#you wouldn’t believe the amount of time i��ve spent thinking about them over the past week

[talpup]

Lost Song:10

Summary: The war between the Dragons and Griffons ended 233 years ago, and both races right along with it.

Or so it was believed. There are three individuals that will soon change that.

Kai is the last of the Dragons and he seeks to take what he sees as his rightful place and rule over all of Oblvi. Meanwhile, Shouta, the last Sphinx, wants nothing more than to do his job; keep the peace and and teach the young Fourth’s to hopefully avoid the mistakes of their ancestors. And Teris, a Foundling who is just trying to understand and survive in this strange new world that is supposedly her own.

All three have their own wants and desires, but Kai’s plans, Teris’ existence, and Shouta's past mean that none of them may get what they want.

This fic is rated explicit and has warnings of sex, violence, and other possible triggers.  For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

Notes: Flashbacks/memories are in italics. I decided to give Pops a name.  Ryuu.  For those of you who haven't read BNHA Vigilantes.  His Purple Highness is a character from there.

10.1

Shouta entered the library of his Ilca dorm carrying a stack of essay’s to grade.  His student's complained every time he assigned them homework.  As if they alone suffered.  If anything, they had it easy.  They only had to write a single paper.  Where as he had to grade them all. He set down the pile and frowned at the top page. ...And try to decipher Kaminari’s handwriting, he thought with a tired sigh.

Shouta shuffled the Venti-High Elf’s essay with its chaotic scrawl to the bottom of the pile and sat down. At least he had the next few nights off from patrol.  Though it was doubtful he would get any rest from the time off. Not with members of the Council arriving and the truth of Teris being a griffon needing to be guarded.  If anything, he’d probably get even less sleep than usual.

The thought of Teris had Shouta reaching into his pants pocket in search of the item he had been carrying around for two days.  His hesitance was illogical and had to end. With Elders of the Council arriving later this evening, he could no longer stall.  He had to give Teris the gift today.

A soft humming growl reverberated in Shouta’s chest.  Not gift, he corrected himself. Why did he keep on thinking of the thing as a gift?

He growled again at the other, far more crucial failing on his part. With the Council Elders arriving this evening, Shouta should've given the thing to Teris this morning.  But the infuriating woman had had been spoiling for a fight.  And with the little sleep he had invaded by dreams of her.  Shouta, in his irritation, had given in and snapped back. Because of that he had held off giving Teris the bracelet. He couldn’t say why, but he didn’t want to give her the gift in anger.  It’s not a gift, Shouta told himself inner voice stern in it’s scolding. It’s a necessary thing for her protection.

Shouta entered Nedzu’s office.  “You wanted to see me.”

“Yes. Please come in and have a seat. We have a concerning issue.  Tea?” The Director of Traverseen Hall offered.

Shouta sat before the Hybrid’s desk and shook his head.  When Nedzu didn’t even make himself a cup, Shouta realized just how serious the matter was.

“I’ve been informed that some Elders of the Council will be coming to Traverseen Hall.  They wish to see the Foundling’s.”  Nedzu said.

The heckles on the back of Shouta’s neck rose in protective aggression and worry. “Teris…  There a those on the Council that will know her for a griffon at first scent.”

Nedzu nodded.  “I’m aware.  It’s not an easy thing to tell a Fourth's species by scent alone, especially when both parties are in human form.  But there are those on the Council who were high ranking in the Griffon Court and dealt with griffons often and closely enough to know Teris is one at first whiff.  While a few others would be able to do the same, having specialized in hunting and stalking out griffon locations for the dragons. If one such Elder is part of the group that’s coming.  I fear there is little we could do to stop them from taking Teris before the panel.  And we both know what that would mean.”

Shouta's chin ducked, teeth baring in a snarl that was hidden by his capture weapon.  Teris was his. He would end anyone who dared tried to take her from him.

Nedzu went on. “It’s why I called you here.  I’m aware the Dryad King found a small library of books near where he discovered you.  And that he kept those books secret from the Council, gifting them to you as your inheritance as the last Sphinx. I was hoping somewhere in that small portion of what remained of the vast stores of Sphinx knowledge is something that could assist us in this.”

Shouta had barely been able to focus on teaching his class that day.  When the school day finally ended he had filed out quicker than his student's.  He had missed dinner and evening lesson with Hizashi and Teris. Having called in a favor with Nemuri to cover his patrol, Shouta had spent a sleepless night locked in his chambers scouring the books in his personal armory for something to help. An hour before sunrise, he had found a solution.  If he combined a specifically forged charm and overlayed a certain spell on it…  The following night had been another sleepless one.

An echoing clang of metal hitting metal sounded from deep within the bowels of Traverseen Hall.  Even in the middle of winter the furnace room was as hot and sweltering as hell.  The place was windowless and dark.  The sole light of the furnace fire throwing long flickering shadows.

Tired and slick with sweat, Shouta set down the hammer and examined the layered mix of salted iron and shining silver.  He pushed back his plastered hair and wiped the sweat from his brow with a leather gloved hand. One more turn in the fire and a few more hits of the hammer, and the charm would be complete.

The cuff bracelet he was making could've been made from of any metal.  It definitely would've been easier and far quicker if he opted not to blend two separate metals.  But given the dangers Teris would face on the patrols she and Hizashi would go on with him, Shouta found it illogical to waste the opportunity to add other layers of protection.

Sweat rolling down his bare chest, Shouta smiled, pleased with how the gift was turning out. He frown at the cuff. Why did he keep thinking of it as a gift?  It wasn’t a gift.  It was a necessity.  He wasn’t doing this to court Teris. He was doing it because the Council was coming and Teris needed protection from being sniffed out as a griffon.  Him making this thing had nothing to do with his care for her.  He had no care for her. The only reason he was doing this was because it was his responsibility as Ilca leader to see both Teris and Hizashi protected.

Shouta didn’t dare ask himself if he would’ve put the same amount of time and effort into making the item look perfect and pleasing if it were for Hizashi's protection instead of Teris’.  Shouta did his best not to examine his thoughts where Teris was concerned. Why would he?  Teris was an annoyance he’d rather not think about at all.

Black pants hanging low on his hips, Shouta stepped back to the fire.  It was cathartic to thrust the confounded item he kept thinking of as a gift into the blaze.

Humans might’ve needed protection against the furnaces heat and sparks.  But even in human form Shouta didn’t have to worry about such things.  The only thing he had to worry about was getting this right the first time.  While he had enough material in the stores of his personal armory to make the gift.  He only had enough for one attempt.

Shouta turned the long tongs, evenly heating the salted iron and sliver.  More strands of inky black hair fell from the messy bun.  The escaped dark waves clung to his face and neck. Sweat sizzled on his body and evaporated.  It rolled down his chest and pooled in his navel then continued on and caught in the dark trail of hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his pants.

Thoroughly heated, Shouta pulled the red hot metal from the flame and returned it to the anvil.  The firelight highlighted the rolling muscles of Shouta's back as he took up the hammer and lifted it.  He brought it down with a clank and mass of sparks.

With the charm forged he now had to place the overlaying spell on it.  But something made him pause.  The charmed bracelet would muddle the scent of the wearer’s species.  While the spell would stop the charm from interfering with the wearer’s personal scent.  It meant that Teris would still smell like herself; but she wouldn’t smell like a griffon.  But what if one of the coming Council members were so familiar with griffons that muddling the smell of Teris’ species wasn’t enough?

If he added a few strands from his mane.  No.  The underlying scent of a Fourth’s species became stronger and much more prominent in their true form.  Such a powerful scent of hereditary marker would garner attention in itself.  But if he were to add some hair from his human form, the charmed bracelet would carry and muddle his species scent along with Teris’.

Shouta hummed, pleased at the thought of Teris having a part of him so close. He frowned.  What kind of silly youngling thought was that?  Why would he even want Teris to keep a part of him close when he couldn’t stand and didn’t want to be near her?  Growling, Shouta blamed his exhaustion. He rubbed his tired eyes and read over the instructions for making the charm to be sure the addition of his hair would work.  Satisfied that it would, he pulled the tie holding his hair back.  The dark, sweat drenched locks fell with a plop.

He smirked at the thought of how Teris would react if she knew she would be wearing his unwashed hair around her wrist.  But it was more than a petty vengeance.  His beastly scent would be more potent this way.

Shouta reached up and sectioned out a bit of hair from the nape of his neck.  Mind wandering back to the thought of Teris keeping a part of him close, Shouta carefully braided the strands unaware of the smile that crept onto his face.

Shouta stared down at the bracelet in his hand.  Like all creators he easily picked out every minute flaw in his creation. Even though he had been careful in braiding, and selected the best portion of the strand to use. His critical eye found the braid sloppy. It’s weave marginally tighter at one end of the cuff and looser at the other.

At least he had done a bit better with the actual metal work.  The layers sandwiched silver and salted iron so thin a Fourth would have to be in their true form and squinting to see them.  The cuff looked like one solid piece.  The salted iron giving it a charcoal color.  While the silver gave it a sheen.  His braided hair looked like a decorative black metal detail. And with the charm finished, its spell set in place, it may as well have been.  Even in their true form, only a small handful of Fourth's would be able to see it as the hair it truly was.

Shouta ran a calloused thumb over the bracelet.  He wondered if Teris would like it.  The clock in the great room chimed the hour.  Teris would soon be returning from her lessons with Kai.  A slight nervous excitement bubbled up inside him.  He scolded himself.  This wasn't a courting gift.  It was something he had to do protect Teris from the Council.

What if she did more than not like it?  What if Teris rejected it?  Maybe he should have Hizashi give it to her.  Teris would surely be more accepting of the bracelet if given from Hizashi instead of him.  A low growl rumbled in Shouta’s chest at the thought of Hizashi giving Teris the gift he had worked so hard on.

