it will ache, and it will make you not want to carry on, but it doesn’t erase all of the good you’ve done. All the lives you’ve touched, the people you’ve saved.”

“How can you look at me like that, knowing I’m a monster?”

“You are so many things, Kara, but monster isn’t one of them. You’ve made a mistake—a grave one—but it was an accident, and you give up because of it. What you do, is you put on the suit, and you grit your teeth, and you vow to do better next time. You carry on. You persevere.” 

“How?” She asks, and her voice breaks over the word, over the plea, and Cat clenches her jaw so she doesn’t cry, because she knows that is the opposite of what Kara needs right now. 

She came here because she needs someone to be strong for her, because she needs someone to tell her it’s going to be okay—and mean it. 

“Only you can come up with the answer to that,” Cat says, and she wraps her fingers a little tighter around Kara’s wrist. “But I think a good start is, perhaps, a shower. Wash away the bad.” Wash away the blood, staining Kara’s skin. “Come inside.”

Kara digs in her heels. “I-I don’t...you don’t have to do that. I should go.”

“I don’t want you going anywhere like this.” Not on her own, not where there’s no one to keep an eye on her. “Please, Kara. Let me help you. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? Why you came here?”

She nods, jerky and quick, and lets Cat pull her into her bedroom, all the fight seeping out of her. 

“Wait here.” She leaves her hovering by the end of Cat’s bed, arms wrapped around her torso, and steps into her en-suite. 

She turns on the shower, sets it to scalding, and waits until the room is full of steam, until the ends of her hair begins to curl. 

When she returns to her bedroom and finds Kara stripped from her suit, she nearly has a heart attack. 

“I didn’t want to wear it anymore,” she says, and she’s shivering but Cat doesn’t think it’s from the cold. 

“I’ll find you something clean to wear.” Something not stained with dirt and regret. She digs out an old, worn Harvard T-shirt and some shorts, passes them over to Kara and politely averts her gaze as she does so before prodding her toward the bathroom. “Take as much time as you need.”

She folds the suit while she waits, puts it carefully on the chair by the balcony door along with her boots. When it starts buzzing, she jumps, worried she’s inadvertently pressed a button she shouldn’t have. Has she activated a GPS tracker? Self-destruct? Were a team of shady government agents on their way to her apartment to cart her off to a black site? 

Thank God Carter is spending the night at his friends house. She has no idea how she’d explain any of this to him. 

The buzzing doesn’t stop, so she ventures closer, finds a pocket and a phone with nearly thirty missed calls, and a dozen more texts. 

Alex is a name she recognises, but Nia and Brainy are not. Another reminder things have changed, she thinks, setting the phone down on her vanity for when Kara re-emerges. Clearly, she hasn’t told anyone where she is. 

“Thank you,” Kara says, when she opens the bathroom door, a cloud of steam enveloping her. On Cat, the shirt is baggy, but it clings to Kara, highlighting the muscle and strength hidden beneath her lithe frame, and Cat chastises herself for staring. 

Not what she needs right now. 

If Cat had ever had her doubts about Supergirl’s identity, if Kara had tried to argue when Cat had named her earlier, it would have soon come crashing down. Because now, standing in borrowed clothes, damp hair curling around her shoulders, hunched in on herself, the woman staring back at her was entirely Kara Danvers. 

Cat can’t believe she’d ever doubted it. 

“Kara, does anyone know you’re here?” She asks, makes sure her voice is gentle, and not condescending. The last thing she needs is her feeling attacked. 

“Like they’d understand,” she says, voice soft, and that’s true, Cat thinks, because she finds it hard to understand herself. “I don’t want them to.”

“At least let someone know you’re safe? Your sister, perhaps? It’s either that, or toss your phone out of the window.” As if on cue, it begins to vibrate again. “She’s calling for the hundredth time.”

Kara sighs, but takes the call, resignation on her face as she lifts it to her ear. “Alex. I’m fine.” 

A lie, Cat knows from one look at her face. She wonders if her sister can tell, too. 

“I just needed some space,” Kara says then, and Cat wonders where her sister might think she is. “I’m somewhere safe.” She casts a glance toward Cat, whose heart thuds at the thought that Kara thinks of her as a safe space. Somewhere to land, when she feels like her whole world is falling apart. 

Cat wonders when she’d earned the honor. 

“I don’t know. Tomorrow, probably. I don’t want to fucking debrief, Alex.” It explodes out of her, so sudden it takes Cat by surprise, her back ramrod straight and her fingers holding the phone so tight it’s a wonder the plastic doesn’t crack. “You saw what happened. Don’t make me relive it.” 

Cat crosses the room without thinking, pressing a hand to the small of Kara’s back. The effect is instantaneous, body relaxing beneath Cat’s fingertips, tension leaching out of her with every breath. 

This close, Cat can hear Alex’s voice on the other end of the line, tight with worry. “Come home, Kara.”

“Not yet,” she says, her voice shaky. “I...I can’t yet.” She hangs up before Alex can argue, and Cat pretends not to notice her turn the phone off before tossing it onto the chair with her suit. She’d done what Cat asked—and she doesn’t think she wants the sister knowing her apartment is the place Kara chose to land. 

Somehow, she doesn’t think that’ll go over well. 

“You can stay here tonight, if you want.” Even if she felt about Kara the way she was supposed to—appropriately, for a woman double her age, and a former boss to boot—she wouldn’t have been able to turf her out when she looks so dejected. “You can stay as long as you want, even. If you want a place to hide away from the rest of the world, consider this your sanctuary.” 

“Beside the Queen of all Media.”

“There’s a moniker I haven’t heard in a long time.” 

“Do you have a new one? Or is it just Press Secretary, now?” 

“Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it?” If this is what Kara needs, idle small talk in the middle of Cat’s bedroom at a stupid hour in the morning, well. 

Cat has never been able to deny her. 

“It suits you, though.”

“And reporter suits you, Pulitzer Prize winner.” The flush that stains Kara’s cheeks is expected, but it makes Cat chuckle all the same. “You’ve been doing good work. I knew you had it in you.” 

“You always saw the best in me.”

“You say that like it’s difficult to.” Seeing the best in Kara is one of the easiest things Cat has ever done. She’d seen something special in her that first fateful meeting—she’d just no idea how special. How this meek, bespectacled woman with the hideous fashion sense would tip her life on its head. “You should get some rest,” she says, when Kara yawns. “You’ve had a...difficult day.” Something of an understatement. “You can stay in here.” 

Kara shakes her head. “I’m not kicking you out of bed, Cat.”

“You’re not—I’m offering it to you.”

“I can take the guest room.”

“There is no guest room.” Cat’s smile is wry when Kara frowns. “Not like I get a lot of visitors. It was three bedrooms, but I turned the third into an office.” 

“The couch, then.”

Cat stops her with a hand on her arm when she makes for the door. “Stay here, Kara. It’s fine.” 

“Will you...will you stay with me, then?” She asks, in a voice so small Cat feels like her heart is being squeezed in a vice. 

