#you're not the only one struggling lady. and your need to be ~beautiful and suffering~ is not something to perpetuate. its misogyny.

[casekt]

No more skinny white girl smokers, say no to skinny white girl smokers

[fatkish]

Hi! I'm a big fan of the work you do, and I was hoping that I could make a request! Headcanons for Midnight, Mt Lady, Ryukyu, and the Wild Wild Pussycats (Sorry if this is a lot! Please feel free to take as much time as you need if you choose to do this! Also I think that the Wild Wild Pussycats deserve more love from the MHA community) with their adopted son or daughter who suffered from abuse by their previous family and now has a hard time dealing with their trauma.

I'd really appreciate it! Hope you're having an awesome day!

(Sorry for not including Mt. Lady, Pixie Bob, Tiger or Ragdoll. I tried to look up their character profiles but I just couldn’t come up with anything for them or I just couldn’t picture them actually looking after and taking care of a child, sorry)

Midnight, Ryukyu and Mandalay x Adopted, Abused Child Reader

The story here is that your parents were drug addicts or criminals that basically ignored you. You were 8 when you were saved. Each of these guys have different scenarios on how they found you as well as how your life is with them. (Sorry if it’s a little redundant)

Midnight:

Your parents were drug addicts that cooked meth and barely ever paid you any attention

You had gotten used to constant hunger and had learned to live off of dumpster diving

You’d go to the dumpsters behind stores and collect whatever goods/food you could find

Places you often went to were beauty stores since you learned that there was money to be made by selling the products that the stores dump

You were quirkless which is why you were constantly on your own. You’re parents had no idea where you were half of the time and didn’t care

One day when Nemuri had the day off she saw the dirty and malnourished child walk into the alley behind the makeup store

She followed you and saw you climb into the dumpster and start filling up a small backpack with items from the dumpster such as lotions, lipsticks, foundations, perfumes, etc.

When you had finished, you climbed out only to see Nemuri staring down at you

When she asked what you were doing, you immediately tried to run away but she quickly used her quirk to put you to sleep

After finding out about your situation when she brought you to the hospital, your parents were arrested and charged with child neglect and endangerment

Nemuri noticed that you would rarely ask for things and had a hard time advocating for yourself

If she didn’t bring something up first, then you’d likely ignore it or wouldn’t say anything

You felt immense guilt in simply asking for a snack or a hug or things like that

So she started having you use a journal to help you understand and validate your feelings. She’d leave a notepad with a box for you to write down your thoughts and feelings so that you guys can read them together when she has the time

Ryukyu:

You had been another child who was used by the Shei Hassaikai. Your quirk allowed for your blood to cure all types of illnesses

Your parents sold you to Chisaki due to them being in debt and needing the money

Chisaki was using you to create vaccines

When the Raid took place, you managed to escape but were terrified of men

Since Ryukyu was one of the few females involved, she decided to adopt you

You originally hated touch but learned to love it after awhile

Your favorite thing is cuddling with Ryukyu

Ryukyu brings you to her agency and has you do your homeschooling there. If you want to go to public school then that’s fine, but while you’re healing, you get to stay with her

She tells people to let you come to them instead of walking up to you

Nejire is like a big sister to you

Wild Wild Pussycats, Mandalay:

In this case, your parents weren’t as bad, but they weren’t the best. They struggled to understand you and how your mind worked which ultimately led them to unintentionally neglecting you

You were a very quiet child and had a hard time with talking, not that you couldn’t talk, it’s just that speaking was very difficult for you

Your parents lived in a cabin in the woods and you loved it, until a forest fire broke out, you see, your quirk is fire manipulation, basically fire bending, you were playing outside at night when you accidentally set fire to the forest

It quickly spread and ended up consuming your home at night, your parents tried to drive away but they realized you weren’t with them which led them to suffocate from the thick smoke whilst they searched for you

You thought your parents abandoned you so you stayed put in your little tent in the woods. Your quirk allowed to keep the fire at bay but the panic and fear caused the flames to out of control

When the Wild Wild Pussycats got the call, Ragdoll reported your location and quirk. Pixie-Bob used her earth manipulation to smother the flames. While Tiger searched the area, Mandalay tried talking to you telepathically

She helped you breathe and calm down, as you breathed, the flames seemed to grow and shrink with your breathes. After you calmed down, Mandalay eventually reached you and brought you to their place in the woods

Originally you were terrified of fire due to the trauma of accidentally killing your parents, even though they ignored you often

Mandalay introduced you to her nephew Kota, Kota saw how terrified of fire you were and showed you his water quirk

Together with therapy and the joined help of Mandalay and Kota, you slowly learned to accept your quirk and lost your fear of it

Kota also helped you with speech therapy and you slowly learned to speak

Every step of progress you made, no matter how small, was celebrated and praised, even when you relapsed your were congratulated for your effort

[deadpool15]

Sugarbaby vibes ✨️

I walked out of the fitting room wearing the shit Chanel set. Let's be honest I looked to fucking die for, but once I saw the price it looked mid. Of course I wanted it and speaking of price it's Chanel what did I expect. If anything I suggested, let's go thrifting, as you can tell I didn't grow up with money. I'm still trying to get used to living this life now, it's crazy hoe just last week I was struggling to afford a pack of fucking Ramen at the convenience store and now I live in a penthouse. Your girl did, in fact, come up in life. You all better be proud. All thanks to the one and only Bada Lee.

Bada is about 28, and I'm 22, so there is a slight age gap if you care about any of that. Shit I didn't. I just needed someone to pay my bills. How we met it quite an interesting story if you think about it, I mean, I didn't sign up for a sugar mama like on the weird ass movies or stories you see on Wattpad. I was, in fact, working as a waiter in this high-end restaurant with might I add a shitty pay. Why are we serving all this expensive ass shit and in only getting made a few bucks in an hour? It's giving slavery, and not mentions my boss who, like most men, convince himself within the 3 minutes of hiring me that I was destined to be his furtre wife and the mother of his children as he call it. If you wanted to know what crazy looks like, we'll Mr. Kim is a prime example.

But we are getting of topic. See, I don't wanna tell you about my overly obsessive ass boss. I wanna tell you about the women who turned my life around. Serving tables is absolute shit, especially when no matter how rich one is, they never tip. "Hey Blue, bossman says he needs you at table six." I turned around to my partner in crime, Leslie. I'm happy to see her until I realized what she said, "I'm on break, though, like all these people around here . Can't he bother someone else." She gave me a sad smile and shrugged, "no, you know he likes to watch you suffer, because he expects after a while you will give in and let him take you out on a date." I stare at her with disgust.

"Yea, never mind your you're right. I'll take my chances with the wolves again. I'm just get going. If he asks again, make sure to tell him I chose getting screamed and yelled at my rich elderly woman over acknowledging his existence. " I hurried and jog off before she could say anything, grabbing my notepad and pen out of my pocket I had towards table six. With the biggest fake smile on. The love I have for these customers is crazy.

I stand there saying my usual line in the most chipper voice one can muster, whiteout even looking at the person sitting down in front of me. "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm blue and very happy to serve you tonight. So what can I get, you folks?" I hear someone speak before muttering something about how I'm pretty, then I finally gather the courage to look up and see a group of women. All dressed to perfection, clothes tailored just to fit their figure. Those majority of them look around my age or slightly older. After a moment of being caught in a daze while overanlyzing them, I turn to her the tallest one of the bun speak up. "I would like to have a water to drink and just some shrimp pasta."

I make eye contact with her and my God. This is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen in my life. It almost feels like i should have to pay a fee to look upon her face. My stare moves down to her lips and not e how nice and pump they are. I would kill to suck on those lips, to feel what they tasted like even. I realize I've just been staring at her while the rest of the women have spoken uo about their order already. "Oo, I'm s-so sorry." I state being an absolute nervous wreck while looking down at my notepad. I hope she didn't notice that. "It's fine, sweetheart," I heard the girl that was referred to ad Lusher somewhere in the conversation state to me. I hurry up and excuse myself to go get their orders. She keeps staring at me, bitting the inner part of her check. Eventually, they leave after a while, leaving a $200 tip for me. I almost couldn't believe it. This I'd the first time someone has ever given me that much money as a tip.

After a while, the girl continues to come to our little restaurant. Same table, same confidence aura and everything. She makes it seem as if she is trying to just get something to eat. We continue to see each other even after work. She would pop in on my breaks, and around the time, I would clock out. She was intimidating. I'll get her that. I spoke with class, and her vibe just let you know she had money. And it seemed she had her eyes on a certain girl. Me. Though, after beating around the bush, Bada told me exactly what she wanted. "I want to take care of you. You'll never have to worry about a single thing when you're with me. Or lift a finger. Give you the life you deserve, baby. I mean, you are a cute little waitress, but you can be so much more. Why waste your time when you have me. Just say the words, and I'll take care of you."

Some might've immediately said yes, and to be honest, I would've to. Until Bada told me there were rules. Which did kinda throw me off a bit. I mean, I thought I had the whole idea down until well, I realized I didn't. It wasn't just about the money it was the pleasure. How much would she give me, and fuck did she give me a lot. Well lived by only a few rules, but Bada took them very seriously.

Rule 1: Don't question anything

Rule 2: Don't talk back

Rule 3: Don't touch yourself

You should've seen the look on my face when I heard the third rule, I mean, at the bright age of 22, who the hell doesn't masturbate. Literally made no sense to me until she tried to explain it further. "I give you pleasure. I'm the only one who should be touching you. I'm general baby. You belong entirely to me. That's how this works. Therefore, you shouldn't be doing anything without my permission cupcake." After finally going over the terms, I agreed in the end. At the end of the day, I was a broke college student who desperately needed the money, and Bada just so happens to be the sexy older one willing to give it to me. In a sense, I was happy with my current predicament. My life was going well. Now, back to what I was saying earlier.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Sometimes, I forget that I can look this good. "Yea, ayye, get it, girl." In the process of hyping myself up, I finally hear a voice speak up from behind me, scaring the absolute shit out of me. "I'm glad you like it, baby. It does look good on you, I told you I have an eye for beautiful things. I mean, just look at my baby girl." She says while holding on to my waist, kissing my neck slowly. I smile for a while until I realize what she is doing. "Baby, we are in public, a fitting room at that. We aren't doing that here," I say, trying to be firm while avoiding her glaze in the mirror.

"What did I tell you about saying no to me, huh? Do you make the rules?" She forcefully grabbed my chin when she caught on to the act. She grabs my breast while still making eye contact with me in the mirror. "That's right, just stand right here, ok? Gonna be my good girl, right?" I stare at the door, thinking about the people outside that will hear us. While I'm thinking about them, Bada moved the hand that was holding me under my top, slowly circling my right nipple. "Gonna be good, right?" She asks again,she never has enough patience to ask again. It seems she is being nice today. I nod my head at her question this time.

"Word babygirl, I need to hear you. Let them hear you. Just stop all that thinking for me." I whimper at her words. Finally, forgetting about the staff in the store. She moves her hand down my body, teasing me with her pace. "P-please, I'll be g-good. Gonna be so good for you." She smirks, looking down at my face before moving her hand towards my soaked pussy. "Always so f-fucking good for me, aren't you? My precious little baby. Just needs to be filled, like always." I look into her eyes in the mirror about to answer her before she insert a finger into me, all while still playing with my breasts. She knows my body like the back of her hand. Doesn't even have to try to find the spot.

"Yea, right there, come on. I can't hear you, baby girl." I know exactly the game she is playing at, but I can only stand there moaning like a bitch in heat being held on my weak jelly-like legs as she adds two more fingers. While she grinds her hips into me, fuck those bloody dancers and there hips. "Y-yes y-yes... shit o fuck right there". She just smiles at my reactions. Assuming to her if anything. "Were gonna buy this little outfit, then I'm gonna by 28 fucking more just to fuck the shit out of you in them. And you gonna let me, aren't you?. Gonna take it like a good girl who just needs her holes filled, right?" I shake my head, screaming yes over and over again while nodding profusely. Seems that's the only word my brain can come up with as she starts to suck down on my neck leaving marks while circling my clit with her thumbs. And she still continues to thrust those same three fingers in and out of me ob command.

"Fucked you dumb, aww that's adorable baby. But we just started, " She says while smirking, and I stare at her in a mix of fear and pleasure. "Now open those legs wider for me, baby girl."

[anime-fan-05]

*Spawns * Im back and I also would like to request something new! I wanted to ask if you could do the anime NANA? With all the NANA boys who are with a very famous singer/dancer, who in public is chill and kinda flirty for her persona as a famous singer and dancer but she is actually shy and sweet person. Thank you very much!

she does belly dance

Her music is like Gwen Stefani, lady Gaga and Odetari

Nana ~With a very famous singer and dancer, chill and kinda flirty in public but actually shy and sweet reader~

Manga/anime: Nana

Warnings: nothing

I've to admit I knew practically nothing about belly dance, so I researched it a little. I apologize if I get anything wrong!

T. Nobuo (Nobu)

At first, he was quite confused by your behavior: why would you change your behavior in public?

He blushed a lot when you two were in public and you were flirty with him, and he blushed even more if you shyly hid yourself behind him with your friends

After a while, he got used to that, although he doesn't particularly like you masking your true personality

Regarding your dance, he can't look at you while you perform it, because he'll freeze with his eyes wide open and blush a lot and, after you finish dancing, he won't be able to look you in the face due to embarrassment

Instead, he loves your kind of music!

