#yes we're getting a double feature yesterday and today LET'S GO

[mannylikessims]

The True Story of the Villareal Family [3.19]

prev // home // next

While Luna and Hugo were upstairs fighting, their dad was in the basement.

Jacques Villareal was antsy.

The offspring were yelling, and he did not like the offspring yelling. Normally, their mother would deal with that, but she was dead.

What would a normal father do, scold them? Talk to them? Wrap their mouths with duct tape until it was time to go to school?

He hated nagging. He hated how his wife used to nag him. Please don’t make the children commit arson, she’d plead. They might get hurt. How obnoxious.

But he wouldn’t worry about them much longer, because he had a place to put his children where they would never bother him again.

He’d even built them a shelf, right next to his dead wife and above his dead father.

Soon, there would be no more annoying voices. Aside from the ones in his head, of course.

Back in the day when his family annoyed him, he would go to the Von Haunt Estate and play chess in his jingly-jangly knight suit. But, thanks to his infernal offspring, he was now banned from that cherished tourist destination. No longer could he cosplay as a chess-playing tin can to soothe his nerves.

Instead, he had to spend the entire day lounging in his enormous mansion, playing Jenga in his boxers, mixing cocktails in his man cave.

It was a tragedy.

Actually, this past weekend had been an exception – since his first attempts at murder were thwarted, he’d spent the entire weekend researching. However, it turned out the Willow Creek library did not contain any books on how to kill your children and make it look like an accident.

But Jacques was an alleged genius.

He’d figure it out.

────────✦───────

prev // home // next

[marsmarvel02]

"What Manny Can't Fix" Review: Chapter 10

Welcome back and welcome again to my review/roasting of "What Manny Can't Fix", a very bad Handy Manny fanfic.

Last time, we had a double feature with Chapters 8 and 9, and now today we're taking on Chapter 10, in which Turner and Twist steal food from a community garden! And we learn a bit about Twist's backstory, which is... quite something.

As always, if you'd like to start this review from the beginning, Chapter 1 is here.

Chapter 10

The next day, Turner was woken up to a small jab in his side.

“Huh?” Turner groaned, rolling over.

“¡Buenos días!” Twist greeted, eagerly. 

Turner groaned, “Why are you up so early?”

“Early?” She laughed. “It’s ten!”

Turner stared at her a moment. “Yeah, ten’s early for me.” He yawned.

Any time of day or night seems to be early for Turner.

“Eres tan perezoso.” [“You are so lazy.”] Twist rolled her eyes and pushed on him more. “Come on, get up! Vamos!” [“Let’s go!”]

Wow. Sick burn. //eye roll//

“Why do you want me up so badly?” Turner asked.

“We’re making salsa today, remember!?”

“Oh right….” Turner bit his lip, still wondering if there was a way to get out of this. “Well uh...you see...I...I don’t think I’ll be able to find any onions or peppers...There uh wasn’t much in the dumpster yesterday….only the tomatoes…”

“Oh...Well that’s not a problem?” Twist said.

“It’s...not?” Turner asked, raising an eyebrow.

Twist shook her head. “No. There’s a community garden nearby we can go to.”

“A community gard-...Why haven’t we just gotten our food from there!?” Turner asked, sounding slightly stressed out.

Twist frowned a bit at his tone, “¿Estás bien? Are you okay?”

Yes, Twist just said “are you okay” twice.

As convenient as it is for me when she translates herself, that’s still not anywhere near how bilingual people talk. 

“Am I okay?” Turner said, mostly to himself. Am I okay? No! I’m not! If we just went to the community garden then I wouldn’t have to lie and Swift wouldn’t be on me all the time about where I’m getting food from! He exhaled deeply, trying to keep his composure. “Yes...I’m fine...I’m just curious why we don’t go there for food.”

“Oh, there’s usually too many humans around.” Twist explained.- Lemme guess: They’re going to run into Manny and Turner will have some explaining to do. -“It’s easier to get food somewhere else than to wait for them to leave.”  She rolled her eyes slightly. “They’re always in the way…”

“I think I get what you mean.” Turner said. 

“Well...Vamos! Let’s go!” Twist said.

“Are Swift and Teeth coming?” Turner asked.

“No.” Twist said. “They’re…..busy…”

“With what?” Turner asked.

Twist stayed silent for a second, a small blush forming on her cheeks.  “Uh...it’s not….really important.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Prediction: Swift and Teeth will be spying on Turner, despite this being completely unnecessary due to Twist already being with him.