“I…” Is there a polite way to say no? To say I can’t think of a more terrible, masochistic idea than that without breaking the poor girl’s spirit? 

“Please? I...I don’t want to be alone.” It’s the sheen of tears in her eyes that does it, the wobble of her lip, the desperation in her voice, and Cat tells herself that it’s not specifically her that Kara wants. It’s the comfort, it’s the presence of another warm body, to ward off the chill of loneliness. 

And yet, it was her that Kara had sought out. 

And that has to mean something, even if it’s not what she so desperately wants to be. 

“Okay, I’ll stay,” she says, knowing the memory of Kara wrapped up in her sheets will linger long after they’ve been washed, but knowing, also, that it’s worth it, for the way her face lights up when Cat pulls back the covers and climbs inside. 

She has to be up in four hours, she thinks, wincing when she glances at the clock. 

Worth it, she thinks, as Kara slips in beside her. Worth it, when she turns to Cat in the dark, and presses into her side, face in the crook of her neck, and tears once again damp on her skin. 

Cat holds her, and she doesn’t sleep a wink, even when Kara’s breathing deepens, hot against her skin, fingers twitching where they’re gripping at Cat’s robe, still wrapped around her shoulders. 

Cat holds her, and thinks they might not talk about it tomorrow—Kara might, perhaps, wake up mortified in her former boss’ bed, the light of morning bringing with it a sense of clarity that maybe the decision to come here was wrong. Kara might, perhaps, flee without saying goodbye, and Cat may never see her again.

And Cat would accept that decision without question, because for her, this is enough.Stitching the broken parts of Kara back together, being here for her, offering her the comfort she so desperately needed, means more to her than anything else ever could.

[peanutxparker]

A (very long) list of all of my favorite AJJ lyrics because why not

Candy Cigarettes and Cap Guns (2005)

“Well my great grand-dad he died of cancer, from smoking too many cigarettes. But I must confess that he did quite profess to being the coolest motherfucker I ever met.”

“And cocaine is essentially vegan and they don't give a fuck anyway.”

“And I can't help but miss him even though he hit me everyday.”

“So fuck white people! (fuck white people!)”

“Heaven is a special place in hell where you can watch the people you hate get hurt.”

“You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming ‘cause I'm gonna take your life. You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming and I'm sad you won't be my wife.”

“What makes you think you can be so pretty? And what makes you think you can be so great? And what makes you think you can be so intelligent? And what makes you think you can be so far away?”

“What makes you think you can be so wonderful? And what makes you think you can be so keen? And what makes me think I can be so hurtful? And what makes me think I can be so mean?”

“Sometimes I feel like a cigarette, I'm wrapped in paper and I'm suffocating to death.”

“I don't want to be a cigarette anymore. I'll go to hell in my self death all day and night, so please just put me out.”

People Who Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People In The World (2007)

“Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds. Rejoice because you’re trying your best”

“I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm as timid as a mouse. I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome. I'm not a courageous man. I don't have any big lasting plans. I'm too cowardly to take a stand, I want to keep my nose clean. And it's sad to know that we're not alone in this and it's sad to know that there's no honest way out. In this life we lead, we could conquer everything if we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning.”

“And I give a thank-you to my father for not raising me, and I give a finger to my step-father for beating me, and I give props to myself for achieving, and god damn I’m glad that I survived, and god damn I’m surprised that I survived.”

“So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection of a coward you and I both hate very much and then I grabbed the knife and I let the blood out of your throat and I smashed those tiny mirrors inside of your skull.”

“If I don’t go to hell when I die I might go to heaven, might go to heaven. But probably not.”

“Just happy times and half assed rhymes and mimes because mimes are dears, but most of all I want no more tears.”

“No more racism. No more discrimination. No more fat dumb fucks keeping people out of our nation.”

“We’re all one big band across this land and we should sing in tune. Let us grow the balls to break the walls, we’ve got to do it soon.”

“And I hope our candles flicker and die so that our hearts don’t burn to the ground.”

“First we were babies, we're birthing and dying. Then we were children, we're playing and crying. And then we're teenagers and smoking and fucking. But now we're all grown up and we're sadly sighing.”

“And your manic depression, it comes and it goes. Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts and you're in fight or flight mode.”

“How's the world so small when the world is so large? And what made the world? Could I please speak to who's in charge? Everything is real but it's also just as fake. From your daughter's birthday party to your grandmother's wake.”

“I've tried to know which words to sing so many times. I tried to know which chord to play and I tried to make it rhyme. And I tried to find the key that all good songs are in. And I tried to find that notes to make that great, resounding din.”

“There's someone in your head waiting to fucking strangle you.”

“I've got essays, I've got finals due. I have got lots and lots of problems.”

“Welcome to this world, have as much fun as you would like while helping others have as much fun as you're having. Be kind to those you love and be kind to those you don't but for God's sake you gotta be kind.”

Can’t Maintain (2009)

“I wanna pick up the pieces and plant them in the ground. When a tree grows there I want to chop that tree down. Build it into a boat and float it in a lake. And with dynamite I will explode the thing that makes me make mistakes.”

“Sometimes I get so lonesome I can't breathe. Sometimes I get so scared that I can't speak. Sometimes I get so worried I can't hear my heartbeat. Anyway…”

“I wanna tear out my heart and give it away to a person more deserving one day. If all I see is the worst in everything that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get.”

“And people freak me out. People make me scared. People make me so damn self-aware.”

“I get bronchitis twice a year at least. My lungs aren't the way they should be. And I smoke more than a mother fuckin chimney. I declare war on my body.”

“You will cough up crows that peck my eyes and I will do nothing but go blind.”

“We could live there together or I'll live alone, less happy but I'll live... unfortunately.”

“And no one will know how I truly feel ‘cause I can no longer differentiate between what is fake and what is real. I don't know how I feel.”

“And I will always appreciate bad days like this because they grant me a point of reference in regards to my happiness.”

“If the bridge that I was driving over collapsed while I was driving over it that may not be such a bad thing. I would finally meet my maker, I could meet the great creator, and I'd punch him for teaching me how to sing.”

“Don't know if I believe in god but sometimes I pray because the way I was raised keeps me afraid.”

“I hope I can forgive me for having the nerve to exist. I hope someone can help me make some sense of this.”

“Sense and sensibility and peaceful productivity, a pretty girl with broken wings is all that I desire. But there's so much hostility in all the things surrounding me. The awful glow of enmity is trying to stop my shine. So I try to look inwardly at all the things inside of me but sodomy and buggery keep bubbling to the top.”

“I met you once over the phone, you sounded sad and you seemed alone. You left me but I never left you. I never had the chance to.”

“If you spend all your heart on something that has died you are not alive and that can't be your life.”

Knife Man (2011)

“There's no one to blame. People are just fucking mean.”

“So if I see a penny on the ground, I leave it alone or fucking flip it. I'm a straight white male in America. I've got all the luck I need.”