Shouta stared at the bracelet and sighed. Truth is getting harder and harder to ignore, he thought.  He shook his head and told himself to shut up.

It’s an illogical waste of time and energy to continue attempting to deny the truth, his inner voice continued.  You’ll have to face the fact of it sooner or later.  Why this stubborn insistence on delaying the inevitable?

I don’t know what you’re talking about, Shouta told himself.

Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.  Just admit that you want her, his voice of reason sounded. This blatant denial of facts is childish and doesn’t suit you.

I don’t want her.  I can barely stand her, Shouta argued with himself.

Then why worry if she’ll like the cuff and accept it?

You’re right, he told himself. It’s a necessity not a gift.  As her Ilca leader, I’ll simply order Teris to wear the thing.

That’ll certainly warm her to you and win her favor, his inner voice taunted.

What do I care if Teris warms to me, he thought.

You did proposition her with seeking release, he told himself.

That was simply so I wouldn’t have to go to Nemuri.  It’s not like I asked Teris to mate or be companions, he reasoned.

You wanted to though, his voice of reason pressed.

No. I didn’t, Shouta thought getting annoyed with himself.

You were disappointed when Teris turned down your offer of release.

Release, he thought. There’s no feelings involved with that.

There can be, his rational side argued.

Yeah, well, there wouldn’t have been if Teris accepted, he told himself.

You should ask her again, he thought. With her around you’ll be needing release more often.  You need it now. No doubt she’s needs it too.  Maybe after you give her this gift…

The main door to the dorm opened drawing Shouta’s attention and ending his inner argument. He rose to his feet and exited the library.  The sight of Teris made him pause.  She was beautiful.  Lips slightly swollen and redder than usual.  The ends of her hair damp and wetting her shirt.  Wait… The smell of sex carried across the great room and assaulted his nose.

Shouta growled, heckles rising.  The light excitement he had felt upon seeing Teris darkened and disappeared. His heart clenched. Chest aching as if physically wounded.  Incisors lengthening Shouta pressed teeth painfully together, trying to get himself under control.  The image of biting down and ripping Kai’s throat out danced in his mind along with other far less desirable scenes of Teris and Kai together.

A faint burning red mixed and tinted his charcoal colored eyes. He was kill the Dragon for taking what was his.

She’s not yours, his inner voice of reason taunted. You don’t even want her.  Remember?

Right, Shouta gruffly thought.  He had no interest in Teris.  No desire to take and claim her and make her his.  She was free to seek release with whomever she pleased.  The only reason it mattered to him was because Teris was a griffon and Kai a dragon.  That was why he was upset.  No.  Not even upset.  Just concerned.  As Teris’ Ilca leader, it was his duty to protect her.  And Teris had just unknowingly put herself in further danger by seeking release with Kai.

Teris’ nerves were still on edge from the encounter with the red winged man.  Relief instantly filled her at the sight of Shouta.  His presence alone made her feel safe and secure.  Shouta would know what to do and how to deal the winged man.

Teris rushed across the room to him.  “Shouta--”

Shouta stepped back with a hard blowing exhale.  The smell of sex and Kai on her was too much to handle. He couldn’t bare it.  He shoved the bracelet at her, letting go without a care if Teris had a grasp on it or not.  “For you.”

Teris fumbled with the item thrust at her.  She didn’t even look at it.  “Okay. But first--”

Shouta made his way to the still open door.  He needed to get away from the stench of Kai and sex on her.

“Shouta! Where are you going?  I need--”

“I don’t care what you need.  Either deal with it yourself.  Or wait till I get back.”

Teris stared after him, hurt and angry by his dismissal.  She wanted to ask when he’d be back.  Wanted to yell and demand he stay and listen.

Shouta slammed the door behind him.

Teris jumped, startled by the resounded sound.  Left alone with her worry and growing anger.

10.2

Even after a long hot shower Kai was still upset he hadn’t been able to bring Teris back to his rooms and properly tend to her. Though she had assured him she was fine with a quick cleansing dip in the hot springs, he had wanted. Needed. To do more. It was his own propensity for cleanliness, mixed with the instinct to care for his chosen mate that had left him angry and distressed about his inability to properly tend to her.

Next time, Kai thought as he buttoned up his shirt. Next time he would show Teris what a good, caring attentive mate he would make her.

His cock stirred at the memory of Teris beneath him.  The feel of her tight silken heat was something he would never forget and couldn’t wait to feel again. His eyes closed remembering the way she had moaned and cried out his name.  He frowned recalling how she hadn’t been blushing or nervous at the start. Even in the heat of the moment with beastly instincts running high from the chase Teris hadn’t behaved like a virgin.

A growl bubbled in his chest. It was cut short by a knock at his chambers door.

“Enter.” Kai called, tightening his tie in place.

The door opened revealing Hari.  “Master Ryuu has been seen on his way.  He will be here shortly.”

“All work has been stopped?”  Kai questioned, wanting to make sure.

Hari nodded.  “All work ended late last night, just as you ordered.  The Ilca has informed your followers to cease and conceal all doings until they have been told it is safe to begin again.”

“Good.” Much as Kai hated having to pause his efforts to reclaim the lost Dragon throne. Continuing them while members of the Council were here would be reckless and foolish. Especially when one of the visiting Council members was the man that had found his egg and raised him.

Kai exited his room and walked down the long hall. Hari turned and followed a respectful half-step behind the Dragon.

“I hope it’s alright.  I took it upon myself to order the Ilca to busy themselves elsewhere this evening.” Hari said.

“Excellent. There’s no reason for them to meet Ryuu anyway.”  Kai’s eyes slid to Hari.  “Though if they do happen to find themselves in his presence they are to show him every level of respect.”

Hari nodded.  “Of course, Sir.  Master Ryuu is the reason you are here to give us purpose and hope.  He deserves the utmost respect for that.  I will make sure the Ilca knows it.”

“He’s a kind man who might suggest you stay with us.  But we both know you have work to do.  So after I introduce you, take your leave.  Understood.”

“Yes, Sir.”

A knock on the door sounded just as they reached the great room.  Hari quickened his steps to answer.

“Master Ryuu.  It’s an honor.”  Hari bowed.  “Please.  Come in.”

Ryuu looked about the Ilca dorm.  The space seemed to expand and contract, perspective changing in direct response to his focus. He had known Traverseen Hall had been built by some of the most powerful Dwarf clans a thousand or so years before the rise and rule of Dragons and Griffons.  But that didn’t make it any less impressive to finally see the ancient and powerful magic the place was imbued with.

“Do you ever walk around in your true form in here?” Ryuu questioned, a desire to try himself welling up.  As a  Tengu, his true forms size wasn’t hugely different from his human form. Still, to see and experience how the space altered to accommodate the change…

“That would be unseemly.  You raised me better than that.”  Kai said.

Ryuu’s eyes fixed and focused on the Dragon. A warm smile sprung to life.  “Kai. My boy.”  He looked the young Dragon over.  “Not such a boy anymore.  Look at you.”

Kai cleared his throat, glad for Hari’s preemptive removal of the rest of his Ilca.

Ryuu smirked and glanced out of the corner of his eye at Hari.  “I’ve embarrassed him.  He was never good with being fawned over.  Now praise.  That’s a different matter entirely.  Kai’s never had any issues with being told how smart and special he is.”

Hari ducked his head and looked away, uncomfortable.  He could feel Kai’s molten eyes on him.  Judging and waiting for reaction.

After a brief moment, Kai spoke.  “This is Hari.  My second.”

Well aware Kai was subtly telling him ‘enough’, Ryuu inclined his head.  “And I’m sure Kai’s told you all about me.”

Hari bowed again.  “Master Ryuu.  It is an honor.”

“You already said that my boy.  Are you looking to make this old Tengu blush?”

Kai felt the beginning of a growl at Ryuu’s informal address.  It didn’t matter whether Ryuu had called Hari ‘my boy’ because the Tengu already felt a warm favor toward him.  Or simply because Hari was introduced as his second.  Kai didn’t like it.  Ryuu was his mentor.  Hari his second.  His things didn’t converse or bond without his say.

Even though the Ilca dorm was empty save for them, Kai extended a hand toward one of the private sitting rooms.  “Shall we sit.”

Ryuu nodded and stepped in the direction Kai had gestured.  He stopped when Hari bowed and turned away.  “You’re not joining us?”

“He has work to do.”  Kai answered for him.

“Ah. Of that I am far too familiar with.  Even here work follows me.” Ryuu said, entering the sitting room.

Kai paused, respectfully waiting for the Tengu to sit first.  “If I may ask.  What brings you here?”

Ryuu’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.  “They didn’t tell you?”

Kai stared across the coffee table.  A tight tenuous smile graced his lips. “I am rarely told anything.”

Ryuu chest lifted and fell in a sad silent sigh.  He wasn’t some deluded old man that thought if people were more kind and welcoming Kai wouldn’t being looking to reclaim his throne. But he liked to believe that Kai would’ve softened and responded if he was treated with less guarded animosity simply for being a dragon.  And yes, Ryuu was aware of Kai’s plans to claim the lost dragon throne.  Even if Ryuu’s clan of spies hadn’t reported hearing such whispers.  He knew Kai too well having raised him.

“We are here to meet the Foundlings.”  Ryuu said, speaking of himself and the other Council members he arrived at Traverseen Hall with.

Kai blinked, pretending this was news.  Just because that Rat Director hadn’t informed him of anything didn’t mean his wasn’t fully aware of things.  He simply had wanted Ryuu to be the first to bring Teris up.

“I was charged with the females Foundling’s instruction.”  Kai said.

A proud smile tugged at Ryuu’s lips.  “So I’ve been told.  What can you tell me of her?”