Turner paused. “Oh….uh...nevermind I don’t wanna know.” He said, embarrassed. 

Twist laughed. “Well come on, lets go!”

Missing an apostrophe there, Twist!

They headed off, and waited around the corner of the community garden. A mom and her daughter were at the garden, picking vegetables.

“See.” Twist groaned. “Humans are everywhere.”

“Mama!” The little girl said, excitedly, holding up a tomato. “¡Mira este tomate!” [“Look at this tomato!”]

The woman took the tomato and smiled, before leaning down and kissing her forehead. “Esto es perfecto.” [“It’s perfect”]

“Although, I guess the kids aren’t too bad.” Twist said. “They’re kinda cute.”

The woman and her daughter opened the gate of the community garden and stepped out. The girl got onto her bicycle and put the vegetables she had picked in the front basket. 

Twist softened a bit. “Esa bici es hermosa.” [“That bike is beautiful”] She said under her breath.

“Uh, Twist?” Turner asked. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m fine...I just got distracted by the bicycle that’s all.” Twist said. “I told you how I used to work in a bike shop didn’t I?”

“Yeah….with your brother, right?”

Twist sighed and rolled her eyes a bit. “Yes, with my brother…. He always thought he could do everything himself…..I’d be surprised if he even cares I’m gone...Now he can be the top screwdriver just like he always wanted…Just be glad you’ll never have to meet him.”

This is the second time this story has done this exact same joke.

Once the mother and daughter had left, they made their way over to the garden.

A huge sign was hung above the metal gate: Jardín Comunitario

As you might expect, this means “community garden”.

“All right, the vegetables we’re looking for are going to be labeled cebolla and pimienta.” Twist said.

“Got it.” Turner said, approaching the fence. The bars were wide enough that they were able to squeeze through them.

Turner started looking at all the signs around the garden. “Let’s see ... .lechuga, coliflor, ajo [lettuce, cauliflower, garlic]...Oh! There’s the pimienta [pepper]!”

Turner grabbed three peppers and headed back to Twist. “Did you find the onions?”

Wait. If the tools can engage in the good ol’ cartoon physics trope of “characters without hands are somehow able to hold stuff anyway”, why did Manny have to tie a shopping bag to Turner?

“Sí.” Twist said, rolling a large onion over. “This should be enough for the salsa, lets go.”

I will now interpret any instance of a character saying “Lets go” apostrophe-less as them saying “Lezzgo!”

They headed back to the front of the garden with their finds. 

“This is perfect!” Twist said, gushing over the vegetables. “This salsa is going to be fantastic! Come on, let's hurry back so we can start making it!” 

They rolled the vegetables down the sidewalk, stopping at a crosswalk as a group of bicyclists went by.

“You know…” Twist sighed a bit. “My brother wasn’t the only one I left behind.”

“Oh...Who else was there?” Turner asked, gently.

The bike shop’s owner, obvi-

“My girlfriend.” 

WHAT.

“You probably really miss her, huh?” Turner replied.

Seriously?!

Twist nodded. “I miss her more than anything.” She sat down. “Leaving her was the hardest thing I had to do.”

Gee, I can’t wait for the next chapter to be about a Twist/whoever her girlfriend is and Plunker/Tapper double date.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Turner asked.

“Maybe it’ll help…okay…”

Twist sighed as she approached the bike pump, snoozing in the corner of the shop. She tapped her slightly.

Gee, and the second unnecessary love interest is another thing that shouldn’t count as a tool. Fan-tastic. 

“Pumpetunia….Sssp...hey..Pumpetunia…” She said in a loud whisper.

Hey, that reminds me.

“Huh?” The bike pump yawned, slowly opening her eyes. “Twist? Estás bien?” [“Are you OK?”]

So, back in 2007 there was this really terrible kids’ movie in production called Gep-

Hold that thought.

Twist shook her head and explained in Spanish that she was leaving. “Me voy.

So many things to say. First:

Twist: “Además me falta una comilla”. [“Also, I’m missing a quotation mark.”]

Second, the narration says that Twist said she was leaving in Spanish… and then she says “I;m leaving” in Spanish. What a brilliant setup and payoff.

Third, Google Translate, in all its incompetence, seems to think that “Me voy” just means “Leave.” 

Pumpetunia’s eyes widened. “Pero por qué?” [“But why?”] She whimpered.

Writer, you’re missing the flipped question mark that begins a question in Spanish, and I know you know that exists because you remembered to include it earlier.

