#you guys got me through grad school apps and. that's just amazing so thank you!!

[tennessoui]

kit's january ko-fi fic: Anakitty AU

ugh i am so excited to be posting this on my kofi, i had such a blast writing this that i literally wrote 3k yesterday for it and 3k today in like. 3 hours. she's the definition of a silly little au becoming a fic!!

in this fic/au, anakin becomes a cat; meanwhile, obi-wan just happens to find a cat outside his doors that he decides to take in to care for, as he's a lonely old man now that his padawan has left the nest. good thing this cat is really affectionate and just melts when obi-wan gives it pets!

meanwhile anakin thinks it's a pretty sweet deal to be a cat forever if it means he has obi-wan's affection and attention and love and attention and pets and attention and, etc etc

here's a little snippet!:

“So you haven’t heard from Anakin in a few days,” Obi-Wan says carefully, brushing each slightly curly strand of the cat’s fur flat as he examines his grand padawan. “Are you worried about him?” Obi-Wan hasn’t heard from Anakin lately either, but the boy has been pulling slowly and carefully away from him for ages. For the most part, Obi-Wan has stopped reaching out, and their virtual communications have dried up. “Not anymore,” Ahsoka says, picking up her tea with an angry look at the cat. “How long has it been since he’s been like thi—I mean, since you last heard from him?” “Well, I couldn’t quite say!” Eleven days. “Though, if I’m being honest, the Council is close to drawing him up on charges for abandoning his troops without leave to take a holiday. I’m sure he will slip back into the Temple sooner or later.” “Wow!” Ahsoka’s voice is pitched much too loud and much too pointed to be natural. “Did you hear that, Anakin? You’re going to be tried for abandoning your troops if you don’t tell the Council you’re experiencing a bit of a setback soon!” The cat rolls onto its back with a loud purr, paws folded upward to allow Obi-Wan the maximum of tummy to scratch. Obi-Wan, knowing it's his due, scratches its tummy obligingly.

as a reminder for how these kofi fics work: i've uploaded the google document link into my gallery on ko-fi. to view the image and get the link that's in the image description, you have to be a monthly subscriber. it's $4 a month, and once you become a subscriber, you can read the 5 other ficlets i've uploaded! if you want to donate to get access, make sure the donation bar is set to "monthly" instead of "one time".

[morvantmortuary]

Sorry to hear you've had a rough day. Sending you good vibes and virtual hugs 🖤🖤🖤

thank you for this, darling, I super appreciate you thinking of me 🥰

some of it was honestly funny in hindsight? like, the two campus buses I have to take to get to work somehow stretched my commute into an hour each way

…I live ten minutes from my office 🙃

then I sent this job listing I really liked to the director of our professionalization committee for this year, which I knew wasn’t my exact specialization but I have other circumstances that made me think it would work, only for the director to explain I would be a super duper long shot (if I was considered at all) bc they’re actually looking for an MFA student but they didn’t outright say it in the listing

did I mention I switched to applying for my phd five years ago even though I originally wanted an mfa, I somehow thought a phd would be more practical

so then I went looking through all the job app websites I’m signed up for, and while I found a lot of openings for other specializations (ukrainian lit, italian lit, pre-1000 bce), I found maybe one or two for what’s considered the most general application of what I do

and they were both for military academies :’D which I really, uh, don’t want to work at

so then I was like “okay, boot and rally, it’s gonna be fine, let’s just finally get the committee together” and sent out an email being like “hey guys we still haven’t decided on a date to meet and it’s like month 2 of the semester, how about [x day]” bc I’m feeling really unsteady about my dissertation and I’m under a lot of pressure from my dad to finish as soon as possible, so I’ve been trying to get ahold of them for weeks now it feels like

only for my new chair to immediately be like “nope sry”

so then I got home (an hour later) (I still only live ten minutes away) and realized that I think my best friend since I was little forgot to send me a birthday present when she usually always remembers

which she’s not obligated to do obviously, we’re both adults and she’s had some stuff going on, but between that and the fact that the two friends whom I supported through their dissertation/defense periods have just, like, left - one is on the other side of the world, one might as well be - I just got feeling very lonely :’D as much as I love all my friends in my phone, it’s just kind of hard sometimes in meatspace. no one else in my family has been to graduate school before (hell, I’m the second person in my immediate family to graduate from college and the first to not fail out temporarily in the process) and sometimes I feel weird talking to my non-grad irl friends bc they treat me like I’m still in college/don’t have a real job yet (they don’t mean to, it’s just how people think of grad school in the states), so. yeah.

…and then the scary possession movie I rented to feel better turned out to be a conservative religious propaganda movie in disguise, which was just the cherry on top

(that’s the last time I rent a movie without checking imdb first)

but then the next day was better: my committee chair swung by my desk himself (we work across the hall from one another) and hung out and talked me through some of my biggest worries for a bit (and even said he liked my chapter, which was amazing bc I was afraid it was hot garbage), and my boss was really nice and gave me some cake balls from the local bakery for a belated birthday present (I can’t eat them due to food allergies but the thought counts!!), and I actually drove myself to work instead of taking one of the buses, which shouldn’t be a big deal but is for me bc I hate driving anywhere after a bad accident I had a few years ago :’D then my committee members emailed me like “hey how about next week!!” and I was like “oh phew okay” and found out one of them hasn’t been avoiding me, he’s just on teaching leave for the semester lmao (he’d sent me comments first and I hadn’t seen him since, so I was like “omg was it that bad” even though his comments were fairly chill) so I guess my lesson for the week is that I just need to be patient and let things work out

…then this morning I woke up with a migraine :’D but it’s not the worst one I’ve had so far, so. it evens out I guess!!

anyway, sorry to hurgle all this at you after your super nice ask, it’s just been A Lot. if you read this far, you’re a saint and I love you 😂🖤

cheers to the rest of this week looking better!! hopefully!!! knock on wood!!!

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Here’s a half formed thought about Calum going back to school at the same time as you during the crazy ass pandemic. Enjoy. 

Reader insert. No race or gender. 

********************

You were always going back to school. When you ran into Calum last year--though it really wasn’t you running into Calum; he was doing his grocery shopping and you checked him out--you knew being a clerk at the grocery store wasn’t the end all be all for you. 

What you had noticed over the couple of months is that whenever Calum seemed to be doing his grocery shopping, he always came through your line. It didn’t matter if you were the only line opened or on the weekends one of the several lines open, Calum was there. He started with small talk, asking you how your day was going. And you asked about his. He shocked you the first time he used your name. But you forgot that it was on your name tag. “Well if you know my name it’s only fair I know yours,” you teased. 

“Calum,” he returned easily, taking the brown paper bags after you carefully packed them. 

Sometimes you noticed his dog in the cart and asked about them. You learned his name is Duke and that he’s been affectionately dubbed Baby Grandpa by Calum. And eventually, though you hadn’t really meant to, you noticed things he bought frequently and whenever you happened across his path while walking to or from back break, you’d let him know if there was a sale going on. 

And thought it was only just friendly chat while you were on the clock, you were out pumping gas on your way to lunch with your friends when you heard your name. As you turned, there was Calum, walking out of the gas station, waving as he pushed his sunglasses back to cover his eyes. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” you laughed, waving in return. What you hadn’t expected as Calum walked across the lot to the pumps is that he would chat until the question of a date fell off from his lips. And sure Calum was attractive, and sure the conversation over the weeks while you checked out his items had turned a little flirty but you hadn’t expected that Calum felt anything remotely serious about you to ask you on a date. 

