#yeh-this-is-level

[toxifoxx]

what if two middle aged men could fall in love with each other

[teastarfall]

sorry guys we only have mindless little nightmares doodles on the menu today

also i redesigned my pretty design i think she looks neat 💥💥

[gurorori]

enstars lolita substyle tier list <- delivered by a guy whos been So normal abt lolita for the past 7 yrs

[straywyvern]

[Disarmer] Marik (He/Him)

Marik, having once served as a sniper for Ash Legion, recently left said legion, tired of war and needless bloodshed. He can be grumpy, but he has a kind heart beneath all of his scruff

[whatchuwaitinfor]

OMG I FINALLY DID IT! The first group to win against the titan! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🫰

[egginfroggin]

I don't mean to sound complainy, but one of my pet peeves is when ads, books, or what-have you talk about diabetes being a reversible condition and utterly refuse to specify what kind of diabetes they're talking about.

For those who may not know (and I don't blame you, diabetes is a very complex issue):

Type 1 diabetes is a condition that results from the body attacking itself by specifically destroying insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. These cells, the islets of Langerhans, do not regenerate or divide, and are permanently gone when they die. Type 1 diabetes cannot be reversed, only treated.

Type 2 diabetes is a condition wherein the body does not metabolize carbohydrates, insulin, or glucagon (a hormone produced and stored in the liver; raises blood sugar when released) properly, causing a rise in blood sugar. It may involve insulin resistance or overutilization of glucagon, among other things. In some cases, type 2 diabetes can be reversed, usually through diet and exercise (however, this is not a certain outcome, and some people may need medication).

To summarize:

Type 1 diabetes: body does not produce enough insulin. Permanent condition. Symptoms managed.

Type 2 diabetes: body does not utilize insulin or carbohydrates properly. May be reversed. Often treated with diet and exercise, in addition to medication, if patient is overweight.

Needless to say, that is a very distinct difference! One may even say crucial! After all, they are two conditions that have similar outcomes, but very different causes.

You do not tell a type 1 diabetic, "oh just exercise and eat better, it'll fix it," because, I am so sorry to disappoint, we do not know pancreatic necromancy. If we did, well, then, type 1 wouldn't be an issue, now would it?

I feel like it really isn't hard to put in the two words, "type 2," before "diabetes" in your advertisement or book, yet I keep seeing it. Yes, I know that most diabetics have type 2, but still -- is it really so hard?

(Yes I'm bitter. Back in my wee days of diabetes, when I was still using syringes and lamenting the sheer number of carbs in cake, I was severely disappointed upon finding that the majority of sources claiming that diabetes wasn't permanent were referring to the type that I specifically did not have. Very disappointed. Rub it in, why don't you.)

So, yes, please specify! It could very much save an already-stressed child, teenager, or even an adult (as type 1 can surface in adults as well) a good two hours of fuming and lamenting their lot in life.

Also you'll have fewer enemies with needles at their disposal.

[killa-trav]

the shocking news of a 15 year old girl passing away due to being stabbed unfortunately doesn't come as a surprise, for years people not just in london but up and down the country have been begging, pleading, demanding the government to do something to combat knife crime all for it fall on deaf ears

the government yet again have failed but this time it's way worse because they have failed children, a 17 year old boy shouldn't even be having access to a knife let alone think of stabbing a teenage girl who was on her way to school, that girl should've have been able to go to school without issue, with her parents and family going about their daily life because their child is safe at school and instead they are mourning the loss of a 15 year old girl

but it's not just the government who have failed children, it's platforms like tiktok who have allowed andrew tate and other misogynists to be able to spew their bullshit onto young boys essentially indoctrinating them into thinking that it's okay to just see women as objects and it's okay to disrespect them and unfortunately it leads to situations like this happening and there doesn't seem like anything is being done to stop it

desprate reform is needed before jt happens again and has been well overdue for several years, there needs to be immediate action to stop knife crime and keep children safe

may the girl rest in peace and her family and friends are getting all the support they need

[milkteataro-chan]

my toxic trait is spending real money to summon a servant but can’t afford to maximize their skills up

[harapeveco]

February is for nijisanjien watchers what January was for utaite fans

[sarasa-cat]

When I get a few free moments (read: a short series of consecutive, uninterrupted, totally me-time evenings), I am itching to finally finish something I have been thinking of doing (for so very long-- far longer than you might guess):

Learning a few new editing tricks in Photoshop (or procreate) so I can mimic the style of Something(tm) that I already have in mind.

Applying that knowledge to making a few new icons and then selecting one of those for my tumblr account ... and maybe using another one of those icons for a side account that I might have created shortly after I caught the CP2077 bug but have since ignored bc time, what is it?.

Messing around with tumblr themes because -- lol -- I need to use my shitty CSS knowledge for something better and more exciting than that Obsidian Monstrosity I've been custom theming.

[creativebrainrot]

next [VS]artparty im bringing Gwynnie and Rhosie. also forcing myself to do only 5 portraits this time xd but everybody is so cool and interesting and handsome and beautiful and awesome and cool and

[yousaytomato]

Sick Day Guilt is eating me alive I hate Capitalism

[endawn]

someone asks pax if he’s able to go out in the sunlight so he takes a glove off and sticks his hand out of the shade. it bursts into flames and he just brings it back - still on fire - and simply goes “no”

[nysus-temple]

Uuuuhhh can I save this for a thesis? Because holy shit.