O. Shin'ichi (Shin)

He understands your change of personality very well, since he does it a bit too, and he really enjoys teasing you when you two are alone

"S-stop it p-please, Shin..." "Oh? You weren't that shy before, were you?"

However, he might get a little jealous if you're too flirty with a fan and, if you've revealed your relationship, he'll definitely appear behind you and glare at the fan

He also blushes when he sees you dancing, but he has a much milder reaction than Nobu: at least he's able to see your performances

Although I don't think your music is his genre, he still comes to your concerts to support you and forces brings the other members of BLAST to go too

T. Yasushi (Yasu)

He's certainly the one who handles your change of personality best: at first he was a little taken aback, but then he got used to it almost immediately, and now he almost doesn't react anymore

Keyword: almost, because you can rarely surprise him!

All you need to do is to change your usual shy behavior to a more flirty one and flirt with him a little when you two are alone, and you'll be able to see a very light blush on his cheeks

Only in that way you can trigger a little embarrassment in him: you won't succeed even if you dance in front of him!

Despite being very busy, between work and his band, he always finds time to go to your concerts, especially because he wants to give you all the support he can

H. Ren

Another one who loves to tease you in private knowing how shy you're...

Really, whenever he can, he makes jokes which embarrass you, just to see you trying to cover your red face

He admires you a lot for the level you've managed to reach, but sometimes he feels a little insecure: why, he wonders, should you be with him, when you've many other men at your feet?

When you dance, his reactions will be two: the first will be to blush a little, the second to think about how beautiful you're

Your music is a source of inspiration for him: he loves listening to you sing, and he often writes the tunes for Trapnest listening to you (it could also have happened his band almost suffered an investigation for plagiarism of your songs)

I. Takumi

Jealous, jealous, jealous, extremely jealous

He's always jealous and overly protective no matter what you do, and that often leads you two to a lot of arguments

For example, does he think you're too flirtatious with a fan? He'll walk towards you, grab you by the arm and drag you to an empty corner, glaring at both the fan and you

Plus, you had to struggle to get him to accept your dance: due to his controlling nature, he really believed he could stop you from dancing; to convince him, you threatened to leave him; finally, he had to give in because, in the end, he loves you, otherwise he wouldn't be with you

Nevertheless, he really likes your music, and he might even ask you to sing with Trapnest

💮 Rules 💮 Masterlist 💮

[donnabroadway]

RHOP Season 8 Ep. 2 thoughts

I wish they would let the new ladies organically form their own relationships and connections with the group. It seems like every season, they bring in a new lady with the intention of her being a foil to whoever the target is that season. They brought in Mia to go against Candiace, Charrisse, even though she isn't new, to go against Karen, Deborah to bring baseless allegations against Chris and Eddie, and now it seems like they're bringing in Nneka to go against Wendy, and it's tired. I know it's a show and they don't have time for slow burn or lukewarm friendships but at least get to know the group. It is unnatural to come into a situation already having an enemy. None of these ladies knew each other, even Karen and Charrisse were just acquainted, so it's unnatural.

Nneka, take you, your husband, and your generational wealth and get off this show. Make this your last season. I don't see how this show will benefit you, except by getting famous but if you don't succeed in tearing Wendy down, then you will be the next target of the Green Eyed Bandits. Even if you do succeed and stay in the clique, you're already getting calls about what you're saying and doing on this show and it was only your first group scene, it won't end well for you. Mia's marriage and life was upended, Juan can no longer cheat in peace, Ashley is divorced, Monique is divorced, Michael's reputation and business has probably suffered, Charrise chose this show over her marriage, Katie has had her personal struggles, and Wendy is next, if she doesn't get off this show. Nothing positive can come to you and your family by being on this show. You're happily married, young, beautiful, and successful, all the things Gizelle hates. I know Gizelle is already chomping at the bit to ruin your life and spread rumors about your husband looking oogly eyed to some random woman in his club. Run, don't walk away from this group.

Robyn is not leaving Juan and Juan is not leaving Robyn. They're comfortably, uncomfortable in the situation they're in, leave them alone.

Gizelle is trying to save Robyn and Robyn is trying to save Juan and neither want to be saved. Gizelle, as annoying as she may be as an unofficial producer, does know what the show needs and she knows people need Robyn to cry and show some emotion, even Juan knows it to, as I'm sure he, Gizelle, and Robyn have had some conversations about the show, public perception and how to save her job but Juan has been cheating on Robyn since they were teenagers and obviously she's okay with it. It affects her but not enough to leave. Juan can dribble a ball but not much else. If Juan was smarter with how he moved on the show and his assistant coach, then he'd still be employed. Coppin, though a good school, is not a top school and no one but alumni goes to watch Coppin play anything, so this was the most attention they've gotten ever. If Juan wants another job, he needs to either get off this show or tighten up. No school wants this type of attention.

I want Juan and Robyn to find another way to make money because clearly they are private people and don't want to be on this show. I think Gizelle fights so hard for Robyn is because Robyn is a buffer and an ally between her and the other ladies and if Robyn left, then Gizelle wouldn't have any protection and true friends on the cast.

Ashley gets away with the mess because she is an equal opportunity offender. She may be messy, spread rumors, and hit below the line but she knows when too far is too far and she will say that. Ashley is equally messy but I wish she stayed away from the Osu talk. As a black American, it's above her paygrade and she needs to find something else. Even if Wendy was Osu, what would Ashley, a biracial woman raised in a black household in the whitest county in the Baltimore region do with that information?

I don't like Karen's wig. It looks half done. It's blonde in the front, half brown/half blonde everywhere else. If they wanted to do blonde in the front and brown with highlights it would be cute but I'm not seeing the vision.

I think Gizelle is the only person who has truly benefited from this show. I noticed her new car and she has a stylist. This week was the first time I truly liked any of Gizelle's fashions. I am looking for that dress. I just wish she would finish her house. I know it takes time and money, and since this is her job, she probably schedules it around filming or when she gets paid but she's been working on her house for about four years. I get the house is an investment but a $1 million can get you any house you want in any zip code and that house was a scam because she can get a decent house for cheaper than that but she wants what she wants.

[septembersghost]

"i feel like people really desperately want to put female characters into boxes and get frustrated when it can't be done" it's been years but you're reigniting my fixation so please talk about this wrt norma bates

norma is everything a Strong Female Character™ is not supposed to be. she's emotional to the point of hysteria, she's irrational and reckless, she's beautiful and her beauty is commented upon and coveted and admired in unhealthy, obsessive (even territorial) ways, she is a survivor of extreme abuse and sexual assault and she does not respond the way "good" survivors are supposed to respond - it doesn't make her kinder or stronger, she's kind and strong on her own, but it has nothing to do with the horrors she's suffered, which have made her traumatized, reactive, and fearful, and also have taught her she can use her body and her powers of emotional persuasion to manipulate men when she has to, even though she hates herself for it and is disgusted by it. men crowd around her and grasp at her and are continually connected to her. norman, dylan, alex, caleb...and those are only the ones we spend the most time with...she can't get away from what they want from her, how they perceive her, the pedestal they put her on that she didn't ask for, the desire they have for her to be their ever-present angel and caregiver and lover and forgiver and martyr, shifting depending on the situation.

(i reblogged a post a while back about how the narrative never really moralizes about how "bad" the actions of the characters are, and that's vital in understanding it too.)

she is defined by her role as a mother. it's unavoidable. she knows she whittles herself down in this ("parents do not have needs. you ever read the book The Giving Tree? it's about a tree, and this kid keeps coming and taking stuff from it his whole life, until there's nothing left but a stump. and then the kid sits on the stump. that's being a parent" norma, baby. no. you're still allowed to need things!). she struggles with some real internalized misogyny and messed up jealousy issues and a controlling streak. she breaks down in front of people ("welcome to the world ladies! there are axe murderers and whores stuffed under every rug, so your kids better read up on it and get educated, because that's what life is. it's a cesspool you claw and scratch and fight to swim out of, but you never get to the top!"), she does her very best to be hopeful, sometimes to the point of living in denial ("it's all gonna be good"/"I had this dream when I was little, of a home where the door was open and friends could come and go, and stay for dinner and talk, and everything would be lovely"), and at the same time gets disoriented by despair ("no one's gonna help us, norman, no one's ever helped us"/"maybe fate wins here..."). she unfairly shuts out her older son, and he doesn't understand why or what his presence constantly reminds her of until he's grown, and though they love one another, they can never quite mend. she coddles and overly shields and protects and ferociously loves her younger son, to the point where they are unfathomably codependent, and he feels that she's the only person who could matter to him in the world, but also resents her hold on him and is stifled by it. she judges his friendships/connections and he begrudges her interference, but he doesn't want her involved with anyone else either and views outsiders with suspicion and possessiveness. he also, you know, disassociates and becomes a dangerous (and promiscuous, femme fatale-like) image of her. she is never safe and she lives in continual terror - even of her precious son, because she knows somewhere in him is a simmering hazard, though she tries her very best to deny and suppress and even reshape it. she is overly intimate with him emotionally (and physically on occasion, i wouldn't classify it in an abusive way, just too close of one, though that stems from her own history of abuse), trying to make him into the one man she can trust, rely on, the one who will always stay and will protect her, while also keeping him as her innocent, her baby. she's not neglectful (she's overly attentive, if anything), but her inability to face how severe his illness is and assess the care he needs because she is frightened of losing him is ruinous. she tries with everything she has, to the bone, to be a good mother for him, and coming from her background, with nothing to model that on, it's courageous of her. their extremely abnormal relationship is the beating heart of the story in beautiful and terrible ways.

she brutally kills a man (he deserves it, but still), and is complicit in covering up other murders, and when she realizes her son is capable of doing harm, she does not initially do the right thing and get him help or turn him in, she hides it. when she does eventually get him help, it's too late, and she concedes to letting him out early, and it quite literally gets her killed. (she gets alex to marry her for his insurance and then they wrap themselves up in their bubble of tremulous comfort and let their guards down and find a very real, if ephemeral, love, but it's still not enough to overcome.) she is, in short, a mess. she does not have it together. she does not make the right or reasonable choices. she does not balance her emotions or control her anger or hide her desires.

she is also warm, and compassionate, and funny, and brave, and talented, and a freakin' warrior. she is caring and luminous and immeasurable in her capacity for love. she makes every space brighter, she brings home along with her. everyone who meets her is infatuated and admiring of her because she has a uniquely special spark in her soul, and it can't be resisted. she says once in dejection, "i'm not educated, or polished, or nice, i'm nothin'," but that couldn't be further from the truth. she is a light in the dark and affecting to all around her. she's graceful and sweet. in a softer world, one where she hadn't been so hurt and hindered, she would be nothing but wonder and sunshine and resilience. in a softer world, her son wouldn't ever have deteriorated or split like he did, or harmed anyone, especially not her.

she cooks, she sews, she nurtures, she weeps. she dresses herself up. she is every feminine thing we're not supposed to be, if classifications are divided into "strong" and "not strong," she is every emotion we're not supposed to display, every flaw we're supposed to hide, all the things that make a woman "too much" - too broken, too angry, too ashamed, too giving, too tender, too loving. too alive. she is so, so vibrantly alive. she is complicated and awful and wonderful and real. she feels real because they never dull her emotions or shave down her edges. she is everything she is, to her last breath. it's no wonder she has a gravitational pull. it's no wonder romero, despite his resistance, falls so persistently, poignantly in love with her. it's no wonder norman cannot exist without her, has to conjure a version of her that will never match the real thing, never be the real thing, because she is half his soul, and he is in an abyss without her. she is the cord bound to his heart. losing her is akin to losing the sun.

she is not a heroine, strictly speaking, and yet she somehow is (she's nowhere close to a villain). she's just...this astonishingly whole person. astoundingly damaged, but perseverant. it's...norman's eulogy. as shattered as he is himself, as incapable as he is of grasping reality in the moment, what he says is true to him and thus the story. the most wonderful person who ever lived. she was just beautiful beyond words...radiant...half queen, half little girl. she had an innocence to her that illuminated everything that she did, everything that she touched, every word that she said. she was like a miracle. what chick says is true. she was a lovely woman. too lovely for this world. it'll be a darker place without her. it's shelby (evil bastard that he is), when he says, you're so beautiful, it just makes my heart hurt. it's caleb (all his unforgivable sins notwithstanding), saying, to my sister, who has always been like the sun in a cold universe. it's romero, who wants so badly to be her savior even though he has blood on his own hands and cannot possibly achieve such a thing, saying, i love you, i'll always love you, whether you're here or not, okay?

her death is treated with such care that it transcends its own horror in an unsettling way, and (like i said the other day) the image of that, of norman walking calmly through the house, sealing out the air, is seared into my memory. before the narrative even begins, we know she's going to end up a preserved body in a basement, her beauty frozen, her inner flame blown out, her physical self eerie and slowly withering away. her true soul gone, a dark mirror of her existing only in projection, in the schism of her son. we know this, and we still fall in love with her, and understand her, and sympathize with her, and, maybe most surprisingly, root for her. we desperately want her to live. she's dead from the beginning and there's still this irresistible urge to wish that she lives. but because we know she can't, she haunts everything. her heels clicking down the stairs, her music in the parlor, when she laughs and when she screams, her presence permeates each frame of story like lingering perfume. she is aching and adoring and doomed forever. a dream and a death. she is the ultimate ghost. you can't help but love her. no one can.

