#yknow the saying 'don't think youll hurt yourself '

[sereniv]

i need thoughts on something i wrote. i wanted to go more casual writing but everything kept sounding over used and boring so it kept going and now it feels too gaudy

i dont want suggestions on what to change, i want just to know whether something should be changed and where. like "This part here is clunky. This should have a comma. " NOT "You could word it like this"

Ok so heres the type of thing im describing (less going off of an actual sunrise and more the romanticized idea of a sunrise. i guess.

And heres what i wrote (also let me know if theres room to talk about the purples pinks and blues or if i need to move on from describing the sunrise lol)

Here:

The horizon unfurled like a cosmic flower, sown by the setting sun of yesterday. As twilight turned into a budding sunrise, so did the crisp air turn temperate. Streaks of golden rays reached out like stamen and its imposing saffron petals created art with the clouds it bled through. The clouds were abundant today, their underside alight like fire, as if magma would fall instead of rain.

I want honest feedback. Like honestly is any of this good bc if not than if anything thats good, bc then itll be easier to convince myself to write more casually so i dont take a year to write a chapter