Odysseus was afraid the entire year on Aeaea in the Odyssey.

Content warnings: Rape, Sexual Coercion, Sexual assault, Sex Work, power dynamics, this will also be long as fuck as I talk too much. This is NOT a "Circe the Goddess Hate Post". I call her out but that's it. I tried to keep this neutral but still making a point (Let me know if I gotta put more)

Lots of lovely folks on here have written great essays on what Calypso did to Odysseus as it's soooo blatantly obvious there. It literally states how he cried every day and how he flinched from Calypso, very straightforward on how he was explicitly raped.

But I've noticed that a lot of people are always iffy about Circe's situation (understandably so, it's not so in your face.) She's usually always mentioned in the "Odysseus never cheated! He was raped!" posts but then the evidence is only ever given against Calypso, and then mentioning how you can't say no or disobey the orders of an immortal and how it was in exchange for freeing his men.

WHICH IS ALL CORRECT!!! But!!!

There ARE immortal/mortal couples who genuinely love each other. Dionysus and Ariadne, and Eros and Psyche are examples. Apollo and Hyacinthus. It's true that Psyche becomes immortal eventually and in some versions, both Hyacinthus and Ariadne do too (depending on versions). But even while mortal themselves, their immortal lovers still remained respectful and loving towards them and definitely doted on them. There are definitely power dynamics at play here but there's some nuance.

Odysseus and Circe's relationship, however, is very different. We all know he slept with her at the very least once. And that was in exchange for his men being returned to humans. That was the only time it was explicitly stated. With Calypso, it tells you every night he was enchanted and slept beside her. It was the narrator speaking but Odysseus is the narrator now and it's his story. If you think he lied, this probably won't change your mind anyway.

But even if it was a one-time thing, (which isn't the only interpretation and I will have points that talk about others) then why did he stay a year? What was he doing?

I'm doing a deep dive into the year he spent on Aeaea based on evidence in Book 10 and then the beginning of Book 12. Step by step, and honestly I'm writing this for Tumblr, not as a thesis so I will be a bit more casual but still using sources. To me, it's very obvious that he was uncomfortable throughout the text simply based on the language that is used. But it's very subtle and not an outright statement of "He's been crying every day."

BTW, just so we're clear, this is not a "Circe is the root of all evil, etc." type of post.

This isn't meant to villainize her. She's an immortal being and in mythology that changes things. Everybody is morally gray. I genuinely think if we were to ask her feelings on it, she'd probably be like "Oh, yeah! Turned his men into pigs! Strange little man he was." I don't think she gave a flying fuck.

I just simply get pissed tf off when people think Odysseus was fine. It honestly disturbs me how often I'll go on other websites YouTube and see everyone call him a whore and a womanizer. It's sexism at its finest because 1.) "MaN AlwAyS wAnTs sEx" and 2.) women can't rape/coerce. THIS IS SIMPLY TO LOOK INTO HIS FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

This is also only for Homer's Odyssey, using different translations. If you want to discuss this, (I'd be happy to! Just be nice!) DON'T BRING UP ANY OTHER WORKS.

With all that out of the way, come yell with me 🤗

I've read multiple translations, as I know there's going to be bias depending on who's translating. And having done so, each one has basically the same situations described the same so that's nice for consistency. Also, there are some parts in the story that are vague and that we'll never have answers to.

Odysseus first simply sees the smoke from her chimney and then sends his men in, after drawing lots Eurylochus leads half of the men to check out the house. I mentioned here vaguely how the 2 immortals he sleeps with are both introduced while singing and weaving, which could be seen as an enchantment (which to me is most likely. They both possess magic and are goddesses). So I'm just gonna move past that. Just take a peek and come back or just know that enchantment was likely.

Next, I'll see people often joke on Tumblr about how

"Odysseus says that Polites is his best friend yet only mentions him once!"

I think Odysseus mentions his best friend, the one to jubilantly go in first, to show WHY he would go through with this. How much these comrades mean to him. That's his best friend, and there are approximately 20 others who are now pigs as well. Could you knowingly leave one of your best friends to live a life like that knowing you could've done something?

[...]Circe—and deep inside they heard her singing, lifting her spellbinding voice as she glided back and forth at her great immortal loom, her enchanting web a shimmering glory only goddesses can weave. Polites, captain of armies, took command, the closest, most devoted man I had: ‘Friends, there’s someone inside, plying a great loom, and how she sings—enthralling! The whole house is echoing to her song. Goddess or woman—let’s call out to her now!’ So he urged and the men called out and hailed her. She opened her gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting them all in, and in they went, all innocence.

(Fagles, Book 10)

In the Odyssey, it's never mentioned why she turns people into animals. I think they were turned into pigs because, throughout the Iliad and Odyssey, Odysseus is often associated with boars. His men are associated with him, therefore: 🐖 Piggy. From what we know, the lads were just eating her food. With how much Xenia and hospitality are a large part of the story, they probably thought they were safe. They were GUESTS. This is especially welcome after the Cyclops and the Laestrygonians. And it literally says "All innocence". They were simply naive.

Then Eurylochus runs back, so terrified that he couldn't speak at first. He then begs Odysseus to just leave the men behind. Odysseus has shown that he does TRY to save his men when it is truly not reckless to do so.

