#you can't even see the rendering on the cheeks because I covered them with freckles

[simple-persica]

Did y'all known that Uranium glows under a black light?

Edit: and that there’s a large deposit of uranium in Virginia. I straight up forgot to add that part. And that this is what I did instead of doing an actual page for VA

[spnsmile]

Outbreak (destiel drabble) 😷☕

Cas looking sadly down his phone with iron grip after texting his husband 30 minutes ago that he's just tested positive of corona virus, tries not to hold the burning tears at the back of his eyes while he sits alone inside the isolation room.

It had been a sweet beginning of the week with Dean kissing him good morning with a tray of breakfast in bed, hot soup and energy booster stuff. Dean is great at home cooking. Everything he prepares is like a meal shared with the gods guaranteed to make your day. Had he known he won't be able to see Dean for days next, he would have spend more time with his husband.

Cas is a doctor and the days went by alarmingly tough with rising numbers of people infected. He tells Dean he isn't in the ICU unit, being a Pediatrician, he's not much exposed like his fellow doctors, doesn't mean the kids don't get sick.

He assures Dean he is okay and keeps urging his husband to wash his hands, eat healthy food and almost everything he knows that can keep his husband safe while he takes care of those arriving in the hospital.

Dean is a firefighter and thus knows the importance of self-preservation in order to save many.

But five days later, Cas ends up positive.

Gone are the days he and Dean are worried about another kind of testing, but hey.

An hour later, here he is, alone and afraid of what's to come.

He imagines Dean receiving his text with dagger stabbing both their hearts. He couldn't call him without breaking. If he starts crying now, Dean will absolutely rush here and look how much good that will do them. Dean hasn't replied yet so maybe Dean hasn't read but...

Cas thinks of Dean finding their home empty, thinks of Dean reading the message plastered on their refrigerator with his three xxx. Hopes Dean doesn't touch it, seems pretty stupid now. Dean knows the importance of self preservation to save many.

He thinks of Dean in his uniform, watching the news with the others with arms crossed, the bulge of his muscles outlined. He imagined Dean changing his boots then quickly looking at the message with his green eyes, usually bright, slowly round in surprise. He thinks of Dean... been thinking of him forever with his boyish grin and dumbjokes, Cas is sure his husband's top priority would be to cheer him up despite this crisis, because only Dean could...

But he can't be with Dean and the thought hurts.

Can't be with Dean... but he can't be without Dean... but also... staying away... For Dean.

Memories flash like a slow movie wrapped in soft lights fill his eyes, and mostly it's just Dean. All of it. His head is full of Dean.

The firm lips he'd been biting on begin to quiver. His eyes blazing of flames and waterworks rush out on display.

Much more than his own pain is the picture of Dean waking up to find himself alone on the bed, in the kitchen, in the garage, on the couch they both love and make love on.

Had he known last Monday was the last time he'd see Dean, he would have told him how much he loves him and would like another lifetime with him. It breaks his heart to leave Dean when the world is dark and uncertain, the lonely place they both left behind to be together now clawing them back to its empty center.

He promised Dean he wouldn't ever leave. Promised him he would stay. Now they won't even be allowed to touch, let alone, see.

Cas doesn't know what's going to happen to them, to the world, or when it will stop and when the world will be okay. Like everyone else fumbling over the pandemic virus unprepared of its horror and colossal damage to mankind, Cas fears the future.

Roller coaster of emotion hits him real time but he wills himself to calm. For Dean.

To be strong. For Dean.

But waiting for Dean's message is nerve wracking and Castiel figures out it's only just the beginning.

Swallowing his heart, his body unusually hot and aching, Castiel leans on his knees, bows his head and wraps both hands at the back of his head waiting...

He doesn't know what.. The good news? The bad? He knows Dean will try to reach him but with the hospital already infected and probably nearing quarantined?

He wished he told Dean how much he loved him. Wished Dean didn't have to be so groggy when he kissed him goodbye. He closes his eyes and prays.

I want to see him.

Loud voices outside alert Castiel who raise his head to the door in confusion. Seconds next, the door burst open and to Castiel's horror and relief, Dean comes barging in, eyes glaring like a mad dragon hot and flaring and searching for its unabandoned treasure.

Their eyes instantly locked and whatever it is that's keeping Castiel's expression deadpan, crumbles to pieces when he sees his husband whose green eyes flicker over him-

"Cas!" Dean yells like his life depended on it.

"D-Dean!" the voice didn't belong to him. Emotion hits skyhigh and before he knows it, he's standing up and the angry growl of command comes washing everything out of his system. "You get the hell away from here, Dean!"

