#you can't just give them id cores and then have them never show up again come on

[egophiliac]

(Geats 21 spoilers)

oooh, you got me again

[callieponders]

NGL sometimes I look at the crew's tweets about him needing to stop being in anger mode 24/7 and reintegrate into society, and I wonder: are we supposed to expect him to work through that by himself? Do we expect great emotional regulation and self-awareness from an elementary schooler in an abusive household? He absolutely shouldn't be redirecting his anger at the people around him (note: Hazel. she didn't deserve that ire at all and doesn't owe him any patience about it), but I can't help looking at him and thinking that he needs, like. I dunno. A therapist. An adult. Someone or something that's actually guaranteed to help him out a little. The adults present in the show... didn't seem very interested in doing that, despite seeming to know what his actual core issue was? Maddening. Anyway

(disclaimer before anything i say. i just need yall to know this show could be the worst thing ive ever seen and id still hope the best for the crew bc its their job and people need to eat alright. that being said i do enjoy the show, please dont take this as me saying they need to NEVER WORK AGAIN ala nostalgia critic style or something)

that wording is so funny though, reintegrate into society... the boy is a small child not someone coming out of prison

but seriously this is exactly the type of stuff im thinking, i dont really go on twitter much anymore because i dislike it so i wasnt aware of the things the crew said (and dont envy them because oh man this was a divisive finale it seems). i dont expect an episode like "dev goes to therapy" and the wacky adventures of him going to therapy or something, but im really hoping in s2 they have peri held more accountable for majorly screwing up here and trying to do right by dev with another chance given to him.

the frustrating thing is i cant blame people defending the choices because some people are genuinely really bad at voicing their opinion/critique, especially because it feels like a lot of people arent having the balls to actually point out peri, even cosmo and (frankly the worse one of the two bc she was so much harder on dev) wanda are a bigger blame for the situation with dev. of course people are gonna assume people are putting the responsibility on hazel, id also be defensive about that because thats a ridiculous thing to expect, but like nah its clear its not her responsibility. she is also 10 and has a world outside of dev, and dev SHOULD be held accountable for his actions in regards to lashing out at others around him when hes upset. the fact hes given more critique than the adults around him that are meant to guide him and help him is the bigger issue than that alone.

on that same note, hazel should also be held accountable for the same things, like saying devs problems werent that deep and having wanda, a FAIRY GODPARENT, basically agree??? also when she was like "oh friends work things out" i didnt hear no apology for not hearing dev out or at least for leaving him in the dark on if theyre friends or not. and the thing is i dont expect her to do that on her own, because shes 10, but theyre fictional 10 year olds who will have more maturity than most real kids either way, so like... yknow?

additionally its kind of a double standard either way, if you dont expect hazel to act mature, why on gods green earth would you expect DEV to??? and hazel, compared to dev, has people to guide her the right way and people that are patient with her, meanwhile dev doesnt get that, the most hes ever gotten is hazel and THATS NOT HAZELS JOB!!! im not saying the writers are claiming it is, its just that its frustrating that the writing has ended up with her feeling like the only person who really gives a damn yknow

[scrappertyspam-two-point-oh]

HI HI SO BASCIALLY gaster was the royal scientist of the underground before alphys and he created the core (and it's theorized he might've created sans and papyrus and some other characters too i think?? he was doing some wacky shit in the old labs) and at some point he ended up falling into the core and. dying?? i guess?? there r these eastereggs u can find in the game thru messing around with the files and stuffs that r called gaster followers and they tell u bits and pieces of info about him and one of them says that when he fell in he was shattered across time and space (or something along those lines i can't remember the exact wording) but he still seems to be around just like. in pieces!! and he's hinted at being in deltarune too!!! (i hope and pray every day that he makes a full appearance) there's a hidden place u can get to in ut (thru messing with the files again i think) where it shows wingdings text (which is what gaster talks in) and a specific soundfile plays behind it (ALSO short tangent the sound it uses for his voice is so neat i <3 it.. i've never heard anyone talk abt it but he sounds so cool <3 <3) and that specific soundfile can also be heard very quietly in deltarune if you go to the door to the underground :]]] plus other references to him being really important to deltarune and undertale!! SORRY IF I TALKED TOO MUCH i love gaster and i wanted to take the chance to infodump teehee i hope it wasn't too much </3 I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU MORE TOO BTW!! /gen feel free to talk to me about anything literally ever u are super cool & i love talking 2 ppl & making friends it's the whole reason i made this blog !!! i love luring ppl in with my silly little drawings and making them be my friend it is the ultimate scheme :]

WOWWW WOWOW SUPER SUPER NEAT YYAYY RUNNIGN AROUND RUNNING ARLUND RUNNING AROUND 🎉🎉🎉 /POS POS

WHEN U SAID THE BIT ABT HIM POSSIBLY CREATING SANS AND PAPYRUS I GOT IMMEDIATE FLASHBACKS TO THIS UNDERTALE COMIC CALLED HANDPLATES (I THINK) BACK ON DEVIANTART !! ME N MY SISTER WERE READING IT BACK WHEN IT WAS BEING WORKED ON I HAVENT HEARD ABT IT IN AGESSS I NEED 2 CHECK IT OUT AGAIN SEE IF ITS STILL UP 💔💔💔

