#yes that's my takeaway from that christmas movie idk what that says about me

[redvanillabee]

the fact that cmm got shredded for some netflix christmas clicks...and not so that (additionally) we can get a nice bandage scene as a follow-up to 2x10...major wasted opportunity

[cosmicseafoam]

Randy Moore on the Sunken Teeth Co live part2

part 1 about the drop here

These wont be super in order as I'm gonna try to group them

Dividers by @wrathofrats

He's in the middle of making a record so new music soon-ish

It's not a new band, he says this is a "Randy record"

It's being produced by his friend Henry Chadwick

They'll be in the studio this weekend to record more stuff

.

Someone said "I hope you're taking care of the Mothman enamel pin I gave you" and he said he transferred it from his jacket to a pin board in his room to keep it safe so he doesn't lose it

"Do you still have the Sunken Teeth Bracelet I gave you at the SLC show?" he said "Yes I do! Anything that anybody has ever given me, I still have and I cherish cherish cherish everything that people take the time to hand me and make. 🙏🏻 I'm very appreciative. You guys are awesome"

He was fucking around a bit with a delay to make voice effects and said "I'm just trying to add some production value, y'know, just a little something, know what I'm saying?"

At one point he did something with the delay pedal and then said "never mind that was dumb and I've embarrassed myself"

He's excited to see the new Nosferatu

He doesn't have a dog but wishes he did

He's from the Bay Area

He drinks sparkling water

He's been watching The Sopranos for the first time (he's on s6)

He hasn't seen Twin Peaks

He hasn't gone to Spirit Halloween yet because he thinks he should wait for Lucy to get back from tour so they can go together

He hasn't watched Longlegs because he's "been busy doing stuff"

He's playing with Sweet Gloom in Santa Ana and San Diego on the 9th and 10th of August

He hasn't watched Over The Garden Wall

He really liked the Danzig dance scene in Abigail

If he was to get a Nightmare Before Christmas tattoo it would be of the masks that the three kids wear to represent him and his siblings

Someone said bring the 'stash back, he said "I don't think so"

He hasn't been to a Rocky Horror shadow cast and the thought scares him cause he doesn't want people to touch him while he's watching the movie

Someone asked which chipmunk he is, he said his sister Alyssa dubbed him Simon, herself Alvin, and their brother as Theodore.

He's not doing any overseas gigs any time soon

He said he's trying to recharge creatively and physically

He's an Aries

He uses the Ernie Ball regular slinky 10-46 guitar strings in the green pack

Someone asked if he plays mermaids he said "of course"

If he was a muppet he'd be "The Count. Obviously"

He has not listened to BRAT

He mains Dry Bones on Mario Cart

He likes Halloween because he thinks the weather is nicer, he likes sweater weather

He's never watched Baywatch

He gets scared of walk-through haunted houses

He is not going on the next Alkaline Trio tour

He likes Sisters Of Mercy

He has 10 or 11 guitars

He's been playing guitar since he was 11 or 12.

He takes his coffee with lots of sugar but Lucy drinks hers black which he "could never"

He doesn't know what he's gonna be for Halloween

He's not watching IWTV

He wants to visit Salem and the cemeteries in New Orleans

He has paper bats strung up on his shelf and he said "The bats keep my record collection safe. From... the sun! Idk."

He hasn't watched the new Deadpool movie

He likes The Shining

.

"I'm a real vampire, it's confirmed"

"I can fit in your pocket. I can get in there, for sure. IIIIIII can get in that pocket"

Someone asked how tall he is and between questions he said "I'm 6 feet tall", "I'm LIKE 6 feet. I don't know what I am, I haven't measured myself since I was 12 so who cares", "I'm like 6ft on a good day. People shrink, fluctuate. Who cares. Who cares about anything", "Yeah I'm like 6 feet on a good day, it's not that big of a deal. 6 feet is like NOT that tall. Maybe? I don't know", "I'm ACTUALLY 7 feet tall. Let that be the takeaway from this." and finally "I'm two bats tall."