But you accepted. And there you were able to talk over a nice picnic that excluded Duke, but at your explicit disappointment at not seeing the old dog, Calum promised that next time, he would make sure to include Duke. That picnic lead to a movie, which lead to dinner, which lead to a date shopping for Duke because of the upcoming holidays, which lead to dinner at his place, and then hanging out with his friends for a quick drink one night, which lead to movie nights at each others place. 

And somewhere in all of it, you were dating Calum. He called when you had the closing shift at work to make sure you got home safely. Or if you spent the night, he’d make you breakfast, and he soothed your back as you hunched in front of your laptop to paid for applications for grad school. And he listened to the way you talked about knowing you couldn’t stay in this spot forever and he encouraged you go back to school. You could feel out that school was something that Calum was considering but he hadn’t been too serious about it. Not the band, the tours, the in the studio’s late--just never felt like he had the time.

Occasionally, you talked about some of the online courses you saw the schools had. But Calum hadn’t fully budged. By the time you got news about you going back to school, with funding, and sorting that news out with your job, Calum asked you if you thought he should give a crack at school. You told him the truth, that if he wanted to go for it, he should. And soon, things crumbled globally with the pandemic. And locked in the house most of the time, you dropped subtle and not so subtle hints that making those online classes might be closer and closer to coming true. 

Now you’re here, sitting at the dining room table, your printed out readings and books scattered in front of you. Calum’s on the couch. His notes on the coffee table. You’re in class, listening to the lecture headphones in and you look over to Calum, his class ended just as yours started. His fingers are working over the keys. 

He’s only in a couple of classes. And though you’re in one more class than him, there’s the added struggle of the work you do too. It’s administrative, but there’s meetings once a week and you still find yourself being offloaded onto with lots of small annoying data tracking tasks. It’s paying for school, so you do it with minimal complaints, but a few nonetheless. 

You’re so lost watching Calum working that you don’t even realize that the class you’re in is preparing for small breakout rooms until someone calls your name. You blink and turn back to the screen. “Sorry, zoned out. We’re discussing the reading, yeah?”

Your group nods and you manage to get back on track until the end of your class. Just as you’re closing down the Zoom app, at least for the half hour before your meeting for work, Calum calls out. “Class done?”

You nod, popping out the earbuds. “Yeah. Got that meeting for work soon though.”

He hums, glancing up from the screen. He seems tired. Most of your nights both of you are up kinda late. Though, you make sure to turn it in early and practically drag Calum to bed a couple hours later. He’ll get caught up, work way too late into the night and then have to be up early for band meetings too. “Want me to fix dinner tonight then?”

“It’s my night. I can still do it.” 

“You sure. I know you’ve got to fix that spreadsheet too and do your readings for the week.”

You shake your head. “I can still cook. Might even start during our meeting.”

Calum laughs, remembering the other times you turned off your camera and shuffled around the kitchen to cook in meetings or in classes too. “Nonsense. Almost done with this paper, so I’ll cook. But as an exchange, if you don’t mind, could you read over this? It’s only a response to a reading and it’s not super long or anything. But this instructor’s a fucking hardass.”

You nod. You’ve read over his papers before. Most of the times it’s just making sure he has correct citations and you might make a note about needing a thesis statement or needing more of his analysis between his evidence. But it’s not much that you ever feel like you need to mention on his papers. You’ve found, most often, what Calum needs is just someone to listen to his ideas so he can sort them out loud and then all you do is take down the notes of what he said. Listening to him talk about this philosophy class and Literature class is awe inspiring. He always has more questions than answers, but it’s those questions that always lead him to some pretty amazing places in his writing. 

“Is this the professor that got on you about the spacing on that first paper?”

Calum nods, pushing the laptop to the coffee table on top of his notes. “Yes! Even you couldn’t see what was wrong, so I still don’t understand what they got on me about. And I formatted the second outline in the exact same way and didn’t get any points taken off, so I really don’t understand.”

“Well, it could’ve been Google Docs. When you downloaded it into Pages, the formatting might’ve gotten wonky? But even the Pages document looked fine, so I really don’t know what happened there. But you’re doing it all in Pages now and then exporting to a PDF when you submit correct?”

“Yeah, I am. Thanks for that tip though. I didn’t realize Pages wouldn’t work in the submission center.” His shuffle into the kitchen is paired by the click of Duke’s paws on the floor. Calum presses a quick kiss to the top of your head. “Spaghetti?”

Holding onto his forearm draped around your chest, you nod. “Spaghetti sounds lovely.”

“I saw you staring at me while you were in class,” he whispers close to your ear. 

“What? You’re hot. Sue me.”

His chuckle is soft, a rumble in his chest that you feel through your back. “Most definitely can’t sue you over that. But don’t make me go in the office. I need you to pass these classes.”

“I appreciate the concern, dear. But I think I’m doing pretty good. Besides, I’m signed up for a random art history class. I can say you’re a piece of art I needed to analyze.”

The laughter’s not soft now, he full on giggles--a bit of it getting cut off as he inhales into the sound. “You’re ridiculous.” His lips are soft against your temple as he stands back up. “So spaghetti. Garlic bread is a must. Salad?”

“Ugh, I guess I do need veggies.”

“Yes, yes you do.” He continues into the kitchen, the clinking of pots hitting the isle’s of the stove and bowls, boxes, and jars setting onto the counter. 

“How’s the other class going? You guys starting your novels yet?”

“19th Century Lit is well, 19th Century Lit.” Calum seemed intrigued by the Evil Children’s class you told him you saw. But it had filled by the time Calum got his work schedule sorted out. He turned to 19th Century Lit as his backup, and so far, it appeared to be going well. “We’re spending the first part on poetry. And that’s the most interesting. The rest of the books sound a little boring.”

You hum, nodding even though he can’t see you. “Hopefully the class picks up. I took a look at the spring classes. If you want to focus more on poetry there’s a Modern Poetry post 1930′s class.”

The glance is quick, but his brows are pulled upwards, in a slight intrigue. “I’d consider it for sure.”

The alarm on your phone goes off, letting you know you have ten minutes until the meeting. You turn back to your computer and start logging into the meeting. “You haven’t had an assignment for that class yet have you?”

“No. The midterm’s coming up soon though and I don’t even know how to begin to study for it.”

You pop one earbud in making sure your mic is muted. “You know I got you, babe.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got your classes too. I-I might stop by the professors office hours and ask for help.”

“That’s always a good idea. Do you know when they are?”

“Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s.” You know he doubled checked them because he probably wouldn’t have that readily available from the first day of classes. “Gonna go tomorrow.”

Popping up from the chair, you press a kiss to his cheek, as the pan sizzles just a little and the pot of water not showing signs of bubbles just yet. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Calum returns, pulling you fully into his chest for a swift kiss. “Now, go! You’ve got a meeting.”

“Meeting schmeeting. Would rather kiss you.” You kiss him one last time before ducking back into the chair and turning the camera on. You notice just faintly in the background Calum’s visible as he shuffles between pans and pots. Duke walks up to you, standing up to get attention. 

“Oh, you know I can’t say no,” you mutter, setting him in your lap.

“Is that Duke?” your supervisor asks. He’s crashed a couple meetings before. 

You unmute and hold him better for everyone to see. “Yeah. His pops is cooking us dinner and that lack of attention just won’t do.” 

“Hey, you say that like I don’t love him,” Calum retorts, threatening the back of your head with a spatula. You giggle before muting yourself and place Duke back into your lap, digging up the word document you’ve started for all the meeting notes. 

Your supervisor laughs. “Well I think he’s getting plenty of attention in the chat.” There are some more dings as people join the meeting. “Looks like we have everyone, so let’s begin.”

tagging @calumscalm because you might still be taking that exam, love. 

and @5-secondsofcolor bc sunday reads bubs. 

[lololollywrites]

thoughts about being 29 on the internet that i just had in the shower...

