#yes i read classic books. that's because i barely read books outside of school bc im hashtag dyslexic lowkey

[dykeofmisfortune]

i think everyone needs to have very good taste and very bad taste & also your bad taste should be amazing and your good taste should be atrocious

[embeanwrites]

can you do an artemis x reader based off of either crush culture by conan gray or scary live by the neighbourhood? sorry if you don’t do song-based fics, i wasn’t sure. thanks anyway!

A/N: I haven’t written a songfic in so long, so I hope I still have that magic! I use to exclusively write them! I hadn’t heard of either of these songs, so I listened to both and went with Scary Love! Also decided to put them both in college bc I’m a sucker for two nerds meeting at a party (Also I’m a simp for cuddles and kisses 

Masterlist

Move to the city with me

Don't wanna be alone

Don't wanna be alone

You're too pretty for me

Baby, I know, it's true, yeah

It was rare Artemis went out with friends, it was even rarer that he followed them to a party. But here he was at some frat house on a Friday. He had ditched his friends five Fridays in a row and he was starting to feel bad about saying no every time. He told himself he just needed to go to one party and then he could say no without feeling guilty. 

He was holding a red solo cup full of a mix between fruit punch and vodka. It was honestly terrible, but by holding it fewer people walked up and asked him if he wanted a drink. He wanted to leave, but he felt bad ditching his friends when they were absolutely wasted. 

The pop music was beginning to give him a headache so he headed outside. He was surprised that the police hadn’t been called to tell them to turn it down. Not technically leaving the party, but he went far enough away that maybe he could just take a break from this mess. Hopefully, his friends would be ready to leave soon. He wasn’t looking forward to babysitting the three of them. 

You look better when you first wake up

Than anybody else I've fucked

Baby, I got good luck with you

I didn't know we'd get so far

And it's only the start

Baby, you got me worried 

Outside a few stragglers were sitting in the grass. Including a couple of people making out. Artemis began walking around the house to find a quiet place to sit.

“Artemis?” He turned towards the voice and saw a girl he recognized from his political sociology class. They were the only two people who regularly talked and answered the professor’s questions. She was highly intelligent and was a decent debater. 

“(Y/n).” He smiled and walked towards her. He sat down next to her. She was sitting in the grass with a book. When he sat down she put her bookmark in and held her book to her chest. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” She looked over at him with a small smile. 

“I didn’t expect to spend my Friday here.” He smiled back at her. Maybe it was the vodka in his system or maybe he was just really happy to be around her. 

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

“Do you make it a point to come to parties and sit outside to read?” He teased. She laughed and looked at her book.

“No, I have an essay due tomorrow night and I’ve been putting it off.” She sighed. “My friends forced me to come. They’ve asked me every Friday and I’ve finally run out of excuses they’ll buy.” Artemis felt his face heat up. She was smart and socially awkward like him. 

“What’s your essay about?” He gently took the book from her. ‘Controlling Desires’ by Kirk Ormand. He smirked and flipped through the book. 

“It’s supposed to be about comparing translations to direct sources. However, this dude found new fragments and he credited them to Sappho, but it really seems that he made them up. I asked the professor if I could write about that instead. She said yes, but now I’m regretting it.” Artemis watched her nervously pulling and fidgeting with grass. He noted how nervous she seemed. “I know, I’m a huge dork. I just like sociology and classics.” 

“You’re not a dork for enjoying school.” He nudged his shoulder against hers and she smiled at him. “If I wasn’t here I would probably be reading.”

“What would you be reading?” She asked, watching him flip through her book. 

“Well, seeing this book makes me want to re-read Ovid’s Metamorphoses.” She turned towards Artemis and her whole face lit up, she had a nervous smile. 

Ridin' through the city with me

Just watching you glow

I'm in the passenger sea

You're in control

It's on you now, mhm

“This might be a little forward, but do you want to come back to my dorm?” He watched her fiddle with more pieces of grass. He was surprised by how forward she was, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t impressed by her. She had guts.

“My friends, they're wasted and I really need to make sure they get home safe.” He watched her face fall, causing him to wince. “I would really like to, it’s just-”

“It’s okay, really I shouldn’t have asked-”

“(Y/n)! Are you ready?” Artemis looked over to see two girls looking over at the two of them curiously. Before he could say anything else she gently took her book back, gave him a small wave, and left with her friends. 