Someone in the chat said "Basically 6ft is not 6ft, why do men lie?" and he responded "I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm just a boy"

Favourites:

Vampire movie: The Lost Boys, he later mentions it was filmed in Santa Cruz which is close to where he lives and he hangs out at the bridge sometimes

Beatles song right now is "I'm looking through you"

Chappell Roan song: Red Wine Supernova

BoyGenius song: "probably Satanist" but he really likes the first EP a lot

The Strokes song: either The Adults Are Talking or Last Nite

Cryptid: Mothman

Newer horror movie: Nope by Jordan Peele

Tattoo of his: ballerina on a tightrope or the crocodile underneath her

He owns a first pressing of Goddammit by Alkaline Trio and it's his favourite record of all time

Someone asked him to rate the 1990s ninja turtle movie out of 100 and he said "It's probably 100, it's maybe my favourite movie"

He can't pick between Creature Of The Black Lagoon and Dracula, they're his two favourites from the Universal monsters

Dogs or cats? "Dogs"

Metallica album: Master Of Puppets

Misfits song: Night Of The Living Dead or "Astro Zombies is always a favourite" and he did specify Danzig Misfits

Spirit World song: ULCER

Dracula: Bela Lugosi

System Of A Down song: Toxicity

Guitar model: Fender Jaguar

Dead Kennedys song: Kill The Poor. He said Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables is his favourite DK record.

He likes MCR, his fav album is Three Cheers and fav song is I'm Not Okay

Fall Out Boy song: Dance Dance

Fav song EVER: Sleepwalk by Santo & Johnny

Animal: Bats. No specifics, he said "I like 'em all!"

Alkaline Trio song from the new album: Shake With Me

Halloween candy: the pumpkin reeses cups

Concert: He saw Green Day do a secret show at Gilman Street which is a really small DIY venue

Thing about touring: he likes to see the friends he's made over the years cause he doesn't get to see them often

White Claw: Raspberry. He doesn't like Black Cherry so he gives those to Lucy

Cemetery he's visited: Hollywood Forever

AFI song: Fall Children

Zombie Film: Night Of The Living Dead

Horror movie actor: Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee

Pokemon: he's a Charmander guy

Place to travel: "My bed. I love sleeping"

Food: Pizza. He said he's a pineapple on pizza guy.

Liv was in the chat and ask for a toy shelf tour

Pee-wee Dracula painted by Matt Skiba, given to Randy as a gift

He has a Green Day tour poster from when Dog Party (his gf Lucy’s band) opened for them and he said “super proud of Lucy, she’s the best”

Funkos: Rivers Cuomo, Dracula (which the lady at walgreens didn't charge him for), and Twenty One pilots but he's trying to get rid of his funko pops

He’s trying not to collect things anymore

Kiss Alive figures

Ozzy bark at the moon werewolf eating a mini brand ball taco

Ninja turtles 1990 movie figures

Fake ninja turtles ice cream

Alkaline trio Campbell soup cans from the my shame is true record

Metallica figurine setup

He thinks he has about 500 records on his shelf

Someone asked for a tattoo tour and he said "that would take too long" but he did show off his arm and speed run through some of them.

tooth

flower

moth

birds

crystal ball

rose through a heart

ballerina + crocodile

bats

skeleton

panther

scorpion

His first tattoo was a mermaid on an anchor on his upper arm. Her tail is "seafoam green" which he said is his favourite colour.

Most of his tattoos are in a traditional style, but he said he's "got some crazier ones" on his leg.

Ones he didn't specifically mention but that I've seen from photos:

a broken arrow

an astronaut lady

bats on his collarbones

portrait of a lady on the back of his arm

a few random roses scattered around

a large flower on his elbow

(what looks like) a rose inside a diamond with a straight razor underneath

(what looks like) a mummy/wrapped sarcophogus

Legs:

dagger and rose

Elvis TCB lightning bolt

a small flower with a smiley face in the center

creature from the black lagoon

[morethanonepage]

CHASTANTINE

thank you friend.

