#yes I just gave his constantly-open shirts a sad backstory

[batneko]

Zombieman's doing totally fine. Nothing to worry about.

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BonelyHearts Reader insert 2

{Gender Neutral!ReaderXSkeleton household}

Foxes and Chickens!

—————————————-

“Why are we even doing this?”

Boss growled as he checked his black tank top once more, everyone stood dressed in ‘gym-class’ attire. Well somewhat, everyone was either in tank tops or short sleeve shirts and basketball shorts. You though were in sweatpants and a baggy tank top. But you were smiling your head off, today was ‘your’ day. All of you gathered inside the large basketball/gymnasium of the Rec Center.

You stood confidently with your hands on your hips.

“Today boys we are playing a game from when I was a kid.”

The skeletons looked at you, a tad perplexed but could see you were not going to be swayed, Poplar spoke up next.

“What is it called?”

You beamed. “Foxes and chickens!”

Their expressions did not change, you chuckled and decided to explain further.

“This game is a mix between Tag and Hide’n seek, one of us is the ‘Fox’ and the rest of us are ‘Chickens’. The ‘Chickens’ will be given about a minute to find a place to hide, then the lights go out and the ‘Fox’ with their flashlight will go looking for the ‘Chickens’ among the mats or ‘Coops’ as I like to call them. The last ‘Chicken’ to be found is the winner and the get to be the ‘Fox’ in the next round! Everyone get that?”

The skeletons looked at each other, Blue’s eyes sparkle; this did sound like fun. Not one to shy away from challenges Boss and Papyrus were all for it as well.

“Yes, we’re in! What are the rules?” Asked Blue.

“The rules are simple, when you find your hiding spots you stay in that spot until the fox finds you, you can only hide in or around the mats, when your found you must sit by the entrance and wait until all the players are found, no helping the ‘Fox’ in anyway by revealing hiding spots thats cheating, no running or teleporting to different hiding places, you can share hiding spaces and lastly there is absolutely, positively...NO BETTING!”

Instantly you hear Blue whine, you go over and give him a half-hearted hug, playfully petting his head like he was a kitten.

“Mwah, there, there baby Blue, you can bet on something else.” You chuckle when he pushes away, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Ok, ok, now that everyone knows the rules lets start the game, first though lets see who wants to be the ‘Fox’ in the first round.”

Instantly Blue and Papyrus raised their hands, oh this was gonna be tough to pick. You opted to flip a coin to see who gets to be first as the ‘Fox’. Papyrus chose heads Blue chose tails....it came up tails. Blue happily took the flashlight and waited outside.

“Ok everyone, one minute to hide!” You squeal as you bolted for the ‘coops’.

Everyone scrambled to hide as well, you found a sweet hiding place, one of the mats that was standing up had a small fold where you easily fit into. You shut it tight almost like a door and waited, you could hear everyone else scrambling for a hiding spot. You restrained a another squeal when the lights went out, you heard the gym doors open.

“Ready or not here I come!”

You covered your mouth as you heard Blue run all over, calling out the names of everyone he found. The first person he found was Stretch, you knew that cause Blue was shouting how he didn’t bother to hide properly...and Blue shouted out his name. In fact he was shouting everyone’s name the moment he found them. After Stretch was Rus, followed by Sans, Ash and Poplar then Boss, Red was cursing at Blue for shining the light right in his eyes,; finally Papyrus and Nox were found. You were knew you were the last but Blue still couldn’t find you.

You could hear him running past your hiding spot more then four times, peeked out and saw him. His back was to you, a Cheshire grin formed on your face as you snuck out. Tip toeing closer you reached both hands out and-

“FOX!”

You yelled as grabbed his sides, he yelped and dropped the flashlight. Laughing you bolted, weaving in and and around the mats. Blue squawked out something and gave chase, you ran for the gym entrance and without thinking did a baseball slide towards the group. You laughed when you collided into them, not hard, you slowed down enough where you just barely pushed some of them. You slid into Papyrus and Sans, Blue ran up and huffed.

“That was rude! You said no changing hiding spots!”

You laughed. “I wasn’t changing hiding spots, I was the last to be found so I just saved you the trouble of finding me. Besides I couldn’t resist giving you a little surprise!”

Oh you knew Blue was gonna get back at you, it was why you had to be sure to find him quickly in the next round.

An so the game continued, Ash won the next round, Blue did get you back when it was your turn by jumping out at you but in doing so ruined not just his hiding spot but also Nox and Red’s. Everyone got their chance to win, you actually enjoyed Rus being the ‘Fox’ in one round cause he’d constantly was muttering a curse if he couldn’t find someone.

After a while you checked your watch, over two’n a half hours had past since you started the game. Wow how time flies, you waited till the current round was over before announcing the end of the game, it was time to get some lunch anyway.

“Ok everyone’s been found, its getting close to lunchtime so lets pack up the mats and grab some food.”

“We’re already done?”

Oh man, it wasn’t fair to see half of their faces go into ‘sad puppy’ mode but you only rented the place for three hours and you had to put everything back, which would take twenty minutes with everyone’s help.

“Sorry guys but I only rented out the place for a little while, besides we can do this again another, that and we need to put the mats away properly.”

That answer was suffice, everyone....well almost everyone pitched in, Sans and Rus were laying on one mat they set aside. But that was rectified by Boss and Nox, flipping the mat they were laying on over. It took a bit longer then you thought but you had five minutes to spare, you went and told the Rec-center supervisor you were finished and got your deposit back. He’s such a sweet old man, with that you went back to the others and told them to clean up and change into their street clothes. You went and did the same, despite it being a low energy game you and the boys still worked up a sweat.

Once that was done you all proceeded to walk towards the restaurant in question, you had reserved a spot in a nice little Japanese noodle place you like to frequent. They had all kinds of delicious noodle based dishes that you hoped would please some of the skeletons, it was also a very accommodating place as it had an entire menu dedicated to people who were vegetarian. You piled into the large round booth, sitting between Poplar and Ash.

As you waited for your drinks and enjoyed an appetizer of tempura sweet potatoes, you decided to see what they thought of the game.

“So did you guys have fun?” You were a little worried..

“A tad immature but it was still an enjoyable experience, something we can do at least once in a great while.” Said Boss taking a sip of water.

“I liked it a lot, its a nice change of pace.” Said Rus as he munched on his sweet potato.

“It was a wonderful game human, thank you for sharing such a fun cherished game with us!” Said Papyrus.

“Yeah, gotta admit it was fun, ya didn’t have to do much when you got to hide and being in the dark hiding in the mats...I can see why a game like that is fun for you.” Said Sans giving you a playful wink.

You smiled, beaming at everyone. Soon the waiter arrived to take everyone’s order, you helped Ash and Poplar make a choice from the vegetarian menu. You tried some of the stuff on that one and recommended the Ramen bowls with fried tofu in it along with the beautiful array of colorful veggies such as mushrooms and cabbage.

You went with the kitsune soba while everyone else got Ramen, when you got your food it was a treat seeing everyone trying to eat with chopsticks. Yeah it was mean of you but seeing some of them struggle you told them there were forks wrapped in the black cloth napkins placed around the table. You had gotten some deadpan looks from some of the skeletons but all you could do was smile, you used chopsticks before and were pretty good at using them.

You took a moment to look at everyone, some engaged in a conversation, some content on the food itself or simply listening to others talking. It filled you with a sensation of comfort, you couldn’t have asked for better neighbors or friends.

“So, human.”

Your attention was grabbed when Nox spoke up.

“What game do you plan to show us for next time?”

End.