That was the first girl that’s expressed interest in him since coming to college. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged his legs. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in her. She is smart, passionate, and cute. He liked the way her eyes lit up when she started talking about something she liked and how she never backed down in class, no matter how many people were against her. He was afraid she wouldn’t like him back, but she just asked him out and he said no. 

“I’m an idiot.” He muttered into his legs. 

You look better every day, I swear

Really, it's a little unfair

Baby, I'm star-struck by you

Didn't know we'd get so far

And it's only the start

Baby, you got me worried (ay)

Artemis managed to wrangle his friends and get them back to their respected dorms before he was standing outside her residence hall. He felt weird knowing where she lived, but she complained about it one time to him in class. It had no AC and the hot water only worked half the time. He had no idea what his next move would be, he didn’t have her phone number and he didn’t even know where her room was. 

“Hey?” He turned around and there she was for the second time. She was still clutching her book from earlier. “What are you doing here?”

“I got my friends home and I thought I’d come by if your offer still stands of course. I understand if you want me to leave.” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his feet, failing to notice her small smile. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“I walked to my friends' home, they live a couple halls away.” She looked at him nervously. “Do you want to come up to my room? My roommate went home for the weekend. I have a really cool Greece and Rome translation book you may like.” 

“That sounds like fun.” She walked over to Artemis and gently grabbed his hand, leading him inside the building. 

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

Her room was nice and orderly except for her desk. She had at least twenty books stacked on the desk, papers filled with notes, and old quizzes. He looked over and saw the last paper they had gotten back from political sociology. 

“You got a 99 out of 100?” He asked, he knew she was good at the class, but he hadn’t realized that she was probably the top student in the class. Even with his paper, he got a 95, but he credited most of that to the fact he didn’t grow up around American politics as she had. He looked over at her, her face was flushed red and she looked embarrassed. 

“Yeah, I put that paper through the wringer. I got a 98 on the first one. My goal is to get a 100 on the last one, but I may have bitten off more than I can chew with my topic. What are you writing about?” 

“Political Polarization found in non-fiction books unrelated to politics. What about you?” She smiled widely.

“Conspiracy theories and political polarization. Lord knows how many crazy videos I’ve had to watch for the paper.” They both laughed. “So, I’m a pretty straightforward person, so hopefully this doesn’t freak you out, but I really like you. I think you’re smart and funny and I would be so mad at myself if I didn’t tell you that before the end of the semester.”

 If we fall apart

Maybe it wasn't meant to be

If we fall apart

Then it was our favorite dream

Ooh, ooh, yeah

“I like you too.” He whispered he could barely believe this was happening. But she was standing in front of him with an unreal smile. He couldn’t help but smile back. “This may be the vodka talking, but do you want to make-” She gave him no chance to finish as she pressed her lips against his. 

Without breaking away they both made it towards her bed, well he assumed it was her bed because she led him to it. Breaking away she jumped up on the twin-sized bed and shyly smiled at him. 

“Lowkey, I have liked you since the beginning of the semester. Do you want to make out and cuddle? It’s kind of late to walk back. Don’t you live across campus? You’ve also been drinking so it’s unsafe anyway to walk back alone and if I walk you back then you’d have to walk me back and it would just be an endless cycle.” She talked so fast Artemis thought he was experiencing whiplash. He smiled and jumped up on the bed next to her. 

“Cuddles and making out sounds like a great plan.” He didn’t think it was possible, but her smile grew as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed one hand on her cheek and the other on her waist as they resumed kissing. 

Your love is therapy

No drug can give me clarity

As much as you do, ooh 

Yeah, I need you here 

Your love is scaring me 

No one has ever cared for me 

As much as you do, ooh 

Artemis woke up the next morning with a minor headache. He tried to move but realized something was on top of him, one of his arms, in particular, felt as if it was on pin and needles. He must have been in this position for a while for his arm to fall asleep. He looked down and saw (y/n).  