AND FUCKING SLAY GOOD 4 GASTER I ❤️ HIDDEN BITS N BOBS ABT CHARACTERS GGRGRGR MY GOLLY /POS POS ID LOVE 2 HEAR THE VOICE THING HE HAS IM GONNA LOOK IT UP IF I REMEMBER THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT /POS, J

AND LITERALLY NEVER 2 MCUH U CAN SAY AS MUCH AS U LIKE I PROMISE !! SAY MORE IF U NEED ID LOVE 2 LISTEN ANYTIME ALWAYS AND FOREVER /POS, GEN

I CAN GIVE U MY DISCORD 2 INFODUMP IN OR CHAT N SAY HI WHENEVER FOR REAL ILL SHOOT U MY USER IN A DM IF U HAVE ONE I ❤️ MAKING FRIENDS PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH 💕💕💕🫂🫂🫂🫂

[ssa-sugar-tits]

i missed you

request : this one

pairing : derek morgan x cadet!reader

summary : an fbi cadet reader asks her old friend, derek morgan, to help her train and suppressed feelings surface.

content warnings : annoying time jumps (leave me alone), swearing, awkward ass reader, insecurity, good old sexual tension

gif credit : @rewrotethestars

-

All it took was a call to an old friend. One who'd left for the FBI not long after you'd met. Communication didn't completely fizzle out, every once in a while you'd see how the other was doing. You'd crossed each other's minds as something that could have been but simply weren't-- and that was okay. So why did you reach out? You can't really say.

-

Derek's phone rings in the back pocket of his jeans, barely noticable over the blaring music of the dim lit club. The name appears in large letters and he redirects his attention with dark furrowed brows, earning pouts from the women fawning over him.

"Y/N?" His deep voice questions and you almost hang up. He doesn't sound very happy to hear from you.

"Hey Derek, it's me. I mean clearly it's me, since you already saw my caller ID. What I mean is..." you trail off, fumbling over your own words. Surprisingly he chuckles and puts you at ease.

"It's nice to know you're still you, hot stuff. So what's up?"

Hot stuff.

His stupid nicknames always felt like home in an odd way.

"Sorry if you're busy but I'm finishing up my time at the academy and I was wondering if you'd help me train." God, you sound ridiculous. "S-Since you're all badass and built and I'm not, you know?"

You wince at your sentence. Why didn't you stop talking? A warm laugh escapes him and you can hear a smile in his voice that makes you smile too, despite the fact that it's probably at your expense.

"You think I'm badass and built? I'm glad that's what stuck in your mind about me after all these years. I'd be more than happy to help you, just let me know when."

"I will, thanks Derek."

And you did. The rest is history.

-

Derek was ecstatic to hear from you. Your presence always lingered in his heart like a beautiful ghost.

"Okay, spill." Penelope's flirty tone sings to the unsuspecting profiler in the elevator.

"Spill?" Derek cocks an eyebrow.

"Spill about where you've been so excited to go. It doesn't take a profiler to figure out when someone captivates the Derek Morgan."

"It's not like that, babygirl. I'm helping a friend in the academy train, that's all."

That's all? Rich, Morgan.

"A female friend I presume? One who makes the sexy biceps of your heart flex?"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that last part but yes, Y/N is a woman. It doesn't mean anything."

An exaggerated sigh leaves the blonde and she taps a finger on the desk.

"Whatever you say, twelve-pack. Just know that your girl's rooting for ya. Not that she'll be able to resist you exercising."

Derek laughs heartily at her wink and steps out of the building.

"Is that her?" she gasps, seeing you leaned against his car awaiting the dark man. "She might just be sexier than you are."

You wave innocently and give a hopefully not too awkward, tight lipped smile. Penelope smirks at Derek's obvious awe of you, taking in the sight as if you were a vivid sunset about to disappear. You'd never guess that though, would you? Why would a man like him want you? The answer is he wouldn't. But a girl can dream.

"Took you long enough," you laugh and turn to the brightly dressed woman beside him. "You must be Penelope? Der's mentioned you before."

Der? Penelope taunts with silent feline eyes.

"The one and only! I've heard about you too, Y/N."

"Oh!" you're startled when she brings you into a hug and whispers, not at all subtly.

"Have fun training."

Derek scrunches his face in embarrassment. You must know why she's teasing.

"Goodbye lovelies, enjoy yourselves!" She waves goodbye.

"She was... interesting," you say playfully. "I like her."

Is that all you have to say? Judging by the way you open the car door and plop down, yes. Yes, it is.

-

Arriving at the Quantico gym, you turn to your new trainer and beam.

"Alright. Where do we start, teach?"

"The fitness test is going to put you through core challenges and test your overall endurance out in the field. It's best to take this at your best level so we'll start wherever you want."

How does he make an FBI qualification sound sexy?

"Uh... core is a good place to start. Give me a sec to change."

"No problem."

Of course he'd change too. But it still catches you by-- very pleasant-- surprise when you return to see him in gym clothes. His dark, toned arms are completely exposed and the built pecs of his chest are barely covered by his tank top. It grips to his abs and the shorts he's wearing... they do not leave his calves to the imagination.

"Like what you see?" he teases confidentally, showcasing his perfect white teeth. Shit, he caught you staring. And of course had to taunt you.

As if he isn't enjoying the view too. Your sports bra and active wear shorts aren't exactly modest.

"No! I mean yes! I was just admiring, you're very fit."

You want to cringe at yourself. Way to go Y/N, not creepy at all.

