#you stay the same. you grow older. perhaps you don't want to be so cruel to yourself anymore...bc it's tiring and you're so tired

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

talking abt the ways one relates to dean is easy. talking about the ways one relates to sam however. ouauoaugh hundred thousand knives to the gut

[marley-warriors]

Loki/Basim's background and motivations analysis

Based on AC Vallhalla, Mirage, Dawn of Ragnarok, The Golden City novel, and Forgotten Myths comic

To start with, the creator of Sages, Darby McDevitt explaines Sages as such.

Basim and Loki are the same being born in different time periods. Basim is Loki, but has amnesia of his past Isu life. It is only after accepting his Loki side (aka Nehal) that he lifted his amnesia and remembers his first life.

Edit: Sarah Beaulieu, narrative director of Mirage, indicates it may be a takeover, contrary to Darby below. Seems the lore is still unclear.

So here is what we know of Loki/Basim's background.

Loki had brothers once, but Basim did not. From the Edda's we learn of two older brothers; Byleist and Helblindi. His Father's name was Farbauti, which translates to 'Dangerous striker'.

In the Golden City we learn that Loki's father was extremely cruel and violent towards him, and apparently never loved him. From a young age, Loki would have felt unworthy of love. He was a child. He needed love to feel safe, but instead was forced to adapt to violence. Also, note how sad he is in the text. He's neglected and traumatised by his childhood memories.

It's saddening how Loki/Basim is filled with a childlike jealousy at Hytham's care for Leo. Because deep inside Loki/Basim craves that parternal love and affection which he never recived. And perhaps Basim's architect father provided a balm for that, but it was not enough, because even this father abandoned him by dying. And again he is forced to grow up fast as an outcast amongst society.

He is not evil, and had ambitions. Basim wanted to aid the less fortunate and had a strong sense of justice. We never met young Loki, but Baldr approached Loki specifically for mentorship in diplomacy.

[I will need a mentor in the art of diplomacy - and none is shrewder than Loki. - Baldr]

From an Isu perspective it would have been sensible to employ Loki as a Diplomat. It might have been his actual job, which explains why he was free to travel between the warring empires. Not just that, but he is half Jotnar and half Aesir. In the games Loki referes to himself as a Jotnar, but in the comic he acknowledges that he is not a pure-blooded Aesir, indicating his mom was Aesir.

The comics indicate that he was born and raised in Jotunheim, being well familiar with the area and serving as Baldr's guide.

[Jotunheim, realm of the frost giants was a harsh land. But Loki knew it well. For six days he guided Baldr through the mountains as they sought their treasure, evading the residents of that terrible place.

Loki: Stay in the shadows and out of the sunlight, no matter how tempting the warmth. Jotun eyes are keen and there are many about.

Baldr: Aren't you cold?

Loki: Don't mistake me for blood-kin Baldr. My father was bathing in blizzards while yours lounged in summer fields.

[Baldr is freezing in place and becoming an icicle while lamenting death.]

Loki: Perhaps I should have come alone.

Baldr: I couldn't let you risk the danger on my behalf. Not when I am invunerable and you-

Loki: - can endure the cold better than any pure-blooded Aesir? ]

Jotunheim under Jupiter/Zeus/Suttungr seems to be North America. Perhaps Loki grew up in Alaska or Canada. Loki is also a frost giant with the ability to manipulate ice (might also be a piece of Eden or bio-engineering).

The comics show that Loki loves spinning tall tales and has a real passion for story crafting. Baldr was aware of that and played that to his advantage.

[Appealing to my ego? Transparent, but... effective. - Loki AC Forgotten Myths after Baldr sweet-talks him.]

Loki has a big ego, and is aware of it too. In general, he seems keenly aware and insightful of his own nature, and engages in philosophical musings with Baldr. A sense of self-preservation drives Loki, and he uses this as a shield against anyone that threatens to do him harm. Loki is quick to fear death (as are most beings of course), but Loki's fear of death seems extreme, possibly steming from deep-rooted trauma.

[My nature is neither better nor worse than the next man's. When I am kind, it is because it suits me. When I am cruel, it is to preserve my existence - and that of my kin. The fear of death is the root of my "callousness." - Loki]

[I cannot be other than I am. All of this was fated. All this will happen again.]

Loki fully believes in fate, and so justifies his actions as already being calculated by the fates. There's no point in trying to be a better person if the fates have already declared you to be the bad guy, which is how every other character makes him feel.

[Have you considered that Havi may not want Loki redeemed? - Freya to Baldr in AC Forgotten Myths]

It doesn't help that the others keep enforcing this idea by calling him a trickster and oath-breaker, because if they don't hold him to a higher standart, why should he himself? Even the blood-brother Loki once looked up to has decided that he should never be seen as redeemable.

[Yet only a fool trusts Loki - Loki to Baldr after Baldr asks for mentorship in AC Forgotten Myths]

In the comics, it seems that Loki has weaponised his stereotype, and he warns Baldr a few times that he should be cautious around none other than himself. Either Loki has been verbally abused often enough to fully believe that he's the bad guy, or he uses it as a persona to hide his vunerability and hurt. Perhaps he was even trying to give Baldr a fighting chance of surving his own wrath?

Also, we must remember that Loki and Havi saw each other as real brothers. Havi called Loki his 'brother' or numerous occasions, but when angry, he'd call him 'Jotnar' or derogatory terms. Even Loki and Baldr called each other nephew and uncle on multiple occasions. Loki grew up in a broken family, found a new family in the Aesir, and forged a family of his own with Sigyn and Aletheia, but all of his families were shattered and taken from him.