Gives nose/forehead kisses: um Chas is the obvious answer (if only bc John couldn’t reach his nose/forehead w/o the #kissingstool) but I also think that when Chas is asleep and John’s feeling particularly affectionate but not willing to show it he might do a forehead smooch. w/e w/e I just think it’d be cute. 

Gets jealous the most JOHN. Like, obviously. Maybe when they were younger Chas got jealous but by now he knows John too well and isn’t going to expend the energy on being jealous. Esp bc I bet John would try to make him jealous for the attention and he’s not going to reward bad behavior. 

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive: I mean canonically:

But also I’m dying at the potential of it being the other way around like, John can’t drive, but if Chas were drunk, would he try? Would he try and catch another cab and drag Chas home? Would he end up making Chas pay for that too bc John doesn’t like, carry money? The potential for disaster delights me – any time John tries to do something decent it goes so badly, he’d probably end up hailing like a haunted serial killer cab or something and then the night ends with Chas dying, again, and at that point like you might as well have just left him at the bar, John.

Takes care of on sick days: I’m soft so obviously I like to imagine when John is sick (even just like having a bad mental health day, not uncommonly) that Chas goes full mother hen, but I imagine that’s when John sends him off to Brooklyn so he won’t be around to do it, and it’s all very tragic but sometimes Chas picks up on it and comes home early and rolls his eyes at John for being such a disaster but makes him dinner and tries to be comforting.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day Oh god neither but I feel like more likely John, just to be a little shit. Like in the early days John dragged him to some shitty Atlantic Ocean beach when the water was freezing and gross (idk, Blackpool? Coney Island? Same dif?) and made Chas go out into it, on like the one weekend they hung out where John wasn’t hung over. 

Gives unprompted massages They’re both pretty touchy but I think Chas – like John is sitting all hunched over like an idiot and Chas just really thoughtlessly gives him a shoulder rub while checking in on how he’s doing/if he’s hungry/w/e. When Chas does it it’s without agendal but if John tries it’s foreplay, so. 

Drives/rides shotgun: Chas obviously drives, always, and gets super nervous when John, for whatever reason, ends up having to, but I’m still delighted by (and may still write, idk) a thing where Chas tried to teach him to drive (WHO ELSE WOULD, in any canon honestly) and it was such a disaster they’re both forever scarred by it.

Brings the other lunch at work: lol at John having “work” but again probably Chas. At best maybe John gets some takeaway, calls Chas to come pick him up somewhere, and offers him chips from the backseat. (Chas has a NO EATING IN THE CAB rule but like - c’mon).

Has the better parental relationship: LMFAO. I mean honestly TECHNICALLY John because at least his dad is (usually, tho it depends on the canons) still alive. Also per my recollection Thomas Constantine mellows A LITTLE (like Gemma seems to have fondish memories of him as a grandfather) so they might at least be on speaking terms. I actually don’t remember if he’s still alive in the show canon but I think yes?

Tries to start role-playing in bed: oh BOY.  Well probably John lbr but also imagine a scenario where Chas, thinking that John wants a little more ~spice~ in their love life, bc he assumes John’s more kinky/misses doing that kind of thing, awkwardly puts some scenarios out. And John’s like ok sure let’s go with that but Chas is too embarrassed about it to commit, OR IS HE? 

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Both, but for different reasons – John does the punk jumping/flailing nonsense but Chas is like, a white dad. I mean like it’s possible that bc he’s a bigger guy Chas has like, more awareness of his body and how to move it in a dancing sphere but also: lol no. 

Still cries watching Titanic: I can’t imagine either of them watching Titanic except to make fun of it – if nothing else it’s TOO LONG and I have trouble picturing John being patient enough for that. But I think they do watch movies (John’s weirdly up on pop culture in the comics at least – like he references Star Wars/Trek and Doctor Who and This is Spinal Tap, because JOHN CONSTANTINE IS A NERD. 

