#you'll never guess who had to defend himself in court and what the charges were!

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[ma-gic-gay]

Knock Before Entering

If Chase had simply knocked before he went in that room, there would be nowhere near as much awkward tension right now between the three of them.

But alas, he hadn't knocked and they were all in an uncomfortable position.

Let's set the scene: Just an hour ago, Michael and Willow had made their marriage official. In Wiley's playroom they were supposed to be painting stars on the ceiling in so their son could have stars to see when he was an astronaut. He was going to be one when he grew up and so they had begun painting them when the annulment papers had came in.

Instead of annulling their marriage, however, they'd finally said everything they felt about each other to each other- and acted on it. Several times.

They'd decided to go again and were making out like fifteen year olds when Chase barged into the room.

The mood had never been killed quicker.

Glaring at Chase, Michael and Willow threw on their shirts and tried to look somewhat presentable as Chase was standing there awkwardly, looking at everything but the sight in front of him. Willow blushes a deep red color, more embarrassed than upset. For her especially, this is an awkward situation.

When everyone's fully dressed, she excuses herself to go find Wiley. As she leaves, Michael's glare returns, as well as his bulging neck veins. "You wanna explain what you're doing here right now?"

"Brook Lynn and I made a deal where if she and Ned talked, I'd talk to Willow," Chase explains, clearly digging himself deeper and deeper into the hole he's created.

"Why are you and Brook Lynn making deals? And what do you have to say to Willow?" Michael asks.

"We're friends. For God's sakes, she's living on my couch! So, since we both have things we don't want to do but should, we made this deal. She tries to work things out with her dad and I tell her how I feel."

Confused, Michael asks, "What do you feel for my cousin that involves Willow?"

"No, not Brook Lynn. She's great, and very interesting, but I don't feel that way about her. We're just friends, nothing more. The deal was I tell Willow what I feel for her. Willow, she told me you two were getting an annulment so I thought it was my final chance to tell her how I feel about her."

Taking a deep breath, Michael asks, "And what do you feel for my wife, Chase? Please, tell me. I'm dying to know. I'm dying to know how you feel about her."

Chase can sense the anger in his tone as he says, "I love her. I-I know what you two-"

"You cheated on her with Sasha. The two of you broke our hearts when you did that, and I don't think you can say you love her if you can have an affair. I get that your conscience might not have let you date Sasha afterwards, but you still managed to cheat on her while you were supposedly in love with her. It's been months Chase, months since the affair," Michael reminds him. "So don't tell me you love her when you broke her heart and didn't care about that. Don't you dare do that."

"I didn't have an affair with Sasha! We faked it for the custody case, so you two would get married and keep Wiley safe from Janelle and her manipulations," Chase exclaims loudly.

Suddenly, everything comes to a halting stop. How loud was he, could Willow hear? Could Brook Lynn hear? What had he just said? The affair was fake?

Willow walks back into the room, confused. "What did you just say?"

"Willow, I love you. Sasha and I never cheated on you and Michael, we made up the affair because you two needed to get married for Wiley's sake. Now that you're getting annulled, I thought this would be my last chance to tell you that I love you and I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you. I need you to know that I still love you." The look on Chase's face is one of anxiety, but it's obvious he's telling the truth.

"You two were making out on a couch! That's still cheating, you just didn't have sex. Do you want an award? Some applause? Chase, you broke my heart. You broke Michael's heart. I've moved on and I don't love you anymore. It's best you move on too," Willow explains to him.

Brook Lynn opens the door, seeing the three of them in an awkward conversation. "We heard yelling from Chase and it was decided I'd be the best to come up here and figure out what's happening."

Angry, hurt, and annoyed, Chase kisses the Quartermaine girl intensely. Is he using her? Only slightly. The kiss feels right though, and so they pull away moments later breathless. Neither were expecting that to be... That. For a first kiss, it was a solid 10/10.

Anger fuels through Michael as his cousin actually kisses him back. "What the fuck are you two doing? Chase, you love Willow but somehow you're making out with her? You can't make a decision for the life of yourself. When you chose to play god with all of our lives, you knew what you were doing. And now you don't want to deal with the consequences of your own actions."

