#you'll want him to finally warm up but he's a cold blooded moron

[morgana-ren]

What are some things that Ilya is willing to compromise on if his darling is able to convey that she’s hurting because of him (obviously) but also stopping his own chance for happiness?

Well, there's a lot to try and compromise on. There's his obvious sadism, but truthfully, that will (sort of) decline with time-- insofar as that he won't seriously hurt you for his own amusement. Not like he's stabbing you in the gut or anything, but uh-- you know.

Horrible things get him off, same as most of the lads. He doesn't care much for consent or boundaries. He enjoys crying and begging. He wants to be the one in power and is willing to do terrible things to keep that power. He likes bruises and blood and all sorts of degenerate shit. But same as with Nighty and Reaves and the rest of the lads, the more he cares, the softer he becomes. Horrid shit still gets him off, yes, but there will be a little more give and take.

Ilya is fully willing and capable of giving pleasure -- more so than Nighty, actually -- and you'll notice a difference. He won't do it just to fuck with you. He will do it because he wants to.

The biggest issue is his emotional unavailability, honestly. Even more than his sadism.

Ilya is cold, cool, and calculated. He was raised very differently, and even his ideas of ideal love are challenged in his own mind. It's remarkably hard for him to be available in any capacity that would be expected from an actual lover. He never had a good frame of reference. He watched his mama play his father like a puppet on a string. He watched his father be distant and cold to all his children and wives. He has nothing good to draw on when it comes to love.

He's never been emotionally vulnerable before. He's never shown that he cared or put himself in a position where he might be rejected. He took what he wanted and walked away when he didn't anymore.

When you choose to be with him, no matter how you may have started, you'll notice that he's quite.. distant. He always has this aura of aloofness. It might've been a relief at first, but when you're trying to break through to him? Not so great. His demeanor is always very chilled, and calm, and almost creepy. No matter how upset you might get, he's just going to blink snake-like eyes at you slowly, and occasionally give you an absolutely infuriating small smile. He will shrug you off while lounging in a chair like the king of fucking England, and it will feel like you are talking to a pretty wall.

The hard part is he does love, and he can care so much. But he literally has no idea how to show it. He is the literal emotional embodiment of a shrug and a chuckle.

When he thinks he's losing you, he will simply coil tighter around you. Remember, leaving isn't an option. His first line of thought isn't 'Oh hells, I'm doing something wrong.' It's 'They aren't going anywhere.'

But if you level with him and tell him that this (being his invulnerability, and not just his presence) is hurting you, it's going to... confuse him. He literally won't realize what he's doing or what is happening.

Ilya has... issues. He has anger issues, abandonment issues, basically there's a list. How he copes with those issues is by keeping a tyrannical rein-in on his emotions. What that means is no vulnerability. No shows of love outside of small, distant gestures like gifts, nothing real. Because if it's real, he has to work at it. Because if it's real, that means he can lose it.

Look, he's a broken basketcase to be sure. But with a lot of patience (and I do mean a lot of patience) you can make him realize that if he wants a real love, he has to fucking earn that by being in a real love. He can't separate himself from it and still have what he wants. Even if you ignore it and pretend it doesn't bother you, he's eventually going to catch on that something isn't right.

I hate to say it, but basically, he is going to have to be fixed, and even then, he is still going to be busted as fuck. You can take his hand and lead him through it, if you know how to. You're going to have to make him understand that he cannot have the benefits of vulnerability without being vulnerable. If he wants love and a family, he has to let his guard down. He has to be willing to grieve, and hurt, and feel.

And feeling is what he avoids most in the world. Even when he is feeling.