[neonnoir-ao3]

Some Words of Comfort.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.

We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.

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I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.

In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.

Take my own story with this community, for example:

(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)

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Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.

To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.

Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.

As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.

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(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)

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What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.

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With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:

(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)

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Understand that it’s just a game.

I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.

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Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now

Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.

I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.

Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.

Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.

Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)

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Ignore it completely.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.

Get Creative!

If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!

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I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.

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💙

[ambrosiaaddiction]

Not Meant To Be

Word Count: 3,750

Summary: Anthony became the center of your attention, and it seemed as though his feelings were mutual for you. But in light of recent events, he’d only be able to comfort you in more ways than one. With the help of a loyal friend, you have no doubts that Simon will regret leaving you.

Pairing(s): Anthony Bridgerton x reader, Simon Basset x reader

Part 3/6

a/n: Sorry for the incredibly long wait! I knew that editing takes time, but I didn’t think that I would have writer’s block for, well, however long I’ve had it. So much has happened, and I lost motivation after motivation. Although, it’s not entirely fair for those of you who want to read Bridgerton fanfic. Without further delays, here’s part 3!!

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One might think that when he stood outside my home with roses, Viscount Bridgerton had finally set himself on the route to having a family of his own. The Viscount was welcomed by Charles and invited inside, which caused Mama to almost fall over her feet. “Lord Bridgerton! Heavens! What a pleasant surprise this beautiful afternoon to see you!”

It took a lot of willpower not to roll my eyes at mama's change of mood from just minutes earlier. Lady Bridgerton wrote to me her apologies, that were not even pertinent at all, and mama blamed me of humiliating the Bridgertons yesterday. Papa didn't make his typical remarks, but I knew what he had been pondering regarding my misdeeds.

Other than that, Lord Bridgerton told them his hellos, and when he saw me in the family room, his smiling face grew greater. “Miss Denbow, good afternoon. As it always is, you never cease to look so exquisite.” If I wasn't mistaken, I assumed he was intending to flirt with me, and undoubtedly fooled mama with whatever act he was putting on.

“Lord Bridgerton, how kind of you to give my daughter compliments after seeing what she did yesterday at the picnic. In this town, you and your family are truly the most genuine.” Mama was eager to speak in my place, and when she tried to bring up the incident for the second or third time, I swallowed thickly.

Anthony’s mouth twitched at the corners, and he stepped over to me in order to gift his bouquet of roses. “Lady Denbow, I do not blame Miss Denbow for anything. She was suffering and knew no other way to communicate.” Before he slipped back, his fingers lightly stroked both of my hands, then he sat in an empty chair.

Cheeky bastard. He was making light of my missteps, which Mama considered especially inexcusable. And for his compassion, I could not have been more forever thankful. “Oh, Lord Bridgerton, thank you. To hear you say that alleviates my anxiety. And thank you for these roses.” I ran over the smooth petals with my thumb, then bent closer to take in the fragrance of them.

But once again, with more berating remarks on my ‘unladylike’ and ‘outrageous’ nature, Mama ruined the temporary pleasant environment. “I can't understand why, my lord, you want to court her. She may be my only child, but I'm sure she would be a far better choice for another lord of her equals.” My own mother had a toxic tongue which might ostracize her if she didn't take caution of others.

In order to defend against the offensive expressions she was thinking about me, as if I weren't really there, I opened my mouth, but Anthony decided to stand up from his seat and settled next to me. “I'm going to say this as politely as I can, Lady Denbow. What Miss Denbow did at the picnic was not wrong, and she's a wonderfully capable young lady. You are her mother, and I must admit that what you have said makes me very mortified.”

With discomposure, Mama's face grew red and, at last, she remained at a loss for words. “Lord Bridgerton, my apologies. Forgive your mama, y/n. My intention was not to negatively impact you such a way. I'm worried you can't even defend yourself.” Excuse after excuse were all I heard coming from her, but I needed to leave this conversation in the past.

“Mama, I'm forgiving you. But please don't think of me like that. When you do not see that I am well aware of what I'm doing and what I believe is important, I am in despair. I'm no longer a little girl.” Mama nodded, but in sensitivity, she refused to speak as she left Anthony and I in the room alone. "Well, either that may well have gotten out of hand, or the way I hoped it would.”

A chuckle escapes from the Viscount, and I recline against the back of the sofa with a tired sigh. I loved my mama and papa, but sometimes they treated me like I would never age from my childhood years. Despite having no brothers or sisters, I had friends who supported me and shared the same interests as I grew older.

Having Lord Bridgerton here was an enigma that I couldn’t fathom, but I appreciated how he stood up for me when mama complained without cease. Now that she was gone, I took the opportunity to ask him as to why he came to my home. “Anthony, can you tell me the reason for your visit? We both know that you don’t have intentions to court me contrary to what outsiders might believe.” I crossed my arms and waited for a reply, which was his hand resting on the top of my thigh. Perplexed, I looked over at him to see his eyes full of sympathy.

“Y/n, what Hastings said could have been less severe than they actually were, and Daphne chastised him for doing so.” Anthony began, his grip squeezing in reassurance, and he gently pulled it away once I’ve had enough time to comprehend what he told me. It warmed my heart to hear that Daphne was upset in my stead, although I’m sure anyone in their right mind would have done the same for me.

My thoughts wandered to how both the eldest child and the Duke of Hastings were famous rakes with great influence. One had brothers who would take his title and estate if he were to pass, whereas the other had no known relatives and only Lady Danbury to defend his name after his death. I found it funny that I’ve fallen in love with the latter, and he was treating me like I didn’t have a place in his place.

I must’ve been worrying Anthony with my lack of response because he waved a hand in front of my face to bring me back into reality. I shook my head of the unrelated topic and smiled sheepishly at him. “I’m sorry. I became lost before I realized that I’d drifted off.” “Oh, it’s quite alright. Trust me, I do the exact same thing when I’m alone.”

“I’ll be impartial with you, Anthony. I hadn’t given it consideration that your sister would do such a thing, and for me, no less. Perhaps I’ve had the wrong impression of her from the beginning. Everything is going terribly, and I haven’t been able to think properly.” I wore my heart on my sleeve for him to see, and I didn’t care about exposing my weaknesses to him. But Anthony seemed be torn between hugging me and giving a simple pat on my shoulder lest an unwanted third party were to walk in.

If anyone noticed the unusual display of affection, then news would spread that rather than waiting to fulfill the courtship rituals, I was advancing on a lord. He wouldn't be much of a gentleman, in Anthony's opinion, if he were to neglect a woman in distress. “When you weep, I don't like it. It so pains me when I'm labelled useless, but when you're laughing, you look the most spectacular, y/n. Simon's blind and ludicrous, but I know you really love him, don't you?”

“You're right, my lord. Again. I need to let go of my struggles and to live my life to its fullest. The Duke encouraged what I would like to go do, become, and pursue, but under false premises, he is intimately involved to your younger sister.” I forced my body to stand, and in confusion, but without doubt, Anthony quickly followed. In my own house, it felt too stifling, so I concluded that a stroll outside would hopefully help take my mind off what occupied it at the moment.

“Is there anything other than whining and moaning that I could do instead? Wait, Queen Charlotte is holding a ball for her nephew, is she not? I do believe his name is Prince Friedrich.” Anthony gave a short nod, and I could tell that he was already dreading a night of being surrounded by desperate mamas along with their unabashed daughters. Who would blame the Viscount for trying to discourage total strangers from making unwelcome advantages?

I was unexpectedly given the best idea by his affirmation, and I couldn't wait to put it into motion. I wanted to prove my worth to Simon, which would make Anthony and the Prince the ideal partners to irk him. “What say you to opening Simon's eyes in the notion that I attract His Highness tonight? I will have to be in the most magnificent ballgown, and I know that you can help me with this.”

“In the heat of the moment, it won't take a lot of effort to raise feelings of inadequacy in Hastings. He will be fixated on Daphne and attempting to keep conversations with literally everyone who comes across him, but I don't find it unlikely that he will be observing you with the Prince. I know I wouldn't have the means to take my eyes off you, my dear.” That was just what I expected to hear from him, and furthermore. I felt that I had done well enough to seek a Viscount who had awareness of everyone else around him.

Then that settled it. I was going to win the Prince's favor, and Simon would spectate from the sidelines with no likelihood of attempting to snatch me away. It felt invigorating even to think about how it would play out tonight, but it would be seamless with Anthony's help. “For your time and soothing words, I am beyond delighted, Anthony. Until the ball, there is more than enough time, so I want to use it to aim for perfection. Tonight, I hope to see you, my lord.”

“Miss Denbow, I am forever happy to console a lady when she is enduring pain. And indeed, tonight, to my great reluctance, you will see me. For now, I will leave you and I look forward to enjoying your progress.” Anthony bowed as he started to walk out of the family room, and with a curtsey and a goodbye, I accompanied him to our front door.

Since then, hours have passed, and I finally found a dress from Lady Delacroix that was incredible. She wasn't even from France, and her accent didn't fool me.  Not important.  My makeup was done by Marianne, my hair was styled by Lucinda, and mama lent me her diamond necklace to wear. It matched the diamond earrings I got from papa on my eighteenth birthday, and tonight, nothing could go wrong. I was positive of that.

The time had come, and I was one of the few to arrive at the castle fashionably late. The eyes of all were on me, making my chest swell with pride. I got a glimpse of Simon and Daphne who were standing by the refreshments, and they couldn't stop watching as I elegantly walked down the stairwell.

To my amusement, Prince Friedrich was the first one to approach me, and he held my hand and placed a feather-light kiss on the back of it. “Good evening, my lady. You are by far the most beautiful and hypnotizing center of attraction in this ballroom. May I inquire for your name?”

I concealed the lower half of my face with a fan and smiled with my eyes, captivated by his mannerisms. “I have the luxury of being graced by your presence, your highness. My name is y/n Denbow.” After I've presented myself, Prince Friedrich's face lit up, and he guided me off the the last two steps. “To my ears, your name is like music, and it's perfect for a maiden like you, Miss Denbow.”

His flattery would make any young lady practically beg the Prince for a dance at the ball. Well, if he could ever tear himself away from me, that was. “Thank you, Your Majesty. You make me feel like I've got my head in the clouds. If you keep complimenting her, you will certainly find yourself a maiden to court this evening.” From my comment, I swore he blushed a bright red.

“Ah, hello, Prince Friedrich! Miss Denbow! I see that you have made friends with each other. Y/n, I'm so happy you've arrived safe and sound back in London.” Lady Danbury tapped her cane on the ground twice to emphasize her excitement, and I couldn't have been more relieved to see a familiar face among those whose names I couldn't match.

“I have so much to tell you, Lady Danbury. But not here, especially when I came so late.” I apologized to the Prince and wrapped my arm around Lady Danbury as we walked into a more private area. She furrowed her eyebrows together, but she didn't inquire until we got to the place where we could be alone. “Well, speak to me, y/n. What are you so worried about? And why did you come by yourself?”

I bit my lower lip and exhaled deeply, which all the more displeased Lady Danbury. If I tried to explain my desperate condition to her, she was going to have countless questions, and I knew she would never let Simon live in the humiliation he brought upon himself. “I'm sure you've recently read Lady Whistledown's column, and my relationship with Simon, Lady Danbury, is complicated.”

“Unbeknownst to me, when I was in France, he and Miss Bridgerton declared their engagement. He did not give me a letter or even a note when I returned to London that he had gone ahead with a marriage proposal to a young woman he had never met before. I invited him and the Bridgertons to have a picnic just yesterday. I have never been able to remain quiet forever; you know this, Lady Danbury. He lashed out at me, claiming that if he had known that I would be so self-centered and petty, he would never have gotten to know me.”

She went on a tangent as I predicted about how she raised and trained "the shameless rake" to do better than what he did. During the length of her grievances, I remained silent, then patted her arm softly when she started to run out of words to illustrate the Duke. “Compared to his late father, he's not terrible, but he might just be so after he treated you, y/n, and I apologize on his behalf.”

In disagreement, I shook my head, not acknowledging her apologies because she had nothing to do with that. In the sense of flirting with Prince Friedrich, all I wanted from her was to be an addition to humiliate Simon. “If we succeed, then he'll see the good thing that he lost because he agreed to marry another needy girl.”

This caused Lady Danbury to chuckle at my remark, and I had an inkling that her mood improved just a little bit. “I’ll take part in your schemes, girl. Now, let us return to the ball before we’re asked of our whereabouts.” She winked playfully, then gently pushed me back the way we came from.

Men and women danced to their heart’s content, their veins pumping with champagne and even the possibility that they will be courting after tonight. I see Anthony and Simon quietly bickering where no one could eavesdrop on the conversation, but their secrets weren’t going to be hidden from me. “Lord Bridgerton, I thought you promised me a dance?”

I chimed into the midst of their argument, and Simon’s mouth hung open in shock. He quickly closed it, though, and I bowed to him as acknowledgment for his presence. Anthony gathered the remnants of his dignity before offering a hand for me to take. “My apologies, Miss Denbow. I promise you that never slipped my mind from the moment that I asked.”

After the brief yet nerve wracking encounter with the Duke of Hastings, I’m led to have a dance with the Viscount and my new partner of schemes. I felt everyone’s eyes glued to us, which makes me uncomfortable because of the unwanted attention, but it dissolves when Anthony nudges me to look up at him. That’s when I knew how much I admired the man, and perhaps, there wasn’t any obstacle that we wouldn’t be able to overcome.