Dean startles because Cas is really angry. At the back of his mind, he knew Dean was gonna pull this. That Dean would break heaven and hell to get to him but to see it in progress- one emotions remains.

Love.

So much love for Dean to the point of sending him away. He sees Dean's eyes on him for a moment, then he's gone and in three steps yanks Castiel on his arms.

"Idiot." Dean hisses, warm cheeks pressing hard on the side of Castiel's head, making the doctor's heart thunder against their pressing chest.

Cas smells ash and singed hair on Dean as the doctor tries to pull away, but he's weak against the strong arms he didn't know he's been craving a lot. Dean whose presence immediately send sparks of life in his dull existence, "Kinda little too late for that, don't you think? I think I'm positive already."

"What?"

"There's fire on Fifth ave right before you messaged. Had to rescue an old man on wheelchair stuck on the 10th floor. He's on quarantine already. They don't think he will survive."

Castiel gasps on his husband's chest, his hands curling on the man's waist.

"Dean... Are you...?"

"I think so." Dean noses the back of Cas ear, leaving warm on the places his mouth while Cas shuts his eyes as if in pain.

"It's alright, they are husbands." says a voice flatly coming from the door where a medical worker in full equipper suit against contamination is frowning. "Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to stay still until we get more personnel-"

"I'm not going anywhere." Dean rumbles, his arms around Castiel digging solid and pulling even closer, almost rendering his husband breathless. Castiel stays in those protective arms feeling light headed and safe.

"Dean..." he begins softly, all emotions given in one name.

"So... This is us making do on till death do us part?" Dean chuckles but his quaking voice betrayed him. The way he holds Castiel like he can hold him forever.

"We don't even know if you're really infected, Dean! I don't want to think of you dying..."

"What are you talkin about? I'm already dead without you, honey..."

"That's a depressing thought." he tightly grips the fabric of Dean's jacket and buries his nose on the burrow of his husband's neck. Delight and dread mixes together, but it's hard not to cling for support when he's so weary and so alone.

"We won't die, Cas. We'll win this thing too like how we won the others. Okay?"

Castiel's logic wants to argue, wants to point out hundreds of scenarios why this hugging and embracing is bad. He thinks of the many cases already spreading in the world and of Dean adding in theit number. In a world where the future seems bleak, one voice speaks the loudest in his ears.

"We'll get through this together."

"Mr. Winchester," says a voice from the door again, "I'm afraid you're gonna have to let go of Mr. Winchester. For now, if you please."

Dean sighs and he and Cas parts a little to get a good look at the other. Cas almost whimpers because he thought he'd never see those green eyes, those freckles that makes his husband...

"I hate em polite people. Makes you guilty after punching one of their security off."

"Dean!"

"He's wearing the helmet and covers, alright? It's my hand that hurts."

Castiel clicks his tongue. "So what are we going to do now?"

Dean looks over his shoulder to the waiting medical team, then whips his head back to his husband, cups Cas' small frame on his large hands and pulls him- just pulls him into a very mouthwatering deep kiss.

And nobody stopped them.

At least till the doctors are groaning and calling for support.

"You're gonna have to bear for a month till you're both cleared, Mr. Winchester, Mr. Winchester. Let's try not to make another string of the virus. I would not need to remind you to wash your hands, but for fucksake, hands off."

It was better safe than sorry.✨

#would like to thank the real heroes fighting corona 😷 stay healthy and please be strong!

#not intended for any offense ✌

[witness-protection-official]

Warning! Lots more cussing this time, mention of doing drugs, and god tier acting from both parties

Also very long this time I spent a sold three hours writing this

Witness Protection - An Eyeless Jack x Female Reader Fanfiction

Chapter 3

You felt as though you were going insane. The man hadn't said a single word to you since the weird field area. Only lord knew if the ancient vehicle you sat in had a working radio. Asking was out of the question, you still had tape over your mouth. Couldn't check, you had tape gloves that went all the way up your arms, rendering them useless. With half lidded eyes, you stare at your disheveled figure in the side mirror. Dear god, you looked like shit. The blood on the side of your face had caked into a gross brown and was beginning to flake off, leaving you looking like you were a burn victim. You wince internally. You had mangled hair, with strands sticking every which way. Bags under the eyes displayed your lack of sleep and slowly depleting sanity. With a nearly inaudible groan, you tap your head against the glass. 'Can't he just kill me and get this over with? I don't know how much sitting in dead silence I'm going to be able to handle.' You slouch heavily, slowly sinking to the floor of the truck.