But I shot back, ‘Eurylochus, stay right here, eating, drinking, safe by the black ship. I must be off. Necessity drives me on.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Then the famous warning from Hermes. I've seen folks bring this up when talking about this. YES, he is literally commanded by Hermes to not refuse her if he wants his men back in basically every translation. It sounds like Circe was warned as well. When? We don't know, but it sounds like Hermes didn't pick "sides" here.

Strange that he was still like, "Sleep with each other" to both, because he could've been like, "Circe, there's this guy named Odysseus. When he comes to this island, change his men back." But who knows, maybe it was Circe's idea from the beginning and Hermes went along with it. Just food for thought.

Now here’s your plan of action, step by step. The moment Circe strikes with her long thin wand, you draw your sharp sword sheathed at your hip and rush her fast as if to run her through! She’ll cower in fear and coax you to her bed— but don’t refuse the goddess’ bed, not then, not if she’s to release your friends and treat you well yourself. But have her swear the binding oath of the blessed gods she’ll never plot some new intrigue to harm you, once you lie there naked— never unman you, strip away your courage!’

(Fagles, Book 10)

But that doesn't explain why he was there for a year afterward! Nor if he himself was okay with it, which is what I'm trying to delve into as he wasn't.

Also the knife thing? She's still immortal. It was meant to startle her. Her dad is Helios. Odysseus would've been toast, literally.

Also note this exchange wasn't a "Yippee! Hermes says I'm going to get laid!".

...just approaching the halls of Circe, my heart a heaving storm at every step, paused at her doors, the nymph with lovely braids— I stood and shouted to her there. She heard my voice, she opened the gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting me in, and in I went, all anguish now …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Another translation by Ian Johnston, (they all say the same thing essentially but trying to make a point.)

I continued on to Circe’s home. As I moved on, my heart was turning over many gloomy thoughts. After I had walked up to the gateway                                                of fair-haired Circe’s house, I just stood there and gave a shout. The goddess heard my voice.                      She came out at once, opened her bright doors, and invited me inside. I entered, heart full of misgivings.

HE👏WAS👏SCARED! The tone is solemn and suspenseful. He was just told that without Hermes' help with the root, he wouldn't be able to survive and bring back his men. Circe was dangerous.

He made her swear not to harm him.

Straightaway she began to swear the oath that I required—never, she’d never do me harm—and when she’d finished, then, at last, I mounted Circe’s gorgeous bed …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Please note that she NEVER promised that to his men. His comrades did NOT have moli in their systems. He had no way of truly ensuring their safety in any way from Circe.

He then refuses to eat until they get turned back. I don't think Circe is "Evil" so maybe it slipped her mind. Or yes, she could've thought, "Hey, I got what I wanted. He's handsome enough. Homer never shuts up about how hot this guy is He hasn't brought up the pigs yet. I'll just let this play out. Maybe HE forgot. I don't have to do anything." We don't know. But Odysseus probably felt like he got deceived. Funny as that's what he tends to do.

"Hey, I did my part of the deal. I slept with you. Now do yours."

She pressed me to eat. I had no taste for food. I just sat there, mind wandering, far away … lost in grim forebodings. As soon as Circe saw me, huddled, not touching my food, immersed in sorrow, she sidled near with a coaxing, winged word: ‘Odysseus, why just sit there, struck dumb, eating your heart out, not touching food or drink? Suspect me of still more treachery? Nothing to fear. Haven’t I just sworn my solemn, binding oath?’

So she asked, but I protested, ‘Circe— how could any man in his right mind endure the taste of food and drink before he’d freed his comrades-in-arms and looked them in the eyes? If you, you really want me to eat and drink, set them free, all my beloved comrades— let me feast my eyes.’ So I demanded.

(Fagles, Book 10)

He doesn't trust her despite what she had told him that he should when they sleep together. He has figured out that while she will not hurt him, his men were not a part of that oath, the men he was trying to protect in the first place.

She is then moved by how they rejoice when they see one another again. While turning people into animals for funsies isn't cool and coercion is fucked up, I think she comes to see this group as not quite friends but I think she did find them entertaining in a way.

This is very strange but I've seen some folks say that since Odysseus was pissed at Eurylochus for still not believing him about Circe is proof that "Oh he was trying to defend her!". Which??? Uh, Eurylochus was literally questioning his leadership as a whole. Calling him reckless and shit. He is captain and he's the King, he can't let that shit slide. The text literally says "Mutinous". Also if I had to sleep with someone I did not want to especially if it was to save my friends and I got called names afterward I'd get fucking pissed too.

Only Eurylochus tried to hold my shipmates back, his mutinous outburst aimed at one and all: ‘Poor fools, where are we running now? Why are we tempting fate?— why stumble blindly down to Circe’s halls? She’ll turn us all into pigs or wolves or lions made to guard that palace of hers—by force, I tell you— just as the Cyclops trapped our comrades in his lair with hotheaded Odysseus right beside them all— thanks to this man’s rashness they died too!

They stay a year. Again it's never stated that Odysseus slept with her that whole time. You could interpret that. (Honestly, I feel Circe would get bored with him? She's a goddess, she's got more important matters than mortal men. And she definitely doesn't love him.)