Kai took in a breath, resting forearms on knees.

Ryuu’s sharp eyes narrowed slightly noting a subtle change in Kai’s expression.

“She’s smart.  Clever and capable.  Eager to learn and able to retain what she’s read or been told.”  Kai could go on forever talking about Teris’ desirable attributes.  But he didn’t want to appear like a lovesick fool.

“High praise coming from you.”  Ryuu commented.  And it was true.  Kai was a hard man to please.

Wanting his mentor to properly meet and get to know his chosen mate, Kai offered. “I’m sure you’ll be seeing her during tomorrow’s gathering.  But if you wish, I could have her join us for dinner tomorrow evening.”

Thinking of the reason he and the others were here, Ryuu nodded.  “I would like that.”

Kai inclined his head.  Glad to have his plans so easily set.  Now all he had to do was invite Teris who would surely and readily agree.

Oblvi Facts 1

(aka info dump cause I’m a lazy writer who’s not making the effort to fit this seamlessly into the fic)

A bit about Dryads:

Dryads of Oblvi were one of the first earth Spirits in existence.  Like Venti, they are elementals.  Though not the Elemental of earth.

They are ruled by either a king or queen.  Their current ruler, His Purple Highness, is also an Elder on the Council. His reign as King began 380yrs into the 867yrs Dragon-Griffon war.  And he has ruled as the Dryad King for a total of 711yrs.

Dryad’s do not mate/bond.  It is against their nature and something they are incapable of doing.  Occasionally Dryad’s will take on or become companions with one or more Fourth’s.  But as a whole they simply seek and provide other Fourth's with release.  Unmated Fourth's or those lacking a companion will often seek a Dryad out for release.  Though not compelled by their nature or some order to accept a Fourth seeking release.  A Dryad will rarely, if ever, turn the seeking Fourth away.  Release/sex is not needed for a Dryad to live.  But it does provide many benefits to the Dryad, their home tree, and consequently surrounding flora.

A Dryad’s home tree is the tree they were born from.  It more than houses their soul.  It is their soul.  The only way a Dryad can be away from their home tree for more than a day is by taking and carrying a cutting of their home tree.  Even then, if the cutting were removed for whatever reason the Dryad would weaken, wither, and die sooner than the usual day they could survive away from their home tree. This is why the chosen Piece of Their Person for all Dryad’s is a cutting from their home tree.

Since a Dryad’s home tree is their soul, the physical and emotional state of a Dryad will effect their home tree.  This is most noticeable when having sex.  As a Dryad’s arousal heightens flower buds will appear on the cutting and home tree.  During the act, those buds will grow. Upon orgasm/release the buds will blossom and bloom.  The magic imbued within the pollen of a Dryad’s release will carry on the air and spawn a reaction in the surrounding plant life causing those plants to blossom and flower in kind.  While it’s not necessary for a Dryad’s sexual partner to orgasm for this to happen.  Their partner's release does strengthen the magic in their pollen thus creating and supporting further life in the area surrounding them and their home tree.

10.3

Along with her own personal quarters, Nemuri had a different set of chambers where she took Fourth's seeking release.  While she wouldn’t have minded allowing some of her regulars into her personal space.  Having separate rooms was all together easier for a number of reason.  Not the least of which was the feelings of one of her three companion's.

Poor Sekijiro. Tonight was suppose to be his night.  But when Shouta who rarely sought release and always scheduled appointment several days in advance had shown up without one, Nemuri couldn’t send her friend away.

Thankfully she had been the one to answer the door and had been able to tell Sekijiro of their evenings delay without Shouta hearing.  Cause let’s face it, Shouta had already been apologizing and trying to leave despite his clear need for release.

The Sphinx's level of control amazed her.  As a Beast still early in his prime one would've expected Shouta to come seeking release at least once a week if that little.  Yet it had been months since Shouta had last sought her out.  And she knew for a fact Shouta didn’t have agreement with anyone else to seek release from.

Speaking of agreements.  Along with scheduling before hand, despite Nemuri telling him it wasn’t necessary, Shouta had a list of set rules.  Lists of preferences or strict no’s were rather common. But Shouta's list was extensive.  Nemuri supposed it was part of Shouta's nature as a Sphinx to want to be prepared for every possible outcome.  Never mind his need for control as an apex alpha.

Despite one of his rules being no cuddling after, Shouta always provided other forms of aftercare.  It was an unnecessary thing.  And most who sought release didn’t do it.  If she needed tending after Nemuri had her companion's for that.  But whether it was because they were friend's.  Or Shouta was simply such a caring lover it bled through even in this professional setting of release. Shouta always asked if she needed anything.  If he had tied her up, his calloused hands would smooth over her body seeking out tense muscles or knots to message away.

Shouta hadn’t tied her up this time.  There had been no scene to lengthen his release.  There hadn’t even been much foreplay.  Not that Nemuri was complaining.  Shouta always satisfied. And tonight was no different.  Already having one orgasm, Nemuri was well on her way to a second.

Panting and sweating Nemuri's nails raked up Shouta's strong arms encouraging him along.  She delighted in the way his biceps quivered and rolled under her touch.  Shouta growled.  His powerful hands gripped her hips, holding her still.

The head of his cock hit that spot inside her. Nemuri threw her head back and moaned.  Her sensitive pussy clamping down around his thick pulsing length.

Shouta's hands tightened, fingers digging into Nemuri's flesh, adding a delicious pain to her pleasure. Nemuri moaned again.  Shouta’s betraying mind once again wondered what Teris would sound like.  His teeth scraped over and bit into his bottom lip wanting to bite at Teris’ tender flesh. He wanted to feel Teris dig her nails into him. Wanted to hear Teris moan and scream his name.  He would mark her and claim her as his.  Would feast on her lips and…

The cutting of Nemuri's home tree laid at the base of her throat jostling with Shouta's every hard, deep thrust. Three new dark purple buds sprung out near the already blossomed flowers.

“Fuck.” Shouta cursed, thrusts growing ragged and rougher.

Nemuri's back arched, pressing her breast into Shouta's large groping palm.  He tweaked and twisted her nipple.  She moaned again.  The coil within her tightened further making her vision go white.

Shouta's eyes squeezed further shut.  Teeth gritted, he shook his head.  It wasn’t working.  Why wasn’t it working?  Balls heavy and tight.  Cock throbbing and ready to burst.  He was so damn close to cumming.  But it wouldn’t happen. Why wouldn’t it happen?  Why couldn’t he cum?

Growling, Shouta stopped.

“Wha--” Dazed by her impending orgasm, Nemuri lifted her head.

“Sorry.” Shouta mumbled.

Despite the set rules Shouta had about no kissing or touching of the face or lips, Nemuri reached out to cup his handsome face.  It was an instinct born of desire to help her friend and happened without thought.

Shouta jerked his head back.  He grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. “What are you doing?”

“Taking care of you.”

Shouta let her go and pulled his cock out of her wet heat. He rose to his knees, chest rumbling with a noise of disapproval. Deep voice stern, Shouta shook his head. “No.  You know I’m not looking for connection or affection.  Merely release.  Nothing more.”

Arousal fading, the purple buds on Nemuri's piece withered and fell away leaving only the blossomed flowers from her first orgasm. “I’m well aware.  I just thought that with everything going on you might need something more to help you along.”

“Going against the boundaries I set isn’t going to make me less tired or distracted by the Council’s presence.”  Shouta said, face expressionless.

Nemuri blinked rapidly eyes rolling in her head. Is that the excuse he was going with?  They both knew full well him being tired and distracted had nothing to do with it. Still, he was right about her crossing a line.  It didn’t matter how pure or earnest her reasoning was.  It had been unprofessional and wrong.

“I’m sorry.  I overstepped. It won’t happen again.”  Nemuri said.

Shouta gave a curt nod of forgiveness, the matter over and forgotten the moment she said it wouldn’t happen again.

Nemuri propped herself up on elbows.  Her piece fell safely between her breasts.  The cutting of her home tree hanging by a smooth, shining cord of black leather.  “But if you ever want to properly kiss or allow the touching of faces.  I would be okay with it.”  She shrugged. “Who knows?  It might make what you were imagining feel more real.”

Shouta's eyes sharpened.  The rest of his face an expressionless mask. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not offended.  Plenty of Fourth's seeking release close their eyes and pretend to be with someone they favor.”

“My eyes were closed because I’m tired.”  Shouta said.

“So you were falling asleep while fucking me?  Now that would offend me.”

Shouta sat on his haunches and sighed. He knew Nemuri had been close and felt guilty for leaving her in want.  “I could finger or go down on you.”

Nemuri smiled gently.  Shouta was such a sweet, caring person. Not that many knew it.  Seeing only the cold hard exterior of indifference Shouta displayed to protect himself. “You already gave me one release.  This was for you, Shouta.  What’s going on? Why couldn’t you finish?”

Irrational as it was Shouta refused to accept the known facts on why a Fourth was unable to finish.  He rose up and moved from between Nemuri's legs to sit on the edge of the bed. “This arrangement works because it’s of benefit to both of us.”

“This arrangement works because you tell yourself it’s of benefit to both of us.”

Shouta looked back at her.

Nemuri sat up and shrugged a shoulder. “It’s true and you know it. Even if I didn’t have three companions.  There are countless others who regularly provide me with release when they seek it for themselves.”  She looked over Shouta's strong, naked frame and smiled.  “Not that release with you isn’t some of the best I have.”

Shouta huffed.  He shook his head and looked away.  Wavy dark hair fell across his face hiding the light blush Nemuri's praise evoked.

Nemuri got out of bed and slipped on a robe.  “So what’s the matter?”

Shouta took the tissues she offered him and wiped his softening cock clean of her arousal.  “Just tired.”