She had her head resting on his chest and one of her arms laying on his stomach. His arm that was asleep was pinned underneath her and his other arm was resting next to hers on his stomach. She looked so peaceful. Careful not to wake her, he brushed some of her hair out of her face and behind her ear. She hummed in contentment but didn’t seem to be awake just yet. Artemis could barely believe that all this happened in one night. 

Maybe going to parties with his friends wasn't always a waste of time. 

Yeah, I need you here

Ooh, I need you, babe

Yeah, yeah, I need you, baby

Yeah

I need you

[justkpopjokes]

Vampire!Minghao || PART 2

A/N: I’M BACK WITH VAMP!HAO!! Also this was almost vampire politics lmfao

Requested by: 4 anons + sunflower anon + @riptidethepen + a blog I can’t tag (y'all sent in asks wanting for a pt.2!! this is dedicated to you♡)

NOTE: for those of you who have read my Vampire!Mingyu AU, the lore is changing! There’s new canon since that au was written so long ago. It’s just small details that are changing, the end of that au is the same👍

part 1

Imma pull some Incredibles 2 shiz with the start right after part 1 stuff

Are you ready? no? too bad

Minghao is red as blood once you lean away from ur kiss

He's having an internal meltdown like hhhhh they agreed to that 2nd kiss

y'all just take some of his knitting stuff and get back to your room so you can cuddle learn how to knit

Mr. Xu is abt to walk in but then he yeets himself outta there after seeing y'all cuddling knitting v close together

For the rest of the week, your teeth grow out a bit more and Mr. Xu teaches you how to use ur fangs properly

Basically biting into apples n other foods for practice

Mr. Dad (ik what I wrote) also makes Minghao practice because this boy turned you into a vampire from not being able to do this properly smh

After that practice is done, you get oddly sick to your stomach again, meaning ~the transformation is almost complete~

(Wow finally it's been like 2 months now)

Minghao just stays next to you as long as he can to make sure you're feeling alright and don't bite yourself

You have to get smth like a mouthguard so you don't bite ur lip in ur sleep

And after that passes…

Congrats! You've graduated from Vampire school👏

VHS'19 go bats!🦇 my new instagram bio

The whole process wasn't actually as painful as it sounds, but it's just… what do I do now

Well Minghao surprises you by dragging you outside

WOOO FINALLY OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR THE 1ST TIME IN MONTHS

Minghao trains you more (rip), but it’s fun this time bc you get to run around with super speed

and climb trees!!

mainly bc you remembered Twilight vaguely and were like “wait hao can we do that stuff”

the answer is h e l l  y e a h

Yea so you climb trees and run around, essentially playing tag with hao

Until he tackles you to stop you from running

“y/N WAIT DON'T GO THERE!!”

he barely manages to stop you before you get onto a forest trail leading to some buildings

You: “Wow… we're far from your house...”

Hao: “Yeah. Let's head back home.”

“Minghao, do you think… Will I ever be able to go back?”

“What do you mean?”

“To the city”

“Well, you won't have too, don’t worry. My dad arranged your stuff to be kept somewhere until he can pick it up”

“But what if… what if I want to?”

Minghao gets a little confused because he doesn’t understand why you’d want to go back

he thought you loved it here?

confused boy is like “wait what's wrong with the mansion??”

“Nothing, Hao. I just miss home.”

it’s a little hard for him to understand, having lived in the mansion his whole long immortal vampire life…

But he doesn’t want you to be sad, so he asks his dad if he can take you to Vampire Square!

which is just the vampire night market lol

Also,,,, Minghao has a plan to make you even happier ;)

so before you wander off, he takes you to this tailor who takes your measurements

Then you go out to explore the market/square w/Hao while the tailor sews up a surprise

Minghao treats you by trading books for some cake since you can finally eat sugary stuff!! also coconut water since your body has enough blood in it again

((I realize I never really explained shopping in my other vamp au, but they don’t really use money lol they trade objects or favours since everyone knows each other))

it’s a small, chill night market, so there are lights everywhere and you get to watch tiny vampire kiddos and spot a few other creatures roaming around

it makes you realize how… human they are

yknow… hahah… just humans… who have to drink blood or coconut water… and have superhuman abilities… yeah

After ur nice cough cough DATE with Hao, he takes you back to the tailor who has prepared some fancy clothes for you!!