Firmly believes in couples costumes: I wanna say Chas only bc I think it’s a very Brooklyn Hipster thing to do clever couples costumes (like, puns) that take A LOT of explaining and John’s like WHY THIS but Chas is like I ASK LITERALLY ONE THING OF YOU, EVER. As an aside I also imagine Chas makes the costumes (he definitely makes Geraldine’s) bc he’s handy like that. 

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Honestly bc Chas actually has to earn his money, I think it’d be John, because he saw something nice Chas would like and like, “liberated” it. Chas is like ‘you tried so I’m not even going to ask where you got this, thank you.’

Makes the other eat breakfast: Chas usually but John apparently does like to make breakfast for his partners so when John’s in a good mood and Chas is like, willing to indulge it and eat a lot of carbs, it’s John.

Remembers anniversaries: I think both but neither of them bring it up bc what if the other didn’t remember??? They don’t want to make it weird. (but Chas is more introspective than usually kinda just being like ‘wow have I really been doing this casual unspoken maybe FWB/maybe something else thing with John for this long?? should i stop?’ but then John’s especially sweet that day bc he remember too and idk Chas is like ‘no never mind this is fine’. I mean is it tho????? who knows. Anyway they have a secret anniversary fuck and John gives him a sweet forehead kiss once he thinks Chas is asleep. #callbacks).  

Brings up having kids: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. (my horribly sappy headcanon for this is that when they were younger (pre-Renee obviously) and doing the casual WE’RE JUST FRIENDS WHO MAKE OUT SOMETIMES thing, edging toward Legit Dating, Chas floated the idea of kids not being so bad, maybe, one day, who knows, NEVER MIND and John was like, oh no. Or else John was having some drama with his sister/his niece and/or his own father and was like ‘ugh who’d ever want to have kids, like the world needs any more needy shitty bastards in it’ and it was Chas who was like, oh no. And/or John noticed Chas wanted kids and realized that’s something he’d never be comfortable dealing with, so he did his One Decent Thing of the year and broke up with Chas over it, but in the least mature way possible, ie, cheating on Chas or saying the whole thing was getting too boring for him.)

Send a ship and I’ll tell you who:

[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 60

From 2 days ago,

I walked into session and Lynn asked how I was going. I said good and asked how she was. She said she's also really good because she just had chocolate with her friend in the office next door.  She asked if I wanted a piece but I had gum in my mouth and said no thank you. I told her I had actually had some chocolate in the car ride over and I asked what kind she was eating. She said it was the really good dark chocolate ghiradelli with sea salt. I said oh so you had really good chocolate and she laughed and said yeah it made my day. I asked if she had been to aldi and she said no but she passes it all the time. I was like well they have really good chocolate from Germany, especially dark chocolate with hazelnuts. She said that sounded good and she would have to stop there sometime. I said they also have cheap wine and she was like oh even better I didn't know that. I was like I would think yours carries wine if this isn't a dry county. She said a few years ago they got wine in the grocery stores and it was great and now she's like all we need is for everywhere to sell wine on Sundays and we would be set. I laughed and said maybe one day.

