#yellow and flaccid and stringy

[lighttailoring]

Ohhhh yeah I also think about the whole twin flame idea a normal amount, although I guess a more accurate way of describing how I think of them is "two lab rats in slightly different enclosures" - we know from interviews that Dedra's upbringing was not nurturing, (she's "never been touched" aaargh) but she has managed to attain (to some extent) the recognition from the Empire that Syril so badly craves, by coming up through Enforcement, which I doubt is a career path that someone like Syril would have ever have considered, and that's probably down to differences in class and heritage, which is a rotten tooth we haven't even got close to, and and and

But what we've seen so far is that where Dedra bumps into a vulnerability she clamps down on it, freezes it, tortures it into submission (that moment in the hotel where Bix just isn't impressed by her at all and a storm cloud briefly crosses her face, sublime)

Whereas Syril... honestly idk what the fuck you call what Syril is doing. "I am cringe but I am free"? Maybe? He's... being Syril about it. It's like he wants to connect with people but he just doesn't have a fucking clue how to do it. So he ends up destroying Ferrix and hanging around under a bridge like a weirdo. But the desire is still there - I think in Dedra it's under such a thick layer of ice that it may as well no longer be.

They both did what they needed to do, emotionally, in order to survive, but it's warped them, in subtly different ways.

I think it's why I'm so convinced that Syril is going to cross the floor at some point in S2, like 1) I just think it's not as interesting to have them limited to back-stabbing, I want large scale explosions and paranoia and betrayal 2) my mind endlessly circles that "here's how I'd do it" conversation she has with Heert. It's what I'd do. If I were them.

Dedra’s secret fantasy about both Heert and Partagaz is becoming friends with them. No romance, nothing physical, and definitely no sneaky workplace interactions. She wants a friend outside of work she can openly be with.

She knows these things exist. But maybe you're not allowed to be friends with your subordinate and superior. Do you repress all friend-like interaction with them during work hours and only activate it when you've both left the premises? Or can you joke and gossip and discuss mutual areas of interest with them as you're walking to a meeting? If so, to what degree? What are the acceptable parameters? She’s never had a friend before. She doesn't know how this works.

Besides, this is all just an academic exercise at worst and a self-indulgent fantasy at best. She’s done just fine by herself. She's doing just fine. Having any sort of friend would just slow her down. They would compromise her. Weaken her.