Well aware of the same facts Shouta was blatantly ignoring, Nemuri challenged. “You’ve been tired before and always finished.”

Shouta tossed the tissues in the bedside trashcan and reached for his clothes.

“Does it have anything to do with a certain member of your Ilca?”  Nemuri pressed.

Shouta’s head snapped back to her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Nemuri smirked at the Sphinx's furrowed brows and bared teeth.

Fingers fumbling with his pants zipper, Shouta muttered.  “This has absolutely nothing to do with Teris.”

“Who said anything about Teris?  I was talking about Hizashi.”

Shouta's eyes narrowed.  He didn’t need to see Nemuri's dancing blue eyes to know the Dryad was toying with him.  He could hear the smirking tease in her tone. “This has nothing to do with anyone.”

“Fine. But I’m here if you need to talk.”  Nemuri sighed.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”  Shouta brusquely pulled on his long sleeve shirt.

“As you say.”

Shouta suddenly softened. “Sorry. I didn’t check. You need anything.  Water?  Warm towel?  I could draw you a bath.”

Nemuri smiled in thanks. “No, Sweetie.  I’m good.  Just gonna take a quick shower and meet Sekijiro.”

“Alright then.” Shouta turned and made for the door.

Nemuri opened her mouth to ask one more time if he was alright, but stopped.  There was only one reason why a Fourth in their prime wouldn’t be able to finish.  Shouta knew that just as well as she.  If he wasn’t ready to admit to it there was little she could do to help. At least at the moment.

Shouta walked through the long hallway of Nemuri's Ilca dorm.  Lost in thought it took him a moment to register Sekijiro’s presence.

Waiting for Nemuri to finish with her unexpected caller, Sekijiro had left the doors to his rooms open. It was bad enough he had to suffer sharing Nemuri with her two other companion's.  Never mind the Fourth's that continually called on her for release.  But tonight was suppose to be his night alone with her.

Having heard Shouta exit the hated chambers Nemuri used for those seeking release, Sekijiro moved to stand in the doorway of his quarters.  The smell Nemuri and sex on the Sphinx invaded his nostrils.  His red eyes glowed.  A deep, dangerous growl echoed through the long hallway.

Sekijiro would’ve thought that as a beast Shouta would understand. Or at least have sympathy for his situation. It wasn’t as if the Sphinx didn’t know about his predicament. Badly kept secret that it was.  There wasn’t a single Fourth in Traverseen Hall, aside from the student's, who wasn’t aware Sekijiro was emotional mated to Nemuri.  That as hers and hers alone Sekijiro couldn’t have sought release elsewhere.  Even if he wanted to it would've been useless.  He wouldn’t have been able to finish.

Shouta inclined his head in stiff greeting as he passed. “Kan.”

“Aizawa.” Sekijiro growled out between clenched teeth.

Bad as Shouta had felt for Sekijiro.  He had seen it as the mans own fault for falling in love with Nemuri when Dryad’s were incapable of mating.  It had struck him as irrational that Sekijiro had let his feelings grow to the point that the Vampuric Gargoyle was essentially one-sidedly mated.  That was until tonight. Until Shouta discovered first hand that no matter the effort you didn’t always have a say in who you fell in love with.

10.4

Teris had grown more and more furious as time progressed.  How dare Shouta leave like that when she needed him.  Of course Hizashi, ever the peacemaker between her and the ill-tempered Sphinx, had tried to soothe her anger saying Shouta was probably on edge about the Council’s arrival.  So what?  For some reason everyone at Traverseen Hall was on edge about the Council’s arrival. Far as Teris saw it that didn’t excuse Shouta’s behavior.  Kai never would’ve ignored her and walked out like that.  Kai would've listened and…

Teris shivered.  She had never seen Kai act violently.  But something told her the Dragon was more than capable of doing so. She pushed aside the foreboding feeling and inner knowledge that she never would've gone to Kai about the winged mans kiss, and continued pacing the great room.

She hadn’t told Hizashi about the encounter with the strange winged Fourth either.  Hizashi had only stopped by the dorm to change and get ready for his date with Oboro.  Teris hadn’t want to ruin his time by worrying him.  Or worse have Hizashi call off the date to stay with her until Shouta returned.

It wasn’t really that big a deal.  Angry as Teris was about the unwanted kiss.  It had been the look in mans eyes that truly disturbed her.  The sharp dissecting gaze that seemed to pierce deeper than skin and bone. Like she was some sort of puzzle to examined and solved.

Teris unconsciously rubbed the bracelet Shouta had given her. The act brought a calming comfort.  Her muscles relaxed then tightened when she caught herself.  Teris growled and pulled her hand away from her right wrist.  A petulant urge to take the thing off welled up inside her. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Why had Shouta given it to her?  More like threw at her, Teris thought with a huff.  ”For you.” Shouta's gruff words as he thrust the bracelet toward her replayed in her mind.

Teris looked down at the bracelet for the hundredth time.  Not overly large or ornate, it held a reserved, subtle beauty. Her fingers traced over the braiding wondering what metal had been used for the decorative detail.  The thing was flawless. Certainly the finest piece of jewelry she had ever owned.

With another growl, Teris made for the door.  Waiting around here was driving her crazy.  The night was nice.  Maybe a stroll would take her mind off everything.  Besides, the last thing she wanted was for Shouta to return and discover she had been waiting for him.

Teris opened the door and walked straight into the Sphinx.  She crashed into Shouta's solid chest and stumbled back a step.  Strong arms wrapped around and steadied her.  The smell of sex and someone she vaguely recognized as Shouta's fellow Ilca leader friend Nemuri burned her nostrils.

Face an inch from hers, Shouta stared into Teris’ wide eyes.  Her mouth was slightly open, warm breath ghosting over him.  She had showered and changed.  The smell of Kai and sex was gone, leaving her scent alone to delight in.   Shouta’s humming purr went unnoticed by Teris who pushed and pulled away.

“Get off!” Teris tripped over her feet and stumbled again.

Shouta reached to steady her.  Teris slapped his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”  Teris hissed through bared teeth.

A low displeased sound came from Shouta's throat.  The known facts were wrong.  There was no way he loved this irritating, ungracious woman.

Teris’ gut twisted, heart aching. Was that where Shouta had been?  Having sex with Nemuri.  Had it been a scheduled meet up for release?  Or just something that happened?  Both prospects were equally upsetting.

Why, she asked herself.  You had sex with Kai only few hours ago.  What’s it matter who Shouta seeks release from?

It matters because I was unsettled by that winged man and needed him, Teris thought.  Shouta's my Ilca leader.  He’s suppose to be there and help in times of trial.  If he left in a rush when I needed him just to—  Her mind stopped, forcing the abhorrent image of Shouta and Nemuri from her head.

She took shallow breaths through her mouth trying to lessen the sicking stench of sex and Nemuri from invading her senses.  Needing fresh air more than ever Teris took off down the hall.

“Teris. Get back here.”  Shouta stared after her a moment.  When she didn’t stop and return he stormed after her.  His longer stride saw him quickly catch up.  “Where are you going?”

“Away.” Teris puffed, trying and failing to pull ahead of him.

“It’s late.  Get back in the dorm.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“Teris…” Shouta’s hand brushed her arm.

Teris spun right hand swinging out.

Shouta grabbed her wrist before the slap could connect.  Teeth bared he pulled Teris to him by the forearm he held. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You! You’re what’s wrong.“ Teris accused, free hand pushing against Shouta’s firm chest.

Shouta stood immovable.  His eyebrows knitted together. “Me?”

“You with your face and hair and way you move.  That voice that makes me—“ Teris didn't know if she caught and stopped herself.  Or stopped because someone was approaching.

“No!” The man approaching complained. “Don’t stop on my account.  I just love watching confessions of love.  There’s nothing better.  Well, there is.  But I wouldn’t watch that unless you two invited.”

Shouta stiffened.  His eyes darted down to Teris’ wrists.  Relief washed over him.  She was wearing the bracelet.  A warm exhilaration blossomed in his chest.  She was wearing the bracelet.

Shouta’s thumb brushed over the metal made warm by its contact with Teris’ wrist. The spell broken when Teris pulled her arm free of his hold and turned on the newcomer.

Shouta did the same.  The both of them telling that a there had been no confession of love because neither felt anything of the sort.

The Dryad King smirked at the way the two spoke over each other in their rush to assert their mutual dislike.  This era’s youth sure were curious.  Why did they insist on making everything so difficult? Granted in his day there had been a war raging.  The youth of his time having serious matters to contend with. Still, was this ages young ones that in want of tension and spectacle?  Surely they could find meaningful trial elsewhere. Love was suppose to be easy.

Shouta stopped.  He frowned at Teris who continued on for a time.

“Your Highness.”  Shouta inclined his head to the tall, slender man. “Are you lost?”

The Dryad King placed a manicured hand to his exposed chest. The buttons of his dress shirt undone all the way down to his tailored vest. “I came to see you, Shouta.”

“We’ll be seeing each other at tomorrow’s afternoon gathering.” Shouta said.

The Dryad stepped ever closer.  His footfalls eerily silent on the wooden floor.  Teris noted the mans apple green shoes perfectly matched his three piece suit down the shining gold embroidery that depicted lush swirling leaves.

His Purple Highness shook his head and sighed in disappointed disapproval. “You’re always so gruff and distant, Shouta.  No wonder you and your lady friend are unwilling to accept the truth of your love.” Shouta and Teris opened their mouths but His Purple Highness went on.  “It’s been years since we last saw each other.  Can you blame me for not wanting to wait to see how the young Sphinx I found and finished raising is getting on?”

Teris turned to Shouta.  “This is His Purple Highness?”