...and had to write down. they were all basically just about how f**king - NEW. and surreal. the internet, its capabilities, and its fandoms can still be to me sometimes. i feel like i forget this a lot. but when i think about it, i can easily recall my wonder at discovering that it all existed in waves of smaller finds. and because i know there are others like me, i thought i’d share some of my own experiences. because honestly, i’ve had fewer years on tumblr and sites like it than some people much younger than me. i’m catching up and enjoying it.

firstly, i know i’m old to some of you, but i’m not really old. not really. i’m still a millennial, screwed over by student loans and old white men and viewed as part of the technological generation. i’m a phd student, and because i’m always on a college campus, i’ve been mistaken as a freshman. a few times. but it’s been fascinating to witness actual freshman and other college students and consider just how different things are for them and honestly? i’m sort of jealous. 

because...

i can remember when i first discovered that fanfiction existed. i was in third period tech skills as a junior in high school - 16 years old - and got a little off-topic and searched for spoilers for a new supernatural episode. this was in 2005 and the show had just come out (yes i still watch, i can’t escape).

and what did i find? somehow? fanfiction.net. i was, no exaggeration, shocked. i sat and read a full-length chaptered fic in episodic format. my mouth was hanging open. i saw thousands more fics in hundreds of fandoms and suddenly felt less strange for envisioning full-scale episode re-imaginings in my head as i laid in bed, dissatisfied with what i had just watched. (btw, i watched new supernatural episodes the sunday after they used to originally air on the wb on thursdays, at my mom’s house where i had my own room and own tiny tv, because no one at my dad’s house wanted to watch and streaming episodes wasn’t something i could even imagine. plus i didn’t have internet at my dad’s house. i know.)

not only that, but i was impressed as hell. here was me, not even aware that you could somehow upload your own text to the internet, and people were not simply writing polished stories in private but posting them somewhere that allowed for chapters. that allowed for people all over the world to read their words. that categorized everything into a huge virtual library. and, most incredibly to me, that allowed for reviews from people around the world.

i couldn’t believe that this new world was open to me. that people would be so generous as to offer amazing stories to me to read FOR FREE. that i had a limitless supply of content to read and review. i barely had functioning internet at home, so i had been sheltered. i told the people sitting next to me in class about it and encouraged them to check it out, mostly to blank stares. i may have even told the teacher, but no one cared. i didn’t understand. who wouldn’t be interested? i told my dad and my sister about it when i got home from school. i was mind-blown.

months in and many reads and written reviews later, i wrote my first fic. it was for smallville. 6 chapters, with updates every few days, that received 14 reviews in total. i read them all multiple times. i showed my sister. i checked the story stats every half hour. i cried. i wrote on the family computer secretly in the evening when most of my family had gone upstairs, because i was about half a year away from owning my first laptop. i wrote more stories sporadically for about 6 years, gradually getting better, but also gradually becoming more stressed and aware of negativity, online arguments, and the embarrassment and shame i suddenly felt about having an online presence. i found a supernatural forum at tv.com (the forums sadly no longer exist), learned about fandom, and immersed myself in posting and being part of a community that i thought understood me more than my friends. like a secret life.

during my first year of college, in 2007, i was in a friend’s dorm when he asked everyone if we wanted to watch an episode of scrubs. i laughed. surely he was joking. “how can we just watch an episode? it’s not on now and you don’t have the dvds.” i literally didn’t consider that there may have been a way. he excitedly told us that he had found some website that had episodes just... pre-uploaded. and that you could just click. i didn’t believe him. the stress of having to be at the tv at a certain time each week for fear of missing an episode entirely and forever was just part of being a fan, right? buying the tv guide and checking listings was necessary. but he found the episode. and clicked. it only took a few full minutes to load and there it was. again, i was astounded. this memory is so shockingly clear to me. it changed how i spent much of my free time, for one. just that moment.

sometime during this first year of college, i was home for break and came across a video on youtube, this new website i had started to use. it reminded me of ebaum’s world, which my friend would show me at her house sometimes because her computer was faster than mine. it was called “cat soup”, and by two guys that called themselves smosh. it had more views than i could comprehend - probably not much more than 5 digits, but still. they were just two kids i could have gone to school with who could create a funny video and get famous. again, i was shocked. mind-blown.

i showed my sister, my mom, and all my friends. they appreciated it a bit more than the fanfiction, but no one seemed to grasp how incredible and revolutionary it was. they all liked “shoes”, with the kelly persona by liam kyle sullivan (we still quote it today), probably because its budget and effects made it a bit more familiarly professional and it appeared less homemade (though it definitely was). but i couldn’t forget smosh. i was so impressed by them. i watched more videos and eventually found communitychannel and jenna marbles and eviliguana and shane dawson. i even found fan edits for my faves, buffy (maybe i saw one of phil’s, lol) and supernatural and smallville, and tried making my own. i freaked in 2009 or so when fred reached a million subscribers. a million. i couldn’t wrap my head around that. again, i told my sister and friends, expecting them to see the enormity of something so crazy happening, and they just... didn’t.

back in 2008, after watching “stick it” again, i recalled the name of a gymnast my cousin used to always talk about when we were kids - from the 1996 olympics - and looked her up on youtube. i realized that all gymnastics competitions imaginable had been uploaded. again - not to be repetitive - but i was shocked. there’s no better word. i gave myself a thorough education on the sport, traveling through time. i am still so grateful that i was able to do that.

sometime in 2009, my friends started pestering me to create a facebook account. i was a junior in college. 20 years old already. it sounded weird - pictures of me online? why? but i gave into pressure and made one. my mom had never allowed us to make a myspace; we were a bit young, and she hated the idea (now, she’s on facebook more than i am). around the same time i got my fanciest phone yet - an LG Env3. i figured out that it could access the internet and that i could use songs to create ringtones. again, sufficiently mind-blown. considering my first cell phone had been a flip phone with no camera that i shared with my sister during emergencies when i was 13, i felt that technology was coming along fast. 

smart phones were foreign to me for a long long time, until recently actually. i thought they were unnecessary for quite a while. i don’t even remember what phones i had at the end of college and through grad school, but i’m pretty sure they consisted of a series of cheap pay-as-you-go phones from walmart. in 2013, i went to china for a year to teach. i got a cheap phone there and used it for about 7 months. one day, a friend of mine gave me his old htc smartphone because he was getting a new one. i didn’t know how to use it, but i played one app on repeat before class and snapped some low-quality photos. after that, i almost immediately went to indonesia for another 9 months to teach high school (2014-2015). the htc phone died very quickly, so i used the nokia brick phone given to me by the organization. it was fine. i had never even used my old smartphone to access the internet, aside from wechat, thanks to china’s internet blocks. it wasn’t until i got home, in the summer of 2015, that i finally got an iphone. it was a huge deal and a big learning curve. it was also around this time that i found dan and phil and tumblr. i only got my macbook two years ago and finally think i have some things figured out.

so i may be old in some ways and remember floppy disks and the card catalog and using encyclopedias to write my middle school papers and huge computers with black screens and green text that displayed math problems in elementary school. i may be able to remember the sound of ancient, huge printers that used reams of paper with perforated, tearable strips down each side. i may remember aol red, dial-up, and not being able to connect if someone was on the phone. but i can also remember watching technology evolve in front of me, discovering fandom and the huge world of content and friendship that lay ahead. and when people try to say i’m too old to like dan and phil, i remind them that dan and phil can also remember. we’re the same age. i relate to them and their stories. to phil’s buffy obsession. to dan’s love of smosh. i’ve only had about 10 fully-cognizant years here on the internet, and only a couple in the world of tumblr and iphones and mobile apps. i’m young in those ways. and i look young enough that strangers sometimes think i’m a teenager. 

that’s laughable to me in some ways, because i’ve lived so much since my teen years. so much has happened. but in others, i don’t feel much different. there’s no age where you just feel grown up. that your interests vanish. that things suddenly seem childish and dumb. yes, i cringe about some things i wrote or did back then and i think i’ve matured, but my interests are all still relatively similar and i can finally explore them in ways that i just couldn’t before.

i hope that this has made sense. and i hope that some can relate.

