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talix18 · 5 years ago

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November 22

Today I learned what a Japanese tuxedo is (in terms of tattoos) and that David Lee Roth at 65 has more energy in one hour than I’ve had in my entire life put together. I started listening to his appearance on Marc Maron’s WTF? and spent most of that time laughing or with my jaw hanging open. I lost track of Diamond Dave after his stint as an EMT. Now he’s an entrepreneur with a line of skin products formulated for tattooed skin. Gods bless.

Listening to Dave describe his formal music education made me wonder if that’s not what I ought to go back to school for. Music is the thing I love the most but have little actual education in. I took a beginning theory class in college and some sort of classical music appreciation course in grad school; I even played viola for two years in junior high. I guess by the time I got to college I’d ruled music out as a thing one could start studying. One of my high school friends had been playing cello for her entire life and I remember her missing various activities because she was practicing. She’s now making a living with her cello and I guess her example made me assume it was already too late.

Katelyn and I were talking about going back to school the other night. She’s learning young just how hard it is to make new friends once you’re out of school and I think she’d enjoy it, but we’re both looking at our wallets wondering how to pay for it.

School is one of my happy places. I loved learning, I loved feeling my brain work, I hated studying for exams but loved the feeling of understanding the material. I loved explaining to the class what the teacher meant when they couldn’t parse it and I loved making outline after outline of my study notes until I’d whittled the course down to bullet points. I love having conversations with people who are smarter than I am.

I briefly considered pursuing a Certificate of Higher Learning from Oxford because how cool would it be to be able to say I’m an Oxford alum? The majority of classes can be attended virtually, which is where I admit that I don’t just want to be taking classes by myself. I have a wealth of Great Courses available anytime I want to go ahead and start taking them. I want to Go To School. I want to meet smart people. I want to be surrounded by that energy and excitement again.

Now I’m looking up Eddie Van Halen and learning that he’s been in radiation therapy for his cancer for five years and was just in the hospital after a bad reaction to the drugs. Getting older, as my Gram used to say, ain’t for sissies. Love died for me when Eddie and Val got divorced but I’m glad they’re still friends and I’m thrilled he’s been sober for eleven years. I’m not sure I would have survived a rock and roll lifestyle, but then again, I’d rarely be driving.

(Speaking of the brothers Van Halen, how did I never know their mom was Indonesian? Now I understand why Alex’s eyes have looked vaguely Asian to me for all these years. Apparently Valerie has a cooking show and shared Mama VH’s recipe for something that grabbed Mom’s fancy so I can look forward to that!) (Don’t tell her that I’m a little meh on ham for Thanksgiving. She’s finally cooking Brussels sprouts a new way and I am calling that a win.)

(Mom found a recipe YEARS ago that uses Guinness and had faithfully made her “Relapse Brussels sprouts” every year since. They are fine, but they are mushy, and having seen the way, truth, and light of fresh Brussels sprouts roasted with salt and olive oil, I don’t have the heart to tell her that the Relapse BS just aren’t my favorite.)

This is my fourth day in a row of feeling pretty good, and that’s on less sleep than I normally get. I really hope this is because the medication is working. It’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other when you feel like you’re doing it in three feet of water. But I’ve been productive at work and at home and actually considered taking on a work training challenge today. I even started my Christmas shopping! (I hate much of what Jeff Bezos stands for, but goddamn if Amazon doesn’t alleviate most of the Christmas crazy.)

The increased meds are not helping the words come out! I have rare free time in front of a keyboard and nothing to say? Maybe that *is* a sign of increased mental health.

December is flat out insane in my family. Thank goodness my aunt moved away with her 12/4 birthday! There were birthday dinners with Mom (12/2), my aunt, me (12/20), and my dad (12/26). My brother’s birthday is also on the 20th and he’s continued the tradition in the latest generation – my niece will be five on 12/1. Her Aunt Lindsay has decided it’s time we start taking her out for birthday dinners. Basically, the fulcrum of the year tips at Thanksgiving and is just a steep slide into New Year’s. (Which I actually have plans for!)

Christmas shopping is so anxiety-laden for me that I have bad dreams about it all year long. (It’s always the same: December 23rd, I’ve purchased nothing, and the only place open in Walgreen’s.) I can’t enjoy the holiday season until I’m relatively sure what everyone’s getting and honestly, I don’t need any more stuff. Just being together and enjoying yummy food is enough for me. The holidays also mean the Hebert Christmas punch tradition from which I’ve been excluded for this will be the 24th time (I can drink anything I want! I choose not to!). My family are all wine and spirit drinkers and most of the time I look around it, but the holidays really make me miss that fuzzy festive feeling.

So how does one achieve that without using? I need to get back on a meditation routine and I need to make upside-down yoga part of my weekly life. Upside-down yoga always made me a little giddy and we rarely invert in the class I take now. I also need to try on my New Year’s Dress and assess how vigilant I have to be between now and then to make it work. I was having some success with an intermediate fasting routine where I’d restrict my calories for two (non-consecutive) days per week. The beauty of that schedule is that I can maintain it through the holidays. I should have just started this week after the colonoscopy.

But I also had a pretty severe mood crash last year and fasting is not for the unstable. Yes, I’m an emotional eater but you know, I’d rather eat my feelings than wish I could opt out of life. I know how to lose weight; necromancy is above my spell level.

Did I ever mention I was a witch and practiced in a coven for a decade? I’ve just gotten to the 20K word mark and it’s likely I’ll start repeating myself any time now. The coven was made of some amazing people but the actual business of witching just felt too much like work. I went in looking for a spiritual experience and what I got was a delightful social experience. That required a lot of time and 40-mile drives and the stagnation of my 12-Step recovery in that decade was not a coincidence.

Yesterday I got to whip out one of my favorite recovery slogans on a friend: “Religion is for people trying to stay out of hell. Spirituality is for people who’ve already been there.” It doesn’t hold up once you consider religions that don’t have conceptions of hell, but it’s catchy.

(The NaNoWriMo website helpfully breaks down how many words one has to produce per day to get to 50K by next Sunday and it is a little overwhelming. I only need 2235 more today to stay on target! [I am not staying on target.])

Somebody give me a topic! (Give me a beat!) Oh! Yesterday I emptied out one of my spare room dressers, which is something that’s been on my project list for, oh, a long time. All I have to do is patch the hole and that room will be ready to paint, which will let me do the floors in that room and the front. With that done I’ll have my closet annex and yoga station all set up and I will finally live in my entire house. And it should inspire me to do the last three rooms.

I’m excited to set up these last two rooms as functional spaces. I can’t tell you what’s taken me so long to surrender to the idea that I need a room-sized closet extension but look…I have to grab joy wherever I can find it. Waiting for the big stuff to fall into place just takes too long and this bizarre timeline provides plenty of reasons to despair. I don’t understand how people can spend eight hours a day in cubes that aren’t decorated and I am not going to limit myself to one of my life’s compulsions if I have room to store it all. (Vanessa is in Tennessee shouting “You’ll never have room for another person in your house that way!” and I’m shouting back “You and your person bought a new house!”)

I do love my house, though, and getting me out of it is going to take some extraordinary conditions. With any luck I’ll meet a life partner who also loves their house and we can commute and share. I still won’t have enough wall space to hang everything I want to; perhaps a rotating gallery space is required. Says the girl who can’t manage to swap the screens out for storm windows and vice versa every year.

#f**k fifty #nanowrimo

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assbuttyourlife · 7 years ago

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When We Were Young - Chapter Two

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff and smut will come later in the story.

Words : 3478

Summary : After her grandmother's funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

Note : Another flashback in this chapter, to explain what really happened in 1990. I don't remember when or where, but Misha did indeed talk about that at a convention. He didn't give any specific details, but it definitely happened, just not the way I wrote it. (obviously!)

This chapter was beta’d by @dixseptdixhuit

CHAPTER 2 – FIRE

Lily woke up quite disturbed the next morning. She hadn’t slept that much, and the few rest she managed to have was full of nightmares.

Ugh, get up Lily, you can do this, it’s Friday!

She went to the kitchen, made some coffee and sat in her comfy sofa with her laptop to check her emails and Facebook. She did that every morning because she needed time to wake up slowly, and there was nothing else she could do without caffeine in her body. She was the grumpy type of person in the morning, and if you dared messing with her before coffee, she would probably eat you alive.

When she opened her emails, she wasn’t surprised to find a lot of condolences and people sending her their best wishes, mostly coworkers, neighbors or friends. She would eventually have to answer to all of them… But not today.