[For some backstory, this was a game I played back when I was in grade school. Normally durning my gym class we’d go outside and play during gym but of course if was winter or raining we’d stay inside the gym. One rainy day our gym teacher came up with this game and I loved it so much, I wanted to do a fanfic that was more innocent. The world is so serious and telling us we need to ‘grow up’ but sometimes its nice to be a little kid again and thats why I wrote this particular Reader insert. Oh this is also for the @bonelyheartsclub I hope you enjoy it, it was such a treat to write]

[lnarizakis]

i thought i’d never see the love of my life again, but here you are, right in front of me | b. meguru

pairing: bachira meguru x gen! reader

foreword: my first time writing for blue lock and for bachira!!! hopefully i did best boy (and my bf) some justice. i had so much fun writing this and i hope you guys have fun reading it hahaha. the request i was inspired by said that the reader was the one who moved away, but uh, i made it different. i still hope this is good for u!! and i hope you guys enjoy this!!

wc: 1.9k+

look out for: angst to fluff, spoilers pertaining to bachira’s backstory, post-blue lock storyline ((made-up ending, not spoilers!!))

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"You know, I never thought you were weird."

You extended out your hand, reaching out to the poor boy beat down to the ground. He looked up to you with sadness in his eyes and defeat in his inconstant breathing. He clasped onto your hand and you pulled him up from his misery. The two of you stood on the soccer field alone, and the sadness in his eyes were washed out with relief as he embraced you, crying into your shoulder.

When Bachira pulled away, you noticed the snot that ran down his nose was tinted red, mixed with blood, and you yelped in surprise, pushing him out of the soccer field with you. He laughed at your concern as the two of you made your way towards his household.

Holding his soft hand, you maneuvered around his home as you've been there several times, towards the bathroom where you were to take care of Bachira. You set him on the edge of the sink, directly in front of you, and brought out the first-aid kit stowed away in one of the cabinets of the bathroom.

Sighing, you thought to yourself, "I wish Meguru didn't have to go through all of this. I'm here for him, and I hope he knows that." You looked up at his innocent face, dabbing the wounds inflicted by his teammates with water, washing away the dried blood. He flinched when you began treating his wounds with alcohol, and to calm his nerves you placed a hand over one of his, tightly gripping the edge of the sink on which he sat. Bachira watched your face, intently focusing on tending to his wounds, and he could feel his heart racing, not from the adrenaline of the game the two of you just played, but from how you cared for him and how you were always there for him, despite all the names he'd been called for playing independently and strangely on the field.

Bachira Meguru wanted to say he was in love with you. Though he wanted to laugh at himself for being in love at only age ten, he knew that these feelings that he had for you were real. The monster in his heart whispered in his ear, telling him so. He knew that you, too, had a monster within yourself, caring for him like the gentle spirit it was. While Meguru's own was wild and reckless, consuming his whole being, yours was there to pull him up before he sank deep into madness. He wanted to say he was in love with you because he knew you felt the same.

"Good game out there," Bachira said instead, breaking the comfortable silence. The hand on his own moved up to pinch his mouth shut, not letting him speak anymore.

"Don't talk, Meguru. Some of the dirt on your cheeks might get into your wounds." He hummed, agreeing to your command.

"You're pretty skilled at your age, (Y/N)-chan. Are you gonna be a nurse when you grow up?" Bachira asked, irking you as he agreed not to speak just seconds ago. You were a passionate lover, and it got on your nerves that Bachira didn't follow what you just advised, creating the chance that he might infect his own wounds.

"Meguru, please."

He gave a single, short nod.

When you finished, Bachira hopped off of the sink and gave you another hug, wrapping his arms around you to the point where it felt like he could touch his own shoulders. Letting go, he thanked you, and as you acknowledged his gratitude, you made your way towards the front door, leaving.

That's how it always had been: you would play soccer with Bachira and his teammates almost every day, no matter the weather or the time, and typically by the end of the game he was beaten up by whoever because of his playing style. You thought it was cool—impressive, even—but apparently his teammates didn't think so. After everyone had left, you'd lift him up from wallowing in the grass with his tears and the monster in his heart to accompany him and bring him home (sometimes on your back) to tend to the injuries he'd gotten. It was a painful routine for you to follow, but it was all you had to do to stay by Bachira's side. After all, you loved him with everything you had.

Seven years later, you were there when Bachira opened up a letter inviting him to attend a training camp called "Blue Lock." Thinking it was a mere training camp to better his skills in soccer, you thought it was something that would last a week, or probably even two, but you didn't realize that the last words he would tell you for several years were "Make sure you've got something warm for me when I come back!"

It was the first time since forever when the two of you went separate paths, and even as you continued on in high school and into university, Meguru never left your mind. You wondered if he still remembered you, as soccer would be the only thing running through his own mind at an intense training camp like Blue Lock. You have heard of boys dropping out of the camp every few weeks ever since Bachira left, and though you didn't want to admit it, you wished that he would come home to you, holding him in your arms as he cried to you about his ruined dreams. It was an unpleasant thought that sat in the back of your mind, taunting you about your selfishness. It was ironic that despite how generous you were with caring for Bachira, you were completely selfish with keeping him to yourself. Perhaps that was the effect love had on you, though you weren't so sure if he was still in love with you, too.

He was. He knew he was, and always will be in love with you as much as he was in love with soccer. He missed you everyday he was in stuck in Blue Lock, and he would constantly tell the friends he made about his love. One night, Isagi Yoichi asked him as they laid in bed about who you were, and the former might as well have called Bachira's description of you his bedtime story because he rambled on for hours on end about you. The lilting tone in Bachira's voice was reason enough for Isagi to know how much you meant to the boy.

There was a knock on the door, several years since Bachira left for Blue Lock, and you let go of the book in which you were studying for medical school to open the door. In front of you was Bachira Meguru, weary and tired. Right away he fell into your arms, and his whole weight dropped on top of you. You wrapped your arms around his torso, and he exhaled deeply. From over his shirt you could feel his toned muscles that he grew from undergoing the extensive physical training.

Bachira pulled away from you, and upon seeing your face, he smiled just as he did when the two of you were children. "It's nice seeing you again, (Y/N)-chan. I missed you." He pinched your cheek with his calloused fingers, to which you whined. He laughed heartily at the exchange, and held your hand as he dragged you out of the house.

"Meguru! I was studying!" The two of you talked as if he never left.

"You can do that later! Let's go out!" He exclaimed, pulling you to his side.

Flustered at his words, you stuttered out what seemed like a question. Bachira simply laughed at your response. He took you towards the nearby beach of Chiba, and as soon as your feet touched the sand he collapsed onto the soft surface, beckoning you to do the same. An uneasy silence, unfamiliar to how it was in the past, rested over you two as you watched the calm waters in front of you.

"So, how was Blue Lock?" You asked, hoping to get some answer of the mysterious program. You had so much to ask him and to tell him after all these years. You turned your gaze to Meguru who still stayed watching the quiet waves.

"They didn't want me. I was playing against real monsters, (Y/N)-chan. More than the monster in me. In you." Bachira turned towards you and poked your chest. The both of you chuckled a bit. He sighed, then fell onto the sand, lying down. You did the same, and you were both looking up at the afternoon sky. "I don't know, (Y/N). I went to Blue Lock to find someone who could play with me, and don't get me wrong, I found people, but..." He paused.

"I also went to improve and get better. Like everyone else there. And I guess I just wasn't enough."

Frowning, you felt a pang in your heart and the initiative to reach out to him again.

"Don't say that, Meguru. You're amazing at soccer. You're always impressing everyone on the field, making everyone seem like a fool."

Bachira turned to face you, and you to him. "You really think so?"

"Of course. You're an amazing person, Meguru,” you told him with absolute certainty in your voice.

“I love you, (Y/N)-chan.”

“I love you too.” A pause. “Wait, what?” You sat up in the sand to look at Bachira, who lay beside you, smiling giddily up at you with a slight blush painting his cheeks. His hands were rested behind his head.

“I said I love you. And you love me, too.”

“I also missed you,” you added. Bachira noted how you never denied your loving him.

“I missed you, too. Did you know I never stopped talking about you one night that everyone on my team kicked me out of our room and I had to sleep in the bathroom that night?”

You laughed. “Did you really?”

“Yes! And it was so cold in there, too. No one gave me any blankets or anything!” The both of you laughed as you extended a hand to reach out to Bachira, helping him sit up on the sand. He never let go of your hand, and instead he clasped his fingers between yours. You both watched the intimacy of his actions, and you were slightly afraid he could feel the sudden warming of your hand.