[bjrdonghyuck]

Hwang Minhyun; Stressed

Summary: In which you snap and Minyun, being the loving boyfriend he is, doesn’t get mad and instead comfots you.

Requested? yES I AM SO HAPPY RN :)) I might have ran around in circles when I got the request pretty sure my mom thinks I’m crazy now Thanks for requesting!

Warnings: nopE

A/n: I just assumed that by apps you ment applications?? Sorry if I assumed wrongly (I’m in middle school not even 8th grade so I’m pretty much clueless about anything above ms) :(

|~•Masterlist•~|

For about three months you’ve been preparing your grad school application

And while it may have looked perfect in Minhyun’s eyes it was complete trash in yours

Sure you had made it through the hell that was collage

But now you had to get into a graduate school for a more advanced degree you guys don’t want to know how long I was researching for to write this and I’m still probably wrong sorry

Plus you had volunteer work to do and a job

Well maybe you didn’t have to volunteer but it looked hella good on aplications

So all nighters were becoming a common occurrence

Your loving boyfriend Minhyun was there to provide you with all the the food and care in the world

You simply didn’t have enough time to let him give you all of that

With the application deadline quickly approaching you spent every hour inside the apartment on your laptop editing, and re writing your applications

The only contact you really had with Minhyun, despite living in the same apartment, was the few occasions you slept and when he would give you back hugs as you worked

You also weren’t eating as well as you should have

Like who has time for food

Pretty much all you ate were the most random stuff your co workers offered you

“Want a goldfish?”

“Hey I have a leftover peice ??? of macaroni”

So yeah, you were losing weight

So one day in the distant past you had scheduled to volunteer at a preschool

Now you was hating the past you

Not only did you have to put about 20 kids in the timeout chair, clean all the messes, deal with kissing preschoolers, and try to put 30 kids to sleep, you had to deal with a miGRAINE

All nighter+ no food+ preschoolers+ stress= mental breakdown

Luckily half way through the day a kind little girl had offered you a goldfish

A goldfish

At least it was something

By the end of the day you were more than ready to pass out

You were even considering leaving the crushed peices of assorted snacks on you until tommorow so you could just sleep

So, after opening the door and kicking off your shoes you were ready to jump into bed

“Hey honey what would you like for dinner? You haven’t been eating well and–”

For some reason Minhyun talking to you was really getting on your nerves

To this day no one knows why

“Stop! I don’t need dinner Minhyun, and I for sure don’t need you bugging me about my eating habits alright?” You snapped and sent a feirce glare his way before stomping into the bedroom, slamming the door

Minhyun was smiling to himself in the kitchen

The little snake had been waiting for you to snap so he could actually properly care for you

After all, your sudden weight and health drop hadn’t gone unnoticed by him

So he walked in the bedroom with a pizza box and the promise of cuddles

Tbh you hadn’t even noticed he was in the room you were too busy mentally scolding yourself for snapping at Minhyun like that

So when he suddenly wrapped his arms around your waist you might have jumped a bit

Minhyun was smiling at how cute you were

Also feeling the peices of crumbs that had managed to get on you throughout the day

“Hey why don’t you go wash up then we can have pizza and cuddle” :))

So you did just that

After changing into some comfortable PJs you and Minhyun ate pizza while cuddling and watching Netflix

By the time the clock struck 21:00/9:00PM you were sound asleep in Minhyun’s arms, your head rested on his chest

He took about a million pictures and bragged to the other members about how cute you were shhhh

The next morning you awoke to an amazing breakfast presented to you by Minhyun with an added bonus of no dark circles!

Minhyun strongly recommended you let him help you with your applications

Which you were going to deny

But then he gave you the this-is-not-optional look

So now your less tired and stressed than before

He also told you to stop doing so much volunteer work

Yeah from that day on Minhyun made sure your health was tip-top and that you didn’t over work yourself

Guess who got into their top pick grad school :)))

So um sorry if I got stuff about grad school wrong. Also! I realise the deadline for grad school applications is coming up so good luck to any one applying! :)

Requests are open! Rules are here.

[hannahmhancock]

Home Sweet Home To Me

About this time 5 years ago, I received a beautiful letter in the mail: I was accepted to the University of Tennessee. It was a dream come true. I loved Knoxville. I always had. My dad raised me to cheer for the Vols and wear the “gaudy” orange my entire life - no matter if we were winning natty’s or taking L’s.

As you know, the Lord sent me to a place that was a sea of red and black - and I’m so thankful. I love my dawgs, and my heart is for them. Not to mention all the incredible people, life experiences, and ways God moved in me during my time in Athens. Attending a university and being there during the biggest times of adversity or one of the best seasons you’ve ever seen, you can’t help but the team be your #1. I, however, still love my boys in orange (although I’ve never been able to admit that), they just took a second place spot.

Fast forward 3 years. I’m applying to graduate school. Again, I get accepted to Tennessee. And again, as you know, I went to a place, a different place, that was a sea of red and black. (but still Georgia is obviously my number 1). And again, am I so thankful the Lord sent me somewhere other than Knoxville.

I’ve prayed for an opportunity to live in the hills of Tennessee my ENTIRE life. And every chance I got, God prompted my heart and said, “no, not yet.” And every time I was disappointed. But now, with all the excitement in the world, I am proud, humbled, and honored to be moving to God’s country of Knoxville Tennessee (sorry, I like to exaggerate for effect).

About 7-8 months ago, I found out my internship in Louisville was not going to be able to hire me full time. Extremely bummed (because I LOVE my job here), I looked to Taylor and said “what do we do?” So we started praying. Praying for guidance, clarity, opportunities, etc. We prayed that the Lord would make it clear where we are called to be so we can glorify Him most. We had this crazy idea in our heads that maybe, just maybe, Knoxville could be this place. Now for those of you who don’t know both sides of the story, Taylor had also been in my shoes almost his entire life: wanting the opportunity to move to Knoxville and every time he had the chance, he felt the Lord say “no, not yet.”

As we began praying for clarity, I started reading a book called “The Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson, where he challenged readers to circle their prayers around their God given passions, desires, etc. and to fervently, boldly, and expectantly seek the Lord in this circle, all the while of not using the “well, if it’s in your will” as a cop-out. Now, this book and my circling of prayer can be taken extremely out of context if you don’t know what Mark Batterson is trying to convey in its’ entirety, so I encourage you to look further into it if you don’t understand where I’m getting at.

And so, we prayed for Knoxville. For 8 straight months. And you know what? For 7 months and 3 weeks, we heard nothing. This is not to say the Lord didn’t hear our prayers, our cries, our anticipation, but what it does say is that God allowed us to receive “no’s” from places and silence from others so he could ultimately answer this prayer we had circled. 

And let me tell you, the last 8 months have been the hardest 8 months of my life. I’ve applied to probably no joke, over 200 jobs, of which I only heard back from about 4. When we felt like Knoxville was getting us nowhere, we started to look in other areas, and still received silence. I received a heartbreaking no from a job I thought was a guarantee for both Taylor and I. I had times where I grew tired of praying and seeking the Lord and just waited in passivity, without prayer. (Let me tell you - that only makes things worse). I cried. I worried. I grew anxious. I grew frustrated. I took out my frustration on my loved ones. 