[With such gifts would Loki find forgiveness. My brother always knew how to win hearts. To him, it was almost as easy as breaking them. - Havi]

Loki can be very charming if it gains him favour. He loves using bribes and offering gifts to appease the Aesir.

As is the case with some traumatic childhoods, Loki seems to understand love as transactional. Love needs to be earned by good deeds or gifts. And Havi's words seem to further reinforce the the notion of Loki only being valuable if he could offer contributions.

[Now Loki had the three gifts he needed to win redemption in Asgard. - Havi AC Dawn of Ragnarok]

Loki/Basim has a strong sense of justice, hence killing Baldr had been Loki's last resort. He had tried countless other methods first. Fenrir's imprisonment infuriated Loki, so he tried to reason with Havi. (Rightly so, Fenrir was a literal BABY who had done nothing wrong). Loki wanted to appeal to the council and courts for an overturned judgement, but Aletheia stopped him as she feared they'd kill him. Loki and Aletheia then polygraphed Havi before attempting to imprison him. When Juno freed Havi, it further foiled Loki's plans.

Loki informed Jupiter of what was happening, but even Jupiter failed to end the threat. It seems at this point that Loki really snapped and decided to do the job himself. He aimed to kill Havi before ever thinking of killing Baldr.

[Oath-breaker? I did to you what you did to my son. This is only fair. Release him, Havi. Release Fenrir, or I swear I will kill you here and now - Loki AC Valhalla]

Now this is interesting because of the blood-oath. Loki was ready and willing to kill Havi, which would activate the blood-oath and kill him too. The blood-oath promised mutual assured destruction, which is essentially a murder-suicide on Loki's part. But he was willing to die of suicide if it meant Fenrir could be free. Havi spared Loki because Havi had no intention of dying.

So Loki, who has become suicidal, sets off to stalk Baldr, and decides "Curse all! If I can never hold my son again, neither can Havi!"

[I have a tale for you. A tale of Loki, who claimed righteous vengeance upon Havi through his hapless son... - Loki imprisoned in AC Forgotten Myths]

Loki truly believes this is justified. He essentialy stabbed his only ally in the back, killing the last Aesir that had any trust or love towards him. It's interesting that Havi's own self-fulling prophesis brought this about, which Loki himself cautioned Havi against.

Loki is cunning, shifty, self-serving, a liar, but he is also diplomatic, patient, helpful and has a strong sense of justice. Circumstances have pushed him to this point. If Basim is Loki, we know that he is capable of good, and longed to do well (this depends on whether Basim was Loki or serves only as a vessel to him).

Loki only ever wanted to be a good father. He wanted to be the father he never had. When Loki lost Fenrir, he probably hated himself, because in his mind, he was now just as bad as his own father. He was willing to endure his two worst fears - death and lonliness - to free Fenrir. Not to mention Loki's cell being a claustrophobic coffin, completely alone (his biggest fear), only taken out off his coffin prison to be physically tortured. It's no suprise he experiences CPTSD/PTSD from his childhood, his imprisonment and the imprisonment of his son.

PS: Some people say Loki was evil in the Edda's? I read over them, and Loki was never malicious or evil (except when he killed Baldr and bragged about it). He was a troublemaker and caused chaos, but never for malicious or evil reasons. Loki was never jealous or plotting. He was more of a prankster. In fact, the Aesir were unreasonably cruel to him, constantly threatening him with death or bodily harm. Loki only caused the Aesir trouble for two reasons; he was A) Bored or B) Hungry/hangry. (Do not touch his food. He will fight you).

[conundrumoftime]

I don't know why, but I love how—at least to me—your Celeborn seems always at the edge of losing his mind. I don't always agree with your headcanons, but this is so funny to me. Boy acts like he is going mad with these powers that are beyond him.

Well thank you, heh! I have to say that I don’t always agree with my own headcanons either, as such, but I keep writing them so long as they’re interesting, and the ones around him have definitely stuck a lot longer than I expected them to.

Because. If you put yourself in his position, as a prince of Doriath (which I’m assuming because I find the other versions of him less interesting): You were born after the Fence went up, and Doriath the protected, isolated, safe and magical place is all you’ve ever known. Your grandparents’ generation remember the First Battle and you maybe got some tales, growing up, of what that was like, but you had to beg and pester to hear those because you’re one of the young ones - you’re one of the ones who doesn’t need to worry about this. You’re probably told that a lot. Beleriand is dark and brutal and cruel, but in Doriath everything is fine. You have everything you ever want, and if you question this your very questioning is seen as proof of your youth and inexperience.

By the time you’re old enough to start asking pointed questions about all the Sindar who live outside the Fence, Doriath has been so isolated for so long that they don’t even sound like you.

You aren’t content with this. Everyone assumes you’ll grow out of it as you get old enough to gain some perspective and be grateful for how protected you are, but you don’t, not really. You want to hear of other lands and other peoples. You pester Melian to tell you tales of Valinor and Almaren, you pounce on any news that filters through from beyond Doriath’s borders. There is so much in the world to know, and you’re frustrated that those who know it - who saw it - aren’t interested in telling you about it now they’ve built this refuge for themselves. It doesn’t feel quite like a refuge to you, though.

(When you’re older you’ll collect tales of Gondolin, hidden and protected and beautiful. In Gondolin nobody was permitted to leave. In Doriath, nobody was permitted to want to.)

When the Noldor return you’re fascinated with them, to the point where your brother rolls his eyes and says Galadriel’s going to find you embarrassing. She doesn’t, though. She seems to quite like you. She tells you about Valinor, about the ice she crossed in the north, about how she plans to rule lands of her own one day. She speaks to Melian like she knows countless Maiar; she speaks to Thingol like she knows plenty of kings. She is bold and bright and fearless and you are helplessly in love.