His men DO have to bring it up that "Odysseus has forgotten his native land." Maybe they thought they could sneak out without her knowing??? I am fucking REACHING but hold on as Telemachus did because he knew Nestor would well, be Nestor and try to coax him with "Have a meal with us! Let me tell you about how badass I used to be in my youth." But to sneak away from a goddess? Without her permission? That won't end too well. Aeolus in the beginning kicked out Odysseus when he tried to ask for another bag of wind. If she didn't want him around, she could literally boot him out. While she didn't force him to stay like Calypso did, she didn't "release" him either.

We don't know if they've been asking for a long time. Odysseus does say to Circe that they have been begging him nonstop, but he could also be saying that to try and convince her. He's good at persuasion. I think while he knew he could rely on her for food, shelter, and good advice, he still didn't feel...SAFE with her. I think he was possibly avoiding her personally.

I think HOW he asks her to leave is important to know as well.

...but I went up to that luxurious bed of Circe’s, hugged her by the knees and the goddess heard my winging supplication: ‘Circe, now make good a promise you gave me once— it’s time to help me home. My heart longs to be home, my comrades’ hearts as well. They wear me down, pleading with me whenever you’re away.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Throughout all of Homer's works, the characters grasp another's knees when they are desperate and are literally at the other person's mercy. Priam did when begging Achilles for Hector's body back. The man who literally killed his son and was defiling his body by dragging it around. Leodes grabs Odysseus' knees to beg for his life before Ody kills him. If he saw her as a friend, and not a captor, WHY DID HE FEEL THE NEED TO BEG IN ORDER TO LEAVE?! No one, who is in a healthy relationship, has to BEG for permission to leave. Or to "Break up", if you interpret them as still sleeping together.

And even Circe acknowledges that he is there against his will!

‘Royal son of Laertes, Odysseus, old campaigner, stay on no more in my house against your will.

(Fagles, Book 10)

[...]Odysseus, man of many resources, scion of Zeus, son of Laertes, don’t stay here a moment longer against your will

(A.S. Kline, Book 10)

This is probably another reach that you can ignore but the whole "they wear me down", could be trying to appease her. "Look, you're REALLY cool, it's actually my crew that wants to leave hahahah please don't kill them"

I mentioned before how Telemachus snuck away from Nestor but that was simply out of necessity because he needed to go home now. Not rest for the night. NOW. Nestor is just everyone's grandpa. Menelaus kind of talked more but Telemachus is very straight up in "Please I have to go now" and Menelaus immediately got things ready for him. He never has to beg and clasp his knees. Telemachus was never afraid. Menelaus is a fun uncle and Helen is your cool auntie.

Back to Circe! She tells him instructions for the underworld, they were in her bedroom. But that might've been the only way to speak with her. As even Penelope is usually away from the suitors when they are in her halls, Circe may have done the same. The text never states she played hostess physically. If she was hosting in the halls during the day, why did Odysseus wait until night to talk to her? He could've just asked her while she was on her throne in front of everyone. (He did so with the Phaeacians)

Or maybe he went alone because she only swore an oath to not harm him and so he didn't want his men near if she decided she didn't want to let them go. I could be missing something here so feel free to say something. Idk if this was a pride thing on how "I don't want others to see me beg".

This is also where I think there might be interpretation differences. A lot of folks say "She had the info he needed to go home." and she did. BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT. She actually gives advice of her own volition it seems!

She gave him new fine clothes and put on pretty clothes herself but that doesn't mean they had sex. Nausicaa gave him nice clothes as well but he never slept with her.

Then he leaves. Immediately. Not even doing a headcount as he didn't realize one of his men had died. (That was negligence on his part but he wanted out) He booked it, to the UNDERWORLD BY THE WAY. Circe even had to sneak the animals he needed for the sacrifice. Odysseus even basically said "She's a goddess. She can do things mortals can't" at the end of the book. And it almost feels...Numb? Solemn? Neutral? Gives a "It is what it is" vibe.

But Circe got to the dark hull before us, tethered a ram and black ewe close by— slipping past unseen. Who can glimpse a god who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?

(Fagles, Book 10)

She’d slipped past us with ease, for who can see a god move back and forth, if she has no desire to be observed?

(Johnston, Book 10)

She's a goddess. She has magic. She can do whatever the fuck she wants.

NOW ON TO BOOK 12!!! That was long! GET A SNACK AND WATER! LUCKILY THIS'LL BE SHORTER!

In Book 11, Odysseus swears, upon all his loved ones in Ithaca, to Elpenor that he'd give him a proper burial as he's been "unwept, unburied". So in Book 12, he sails back to Aeaea to fulfill his promise.

But you know what's funny to me?

He didn't tell Circe he was there.

He didn't even go to greet Circe himself. He sent his men to go get Elpenor's body.

The biggest clue that he didn't love/trust her is that if she was his "Affair partner" then why not go see her for "one last night together"?

SHE came out herself and pulled him aside to know what happened and then gave more advice.

I dispatched some men to Circe’s halls to bring the dead Elpenor’s body. [...]

Nor did our coming back from Death escape Circe— she hurried toward us, decked in rich regalia, handmaids following close with trays of bread and meats galore and glinting ruddy wine. [...]

But Circe, taking me by the hand, drew me away from all my shipmates there and sat me down and lying beside me probed me for details

(Fagles, Book 12)

In every translation, it talks about how he sits, and she lounges/lies down. That's not sex 🙃 In some translations, it even says he tried to be with his shipmates but she pulled him away!