"Not so bad yourself, Y/N. Why don't we start with stretching?"

"Okay," you nod and follow his movements. Bringing an arm up over your head, you turn and gasp lightly at the sight of his tank top lifting. If one thing hasn't changed, it's those fucking abs. Being distracted while exercising isn't such a good thing however and you topple over into his arms.

"Woah! I got you," Derek reassures and steadies you.

"Yeah I'm alright-- thanks."

His eyes are so pretty. They scan yours with a love you wouldn't comprehend. So chocolate and ocean like. You could lose yourself in them... Oh god. You are losing yourself in them.

"So, what now?" you blurt, jumping back from his grasp and almost making him frown. He'd rather be close to you but he'd never let you know. A womanizer, isn't he? He's on Reid's level of charm when it comes to you. You're different, somehow, some way.

"The best core exercises to begin with are crunches and sit ups, we can move on to variations afterwards." he explains, lips moving with silk precision.

"Got it!" you nod enthusiastically. Derek lays on his back for a demonstration, allowing you to enjoy the show as his arms bend behind his head and his body curls up to his knees.

Always the charmer, always the angel.

Something about him right now, whatever it is.

It's too much to ignore anymore.

With a burst of confidence and passion, you hop onto his lap and rest your hands on his racing chest.

"I really missed you Derek."

As scandalous as this would seem to anyone who walked in right now, the moment was nothing if not pure.

"I missed you too baby."

You lower your body and gently brush his lips with yours. His hands find their rightful place in your hair and his tongue guides yours into bliss. Tilting your head, you melt deeper into the long overdue kiss and breathlessly pull back.

"Training's a lot more fun than I thought it'd be." You whisper and rest your head against his.

"We should do it again sometime." He returns.

"Is that a promise?"

He chuckles and brings music to your ears.

"It always has been, pretty lady."

And it always will be.