When you hear about the horror at Alqualondë, you are, of course, appalled. For a while everything that you thought you knew is shaken. You do not blame Thingol for banning the rest of the Noldor from Doriath or for refusing to allow Quenya spoken anywhere. But when you hear that Maedhros laughed, of all things, and dismissed your great-uncle’s authority, some part of you is darkly fascinated all the same. No-one questions Thingol’s authority in your world. No-one. And yet… and yet.

You start finding Doriath more tolerable after all, now Galadriel is there; and her brothers come and go, and you are not short of people who will tell you about the world beyond the Fence. You don’t leave yourself, though. It hasn’t truly occurred to you that you even could.

And then something happens that changes it all. Or a confluence of somethings. Perhaps it’s the dwarves killing Thingol. Perhaps it’s Melian leaving Middle-earth after that, and the horror of realising along with all the others that much of Doriath’s protection will go with her. Perhaps you beg her to stay; perhaps she can’t even hear you, she’s so lost in grief. And then Galadriel’s cousins destroy Doriath and you realise it’s all lost and you can’t ever, ever go back.

(Or in Rings of Power canon - you go off at some point, presumably from Doriath, to fight a war you are very obviously unprepared for both practically and psychologically. You leave your enchanted, perfect magical forest kingdom where nobody ever wants for anything and find yourself in Middle-earth’s equivalent of the Somme. You realise that everything you thought you knew about the world has been not only incomplete but wrong. You don’t know where to go or what to do when the battle’s over and you’re somehow still breathing, but when you realise everyone at home will assume you’re dead, you think it’s maybe for the best you don’t correct them.)

And you spend the next five thousand years or so married to Galadriel, who is more terrifying and more powerful than you had ever, ever appreciated and even more so after she gets Nenya. You’re glad you can stand at her side for this fight you never realised you’d be fighting, but sometimes you wonder how much help you’re even being. Oropher, who has dealt with everything by withdrawing to the Greenwood in an attempt to return to the life the elves knew before the Valar came to them, takes you aside at one point and asks you very quietly - in the Doriathrin you both grew up speaking - if this is really, truly what you thought you had chosen. It isn’t. But you chose it all the same.

Lothlórien is protected, isolated, safe and magical, a beautiful golden refuge in the middle of a dark land. It’s hundreds of years before you realise that Galadriel has re-made Doriath for you.

[paper-poppy]

Horizon

Hair wiping under the cloak, strained eyes up at the light aspected sky. Familiar with its imposing force of nature, a long sigh escaped her lips. 

Beyond the horizon line led to this. Not her daughter. 

What a failure.

With a flick of her cloak she hurried back inside, hands gripped on the fabric, her knuckles white from the frustration that led to her situation. 

—-

An hour earlier..

With a hard thud, and a body rolling off the table to another thud on the cold crystal floor, Xiela groaned. Sore and dazed, in body, and vision hazy welcomed her to this world once more.

Nothing ever escaped his sight in the tower so she was quickly greeted by its caretaker. 

With a disgruntled wave she nodded in his direction. Already breaking rule number one, don't be noticed. And already frustrated that this isn't the right time she wanted, she shut her eyes tightly. 

‘Why here. I don't need to be here.’, she thought angrily.

It's caretaker, confused and slightly bewildered. It appeared to him like an older Xiela but how could that be? More importantly it made his heart skip thinking his plan does work in the end and that she's saved. Not trying to get ahead of himself he drew close.

“Are you okay?”

“Not exactly.” 

“I'll get you something, then perhaps we can talk?”

“Yes but I need you to summon someone before we speak any further.”

“....who?”

—

After confirming the outside sky and with Rella’s summoning and arrival from Ill Mheg, Xiela stood before them.

Making them promise secrecy and that in the end they must have their memories wiped. To preserve time and space, no one should know their own future. 

“I am regretful of my actions. And asking for your aide, please help me get home.”, bowing her head, Xiela pleaded.

Rella shook her head, “I cannot do that.”

“What? Why not?”, already worrying her plan has come undone, Xiela shifted uncomfortably.

“I am a timekeeper. History recorder. I can erase the exarch's memories but not my own. Do not worry I will not change history with this knowledge.”, Rella explained calmly.

Nodding, Xiela understood that reasoning and accepted it.

“...I agree to it then. I cannot have you stuck here. That would be too cruel.”, he said softly. He didn't like having his memories altered, but this didn't seem like an ascian trick or Eulmorean origin either. Confirming with a look Rella materialized a crystal with a red shade in hue. 

“Return this to me once you are ready to go home. I will take care of the rest.”, Rella calmly said but there was a force behind her voice. 

Explaining the rest Xiela sat down in a nearby chair and was exhausted, not having slept at all the past day and was desperately needing rest both physically and emotionally.

Rella hid a small smile, it was comforting to see her friend grow older in the future, a untimely death wouldn't take her, doomed Rella prevented it. But to the task at hand now. 

“I can't stay here. I still have my post in Ill Mheg.”, Rella excused herself, leaving the technical time travel work to the exarch.

The two of them waved goodbye to Rella and they were left alone.

Xiela knew exactly what kind of memory vessel Rella had made. It latched on to specifics in a person's memory, but once it was out of range of said person it would be wiped and recorded into the crystal forever. All it needs is just to be picked up…

—-

While hearing about her younger self's exploits she cringed and apologized on behalf to the Exarch. It calmed him down when he was at his wits end with present Xiela. Perhaps this was the true source of why he was so patient back then…

Chatting over tea and cookies, the older woman found solace in his company. The same was for him, he knew the desperation of going for lengths to save someone. Not knowing how deeply a mother would feel over grieving a child, he did everything he could whenever he wasn't working on sending her home. 