Shouta heaved a tired sigh and nodded.

“You’ve hear of me?”  A large beaming smile cracked the Dryad King’s face.

Teris looked back at the man and blinked. He was…  Different from what she expected.  Though she couldn’t really say what she had expected.  Certainly not some ostentatiously dressed man wearing a dark purple wizards robe over an impeccably tailored skinny cut suit.

The Dryad wagged a finger at Shouta and tisked in teasing censure.  “Have you been sharing story’s of me, Shouta?”

“No.” Shouta deadpanned.

His Purple Highness looked at Teris.  “Whatever he’s told you.  I swear it’s a hundred times more salacious.”

The man stopped in front of Teris.  He held his hand out, knuckles up.  Teris quirked a brow.  Did the Dryad expect her to kiss his ringed fingers?  He was the Dryad King.  Maybe it was expected protocol.  Kai had never mentioned what to do when faced with a species royal leader. The only time he talked about them was to dismiss and belittle their authority.

She glanced at Shouta for direction. Shouta gave a small, subtle shake of his head.

Relieved, Teris gripped the Dryad’s fingers and shook his hand.  “Nice to meet you.  I’m--”

“It’s you.”  His Purple Highness breathed.

With the smell of sex and Nemuri perfuming the air, His Purple Highness hadn’t registered the woman’s scent. But when Teris had moved, her scent had wafted through the air and tickled the Dryad King’s nose. Her scent was warm, fresh, lovely. And the underlying scent of her species…  Muddled as it was, His Purple Highness wouldn’t have been able to tell what she was if he hadn’t smelled this particular Griffon before.

It was early spring.  Snow still clung to small shaded patches of earth. The Dryad King walked through the forest alone.  Nature was a living thing.  If left alone for too long it would grow sinister and violent.  This forest had been void of life for quite some time. Why? What was warding the lesser creatures away?

His Purple Highness followed his senses.  Pulled to the thing that was keeping everything else at bay.  Green shoots of new plant life sprung up and spread in his wake.  Deep in a cold stone cave he found him.  A young Sphinx frozen in time by a Gargoyles stoning spell.  The boy was hold something.  Clutching it in his hands.  His small frame curled around it as if to protect it.

A feather.

Not just any feather.

Stoning spell removed the young Sphinx was slow to wake.  It gave the Dryad King time to realize the youngling held a griffon feather.  As he plucked the speckled grey and white feather from the Sphinx's tightly balled hands the Griffon’s scent wafted through the air, tickling his nose.

His Purple Highness had hid the feather for Shouta’s safety.  Even then it had taken calling in several favors and making countless promises for his fellow Elders on the Council to agree to let the Sphinx live.  Even now Shouta was watched.  The ax hanging over Shouta's head ready to drop at the first mistake he made.

Eventually Shouta forgot about the feather he had been found clutching to his heart. Yet even without it, the Sphinx had managed to find his Griffon.  And with her, the dangers His Purple Highness had tried to protect Shouta from.

Love was suppose to be easy.  But that didn’t mean it always was.  Sometimes love came with great hazard and difficulty.

This fic will have a LOT more world building than my others.  Please feel free to comment or send me an ask if you have any questions.

Thank you to those who have left hearts. And a special thank you to those who have left comments and/or reblogged. They really mean a lot.

Special thank you to @inorganicone2230 who knows of my love for the mythic and encouraged me to start this fic without stressing about the other two I’ve got going.  Your friendship means the world to me.

[looselucy]

Us & Them

April 14th It was 9am, and Chloe had been talking my ear off for the past 45 minutes, gabbing down the phone about something or nothing and absolutely anything.

“And literally, it has only been a matter of weeks since I said to Libby, we need to go to a city soon or something because we need to get laid, and she was like nah, and now I know why. She was already getting laid. Louis was laying her.” “He was.” I giggled. “Do you think he’s good in bed?” “Can’t say I’ve ever really thought about it.” “Really? I think about what everyone would be like in bed. Girls included.” She told me. “I think Louis is one of those who isn’t much special until he gets to know your body, then he’s well good.” “What do you think I’d be like?” I sniggered. “Slow and sexy.” “Awh, thanks Chloe!” “Lin goes like a rabbit for hours. Libby probably likes kinky shit. Niall is up for anything. Harry is hard but passionate. I mean, he’s a self-defence teacher and an artist. I bet that juxtaposition is an absolute treat.” Due to how spot on her description of what Harry would be like in bed was, I genuinely started pondering over just how accurate her other predictions were. I was blushing, rolling over on my bed to stare up to the ceiling. “Mm, I bet.” I bit my lip. “Whoever gets to find out is a lucky girl.” “Tell me about it.” She groaned. “Hey, what’s the plan tonight? It’s Harry’s birthday, right?” I was still surprised by how things had played out in terms of us knowing about Harry’s work and his secret coming to light. He’d been so composed and laidback about all of it, so understanding and almost humorous. He’d opened his sessions up again the following Wednesday on the 10th, followed by our weekly trip to The Tin Mouse, and even when they’d all grilled him and gotten excited, he’d been so fine about all of it! I suppose he really had expected at least one of us to have known for longer anyway; it wasn’t unfamiliar to him, having people know about his work. It wasn’t like all the stuff with his family, which was private and his own to share. His career had opened doors and broken down walls and left him exposed in ways that couldn’t be reversed, and he seemed to understand that. His work was a spectacle in ways his private life needn’t be. It was different. In a strange and unpredictable way, it actually seemed as though he felt better for us all knowing, as though a weight had been lifted. Maybe him being back in Rosebury was a big contribution to it, but over the past week or so, it felt like it was the happiest I had ever seen him. He was beginning to open up in ways I hadn’t foreseen, slowly stitching the pieces of his life together to create something whole. I was sure even a few short months earlier he wouldn’t have even thought to tell us about his birthday, but he’d been excited and planned an evening to celebrate. He was doing so unbelievably well. I was ridiculously proud of him and how wonderful he’d been about everyone knowing. He was more interested in the news about Louis and Libby than anything else. “He’s forced Gina to get the karaoke out,” I confirmed. “So it’s a night at The Royal Rose for us.” “Brilliant, what’re we singing?” “You’ll have to get me really bloody drunk to make me sing.” “Happy to do just that. Me, you and Libby could be Destiny’s Child.” “OR, the Bee Gees!” “That’s the spirit!” There was a knock on my door, and I had to make an educated guess that it would be Harry. All he’d said was to keep my day free, and I imagined it would be a day in bed before a night in the pub. It sounded perfect to me. “Okay, I gotta go! I’ll see you tonight though.” “See you to-Night Fever.” She blurted, sounding rather proud of herself. “Also, by the way, I’m very loving but feisty in the bedroom, in case you wanted to know.” “I didn’t, but thank you.” “Can you confirm if I’m right about what you’re like in bed? How deep is your love, Alfie?” “Goodbye, Chloe!” As soon as I’d hung up I leapt to my feet, scuttling over to the door, eager to see Harry again. It had been less than 12 hours since I’d last seen him, but after a night sleeping in our own beds it somehow felt like a lifetime. I’d been up early that morning to get some basics done in the shop with Louis since we weren’t opening that day, and I’d made the decision not to stay at Harry’s the night before, a decision I regretted rather quickly. I swung the door open, practically jumping with glee over the sight of him, about to grab his face and kiss the life out of him, but he didn’t give me the chance. He snaked around my side, standing behind me and putting his hands over my eyes, holding his body close to mine. “Harry,” I cried. “What’re you doing?” “Clearly, it’s a surprise.” He leaned to my ear, trying to waddle the two of us forward and lead me out the door and down the stairs. “Wait, what? It’s your birthday. Surely I should be the one surprising you.” I tripped almost instantly. “Shit, fuck, couldn’t this have waited until after we’d tackled the stairs?” “That’s not as fun. Less risky.” “That sounds so much better to me.” “Careful, there’s a step there!” I was appalled by how unfamiliar I seemed with my own home, Harry having to yank me back to him so I didn’t go tumbling down the flight of stairs leading outside. I could feel his body jittering as he held me back, the two of us already in fits of laughter at my inexcusably weak attempt to manage even the first step. He kept my eyes covered as he rested his head against the side of mine, and we were already tittering so much I didn’t think I’d ever be able to manage the rest of the stairs. “Guide me better!” I howled. “They’re fucking steps, they’re not that complicated!” “Fine, fuck you, I’m going.” I took a steady stride, gradually beginning to move downwards. “Happy Birthday, by the way.” “Thank you, boss.” “I’m scared. Should I be scared?” “It’s a good surprise, I promise.” “Still scared.” “Don’t be.” We reached the bottom of the stairs much quicker than I’d been expecting, trying to take another step down which wasn’t even there, which made me stumble forward again, the whole endeavour much messier than it should have been. We took a few steps outdoors before Harry halted, bringing us to a standstill. My stomach was in knots. “Ready?” He asked quietly. I shook my head, but that didn’t stop him from lifting his hands off my eyes. I burst into tears the second he had. Because standing right in front of me, on the gravel beside my car, was my dad, my mum, and a rather timid looking nurse stood behind them, watching us with a smile on her face. He’d gotten them back to Rosebury. After almost five long years, he’d gotten them to come home. Both of them. I slapped my hands against my mouth, gripping my eyes shut, and I just stood there in floods of tears. I didn’t have the capacity to do anything else, all I could do was weep. It was so absurd and overwhelming that I couldn’t make sense of it, the fact they were both actually there, stood right ahead of me. It had been so many years, and for so many months I’d been trying to encourage my father to come back, if only for a day or two, but the fact it was actually happening was preposterously peculiar. My dad took a few steps forward and took me into his arms, telling me it was okay, to stop being silly and stop crying, how happy he was to be back, to see me again. I was floored.