The tailor is like “a stunning outfit for a stunning vampire! I assume it’s for the ball, yes?”

and ur like. what ball lmao

Minghao answers for you and explains to you what the ball is on ur way home

Which is via CAPE TELEPORTATION btw!!

(some capes allow for teleportation and other capes help you turn into bats, etc etc (it’s how Mingyu teleported in his vampire au btw))

So every year around Halloween, there's this Vampire Ball™ for all the vampires at the Vampire Prince’s castle, aka JUNHUI’S CASTLEEE

Btw if you haven't read my Vampire!Mingyu series, note that Jun isn’t king bc his mother is technically queen still but she’s in hiding rn

he’s coolio but anyway

His Royal Highness is a bit mad that Minghao bit someone on the streets since it’s illegal

...but with Mr. Xu’s lawyer skills and the fact that Jun is a nice person (also the fact this has happened recently but was resolved well *cough* Mingyu) you were allowed to live!

and that’s how this almost became vampire politics akjfdh anyway

The night of the Vampire Ball, the 3 of you in the Xu residence change into formal clothing

Hao looks so fine, he’s got a suit on that’s accented w/a red carnation in his pocketand of course he’s got his cape on bc he looks heckin c o o l with that on

functional and fashionable eheh

he has a real proud dad who’s like omg did you get y/n a matching outfit? (yes)

you’re the last to get ready and do that slow walk down the stairs to where Minghao & Mr. Xu are waiting

Hao is obviously like o shit okay okay don’t panic don’t pani—

“…wow”

Mr. Dad: “Minghao, your jaw is physically dropped, please be polite and close your mouth”

Eventually, you get to the castle, which has been decorated w/shades of red

it’s real fancy and all these vampires are dressed up and have nice accessories,

it’s like you’ve been transported back in time to another century!

there are vamps playing classical music and everything

like oh is that a dude on double bass?? hell yeah, you fine sir

and Prince Junhui proposes a toast to another year of living!

Mr. Xu goes off to talk business with some older vampires

So you get to spend time with Hao and dance!!

he was able to get you to ballroom dance with him uwu

Finally, you could be at peace and live in a dream

but peace doesn’t come that easy around here…

there’s obviously gonna be some wine, and you get kind of intoxicated oops

you get a bit moody and start thinking of home back in the city

as much as you love being here with Hao, it’s probably caused so much trouble with your friends/family who’ve likely reported you as missing at this point

Hao notices you looking sad and looking up to the moon in the centre of a garden of roses

he steps next to you and takes your hand

a section of the roses starts to glow, but he ignores it bc he just wants to understand

he can’t really know firsthand what it feels like to be far from home, but maybe you can help him understand that?

maybe then he could feel human?

so he wraps his cape around you and teleports you somewhere else

When your eyes adjust to the dark, you see city lights and trees

Hao just whispers to you, “We can’t be here for long, stay close to me”

you’re at an empty park at the edge of the city, sitting close to Hao on a bench

“Wha—Minghao why are we here?”

“I want to know what it’s like to be far from the mansion. This is the deepest part of the city I’ve been in… And I thought you’d want to be closer to home, too.”

“Thank you, Hao”

You sit silently with him, slowly falling asleep on his shoulder until he has to take you back to the garden

When you return, there’s a small crowd gathered around you

Mr. Xu is in shock or smth, “Minghao did you—was this you?”

You’re obviously like. uh what

but there’s a whole prophecy or something and because of your little trip to the park,,, you’ve got another scheduled appointment at Vampire Court™

but don’t worry, you’ve got a vampire lawyer and a vampire boyfriend by your side~

[tsukkeirock]

30 questions challenge

Rules: Tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions, tag 20 people

Thank u @hystericalroger for tagging me!! 💕💕💕

1. How tall are you?: 5'2-5'4 I'm not sure haha but it's in that range

2. What color and style is your hair?: I have really dark hair, shoulder length and i have bangs that are growing out hehe i look cuter with bangs so yea

3. What color are your eyes?: A dark brown, nearly black i guess but there's a bit of brown

4. Do you wear glasses?: Yep! I have astigmatism basically :> I'm not really blind but things get a little blurry if i don't wear them