I may have lost my first love to Daphne, but I also had the power to pull the necessary strings to get what I wanted. Anthony tightened his grip on my waist then closed the gap between us, and out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Simon glare at our swaying figures amongst the others. The spectacle made me laugh softly against the Viscount’s shoulder, and his chest rumbled with a quiet laugh of his own.

“I believe that taught him a harsh lesson, don’t you think, Miss Denbow?” Anthony whispered into my ear, and an involuntary shiver ran down my spine. After clearing my throat, I nodded in agreement. The man wasn’t exactly reputable in every way, but he damn well had my respect. “Yes, it most certainly did, Lord Bridgerton.” I replied, head tilted downwards to avoid eye contact with him.

Once our dance came to an end, I was approached by Prince Friedrich a second time this evening. Young and older women alike flocked around his highness, and I took a small step closer to Anthony in fear that I would be ridiculed by them. Wait, what am I thinking? I shouldn’t be afraid of the people that make their bosoms unnaturally larger than they actually are nor should I be backing away!

“Miss Denbow, may I have this next dance? It’d make me extremely delighted.” Prince Friedrich asked, unknowingly breaking the tension growing between myself and the disappointed women behind him. All I gave him was a smile along with an enthusiastic nod, and Anthony released his arms from around my waist. “I’d love to, your highness. And I could say the same about myself.”

The prince took my hand just when the next song began to play, and we danced as if we were one. If I were being completely honest, he needed a little more practice with his feet, but I was enjoying myself nonetheless. We shared a few words and I kept glancing over our shoulders to see if Simon was keeping an eye on us. In fact, he had been watching the entire time, and Anthony gave me a signal that our plan had succeeded.

I bowed deeply to the prince when our dance came to its regrettable end, and bid him farewell for the rest of the night. Simon appeared out of nowhere then pulled me to an empty area despite my cries of protest. “What do you think you’re doing?! Just because you’re jealous does not give you the right to drag me as you so please, Hastings!”

“Will you keep it down, Y/N?! We both know that I’m not the only jealous one here.” He huffs angrily, and for the first time in a long time, he’s rendered me utterly speechless. No, I won’t play by his rules. Not when there was so much more for me to accomplish. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m simply fulfilling my role as a maiden who hopes to have a courtship.”

Simon rolled his eyes in disbelief, turning away from me so that I’m only staring at his broad shoulders. I’m beginning to lose my calm composure, and the more I stay alone with him, the less I’ll want to leave. He can’t learn of the nights when I suffered alone in France, and he certainly couldn’t force me to risk my reputation for his sake.

“You’ve changed, Simon.” My voice broke at the end of my sentence, but I continued to speak. “I’m not doing anything for you, so don’t get your hopes up.” He scoffed, not convinced by my words, and turned back to face me. His arms find their way around my body like they used to in the past. The next thing I knew, we’re kissing passionately against the cold marble walls.

He had me mewling his name over and over again, begging for a release that was on his fingertips. Simon muffled my sighs of pleasure with his mouth, and we fixed the bridge that was crumbling between the two of us. When we were satisfied, he muttered apology after apology as he kissed my skin. But we both knew that we run away with the position that he was in.

“I’ll figure it out, so wait for me. Please, Y/N.” “Don’t make me promise you, Simon. I want you to prove to me that I’m the only woman you love.” I kissed his neck and cheek, my heartbeat slowing to its normal pace before I fixed my dress. We’ve both been gone for too long, and I didn’t doubt that I would be questioned of my whereabouts.

Simon understood the weight of my words as well as what we would both face when we left separately. He kissed me one last time, and made his return to the ballroom until I did the same. Thankfully, neither Anthony or Mama asked where I had been, and I could breathe easy again. But now I was even more conflicted than before. I made Simon jealous, which ignited sex and doubt that we would be together after all this time.

Although... if I were to adjust my original plans in order for us to have a wedding and deal with the consequences afterwards, then it shouldn’t be very difficult, would it? Well, we would just need to face the challenges when the time comes, and I was determined to have Simon all to myself again.

[alj4890]

Misfortune's Intentions

(Liam x oc*Elisse Millan) (Drake x Riley) in a Choices The Royal Heir fan fiction

A/N We will have one more chapter after this one to conclude this series. Thanks so much for reading along with this idea of mine. I know I'm behind in responding to comments, just know that I have loved reading each one. In this chapter we begin life for Elisse and Liam while taking the next step forward into their future.

@gkittylove99​​​​ @krsnlove​​​​ @kingliam2019​​​​ @texaskitten30​​​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​​​ @yourmajesty09​​​​ @mom2000aggie​​​​ @ofpixelsandscribbles​​

Masterlist

Chapter 6 Taking the Next Step

Streets of the Capital, Cordonia...

There is something almost magical about being awake while the rest of the world sleeps. Sounds one normally doesn't notice during the day captures the imagination. Shadows beckon to be explored. Streetlights dot the different paths one can choose for an adventure through a terrain changed by darkness.

"I can't believe we managed to escape Felix and Bastien." Elisse whispered.

Liam chuckled, wrapping his arm around his bride of twelve hours. "I learned from the best how to slip away."

They walked along the freshly rain washed streets in search of the places that meant the most to Liam. He offered stories of himself and his friends, sneaking out during his social season and unity tour. Each memory was made sweeter by sharing his past with the lady by his side.

He still marveled at the fact that less than a month ago he managed to convince her to marry him. Elisse's doubts that she should remain with him left the moment he told her just how much she meant to him.

After all that Liam had experienced with love not being returned, Elisse's declaration of how much she loved him had made him grateful that he had not kept her at arms' length.

He doubted he would have been able to if he had tried. Everything about her drew him ever closer to her.

They walked on in contented silence. Each was lost in the whirlwind that had been the days leading up to their wedding. The entire country had been both surprised and pleased when he announced his intention to marry the viscountess from Monterisso.

Alamas had given her own press conference once back in her country. No one doubted that this was a love match after more interviews were conducted. It also just so happened to be a match made in diplomatic heaven. With Corodnia's riches combined with Monterisso's technological advances, the two would be a powerhouse that countries around the world wished to be an ally of.

Regina had thrown herself happily into planning a wedding for the couple. She was determined that theirs would outshine Riley and Drake's. A bit of motherly revenge guided her toward making everything bigger and more romantic. She was thrilled Liam had found someone who absolutely adored him. She also found a kindred spirit in Amalas joining to help with the preparations. The two were driven to give the couple all they deserved.

Liam and Elisse were usually caught smiling at each other or sharing a sweet kiss at events held in honor of their upcoming nuptials. Their happiness spread to all corners of Cordonia, making everyone forget about Liam's past with Riley and Madeleine. Everyone agreed that Elisse was perfect for him.

A few days before the wedding, Riley held a dinner for the couple at Valtoria. She and Drake were relieved that Liam was no longer alone. Though Elisse smiled and thanked them warmly for hosting them, she still held some bitterness toward the two.

She was both thankful that Riley's refusal of Liam's proposal led to him becoming hers and hurt that he had to suffer such heartache and betrayal in the first place. Seeing Liam no longer negatively affected by their presence went a long way for Elisse to manage to be polite.

Though their wedding day was plagued with cloudy skies that soon turned to a storm, nothing could take away from their happiness. Once inside Cordonia's oldest cathedral, hearts were touched by the sweet vows shared by the couple.

Elisse's wedding gown drew gasps of delight from the congregation. Cameras zoomed in to capture the petite lady in a sleeveless mermaid style dress. The lace that draped the white satin and then formed a slight train shimmered in the candlelight from the sparse crystals that were carefully placed as to not detract from the beauty of the design. A diamond tiara that Liam had given her the night before completed the veil less look.

For a noble from a country notorious for its secrets, her choice to not wear a veil was symbolic that she wanted to hide nothing from the man she had given her heart to.

Though the king and his soon to be queen were the envy of fashionistas around the globe, no one could ignore the fact that neither tried to disguise how completely happy they were.

Whispers of delight were shared among the guests the moment Liam took her hand and raised it to his lips. The little touches that neither could stop during the ceremony added even more to their sweetness. His wiping of her stray tears with the back of his hand. Her smoothing his lapels, only to have him press her hand to his heart.

It was a wedding that no one would ever forget.

In the midst of their reception, the couple thanked Regina and Amalas for everything before sneaking off to finally be alone.

Once inside the royal chambers the couple could finally be as close as they desired. Kisses were shared between whispers of love and attraction. Caresses became frantic as wedding clothes soon dropped to the floor.

All their moments falling in love led to this, being with the one who truly had lost their heart to them. Liam at one point paused in his movements to simply gaze down at his bride in the throes of passion that he had brought her. Her dark eyes met his fiery blue. Words were not needed. Breathless from his touch, she gently cupped his cheek as she pressed a tender kiss to his lips.

As they calmed their racing hearts in the aftermath, they shared the occasional kiss and smiles. Sleep eluded them as the excitement of the day still thrummed within their veins. Quickly getting dressed, the pair snuck down to the now quiet kitchen to raid the pantry.

Once enough sweets were between them, they sat on the counter, talking about their favorite moments of the day.

Then they discussed the honeymoon plans that had been kept from the press.

Their first stop planned was Boston for Elisse's appointment with Dr. Ramsey.

Once Liam saw her worry, he had insisted on their sneaking out of the palace and going for a walk.

His stories though, could only distract her for so long.

She stopped once they were near the shore. A smile briefly flashed when Liam folded his arms around her from behind.

His lips brushed a kiss to her ear. "What are you thinking about?"

"What Dr. Ramsey might say." Elisse relaxed back within her husband's arms. "I know after all that I have been told that I shouldn't get my hopes up." She let out a deep sigh. "But I can't help it."

He hugged her closer against his chest. He knew nothing could possibly top how happy he was with her, except having a child of their own. It was no secret to either one of them that they had each dreamed of one day having a family. Neither wanted to hear it was impossible.

Liam wanted to see a child with Elisse's dark hair and eyes, one he could spoil and proudly present to the world. Elisse wanted the same with his blue eyes and infectious smile. To see their own child sharing not only the physical characteristics but also those personality traits they adored in the other was something neither wanted to miss out on.

"We should probably return." Elisse turned in his embrace, smiling when he kissed her. "We still need to finish packing if we are to leave in a few hours."

The way his lips moved over her skin made all thoughts of packing seem less important.

Liam's smile held a hint of wicked mischief when he saw his wife's befuddled state.

"What am I to do with you?" She teased once he took her hand to lead her back to the palace.

"I will gladly go into detail once we are back in our bedroom." He winked at her, drawing another giggle from her lips.

*****************

Edenbrook Hosptial, Boston, two days later...

Olivia paced the confines of the examination room she had been placed in. Anxious to finally begin the decision she had made a month earlier, she was dreading to hear the news that she couldn't be the one.

After confirming that Elisse would be unable to carry a child full term, Olivia's offer to be the surrogate had shocked both the royal couple and the doctor sitting across from them.

It was the most logical decision in Olivia's mind. After all, wasn't she the one strong enough to do so? She was the one who put safety above all else. Who else would guard and protect their child just as well, if not better than them?

"Would you give us a moment, Dr Ramsey?" Liam had asked.

"Of course." He stepped out into the hallway, telling them to let him know when they were finished.

"Olivia," Elisse struggled to find the words. "We can't ask this of you."

"You're not asking.” She explained. “I’m offering”

"This is nearly a year of your life you're giving us." Liam countered. "Possibly longer if the first procedure does not take."

"It will work the first time." Olivia declared. "My body is trained in not accepting failure."

Elisse snorted softly, her heart starting to gain hope in Olivia's gruff determination. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

The duchess eyed them both before nodding. "I decided this a long time ago. Once I knew your medical history and saw Liam falling in love..." Her shoulders squared while her chin lifted, "I knew I should be not only a Guardian of Corodnia, but also a guardian of the future prince or princess."

"Olivia," Liam took her hand and kissed it. "I have no words to express how much your sacrifice means to me."

Her sharp gaze softened. "You owe me no words, Liam." She cleared her throat. "Now, call the doctor back in."

Olivia listened carefully to all that Ethan explained. She beat Liam and Elisse in her questions, then demanded more explanation from the renowned physician.

"Let's get on with the examination." Olivia demanded, as she stood up.

Ethan narrowed his eyes at her. "There is more to it than a simple physical exam. We need to--"

"I am ready to do whatever is needed." She spoke over him. "Are you not ready?"

Ethan bristled to the challenge he heard in her voice. Gathering Elisse's chart, he excused himself. With a jerk of his head toward the duchess, he walked out the door.

"Follow me, Ms. Nevarkis."

After blood was drawn and a physical given, Ethan asked her to get dressed then to wait until he returned.

She paced, wondering what was taking so long. She herself had one of the best doctors in Cordonia give her a physical a few weeks earlier. What if Dr. Ramsey noticed something that no one else had before?

Just as she was about to storm out and demand answers, Ethan returned.

He sat down and motioned for her to sit across from him in the only available chair.

"Well?" She bit out. "Am I healthy enough?"

"Physically, yes." He responded. "Now for the next part."

"When will the implantation be? Three weeks, isn't it, after I begin fertility medications?" She asked.