“I've got a pile of broken mirrors and I'm walking under ladders and I'll spill a ton of salt because to me that doesn't matter.”

“You were dead by the time that I had found you. Your blood was spilled on the couch where we had first kissed. So I carried you west to the sea so I could wash you. Your body felt just like a back pack.”

“I hate whiny, fucking songs like this but I can't afford a therapist. Sorry guys, here's a solo.”

“Some days I feel like I'm the weakest and others the strongest. These days are the longest and I've got the weirdest feeling about this and I wanna go away for a while.”

“I wish I had a bullet big enough to fucking kill the sun. I'm sick of songs about the summer.”

“When you have no one, you are no one. Like I said, I used to work at the people pound. All these no ones clumped together, just like a human lost and found. If they left them all be someones there wouldn't be enough to go around. It's better for us all us if there are no ones. And I knew a lot of no ones round that time. They used to all be someones until something took their life and all their someones disappeared while they're stuck there waiting in a line. And for them now, no one seems to have the time.”

“They say ambition is an enemy of weakness and greatness is an enemy of fame.When I pick up my guitar and I try to write a song, I think of what my mentor used to say… “Who fucking gives a rat's ass Steve, just write a love song. Cus they'll keep your belly full and your wallet lined. Don't bother these nice people with your sad sack songs. If you ask me I think they're just a waste of time.””

“Inspiration is the best friend of my sorrow and sorrow is the best friend of my drink. Well I want to look myself in the eye tomorrow but I'm too worried of what other folk's will think.”

“And the troubles in my heart need to get let out. And the troubles in my heart need to escape. And I never liked writing poetry and I never liked doing pottery and God knows that I never learned to paint. So every now and then, I'll sing sad songs. Cus it keeps my spirit light and my conscience clean. And if you don't care to hear I don't mind if you go out for some air. Cus I'm happy that you're happier than me.”

“So I wish I had a cigarette for every time a perfect stranger asked me for a cigarette but I wonder what a cigarette will really do to help that person out. I wish to God I had some spare change for every time a perfect stranger asked me for some spare change but there's not enough spare change in the world to make such an empty gesture count.”

“You can hope it gets better and you can follow your dreams but hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping.”

“You don't have it any better and you don't have it any worse. You're an irreplaceable human soul with your own understanding of what it means to suffer and that’s a huge bummer.”

“I'm afraid of the way I live my life. I'm afraid of the way I don't. I'm afraid of the things that I want to do but I won't. I'm afraid of God. I'm afraid to believe and I'm afraid of all the loved ones that I've made leave. I'm afraid that my dog doesn't love me anymore. I'm afraid of the social laziness that let Kitty Genovese die. And I'm afraid of the mob mentality that makes otherwise normal people go blind. I'm afraid of the way that the world works and I'm afraid of the words in my notebooks. I'm afraid that you all know that I am a pervert.”

“It's harder to be yourself than it is to be anybody else. I wish I were a little less of a coward but the big red bird that lives under the city doesn't give a damn about me and it dies every night. So I bought a knife. I am a knife.”

Rompilation (2012)

“I used to be a spiderman, I used to be a cowboy from hell, but not anymore. Now I'm just a clam and I live inside this shell inside this shell I am. God damn I hate my brain.”

“I'll dip my brain in medicine so that you can stand to be with me.”

“Give me your tired, give me your tired, give me your poor. When our government acts like this, I wonder what World War II was for and the rest of the country hates us more and more. Lady Liberty is not a whore.”

“This is not a protest, it's a tortoise slowly pushing through a race. I hope the tortoise keeps its patience while the hare continues to pepper-spray its face.”

“There is no enemy, there's only people that also love their families and they're scared that they won't have enough long after they are deceased. But how much money do they need? Love turns into fear, and fear turns into greed. There is no enemy, there's only dummies that also love their families.”

“And this is not a phase, it's just a matter of time, with diligence and peacefulness, you will reach them and you will change their minds. If you stay there long enough, they'll start to see you.”

“And when you pushed my face in shit how could that have made you feel like a man or like a monster. It's your fault that I can't tell the difference.”

“In the evening I try songwriting. I'm self loathing, but I love singing. I'll try escaping these evil feelings but they keep coming, they keep coming…”

“So the baby's gonna have a daddy, that's wonderful news. He won't be the greatest parent but neither will you! Gotta get out while you can, otherwise you're screwed. Your legs are broken and your eyes are black and blue.”

“And smoking is like hiring a hitman for five dollars a day, and as cool as that is, I don't wanna keep dying this way.”

Christmas Island (2014)

“Shoot him again ‘cause I can see his soul dancing.”

“If you give it to me I’ll give it back much harder. If you treat me like a son, then I’ll treat you like a daughter. Everyone has a future, everyone has a soul, everyone has a heart, they have a mind, they have control.”

“The Coffin Dancer dances like he has something the prove because he does. He sleeps a couple hours in the morning, hates the morning when he wakes up.”

“The Coffin Dancer dances like he wants to make a friend, but he does not.”

“Getting naked and playing with guns. There's a gerbil in the microwave, a baseball bat in everyone. Sharing kisses and building a bomb. We'll set it off like Microsoft in '94.”

“McDonald's PlayPlace before the Xbox, cake frosting, sweet talking, bedroom wall, covered in knives, touching God, burning shit. We'll make a wish and take a trip to Future Town like our daddy did.”

“Have you ever wanted to be, have you ever wanted to see someone better in the mirror? Have you ever wanted to go, have you ever wanted to know somewhere greener, somewhere cleaner. I bet you got something beautiful in mind.”

“I can’t handle astounding works of beauty. I think I like my pretty pretty ugly but the beautiful soul I witnessed in that movie was an entirely different kind of overwhelming. It was a dog that won’t stop barking. Like a cut that never stops bleeding. Arizona sunsets in the early evening. Or a grown man inconsolably weeping.”

“I am the Kool-Aid stains on the mouth of a kid whose name is most likely Cody. He had a juice box for breakfast and he carries a stick that he most likely found in the alley. Cody doesn't have friends and his parents hate each other and he wants to find a better way to love his family and after school he hangs out in the abandoned house behind the Arby's.”

The Bible 2 (2016)

“Oh, I love you cause I love you cause I can.”

“On your last night at Saint Mary's you were way too intoxicated to breathe. So I used your ribs as ladders and I climbed up on your chest and I jumped up and down just like a trampoline.”

“Confused and rude. Such a special kind of way to be cruel.”

“If I were one of the things, I'd be american garbage. The most beautiful thing. The most beautiful american garbage you have ever seen.”

“No more shame, no more fear, no more dread.”

“And if you don't want to feel the feeling, no one should ever make you feel the feeling.”

“I thought I saw you before I knew who you were.”

“I just wanted to rage but all I got was tired”

“I showed him all the books that I was raised on. Your Madeleine L'Engle(s) and D'Aulaires' Mythologies.”