Always hiding in shadows and never letting any ascians see her, Xiela had to be careful. Emet-Selch was never far off from them.

Months started to pass by. Weariness was setting in.

It got to the point where Xiela was getting restless being  cooped up in the tower hidden, asking the exarch for a glamour to be casted on her so she could walk about freely. 

“I don't see why not, you understand the gravity of the situation and would never do something to endanger the future.”, He agreed and deferred to her judgment.

“Thank you so much, I greatly appreciate this, you are too kind.”, Xiela smiled gently at him. Under the hood he returned the smile back.

Given a bit of an allowance, she browsed the stalls. A nice journal for her thoughts. Bottling everything up has been her go to for awhile now, nevertheless the time spent away from her family is taking a great toll.

A small commotion was happening a few stalls down. 

“Whatever you say, your highness.”, a snide comment escaped the girl who was walking away from the exarch. Her darkened expression filled the whole avenue with dreary clouds.

Feeling uncomfortable and awkward she stared at her younger self making a fool of herself. Looking back and in real time, it's amazing they actually ended up together. How she longed to smack her younger self and set her straight, but time unravels at its own pace. 

Shaking her head she pressed on with her shopping.

—--

Slipping back into the tower she walked fast back to her room, feeling the overwhelming urge to finally explode and to let the tears fall away. 

‘What if I can never go back? I never get to find Marzia? I never get to see Xixi’s wedding.. Luca has to be raised alone.. Emil…’, the turmoil growing too much, her body was racked with grief filled sobs.

‘Raha.. it's my fault, it's all my fault'

‘I should have listened’

‘im so sorry my love’

‘im so’

The writing trailed off the page as she threw the journal away from her. Wanting to abandon her feelings and her hatred of herself she went to the bathroom to wash her face. Irritated red teary eyes met her in the mirror. 

Hearing a quiet knock at the door she hesitantly went to it. 

“Who is it?”Her throat was still irritated with her earlier crying.

“It's me”, Exarch replied back softly. “I apologize for visiting so late, I heard-.. I wanted to offer you a meal.”

“I never did take the time to eat today… Thank you for being kind. But perhaps another time, I.. I am not in the mood to pretend I'm okay.”, she felt it best to be honest.

“I'd rather you be honest, if that's alright.”, a gentle smile from him, made her want to crumble right there. She missed him so much.

“...if you don't mind.. I'd like someone to talk to then.”, Cracking the door wide for him to pass, they both sat at the table.

—--

They both had been chatting for hours and enjoying each other's company. This hasn't been the first time that they've shared meals together, but the first time with a bit of wine. 

Xiela stared at the liquid in her cup, moving it around and letting it aerate. Getting lost in the movement of the wine, she felt similar, being tossed about this way and that. No choice in the matter now. 

“You're married, yes?”, breaking her melancholy string of thoughts she snaps back to reality.

“Yes.. yes I am, I miss him very much.”, smiling sadly she took another sip of the wine.

“He must be a very lucky man”, the exarch smiled softly. “Aside from.. your one daughter. Do you have other children?” 

“Yes, the eldest, Xira.. she's supposed to get married soon.. I guess since I'm in the past I still haven't missed it but.. if I never make it back..”, Xiela hesitantly stops before her voice breaks. She shook her head and reined in her thoughts. “Then there's Emil, he loves his garden, it used to be mine but it's been taken over by him. I don't mind, I'm so glad he has something to work with and he finds it fulfilling. He doesn't let things get him down…”, brushing her bangs back and sighing. “Then there's Luca, the twin brother of Marzia, he has a lot of things happening inside him, sometimes I don't know how to help him.. I don't know how it got to this point..” 

“You have a wonderful family. I'm so glad. Truly.”, exarch smiled. His sacrifice led to this, he thought to himself. It was worth it in the end. If she gets to be happy.

Taking another swig out of frustration, she couldn't hold back her tears anymore. “I'm sorry, I miss them all so much. I want to return home already. I can't take much more without seeing them.”

“...there's something I need to mention-”, he gently said but was interrupted by his drinking companion.

“No I don't want to hear it- tell me it tomorrow-”

“But you may want to- also careful-”, bumping into him and trying to keep her balance on the chair she giggled. 

“Did you know, fun fact! You're so cute!!!”, and he had already lost her.

“Please don't say that-”, he sighed but a part of him was glad she wasn't exactly crying anymore.

“Why? Why can't I say that of my husband?”, she looked at him with her big magenta eyes. Had he not known her actual age, he would have thought she was 20 with her mannerisms. 

“...what. He isn't here. Don't get me confused with him”, he started to inch away from her but she grabbed his hand. 

“W-wait! I'm not! Don't go! Oh please don't go!”, inadvertently freezing him in place with her ability.

“I'm scared to be alone.” 

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker/Platonic! Crows x fem! Reader - Silence

A/n: So I know I haven't been very active lately but hopefully that will change! Also I don't really love this fic it's not very good and I might rewrite it in the future but for now, you guys can enjoy this shit!!!

Warnings: Abuse, sexual abuse, rape, violence, mentions of death, technically mentions of suicide, THIS FIC IS A MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

Summary: They used to be happy. That’s what Jesper says anyways about his sister. When he’s asked where it all went wrong it’s usually responded with an I have no idea. When Kaz comes to confront them in front of the Crows why you came back all bloodied and carrying back a body, they know this isn’t going to end well…

Death clung to you. That's what people muttered in the streets of Ketterdam, 'if the Blackbird is on a strike don't go outside for a week and remember, pray to the saint who wears the most colour.'