Ethan held his hand up to silence her. "The next part is a psychological examination."

"Excuse me?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Your mental health in this is almost if not more important in undergoing something like this." He explained. "You will be experiencing all the emotions an expectant mother goes through, yet you will be giving the baby to someone else."

She waived off his words with a flick of her hand. "I know exactly what I am doing."

A muscle spasmed in his jaw. "Ms. Nevarkis, why are you doing this?"

"Because I am able to." She folded her arms. "I'm the best one to do this for them. I have no intention to marry anyone in the near future. I do not have any sexual partners. I am free of any encumbrance."

He slowly shook his head. "Why do you want to do this?"

She blinked. "Why?"

"Yes. What is it about Liam and Elisse that you would be willing to do this?"

"They are my king and queen. Surely, you--"

"Personally." He insisted. "Why are you willing to give them a year of your life?"

Seeing he wouldn’t move forward with the plans, her carefully maintained shield dropped revealing a vulnerability she rarely allowed others to see. "I...there are two reasons."

Ethan leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. His piercing blue gaze warmed as he tried to be less abrupt. "What are they?"

"Liam was...is...someone I owe everything to. He is the one who helped me get over my parents' deaths. He has done nothing except stand by me through the years." She explained.

"I see." Ethan rubbed a hand down his stubbled jaw. "That is a strong, emotional reason to want to do this. But you said you had another one. What is it?"

Olivia swallowed. "Let's call it a chance to prove once and for all that I am worthy of Cordonia."

"Worthy? What do you mean?"

Briefly closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and explained her family's treacherous past and her surprise marriage to Anton.

One thing that helped her get through her past, was Ethan's lack of response. He didn't interrupt her nor did his face reveal what he was thinking.

"This is why I want to do this." She explained, her voice was full of emotion. Even she could hear the need, sadness, and desperation. "I need to do this for Liam and my country. My people."

She jumped when Ethan rested his hand over hers.

Giving a gentle squeeze, he nodded. "Then you are indeed the one who should be the surrogate."

***************

"I will stay here for the injections." Olivia explained to Liam and Elisse. "Dr. Ramsey will keep a close eye on me. When you come back in three weeks, we will begin the implantation, and then in two weeks know we are expecting."

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Am I needed here at all to explain this?" He waved toward his desk. "Perhaps you should sit there."

Olivia ignored him. "Go and enjoy your honeymoon somewhere else. There is no need for you to remain here."

She grunted when Elisse enveloped her in a tight hug. Her tearful thanks were spoken in a whisper.

Liam in turn hugged her while Elisse surprised Ethan with a hug too.

"How will I ever be able to thank you enough for never giving up on me?" She asked him.

He patted her back and smiled down at her. "You don't need to." He shook Liam's hand while promising that he would do all he could to make this go as easy as possible.

***************

Edenbrook Hospital, Boston, five weeks later...

Olivia absentmindedly rubbed at the spot where blood had been drawn. She glanced at the couple who had all their hopes placed within her ability to carry their child.

Please, she silently prayed. Please let me do this for them.

Ethan returned with a smile on his face. "Congratulations. You're pregnant."

Elisse covered her mouth as a sob broke through. Liam wrapped her in his arms, tears sparking his eyes.

Olivia nearly sagged in relief. "And my offer?"

Liam and Elisse looked up. "Offer?"

"I have asked Dr. Ramsey to come to Cordonia to monitor us throughout the entire pregancy." She explained. "In exchange for not only his help in establishing a research hospital in Lythikos but in Cordonia possibly offering a grant to Edenbrook."

Liam nodded. "Of course. I was planning on doing so in Elisse's name after all that you and your hospital did for her."

Ethan cleared his throat. "I have been encouraged by our board and a few others to accept. It is a very generous offer that I can't refuse."

"Thank you!" Elisse hugged Olivia and pulled Ethan in on it. "I can never thank you both enough."

**************

The Royal Palace, two months later, Cordonia...

"Shouldn't we wait on Liam and Elisse?" Oliva asked.

Ethan continued to type in information. "Your blood work came back with some surprising results. I want to confirm my suspicions before we talk to them."

She reclined back on the padded exam table as he performed an ultrasound.

The east wing of the palace had gone through numerous changes. Given the equipment Ethan needed to monitor Olivia, rooms had been divided up for examinations and lab work. His own personal quarters were across the hallway from his work.

He had been shocked when Elisse showed him that they had knocked walls down to make him an apartment similar to the one he had in Boston.

"I want you to feel at home as much as you can while you're here." She explained. "You still will be welcome to join us whenever you wish for meals and events, but I know you need a space that is all your own."

Touched by her thoughtfulness, he had accepted the hug graciously that she still felt was needed to express her gratitude.

Liam also invited him to treat the entire palace as his own also. He personally gave him a tour, taking Ethan to the library at the end.

"One of Corodnia's previous rulers was fascinated with medicine." He led him over to a section of shelves on the second floor. "My mother shared his interest and she and I, in her honor, have made certain to keep up with the latest research."

Ethan saw not only many names he recognized through medicine's history but also some he had only been able to gather pieces of. Having a chance to read through all this at his leisure was an unexpected perk to living within the gilded palace.

The entire country was in baby fever. Riley was nearing her due date, causing added scrutiny whenever she and Drake were caught outside of Valtoria. The rest of her pregnancy had gone much easier now that the stress of having the royal heir was removed.

Cordonians were struck speechless when Elisse held an interview openly explaining her fertility problems. When she announced that Olivia would be the surrogate to hers and Liam's baby, the duchess was hailed once again as a hero to Cordonia.

The people in Lythikos were eager to share their opinions that they always knew she was a noble worthy of admiration, but they were also humbled by her willingness to do this for their monarchs.

Olivia and Ethan were soon the ones to dominate the public's interest. The American doctor was asked on numerous occasions how the pregnancy was progressing. Unused to such attention, his deadpan expression with quick, decisive words somehow helped to eliminate any anxiousness the citizens felt.

Olivia looked over at the screen. She failed to recognize what exactly Ethan was studying.

"Well?" She prodded, impatient over his continuing silence. "What is it that you have determined?"

A reluctant smile formed at her trying to disguise her worry with irritation. He took a few pictures and printed them out.

"That we were wrong." He told her.

All color drained from her face. "What do you mean?"

"We suspected twins." He reminded her. "Which was why I wanted to do more bloodwork. Your HCG pointed at that not necessarily being the case."

"Ethan." Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Tell me. I am at least carrying one child for them, aren't I?"

"No. You're carrying three."

[hildagirl99]

The lovers of the night

Scarlett and Aaron

(part 3)

2 weeks go by, Aaron and Scarlett always saw each other in the evening, during the day, they gave each other almost ambiguous accomplice looks. They talked about everything and nothing, getting to know each other a little more, even though Scarlett remained mostly silent, preferring to listen to the Sheriff. Tonight, there was a good opportunity to meet again, the rodeo party, it is certainly not a very romantic place to declare his flame but they should not miss this opportunity.

"Tonight ?" she asks, surprised.

"Yes, if you don't mind."

"But will there be people?"

"It's the principle of the holidays, inviting people."

"Oh ... I don't like the crowd ..."

"Don't worry, we will step aside, we will be quiet."

"Well ... I'll think about it."

"I really hope to see you tonight, Scarlett."

When evening came, Aaron was already there, 3 guards stood in front of the entrance, inside, it was crowded, alcohol and cigars smelled like noses.

Scarlett was still at home, not knowing what to wear for her date. Half of her wardrobe was mostly black. Did she have to dress in a simple way? Extravagant? If she put on lace, the Sheriff would take her for an easy girl, well what she doesn't want. She finally opted for a dress with a small black neckline, decorated with small diamonds. Watching her hair in battle, she decides to style and curl it, leaving her long curly lock in front of her eyes.

"It should be enough ... Come on ... I can do it." she thinks.

She puts on her black shawl and heads for the saloon.

"As long as she comes ..." thinks Aaron, in front of his small glass of whiskey, until he hears the guards' voices becoming imposing.

"You can't go back!"

"What? But it's not free to enter?" asks Scarlett, shocked.

"No, but to go back, it's 20 dollars!" asked the guard.

"Stop, I invited her!" said Aaron, arriving in time between the two guards.

"Sorry Sheriff, we didn't know that." said one of the two guards, embarrassed.

"Scarlett, come on, I've been waiting for you." said Aaron, holding out his arm.

She grabs his arm without hesitation and lets herself be dragged to the bar.

"I thought I couldn't go back. I didn't know it paid off." she said softly.

"I should have warned you, forgive me, but as I invite you, we have free rein." he said, looking at her.

"Fortunately you are Sheriff otherwise ... I will not have passed."

"Hehe, come on, come and have a drink."

"Since time. But I have no money ..."

"I'm the one paying, since I invited you." said Aaron with a charming smile.

While they were drinking, Aaron watched Scarlett from top to bottom.

"You're beautiful tonight, Scarlett ..." said Aaron, shyly.

"Oh… thanks… does that mean that on other days, I look like a rag?" she asks, suspicious.

"Huh? No, no, take it as a compliment! I'm sincere, now or on other days, you're ravishing."

"You have to say that to all the women you know."

"I'm not interested in other women, you mean the most to me tonight." he said, placing his hand gently against her shoulder.

Scarlett feels a shiver run down her back. Why was he doing this for her? She flees her gaze, not knowing what to do or how to react. In the distance, three women, provocatively dressed, call the Sheriff in the distance, then they start to walk towards him.

"Looks like you have company." whispers Scarlett to Aaron.

"Ooh dear Sheriff! You here? We weren't expecting it!" said one of them.

"Stay a little with you!" begs the other, resting her chest against him.

Aaron looked very embarrassed and couldn't help but blush.

"I would like to, but I'm already busy, ladies, but can you do us a favor?"

"Oooh? Which one?"

"Try to distract the guards, a little bit of your company would do them good." said Aaron, praying that it would work.

"Your desires are orders, Sheriff! Hihi! Come girls!" said one of them, jumping on the guards.

"Come on, Scarlett! Let's go outside!" said Aaron, taking her hand.

It was a diversion, the two of them rush out and sit at a table outside in the light of the lanterns.

"But why did you do this?" she asks, exhausted from this race.

"I didn't want to be locked up in this place with her crazy people… I saw that you were embarrassed. Outside, it's better, just you and me."

"Hehe, you're right, I was starting to suffocate, I don't like the crowd."

"I know it ... are you hungry?" he asks.

"Not too much ... Maybe a few aperitifs." she replies, touching her hair.

Once the aperitifs are there, Scarlett asks a question that was running through her head.

"Tell me ... Do you like what you do? Well, I mean, as a Sheriff." she asks.

"You know, being Sheriff was not a vocation for me." he replies, taking a square of cheese.

"What do you mean ?" Scarlett was starting to be interested.

"Since childhood, I had a dream, to go around South America. But I was brought back to reality by my father. I was very close to him, but the only one I did not like at his place was his authority and his arrogance. He himself was Sheriff before my turn, I had to be ready to succeed him because he was getting old. He said that traveling was for the gypsies and the Indians. instead, I saw the sea, as I told you before. The sea was my only comfort, I found peace. "

"It must be wonderful ..." sighs Scarlett, listening to him attentively.

"I will take you there, I promise you." he said, looking her in her eyes.

"You don't have to do this for me, there are other women who would dream of seeing the sea with you."

"You are the only woman I would like to take." he said, putting his fingers on Scarlett's hand.

She withdraws her hand a little, blushing.

"Why are you interested in me? I'm boring, and other women are better than me, they deserve you. One day, you will have to find a woman to be your wife."

Hearing this, Aaron wondered if it was the right time to tell him what he really felt for her. Suddenly, soft music cuts him off before a sound even comes out of his mouth. A slow… nothing better to get closer to the one who won his heart.

"Would you like to dance ?" he asks.

"I don't know how to dance ..." she replies, closing in on herself.

"Come, it's easy." he said, taking her hand.

They stand up and put his hands on her back.

"What are you doing ?" Scarlett jumps.

"Put your hands on my shoulders."

But being small, her hands land on Aaron's chest. Which makes him blush more and more.

"Let yourself be lulled and guided by me and the music." he whispers in her ear.

Scarlett was mesmerized by her words and her reassuring voice. She lets herself be entirely done. She sticks against him, Aaron felt like immense happiness in his heart and thousands of butterflies in his belly. Scarlett felt reassured in his arms, their dance turns into a passionate embrace. They cuddled for a long time until the music stopped.

"To answer your question before, I don't need to search among all the women who are here, because the only woman I love is in front of me." he said, taking her hand.

"Huh? What ... what did you say?"

Scarlett understood perfectly, but she refused to believe it. It was too much for her, she wanted to escape from this awkward moment. Aaron was waiting for her reaction.

"Um ... I think you are wrong, Aaron ... I am not the one you think ... or the one you want ..."

"Why do you say that ?" asks Aaron, who did not expect her reaction.

"Excuse me, I have to go back ..." she lets go of his hand and runs away.

Aaron is left alone and taken aback, what did he do wrong? He sets off in pursuit. She was opening her door.

"Scarlett! What did I do? Did I hurt you?" he wrote, joining her.

"Leave me alone, it's better for you and me that we each stay on our side. You have nothing to do with me." she said coldly.

"Scarlett, I don't understand, I just confessed that I love you! I thought that…"

"Well, think no more! You will never love me! I will make you suffer!" she writes.