-

masterlist

-

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: how much you got on you rn Ronnie: enough for me Ronnie: you aint piggybacking Joe: enough for me then Joe: not suggesting you send it first class Joe: 'less you know how to do that Ronnie: I do but in what world mckenna Joe: however much you reckon you'd need to do it Joe: i'll double it Ronnie: use that ingenuity for your own score Joe: yeah whatever Joe: all chat Ronnie: like ive got anything to prove to you Ronnie: least of all how well i can be your bitch when you holler at me Ronnie: cry is more accurate Joe: fuck sake Joe: forget about it Joe: it's a stupid idea Joe: you gonna give me a better one Ronnie: not one for the scrapbook was it cunt Ronnie: dry your eyes & do your own running Ronnie: you need me to hold your hand everytime now Ronnie: big enough to take it go find it Joe: ha ha Joe: like I'm running anywhere Ronnie: this where we play doctor yeah Ronnie: you tell me how bad it hurts & I make it better for you Joe: exactly Joe: now we're on the same page Ronnie: nah you think you can tear out some pages & spit ball em at me to get my attention but why should I give a shit bout these playground games boy just 'cause you heading back home to your mammy Ronnie: im sound Ronnie: dont care how loud you're crying she's the one who's gotta show up for that Joe: i don't want yor attention Joe: i want some heroin Ronnie: maybe she's still got old school connections Ronnie: find her little black book son Joe: maybe Joe: one of you could be useful like Ronnie: wounded & bleeding Ronnie: shit junkie you are house full of people to shake up & shit to steal but you coming to me Joe: just looking for that big sisterly advice Joe: obviously Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you sound like the littlest one what is he 4 like Joe: feel it Ronnie: trying to make my heart bleed now yeah Ronnie: grow a fucking pair before it really hurts Joe: if you wanted to scare me you shouldn't have given me the gear Joe: realistically too late anyway but who wants to hear or think about my idyllic childhood yeah Ronnie: if you couldnt hack it you shouldve cried off then Ronnie: save the tears now Joe: and i thought i was the only one with obsessive thought spirals Joe: when i get some i'll remember to feel good about how much you miss me Ronnie: like youre special baby Ronnie: please Ronnie: weve all got mad minds hows that not clicked in yours Ronnie: how many kids shes squeezed out & you reckon were the only self medicating Ronnie: hit up another sibling to fix you Joe: am though Joe: she's always told me Joe: ⭐ boy Ronnie: talk her up with that foreplay Ronnie: be good for £££s Joe: no tah Joe: not my type Joe: and it's only ever worked on you Joe: but you've given me another idea so cheers Ronnie: i dunno whats funnier that youre trying to tell me you dont wanna slip your mum one or you reckon you know what works on me Joe: lemme know when you work it out Joe: 👍 Ronnie: let me know when youve stopped playing happy families Joe: you reckon i wanna be here Ronnie: didnt see no fingernail marks on my floor or walls Ronnie: still reckon you were dragged though yeah Joe: check your thighs Joe: ain't all perks being the favourite 💔 Ronnie: [sends him pics cos that bitch haha] Ronnie: grow a pair whipping boy Ronnie: before she says jump youre on the ledge Ronnie: its pathetic mckenna Joe: see Joe: ain't been that long Joe: only feels it, babe Ronnie: you'll need all that sweet talk for the local dope dealer Ronnie: but if you wanna think of me when you're turning tricks for them it'll go easier Joe: lovely as that'd be Joe: not in progressive london now Joe: gonna have to pay like the rest, worst luck Ronnie: go beg for your pocket money then kidda Ronnie: before she picks a new fave Ronnie: younger & prettier like Joe: nah Joe: we want her to Joe: remember Joe: then me and more importantly my student loans can come back Ronnie: bullshit if you wanted her to you wouldn't have gone Ronnie: you love it Joe: can't just go way uni and never come back Joe: send out a search party Ronnie: use your ⭐ as a beacon cant they Joe: let's hope not Joe: i come here Joe: keeps 'em away rest of the time Joe: yeah Ronnie: if you want em to fuck off commit to it Ronnie: stop being such a pussy Joe: ain't that easy Ronnie: find a ditch to lie down in Ronnie: it ain't hard Ronnie: youre a junkie motherfuckers don't support that Joe: far as they know Joe: i ain't Joe: let 'em catch up Ronnie: do it yourself if you wanna slam the door Joe: see how this goes Joe: not really thinking about them right now Joe: you know Ronnie: youre on one about that lot constantly Joe: just on one constantly full stop Joe: why else would i need the shit Ronnie: dont need to go that hard playing doctor baby Joe: 💘 Joe: you always know just what to say Ronnie: not used to you talking Joe: i know i know Joe: in an ideal world neither of us would be here Ronnie: like not born yeah Ronnie: but she cant keep her legs closed Joe: such a dreamer, you Ronnie: not the one who cant get high without their hand held Joe: n'awh Joe: that's the dream Joe: so romantic too Ronnie: yeah im living it loads of gear close & you far as Ronnie: greedy prick Joe: miss you too baby Joe: in a bit tho, gotta go pick up Ronnie: fuck off soft lad Ronnie: you miss me spoon feeding you Ronnie: you cant talk to me with a dealers cock in your mouth I know Ronnie: multitasking hard enough pretending not to be junkie scum yeah Joe: sure the whole mummy kink ain't your thing Joe: i'll try and get involved but kinda a mood killer Joe: which is kinda rude, know you don't want me to score Ronnie: thats all yours but I'll try anything once Ronnie: 'cause a whinging dope sick baby is really a turn on for me like Ronnie: just gotta keep that going Joe: no judgment here Joe: gotta do what you gotta do Ronnie: you gotta Ronnie: im sound Joe: and i'm happy for you Ronnie: lie to them don't lie to me Joe: alright Joe: will be a bit when I get mine but still Joe: you don't have to be here so Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: grow up & cut the fucking apron strings Joe: you've stopped being helpful for the day? Joe: right then Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: not flying over to fuck you cos your ma aint in the mood & thats as helpful as it gets Joe: why not Ronnie: youve got another sister Ronnie: see if shes into it Joe: but you're so special yeah Ronnie: but shes a good grooming age Joe: leave it out Ronnie: or what Joe: or what Ronnie: asked you first joseph Joe: alright veronica Ronnie: alright weak cunt Joe: probably Ronnie: pick up before you make me sick Ronnie: jesus Joe: waiting on the man Joe: as per Ronnie: if id known rattling had made you shit out your whole spine id have sucked his dick for you & sped things along Joe: so sweet Joe: one of the many things I like about you Ronnie: list just gets longer the longer youre away yeah Ronnie: dont come back & maybe you'll fall in love Joe: i know you want that less than you want me back Joe: don't lie Ronnie: you care what I want now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: only when it benefits me too, darling Joe: junkie scum 101 Joe: was on my timetable like Ronnie: theyve really done a number on you if youre on your knees for my truth Joe: who Joe: mummy dearest or my school Ronnie: take your pick Joe: ain't tryna hide it Joe: just doing my bit to be the whiny baby you want rn Ronnie: cheers then Ronnie: nailed that Ronnie: tell your ma i finally get how she feels 'cause