#you're not a bad person btw if you're brain cannot afford emotions at times or at all

[blacknidstang]

Every damn time it drives me insane how soulless sam reminds me of dissociative episodes after some very very emotionally taxing period. Like there are times i wake up and i feel like a clone of myself, i know my past self, i know i had emotions, i know i felt things but at that moment all of these feel so so far away and so alien. That complete drainage, the way your brain just shuts all sorts of feelings down. It was so scary when i became aware of that at one point bc how do you go from feeling so intensely to this? It's almost like you really are no longer the real you.

I know sam's soul is practically still in hell & soulless is simultaneously wondering the earth but to me this will always be a metaphor for post traumatic experience/emotionally intense dissociation. Like even not considering hell itself, s5 sam was the most miserable broken state already. Boy i sure would stop feeling anything at all anymore after that. Anyway i am no professional in that field but that's how i see it based on very personal experiences