Same on her Facebook: friends from Nice, Katie’s family, some old high school and college mates all sending compassionate messages and wishes. It actually made her feel a little better to read all of these nice words from people she hadn’t seen for a long time.

When it was done and she was pumped up with caffeine, she went to her bedroom to get dressed. She opened her closet and sighed heavily. When her boss and friend David told her to stay home the whole week after her grandmother passed, she insisted on working today because she didn’t want to stay at home crying, remembering good times and feeling sorry for herself, but she was now regretting her decision because she would have to deal with Hayley, a.k.a. the slut who was in her bed yesterday right after the funeral, riding her boyfriend and screaming for more at the top of her lungs.

Ugh, how the hell am I going to deal with her?

She took a deep breath before picking her clothes. She opted for a simple white strap dress with gold sandals. Simple but sexy; she had to prove she was fine and ready to move on, and she wanted to prove Hayley her point: she was older, yes, but still not too old to look good enough to catch men’s eyes.

She will regret being born.

But then Lily looked at herself in the mirror and all she saw were dark circles, tiny wrinkles, and her long dark red hair in a huge mess. She definitely had to take the time to apply make-up… lots of make-up.

She’s twenty-nine and you’re thirty-eight, what did you expect?

She put on some make-up, tied her hair in a long wavy ponytail, put a black leather jacket to hide the ugly scar on her back that she hated, took her case and stepped out of her apartment. She had one more mission before leaving for work, and not the least: going to Katie’s and check if she was on time. She climbed the few stairs separating her from Katie’s floor and knocked on her door, praying that she would at least be awake.

Katie opened the door. Thank God she’s up!

“Hey Kat! I’m really proud of you, you’re actually up and…almost dressed.” Lily gave a quick hug to her friend who was standing half asleep in front of her. She pushed the door and entered fast.

“Hey.” Katie answered unamused.

“Come on, sleepy head, we have to go! You have exactly eight minutes to be fully ready, and that also means you won't have time to eat, so brace yourself, we'll get something on the way. You better hurry or the guys will be pissed!”

“Hhhmmffffff…” was all Lily heard for an answer.

After a long and painful time to get ready, the two women were finally in Lily’s car driving to work.

They both worked at the Seattle Symphony as professional musicians: Lily in the first violin section and Katie played the flute. Music was an endless passion for Lily, and as far as she could remember, she always played an instrument. She started studying piano when she was three, and violin when she turned seven.

It was also how she met Katie; back in France, when Dr Dorville had asked her what she liked to do outside of school, Lily answered she loved playing music, so the doctor suggested she played in Nice's orchestra, and she met Katie, who had already been playing there for two years. Music was like a second therapy; Lily could express her emotions through her instrument, and she practiced so hard, trying to keep her mind out of her dark past, that she became a very talented and perfectionist musician.

When Lily wanted to go back to America years later at the age of twenty-eight, she couldn't leave without Katie, who had become like her sister, and was absolutely thrilled to go with her to live “the American Dream” as she liked to call it. They both had no difficulty impressing the conductor and persuading him to hire them both.

They miraculously arrived at work on time, and Lily tried her best not to cross Hayley's path, but it was impossible since she played cello, which meant she was positioned in the section right in front of her.

Of course... Cello... I should've guessed she loves spreading her legs!

Fortunately, the day went by pretty normal and eventless, and when they went back home, it was time for them to start packing, because Lily had to go spend the weekend in Northfield, where she grew up, to take care of her grandmother's last will. Of course, Katie had insisted to go with her; there was no way she could face that alone, and she also admitted that she was pretty curious to finally see where Lily had spent her childhood.

Katie was quick to pack, and when she came to Lily's apartment to check if she was ready to leave for the airport, she found her friend on her knees, in front of her closet, crying over her suitcase with piles of clothes everywhere in the room.

“Lily? What's wrong?”

When Lily looked up at her friend, Katie's heart broke a little. She was a mess, mascara smeared under her eyes, sniffing through her tears.

“I can't do it, Katie,” she sobbed.

Katie knelt next to her and took her hand. “Do what? Packing? Yeah I can see that!”

“No! Going back there! I'm so scared...”

It had been more than twenty years and she never went back. Not once. Running away and ignoring her pain was easier than facing her demons. Weak and cowardly, yes, but much easier.

The house she once shared with her mom and her brother was probably still there, she didn't even know in what shape it was, if it burnt completely or not, but she always refused to go back and face the ghosts of her past. The domain was her grandmother's property, along with her grandparents' house in Litchfield. Now that they were all gone, it was Lily's legacy, so she had to take care of it. She owed that to her family, especially to her grandfather who had worked too hard for all of this to be left behind. She had to honor their memories or she wouldn't be able to look at herself in a mirror for the rest of her life. But what was she supposed to do? Sell it? It kinda didn't feel right, but what else could she do?

“I'll be with you. I won't leave your side, I promise. It will be fine, Lily, don't worry. I know it must be hard for you but you'll probably feel a ton better after all. And it will certainly help you moving on for good and be over with it once and for all.”

“Yeah... I hope you're right. Thanks, Katie, I'm sorry I overreacted.” Lily wiped her face before giving Katie a hug.

“Sure. It's normal, you had a hard week. Oh, and you know what I just noticed? You, my dear, are the one who's late now, and I'm not.” Katie proudly said, grinning.

Lily had to giggle to that and nodded to her friend. She really had to hurry or they would miss their flight.

“Who knew that could happen?... Alright, I'll hurry.”

Katie nodded with a smile and pushed her large black glasses up her nose before helping her friend.

When everything was finally in order, David drove them to the airport, and with lots of doubts and fears, Lily and Katie were flying to Connecticut. Lily was about to make a twenty-two years step back in her past, and she was utterly terrified.

She closed her eyes and thought about the last time she was there. She didn't think she would come back one day; she wished her time in France and the therapy had healed everything, but she obviously was wrong.

**************************************

August 1990. Nice – France

“So, Lily... How have you been since our last session?” Dr Dorville sat behind her desk, crossing her legs.

“I've known worse,” Lily answered honestly. A week had passed since her last session. She had tons of things to do before she could start her senior high school year in Nice, plus she had to learn at least enough french to not look like a total idiot in front of her future classmates and teachers, so her mind was too busy to think about something else.

“I'm sure you have. So... Let's not waste any time. I told you we would dig deeper today, and that's exactly what we're about to do.” She took her note pad and clicked her pen open.

Uh oh...

“I would like to talk about the recent events that led you and your grandmother to move here,” she stated with determination in her voice.

“You mean the fire?”

“Yes... Among other things. Do you feel you can tell me what happened that night? I think it's something you need to get off your chest now because it was traumatic, and as long as we avoid the subject, you won't be able to make any progress in your healing process.”

Traumatic? No kidding.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't know if she was ready for this.

“I... I can try.” It was almost a whisper.

“Alright. If you feel like it's too much for you, just tell me and we'll stop.”

“Okay... I don't even know where to start though. Some parts are a little blurry too.”

“It's okay, I'll help you. It is normal if you can't recall everything in details. Do you remember the date it happened?”

Lily braced herself and answered “June 29th?” She wasn't even sure about the date, so it came out more as a question.

“It was actually June 30th already, but very early in the morning, it was still night time.” Dr Dorville corrected nicely.

“Oh. Right. It makes sense.” She shrugged.

“So you were sleeping in your room, right?”

“Yes. Something woke me up.” Lily was very hesitant. It was so strange to talk about that with her. She knew she could trust her therapist and Dr Dorville wasn't so bad really, but she sort of felt naked in front of her and that wasn't the best sensation.

“What was it?” she encouraged.

“Well... Misha woke me up, actually.” Silence fell in the room and Dr Dorville looked up from her notes and tilted her head.

“Misha? The son of your mom's friend?”

“Yes, umm... We both fell asleep in my room. I suppose he heard something, or it was the smell, I don't know, and then he realized something was wrong and he woke me up.”

The doctor wrote something on her notepad and looked up again. Lily could feel she was very curious about her story, but she wouldn't elaborate too much, she didn't need to know everything in details.

“I see. What did you do next?”

“Not much... He told me to get up, that we had to go out. I was still half asleep, I didn't understand what was happening. I thought he was just messing with me. But then... I smelled smoke and I realized he could be serious, so I got up and we went for the door.” The scene was vivid in Lily's mind. She could almost smell it again, she could still hear the urge in Misha's voice in her head. It was scary to remember.

“Were you afraid?”

“Not right away... I didn't know how bad it was and Misha was still pretty calm, so I didn't feel threatened.”