And one day, after receiving that heartbreaking no, I gave up my passivity towards the Lord and got on my knees. Taylor and I began to pray more and quite differently than we had been the last several months. In some ways, I think we just thought an opportunity would fall on our lap, but what I didn’t fully understand in my mind is that whatever job I got, was only because of the Lord.

We began to fervently pray, again. We improved our discipline in the word and in prayer. We sought God where we were. We decided to continue to serve and love on others around us, while we still had the chance (in Louisville). And the crazy thing is - the moment we got our priorities straight, opportunities began to open up everywhere. I had two interviews in Chattanooga, one in Waco, Texas, and one in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. As I went through this process, Taylor and I continued to pray for open hearts and minds to wherever the Lord sent us, but we also still prayed that if it was the right time, we could go to Knoxville. As the interviews progressed, we still were unsure. I prayed for only one opportunity so I wouldn’t doubt where God was sending us. But, that’s not what happened. I received a call last week with the opportunity to fly to Waco, Texas for a job. While open to the possibility at the beginning, Taylor and I knew Waco was not it. I was encouraged by many to travel out there anyways for the experience, interview opportunity, and so on. As I went on a 17 mile training run last Thursday, I was riddled with anxiety. While everyone around me encouraged me to go, I could not consciously waste their time, and act, in what I thought, could be disobedient to the Lord by going out there. I stopped at mile 12, called the Waco people, and told them no. 

While I was at such great peace about turning them down, I was still a nervous wreck. I had just taken a huge leap of faith and trusted that the Oak Ridge (or possibly another job) would work out. You see, a few days earlier I had interviewed in Oak Ridge for the event manager position. It was the job I had dreamed of in the place I had dreamed of. But my nerves got to me and I thought I bombed the interview. I prayed so hard to the Lord almost every hour of every day last week for the interviewers to show mercy on me and to hear by Friday at 5:00 if I had gotten the job or not. I had another job possibility in a different town, but didn’t want to pursue it unless I knew Oak Ridge wouldn’t work out.

Guys, last week was tough. I was nervous all week. I hardly slept. I Thought I would be back at ground 0. I pleaded with the Lord many times. I was extremely blunt with Him. I continually humbled myself knowing the only way I would get this job is if it’s His will, not if I’m qualified enough or if it’s what I want.

Friday morning rolled around and I was still just as anxious. Taylor and I hopped in the car to drive to Effingham for the weekend and I began to pray. The Bible App verse of the day was Galatians 6:9, “So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” Literally the Lord knew I needed that verse. Ironically enough, the Lord has shown me that verse in very similar life instances: applying to undergrad, grad school, summer jobs, etc. 

About an hour into the journey I got a call, and to my surprise, I was offered the job! I was extremely blown away and extremely grateful. Taylor encouraged me to take a moment to pray and be thankful to the Lord before we moved forward. So we pulled off the interstate, took a moment and gave thanks to God.

Now that I’ve written a novel and probably lost your attention, I write all this to say: Don’t. Give. Up. Many days over this season I’ve been so close to throwing in the towel and applying for a job I knew I could get, but would want to pull my hair out. 

Taylor and I fervently praying through this season doesn’t mean that God just gave us what we wanted because we asked for it. I firmly believe God is sending us to Knoxville because we can glorify Him most there. But I also think the Lord knows our hearts, our passions, and our desires (because He gave them to us), and I believe He wants to use that for His glory! 

Through this journey, I got very tired of people saying, “it’ll work out, in His time”, or “it’s not the right time”, or “The right job will happen for you”, etc. And while I knew all this to be true, that God REALLY does have me, I was tired of it. I also knew that once I got to the other side, the previous 8 months would seem to make sense and be worth it - and it is. But through the monotony and continued rejections, we persisted in trusting the Lord. 

Friend, I’m not sure where you’re at. If you’re in the same boat I’ve been, I know your pain; I know your struggle. But please cling to and remember Galatians 6:9. I’m not sure why you’re in the position you’re in, but I know there’s a reason for it - a Perfect, divine reason. Don’t give up, for you’ll reap in the right time. God honors those who faithfully pursue Him - all for His glory. He hears you. He feels you. He loves you. He knows you. He’s got you.

All the times Taylor and I heard, “no, not yet” to move to Knoxville never made sense until now. Had I moved there for undergrad, I never would’ve met some of my very best friends, nor grown the way I needed to like I did in Athens. Had I moved to Knoxville for grad school, I never would’ve met Taylor, met the most amazing friends, or even found out my dream job DOES exist. And now, here I am, 5 years after my initial attempt to move to Knoxville, beyond excited for the next journey, forever grateful for the opportunity.

[cajunroe]

Webgott Chef/Critic AU ↳ Joseph Liebgott has only ever had three major loves in his life: family, friends, and food. It all he’s ever wanted and needed. He runs a successful restaurant and it’s popularity is growing everyday. He hasn’t been worried about a possible setback since he opened. He knows that the plates he puts out are the best because he’s doing what he does best. However, there are critics. Critics who specifically seek out places like his and look for any and every reason to destroy his life. One critic in particular, known as The Shark because of a shark pin the guy wears on his lapel, apparently has his sights set on Joe’s place and he’ll be damned if this Ivy League prick finds anything wrong with his cooking. 

Joe discovered his love of cooking when his mom had to work a double or else she’d be fired. So, Joe makes dinner for his little brothers and sisters with what’s in the fridge, and when he’s sees their faces light up when they take their first hesitant bite and then devour the rest, he thinks he might have some talent. He starts to cook more often when his mom has to take more and more shifts at work. Each time is something new or different that he thought of or wanted to try. Then he starts doing the grocery shopping after school. Then his siblings start requesting dishes or newfound favorites. Then, on Joe’s birthday when he finishes making his own three-tiered birthday cake, his whole family calls him into the living room. When they hand him a sealed white envelope he doesn’t know what to expect. He opens it to find an acceptance letter to the culinary arts academy he wanted to apply to. 

“We applied for you.” His mother says when he just stares at the paper.

“T-they needed a demonstration, transcripts, and a bunch of other shit, how?”

“Believe it or not, your leftovers are better than a lot of fresh meals, I got you transcripts and you had several glowing recommendations sent in.”

Joe smiles and blinks back his tears.

“Time for cake.”

Three years later and Joe has his own restaurant, backed by his family and large group of friends. 

Joe puts his heart and soul into his cooking and loves the joy and happiness that he’s able to bring to strangers through his life’s work.

On an ordinary Tuesday night, Grant burst into the kitchen from the front of the house and whistles for Joe’s attention.

“What is it Chuckie? I’m a little busy here. Tal! Garnish and send it out!”

“I told you to stop calling me that Lieb and I think he’s here.”

Joe’s head shot up. The most renowned critic in all of San Francisco was possibly about to dine in his restaurant. He could make or break any establishment and Joe had worked too long and too hard for some college boy to ruin him.

“He wearin’ the pin?”

Grant nodded his head. No one really knew what the critic looked like, only that he wore a shark pin to the restaurants he reviewed.

“Alright, make sure you serve him. Be nice, but not too much. That pretentious prick hates when servers are too pushy.”

“You got it.” Grant said before he left.

Joe turned to his staff, “Alright boys, one customer ain’t gonna ruin us. Let’s go! Tal get started on those apps! Skip, how are the desserts? Babe, get moving on those steaks! Come on people, this ain’t opening night!” There’s a resounding chorus of, “Yes chef!”, and Lieb smiles. 