She asked how my week has been and i said it has been pretty good and that I actually really love Christmas time so I have been mostly focusing on work and the holiday season and shopping for gifts. I told her that I didn't want to tell her about something that happened that I knew she would be really excited to hear because it was good progress. She was like oh yes definitely I want to hear something good. I told her about how I had that session with the eating disorder kid in the mom and how I was so shocked that I actually did not get sad. She was super happy for me and was like aw good! You're making so much progress! And she joked about EMDR working and me being surprised and I laughed and explain that it's not that I didn't think I was getting better but that this was the first time I've had an actual experience with a mother daughter relationship where I sincerely got to experience how much better I am now and that I was like waiting for the sadness to kick in and it really just didn't happen. She was like yeah I had a feeling that might be the case.  I told her about how I went home that night and actually told my husband about it and that he had jokingly said aw Lynn cured you. Lynn laughed and  so that brought up a little bit about my husband and eyes relationship. I mentioned how we have been talking yesterday and how I had some clients that I didn't want to run into you and so I had told him a little bit about the couple session and he had jokingly said how he doesn't miss those days when I was really irrational and in my feelings mind. I asked Lynn if it was bad that he has learned to respond differently to me even though he doesn't feel that way. She agreed that the point of things like couples therapy is to help you relate differently even though you don't feel the same and she pointed out that we both need to understand that we are different people home and that he is a mail and I'm a female and we are biologically going to think differently about things and that's not bad. She also pointed out the importance of going to people who can relate in those ways that you need, and explained how there are certain things that she can't talk to her husband about because he just can't go there and so she goes to her girlfriends for that. I explained how my husband has actually done a really great job at responding to me in ways that are helpful and needed and that I really can't remember the last time that it felt like he responded poorly to me being upset. I said that the last time I remember being upset and being surprised by his  good response was when I went to a bridal shower back in may and had cried in the airport and texted him about it and he validated me and shared his own travel anxieties.  I told her about how my husband seems to think that he's a common topic in therapy and that she's on his shit list now because I told him that she's brought up divorce. She laughed and was like wait why was it again that I brought that up? I was like idk but it was probably after one of the fights where he hit something or three something or when I had asked if he had wished he had left me back when things were bad and he had said hell yeah. She was like oh yeah that makes sense and she laughed and was like OK but does he realize that the fights must've been pretty bad of a therapist heard them and brought up divorce? I was like I don't know I mean I guess that's a pretty good indicator that things are kind of an issue. She was like I'm not pushing for a divorce by any means I must've had a reason to bring it up but I'm just saying 50% of people get divorced. I was like you're not wrong, but honestly if we were going to divorce I think at this point it would have already have  happened and I think it would've been when I had relapsed with purging and I think he would've left me. I explained that we've been through more shit than the average young couple has and if we made it through that then I don't see us getting divorced anytime soon because she probably can't get any worse than that was. She said that made sense and if you had asked her when she was my age the same question she probably would have also said never I will never get divorced LOL which I was like yeah I get that. She pointed out that my husband and I definitely trigger each other a lot and she still things that marriage counseling would be beneficial. I explained that I don't think he triggers me that much anymore me as much as I still just trigger him. I explained home maybe it's EMDR or maybe I've just gotten better about this but when it comes to blowing up over little things I don't get nearly as upset as I used to. I explained how my husband had gone to The movies and he hadn't invited me and before even finding out that he hadn't invited me because I wouldn't have been home in time, I got upset but I was like OK whatever and I didn't blow up and I wasn't gonna snap at him or anything I was just gonna go ahead and make dinner even though it was frustrating that he had been home or at least I thought he had been home and just chose not to make dinner and to just go to the movies. I also told her sidenote that my husband said he would come see ladybird with me and that he had jokingly said that maybe he wanted to cry. Lynn was like well I think the main point is not so much about making you cry but it's a coming-of-age movie and she thinks that for me anyway it might help the situation with my mom because it will kind of pushed me to have some compassion and empathy for the mom. I laughed and was like yeah I kind of like last week when you were like you don't have proof that your mom didn't care LOL. She was like yeah exactly and explain town of being in empathic person in the way the movie was done so well, I will see her side and basically the Takeaway is that we are all human and the more the mom tries to gain control the more she begins to lose it and lose her daughter.  She also was like you know I've had those moments to as a parent where you wish you could just rewind that five seconds of conversation and you could redo it and the whole thing would've gone so much better. I laughed and was like yeah I'm sure we've all had those moments. She was like you could always bring your husband to a session and I was like wait what you said you don't bring family and she laughed and was like oh yeah that's right and she was like well I would've been willing to make an exception for you and I was like well that's very kind but I don't think that he would actually come because I think he would say that you are biased towards me. She was like well I mean I am LOL and I was like exactly. She was like well I would have them willing to do it for one session just to try to encourage both of you to go to marriage counseling. I was like well he works during the day  but I think he's come around to the whole marriage counseling thing as being like a baby and not be completely hateful absolutely not so I guess that's a step in the right direction. She was like OK well that's progress.