Great bedtime stories for children.

Your legend would never end, though it must have begun somewhere. Someone who you decided could witness one of your killings must have made up a story. Started it up and told it in fright to someone and the people not believing a word they say. Before their dead of course. And then it spreads like the plague.

The Blackbird was once a hopeful girl, full of dreams and happiness. She had beautiful feathers of all different kinds of colours, and they sang to the heavens and it was as if she was a child of the saints. Then one day - the bird that brought kindness and sunshine to everyone's lives fell into a trap.

There was a hyena that people all thought was bad news but she thought she could help him become a better person.

The little birdy was wrong.

He hurt the bird of colours so badly that one day he burned her feathers and they became pitch black. The hyena thought that he had won at last and had gotten power over the bird.

It was said that she ran and escaped the terrible beast that day. And because he had changed her to the very soul she wasn't the same anymore, no. She was only used for revenge, and it was said she turned her backs on the saints for not saving her. When the saints did decide to intervene the little bird was shattered and could no longer sing. Her voice reduced to a vengeful whip, it was no longer beautiful but fearsome.

It was said that on that night the Blackbird used her wings on Ketterdam so she could cover the sky in darkness so the stars in the sky, the only things the saints could use to watch over mankind was blindfolded in a merciless fog.

And there the Blackbird was born.

Maybe death clung to you, but not the same way that trauma and the cruelness of the world does.

And that's a fate worse than death.

You remember strike one, you and Jesper were kids - happy kids. And the neighbour's son of was considerably older than both of you offered to babysit the one time your Da, and Ma was out.

Jesper was playing in the back, perhaps practicing shooting so he could impress your Mum but you stayed inside saying something along the lines that you wanted to cook some cookies for Dad.

How you wished you hadn't.

That teenage boy had put his filthy little hands on you. He left you in the kitchen tears running down your face and bile that you had to force back down your throat.

Your mother had found you like that and she instantly knew what had happened and she made everything much more bearable. When you had nightmares you would get up and knock on her door quietly enough for her just to hear and because your Ma was a light sleeper but your Da was not, she would get up and see you alright.

The poor woman never told her husband because you had pleaded with her not to. She always did blame herself and she made sure the boy never came around again but she did thank the saints that he didn't go all the way.

She wasn't sunshine, (she always said that was you!) No, she was the faint moonlight in the distance that helped guide you on your way home.

Then she died.

Strike two, was your mother dying. You remember that day where she went to take the poison out of that child and when she did she sucked it back into herself. In your arms was the last place your Ma took her last breath.

That was the day the world had lost its guide home and it always seemed to be in peril after that.

Strike three came almost immediately after strike two. Your father wouldn't talk to you. You became a ghost in your own house, you understood your father though,

she did die in your arms.

Jesper was the only one that didn't make strike three the last strike where the rope was at its point and snapped. He was your armour against the world, with his funny quirks and quips. He was the older brother you needed in those moments.

But armour slowly breaks over time and your dear brother wasn't getting enough out of life at the farm. So when your Father sent Jesper to Ketterdam you went right with him.

You attended college for a bit but eventually, your armour had finally left you. It broke under the stress of everything in his life that he couldn't keep up with yours.

So you meant him.

He was kind but knew when the world was being too cruel. He was wealthy, but not rich. He was sweet, but not puke up rainbows kind of way. He knew you like the back of his hand and always knew how to comfort you. Jesper had actually meant him once before he got too busy with the Dregs and said maybe he knew you too well.

You yelled at him at the time and said that was absurd! He would never do anything to hurt you!

Strike four was falling under his spell.

Strike five was when he told you terrible things about yourself and you thought he was always right. He could do no wrong in your eyes.

Strike six was when he finally started beating you and you had just expected it at this point.

Strike seven was when you weren't allowed to go to school anymore.

Strike eight was when he wouldn't let you see anyone, not even your brother. But you never questioned it, he was basically a saint to you, why would you? Besides Jesper never seemed to have time for you anyways.

Strike nine was when he cheated on you and told you you had to be better.

Strike ten was when he started raping you.

Then one day he was worse than usual and you grabbed the hot poker from the fire pit, that he had used to beat you before, and you had told him to stay away.

Then you ran.

It was the straw the broke the camel's back, it was the saints giving up on him or maybe it was the saints giving up on you.

You didn't care, you were free.

You made one promise that day, that you would never love again.

You learned quickly what Ketterdam was like even before you had meant him, so perhaps that was why it was so easy to become the Blackbird. The girl who never smiled, the girl who only lived only for revenge. The monster that will wipe your existence off of the earth like it was nothing. The ghost that will haunt you when your sins line up too high.

Eventually, you joined the dregs and you connected with your brother once again and he knew something was wrong the moment he felt your presence. He didn't believe you were the Blackbird, the girl who terrorized the streets of Ketterdam.

But he learned to accept it, they all did except for that blasted Brekker boy.

With your time in the Dregs, you had slowly begun to form something with Kaz but you quickly remembered your promise to yourself and you let him go.

Although you don't like to admit it, the Crows had become your friends - family even. You would do anything to protect them even though it didn't seem like it. You were you though, and that was being afraid to even semi-connect with them. Of course, you were, because you were growing a bit too fond of Kaz Brekker and last time that lead you to a fate worse than death.

So you distanced yourself for a while to recollect your thoughts and if you really wanted to stay with them. Did they ever manipulate you? No. Then you came back and you stayed, maybe you weren't the perfect friend or a very good one at all but the Crows knew you even considering to stay was a blessing all in itself.