Looking into his golden eyes, you could sense a seriousness about him. “You know, I wasn’t kidding about what I said,” he told you.

You had a feeling you knew what he was talking about, but you wanted to confirm it. “What did you say?”

“That I love you,” Bachira said.

“And I love you too,” you replied, pushing him down with you on top. Laughter rang in the air as you cupped his cheeks, shaking with his giggling.

“Shh, Meguru,” you said, leaning down. You gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Pulling away, he looked at you like you were his everything, as he placed a hand behind your neck to bring you down for another kiss. Whispers from others on the beach floated around you, some laughing at how ridiculous the two of you looked. Meguru opened his eyes to look in their direction, his insecurities from back when he was younger awakening.

“Meguru, don’t pay attention to ‘em. Who cares if they think we look weird? I’ve told you this before, but I don’t think you’re weird. I don’t think we’re weird!”

“Pssh, when did you tell me that?” He asked, before you leaned in to kiss him again.

[prince-claremont-diaz]

Whatever We Become

Summary: In Lucas’ final year of high school before he has to face the real world, he comes across the new identical twins, Eliott and Leo. Needless to say, Lucas falls head over heels for both of them. 

Or The twin au absolutely no one asked for

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: none

Ao3 version

Oh shit I’m still alive

Chapter Nineteen: Try for you

"Lucas? Are you coming?" The next morning, Manon was standing in the doorway of Lucas' bedroom, bag slung over her shoulder while Lucas was bent over his desk writing something on a slip of scrap paper. 

He nodded, placing the paper carefully on the bed beside an Eliott-sized lump under the covers. "I'll meet you downstairs in a minute. Just wait outside for me," he said over his shoulder, only now starting to pack his homework into his backpack.

Manon gave him a thumbs up and then turned, shutting the door behind her. He heard the door to the flat shutting not long after. Lucas was about to open his bedroom door, bag already over his shoulders when he heard a rustling under the covers and Eliott rolled over on his side, facing him. He looked up at Lucas from his place in the bed, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and dark circles prominent under his normally bright eyes.

"What are you doing? Don't you have school today?" he asked, voice coming out hoarse and strained from relative silence for the last few days. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, setting up on his elbows.

Lucas flapped his hand vaguely, shrugging. "I was about to," he said, lifting one of the straps, "But I can stay if you like? Lisa doesn't have work until later today, so she'll be here, but I don't mi—" 

"I don't need to be babied, Lucas. You don't need to constantly watch over me like I'm about to break," Eliott retorted, voice harsh and jarring, making Lucas stumble back a step in surprise. His heart hammered in his chest on instinct, grip tightening on his bag. He opened his mouth to reply, but Eliott beat him once again, sitting up. "I can stay here by myself, I'm used to it. You don't have to be so fucking overbearing like everybody else!" 

"Eliott, I was leav—" 

Eliott slapped his hand on the bed, startling Lucas back yet another step, eyes going wide as saucers. "Just go, Lucas!" he demanded, face red with anger. He glanced at the paper on the bed beside him and grabbed it in a fist. "And take the stupid note and fuck off!" He tore the paper in half, chucking it in Lucas' direction and then turning over again, throwing the covers over his head.

Lucas stepped heavily over to the bed and picked up the torn paper in shaking hands, a teardrop dripping onto the hardwood. "I-I'll see you later," he mumbled, sniffling as he shoved the ripped note in his back pocket. "There's food in the fridge—I-if you want it." Lucas slipped back into the hallway, shutting the door behind him and dragging his way over to the front door. He fumbled with his keys as he attempted to lock the door, eyes blurry with tears and fingers trembling. 

When he got downstairs, Manon was still standing outside, leaning against a lamppost and typing something on her phone. When the door slammed behind him, she looked up, face instantly falling and she pushed herself off the lamp and strided over to him, eyebrows furrowed and a deep frown set in her face.

"Don't," he choked out, "I don't wanna talk about it." He started down the pavement, legs and hands trembling, blinking back tears. 

"We don't have to," Manon replied, catching up to him. She gave him a sad smile and took his hand in her own, squeezing it lightly. 

The rest of the way to school was complete silence. 

◇

First period Biology, Lucas slumped into his usual seat, dropping his bag in front of him with a thud. Imane, who had been looking down to reply to a message looked up at the sound, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. His face must have been readable as her look twisted from curiosity to concern in a nanosecond. 

"Are you okay? You look kinda like you've been crying." 

"It's fine. I'm fine now," he remarked maybe a little too harsh. Imane sat back, tilting her head and giving him her usual 'You're not getting away with that' look. He sighed, looking out the windows of the classroom which overlooked the courtyard. "I got in an argument with Eliott about something. I was just shaken by the yelling, I guess," he admitted, toying with his fingers on top of his unopened bag. 

"Was it a big argument?" she asked. Arthur entered the class followed by Alexia and they both waved at Imane and Lucas as they wandered over to their desks. Arthur seemed to sense something was off, pausing to give him a look before continuing to his desk.

Lucas shook his head. "Not really. He just sorta snapped at me because I offered to stay to keep him company while he's, uh, sick," he explained. He had no idea what else to say to avoid telling her about Eliott's condition when he probably wouldn't appreciate everyone knowing. 

"He yelled at you until you were crying because you offered to stay to keep him company? Isn't that a bit harsh?" Imane stated, eyebrows narrowing further. 

"It's not his fault I can't handle people shouting. And it just startled me," he replied, immediately coming to Eliott's defense, "He wasn't, you know, like my dad. He was just in a bad mood."

"Are you sure? Because you look like you're about to faint," she said, jokingly feeling his forehead with the back of her hand. 

Lucas pushed her hand away, rolling his eyes. "I'm fine, Imane. What's with you being all motherly all of a sudden, anyway?" Lucas teased, poking her in the side. She squirmed away, slapping his wrist. 

"I'm always the mum friend," she remarked simply, shrugging, "And besides. We're friends, dumbass. Of course I worry about you."

Lucas gasped, slapping his hand to his chest. "Who replaced the real Imane? You're actually admitting that we're friends? And that you worry about me?" he exclaimed, feigning horror. Imane shoved him away by his face, scoffing. "You worry about me, Mother Imane."

"You're a mess constantly, of course I do. Especially when you arrive at school with unexplained injuries—" She lifted his still bandaged hand. "—or looking like a kicked puppy. It's what I do." She shrugged, picking up her pencil as their teacher finally arrived, greeting the class. "And don't you dare call me Mother, Lallemant," she added, elbowing his side.

"What would you prefer?" 

"Fuck off." 

Lucas snorted, finally unpacking his bag. "You love me," he said, flicking her shoulder.

"Unfortunately, yes." 

◇

Lucas took the long way home that afternoon, telling Manon to go ahead while he walked around a few extra blocks. He knew he was going to have to talk to Eliott when he got home and while he was hopeful that it would go well, he was still terrified. What if Eliott didn't want to talk? What if he had overstepped his boundaries too much and Eliott wanted nothing to do with him? What if Eliott had gone home instead of facing him? What if what if what if. 

Finally, at almost 18h, Lucas unlocked the door to the flat, stepping inside. Mika and Lisa were sitting on the couch together playing some card game while Manon sat at the dinner table with her homework. Eliott was sitting across from her watching her work, tapping his fingers on his knee idly. When he entered, all four heads looked up towards the sound.

Eliott was immediately on his feet, eyes wide and shocked. Lucas was starting to see the raccoon vibe. He sent Eliott a small smile and Eliott made his way over, looking extra tall dressed in Lucas' too small clothes. 

"My room?" Lucas asked, jutting his chin towards the hallway. Eliott nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets. Lucas caught Manon's eye and she gave him an encouraging smile. They started down the hallway in a single file, floorboards creaking under their socked feet. 

Lucas shut the door behind them and Eliott sat down on the—surprisingly made—bed, chewing on his lower lip. Lucas leaned against his bedroom wall just across from Eliott, fixing the hem of his shirt just for a distraction. The air in the room was heavy with tension, clouding the room in a layer of awkwardness that Lucas couldn't find his way out of. 