She asked if I have anything else going on or if I wanted to jump in and do some EMD are. I was like we can do that and she was like well where do you think we need to start with working on things. I was like I don't know and she was like well we started with the religious stuff last time and we seem to be making some headway. She pointed out the last time there was lots of questions and I was like yeah I am. I told her about how in our church group on Thursday and there were like four of us who had come from crazy religious upbringing is where we felt a lot of guilt and I was constantly like this I'm doing something wrong  at all times feeling. She was like OK will we can just go with that so she started the tappers and I noticed how that constant feeling of doing something wrong kid really fucked up person up. I explained town when my husband and I first had sex that afternoon I was walking to class and I literally started crying because I felt like I had been such a bad person and that I got so anxious thinking that I had cursed my marriage by sleeping with him before being married to him and then I realize how crazy and delusional and stupid that sounds but that really fucked me up for a while. I noticed that I constantly felt anxious about keeping it a secret and that I didn't tell any of my friends and I also told her about how I told my friends and how it was during a never have I ever game LOL. I noticed how I literally didn't even tell my therapist at the time because I was so embarrassed and didn't want to be perceived as a slut even though I was literally sleeping with my fiancé and I'm the least slutty person so there's no reason anybody would think I'm a slut for that and most college kids are sleeping around it just is what it is. That my religious upbringing gave me so much shame around that. I noticed how I had written literally a paper in college about whether or not it's right to have sex with your fiancé before marriage and the biblical definition of marriage and I think I was really just hoping that she would've told me yes it's OK or no it's not and that I noticed that I think I really just wanted some guidance and that I feel like I've never really have any good guidance and in my older teen and adult years I've never had any real adult guidance outside of like therapy but that I really wished I had had that guidance in that a part of me was like man I wish I had met Dixie back then because it would've really helped to have somebody like her to talk to you about it. She pointed out that of course because my parents only surrounded me with people who are just like them and were overly religious. I was like yeah and she said the notice that. I was like when I think of people being different than me it kind of sends me down a self deprecating shame spiral because then I think about how I'm weird and I'm different and people don't generally think like I do you and they don't get interested about the things that I do but that I had also thought about this girl Rebecca who comes to the church group on Thursdays and how last week after group ended we actually stayed outside in the parking lot even though it was cold for an hour just talking and I realized she's actually very similar to me with thinking about a lot of theories and being lost in her head and her humor is very similar and that I really like her and so maybe I'm not as awful as I always believe I am. She would like there you go noticed that. I noticed that it's just hard because it seems like more often than not a lot of people really aren't like me and that you know now my brother is a lot like me but outside of that at least in my family and said there wasn't anyone like me and that in general I just feel like I'm so weird and different and part of me realizes that I think why I struggle with knowing who I am comes from since the sixth grade really just doing anything to fit in with the people around me and not really making an effort to figure out who I am.  and being different really bothers me because it feels like there's something wrong with me and I'm weird for being the way that I am. She was like what do you mean and I was like like honestly I get interested in a weird thing and then I stay focused on that for a while until it passes and like honestly nobody else is listening to dear Evan Hansen on repeat for six months and watching videos of them and watching their Instagram stories and reading their book. She was like well yeah, you're pretty compulsive. I sort of had that oh shit moment where I was like wait is this another one of those moments where I'm being diagnosed with something and I was completely unaware that I had this diagnosis LOL. She explained how OCD is really a spectrum and that she has noticed for ever that I have a lot of OCD tendencies and that I'm definitely on that spectrum and that a lot of times that gets misdiagnosed as being ADHD. She explained how her son is actually diagnosed OCD and that she could tell those signs even when he was just a toddler and that he's always been like that and they actually took him to therapy and he got busy with school work so she ended up working with him a lot on it and he found that mindfulness sticking to a healthy diet and exercise have really helped to manage it for him. She explained how he exhibits a lot of those OCD behaviors still, but that mentally he feels a lot better so for the behaviors who cares as long as he feels good you know? She said that there is a guy in the area who specializes in OCD and that he had really recommend at this one book. She actually got up and took the book off the shelf and gave it to me tomorrow and said she will be curious to see my thoughts if I'm willing to read it. I said of course and she explained how really OCD tends to respond really well to SSRIs and that it definitely doesn't fix it entirely but that it seems to really calm the brain down a lot but that also  there are alternative treatments like doing mindfulness and exercise and watching your diet to try to manage things. She asked me if I had worked with any clients with OCD and I was like honestly now and they didn't even bring it up in grad school so I really don't