“I've read in your file that you were found in your room. Why didn't you leave right away?”

“When Misha tried to open the door, something fell in the hallway, blocking it. We were trapped. I saw flames through the door and it became hard to breathe, because there was smoke in my room too.” She cleared her throat and paused to take a deep breath. She could feel the lump forming already.

“Take your time, Lily, you're safe here. Let me get you some water.” Dr Dorville stood up and left the room. She quickly came back with a small water bottle and a cup that she put in front of Lily on the desk. It wasn't much really, but Lily thought she was a nice woman, and she felt a little more comfortable. She drank some water and felt ready to go on.

“I was scared at that point. I kinda froze. Misha took my hand, led us to the window and opened it, but my room was in the attic, we couldn't jump, it was too high.”

“Did you know where your family was at that moment? Where his family was?”

“Well... I heard Ryan screaming for my mom at some point, so I suppose she was near his room to get him out. Rebecca was outside when Misha opened the window. She told him she had already called 911 and asked Misha to stay in the room with the door closed and someone would come to get us quick. I don't know where Sasha was.”

“She just waited outside?” Dr Dorville couldn't hide her surprise.

“No, no! She came back inside, to help my mom I guess. I heard her call for us from downstairs a few moments later. She probably wanted to come and get us out, but she couldn't, something was obviously in the way, I don't know what. All I know is no one could come up by the stairs, or they would have, they wouldn't have just let us burn in the attic.” There was anger in Lily's voice, and she was a bit disappointed that Dr Dorville suggested they'd given up.

“Is it okay for you to go on?” She asked very gently. Lily closed her eyes for a few seconds and nodded, but the lump in her throat was very heavy now.

“How did you feel? What happened next?”

“I... I was terrified, and I knew Misha was trying to stay calm for my sake but he was scared too. We couldn't breathe, we were both coughing, so we sat on the floor at the foot of my bed, in front of the window. He tried to make me feel better but it was impossible. It was hot, there was smoke everywhere, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, all I could hear was wood cracking everywhere and my mom and Rebecca screaming from downstairs but I couldn't understand a word. I was panicking so Misha hugged me, but he was choking badly.”

“So you just waited for help, then?” When Dr Dorville asked that question, Lily almost felt attacked. She was already feeling super guilty, she didn't need to feel like they didn't do everything to get out.

“There was nothing we could do and nowhere else to go anymore!” she answered harshly.

“I know, Lily, no reproach here, I'm not here to judge. I'm just trying to have the maximum information to be able to understand and then help you. Sorry if I was a little too direct.”

Lily didn't answer. She was starting to feel angry, but probably more at herself, because she knew what happened next and she didn't really want to face it.

“Let me rephrase then: did you believe someone could get you out before it was too late?”

“I still had hope, yes. And then...” She shut her eyes tight and kept them shut when she spoke again “... Misha collapsed in my arms because he stopped breathing and I completely lost it. I laid him on the floor and tried to wake him up, I was calling his name again and again and I was shaking him but he didn't show any sign of life.” That was the most painful thing she ever felt, someone dying in her arms and her being totally helpless.

“We're almost done, Lily... But I will understand if you want to stop here.” Dr Dorville announced, and Lily truly considered finishing the session here and go back home. When she opened her eyes, tears fell down. Dr Dorville handed her the tissue box. She took one, wiped her eyes, and she surprised herself when she started talking again.

“I was feeling very dizzy and I was choking too. This is where I lost hope and thought I was going to die. I don't know why, but I took the blanket from my bed, I laid down on top of Misha and put the blanket on my back, probably to protect us from the fire, which is ridiculous because... blankets burn too, obviously.” Lily said sarcastically, showing the patched burn wound in her back.

“Then the firemen found you?”

“No. I wasn't conscious when they found us. After I put the blanket on us, I called Misha again but I knew it was pointless, then my vision went blank and I think I lost consciousness, and I don't know how much time passed until they finally found us and took us out... Enough time to get my back burnt, though.”

That was it. She did it... She managed to tell the whole story of that awful night. It was hard, it did hurt like a bitch, but she thought it was a tiny victory nonetheless.

“What is the first thing you remember after that?”

She thought for a few seconds.

“Waking up in the hospital, my grandmother in tears next to my bed, holding my hand. I was very confused at first, but when I started remembering what just happened, I asked her where was everyone and this is when she told me everyone was...” Lily paused, unable to say the word “dead”.

Dr Dorville spoke softly then. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“What can be more personal than the story I just told you?”

The doctor gave Lily a shy smile full of empathy and asked: “What kind of feelings did you have for Misha?”

Ah... didn't see that one coming.

It was indeed a very personal question, and though Lily knew exactly what the answer was, she didn't really see the point and she thought it was weird to say it out loud to a psychiatrist. But she was here to move on, right? So she looked Dr Dorville in the eyes and answered honestly.

“I loved him.” Tears flowed down her face and her chest ached because she realized it was in the past, done for good.

Dr Dorville pushed a little more. “Was it mutual?”

“Yes.”

That was a very direct and self-assured answer, which surprised Dr Dorville. How could a sixteen year-old girl be so sure about someone's feelings and say it so plainly after relating such a dramatic story?

“You seem pretty sure of it.” It picked her curiosity for sure.

“I am. But who cares now, he's gone.”

“That's... uncommon. Especially for someone your age. Most people often doubt when it comes to feelings.” the doctor explained, still surprised by her boldness.

“I don't. Are we done for today, Doctor?” Lily was on edge. She obviously didn't want to talk about it. Dr Dorville nodded.

“Yes, Lily. I am extremely proud of you, that was a huge step. I'm not going to keep you here any longer, you can go. I will see you next week.”

Lily stood up. “Thank you, Doctor.”

She shook her hand and rushed out.

#misha collins #young!misha #misha fanfiction #misha/OFC #misha x OFC #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #when we were young #flashbacks #slow built #long fic #PTSD #therapy #cheating #character's death #child death #fire #trauma

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jillwener · 6 years ago

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A Little Softening Goes a Long Way

I’ve been thinking a lot about the pitfalls of rigidity recently. Strict adherence to a certain set of beliefs, or a certain pattern of behavior, without allowing anything else in. It keeps finding me, in conversations and in personal experiences. Since I started meditating 7 years ago, I was pretty much convinced that my particular type of meditation was the answer to all of life’s woes. There wasn’t anything that wouldn’t get better, eventually, with enough meditation. I appreciated that other people had practices that worked for them, but I secretly thought to myself that I had it all figured out, and they didn’t. ‘If only they practiced this type of meditation, they would…’

Through a lot of soul searching, particularly over the past 6-8 months, I’ve come to realize this (and maybe I’m a bit late to the game on this one): Conscious Health Meditation will make 70-80% of things in your life 70-80% better. Some things will get 50% better, some things will get 100% better. And then there will be a whole world of things that will blossom and flourish in a way you didn’t even know was possible. There’s no one thing that can fix us. Nor should there be.

I literally needed to open my heart- both physically and emotionally, and I didn’t have the tools to do that myself.

Here’s an example. The past several weeks I’ve had some nagging upper back pain that just wouldn’t go away, which I attributed to spending too much time in an uncomfortable kitchen chair where I do most of my work. I tried stretching, heating pads, and also saw an applied kinesiologist who is also a chiropractor. Nothing really helped. Last Friday night I had a really strong urge to go to a yoga class, my first in several months, so I went to a special Friday night class that was all about opening up the heart chakra. There was live cello and drum music, and the class was slow-paced and somewhat restorative as the teacher led us through a series of poses designed to open the chest and heart chakra. The class was amazing, and immediately after it was over, my back pain was gone, and it hasn’t come back.

Yesterday I spoke to a new student who is a yoga teacher. A few weeks ago, she learned a similar meditation practice to what I teach, from a book, and it has blown her mind so much that she wants to take her practice deeper with a live teacher. She expressed what almost sounded like embarrassment that she’s been a yogi for years, working on expanding her physical and spiritual practice, but after just a few weeks of this meditation, she felt a sense of equanimity that was completely new and awe-inspiring. I told her about my yoga experience last week, how one yoga class completely changed me. I literally needed to open my heart- both physically and emotionally, and I didn’t have the tools to do that myself.

We should always leave our hearts open to new experiences, new knowledge, and new wisdom.