"Michael! I'm an adult, I can take care of myself. Look, I'm fine, alright? That was the first time him and I did that," Brook Lynn reassures him and his breathing calms slightly.

There's a pause before Michael's anger at Chase continues to spew, uncontrollable. "I can't believe you! Saying you're in love with my wife one minute and the next you're making out with my cousin. Brook Lynn, I trust you can take care of yourself, and I trust you told the truth. But Chase, how can you do that? How can you break someone's heart and then say, months later, that you love her? Tell me, please. I'm begging to know. Maybe I can break someone's heart who doesn't deserve it like you did!'"

"Look, let's all take a deep breath before we do anything we're going to regret," Willow suggests, bringing Michael back to reality: they're still in the playroom, trying to solve a problem. With annulment papers conveniently somewhere around here if they so choose to get them and sign.

After that momentarily breather for everyone, Chase says, "I do love Willow, and I think you might love Sasha still, Michael. Things could go-"

As he says that, Michael can't hold back and, neck veins bulging, punches Chase. It's a good punch, one Jason taught him to throw years ago. There are perks to having your mother's best friend being a hitman and your father being in the mob, and one is punching lessons. Well, really more self defense lessons, but still. It's a perk to growing up in dysfunction.

Chase and him fist fight for several minutes to the protests of Willow and Brook Lynn, who both were trying to stop it. But alas, nothing can stop two angry men from fist fighting each other like 12 year olds over an XBOX.

They finally stop the fight, both having taken good punches and thrown good ones. Fury burns in Chase's eyes as shame fills Michael. He let his temper get the best of him and this happened. "Look man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown that punch and started that-"

The detective throws another punch, this time leaving a bloody lip. "Damn right you shouldn't have. But now, you're going to be arrested for assault."

"You do not want to arrest him. Arrest me," Brook Lynn suggests.

"As much as I'd like to, Brook Lynn, you don't have any grounds for arrest at the moment and he does," Chase reminds her.

"Chase, please don't do this. At the very least, let me take care of his bloody lip," Willow begs and Dante walks into the room.

Whistling, Dante says, "What the fuck happened in here? It smells like sex and Michael's got a bloody lip and Chase has what looks like a bruised forehead. Is this some weird sex thing I don't know about because if so I feel like it's illegal."

"Do not start that conversation or there will be more blood," Brook Lynn warns him. "But currently all I know is Chase told Willow how he feels and Michael punched him when he said that she still loved him and he still loved Sasha. But I'm guessing that the sex thing came from Michael and Willow, so I'm pretty sure that's actually encouraged in most religions. Also Chase made out with me."

"How much did I miss? But Detective, arresting him is a shoddy at best move. Trust me, I was with the police department for a while." Dante chuckles.

"Thank you for your input Dante, but I'm going to go and bring Michael to the station," Chase says before reciting the Miranda rights to him. "If you don't want him to be in jail tonight, I suggest you go to the police station."

"I feel like this is harassment and that that's how the commissioner will see this as well," Dante informs him.

But the protests of his family don't have any meaning as Chase handcuffs him and he's dragged out to the police car, absolutely silent while everyone sees him being arrested by his former best friend.

An hour later, Diane's there and clearly displeased with him. "Michael. I would expect this behavior from, say, Jason or Carly. They've actually both been in a situation like this at one point. Irony's a beautiful thing. That's not the point. You are supposed to be the good one! Not the one fist fighting people with no real reason except you're mad they're in love with your wife!"

"I know, I know. I overreacted to it and I'm sorry for that and I let my anger get the best of me which I shouldn't have and I feel like hell but it was so great finally punching him. But, in my defense, he also said false things that we'd already said we're false and made out with Brook Lynn after insisting they were just friends. And he gave me a bloody lip, so I'd say we're even," Michael struggles to defend himself. "Is it still bloody?"

"Yes, it's still bleeding. Carly, Sonny, and Jason have been made aware you're here, and I'm sure that you and Chase have very different sides to the story but, provided he drops the charges, you'll be let free. If he doesn't, someone will need to post bail money for you and this petty case will be taken to court."