They were always so patient with you even Kaz, especially Kaz, and you never gave anything in return to them. Guilt would often cloud your mind when you were near them but they were always so amazing something you could never be.

But one day they came to their breaking point.

Killing people wasn't anything new for them, much less you killing people but coming back with a bloodied body and losing contact with them for weeks was probably not the same as just 'killing.'

Jesper pulls you by your bicep into Kaz's office with the other Crows following behind. You stumble in as Kaz slams the door shut being the last one in the room. They stare at you with beady eyes almost like the ones on the infamous birds around the Slat.

"What the fuck Y/n!" Jesper finally yells. Everyone around doesn't even bother to tell him to lower his voice their faces held the same anger that Jes's did.

Silence drowns you in its ocean keeping you in its waters. A chain is wrapped around your throat as you sink deeper and deeper into its depths. You try and swim away, run like you always had before, but the weight around your neck is too heavy, too dense and it slowly drowns you.

You just shrugged your shoulders. How could you explain all that you went through? Why would you want to?

"We can't just brush this off Y/n, we always do, but you crossed a line," Wylan states calmly but firmly at the same time putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder trying to ease the tension in the room.

You laugh, you hadn't even been walking a line at all. No, you had been jumping from rooftop to rooftop as they created a chalk line at how far you could go. Balling your hands into fits you snarl, they have been keeping you back. Maybe it's a good thing but you didn't want to admit it.

What about Kaz? A voice whispers in the back of your head.

Your eyes travel to his form in the back. He's leaning on the wall slightly but also using his cane to make himself look up-right. The darkness in the back compliments his angular features making them stand out as if saying he was above you. And to most people he probably was and he deserved that position.

But it didn't matter to you, he was just Kaz to you. Even if you saw him as someone... Important in your life, nevertheless he didn't matter. He was just another powerful man drawing a line that you couldn't cross as the line became smaller and smaller till you were trapped against a wall with nowhere to go.

When you first became the Blackbird, you climbed up that wall, you knew what was going to happen next. And you would never let anyone do that to you again.

"If you think I crossed the 'line' then your wrong." Your voice started out light-hearted (never does a fake smile crawl on your face though) but slowly became menacing and terrifying.

You spin of your heels turning to Jesper. "You've kept me in a cage giving me freedom but always locking me back up in the night."

You turn to Wylan and you mock his voice from earlier. "It was only a matter of time before I would break out." Your eyes lock onto Kaz's and your voice softens while you look at him.

"You knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later. A bird needs to stretch its wings somehow."

"That doesn't mean you get to cut off communication with us for weeks than bringing in a body all bloodied. What you said before doesn't even explain why you did that Y/n," Inej says quietly.

You growl and the people closest to you jump back a little.

"Oh, what are you going to do, kick me out? Half of your businesses wouldn't have even succeeded without me!"

Jesper balls his hands into fists. "Gee for fuck's sake Y/n would just tell us!"

"HE'S THE REASON I'M A MONSTER!"

Your shout makes everyone freeze in their place and there it is again. The overbearing silence that takes over everything with its darkness. Running threw out the room, swirling around you and making it impossible for you to even hear anything other than your own terrible thoughts of madness.

But one voice isn't in your head of that hyena howling at you no, it's real and you can hear it among the darkness. You close your eyes listening in and hearing something other than darkness.

"Y/n." Your eyes snap open and you meet Kaz's eyes and you feel something dangerously close to relief.

"Everyone else out."

The Crows file out of the room one by one following Kaz's order. Everyone leaves but Jesper hesitates at the door and you see your broken armour trying to come back to you again and although it's harsh he wasn't there when he should have been. You understood that he had other problems he needed to sort out but you were his little sister.

You were supposed to stick up for each other.

"Out." Your voice would sound cold to anyone else but to Jesper, it sounds tired and unhappy. Lonely also however it has a hit of love and revenge as well.

The taller brother just sighs though and close's the door.

Kaz's eyes meet yours and your hands start to fidget with the cuffs of your bloodied shirt.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at you. Willing you to spill information with just a glance. Any God would fall prey to those eyes and they would disclose all their knowledge while also thanking him in the end.

Kaz Brekker had something more powerful than Godly power over you.

So you couldn't help but tell him the real more dark story behind the Blackbird, he had already told you his so maybe, just maybe you could trust him.

"Do you know the Story of the Blackbird?" Your voice rings out against the muteness of the room fighting against it for once in your miserable life.

Kaz nods his head showing you that he knew. Of course, he knew it, was Brekker he probably knows every single version by heart.

"And I assume you know it's about me?"

Rolling his eyes but nodding once again.

You hesitate, knowing that after this you couldn't go back. That these next few words could change everything and why are you even telling this to the bastard of the barrel?

Because you love him.

It's simple and you promised yourself you would never love again but possibly that promise wasn't real because perhaps you never really loved that hyena. Some form of peace has definitely come from killing him, but maybe there's more to moving on from trauma than just revenge.

So with those thoughts in mind, the words tumble out of your mouth and you wouldn't be able to stop them even if you tried.

"Around the time where Jesper was just starting in the Dregs I had gotten a boyfriend. He was... Well, he was the perfect boyfriend but looking back he was too perfect. Basically fake, he was a manipulator and he knew me like the back of his hand. He knew where to press and I was under the impression that he could do nothing wrong." You pause to take a breath but you don't look up from your spot on the floor.

"It started with the small things like little insults thrown my way, but then it grew into bigger things like calling me a slut and what not. I wasn't even surprised when he started beating me."

Your eyes slowly come off the floor and they travel up Kaz's body but never meeting his eyes. You didn't want to see the disappointment that would be held in those eyes. That was inevitable.