A friend recently told me he’s learned a lot about himself through his yoga practice. He said, in his hilarious way, ‘these yoga people are always talking about softening’. That really struck a chord, and it perfectly expressed my recent realizations and experiences. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to ‘perfect’ a yoga pose physically, but it’s when we stop trying so hard and soften into the pose that we get the most benefit. This softening, of course, can be applied to our personal lives as well, as we let go of the need to be right all of the time, as we get inspired or healed by something outside our comfort zone, or as we allow ourselves to truly see the world from someone else’s perspective.

Meditation allows me to tune into my intuition, that same intuition that told me I needed to go that yoga class last week. It’s given me that, and so much more. I will forever be grateful that I learned to meditate all those years ago, and that I get to teach this beautiful practice to my students. That said, it’s always a dangerous proposition to think we have it all figured out. Even if it seems scary, especially if it seems scary, we should always leave our hearts open to new experiences, new knowledge, and new wisdom. Allowing ourselves to soften is the only true way to grow.

Conscious Health Meditation | Vedic Meditation | Blog | Stress Reduction | Wellness RSS

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flauntpage · 5 years ago

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Sophie Rideaud on Hypersensitivity and Art

Lise McKean talks with French artist Sophie Rideaud at her studio and gallery in Les Sables d’Olonne

Translation by Laurent Houphoue and Lise McKean

Photos by Lise McKean

Lise: Let’s start with talking about how you became an artist and came to have a studio and gallery here on the Atlantic coast in Les Sables d’Olonne.

Sophie: It was triggered by a painting. I was awestruck by a painting when I was sixteen. At first, I didn’t quite understand it. It zoomed in on a banal urban scene. But you could feel some sort of tension. It transcribed this feeling into the painting. I found this fabulous and it stuck in my mind.

That pushed me to see more exhibitions—to ask more questions about paintings, to understand why each work goes in one direction rather than another, and to understand how it was all in some part of my mind. The impetus came again when I was pregnant and reading a lot of books. One of them shocked me. It was about how the oceans are dying. I had an impulse to depict this on furniture. At the beginning I didn’t have any materials to paint with. My husband was working at Peugeot and had huge quantities of car paint. I used them to mix my own paints and started painting furniture at my house. Then friends saw it asked me to paint for them. Later I had my first clients—and this gave me confidence as an artist.

Lise: How long have you been painting?

Sophie: About twenty years. In the beginning, I was just doing furniture. After about ten years, I totally mastered furniture. I went to clients and painted according to my inspiration. The problem is that furniture already has a form, a shape, a history. Creatively, I became a bit stuck. I started painting on canvas in 2012. A canvas is like a blank page where you have to express something.

Lise: Your paintings have a technicolor yet gauzy, dreamlike quality. Do you paint from dreams? From imagination?

Sophie: I like people, humanity. At first, I painted them. For example, I did painting showing all sorts of people together—Arab, Asian, American, and French. It suggests a public place, a bar or cafe, where we might be drinking and having a conversation. Being convivial. I like to express things that warms my heart.

Music is also integral to my painting. It’s a language. I can hardly dissociate one from the other. That’s why I put the shape of a guitar in some of my works. I have so many guitars to choose from. In this one, I use part of a guitar. My daughter plays the cello and her teachers tells her to feel the instrument and her body as one shape. The musician should be one with the instrument. That’s how I came up with the idea to use the shape of the instrument for the body of a girl. My paintings often start with what I hear and see. Many have to do with what I feel. I like to express the feelings of problems and of questions I ask myself.

Lise: Do you play guitar or sing?

Sophie: I used to play a lot of piano. I entered many piano competitions. I could have studied at the conservatory in Paris to become a professional pianist. My parents were disappointed that I turned it down. I didn’t want to be a professional pianist. I wanted to the piano to be something that I had the desire to play, not something I had to practice every day with rigor and discipline. This experience is why music is important to my painting.

Lise: I’ve met many musicians who made the same decision. They found conservatories and competitions too limiting. They wanted more freedom as artists.

Sophie: That’s what turned me away from piano. It was constant practice. I was nominated for an international competition when I was eight years old. The piece of music has stuck with me, but I don’t play as well now as I did then.

Lise: What’s it like having your studio and gallery right here in the center of town and so close to the ocean? How did you find it?

Sophie: Guy Barrier made my gallery and studio possible. It’s huge for me to have this space. It’s spacious and filled with light. I have to feel good to paint. I’m at peace with the noise of the street, the cries of the seagulls. The ambiance and environs are lively. Before having this, I went to art fairs. I would fill my car with paintings and furniture and go from place to place. I met Guy four years ago at an art fair. He has a passion for musicians and artists. Thanks to him, I’ve been here for four years. I could not have this without someone like him. I have a husband, three children, a good life. But I needed a space to work. And now I have it.

Lise: Do you listen to music when you paint?

Sophie: No.

Lise: You’re surrounded by the symphony of seagulls and the street.

Sophie: Yes, and music is already in me. I know what’s true, what’s false. I learned it. I bathe in it. I like to listen conversations. I find it amusing to hear what people are saying. Sometimes they’re arguing or child is crying. If a painting gets too agitated, I pause and then come back to it. Painting isn’t instinctive. You have to think. When I start a painting, it doesn’t come right away. It drags on. I know what I’m going towards. First, I have an idea, but it could take months. It can take a long time to express the leading thought, the emotion. There are no rules. A painting can look a little disconcerting, but fifteen minutes later it’s done.

Lise: Your paintings have the spaciousness I feel when looking at the ocean stretch to the horizon. Did you grow up near the ocean?

Sophie: Yes, and no. I grew up in Angers which isn’t very close to the ocean. Let me explain something about myself. From birth until I was sixteen, I could not see well. I was in a total blur. I can see you now because I’m wearing contact lenses. That’s why I developed a good sense of hearing. That’s why I’m now able to paint. That’s why at sixteen, it was the details that struck me when I saw that painting. I could barely see before that. The school where I went to study Braille was in Angers. It also taught a lot of music, a lot of music. Music was as important as mathematics, French, and grammar. I grew up with people who couldn’t see or couldn’t see well. That was my childhood.

At sixteen, it was like someone opened my eyes. I could see expressions on people’s faces. Before that people could stick out their tongue, smile, or wink and I couldn’t see them. It took away a crucial element of communication. But I developed very good hearing. I could recognize people by their tone of voice. Yesterday, I recognized a man I knew as a child because I knew his voice. When you speak, I can hear how you’re feeling, what you’re like. Some tones are high, some low, some a little angry or sad. In my paintings, there’s a look, an expression.

When I was a child things were black and white. Now color has significance. All this isn’t easy to talk about. I get goosebumps. Not seeing well as a child limited me and took a lot from me. I asked myself, since I’m someone who only sees a little, what can I do with my life other than teaching or tuning the piano? I don’t know why, but I said that my life would not be that. My future would be different.

I still have my friends who don’t see. I decided my paintings would have texture and relief like Braille so anyone who can’t see would be able to touch and feel them. This way I could bring the world of faces and their expressions to people who can’t see.

Lise: Texture is literally tactile in your paintings. You use it so your paintings can be read the same way that someone uses their hands to read Braille or a face. Did you paint faces from the beginning?

Sophie: For a long time, I regretted not having been able to see faces. I missed out on a lot because I couldn’t see the exchanges that happen with a look, a gesture, a glance. This loss gave me the desire to paint faces.

Lise: Is it the details and subtleties of facial expression and gestures that especially interest you now?

Sophie: Yes. When we look, we often don’t really look at each other. Sometimes, I think people feel I’m looking at them or pretending that I’m not looking.

Lise: Are you self-taught in painting?

Sophie: Yes.

Lise: How did you go about it?

Sophie: I like to look at Van Gogh’s works. And Picasso, too. Cubism came later in his life and showed him a way of making extraordinary paintings. There’s a procedure, process that I find it admirable. He starts with the abstract. You have to begin with the most difficult part, the drawing. First, try to compose things. After that you can go on. Then you throw color here and there. The same thing with furniture. I know how to do it. After that at the artistic level, I know how to move forward. Now I’ve started putting relief in my paintings. There’s difficulty of drawing, then I add relief to try to advance my work. Working in a large format is the same—you have to try. I tell myself everything is possible.

Lise: Why not keep moving? That’s what artists do. I would love to live so close to the ocean. Do you like to swim?

Sophie: I adore swimming in the ocean. I came here because of the blue of the ocean. I’m in love with it. When I was a little girl and couldn’t see, often I would bump into things, I would fall and scrape my knees. It was painful. Here I feel good. There are no obstacles in the ocean. For someone who doesn’t see much, the ocean is freedom. I go in, I swim. I hear the sounds. It feels so good. There’s no thought, “I’m going to hurt myself.” I love being near the ocean. Each day I look and see how it is. Is at rough? Calm?