So we lay down and slept beside our ship’s stern cables. But Circe took me by the hand and led me away, some distance from the crew. She made me sit, while she stretched out beside me on the ground. 

(Johnston, Book 12)

Then, she gives advice about the sirens, Charybdis, Scylla, and her father's Cattle. He tries to ask if he could save all his men. She scolds him for even thinking he could try. He again books it out of there.

I think we all know it wasn't "love". But I think a lot of people think Odysseus was willing and happy with whatever this was. "Friends with Benefits", if you will. I guess you could see it that way but I will say that makes me feel itchy with the whole power dynamic and fear. I don't think folks who have that arrangement have to beg on their knees to ask if they can leave though.

I mean the entirety of Book 10 gives me the vibes of "Laughing uncomfortably because you don't want to upset the other person". To just grin and bear it.

A lot of this was just putting the text here and picking it apart step by step. What you do with this is up to you. It's rambling while banging pots and pans together.

Maybe you see him as drugged the entire year and still sleeping together, as the moli "wore off". Even then, just because her magic can't affect him, there are plenty of natural concoctions that can be created that can affect mortals.

Maybe you see the entire year as sex work in exchange for shelter and food.

Maybe he was just alongside his men the whole time under her roof and was avoiding her after the exchange. After he got asked by his men to finally leave, he would start to walk up to that room only to freeze and turn around, thinking "One more day won't hurt. Should wait until I know she's in a sympathetic mood".

I beg of you, however, PLEASE understand that there was fear and coercion throughout his entirety on Aeaea. He wasn't staying to get laid. While there is so much going on and too many things that are left vague to really know exactly what happened, it is consistent that he was scared/numb. Lots of people go through with things they don't really want to do just to appease others. There are plenty of situations of sexual trauma where one person goes through something and the other has no idea the other person isn't okay. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE CAN HARM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AT ANY MOMENT!

Sexual trauma is a very complicated thing and while he was scared, he definitely wasn't as traumatized by her as he was by Calypso. Calypso was a torturous hell while Circe was a year of walking on eggshells. Not comparable but I still think it should be acknowledged. It's wild because I read the Odyssey and kept thinking "Y'all are calling the sex slave a cheater? The guy who slept with a goddess to get his men back? The ultimate simp apparently doesn't love his wife??"

Things I'm adding that shouldn't affect the argument as it is not in the Odyssey but I want to mention as it's a "fun fact": Odysseus' dad was an Argonaut. Laertes probably met Circe as well, (or knew of her) with the whole purifying thing and maybe Odysseus heard his dad tell stories of her. Later myths also have Circe with the habit of turning her crushes (or their lovers) into something with Scylla and Picus.

In conclusion, Yeah, he was afraid of her. At least to an extent. And don't pull the whole "Ancient men didn't get raped". Male victims exist and deserve compassion for what was done to them and women are capable of sexual abuse. If you think otherwise, you are not a true feminist and Fuck you. I said in the beginning this'll be casual and I don't wanna write a fancy ending. You can still think Circe is neat but you have to know that this was fucked up.

If you think a lot of this is bullshit or wanna give more context or wish to yell with me but still know he wasn't alright on Aeaea, cool. If you want to point out mistakes or something I should keep in mind with interpretations then feel free to say so but give text evidence. If you try and bring up the Telegony and/or Madeline Miller's Circe, fuck clean off. This is Homer. If you call Odysseus a whore and not the malewife he canonically is I'll start biting. 😤

[anadorablekiwi]

I finally finished artifact farming for Ayaka! :D my lvl 80 kaeya is holding on to it for now 💙

First off weapon, I’m working on getting it to 90 eventually lol. Not in too much of a rush to be honest

And then the artifact stats! The EM frustrates me, but its not bad per se. I just kept getting otherwise great artifacts that rolled into EM lol

[lawchwan]

do you believe me? (sanji)

summary: you love sanji, and sure, sanji loves you too, but does he love you the way you do? you're not too sure about his actions... requested: @mooncallerautumn reader: fem!reader disclaimer: reader is possessive and has trust issues, sanji lacks self-awareness, misunderstandings, reader kinda compares herself to nami and robin (but they're all girl girls so dw there's no beef), reader is implied to be a smoker, dom!sanji, sub!reader, cunnilingus, fingering, piv, talks of exhibitionism, kitchen sex, praise kink going brr, Sanji kinda dirty talks, unprotected sex (lets pretend contraceptive exists in the op universe and reader's taking it... also put a condom, you nasties), creampies, honestly Sanji's lowkey off character but idc i want him genre: angst with a fluff (smut) ending a/n: this piece is exactly 3.6k,,, this mayhaps the longest i've written on this account but yeh hope its good regardless :)

crossposted on ao3

Laughter, banter, and cordial interactions are all actions anyone can implement in any dealings with any individual. Those interactions result in hopefully deeper and more meaningful relationships, no matter way of showcasing them.

That's how Sanji caught your attention, parting ways for you to roam around freely in a room, cooking your special meals, and buying you things that reminded him of you just to name a few. His acts of worship and treating you like a Greek goddess walking amongst humans fluttered your heart like a butterfly setting free of its cage...

But there was more than one Greek goddess, and each goddess could represent her powers, and you saw yourself as one of many with the Sanji acts.

Chivalry is an eloquent quality he pertains within him, an admirable feature that makes you feel safe, protected, and loved...