Aaron didn't understand why she said that. He follows her to the kitchen.

"Get out of my house!" writes Scarlett, her eyes filling with tears.

"Scarlett, calm down… we can explain…" said Aaron, taking her in his arms.

Scarlett brutally pushes him away and grabs a knife, pointing it at him. Aaron steps back in fear.

"Ho! Scarlett! Put down that knife!"

"I will not make you happy! I am a monster! I will no longer trust a man!" she yells, hysterical.

Aaron closes the door to prevent his screams from attracting the attention of a villager.

"Scarlett, we can talk about it calmly, please, drop that knife." he said, advancing cautiously.

"Stop! Otherwise I will kill myself in front of you! I deserve it! I would rather die than surrender!" she said, turning the knife against her.

"SCARLETT !! No !!" he rushes over to her and grabs her wrist, removing the knife and letting it slide further to the ground.

"AAAH !! LEAVE ME! Kill me!" she yells, struggling.

Aaron holds her tightly in his arms until she calms down and she bursts into tears, falling to her knees, still in Aaron's arms.

"Shhhh ... calm down ... what's this story? Why should I stop you? Want to talk about it?" he asks silently.

She nods to say yes. He covers her with his coat and goes to the living room sofa.

"I don't come from here, actually. I'm from town. I was training with my mom so I was ready to inherit the business."

"I see ... but what is wrong with that?"

"In the meantime, I was forced to be with a man just to make me descendants. I was unable to conceive ... He ..." she stops in her sentence, feeling the tears come to her eyes.

"Shhhh, take your time ..." said Aaron, thinking about the worst that could have happened to her.

"He ... he raped me! Saying it's my fault ..." said Scarlett, bursting into tears.

Aaron was shocked by this revelation, he could never have thought of it, he cradled her in his arms.

"You know why I have this scar on my cheek? It was beating me too! One day, it was one time too many, it hit me again and ... I grabbed a knife, and ... I wanted to defend myself but I ... I stabbed him ... "she said, whispering the end of her sentence, still bursting into tears.

Aaron finally understood why she was so scared and that she never went out. He continues to listen to her.

"What happened next ?" he asks.

"I ... I was tried, but I was released because I used self-defense. Half defended me and the other called me a murderer ... I left town to settle here after the death of my mother. I prayed that no one would recognize me when I went outside ... I didn't want it to end like that. " Scarlett replies, drying her tears.

"I'm on your side ... you defended yourself and this junk deserved it, no one has the right to hit a woman!"

Scarlett was amazed that the Sheriff was part of her terrible past.

"You have to stop me ..." she said.

"No ... I won't do it. I understand why you don't trust me ... rather men ..."

"I ... I didn't say I don't trust you. I need time for that ... you're the only one who really seems to want to take care of me ..."

"For the moment, I will make sure that no one does you harm ... for my part, I will never harm you, I will never leave you, we will take our time." said Aaron, hugging her.

"Aaron ..." whispers Scarlett, hugging him too.

"You deserve happiness, everything you told me stays here, your secret will be ours." he said, looking at her.

Gently, he approaches her face, his lips brush against hers, Scarlett turns her head slightly, everything was going so fast for her. But she couldn't help smiling after this delicate gesture.

"I'll wait for you, Scarlett ... take the time it takes." said Aaron, taking her hand.

"You don't have to keep more secrets between us." he finished, kissing her forehead.

"I will come to see you as soon as I can." said Aaron, getting up.

"I prefer the night, I like it when you see me at that time." said Scarlett smiling, then she continues.

"And thank you again for trusting me."

Aaron turns around, he comes back to her, puts his two hands gently on her cheeks and kisses her tenderly. Scarlett remains frozen as if someone had cast a spell on her, she doesn't protest and relishes this kiss.

He breaks the kiss and says to her:

"I love you…"

Scarlett didn't know if she should answer him, she didn't want to rush, yet her feelings were mutual. She answers him with a simple smile and Aaron leaves in silence.

To be continued...

Part 2 :

[queerchoicesblog]

A Few Words On Pride Month 2020

So, pride month has come at last. No matter how crazy it sounds right now as we're experiencing first-hand one of those events that will end up in history handbooks one day.

I'll be honest, it's quite difficult for me to talk about it now when everything that is not Mrs Rhona releted seems so well less relevant than it was before. But I want to share a few words that most likely nobody will read but I'll let them flow anyway.

I watch that video every single year during pride month. It's from a series I liked quite a lot back then, it's called Sense8. The character speaking is a trans woman, an lgbtq+ hacktivist, reminiscing her disastrous relationship with her transphobic mother yet finding strength in her own sorrow. There is a passage I love:

Today I'm marching to remember that I'm not just a me

But I'm also a we

And we march with pride

These words resonate with me: they summarise perfectly the deep empathy and acceptance that I feel should make us stick together. Both inside the lgbtqa+ community and as human beings: "I am a human being, and thus nothing human is alien to me". I'm quoting by heart a Latin playwright named Terentius (Terence in English, I guess?) so forgive me if I got something wrong but what I mean is...we should all care about each other because no matter our differences, our sexuality or color of skin or class, we are human. We are brothers and sisters: I'm an only child but I believe that the definition of a healthy family is one where people overcome differences that don't truly matter in the end, they don't define us as worthy or unworthy of love and respect which should always be given to another human being.

Unless there are valid reasons not to.

As the latest happenings in the world have shown, a hard truth we all know has been reinforced: we live in a cruel, unfair world where, as Nomi said, "hating isn't a sin on that list and neither is shame". A world where people get hurt or killed for reasons which can be hardly called a motive for violence: not being white, not being rich enough, being different, holding a hand or kissing a person of the same sex in the street.

We may comfort ourselves saying these fears were past fears, last century or even Victorian age fears but no, they're still out there. And we can't turn a blind eye.

The current pandemic added new ones, making our lives even more miserable. Speaking of the lgbtqa+ community, I think I can say the social distancing is hitting even harder. Does anybody feel lonelier now? I rise my hand, I do. I'm not referring to the fact that pride parades are cancelled (because we all know there is a freaking valid reason atm), but getting in touch with other people is way harder now. In my personal experience, getting in touch with fellow lgbtqa+ folks was rare even before the pandemic, now it's hella tough. In the street we hide our faces behind masks and don't have the same careless attitude we used to display. Shaking hands and even the lightest touch or proximity are not allowed under the new restrictions: a few weeks ago, over here a couple was charged for hugging each other in the street. How sad and dystopic are these times we live in...

Virtual meetings can help but they're not like in person meetings: the warmth of personal interaction is simply not there. We try but it's not there. Couples are separeted by lockdown rules and so are some families. Lgbtqa+ hotlines are a saving grace and I cannot stress enough how important they are and how anyone struggling with their mental health or literally anything concerning themselves, their gender and sexuality should feel free to contact those volunteers who are a blessing restoring a little faith in humanity.

My thoughts are for those of us who got stuck quarantining with homophobic/biphobic/transphobic etc parents or roommates, and those stuck in abusive contexts. Yes, even relationships because - I know I'll be super unpopular saying this but we can't lie especially to the minor or vulnerable ones- lgbtqa+ relationships can be abusive and toxic too. As I said, we're human and I am sick and tired of the honeyed sunshine rhetoric of lgbtqa+ people and love as an ever right and righteous safe haven. It is a safe haven for us to some extent but we must acknowledge there are problematic issues in our community. We have to be honest with each other especially for the sake not only of each other but for the vulnerable ones and the young. Like criticising or reporting abusers, predators, rapists and so on don't make us all filthy creatures who will burn on a stake for our abominable sins. It just makes us responsible and looking out for each other.

We spend so long dreaming of finding someone of the same sex to be with that when someone shows us any sign of affection our feelings for them grow fast, even when red flags or abuse enter our lives. We stay because we're hungry for love and crave what straighties seem to get so easily: love, acceptance, reciprocity. To the young and everyone who needs to hear this I wanna say: it doesn't have to be like that. Don't ever settle for cheap love only because you feel you will lose your only chance to be loved. There are good people out there too and you deserve one of them at your side. You will find them, your paths will cross: just be patient and never ever forget the importance of respect and consent.

To all those experiencing anything like the relationships or toxicity I mentioned, who feel silenced by the sunshine rhetoric, I say: you are not alone, stay strong and you did nothing wrong, others did and I'm sorry you're going through this cause you don't deserve it.

I share a similar shutout to those struggling with mental and/or physical disorders. If you ever felt pretty much invisible, you're not. I see you, many others see you and we're all rooting for you. You're stronger than you think and you're beautiful.

The not-as-unfortunate-as-the abovementioned but still quite forlorn are the star crossed lovers meeting that special someone in a bad time. Quarantine will see the blossoming of some romances but also takes no prisoners, blowing off others. They don't vanish though, in most cases they turn into those impossible loves and what if we love so much in the movies and hate in real life. I wish I could lay a blanket or pull into a tight hug all those going through this. Your pain is not irrelevant even if there are worst things in the world right now, our souls hurt for things like that. I hold your shaking hand wherever you are as you stare blankly at your phone, waiting for a message or a call that will never come, or you reminisce, listening to a romantic playlist you still have saved on your device. Your suffering is my suffering.

On a brighter side, cause I don't wanna be a complete downer, the luckiest ones among us are blessed with love and I can't be any happier for you, whoever you are. I can picture the one day a few years from now when I will be talking to someone and they will share their story saying how they met the love of their life during the pandemic. How it wasn't easy at first because of all the uncertainty and fears but they kept trying and it all started with a social distancing date at a park or via Zoom. You lucky ones, cherish that and never take what you have for granted: the love you feel and that special someone is showing you is a balsam in hard times. Please cherish it dearly and never stop loving: one day you'll warm these old bones and lonely heart if we ever get the chance to cross path.

Actually I don't have any more wisdom to share, granted what I wrote can be called wisdom, nor giveaway. I considered doing a lgbtqa+ one in honor of the pride month but I feel nobody would be interested. Or at least not by me and I fully agree: writing is getting hard and I feel like I risk of ruining everything I dedicate myself to, as I usually do in my life. I'll follow the tips of a few anons (I think?) and devote this month to educate myself over aspects, nuances or realities I am not fully familiar with: so I'll watch Pose and Sex Education. Hopefully I'll learn something new that might make me a better human being.

Feel free to share further advice: books, articles, movies, series, documentaries...you name it! Drop a message or an ask and I'll make what I'm starting now a lasting project!

That is my advice: if you're stuck inside with nothing much to do this month, find something that might enrich you, even a little thing, and go for it.

As well as reminding yourself the usual stuff: you are not wrong nor unlovable, you're not offensive or dirty for being attracted to your same sex or both or none. Not to quote Lady Gaga, but it's truly is that simple: you are born and beautiful this way.

Stay safe and stay strong, my darlings 🏳️‍🌈

Love,

E.

[ton-e]

Helheim is a land of peace.

The layers of agonized wails and woeful imploring she prepared her ears for was lost in the breeze of the melancholic melody of nature. Naked humming voices flowed serenely amidst the gradient of indigo blue leaves, dry and wrinkly, singing the ballads of lost souls attached to skinny tree branches, rinsed of color at the roots, blending smoothly with the pale greenery surrounding the wide meadow that grew to be her most favored solace.

Flowers, prey to decaying, small in stature but mighty in resistance, veiled the piece of soil that parted the center of the dark Kingdom in two, catching vines in the heart core of the spot her beloved boy once clawed his way to freedom, from a grave that came too early for a boy too gentle, too youthful, too much of a man before his time.

Her ghost Prince, her youngest; Stolen and crowned the King of Death, with a rain of tears on his cheeks and a cloak of swords in his back.

'Crowned, ' she spits, imagining it rippling through the dead earth and fell right onto Borr's bald head. Time failed to sweeten her bitterness as she thought, yes, this is how their history beautified the terrible incident. Time didn't heal her pain, neither did it gentled the sharpness of her teeth.

They had deceived him, betrayed him, punished him, stole his life away, and called it a reward.

After that dreadful day, She spent more nights weeping to slumber, eyes buried in the cushions of Hel's frigid chambers, burning brighter, hotter, than the hard oak feeding red-orange flames in the fireplace of her bedroom.

The phantom ice caressing the silver of her skin was more comfort than suffering, painless mercy she sunk into little by little every day until the light of day became unfamiliar. The cold here shares that quality, she ponders, a soft touch of unburnt ice to keep you from perishing.

Its a lot like her son, she thinks.

Yet, Bestla doesn't feel its presence permanently. A long, stone shaded cloak fell upon her shoulders, showering her back in a misty warmth provided by the thick velvet of the garment. Her eyes observe a silhouette shadowing the pale sun, the single leak of blight light hanging above the smoke sky.

"I was hoping to find you here, " Estrid wears a smile radiant enough to pale all gold in the 9 realms. "Peaceful up here, is it not? Hel liked hiding here, as a boy. Said the breeze was nice."

Bestla, for a moment, allows her eye to inspect the other woman for the first time. Her shoulders are round and solid, strong as a soldier, complemented by the stunning danger of a shieldmaiden. Bestla tracks night-dark locks brushing over creamy skin, long and curly. She's as much warrior as she is woman, it's as if she only now observes.