Lise. The water, light, and wind nourish all our senses.

Sophie: The luminosity here is especially superb. I admire details I hadn’t seen in my childhood—the raindrop that creates ripples on the water. I didn’t discover that until I was sixteen. Suddenly I saw small things like the pebbles that make asphalt. When I couldn’t see details, I didn’t know to look for them. There was no line or frame.

Lise: Can you talk a little more about how your sense of touch comes into your work?

Sophie: I’m hypersensitive—touch, smell, sound. I can sense you, how you feel, and how I feel with you. This interview would have been difficult if I didn’t feel well with you. I can sense people because I grew up that way. I think that art makes me feel good. I found my way. It appeases me. It’s beyond sincerity. I throw everything aside and go paint. It gives me peace.

Lise: Have you become more independent after your sight has improved?

Sophie: I received my driver’s license only much later because I grew up telling myself my eyes aren’t useful. Since driving is visual, I thought it’s not for me. Since I couldn’t see well, I didn’t know how to look. For example, I was driving but I couldn’t go forward because I didn’t look past the curve of the hood. Then couldn’t see ahead to the end the road to where it curved. I couldn’t anticipate people coming in front of me. I would step on the brake at the last minute or miss the curve in the road.

Lise: Is your perception of depth affected?

Sophie: It’s difficult for me to understand distance spatially. To catch something thrown to me, I need to make sense of the distance, height, and time it takes to react. I can’t do it. It’s really embarrassing. But things like that don’t bother me when I paint.

Lise: Is everything on the same plane when you’re painting?

Sophie: Not necessarily. I made a large painting of a street scene in perspective. There’s a terrace with people in the foreground and a boat in the midground and background. It’s a big scene and we’re stuck, like in a vice. It’s from a complicated and somber period in my life. It’s somber because there’s no color. In life there are moments when one’s not well. There are problems that need to be solved. Take for example, understanding movement. If I play a game of volleyball, I can’t see where the players are so I don’t know how to position myself. Then the ball comes at me and it’s coming fast. I should move toward it, but I hesitate. My instinct is to move away, to avoid it.

Lise: How does your response to movement affect your paintings? Can you see and judge depth?

Sophie: I can, but more because I can see its representation in photographs and other images better than I see it in three dimensions. I don’t see like most others do because I didn’t develop certain visual capacities from birth through childhood. This gives me my own way of looking at the world. And it comes out in my paintings because I like to paint according to what I see.

Lise: Everyone has an individual way of looking and seeing. Your experience makes your way particularly distinctive for people whose sight developed more conventionally.

Sophie: I mentioned before that I have hypersensitivity. Sometimes too much so with emotions, especially aggressiveness. If people talk to me aggressively, I respond aggressively. As a child when I fell and hurt myself, or when people picked on me, I instinctively learned to defend myself. I have a combative spirit. It’s in me.

Lise: Was this also an expression of frustration?

Sophie: I never told myself I’ll be miserable all my life. I hate that idea. For some people, it’s the end of the world when their fingertip hurts. I developed a belief in what I could do with what I have. I always believed that one day I could see. My ultimate goal was to be able to drive. It was totally surrealistic��like painting for someone who could barely see. One time I noticed a banal detail: a truck driver tightening the rope of the tarpaulin covering his truck. It was like stretching a canvas to create tension on the surface. Then I noticed how it makes lines. For you this is totally banal, but it had profound significance for me. Now, I imagine the tension on the canvas. I like painting because I can feel the movement.

Lise: Movement as in this work of the girl who’s playing the cello with closed eyes?

Sophie: She’s in her music. She’s playing for herself. She feels good. In fact, it’s a piece of a guitar that I changed it a cello.

Lise: In addition to music, the ocean, and the revelations brought by your improved vision, what other experiences enter into your work?

Sophie: I went for a month to Burkina Faso when I was twenty-two. A lot of people in my paintings, with veils, with necklaces are from then. In Africa, your eyes are open, and your heart too. In Burkina Faso, people might not have a penny but they welcome you with a huge heart and open arms. Africa bowled me over. At the same time I was young and afraid to die there. But in fact, we walk side by side with death.

Lise: The first time I went to India I was twenty-two.

Sophie: Did it also shock you? Were you afraid to die there? I saw carcasses of dead animals.

Lise: I felt all my senses come to life in India. I wasn’t worried about dying.

Sophie: Weren’t you uneasy?

Lise: Yes and no. I was a woman traveling alone, but I was young and not much scared me. Everything was new and intriguing.

Sophie: It’s a little bit of naiveté and insouciance to be alone in a foreign country without fear.

Lise: Did the changes in vision alter your sensitivity to sound?

Sophie: Now that I’m seeing better, I’m using less and less of my ability to hear. That ability can put you in awkward positions. I could hear people whispering things I wasn’t meant to hear. People would come to see me and ask how I’m doing. Then I could hear them whisper something about me to someone else. At art fairs I could hear people in the booth next to me talking about their intimate lives, criticizing others, whispering about me.

Lise: Would you say that hearing and sensing what’s unnoticed by others gives you a kind of psychic ability?

Sophie: I can detect nuances of emotion in people’s tone of voice. Sometimes I try to make use of it, sometimes not. I’ve learned to think about it and how to deal with it. What we see and hear can be misleading. One shouldn’t always give meaning or significance to it. You have to think about it and reflect on it rather than just react. One day, I heard a woman telling her friend the year of her birth and she was surprised when I told her that we’re the same age. Another time I overheard someone say she was pregnant, and I said, “Congratulations!”

Lise: Your sensitivity puts you in unusual situations.

Sophie: It’s a kind of personal wealth. Hypersensitivity creates a lot of inner feelings. Especially the sensitivity to touch. Most of the time I feel good in my skin. Children, husband, family life are sometimes chaotic. When I cannot find an explanation for a situation, I try to make an image of a solution. It’s good is to be able to put everything into an image, to exteriorize and express emotions. This gives me the desire to paint.

Carron Little on the Palette of Utopia

THINKS to Think

Phyllis Bramson’s Take on Pleasure and Folly

Flashes in the Dark

Crocodile Hunter’ Steve Irwin has Died

Sophie Rideaud on Hypersensitivity and Art published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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daughter-of-dawn-blog · 6 years ago

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Summer 2018 is Here

Summer Vacation 2018 – What my Kids are doing.

The summer has started and vacation time is here. I thought my kids did plenty last summer but this summer is a doozy. When I'm talking action packed it is pretty high up there on the action packed meter. At least for my kids so far in their lives. A lot of driving to different summer camps too. Not so much fun but we all make sacrifices for our kids, right! Shall we break it down? Well follow me and see what my family is doing.

My Youngest son

Our little guy just finished fourth grade. As mentioned in a previous article he is in accelerated extra gifted class. He absolutely loved the class. The only thing that he had trouble with is Mandarin. Learning any new language is a challenge. I think learning Mandarin is more than challenging. Everything really is foreign. Besides the learning of new words and learning their meanings and pronunciation, there is the writing. Mandarin characters are very complex. If there is a missed curve or a missed small line, the whole meaning is changed and is wrong. My Tiger wife really put in the extra time and work with my son throughout the school year to end it really well.

The Littlest Cellist

My son started taking cello lessons this year with the same cello teacher that my older son and daughter learn from. He really is an amazing teacher. I can't recommend him highly enough. He is already up to Suzuki Book Three and finished the year playing the Humoresque at his recital. He was also lucky to be picked for his school talent show and played this piece in front of his school.

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Music Camp

This summer as I write this he is at a three week music camp in upstate New York! One of my wife's friends actually told us about this camp a couple of months ago. We were able to apply late thanks to her and were successful in auditioning and being accepted. This is the first time that he has gone away for any length of time. My wife is worried silly because you can't call them. She actually sent him a letter yesterday. We don't know how it will go but we will let you know when we pick him up in three weeks.

My daughter

My only daughter just successfully finished seventh grade. She settled into middle school this past year and has a growing circle of friends. She had a great year academically passing all of her classes with flying colors!

CTY – Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth

After taking the SCAT test this past year she qualified and was able to enroll into CTY. She is gone for three weeks this summer taking a creative writing course in Roger Williams University. Since this is her first experience away from home and being in a real “college” like experience I was curious to see her reaction.

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We walked onto the campus and I could see a glimmer of a smile. As we were walking around the campus and signing up for everything and getting her books the glimmer was starting to show in her eyes. Slowly ever so slowly curiosity on her part was turning into realization that this might be more than just interesting. We got her keys to her room and found her dorm. We found her room and saw that it was in a nice suite with multiple rooms. The room was nice and clean with a beautiful view of the bridge that led to Newport. Her smile was growing from ear to ear.

