cottuscognatus

[jacqcrisis]

Can I talk about the boat scene with Gale? I'm gunna talk about the boat scene with Gale and my boy, Alfonso "The Face-Breaker" Tombstone.

Cause here's the thing. Alfonso Tombstone isn't a religious person. It's not that he doesn't believe in the gods (in fact I dont think you can in this universe), but he disregards them mostly. Given his upbringing and his poor background, the gods are not a direct force to Al. They can be to other, more special people; people of influence and power and interest, but to little old Al, he's just another ant on the ground, living his life with as much of a thought about divinity as the divine probably have of him.

Given his status pre-tadpole, Alfonso fully knows that his life is more determined by the world and the people around him than any gods. And that's fine, that's preferable as divinity is not a replacement for the life that surrounds you, but it's also never going to get him into a tabernacle praying for a change in his circumstance because the gods don't care about lowly old him and, frankly, he doesn't need them to. If he wants a change, than either he will make that change, a person in his life will make that change, or some random chance will make that change.

And then he randomly gets scooped up by a mindflayer ship and everything goes topsy-turvy. He's miles from home. Surrounded by weirdos. Having an adventure.

Yet he still takes that core belief about deities with him. Its one of the things he and Gale bond over as the academic and divinely troubled wizard finds this uneducated athletic performer of an orc to hold surprisingly nuanced opinions about the very thing that vexes him. They debate about, argue, spend long hours into the evening discussing this chasm between their opinions on the role of the gods that do or do not affect their lives.

They never come to a consensus or an agreement, but it opens the door for their budding romance. The divine stops being argued. Conversations move on, relationships deepen, time passes. Shockingly, Alfonso still believes the gods have little interest in him even as he's suplexing the avatar of one deep in the bowels of a mindflayer nest.

And he's in love. Al doesn't want to admit it, doesn't want to plan for a speculative future, doesn't want to give himself that hope because outside of this adventure, outside of the tieflings and the children calling him a hero, he's still the same old Al. No amount of praise or good deeds done in the world could make him believe that if they survive all this and if life goes back to normal, that Gale won't finally see how goddamn uninteresting Alfonso is and immediately forget about him in favor of anyone more worth his time.

But maybe he does start to think about life after. Maybe he does daydream about simple times and simple days. No mindflayers or tadpoles or cults or dead gods or living gods and maybe Gale is there when Al is at his weakest of daydreams that they could have something in the after this. Maybe a home life or another adventure, but something together where Al can and does measure up to all the things in Gale's life that came before him.

And now Alfonso is sitting in a boat among the stars being asked by this person he finally started admitting he loves if they can ascend to the very thing that will make them leave Al behind. Because Alfonso wouldn't ascend with Gale; that's never going to be something he, the most salt of the earth kind of person to ever exist, would want. He isn't divine material, isn't capable of wrapping his head around the minutiae of that, is interested in that at all. If Gale ascends, he would be doing it alone and who would Al be to him but an ant staring at the sky, grieving the person he loved.

I like to think in that whole conversation, Al told Gale all that. That was his rebuttal to the 'tell me you want what i want' line, along with the whole 'I love you for who you are and not the god you'd pretend to be'. Which leads to the rest of the boat scene and I've got too many FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.