But you were loved solely by Sanji? He thought he did, but to you, you were just like any other woman he interacted with. You were on the same level as Nami when she requested a tangerine-based dessert and Sanji dropped everything and got it for her, you were on the same level as Robin when she came down the stairs and Sanji kneels down and held her hand gently like she was glass as she gave him a warm smile, you were in the same level as the woman at the market who struggled to get the canned soup at a high shelf only for her to flutter her lashes as a thank you and Sanji got weak instantly. The way he treats them is not any different from the way he treats you.

And that ached your heart that was filled with him and the desire to have him solely.

You felt bad for feeling this way, but god dammit you were selfish. Selfish you were and you didn't give a damn. You wanted Sanji for yourself, but you can't have him because he was unknowingly hurting you with the way he's showcasing his affection towards these beautiful women.

You wanted to hate him but you loved him dammit... you'd hate yourself before you hate him.

Sanji took notice of your distance, the cool breeze that radiated off of you as you walked by him caused the hairs on his neck to stand up straight with a sense of vibration in his spine. He could've sworn the room's temperature dropped when you walk in, but it was only he who could feel it.

He wasn't sure where all that came from, the moment he laid his eyes on you, he saw you like you were a star walking amongst man. He was taken aback by the way you showcase and present yourself in front of him and how beautiful you were.

He thought he did everything that you loved, especially after hearing—rather eavesdropping—the conversation you'd have with the female crew and how much you gush over him to the two female crew. Neither Nami nor Robin could see what you see in him, but they both remain giving you support and valid pieces of advice.

So why would you switch up on him like that?

He also noticed that he'd get a disgruntled response from Nami whenever he served her anything she liked in contrast to her elated reaction, catching him off guard with the negative reaction.

"What the hell is going on?" He once thought to himself, looking down at the kitchen counter in confusion after wiping it, thinking he was alone.

"I never would have thought that you would have a lack of self-awareness, Sanji."

Sanji jumped in his place before turning around to see the source of the voice, only to see Robin standing by the door frame with her arms crossed and a disapproving facial expression plastered onto her sharp-featured face.

However, Sanji being Sanji overlooked that and began his antics before Robin used her devil fruit power to stop him from getting closer to her. He was put back into place as she simply shook her head before walking into the kitchen.

"What was that all about, Robin? That really hurts" Sanji rubbed his shoulders to soothe the restraints Robin gave.

"You're one to talk about being hurt..." Robin scoffed as she walked up the cupboard as if she was looking for something, her usually quiet demeanor was present but it contained an uneasy presence that even Sanji sensed as he eyed her figure walking around. Sanji cocked his head to the side in a baffled manner as he looked away for a little bit.

"What? What are you talking about?" He asked.

"I suggest you go talk to (y/n). She'll probably tell you why everyone's cold towards you... if you so much loved her as you claim to do." Robin calmly griped before walking away, leaving Sanji alone to try to discern Robin's cryptic wording. Sanji sat with himself for minutes, pondering the words Robin had told him. Her words echoed in his head as he deciphered the words.

Until it clicked...

Robin's disapproving confrontations, Nami's cold and irritated responses, and more evidently, your avoidance of him; It was all connecting now. Although he still doesn't understand what he did wrong, he'll have to confront one of you, you being the top priority as he sensed that you were the one who's hurt the most...

—

The night rolled around and the ruckus of Luffy, Ussop, and Chopper's antics died down, the sounds of the calm sea soared higher underneath the Thousand Sunny, peacefully rocking the ship. Despite the serenity of the boat, it caused everyone to sleep except for Sanji, with his thoughts blasting through his head in contrast to the sounds of light breathing and snores from the crew.

After staring at the ceiling long enough, Sanji left the cabin to grab a smoke to ease himself off. As he came out to the balcony, he spotted you in the distance, your upper body leaning towards the railing, allowing the wind to brush your hair back slightly. Although you gave him your back, he still admired you from afar. The allure you've given your off was a sight to behold, Sanji just couldn't help to admire you a tad bit more than others—or so he thought.

Sanji walked up to you, you knew there was a non-threatening presence eyeing you, but you didn't know nor care to turn around to see who was it, until he spoke.

"Beautiful night, am I right?" Sanji softly said as he stood next to you mimicking your stance. You turned to him wide-eyed with an open mouth, before you went back, not answering him back. Although you were upset with him, you oddly felt comforted by his presence... Could've been worse but you wished he wasn't next to you right now.

Sanji began lighting a cigarette, smoking a few puffs before looking back at you, noticing the somber gaze you had in your eyes. He offered you the lit cigarette in his hand—a norm between the two of you that you shared a cigarette stick—but you once again ignored him, a silence rejection that pained the blonde figure.

"Okay, what's going on?" Sanji blurted, throwing his cigarette away with his eyes narrowed towards you.

Your brows knitted at the confrontation, "What?"

"For the longest time, you've been avoiding me, giving me the cold shoulder, not hanging out with me... What's up?" Sanji expressed as he crossed his arms while facing you fully. You simply scoffed at him with an eye roll and a headshake, which pissed Sanji off.

"Don't give me that eye-roll, I deserve to know what's going on and what I did to deserve this." Sanji chastised. It was unnatural for Sanji to get this upset, but when the person he had been admiring for so long was being cold around him, he couldn't help but feel frustrated.