"How was your day?" Lucas asked, grasping for a semblance of normality. He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head. 

Eliott shrugged, keeping his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the ground. "Quiet. Boring. I slept most of the day and didn't get up until about 14:30." He sniffed, distractedly scratching one of his cheeks. "Can we just get this over with?" His voice came out several octaves higher than usual and if Lucas was right, he sounded petrified. 

"Get what over with? Today was just an off day, okay? It doesn't matter anymore. Poof, gone," Lucas insisted, splaying his hands wide in front of him as he said the last sentence.

"Yes it does matter, Lucas," Eliott snapped, standing up. Lucas instinctively pressed against the wall for a split second, eyes bulging. Eliott took a deep breath, scrubbing his hand over his face. "See? I know I hurt you this morning. I was an asshole and while I still don't know the backstory, I know you don't like loud noises. I shouldn't have yelled at you." 

"It's okay. It's over now. I'm fine now," Lucas insisted, standing closer to reach for Eliott's chin only to have his hand pushed away.

Eliott shut his eyes, tilting his head back as he steeled himself. "But it'll happen again! I'll get irrational and irritable and you won't want to be around me anymore," he babbled, gesturing wildly to articulate his point. He dropped his hands in defeat, barely whispering, "I don't want to hurt you anymore, Lucas." 

"You won't, Eliott. You won't," Lucas pleaded, shaking his head and cupping Eliott's cheeks. This time, Eliott let him. "And have you met me? I'm the most irrational and grumpy person to walk this earth and I'm not even bipolar. If anything, it's you who's going to get sick of me."

"That's not the same." 

"Yes it is. We're going to get on each other's nerves, we'll fight, we'll go into huffs and ignore each other. I'll be slamming doors and you'll be walking out and it'll be a mess. I know that will probably happen sometimes," Lucas rambled, resting his forehead against Eliott's, nuzzling their noses together. "But the thing is, I don't care about all that. I don't care if you sometimes spend days or weeks ignoring me or yelling at me or sleeping. I don't care if I'm having to talk you down from a manic episode or having to find you all over the city. I don't care. 

"I couldn't care less so long as I still have you, okay? We can take this step by step, day by day. Minute by minute if we have to." Lucas tilted Eliott's chin up, forcing him to look into his eyes. Lucas saw a whole storm of emotions brewing in those crystal blue eyes. "As long as you'll let me have you, I'll be here. I'm gonna always be here annoying you to the ends of the earth, okay? I'm not going anywhere." 

Eliott smiled, eyes brimmed with tears. He leaned up, closing the last centimetres between their lips, kissing Lucas tenderly, oh so soft and delicate. He pulled Lucas over onto his lap sideways, pecking his lips again and again and again until Lucas' lips were red and swollen. 

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I should have stopped as soon as you looked that frightened," Eliott whispered against his lips, rubbing his thumb over Lucas' shoulder blades. 

"My dad used to scream and yell all the time when I was growing up. That's why shouting scares me," Lucas blurted, "He would yell for hours on end, throwing things at the walls and screaming at my mother until we were both crying. She didn't handle it well, naturally, and so she's been in and out of hospital for the last few years for schizophrenia." Lucas toyed with the collar of the shirt Eliott was wearing, unable to keep still as words flooded out of his mouth like a broken dam releasing its water.

Eliott huffed, leaning against him and pulling him into the crook of his neck. There was that usual Eliott smell. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Please tell me if I'm being too loud for you to handle. I can't promise I won't forget on my bad days, but I'll try. For you." Eliott cradled Lucas' head in his arms, talking directly into his ear. It sent a whole shiver through Lucas.

Lucas agreed, nodding up and down. "Then you have to tell me if I'm overstepping your boundaries in any way. I'd much rather you told me you needed some space than for you to get sick of my presence and leave." Lucas proposed as well, pulling his head out of Eliott's shoulder to look him in the eye.

"Again, I'll try. I tend to forget these things when I'm having an episode," Eliott replied, holding onto Lucas' shoulders, "I sometimes don't take my medications either because I feel good and then I get right back to square one. And then I'll end up hurting you again." 

Lucas poked Eliott's nose, shaking his head and getting to his feet. "We've been over this. I don't care about that stuff. We're probably both going to hurt each other accidentally a lot. We're both our own kind of mess. But we'll make it work, yeah?" Lucas pecked Eliott's lips chastely, leaning over the bed. "We're both a huge messy pile of trauma and regrets, but we can be a mess together. We have to at least try." 

"Come here. I need a cuddle after a whole day missing you and worrying about you hating me," Eliott said, making grabby hands for Lucas. Lucas giggled and let Eliott pull him into a hug, falling back onto the bed and scooting backwards until he was lying with his head on the pillow and Lucas lying on top of him. Lucas craned his neck to press a quick kiss to his cheek, blinking up at Eliott. "God, you're so beautiful," Eliott breathed, bending down for a proper kiss, supporting the back of Lucas' head.

And in that moment, wrapped up in Eliott, breathing in his warm scent, Lucas felt on top of the world. 

[migleefulmoments]

There, I fixed it for you.

My Manifesto by @ajw720

�� Nonnie Anon, fact, I need for D to be is closeted.  People Darren can deny it for the remainder of their his lives life, but it doesn’t his label does make him straight.  And that fact alone-that I do not understand how sexual identification and labels work- is sad and is a total injustice.  But I am going to answer this from the perspective that the closeting is a fact and how was it handled vs. how it could have been handled- aka how my fantasy could have played out.

When I see pics of D from the G/lee days, particularly pre her move, he is precisely what you say, a ball of sunshine. His smile is bright and infectious. He was a bright light, talking for hours about the things he loves. Sigh...I am in love He was young and not jaded by fame nor did he have a private life and love to protect. He was  “straight” was a part of the narrative, but it was a footnote, barely pushed.  Yes, she was in the background, but not in the spotlight. I believed Darren was straight back then so I didn’t pay any attention to questions about his sexuality or his lover. Present to make him straight-because he identifies as straight- but not overbearing. His girlfriend lived across the country and their relationship was new so he didn’t talk about her in interviews. His sexuality was commented on, but not incessantly. in almost every interview he gave in those early years. This is how you handle closeting, you don’t make it a focus and allow the subtly to speak for itself according to me because I’m a closeting expert.  Especially when the individual closeted clearly doesn’t want to hide his/her sexuality, which has been clear from the beginning as he has clearly and consistently said he is straight as early as a 2009 interview. D has done absolutely nothing to suggest he is not straight rebelled against it repeatedly and has attempted on numerous occasions to come out  at least in my head 

That is the version of D that people I fell in love with and that is what i believe is the real my fantasy d. And this fantasy version of D, since Season 4 starting when they moved her to LA, has been almost completely erased, meaning I have to work REALLY SUPER hard to make him seem real.  It happened slowly, the shift and changes were small at first-as one does in a new relationship-, but suddenly she became a part of the conversation, acknowledged as his gf, and by his side constantly-as one does in a relationship as it progresses from first meeting to dating to love They  She not only moved her to LA but put her got a job on the set of G/lee to act as a babysitter because it was in her field and commiserate with her experience.  And concurrent with her move was the introduction of W and the complete public break down of the CC friendship and this is when TPTB  fandom decided it was a good idea to start rumors that C&D hated each other. And then the “I am straight and have a gf” tour happened where he was forced got a little cheesy and decided to bring women on stage every night and sign sing PPG and that awful Pheromones so he could be every girl’s teenage dream and I’m pissed that I wasn’t one of those girls...or a teenager. 