5. Do you wear braces?: Yes!!! And I am in immense pain right now because i got my wires again yesterday and found out that I'm really gonna have my 2nd or 3rd molars removed by surgery this summer so yay :') send help pls huhuhuhu

6. What is your fashion style?: 80s-90s Art hoe ish. Basically just mom jeans, striped shirts, ribbed tops,mens sweaters, sometimes art socks and vans or converse :> but i mostly wear shorts right now because it's really hot in where i live

7. Full name: I'm not gonna put my full name here but my second name is Martha and that's kinda where i got my online name which is mat hehe

8. When were you born?: July 20 '01 :> i nearly have the same bday as brian uwuwuwu oh yah guess who's gonna be legal this year yeet

9. Where are you from and where do you live now?: I'm from the Philippines and i live somewhere in manila ahahaha

10. What school do you go to?: I'm not gonna say what school specifically bc there's multiple branches of this school so Im studying in St Paul University so im a paulinian basically :'))

11. What kind of student are you?: I'm a really quiet one ahaha like i don't really recite and i have average grades and of course i procrastinate alot but I try not to and I'm described as 'masipag' I don't know how to translate this but it's something like productive in a way?? idk my filo mutuals would get it so ahaha sorry but I always try my best in school :))

12. Do you like school?: It's okay i guess hahaha there's just some subjects I don't like hahaha oral communication I'm looking at you

13. What are your favorite school subjects?: So I just finished 1st sem and honestly i don't really have a favorite but i like science, personal development, mandarin even tho it's just a club activity and literature haven't had the subject yet but I already like it hahaah

14. Favorite TV shows: Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, , NCIS, Brooklyn 99,Big Bang Theory, Orange is the new black, Hannibal

15. Favorite movies: I have a lot of faves ahaha but I'll list a few that I really like

Call Me by Your Name, Kimi no nawa, The Hobbit and LOTR series, Les Miserables, American Psycho, Studio Ghibli Movies, The Breakfast Club, Marvel movies and of course Bohemian Rhapsody

16. Favorite books?: I have some classics that are my faves like The Great Gatsby, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Half Blood Prince, The Hobbit, The Picture of Dorian Gray and Ryunosuke Akutagawa short stories and Shakespeare's A midsummer nights dream and Sherlock Holmes stories and i have some modern faves like Lang Leav and Michael Faudet's works, To all the Boys I loved before series it's really good omffjkd, Percy Jackson and Magnus Chase series, Fangirl and Eleanor and Park

17. Favorite pastime: Sleeping lmao, playing the uke guitar and piano, reading actual books and fanfics, hanging out with fam and friends, eating and baking

18. Do you have any regrets?: Yes, a lot of regrets but hey that's alright

19. Dream job: I don't really know im still trying to figure that out but probably somewhere in psych, law or crime related careers

20. Would you like to get married someday?: Marriage is cool but i don't know yet but maybe, I'm still young and I barely date but thinking about marriage makes me anxious somehow?? idk

21. Would you like to have kids someday?: I don't know man, I like kids but having kids of your own takes full responsibility and commitment and I don't know if im ever ready for that so I'd rather be an aunt even tho im already one and have nephews and nieces ahaha

22: How many?: well if i were ever planning to have kids, maybe 2

I'd rather have cats and puppies as my children cough

23: Do you like shopping?: I guess?? I window shop most of the time and i buy food, books and stationary most of the time but right now I'm saving ahahaha

24: What countries have you visited?: I went outside the country twice and the countries I visited is Singapore and Hong Kong

25. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?: I had very few nightmares and most of them happen when I have sleep paralysis and I'm not really scared of them about but I had a dream where it kinda made me anxious and I woke up sweating and i couldn't breathe properly so yah I don't remember much of the dream but it did made me freak out when I woke up 

26. Do you have any enemies?: idk?? There's people who thinks I'm annoying but they're not really threatening like heck we fucking spilled tea we had a freaking tea party with some friends so none i guess

27. Do you have a s/o?: nope! lmaaoo I wish but hey self love comes first ;) but srsly tho im so lonely date me pls

28. Do you believe in miracles?: uuuhhh not really I'm a bit of an atheist so no

imma tag @whoevenisgalileoos @heyyyydee @queenrogerina @doing-allright @sneakydeakyy @drowsyroger @bensroger-tay @ben-hard-on @marshzzellow @moonvinyls @dancing-deacon @ddeaky I don't really know who to tag so hahaha just want to get to know u guys a little better ahahha yall don't have to do this btw hehe

[lifeinliminality]

BC/AD

I want to tell this story. I think it is important to tell, especially in this moment—when collectively we are straining against the changes wrought by a global pandemic.