The nail that sealed it was when we went to have lunch at the cafeteria. Oh my Lord!!! I forgot how much food there was at college cafeterias. However, Roger Williams took it to an amazing level I never thought possible. My daughter was gone. She loves food! The food was glorious. She couldn't contain herself. I knew right there and then, there was going to be NO home sickness for her… She would enjoy every one of those meals to the fullest. I just warned her about the freshman 15 and told her please don't have that happen in only three weeks! She is there right now.

Music Camp Part II

My daughter was accepted to the same music camp that my son is at right now in upstate NY. She will be attending that a few days after her CTY session ends. There are two divisions at the camp, a junior and senior division. She will be attending the senior session for four weeks. I will update this when she goes and finishes.

My oldest son

My oldest son has been busy from the moment we landed on our trip from Paris(Read about that here). That is when we received the email that he was selected to The New York Youth Symphony and within days of that he was notified that he was selected to All-State. Since this was Junior Year this was going to be the Big One! Let's break it down.

School Work

My son enrolled into four AP Classes this past year, American History, AP English, Statistics and Biology. His last academic class was Honors Pre-Calculus/Calculus and Orchestra to round it off. It was tough, real tough. Any parent who has had kids go through it knows what I mean. If your child is going to be a junior, the best advice I can give is to make sure your kid can maximize their time by utilizing time management skills. Any student that has aspirations to go to an elite college has multiple things going on besides school work. The extra-curriculars, the volunteering, the clubs, teams and just trying to squeeze out some time for fun and relaxation. This is the make or break year and if you've come this far you have to finish it, right?

The results

My son is good at math but NOT great. He ended the year with a final grade of an A-. All the other classes he got A's and A+'s. He finished the year strong and I am more really proud of him. I saw how many nights where he only slept for a couple of hours and went to school. It was really tough to watch but it also made me more than proud. I knew that he was the type to do what it took to get things done when it mattered. A useful trait when going into the real world.

Standardized Tests

My son took the SAT twice so far and he will take it one last time this summer. The first time he took it he did okay but not great. After thinking that he was ready by taking a few practice tests and getting in the 1500's he took the test. He had a rude awakening that was a shock to him and us. He received a 1410 with a 23/24 on the essay.

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Our whole family was shocked to say the least. Though we were happy with the 23/24 on the essay, the score was not what we thought he would get. I know, I know some of you must be thinking what a jerk. That is a fine score, blah, blah… I'm okay with the criticism because I know what I am, a Tiger Dad. Our whole family worked our asses as a collective to do everything we could to help my son get into the best school he could get into. A 1410 would not cut it. After reading horror stories this year of Asian males with 1560's not getting into Boston University, we were scared!

Round Two

My son didn't have time to take the SAT again until March because of too many time conflicts. We were so nervous. Everything hat he had worked for was going to be up in the air until he took the test again and got his results. It was so stressful for all of us. He took the test and we waited��

The Wait

So what did I do during the waiting to keep me occupied? I started going on reddit and College Confidential. I was on College Confidential to do research on safety schools if he bombed. There is a reddit subtopic for SAT that is good. You have kids that took the test and discuss the test and the questions that they thought were difficult. After two long weeks… The results were in.

SAT Scores

After all the hard work that was put in during the past summer with taking online SAT courses with Prep Expert. After bombing on the first try of the SAT. After the months of not taking the test because my son was too busy with other extra-curriculars and lastly after the two weeks for the tests to be graded. Judgement Day had arrived! My son logged into the College Board site, put in his credentials and opened up the link for SAT Test Scores. The Score was 1520!!! Hahahaah!!!!! He did it and we were so proud of him! We were giving each other high fives and basking in the knowledge that our dreams were still on track.

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Final Word on Standardized Testing

The score of 1520 was great and that put him into the 99 percentile. We were more than pleased as you can tell by the gif up above. We decided that he will take it one more time to see if he could raise his score up just a little more. I've seen videos on YouTube and other blogs that there is no reason to take the test again once you score above 1500 but every one of them are not Asian males. As stated earlier, there are Asian students with the same background and similar everything as my son and they were denied into every Top tier school. I think that we've come too far to say to ourselves in the future, “What If”? So one last time to see if he can raise his score more and if he doesn't, then so be it. At least we gave it our all.

The Rest of the Summer

My son is finishing his last year of interning and volunteering at the Summer Engineering Camp that he has been a part of since sixth grade. He's making some money and fulfilling his National Honor Society Volunteer Hour Requirement at the same time.

During the month of July he is making sure that he writes his common application essay and at least five of his favorite schools supplementary essays. On top of that he has to continue with his cello practice in order to audition again for the New York Youth Symphony. Lastly, study for the SAT one last time.

A Reward for his Hard Work

There is a reward at the end of the tunnel. I'm not a monster that wants my son to go crazy. As in life there must be rewards for hard work and I think this is a great reward. One of his best friends invited him and another buddy to go to France for two weeks in August. It's in a small town in the southern part of France. I looked on Google Maps and it looks absolutely amazing! Better yet another of his best friends will be traveling in Italy and it will only be an hour away from where my son will be staying. They might be able to hang out together while over there. That would be so amazing for them. So, he would have a place to stay but just needs to buy a plane ticket and have spending money. How could I say no to that? I hope he has the time of his life!

Here's hoping that all you Tiger Moms and Tiger Dads have the best summer vacation of 2018! If any of you have any questions or comments please go to our Facebook page and leave them there. I will answer as best as I can. I would love to hear what other students and parents are doing this summer!

The post Summer 2018 is Here appeared first on Tiger Dad -The Hidden Partner to every Tiger Mom.

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gchu95 · 6 years ago

Text

Summer 2018 is Here

Summer Vacation 2018 – What my Kids are doing.

My Youngest son

The Littlest Cellist

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Music Camp

My daughter

CTY – Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth

youtube

Music Camp Part II

My oldest son

School Work

The results

Standardized Tests

youtube

Round Two

The Wait

SAT Scores

youtube

Final Word on Standardized Testing

The Rest of the Summer

A Reward for his Hard Work

The post Summer 2018 is Here appeared first on Tiger Dad -The Hidden Partner to every Tiger Mom.

0 notes

lavoixdelavantgarde · 6 years ago

Text

Summer 2018 is Here

Summer Vacation 2018 – What my Kids are doing.

My Youngest son

The Littlest Cellist

youtube

Music Camp

My daughter

CTY – Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth

youtube

Music Camp Part II

My oldest son

School Work

The results

Standardized Tests

youtube

Round Two

The Wait

SAT Scores

youtube

Final Word on Standardized Testing

The Rest of the Summer

A Reward for his Hard Work

The post Summer 2018 is Here appeared first on Tiger Dad -The Hidden Partner to every Tiger Mom.

0 notes

thatmetalbenderlinbeifong · 8 years ago

Note

Answer all the 200 asks please

Hey, quick question anon. Do you hate me? Cuz it feels like you hate me right now. lol

Ah the things I do for my followers. Answers are under the cut.