And yes, this is when the questionable behavior began and D took on the straight frat boy douche persona around her because apparently I had not been paying any attention to Darren prior to this time. He wrote Me & My Dick years before this but I didn’t notice.  This is when we stopped getting the real D DAPPERMAN on SM and started getting his team and PBB posting in his name and every time he doesn’t sound like DAPPERMAN, I blame it on his team. This is one way I keep the fantasy Darren alive.  This is when the fandom began its great divide- those that believe that what they see is what they get, who accept Darren for who he is, and who enjoy the glimpses into his life that he shares versus those of us who have created an entirely false narrative that fits our fantasy. Being a ccer is exhausting because nothing Darren does fits our narrative and we constantly have to come up with excuses for why that is. Excuses like TPTB, contracts, his team pretending to be him on his social media, and how he is “forced” to sing songs on tour or say things in interviews or yell at 14 yo kids. Just read this manifesto and you will see all of the things we have to do to see our Darren.  and D was forced to   asked about his sexuality, just like he has been since he started doing interviews for Glee publicly address his . It seems to me that he was asked about his sexuality repeatedly which increased significantly during H/edwig and that sorta makes sense since he has now played two LGBTQ characters in a row and the questions were often asked by journalists whose job it is to actually get answers. Maybe I was just paying more attention to his sexuality because Hedwig was right when I discovered Crisscolfer.

But even during H/edwig - despite the sudden straight push -now 6 years into Darren saying he identified as straight- he was still bright and present (aka gay?).  He did as required, but on stage, at the stage door, in interviews, he was still D.  And then they sent him he went to Italy for 6 weeks to do a movie and during that time the shift happened. When he came back, the PR games were heightened aka Mia quit her job to travel with Darren and open their dream bar and it has only gotten exponentially worse every day that has passed since-at least for me.  She became not just his gf, but the absolute focal point of his public and private life ya know as couples in love tend to do.  This is when it became impossible to be a d fan without seeing her. This is when I became obsessed with hating and bullying Mia. This is when I started stalking her obsessively so that I am sure to see her. The stalking is all good, it’s part of my job to know what she is doing at all times so I can let the fandom know. 

And the problem with M is she is divisive to me and the ccers who are entitled to have a say in Darren’s personal life. She is on record treating fans deplorably even though there is NO record of her treating fans deplorably, I will continue to claim she does without giving any credible evidence this is true.. She made D yell at a 14 year old girl.  Darren is a big boy and 14 yo’s who behavior abhorrent shouldn’t get a pass so he told her off. She thrives on controversy and making D suffer. She sits in the background and lets Darren shine, rarely ever having anything to say when he is working and yet I obsess about what she is thinking and I pretend she really says all of the things I imagine in my jealousy-fueled head.  She has publicly treated him like an ass and has held herself out to be better than him and acts like he should be grateful she is in his life. She has only ever been gracious to fans but I am stark raving jealous and unhinged from reality so I make up all sorts of backstories to photos where Mia is simply standing next to Darren. Oh and I have never met her.  She acts like an elitist instead of being grateful for the very privileged life she lives because he family is filthy rich and her association with D. I’m so fucking jealous. Her friends are bratty and immature and they act like college students on their social media  that have has nothing to do with Darren’s  in life but party around the clock so  I am not sure why her friends matter to me except I’m on a role and I can’t stop. My friends are assholes (hey @flowersintheattic254, hey @cassie1022, hey Leka-1998) who bully a women they don’t even know and I’m still their friend... so maybe Mia’s friends shouldn’t matter to Darren’s fans.  She’s recorded herself rolling a joint in a parked car after a night of recording herself posting a handful of other pics were posted that night showing them having a good time. There was what looked like an alcoholic drink on a photo or two drinking and doesn’t even get reprimanded mooooommmm, MOM! Mia is rolling a joint...don’t touch me,...MOM! Don’t touch me, I’m going to tell mom..MOOOOOOOM! She wore a Tits of Clay band merch boobs shirt to the inaugural EF, an event marketed for families, to embarrass D and pull focus and I know this because she told me remember I make up all sorts of stories when I see a photo.  She claims she wants privacy but their entire public lives are blasted all over SM  I desperately stalk her, following everyone who might ever post a photo of her despite the fact that D has repeatedly stated he craves privacy he doesn’t social media and he is a private person who finds giving up his privacy really difficult and he is an emotional SENTIMENT hoarder I never get that right and has asked her not to post pics one time he told the story that when he was new to Glee, Mia posted a photo of the two of them on her Facebook that he wanted to keep for himself because he loved the photo so much.  She has not respect for him. She has a private Instagram and only posts pics of Darren on her public Snapchat when they go to big public events together. 

And D acts out around her more often than not.  Darren adores her. Add they now have him picking fights with fans on SM over her (we know it is not him but the GA doesn’t).  He pushes back when fans bully his wife. I pretend it isn’t him pushing back but it’s stupid for me to claim it isn’t him when it so clearly is him. If I accept it is him, then I have to think about my own behavior and the cc behavior that drives him to push back. Speaking of his SM, it is an absolutely mess punny and hilarious. This man is insanely intelligent, we all know two or three times he mentioned he has deleted and reposted things due to grammatical errors . and they represent him deplorably, fail to project his voice, and make him look like an asshole I hate punny silly Darren so I rage every time he posts in that voice. The only time I like him is if he is DAPPERMAN- boring, upstanding & polite and formal. 

Then we have the bar. Do not even get me started on the bar because I’m stark raving mad.  I do not understand how anyone can justify it and yet it is popular and people have a great time there.  He is the straight male owner of a bar that glorifies naked women, calls them sluts, names drinks after large breasts, has grotesque names like Period Sex (I WOULD NEVER) and Golden Showers (What is that?), cheap innuendo and theme nights that are beyond derogatory and yet, the more I think about it, that seems exactly like what a straight, male, bar owner would do. If I thought this was him DAPPERMAN and what he loves (as she ignores all of the times Darren has gushed about connecting to people through songs at the bar), I would turn away from him so fast my head would spin because I hate everything about Darren -the man he really is - but I know he is DAPPERMAN and he will come back to me.   Because that bar, that is misogynistic not my style... it makes me very uncomfortable, it’s too sex positive and at times it’s openly queer.  It’s filled with debauchery and I don’t understand it.  Not hating one woman because I am so jealous of her sexual freedom, her lifestyle, her money, her husband... I think she is pure evil even if everybody who knows her, loves her.

And of course, then we have the way he is presented in the press.  D has built a career playing LGBT+ roles.  His three major roles were gay, queer, gay.  And in every print article, we are reminded he is straight, often multiple times because when he first started playing Blaine, there weren’t a lot of straight men playing strong gay characters on TV.  Now we see that representation matters-asking an actor how he identifies during promo for his 3rd straight  LGBTQ role is hardly out of line.  And then they started making him repeatedly state it.  It is awkward and uncomfortable, He has consistently labeled himself as straight since 2009 and there is no evidence to suggest he is not straight but I can’t stop fantasizing. It makes me angry when I am faced with him reminding me he is straight.  It makes him look ungrateful to the community that he used to get ahead and frankly, makes him sound completely insecure.  I don’t like him if he isn’t gay. I don’t care that he never took advantage of the gay community by pretending to be gay or that he has always been a strong ally, all I can see or hear is “I'm straight”.  I want him to be gay and that is all that matters.  Like he can only play queer if he can repeatedly assert he is straight. Absolute mess. I don’t care that by repeatedly asserting he is straight, he is telling the truth, THIS IS ABOUT WHAT I WANT.  MOOOOOOMMMMMM. I dare anyone to find any other straight actor that addresses their sexuality as often.  You won’t find one. (James Franco)

I’m so jealous I can’t see straight and all I see is an unrealistic  And because of this narrative they have weaved, purely to elevate her, and they have torn him down, they have made him look like a straight jerk in love with a spoiled brat woman. I  hate her I hate her I hate her. Mooooommmm!  Sorry, i know i will get  deserve hate, but it is the my truth unrelated to Darren’s reality. And I’m not just a spoiled brat, I’m a hateful one.  There is nothing redeeming about her ME.

Instead they should have gotten him a respectful beard- ME, who was present but not a focus ME and not beaten into our heads that he is straight (isn’t that how beards work?).  They could have sold straight and done it respectfully and in a manner that i could have accepted by me.  No, I am not accepting closeting and i don’t think it is ok, but again, clearly the closeting was demanded by RIB-Ryan an important out, gay activist and F/ox in a contract they signed 9 years ago...when will it end? and if it had to be the narrative it could have been done in a manner that would have allowed D to remain true to himself and that means gay. They could have got a beard that let him be gay.   