Her arms are an impressive addition, boxy as much as lean, holding closely on her shield and sword. A sword that, doubtlessly, claimed a long string of lives. She's not as fearful as it would be wiser to be. Estrid has been nothing but pleasant, as much as one could be when encountering their circumstance, her presence never frightening her as much as it saddened her.

"For someone carrying such heavy armor, you move with great stealth, Lady Sigurdsson, " If the other woman peaked at the too feather-soft timber of her voice, she had enough cheek to act differently. " I suppose you'd want an explanation as to why I'm avoiding my son?"

" Forgive me, your Grace, but Lord Hellison was never included in the conversation, " Bestla thought she spotted a bloom of red dusting her cheeks as she grinned gently, taking a spot none to tight to the former Queen, but close enough to leave some space had the smaller woman want to fill it. "I thought you would, after..."

"...It's unwise to polish hard truths. They cut harder that way, " The Queen's words were dressed in both honesty and advice, chapters of her life unfolding beneath her eyes as if to pledge truth to the statement. Estrid studied each word with expert attention.

Bestla raises, arms guarding her middle, eyes cast over the sea of flowers beneath her shoes.

"I'm grateful, for the kindness you showed him. I remain in your debt, in fact, though it escapes me how I can repay you here. "

"We don't believe in paying kindness, in the North. Goodness isn't traded in gold, " a quiet chuckle is swept by the breeze slashing through the grand mountains. Estrid inhales deeply and opens her arms when she lets her body fall upon the grass. "If it was, don't you think more people would practice it?"

The southerner's lips lift in a one-sided smile of her own, private and discreet. Debtless favors certainly sounded sweet to the ear.

" Aesir aren't precisely renewed for our gentle hearts, so I suppose not. I still mourn the stress you must have endured, however. Children are far from being a jolly affair. And the tales we hear as children don't exactly portray Titans as loving parents."

A stratum of blank seriousness shaped Estrid's features, graveness resting heavily on sharp boned cheeks and warm brown eyes. " I fell in love a day after meeting him, " Bestla swallowed hard at the admission. " I knew him for less than a sundown, but I knew he was mine. I was dead, alone and helpless and afraid, and he was too much like me to be a fateless coincidence. Words aren't enough to express it. He was just...Meant to fall, and I to catch him. "

The leafs sang to fill the edged hush musking around them. Estrid pimped the other's empty breathing as anger, for she heaved a sigh long enough to match the twin lack of words on both their parts, and excused her nerve. " Apologies. I don't dare name myself a mother, nor do I starve for anyone's approval, least of all yours. I only wished to say you raised a good son. A son lucky to have a mother like you, for as long as he did."

"...You helped him," Bestla started, chest light and comfortable, not cutting blades piercing her skin as she expected. "Kept food in his mouth, put clothes on his back. You loved him truthfully and protected him fiercely. You're not any less his mother than I."

"...It must be a sour thin all the same, for someone so beloved to greet you as a stranger. For that, I can't help but feel sorry still."

" That's a sentiment we can share. He... Hel, my child, my youngest son. Born at the edge of two worlds that never loved him. They aren't my own, not my blood, not him neither Odin, my kind hearted prince, my little lion boy. And yet, I was not their mother for the simple reason they didnt come from me. Everyone told me so.

They weren't my own, yet I held them at my chest, kissed their skinned knees and elbows, wiped their tears, and chased sickness with handpicked herbs and wet rags because I trusted nobody to do so. No language is enough to describe the love a mother has for their children.

No tongue is enough to put my love in words."

"...Even for Balder?"

Bestla laughs, an odde of heartache and sorrow. " Even him. Love gives no choices, last of all to parents. I still remember the day of his birth. A terrible storm broke the skies that evening, set fire to five houses, left a month's worth of reparations behind. He struggled, I've been told. He kicked and wailed and fought all the way.

I haven't had the chance to even hold him in my arms and he was so eager to run from me. My eyes never saw something more perfect than his tiny ears, his adorable little hands, and feet, his honey hair. He looked so much like me I hardly believed it.

But I felt no different with his brothers. There was a sickness in my mouth, when they were babes and I was forced to be departed from them. I couldn't bear to see them in another's arms, a wet nurse, or a squire, when asked to trust anyone else with them, I was faithless.

When Hel was born, he couldn't be convinced to let me go. He was so quiet, I thought perhaps this world claimed him already. His mother drew her last breath on that bed and I was the one he clung to, the one he hooked his fingers into. One of the King's guards present, he tried to prey him away, do you want to know what I did? I unsheathed a dagger from my thigh, slashed his throat, and watched him die." The confession was a river she scalded into freely.

"Would I insult your intelligence by asking if you're familiar with Sandr?" Bestla asked once Estrid wordlessly raised on her feet. She felt enough security to push her body forward. " Titans held mighty battles there."

A smirk pinched the taller woman's lips. " We were rowdy children, I'll confess. But yes, I know the location. You rebuild beautifully, " dark eyes shaped the bronze scorpio pendant suspended in the middle of Bestla's long neck. " Your family picked a Scorpio as their sigil. They made a fine legacy."

" Oh, it was. The finest. Beautiful, skillful, and yet, terribly lonely. I had 10 siblings. 5 brothers and sisters, however, I confess I felt more like an accessory than a member of a clan. We were strangers to each other. Foreigners with the same name, with our only common factor being our house.

Our country was gorgeous but very poor, you see. We trusted nobody, and in return, our distrust was repaid with hostility. Eventually, when our skin touched bone and we ran out of livestock, we opened the gates to trade. Naturally, we were invaded, our lands stolen, our necks had shackles only we could see.

And I held the key for everyone.

I want you to picture the most powerful man in the world, asking me to marry him," a bitter laughs cracks in her throat, and the wind whips away the water from her eyes. " He had a crown on his head and 50 thousand banner men behind him, with more gold than he could ever need or deserve and 100,000 spikes for our heads alone. What else could I have said?"

Her legs shift, stepping closer to Estrid, eyes as flat as her tone. " What I did, I did because I had to. To defend my people. To defend my family. To defend my blood. Every sacrifice, every drop of blood I've spilled, I did it so the people I love could live the peace I never did."

She advances, every step that's forward to her is one back for Estrid, eyes concentrated intensely on one another with enough fire to make Fire Giants sweat.

"All the sins that I have done. Or had done at my orders? The truths my children don't know, the truths a narrow number of people lived to keep the secret. The kind vicious enough to make fine warriors as yourself lose sleep, if they came to know them.

Perhaps this is my justice. A punishment for survival in a world where living is no bed of roses. But I won't stop helping my children, heart beating or otherwise.

There's a storm coming, My Lady. And I have every intention of ensuring everyone walks dry."

[svftdandelions]

Hey, guys, I wanted to share with you all an assignment I did for the English class, on March 25.2020. This assignment was titled, “Argument Analysis, ”

For this assignment, what I needed to do is listed down below, I hope you all like it, and anyone is free to join in on this analysis, I would be happy to compared notes. Ty and enjoy :D

Find an Ad or speech (Copy and paste the link)

Identify the speaker, audience, and what was the argument.

What is the context or situation surrounding it?

What evidence is used to support the argument

How does the evidence build to reasoning (the WHY)? What does it make the audience think/feel/do? Is it effective?

Finally, Write a paragraph below or on the back that combines the above into one analysis of the ad or speech.

So when I did this I decided to do an analysis of the BTS RM UN speech. (I also made a deal with myself that if I could put bts in any of my assignments then I would do that.)

This was one of my favorite English assignments that I did this year, and I am happy to present you this assignment, so plz enjoy you all welcome to comment down any other ideas to this discussion as well thank you.

1) LINK: BTS' Kim Nam-Joon (RM) UN Speech

2) Speaker: Is Kim Nam-Joon (RM) leader of kpop boy band BTS Audience: Young generations, kids and millions of young people (In tackling hardships such as the global education + training crisis but the main key point of RM speech is to encourage young people to ¨Speak Yourself,¨ advocating to share their stories and perspectives.

Argument: ↴

"We have learned to love ourselves, so now I urge you to 'speak yourself.'”

"What is your name? Speak Yourself!"

"Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, gender identity: speak yourself.”

3) What is the context or situation surrounding it?

It was a meeting done with global, businesses, education and youth leaders. These people were coming together to launch a new partnership to get every young person a better education and training for better employment by 2030. They wanted to tackle the problem of quality and the limitations that younger generations are facing regarding education.

So they set a plan to focus on three main flaws that need to be fixed or improved on and made better these are… secondary-age education; skills for learning, employability and decent work; and empowerment.

But this argument is also being based on the group (BTS) fighting with UNICEF’s to #ENDviolence program to protect children and young people all over the world from violence.

So education is the aspect they’re focusing on but also on the fact of expressing one’s stories and love to others.

4) What evidence is used to support the argument?

Personal + Pop culture

Personal: "I was born in Ilsan, a city near Seoul, South Korea. It’s a beautiful place, with a lake, hills, and even an annual flower festival. I spent a happy childhood there, and I was just an ordinary boy.

"I would look up at the night sky in wonder and dream the dreams of a boy. I used to imagine that I was a superhero, saving the world.

"Looking back, that’s when I began to worry about what other people thought of me and started seeing myself through their eyes. I stopped looking up at the stars at night. I stopped daydreaming. I tried to jam myself into molds that other people made. Soon, I began to shut out my own voice and started to listen to the voices of others. No one called out my name, and neither did I. My heart stopped and my eyes closed shut. So, like this, I, we, all lost our names. We became like ghosts.”

In person he gives background on who he is and where he from but lines in some of these paragraphs hit close to the readers. As he tries reaching his audience in sharing his struggles the line where he says, “I tried to jam myself into molds that other people made,” is referencing his struggles with fitting in. Lines like these make personal evidence more meaningful as it connects the audience with its speaker.

Pop Culture: "Last November, BTS launched the “Love Myself” campaign with UNICEF, building on our belief that “true love first begins with loving myself.” We have been partnering with UNICEF #ENDviolence program to protect children and young people all over the world from violence.

"Our fans have become a major part of this campaign with their action and enthusiasm. We truly have the best fans in the world!

"After releasing the “Love Yourself” albums and launching the “Love Myself” campaign, we started to hear remarkable stories from our fans all over the world, how our message helped them overcome their hardships in life and start loving themselves. These stories constantly remind us of our responsibility. "So, let’s all take one more step. We have learned to love ourselves, so now I urge you to “speak yourself.”

With pop culture RM makes reference to their Album “Love Yourself,” and to the #ENDviolence he also mentions their partnership with UNICEF´s

5) How does the evidence build to reasoning (the WHY)? What does it make the audience think/feel/do? Is it effective?

Pathos, its a speech reaching out to the younger generations with stories of personal experience and references to the Fans. This speech is able to set the stage for admirations but also pride in the readers plus it helps bring awareness to the issue. But it also follows with Ethos as he presents his speech with notable figures such as the first lady of their home country and the South Korea UN General Assembly.

6) Write a paragraph below or on the back that combines the above into one analysis of the ad or speech

"Tell me your story. I wanar your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, gender identity: speak yourself. This quote towards the end really leaves a powerful message for the audience in his speech Kim Namjoon makes many references to the sentence of “Speak yourself,” this repetition of words will make readers automatically drawn closer attention. As it's repeatedly shown to the readers by using the pronouns of “we” and “I” he adds unity and connection with his audience because this issue isn’t only specifically aimed at the younger generation. It can also be aimed at the older. He said it himself, “But I am still an ordinary, twenty-four-year-old guy. If there’s anything that I’ve achieved, it was only possible because I had my other BTS members by my side, and because of the love and support of our ARMY fans ---- Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me..” Even he struggles as well with fitting in and finding his voice among the crowd. He stated that music was his sanctuary but it took him a long time to find it with outside factors clashing in. Making sure to add the fans in is a big pointer on his part. It helps his speech gain acknowledgment and it also shows that he recognizes he wouldn’t be there without the help and the support of his fans. His personal story will help others find a connection as many suffer through what he went through some still suffering at this very moment. Untimely this speech was very effective in grasping the audience even with the language barrier Namjoon was able to effectively use his words carefully to help gain the audience’s attention. He shared personal stories for connection and pronouns for unity. He repeatedly said to speak yourself because he wanted that message to stick. He wanted to leave the UN making sure he was heard. And he did just that to this very day colleges and university are using his speech and his fans dub ARMY continually go back to make reference to it. And its message was received their campaign Love Yourself was able to raise 2,600,000,000 (KRW) equaling $1.4 million and its #BTSLoveMyself was used 11,811,497 times and it's still being used today. This speech definitely made its mark one that wouldn’t be left forgotten the legacy BTS has created will continue to grow and be shown through their music. And to finish his speech he left the audience with these parting words, "Find your name, find your voice by speaking yourself. I’m Kim Nam Jun, RM of BTS. I’m a hip-hop idol and an artist from a small town in Korea. Like most people, I made many mistakes in my life. I have many faults and I have many fears, but I am going to embrace myself as hard as I can, and I’m starting to love myself, little by little. What is your name? Speak Yourself!" It doesn’t matter if you're a fan or not what they’re doing and what is said in this speech will have lasting effects and RM made sure of it. He has a chance to speak to an even larger audience. He was going to make sure his speech would have a lasting effect and this speech was going to be one that wouldn’t be forgotten.

[lizzybeth1986]

There used to be a lot of things that puzzled me about Hana Lee.