its too late to get you scraped out Joe: 😂 Joe: on it Joe: assuming i ain't 'bout to get kneecapped Joe: or worse Joe: stood up 💔 Ronnie: i'll cross my fingers for raped & robbed Ronnie: standard Joe: you know i ain't gonna have that much of a good time without you 💘 Ronnie: stop trying to make me say I hate you so you can rub one out Ronnie: i dont do sexting Joe: worth a shot Joe: just killing time here Joe: trying not to puke Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: like that attempt at enthusiasm Ronnie: you really know how to make a girl wet what can I say Ronnie: gotta romance my dealer out of want instead of need now Joe: thought I'd return the favour Joe: just how I roll Ronnie: course you do golden boy Joe: you ain't that mad about it Joe: i know Ronnie: i aint as fucking thick as you so again course Joe: true Joe: [time for drew to show and not deliver] Ronnie: made up about all these compliments Ronnie: who knew you could be this much on my tits from this distance Joe: just that good Joe: obviously Ronnie: you aint shit Ronnie: don't lie Joe: whatever Joe: can't touch me now Ronnie: only your ma is turned on at the sight of you Ronnie: but she will Joe: alright Joe: cba rn Ronnie: how are you still crying Ronnie: did he not show Joe: he did Joe: but he was about 12 and had no gear Joe: got enough tranqs to knock out an elephant but still Ronnie: when i told you to hit up your siblings i meant the freckled one not one of the toddlers Joe: yeah right Joe: like he knows a great smack dealer, even if we did talk Ronnie: hes a coke head Ronnie: give him 5 Joe: nah Joe: opposite direction Joe: only way is up Ronnie: whatever just get on a plane Joe: yeah Joe: i'm gonna Joe: fuck this Ronnie: ill be waiting with shit that aint a fucking joke Ronnie: you can owe me Joe: yeah? Joe: good Ronnie: don't talk me out of it Ronnie: christ you're annoying Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: only want you back on your feet so I can kick em out from under you myself Joe: hot Ronnie: like you said, it ain't been that long Ronnie: you know I am Joe: yeah Joe: where was this distraction when I really really needed it tho Ronnie: baby when have I ever been good for you Ronnie: selfish to my core Ronnie: we're here for me Joe: works for me Ronnie: just get to the airport & stop fannying about Joe: I've already taken 'em so hold on Joe: no packing now never mind going through customs Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: i had to Ronnie: when then Joe: still today Joe: just later Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: call me Ronnie: maybe i'll answer if it ain't too late Joe: can i call you now too Joe: i gotta stay awake Ronnie: I'm good but no guarantees I'm that good Joe: they ain't kicked in that good yet either Joe: just keep my eyes on the road yeah Ronnie: how much did you pay for baby aspirin mckenna Joe: was cheap as fuck at least Joe: just a kid Joe: barely broke a 50 for all of these so Joe: [photo] Ronnie: not as green as you feel yeah Joe: want me to bring some back Ronnie: too late to rob the boy now Ronnie: & you'll take em yourself before you see me I know you Joe: yeah Joe: i will Joe: but had good intentions, babe Ronnie: take em to church Ronnie: what use is that shit to me Ronnie: gimme bad ideas or don't come around Joe: got plenty of those come on Ronnie: like what Ronnie: come on Joe: what Joe: tryna focus here Ronnie: you wanna stay awake Ronnie: play the game Joe: alright Joe: yeah Joe: you gonna come back to mine Joe: flatmate's gone home Ronnie: are you gonna make it worth it if she's not there to kick in the teeth Joe: won't need to miss her once I'm back Ronnie: fucked her yet? Ronnie: we could do it together Ronnie: I dont normally slip one to virgins but I already made the exception for you Joe: no and funny Joe: keep me as the only exception Joe: how else will i feel special Ronnie: keep hitting up preteen dealers that'll help Joe: he was pretty Ronnie: if im ever in the area like Joe: i wish Ronnie: you & your ma both Ronnie: my turn to feel special Joe: weird ain't it Ronnie: for me Ronnie: you love it Joe: nah Ronnie: not a question Ronnie: you do Joe: don't Ronnie: liar Joe: maybe from you Joe: I'll allow it Ronnie: those pills better be kicking in Ronnie: if youre chatting this much shit sober you can stay in ireland Joe: 😂 Joe: they are Ronnie: book a flight Ronnie: i ain't your ma im not doing it Joe: lemme get home, like Joe: be more obvious you're tryna kill me Ronnie: what im trying to do Ronnie: you gonna call that your home now Joe: you know what i mean Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i know youre full of shit, mckenna Joe: nah Joe: just bars Joe: make it up to you Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: x it as many times as fits Joe: k Joe: prove it when i see you Ronnie: you reckon Joe: not a question Ronnie: nah just bold claims for someone who still fucks like a virgin & has to check in with his ma Ronnie: can you without her permission Joe: get the slip signed if you're so worried Joe: chill out Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: couple of chewable vitamins & you're chill yeah Joe: you said you got loads Ronnie: I said enough Ronnie: & that was before babysitting you Ronnie: you make me need to spike every vein Joe: need Joe: want Joe: same diff we both know it Ronnie: not trying to make it matter baby Ronnie: put any words in my mouth you want Ronnie: or need Joe: here Joe: wish me luck on telling 'em i'm off Joe: or don't Ronnie: i'll do it for you Ronnie: point me at the relevant mckennas Joe: even stoned Joe: know that ain't a good idea Ronnie: pussy Joe: love u 2 Ronnie: 💋 Joe: [suitable amount of hours for the shit to wear off to a manageable level, avoid the parents and get out on the sly] Joe: [airport photo] Joe: tada Ronnie: we reckoned you'd bottled it Joe: taken a poll like Ronnie: yeah know you like to feel special Joe: warms my cold dead 💘 Joe: honest Ronnie: walk your corpse to me then Joe: and she says she don't sext Ronnie: you wanna be the only exception so bad or what Joe: you know how bad i want it Ronnie: dont leave again & maybe I'll buy it Joe: being dopesick was almost a nice distraction from thinking about you Ronnie: that warms my 🖤 Joe: thought so Joe: nothing does it quite like me being near-death yeah Ronnie: i do like you pathetic Ronnie: but don't think that any of it comes close to me yeah Joe: you saying you're better than heroin Ronnie: im saying you think you were hurting earlier Ronnie: ill show you pain Ronnie: all you have to do is fuck off again Joe: i won't Joe: i need to be there Joe: with you Ronnie: leave me & I will fucking break you Ronnie: i mean it Joe: i know Joe: i'm not gonna Ronnie: how did you get out Joe: parents weren't in but i said a uni friend was in a car accident and they couldn't get hold of his parents Joe: going hell anyway Joe: and someone on my course was hit by a car so if any of them are that concerned to go snooping Ronnie: thats beautiful Ronnie: you're not as much of a useless waster as youve sounded for most of the day like Joe: steady Joe: was almost not an insult Ronnie: who isn't turned on by a good lie Joe: only when I lie to you Joe: got it Ronnie: don't you fucking dare lie to me Joe: couldn't if i wanted to Ronnie: think about what kind of welcome back you want Ronnie: 'cause I can be nice or not nice Ronnie: its on you & what you say to me Joe: baby Joe: already told you I basically missed you more than heroin, how nice can one boy be Ronnie: you wont be saying that when I hand the gear over Joe: yeah i will Joe: been on you longer Ronnie: its fucking good though Joe: yeah Joe: ain't gonna say otherwise Ronnie: paid more & got better so you won't wanna leave Ronnie: dont have to rely on pretty preteens around here Joe: you know i didn't wanna leave in the first place Ronnie: i know you keep saying it like it makes a difference Joe: tell me what will and i'll do it Ronnie: i'll burn your passport that will Joe: burn my passport Joe: that's what you want? Ronnie: what do you have to go running to them for Ronnie: that's what I wanna know Ronnie: what the fuck is there for you Ronnie: cant even get a fix Joe: nothing, never has been Joe: it's obligation though Joe: you get it, i know you've done some shit just 'cos charlie wants to Joe: or 'cos bronson need it Ronnie: that's different Joe: why Ronnie: I ain't going round bullshitting how much i hate 'em on the one breath & in the other dropping everything for the pair of 'em Ronnie: ride or die is that Joe: okay so it is different Joe: it's more complicated Ronnie: fuck complicated its black & white Joe: nah like Joe: whatever i reckon about them Joe: i still owe 'em Joe: for now Joe: debts to pay like Ronnie: how ain't it been paid Ronnie: they ain't done you right since you were a kid Ronnie: if ever Ronnie: a roof & food that's easily totalled Joe: i dunno Joe: shit ton of interest Joe: learnt from the best debt collectors in liverpool, like Ronnie: write it off Ronnie: is when youre dead Joe: tell 'em that's my payment plan Ronnie: talking it out is your first mistake Ronnie: when the fuck has that worked on anyone who comes to collect Ronnie: dont even buy you time just makes you look a doss cunt more than you are Joe: maybe i can convince my da but you know she's biased Joe: all i have to do is get uni done and they can tick it off as a success Ronnie: i dont know jack about her Ronnie: how i want it Ronnie: if i aint read it off a file as a kid i don't need to hear it Joe: yeah Joe: but i ain't telling you i'm golden boy 'cos it seems cool am i Joe: whatever i'm gone now Ronnie: you're telling me 'cause you wanna trade wounds since I won't have your stories off you Ronnie: burn it into your arm deeper & maybe I'll pay attention Joe: you know it ain't about you, babe Joe: anyway, if we were still being nice I'd tell you none of the usual shit works to get you outta my head so thanks for that one Ronnie: ive been saying all day it's about her & I ain't competing with your fucking ma alright Ronnie: she smothered you poor baby Ronnie: you wanna try neglect its real easy Ronnie: feels better too Joe: you're the one who keeps bringing her up, yeah Joe: you want me to be that cunt Joe: easy Joe: I bet it was better, lucky you Ronnie: youre the one who ran home to have her tuck you in again Ronnie: youre that cunt Ronnie: mama's boy Joe: fuck's sake Joe: yeah alright Ronnie: you're the cunt who has the nerve to come crying to me when your mommy would shoot you up if you asked her to Joe: you reckon Joe: considering her dad was and she don't even hate yours as much i'll go with a no on that one Joe: plenty of sad stories I've heard and you ain't need to Ronnie: I reckon golden boy Ronnie: loves you as much as I love gear yeah Ronnie: & not trying to throw another baby away so you're welcome for the free pass Joe: cheers Joe: feels great Ronnie: you gonna cry again mckenna Joe: if i do i'll send you photos, don't worry Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: send me some either way Joe: you're a headfuck you know Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: dealer said it last time I fucked him Joe: you want fresh line Joe: 👌 Ronnie: give it to me then Joe: give me the flight to think of something you ain't heard before Ronnie: it ain't long enough Joe: fair there's plenty of shit i can say that you ain't heard for real before Joe: but it'd be a copout so i'll keep trying Ronnie: like what Joe: how many of your brothers you fucked lik4 Ronnie: don't reckon freckles is interested Ronnie: leaves me the gay & the kid Ronnie: what about your sister that'd be hot like Joe: they're all kids, just so you know Ronnie: no they ain't Ronnie: i know you lost your virginity to me but don't reckon they're waiting Joe: you wish Joe: hopefully just on the first count Ronnie: you're a sick boy Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you too baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: thats not some shit I ain't heard before Joe: just truth though Joe: no lying Ronnie: feels like one Ronnie: I'm good Joe: what you want me to say to that Ronnie: say what you wanna say Ronnie: again not your ma Joe: i'm good then Ronnie: truth or lie Joe: lie but not a big one Joe: true once i'm off this plane Ronnie: you out of sweeties or they're just that sugar free Joe: i'm trying to time it just right Joe: then i can actually just a decent amount and not be in a coma for you Ronnie: alright fuck Ronnie: you win Ronnie: nobody's said that to me before Joe: i mean it Joe: i want you first Ronnie: don't say this shit when you're on the wrong side of a plane ride Ronnie: jesus mckenna Joe: gotta make sure you miss me too Ronnie: you're such a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: you still want me though Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: why Ronnie: what do you want me to say Joe: you don't have to say anything Joe: but I ain't gonna shut up about how I ain't been able to get you out of my head this whole time Ronnie: yeah you said im a headfuck Ronnie: more than your family & the gear Ronnie: I'll take it Joe: better though Joe: you know Joe: so I'll take it and all Ronnie: you're a headfuck Ronnie: what are you being nice to me for Joe: you said it could go one of two ways Joe: you want me to be mean Ronnie: I want you to be here Ronnie: but you ain't Joe: I'm coming Ronnie: & I'm waiting on you Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I know Ronnie: I hate you Ronnie: I'm losing it, do you know that Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: what am I gonna do with that Joe: I don't know Joe: what do you want me to do Ronnie: what can you do Ronnie: can't even score by yourself Ronnie: worse than a fucking kid Joe: was desperate Joe: and it was your idea Ronnie: thats how it is every time Ronnie: you don't have any fucking idea 'cause I'm here cupping your balls & wiping your arse for you Joe: you've been giving me an easy ride of it yeah Joe: alright Ronnie: youre gonna try & call bullshit on that yeah Joe: nah i just had no idea you were being so generous Joe: would've got you a keychain at least Ronnie: fuck you Joe: you too Ronnie: get one with sharp edges we can make a blood oath or some shit Ronnie: maybe after you'll grow the hell up Joe: sure Joe: it's my speciality yeah Ronnie: cutting's more mine but you can have it Ronnie: same old shit gets boring yeah Joe: we can share Joe: she'd be proud Ronnie: my aspiration in life Ronnie: cheers Joe: obvs mine too Ronnie: you brought her up then not me Joe: reckon you owed me that one so Joe: even Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: say that again & you'll be swallowing teeth Joe: don't worry, that was hot Joe: you won it back Ronnie: go to hell mckenna Joe: you wanna be with me forever Joe: 💘 Ronnie: just reckoning you'll get there quicker than you will this fucking airport Joe: just be glad I didn't try to get back in at rush hour Ronnie: be glad im still waiting Joe: ain't gonna waste words on it Joe: show you Ronnie: 💘