And at this point, they just are making things worse and no one is winning anything.(isn’t everyone but Darren winning in this scenario?) They should free D -let him be GAY -and put him ME out of his MY misery because no amount of promo is going to make her famous outside of her stans as long as she has a private instagram account and Darren doesn't tag her or even post her photo. She just isn’t interesting- I am interesting.  This sham fanfiction I wrote has gone on way too long and completely spun out of control -I can’t make heads or tails out of it anymore- and it is NOT doing no one ME any favors except continuing to hide the my truth, the one thing his team I needs and wants, because MY the truth isn’t pretty.

[3laxx]

Wind update 3

A few things do have to be talked about.

In other words, the lore I came up with for the Air Series universe. Again, yes, I can't take season 2 into consideration. The canon is different now and while I'll still watch it, I'll still go along with the story I made up. I know that season 2 gave us different backstories already and I know my fanfiction doesn't quite catch up. But if I used the season 2 input it would get too unpredictable, I could write different things, plus the helping Miraculous would still remain temporary (which I don't want) and I wouldn't get to the outcome I want to have in later parts of this series. So, just, please bear with me? ':D I'm watching the season 2 lore, I'm having my thoughts on it and I'm always open to conversations about it, I got my tumblr name beneath the new chapters and my inbox as well as Private Messaging is open. Just like on Fanfiction.net, Instagram and Twitter. There's also still the Discord server that I opened up last year. If you wanna know a bit more about my theories or what I think about season 2 just hmu! But yeah, I won't take season 2 into the Air Series anymore. It's become too different and I got an outline for the Air Series in my head. It's simply a different universe now, not to mention it plays 3 years after the canon series. Anyway, just to have that out of the way again, let's jump right into it! Enjoy~

Ao3 / FF.net

Over half an hour later he finally arrived at Master Fu’s. Wayzz smiled and nodded as Nino reached for the door and looked down to search for assurance from his new friend.

“He already expects you.”

Nino smiled and opened the door, feeling weird not to knock, but Wayzz flew out of his jacket as he closed the door behind him, already heading towards the person inside. An old man waited for him sitting cross-legged on a pillow on the floor, smiling gently.

“Come inside, young man.”, he said in a warm voice, gesturing towards the other side of the table to the pillow that laid there.

“Hello, Master Fu.”

Nino just nodded as Wayzz settled down on the table in front of the old man and started chatting with him, sitting down on the pillow. Instead of listening to the two of them he looked around, taking in the room.

It was really nice, Nino noticed. Traditionally for Chinese culture there were no chairs and the room was decorated with all kinds of flower patterns, a few similar to Marinette’s shirt.

Secretly, Nino smiled to himself.

He was both excited and scared for what his new life would bring, but he was sure he could handle it. At least, both Marinette and Adrien had managed. And being a superhero must be dangerous and stressful but surely amazing as well.

“So, Carapace.”, the old man turned to him, bringing him back from his thoughts, “I am Master Fu and I will be your mentor until either you are ready or I will die.”

Master Fu bowed with a mischievous smirk on his face.

“Wh-What?”

“That was a joke, young one. I will still live a while, don’t fret. Anyways, Carapace, you are now the Turtle Miraculous wielder. We have much to discuss and I have much to teach you before you can fulfill your duty.”

Nino let out a relieved breath before he answered.

“Yes. And you were the wielder before me?”

“That is very true, my friend. You must know, as a first, that the Turtle Miraculous is constantly activated. One wielder must always look over all Miraculous or otherwise they will fall into the wrong hands or could be forgotten over the time.”

“That means, when I’m older I have to choose the next Miraculous wielder for the Turtle?”

Master Fu nodded while smiling warmly, grabbing a tea pot.

“Tea?”

“Um… Yes, thank you very much.”, Nino moved the tea cup in front of him towards Master Fu, “So, I am the new Turtle Miraculous wielder and I know that there are the Ladybug, the Black Cat and the Butterfly. Are there others? And are they all… ‘Guardians’, as you said?”

Master Fu gave Nino back his filled tea cup and he nodded again.

“There are the Ladybug and the Black Cat as the yin and the yang. These are the key Miraculous. Additionally, there are five more Miraculous, called the guardians.”

“Which animals do they represent, besides the Turtle and the Butterfly?”

“There are the Fox, the Bee and the Peacock left. And these Miraculous can build pairs too, just like the Ladybug and the Black Cat.”

Nino tilted his head and scrunched together his eyebrows.

“What, pairs? How can they when they’re five? And what pairs?”

“Easy there, young one.”, Master Fu smirked again and the boy laughed.

“I’m sorry, Master Fu.”

“If you call me Master that will be alright. And yes, the pairs. As the Ladybug stands for good luck and the Black Cat for bad luck, the other Miraculous stand for traits too, good ones as well as bad ones. Your partner as the Turtle wielder is the Butterfly Miraculous.”

Instantly, Nino’s eyes shot open, slowly beginning to shake his head.

“Hawkmoth?! Hawkmoth is my partner?!”

Master Fu smiled reassuringly, making a calming gesture towards the pale boy.

“The Butterfly Miraculous is your partner, not necessarily Hawkmoth as a human. The Turtle stands for steadiness and the Butterfly for change. Do you see it now?”

He nodded relieved, sipping on his tea.

“Okay, that’s understandable. Which are the other pairs?”

“The other pair is the Fox and the Peacock, the Fox standing for illusions and the Peacock standing for the truth. The Bee Miraculous has no partner.”

Nino leant forward, eyeing Master Fu suspiciously.

“The Bee has no partner? Well, what does the Bee stand for?”

Suddenly, Master Fu looked rather sad, probably remembering something in the past.

“The Bee stands for loyalty and vitality.”

He nodded, clenching his teeth.

“So, the opposite and partner for the Bee is-… Betrayal and Death?”

Master Fu suddenly smiled and drank his tea.

“Well, that shall be another lesson. Do you have any other questions?”

The boy decided that he would wait until it would be needed. He took another sip of his tea, thinking about what Wayzz had told him earlier. He had mentioned that Nino would get to know why he was chosen.

“So, Master, why did you get me for the next wielder? You could’ve gotten anyone, so why am I this one special person who was selected?”

“Ah, that is a very good question, young one. I had noticed you earlier on, even before the incident with Miss Fortune. You know now that the Turtle Miraculous stands for steadiness and you must be asking yourself in which situation you’ve proved that.”

“Well, I’m well off on my own two feet and-…”

“That is not a physical question.”, Master Fu grinned at Nino who was quick to rub the back of his head, “It is a trait that you have. Being a tower of strength, so to say. You and I know very well that you don’t exactly are what you’d expect the Miraculous of steadiness to require. A wielder who is prudent and calm, a man of his word and responsibilities.”

The boy laughed nervously but Master Fu continued without hesitating.

“I am not saying that you are a bad person just because you don’t take school that seriously although you are graduating. Or that you are rather choosing to pursue your hobbies in the hopes of being successful in this department rather than playing it safe and trying to get an apprenticeship. I am saying that you maybe need some, let’s say… Balance in your life.”

Nino tilted his head curiously, not really understanding where Master Fu was going with this.

“But-… Wayzz said earlier that I both need and fulfill the Miraculous. So, I know that I’m not the steadiest guy. What did I do to deserve the Turtle Miraculous?”

At this, Master Fu set down his tea cup and suddenly got very serious. Nino gulped but forced himself to hold the gaze of the old man’s dark brown eyes.

“I’ve been paying attention to you while your friend Ladybug had a hard time. She was depressed, helpless and desperate because of her hopeless situation. And you stayed with her. Of course, you were grieving because you as well thought her akumatized form had killed Ladybug, but you stood up for her regardless and tried your best to protect her from the wrath of her classmates, especially the mayor’s daughter. As you already know from Wayzz, you are the wielder of the Turtle which stands for the protection of the other Miraculous. You proved both steadiness and protection skills while Ladybug needed it the most. She didn’t quite realize it, which is understandable because of her condition at that moment, but you still were by her side. And you took the sword Hawkmoth had meant for Chat Noir. You threw yourself between the two to protect someone you didn’t know to be your best friend yet. You barely knew Chat Noir other than the superhero who kept Paris safe. And yet, you protected him with your life. That was the most striking action for me to choose you as my successor.”