200: My crush’s name is: That’s not my information to give away.199: I was born in: Florida 1990198: I am really: I don’t know what this is asking? Tired? Depressed? Sure we’ll go with those.197: My cellphone company is: Boost Mobile196: My eye color is: Blue, mostly195: My shoe size is: That depends on the type of shoe actually. Strangely enough I wear like a half size larger in boots than I do in like sneakers. Which can range anywhere from a 7 ½ to an 8.194: My ring size is: I actually have no idea.193: My height is: About 5′ 5″ish I think.192: I am allergic to: Nothing as far as I’m aware.191: My 1st car was: I haven’t had a car yet, tho I did really want my mothers mustang. I loved that car.190: My 1st job was: I think it was working at Toys R’ Us?189: Last book you read: Oh jeez…uhm…I think it was Mirror’s Gaze by @raedmagdon188: My bed is: ??? Nice? A queen? Fluffy? I don’t know what this question wants.187: My pet: Hoo boy do I have a lot. 3 dogs, Athena, Atlas and Daffy. 3 Cats, Tigerlily, Squirt and George. A bearded dragon, Rango. A turtle, Poseidon. I had a ball python named Medusa, but she passed away a few weeks ago. I miss her.186: My best friend: I have so many friends, and more than 1 best friend. Karyn, Sabrina, @saigneux, @betarays185: My favorite shampoo is: I’ve really grown to like the Mane and Tail stuff. It’s really nice.184: Xbox or ps3: PS3183: Piggy banks are: Nice? I don’t personally use them anymore, but I can see the appeal.182: In my pockets: I don’t have pockets right now. But I’ll usually have my phone, wallet and maybe some chapstick? or tweezers?181: On my calendar: Can’t think of anything.180: Marriage is: Something I’d like to have someday.179: Spongebob can: I??? Dont know??? I don’t care???178: My mom: Is my role model and I’m so lucky to have such a good relationship with her.177: The last three songs I bought were? I don’t know about bought, but I can tell you who the last three artists I listened to were. Alizee, Utada and Nicki Minaj176: Last YouTube video watched: GTLive playing a demo of Home Sweet Home175: How many cousins do you have? A lot…like you have no idea. So many…174: Do you have any siblings? Two. A younger brother and younger sister173: Are your parents divorced? Yes172: Are you taller than your mom? No, she’s a few inches taller.171: Do you play an instrument? No, but I’d love to learn to play the violin one day, or maybe the Cello170: What did you do yesterday? Same as everyday. Eat, sleep and play video games. It’s really not all it’s cracked up to be.[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: I used to. I’m not sure now.168: Luck: I don’t know. I suppose so.167: Fate: Yes166: Yourself: Haha165: Aliens: Yes. I personally think that it’s incredibly ignorant and egotistical of us as a race to believe that out of the vast universe we are the only intelligent beings out there.164: Heaven: No163: Hell: No162: God: It’s complicated. I don’t believe that there is one all powerful god. If I did choose to believe in a god, it would be something more along the lines of the Greek gods. 161: Horoscopes: I don’t honestly put too much weight in what they say, but they are fun.160: Soul mates: Yes, but I don’t necessarily believe that there is just one soul mate for each person.159: Ghosts: Oh yes, I definitely believe in ghosts. I’ve had my share of sights and experiences.158: Gay Marriage: Well, seeing as I’m a lesbian. Yeah. But even if I wasn’t I would still regardless.157: War: I don’t know. I think that in some cases it’s unavoidable. But I also think that we fall back on war as a default to easily.156: Orbs: Like, in relation to ghosts? I suppose so.155: Magic: I like to believe that there is some magic in the world.[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Both? Depends on who it’s from.153: Drunk or High: Well, I have a high tolerance for alcohol so I’ve never been drunk and I have no desire to be high so…neither.152: Phone or Online: Online. I have some mild phone anxiety and I don’t even like talking to my best friends on the phone. I prefer to text.151: Red heads or Black haired: Both? But I will definitely say I am partial to red heads.150: Blondes or Brunettes: Again, both. 149: Hot or cold: Cold, definitely. But preferably accompanied by snow.148: Summer or winter: Winter. Again, with snow please.147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Neither really. But I’d take apples over oranges, I guess.143: Curly or Straight hair: I’d like curly, personally.142: McDonalds or Burger King: I like both to a degree.141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: Depends on the occasion. Just casually, then flip flops.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Not really a fan of this question. But for the sake of simplicity, sweet and poor.137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi136: Hillary or Obama: I like both135: Burried or cremated: I don’t particularly care either way honestly.134: Singing or Dancing: Singing, tho I’d prefer to do neither in front of someone else.133: Coach or Chanel: Again, I don’t really care.132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: I have no idea who either of these people are by name. 131: Small town or Big city: A little of both?130: Wal-Mart or Target: Don’t have a preference, I like both.129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Neither. 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: I’ve never lived on the west coast, so I have to say east.126: Your Birthday or Christmas: As of right now? Neither. Neither have been good the last few years and some pretty horrible things have happened near both so…I don’t really care for either right now.125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither. I’m not really a big baseball fan.[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: I already made a comment about this above. 121: George Bush: I’m not getting political in this, I just don’t have it in me.120: Gay Marriage: We deserve that right.119: The presidential election: Again, not getting political.118: Abortion: Pro-choice117: MySpace: Used to have one, but I don’t really care about that site anymore.116: Reality TV: I don’t really watch it, just not my thing.115: Parents: Like, my parents? Moms good. Fuck my biological father.114: Back stabbers: They suck113: Ebay: I don’t know. It’s nice? I don’t use it much, more so Amazon.112: Facebook: Meh, it’s good for some things. I don’t use it much either.111: Work: I miss working.110: My Neighbors: I dont’ know them.109: Gas Prices: Don’t have a car so I dont even notice them.108: Designer Clothes: I could care less about designer clothes.107: College: I went. It was okay.106: Sports: I like volleyball, tennis, soccer and hockey, but that’s about it. The others are okay.105: My family: That’s complicated. I like some of them.104: The future: Unsure and scary[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: A few months ago? When I moved?102: Last time you ate: a few hours ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: When I moved.100: Cried in front of someone: I don’t know. I try not to cry in front of other people.99: Went to a movie theater: A few weeks ago. To see Beauty and the Beast98: Took a vacation: I suppose in a sense, I’m on a vacation now.97: Swam in a pool: It’s been a long time.96: Changed a diaper: A very long time.95: Got my nails done: A few months94: Went to a wedding: Years and years ago I think93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Almost a year ago? I got my nips done.91: Broke the law: I can’t really think of anything.90: Texted: Just now.[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: @betarays88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: This is complicated and I’m not getting into it.87: The last movie I saw: Arrival. It was so good.86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: I don’t know.85: The thing im not looking forward to: The future.84: People call me: They call me a lot of things. 83: The most difficult thing to do is: Express my emotions verbally.82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Sagittarius80: The first person i talked to today was: @betarays79: First time you had a crush: Like a real crush on a real person? Sophomore year of high school. My English teacher.78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: @saigneux77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Today. and it was @betarays telling me how gay I was.76: Right now I am talking to: Karyn75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Seeing as I’m technically “grown up” the answer is being a piece of shit.74: I have/will get a job: I mean like, that would be ideal, wouldn’t it?73: Tomorrow: I’ll probably do the same thing I did today.72: Today: I took a depression nap for like 10 hours71: Next Summer: I don’t know where I’ll be next summer.70: Next Weekend: Probably the same as every other day.69: I have these pets: I already mentioned these above.68: The worst sound in the world: Something sharp on glass.67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Me66: People that make you happy: I have a lot of those. Friends.65: Last time I cried: Oh yesterday. A lot.64: My friends are: Incredibly important to me63: My computer is: a piece of shit, but it’s the only one i have so yeah62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.61: My Car: Don’t have a car.60: I lose all respect for people who: Are willingly ignorant and bigoted.59: The movie I cried at was: Homeward Bound. Watched it the other night.58: Your hair color is: Red, right now.57: TV shows you watch: I just finished watching Wynonna Earp.56: Favorite web site: I don’t know? I guess tumblr?55: Your dream vacation: Athens, Greece.54: The worst pain I was ever in was: When my gum was infected because of a broke tooth.53: How do you like your steak cooked: Rare - medium rare52: My room is: A depression cave??51: My favorite celebrity is: I have so many. But Mary Elizabeth McGlynn is very high on that list.50: Where would you like to be: I honestly don’t know.49: Do you want children: Yes, one day.48: Ever been in love: I have. I am.47: Who’s your best friend: I already said this above in another question.46: More guy friends or girl friends: I don’t know? Probably about equal45: One thing that makes you feel great is: When the person I love tells me that she loves me.44: One person that you wish you could see right now: @saigneux43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Ha, I barely have a plan for tomorrow.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No, but I’ve put a little bit of thought into it.41: Have you pre-named your children: No, but I have some names that I like.40: Last person I got mad at: My teammates in my last overwatch comp game…39: I would like to move to: I don’t know. There are a lot of places I’d like to visit. But I don’t know about move to.38: I wish I was a professional: I don’t know.[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Three Musketeers36: Vehicle: I’d really love a bike some day.35: President: Obama34: State visited: I suppose Indiana?33: Cellphone provider: I don’t know? I guess Boost?32: Athlete: I don’t really have a fave athlete.31: Actor: Sean Connery.30: Actress: I have so many. Meryl Streep29: Singer: Tarja Turunen28: Band: Halestorm27: Clothing store: Don’t have one.26: Grocery store: Don’t have a favorite.25: TV show: Bob’s Burgers24: Movie: Gone with the Wind23: Website: Tumblr I guess?22: Animal: Snakes21: Theme park: Don’t have a favorite.20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: Hockey, volleyball, soccer, tennis.18: Sport to play: Volleyball, soccer or tennis17: Magazine: Don’t have one.16: Book: The Dark Wife15: Day of the week: I don’t know? Saturday?14: Beach: Coco Beach13: Concert attended: Celtic Woman12: Thing to cook: Greek Fish Fillet11: Food: Seafood10: Restaurant: Red Lobster9: Radio station: Don’t have one.8: Yankee candle scent: It’s not Yankee but blackest sandlewood7: Perfume: Don’t have one.6: Flower: Magnolia5: Color: Purple, or red4: Talk show host: Don’t really have one.3: Comedian: Wanda Sykes2: Dog breed: I love so many different kinds. But, great dane. 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yup

#Anonymous #answered #anon i hope you are happy #this took forever #but it's finally done #about the mun

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flauntpage · 5 years ago

Text

Sophie Rideaud on Hypersensitivity and Art

Lise McKean talks with French artist Sophie Rideaud at her studio and gallery in Les Sables d’Olonne

Translation by Laurent Houphoue and Lise McKean

Photos by Lise McKean

Lise: Let’s start with talking about how you became an artist and came to have a studio and gallery here on the Atlantic coast in Les Sables d’Olonne.