“He paid for all of it.” My dad whispered across the table, nodding towards Harry, who was stood ordering our food at the counter in PJ’s. “The nurse, our journey here. He got us a medical van, just in case anything goes wrong. He paid for all of it.” I looked over my shoulder, watching Harry chatting freely with the owner Paula and the nurse, who I’d learnt was called Helen and wanted to give us as much alone time for the day as she possibly could whilst always being around to help my mother if needs be. “How did…” I turned back to face my parents. “Why did… When did he sort this?” “He got in touch with me last week. Had it all planned out, made it as easy as it possibly could be. Kinda made it impossible to say no. Not that I wanted to but, it’s just always seemed so out of reach before.” I didn’t quite know what to say or think or even feel. I couldn’t fathom him going to all that effort on my behalf, the amount of money he would have spent, the care, the kindness. All of it. My eyes flicked to the side to gage my mother, and it must have been so long since she was last out of that home, and I totally understood why my dad had been so worried about it, but even though she was quiet and a little vacant, I actually believed it would have been doing her so much good, even if we couldn’t see it. I didn’t want to cry, but it was very likely I’d spend the majority of our day in tears. Even the fact that Harry was right there with us, that we were out in public as a unit with him included, that meant so much to me. He would have been well aware that the chances of us running into someone were high, but he didn’t seem to care. I dropped my head, struggling to keep my emotions in check. “I can’t believe he’s done all this.” I murmured. “I never asked him to do any of it, I… I just can’t believe he’d do this for me.” “That’s what real love looks like. You’ll have to get used to that.” Even hearing the word love made my stomach coil. The pace of mine and Harry’s companionship had been irregular and unpredictable, and though things had begun in October and intensified in January, love still somehow felt like a big word, a big feeling, something I somehow feared. I’d had one serious relationship in my life, one single experience of that form of love, and it had been a destructive example of it. Love had broken my confidence and shattered my trust. Love had made me doubt my own worth and shun my true emotions, the damage darting to destruct so many different aspects of my life and myself. Love had been an enemy disguised as a friend. But the bottom line was that even at his very best, Sam would have never done what Harry had done for me that day. It wasn’t in his nature. He wouldn’t have even considered it. I did not want to fear love because one person had shown me such a poor example of it. “Sam would’ve never done this for me, would he?” I voiced my thoughts. “I doubt it.” “Not that this… Not that it should be expected, because this is… But y’know what I mean.” “One day Sam will meet someone and all that stuff will come really naturally to him.” My dad said. “I just think that you two weren’t right for each other. I hope you leaving him was the wakeup call he needed, and the next person he’s with… he’ll do better. You’ve just got to be with the right person.” I nodded, hoping he was right, because I had seen a lot of good in Sam, and in ways I would always care for him. “Once you find that, it changes you.” He went on. “Once you find that, you become the best version of yourself. It’s a wonderful thing.” He moved to take hold of my mother’s hand, and thankfully she didn’t cower or pull away, she tightened her grip. She seemed at ease, which was a rare and lovely sight. I was startled back to life when Harry came and sat himself down next to me. “Paula said she’s gunna rustle up Rita’s favourite.” He got himself comfortable at my side. “I dunno what that is, but I trust her to know.” “D’ya hear that, Ree?” My dad encouraged. “You’re gunna get your favourite, meat and potato pie.” “That’s nice.” Her reply was low, but any reply at all was good. “We used to come here every Sunday.” My dad turned to tell Harry. “She’d order the same thing every week.” “With a tea.” She added, quiet, but loud enough for us all to shut the fuck up and stare at her completely dumbfounded. It was such a small thing, such an insignificant little fact, but she’d remembered. She had remembered what she used to order every single Sunday when she’d go to PJ’s with my dad. “Holy shit.” I was mystified. “That’s right!” My dad beamed. It was so strange, how she didn’t even know who I was but she could remember something so small like that, even if it was just for a few seconds, even if it was utterly trivial. I really thought being in places that were so familiar to her was helping her recall even the tiniest things, aided by that sense of acquaintance and home. It was impossible not to smile. “I’m so happy you’re both here.” I sighed, taking Harry’s hand beneath the table. “Thank you for sorting this, Harry.” “My pleasure.” He reached to shake my father’s hand across the table. “Good to see you again. How do you feel being back?” Even on the tiny walk from my place to PJ’s, he’d bumped into three people he knew, and was greeted by more love and welcomes when we got into the café. He seemed happy enough and glad to see people, and they seemed glad to see him, but I suppose it was difficult, especially with my mum being right there. As lovely as the greetings had been, they’d also been accompanied by sad looks and awkward moments, broken smiles and sympathetic words. No one meant any harm, that much was clear, but it couldn’t have been easy. “I feel okay. Strange, but good.” He answered rather shakily and yet sure at the same time. “I’ve missed it.” “There’s something special about this place, isn’t there?” Hearing Harry say that made me smile. “Very. And the people in it.” His eyes dodged to me for a second, giving a very knowing look to the two of us. “Agreed.” Harry was holding back a smile, seeming a little bashful. I made my eyes go wide, glaring, not wanting Robert Hunter to act like a proper dad and start interrogating him and scaring him off. Harry didn’t know that I’d confirmed to my dad that there was something happening between us, but I thought with how our day was going and what he’d done for me, Harry would’ve been pretty foolish to think my dad wouldn’t be aware of it. “Just look after her.” He simply said. “I will.” Harry nodded assertively. My whole body was likely beaming a certain blushed colour that I could not control, dropping my head and cooing down towards the table. Harry could say the most simple things and make me experience feelings I never had before. “Alright, well I’m gunna leave you to it.” He sighed, squeezing my hand and then letting go. “What?” My dad gawped. “I know this is a family thing, I don’t wanna intrude.” He raised to his feet. “You’re not intruding at all, it’s the complete opposite.” Robert was stern. “Sit yourself back down. This is only happening because of you, so I think you should stay.” I looked up to him, kind of expecting to see him looking like he’d actually wanted to get away, that he'd have felt a little strange and out of place if he’d stayed, which I would have totally understood. But if anything, he looked flattered. “Are you sure?” “Absolutely.” Smiling and thanking him, Harry sat himself back down, taking hold of my hand again as soon as he could. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