“And his eyes became a beacon, an LCD projector, broadcasting all my memories in a clear and vivid picture. His tongue became a staircase, his uvula - The knocker of an ornate wooden door that lead me straight into my future. His throat became a hallway with a thousand baby pictures and I became forgiveness, I transformed into the closure that I lost when I learned about the tragedy of all of us. I lost it when I learned about the tragedy of all of us.”

Good Luck Everybody (2019)

“If you don't give it to them they'll starve to death and that's alright.”

“I've got the normalization blues, this isn't normal, this isn't good.”

“I'm detached and I'm distracted, all keyed up but unproductive, vacillating between being all excited and disgusted and then dozing lackadaisically in this bubble where I've made my mental home. Connection's more important now than it ever was, but I'd rather be alone.”

“And when we talk about the president, we're either pissed off or we're giggling about an atrocity he's committing or some stupid shit he's tweeting. He's a symptom and a weapon of the evil men who really run the show. The ones who melt down human beings into money like a cruel Sorcerer's Stone.”

“This is the golden age of dickotry, probably the last golden age of anything, and the ugliest word in the English language is anthropocene. Good luck, everybody. Good luck.”

“But before that, you'll be a doormat, for every vicious narcissist in the world. Oh how they'll screw you, all up and over, then feed you silence for dessert.”

“I'm sorry that you have to have a body, filled with infection, one hundred scabs singing in unison, eyes and hands, sometimes bullets, uninvited, passing through us.”

“Oh to be awake for such a shitty dream. A bullet in the head of every decent thing.”

“The lake of dead black children that America created is getting fuller than the founding Fathers even wanted. The ghost of great America was underestimated and now it rages like a cold sore on the lip of this dumb nation. Again we've slipped inside a pit of absolute despair. That's where we live.”

“Rewarding our worst cruelty, they destroyed our shared reality, and now they upsell us our dignity like some fucked VIP package.”

“There is no absolute, these days there's no such thing as truth and you don't need to be a dick about it.”

“I'm a burnout and a fool, oblivious to all I do. I move my lips when I read and breathe with my mouth open, wide open. Timid, meek, and cruel, this is the best that I can do. I need to speak my truth, yet here I'm broken wide, wide open. My resentment, big and strong, and all the things that I can't change. They'll buckle me beneath the weight. I will drive myself insane with all the things that I can't change. I hate all the things that I can't change.”

“You're a loudmouth and a tool, and as it turns out I am too, and you don't need to be a dick about it.”

“Because I know that you know what I need more than me and I know that you need me more than that.”

“For all the pussies you grab and the children you lock up in prison, for all the rights you roll back and your constant stream of racism, for all the poison you drip in my ear, for all your ugly American fear. I wrote you this beautiful song called Psychic Warfare.”

“I hate you with all of my heart. I hate you with all of my art.”

“I went back to the desert, little Midwest in me, and now I am colder than I used to be. I live in a fortress the shape of my body, and now there's a coldness, and it's shaped like me. Now I don't suffer any more bullshit gladly. Even though everything's bullshit now, here in 2019 and you can bet it's gonna be a bunch of bullshit too out in sweet 2020 or whenever this album's released.”

[marshmallowprotection]

"If you're going to kill me, then by all means..." with dark suit Saeran ?

19. "If you're going to kill me, then by all means..."

Ray is... Ray was a kind person to you. 

You couldn’t help falling for him after all of the moments you shared. That didn’t mean that you didn’t notice all of the little things that had been odd, or suspicious. You knew very well that something was fishy and that Ray wasn’t exactly this nice guy who just needed help testing a game he made. 

His intentions weren’t always good. You understood that, but at the same time, he went out of his way to try and protect you from danger. You had escaped the elixir because of him. He put his safety and life on the line for you and he had paid the ultimate price for it. 

But Saeran? 

Saeran had shown you the cruelty of mankind. His heart was filled with grief and pain, and he used that as a weapon. While Ray used kindness as a weapon to deceive others, Saeran used his hatred to control others. He wasted no time playing games, and he got to the point before you even realized what was happening around you. 

This person in front of you had been hurt so much by the world and the people that were supposed to love him. 

Because of their choices, he saw no other solution to things than by hurting others. He often said that he didn’t feel anything unless he could see you, and seeing you in pain and suffering was the only thing that spurned emotion out of his numbness. 

You were a toy to him. 

He made that abundantly clear every time he visited this toy box. 

All of this, everything that he was doing to you was some kind of game that he created to get what he wanted. If he didn’t get what he wanted then you would wind up curled up on the floor, holding yourself together as tightly as you could as you prayed you dared not cry in front of him. It was taking a toll on you and after days of him oof his cruel games, you were starting to feel numb yourself on the inside. 

When Saeran entered your room late this evening you had been curled up against the wall as it was the smallest place to put yourself. When the door slammed open, you didn’t react to him, you just sat there, quiet and waiting for what was coming.

It wasn’t the reaction that he wanted. 

His shoes were heavy against the floor as he stormed up to you. He demanded that you give him your attention, but you barely lifted your head. You just didn’t have the strength to do it. 

He sank down to a crouch in front of you and yanked your head up by the chin to look at him, “Hey! I was talking to you, toy. I told you to come and greet me when I come into this toybox. That doesn’t mean sit on your ass and ignore me! Be grateful for the chances that I give you. You don’t fucking deserve them, and you’re only alive right now because I pity you. If it wasn’t for me, the Savior would have killed you by now.“

Your voice was quiet, “If you’re going to kill me, then by all means.” 

Saeran was taken back by that. He did a double-take, and then he started to laugh. “Have I finally broken the spirit of the pathetic doll? Is that it? Huh? Are you begging me for mercy? You rather die than continue to be a useless toy for me?”

You’re tired. 

Your body hurts. 

You’ve gone so long without eating something properly that it’s starting to feel like you’re wasting away. You deeply wish that you could have protected Ray from getting hurt to the brink of disappearing, and you partly wish that you could have stopped this boy from getting hurt as well. 

But what can you do? You couldn’t even protect yourself. You couldn’t even save the one that you love from getting hurt. 

It was right. What was he saying. You must have been this pathetic person who couldn’t do anything right. There’s a fighting voice in your mind that tells you not to believe that, but it’s so weak now... that voice is almost gone. Why fight any longer? If you and Ray are the same kind of weakness that needs to be destroyed why can’t you be gone and with him?

He leans in close to whisper the tantalizing words next to your ear. “Do you really think I’m going to let you get out of this that easily? What fun could I get out of that, Y/N? As if I would let you die when there’s so much more fun to be had.“

“Just get rid of me,” you repeat yourself. “This has to be a waste of your precious time you need to destroy the RFA. You have plenty of other things that you could be doing. Aren’t I just a waste? Just kill me.”

The anxiety in your stomach is like angry butterflies trapped in a jar. The feeling never really subsides, so you’re used to it. 

“If you hate me, you should just throw me away,“ your voice is suddenly louder and you find this power that you hadn’t felt in days. “After all, you can’t stand the sight of me, right? I’m the only trace left of what you’re trying to get rid of. If you really want to be the strongest, don’t you have to get rid of everything that could be considered a weakness?” 

