#you just never hear abt it bc a lot of wincest fans hate him so they're hardly gonna celebrate him talking abt wincest lmao

[spnorwhatever]

okay but my brainworms are terminal enough that I've seen. a fair number of spn con panel videos lmao, and like... misha collins KNOWS what like slash fans are beyond the basics spn tptb seem to, he knows what rps/rpf is and has explained for the entire panel by way of answering some question or other, and he knows what wincest is lmao, beyond just oh I came across it and then threw it out just now. Or af least, he's done this thing before when ppl ask him what his fav ship is and he's like, .wincest oh for sure lmao.

Like. I truly think he's just fucking around and like maybe watching public opinion oscillate around just amuses him (when he's like doing it on purpose)

also, need need, lmao. (your you're??)

[godstiel-coded]

Semi-coherent Dean-centric rambles

Okay so a lot of this is non sensical, tangential, and a lot is copy n pasted from my rants in hell so please join me in partaking in shrimp emotions in this dennys

Okay so first off I got thinking abt post purgatory 1.0 bc of a post you can see if you scroll a bit and I mean like its so entirely possible that Cas sat beside Dean while he slept on the ground and kept a hand on him while he slept fitfully (dean couldnt be On him that'd impede cas' defense if monsters arrived) and he probably couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in his dingy motel woth Cas' hand resting on his shoulder as he sots on the other side of the bed, deep in thought because Sammys a smart kid he'd know that Dean wouldn't let anyone else do that he'd know that Dean hadn't slept that well in years like??? He would feel vulnerable and therefore take it out on Cas but Cas would be confused y'know in Heaven he was a soldier so you watch over those who cant fight (none of them sleep but surely theyve been injured) so to him its no big deal of course if it was someone else he'd sit across the room but he hears Deans yearning as prayer and knows the tether to something familiar helps him sleep so of course he would sit beside him while he slept as he always did in purgatory!!

And like yknow from there I cant help thing about how so much of Destiel is "of course" Like its Such a destiel phrase and I can't stop thinking about it because like it almost seems like "I need you to take me for granted so at least I know I belong by your side" vibes. As long as its "of course" that means its recognised as intrinsic as necessary as expected not something they can discard Aaaaa!! *of course* I would do anything for you is permission to expect anything to be done its its this acknowledgement that they don't need to talk about it because the answer is always yes!!

Yknow *of course* cas woukd watch dean sleep after purgatory because thats what they do thats what they had been doing but Dean he'd feel so damn Exposed like anyone could see it on his face that he doesn't have an Excuse now he's topside but Cas he doesn't need an excuse because *of course* he would wait patiently for dean to wake because dean needs his sleep and cas needs dean on the top of his game and dean hates to sleep alone anyways what reason does he have to Not like obviously there is something he can do that is painless thst is easy that comforts and lulls Dean and ensures he is resting deeply (relative) and safely like Cas would watch the world burn for Dean *of course* he would sit on his shitty motel bed, calm and still, hand resting on Dean's shoulder so that the warmth can soothe his subconscious. A few hours is nothing to Cas nothing at all why would he not why would he expect such a strong rejection after everything they've been through this seems like an "of course" to him and he knows Dean he knows ot would help him sleep and Dean knows it too but be knows that if it was anyone else it'd hardly make a difference so he feels vulnerable aaah okay okay I'm talking myself on circles

And yknow what *of course* Dean would grieve like a widow for Cas because Cas deserves to not be forgotten not when no one else even knows him not when theyre the only ones who Can remember him except Sam is pretty much okay but Dean is drowning in the sorrow and Cas will never know that!! Cas will think Dean pushed through it like everything else and why would Dean tell him because *of course* he must know, Cas seems to know everything about him how could he ever think Dean would be okay without him

So naturally, *of course* Dean prays every night and *of course* Cas listens to every word because they have intricate gay rituals and all hell seems to break loose (sometimes literally) the more they deviate from them!!

It just breaks me inside because Mr. Repression and misery himself loves Cas like its the only viable option and even when he panics and rejects him or shuts down *of course* its not really how he feels and Cas loves Dean like he's the only thing worth loving (minus his son) because *of course* he is and Dean cant fathom that because hes one of trillions of humans and aaaahhhh what better success story could there have been than for Dean to learn not o lt that Cas loves him but to see in himself what Cas does and yeah we get a little bit of that in 15x19 but he deserved to Live that Truth with Cas right there beside him

And yknow through all of this its Sam who he's known for being most codependent with and that makes sense because Dean picks Sam first priority because he doesn't know who he is without being Sams Mommy big brother and he mourns Cas like That because without Cas he doesn't know who he wants to be and the MOC lecture about how when Dean destroys all the world Cas will be the one left to watch yknow the past and present have always been Sam but in the future he dares to hope for Sam is safe and sound marrying someone or something, living the life he wants but not unreachable and Cas is the one by his side so yeah he has to choose Sam bc Sam is the basis of who he thinks he is and he just simply can't give up on that part of himself or lose Sam and live knowing he failed him but losing Cas hits like a bag of bricks because he loses his best friend and feels he fails him but he also loses his hope for who he could be the people they could be together the life he craves when he dares to hope for the light at the end of the long series of progressively larger guns the tunnel

He deserved a success story damn it and what bigger success could there be than Dean learning that someone could choose to love him flaws and all I mean from 15x18 to 15x19 we saw Cas words hit home and he finally said he Is more than daddys blunt instrument and he said it to the one who created his fate and thats bc Cas like imagine what could come of a few years to decompress and to *live* the life they earned the life they could build together

They deserved it. We deserved it.

[Image description : colored banner reading "WINCEST/BIBROS FANS DNI"]