#you know who else isn't laughing? alka

[twiafom]

panacea / never enough time for a drifter

draw stuff that would make you of 5 years ago ask "is this a joke". god i wish it were. i'm not laughing

[supermom8609]

" Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon... no matter how good you are the Bird is going to shit on the whole board and strut around like it won anyways... Till he's handed a alka seltzer and can't move due to every piece of him being scattered everywhere."

-better stick to.... someone who needs to be anonymous but so badly wishes to say it.

Well I just sat down to decompress, refresh, kick back, whatever you want to call it. But my dumbass just read my blog from this morning. I dont know what crazy train that lady came off of but somebody better take her back to the station. I cant believe some people talk like that and not just pose as my calm, predictive, non stress self. I'm so shocked and taken back from seeing it all. Lol. And ok im done.

You see that beautiful man, well he's every bit of my mind, heart, and soul. Before him I never cheated, but i damn sure looked at women. But for some odd fucking reason, in which scares me a lot, I can't even watch porn with him like before and feel right. If anything is crazy, that right there is. To make me love you as much as I do him, well that's like holding my air sack and being the sole reason I get to take that next breathe. I mean I honestly thought I had loved as hard as it gets. But it wasn't love, loyalty maybe, but not genuine love. Not even close to this. With that being so..... I pray he never sees this and find a out just how bad he has me for him. He's already one with a huge head. Hahah pun intended, I swear I make myself laugh at my own shit all the time. But for real....I think you get it

But..... that same man I adore with every fiber I am made of, well he has been raised with so much hate, every person he has had, both family and friend, has been a bad example being a conditional love in his life. I dont know if May be something else happened that he isn't telling me, but the man thinks being in love also comes with even having an option to walk away when shit gets hard and or ugly. He's never had someone tell him what's wrong, or constructively but with honesty, correct and fix things. He was taught violent angry fits, solve everything. Before you think what your thinking, not just no, but he'll no, has he ever laid his hands on me. He never would. With knowing that, I can tell you there isn't anything else that would ever justify leaving his side for good. Not even cheating. I CAN TAKE WHATEVER he throws at me, as long as wgen he's not having those I am told my worth. I dont give a fuck what anyone says. We are fucking human, and those hurtful words hurt worse than stones. But.... and he's the big but, I never had this strong love with anyone till last November when I laid eyes on my birthfather for the first time. I was also thrown away not once, not twice, but three times by family who should have never let thwir child go. I dont blame my birth mother, God rest her soul, she did what she knew was best, and didn't abort me, but placed me for adoption. I went through the system, in one foster family, out that one, and into another, in which they do end up adopting me, but every gosh damn day of my crazy life, was spent being forced into forming to the mold they had designed. Never excepted me at all for who I wanted to be, who I needed to be, who God made me like.

But that is another days work of writing. I could have a whole book or book series talking about me and my uprising.

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing."

- Shakespeare