"Oh, so now you wanna know what's going on?" You sneered at him as you eyed his disapproving face. He wavered his angered expression to a frustrating confusion with his brows wrinkling to a scowl.

"What are you on about? I just wanted to know—"

"Just forget it, Sanji, like you would get it—" You shook your head as you almost walked away until Sanji grabbed your arms and held you closer in place.

"I won't let you go until you tell me what's wrong..." Sanji whispered as he looked at your sunken eyes. You wanted to physically fight him to let you go, but the way he was holding you almost put you in a semi-tranced state, and you just couldn't. You began shaking your head as you began tearing up, hoping that he could just let you go right there when it did way worse than what you wanted.

"Hey, hey, (y/n), my love, what's wrong—"

"Don't call me that!" You sobbed as you sunk your head further and gripped onto his arms, fingernails digging into his skin in hopes of letting you go, but in fact, it was futile. No matter what you did, Sanji kept to his promise; he won't let you go until you tell him... If only he kept himself in other ways.

Sanji just looked at you even more confused, "why not?"

You shook your head once again, hushing out your confession, "I'm not your love... You don't love me..."

"What do you mean? Of course, I love you."

"No, Sanji! You don't love me the way I do!" You shot at him, making eye contact with him.

As soon as those words hit and he had a look at your tear-stricken eyes, that was when Sanji's brain found its final puzzle piece on why the way you were. He replayed back how he would treat the women surrounding him and how it might have impacted him. He thought it was just his usual chivalry act, and you must've taken it the wrong way.

"Yes, yes, I do, (y/n), I've loved you the moment I've met you," Sanji confessed, and you once again shook his head.

"You probably said that to Nami, or Robin, or any girl you meet..."

"That's not true, (y/n), you're nothing like them," Sanji held your face with one hand, stroking your tear-stained face with his thumb, "you're way more special to me than any woman I've encountered.

"You sure have a way of showcasing it—" you scoffed until your words were cut by a warm pair of lips placed onto yours. Your eyes widened as your body stiffened at the contact, you almost gave in until Sanji pulled himself away from you, almost sensing that you were surprised by his action.

"I know I haven't been the best at treating you the way you deserve, and I am so sorry for hurting you and not telling you how much you mean to me, my love," Sanji's eyes and words were genuine and filled with real adoration, his traditional heart eyes were replaced with a glowing halo that meant something way deeper than those hearts he would showcase any women. He held both your hands as he kissed your knuckles, with your lips slightly parted, words were trying to spill but failed.

"You might not believe me now, but give me a chance to show you how much I love—no, I adore you... I'll give you something no woman has ever taken from, I promise you..."

His words may border into desperation, but you couldn't help but be convinced by his wordings and sweet talks as you gave him a small smile and hushed an approval before Sanji dragged you and took you into the kitchen.

—

It was some time passed since Sanji's confession. You weren't sure how long it had been since you last talked to him, but you simply didn't care as your clothes and Sanji's blouse were discarded somewhere in the kitchen, with him placing himself in between your legs, his hot tongue spreading around your wet folds as you lay across the dining table, moaning out in pleasure. His hair was disheveled with the way you gripped his hair, pushing his face further as if that motion could make his tongue get in deeper.

Sanji moans at the way you are gripping his hair as well as how tasty you are to him. The nectar seeping out of your flower was so ravishing, that he felt like he could turn himself into a bee hoping for more honey.

"Gosh, darling, you taste so divine," Sanji spoke through his licks, looking up at you like you were a goddess. He soon inserts his slender fingers into you while his tongue tackles your clit, resulting in you whimpering out for him. His fingers scissor your walls as he stretches you out with his fingers like he's preparing you for more.

"Mmm~ Sanji..." You mewled.

"Shh, shh, you don't want them to wake up now, do you?" Sanji cooed with a smirk, while his fingers were still pumping in and out of you, "unless you want them to walk in and see you with your legs spread out for me, huh?"

You moaned lightly at the thought of any of the crew walking in and seeing you like this, legs spread out for the cook, eating you out for breakfast, lunch and dinner, something only he can have. Sanji took note at the excitement you were having, which caused him to smile as he got up from his knees.

"C'mere" Sanji exhaled before he fervently placed his lips back into yours, his tongue caressing into yours, making you taste yourself in the process. The hand that was on your thigh to keep you from closing around him ascended up to your neck, wrapping around it lightly.

"Have you tasted yourself?" He rhetorically inquired through the kiss, licking your bottom lips while you continued spilling your pleasured noises.

"Mhm, I know you like it," Sanji amorously giggled, "You tasted so fucking good."

Your eyes were still screwed shut as you felt yourself getting closer to the peak with Sanji's talented fingers. Just like in cooking, he truly knew how to use his fingers to hit the spot, and Sanji knew when it was ready to serve, which was certainly not now. Sanji releases his fingers out of your tight hole, making you whine out which made Sanji purr.

"I know, my love, I know," Sanji pouted as he held your face and squished your cheeks, "but baby deserves more than what she got, and I'm about give it right now."

As Sanji was speaking, he began lowering his already-unbuttoned pants, along with his boxers, releasing his ravenous cock with precum leaking out its dark pink head. You took a peek down at his cock, and your mouth started to drool at the sight, which Sanji smirked at your ogling.