Twist sighed and showed her bent blade to her. “Estoy rota. No quiero que me tiren a la basura.” She explained that she didn’t want to be thrown away due to her broken blade.

“Rota” miiiight be used incorrectly there, but my research on the subject was inconclusive so I’m not sure.

Pumpetunia frowned and wrapped her hose around her girlfriend. “Por favor no vayas.” [“Please don’t go”] She sniffled, her eyes tearing up. She wanted more than anything for her to stay at the shop. “Yo te protegeré.” [“I will protect you”] She promised to protect her.

Here the description in English of what they said in Spanish isn’t quite as redundant because you can’t just puzzle out the meaning of full Spanish sentences, but something is still wasting space here.

Why couldn’t the writer just say they were speaking Spanish but write their dialogue in English for the readers? You know, like they said they were going to do in the long-as-frick introduction to this story?

Or can they not do that in flashback sequences due to shortsightedly giving “flashback sequence” and “this dialogue actually in Spanish” the same formatting indicator?

Twist leaned over and kissed her barrel. Pumpetunia pulled her closer, nuzzling her more.

“Por favor no…” [“Please no…”]

Twist frowned and kissed her again. “Lo siento…” [“I’m sorry…”]  She pulled back and started heading towards the window.

Pumpetunia begged to come with her.

Wow, no redundant Spanish dialogue!

“Lo siento.” [“I’m sorry”] Twist apologized again. She didn’t want to make the one she loved have a hard life on the streets like she would. She reached the window sill and looked back into the shop.

Pumpetunia started sobbing. “Y que hay de tu hermano?” [“And what about your brother?”]

Twist paused for a second. What about her brother?  She looked over at the table he was sleeping on, luckily Pumpetunia’s crying hadn’t woken him up. 

And what about that weird extra space after the question mark, or the comma joining two thoughts that should belong to independent sentences?

He had always tried to be the bigshot during repairs, saying he could do them himself, or insisting on doing work Twist was perfectly capable of herself. 

Well, they are both Phillips screwdrivers, so they should have the exact same capabilities…

She narrowed her eyes. “El no es importante.” [“He is not important.”] She said, before hopping off the sill, onto the ground outside.

Oh, burn.

“Wow...that’s...rough…” Turner said.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “She’s the closest thing to a family I had…”

What. About. HER BROTHER?!

I know she despises him, but you can’t say that someone is “the closest thing to a family I had” when A. they’re only one person, and B. you were just talking about your ACTUAL family in the same breath!

Seeing how uncomfortable Turner looked, she forced a small smile. “Let’s get home and start the salsa, okay?”

Oh joy. It’s going to turn into a cooking show, just like I hoped it wouldn’t.

Turner nodded and they headed back to the alleyway, vegetables in tow.

However he couldn’t get what Twist had said out of his mind, 

Comma what?

“Let’s get home and start the salsa, okay?”

“Let’s get home and start the salsa.”

“Let’s get home”

“Get home.”

“Home.”

Home. Is that what this is? Turner thought. Is….this my home now?

He looked at Twist who was pushing the onion she’d picked in front of her. 

Missing another comma there.

“She’s the closest thing to a family I had.”

Is she my family? Is Teeth and Swift my family?-

You mean, “Are Teeth and Swift my family”?

And no. They’re blatantly going to turn on Turner (pun not intended) once Swift catches him with Manny.

-Then another thought crossed his mind. Were Mr Grover and the others my family? They didn’t feel like one...But Twist….she...does….

Turner felt safe and relaxed around her, not always on defense like when he was with Mr Grover and the other tools. As they entered the alleyway, Turner felt a sense of calm rush over him, something he’d never felt in the workshop.

Twist went over to the old pot and flipped it over. “Are you ready to get started?”

Turner nodded and headed over, a small smiling forming on his face.

Yes...this….this is my family.

Not for long!

I just realized I forgot to finish my thought about Pumpernickel or whatever her name is. You know, Unnecessary Love Interest #2.

So, back in the early 2000s there was this horrible CGI movie “reimagining” of Pinnochio called “Geppetto’s Secret” that starred four (well, kinda-sorta-five-it’s-complicated) “magic tools” whose job it was to time-travel and make sure fairy tales happened properly. (And a robot bird, and the Blue Fairy and her talking mini-motorbike, but that’s beside the point.)

And that movie managed to have equivalents for both of this awful story’s “that doesn’t really count as a tool” characters, in the form of a paint brush named Leonardo and an air pump named Airon (har har har).