“Don’t you ever fucking dare tell me what to do, toy.“ His voice is filled with venom as he speaks. His nails dig into your skin on your shoulder. You let out a wince and grit your teeth. 

He pulls back so those haunting green eyes are staring a hole through your own. “I choose what I do with my playthings. You belong to me, not the other way around. I am the strongest. Do you want to know why I’m the strongest person here? Because I’ve conquered everything that that pathetic bug could never even dream of.” 

He means business. 

You’ve overstepped the boundaries that have kept you safe thus far. If he just ends it here, there’s no suffering for you. That sounds great, and you just want the pain to go away. But there are years of suffering for him that lay ahead, aren’t there? Turning your head to the side, you can feel his breath roll against your cheek. 

You want it to be over. 

But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t scared. 

His voice haunts you. “I have it all. I have those liars and traitors on their knees, I have the praise of my Savior, I have all the power in the world... and guess what? I have your little life in my hands. You belong to me, understand, or do I need to drill it into you? I don’t want to have to fucking repeat myself again. So, tell me, who decides what happens to you?“

You swallow dry and don’t respond. 

His grip gets even harder in response. “Y/N. You don’t want to disappoint your precious Ray, now do you? Don’t you know that he needs to watch you waste away to learn his lesson? Don’t you know that you need to learn your lesson about power? Once you get it into your airhead skull, I won’t have to beat it into you anymore. If you had been a good little toy from the start then we wouldn’t be having these problems.” 

“Stop... please...” you plead, but the whisper is nearly inaudible. 

He doesn’t stop. “If you give up, and submit, it’ll be all over, Y/N. Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want it to stop? Don’t you want to become the person you could have always been? All you have to do is give up. Admit your weakness. Accept that you’re my pathetic toy.”

It would all be over if you just gave up? All you had to do was just quit. All of this pain... misery... it could stop? He’s not going to kill you. They’re not going to get rid of you. You’re going to continue wasting away for the rest of your life because they won’t let you reach the end. 

There is no choice. 

“Well?”

You don’t have any other options. Your expression is vacant when you find the answer. You look at Saeran and just stop fighting. There’s nothing more for you to do, and this was always going to be the way that things turned out. You were stupid to think otherwise. 

“I’m...” 

“That’s it... come on, you can say it.” he coaxed. 

What’s the point? What’s the point anymore? “I’m useless... stupid... pathetic... pitiful. I was kidding myself to think otherwise, right? I can’t get back anything that I lost. Just use me and get rid of me. Get your fill and dispose of me, that’s all I’m good for, right? So go ahead and do it. I’m done.”  

Saeran suddenly pushes you aside, and you flop onto the ground with a loud thud as he glowers at you. You don’t even care when he slams his hand into the wall. “That’s not what I fucking wanted to hear, toy! Wrong choice! If you’re going to do this to me then you’re going to sit in this toy box and rot until I decide I have some use for you again, or until you learn how to listen to the people that take care of you!”

And just like that, he left you. 

[love-addict24-blog]

For anyone out there. Who's down, and broken hearted, and lonely.

For anyone out there. who has been told by friends one day you'll find that perfect person. but they never seem to come.

For anyone out there who. has been told by there parents. that one day you will find that special someone. but it's seeming harder to hold on to that thought.

To anyone out there who. Has cycled through countless horrible relationships. That are filled with nothing but lies, empty promises, cheating, and abuse in all forms.

To anyone out there who. Has cried countless tears because the love and affection that you give is not reciprocated. And instead it is only returned as hate and harmful actions and even possibly abandonment.

To anyone out there who. possibly feels like that other half and that missing piece isn't out there leaving you broken and incomplete.

To anyone out there who. Possibly feels like there a hopeless case. and they're just destined to be alone.

To anyone out there who. feels like do just done with relationships because all it ever causes them this heartache in trouble.

To anyone out there who. pretty much has given up on ever finding their soul mate. and believes that the concept of the idea has pretty much faded away . And you don't even know if they believe it anymore.

I want to tell you don't give up hope.

I want to tell you don't believe in the lies.

I want to tell you to keep strong and keep faith.

Because I'm here to tell you the soulmates are real. That special someone is out there. That missing piece it's missing you just as much as you're missing them.

The reason I'm saying this. Is because I am the proof. Basically at a 31 years of my life I was in your shoes. and I feel the exact same ways that you did.

But I never knew that I would meet a girl like Kally. She is so beautiful and so drop dead gorgeous. Her smile lots of my life like no one's ever has. Her laugh is one that is contagious and I can never get tired of hearing. Always find myself getting lost within her beautiful eyes . And oh my God how attracted I am to how sexy she is. Not just what she says and what she does. Not just by her appearance and how she looks. But also Within meaning her heart her soul in her mind. she's is so smart, so pretty so funny, and absolutely the strongest and coolest person I've ever come to know.

To tell you the truth. To me there is nothing or no one in existence that compares to her.

I mean even though we're in a relationship. I still have the biggest crush on her.

Her voice is the best thing thing I've ever heard. It calm and eases me so. I could literally stay up all night and listen to her talk. And oh my god when that girl sings. It's enough to break your heart.

I absolutely love how creative she is. I think it's so absolutely incredible. her she can take every one of her emotions good or bad. And she can turn it into something is beautiful and it was clever as she is. She's told me this before but she's my absolute favorite artist.

The way she trys to give me all the love and affection that I put into it. The way she is so sweet, kind, and gentle with me. The way she nurtures and cares for me. She is treating me so much better then anyone has in my life. For all times high and low.

She is so good to me.

It kills us to be apart for even a brief moment the entire time we miss each other so much it drives us crazy.

I made her more than the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins.

It is truly remarkable. her she gets me, knows me, and truly understands me like no one ever has

And how she loves and accepts me. wholly and completely. for all of my good part and my bad flaws.

I am so so so proud of her. For everything that she is done, for everything she's doing, and everything she will do, within our lives. And to be able to one day call her my wife. And the mother of our kids. My how far we've come from one glance, one smile, and one touch that began this entire thing between us.

I know guys this may seem like a little much. or might seem somewhat obsessive.

But it drives me that crazy. How amazing, wonderful, incredible, and beautiful she and the love that we share is.

Because I just can't help myself but brag about her, show her off, and talk about her constantly to absolutely everyone.

Because in the past just like me she's dealt with a lot of terrible people. That have never showed her the love, support, and admiration that she truly deserves.

And I swore to myself I would never let a day Go past. Where I did not go and show her the love and affection that she deserves. And show her how truly beautiful and special she is.

And another reason I'm doing this is because it's like I said to give Hope to the Hopeless.

Faith to the faithless.

Peace or broken and weary minds and hearts.

One day your happily ever after, your good ending will find you. and make you happier than you thought you ever could be.

One day you're missing piece, your other half will track you down. And make you whole and complete you.