Maybe I should start by saying that sometimes stories are something you’ve been working on in your life for years. You’ve crafted and cultivated it. Nurtured and pruned it to your liking. But this story was thrust upon me. This story began in an instant and I could do nothing but see it play out, catch up to its lightning speed pace, and hold on for dear life.

This story began on January 13, 2018 at approximately 11:30pm. It began with a sleeping child on a gurney in a hospital emergency room with his worried parents and a hesitant ER doctor.

While holding my sleeping child, I was given the worst news you could imagine: “He has blasts in his blood. When a child has these blasts it points to leukemia or lymphoma. We’ll be admitting your son tonight.” Cancer. Six letters that spell something life changing.

I remember a teacher once describing the difference between B.C. and A.D. when referring to dates in a history book. When I was a child, I used to think about it as “Before Christ” and “After Death” (meaning Christ’s death). I always thought it was such a strange and monumental way to mark time. Now, it doesn’t seem so strange. Our lives are literally divided into B.C., “Before Cancer” and A.D. “After Diagnosis.” But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For all we knew, our son was a healthy and happy almost three year old. He was a younger brother and would soon become a big brother—just two months prior to this night we had discovered we were pregnant with our third child. He liked Paw Patrol and playing soccer and other sports. An old soul from birth, our middle child both impressed and challenged my husband and I with his iron-strong will.

He had gotten a cold shortly before Christmas. But unlike before, he didn’t bounce back to his normal effervescent self. He got pale, was emotional, lost his appetite and after we spent the night of January 12th up every hour with him moaning, my husband decided to take him to the pediatric urgent care. I had to go to work that afternoon. I run a community wide children’s program in Montclair, New Jersey. My husband said he’d take both boys to the urgent care if he still wasn’t better after his afternoon nap. I met them there that evening after the event, in time to hold my son down while they fished around for a vein from which to draw blood. I hate getting blood drawn. When I was a child, I’d had to be held down because my younger brother was sick and they wanted to make sure I was okay. It traumatized me. But more than having my blood drawn, I hated having to be the one holding my child down for this. Little did I know that this would become a routine part of our existence.

While I waited with our middle son for the blood results, the other two hit up Smashburger in the strip mall next door. It was dinner time now and we were anticipating a rush once we left the urgent care to get our kids fed and ready for bed. Instead, the doctor came in and asked if there was someone local who could take care of our older son while we went to the pediatric emergency room. She was very specific: take him to [redacted for privacy]; no, you cannot go home and eat dinner with your children first. And don’t Google anything. I remember how strange that comment was—mostly because I didn’t even know what I would Google. She hadn’t told us anything about the blood results, only that we needed to go immediately to the Pediatric ER and that she’d called ahead.

We called our pastor, and his wife came over to stay with my oldest until my sister could get out to us from Long Island City.

My husband and I spent the 20-minute car ride to the emergency room trying to distract our two year old with his favorite song at the time: I’m Still Standing from the movie SING! An Elton John classic. It instantly became our mantra in the days ahead.

So there we were, the ER doctor just left the room after dropping the cancer bombshell us. I instantly started weeping, as did my husband. It was completely surreal. An orderly came in to wheel us up to the fifth floor of the hospital. We gathered our things. I was on the gurney with our still sleeping boy. It was after midnight now. January 14th. I don’t think I fully processed that leukemia was cancer until I saw the sign “Pediatric Hematology/Oncology” painted over the door we entered on the fifth floor. It was a waking nightmare.

We were 23 days in the hospital after his initial diagnosis. The first few days were a whirl of tests, surgeries and a steady rotation of doctors, nurses, and specialists. There was paperwork to sign: releasing the doctors and hospital of liability if something happened to our child when he was under sedation for a port placement, spinal tap, and chemo infusions. There was a social worker, a nutritionist, and a flurry of texts from family members and friends as we slowly put the word out.