Oh, and said movie also might have had a Flicker equivalent in the form of Lulu, who could be a flashlight but who is anthropomorphized so heavily that she could best be described as a “glowy robot babe”.

Sigh. Early 2000s. Gotta love it.

(The next part of my review has now been posted, and can be read here.)

[ssamie]

five. “team manager”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x haikyuu)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist.      suicide freak!

"this is the girl from yesterday" kuroo muttered 

it's been a day since the shrooms incident, and it's safe to say she's left a very weird first impression on the boys 

"hi~" she cooed with a wave 

today, she was looking more presentable. wearing the nekoma girl's uniform, with bandages framing her body, all except for her hands and face.  "i couldn't shake her off" kenma said with a sigh as he tried to wiggle his arm free from her grasp 

she simply chuckled and hugged his arm even tighter.  "sorry for the rather strange interaction we had yesterday" she apologised with a sheepish grin  "there was a small flaw in my plan, which led to that.." 

kenma rolled his eyes at her words.  he was the one that had to make sure she didn't accidentally jump off a cliff in her state yesterday.  he had to get her calmed down, and ended up calling a man called kunikida for help since he was in her emergency contacts. 

"what's your name?" kuroo asks with an amused grin 

"l/n y/n. nice to meet ya" she answered 

"so l/n-chan~" kuroo mused "anything we can help you with?" 

"i wanna be team manager!" she exclaimed with a dumb smile on her face 

some boys perked up at the mention of a manager, some pondered over it, while kenma simply let out a loud groan. 

"hah? you? manager?" kenma scoffed and pulled out his PSP  "you'll just try to kill yourself with the nets or something" he muttered with a huff

"eh? do you really have no trust in me kenma?" she sulked  "i mean, i probably would but still!" she huffed 

nekomata stepped forward and smiled at her "why would you like to be our manager, l/n?" he asked. she blinked and pondered over it for a while "hmm, volleyball is something i wanna try i guess." she said 

"but i don't really wanna play. i'd rather manage from the sidelines" she hummed  "so it would be a pleasure to work with you all" she said with a sly smile

she then looked at nekomata and tilted her head to the side, sending him a close eyed smile and holding her hand out for him to shake. 

"if you'll have me, of course" she added in a polite and soothing tone 

nekomata studied her, then her hand, as well as the bandages that ended just a little bit past her wrist. the old man chuckled and shook her hand. "well then, welcome to the team" he said with a laugh 

she smirked and nodded.  "glad to be here" 

"have i ever told you how incredibly intricate looking your fingers are?" she asked out of the blue.  kenma glanced at her as he drinks from his bottle, brows furrowing from her rather strange observation. 

"um, no?" he answered hesitantly 

she simply hummed and studied them even further, making him gulp. kenma looked at his hands, feeling slightly anxious. he then shoved them in the side of his shorts. 

"stop looking at them. it makes me nervous" kenma complained sheepishly 

she chuckled and pulled his hands out of his makeshift pockets. "dont be" she cooed with a smile "you hands are so.. delicate, so soft" 

kenma blushed as she started tracing circles over his palms, whispering sweet words and nothings as she does so. 

"so.." she trailed off, looking at him through lidded eyes, a flirty smirk etching itself on her lips. "s-so..?" he questioned 

"would you strangle me with these fragile, delicate fingers?" 

"ha? 😃" 

kenma stared at her while she stared back. she simply smiled at him as she continued to draw shapes on his palm.  "what the hell are you talking about?" kenma deadpanned 

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!" taketora shrieked. they all looked over to him as kenma raised a brow "can't take what?" he asked 

taketora ignored him and sprinted straight to y/n "l-l/n-chan! why him?!" he shrieked  "why not me?! i can give you my love!" taketora cried "let me love you!" 

she simply stared at him as she drops kenma's hands on his lap. "love..me?" she questioned with a blank smile 

taketora rushed over to her and showed her his hands "i have hands and fingers too!" he exclaimed  "i can-" 

"i don't think she meant she wants kenma to choke her during sex, yamamoto" kuroo intervened 

"yeah. she wants me to kill her." kenma bluntly spat out 

"hai!" she exclaimed "but either one is fine." 

kenma's brows shot up as he snapped his attention towards her. "huh??"

