#yes hi i don't think i mentioned on here that i hyperfixated on jcs a while back

[chemdisaster]

"you liar!! you judas!!" has to be my favourite line in the entirety of jcs

it's something about the way that judas' very name is said in the same breath, same meaning as his sin. as if it's not nearly as surprising a betrayal, as if jesus knew from the start that one day judas would give him up - because he did. because that's all judas really is in the grand narrative. judas iscariot, judas the traitor.

it's being told, "you have hurt me not by being a liar, but by being yourself". it's "you are the liar, liar and your name are words so close as to be synonymous, this act of yours is the core and centre of your being and all you will ever be remembered by, both by society and the very people who knew you". it's "we both know you were doomed to doom me from the start, but even still i cannot reconcile your betrayal in my mind". it's "why, why did you have to do this, why did i know and why didn't i stop you and why is this the way things have to be, why do i understand that and why can't i let go of the hurt and why, why, why".

it's knowing that every step you take is predetermined and railing against it all, anyway, because if you can't scream and thrash in the universe's bonds, then what else can you do?

it's knowing that a sign of the cross and the clink of silver is all either of you will ever be worth.

because the second name jesus calls judas matters far more. not "you liar". "you judas".