We trudged through the tall grass, the setting sun making everything golden, the evening warm and blissful. It was perfectly serene, birds singing lullabies from their branches, butterflies dancing over flowers, my heart feeling far removed from everything that could ever possibly harm it. Totally peaceful. “Where’re we going?” Harry asked from behind me. “To where my dad proposed to my mum.” I turned and whispered back to him. “I think he’s hoping she’ll remember it.” We were only a short drive out of Rosebury, but from that spot it felt like there was no sign of society for miles and miles, where Mother Nature still reigned supreme, her beauty untouched and untroubled. My dad had hold of my mum’s hand, carefully leading her towards the very spot he’d asked her to marry him when they were only nineteen years old. He was so affectionate, so ridiculously in love with her even still, despite everything. I worried for him all the time, imagining his life both with and without her. There didn’t seem to be a possible outcome where he would be as happy as he deserved to be. My heart broke for him. I stopped when we reached the end of the taller grass, my dad leading my mum down the small hill in front of us to take her out into the open where he’d asked her to marry him. Harry stood by my side, the two of us giving them their space. “This is beautiful.” Harry admired. “He’s really romantic.” I liked seeing them wander off hand in hand like that, because it was almost as though for a few brief moments of my life, I could forget completely the fact that she didn’t fully know who he was or understand what was happening. Seeing them then, the years rewound before my eyes, taking me back to simpler times when their love was untested and her bookshelf was heaving with books of all colours and sizes, romance novels filling each shelf, depicting their love and a life of happiness they had once built side by side. It was the first time in years where the image of them was strong enough to shield that disease, my eyes only able to see two people in love and nothing else. I sat myself down, keeping my eyes on them every second as I tucked my knees upwards, heart and body warm. Harry sat down beside me, the two of us quietly observing them for quite some time, uninterrupted, peaceful. Even when he did eventually speak, he was gentle. “It’s like they never left.” I turned my head to look over his profile, the way he smiled looking out across the fields and hills before us. “Why did you do this for me?” I asked him. “Why wouldn’t I?” He looked back at me. “I care about you. I wanted to make you happy.” “You make me happy anyway. This is… It’s on another level, is all I’m saying.” “So are you.” He shrugged, casually creating pink blotches in my cheeks. He was treating it like the most ordinary thing, like it was the obvious thing to do and he couldn’t really understand why I was so bewildered by it. I was blushing like mad. “It’s what you deserve, and if I can give that to you, I will. And, y’know… your dad deserves this too. He needed to come back here. It was a bit of a no-brainer.” I reached to take his hand, joining our fingers together and holding his hand as tightly as I dared since he still had his bandages on to cover his cuts, which I hoped were well on their way to healing. I leaned his way, kissing his cheek briefly. “I’m beyond grateful. Thank you.” I spoke against his skin, his dimple appearing beside my lips. “You’re welcome.” “I feel really bad that it’s your birthday and it’s like… It’s like the whole day has revolved around me. I haven’t even given you your present yet.” “You got me a present?” “Of course I got you a present.” I chuckled. “You think I’m not gunna get you a present? Louis’ got you one too!” “What the fuck!” “You should not be this surprised!” “I expected a few pints, but actual presents?” He whelped before he seemed to calm, bewildered as he spoke. “Shit. It’s been a long fucking time.” He was so sweet, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe his luck. Buying for him had been much more difficult than I’d anticipated. He was such a diverse, illusive being that every typical option I’d thought of fell completely flat. Eventually, I’d settled on an acoustic guitar, one I’d seen months earlier than had made me think of him for reasons I didn’t understand. He was clearly a creative person with multiple talents, and though I knew he already owned a guitar, he’d spoken to me about how it was a hobby he’d regretfully overlooked for quite some time. Since he was leaving one of his passions behind, I thought he might like to remind himself of something else he loved doing, something that wasn’t as harmful, that didn’t nourish the demons within him; they needed starving of the misery he had fed them for too long. “I’m sure hearing everyone on karaoke will be enough of a gift in itself.” I leered. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” I had been excited about our day anyway, but with what he’d planned he’d made a good day near perfect. I felt like I wanted to thank him forever. “Seriously, I’m beyond grateful for today, Harry. Thank you.” “Again, you’re welcome.” He chuckled. “You don’t have to keep saying it.” ”Sorry if you feel like you’ve kinda wasted your day.” After spending the late morning and early afternoon in PJ’s, we had spent the rest of our day slowly walking her around town, taking my mum to all her favourite spots and even visiting the house where we used to live as a family. It definitely wasn’t the most riveting of days, as much as I’d loved it. “I don’t, at all. It’s been really nice. Better than how I’ve spent my birthday for the last few years anyway.” I took a moment, shifting uncomfortably on my spot as I thought about approaching the topic I’d been contemplating and stressing over for weeks. I wanted to share it with him, not in the hope of reaching a definite outcome, but me and Harry were doing so well with being open and honest with what we were feeling and thinking, I felt I owed it to us more than anything. I wanted to try and gage how he was feeling about the topic of people knowing about the two of us without diving right into; I wanted to simply test the waters and gather whether he thought we would sink or swim. It was a difficult subject to breach because he’d almost been forced to be much more open that he was accustom to in recent weeks and months, and though that had been a good thing in the grand scheme of things, I understood it must have been overwhelming for him. I didn’t want to pile everything on at once and taint the incredible process he had made. “Were... Were you nervous about bumping into someone today?” I asked shyly. “Mm.” He nodded, smiling as he turned his head to face me. “Were you?” “Yeah.” I admitted. “Kinda.” “Thankfully we got through the day without any of that lot witnessing.” He sniggered. “We’d have never heard the bloody end of it.” “So you’re… You’re not ready for people to know then? About us?” He whipped his head to look at me, likely picking up on the tone of my voice and the suggestion within it. He took a few seconds, the very smallest smile on his lips as he looked over my face, sighing deliberately. I was impressed by the fact he hadn’t run, that he was still sat there with me seeming to actually fully contemplate what I was saying rather than getting defensive and immediately shunning it. Somehow, that was good enough for me. Every day, I could see us progressing, and that was enough. “Sorry.” He said, knowing I’d already figured out his answer. “S’okay. I get it. I just wanted to know where you’re at, that’s all.” “I’m not quite there yet.” I nodded, completely understanding of why he felt that way. Maybe we weren’t ready. Maybe there was already more than enough going on in our lives and between the two of us that we didn’t need anything else from the outside burrowing its way inwards. The thought of everyone knowing was intimidating, I could admit that. I suppose I’d just gotten carried away with how exciting I found it too. I was happy to go at his pace, as long as I knew we were moving forward. I shuffled myself a little closer to him, Harry letting go of my hand so he could wrap his arm around me, tuck me into his side carefully, kiss at the top of my head. I could tell it was his way of comforting me, letting me know that it wasn’t to do with me but more to do with him and how he felt. I couldn’t have asked for much more than that. I looked ahead, seeing my mum and dad picking flowers together, crouched down over a certain patch as he plucked some from their place and handed them over to her. I wiped away my tears quickly. “I dunno what I expected when I moved here,” As Harry spoke, his voice seemed to intertwine with the nature around him, his chords a hidden vein that could bury beneath the soil and create new life. “But it definitely wasn’t this.” I lay my head on his shoulder, not even needing to question him or wonder whether that was a good thing or not, because I knew it was. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I whispered. “I kinda hate thinking about my life without you now. It doesn’t seem right.” Within a second of me saying that, he’d twisted his head to thrust his lips together with mine, breathing me in, a cold wind playing around us and through our hair as he grabbed hold of my face, tongue teasing mine. He was intense, groaning as his mouth moved, beautifully passionate. I felt weak beneath his touch. He was captivating, in everything he said and everything he did, every touch strong enough in its tenderness to weaken me indefinitely. How well I knew his touch and how versed he was with mine made every kiss categorically remarkable, almost intimidatingly so. But that kiss was something beyond anything we’d shared before. I was breathless by the time he stopped kissing me, his lips still close enough to brush my own ever so slightly, fingertips pushing against my jaw to keep me close. I opened my eyes, saw that he was already looking deep into mine, wetting his lips. I felt like I wasn’t breathing. “ALFIE!” I heard my dad call for me from across the field, which may have been the only thing that could make me tear my eyes from Harry’s. “I think we need to get her back. She’s getting upset, she’s confused.” I nodded, my stomach still sinking and my body still motionless, but Harry jumped to his feet immediately, rushing over to lend a helping hand. I was frozen.