"You'll hurt your back sitting like that," his monotone voice stated off handedly. You huff and remain there. He sighs and grabs the back of your shirt, tugging you up to sit properly. You groan. Apparently sitting weirdly isn't even an option. He remains facing foward, not even glancing in your direction. Unable to spit insults at him, you level a heated glare at instead. He either doesn't notice or doesn't care. Maybe a good mix of both. It wasn't easy to tell how long you sat there, giving a dirty look to a man that probably couldn't even see you past the hood he had been wearing this entire time, but you assumed it had been about ten minutes or so. The truck suddenly stopped. You break out of your hate filled trance and look around. Why did he park in an actual parking lot? Was he going to let you go? The thought filled your heart with hope. He popped open the center console and pulled out a large bottle of what sounded like pills. Christ, was he about do just pop a few pills to deal with your bullshit? He pulled his mask off, placing it in the back seat. The cap popped off and he dumped a few out, throwing them into his mouth and closing the bottle. He pulled the hood down, giving you a clear view of the side of his head. You voice your distress at his appearance in muffled screams. He sighs heavily, leaning his head back against his seat, not seeming bothered. The screaming grew louder as his features shifted.

He opened his eyes and glanced at you, letting you get a clear view of his eyes. The screaming ceased in shock. How had you not seen them under his mask? With how bright the blue of his iris was, one would think they would glow in the dark. He pulled the visor down to examine his face in the small mirror embedded inside. He licked his teeth, turned his face from side to side. It finally clicked why he sounded familiar. He was the weird guy that had been staring at you when you changed out shifts with a coworker. You sigh internally. No point in thinking about it now, you guessed. He had murdered someone and kidnapped you, you had bigger things to worry about. His buckle clicked and you snapped out of your thoughts.

"I'll be back," he said simply, clicking something on the side of the door and closing it. Did- did that fucker just turn the child lock on?! Where the fuck were you gonna go in blood soaked clothes and taped up arms?! You send a hateful glare at his retreating form. He went into a store. A very large store. The fuck was he doing?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He bit the inside of his cheek as he entered the store. Did she really have to scream like that? Probably, not everyday you see a man with grey skin. And it's also not everyday you see him suddenly become a shape shifter after popping some pills. Either way, it really wasn't a boost of confidence for his already weak self esteem. Whatever. He had a reputation to uphold, and that meant keeping his cool, constantly. He'd already almost lost it on her while she was being annoying the night before. No point in risking it now. Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes. He began his journey towards the clothes section of the store before he paused. He forgot to ask what her sizes were. He facepalmed. And she had been wearing heels too. He grumbled, figuring it'd be easier to deal with that later. Right now he had to focus on getting her clothes that weren't stained with blood. He debated on heading to the woman's section, guess her size. No, bad idea. Someone is bound to try to talk to him. He was a tall man, he had no reason to be in the woman's section, and people were bound to wonder. Both his pride and crippling social anxiety told him to not risk it. Avoid talking with people was a priority. With a deep breath, he swiveled on his heel, headed towards the mens. He'd just grab some smaller sized jeans or something. There was a time where baggy jeans were popular right? He furrowed his brows as he thought, as he did a lot. His mind continued to wander until he reached the clothes. He eyed the jeans and opted to grab a pair of skinny jeans, in a random size that looked like they would fit her. He wasn't exactly staring at her legs, so he hoped that brief mental image he had in his mind was enough. He turned to the shirts. Any of them would work, they just couldn't be too big. He really wasn't in the mood to listen to her bitch and whine about him being a 'pervert' because it dipped too low and showed her bra.

He grabbed a basic black tee, looking to be maybe a size smaller than he got his own shirts. That'll do. He got a second pair of pants and a second shirt, just for good measure. He bit his tongue. He knew a little bit about the hygenic needs of a woman, but he hadn't smelled any blood or hormonal spike on her, so he figured she'd be fine for now. As he made his way to a different part of the store, he passed a shelf of hoodies. He backed up. Should he get her a hoodie? That would be awfully nice of him. She had done nothing to deserve any form of kindness from Jack. Letting her live was the extent of his mercy for her. 'But if she isn't cold that's less things she'll have to bitch about…' he mulled it over in his head before deciding. He'd get another hoodie for himself and let her wear it passively. 'What a fucking genius you are, Jack, absolute genius' he congratulated himself, grabbing a dark colored hoodie that was in his size. He nodded, satisfied and went to get a few more items.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You had been pretty confident he up and died in that store, he took so long. But alas, he had to return. You watched his form make it's way to your side of the truck and reflexively shifted away. He swung it open, placing the bags he held ontot he ground while he stood onto the step to reach your seatbelt clip. He tore off the tape, unclipping the restraint. The tape on your mouth went next.