Chase walks back into the interrogation room. "Michael, I think we can make an agreement. I'll drop the charges if you and Willow get annulled."

Diane steps in, chuckling. "This form of agreement seems harassing, as does the proposition in question. Detective, I understand you decided to arrest him on the grounds of assault but a jury or the commissioner will just see this as you harassing my client. Additionally, the annulment papers were received by them today."

"Diane, we're not getting annulled. We, uh, we decided we're staying together. Chase, he walked in when we were making out and then told us he'd lied about the affair and that he still loves Willow and so Brook Lynn came upstairs to figure out what was happening and he made out with her and I asked him how he could do that and he insinuated several things about my love life so I punched him, not hard, and he fought back so we had a minor fist fight and then I apologized for throwing the first punch because that wasn't smart or productive and he gave me a cat lip," Michael explains.

"Detective, I strongly advise you stop harassing Mr. Corinthos here because that's what it looks like to me. Willow can make her own decisions, that's her choice who she wants to be with. She is not to be sold as property."

Chase, exhaling, says, "You're right. I shouldn't have arrested him in the first place, and I'll drop the charges, but someone does still need to bail him out."

"What is bail set at?" Diane asks, smiling.

"$500. I'll alert his family, which is loudly congregated out there," Chase says, standing up from the table.

"Thank you," Michael smiles.

As Chase leaves, Diane's smirk widens. "What's this I hear about no annulment? Did your grounds for it become, how shall I say this, void?"

"Well, the Quartermaine's already know, why not you. Yes, we did decide not to get annulled. It isn't something either of us want, so sorry for wasting your time."

"It's your private life so I'm not going to dig into it, Michael, but for what it's worth, I wish you and Willow the best on your marriage. Trust me, she's probably the only woman who both of your families will agree is good for you and who can deal with the chaos that is your life."

"Thanks, I think," Michael chuckles as she leaves and he finds out his bail has been posted and gets uncuffed.

He walks out of the room, embarrassed but fine minus the bloody lip, and sees that there's a good fifteen people out there for him; Carly, who's pacing and talking to Jason very loudly, Jason, who's remind her they're at a police station, Willow, who's trying to just ignore the situation, Brook Lynn, who's harassing Chase about how he acted, Dante, who's smirking about everything that's happened, Wiley, who clearly isn't comfortable with this situation, Sonny, who's just scrolling through his phone, Diane, who's discussing something with a disinterested Sonny. Dysfunction at it's finest.

Willow looks up and sees he's there and runs up to hug her husband. "You're okay? Your lip's not bleeding, but are you sure you're okay and we don't need to go to the hospital right now to get you checked out?"

Chuckling, Michael says, "Willow. Look at me. I am fine. Trust me, I've been through worse than my busted lip and soreness. You have absolutely no reason to worry."

"You were arrested! For punching him over me! I feel like there was plenty of reason for me to worry and be upset," she smiles.

"Well, I promise you, I am fine and don't need to go to the hospital. Your overreaction is, though adorable, unnecessary right now. I'm fine, Wiley's fine, you're fine, and that's all that matters," Michael assures her.

Smiling, she quickly kisses him which is convenient seen by everyone there. "Promise on your life?"

"That's a bit extreme."

"Then you're going to the hospital," she declares as Carly and the adults are laughing. "What's so funny?"

"How casually you two just kissed. Yesterday, you were getting an annulment and today there's this. We clearly need to be caught up on what happened. Besides, your concern is just so much like a wife, you two really are married now," Carly laughs.

"I'm still making him get checked out at the hospital. Would any of you like to join me?" Willow asks, earning another chuckle from them.

"Sure, why not?" Dante chuckles as the rest of them minus Brook Lynn agree to join; she's doing a thing she does where she just stares blankly while you talk so you can't see her emotion with Chase.

"You are way too worried about me," Michael protests.

"You wouldn't swear on your life."

"You're lucky you're my wife."

"I am," she agrees as they walk out, him kissing her forehead. "And you're lucky I'm your wife."

"That I most certainly am."

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