"hm? is there a problem, kenma-kun?" she chuckled “yes. there's a problem, and it's a big one." kenma said "im not gonna choke you during se-" 

"l/n!" nekomata called out, effectively cutting off kenma 

the (h/c) haired girl perked up and walked over to the man "yes?" she asked "so? did you jot down anything while watching?" nekomata asked. the older man patted the spot next to him on the bench, urging her to sit next to him. she hummed and pulled out a notebook. 

"well, may i just say" she started "these boys are very impressive." 

"i don't usually have the motivation to do these type of things but i wrote down everything i've observed" she said "i do hope it's enough" she chuckled as she sat down next to nekomata 

"well then, let's see it" nekomata said as he ushered the boys over to them. "well then, these are my observations, as well as teeny tiny little advices" she says

she handed kuroo the notebook. the captain skimmed through the pages with a look of interest. "okay let's- eh?" kuroo sweat dropped "this is never-ending, l/n-chan" he chuckled 

kuroo flipped through the whole notebook, laughing as he saw each page filled from front to back. "that's a crap ton of info!" taketora exclaimed 

"how'd you even get all of that over a silly practice game" yaku asked, a look of amusement and curiosity lacing his features. 

she shrugged nonchalantly and fiddled with her hair "dunno" she cooed "i guess it comes naturally" she said "i have a job quite similar, so breaking down your attacks and the way you move or play is quite easy" 

nekomata hummed in delight "ah, so we're you a manger before as well, or..?" he asked 

"nope! i'm a detective!" she grinned 

the team stared at her and smiled, same as you would when a child says something crazy or stupid. she immediately snapped her head towards kenma, smiling excitedly as she awaits his reaction 

"are you impressed? will you go on a double suicide with me now?" she asked with a grin. kenma stared at her, unmoving, as he looked her up and down. 

"no." he answered 

she immediately deflated and sulked beside nekomata. "i-i see." she sniffled "i understand" 

"that's nice, l/n-chan!" yaku exclaimed, obviously unconvinced that she was a detective "really nice. it's good to have dreams!" he said as he patted the girl's back

she blinked as she looked down on him. "eh? no, i mean like im actually a detective" 

"i mean i get that you don't think so" she laughed "i may not look much, but im an operative of the armed detective agency" she said.  her playful smile dropped, and was replaced by a stoic look as she showed them a badge 

"eh? seriously?! that's so cool!" lev says as he excitedly jumps up and down 

"heh. right?" she grinned as the other boys starts freaking out 

kenma simply narrows his eyes and clicks his tounge in distaste. "so what about it, kenma-kun? won't it be cool to die with someone like that?" she asks cheekily 

"no" 

"but-" 

"no" 

"fine" 

"no- oh." 

"you'll fit right in, l/n" nekomata said with a laugh. he waved then goodbye before stepping away. kuroo approached them, fanning himself with the notebook as he slung his arm around her shoulders 

"so, l/n.." kuroo said "whyre you so obsessed with having a double suicide with our kenma?" he asked.  kenma sighed and pitched his nose bridge with dread "please don't ask that. she'll-" 

"oh my! i thought you'd never ask!" she said dramatically as she waved her arms about

"committing suicide alone?" she started "oh my, that's so passe kuroo-san!" 

"i've come to realise, that if i were to die.. i will die alongside a beautiful man or woman!" her eyes sparkled as she gawked over kenma, who was looking very unamused at the moment. 

"and i found the most beautiful boy there is! what else could be better than this?" she exclaimed with teary eyes 

"ah, double suicide.. what a sweet ring it has!" she exclaimed "in comparison, it feels so empty to bid this world farewell all by my lonesome self!" she hugged kenma and nuzzled her cheek into his pudding-like hair. 

kenma merely froze as he felt his arms and body get squeezed by her. she was surprisingly strong and had a vice grip on him. "please let me go." kenma muttered 

"no" 

the boys watched the whole withing with varying reactions. most of them were worried for her mental state and well-being, while the others were amused. the 'others', being lev. it still kinda hadn't hit him that she was a suicidal psycho. 

"hmm, you're right, l/n-senpai! it'll be sad to die alone" lev agreed with a thoughtful hum 

"see! he sees the problem with it!" she said 

yaku immediately intervened by kicking lev in the back of his knees, making him fall forward. he also snatched kenma away, making her whine. "give him back!" she yelled. “take me away" kenma said 

yaku huffed and lightly flicked her in the forehead. "the real problem here is the fact that you wanna commit suicide!" he exclaimed 

"double suicide" she corrected. 

"that's not any better!"