"Then every day it started to get worse till he-" You cut yourself off and your legs wobble underneath you and as you collapsed Kaz jetted out and caught you before you could fall.

Tears were running down your face as you gripped Kaz's shirt as he picked you up bridal style and carried you over to the bed. He place's you down and slides in beside you yet there was a good distance between the two of you. But it still gave you comfort and for the first time in a while, you didn't question why it did, you just went with it already knowing the reason why.

You loved him it was as simple as that.

"Then he-" You choked on a sob again and you bring your knees to your chest.

"You don't have to say it." He says gently nothing like what that hyena used to do to you.

"Noah used to rape me." The words come out in a blur and the tight feeling in your chest slowly falls apart and for the first time in a while, you truly feel like a Blackbird - free. Stuttering to breathe in a realization comes to your mind; Noah that monster will never hurt you ever again.

"Oh, my Saints! He's dead!" You cover your mouth with your hand and you lean back onto the headboard tears of happiness smear down your face. You don't laugh though but you feel even clearer than before. You could get used to this feeling.

Slowly you look over to Kaz and you realize the two of you were broken souls beyond repair and maybe just maybe that's what you needed. Perhaps that's what you both need, each other.

"Thank you." You whisper and the ends of Kaz's mouth curl's up a bit into what looks like is almost a smile but not quite. You would get there too one day.

===========TIME SKIP 4 Months======================

You jump from the rooftop gliding through the air and landing on the window sill of Kaz's office. You tilt your head to the side affectionately as you see The Crows getting ready for a heist only they're really just fooling around. Everyone but Kaz of course, he's in his desk chair drawing out some maps.

And they tell you you overwork! Hypocrites.

You open the window silently and you slip into the room unnoticed. You tiptoe over to Kaz's desk and you leap on top.

Kaz raises his eyebrow at you and you just shrug your shoulders, he probably had to stop anyways.

"You know there are other ways to get my attention other than acting like a child?"

"Oh, I know this is just more effective." You playfully respond.

Before Kaz could continue with the banter Jesper interject's just realizing you were here grabbing everyone's attention and placing it on you. Still not a fan of that.

"How the hell did you get from that rooftop to that window!" Jesper points outside in a slightly worried, big brother voice.

So you look him dead in the eyes and say; "I flew."

Jesper laughs along with the rest of The Crows but they stop at your deadpan look on your face.

"You didn't really?!"

"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes, "I didn't even think you knew that I did that."

Jesper comes over and wraps an arm around your shoulders and you immediately tense up.

"I do know some tricks! I am your older brother after all." His tone does get a few octaves of sombre at the end remembering the memories of how he didn't protect you before. But he's here now so you guess that's all matter's now.

You scoot off the desk out of his arm range but you do send him a sorry glance. The memories were just too much to handle sometimes. He just sends me a tiny knowing smile and nods and walk's off quietly (for the first time in his life) over to Wylan.

You watch everyone interact and it almost brings a smile to your face but something is missing and you wonder what it is.

Your question is quickly answered though as Kaz stands up beside you. His ungloved hand slowly garb's onto yours's and slowly you intertwine your fingers together.

"You really are the leader of a bunch of idiots." You say as Nina dares your brother to down a whole bucket paint.

"Yes, that's what it seems."

"But we love them." And for the first time in a while, you smile and it's not full-blown, it's tiny yet it has the whole galaxy in there.

"Yes, Yes I do." But Kaz isn't looking at The Crows he's looking at you.

Words 3517

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

[megsironthrone]

Meg's Game of Tales: Tale 15

*Familiar Characters are NEVER mine! The original story of "Rapunzel" was written by The Brothers Grimm.*

Warnings: Rapunzel AU, angst-ish, a little fluff

Pairings: Prince!Jaime Lannister x fem!reader

This hunt was not going as planned. Not at all. Not only had Jaime not caught anything, but he'd gotten hurt in the process. It just wasn't a good day. The only thing Jaime was looking forward to now was getting home, getting clean, and collapsing in bed. That was the thought that kept him pressing forward. But then? He heard it. A voice calling out.

"Y/N! Y/N! Let down your hair!" Jaime followed the sound of the voice and came upon a tower. At the bottom of a tower was an older looking woman, but that wasn't what caught Jaime's attention. it was what the old woman was climbing. It wasn't a ladder or a rope. No. It was…hair?! Jaime's gaze followed the hair up and, as expected it was attached to the head of a woman. A beautiful woman. Well, from what he could see from a distance anyway.

How had Jaime not seen this tower before? He hunted in these woods all the time. Jaime watched until the two figures disappeared from view. Jaime had always been the curious sort of man, so the need to know more welled up in his chest and it took everything in him to stay away from the tower. If the younger woman was trapped up there, it wasn't safe for him to approach while the older woman was there. So, he left, determined to come back the next day when hopefully, the younger woman would be alone and safe.

The next day, Jaime was out early, heading toward the tower. He got there quickly, hiding in the bushes until the older woman was gone. As soon as she was out of sight, Jaime ran up and called out the same phrase he'd heard her call out the day before. "Y/N! Y/N! Let down your hair!" It took a moment, but soon the voluminous length of hair came cascading out of the window of the tower.

Wasting no time, Jaime began to climb. His arms and legs burned with the effort, but his curiosity was piqued and he couldn't go back now. He had to meet the woman at the top of the tower. Who was she? Why was she there? Would she ever want to leave? Was the old woman kind to her? All these questions fueled Jaime's climb until he finally made it to the top and swung into the window.

"W-Who are you?" Jaime glanced up to see a pair of beautiful eyes staring back at him in fear and wonder. You were more beautiful up close. "I think the better question is who are you and why are you in this tower?" You arched a brow. "That's two questions. And you're the one who climbed into MY home. Now, who are you?" Jaime held his hands up in gesture of surrender.