[lovemychinchilla]

Can Chinchillas Eat Bananas?

Bananas are a fruit, and fruit is healthy. But are bananas healthy for chinchillas, or could they be unhealthy, even poisonous?

Are bananas good for chinchillas? They aren't poisonous, but are unsuitable as they contain far too much sugar. They contain lots of fructose (fruit sugar) which your chinchilla's gut isn't used to, and will make it become bloated. We recommend avoiding them completely.

While you can serve small portions, this is a pointless exercise as there are many snacks that a) won't make your chin overweight even in large quantities, and b) your chinchilla will love. So instead, suitable snacks for chinchillas include rose hips and hay with herbs in it.

Can Chinchillas Eat Bananas?

Chinchillas can physically eat bananas—but aside from that, there's no way in which bananas are suitable for chinchillas.

The core problem is that they are a dense food which contains too much fructose (for a chinchilla) even in small servings. Chinchillas are used to hay, and they have to eat a lot of it to survive. Both wild and pet chinchillas will forage throughout the day and night to get enough energy from hay. That's not because there's anything wrong with hay; it's how chinchillas are adapted to live.

But when a chinchilla has a sugary food that their gut isn't used to, they become bloated, and bloating can be fatal.

Do Chinchillas Like Bananas?

Chinchillas like any kind of sweet foods. They prefer sweet hays, for example, and will eat any fruit you give to them. So, your chinchilla would like the taste of the banana, although it would prefer foods that are more fibrous.

A good example of this is raisins. Chinchillas love to eat raisins, and many owners think they're a great snack. But if anything, they're worse for chinchillas than bananas, and should be avoided. This means bananas (and any fruit) are like candy to chinchillas: easy to eat and containing too much sugar. Fruit's vitamin content doesn't make up for that.

Are Bananas Poisonous to Chinchillas?

The problem isn't that bananas are poisonous for chinchillas. It's that they're very unhealthy.

This might come as some surprise, as fruit is seen as perhaps the healthiest food there is. That's largely because of its vitamin and mineral content. But what's healthy for one animal isn't necessarily healthy for another, and that's certainly the case here.

Why Can't Chinchillas Eat Bananas?

Bananas are not good for chinchillas in any way. While they do contain some vitamins and minerals, these your pet should get from its regular diet of hay alone. And beyond that, bananas are in no way good for your chinchilla. If anything, they're actively bad, like candy and other unhealthy snacks that we might have.

Nutrients in Bananas

All varieties of banana have roughly the same nutritional content. Here is a table with data from NutritionValue.org that shows exactly how much of each key nutrient bananas contain:

Nutrients Amount per 100g Carbohydrate 23g (12g sugar) Protein 1.1g Fat 0.3g Water 74.91 Fiber 2.6g Calories 89

If you know a lot about chinchillas, you may already see what's wrong with bananas. They contain too much pure sugar, too much water, too many calories, not enough fiber, not enough fat and not enough protein—so, they're unsuitable in every way!

The biggest problem is the sugar content. Fruit is mostly water and carbohydrates, and while carbohydrates aren't the enemy, pure sugar isn't good for chinchillas. A chinchilla's diet of leaves and grass contains almost no pure sugar: only complex carbohydrates like fiber.

A chinchilla's gut is set up perfectly to deal with this fiber, not lots of sugar. Like us, if it has too much sugar, a chinchilla will gain weight or could develop diabetes. While you likely aren't planning to feed your chin nothing but banana, even irregular snacks can make your pet gain weight.