Nino nodded, feeling stiff after what Master Fu had told him about the time he tried to be by Mari’s side. He always thought he hadn’t been there for her enough although she constantly had tried to make him feel otherwise. Seems like he really had been wrong.

“So, I-… I really both earned and need the Turtle Miraculous?”, he asked quietly, his voice shaking.

“That you did and do, young one. I am very proud of you and I am sure you will fulfill your duty with all skills that are needed.”

“And my duty is to protect the key Miraculous?”

“As well as the other Guardians and the Zodiacs, yes.”

“The Zodiacs?”, Nino questioned, tilting his head as the old man chuckled.

“Lesser Miraculous than the Guardians, 12 of these. They are minor Miraculous and not usually needed.”

Nino looked up and nodded.

“Ah, okay… Yeah, of course, Wayzz said so before. I mean the protecting thing. So, I’ll have to protect the Butterfly Miraculous too, but… How? Hawkmoth has it.”

“There will be the time to defeat Hawkmoth and bring back the Butterfly Miraculous to its rightful place. And to be honest, I am hoping that you will be able to bring back the Butterfly Miraculous because it is your partner, after all. Maybe, Wayzz being able to transform again will make the job easier to free Nooroo, the Butterfly’s Kwami.”

The boy looked into his cup of tea, eyeing the brown liquid that slowly cooled down.

“… I understand.”, he murmured, suddenly feeling very weird about the responsibilities that came with being a superhero. Master Fu stood up, smiling and put a hand on Nino’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry. You will be just fine, after all, you got friends to lead the way. You already learned from them how to keep an identity a secret and I am sure that you will do just as skillful as those two.”

Nino flinched at the mention of a secret identity, deciding to ask about that as well.

“So, I have to keep my identity a secret like they did for four entire years?”

“Yes, I would advise it to you. Well, it might not be four years, it might be longer, it might be never. After all, maybe you want them to trust you as a hero as well before they know that you are their best friend.”

Nino nodded again, lowering his head.

“Yes, yeah… You’re right, of course.”

Master Fu kneeled next to him and slightly squeezed his shoulder.

“See it like this, you have a mentor to teach you. They did not, they had to learn it all by themselves. With the help of their Kwami, but Tikki and Plagg are doing this for thousands of years by now, as do all the other Kwami, so they sometimes forget what’s obvious to them.”

Nino grinned.

“Thanks Master.”

Master Fu smiled too, getting the tea pot and standing up.

“Well, do you need to know anything else? Oh, of course, one of the most important things.”, he went over to his gramophone and pressed buttons Nino hadn’t seen before.

“What is this, Master Fu?”, he stood up and carefully neared the old man, unsure whether he was allowed to look.

“Come here, young one. These-”, he stepped aside for Nino to get a closer look at what was hiding inside his gramophone, “... Are the Miraculous. Well, a few of them at least. It is mostly the box that contains them when they are not activated.”

The boy’s eyes widened as he saw the brown box that was opened up. There was a yin and yang in the middle, both empty. He assumed it were the sections for the Ladybug and the Black Cat Miraculous. They were in the middle while around them, there were five more sections, each for one Miraculous of the guardians.

“The Fox and the Bee are the ones that are left as you see. The Butterfly has Hawkmoth, the Turtle you and the Ladybug and the Black Cat are activated as well.”

Nino scrunched together his eyebrows and pointed to the blue section that was empty too.

“What’s this one?”

Master Fu’s shoulders slumped.

“Ah, yes. The Peacock Miraculous. It went missing after something… Something bad happened to its wielder.”

“I understand… So, the Fox and the Bee are left. Will they be given out to someone while I’m the Turtle Miraculous wielder?”

“Most likely, actually, for this is a job for a lifetime, at least for you.”

He laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

“Oh, yeah, right. So, when will I be able to join Ladybug and Chat Noir?”

“Your time will come soon enough. But for now, we have to discuss a few other things. Come here, sit down again. Your new life will be dangerous and it will bring you to your limits even before you’ll start fighting.”

Nino gulped as Master Fu led him to the pillow again after letting the box vanish into the gramophone, giving him some more tea, probably to calm him.

Late into the afternoon the boy finally got home, completely exhausted.

“Woah Wayzz, Master Fu sure is being ambitious with me.”

“He has to be, young Nino. He doesn’t want you to have any problems with your new responsibilities.”, his Kwami tried to soothe him by stroking his short brown hair.

“Yeah, I know… I’m grateful, don’t worry. It’s just… Everything is just going so fast.”

They both sighed and Wayzz nestled himself into Nino’s hair. He felt the tiny Turtle shell press against the top of his head and couldn’t help himself but smile.

“Wayzz?”, the boy asked, his voice slow and careful.

The Kwami perked up at his name, humming gently as he stretched on Nino’s hair.

“Yes, young Nino?”

He took time to phrase the question right, struggling with himself to get the right words out.

“What-… What if I’m not the right one for the job? I mean… Sure, I was chosen and all that but… What if I’m just not…”

His hand once again wandered up to his chest, stroking over the soft bump of his remaining scar.

“Maybe just because of that.”, Wayzz replied, reading his thoughts. The little Kwami got up and floated off of Nino’s head, to make eye contact with the boy as he lowered himself down to his hand that was on his chest.

“But-… I mean…”

Wayzz nodded, his eyes serious.

“Nino, you’d give everything for your friends. For your family, every single stranger and even for your enemies. You’re a guardian, a perfect wielder for the turtle Miraculous. Master Fu himself was surprised at the power of your actions, to jump between your friends and the sword. And yet-”, he stroked Nino’s thumb, “You’ve never wasted a thought to take revenge on Hawkmoth other than wanting to see him behind bars, paying for his crimes. Healthy and well but punished. You are the ideal protector. Did you know Chat Noir wants to see Hawkmoth dead for what he did to Ladybug?”

Nino’s eyes widened as he heard what the Kwami said.

“Wait, so you’re saying Adrien wants to kill Hawkmoth?!”

The small, green Kwami shrugged to this, his eyes averted as he leant back.

“He can’t help it. Destruction requires wrath and despite the calm nature of your friend, he still wields the Miraculous of destruction. And since he’s a key Miraculous holder, his soul and mind are molten with the Miraculous’ traits. It’s a perfect Yin and Yang. He’s just as much an equality in himself as his powers are to his partner’s.”

Nino slowly hummed, still brushing over the scar as he looked up to the ceiling, letting his thoughts flow freely.

“So that means Marinette is the exact opposite to Adrien?”

“Ladybug’s character is, in contrary to Chat Noir’s, a little brash and careless, as well as impulsive and intuitive. The Miraculous has awoken her rationality and logic, her calmness in fights as well as her ability to put mind above heart but always acknowledge the morally right thing to do.”

“And I have an opposite, too, right? Master Fu said my partner is the butterfly.”

“Ah, yes.”, Wayzz answered, a little lost in thoughts, “In contrary to the turtle’s steadiness stands the constantly changing, multifaceted butterfly. Your own traits are a little lightheaded carelessness while the turtle awoke the responsibility within you. The butterfly’s wielder should be the exact opposite but as it seems, Hawkmoth is not. He is not a chosen and thus, cannot use the full span of Nooroo’s powers. Master Fu and I have monitored and analyzed his Akumas and tactics for a year now and this is definitely not all the butterfly can provide. Perhaps a reason why Hawkmoth wants the two key Miraculous, despite combining them for the ultimate power.”

With a surprised expression, Nino looked down to the Kwami again and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Wait, so you’re telling me the butterfly is not at its full power?!”

“Yes, Hawkmoth is not a chosen but it is possible for humans who aren’t chosen by any Zodiac, Guardian or Key to wield a Zodiac freely and a Guardian with limits. Those who are not chosen cannot access the full power of a Miraculous, or wield a Key Miraculous. That is why he can only seldomly transform twice the same day, but mostly needs a day break between his transformations. Chosen can transform as they wish, as long as their Kwami is charged.”