Lise: How long have you been painting?

Lise: Your paintings have a technicolor yet gauzy, dreamlike quality. Do you paint from dreams? From imagination?

Lise: Do you play guitar or sing?

Lise: I’ve met many musicians who made the same decision. They found conservatories and competitions too limiting. They wanted more freedom as artists.

Lise: What’s it like having your studio and gallery right here in the center of town and so close to the ocean? How did you find it?

Lise: Do you listen to music when you paint?

Sophie: No.

Lise: You’re surrounded by the symphony of seagulls and the street.

Lise: Your paintings have the spaciousness I feel when looking at the ocean stretch to the horizon. Did you grow up near the ocean?

When I was a child things were black and white. Now color has significance. All this isn��t easy to talk about. I get goosebumps. Not seeing well as a child limited me and took a lot from me. I asked myself, since I’m someone who only sees a little, what can I do with my life other than teaching or tuning the piano? I don’t know why, but I said that my life would not be that. My future would be different.

Lise: Is it the details and subtleties of facial expression and gestures that especially interest you now?

Sophie: Yes. When we look, we often don’t really look at each other. Sometimes, I think people feel I’m looking at them or pretending that I’m not looking.

Lise: Are you self-taught in painting?

Sophie: Yes.

Lise: How did you go about it?

Lise: Why not keep moving? That’s what artists do. I would love to live so close to the ocean. Do you like to swim?

Lise. The water, light, and wind nourish all our senses.

Lise: Can you talk a little more about how your sense of touch comes into your work?

Lise: Have you become more independent after your sight has improved?

Lise: Is your perception of depth affected?

Lise: Is everything on the same plane when you’re painting?

Lise: How does your response to movement affect your paintings? Can you see and judge depth?

Lise: Everyone has an individual way of looking and seeing. Your experience makes your way particularly distinctive for people whose sight developed more conventionally.

Lise: Was this also an expression of frustration?

Sophie: I never told myself I’ll be miserable all my life. I hate that idea. For some people, it’s the end of the world when their fingertip hurts. I developed a belief in what I could do with what I have. I always believed that one day I could see. My ultimate goal was to be able to drive. It was totally surrealistic—like painting for someone who could barely see. One time I noticed a banal detail: a truck driver tightening the rope of the tarpaulin covering his truck. It was like stretching a canvas to create tension on the surface. Then I noticed how it makes lines. For you this is totally banal, but it had profound significance for me. Now, I imagine the tension on the canvas. I like painting because I can feel the movement.

Lise: Movement as in this work of the girl who’s playing the cello with closed eyes?

Sophie: She’s in her music. She’s playing for herself. She feels good. In fact, it’s a piece of a guitar that I changed it a cello.

Lise: In addition to music, the ocean, and the revelations brought by your improved vision, what other experiences enter into your work?

Lise: The first time I went to India I was twenty-two.

Sophie: Did it also shock you? Were you afraid to die there? I saw carcasses of dead animals.

Lise: I felt all my senses come to life in India. I wasn’t worried about dying.

Sophie: Weren’t you uneasy?

Lise: Yes and no. I was a woman traveling alone, but I was young and not much scared me. Everything was new and intriguing.

Sophie: It’s a little bit of naiveté and insouciance to be alone in a foreign country without fear.

Lise: Did the changes in vision alter your sensitivity to sound?

Lise: Would you say that hearing and sensing what’s unnoticed by others gives you a kind of psychic ability?

Lise: Your sensitivity puts you in unusual situations.

Carron Little on the Palette of Utopia

THINKS to Think

Phyllis Bramson’s Take on Pleasure and Folly

Flashes in the Dark

Off-Topic | Caroline Picard

Sophie Rideaud on Hypersensitivity and Art published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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flauntpage · 5 years ago

Text

Sophie Rideau on Hypersensitivity and Art

Lise McKean talks with French artist Sophie Rideau at her studio and gallery in Les Sables d’Olonne

Translation by Laurent Houphoue and Lise McKean

Photos by Lise McKean

Lise: Let’s start with talking about how you became an artist and came to have a studio and gallery here on the Atlantic coast in Les Sables d’Olonne.

LISE: How long have you been painting?

Lise: Your paintings have a technicolor yet gauzy, dreamlike quality. Do you paint from dreams? From imagination?

Lise: Do you play guitar or sing?

Lise: I’ve met many musicians who made the same decision. They found conservatories and competitions too limiting. They wanted more freedom as artists.

Lise: What’s it like having your studio and gallery right here in the center of town and so close to the ocean? How did you find it?

Lise: Do you listen to music when you paint?

Sophie: No.

Lise: You’re surrounded by the symphony of seagulls and the street.

Lise: Your paintings have the spaciousness I feel when looking at the ocean stretch to the horizon. Did you grow up near the ocean?

Lise: Is it the details and subtleties of facial expression and gestures that especially interest you now?

Sophie: Yes. When we look, we often don’t really look at each other. Sometimes, I think people feel I’m looking at them or pretending that I’m not looking.

Lise: Are you self-taught in painting?

Sophie: Yes.

Lise: How did you go about it?

Lise: Why not keep moving? That’s what artists do. I would love to live so close to the ocean. Do you like to swim?

Lise. The water, light, and wind here nourish all our senses.

Lise: Can you talk a little more about how your sense of touch comes into your work?

Lise: Have you become more independent after your sight has improved?

Lise: Is your perception of depth affected?

Lise: Is everything on the same plane when you’re painting?

Lise: How does your response to movement affect your paintings? Can you see and judge depth?

Lise: Everyone has an individual way of looking and seeing. Your experience makes your way particularly distinctive for people whose sight developed more conventionally.

Lise: Was this also an expression of frustration?

Sophie: I never told myself I’ll be miserable all my life. I hate that idea. For some people, it’s the end of the world when their fingertip hurts. I developed a belief in what I could do with what I have. I always believed that one day I could see. My ultimate goal was to be able to drive. It was totally surrealistic—like painting for someone who could barely see. One time I noticed a banal detail: a truck driver tightening the rope of the tarpaulin covering his truck. It was like stretching a canvas to create tension on the surface. Then I noticed how it makes lines. For you this is totally banal, but it had profound significance for me. Now, I imagine the tension on the canvas. I like painting because I can feel the movement.

Lise: Movement as in this work of the girl who’s playing the guitar with closed eyes?

Sophie: She’s in her music. She’s playing for herself. She feels good. In fact, it’s a piece of a guitar that I changed it a cello.

Lise: In addition to music, the ocean, and the revelations brought by your improved vision, what other experiences enter into your work?

Lise: The first time I went to India I was twenty-two.

Sophie: Did it also shock you? Were you afraid to die there? I saw carcasses of dead animals.

Lise: I felt all my senses come to life in India. I wasn’t worried about dying.

Sophie: Weren’t you uneasy?

Lise: Yes and no. I was a woman traveling alone, but I was young and not much scared me. Everything was new and intriguing.

Sophie: It’s a little bit of naiveté and insouciance to be alone in a foreign country without fear.

Lise: Did the changes in vision alter your sensitivity to sound?

Lise: Would you say that hearing and sensing what’s unnoticed by others gives you a kind of psychic ability?

Lise: Your sensitivity puts you in unusual situations.

Carron Little on the Palette of Utopia

THINKS to Think

Phyllis Bramson’s Take on Pleasure and Folly

Flashes in the Dark

Episode 272: Martina AltSchaefer

Sophie Rideau on Hypersensitivity and Art published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

0 notes