This was, of course, way back when I refused to spend any diamonds on any book, much less a possibly-cliche-romance-spoinoff that featured a Prince Charming, his best friend and one of his suitors as potential love interests.

From whatever I'd read, Hana seemed like a fairly nice girl. Extremely talented, eager to make friends, very well-versed in social graces but also naive and sheltered when it came to the outside world. A loner: someone who had tea parties with imaginary friends because she was never allowed toys. On and off, she would give us a few vague indications of how controlling her family was, and how much her parents expected of her. She is a woman who comes to Cordonia hoping to win Prince Liam's hand, but falls in love with a fellow suitor instead.

But unless we explore her diamond scenes, we can never clearly understand Hana. We can never understand her fears, her pain, the newly-developed emotions that confuse her so much. We can never understand what a struggle it is for her to finally walk up to the MC at the end of this book, and to say "I care for you". To be able to fully appreciate her journey to that moment, we need to explore her background.

We first meet Hana in Chapter 2, while she is still getting dressed. The MC can choose to be nice to her - either by apologizing or complimenting her when she enters, and later by helping her into her outfit. It is after the MC helps her get ready that the above two panels appear.

Hana clearly has very few friends in Cordonia (she tells us during her time at the cronut run that she hasn't been invited to any parties since she arrived), and we find out later that despite her caring nature and many talents, she has never had close friends at all. So when the MC, a fellow suitor who should be viewing her as competition, offers her unconditional help - she is baffled, but grateful.

Chapter 3, however, shows us a different Hana. A Hana who is still haunted by her past. A Hana who came to Cordonia to escape the scandal of a broken engagement. A Hana whose so-called 'reputation' followed her all the way to Europe.

The MC, on hearing this, is justifiably angry. She comes from a worldview where people can make their own decisions regarding their relationships, and can part ways without repercussions. Where breakups are a sad but sometimes necessary part of normal life. To Hana, this worldview is not just unheard of, but positively alien.

Hana comes from a largely traditionalist society. One that treats her mostly as an extension of her parents. She isn't always allowed the space to mingle with a lot of people. There is a constant emphasis placed on her duty towards her parents - even at the cost of her own self-actualization. This seems to be a society where respect to parents is tantamount, where even your associations and friendships are scrutinized and vetted by your family, where honour is something that is placed squarely on a woman's shoulders.

When Hana's engagement falls apart, it is not Peter - her fiance - who faces the brunt of it even though he initiated the breakup. It is Hana who suffers. Her suffering is made even more painful by her upbringing: one that conditions her to believe that a loveless marriage is better than a broken match, that the honour of her family rests on her shoulders...and that, by letting him go, she is solely responsible for the 'loss' of that honour. Look, for instance, at her parents' response to the broken engagement:

Note how the focus moves so easily from how the scandal hurt her, to how it hurt her parents. Hana's feelings barely seem to count here. Her own sense of failure, or the way their shaming has affected her, takes up no more than maybe a line of dialogue before she shifts to how it affected her parents. Her life seems to revolve around ensuring that they are happy, that their family name is upheld. When she "fails" to do that, she - like everyone else around her - blames herself.

Which is why - even as the MC acknowledges the sheer cruelty of Olivia's words - Hana agrees with her instead.

Imagine the kind of conditioning that allows you to blame yourself this way. It makes you consider yourself "damaged goods" because someone else called off your engagement (granted, we find out later that Peter did it because he realised Hana didn't love him). It makes you believe that you are nothing if you aren't able to attract or keep potential matches. It definitely makes you feel like your self-esteem doesn't count, your feelings don't count, you don't count.

Peter breaking the engagement wasn't damaging in and of itself. It was damaging because she has been brought up to believe her whole life that her worth lay in someone else's hands (and she actually does say this in Book 2, Chapter 2: "if I'm so great, how come I don't attract all the good matches like Liam does?"). The breaking of the engagement casts doubts on her character, makes people believe there is something wrong with her. And her parents - instead of trying to help their daughter cope with this - throw her into another match and pressure her into winning the hand of another man she doesn't love. Hana has been conditioned to believe that in not being engaged she has brought shame to her family, and that wanting to have a say in her life choices is selfish. For her to finally understand that her needs are most important would take a tremendous change in the way she thinks itself.

That kind of transformation doesn't happen overnight.

The MC has two options to help Hana. The first option is to boost her confidence, by stating that Olivia is threatened by her. To us now, this seems naive because the MC has no idea how cut-throat the competition is, nor what the Council is actually looking for when it comes to choosing a future Queen, but it does tell Hana something interesting.

MC: It's no wonder Olivia is threatened by you.

Hana: But you're not.

MC: I'm not like Olivia.

Remember how Hana tells us, after telling Olivia off at the coronation ball, that it was cathartic because she grew up around girls exactly like her? I wouldn't be surprised if Hana was so used to the sight of girls bringing other girls down that she is genuinely surprised to see a woman who doesn't need to. If anything, I think this dialogue shows how impressed she is that that MC is so self-secure, and decides to emulate that in some way - especially by coming to her aid when the MC doesn't understand certain things.

The second option is to convince Hana to toughen up, by telling her that Olivia senses weakness. Hana agrees, and we do notice that the only person she really lets her guard down to is the MC herself.

No matter which option the reader chooses, it is clear that Hana's transformation has already begun.

Think back to Book 2, Chapter 4, where Hana impresses two potential suitors at the picnic. They may leave the place intrigued by her beauty and talent, but Hana openly confesses that she feels nothing. In public. In front of the other ladies of the court. She feels no shame in admitting this, she doesn't blame herself for not being grateful enough. She states it as a simple fact. She has finally begun to accept, in some small ways, that there really is nothing wrong with her.

Hana Lee has, indeed, come a long way.

Your View

1. If you don't take any of Hana's diamond scenes, what impression would you be left with of her character?

2. How significant do you think Hana's change has been over the course of Book 1, and what we have seen of Book 2? What else do you think is in store for her?

(This is the first in a series of essays on Hana Lee's diamond scenes in The Royal Romance. The questions at the end are optional)

[heyfromhell]

I'm proud of you for having dealt with such a difficult time. You're so strong, and I admire your tenacity regarding your recent thoughts. The world needs strong lovers. Yeah, things may not have worked out but I disagree with those that have told you that you will never love as deeply ever again. You can, and I'm sure you will.

- You're gorgeous, you're outgoing, and you should never be left behind, even if things didn't work out. To me, they can be forgiven for that, among other past issues, yes. But you deserve to be treated fairly and you deserve the have answers you seek. You aren't a ghost, and you're not invisible. You're you, a person. And as a person, you deserve to be loved and to find love. I'm sure you can't see anyone else right now, or you don't want to put in the effort again, only to be let down.

- I totally get it. I lost my love late 2016. I felt like I was ruined. I stopped eating. I lost 20 lbs in roughly a month. I lost my damn mind every day and every night. I tried to occupy myself with something all the time to keep my mind straight. My heart was always so tight and I had trouble breathing a lot. I had a fucking lump in my throat from stress alone. And I could go on and on about it.

- I want you to know that how you feel is okay. It's not easy. I know you just want to give up sometimes. I still do from time to time. I personally don't suffer from a clinical depression but I have terrible control over my anxiety at times. It's hard to explain. The point I want to get at --at 3:40 am -- just know that it's all going to be okay, and to keep living your life to the fullest. It's easy to dwell on the past, but just keep looking forward.

- Be proud of what you've accomplished! You've done so much! Things aren't always going to work out, and I know you know that. And mental health makes that reality so much more difficult. I get it. Always remember that you are strong, smart, beautiful, and capable of so much. Remember to take care of yourself. Remember that you aren't alone. Remember that it's okay to be in the dark. Remember that there will always be a light for you somewhere.

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I read these messages as I was getting ready to leave for a job interview, and I honestly had to save the rest for later because I started to get way too emotional. I am honestly so touched that you took the time to write all of this out. You fucking GET this pain, and I appreciate you reaching out and telling me of your own experience. This pain is something not tangible, but it has such a dominant presence. I could be watching a movie, or looking out of my window as the rain is coming down, and all my mind thinks of is, “Wow, I wish he were here/I wish I could tell him about this/I wish he could see what I’m seeing.” It’s like I still want to share all of the good moments with him. I long for that closeness. I didn’t really believe I could fall in love until I met him.. I always thought it was some far away fantasy that other people could experience, but not me. Because maybe I didn’t deserve it, or maybe there’d always be someone better than me. 

But when he came along, everything changed. But I have to stop myself in my tracks when I talk about him, because I reflect on the positive times, and ONLY those. Sometimes I have to take a step back and have a reality check because the good times honestly didn’t outweigh the bad ones towards the end. There was so much blame, so much controlling, so many accusations. The lack of trust was unbelievable. I loved him, trusted him with everything, but for me, I was apparently always scheming to do something behind his back. He had serious trust problems. I tried to work with him on them for some time, but once they began being targeted directly at me, I just took the blows as they came. Because I loved him, and I thought that was normal.

I didn’t realize what I was experiencing was manipulation/some extent of emotional abuse. I actually recently had a conversation with a close friend of mine about this, and she put into perspective what was happening.

What I felt for him was real. I fucking loved him with everything - in any way I knew how. I’m not a touchy/feely person, but god I would show him so much affection because I KNEW that was the way he felt most cared about. I stepped outside of so many of my comfort zones because I wanted him to know that I cared - that I loved him - that I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt him. I just wanted my freedom. But apparently my freedom was either me A) cheating B) talking to guys, or C) going behind his back and lying about what I had done. Which was seriously never the case. I told him everything, but of course, there was still something that I was hiding. There just had to be.

So he’d go through my phone. He’d interrogate me when I stepped out of his sight for five minutes. I remember once at the gym, I went downstairs to the ladies locker room. When I walked back upstairs, he asked me “what guy I had just been with.” He was dead set on making his biggest fear come true. Of course, it never did. But he did manage to push me very far away.

One of the final straws was when I decided I was going to do a nude photoshoot. He knew about my struggles with BDD and self image, and I tried explaining how much this meant to me. But because it was with a male photographer, I was obviously going to fuck him, because of course, it’s not a professional atmosphere. It’s not like we both take our roles seriously or anything like that. So, to prove to him that it was, in fact NOT like that, I told him he could absolutely come with me. I actually encouraged him to. It was a really, really big deal for me. But his final answer came down to this: If I went ahead and did the shoot, our relationship would be over. Not too long after that, he went back to Cali, blah blah blah, we broke up, and I never did the shoot.

BUT. The end of our relationship opened up a fucking wall of freedom for me. Everything I wanted to do but felt I wasn’t allowed/couldn’t do, I did. I applied for SuicideGirls. I dyed my hair. Got the tattoos I wanted. Started hanging out with friends again. Reconnected with my old guy friends who I was forced to stop talking to for so long. Literally my entire life bloomed once I realized how much I was being held back.

I could go on forever about this aspect - the aspect I tend to overlook the most. Because I loved him, I hazed over the red flags. I pretended as though they weren’t there. Of course I wasn’t perfect by any means, and I’m sure he’d have things to say about me as well. But once you realize that your SO is holding you back from living your life - from doing what YOU want to do with YOUR body - i.e. wearing winged eyeliner, wearing the clothes you want to wear, dying your hair, tattoos, piercings, taking photographs, etc. - from hanging out with your long-term friends because there “might” be guys there, and god forbid my eyes ever land upon another male, because that was the end of the fucking world - you start to realize that maybe things weren’t as peachy as you remembered them being. 

Sometimes my mind just completely blocks out all of the bad stuff that happened and puts a spotlight on the tender moments... the first time we said our ‘I love you’s’ to sharing milkshakes in Denny’s. Shit like that is what rips me up and spits me out. But I have to remind myself that he was toxic towards me... that yes, he may have loved me, but it wasn’t healthy. And I do deserve something healthy in the future.

When I went back to California about eight months ago to work things out with him, he made me believe we would be getting back together. We could get our own little apartment, I’d transfer my (then) job to out there, blah blah blah. Two days, two motherfucking days, before the end of my trip, he hung me out to dry. I gave him back the ring I wore on my finger during our entire relationship; his Irish wedding ring. When he dropped me off at the place I was staying, he drove away, and that was that. He texted me later that night to make sure I got in okay, and I quote him, told me to, “lose his number.” Which still feels like I’m being gutted every time I think about that because... how the hell do you say that to someone you cared about, or at least used to care about?

Anyways. Sorry for the massive rant, wah. I just needed to get that out. I needed to remind myself that what I’m missing were the early memories... not the nights where I’d wake up, alone, or the times where I was blamed and screamed at when I needed support and love. I just hope that he can get well, and that’s really fucking hard to say because I have such a resentment against him now, due to the fact that he never responded to me. Not a single word. But hey, maybe that’s a good thing. I’ve accepted that I won’t be hearing from him, and I’m dealing with it. 

Anyyywaaayyssssss, I really appreciate this message because you restored some of my hope in people again. I can’t put into words how grateful I am that you, whoever you are, messaged me. You reminded me that there are good people out there, and to be quite honest, part of me had forgotten that. I’m sending you so much love, so many hugs, and so many good thoughts. I hope your heart can fully heal, because you clearly are an amazing person and only deserve the most sincere, passionate love. 

Thank you again.. I could seriously say that a million times. Thank you. I was really fucking low, and you helped turn things around for me. You’re wonderful, and if you ever need anything at ALL, you know where to find me.