One day you're soulmate, your best friend, and true love will show up. And I will look you straight in the eyes. Take you by the hands. Tell you they love you. And merge both of your souls into one and synchronize both of your hearts into One Singular heartbeat.

Just hold on.

And keep pushing forward.

And keep holding your head high.

Because one day someone special is going to make all of your dreams come true.

The way kally did for me.

💛💚💙💜🖤❤️

Truly Thank you baby girl. for absolutely everything you do for me.

You gave meaning to my life again.

And you complete me.

I am so incredibly proud of you. and how far is that you've come.

I love you so very much.

Your loving love addict.

Matthew d. Smith

[whereisvanderwood]

OMG I just discovered your blog and i'm completely in love with your writing???? You're very talented, i'm serious

omg? t h a nk you

okay i am so sorry that this has taken so long. Let it be established now that I am not a frequent uploader. If you want a request soon, don’t ask me. I’m sorry. You’ll be kept waiting. I’m just not disciplined like that. 3

Btw, I’m making an “OC + Fanfiction writers” discord server, where you can play games, share your working progress on a story, get some beta readers to help you out, share OC’s and play games. Who’s interested?

RFA + Saeran jealous of MC while they are dating. 

*:･ﾟ✧  

YOOSUNG

He’s a gamer. As a gamer, he’s often in a mindset of competition.

There can only be one winner. There’s no “you tried” reward. It’s all or nothing.

He wants to keep you to himself. He hates it when anyone else looks at you, even his own friends in the RFA.

Sometimes, when you talk to your own friends, whether on the phone or in person, his shoulders suddenly begin to ache as they tense up and stay that way until you’re alone with only him again.

‘What do they have that I don’t?’, he’ll constantly ask himself, or ‘What if they hurt her?’

“MC, who are you talking to?” he’ll ask on occasion if you’re staring at your phone for a long time.

“Just a friend. We wanna hang out so I might see them later if that’s okay.”

He’ll wish this “hang out” somehow gets cancelled. He can’t stand you being with anyone but him.

He wants to watch your every step, but even he knows that’s a pretty immoral thing for a boyfriend to do. He just doesn’t want to lose you like he lost Rika.

You are his Rika.

You know how uneasy he gets about it sometimes. You can just tell. Maybe it’s his yandere eyes. Who knows.

You’ll find yourself often having to reassure him that your heart is reserved for him only.

He loves you and trusts you, so he takes your word for it, of course. But more often than not when you’re finished with your friends, he’ll insist to take you out afterwards, no matter how much you just want to lay on the couch and watch a movie. That’s not good enough for him.

ZEN

He wishes for the extinction of every other existing male on the planet.

“Men are dangerous animals, MC. You have to be careful, even if they are just ‘friends’.”

He starts to understand how you might feel sometimes when he gets a new leading role in a play with a female partner.

His chest will not stop that unpleasant tingling feeling until you’re at his side again.

So instead, he’ll ask you to introduce your friends to him so he knows just what kind of people you’re around.

Really it’s just that he wants to watch you every second and have an excuse for it so he doesn’t look like a creep.

You’re surprised at how nice he is at the first meeting of your friends, since he is pretty open about his jealousy. He refuses to hide anything from you.

He watches the way your guy friend speaks to you– their body language, their tone, he knows the signs. Behind your back, he might send the occasional glare in their direction.

When he starts feeling uneasy, he’ll be as physically close next to you as possible and have his arm around you to assert his dominance.

“MC, I’ll never take a lead role with a female if it means you’ll never talk to your friends again,” he jokes in good fun. You know he’s joking and laugh about it.

No he’s dead serious.

He apologises for any feelings of inadequacy you might feel while being his girlfriend, further exposing his own little spurts self-esteem issues every now and again. You and your friends are great people compared to him, he thinks a lot.

All it takes is a few kisses and he’s okay again :) just to get that inner beast going again.

JAEHEE

It’s a first for both of you being in a girlxgirl relationship. After talking about it for a long time, you both decided to be official even though you both shared your apprehensions about it.

She loves you so much for everything you’ve done for her, and she knew it was a different kind of love she felt when you first met.

I need non-platonic route plz

But she still couldn’t help but feel unconvinced of your feelings. What if your feelings for her were just a phase amongst the confusion of your own personal life?

It was the case of “what if’s” that would haunt her endlessly.

You were well aware of how limited the number of Jaehee’s friends were, hoping that she had any at all besides the RFA.

Heck, even group nights with the other members made Jaehee uncomfortable. You were the only females in the group after all, and she knew all the men had taken a liking to you ever since you joined. Not to mention she was the one who was most resistant in letting a stranger join the RFA.

After the impact you’d had on her life, she could never let you go.

But Yoosung had his adorable nature, Zen was flawless in every sense of the word, Seven never ceased to make you laugh with his other-wordly humour, and Jumin practically had the world at his fingertips with his ridiculous wealth.

What was so special about her that you were drawn to?

“MC… are you sure you want to be with, well, me? I’m really nothing special compared to the others.”

It was your job to prove to her she was worth more than she could know, and that being together was the best decision you’d ever made.

Movie nights with only watching Zen’s musicals was all it really needed to take.

JUMIN

You stuck by his side, no matter how uncomfortable he knew you were in those eleven days, because you knew it was all for your safety. He was constantly paranoid that you would leave the house during that time.

So whenever you leave the house at all, he becomes paranoid all over again.

What is it that you have to do that’s so important that he can’t get it done for you?

You were his Princess. A princess shouldn’t have to leave their castle. They have servants for that.

The one other person he was most wary of was Zen. He didn’t ignore the fact that he was as handsome as the actor would brag he was. He wasn’t so immaturely prideful to not admit that.

“MC, you must know that a man with good looks alone isn’t enough to make a relationship work. Income and wisdom are the most important factors to sustain a well-balanced living.”

He’d remind you this constantly.

“Jumin, I love you. Not Zen.”

“I never said you did. It doesn’t hurt to remind someone of these things.”

He knew, compared to the rest of the RFA, he was lacking in something none of them were – easily and opening expressing emotion. And this isn’t to say his ability to feel were void of existence, no.

On the contrary, his feelings for you was the strongest sensation he’d ever felt. That’s why it was an absolute must that you had to remain in his life. He couldn’t live without you after acquiring a palate for the sweet taste of romantic intimacy.

He knew money didn’t mean everything to everyone, especially you. That’s why he’d try so hard to phsycally demonstrate his feelings as much as he could in front of you.

Smiling as much as possible, giving cuddles, forcing himself to laugh, anything else he could think of.

“Jumin, your smile is a little scary.”

But he should’ve already known that you loved him for him, and accepted him the way he was. Although, you often did get a kick out of his awkwardly forced laughs.

SEVEN

Jealousy? Try envious.

You were together as a couple with your undying love for one another, but how long was it going to last? He didn’t have the liberty to dictate what his life was. Not anymore, since joining the agency.

What kind of life was that for you and him? Kinda crap, he thought.

Watching you how well you go along with the RFA, as well as your own friends that he would see you hang out with through security cameras. As a safety precaution of course– who knows what the agency might do to you at this point.