"You want this, don't you?" Sanji smiled sweetly as he placed a strand behind your ear and you began to hold and lightly stroke it, He hissed at the contact while you were entranced by Sanji's parts. Sanji held your wrist and halted motions.

"As much as I want this, lemme take care of you..."

His actions may be fervid and lusting, but the words he let out were filled with fondness and adoration. He laid you down while he teased your leaking pussy, the head just eager to insert it.

"Sanji, please, just put it in~" You begged, and with that, you got an immediate response with Sanji stretching you out, making you mewl out as you threw your head back with a back arch. Sanji ran his lithe fingertips from your collarbone down to your breasts and began massaging the squish plush of your chest as you adjusted to his length.

You two were having a surreal moment, a moment that neither of you, especially you, could have expected to happen. A moment in which you have thought of before going to bed, touching yourself after hours at the thought of Sanji in that similar position that you're in. All the harsh and intrusive thoughts that you felt towards him with the way he treated women melted away as Sanji began moving at a slow pace.

The thrusts left you moaning out as Sanji hushes out strings of praises that left you wetter and wetter.

"Gosh, (y/n), you feel so good..."

"Such a good girl, such a good fucking girl..."

Sanji's thrusts began to become feverish as time goes, the sounds of skin slapping and blissed moans coming from both your and Sanji's lips bounce off the kitchen walls as the wooden table creates slight creaking sounds underneath your bodies, following his rhythm,

"I'm so close—fuck~ you're not that far off either, huh, my love?" Sanji's voice begins to crack as he feels himself about to implode and his thrusts begin to slop away. You were panting and whining mess underneath, struggling to form words in response so you simply just nod.

"Come with me, my love, c'mon," Sanji whimpered softly as he began to hold your hand and his lips attached itself into your neck, giving you the love you ever so deserve.

The volcano in your stomach is about to erupt due to the sheer force of Sanji's hips aided in his cock reaching over to your cervix, giving it multiple kisses at a time. But no amount of thrusts and penetration could have ever given that blissful end until Sanji whimpered out the sweetest sounds with him saying,

"Let me see you come for me..."

And there he has pushed you into that euphoric state as you rolled your eyes back, making you see white. Sanji groaned out as he spilled his all inside of you, leaving the two of you breathless in the process. Sanji landed on top of you, his head on your shoulder as he catches his breath, while you began stroking the back of his head.

Once you gathered your breathes, Sanji lifted himself slightly and pulled himself away to look at the aftermath of what you two had done. Your opening began to ooze out Sanji's load and drip down to the table underneath. You lifted yourself by the elbow and looked down.

"Shit... we eat here, Sanji..." You giggled breathlessly as you lightly scolded him. Typically, Sanji would be upset over a small dust landing on any crevice of the kitchen, but when he sees you with his cum dripping out of you, christening the table, he honestly couldn't care any less.

He leans in once again and attaches his lips to yours, this time in a chaste way. The kiss was pure in contrast to the previous activity you two had, it was a kiss, however, of what's akin to an overdue longing, a longing that was desperate to be released and given by someone specific, and you two were the main target for each other.

He pulled away, his head was placed onto yours as he smiled at you breathlessly.

"Now do you believe me? Now do you believe that I'm madly in love with you?" Sanji whispered, eyes filled with adoration.

Your eyes softened and gleamed as it matches up and mirrored his exact emotions.

"I do... I absolutely do..."

—

Bonus ending:

It was the next day, and Sanji was seen rushed to the kitchen to cook up something for the crew. He woke up slightly later than usual, which Robin and Nami took notice of as they had woken up before the rest of the crew, sitting on the sunbeds by the deck. Sanji greeted them hastily—uncharacteristic of him—with a quick smile and wave as he walked into the kitchen and instantly got into cooking, meanwhile, you showed up moments later...

They took notice of your odd walking, there was a slight wobble to it, seeming as though you were attempting to hide it. Robin and Nami just smirked at each other before looking back at you as you walked up to them.

"Hey, girls!" you beamed as you sat on the empty sunbed next to Robin.

"You seem to be in a lively mood," Robin acknowledged as she looked at the book she was reading, meanwhile Nami lightly chuckled, "Yeah, it's been a minute since I've seen you this cheery," she added.

You simply shrugged and opened your mouth to respond, only for Sanji to come in with drinks at hand.

"While breakfast is getting prepared, I've got you beautiful ladies your drinks," Sanji announced with the tray, beginning to distribute the drinks, and when he got to you, leaned down as he whispered to you "and I made this extra special just for you." He winked as he handed you the drink his hand grazed yours longingly, making you chuckle in timidness.

As Sanji was about to walk away, Nami and Robin respectively began commenting at earshot of his, pretending to be chatting with you.

"I see you and Sanji have made up..."

"Yeah, could've fooled me with that afterglow."

It was like it was purposeful, with Sanji stumbling on his steps and you choking on your drinks, making you cough and Sanji turn red as he ran to the kitchen.

"Robin! How could you?! You made poor (y/n) choke!" Nami feigned offense with a laugh and a slight nudge toward Robin as the dark-haired girl just simply chuckled.

You simply just shook your head as you rolled your eyes with a smile, "I hate you two..."

Your response made the two girls laugh.

characters are owned by oda. i will not tolerate nor accept translation, reposts on other websites, or plagiarism. divider made by mmadeinheavenn.