#yes I'm aroace. or at least on that spectrum. and I'm fighting the crude reality where most people are not

[sfiltron]

Not to be a hater, but I'm tired of watching so many posts (on Instagram, I have been using it a lot lately bc of friends and it is destroying my brain /neg) talking about "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" and "I'm great at flirting *gives a heart to an story and never talks*".

I had been living in a blissful world where having a partner was something that some people on the internet and my sister had, not an overwhelming constant of teenage worry that had people crying because. I'm so tired of friends thinking about it constantly, friends being desperate to "not be alone", hearing all these stories about friends' friends having terrible miscommunication with their partners.

I'm tired of hearing about something I kind of get the appeal but don't really understand, I'm tired of hearing my friends getting hurt by feelings I can't get and at the same time feeling like I can't help them. I want them to not feel these complex feelings about someone they don't really know, I want to see them happy, meeting people they don't get overly attached before knowing if those people are at least decent human beings, and I want everyone to stop playing this games of trying to meet others without "looking like a creep", and I want them to not be scared, and I want them to be strong enough to cut contact with people that does them wrong.

I don't know how to help them, because, by literal words, they are both getting weird chemicals in their brain that makes them not control for who they fall over, AND there is this weird societal expectation for when you want to get to someone that I can't BEGIN to understand, since NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT, but it still looms over people's actions, it is an implicit vibe, and I don't know if it's people's anxiety derived from having a crush, or if it's something deeper, but it MADDENS me.

I'm just- My personal mental health is exponentially better this time where I have a good chunk of friends, and I have gotten socialization and all that shit, but it also feels like I'm still an outsider, like I'm looking through a window at all this people with their own struggles that I'm having trouble to comprehend because I don't have them, and I'm supposed to just accept it, accept that this is reality, and the only thing I can do is recommended better forms for them to communicate.

I need less romantic love in this world. I want people being friends, I just want good groups of friends, and everyone working on having better communicate.