"Jaime. My name is Jaime. I-I saw your tower yesterday and heard the old woman call out to you. I had to know more." You let out a scoff and shook your head. "Mother says the outside world is cruel and vicious. The tower keeps me safe" Jaime nodded. "She's right about that. But I mean you no harm. I swear." You regarded him with distrust. "I don't think I believe you." Jaime chuckled. You were smart. "Perhaps I could sit with you a while? We can talk and maybe then you'll trust me." After a moment of thought, you nodded slowly in agreement.

*time skip*

"Y/N! Let down your hair!" Jaime called out. He'd been coming to see you every day for weeks now. At one point, he'd nearly been caught by your mother. That day you'd been frightened and told him to stay away. He hadn't of course, but you were slowly growing to trust him. It was his favorite part of the day, getting to see you.

Despite being locked up in a door less tower your entire life, you were very intelligent. You could sniff out a lie like a bloodhound. Jaime couldn't hide the fact that he was a prince from you for very long. You were also very sweet, but had a temper that Jaime admired. You rarely showed it, but when you did, you could scare the most fierce creatures. The only thing that bothered Jaime, truly bothered him really, was that you seemed content to never leave your tower. You wanted adventure, but you didn't want to leave your mother.

As Jaime climbed your hair once more, he went through his argument in his head. He was going to try and get you to talk to your mother about leaving the tower for good. It couldn't be healthy being locked away all the time, could it? Jaime didn't expect what was going to happen.

"Hello, Y/N!" Jaime greeted as he climbed in the window. He looked up only to be met with the face of your mother. She looked livid. "Who are you?! How did you find this place?! Did he send you?!" Jaime glanced at you in confusion. "He? Who are you speaking of?" Your mother relaxed a little, but only a little.

"Does anyone know you're here?" she asked and Jaime shook his head. She smiled. "Good. Then no one will know what I'm going to do to you." A crack of lightening sounded over heard, causing Jaime's brows to furrow. It had been sunny when he climbed in a moment before. He glanced out the window to see rows and rows of thorns springing up from the ground.

"MOTHER NO!" you cried. Jaime spun around to see that your mother was about to push him from the window. "Please, Mother, don't! Jaime is my friend. I-I think I love him." Your mother whirled around and Jaime's eyes widened. "Do you even know him?" You nodded sheepishly. "He's been coming every day for many weeks now. I'm sorry I did not tell you. I didn't want to lose him. Or you."

Your mother approached you. "Y/N, darling, how can you trust him? I've told the outside world is a horrible place. I'm the only one who can protect you." Jaime's brows came together as he processed what was being said. "Protect her from what? Surely there can't be an actual threat on the life of someone so kind and lovable. Can there?" Your mother let out a sigh.

"I suppose there's no harm in telling you now. I'm not your real mother, Y/N. Your real mother charged me with caring and protecting you when you were only a child. I was to keep you safe until she reached out to me. But then she died and the threat to you grew worse."

"I ask again, threat from what?" Jaime asked. He wasn't one to draw out stories longer than necessary. That was more Tyrion's expertise. The woman rolled her eyes, but continued on, "The threat from Lord Gregor Clegane," she stated before turning back to you, "Your brother."

"M-My brother?" She nodded. "I know Gregor. He's a monster," Jaime stated, "Your mother was right to send you away. I'd forgotten there was a third sibling. After Gregor held Sandor's face over the fire, the third child was said to have disappeared. Some said she was murdered by Gregor for trying to tell people the truth about what happened instead of the story the late Lord Clegane told."

You looked between Jaime and the woman you knew as your mother in disbelief. "I'm a lady? Like…a trueborn lady?" They both nodded. "That's why I've kept you here. For your own good." You nodded, but Jaime wasn't having it anymore. You had said you thought you loved him. He wasn't sure anything would come of that love if you were stuck in the tower for the rest of your life or Gregor's.

"She doesn't have to stay in the tower. It's true Gregor is still alive, but I doubt he would recognize either of you. And even if he did, you would be safe. Your brother Sandor is still alive as well. He lives in the castle as part of the guard. You would be protected and safe anywhere you went. I swear it."

Your mother immediately began to protest while your eyes were glued to Jaime's again. For a moment, the two of you stared at each other while your mother droned on in the background. After a bit, you spoke again. "No, Mother. I won't stay here," you said, turning to her and taking her hands in yours, "I love you. Very much. I know you want to protect me, but I need to be out of this tower to discover this new part of who I am and if Jaime says he can keep me safe, I trust him. He hasn't broke a promise to me yet. Please, Mother. Let's leave this place together."

The older woman turned to Jaime and in a stern voice asked, "Can you keep your promise? Will you keep her safe?" Jaime nodded without hesitation. While he wasn't sure if he loved you romantically, he did have a love for you. He always protected those he loved. She stared into his eyes the same way you always did when you were trying to figure out if he was lying or not.

"Very well. You have my blessing. I will return to my former cottage, but you two will go to the castle and enjoy life together. If you ever have need of me, you will know where to find me." With that, she placed a kiss to your forehead and nodded to Jaime. She waved her hand to cause the thorns to disappear.

Using your hair, she left the tower to return to her cottage. Jaime followed her down and waited for you at the bottom. You gripped tight to the hair that was going to be your way to freedom. Taking a deep breath, you began lowering yourself from the tower for the first and only time, ready to start a new adventure.

(a/n: That's our 15th tale! Only 3 more to go, plus 2nd parts for "A Hound-Shaped Helm" and "Three Days".)