#you call yourself trans on the internet and then later on realize it doesn't fit?

[disengaged]

i'm not entirely sure how to put this into words, but do you think that, to identify as trans, you have to have "enough" gender dysphoria, like you have to check off a certain amount of symptoms to qualify as trans? i've just been thinking a lot and, while i don't quite feel a sense of wrongness in myself, i don't feel rightness either and i just wish i were different altogether, but i don't know what that means to me. i've definitely had thoughts of being the opposite sex and wishing i had certain qualities of theirs, but it's difficult to tell if it's just insecurities or actual dysphoria that i'm feeling. i'm sorry if this sounds rude or anything, i was just hoping you could help make some sense of these thoughts. hope you have a nice day!

i appreciate that you've worded it this way instead of just saying "are u truscum 🤨" but alas, it's essentially the same question

& my answer is ..... uh .....?? while i don't think medical transition should be considered necessary (or feasible, or desired) for everyone, i do kinda fundamentally believe you need some kind of gender dysphoria to be trans (bc that is. the entire premise of the thing. base requirement. like how else would you know. yknow.) but that could be socially, physically, whatever.

worth noting: i think the DSM-5 is a load of shit, and i don't believe in a formal """"checklist"""" of Trans Symptoms. i categorically reject the pathologization of my existence haha uwu

i guess my advice to you would be this: think hard about it. read books. go attend a queer group or something. im definitely not the "AHHHH DONT CALL YOURSELF TRANS WHAT IF YOU REGRET IT!!!!!" type of guy (??? you can call yourself whatever you want at any time and no one can stop you), but .... there is power in assigning a label to yourself, and i'd advise you to think deeply about whether that label is right for you.

i say this because the phrase "i just wish i were different altogether" .......... kinda makes me feel like you may have more feelings abt yourself than just your sex/gender/gender presentation, and it'd probably be beneficial to examine those. yknow, see what underlying or concomitant issues you've got going on. it might help clear the muddy waters a bit.

is the desire to be perceived as something other than your AGAB the main source of your discomfort, or is it something else? do you envy those certain qualities of the 'opposite sex' (problematic term alert) because they're qualities of the gender you wish you were, because you're attracted to them, or because they're attractive features & you wish you were more attractive? i can't answer those questions for you.

if all you've got is an abstract feeling of dysphoria, there could be a vast number of causes for that. it could be gender dysphoria, or it could be something else (insecurity about appearance, insecurity in life, being depressed, lack of stable identity, just plain hating gender roles and social norms bc they suck, etc).

so yknow. i can't tell you if you're trans or not. no one can. your mom can't, your doctor can't, your psychologist can't, your best friend can't. there's no single, agreed-upon checklist to be trans. plenty of cis folks are GNC without being trans, and plenty of trans people present as/similar to their AGAB without being cis. i could try to describe what gender dysphoria feels like to me, but it could feel completely different to someone else, i have no idea. it's not something that can be measured on a physical scale.

tldr; it's up to you if you want to call yourself trans or not. you might be, or you might not be. only you can figure that out for yourself.

(aka the least helpful advice ever tee hee)