know much about it. I had jokingly said so I'm not crazy for becoming obsessed with one particular thing for several months and she laughed and was like what it make you feel better if I said I'm the same way? And I was like honestly yeah. She was like I do and sometimes I have to be like Lynn just stop just stop but it's like that it's that feels like it needs to be scratched and you just keep doing it and really mindfulness was what helped her and that's why she really encourages me to get into it but that she couldn't really just read about it in a book she had to figure out what worked for her. She explained how she has it in that in her family they all joke about her husband is a little bit that way and her girls are a little bit that way and her son is definitely that way. I was like that makes sense and that my dad could literally be diagnosed where he has an issue with checking the locks a certain amount of times each night and that his mom also had a problem with checking the locks each night and also turn the oven on and off a certain amount of times and that my dad also used to have that problem but that he's gotten better about that I think  but so that genetic component is definitely there. She asked me if it gets worse on days that I don't get enough sleep and I was like I don't know I don't know that I've never really paid attention to it and she's like start paying attention to that and I was like honestly I get at least eight hours of sleep almost every night and at minimum it's like seven and I was like but today I did only have like maybe seven maybe 6 1/2 and I definitely listen to one song instead of switching between the songs in the car ride here lol so maybe. She was explaining how her son manages it through exercise and diet and mindfulness and that he's obviously a bit OCD about those things like if she were to put a can of Diet Coke in front of them and say just have a sip he won't do it and he will only drink water and in general he eats pretty healthy not like a typical 17-year-old boy would. She explained how she's not the one pushing him to do all of that but that he does it himself because it does make him feel better. She pointed out that a lot of times really high functioning people who are smart tend to struggle with that OCD spectrum. And she was like the more that you work in private practice the more he will begin to see that a lot of really brilliant people, and I tend to think that you are really  Smart, so you are one of those people who struggle with that spectrum. At a point when I seemed confused about being a bit obsessive compulsive she was like you're just a tad OCD, I mean just a little bit, Ehhh maybe, right? I explained how it just sucks because it feels like I'm not normal because I know other people don't get upset about things, like six months of dear Evan Hansen or the time. I got obsessed with learning sign language. She also laughed and was like OK but out of all the things dear Evan Hansen is it really bad to be obsessed with and I laughed and was like well obviously I love it and she was like part of it is going to be you being intentional about working on this stuff but also making sure that you aren't allowing your brain to get obsessed with bad things because we both know how that goes when you get obsessed with things like self harm. I was like yeah that or anything with an eating this order. She was like a lot of times OCD gets missed diagnosed as ADHD and she said that her son actually was miss diagnosed as ADHD and they gave him Adderall and he took it once and was like never again I hate the way that made me feel. She pointed out that he had a hard time finishing tasks because he would abscess over each question. I explained that I had the same issue and then I had always thought it was just due to my inattentiveness and anxiety because I would get so anxious about not being sure if I knew what I was doing and if I was doing perfectly or not. And she was like well you might not be a full-blown OCD or oCPD even , but you are certainly on the spectrum. I told her she should have her son try a different one like Concerta because Adderall made me feel like shit too and she was like you know maybe I should've tried a different medicine with him but she was like as long as he's getting his schoolwork done I don't really care and he's gotten a lot better about that now. She said it would take a lot of hard work if I don't want to medicate, but it's all about narrow plasticity and if I want it I can work hard and get it and she laughed and was like and you're willing to work hard right? I was like I don't know and she was like well you're motivated right? And I was like I sure hope so LOL. Also at a point she was like talking about that obsessive lube and how it's so hard because she was like you know your brain just craves that waving out the window and then boom you feel good and you're stuck in that loop over and over and over and every time you hear it you just feel good. I couldn't help but laugh because she's totally right. And I was like and my husband literally hates waving through the window and it is so over it and I just love it over and over and over. She also had mentioned at a point that I'm smart and shes convinced I was a smart kid like on if her daughters was and that would somehow make it hard for my parents to know what to do with me because I saw things how they actually were. Idk. We also briefly discussed the marshmallow study and how those kids ended up being successfull when they had been able to refrain from eating the marshmallow, and I explained how I had so much restraint as a kid that I sat on the floor in toys r us crying because I wanted a pregnant Barbie but also was saving for a clubhouse and ended up putting the Barbie back so that I could continue saving for the clubhouse. Lynn also explained that one of her ways of dealing with her OCD tendencies is intellectualizkng and reminding herself that the odds are slim. She laughed and explained the odds that her dryer will go on fire on the one day she forgot to turn it off are slim. And that with her girls curling irons she probably should have actually checked those lol.

