#you can think about me / this kink what you want I'm kind and compassionate actually lol

[ftmcutiepie]

I’m trans and stuck living in transphobic country, I hate my life and I’m planning to kill myself. Does this make you happy and turn you on?

Okay, first things first, in case you're serious:

Call a suicide hotline. Call or go to a local mental health facility that has an emergency service. Go to your local hospital's emergency room.

Talk to family or friends, if you can.

Those things are way better outlets / support opportunities than an online stranger's ask box.

BUT. In case you seriously need someone to talk - and from the tone of this ask I doubt you'd be interested in this offer - you can come off anon and I'll DM you.

I am not taking on responsibility for your mental health, but trans people need to stick together in a world that is so often against us.

Hell, this kink is more often than not a coping mechanism for exactly that.

Where's that tweet that's like, "I'm not fetishizing your experience, I'm fetishizing my experience, idk who you are". That.

This blog, and many blogs that fetishize dark, terrible real life things like SA, abuse, misogyny (dare I say racism? I'm technically mixed race but white passing and culturally white, I don't feel like it's my place to have an opinion on this), are FANTASY, often times COPING MECHANISMS and should be between CONSENTING ADULTS ONLY.

I do engage in this kink from a privileged position. Like I said, white passing and culturally white in central europe. Far from transphobia-free, trans people here are still affected by discrimination and hate crimes, but we have the possibility to get hormones relatively easily (I'm almost 7 months on T), and further medical and "legal" transition is harder to get, but possible. Overall, queer acceptance has been on the rise, but so have been right-wing leaning sentiments.

I made my own experiences with transphobia, mostly from family members, and was closeted in some aspects of my life for years. I'm still not out at work because I'm anxious about negative consequences.

These experiences have given me this kink.

Getting misgendered and even deadnamed hurts less when done to me with my CONSENT, not from a place of genuine transphobia. Masturbating to dysphoria alleviates it.

This kink is playing with real pain and turning it into something positive.

I would never stand for someone misgendering or deadnaming someone without their consent. That is transphobia.

This kink - engaged in between consenting adults - is not.

I am truly sorry about your situation.

Obviously it doesn't make me happy or turn me on. I never said it did. If you actually looked at my blog you'd know that.

Again, fetishizing my own experience has nothing to do with you.

If blogs like mine make you uncomfortable, the block button is free.

A few trans people online engaging in a niche kink to cope isn't the reason for the transphobia around you.

[in-silks-and-flesh-and-leather]

I was just about to say your new WIPs sound really interesting esp Stolen Car when I saw you posted the first chapter. Aaaah so I have a lot of thoughts! At first when you warned about poor little rich girl being a brat I didn’t really believe it and 1/3 of the way thru I was thinking “nah she’s not that bad, I even feel kinda bad for her” but then I got pissed at her being so callous asking about his arm. Then I went back and forth between trying to forgive her bc she mostly seems to have a misplaced sense of humor (which seems to be a cover for her feeling miserable due to being ignored or feeling lack of love/attention and lack of purpose in life) and feeling very indignant on Clyde’s behalf! All that is to say, I think you did an excellent job serving up a real genuine three dimensional character! It’s interesting to read a RC type character who is clearly NOT cookie cutter self insert lol. As for Clyde, I think he was very believable. Reading about his deep hurt and pent up rage, I’m reminded that sometimes in fandom we make Clyde so much of a “giant soft teddy bear” that it becomes very superficial, like he might as well just be a big fleece blanket for us lol. He’s a great comfort character but he also has a lot of deeper, sometimes darker and uncomfortable depths to explore. Great first chapter!!! (Do you think this will have a happy ending? If you don’t want to say, please ignore haha.)

Somewhat related, I read your shorter piece about trimming Clyde’s nails and I looooooove it. Especially that RC takes the effort and has the interest to learn stuff like reflexology and does little prep work. Awww. And I love that what was once something that Clyde felt uncomfortable about and felt was a burden, is now something he can enjoy with RC. 🥰 If that isn’t true love... (I’m also now imagining Clyde’s kiddo insisting on painting his nails and Clyde begrudgingly allowing it but secretly thinks kiddo is super cute and of course kiddo picks the most absurd colors and makes a mess.)