"Spit an insult at me and I'll cut off your tongue," he quipped. You closed your mouth. "Good girl," he himself seemed to cringe at what he just said, judging by the sigh he released. You scrutinized his face as he worked on the tape on your arms with intense concentration. He had tiny freckles all over his face. They were so small it was impossible to see them from a distance, but they were everywhere. His nose, his cheeks, even the top of his neck and between his eyes. You would've found him attractive if you didnt know it wasn't what he actually looked like. Tanned skin and soft looking auburn hair helped him sell the whole 'fucking gorgeous' thing.

"What's with the whole 'pretty boy' get up?" you murmur. He pauses and looks up at you, confused. "why did you choose this look to be normal?" He searched her face for any underlying intentions. When he found none, he shrugged.

"Didn't get a choice," He finally managed to get the tape off of your hands and arms.

"You got damn lucky with it then, you coulda been ugly," you shrugged. He took a deep breath and didn't respond, instead reaching into the bag and pulling out a package of what appeared to be baby wipes. "I'm not a baby,"

"I noticed," he opened the package and pulled out a wipe. He gripped your jaw and turned your head to the side.

"I can do this myself,"

"Don't trust you," as usual, his response was simple. He wiped the dried blood off of your face rather harshly.

"Hey, hey! Be gentler! I'm not dead yet!" He growled lowly and held your face tighter in his hand, wiping the rest of the blood off of any currently visible skin. He took another wipe and used it to wipe off any tape or dirt residue off of you. "What gives with the mini bath?"

"You'll see," He pushed your head down, bending you so that your chest was pressed tightly against your thighs. He threw what you assumed to be the wipes into the back before letting you sit up again. He picked up the bag from off of the pavement and handed it to you. "Change," he closed the truck door. He must've gotten you clothes so you wouldnt be covered in blood constantly. You pull out a pair of jeans and a shirt, followed by an extremely oversized hoodie. You quirk a brow but peek out the window. The man was scrolling on his phone, back pressed against the car door. You deemed it safe to change and stripped down, pulling the new, clean clothes on. You rummaged through the bag some more and came across a hair brush, dry shampoo, and deodorant. Questionable items, but you put them to use. You felt like a human again. A soft knock on the window startled you. There he was. You blink dumbly at him. He points down. You look down. You had locked the door. With a sigh, you unlocked the door and he opened it.

"You didn't stare at me while I was changing, did you?" you narrow your eyes in suspicion.

"I've got no reason to," he took the hoodie out of the bag and threw it at you. "Wear it if you want," he threw the bag in the backseat. You huff and pull the sweater over your head. He closed the door and moved to the drivers side. He strapped in and started the truck.

"Why'd you make me freshen up and stuff?"

"You need food. I don't know what you want," He made the short drive to a gas station that was only about five minutes up the road. He unstrapped and went to your side, opening the door. "Out," You unstrapped and slipped out of the truck, a little wobbly from not standing for so long. The heels didn't help.

"You're coming in with me?"

"I'm the one with money,"

"There's another reason, isn't there,"

"That one is obvious. Now listen. You go in there, grab anything you need, and if anyone asks, I'm your boyfriend," he briefed.

"Why do I have to say you're my boyfriend?"

"You won't have to if you don't act suspicious, now lets go, I've spoken to much,"

"You got a word limit or something?"

"Mentally," he ushered you inside.

"You gonna act all boyfriendy?"

"Boyfriendy?"

"Are you gonna act like my boyfriend?"

"Yes, and you'll have to deal,"

"Ew, but why,"

"There won't be any kissing," he rolled his eyes.

"What if you need to?"

"I won't" he guided you to the hot foods area. "Now get your food," He stayed close as you grabbed two slices of pizza and a hot dog, putting them in mini bags. "Its a long drive, go get yourself some snacks," you nod and sort of hand him your hot food, which he holds with no complaint. His eyes hold a glimmer of warning, telling you not to do anything stupid.

You're examining the chips on the different shelves when some girl about your age comes up to you.

"Did you hear?" She leans in close.

"Hear what?" you tilt your head.

"About the murder at that hotel. Apparently the murderer took a hostage with them, one of the staff," you pretend to be shocked and that the hostage was 100% not you.

"Really?" top tier lying this was. You just hoped it was believable. She nodded.

"By the way that guy has kind of been staring you down this entire time," she whispered. "Hey, creep! Why don't you go bother some other chick-!"