I don't remember what she said about her kids but I ended up asking if her kids were in the nicu at all and if that was crazy expensive and she said yes they were but that you have the out-of-pocket maximum and after that point everything is free so basically once you hit that you might as well try to get everything done. I was like wait sidenote on that note, how often do you send in my bill. She was like I send it we clean and I was like OK because I think I hit my deductible and I explained that I got a refund check in the mail that was because The company I work for him he pays $500 towards the deductible and so she was like oh that makes sense and I have been honestly checked. She said she would check today and let me know for next time but that what happens is I end up with a credit towards next year so basically I won't have to pay in January if I've been paying and have already hit the deductible. I said awesome and that works for me.

I explained that I think what's hard for me is that I have a really hard time knowing what is delusional and what isn't in regards to things that I am anxious about. I explained how I get really anxious about finances and with saving money and how like is it rational them to want to save money and be really prepared for things like God for bid my baby be in the nicu or my husbands car breakdown or our HVAC to go out because technically those are all legitimate things that can happen. She was like well if that's the case you can go the Dave Ramsey approach and really be prepared and have your salary is set for six months in savings and have separate savings accounts prepared for any possible issue that might come up. I was like no we definitely are not going that kind of around and she was like I couldn't do it either and I was like yeah I'm not doing envelopes and shit. I was like or even like with medical stuff I mean we all know that big Pharma is for profit and there's probably some validity in questioning a lot of medicine and doctors really aren't always paying close attention and is it rational to fear medicine and to look for alternative medicines or am I being delusional and at what point is that Smart versus becoming delusional. She was like OK we can all agree that big Pharma is out for profit and I'm with you there, but sometimes there are cases when medicine really is needed. She pointed out that a lot of her OCD client really benefit from an SSRI and that we all know bipolar people need to be medicated as well as schizophrenic or people having hallucinations and what not. I was like yeah that definitely makes sense, but where do you draw the line is what I struggle with. She said that made sense and we would keep working on things. She asked me when I will be going home to my family and I said next Saturday and she said that we have already scheduled for next week right? I said yes and we scheduled for that first week in January. She said we would skip payment for today and she was like make sure you get all of your doctors appointments done right now that way your insurance will cover everything. I was like sounds good to me! She was like have safe travels and I said goodbye and headed out.

And also now hat I've left and thought about everything I remembered my moms mom was also diagnosed OCD when she got sick at the end. She had OCD around fear of not having enough clothes and not enough food. It was bizarre. She would ruminate on that over and over and over it was so sad.