Can I give you a standing ovation as a reader? 🥰🥰

That you picked up on exactly what I was trying to put down - an equally troubled, stunted person, who needs to put up walls of her own by joking and provoking, clearly neglected, but overindulged... And of course, I'm not excusing that behavior at all, but I wanted a character with real flaws and a story with real conflict and I decided to write one. And whoever doesn't like it very welcome to skip it.

I'm excited to develop their story more, and especially to write a different side to Clyde that I think very much exists.

I like that he is so big and soft and gentle, but he is also a soldier who has seen combat and experienced a lot of darkness, loss, discrimination, being underestimated, overlooked and we can only imagine and guess at what his years before, during and after his service have been like.

So to realistically draw out that angrier, grittier side of him, I also neeeed an RC who would be a dick at times, but ultimately a good compassionate person who needed to learn about a world outside her own bubble.

Sidenote, I love that people's p****** drool about RC being a brat when it's time to spit in her mouth, which horrifies me, but freak out when she actually has a real flaw 😂

And I love your thoughts on the nails HCs, that's exactly what I wanted - to write about something small and mundane that can be huge to certain people and how her love and care make him feel better ❤️

And anons have been reading my mind recently - I have a little prompt about Clyde hanging out with his little girl and how she does him up real purty 🥰🥰 I love that image ❤️❤️

(There is also a friends to lovers with Rick Smolan where they dress up for a fancy dress party and she paints those luscious lips of his 🥴🥴 Sorry, are my kinks showing?)

Thank you endlessly for your amazing and kind thoughts, it really made my day to read this 💕💕

[ladyalienist]

I basically wanted to agree with @femsolid (different country in Europe but similar problems), but I also have something to add:

Psychology and psychiatry as fields are not exact science and heavily depend on the people who are involved: while the gravitational acceleration of the Earth amounts to 9,8 m/ss no matter who measures it, for example (or 2+2=4, if it's easier to comprehend), assessing and treating mental health involves an awful lot of human factor and it's not easy to distinguish proper care from malpractice. The biggest problem, thus, becomes that teachers and students alike reflect the values and behaviours their society encourages: in a neoliberal, late-stage-capitalist, patriarchal society that means that psychologist and psychiatrists alike will show neoliberal, late-stage-capitalist, patriarchal mentality.

So yeah, nowadays the field is pretty sexist even if female-dominated. It's filled with incompetency, gross mystification of reality and an utter refusal to name the problems our society has. It's filled with deeply stupid, obtuse people who think they can understand how another human being thinks, because they learned by heart a couple of books and "my mom says I'm so sensitive". It's filled with people who have serious issue they don't even see, let alone solved. Male psychologists (with exception of course) show a very specific pattern of "softboi narcissism", allow me to call it that: they will sound demure and use the right words and look compassionate and kind but at the end of the day they will leech on you, justify paedophilia or porn use or incel behaviour or [insert things radfems don't justify], show no remorse ever for hurting people in their lives. It's sickening to deal with them. Female students (again just a tendency I've noticed, in various degrees and with exceptions) are mostly caught up in self-ID politics and show no critical thinking about... anything. "But transwomen are women! But sexwork is work! And kink helps with trauma! And my boyfriend is traumatized, that's why he treats me like shit!". It's disheartening to deal with them.

Both demographics will talk about complex issues in a simplified, social-media-ified manner, showing they do not actually understand shit about fuck but think they can speak anyway.

Being a woman and being gender critical and being in these spaces is... tiring to say the least. You can't say you're gender critical out loud. Professors and students alike will penalize you for that. However, most people there are normies anyway, so if you say women they know what you mean and might agree with your ideas if you manage to sugarcoat them enough. Or might not but it will just be an unproductive debate.

It's exhausting, but I still want to keep doing that.

EDIT because I realized I got so caught up I didn't actually reach the point I wanted to make: the aforementioned ways of thinking of course lead to malpractice, because being unable to think critically will lead a therapist to overlook what really lies beneath a general distress/unfunctional behaviour (e.g. not realizing hypersexuality is self-harm or enabling self-ID), and being actually benefitting from women's distress will lead to not want to ease it in any way.

Question for radfems or radfem-aligned women currently working in the mental health field: Do you feel supported in terms of your ability to express your beliefs and treat patients or generally help people? Is it a very sexist field? Whether you're a social worker, behavioral health tech, therapist, or still in school, I'm interested in your experiences.