"Wait! It's ok," you subtly gulp and turn to your kidnapper, acting as natural as possible. "Babe, are you gonna keep standing there like a stalker?" He shook his head.

"S-sorry," he chuckled awkwardly, moving to stand next to you. He somehow managed to look bashful, blush and all. His posture was slouched to look more weak and not as standoffish. He probably took an acting class at some point.

"Oh, you're dating," she seemed relieved. You nod. "Can I have proof?"

"Why- why do you need proof that we're dating?"

"With the whole hostage thing I just wanna make sure he isn't the murderer, or you aren't, you never know,"

"It does make a bit of sense," your abductor agreed, somehow flying through this whole interaction look weak and pathetic, and making it look like he was completely off the list of possible suspects. She raised her eyebrows, waiting. He looks down at you and you look up at him, seeming to have the same idea. He lean down and you meet him halfway in a short kiss. The taste of iron and blood you expected never showed up. When you two pulled away from each other, the woman visibly relaxed.

"Alright, sorry for being weird. Have a nice day!" she waved. You waved along with the man. He grabs your hand.

"She made a scene, we gotta keep up the appearance," he whispered as he leaned down, followed by a kiss on the cheek to cover it up. You notice some people were definitely staring.

"Got it," you whisper back. Pulling your hand away from his you grab a bag of chips. "Do we wanna get chips or something else for the trip?"

"You'll be eating them more than me,"

"Yeah but I don't want you to think I'm greedy for eating them all,"

"I won't think you're greedy,"

"Yes you will," you put the chips back.

"You can get the chips, babe," You whine.

"But-!"

"You're fine," he took the chips off of the shelf and placed them in your hands. He mouthed something to you. 'Jack'. You assumed that was his name.

"You sure, Jackie? You're 100% sure?"

"Yes," You shrug and grab the collar of his hoodie and yank him down, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you," you coo. He hums and pecks your lips. The line is fairly short as you two go to pay. Jack pays and before you leave the guy manning the register bids you farewell.

"Be safe, you two lovebirds,"

"We will, have a nice day!" The moment you're both in the car you place the bag down and go to fetch the wet wipes to wipe your mouth off. They wer to far back and you sighed. "You're a really good actor," you comment. "Your affection felt real," he hums.

"Likewise," he seemed greatly uncomfortable, and it made you wonder what he meant by metal word limit. Either that or he just really did not like pretending to be dating his hostage. You shrug. Best to ask once you've eaten. You unwrap your hotdog and take a bite.

[baekhyunangst]

Heather

pairing(s): nomin (kind of) x oc(fem)

genre/warnings: angst,,just angst

tags: unrequited love, one-sided pining, bestfriends!nomin, heather!au

words: 3k

a/n: this is my first fic on this app so apologies for any mistakes you find here, entirely inspired by conan gray’s song called “heather” <3 i did not give the song the justice it deserves so im sorry in advance, that being said, please leave a comment if you did happen to like it ^^

note: https://youtu.be/24u3NoPvgMw

summary: Jaemin notices how Jeno's eyes glint when you are within his line of vision-  as you maneuver your way towards their table- him flashing a smile only reserved for you. He rips his stare away from the scene, his heart squeezing uncomfortably in his chest. 

 And just like that, Jaemin watches Jeno fall in love with you more and more, while his heart breaks piece by piece each time you show up.

I still remember, 3rd of december

me in your sweater, you said it looked better on me

"Here, wear this."

Jeno hands Jaemin a fluffy, red sweater with a pair of sweatpants while the latter blows air into his palm, trying to warm his hands.

They were just out and going about their day, strolling the city when it started to pour out of the blue. Thankfully, Jeno's place was nearby so they rushed to his apartment but still had gotten drenched halfway.

Jaemin eyes the sweater with clear distaste (or pretends to, considering he had worn the said sweater on multiple occasions he stayed over at his place, or had impromptu sleepovers without any complaints previously).

"Really, this ugly sweater, again?" Jaemin clicks his tongue but still takes the bright sweater from Jeno's grasp.

Jeno gasps in faux hurt, hand placed against his chest,

"Hey, don't say that! You're going to hurt its feelings."

Jaemin merely chuckles at his best friend's antics, turning around to change- taking off his wet sweater and pulling the clean cloth over his head, the soft fabric brushing against his bare skin that is accentuated with the distinctive smell of Jeno's cologne.