You looked so happy, freely walking out and about, going wherever you wanted without so much as having to check behind your back every sixty seconds, paranoid that certain danger was stalking you; the very opposite to him.

He couldn’t give that to you when you were together; share such a peaceful lifestyle with you. He loathed himself for it.

He’d wish for one thing every now and then; that the RFA never existed, and everything they had that he didn’t would bless him instead.

Knowing it was selfish to expect you to stay with him through the dangers he was often facing, he couldn’t help but always ask you to keep him company for as long as you were able. Just the two of you. Just for his own peace of mind.

“I’m nowhere near as good enough as what the perfect boyfriend is, but… will you really stay with me, even though I do the things I do?”

No-one was ever “perfect” by a set agenda, you’d tell him, and that there was no reason to be jealous of the others.

“We’re getting married in a space-station. It’s everyone else who should be jealous of us.”

It didn’t matter if he didn’t think he was perfect for you, because all that mattered was that he was perfect to you.

SAERAN

Zen’s not the only one who wishes for mankind’s extinction. No-one deserved you.

No-one knew how much you meant to him. They might think they did, but not really.

You saved his life and freed him from exploitation  for heaven’s sake. He’d be crazy enough to not follow you to the ends of the earth.

No matter who you were hanging out with, no matter where you were going, he would always be right there with you. Even though he feels a little socially awkward about it.

You didn’t mind. You loved his company, but of course there were times where space was needed, and it was hard to achieve that with his solidified mindset.

“Saeran… You know I’m not going to leave you, right?”

Deep down he knew. But still, there was that nagging voice in the back of his mind, constantly telling him otherwise.

“I know, but the thought of it scares me sometimes.”

After all, the whole point of you being taken into Mint Eye was to befriend the RFA, and now you were really close with them. You’d spent a lot more time with them than Saeran during your stay.

He couldn’t stand the thought of you spending anymore time with them, especially his own brother. He would never leave you two alone in a room. He had to be around, making sure Saeyoung wouldn’t steal you away with his one-of-a-kind humorous personality.

He cracks a few jokes when Saeyoung is around, just to prove that he can be equally as funny and that there was something he could out-do is brother in.

‘Joke contest: who can make MC laugh the most’ was how every movie night was spent at the bunker.

Vanderwood gets reeled into it a couple of times.

You have to reassure him that not everything is a competition, and that he was always #1 in your heart

*:･ﾟ✧    damn i need a boyfriend.

Masterlist! + Request Box!

[rosesloveletters]

Roseeee ~ 🥰💞

As I sit here watching a horror film (not a very good one; either. I've never seen it before but it's an hour in and I'm bored), I'm really struggling for words because I don't quite... know how to articulate how I feel about you. There's so much to say, so much I want to say, but as I read it back, none of it feels like it's enough. I'm going to try because you deserve nothing but the best of everything.🥺💜

I suppose the most important thing to say is... thank you, darling. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For everything. For being you, mostly. You're just... incredible. You're so creative, raw in your emotions, passionate, intelligent, wise, hard-working, determined, and the way you always make things work for yourself is just incredible. You've done so much this year and every time something has happened, bad or otherwise, you've taken the challenge and done your best. Your growth as a person in just the time I've known you is truly amazing and I'm just in awe of you.

Every single day, you push me and inspire me just by being you to work harder, try more, be kinder, do better and I know I fall short sometimes (at least to my own way of thinking, though you might disagree) but every day I keep you close to me. I think of you often and not an hour goes by where I'm not thinking, Rose is probably up by now or I hope Rose is okay or I wonder if Rose is sleeping well? and you're just such a strong presence in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you, honestly. You keep me fighting, darling.

So, thank you for being you.

I can't sleep without the fawn nightlight. I will wake up if I have to use my overhead fairy lights and I won't sleep as well and it's definitely a case of disturbed rest, so I always charge up the fawn nightlight as soon as I wake up (or whenever Vinny reminds me ~ he's sweet, really.🥺) and when I lay in bed at night, it's like candlelight and it makes me feel so safe, warm and cosy. Not just because of the atmosphere it gives my bedroom, but also because it's like... you're with me in the dark. You're there, watching over me, casting light over the shadows so I can sleep and looking after me. I love the nightlight so much, it's beautiful, but when it's turned on and I'm wrapped up in the blanket, it's like having a hug from you irl and please I beg🥺🙏. I love you so so so so much darling, you're with me every day and you take such good care of me and I hope that I can do the same for you.

You deserve nothing but the very, very best of all things in life and I'm just infinitely proud of you and the person you are. You're so much more than you know and if there's ever anything I can do, then please don't be shy!!!! I'm here for you no matter what, and I love you lots!!!💞 I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of cuddles, strength and good vibes, darling! Thank you for being you, for being like a sister to me, and for doing everything that you do. This world wouldn't be what it is without you.

I wouldn't be who I am without you.🌸💗

Oh, Erika🥺💞💞

I was not expecting to receive such a beautiful little love note in my ask box and my heart just did a little '!!!' when I saw I had received something from you, because I knew whatever it was would just be so beautiful and full of love. I can always count on you when I need a little extra love and care.

I don't know how else to properly address everything in this note without dissecting it paragraph by paragraph, like I do with our written pieces (you wrote me a whole book, holy shit how did I get so lucky to have a friend as amazing as you?🥺) I don't want to let any of this slip through my fingers; I'm still reeling from how unexpected and lovely this is. I love you, darling, you are so very dear to my heart.

under a cut: (it's a lengthy response)

As I sit here watching a horror film (not a very good one; either. I've never seen it before but it's an hour in and I'm bored), I'm really struggling for words because I don't quite... know how to articulate how I feel about you. There's so much to say, so much I want to say, but as I read it back, none of it feels like it's enough. I'm going to try because you deserve nothing but the best of everything.🥺💜

Oh my goodness, I know you love horror films, so for you to say that it isn't very good must mean that it seriously is not good because you know the best ones💛 I always feel the very same way about you, darling. I could go on and on, but it never feels like it's enough. How does one write down all the ways in which one loves another, when love is so strong of an emotion it is often difficult to bear? You've seen me at my very best and at my very worst and not once have you ever made me feel as if you would want to be anywhere other than by my side. I know I can rely on you from the countless times which you've been there for me. You've chosen me and my friendship (even in situations I still feel guilty for you ever having to be placed in) and I cannot think of enough proper ways to thank you for it. You always tell me in perfect written word how you feel about me, so please know that you don't have to try extra hard or anything. You've already shown me how you feel and that it what is most important to me. You deserve the best as well, darling, always.

I suppose the most important thing to say is... thank you, darling. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For everything. For being you, mostly. You're just... incredible. You're so creative, raw in your emotions, passionate, intelligent, wise, hard-working, determined, and the way you always make things work for yourself is just incredible. You've done so much this year and every time something has happened, bad or otherwise, you've taken the challenge and done your best. Your growth as a person in just the time I've known you is truly amazing and I'm just in awe of you.