David Webster didn’t necessarily enjoy being a food critic. Yes, he got paid to eat food, but sometimes he felt less than accomplished, void of purpose, no matter how popular his blog was. So when he’s told several hundred times to try Easy Company, he looks into it. Owned by one Joseph Liebgott, it’s been open for three years and it’s kept steady business but has been gaining traction since a featured spot on a Food Network show. There’s no specific cuisine set and it’s the first thing that grabs his attention.

No pictures, that’s…interesting.

A new menu each night.

Tricky and expensive, but impressive.

Friendly and attentive staff.

Always a plus, given the industry.

Lastly, from the plethora of online reviews, it’s worth the heftier price tag.

He stares at the blank page of his novel and sighs.

Now’s as good a time as any.

Web sighs as he pushes himself away from his desk, places his pin on his lapel, and makes a reservation for late that night.

The true testament of a great restaurant is the experience an hour right before they close.

The restaurant is nice and surprises him when he walks in. He’s seated immediately and given the day’s menu before the waiter leaves him for kitchen. Probably to tell the chef that he’s here so they can wine and dine him literally.

He’s not left waiting for long.

“Have you had enough time to look over the menu?”

“Yes, I’ll have the special of the night and a scotch, neat, please.”

“Right away, sir.”

Web pulls out his phone and starts the live posting of the night, determined to do his best to find any fault or exceptionality.

Joe hates critics. He doesn’t understand the reason they even have a job. How does someone else’s experience of a place determine what your own was going to be like? What kind of indecisive person lets some stranger’s opinion stop them from enjoying something amazing? Also, why was this fuck in his restaurant?

“He wants the special and a scotch, neat.” Grant tells him as his puts in the order.

“Neat? Who is this asshole?” Joe laughs as starts the order.

Babe jumps in as he plates a perfectly cooked steak, “He’s a Harvard grad, got a degree in literature. He hasn’t published anything yet, but is working on book about sharks. Name’s David Webster and he’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him.”

Half the kitchen stops and looks at Babe.

“How the hell you know all that?” Joe asks.

“He’s friends with Gene. I didn’t know that’s who you were talking about until you mentioned the pin.”

Babe goes back to cooking like he didn’t just drop a bomb full of knowledge on them.

There’s a crash at the bar and Grant runs back out to the front of the house.

“How was everything, sir?”

Web was surprised, the food was remarkable and he’s never had such a profound response to any other meal he’s eaten. Now he understood why people fell in love with food, why people chose this career for a living, why a good meal could bring a unique happiness to someone’s life.

“Would it be possible to speak with the chef?”

The waiter’s, Charles as his embroidered shirt states, eyes widen and then give him a polite smile.

“Let me go check for you.”

“Yo Lieb, he, uh, wants to talk to you.”

“What the fuck for?”

“I didn’t ask, you said to be nice.”

Joe sighs and wipes the sweat from his forehead.

“Yeah, thanks for that.”

Joe takes a deep breath before pushing open the kitchen door.

“You asked to see me?”

Web looks up from his final review post he was writing and looks up to see a rather annoyed looking chef looking down at him.

“Yes, I did.”

“What for?”

“I wanted to say that I love your food.”

Lieb folded his arms, attempting to look unimpressed but still appreciating the praise from someone so well-known.

“Really?”

“Yes, I can see why you do what you do. I can see why you love it. I mean, my potatoes were a little over seasoned, but it didn’t ruin my meal.”

“Ov—Over seasoned?!”

Joe looked at the handsome – wait, no, pretentious – face of the critic and was so not entranced by the sharp blue eyes.

Web looked around the restaurant where some other guests were looking at them and then back at the chef.

“Yes? Like I said, it didn’t ruin the meal. I want t—.”

“Look Harvard, I don’t care what you want. You know what I want? I want you to leave. I don’t care what you post on your little website or shit, I don’t care. Just leave and don’t come back.”

Web narrowed his eyes, anger boiling inside him, and moved to get up in front of the chef.

Joe caught the scent of the critic as he stood up in front of him and it reminded him of a day at the beach. It was soothing in a way that immediately annoyed him because of the man it was attached to.

It was only then that Web caught onto the Harvard comment.

“Wait, how do you know I went to Harvard?”

That caught Joe off-guard, he didn’t catch that he let that slip.

“What?”

Playing dumb had worked for him many times before.

“Harvard. You called me Harvard. How did you know?”

“You got that look about you, shark boy.”

Son of a bitch.

Sometimes Joe should learn when to shut his mouth.

Web grabbed Joe’s arm and pulled him outside the restaurant much to Joe’s loud and vulgar protests.

“How do you know who I am?”

“I have my sources.”

Web gave him an exasperated look.

“Please, you do not have sources. How do you know?”

Joe licked his lips and Web’s eye couldn’t help but follow the movement for some reason.

“My friend Babe’s boyfriend, Gene, is a friend of yours.”

“Wait, this is where Edward works?”

“Edward? Jesus, Web, only his ma calls him that.”

David flinched at the nickname.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“What, Web?”

He didn’t flinch this time but narrowed his eyes again.

“Yes, that.”

“You’d rather be called Harvard or shark boy?”

“I’d rather be called David.”

“Well, Web, this has been nice and all but I’ve gotta get back. So not nice seeing ya.”

Web grabbed his arm again before he reached the door.

“You know my name, can I at least know yours?”

“It’s Joe, Joe Liebgott.”

Web’s mouth opens and closes for half a minute.

“You okay there?”

“Y-yeah, I just didn’t know you were the head chef as well as the owner.”

“Yeah, I’m a regular Renaissance Man.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Lieb.”

Joe smiled as looked back at Web to see a mixed expression of enjoyment, annoyance, and longing? on the taller man’s face and it made him stop and do something stupid.

“Did you have dessert?”

It was worth asking just to see the confused look on Web’s face.

“What?”

“I said did you have dessert? Do they teach you to listen at Harvard?”

“No I didn’t and no, they don’t.”

“Well you can’t write a proper review if you don’t have dessert, right?”

Web smiled, “I guess I can’t. Is that an invitation?”

“It’s a demand.”

“Lead the way then, sir.”

Neither of them missed the hitch in Joe’s breath as they entered the restaurant.

Joe had Web sit at a chair in the kitchen while the rest of the staff finished the closing of the restaurant.

“You all can go home, I’ll finish here. We’re closed tomorrow anyway.”

The handful of staff still there shouted out quick thanks before running out of the door.

“So what do you want Web?”

Joe handed over a menu and finished cleaning the counters while Web decided.

“I haven’t had a strawberry shortcake since I was a kid. I’m a bit nervous though, what makes it ‘adult’?”

“The strawberries are soaked in an almond liqueur and the sauce in made with strawberry vodka.”

“That’s sounds perfect.”

Web’s phone rang and it was the ringtone of his editor.

“Sorry, I have to get this.”

Joe didn’t even answer, already focused on making the dessert.

He stepped through the door of the kitchen and watched Joe through the window.

“Yeah?”

“What’s taking so long for the final review?”

“I haven’t finished yet.”

Web watched the dance that Joe was performing effortlessly while he cooked.

“What do you mean? The restaurant closed twenty minutes ago. You’re on thin ice already Webster.”

The nasally voice from Sobel was grating on Web’s nerves.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“I know, sir. I’ll get in it, right away.”

“You better, or you’re done.”

His boss hung up before he could respond.

He went back into the kitchen and sat down with a long sigh.

“Boss that bad, huh?”

“Something like that.”

Joe watched the pound cake bake then started the sauce.

“So how does a Harvard grad, with a degree in literature, become a food critic?”

Web smiled, “Believe it or not, it’s very difficult to do what you really want.”

“Not for me.” Joe laughs and if Web wasn’t so fascinated by the man, he might’ve been angry.

“Well, I really want to write, but I’d also like to not be homeless, so I do this.”