Oh how Jaemin hates the way his heart pricks and goosebumps cover every pore of his skin- because he shouldn't be getting this affected. It's just a sweater get over it, he reprimands himself. He quickly changes his bottoms as well before turning around to see an already freshened-up Jeno staring at him with a wistful expression on his face.

Jaemin quirks an eyebrow, "What, is there something on my face?"

He reaches a hand up to touch his face but Jeno shakes his head,

"No, it's just, I realized how it has become an unconscious habit for me give you that sweater," Jeno motions towards Jaemin's chest with his hand.

For some reason, Jaemin holds his breath awaiting for the next words that is about to stumble out of Jeno's mouth,

"It looks way better on you than it does on me. Keep it. The red really suits you." Jeno finishes with a playful wink.

And just like that, Jaemin's heart races a mile because stupid, stupid Jeno, and his stupid comment, Jaemin berates silently.

Stupid Jeno with his crescent eyes and wide, infectious smile.

Jeno walks out of the bedroom and head towards the living room, with Jaemin in tow with crimson ears, one that is almost matching the color of his sweater.

He futiely convinces himself that it is just a harmless crush (a supposed phase that has roughly gone on for about a year now). It will pass, he tells himself, albeit unconvincingly.

"Do you know what date is today?" Jeno asks as he turns on the TV and settles down on the couch, grabbing the remote and flipping through channels randomly.

Jaemin answers quizzically, "It's 3rd of december, why?"

Jaemin had just placed himself on the space next to Jeno when he abruptly shifts around and faces him, grabbing both his hands, pretty eyes filled with excitement,

"Oh shit, dude! How to train your dragon: homecoming comes out today."

Jaemin is taken aback by the overly enthusiastic Jeno, his insides going haywire with how close Jeno's face is to his- the proximity rendering him immobile. He can also feel his hot breath fanning across his cheeks, prompting him to bite the insides of his cheeks to stay in check, because, Jeno is all up his personal space, eyes crinkling at the sides, and his pink, soft pillow of a lips lifting up at the corner. Their faces are mere centimetres apart, and he could just feel Jeno's touch if he leans in tad more.

It is scary how he is easily evading his senses, leaving him unable to formulate any rational thoughts, as he can only drink in the view in front of him, and maybe feel his lips, thoughts drifting into dangerous waters. He can feel his pulse quickening, lips drying up as he swipes his tongue out to lather them in moisture- it has only been mere seconds yet his heart is pounding against his chest. His eyes roaming about Jeno's face wordlessly, counting his moles and freckles that decorated his countenance like constellations.

However, he quickly snaps out of it when he feels Jeno lightly squeezes his hand still with that expectant look,

"O-oh yeah, I completely forgot. Why don't you turn on netflix while I fix us some warm drinks, yeah?"

Jaemin averts his gaze and stands up straight not waiting for an answer, making a beeline for the kitchen. Once he is within the safe confines of the kitchen, he places a hand on his chest hoping to aid his racing heart to settle down, trying to regulate his breathing. It's getting worst, shit, he curses in his head. He should be more careful because he almost slipped, he makes a mental note.

They spend their time together watching the movie, a blanket on their lap, thighs brushing, their drinks empty on the table in front of them.

Sometime later in the middle of the night, during their third movie, Jaemin feels a light weight on his shoulder, and glances towards a sleepy Jeno, already nodding off.

He sighs affectionately, although it's laced along with anguish. He extends his hand to brush Jeno's bangs away from, eyes raking over his soft features mutely.

The sudden urge to grab his face and kiss him dumb and drunk is overwhelmingly strong, which startles Jaemin for even having such a thought.

(Although the irrational part of his mind is already wandering off in the deepest desires of his thought, like how kissing Jeno would feel, to act on his selfish thoughts, to just give in, and succumb to the chaotic mess of his thoughts until there's only white noise, and he can no longer breathe, the only source of air being Jeno.)

His heart clenches painfully, oh, was Jeno so beautiful and magnificent as red rose, lush green leaves, covered in thorns that could tear your skin, but it still wouldn't forbid you from touching it- the blood seemingly an easy price to pay to just get a feel.

But the ground reality was, Jaemin knew him well enough to know Jeno couldn't possibly feel the same way as he does, because you were there.

He wasn't oblivious to how Jeno's demeanor changed when his phone vibrated in the middle of a movie, how his smile spread further across his cheeks if it was even possible, eyes glued to his phone screen, and how he watched the rest of the movie with a light bounce in his feet, chin up, and a pretty smile on his lips.

(Like I could never, his heart breaks a little at the revelation).