I am honored by your words, darling🥺 You never have to thank me for being a friend to you, I am honored to be anything you need me to be. It is my pleasure to do for you what you have always done for me and given to me. This year has been a horrible mental-health year, (gotta have them occasionally, I guess) but you have stood by me and been my shoulder to lean on whenever I needed it and I cannot give enough thanks and show enough appreciation to you for that. You've challenged yourself in so many ways this year, from taking on a second degree and then searching for a new job!! I am so proud of you and happy that I have gotten to be there to support you throughout all of these changes and new times. You are strong, capable, intelligent, brave, extremely hard-working and you can persevere through anything which life may choose to throw in your direction. It means everything to me that you feel the same about me. You've done so much this year and I cannot wait to see what else you will accomplish before the year is over.

Every single day, you push me and inspire me just by being you to work harder, try more, be kinder, do better and I know I fall short sometimes (at least to my own way of thinking, though you might disagree) but every day I keep you close to me. I think of you often and not an hour goes by where I'm not thinking, Rose is probably up by now or I hope Rose is okay or I wonder if Rose is sleeping well? and you're just such a strong presence in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you, honestly. You keep me fighting, darling.

So, thank you for being you.

Darling, I say this with the most tender kindness, but you could never fall short of any of these things, even if you tried. You are naturally such a kind and thoughtful soul and I find myself envying the ways in which you are kind in light of situations or people I never could show kindness to. You are the type of person I strive to be every single day and I know I am not quite there yet, but we learn best by watching others who are already there. Your empathy is one of your strongest traits and I am so inspired by you, all of you.

I think of you often as well. I'll find myself checking the time and counting the hours our time zones are apart, just to know what time it is where you are. I always think of you and hope you're having good, happy days, since I cannot be there to make certain that you are. All I can do is hope for the best for you. I do not know what I would do without you either; you've become so ingrained in my daily life and I never take a second of our interactions for granted. I am so lucky and thankful for a friend like you💛 Thank you for being the best friend I've always wanted💛💛 You're more of the sister that I never had💛

I can't sleep without the fawn nightlight. I will wake up if I have to use my overhead fairy lights and I won't sleep as well and it's definitely a case of disturbed rest, so I always charge up the fawn nightlight as soon as I wake up (or whenever Vinny reminds me ~ he's sweet, really.🥺) and when I lay in bed at night, it's like candlelight and it makes me feel so safe, warm and cosy. Not just because of the atmosphere it gives my bedroom, but also because it's like... you're with me in the dark. You're there, watching over me, casting light over the shadows so I can sleep and looking after me. I love the nightlight so much, it's beautiful, but when it's turned on and I'm wrapped up in the blanket, it's like having a hug from you irl and please I beg🥺🙏. I love you so so so so much darling, you're with me every day and you take such good care of me and I hope that I can do the same for you.

I still get so ecstatic that you love the nightlight I bought for you🥺 I was so worried you wouldn't like it or wouldn't be able to use it for some reason, but I get so excited and happy every time you tell me how much you use it and it makes me so so happy I found it. It just made me think of you when I saw it and I knew you had to have it💛 (Vinny is so sweet to remind you to charge it, he's incredibly thoughtful🥺) I think this is so incredibly sweet and lovely, I am so happy you love the blanket as well and that the nightlight helps you sleep this much🥺🥺 I feel the same way about the gifts you got me, darling. My little J plushie sits on my shelf and whenever I look at him or take him down for a hug, I feel like, in a way, I am hugging you because you've also held him🥺🥺 I would give all I have for a hug from you. I love you as well, honey, with all my heart. You take care of me as well and I always feel so very safe with you💛

You deserve nothing but the very, very best of all things in life and I'm just infinitely proud of you and the person you are. You're so much more than you know and if there's ever anything I can do, then please don't be shy!!!! I'm here for you no matter what, and I love you lots!!!💞 I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of cuddles, strength and good vibes, darling! Thank you for being you, for being like a sister to me, and for doing everything that you do. This world wouldn't be what it is without you.

I wouldn't be who I am without you.🌸💗

I am proud of you too, darling, infinitely proud of you and all you have accomplished and achieved in life. You do so much for me (I mean, you wrote me this letter, so I consider myself pretty lucky to be so loved by you) and I could only hope to do just as much for you. I love you so much, darling, I am always always here for you too. I'm always thinking of you and wishing you the very best, because you deserve nothing less. Thank you for all that you have ever done for me, but thank you for just existing. Thank you for being a real person out there who loves me in ways I've only ever dreamed of. You've changed my life for the better. I won't ever be the same now that I know you and it means so very much to me that you think so positively of me. Thank you for this amazingly sweet note and thank you for being a part of my life.

I love you more than words can say🥰🥰

[pokefanbri]

U can tell me what everyone else has, you can tell me he doesn't deserve me...that I deserve more than how I've been treated. But that's the thing, I'm stubborn..I don't care most the time cause the fact of the matter is you don't know what we had, we had a good story even if its a bit bumpy. U don't know what we've been through. Don't tell me who I should & shouldn't love or care about, my heart already hurts, constantly mending & healing from my whole life breaking it. I'm already broken, im numb from all the fucking pain! & theres nothing anyone can do to make it worse, only room to build it back up & help me put back the pieces.

It takes someone so damn strong nomatter how broken, real & genuine to run toward love, fight for it, & try to hold onto it. They're the kinds that don't give up easy, because everyone else has taken them for granted & given up on them. They're the kinds that when they find someone they love with a full heart more than anyone, they don't care if it destroys them. And honestly been there done that...it destroyed me pretty badly yet im doing wonderfully now. God doesn't give you more than you can't handle, & when you can't handle it...its only the beginning of whatever he has next for u. Im not one to give up on anyone especially those closest to my heart, though plenty have on me & hurt without a care but I soak it in & keep going.

If you're special to me, if you're my friend, if you help direct my life somehow...you're my lightning rod, keep me grounded & safe, so that I don't have to worry. Help me & bring me a lil more comfort away from all the evils I've had to endure, I need salvation, I need to be loved & respected, that im cared about that I'm important because I don't realize it, im not told enough that I matter...Because so few have shown me just that & would rather hurt me to look out for themeselves. Wheres the assurance I need to not give up on myself because on the inside I just want to fucking die & escape the hell I was put into, & all the years wasted just trying to survive it! I shouldn't even be here death is a personal friend to me now too even. When will I actually start my life cause I've been ready for ages. I dont want to hurt anymore, I hate being hurt by people I care about cause that's how u damage & break someone. I'm broken sure..& dead inside cause of it all & take it in stride...but im the strongest, bravest, kindest, friendliest, smartest, more than capable, unique genuine & graceful sexy ass warrrior Queen you will ever fucking know. Broken but I can't be broke 💪. Im a giver I try to do right & Im good to others but not really to myself..im lost, just do me right or right by me, be fair. We equals & all in this together. We cool then we cool. Im okay just be okay with me too thats all I ask