The boy leant back again, dumbfounded.

“So the butterfly is not even at its full power…”

Wayzz shrugged.

“The Key Miraculous are not significantly stronger than the Guardians. Sure, they have a few more features, a little more power and they require the wielder to withstand more energy, plus they’re the oldest known Miraculous. But you remember how comparably quickly Chat Noir was at defeating an Akuma when Ladybug wasn’t around?”

“Comparably quickly?”, Nino snorted.

“He didn’t take days to take one down. And yes, while the quantity wore him down, he still defeated most Akumas within an hour, a lot even under half an hour. And while the fights were hard, once Chat Noir had noticed a villains fighting technique and had gotten used to their unique powers, he was able to locate and destroy the akumatized object fairly fast. And that is just Chat Noir alone, driven by nothing but incredible loss, despair, anger and sheer willpower. Together with Ladybug they have only had a few exceptions where the Akuma was good enough at fleeing to let the fight take more than a few minutes. If the butterfly had all the power the wielder could use, it would surely look a little different. The Key Miraculous combined would need as much time as Chat Noir needed during spring and one Key wielder alone would still win. But barely.”

They remained silent for a few minutes before the boy spoke up again, his voice breaking and quiet.

“Do-… Do Adrien and Marinette know that…?”

“Master Fu has informed them, yes.”

“Phew, okay…”, the boy sighed relieved.

[pressureandsanity]

Full Text

My last post focused on the first time I tried to get help for my discombobulated brain. In this post I am going to talk about the first time someone else tried to get me help for my mental health, which ended up being far more harmful.

When I got into middle school, things started getting difficult. that is a time in all of our development where we begin to move away from the bright colors and ‘you can be anything you want to be!’ mentality, to starting to learn that we have limitations. When you think about it, it really is like hitting a brick wall. Academic subjects get more difficult, your fellow classmates begin developing their personalities, and puberty draws nearer whether you want it to or not.

I was a very shy kid in elementary school, and this didn’t change as I got older. In fact, I began to really dig into my own self mental isolation. Nothing seemed to make sense. I was terrible at school, and I was constantly fighting my internal demons about my gender identity, which I wouldn’t be able to put into words until decades later. I have mentioned before that I don’t come from a family that has any respect for mental health. The typical suck it up, I didn’t need help and I turned out fine approach that many adults, who, did not turn out fine, like to take. In fifth grade I was given a nickname from my parents that I would never shake, even the last time I spoke to them in my late twenties, they still referred to me as Grumpy. They called me this because they interpreted my shyness and awkwardness as just being, well, grumpy all the time. For Christmas I would get shirts, magnets, pictures, anything they could find bearing the likeness of Grumpy, from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Again, It’s not that I was grumpy, I was just in my own head 24/7, but even so, nobody ever bothered to ask why I might seem grumpy.

With the necessary backstory out of the way, let’s jump ahead to that same summer after my first year in college where I had tried to sneak into counseling to get some help. I think because I had been away for so long in college, my parents were even more aware of how quiet, sorry, ‘grumpy’ I was. Without consulting with me, my mom approached me one day and said,

“I made an appointment with the doctor, your dad is going to take you to figure out why you’re such a grump all the time”

I gave a lazily agitated “…ok” and before I knew it I was in the car on the way to see the doctor. I didn’t speak much with my dad on the way, the older I got the more awkward I felt around him. I remember feeling a mixture of relief and embarrassment. By this point in my life, I had a pretty good idea that my parents were lost causes when it came to getting help. I read between the lines of what my mom said, and what it felt like in my head was “You’re always an asshole, we’re going to see if a doctor can give you something.” So, I was embarrassed. I was relieved because this time, I was going to see a real doctor and not a religious nut masquerading as a counselor. Even though my parents intentions were not good, it seemed I had inadvertently caused them to get me some help.

We get to the doctor and when we head back to the exam room my dad did most of the talking. To his credit, he did try and talk about my struggles in school, but the main focus was ‘can you make them less grumpy?’ Much like my experience with the ‘counselor,’ whatever excitement I had quickly disappeared. The doctor opened some web page on his computer and read off a bunch of feelings.

“Do you feel sad a lot? Tired? Hopeless? Do you have negative thoughts?”

What am I in a Prozac commercial or something?

I answered ‘yes’ to all the questions he read off, and when he was done writing some stuff down, he handed me a prescription for Proza- dammit, I am in a Prozac commercial… He didn’t explain much beyond ‘You have depression.’

Just like that, the appointment is over and we’re on our way to the pharmacy. Still feeling embarrassed over the situation, and not being too thrilled that my doctor didn’t talk to me but rather asked a bunch of generic questions, I was excited to finally try something, anything that would make my head make sense. If you’re not familiar with Antidepressants, some take a few weeks to build up in your system and take effect. As we got closer to the end of the summer there was a pretty noticeable difference. I was a little more talkative, I didn’t have this constant awkward feeling in my brain, and I seemed to have a little more vibrance in my outlook. This felt like a huge step in the right direction so, happy ending! Right?

Summer ends and I head back to college. Nothing went any better for me academically or within my own major, but this time around I just didn’t care. I wasn’t really sad or down, but I happily didn’t care about anything. I would sleep through class and think ‘eh, better luck next time!’ I would fail an exam and forget about it within an hour. I pretty much hung out with friends and slept in a dorm but was skipping the rest of college. I remember hearing a joke about Prozac when I was younger where it was called Fuckidol, because it literally makes you go, ‘ah, fuck it’ when any problems arise. I didn’t realize at the time how badly this was affecting me, I was just super happy to finally be social and have friends. That part was great!

I want to be very clear here, I don’t in any way think Prozac, or any antidepressants are bad. They can be immensely helpful and have been huge positives later in my life. What was bad was being dragged to a doctor and put on a medication with no resources or insights as to how it would make me feel. It was literally ‘take these and you’re fixed!’

I came home for winter break and things picked up where they left off. I was being fun and social and the general vibe in my family was that I was finally ‘normal.’ Until one day…. From starting the medication until this point, every day wasn’t happiness and rainbows, I still had days where I was feeling down, just a lot fewer. My parents and I went out to get some groceries and I wasn’t feeling particularly talkative that day. I didn’t need to be there, so I was mostly just people watching and looking at random foodstuffs. Out of nowhere my mom turned to me and said,

“Are you going to have this attitude all day?”

It was like a kick in the stomach.

“I don’t have an attitude. I’m just not feeling very talkative.”

“Bull, you have been in a mood all day. What’s your problem? Did you not take your pills today? You’re being an asshole!”

I had no idea how to respond to that. Seething with rage, I knew it was best for me to just walk away. I made some laps around the store until they were done shopping and met them at the exit. My mom was now giving me the silent treatment, and after an awkwardly quiet fifteen-minute drive home, I went straight up to my room where I stayed to the next day. Luckily this was my last day at home before going back to school for spring semester.

I would normally leave to go back pretty early in the morning. As was typical of my mom, she acted like yesterday didn’t exist. We said our goodbyes and then off I went. My first stop was at our local gas station to fuel up for the drive and grab some snacks for the road. When I was all set to go, the last thing I did before pulling out of the parking lot was empty the bottle of Prozac into the trash can. I was convinced the only reason I was taking them was for my parents to not think I was an asshole, so, fuck ‘em.

So, no happy ending here, but I did learn some valuable lessons. The primary of which was to be extremely careful of anyone trying to get me help. I didn’t know how to differentiate between someone who wanted to help me, and someone who wanted to help me be more tolerable to them. I didn’t know it then, but what I needed more than anything was for someone to hear me out. I needed someone to help me work out what I couldn’t work out on my own, and not judge me, but believe me.

Thank you.

Mental health and parenting

Mental health and parenting

My last post focused on the first time I tried to get help for my discombobulated brain. In this post I am going to talk about the first time someone else tried to get me help for my mental health, which ended up being far more harmful. When I got into middle school, things started getting difficult. that is a time in all of our development where we begin to move away from the bright colors and…