Jaemin gazes at Jeno's sleeping figure, expression etched with a deep ache of longing, a hand reaching out under the blanket to hold his warm ones, giving it a comforting squeeze, while this action also causes his heart strings to tug against each other painfully.

It is only a matter of time before any of you realize your true feelings.

So until then, Jaemin will keep Jeno caged in his selfish thoughts.

Until he no longer can.

Until he falls in love with you.

If only he knew how much he liked him.

                         You gave her your sweater

It's just polyester, but you like her better

Jaemin observes from a distance, the scene unfolding in front of him; Jeno's arm on your shoulder, eyes entirely captivated by your presence, like nothing else mattered and the rest of world just disappeared.

It's almost pathetic, how Jaemin could easily spot his sweater from the crowd as if it was mocking him, because of all things, Jeno's sweater caught his attention. There's nothing special about the black piece of cloth, with random scribbles of letters on the back, almost fading in color because of how frequently the boy wore that article of clothing.

There really is nothing special about it, so why did his insides poke at him, why did his eyes prick at the sight of you wearing his sweater- he thinks it's so silly and stupid and he shouldn't even be feeling hurt given the fact you are dating him- it should have been a completely normal occurrence.

It is blatantly obvious how much he likes you better in his faded black sweater, eyes never wandering elsewhere, always on you- he liked you so much better. He could never bring that shy smile on his face and the sparkle dancing off in his eyes like you did.

While Jeno might have given him a red sweater, he gave you his favorite sweater, even though it is just polyester. Jaemin realizes, knows, nothing could compare to that.

For some reason Jaemin can't seem to break his gaze away from the two of you- hands clasped together, similar tinted cheeks, occasionally sharing kisses, your surrounding passing in a blur. You look warm in his embrace.

Everything comes to a halt in Jaemin's world, and he pretends it's him with Jeno, sharing loving gazes, endearing smiles and gentle touches- if only he knew.

Jaemin finally looks away, heart heavy in his chest, cold hands crumpling the end of his sweater, the chilly winter breeze biting at the exposed skin of his neck. He's hoping the cold would somehow numb his pain.

It is so silly to have worn the red sweater, Jaemin thinks.

Because he is not you, and Jeno likes you better.

And black is a much better color than red, anyways, Jaemin muses with a crestfallen expression.

 But I watch your eyes, as she walks by

what a sight for sore eyes

Brighter than a blue sky

Jaemin wishes he could erase the mental image of Jeno painted in his head, when you dropped by earlier to their table, beautiful face and everything.

How Jeno's eyes instantly brightened as he spots you in the hoard of students, calling out your name with such fondness that it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Their conversation stops midway when Jeno's eyes zeroed behind Jaemin, eyes turning all tender and crescents, and god, did he look so in love.

Jeno looks prettier than ever, and his heart shatters a little.

The view now taunts him, as he recalls the memory, how you could just kiss him like that. The action causing him to flit his eyes away from the two of them, his heart squeezing in slight discomfort.

He also watched as you walk away from the clutches of Jeno's arm for your next class, Jaemin's eyes never leaving his side- the way Jeno's eyes significantly dimmed and lips jutted out, it is so childish, Jaemin thinks.

Except for some unfathomable reason, it was ripping his insides into shreds, making him painfully aware that he could never do those things to him.

What a sore sight, Jaemin wonders bitterly.

But how could I hate her? 

she's such an angel

Sometimes Jaemin wishes you were a complete bitch, because then he could hate you and it wouldn't hurt as much.

But you aren't.

You are nice and sweet and kind, and just so profoundly you. It was not a hard feat for anyone to fall for your charming personality. People liked you instantly from exchanging a few conversations, because he did too.

Jaemin could tell why Jeno is so in love with you.

Jaemin recollects the instance in which he got sick and had missed two important classes; because the two of shared the same class, you had prepared separate notes for him despite him not asking you for anything, or the numerous times you would invite him to your dates with Jeno, worried that you might be leaving him out deliberately. Because you understood more than anyone how much Jeno meant for him, he is his bestfriend after all-afraid that you might be overstepping your boundaries when it came to their bond.

How you would ask permission from him for the insignificant of things like staying over during their movie or gaming nights. How you would also prepare meals for him on the day the three of you happened to be at Jeno's place, insisting that he stay whenever Jaemin feels like he is intruding during your private time with him, even though his visit was unannounced. Jaemin could never bring himself to hate you-how could he when in fact, he envied you. You were everything he was not- kind, beautiful, and thoughtful, always so considerate and mindful of others, gleaming with confidence.

He wishes he were you.

You are such an angel.