Will Bananas Make My Chinchilla Gain Weight?

It's the fructose content of bananas that's the problem. Chinchillas eat hay, which has around 200 calories per 100g. Bananas have around 89.

As for how this will affect your chinchilla's weight, you can figure it out with math: chinchillas eat 5% of their body weight per day, so if your chinchilla weighs 500g (roughly average), it will eat 25g of hay. Timothy hay contains between 45-50 calories per 25g, so that's about your chinchilla's daily calorific needs.

A piece of banana half the size of your thumb will contain around 10 calories. That seems like next to nothing, but as you can see, these small numbers look bigger when you're the size of a chinchilla. Plus, it only takes a moment for your chinchilla to eat that much banana, while it has to forage for a long time to eat the equivalent in hay. So even tiny amounts of banana could make your pet overweight if fed regularly.

Fat, Protein, Water & Fiber Levels in Bananas

On top of that, bananas don't give chinchillas what they need. Chinchillas need 16-21% protein and 2-4% fat in their diets. Bananas offer 1.1% and 0.3% respectively, so not enough. This isn't a major problem as your chin would get what it needs from its core diet, but considering there are snacks that meet these needs, it makes sense to feed these instead.

It's the water content that poses the bigger problem. Chinchillas are from a dry climate, so have adapted to low water intake. That's why hay makes such an effective food, as it contains little water; the chin can moderate its own water intake with its water bottle. The water in fruit can give a chinchilla diarrhea.

Also, between 15-23% of a chinchilla's diet should be fiber. Bananas only offer 2.6% fiber, so won't be good for your pet's guts.

Vitamins and Minerals in Bananas

One way in which fruit beats processed food is its vitamin and mineral content. Bananas are a particularly healthy fruit in this regard, as you can see in the table below.

Vitamin/Mineral Amount per 100g Vitamin B1 0.031mg Vitamin B2 0.073mg Vitamin B3 0.665mg Vitamin B5 0.334mg Vitamin B6 0.367mg Vitamin C 8.7mg Copper 0.078mg Magnesium 27mg Manganese 0.27mg Phosphorus 22mg Potassium 358mg

Bear in mind that animals don't need an equal amount of each mineral or vitamin, so small amounts of one may be sufficient while large amounts of another may not. But each item in the list above represents something that bananas have lots of, relatively speaking. 

That being said, your chinchilla shouldn't need to eat fruits, vegetables or anything else solely for its vitamin and mineral content. That's because chinchillas get all the nutrients they need from hay, and hay alone. As such, foods that have lots of nutrients could actually cause an overdose of certain minerals or vitamins. Excess doses of things like calcium can cause bladder stones, for example, and impact your pet's health. So the vitamin and mineral content of bananas isn't relevant for your pet.

Another interesting point is that while bananas do contain reasonable amounts of vitamin C, that doesn't mean they're good for chinchillas either. That's because chinchillas make their own vitamin C, so they don't need to get it from food. Humans are one of the few animals that can't do this.

Can Chinchillas Eat Dried Banana?

While dried banana doesn't have the water content that regular banana does, that doesn't mean you should feed it. If anything, it's worse.

The problem is that dried fruit is rarely actual dried fruit. Instead, most dried fruit is candied fruit, and there's a big difference. Dried fruit is left to dry, with nothing added to it and nothing taken away. While this still isn't suitable for your chinchilla because of its sugar content, it's at least no worse than regular banana.

However, candied fruit is fruit that has been dried with lots of syrup added to it. Fresh fruit is soaked in sugar syrup, then heated until the water in the fruit is replaced with the syrup. This means that things like banana chips might be even worse for your pet than regular banana.

You can often tell the difference between dried fruit and candied fruit by looking at it. Real dried fruit is shrunken, dried and brown. It's chewy and tough. Candied fruit is brittle, light and very sweet. You can also check the packet to see what it is (although we don't recommend any kind of banana, candied, dried, fresh or otherwise).

How Much Banana Can Chinchillas Eat?

We would recommend not feeding your chinchilla any banana at all. That's because you take on the role of a parent if you adopt an animal with complex care needs; it's your job to look after it, and you should do it properly. There are lots of snacks your chinchilla will enjoy as much as banana, but which meet its nutritional needs correctly, so we recommend feeding these instead.

If you are going to feed your chinchilla banana, you should tightly control the portion sizes you feed. What seem like tiny differences in portion size to you are actually large to a chinchilla. So, only feed small portions as big as your little fingernail, if any at all.

How Often Can Chinchillas Eat Bananas?

Similarly, we would recommend never giving your chinchilla banana. There's simply no need: they serve no nutritional purpose, while there are other snacks like rose hips and herbs that don't damage your chinchilla's health.

Again, if you insist on feeding banana anyway, at least limit how often you do give it to your pet. Once a week should be your limit. In between these feedings, offer your chinchilla more suitable treats instead.

Should Chinchillas Eat Bananas?

On balance we recommend entirely against feeding your chinchilla bananas. There's certainly no nutritional need for them; chinchillas don't eat fruits like bananas in the wild, so your pet isn't missing out on any vitamins or minerals it can't get anywhere else, and if you give it healthy treats on occasion then it will be just as happy as if you did give it banana. 

Below, you can find our chinchilla quiz, new posts for further reading, and a signup for our Chinchilla Newsletter!

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#chinchillas #chinchillanutrition