“Nah, you can’t do that Web. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you haven’t written anything substantial about sharks since you started this job?”

Web looked shocked for a minute before he nodded.

“See, doing something you hate hinders your creativity, so now you can’t focus on what you want to do.”

“So what do you suggest I do?”

“Quit.”

Web laughs loudly, “Just like that? I’m into debt up to my ears and I can barely afford my what I have.”

“What? Parents didn’t pay for college?”

“Not when I told them I was majoring in Literature instead of Law like everyone expected me to.”

“So you paid for it by yourself?”

“I got help from the government and scholarships, but yeah. They still refuse to talk to me.”

Joe made a noise of consideration.

“You’re not what I expected Web.”

Web looked up and met Lieb’s eyes.

“I could say the same thing to you, Joe. Not many chefs or owners would be doing what you are now.”

Lieb winked, “I’m not most chefs.”

He came around the counter and placed the dessert in front of Web.

Something about Joe commanded attention and David couldn’t look away, not even at the impeccable dessert he was bound to rave about.

Lieb leaned in a little too close, but he may have snuck some shots of vodka while Web took his call. He was a little too attracted to Web, a critic for pete’s sake, and it shook him.

“And this is not most desserts.”

In that moment, nothing could have pulled Web away from Joe.

ASSHOLE CALLING. ASSHOLE CALLING. THERE’S AN ASSHOLE AND HE’S CALLING.

Unless, of course, your boss calls you.

Web pulls back, swears, and answers roughly, “What is it now?”

“Webster, that is not the way you address your boss.”

Web pulls the phone away from his ear while Sobel yells.

Joe’s laughing, but looks like he just missed something great, as he pulls a large bite of the dessert onto a spoon and lift it towards David’s mouth.

Web’s mouth opened in surprise and Joe smiled as he gently fed the dessert to the other man.

The noise that ripped out of Web’s throat could, at the very least, be described as pornographic.

Joe’s eyes widened and the spoon clattered onto the counter.

Joe slid off the stool and into Web’s space, just as Web had started the raise the phone back to his ear, his boss still screaming.

Joe’s hands were slowly reaching toward Web.

The phone reached Web’s ear and he came to a conclusion.

“I quit.”

He threw his phone down on the table and met Lieb’s lips with his own. It was a little off since they were both smiling, but it was perfect.

They eventually pulled away and rested their heads against one another.

Joe whispered gently, “How was that?”

David laughed and looked into Joe’s eyes before saying, “It was a little too sweet for my taste. I like something with a little more heat.”

Joe’s eyes darkened, “I can fix that for you, David.,” and tried to capture the critic’s lips once again, but Web pulled back with a laugh.

“No, seriously Joe, put a little chili powder on this or something.”

Lieb pushed Web playfully and went to clean the last of the dishes.

“Fuck you, Web.”

David shrugged as he took another bite, “Okay, but somewhere else. You have to think of the health code violations Joe.”

The dishes crashed in the back of the kitchen and Web laughed harder.

Web took the last bite of the dessert as Joe pulled him out of the seat, “It’s a good thing I live upstairs.”

[jafreitag]

Disco Shrine: The Liner Notes Interview

The internet is weird.

Late last summer, I received an email from a guy named Scott Brown. I know alot of Browns in NWI, and one is named Scott. He runs a breakfast place in town, and his daughter is the Sweetheart of Downtown Valpo – my dear amiga CBB, and my best friend’s best friend.

I see Scott sorta regularly at Brown family events. Super nice guy, great dad, great grandpa. Quick with a handshake and a smile. We’re on good terms, but not like email tight. So why would he email me and title it “Inspiring New Visuals Indie Electro Artist”? Huh?

Different Scott Brown, turns out. The SB who emailed me promotes music. Here’s what he said (bold is him):

“Hi there, 

  We are excited to send you the new visuals by indie/electro pop artist Disco Shrine. Entitled “Up in the Air” the video and song narrate the struggle her parents faced when immigrating to America from Iran and is the perfect anthem for the current situation in America. Disco Shrine is also known as a sought after DJ and has toured extensively throughout the US, as well as having been featured in outlets such as The 405 and Earmilk, among others.

Thanks so much for watching and for your support!”

I immediately hit OM on Slack to ask if he had met a Mr. Brown at a blog conference or something. Nope. Apparently, Liner Notes crossed the radar of an A&R guy on the Left Coast. Not sure how, not complaining. Anyway, my brother’s grad school “partner-in-crime” is a badass woman of Iranian decent, and her parents immigrated to the U.S. around the time of the revolution there in the late ’70s. So I was intrigued enough to listen to “Up in the Air.” Glad I did.

Disco Shrine is the nom de musique of Jessica Delijani, and she, too, is a badass woman of Iranian descent. The email from SB called her the “pop spark plug behind Disco Shrine,” and added that she “makes music that plays around with the contrast between high energy electronic beats and sensual melodies.” More SB: “By embodying the mission of empowerment, Disco Shrine thrives off of being an outlet for listeners to be carefree, accepted, and liberated through dance music.” Great stuff, but enough mansplain. Let’s let Jessica talk about “Up in the Air” herself:

“This song is about my parents immigrating to America from Iran after escaping the Iranian revolution in the 70’s. ‘Up in the Air’ paints a picture of them literally up in the air on their plane ride over to America, leaving the past behind and looking towards their new future. It’s also symbolic of their whole lives suddenly being up in the air, uncertain, and not knowing what to expect at all.  It’s more so in my mother’s perspective and the strength she had to leave her whole life behind to bring a better life for her children and family. “ 

Jessica was born/raised in the San Fernando Valley, and grew up with watching traditional Persian jam sessions with her family. She taught herself how to play guitar and banjo, and started writing and performing folk music as a teenager, before debuting as Disco Shrine in 2015. I dropped a few DS songs on playlists last summer, and connected with her via Instagram. Eventually, I sent her some interview questions, which she was kind enough to answer.

JF: Hi. Before I get to real questions, I have a silly, preliminary one. What should I call you? Disco Shrine? DS? Jessica?

DS: Hey, Jason! People call me Jess and sometimes Disco. I answer to any and all, haha.

JF: Are you a lyric-first or a music-first person? Like do you find the melody, then put words to it, or vice versa?

DS: Honestly, I have worked both ways. I think I tend to come up with the melody first, and then lay out lyrics. But some of my favorite songs I’ve written have been when I have something I need to get out, and those lines or lyrics end up remolding the song.

JF: What’s your workflow?  Notebooks, voice memos, both?

DS: Millions and millions of voice memos and notepad (the app).

JF: Where have you played? The email that I got from a PR guy mentioned “all of the quintessential LA landmarks” and some fests. Any shows or sets stick out?

DS: This year has been a wild year of checking venues off of my bucket list and some that I didn’t even know I wanted. I played Santa Monica Pier, which was crazy, because Santa Monica Pier was iconic for my parents, when they first immigrated here. So to see their daughter performing a big festival (Pier 360) was crazy for them and really special for me.

Playing Baby’s All Right in New York was also pretty magical. The crowd was so amazing and fun. I ended up crowd surfing and getting this gnarly scar on my leg … totally worth it.

I’ve also created this strange pattern of playing really unconventional places this year. I played this warehouse party where I performed on an old geometro car. I had my music video release party in a Barber Shop and I also threw my single release party for Everyday at a Laundromat.

I’ve also created this strange pattern of playing really unconventional places this year. I played this warehouse party, where I performed on an old Geo Metro car. I had my music video release in a barber shop, and I also threw my single release party for “Everyday” at a Laundromat.