She's got you mesmerized while I die

The pinnacle of Jaemin's heartbreak comes not too soon after they spend a night at the beach, partying together with several other people from the same batch of their course-in celebration of their upcoming graduation ceremony.

They are sitting in front of the bonfire, a bottle of beer in both their hands as they take occasional swigs; the flame cackling and hissing, sending little sparks up in the sky. Jaemin discreetly eyes Jeno from the corner of his eye, the fire illuminating his sharp features, making it appear even more beautiful in the night glow, accompanied by the flame light.

Jeno is always radiant, he deems.

His gaze falters a bit when he observes the quite smile that makes it way to his countenance, his subject of interest being you when you grace your presence at the party with your friends. You don't notice them just yet, and Jeno's eyes are permanently fixed on your every little movement, the quirk of his lips widening by the second.

You have him mesmerized.

Jeno finally tears his stare away from you, seemingly satisfied, a prominent beam gracing his visage. Jaemin feels a dull ache in his chest, reminding him of the reality, the quite sound of bass playing from the stereo adding to the melancholic atmosphere. He watches their silhouettes that is reflecting on the sand, shadows close and almost touching, yet in reality, they are drifting apart.

"I'm going to marry her," Jeno breaks the calm serenity (breaking Jaemin's heart alongside it). He tilts his head up, taking in the starry night, a content grin playing on his lips,

"I'm going to marry her, Jaem," he says again, this time with a reassuring smile on his face as he spares a glance towards Jaemin's direction.

Jaemin can only offer a tight smile in return, hoping it doesn't turn out like a grimace. Thankfully Jeno seems too busy in his own little world to notice the brooding silence that has taken over Jaemin.

By the end of the semester, things seems to have escalated because Jeno stands there with you in front of the whole class, a shy smile on your face and a contagious beam on his face as he announces,

"She said yes."

Loud cheers erupt in the class as confetti's drop everywhere, and amidst the celebration Jeno makes his way towards Jaemin, arms spread widely, ready to engulf his best man in a tight embrace,

"Congratulations, Jen. I'm so happy for you, both of you," Jaemin lies through his teeth, hoping, praying, that his voice doesn't break.

Jaemin dies a little within.

He lied, he died a whole lot more than little.

why would you ever kiss me

I'm not even half as pretty

"You may kiss the the bride,"

The pastor informs and Jaemin watches, his heart twisting and flailing inside his chest, a thick lump forming in his throat, eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears, as Jeno and you seal a kiss, officially pronounced as married couple.

You looked so pretty in your white gown, the most gorgeous bride, Jaemin thinks, and Jeno is adorned in a black tuxedo, gone was the boy he knew when he was younger, now a refined and mature Jeno stood in front of you. A man full of committing promises, until death do you apart.

The ceremony is held during a warm spring day with only close family members and friends invited, at a local beach.

After entertaining the guests and spending some time with you and Jeno, Jaemin excuses himself to take a breather. He finds himself walking along the shore of the beach, away from the noisy chatter and blaring music behind him.

With his shoes in one hand, his feet digs into the sand, leaving prints before it is washed away by the water. It was almost metaphorical, as if reminding him that his existence will be diminishing from Jeno's life gradually. The waves align perfectly to the shore, covering his feet entirely at random intervals. And he walks and walks until the sound behind him is nothing but a white noise.

He also belatedly realizes his shoulder is trembling, vision blurring as tears are streaming down his cheeks, his resolve and endurance now breaking. He falls apart completely, silently weeping as he strides further away, huffing and gasping for air. It feels like someone's stepping on his chest, blocking his airway, making it hard for him to breathe. The crashing sound of waves and the cicadas singing provides him a bit of comfort, telling him he has got company, but is still not enough- it does not mount to the anguish that wells up inside of him.

He chokes on his tears, trying to breathe through his mouth, swallowing the thick lump forming in his throat. Jaemin could not even tell where it hurt the most because, it hurt everywhere. The searing pain was overbearing and everything becomes a throbbing memory, Jeno speaking his vows as he peers deeply into your eyes, voice cracking in between, so much love being conveyed from his stare alone, and how he kisses you tenderly by the end of it.

It's haunting him now, how he could never be you. How he never stood a chance. How pretty of a girl you are that it almost stung his eyes, how Jeno would never dream of kissing him. 

He slow trudge ceases as he comes to a halt, wiping his tears with the back of his hand, and taking a deep breath.

It is not the end of the world, he tries to console himself. He'll be fine, eventually.

He takes solace in the fact knowing Jeno is loved and cared for by someone like you.

He will be okay, the last of his tears rolling down his cheeks.