Around day seven we got another bombshell—type 1 diabetes. Yep. We got a “two-fer.” So not only were we learning all we could about acute lymphoblastic leukemia and fielding calls, texts, and emails from family, friends, and friends of friends who knew someone with leukemia, but we were learning how to take blood glucose readings through “finger sticks,” calculate insulin to carbohydrate ratios, and give manual insulin injections to our son. Our son lost 9 pounds—which on a tiny toddler body renders a child gaunt. He started to associate finger sticks and shots with eating, so naturally, he stopped wanting to eat. They had to put an NG tube in—a tube that goes up the nose, down the back of the throat and esophagus directly into the stomach, so that we could give him Pediasure if he didn’t eat. He caught a cold somewhere around week two, which meant isolating him to his hospital room. He rarely smiled, he mostly slept and cried about taking the few oral medications he had to take daily. By the time of discharge, he could barely walk. His muscles had atrophied from being in bed for so long. Our once very active child couldn’t even climb the stairs at home or get up from a sitting position without assistance.

The day after we were discharged we were right back in the outpatient clinic at the hospital wrapping up the first of five cycles of what is called Frontline Treatment. Each cycle, outside of that first month is 60 days. But it isn’t necessarily a straight 60 days through. Continuing treatment is tied to how a child’s blood counts (red and white blood cells, platelets, and immune cells) are doing. If they are too low, they won’t continue treatment. If they are dangerously low, you’ll be spending a full day in the clinic getting a blood or platelet transfusion. Some cycles require weekly visits to clinic, some daily. Some cycles had four day hospital admittances. It was a tsunami of information and so many appointments to keep track of, along with his diabetic appointments and my OB appointments. And when we weren’t at clinic we were at home. Our son could no longer be in his daycare. We had to forego his friends’ birthday parties and play dates. It took our boy 11 months to finish Frontline Treatment.

The isolation felt overpowering at times. The parts of life we had to give up, the ways we had to change our routines to protect his fragile immune system. We were in survival mode and mostly just trying to get through each day. He hit remission in May 2018. But while he had no detectable cancer cells in his blood, it didn’t mean there weren’t any—and we would have to complete three more years of treatment.

Fast forward to March 2020. Our son has been in what is called “long-term maintenance” for a little over two years (meaning 14 months more until we are off of treatment). He’s been thriving: back at school, managing his meds well, his endocrinology team has been very happy with how we’ve managed his diabetes amidst chemotherapy and steroid treatments . . .

We’d been increasingly worried about what we were hearing in the news about a novel virus: COVID-19. We pulled our middle child out of school a couple of days before the state stepped in and mandated stay in place orders. Suddenly, the whole world was navigating a BC/AD moment: Before Coronavirus/After Disease. Everyone’s lives were instantly changed; families were having to adjust their routines for a huge unknown. Gloves and masks and disinfectant: a norm in our lives for two years now, were becoming household staples.

During our son’s frontline treatment we did not have to follow recent practices to the extreme, but since the stay in place orders, so many of our friends and family have been reaching out. “So this is what this was like.” Yes. Yes, this is a lot like what we have navigated since our son was diagnosed with leukemia. It’s hard, right?

It is hard. And the collective grief that we are all processing as a result of losing jobs, daily routines, a sense of control, and even loved ones can be overwhelming at times. But always, always amidst the darkness, there is light. There is joy and gratitude that can be cultivated and expressed. There are acts of selflessness and generosity to be witnessed and to perform. This is the “brutiful” gift of a situation like this. And really, this is an opportunity to pause and take stock of what is essential to our human existence and to a life well lived.

Nobody asked for this. Nobody wants it. But we find ourselves in the midst of it anyway. What we do and how we hold space in this time is what will matter moving forward. It will be part of our story. That is all I can offer you. In these BC/AD moments, there isn’t a simple solution or even a lot of answers. But I do know this, we will make it through. Life moving forward will not be the same. It can’t be. But we will find our new normal. My hope? That the new normal will mean that we seek and cultivate community more. That we realize we have all been helped by others and that we NEED others to make it through this life. That we have more generosity and compassion for one another because we are more aware that we’ve all been through some shit. Selah.