The biggest reason behind doing this release party in a Laundromat is because of everything a laundromat is symbolic of (workin’ hard, the everyday hustle, helping local businesses, the fact that they’re usually immigrant owned or used, etc…)! I would never have had the same opportunities and freedom to pursue what I love, if my parents didn’t immigrate to America. “Everyday” is all about seizing that opportunity and not taking it for granted. And what better way to celebrate that than through a Laundromat Party!

I also just played at a large benefit festival called The Billy Ball with Charli XCX, Dorian Electra, Allie X, Vincent, Daya, Leland, Chester Lockhart, etc. All proceeds go towards helping a young artist get life saving cancer treatment. It was a dream come true playing in front of such a huge crowd of people that were so receptive, especially for such a good cause.

JF: Have you toured much? And what’s that like? What’s the life of a “indie/electro pop artist” on the road?  I’m imagining it’s you and tidy cases, and not so much instruments, cables, and speakers.

DS: I have toured and travelled a lot this year. Half of it has been for live shows, and the other half has been for DJing. It’s so much fun, and it feeds so much of my soul, but it definitely gets exhausting at times, too. What I love most about it is just connecting with the crowd and meeting people across the country. Whenever I play shows out of town, I usually keep the set up pretty minimal. It’s usually just me, a dj, and maybe back up dancers. I’ll have a live band for my hometown shows

JF: I dropped “Soft Fur” onto a recent playlist between Moses Sumney and Blood Orange – good company, haha. Who are your influences? Anybody you want to single out? I just checked out your Disco Diamonds playlist. I saw Empress Of on there, and her new record is great.

DS: Love both of them. It’s so hard to answer that question, because I feel like who I’m listening to is constantly changing, and I admire different things about different artists that help me grow. So it’s really not just any few people I take from. I think I tend to love and listen to a lot of badass pop artists like Empress Of, Elohim, Hayley Kyiko, etc. Some of my faves from this year are Dorian Electra, Phem, Holychild, Zella Day, Mallrat, and the queen Ariana Grande.

Gwen Stefani, circa No Doubt, is definitely my spirit animal on stage. I feel like I always tell myself to channel Gwen before I hit a stage.

JF: Genre-wise, how would you classify DS? What do you think about the state of electronic music? What do you find interesting, and what do you find boring? What would you change?

DS: I would say that I make really melodic, upbeat music that you can bob your head to on a drive or on a dance floor. I love that the sky is the limit right now. A lot of mainstream music is experimenting with genres and non-formulaic type pop, which I think is pretty cool, because it opens the door to experiment more – and, hopefully, makes people more open-minded.

JF: And what about the state of the music industry?

DS: Ugh, I can’t even with this …

JF: Turning to “Up in the Air,” it’s obviously personal. Would you share some of your parents’ story?

DS: “Up in the Air” was written shortly after I found out about the crazy journey my parents went through to get my family to America. I was so inspired by the tale I heard, one that involved escaping prison, fleeing the country, and finding a way to get a greencard to America. I was in such disbelief that it was my mom and dad that did something so brave for the hope of a better future, and it really inspired me. That’s how “Up in the Air” was born. We wrote and finished it in an hour with my friend/producer Samuel Jacob Lopez, Jr. (coqui).

In a lot of ways it breaks my heart to think about other people trying to get to America and not being able to do so. Everyday I think about what my life would be like if I didn’t have the freedom and opportunities that I have. And it’s sad that there are others out there that are trying to have the same opportunities, but are being stopped.

JF: Favorite place in the world?

DS: Lake Como Italy was the most breathtakingly beautiful place I have ever been to, and it’s crazy that a place that looks that beautiful exists in this world. So, yes, Lake Como.

JF: You’re LA-based, so best restaurant in LA? Best bar in LA?

DS: My go-to spot is this amazing tex-mex brunch restaurant called Homestate in Los Feliz. Their breakfast tacos are bomb. They’re also right next to this coffee shop Go Get Em Tiger. Getting coffee their after breakfast tacos is sort of a Sunday morning ritual.

Fave bar is the secret tiki room at Cliftons in DTLA.

JF: Favorite food?

DS: Mexican food! Whenever I leave LA, I always find myself missing good Mexican food the most.

JF: Favorite and least favorite words?  For the latter, my best friend/wife would say “moist,” but that seems too easy.

DS: I just hung out with a bunch of my Australian friends – shoutout to Oh Boy, Tanssi, Lover, and Tekie. They’re amazing musicians, and they taught me so many Aussie phrases that I love. I think the one that stuck the most was “redhot”. It basically means sus or suspicious.

JF: The new single, “Everyday,” with Omenihu just dropped. How did that collaboration come about?

DS: Omenihu and I met at School Night earlier this year. He photobombed a photo I was taking on the stairs, and we ended up laughing and talking for like an hour. He was living in Austin at the time and told me he was planning on moving to LA. We just got along really well and kept in touch over the next few months.

Then I ended up writing Everyday, which is all about moving to a new place and having all the odds against you, but persevering and taking advantage of the opportunities you have. And I knew I wanted Omenihu on it because he was going on the same journey – soon to move to LA in pursuit of his dreams and not knowing anyone here, facing challenges, etc. So the timing of it all was really perfect. I sent him the song, and he loved it and ended up sending me his verse back in a voice memo the same day. It was really serendipitous.

JF: What are you working on? New material? Shows? This is your chance to shamelessly  plug anything.

DS: Yess haha! I just threw my release party at a Laundromat in Los Feliz which featured special guests Wes Period (just toured w/ Macklemore and Kesha), Phem (just toured w/ Lil Xan), Dorian Electra (toured + featured w/ Charli XCX), Mood Killer, Dance Yourself Clean etc… Who are all artists I admire so much and are each killing it in their own lanes. Next year, I plan on releasing way more music and throwing even weirder release parties.

I have a show on 1/21 at The Echo too

There you go. I’ve done four interviews with musicians so far on LN. All have been fun, but the first three were people that I know, so they were pretty easy. I stretched a bit to do this one, and Jess couldn’t have been nicer – reachable, relatable, and genuinely sweet. Big thanks to her, and best wishes for a huge 2019!!

You can check out Disco Shrine on Spotify. Here’s a playlist that I compiled of her material so far. It’s all good, and well worth your time.

And here are her links:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/discoshrine/

Website: https://discoshrine.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DiscoShrine

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/discoshrine

SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/discoshrine

More soon.

JF

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A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from car2 http://ift.tt/2BzcG85 via as shown a lot

[chocdono]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from mix1 http://ift.tt/2BzcG85 via with this info

[darwinbigelow]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from Home Improvement https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/a-most-thankful-year/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[lowmaticnews]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

A Most Thankful Year published first on http://ift.tt/2hUI8pL

[prokred]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Read more http://ift.tt/2kku39n Areas served: Winston-Salem, High Point, Yadkinville, Mocksville, Advance, Clemmons, Kernersville, Greensboro, Walnut Cove, Statesville, NC, North Carolina Services: House painting, roofing, deck building, landscaping, Carpentry, Flooring, tile, hardwood, remodeling, home improvement, interior, exterior

[darensmurray]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

[garagedoorsbrighton]

A Most Thankful Year

Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.

VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.

Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:

I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, our closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.

Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.

The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.

I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.

And that view. That pool.

The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.

But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.

A Year of Good Fortune

I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.

Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.

I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.

Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.

I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.

I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.

For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.

Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. Ss a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).

I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.

November 2016

I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me Met me for a drink Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.

I am thankful to fall in love again.

For a while, I felt a little raw and stung for a few months. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.

It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).

Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.

We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.

Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).

I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.

I am thankful for so much more.

Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!); my appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.

I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. Aagain when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.

I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!

What were you thankful for this year?

The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

from The Ugly Duckling House https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/a-most-thankful-year/