“HOLD THE LINE!” Lin was yelling rather than singing. “LOVE ISN’T ALWAYS ON TIME!” It was painful, literally painful. I was loving every second and it was funny as hell, but listening to him squawking like that was genuinely doing bad things to my delicate little ears. The remaining five of us were all leaning our backs against the bar, cringing. “Oh god, it’s even worse than usual.” Louis snorted. “The fact he has no shame is so attractive.” Niall was biting his lip, already one too many drinks down. Chloe was already chatting to the bloke who was in charge of the karaoke machine for the evening, having a deep discussion about which Bee Gees song we should try to take on after realising Stayin’ Alive probably wasn’t the easiest one to tackle, but likely the funniest. Libby and I were trying to down our drinks in order to be drunk enough to actually get up and sing, but it didn’t seem to be working. Chloe had zero qualms about it. “Are you gunna take on Islands in the Stream again?” I asked Harry, nudging his hip with mine. “I suggested I Got You Babe as a joke, and Niall’s already requested it.” “You should be aware that there are no jokes when it comes to Niall and karaoke, Harry.” “That’s really a lesson I need to learn.” He sniggered. Thankfully, we’d managed to calm my mother down earlier before things had gotten completely out of hand. We’d walked her back out of the field and taken her straight over to the van, though thankfully she hadn’t needed any medical assistance, she’s merely needed to calm down and realign her mind once more, as much as she could. They’d left not long afterwards, the farewell drawn out and bittersweet, but I knew it would have made a world of difference when it came to my dad and his attitude towards spending time in Rosebury. We’d gotten through the day with barely a single issue and I could tell that something had switched in his mind. After a brief trip home with Harry by my side, gifting him his guitar and taking him to bed, our evening in the pub had snuck up on us rather quickly and was going exactly as expected. If only or a while. Just as Lin was taking his bow, the song finally coming to a triumphant end, the door swung open and Sam and Tom welcomed themselves into The Royal Rose. Sam had been rather good at hiding himself away since the night where Harry had knocked him to the ground with one foul punch over three months earlier, meaning that most of the group hadn’t seen him since finding out exactly why it was that Harry had gone after him the way he had. I shuffled uncomfortably on my spot as they both approached, looking far too smug for my liking. “M’going outside.” Harry grunted, rolling his shoulders and pushing away from the bar, ready to take himself away from the situation. “Harry, it’s your birthday, you don’t have to-” “Fancy seeing you lot here.” Sam’s voice was as smarmy as ever. “Don’t leave on my behalf, mate.” “I’m not your mate.” Harry stopped and answered, back rigid, tone vapid. Sam was just that bit shorter than Harry, positioning himself right in front of him and looking up with a smug smile on his face. I could see Harry clenching his fists, doing what he could to contain his rage. Lin, however, wasn’t feeling quite as forgiving. “OI!” He yelled, rushing to us from the front of the room. “Sam, get the fuck out.” “I just want a pint, I didn’t even know you lot were here. You don’t own the fucking pub, Lincoln.” Lin seemed unfazed, getting right up in Sam’s face, snarling as he spoke. “But you know I say one word to Gina about what you did to Alfie and you’re barred for life, so I’d take the highroad and leave of your own accord before I make that happen.” “Scary.” He sniggered sarcastically. “Oh fuck this.” Niall tut. “Harry, shut him up and knock him out again, would ya?” I felt like the reason Sam was so defensive and vulgar was no longer anything to do with me and more in an attempt to feel better about himself, try to prove how unfazed he was about the fight he and Harry had. He had no clue that he continued to make himself look worse and worse with every interaction they shared. “Sam, drop it.” Chloe piped up rather shyly. “It’s Harry’s birthday, we’re just trying to have a nice night, can’t you leave it? Go to a different pub.” “It’s embarrassing.” Lin sounded just as rude as Sam had, it was brilliant. “Look, I said I’m sorry,” He fought. “I’ve spoken with Alfie, it’s nowt to do with any of you. I’m not here for trouble, I’m here to have a drink, so if you could all move out of my fucking way and let me get to the bar.” “Go somewhere else.” Harry demanded. “Why should I?” “Sam, fuck off.” Niall groaned, tired of it. He seemed to ignore everyone, looking back up to Harry and it was clear he wanted to make him snap. He wanted a rise out of him. I slyly took Harry’s hand, trying to pull him back, closer to me. Grinning, Sam quickly dropped his eyes to look at me. “We’re alright aren’t we, Alfie?” He asked. “Don’t even bother speaking to her.” Harry stepped so he was right in front me, blocking Sam from me in any way he could. He was doing so well. He could have lost his head as soon as Sam walked through the door, but he hadn’t. He’d stayed as calm as he could, which I appreciated, but then I’d catch another glimpse of the look on Sam’s face and I’d want to punch him myself. Sam took a step closer, Harry not moving an inch. “I dunno whose fucking hero you’re trying to be, but you’re not hers.” Sam snarled, nodding his head towards me. “You might as well stop trying to be.” “I’m not trying anything.” Harry snarled. “Looks like you are to me.” “Why? Because I wanna protect her from you?” “Like you’re any better. I can see right through you-” “Don’t push me.” Harry shook his head. “Say another fucking word.” It wasn’t the first time Sam had suggested that he could see Harry’s feelings for me, and though it didn’t help that every interaction they’d had had been hostile and revolved around me, it seemed that maybe he could see through him in some ways. But he was claiming to see something else in him too, a violence and an aggression, something that had affected Harry’s life and was the source of too many painful memories. And even though he had worked so hard to move on and find alternative ways to deal with his emotions, his rage and his sorrow in particular, I knew what Sam was saying would be bothering him, evoking emotions and times that Harry wanted to keep in the past. “Sam, you’ve got ten fucking seconds.” Lin finalised. “Fine, I’m going, chill out.” He smirked. “Enjoy your nights. Careful around him, Alfie.” Lin managed to stand in the way before I’d even noticed that Harry had lost his patience, trying to jump at Sam and Tom and the two of them sauntered out of the pub, sniggering at him as they went. I hated that they’d managed to make him snap at the very last second, how Lin was once again having to hold him back. “Don’t, mate, he’s not worth it!” Lin called. “He’s trying to get to you.” I still had hold of Harry’s hand. “Ignore him.” He glared at Sam until well after he’d left, nostrils flaring as he kept his eyes on the door, somewhere between wanting to calm down and wanting to follow him outside. His chest was rising and falling, every inch of him tense. “I need air.” He huffed, pulling away from me and heading to the back door. “No, Harry-” I tried. “I’m going out back. Just five minutes, I need to clear my head.” We all watched him go, rolling his shoulders and darting down the hallway where he’d kissed me during the first minute of the year to give himself the space he desired. Sam was trying to get in his head and it was working. He was saying all the right things and really riling him up, and he didn’t need to feel that way. I could see that Harry often saw the worst of himself, saw the negatives and found a way to blame himself for things that were out of his control, for habits and characteristics he had developed over the years. The things Sam had been saying had gotten to him so much because Harry managed to link them to things he’d done, ways he’d felt, behaviours he had tried to change, disregarding the ways he had successfully bettered himself. But I saw the best in Harry. I knew he had changed. I knew he had a good heart. “I think there’s a reason he runs those classes, y’know.” Chloe sighed once he’d slammed the door shut. “I think someone did something to someone he loves, that’s why he gets so… wound up.” “Fuck Sam.” Lin groaned, rubbing the top of my arm encouragingly. “Let’s ignore that. Who wants a drink? I’m not having him ruin our night.” Niall scuttled around to my side as everyone tried to snap out of the moment and return to normal. He leaned closer to me, whispered something in my ear that made my stomach drop. “I think Harry likes you, Alf.” “What?” “C’mon. You see how he gets about you?” “He’s just like that.” I lied as convincingly as I could. “He likes you. I know I’m right. I called Louis and Libby years ago.” “This time, you’re wrong.” “Nice opinion, but I am in fact right, and my advice to you would be to hop right on that dick as soon as possible.” I was glad he’d said something funny so I could laugh it off, shake my head and end the conversation there. But he had this knowing little look on his face, clearly very pleased with himself and exceptionally confident in his prediction, with good reason. As he swaggered away from me, I rolled my eyes before they landed right on the door Harry had just walked out of, my mood dropping quickly. As well as the fact I knew Harry wanted to be on his own, I figured Niall’s speculation was a good reason not to follow him outdoors to see how he was feeling, attempt to cheer him up. He wanted time alone, and I needed to give it to him no matter how agonising the wait might be. It all stemmed down to what had happened with every member of his family; his father’s suicide, the fight with his brother, how his mother had kicked him out and he’d stopped all contact with her for too long. Through every heartbreak and every mistake, Harry had found some blame within himself, misplaced or not. In the following years, he had done all he could to make his peace and be a better person, right his wrongs, but every now and then those detrimental doubts would return to haunt him. Sam being the one to say all that and even comparing the two of them, implying that I needed to worry about Harry, that was what had made him lose himself that way. After so long, I knew what his thought process would be, how he was thinking. I knew I didn’t have anything to fear, and I needed to make sure Harry knew exactly how I felt. Another couple of minutes passed by before the conversation veered back to Harry. “Go check on him.” Niall said, nodding towards the door. “I dunno…” I groaned, trying to seem like I wasn’t desperate to go and see him, even though I definitely was. “Do it. And if he tells you to fuck off, at least then you know. Better that than him hoping someone goes to see if he’s okay and no one does.” “Then you go.” I kept up the act in order to steer his suspicions away. “I’m not the one in the middle of all this.” He shrugged, and I had to accept that at least. Sighing and faking unease, I scuttled in Harry’s direction, soon cautiously opening the door and poking my head around the corner to see that he was already looking right at me like he’d been waiting for me to show up, sat on one of the splintered tables they had outside, feet resting on the bench attached to it, hands in prayer against his lips. “M’sorry.” He spoke instantly. “I dunno why I get like that.” I stepped outside, the door closing slowly behind me as I walked over to him. “You don’t have to be sorry.” I told him, nonchalant. “You get like that because he’s a prick.” I saw his smile as I stopped right in front of him, glad to see him looking so calm and composed, to see his body almost relax with every step closer I’d taken. “You handled it well.” I nodded. “Don’t let him get to you. He doesn’t know you, Harry. He’ll say anything to feel better about himself, it’s his own issue, not yours.” Although he didn’t look quite convinced, he did look as though he was happy to hear it, happy that I was there saying what I was so confidently. I wanted to lean in and kiss him, but I didn’t quite trust that Niall wasn’t behind me spying on the two of us. Harry tilted his head a little, narrowed his eyes. “You know me well, don’t you? You know how my head works.” “I like to think so.” I looked up and shrugged, smiling modestly. “It’s nice. I like it.” He lowered his hands to take hold of me, grasping his fingers around my own, his lips creating the most perfect smile. And I think that was one of the main things that managed to make him feel better that night, that maybe made him feel better in general; the thought that I knew him so well, that I knew things about him that most people didn’t, that I knew of both his good and supposedly bad qualities, and I was there holding his hand regardless, accepting him and being with him and supporting him. It was another reminder among many that nothing really mattered other than me and him, and as long as we knew how we felt, any other opinion or doubt didn’t matter. All that mattered was us.

[shwezin]

read this if you’ve just had your heart broken

You’re hurting. It’s excruciating. It may even be the single most painful thing you’ve ever felt. First off, I want to ask you to treat your broken heart with as much care and patience as a broken arm. It’s going to take time to heal. The time it will take to heal may depend on how long you knew the person, how intimately, and how you felt about them. However, none of that affect the amount of pain you are feeling right now. Whether you knew them for 7 weeks or 7 months, all you know right now is pain. That’s why you’re here. I can’t take away your hurt. But I want to help you heal faster, and lessen the pain, with your willing, of course. First off, erase everything. Pictures. Texts. Phone number. Trinkets. At this point, you need to create space. Your body and brain reacts the same way after a break up as it does during drug addiction withdrawals. Your body is literally craving this person. It is important to note this. You will find yourself thinking, “If I am hurting this much, he/she must have been the one.” Wrong. You need to overcome the urge to text, call, and get in touch. Change your text notification sound. For the past few weeks, your brain has learned to associate the sound with him/her. It will hurt every time your brain subconsciously expect to see a message from them and it isn’t. Cut it cold turkey. The second thing you can do is change the way you think about your pain. You can believe you are hurting because you are disappointed they did not turn out to be the one after all the time you spent together. Or you can believe you are hurting because they were truly the one and now you’ve lost them. If you believe the latter, you will suffer so much more. But if you are hurting because you believe they just turned out to be another wrong person, take a deep breath. Despite the pain, know that you are exactly where you need to be. Take comfort in that. But, don’t expect to get over your feelings any faster just because they were the wrong one. Your heart has its own agenda. Allow it time to catch up to your brain. There are no shortcuts here. Next, make friends with your pain. For however long, the pain will initially be constant and painful. Don’t fight it. That will only prolong this stage. Just like you wouldn’t do anything crazy right after you break your arm, don’t do anything crazy after a heartbreak. You need to be kind to yourself now more than ever. Drink plenty of water. Eat your favorite food. Buy yourself flowers. Watch your favorite movies. Listen to your favorite songs. What ever you do, do not fight the pain. Sit with it. Let it sink in and just feel it. Don’t feel the need to put up an act. It’s okay that you don’t feel like smiling or faking conversation. It’s okay that you don’t feel like doing anything, really. But it is very important that you sit with this pain wholeheartedly. Don’t attempt to distract yourself via alcohol, drugs, or sex. Feel it. Trust me on this. There is a psychological affect called habituation. Your brain is programmed to diminish a stimulus after a certain period of time. You will eventually get bored of the heartache once you’ve come to fully accept it. Broken hearts make super human bodies. Have you ever tried running with your heart in your mouth? You will be surprised with how far your legs can take you on three hours of sleep and no food. Run your pain out. Run until your mind rids of all thoughts and feelings except the piercing pain in your legs. Run until the ache in your calves override the ache in your chest. Take advantage of the numbness your body feels and get fit. I can only speak as far as I've healed. Until then, know that I am praying for you. I pray that love will soon pour into the cracks of your broken heart. I pray that this pain will teach you to be kind to yourself, and to be kinder to the world. I pray that this ache will humble you into God's grace. Remember, not everything you lose is a loss. To be continued. Love, Shwe